The School of Greatness - Achieve 70% MORE SUCCESS: 3 Visualization HACKS to Boost Your CONFIDENCE

Episode Date: June 14, 2024

Have you ever wondered what truly makes someone confident, even in the face of insecurities and challenges? Welcome back to The School of Greatness, in today's masterclass episode, we're diving deep into the essence of true inner strength with some of the world's top experts.Ed Mylett shares his journey from insecurity to self-assuredness, emphasizing intention and purpose. Mel Robbins reveals how to harness the power of visualization and celebrate small wins. Matthew McConaughey explores shedding external identities to find true inner light. Get ready for an inspiring journey as we explore how faith, purpose, and the right mindset can transform your life and help you achieve greatness. Let's dive in!In this episode you will learnHow to build self-confidence through intention rather than achievements.The importance of living with purpose and serving others to enhance confidence.Techniques to overcome imposter syndrome and insecurities.The impact of childhood experiences on adult self-perception.The role of faith and intention in maintaining confidence and humility.For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1628For more Greatness text PODCAST to [phone]Full episodes featured today:Mel Robbins – https://link.chtbl.com/1405-podEd Mylett – https://link.chtbl.com/1274-podMatthew McConaughey – https://link.chtbl.com/1422-pod

Welcome to this special masterclass. We've brought some of the top experts in the world to help you unlock the power of your life through this specific theme today. It's going to be powerful, so let's go ahead and dive in. There's an essence, there's a presence, there's a power, a command, an authority, a humble confidence. There's like this essence about you. Thank you. And I'm really curious, what do you think made you you? What were the elements growing up that made you all the things you are now? Thank you. That's nice to hear I am because by the way, I love people that have that combo like I love people a lot of self-confidence a lot of humility So people a lot of humility that have no self-confidence you kind of dragging them through life as a friend

Someone with all their self-confidence no humility they're gonna burn out they're gonna make a mistake they're not curious they don't grow i think that i think even the reason i'm in the personal development space why do i believe so much that people can change i watched my dad do it and then in my case i had to learn these things man to be like a baseline functioning person. So my default personality is insecure. Even today? Even today. Come on. Very much. Really? Very much. How is that default? You wake up and you say, I'm a nobody or what? What's the story? I lack this. I'm fooling everybody. Really? They really knew, you know, pretty, some imposter syndrome mixed with just like tremendous. I was bullied as a kid.

My dad was an alcoholic. I wasn't a real big guy. The only thing I wasn't good in school, the only thing I was good at was sports. A lot like with you, you were a great athlete. So my default is tons of insecurity. So that's probably never going to go away, the humility part. So the part that I've worked on Really hard is the self-confidence part And so I've got all the stuff in the book on those tips and what have I done to build it because I had to get

There just to get to baseline and then I'm like this stuff works What if I refined it and made it my own and started to build these other strategies and stuff? So the confidence part is the thing I'm always gonna have to work on even today even with all the success and the you know The massive show and the big businesses and all the homes and everything that people see. Yeah. The truth is, what else do you need though, to feel more confident? I don't need other things. It's an internal game. I don't need other stuff. In other words, the, the stuff is really fleeting and temporary. So I don't need another, you know, I bought an Island lately, you know that, right? Like when I bought this Island, it didn't give me, they didn't make me more confident. It just was something that I've

always wanted to be able to do. But I, I, it's not stuff. What needs to happen for me is that I'm most confident when I'm living in my intention, which is to serve, which is to like help other people. When I'm not doing that, Wayne Dyer, when I met him really, really young, told me, you're going to change the world, Ed Milet. And I'm like, and he, then he, I'm sure he said this to a lot of people, but he complimented me. I met him on a beach. We watched the sun come out in Maui. Yeah. I was running on the beach. I was running on the beach. What was he like? I never met him. Incredible. So we became a dear friend of mine, but I'm running, you know, you get up before the sun comes up. I'm running on this. I'd won this incentive trip. And there's

this bald dude running towards me with this hairy back. I'll never forget this sweaty, hairy back. And it was so long ago. Cause I had a Sony Walkman on and he had one and he ran by me. I go, that was Wayne Dyer. And I said, Dr. Dyer, you changed my life. And he had this deep voice like mine. And he pulls it. He goes, well, I doubt that. And he goes, I bet you changed your life. But he goes, how did I help you? And then he walked towards me and we get emotional. Like, God's been so good to me. We sat on this beach together and watched the sun come up for about an hour and a half and about an hour into it. He goes, you're going to change the world.

And I'm sure he said this to a lot of people. And he's like, and it's, you're very talented. You're brilliant. You're a good communicator, you know you know and he goes and that's not the reason why and he was writing a book at that time called the power of intention that's great book great book incredible book and he goes you really intend to help people and he goes all these things with your father and your upbringing and all that ed he goes that's all made you and he goes you have such a heart to want to help people and he goes would you do me a favor if we never meet again? And we ended up meeting many times. I said, yeah.

And he said, never link your confidence to your ability. Because I know you struggle with your confidence. If it's predicated on your abilities or your achievements, you're always going to be chasing it. He goes, but if you'd link your confidence to your intentions, man, do you have beautiful intentions. And that is something I knew about me. I know I have a good heart. And I've never forgotten that. So when I do a podcast or a speech, I just connect to my intent.

And it's been the one thing that's brought me confidence. Because if you said, hey, you've got to be confident because you're great or you've got a house or you have a plane, I go, yeah, but, yeah, but. But if you go, you've got to be confident because you have beautiful intentions to help you. But I go, hmm. I'm about to list you now. You might be right. Yeah, yeah, but, yeah, but. But if you go, you got to be confident because you have beautiful intentions to help you. But I go, I'm not the list. You might be right. Yeah, yeah. And that's where my confidence comes from. So as an athlete, I gained confidence from results, from actually getting the result of becoming better.

That's one way to get it. I was not good. And then I put in the effort. Yeah. And all the mistakes or the failures or the feedback, what I like to call it, gave me the lessons and taught me how to get better to accomplish the result that I was looking for.

Achieve the goal, win the game, or just improve my abilities. So what I'm hearing you say is, also link confidence to intention. Some people say link it to the effort, right? Like the effort that you show up, that you just keep showing up. And others talk about the results.

Should we be thinking about it? I call it the holy trilogy in the book of self-confidence. What is this? But the confidence trilogy is faith, have confidence. So if you're a person of faith, no matter what you believe in, it's amazing to me how people that believe in energy, quantum energy, or they believe in they're a Christian like me. I believe in both, by the way, but whatever their faith is, that they have it on Sunday, they have it at Bible study, or they have it when they get together with their friends or when they meditate, but somehow when they walk into a business meeting, they're alone. So why are you alone then, but you're not alone these other times?

So I'm never alone. So that's number one. Number two is my intention. And third is my associations change my confidence. But here's the biggie. If you don't have self-confidence, here's what you have. You have a really bad reputation with yourself. You have built a habit of not keeping the promises you make to yourself. We've all heard this before, but there's a level. I have a chapter in the book called One More Standard. Here's how I built what I would call almost superhuman confidence in spite

of my insecurity. Think about that. Superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity. Think about that. Superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity. And it's exactly what you just said. It's an effort play. If you don't have self-confidence, you've never kept the promises you make to yourself. Check that box. If you have self-confidence, you've started to keep the promises you make to yourself. If you want to have superhuman self-confidence, you keep the promises you make to yourself and one more. So if I'm going to get up and I'm going to work out, I'm going to do 10 reps in the gym, I do one more. If I'm going to do 45 minutes on the treadmill, I do one more.

If I want to make 10 contacts in a day, I do that and one more. If I'm going to tell my daughter I love her every day, I'm going to do that and one more. And so that higher standard, because in life, we don't get our goals, we get our standards long term. And so if your standard is one more, what starts to happen is you go, I'm willing to do things other people aren't willing to do. And I combine that, that I have great faith, great associations, and I intend to help people. This is a formula to build wonderful self-confidence and never lack humility when you have it.

So when did you learn this one more mindset? Was this from your dad early on or was this from my dad? So we talked about this a little bit earlier, but my dad had these couple of theories he would always say to me. And so one was when he got sober, he gave it one more try. He was going to stay sober one day at a time. And then my dad, there's no dreaming in my house. There's no like my jet, you know, I've had, I've been blessing like multiple airplanes, right? In my my life my jet was in almost walking distance of my dad's house he's never been on any of them wow and i would say to my dad i would say hey let's go go play golf in maui let's go there's these great golf courses in the ocean and my dad would say well why would i go all the way to maui to play golf with my favorite

person my son when we can play here in chino it's not about there i want to be with my son, when we can play here in Chino. It's not about there. I want to be with my son. So my family had none of that stuff. But my dad knew I was a dreamer. And my dad would always say, you know, I was one decision away from changing my life the whole time. One choice. And he'd say, Eddie, you're not as far away from these dreams as you think you are. And I'd say, really, dad? And he'd go, no, you're actually a lot closer than you think but because you think it's so far away you behave in accordance with that belief system and it always keeps it that far away from you so how do we bring our dreams closer to us the first thing is that's a great question the first thing is you need to believe and know that you're one decision one relationship one meeting one book one thought one something away from a completely different life and when you know that,

when you, then you begin to look for them. And so in the second chapter of the book, I have a thing in the book called the matrix and your matrix is your reticular activating system in your brain. It's the filter for your entire life. Okay. And this filter reveals to you the world that's in front of you. Again, an example of it is I just, I like what Musk is doing. So I just bought a Tesla. I drove it here today. I got a Tesla too. Model X or what do you got? I got a Plaid. Okay, wow. I got a Plaid. It's a good one. Nice. And so I bought this Plaid. And all of a sudden, man, everywhere I go, there's Teslas. You see them everywhere. I'm like, whoa, another one. Three lanes over,

other side. Freaking Tesla. This is crazy. They were always there. Why didn't I see them before? Because they weren't part of my RAS. So the key thing I teach you in the book, how to slow down time and create the matrix of your life. When you make the Teslas of your life, those relationships, those meetings, those thoughts, those encounters, you can very easily do this, but there's a process of repeated visualization you do. That's not complicated. It's chapter two of the book and it will shift you. The other component too, I have a chapter in the book called become an impossibility thinker and a possibility achie you. The other component too, I have a chapter in the book called Become an Impossibility Thinker and a Possibility Achiever. Here's how most people's frame works. They don't have an RAS program. They're not intentional. So they keep getting, if the things most important to you are your worries, fears, anxieties, problems, bills, you will continue to have

people, places, and things revealed to you that confirm it. And if you operate out of your memory and your history, if this is your pattern, your framework, you will continue to find those things. You need to learn to operate out of your imagination and your dreams. This is a different framework for life. Imagination is different than dreaming. Imagination causes you to create dreams and thoughts that never happen. When you imagine something, you create a space. Once you have a thought, this is powerful.

When you have a thought, you create a space that did not exist in the world before you create a space. Once you have a thought, this is powerful. When you have a thought, you create a space that did not exist in the world before you had that thought. And that space now exists. And the way your brain works and your life works and the universe works is it tries to furnish that space, whether it's a negative or a positive thought. It starts to hear things it wouldn't hear. That's why when you're in a crowded room and they say, Lewis, you can hear Lewis auditorily over all the noise. Why? It's in your RAS. It's why you see the Tesla. Okay. So the key thing is being able to operate out of this imagination. Why is imagination so important? When you were a child, three, four, five years old, you were probably happier than you are right now. Why? Two reasons. A,

you were closer to God. You had just been with God more recently. And two, you operated out of your imagination. You didn't operate out of a history and a memory because you didn't have one. And slowly over time, by the time you were 10, 11, 12 years old, loving people installed their limiting thoughts and beliefs, their software into you. Because most things in life are caught, not taught. You catch them. And so now you're starting to operate of history and memory and you repeat it and your res begins to see the things that reinforce that history and memory and so you basically have the same life over and over again with a different cast of characters in a different environment but the same emotions you have the same emotional home my dad used to

say to me every call bro till the day he died and I'm 50 years old blah blah blah whatever time up last thing you would always say to me be careful be careful and I go careful what I don't know I never knew but what is that programming from the time you're eight years old hey go to school be careful so what that they're operating out of this fear thing right oh I need to be careful you be careful but don't make this risk don't take that businesses don't start a podcast don't get on that stage and speak. Don't do this. Don't do that. You say that to an already unconfident, insecure person. He meant it lovingly. By the time I'm 50 worth hundreds of millions of dollars, be careful. He didn't even know he was saying it to

me, but what was he doing? He was installing, God bless him, his limiting beliefs into me as a little boy. So a lot of these things that you believe, you were defenseless when you started to believe them. They were installed in you by loving people who were around you. And even though your life may look differently, your emotional home, the four, five, six emotions you experience pretty regularly might be very familiar from your parents, one or two of them. Right. And so you need to look at your emotional home. What's your most powerful emotion and the emotion that you wish you could let go of? Love is the most powerful emotion in the world.

We will all do everything for love. If there were more love in the world, the way we treat one another, the way we express our thoughts, you know, you'll do anything for love, right? So love is by far my most powerful emotion. It's like, I love you. Then like, when I just saw you,

we didn't just like people, we didn't just hug for like one second yeah and you do this better than I do I hold people I make it uncomfortable because I just want to hug and love on people it's not uncomfortable bro right because the reason you're so successful is you truly do love people yeah and you come from that place and I know we're bigger dudes and like like that's a beautiful expression of a man a real man is capable of, like that's a beautiful expression of a man. A real man is capable of real love. That's a sign of real strength. So that's the most powerful one. And then for me, I know the emotion that I wish I didn't have. It's chaos.

Really? How often do you experience chaos? Less because I'm aware of it, but I'm going to tell you all the time till about five years ago, even when we first met. Why? I used to, I used to even say this, man, I operate great under chaos man you should see me operate under chaos most people can't handle chaos I'm calm under pressure well the reason for that was I grew up in an alcoholic home so I'm very familiar with chaos it became a very familiar emotion and what we do is we gravitate towards the familiar emotions in our life even if they're not ones that serve us and I don't think there's negative or positive emotions. I say this in the book. There just are. Fear isn't negative. Fear in abundance is negative. But some fear, being afraid to do this podcast, to some extent,

causes us to prepare. So a dose of it, it was given to us in the caveman days, so T-Rex didn't eat us, right? So some fear is good. Some anxiety is okay. Some frustration, some anger is appropriate. It's to the dosage level. And we get these four or five of them. For me, some chaos is okay. It's fun. It's exciting. It's exhilarating, right? But getting it every day, every week, every month, all the time. And so how do you get rid of it? Well, one way you get rid of it is just be awareness. When you have an awareness of a thought, it loses its impact and power over you. It almost becomes like this. I'll do it. I'm like, I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm doing the chaos. Everything's great right now. All the houses are paid off. My kids are happy. Married

to a great woman. Got great friends. I'm doing the chaos thing again, aren't I? You dummy. You're doing it again. And it kind of loses its power over you. So I have a chapter in the book called One More Emotion and how to take an inventory of the emotions you have. And so, yeah, man, mine's definitely love. And the one I don't want is chaos because chaos causes me to act out of anger and frustration. It can depress me. And your intentions are not going to be as, I guess. It's pure. It's a gateway emotion. Chaos is my gateway emotion to the ones I don't want. Chaos gives me stress. Chaos gives me anger. Chaos gives me anger. Chaos gives me frustration. Chaos gives me fear. So it's a gateway emotion. What is the result when you

create from that space of chaos? It's funny. I have found the ability to externally create something pretty productive. Right. But stay with me on this. But the process in getting there is destructive. The process in getting there is not beautiful. And I used to think, and a lot of successful people- It's like forcing your way to get the results. Almost through force. Yeah.

You know, and I still do it sometimes. I'm thinking of a situation this week where I did it. And I used to think, well, that's a superpower though, because I've created all these external- Look what I made. Look what I did. And I'm doing it because of that.

The truth is I did it in spite of it. And there's a lot of things in our lives that we have linked to our formula, our recipe of success that we hold on to that you've done in spite of those things, not because of those things. So you're 51 now, 52, 51. When you were 40, on a scale of one to 10 of that, the self-confident happiness, joy scale, 10 being like you loved yourself fully, you were peaceful, you had an abundant mindset, you had inner peace, joy. One being you hated yourself, you were miserable, you're in chaos 24-7. Where were you on that scale at 40? Okay. The real answer is probably a three.

Okay. Of happiness. Okay, the real answer is probably a three. Okay. Of happiness. Uh-huh. But if you met me, I could convince you that it was probably an eight. That you were super happy and you had it together.

Yeah, probably a three. And since your father passing, where are you now? Probably a nine. Really? Yeah, and I no longer feel the need to convince you. Uh-huh. Because I've learned that this has already existed within me. I didn't to go get it I just had to allow myself to experience it and it took me a long time to treat myself in such a way that I allowed myself to feel these things that have always been there I had them when I was a

little baby boy I just lost them along the way in these patterns and programs that were installed in me and my experiences and I got to share something with you, brother, that just dawned on me. I wrote this whole book. And two weeks ago, I had this. This is just for me and you, but everybody can hear it. And I've always tried to disqualify myself. I've always, you're not this. Why is that?

It always shocks people, even people that know me really well. They're like, not you. I have that, but there's no way you have it right yeah you're too confident too talented too and I don't know that I'm too talented but I think I can fake it pretty well and I disqualify myself because you know the truth is that maybe for a while everything that I got that was love when I was a child only came when I achieved something so I started to conflate early on in my life, recognition and significance with love. In other words, my dad would love me if I hit the home run. My dad would love me if I get straight A's. And so then when I would feel these things, but something really amazing. And also like,

I'm really big at holding myself. I love to beat myself up with mistakes I've made. I did this, I did that. I should have done this. I didn't do that. And I've always thought these mistakes, these weaknesses of mine disqualify me from being happy or helping people. And this amazing breakthrough, the one decision that changed my family forever is my dad's decision to get sober. And it changed my family forever. I'm talking to you because my dad made that decision. And I've always been so proud of my dad for that. But this is just two weeks ago, 3.15 in the morning. I wake up, I'm crying.

And I wake Christiana up. I go, babe, someone helped dad. And she went, what, honey? I said, someone helped dad. She goes, what do you mean? I said, babe, I never thought about this. And my dad's darkest, worst moment of his life in some coffee shop or some room somewhere, some precious soul helped my dad. Reached out to him, talked to him. Talked to him and got him sober. Wow. And I said, babe,

that's not the powerful part. And I have no idea who this person is, but I wonder if they know the difference they made in Max and Bella's, my children's lives or your life or the millions of people I've helped that one decision they made. And she goes, Oh my gosh. I said, I never thought about this beautiful human being. Always gave the credit to my dad, but some stranger helped him. And I said, babe, this is the bananas part. Do you know what qualified them to help my dad? They're messed up life. They were an alcoholic. They were a drug addict.

Little did that person know the things they were the most ashamed of, the biggest mistakes of their lives when they were using drugs and drinking and stealing. That was qualifying them to change my dad's life. And all of us, we run around carrying these bags of, I'm not qualified because I made this mistake. I had this bankruptcy. This relationship didn't work. I did this thing you don't know about.

I'm so ashamed of. That's why you're qualified. That's the thing that qualifies you. The humanness in you. You are the only human being with your combination of gifts that you were given, whatever they are, and your experience. And real human beings help real human beings by being vulnerable and transparent saying, I know where you are. I've messed up worse. I've made greater mistakes. I felt more. I know that depression. I know that anxiety. I know that shame. I know what that feels like. That beautiful soul who was a drug addict and alcoholic, they didn't know all those mistakes they're making were

leading them out of their heart. And they finally got to a point where their intention was to help my father in the lowest moment of his life. They changed my dad's life and their changed mine. And maybe me and you are changing a few today because of that person's mess. It's crazy. Is that crazy? That's amazing. I know. I know.

Love them and thank them. That's amazing. I know. I know. Love them and thank them. That's amazing, man. Where's the biggest wound in the last few years that you've had to realize still wasn't fully healed for you? That if it was on a deeper mending process, you'd be able to go to the next level. Is there something that has come up that you've realized or paid attention to that you're like, I thought I healed that fully, but it's still kind of there. And maybe it's holding me back from more love, more peace, more service, more. I'm great at giving love to people. I've never, very rarely ever allowed myself to receive it.

Really? Yeah. Even with your family or friends? Yeah. I love them. But me allowing myself just to go, they love me. I've never said that out loud till right now. Wow.

Once I'm really worth it, then I'll get around to having it. I'll get it, but I don't have it yet. What would it take for you to be really worth it? Well, that's the thing is like there's that line keeps moving. Yeah. And so that line keeps moving. I want to do that. I'm worth a million, okay, but not until 10 million,

until 100 million, until... The line moves. And where it's been healing for me lately is like, I'm worthy of it now. Yeah. I've always been worthy of it. And the truth is, the right type of love has no conditions on it.

Like my children, I love them unconditionally. There's, there's literally nothing either one of them can do to make me love them less or more. And I tell them that all the time, you get this or that. I can't love you more. And I can't love you less. My daughter could worst case scenario. I mean, never, she could literally end someone else's life. And I'd be like, all right, um, where is it? Let's bury the body. You know, like, I mean, like that's a, it's just, you love your children unconditionally. And then I realized something in my faith. God loves me even more. He's always loved me even more. He's made me in his image and likeness. And for all of you that are listening to this, you were born to do something

great with your life, but that's not the condition to receive love. All this achievement, you and I are both about a max out. You're about greatness. The highest form of maxing out and greatness is to give and receive love. Yeah. But you didn't receive it that well. No. And I think lately I'm like, I feel you. Thank you.

I accept that. When someone compliments me, I always go, yeah, but you know, you're. And lately I go, I'll take that. Thank you. I'll take that. Thank you. And at first it even felt a little insincere disingenuous but i've had many more moments the last since my dad died candidly since my dad died i'm like i'm robbing him yeah i robbed myself of that and i'll tell you what happened right before

my dad died we had a conversation and my dad said to me um i'm so proud of you wow and i love you so much and he goes i said dad he goes no i want you to listen to me and he said this to me I'm so proud of you Wow and I love you so much and he goes I said dad he goes no I want you to listen to me and he said this to me he goes I can't believe God gave you to me as my son Wow and I felt like how I felt loved and I went he's felt that way all of his life why did I wait till his last breaths to receive it? And I'm not going to do that again in my other relationships. I'm not going to wait till they're gone. My dad's impact, you and I were both talking about our dads.

My dad's impact is far greater on me now than it was when he was gone. And you don't need to wait for that. You need to wait around for that in your life. You can receive it now. And I allow myself to receive it much more often now. There's probably nothing that you regret that you would change differently in your past about situations because it's made you who you are. But let's just say you were going back to before you got married. Is there anything that you would do differently with yourself, in the relationship,

or as you were starting to have kids about emotions, connection, intimacy, receiving, giving love? Is there anything you'd change? Tons. The biggest one is my lack of presence. Really? I was always in the future, which is a good place to be. I'm not a guy who's in the past a lot. Because then you're innovating, you're resourceful, you're creating something from nothing. It's powerful. Yeah, I'm not a past guy, but I'm a future guy. But the truth is the best people are able to be in the present and still operate, be in the future, but be present in the present time. And I didn't do that very well. There's a lot of times, man, when my kids would do things and now Christine goes, do you remember when Bella? And I'll go, I don't remember.

She goes, but you were actually there. But I wasn't. So would I change that? Yes. I should have given myself the gift of being more present where I was. And I do that very well now. I'm very much a present person. I know you turn your phone off after you get home and you put it in your car or whatever you do.

You spend 10 minutes closing things out and then you go in the house and you connect. I do. Yeah. I have strategies for it because I know me. And then anger. You were angrier then? Way more. I'm an intense dude. In fact, people who see me now on social that knew me back then, I'd be like, wow, man, like you've really changed. I just thought that my intensity and even what moved into anger

was strength because I saw it in my dad. Because it got results, certain results. And I think I modeled it a little bit. My dad was a yeller before he was sober. And even a little bit after, truth be told. And my dad would operate. My dad could go to anger pretty quickly. And I used to think that's what a man did. I've watched my dad in many physical fights. Many. Angel games.

I watched my dad inside of the freeway. We came out of church one Sunday. St. Dennis Catholic Church in Diamond Bar. Some guy said something my dad didn't like in the donut line. And we got in the car and my dad calls the guy over to the car and says, hey, what did you say? Bam, and headbutts the guy at church in the parking lot in front of all the other parishioners, right? So I think I modeled a little bit, I didn't do anything like that, but I modeled, hey, anger, men, men can do that thing. You know, don't disrespect me. You know, that whole

thing. And so I had a lot of that when I was young. Like, don't, you know, I'm going to assert my authority. And as I got older, it's almost become funny to me. And what the change for me was having kids. I'm like, if someone ever spoke to my daughter or my son the way that I have talked to some of these people that have been around me. And for someone like you that knows me now, they'll be like, there's just no way, man. No, man, I really did. I really said things I regret. I really did things that were out of anger too often.

And I don't like that guy. He hasn't been around for a while, but every once in a while he'll rear his head. Could be a little bit. He can be there once in a while. What makes you angry today? Anytime I see someone operating out of anger i think they're afraid yeah and so for me it's uh when do i get angry i got angry today today is a i said recently i had one of those episodes so my show got posted today and someone on my team posted it incorrectly and it wasn't on

youtube oh yeah okay and so my default when that happened was anger. Who did this? What happened? You know the feeling, right? Of course. But what was I really? I was afraid. I was afraid the show wouldn't do well. I was afraid it would be embarrassing. I was afraid the guest was going to be upset with me. So when I operate out of anger, it's always fear. I'm always afraid. But what about back in the day when you're hard on people? I was afraid I was going to be broke. I was afraid we were going to lose the business. I was afraid this situation was going to happen. I was afraid someone was going to shame me, so I'm going to get in front of it and be angry with them.

So for me, anger is just a manifestation of fear. And when I see it in other people, men or women, I have empathy for them because I know they're afraid. And I really do believe that. I think anger is always a result of some type of fear. What do you think is the biggest things that hold all of us back from achieving our dreams faster three biggest things well one is the proximity to it we really do believe it's further away like we honestly believe this thing is like a 20-year thing and so because

we believe that we keep it there and we miss out on these you know possibilities in our life the second one is I have a chapter in the book called on equanimity I say one more level of equanimity. Equanimity is our ability to be calm under duress. So I said earlier, slow things down. The greatest athletes that we admire can slow things down under pressure. They're calm. If you think of a Tom Brady, who's everybody's example in this age is that when it's the noisiest and the crowds, the craziest, and it's the playoffs, and it's the highest stakes That when it's the noisiest and the crowds are the craziest and it's the playoffs and it's the highest stakes, for the average person, everything speeds up and they lose control. Good friend of both of ours, Michael Chandler, fought this last weekend.

It's a great win. Great win. And normally, Michael, he's one of the greatest fighters in the world. But when he has been in duress in some of his fights, things speed up and he starts to do this brawl mode. And I watched him in this fight. Things started to not go his way. And he slowed things down. And he started to show some equanimity under duress.

And that's when things slow down and we can perform at our best. So the second thing I would say is equanimity. The third thing is I have a whole chapter in the book on the way you manage time. And this is just, there's so many heavy things in the book, but the idea that still people manage a day in 24 hours is hilarious to me. That this archaic concept that a day is 24 hours is bananas. Like the 24 hour day was just made up by somebody about the sun and the earth going around each other,

building, you know, a hundred million years ago or whatever it was. And this is before there was electricity, there were cars, there was the internet, there was a smartphone. So you're gonna tell me I should measure my day the same duration of time I calibrate time when the same dude didn't have the internet well I used to have to do a project in high school we have to go to the encyclopedia go down to the library and research for hours and hey my kids can google something in 10 seconds now I get I can text message you instead of mailing you

something that takes a month to get to you. So I've shrunk my days. My days now are from, my first day is from 6 a.m. to noon. In that day, it's called a mini day. 6 a.m. to noon, I get into that day, whatever I want. Some days are chill. Some days are faith. Some days are working out. But the amount, we've all had that morning where we go, I got done more this morning

than I have in three weeks. I know. Right? So why can't that be every day? And it is, I can tell you. So my first day is 6 a.m. to noon. At noon, the clock goes off. We're in day two. And I reevaluate really quickly for five seconds. What just happened? What did I do? What do I need to do more of? Next day is noon to 6 p.m.

I'm going to get the same amount of business, contacts, faith, fun, whatever it is in that ecstasy in that day. Third day is 6 p.m. to midnight. It's a third day. This gives me three days in one day. I get 21 days a week. If I get 21 days a week, you get seven. Stack that up over a month, a year, five, 10 years, I'm going to smoke you in life, right? And I've bended and manipulated time so that my accountability is different. It's not the end of a day or end of a week or end of a month. It's at the end of basically a six or eight hour window. That's interesting. And other people respond to you differently because what is scarce is valuable. People begin to respond to you differently when your time is more scarce, when it's more precious.

And so it's completely changed my life the last 25 years running many days as opposed to 24 hour days. Here's what everybody gets wrong about manifesting. What you're trained to think about when you think about manifesting is vision boards. And when you hear the word vision boards, you think about the big stuff. Should you have big dreams? Of course you should. Should you dream of building a mansion on the ocean if that's your thing? Yes.

Should you dream of the log cabin? Yes. If you want a Lamborghini or the new Ford Bronco, should you buy? Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. If you want the family, if you want the body, should you think about? Yeah, absolutely. Here's where everybody goes wrong. Dream about the end. You make this gorgeous collage of all this stuff that has nothing to do with your current life. That literally, as you're sitting in your studio apartment with the cat box that hasn't been changed in two weeks. No food in the fridge.

No food in the fridge and you're looking for a job and you're staring at a mansion going someday it's going to make you feel like a loser because the gap between where you are and where you want to go, it seems insurmountable. And so what happens based on the research is when you only visualize the end game, Lewis, it's demotivating. At first, it's really fun to like have a bottle of wine and make your like collage. I'm going to visualize, I'm going to slap this up. There's my vision board. This is fabulous. Law of attraction, baby. Come on, I'm going to think about it. It's going to come to me. Okay, I've been doing this for two days. I'm not, I'm still in this apartment with the cat box that needs to be changed. The way to visualize properly is to

visualize the bridge between where you are and where you need to go. The bridge. Yes. And particularly the horrible stuff. Visualize working a day job and telling your friends that you're not going to go out tonight because you're working on something. Visualize making cold calls and being told no. Visualize not going to that party because you're staying in on a Saturday and not going to the barbecue because you're putting in the work. Visualize sitting at a seminar and learning from other people. Visualize watching YouTube videos. Visualize your first ever course failing miserably.

Right. Like literally that's the sort of thing that you want to visualize yourself doing and pushing through because that's gonna help you do the work yeah I'm not cool I think that's great yeah visualizing so in order to manifest what you want don't just visualize the good things happening visualize the bridge all the things that's gonna take to yes and and and the hard parts of the bridge because then you're ready for it. Then you're like, I didn't expect this to be this hard.

I mean, it's still going to be hard, but you're less likely to quit. Yes. So what have you done in the last five years to help you manifest after the first book? Were you doing this as well, or kind of once you get on a rhythm and build momentum, does it become easier to manifest, in your opinion?

Well, so I am constantly training my mind to work for me. And there's this little trick that I talk about in the book that is all sort of the beginning of having a high-five attitude. And a high-five attitude is the ability to catch yourself when you're going mentally low and to flip yourself back up into a high five attitude. Okay. The thing that I know to be true is that you cannot control the things around you. You can't control what's going to happen. You can't even control how your nervous system might respond or what thoughts might pop into your head.

But you can always choose what you do next and what you make it mean, right? And so that's where all the power is. And so I do this thing where I, this is again, it's going to sound so dumb, but it's a way for me to introduce you to the power that your mind has to change in real time. Okay. We've talked a lot about negative self-talk. And part of the reason why negative self-talk is so crippling is not only because you've repeated it for so long and now it's a pattern, but it's also because you have a filter on your brain called the reticular activity system.

This puppy is the keys to everything. And it's remarkable that most of us have never heard of it. We've experienced it, but we don't know how to use it to our advantage. So first, let me tell you what the RAS does. Then I'm going to give you an example of when you've experienced it in your life. And then I'm going to explain to you how to use it to get what you want in life. This is like the super attractor manifesting. And it also works for interrupting negative self-talk. Like it's going to supercharge all the work you're doing with the mirror and interrupting thoughts. So first let's talk about the RAS. So the RAS, imagine a hairnet on your brain, only it's like electric, meaning it's alive, okay? Now the RAS has one job,

and the job is block out 99% of what's going on and let in 1% of what's going on. Our brains at this moment in history are having to process about 34 days worth of cell phone data in one day. Crazy. It's crazy. And so your RAS has a monster job. It's like a bouncer at a bar. You're not coming in. You can come in. And you've experienced this. So have you ever shopped for a car? Yes. Okay. So what's the last car you bought? Tesla. Oh, Tesla. Oh, fancy. Lewis Howes. I like that. Well, I never had a nice car

until three years ago. I had a $4,000 car for five years before that. Yeah, yeah. And then I was like, you know what? I have no Bluetooth. I have no, it's like, I just needed an upgrade. Yeah, no, I love it. You deserve it. It was a 1991. Dude, you deserve it. I had a 1991 Cadillac. You deserve it. And I was like, okay, I'm going to buy a car. So I bought a Tesla, yeah. Right. And so before you thought about buying a Tesla, you drive down the road, you don't really think about it. The second you're like, you know, I think I'm interested in a Tesla. What do you see everywhere? Teslas. Yes, everywhere.

Everywhere. My husband just bought a pickup truck. I never even noticed him. Now I'm like, there are baby blue pickup trucks everywhere. What is going on? That's the bouncer in your brain. And let me tell you how this works. There are only four things that automatically get through the bouncer in your brain, the RAS.

Number one, your name. So you've experienced being in a crowded place and somebody's like, you think you hear Lewis and you're like, huh, somebody call my name? That was the bouncer in your brain. The second thing that always gets let in is any threat to your safety. So there are loud noises all the time, but only ones in close proximity make you go like this. That was the bouncer in your brain letting it in. The third thing that gets let in is when you sense

that your partner is interested in sex with you or somebody else. You're like, Chris, stop looking at her. You know what I'm saying? You kind of pick up on the signals. That's the bouncer in your brain. And the fourth one, and this is where, this is the billion dollar thing that everybody needs to know. The bouncer in your brain lets in whatever you think is important to you. So when you get intentional about telling your brain what's important to you, like I'm interested in a Tesla, your brain's literally like, oh, let's let all the Teslas in.

Come on in. Here's the downside to this. If you have told yourself that you are a bad person for the last 10 years, guess what your brain thinks is important? Examples that mean you're a bad person. So I'm going to give you a very specific example. So I personally don't think I'm a bad person. I don't think I'm perfect, but I know I do my best. I mean well. I don't have that story about myself at all. I used to, but I don't. And let's say I oversleep and I miss the dentist. I miss the dentist appointment. I'm like, oh, I got to pay the 25 bucks. I had to reschedule that thing.

That kind of blows. That's all I think. And then I go on. My daughter, who constantly beats herself up and says she's a bad person. This is a real example, by the way. She oversleeps, misses a dentist appointment, and it becomes, see, I always screw everything up. I'm a terror. I'm always messing things up. I'm like everything that gets let in confirms that you're a bad person. She finds proof and evidence. Yes. That's the bouncer in your mind. I'm here to tell you that when you get intentional about what you want to think about yourself, it changes in real time what your brain lets in and what it doesn't. That helps you with the other things that you're doing. The high five in the mirror. The I'm not thinking about that.

The pathetic mantra. Hey, you know, just because I missed the dentist appointment doesn't mean I'm a bad person. I'm doing the best I can here. Give myself a break. High five. You know what I'm saying? Shake it off. Get back in there. It's true, right?

Because it's these little things. Somebody cuts you off. Somebody reaches for the last thing of cereal that you wanted to buy at the grocery store. You think it's like a sign that the world's out to get you. This is all your story and your mind skewing the world to prove all of the stuff you keep repeating. And the only way to get a handle on it is to start acting the opposite, like high five yourself, even though you don't feel like it. Interrupt the crap that you keep saying. Put your hands on your heart and settle your body down.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. on your heart and settle your body down. Yeah. All of these things are things that somebody does when they care about themselves, when they think they deserve to be treated with kindness, when they think they deserve support, and when they realize they need it. And when you start to build yourself back up, you'll show up very differently in other relationships. Absolutely.

You know, if you tolerate this kind of treatment from yourself, you'll tolerate it from other people. It does begin with you. And when you create boundaries and you don't abandon yourself, then you won't abandon yourself with other people either. You won't let them cross the boundaries. Correct. Like if you stand in front of the mirror every single morning and you're like, I look like crap. I am not good enough. I'm unhappy with my life. And then you step into a relationship and somebody leaves you on read and they ghost you for three days. Like you come to expect that because that's how you believe you think you deserve to be treated.

When you stand in front of a mirror and you're like, hey, you're awesome. We got this. I got you. I know it's hard. You know, we're going to go do this or, hey, this is a big day today. I've got this huge presentation. I am going to destroy this. You know, like, you know, like you get into it, you're excited. Like then you're creating momentum for yourself. Yeah. Otherwise, what you're going to stand there're creating momentum for yourself yeah otherwise what you're gonna stand up and be like oh my god i'm gonna screw this up i'm not prepared like it's like the negative morning routine it leads to negative actions absolutely so this training thing training your res so here's what i want you to do starting tomorrow after you wake up and make your bed and kind of settle your nervous system and high-five yourself after setting your intention. So now you're like sending yourself into your morning

routine in a totally different way with a calmed down nervous system and intention and this boost of feeling supported and loved and celebrated. I want you to find one naturally occurring heart shape as you go through your day. I saw this in your book. Yeah. It could be a stone. It could be a leaf on the ground. It could be a cloud shape. It could be a coffee stain.

It could be an oil stain on the floor of a garage. It could be a spot on a dog walking by. I want you to tell your mind, let's find a heart. Let's see if we can find a heart. And something weird is going to happen. You're going to see something. And then I want you to literally supersize what's going on in your brain. And what you do is when you see the heart, I want you to then take a moment and literally congratulate yourself. Like feel like, oh my God, I found it. Like whatever you believe in God,

the universe, like greater connection. You put that there for me and I found it. And I want you to feel this kind of wave of that's kind of cool. Yeah. I just saw a heart. And then that positive thing. Remember how I told you the bouncer in your brain pays attention to what's important to you. Remember how I told you the bouncer in your brain pays attention to what's important to you. When you get your nervous system celebratory involved, that makes your brain really pay attention. Just like trauma makes your brain pay attention. It does. So you supercharge the experience by celebrating it and then look for another one.

I see hearts all day long. Yeah. for another one around. I see hearts all day long. And what happens when you start to play this game is you will start to realize you are walking by an entirely different world every single day because you're not looking for it. There are opportunities, there are signs, there are mile markers on your path that you are literally tuning out. Yes. And we can all sit in this moment, Lewis, and look back and see how the dots of our life connect us here. The coolest thing about practicing the high five habit, this training of finding hearts and the high five attitude, is that you start to ground yourself in the idea that this too is a dot on the map of your life and it is leading you somewhere incredible. And when you start to have that kind of high five attitude, that there are signs, whether it's the little hearts that

you're now seeing, or it's your ability to catch guilt or people pleasing or insecurity or the negative self-talk and be like, nope, not going down, not thinking about that, five, four, three, two, one. Let's get that high five attitude back. I can do this. I can have my own back. It's not going to be perfect, but I can keep going. When you stand in front of a mirror and ignore yourself, you're like the losing NBA team. Oh, interesting. Selfish on your own, isolated. You're not in partnership with the person you're staring at in the mirror. You don't have your own the person you're staring at in the mirror. You don't have your own back because you're ignoring yourself. Yes. There's another study, and this one

is, I think, even more powerful. So they did this study where they wanted to know what's the most motivating thing to help somebody get through a really big challenge. They divide, the researchers divide kids into three groups, right? And they gave each of the groups of kids very challenging problems to work through. And they wanted to measure, okay, how resilient, how long would they work? What were their attitudes like? And then they measured it based on, well, what form of praise or support are we going to give each one of these groups? And let's see what's the most empowering. First group gets what we know to be the fixed mindset stuff. The praise was all verbal praise and it was simply about a trait.

Lewis, you are so smart. Lewis, you know, you are a super student praising something that is just sort of a compliment about you. The second group of students working on a challenging problem got praise based on work ethics. So something in their control. Oh, Lewis, you're working so hard. a compliment about you. The second group of students working on a challenging problem got praise based on work ethics. So something in their control. Oh, Lewis, you're working so hard. Lewis, you got such good perseverance. Lewis, you know, you're really like just grinding away over there. Good job. Those guys did better than Lewis, you're smart. Lewis, hardworking, better. The third group, the researcher simply walked up, did not say a word, and high-fived the kid. Really?

That's it. That's it. That group literally, exponentially, more motivated, worked longer, worked through more challenging problems. Now, here's the big question. Why? simple high five with no verbal praise, be more empowering and motivating and inspiring and develop more resilience and confidence and motivation inside somebody. And the reason why is this. A high five affirms your deepest fundamental needs. It's not just a gesture. When you high five somebody, particularly somebody who has either blown the

free throw shot or is working on something difficult or going through a really hard time, when you high five them, you're saying, I see you. When you high five them during a challenge, you actually are acknowledging, I know this is hard. So the person feels heard. And because it's one-to-one, and you have to be really intentional. Like if you and I go to high five, like we have to focus on it. That was a good one. If you miss it, what do you do? You have to do it again. Correct. So there's an intentionality behind it. And that makes you feel like you're being affirmed as a unique individual. Interesting. And so all of those things are in

that one gesture. Now it goes even more. So, so there's even more here. So I was talking to our buddy, Dr. Daniel Amen, right? And so one of the world's leading experts on brains, he's got like 60,000 brain scans. I think it's like 120,000. Oh, is it at this point? Crazy. Yeah. So he was so excited about the high five habit. He completely geeked out. He's like, oh my000. Oh, is it at this point? Yeah, something crazy, yeah. So he was so excited about the high five habit. He completely geeked out. He's like, oh my gosh, yes, yes, yes. He's like, yes, anaerobics. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

So we then, he said, let me tell you what else is going on, Mel. And I'm like, really? There's more? He said, yeah. He said, you know how when you do it, you said you felt like a little kind of boost in your mood. He said, well, there are two things going on there. He said, first of all, when you cross a finish line in a race, what do you do? Put your hands up.

Yeah. What do you do when your favorite team scores? You high-five someone. Yeah, you high-five somebody. What do you do at a musical concert? Yay! What do you do? You know, you're raising your hand in celebration when you high-five somebody or fist bump them or put your arm around them. That raised arm gesture

in a positive sense triggers your nervous system to tingle with celebration. It's the energy of celebration even if you're going through something difficult. And even more, you get a dopamine drip when you do this. And so part of the reason why you feel this kind of shift in your mood and you feel a little bit of like, oh, okay, I can do it. I can face this. I can do this. I got this. It's because of the dopamine. It's because of the nervous system.

And it's because of all of this positive programming associated with that gesture. Isn't that crazy? That's powerful. That's powerful. I mean, so what does someone do, though, if they just constantly have the negative self-talk in their mind that they're no good? Do they go in front of the mirror, you know, every 10 minutes and do this? No. Or is there another strategy behind the negative self-talk?

Well, okay. So first things first, definitely make this high five in the mirror a habit, okay? So start practicing it. Give it five to 10 days and start to see what happens. The second thing that you can do with negative self-talk, okay, is you need to start to interrupt it. So the thing about negative self-talk is that it is typically something you've engaged in since you were yay high. And in addition to it being wired into your brain, it is also something that can get triggered by your nervous system in stressful situations. And so the first step, and we can talk more about the filter in your brain and how the filter in your brain is causing you to stay stuck in a lot of this negative self-talk and how to use your mind to help you. But the first step is you got to do the awful part

of getting self-aware of what the voice is saying. And the way that you do that, there's a couple techniques that you can use to create what researchers or psychologists call objectivity. You want to separate yourself from the voice yeah so you can do it Lewis is doing is writing down right now in a journal you can keep just a little notebook with you and you can kind of catalog when your attitude tanks and what are you actually saying to yourself okay so should we write down all the things we're saying you could negative about ourselves you can you can I personally do it this way I start to notice when I feel down or I start to notice when my energy drops. And then I tune into what I'm thinking about. And if it's negative, I go five, four,

three, two, one. Yeah. I literally notice, oh, you're sitting there thinking you're a bad person again. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that somebody's mad at you again. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you screw everything up again. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you screw everything up again. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you that nothing ever works out for you. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you've blown it. Interesting. And then I go five four three two one and I go I'm not thinking about that. That's the most basic technique to use because what I want you to do since this is like operating on autopilot, it's encoded right here when you're not really thinking, this is what's running, kind of like the soundtrack

of your life. When you just start to notice that you have a thought that's not helping you, you can't control that it popped up, but guess what you can do? You can smack it down. Yeah. And so I use the five second rule, which we've talked about a lot on your show. Count backwards, five, four, three, two, one. The counting backwards awakens your prefrontal cortex. It gives you a moment of control. And then the way to build distance, Lewis, is say,

I'm not thinking about that. And here's why. You're so used to thinking this way. I can't just say, stop thinking you're fat and start thinking that you love your body. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. So you've got to go, oh, there I am. I'm trashing the way that I look. I'm telling myself that I'm overweight. I look like I'm hideous. No one is going to love me. Be like, five, four, three, two, one. I am not thinking about that. It's an act of defiance. See, I want you to go from these negative thought patterns to a more positive, empowering high-five attitude. Because if you continue to live in, I'm fat, I'm unworthy, no one's going to love me, I've screwed up my life, that will be your life. Right.

And the trick on this is, I'm not saying change your thoughts and unicorns appear. I'm saying change your thoughts so you stop the 24-7 beat down and learn how to lift yourself up so that you can face the things that are going on in your life and so that you can take the actions that you need to take to change your life. Because the reason why you're not changing is not because you're not capable. It's not because of the trauma or your past or anything else. It's because of the beat down. That's why you're not changing. It's draining. It's draining. It's demoralizing. It is. And by the way, if you constantly are like, I'm unlovable, I'm worthy, I'm this, I'm that. Why on earth would you feel motivated or do you

think you deserve to change? If that's the thing in your mind, it doesn't work. And so pay attention when you feel your energy go negative. Be like, oh, okay. What am I? Oh, whoa, that's disgusting. Five, four, three. I'm not thinking about about that you don't have to insert anything else the second thing you can do is once you kind of get good at interrupting it I want you to name like let's turn it into a character so I did this with our son Oakley when he was struggling pretty profoundly with anxiety when he was in the fifth grade. He named his anxiety Oliver. And then we asked him to describe Oliver. And Oliver was like this pimply face kid that, what is that? The diary of the wimpy kid kind of bully looking kid. And whenever the negative

worries and stuff would come up, he would up, you could literally hear him go, Oliver, shut up. And it is the ability, what's happening when you name it and picture the person, is that you're able to detach yourself from that voice in your mind that's talking because that voice is typically a caregiver that either talked to you that way or talked to themselves that way or some bully or some trauma experience or some nasty coach that beat this into your head it's from somebody else and so we want you to separate yourself so you can be like oh that's what Oliver sounds like that's not actually how I want to talk to myself right and so identifying it interrupting it and then you can get into the really incredible magic of rewiring your brain to work for you i think we can all agree we all want more we have dreams we have goals we gotta ask yourself first

more what? And that starts, I think, by going and answering that question, what do I value the most? And so look at the things that you already got in your holster that you value because you don't want to be reckless with those things and cast them off and let all the weeds grow around those. And then all of a sudden you can't even recognize that garden. So I think that the first things were about taking care of things that I valued. They were very personal.

They would take care of myself. They would take care of my mom, take care of the family, take care of my relationship with God. They were very, very, very personal things to me that I knew and believed would be lifelong maintenance journeys. And that things that I believed at that time that, no, taking care of those is never going to go out of style for you, bud.

Pick out the things that are not the fads because we'll write things down. Those three Maseratis, hey, man, you get 20 years from now, you're going to like Maseratis. You're going to like a Bugatti. You know what I mean? So don't write Maserati. You know what I mean? Watch out what proper nouns we're using

because some of them may be just fickle. You what i mean so those the proper nouns family god myself jesus those are things that i gave value to and gave me value and meaning in my life and so i was like i was already in the i was already in the midst of those and those are things i'm not going to forgive these and i'm not going to no matter who i become, I'm not gonna say, oh, these are no longer on my plate. I don't need to worry about these. Like you said, the Oscar, that's a new one. That's something that was out there. That's big.

Becoming a father, that's out there. But since I was eight years old, the one thing I knew I wanted to be was a father. I knew I wanted to meet the right person, right woman for me. Didn't have her. Hadn't met her yet at that point. It's far from it.

So start with the things that we got in your saddle that you do already give you about, that already give you meaning and value in your life and double down on those. Project forward. And if that happens, what would, what will, what, what I, what I dreamed of it to become. And then if you're going to talk about, I think when we're talking about a career, we've got to ask ourselves first, I think this would be really valuable for everyone to ask

yourself first, what do you have an innate ability for, an innate talent for? And what are you willing, is that the same thing you're willing to work for? And then thirdly, which is a little bit more of an asterisk, is that something that the world would demand if we're gonna go straight capitalism, supply and demand? But we often look at things, and I've done it, I'll bust my hump for it, but I'm like, I'm really not that good at it.

Okay, or I've got something that sometimes we have things that we're really good at. We're like, but I kind of just a natural. I don't want to work at it. You can find something that you have an innate ability for. We love doing things. We have an innate ability for right. We have an innate talent in our DNA for,

and then go. Now I'm ready to educate myself, learn, hustle, go after, see, ready to educate myself, learn, hustle, go after, see, create opportunities, bam, bam. It's going to be in the prism of my, how I measure every situation where I am going forward. Hunt it down

and do what you got to do to get better at it and then if it's hopefully something that the world can demand, you're That's a sweet spot. Now you're paying your rent, man. Now we got food on the table now now we're rolling now we're waking up with some purpose now we're waking up with um you know yeah it's gonna be a hard day today but i don't i can't i'm not dreading monday morning you know um maybe i'll sleep in but i got i'm building something i'm building something here i'm building something here. I'm in construction.

One of the things that you, I want to connect that to this thought here. 622, Matthew 622, if thine eye be single, the whole body will be full of light. I believe that's your favorite passage. Yeah, yeah. You went on a journey, you know, after the, it was either in the middle or at the end of the tail end of your rom-com, you know, stardom. And you went to, on a journey, you know, after the, it was either in the middle or at the end of the tail end of your rom-com, you know, stardom.

And you went to, on a trip, went on a journey with yourself. Yeah. I think for 20. 22 days. 22 days. In the Amazon. Yeah. And there was a moment in the book where you talk about, essentially you had to kind of have a coming to, you know,

moment with yourself where you had to shed all the identities that you were holding onto, your rings, your heritage, your background, your clothes, your I'm famous. I'm a rom-com guy. I'm an actor. I'm a, you had to shed all of it. And what was the thing that you found when you let go of your identity in the outer world? That I was a mammal. A mammal. And for me, as a believer, a child of God. That's it.

I baseline it. And the mammal we can all agree on, right? The child of God. That was for me and any other believers. But baseline it. I got rid of, I remember my dad's ring, which had M on and any other believers. But baseline it. I got rid of, I remember my dad's ring, which had an M on it, gold, melted down from my mom and dad's class rings and gold from my mom's teeth. It meant a lot to me.

But it was an identity marker. I'm a McConaughey. This is about my dad. I had my American cap that I'd worn for two decades. I'm an American. I'm going to get rid of that. Got rid of all these little talismans that were identities and titles that meant something. They weren't random. They were healthy ones.

But I stripped them all off. It was like, bull. No, you're not famous. And no, it's not. You were before you were ever an actor before. What are you? What were you? Before you were McConaughey, before you were Texan, before you were an American, before you were an actor,

before you were a movie star, before you were a celebrity. Well, come on, get it all off. And it was a purge, basically. And I ended up, I was a naked, sweating mammal. I was like, you're a man with a child of God. And that's what you are. So we've stripped off all the accoutrements. We've stripped off the ornaments.

Here we are. And that is the night that I was like, this is how I had a couple of times in my life. And I think this is important for us all to do at some point. That's when I was like, okay. And what other truth do we know mcconaughey tell you what another truth i'm realizing right now is that you're the only son can't get rid of so we're going to duke it out for the rest of our life here are we going to figure out how to get along? Wow.

What are we going to forgive right now? And what are we going to say? The buck stops here. No more. I'm not putting up with it. Because I'm tired of playing grab with yourself. I'm going to cut the shit, man. Let's get along. I can't get rid of you.

Everybody else, every other relationship out there is a choice. You're the one person I don't have a choice to hang out with. So let's work this out. And just like going back and seeing the embarrassment and shame turn into giggles, I began to go like, man, maybe you're being too hard on yourself on this thing. You know what? Get that monkey off your back. You're human, man.

Forgive yourself. And these other things, dude, you've been a repeat offender. It hadn't been paying you back. You've been regretting that choice every time you make it and you keep freaking making it. Cut man. Evolve. Turn the page. No more. And next morning I remember even the the Sherpas and stuff in Peru. I came out of the tent and they also going The Sherpas and stuff in Peru. I came out of the tent and they all started going, La Luz! La Luz! Light.

The light. The light. And they were talking about me and the way I was moving. And I went for a walk. And for the first time during that trip, I didn't give a damn about what was around the next corner. You weren't thinking about the destination. I wasn't thinking about the destination of getting to the Amazon. And how it's been 11 days.

When are we going to get there? Mind you, just 11 days prior, I had not really been present in the trip because I was thinking about the result. Getting to the destination so much. And then this morning after that night, I'm walking. I'm not even thinking about what's around the next corner and when i did turn the corner i was stopped by this sea of atomic plugged in neon blue like a puddle like a bubbling puddle in the middle of my jungle path and it stopped me and i looked at i've never seen colors this this neon and bright it was like it was not man-made it was glowing i'm completely sober this time no i'm asking no payout enough this is straight eyed right and it stopped me

and as i stared at it for about 30 seconds all of a sudden it started to flutter and rise and dissipated. It was tens of thousands of these Amazonian butterflies. Wow. And I stayed there for a minute. And then this little word came into my brain from the prime mover that said, all I want is what I can see and what I can see is in front of me.

I was free. I was light. It was magical. I walked. I turned the corner and went down the trail. And there was the Amazon. I finally made it. I made it to the river.

Right after that moment. Did not know if I was still days away, weeks away, what? Stuff like that happens. We gotta listen. Those are some of those truths that come that you go, nobody else was here to witness that. That was not for the whole class. That was not on witness that. That was not for the whole class. That was not on the speaker.

That was not on the bulletin. That was not on the nightly news. That was not even at church on Sunday with the congregation. That wasn't at school. That wasn't sitting around the dinner table with mom and dad learning lessons. It wasn't from a mentor. That was for me in this moment.

I must heed that truth. You've been on this journey of a lot of people seeing you on screen and your personalities on screen and your talent in characters. But now over the last three to four years, you've been revealing yourself more and more through your book, through all of your amazing content online,

all the interviews you've been doing and all the solo content, which I think is amazing. Please keep doing that. Oh, good. Thank you. I think it's amazing, these lessons that you share. You know, you just told had the entire room just in awe and in shock and just silent here as you were talking about this truth that you realized from within, essentially. You came through God and you realized from within. No one was around you. And I mentioned this quote before that, if thine eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light.

Matthew 6, 22. What does that mean to you? If thine eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light and that light came to you at that moment and these Sherpas were saying, you know, la luz, la luz. You were radiating light after this came to you.

Why is this your favorite passage? And what does it mean for you? And how can we start to step into that? So the mandorla, this is what the mandorla is. So we see, we so often see in life in contradictions, right? Future, the past, heaven, hell, technology, culture and we see them as contradictions and when in truth that's two eyes, right? There's judgment on either side. There's a duality there. But the truth is in that third eye where they overlap. And that's not a shade.

So we go, oh, that's a shade of gray. No, it's not a shade of gray. What the verse is saying, what I get from it is that's where all the colors live. All the colors of the truth live. That passage, when I always tell myself, keep a high eye, keep the high eye, it's third eye, it shows up in all the religions too. It shows up everywhere.

It's a way of perceiving the truth, I think, which lives in the paradox. And paradox is a word that some people go, oh, don't get into paradox, that's too, I don't know, academic or whatever. No, paradox is where it's both are true. Two things can be true at the same time. It's today we could utilize it.

It's like, if I seek to understand you and where you're coming from first, I'm probably gonna, before I seek to be understood, we don't usually, it has to do with listening, has to do with how we see things, it's how we judge. It's very easy, and especially today, I think we love to be judge and jury on others and ourself. It's a very arrogant thing for us to do. And this passage, if the I be single and not a dual contradiction and seeing the contradiction of things have gone,

oh, this is true and that's true. And instead of or, right? That's where the truth lives, I believe. And it doesn't mean that you just straddle the fence and you're noncommittal about anything. Right. That's not what it means. It doesn't mean you're just Mr. In-between,

so that's true and that's true and it's all okay. No, you can then have judgment, but see both first. See the overlap of the truth and understand it from both sides and then be understood. And you can then have judgment judgment but see it through that lens first because we just don't do it we come in with one eye or we me us versus them me versus you my idea versus yours left versus right democrat versus republican even how far can you go? Can you go down to right versus wrong? Good versus bad? I mean, we see him as contradictions in there and they're not we all know, we all got a little good

and a little bad. It's a choice we make where we then have judgment. So that passage has elevated my POV quite a bit. And it's one that I daily remind myself of. If I'm getting a low eye on somebody, if I'm condescending people, if I'm objectifying people, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. High eye, buddy.

Come on, open that third eye. It's not open. My kids can see it in my eyes when I'm talking to them. If I'm talking at them, or if I stop and really look at them and maybe there's something, maybe it's a form of discipline. But then they can see if I'm looking at them like, I love you, man. This is why I'm trying to teach you this. All of a sudden they go, my son said it.

I see your third eye. Really? 622. I said, you're there, I have to fly. Really? 622. I'm like, yeah, yeah. He's like, I heard you. I didn't hear you before when you were talking just at me. So it's a great reminder, Matthew 622. The whole body will be full of light and you will move lightly and with discernment.

It doesn't take away discernment. It doesn't take away judgment. Just saying, see it through that lens first and understand that that truth is where those overlap and then make your decision. Wow. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple podcasts. Share this with a friend on social

media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.