The School of Greatness - 995 Self-Image, Intimacy, and the Dangers of Comedy w/Nikki Glaser

Episode Date: August 19, 2020

"I just want to be extraordinary. I don't want to be average. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to be not seen. Because I felt that way so much."Lewis sits down with comedian Nikki Glaser for a wide-ranging discussion on Nikki's lifelong struggle with body dysmorphia, how she approaches intimacy, and the challenge of being a comedian in the current climate. Nikki also shares the best joke she ever told.The Power of Erotic Intelligence with Esther Perel: https://link.chtbl.com/732-podFind Lasting Love with Matthew Hussey: https://link.chtbl.com/811-pod

This is episode number 995 with Nikki Glaser. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Maya Angelou once said,

laugh as much as possible, always laugh. It's the sweetest thing one can do for oneself and one's fellow human beings. And author Oscar Wilde said, it is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously. My guest today is one of the funniest people I know. Nikki Glaser has had three specials on Netflix. She's also the host of the Comedy Central podcast, You Up, and she's embarking on a mini tour of all outside stand-up shows at the end of the month.

And what I love about Nikki's comedy is that she's always saying what we're afraid to admit we're thinking. This was truly a unique School of Greatness conversation. Nikki was hilarious, but also vulnerable and real and full of relatable stories. And we actually sat down back in early spring before the quarantine, and we thought this was a perfect time

to drop the episode now. We could all use a little more humor in our lives. And if thought this was a perfect time to drop the episode now. We could all use a little more humor in our lives. And if you're enjoying this episode, make sure to share it with someone who needs to hear it. And a quick reminder to subscribe to the School of Greatness on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and give us a rating or review to help us spread the message of greatness to more people. Coming up, Nikki Glaser, after I take just two minutes to keep the lights on. Coming up, Nikki Glaser, after I take just two minutes to keep the lights on. And what I love about you is you really talk about vulnerabilities and insecurities,

and you go in and talk about a lot of real stuff. One of the coolest things I saw you post was actually a video you shared of someone else, of a young girl that said, I'm ugly, I'm too ugly. And then this older woman, I don't know if it was her mom or if it was her sister or caretaker. It looked like a mom's friend or something who was doing her hair. Yeah, doing her hair, was like, stopped her and was like, no, you are beautiful, you're amazing,

I love this about you. And I was like, really inspired that you posted that. Yeah. Because I think we have a platform where we can really inspire people and it's great to tell jokes and do your thing and you know make people laugh and entertainment but when you can remind people of how

beautiful they are I think it's really special so I want to acknowledge you for for the gift you have in reminding girls who follow you about not comparing themselves not judging themselves I was conflicted about that video in many ways because it was the it was the one of the best videos I've watched,

the most moving things I've seen on Reddit. And I saw it late one night and it popped up again yesterday and I was like, oh, I have to repost this. I forgot. Because I showed my closest friends because this little girl, what was heartbreaking about the video

is this little girl's four and she looks into the camera and just like sees herself on the screen. Reflection or something, right? Yeah. Because it's like an Instagram live or something or something live. And the woman's just, you know, doing a live video while she's doing this little girl's hair. And the little girl just looks at herself and she goes, I'm ugly.

And it was just like, to me, I feel that way like so much all the time oh yeah i struggle with it a lot and people always comment you're beautiful all these things that i i know thank you like i i know i'm a pretty girl who's complaining about feeling ugly but i can't help i do feel very ugly sometimes and i have face dysmorphia body dysmorphia But like as I age too, it just gets worse and worse and I know that so many women have it, too So I know I'm not alone But the way this little girl said I'm ugly was like I felt it I've I felt that way before but to see it I didn't feel it until I was I think

17 was probably the first time I started really feeling that way and being like this I hate myself because of it. Really? So what would it be? You'd look in the mirror or you'd see a girlfriend or you'd see someone on TV and then you'd be like, oh, I don't like the way I look? Yeah, like you just see someone who's beautiful

and you're like, why is God so cruel to have, why I got this? I used to yell at my mom and say, why did you, I was, I'm not joking you. No, you did not. I was like 12 12 so it probably started younger honestly because my sister was around the time my sister got really beautiful which she was in sixth grade and i was in eighth grade and i remember telling my parents i'd go mom

i remember my mom was doing the dishes and i was just trying to antagonize her because i was just so mad that i was so ugly and my sister was so pretty and i go why did you and dad have sex knowing you could make something as ugly as me no you did not I swear to god I was like you should that was irresponsible of you you have ugliness in your family you knew this could happen and my mom I'm not laughing no it's so sad but it is funny to say that to your own mom and my mom was offended obviously like don't say we're ugly and you're ugly but but she would never say, you know, telling a child you're beautiful, shut up. Like it doesn't, that's just things people, parents have to say. So when she would say like, just, she would say, just be happy with what you have. And that always to me was like,

you are ugly. So just suck it up. Oh my gosh. So she wouldn't say you're beautiful? She would, but I wouldn't believe that. And I would, I would go, no, I'm not. And she's like, well then just be happy with what you have, Nikki.'d just be like that's that's not what I want to do I don't want to ever settle so like there's this part of me that feels I think you had an Instagram post that was like never settle with your dog or a dog yeah yeah that I'm kissing with my dog never settle because I don't I don't like being average I want to extraordinary. I don't want to walk into a room and not be the prettiest girl, even though that is always the way it is. Like I,

I understand my limitations in terms of looks. I, but I truly would do anything to be hot. I would give up my personality to be hotter. Why? I just think it affords you a better life as a woman. I understand that. And I know that's sad to say.

I understand that women who have the beauty card have certain opportunities in life with maybe that are different than women who have a personality or a smart card or whatever may be. Right. Yes. But doesn't mean they're going to be happy. No, I know this. I see miserable models all the time.

I'm friends with many of them. It doesn't equal happiness. And they don't think they're beautiful and there's always someone hotter and someone's got a bigger butt or bigger boobs. They're more insecure than any of us like sevens.

It is true. Like tens are more insecure and think they're uglier than most sevens do. Why is that? Because it's heightened. My friend who's a model, she's like,

the other day she was talking to me about some guy that made her feel bad about something, her looks. And she was like, and he knows, why would he say that when he knows I'm a model so i get told i'm ugly every day and

i go you do she's like yeah and i'm like what do you mean and it's like because models are so beautiful photographers and people that work with them feel like they can put them down so much easier because you're a model it shouldn't affect you that i think you're gained five pounds or shouldn't affect you that i think your eyes are too far apart whatever it is that makes them a model so she gets they get insulted all the time and I remember having a therapist one time because I was crying about the same bullshit she was like you should be so grateful you're not a model they have the they're the most unhappy women because and it's and I don't unless you have some other thing you're working on, if everything about you is your looks, which I'm saying is like, I kind of am, I think that looks are that important and I wish I didn't. But I'm going to talk myself out of it now by saying that if everything about you is your looks, it's not a good thing to invest in because the looks are the only thing that are 100% going to fade.

They will. If you keep going, you're going to become unf***able, ladies. You're a dying battery of f and it's okay but it's gonna happen so be okay with yourself because if i'm because i've been working on like oh i want to look hot to attract a man right like men are just they that's how you attract them at first and then you have a personality and then they fall in love with you or they're like easy you talk too much um but i was focusing so much on my looks to attract a man i want a man who just always wants to me is always so attracted to me he can't keep his hands off me it's just but if a man really if only loves you for the way you look or it's like 90 of it that 90 is go it's going to go away

you will lose it they're gonna get tired of it too. Well, you will lose that. If ability will be gone. So if you don't have anything else to connect with that person with, he will leave you for someone more. That's it. You have to have, this is what Matthew Hussey talks about,

which I know you had Matthew on. Love Matthew. Great guy. He says, you need to have the combo. He's like, hot guys are only so attractive to women for so long. And then if they don't have the combo, which is like, you need to be hot or sexy or beautiful

or handsome and, you know, I don't know, something else. It's like got to be two things. You can't just be smart. You got to be smart and sensitive. Yes. Can't just be hot. You got to be hot and a little something else. You do.

You need two things. You need two things. You do. And so you've got, you've got, you've got beauty and you've got personality and you've got drive and you've got hustle. You've got a lot of great qualities. I have too many things. I really do have too many things.

You have too many things. You don't have time for any guys. I should have two personality traits and stick to those, but it doesn't work for me because you're so right i need a combo i love hot guys i am my mom's always been like nikki you just always are thinking about looks and i'm like i can't i struggle so much with sexual intimacy with men that if i'm not sold on you right away in terms of how you look it's really never gonna get there for you're not gonna be open intimately i can't i can't get there once i've put you in a

place of like i would have sex with him i wouldn't you're staying there for forever and it's really it's it's it's my way of being not open to actual intimacy so it's like so few can get in and the men that i'm attracted to are generally very very attract out of my league attractive probably and then also um they're not really available because that's a thing that i'm attracted to they're married or they're no not married they're not into intimacy in a relationship they're not they they're cheaters they don't like me why do you attract those men because i'm scared of intimacy so i i'm attracted to men i don't know trying to figure it out i'd like to

get to the bottom of it what's the scariest thing about intimacy for you that i mean i think if you really everyone who's scared of intimacy which a lot of people are it's that you will truly get to know someone and really let them in and they won't love you for who you are and they will reject you and then you don't have and then you're abandoned okay and then what and then or i mean my feet my biggest fear of intimacy truly is like i just have this weird fear this is just out of nowhere weird but it's like a real thing i get scared of sex with men um more than anything even though it's like all i want and like think about and i'm motivated by i'm like a very sexual person but i don't have sex unless i love someone or like

love whatever that is unless i'm in a relationship or unless i have been in a relationship with them before where that's like but like a new person i'm very scared to be like sexually intimate with because of I feel like they'll reject me. I feel like I during during the thing might become repulsed in some way or hate it. With them or they'll hate you? No, with them. Wow. Like I'm scared. Like when I've been watching Love is Blind, these girls are always like before they it's revealed and they get to see this guy who they already love.

Right. They're going to see him. They're always always like i'm worried if he's gonna like me and i was like i'm if i were them i'd be like what if he's not cute i will now can't i can't do it i cannot be physical with someone unless i'm physically attracted to them and that is a real problem because like i said it's a shallow thing it goes away and but I also feel like I never want to be in a position with a man where I'm like I've gotten myself into a sexual scenario that I can't get out of where I'm like because I know myself I like to please people so you want to say no you just keep going wrong with it so when was the first time you remember being like insecure about your looks was this 12 was it 17 is this like was there a moment where a girl said oh you got a whatever yeah i was in fifth grade and someone called me a bucktooth beaver because i have

i had these size teeth in my little head and they were like starting to creep out and um and that hurt in fifth grade i was like borrowing a piece of paper from my friend ray and i think i had done it every day for many days in a row and he always no it was a pencil he would always give me one I was always disorganized forgetting things and he would always you know when like someone just gives you something every day and you're like I know he's gonna give it to me I'm just gonna take it because we go through this asking or yeah because it just happens every this is our thing that's my pencil at this point so I and I'm in fifth grade you know you grab it he sees me he goes damn it you bucktooth beaver why don't you just go in the woods and nod on a tree and make your own pencil at this point so i and i'm in fifth grade you know you grab it he sees me he goes damn it you

buck-toothed beaver why don't you just go in the woods and nod on a tree and make your own pencil he did not in front of everyone and i was like and i think my first thought was like okay well i still need lead to like write with because like wood i'll just like scratch wood into paper and i think i may have said that to him but um i that was the first time i was like my looks are a problem men are just men will punish me for it in front of people and that's when i went on like lockdown with ever talking to boys or no way eighth grade was probably my most awkward year in terms of looks anyway and then that was the year in sixth grade that my sister came to my middle school and she was gorgeous she just like grew into her looks was it was very popular everyone liked her she was younger by two years right she was two years

younger and from then on guys in my grade always had crushes on her guys that i would like have dreamed to have liked me so it just began and every time and she's the most she's the best person ever and is so not about her looks in any way like i i love her so much and so i always feel bad even talking to her about her and being like you're the reason i hate myself but you are lauren and um but she when she when she uh when we got older it was like every time she would leave the room my girlfriends would be like your sister's so pretty i ate her how do you live with it and i would just be like i always just felt I remember walking into a restaurant one time and the hostess was like, oh my God, this child is the most beautiful child I've ever

seen. And I'm like standing right next to her. You're like, what about me? What am I doing? And it just felt terrible. Wow. And from then on, I was like, I am ugly. I have to do everything to not be ugly.

And that's when I started being funny is to like supplement. To get attention. Yeah. To be attention or to be seen to be seen wow do you think if you were I mean you're a beautiful woman but if you think that you were like your sister's beauty or whatever that people saw I'd be way less interesting

what would you be what would you be on your life right now she's a teacher she's a teacher she's a happy teacher I'd be I'd be a happy teacher with kids I wouldn't need this like approval from strangers from from celebrities from other people I admire I wouldn't seek it out so much but I just want to be extraordinary because I felt I don't want to be average I don't want to be forgotten I don't want to be not seen because I felt that way so much so I think that's it but it's it

started there and then I mean and then since then it's just like so what. So I think that's it. But it started there and then, I mean, and then since then, it's just like. So what is it you're chasing right now? Happiness. On a scale of one to ten, ten being like blissful, happy, what are you right now? I'm like a seven. I'm pretty happy. I'm overworked, but I'm really happy. But you know what I would really like

like I've been this coronavirus has got me thinking about if I died tomorrow what would I've achieved everything career wise really

that I've wanted to what have you not achieved I don't really hosting SNL that's it that'd be pretty cool that's the last one because you did Dancing with the Stars

which I want to do someday you gotta do Dancing with the Stars because I'm a salsa dancer you are I've been dancing semi-professionally for 15 years. Oh my God.

Around the world. Dude, you need to get on that show. It's so fun. You will love it so much. It seems like a blast. It's, talk about intimacy with your partner. I mean, dancing four hours a day with someone. I mean, you get it, you dance.

Did you get intimate? Yeah. Yeah, I like fell in love with him. He was married. But like, you know, and his wife even was like they talk about like this happens every season like the there's like a romance a love it's like a story one on the show bonds with their partner in a way that would make but dancers are very like they understand that that is a different bond than like a marriage and that it's going to be a crush there's going to be a flirtation and stuff but that's

what makes the dance good is that you have chemistry. So they're able to like, like they're all just so much more fluid and comfortable with their bodies and sexuality. And that, that experience actually really made me a lot more comfortable like being sexy

because I've, you know, I really struggle with that. I just, I don't see myself that way. And I, I rarely do. The only time I ever feel sexy is if I'm legit horny.

I don't otherwise. I'm just like, I'm a kid. Like I said, it takes a lot to get me horny. Guys are so fast. They don't have the combo. They don't have the combo. Slow it down, all of you. The girl should be the one moving it along i think or i like the key is to

get into a relationship where you actually don't make a move and the girl is so turned on she can't stop she has to like essentially rip your shirt off yes yes and that's when you're like okay i've done everything i can to like connect to her to be intimate intimate, to be vulnerable, to love, to support, to be fun, to like everything else. Yes, although. You can make a move and kiss, but I mean like. I really like getting like. That's fine. Pawed on pretty hard.

Like that would be a thing. No, it's like flirtation. Like you can flirt all day. Yes, and you should. But you're saying don't make a move like getting in there. We have a lot of things in common that I learned about. We're both born in Ohio. Born in Ohio.

You're Cincinnati. I was Columbus. We both lived in St. Louis. I lived there for about seven years through middle school through college. I mean a formative time. Right. Very formative. I left actually I begged my parents to send me away in eighth grade to go to St. Louis.

Really? Yeah. Because I felt I just did a post of my, whatever, like seven-year-old self, a photo from me, and I put on the top, I was like, too stupid, too ugly, too skinny, too goofy, and just talking about the insecurities that I had as a kid,

because girls want to talk to me. So it was like I had to develop a skill so that I could survive. Right. So we have a lot of things in common. Yeah, you felt ugly too? All the time. Yeah.

Really? Yeah, of course. When did that start for you? I mean, I was like this tall when I was like 11 years old. Yeah. So it was like this, you know, and I had big teeth and they were all crooked and everything. When did girls start liking you? It was probably like in high school when I started the development of my body.

I just, I had no friends growing up, like literally zero friends. And I just played sports all day by myself. And I remember getting picked, kind of like you, you had a time, what was it, fourth grade you said? Fifth grade?

Yeah. The bucktooth beaver thing. I had a time in fourth grade as well where I was picked last on a dodgeball team. Like our class went out to play recess dodgeball. And there were two captains and they were like the two popular kids and they picked all the guys first and then they picked all the girls and then i was the last one after all the girls so it's like a fourth grader being picked after the girls was

like super embarrassing it was like the lowest of low at that time right and i just remember being like no one likes me no one loves me no one cares about me i'm alone and i can either one kill myself god in four you were thinking these yes yeah and i would go into the principal's office and get in trouble all the time and i was just like i wish i were dead i wish i would why am i even here if no one cares about me why be alive yeah so it was either kill myself. Luckily, I wasn't like doing suicidal things, but I just had these thoughts and I would say it. Or it was like, I'm going to become the biggest, fastest, strongest human being I can be so no one can ever hurt me.

I'm going to be the best athlete so I'm never picked last again. And that's what I did. So from fourth grade until now, essentially I was just like, I'm going to be the best athlete possible, and I played six hours a day of basketball and football, whatever it was, I went all in, and so I was always picked first.

That was my skill, and so once I had that skill, then women would see me as like the all-star athlete or whatever it is, and I started to develop as a human being, and I started to learn and grow. And be able to have friendships. And have conversations conversations and not be embarrassed all the time. And, and I also created a challenge for myself, um, when I was 16, because I was terrified to talk to girls, even though I was getting more attention, I was still, I didn't know how to speak.

Yeah. It was like, uh, hi, you know, it's like, what do you say to a girl when you're attracted to them as a teenage boy? I don't even know now what you would say. It's giving me anxiety thinking about it. So I created a challenge myself in the summer when I was 16. I was like, every time I feel butterflies around a girl that I see on the street or whatever, at the basketball court or at the gym, whatever it is, I'm going to go up to them and start a conversation. I'm going to run across the street and say hi to them. I'm going to turn around at the grocery store and speak. And for three months I talked to girls every single day

that I was terrified to talk to. And I fumbled. I had no clue what I was doing. No one teaches you this. You have to mess up and learn. And by the end of the summer I felt so confident. I could talk to anyone. And I'd still get rejected a lot but I just didn't care anymore. Because just the sheer number of rejections I was just like, okay, I'm still alive. Yeah, I'm alive and I'd still get rejected a lot but I just didn't care anymore because just the sheer number of rejection like I was just like okay I'm still alive yeah I'm alive and I still

have this friend and I you know I'm healthy and yeah what that's why I asked you before I was like okay if they abandon you and then what and then what I love that you said that and then what and then what I still have my career and I'm still healthy and my family's there and you know i think the and then what is that i am i don't like being when i get romantically jilted it really throws me off in a way that it it makes me a person i don't like i get vindictive i get um i just channel this like taylor swift of like he will pay i want to write about him. I want, I just. Why do women do that? Because you hurt us so much and we trusted you.

We hurt you or you hurt yourself? You allowed yourself to feel something. I, this is the thing. I have allowed myself to be hurt by many of these men. The men that hurt me last year, I have a couple that like, I look at it and I say,

the red flags were there. All of your friends knew that this was bad news. You had a choice to leave at any time. I had a choice to not do those things with him and build that intimacy when I knew it was going to fall apart. But I did choose it. But at the same time,

I also have avoided a lot of people by being like, no, this is not good. I know I'm gonna, sometimes guys trick you into thinking it's gonna be more than it is and i don't mean that they trick they don't intentionally do it i think there are some guys that do that but there are some guys that think this is becoming something and we're gonna this is leading to and you think oh my god this might be a guy that is my boyfriend that might

be my husband i'm like i'm 35 when i think about a boyfriend i'm like is this it you start getting excited you start fantasizing about it because, and people go, Nikki, don't fantasize. It's like, well,

if I don't fantasize, I don't have anything because I haven't had a boyfriend in so long. So the fantasy is like so fun. The crush, the buildup of it. And then when that guy

meets someone else, decides he doesn't like you anymore, is also too scared of intimacy himself and rejects you, it is devastating and I can't work as hard. And I'm so scared of that pain. I think that's what I'm really scared of is just being hurt. You know what's crazy?

I feel like until you fully fall in love with that pain, you're not going to be able to fully throw yourself into a relationship. Fall in love with the pain. In a sense of like, I'm not saying I want you to go through pain and experience a lot of it, but you need to be okay with it, I think. And it's like accepting yourself in the pain. Yeah. Like, do you feel like you've ever fully accepted who you are?

No. No. I feel like I'm, I don't even. You're always going to be hurt. You're always going to be hurt if you never accept who you are. I'm trying. Like, I'm doing everything never accept who you are. I'm trying. Like, I am doing everything to accept who I am. What don't you accept about yourself?

I don't accept being average. I won't accept that's their life. You're not average. But I, you know, I won't accept that. What does average mean? In what area of life? In your career? I don't.

As a stand-up comic? As a show host? As girlfriend as a girl like daughter i just don't know why as a sister i mean i just want the best of everything and i always think that there's something better i guess and i don't maybe that's it i don't know what i don't accept about myself i mean clearly looks are a thing that is are struggling with you just have to get there but i don't easier said than done and accept about myself. I mean, clearly looks are a thing that I'm struggling with. You just have to get there. But I don't. Easier said than done. And that's what I get.

I get so mad. Because a lot of times, I think women, when I talk about these things, women who are so in the body positivity community kind of bristle at me saying, I think looks matter. And I wish I were prettier. And it makes me depressed that I'm not. I can't help that and it would be a lie for me to be like I love myself and so I want to be there I would kill to have that kind of Lizzo confidence um but it's just not there for me yet no I get it I mean

like my entire life I feel very confident I feel like I love myself. I believe in myself, but I've never had a six pack. Like it's almost there, but it's like, gosh, I wish I didn't have like this little layer of like that in my stomach. And I've always had messed up teeth. And when I was 16, I also had eight teeth removed because I was going to get braces. I had my four wisdom teeth removed in St. Louis. Dude, I had eight teeth removed. Shut up. You get braces. I had my four wisdom teeth removed in St. Louis. Dude, I had eight teeth removed. Shut up.

You did not. I swear to God, people never believe me when I said I had eight teeth removed. Look at this. They took out so many teeth. These two here. These two here. And then my four wisdom. So I got them taken out and I never got braces because it was football season coming up and

I didn't want to have like a mouth guard and smash it in there. And so I went 20, probably it was football season coming up and i didn't want to have like a mouth guard probably it was miserable i was like for two weeks just like you know with gauze in my mouth it was so painful misery i remember getting those little cases of all my teeth oh my gosh it's nuts right and so that's crazy then i got you got great you have great teeth and they all shoved them together yeah so i never got braces because I didn't want to. I was like, kept pushing it off. And it's been 20 years. Yeah. And I'm always insecure about my smile.

And even though it doesn't look that bad, it's like, you notice it. You know, when you're in the mirror and you notice it. You feel it. You notice it, yes. You're like, ah. It doesn't matter if people don't. And I got gaps when you look on the side. And it's like, I finally was like, you know what?

Six months ago, I was like, screw it. I'm getting Invisalign. So I wear Invisalign now. And I'm like, you know what? I ago i was like screw it i'm getting invisalign so i wear invisalign now and i'm like you know what i don't even care i'm just gonna smile and people are gonna see it and i'm gonna accept myself through the discomfort yes it's not like perfect it's not perfect and people will say something but i'm like i'm working on myself to get better yes so i i want to be better i'm not happy with where i'm at with my stomach with my teeth but it's like I'm training every day. I'm eating clean I'm seeing improvement and that's all I can do is like yes

I'm not 100% satisfied But I still love and accept myself of where I'm at and where I'm going and I'm proud of every single day of taking the actions Okay to improve so it's like I feel the movement. It's getting better. I'm you know, I'm taking care of myself I'm eating clean. It's like the ritual I'm, you know, I'm taking care of myself. I'm eating clean. It's like the ritual every day in the routine, which is helping me like be okay and be in peace. Yes. As opposed to like looking myself in the mirror and be like, why are you so ugly every day? Like, because I used to be that way too.

But you have money. You can do like we can any. The problem is that. I didn't have money 10 years ago. I know, we can, any, the problem is that, I didn't have money, 10 years ago, I know, but, broke,

right, me too, but, now that we do, you can do things to be hotter, sure, that no one would notice, sure,

that no one, like, everyone goes, don't get work done, yeah, don't get like, the hot deeds, injections,

and this and that, yeah, but they look hotter, because they've had it, and the work is so good, that you don't notice it, so, I hate that argument,

that's what I struggle with, is I can afford to spend money on things you do these things yeah if it's there or it makes you happier but will that i mean i'm not gonna be able to put it off forever eventually i will be in my like 70s and it's gonna all fade i think it's i think it's listen if you want to do work on yourself or if you if it's gonna make you happier i think it's like a both and i'm not saying like don't do work on yourself if you want to put like i'm not a fan of like injections and all these things in your face personally like my personal preference when women do that but if it's like it's going to make you feel something you know if you've got like i don't know your nose is all the way over to your side of face and it really frustrates you every day and you can fix

it yes okay fix it if your teeth are jacked up and you want to fix it like i'm fixing it i know i'm not doing veneers but i'm doing like braces the fact that you said the braces thing because i got invisalign because i wanted to fix this one buck tooth right this one sticks out you can't even notice it until you said it sticks out a little bit more than this you have the invisalign i couldn't even see it so i got invisalign it didn't work for me because they couldn't fix this is the only reason i got it done and they couldn't i went through three years of invisalign i'm not joking you the three different sets of like 14 tries different things yes and they couldn't fix it sometimes it's just unmovable and so i was like i but this bothers me no one notices but if ever i see it in every picture

it stops it now i smell like this all the time shut up no and i have a great smile and i do a great smile but it's it bothers me so much that I can't take it and I can't, so I'm like, I'm gonna get regular braces. Do it. I'm gonna have six months

of regular braces. And be amazing teeth and it's done for the rest of your life. Yes, and then it's done. It's done. Time is happening. It's moving.

So I'm gonna get eight more teeth taken out so they can do the braces. I can't believe you had eight teeth at the same time. Yes. For one time. And no one ever believes me but this was a saint louis friend and people don't believe that we had to tell jokes to get halloween candy that's another saint louis thing

you have to trick or treat you have to tell a joke and they say soda in saint louis yeah we say pop in ohio oh yeah yeah so i always make fun of people saying soda and then i was like okay no it's soda i wonder why you didn't have friends. Right? Exactly. What else is a St. Louis thing that's different? Racism. Yeah. Segregation.

Yeah, that's true. Alcoholism. Toasted raviolis. I mean, so many fun things. Wait a minute. Is toasted ravioli not a thing anywhere else? No, that's a St. Louis thing. Because when in school, we had toasted ravioli almost every day in St. Louis. Yeah, all the time.

And I was like, this is incredible. Yeah, you almost- But I'm like, where is toasted ravioli at every restaurant I go to? Yeah. It's only in St. Louis? It's only St. Louis. I didn't know that. Yeah, they should put it everywhere.

What's the Fritz's? Fritz's? Fritz's, root beer, Emo's pizza. Emo's. Oh, the thin crust is my jam. Yeah, it's so good. I never liked Chicago deep crust. Oh, I like it. I like it all, but- You like deep. I like the thin crust is my jam. Yeah, it's so good. I never liked Chicago deep crust. Oh, I like it.

I like it all. You like deep. I like a thin crust and a lot of sauce. So the deep dish, you get a thin crust and just all sauce. I don't know. It's a mess. But yeah, I'm not big into pizza. I have so many questions.

I want to go for like three more hours with this. I know. I know. We could talk forever. We only have 10 minutes. Jesus Christ. I need to be for like three more hours with this. I know, I know. We could talk forever. We only have 10 minutes so I need to be intentional with my last few questions here. What's the funniest joke

you've ever told? In your mind, the funniest joke you feel like you were like, man, I hit it. It like, I was in the pocket. You know,

one joke that I wrote that I was so proud of because it took a bit of work. Man, okay. So it was a roast joke that i did and i and it it was uh because i recently watched an old roast set of mine i but as soon as i do a special i just dump all the material and i truly forget all of it people will be like do that one joke and i'm like i don't even remember that subject matter i don't even know where i'd begin to gone yeah conjure up

that joke but this one because it's a one-liner um so the the people on the the first roast i did was the bruce willis no it was rob rob low and ralph macchio karate kid was on the dais and then also jimmy carr who is a comedian was on the dais and i said you know i was going through everyone and then each person you just go like you say their name and then you go into a joke about them and i was like jimmy a car is what is what Ralph Macchio has to do to find a place to sleep at night. And that one I love because I remember like trying to figure out what to say about either of them. And I was like, Jimmy Carr. If you Jimmy something, it's like getting in a car.

God, if there was Jimmy car doesn't mean anything. You can't Jimmy car. It would be Jimmy A car. Wait, what if his middle initial was A? It's fucking A. His middle initial, it was like Alexander or something was his middle initial. And I was like, this is a fucking joke from the heavens.

The math just worked out on it. So that one was in terms of working on it. That was one I was really proud of. Do you feel like the the space of comedy right now everyone is super on their toes like you know walking on eggshells like can i go this far am i allowed to talk about this subject or am i it's gonna ruin my career yeah you know it's one tweet gonna ruin my career is one thing i said on a college tour gonna ruin it is one thing on a podcast yeah if

I said something too far is everyone gonna hold on to that for decades yes it's like I'm this bad person or I said something that can never be talked about even though this is the profession of comedy it's it is scary and I gotta be honest I flirt with that line a lot because there's a part of me that wants to get it once. Like I'm really tired and I would like to like one of my jobs to get canceled. Wow. That would be kind of like, I want to say whatever I want.

I want to be free to say it. And I know I'm a good person. I know I'm not racist. I know I'm not. Um, I have, I have, uh,

behaviors that are informed by the fact that I was raised in an all white community and didn't grow up with black people around me. So there are things that I have to try so much harder to not be, not to not be racist. I was raised in St. Louis. What school did you go to again? Kirkwood. And we,

we had black kids at our school. I went to church in Kirkwood for a little bit. Yeah. But I, I, what I'm saying is that I I am not perfect by any means and for someone to be like I've never had a racist thought it's like you can't help sometimes if you have a racist thought and it's not never comes from me from a

place of hate but it just comes from a place of misunderstanding and I'll admit to that so if someone hears a joke I said and says she's racist I know I'm not so I'm okay with that and I have made peace with that. And if someone goes, you're sexist, you're whatever, you're a bad person. I just,

I've struggled so much in my life thinking I'm a bad person. And I really have made peace with the fact that, no, you're not Nikki. You were in pain and maybe you lash out sometimes, but deeply you want everyone

in the world to be happy. I'm deeply empathetic. I don't want to ever hurt anyone. So I just have to hold on to that because if I do get canceled, the thing that would devastate me the most is having people think I'm a bad person. And as long as I focus

and know that I'm not within myself, which is truly all that matters, then I don't need to be so scared all the time. Because I think the people that are most scared are the people that are actually racist. Wow. And they should be scared because, know I don't know I just feel like the consequences for if I get canceled for something I've said that's really insensitive on a podcast 10 years ago I will be able to look at that and be like yuck I should be I shouldn't be allowed to work at that

show because of those things that I said there should be a punishment for that because you're not supposed to talk that way and it's a different time so I feel you know sometimes the punishment doesn't fit the crime but I'm willing to accept things I've said in the past that probably could get me canceled and be like yeah I said it and I regret it yeah um god I feel like I want to talk so much more we have we have five minutes so I'm gonna I'm gonna be kind of wrap it up uh this is a question I ask everyone at the end. It's called the three truths question. So imagine it's your last day on earth many years from now. You've lived hundreds of years.

You've extended your life. You've done everything you want to do. You've done every comedy tour. You've hosted SNL 20 times. You own SNL. Whatever it is you want to do, you've done it. Okay. I have a boyfriend.

You've got a husband who's the hottest man in the world who loves you and tells you how beautiful you are every single day and every ounce of you is amazing. We still have a great sex life. Everything. He's all the things, right? You've got everything you want. You've achieved everything. Everything. Everything

you want, you've made happen. Okay. Friends with Taylor Swift. Everything. Uh-huh. And it's your last day and for whatever reason this hypothetical situation everything's got to go with you that you've created in the world all your content all your specials all your work all your this podcast everything's gone it goes with you to the next place okay but you get to leave behind three things you know to be true three lessons you've learned in your life, three morals, three somethings

that you would then share with the world. What would you say are your three truths? Number one, I would say that animals have feelings and especially mammals, pigs and chickens and goats and cows and ducks have all the same feelings and in sadness and terror they feel all those things that your little dog feels the dog that you love so much that you never want to feel any i was i was holding my dog yesterday my parents are in town and i gave my dog to my parents because i couldn't have them in new york but i got to hold her yesterday and i was

just like i just want to i i don't want her to feel any anxiety ever and then I was thinking about she was shaking because she was cold and I was like thinking about all the animals right now that have been born into these terrible lives where they're just born to die and they're they spend their whole lives terrified and shaking and I just wish humans had more empathy for animals just because we're more intelligent does not mean that we it just it i wish people could understand it and have this and everyone would make a move towards veganism so that's what i'd wish people could really understand is like yeah i'm full vegan and like it's it's hard and it sucks and i don't get to have things i love but you don't get

to do everything you want to do because sometimes it's not right. And what we're doing to animals is not right. And so that's one thing I would leave behind. Another thing I would leave behind is I think women do things and men too. You don't have to do anything sexual you don't want to do. It is totally okay to make someone feel awkward about what they have just suggested you do. Because I think a lot of times we just go, oh, I have to do this because he thought I was supposed to do this right now. So maybe I didn't get the schedule sent to me, but okay. So now's the second time. Okay. You can, you don't be scared to make a situation awkward because you feel unsafe. So many times things happen because you go, this guy's creeping me out, but I don't want to be weird and say that. So I'm going to keep walking with him, even though his right behind me is not feeling

safe instead of running or being like, what are you doing? Yeah. Because that would be awkward. Make it awkward. Make it awkward. Make it awkward. And also meditate. Please meditate.

meditate please meditate it is the greatest gift to mankind is the ability to sit in silence it's free it's and it will change your life and meditation is truly the one thing like nothing has helped me as much with with my anxiety and my depression as meditation i was truly someone who was like really suffering and wanted to like have i was like god am i gonna have to get like lobotomized like my thoughts are so dark and my life is so good but i can't get out of this hole and then when i started meditating doing tm twice a day it just saved my life wow i haven't meditated in two days and it's the longest i've gone in two years because my schedule has been so slammed here and i'm off man and the coronavirus is happening i mean it is crazy so meditation is the key and let me just one more truth about meditation anyone listening who says i can't and you just think you're special enough to be like i

too ocd my thoughts are too much i i run too high strung you're not special sorry everyone feels that way about meditation. It is not about not having thoughts. I know that's scary. How could I not have thoughts? It's not about that. Anyone can meditate. I know you right now being like, I can't, I'm different. I have ADHD. I have this. Everyone can med, even you ADHD, you can meditate and it will improve your life so much. And it's free. There is no excuse not to do it. You can do it. You can meditate and it will improve your life so much and it's free. There is no excuse not to do it. You can do it. You can do it for a couple minutes. It doesn't have to be 20 minutes. It can be five. And it's the gentlest practice. You can't do it wrong. It's amazing. I love that.

These are great truths. Thank you. Where can we support you? You can check out my tour dates at nickiglazer.com slash tour. And I have a podcast called You Up. And I also have a Sirius XM show called You Up with Nikki Glaser every morning on Sirius Channel 95, Comedy Central Radio. You got that down. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Check her out on Instagram as well.

You post a lot of comedy stuff. But also, I love the positivity you post out there. Thank you. I appreciate you. I acknowledge you for showing up and constantly allowing yourself to be vulnerable in the messiness. For the fact that you talked openly about all these things for me is really inspiring. So I want to acknowledge you for that.

I want to acknowledge you from being from St. Louis. And we have that in common. We have eight teeth missing. So I think it's really powerful that you're willing to open up and express yourself in the discomfort of like, I don't have it all figured out. And I'm still trying to feel attracted to myself. And I'm still trying to do this. And I'm, I feel like I need to be great all the time and I'm scared of this. So I really want to acknowledge you for that because I think it's important for people to hear that. Yeah, I don't get it figured out.

And none of us do. But we're all trying. And I think we need to be honest about trying because it feels bad when you see someone that does have it all together and you're like, I'll never be like them. I like hearing about the struggle. So thank you for letting me share it. My final question for you is what is your definition of greatness? What is my definition of greatness? My definition of greatness is achieving happiness and being kind while doing it. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope you enjoyed it. And if you did,

please share it over on social media. Make sure to tag me, tag Nikki, and let her know what you thought of this episode, as I'm sure she'd love to hear your thoughts. Also, please subscribe to the School of Greatness over on Spotify and on Apple Podcasts. And if you can, click that subscribe button and leave us a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts, as that helps us spread the message of greatness to more people. And you can truly make an impact on someone's life today just by texting them this link, lewishouse.com slash 995. Or just take the link wherever you're listening to this on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you're listening to your podcast.

And also, if you want inspirational messages from me every single week, just text the word right now on your phone, podcast. Text that word right now, podcast, to 614-350-3960, and you'll get text messages from me every single week. And don't forget, laughter is the best medicine. And I don't know who said that, but there's a reason we all know this saying. I hope you remember that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter today. And as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.