The School of Greatness - Bert Kreischer on Selling Out Stadiums, Following Your Dreams & Perfecting Your Craft EP 1453
Episode Date: June 14, 2023The Summit of Greatness is back! Buy your tickets today – summitofgreatness.comLewis sits down with the legendary comedian Bert Kreischer to discuss his remarkable journey from being the "Number One... Partier in the Nation" to becoming one of the highest-grossing stand-up comics in the world. In this episode you will learn,The journey from unknown to selling out stadiums as one of the highest-grossing stand-up comics in the world.Insights into overcoming self-doubt and the importance of confidence in pursuing a career in comedy.The correlations between the comedy and business worlds, uncovering hidden parallels that may surprise you.The misconceptions surrounding comedians and get a behind-the-scenes look at the challenges they face in their careers.Kreischer's motivation for venturing into podcasting, his unique approach to the medium compared to stand-up comedy, and the valuable lessons he has learned about communication through podcasting.For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1453Comedian Andrew Schulz on bombing stages to selling out stadiums:: https://link.chtbl.com/1234-guestImane ‘Pokimane’ Anys on becoming the worlds top female Twitch streamer: https://link.chtbl.com/1443-guest
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then you can learn more at lewishouse.com slash summit 2023. Make sure to grab your ticket,
invite your friends, and I'll see you there. I think there's something inherent in every comic
where he felt like he or she felt felt a little bit like an outsider looking in.
Welcome to the School of Greatness.
My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur.
And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness.
Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.
When I was a kid, I was never a self-promotion guy.
Really?
Well, I don't know how old you are. I'm 50.
40.
Okay. So like there was no social media.
Uh-huh.
No cell phones.
No cell phones.
No one, your worth was based on what people said you should have seen him this weekend.
Not like, no one sat at a table like, let me tell you what I did.
If someone did that and I went to all boys Catholic high school, you'd be like, no, you're
not sitting at our table.
And so it wasn't until I moved, even when Rolling Stone magazine wrote about me, I wasn't the one telling them
the stories. Someone else was telling me. Really? Yeah. Did they interview you? No,
they hung out with me. They hung out with me and I just lived my, I lived what, what is probably
the last bastion of an authentic life. Like an authentic, like, just like, like, like following my, my id or just going wherever
I wanted to go and do whatever I wanted to do. And if we ate mushrooms, we ate mushrooms. It
wasn't like, like, it was just like, you did it and you didn't tell anyone and you just ate
mushrooms and you weren't promoting it everywhere. And then I got into New York and I watched,
I watched it slowly change with the
advent of social media, of people promoting themselves. And at first I thought it was gross.
And then I realized it's a necessity. No one's going to sit there and tell them you're a funny
comic. They should book you at your club. You're, you need to target your fans. And I watched people
I really respected do it, like do it. Hey guys, I'm coming here. Come out. Support live comedy.
I'm headlining.
And then slowly I got into it.
And then now it's like I'm so deep in it.
And I'm so deep in it.
And all I'm doing, I had Razzle Dazzle, my special, came out in March.
Yeah, it's hilarious, man.
I had a tour in Europe.
I had to promote that.
A tour in Europe.
So I'm promoting through that.
And then I had Razzle Dazzle come out in March.
And then I had a tour in Australia for a month that I had to do.
I had an arena tour in between those both dates.
And then I had the movie come out a couple weeks ago in May.
And then now I have Fully Loaded.
This starts up next week.
And then I have another arena tour coming out.
And it's just it's like uh
i've had my philip burke one of the things that inspires me about you many things but one of them
is how you promote yourself i wish i could learn this art because the stuff with the rock and
walberg and all these people you're you're making interesting content while promoting something
that people still talk about that is almost a skill in itself as opposed to just watch my movie or come to my
tour you're actually doing an interesting piece of content that is funny you know and people talk
about it that's how i don't know how you do that because i wish i could figure that out so so uh
2000 probably seven years ago i got an offer to do the urban improv for a new year's eve.
And they, they urban improv said, can you shoot something on Instagram to promote it?
And I sat in my man cave, like going, what, like, what am I going to do? And I put a camera up in
my corner and I didn't understand, I didn't know what to do. And then right after that,
I started following guys like Casey Neistat and this guy, Mr.
Ben Brown, and this guy fun for Louie and all these guys on, on, on YouTube that were
like starting to blow up.
And I started learning about shooting and editing and I started getting very turned
on by the concept of making your own stuff and being controlled their own media.
And so, uh, I started editing a vlog and in doing that, I learned a bunch of tricks and those tricks
kind of dictated to me how to, uh, promote. Really? And so I went from that Chris,
that New Year's Eve to then by the time next year, around, around October and around November,
December, Tom Segura and I were in a fat shaming contest.
I was posting very heavily to Instagram.
I was promoting shows on Instagram.
I'd taken control of my career.
I'd started making posters, like right towards November,
I started making posters to promote shows.
Designing everything.
Designing and taking control of everything.
Like taking control of everything.
And I say it to my team right now.
I have a team of 13. But I say it to them, I used to do all of this. I loved when I did all of it. Take control of everything. And I say it to my team right now. I have a team of 13.
But I say it to them, I used to do all of this.
I loved it.
There was nothing better than to shoot a promo and then get in your man cave and then edit it and then add cool music and then post it and then have like Rogan call out and go, dude, how did you do that?
And you're like, you like it?
And he's like, dude, what song is that?
I'm like, Creed of Scarewater, Midnight Special. And he's like dude. What song is that? I'm a credence gear or midnight special and he's like I gotta listen more CCR and then and then
Doing a promo. I did a promo with Tom and I were doing weight loss challenge. I did a promo I
Disguise a vlog a short minute vlog of what I was doing or taunting Tom into a promo at the end
Tom I'm working out. We're doing two a days, two a days for you.
Didn't play footballs.
How we used to get.
Whatever it was.
And then The Rock retweets it.
And I'm like, shut up.
It was so authentically me that,
and it was my favorite time of making promos.
It was my favorite, like,
and I was so in the pocket at that time and mind you i wasn't even selling
like legit tickets like i am now i was selling like 1200 tickets a weekend and my favorite one
i ever did uh they called up and they're like yo we had we added shows i forget where we added shows
uh late show friday late show saturday and it was like Wednesday. And I was like, well,
I either go in and do radio where I can shoot a promo. And I said, girls,
I need everyone else. I landed girls are doing homework. The girls were maybe like 10 and eight.
And I go, please give me, it'll take, it'll take literally five minutes, babe. I gave Leanna leaf blower. I gave Isla a hose. I gave Georgia the drone, Georgia's 10th. I got an American flag and a
Speedo. And I just had Georgia back the drone up with Isla misting me and Leanne Leaf blowing me.
And then it went from like this picture of me to see my family doing it.
And I played a Ramblin' Grandma Man by Bob Seger. I went in, I edited it, I posted it.
Next morning, both shows were sold out. And I was
like, wow, bro. And then, I mean, then we can talk about the progression of promos because
it's such an interesting, it's such an interesting thing. My buddy's a marketing professor. He's,
he's worked at Oregon, uh, university of Oregon, Penn state, USF, uh, UCA. He's worked all over
the country. And he was at the premiere of my movie.
And I said, dude, I would love to like audit a marketing class.
And he goes, and he said, we're not, we'll be teaching what you're doing in a couple years.
Wow.
You're so far behind what you're doing.
It's just, we're at the forefront of it.
I mean, you know, obviously the calling out for The Rock and Mark Wahlberg and Arnold Schwarzenegger,
there was, it was, I mean, I was like, it's fun. It's fun. And it gets you excited when they
repost and then Mark did his own video calling me out. And then in a great way, it's like now
Mark's promoting F45. Let me tell you something, I have a burning sensation to get into an F45.
I want to go too.
I want to go to an F45. It's like the way he said, let me get you an F40.
And he's good at the promo.
You got to remember, these are the best actors in the world.
When he starts doing this, let me tell you something.
I know you're getting in shape for a movie because you got the fat belly.
You're drinking beers.
I get it.
Now we got to get you some Fletcher Azul.
Get you an F45.
I've spoke to Big Tony.
Like, he's the best.
But yeah, the whole promo thing. And then I got out over my skis where I started doing so well in promos that my team started going,
well, put him in the biggest venues we can get him in because he'll sell the tickets.
Wow.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, I did.
Because you were selling out these small arenas into a big arena.
So I went clubs and then I did my theater tour.
Uh-huh.
Which clubs are what?
Like 300, 200?
300 a night,
250 a night.
And then theaters are what?
Theaters are 1,200.
Your first run of theaters
is like 1,200
is the biggest you're going to do.
And you're selling these out.
And so you're going
from what you do
on a weekend
in one night.
And then hopefully
if you're doing it right,
you're doing two shows a night
because that's how
you really make the money.
Wow.
You don't make money
on one shows in theaters.
You got to sell two shows.
So we go to the theater tour and I decide to do a hip hop dance video.
And I,
I,
I'm very,
uh,
a little bit of a penny pincher.
And so,
well,
especially then,
not as much now,
but especially then.
And so I was like,
I was like,
all right,
so there's this girl deglaze or I liked her on my daughters and i would share her dance videos so i dm'd her i was like hey how
can you teach me a hip-hop dance because i wanted to prove to rogan and tom and ari that i could
dance i don't know it's just stupid stupid just boy stuff and so i learned this hip-hop dance
we shoot it it's really good and in doing it we shoot it it's good just shooting it's funny we're
all laughing so then i go do this one thing and just give me space on the left so i can run toward
eights and so we do the dance video it's you know the video is good when you post it and you start
you start getting text texts with them other comics i posted it we were looking at a house
up just south of the boulevard we posted it and I got a text from like a really big comic.
He's like, dude, dance video, amazing.
And then you're like, okay.
And then I posted those tour dates for that tour and I sold the whole tour out immediately.
Holy cow.
That's pre-sale.
I sold it all out in pre-sale.
So they add second shows to all of them.
General on sale shows on Friday.
I sell it out Friday.
I sell them all out.
And I'm like, yo. And then I watch my friends to all of them. General on sale shows on Friday. I sell it out Friday. I sell them all out. And I'm like, yo.
And then I watch my friends copy what I did.
And try to what?
Do a dance video?
Tom Segura dropped 45 grand on a dance video and posted his videos.
And his did better than mine.
Really?
And he sold his whole Australian tour out.
Come on.
And then you watch fans going, what's next?
Fluffy's calling. He's like, dude, how do i get in on these like like joe coy like we're all at all comics
like yo man can i can you come at me like that like let's because tom and i are very organic
we're best friends we taunt each other we try to one-up each other right and so then and then the
next tour comes and they're like they're like yo, yo, what, what do you got? We're going to go bigger theaters. Let's go 3,500 seats.
And so you're like, okay.
So I'm like, I'm just like, and they're very organic thoughts.
I go, can I get a marching band?
And they're like, what are you gonna do with marching band?
I go, I don't know.
I'll figure it out.
Let them show up in my house.
I'm sure we'll figure something out.
They show up and I was like, what song do you guys know?
Then no one knows each other.
So they're like, uh, I can play rubber band, man.
I was like, yeah yeah i can play that so then they they sit around my pool i stand around my pool
and i go back to like a standard promo for me was like lifting weights going what's up everybody
should boy bro crash on the machine i drop the weights i have a whistle around my neck i go i
got a big announcement and then the drummer comes out behind me. And then the marching band's out,
put it on sale, sell out immediately as second shows sell it out immediately. Then they're like,
all right, let's see how big we can go. Let's do red rocks, 10,000 seats. And I'm like,
I'm like, mother. And when was this? How many years ago? This is, this is after, uh, when the, when the, it's after pandemic, it's not after pandemic, but it's post pandemic when things are starting to open up.
2021.
2021 probably.
Yeah.
Yeah.
End of 2021 or something like that.
End of 2021.
Uh, October 2021.
Not too long ago.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I wasn't, by the way, the biggest I'd ever done was, uh, 3,500.
The biggest I'd ever sold.
Before 2020.
But I was selling two shows.
Yeah.
I was selling two shows most of the time in these markets.
Red Rocks is 10,000 and I'm struggling.
I'm like posting every day.
It's not selling out yet.
I'm watching it grow by like, every day it's like 150 seats.
150 seats.
I'm doing the math.
I'm like, okay. Oh, man. i'm like two months out i think i think i'm about two months out i'm like and you got
7 000 more tickets to sell or something like that yeah no probably like 5 000 5 000 still half yeah
yeah and then i and i and i go to shoot the movie i rupture i shoot at 3,500 seats. I rupture the tendons in my thing,
lose my tricep.
They have to pull it,
they have to go into surgery,
pull it down.
And I go,
I talked to the anesthesiologist
the night before.
I go,
I go,
he goes,
so,
uh,
what song do you want to listen to?
And I go,
CCR.
And he goes,
I go,
I can listen to a song going in.
He goes,
dude,
it's surgery.
We do this to crackheads.
It should be fun.
Lighten up.
Right.
I'll give you a pill.
You'll calm down. I'll have you count back from zero. And I go, hold on. Instead of counting back
from zero, can I have my phone with me and do a promo read? Oh my gosh. And he's like, yeah. I go,
cool. So we roll in. I start with my left arm, right? And I don't really put a nerve paralyzer
in it. My left arm collapses. I grab the phone with my right arm and he's And I don't really put a nerve paralyzer in it. My left arm collapses.
I grab the phone
with my right arm
and he's walking me in
and I go,
I mean, you can find this.
You can find all of these online,
but I'm like,
hey, I'm,
as I lay here
on this steel bed
about to go into surgery,
thinking,
what is I,
worried about my life.
I have one thought
that I want to share
with the world.
I'll be at Red Rocks. And go and i and i'm like oh shoot
jimmy buffett's in there the night before i'm there the night that it'll be the night after
the anesthesia i was like jimmy buffett i was like yeah he's gonna come he's like yeah good
night and he hits me and i was like i'll drop the phone wake up out of surgery, I look at Leanne, I go, did we get it?
She goes, we got it. You sold out?
Sold out Red Rocks.
Turned it again in October, we're almost sold out.
Holy cow.
Do it for a cruise.
And so it became a little bit of
like, and I say this, I say this
obviously aware of what it sounds
like, but the joke within the comics was
like, promo came. You do great promos. And obviously aware of what it sounds like but the joke within the comics was like promo king you
just you do great promos and and and and and and you know i have a festival now that that i'm
i'm marketing entirely on my own i have a cruise that i do entirely on my own uh we've had a bunch
of people come to my company birdie book productions and ask us to market things for them. Wow. And join up. I mean, we've had a lot of, you know, but the truth is I enjoy a good promo.
Like if I can get something that's creative, funny, light,
and then tries to sell some tour dates.
Is there any promo you've made that didn't hit?
That I thought would hit?
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a couple.
Really?
Yeah, I have one that I was for the movie that was so good.
It just didn't
take off was it the message or the hook was off was the timing when you posted it or what are the
factors to having a great promo well a little bit of nudity sells where do you go shirtless
well shirtless shirtless and people go uh and my my actual cell i had one really good one where i
go guys i know the algorithm my cells and i've got it that's what i need you to hear and so we pull out and reveal and we
photoshopped my on my front and i was totally naked and it was i mean we lost it laughing
when we saw it and it just like 500 000 it didn't do it as well didn't do it and then
some have done some have done really well that you didn't expect. Like, uh, some just,
you don't know why they're going to do well. And all of a sudden they just take off. Like I did
this one, I, I, I used to have a joke, just a silly joke to myself about being on a treadmill
and being like, I was doing it. I was doing it to my, like, sometimes I'll work out and then my
whole team will show up in the gym and they'll start, we'll start my, my business day while I'm
working out the wrong questions by me and everything. i was on the treadmill and i said i was like what's that and
i went oh i accidentally hit it on mosey and i started moseying and they started laughing and
then i some i someone i think it might have been victoria was like hey uh you've taken a cell in
dallas can you do that in cowboy boots with a lasso and, and put it on.
And so,
and we're like,
Oh yeah.
So we do it.
And then immediately that goes viral and you're like,
not viral,
but like a couple million views.
And you're like,
what?
Wow.
That's crazy.
It was just a stupid,
but yeah,
the key is you got to turn the camera on.
That's the big key.
Just turn the camera on.
Start just once you turn the camera on and start,
it starts and then you'll get something.
But for people,
I mean, people watching and listening maybe in business thinking well, that's easy for you because you have all this self-confidence
You don't doubt yourself
You can make a fool of yourself and put it out there because that's what you do and you're comfortable in that
How can normal people become better marketers with promoting?
products business service events
Without being you know, one of the top comedians in the world?
Very easily.
Become a fan first.
Think of yourself as a consumer always.
I mean, this is, look, I don't know anything.
I'm just telling you how I operate.
I love going to concerts.
Now, one of my businesses is live shows,
but I love going to a concert.
I love going to a concert and getting there early and taking my time with it.
I love going to their merch booth and seeing what they got for merch,
seeing what's selling at merch.
Ask them what's selling at merch.
Why do you think that's selling?
I love sitting before a show and thinking,
what could this band have done differently?
The number one thing is like people sometimes like,
especially for Red Rocks,
I posted a lot about it that first time.
Cause I wanted to sell it out.
And I,
people were like enough with the posts.
And I was like,
then you're not a fan.
Then if you're,
if you're saying that,
then you're not a fan.
Cause as a,
as a fan,
as a fan,
if Wilco's coming to red,
coming to the Greek,
they can post four times a day.
And I would never get bothered.
I go, thanks for the reminder.
I don't want to forget about those tickets that I have.
Thank you.
Post more.
Hey, can I give you my personal phone number?
That's what a fan would say.
Right.
So what you're getting is you're getting advice from a hater,
someone who doesn't like himself and doesn't like themselves.
And maybe they're jealous.
Who knows why they do it, but they're not going to the show.
So ignore that person right away.
Ignore them entirely for the rest of your life.
Cause that's not who's in your,
on your team.
Who's on your team of the people that are showing up.
Right.
And the people that are showing up,
they want to be there and they want to be reminded.
Do you know how many people buy tickets and forget that they have tickets?
I've done it.
I've done a lot.
Right.
But look at yourself as like a fan and look at like,
what do I like? What do I enjoy? Like I went to go see Ste But look at yourself as like a fan and look at like, what do I like?
What do I enjoy?
Like I went to go see Steely Dan at the Hollywood Bowl and I thought, I thought, I was like,
I want to wear a sweatshirt because I don't want to wear a sweatshirt.
I want to buy a sweatshirt.
I want to carry out a sweatshirt.
I go, I hope they sell sweatshirts.
And then I went, ooh, I hope they sell sweatshirts.
We're doing Fully Loaded this summer.
We should have sweatshirts.
And Leanne goes, it's summer.
But I go, it always gets cold.
And no one wants to bring a sweatshirt, but you're going to want a sweatshirt. So We should have sweatshirts. And Leanne goes, it's summer. But I go, it always gets cold and no one wants to bring a sweatshirt, but you're going to want a sweatshirt.
So let's have sweatshirts. Um, but I look at it like a fan first and I go, what, what would activate me? What would get me to buy a ticket? What will, you know, I, a very simple thing
that I noticed was like when Instagram started doing the swipe up,
it was a swipe up before it was a tap.
I remember sitting with three of the biggest comics in the world and they were making fun
of me for using Instagram stories.
Like, you're a grown man.
What are you doing?
You're like a little girl doing these stories.
And I said, let me show you something.
And I said, look, see this post right here i go this is
promoting a show and they're like yeah what is with a swipe up and i go watch this i swiped up
and i showed them how many people and i go i go 2 500 people clicked on that link those are tickets
sold wow and then all of a sudden there's three cynics are on their phone the next day. Hey, I got a show.
I got a show. You're going to take your finger
and then go like this.
But you're like, yo, activate your...
To be above your fans
is the... I've had...
I've seen guys do it. They don't like
their fans. They're above them. They think they're better
than them. Dude, I'm my fan.
This is going to sound the dumbest thing in the
world that you've ever heard any professional comedian say. I'm jealous of them that they get something they get
excited to do. How fun is going to your favorite show? If you're a fan of mine and you're going to
your show and you like me, that's a fun thing to do. I love going to a show. I love having something
to look forward to. I love to look at a month and go, ooh, Goose is coming to Red Rocks this night.
Let's all go to Red Rocks.
Oh, I love, I love more than anything.
I'm trying to think of exactly who we're going to see.
Wilco, Wilco, Goose, Widespread Panic.
Widespread Panic is on tour.
I love getting into my, I love buying the tickets.
I love buying the tickets. I'm in a place where I can buy all the tickets or get them comp tour. I love getting into my phone. I love buying the tickets. I love buying the tickets.
I'm in a place where I can buy all the tickets
or get them comped.
Right.
I love getting my tickets.
Get like a box.
Get your seats.
They're gonna wear you on.
Get six.
I did it for Steely Dan.
I got six tickets.
I did the whole box, six tickets.
And then I said, this is my night.
Who do I want to invite?
So I asked Leanne.
She goes, oh, you got an invite.
You should invite your trainer. Cause you guys listen to Steely Dan when you work out. I goes, oh, you got to invite.
You should invite your trainer because you guys listen to Silly Dan when you work out.
I go, oh, yeah.
We've been listening to her all week.
Oh, her roommate is one of the biggest chefs in LA, Antonio La Fassa.
I go, it's the bull.
We can cater to ourselves.
I'm going to have Antonio have her restaurant catered for us.
I go, oh, I love that energy.
I love it.
Now, there are comics that don't go see live shows. There are bands that don't go see live shows. It's befuddling
to me because I'm like, that's the business we're in. Why wouldn't you love, it's like being an
athlete who doesn't watch sports or being a guy who makes films who doesn't watch movies or like,
I love it. And so I think the number one thing is think of yourself. If you're selling cars and you don't like cars, you might be in the wrong business.
But if you're selling cars and you like cars, think about what turns you on.
Yeah.
Like what gets you to go like, oh, they got a new Porsche.
It's entirely electric.
Oh, I want to go check it out.
Well, how can I do that with my brand?
Sure.
Look, I'm a very like,
like head against the wall, kind of like meathead. Like I'm not the smartest guy in the room
by just trying to operate in like a very simple arithmetic way of how to, how are we going to get
from A to B? Sure. It's fascinating, man. Um, something I'm curious about is every funny guy
from high school and college, none of them are doing anything right now that I know of.
Yeah.
How did you become who you are when everyone tries to be the funny guy and be the life of the party?
And then they go on and get a job that they don't like and they're not actually doing the thing to bring joy to more people the way you've been doing it how did you stay in you know this world this arena of fun jokes comedy entertainment where most people
from high school and college who are the funniest person in the room don't do that uh
very short answer is i think humility um i was the funny guy in college. Uh, what I was,
I was a, one of the funny guys in high school, but I went to high school with a really funny
people. Um, but like in college I was the, probably the funniest guy in the room.
There was a bunch of really funny guys. Uh, a bunch that tried to get into standup, but really,
yeah, yeah. But you know, tried it,
but they were like, they didn't do well. And then their ego shut them down. It was like,
Oh, look at these nerds doing like clever. I'm not, I'm funny, dude. I make you laugh.
Like I make them, they're like going like, ha ha. I'm like, dude, I'm done with this.
I think it's ego. Really? Yeah. Oh yeah. Look, I mean the funniest guys,
I'm done with this.
I think his ego.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Look,
I mean the funniest guys,
a lot of times are like the athlete who just,
it's not funny.
He's just the loudest,
biggest slap the guy in the back of the neck.
Everyone laughs.
Cause no one's like,
that's the energy.
Um,
and I, I'm not saying I wasn't that guy.
I wasn't that guy,
but like I was an athlete.
I was a big,
I'm a regular size dude. Um, in college I was a frat boy. I was like athlete. I was a bit, I'm a regular size dude.
Um, in college I was a frat boy.
I was like a meathead and I'm sure a lot of my laughs were at the expense of other people
at times.
Um, but when I got to New York and there was this thing of my ego was shutting me down
of like, not like I didn't want to, I didn't want to put myself out there, really be vulnerable
and say like, I want to be funny.
How do I do this? Like, can someone help me because I was funny
I knew I was funny, but you got to go like I gotta learn
I want to learn but there's an art to stand up and comedy versus a group of five buddies and telling jokes and just having
people laugh at you
Completely different or I mean, let's be honest with the guys. I grew up around just calling your friend gay, right?
That was like people laughing the sense of humor right look at at him look at this shirt you know like and it doesn't
translate you got to figure out you got i mean number one you got to find your voice well number
one you got to learn the craft a little bit you got to figure out how to write a joke and learn
how to write a joke and learn how to learn stage presence learn how to think quick on your feet
there's a lot be comfortable stage there's a lot of that that goes on and then after you get all
that you got to find your voice and And that's going to take you longer.
How did you find your voice?
And was it different than what you were in college for those years?
So what's interesting is that I had my natural voice the very first time I got on stage.
Really?
100%.
Was closer today to where I was that first time than ever in my life.
day to where I was that first time than ever in my life. What happened is I moved to New York and, uh, I, comedy wasn't doing what my natural voice was. I was more of a storyteller and New
York was very set up punch, very crowd worky, very quick on your feet, very, very, uh, improv
but like trick improv. Like, uh, you ask someone a question but you already have
the punch line and then and then you could like trick people to think you came up with it on the
fly and it's it was like that and so i had to learn that and i had to learn crowd work
interesting and then i moved to la and i got further away from my voices i learned real setup
punch like like uh i don't i'm trying i wish i could remember one of them but you know you know
what cops hate when you touch their faces.
And then that was me, and then I took it on the road,
and I got a little better, but I was always sort of derivative
of what else you were seeing.
And I think that was a lot of us comics.
We're all derivative.
We're all derivative of Dane, if we're going to be very candid.
Dane and Dave Attell and Mitch Hedberg were like the guys.
Right.
Dane was like a god back in the day, right?
I mean, I saw him a couple weeks ago at the club and he's still just like so powerful.
He's so good.
And he can extend a story for like 15 minutes and keep you hooked.
He's so good.
There's no joke yet.
It just keeps telling it and building it.
He's amazing.
But I think podcasting helped me find my voice.
Really?
Yeah. But you started in 2012, right i started well i started whenever rogan started i didn't i started doing my podcast uh
like a couple years after rogan but i started doing rogan's podcast when he's you know right
the first year he was doing it yeah and i and i remember going in with jokes to do his podcast
the first time interesting and and this is like 10 years ago or something, right?
Or.
This is, no, this is.
12 years ago or.
This would be 13.
Yeah, yeah.
Like 11 years ago.
2010 or something.
Yeah.
And he.
You came in with jokes.
And this is my impression of Joe.
Huh?
Because you, you know, you don't tell a joke to another comedian.
You would never run.
I'd never fly a joke by you.
I'd be, or I might go like, hey, let me ask you, you heard something like this? I'll do that. But I would never like really tell you a joke to another comedian. You would never run. I'd never fly a joke by you. Or I might go like, hey, let me ask you,
have you ever heard something like this?
I'll do that.
But I would never really tell you a joke as a comic.
Why not?
It just isn't.
That is against the law in our business.
What are the unwritten rules in comedy?
You do not run a bit by another comic
and think they're not going to catch it or smell it.
Like I remember Patrice O'Neill, someone was doing a bit and he goes, by another comic and think they're not going to catch it or smell it. Like, like, uh,
I remember Patrice O'Neill,
someone was doing a bit and he goes,
are you doing a bit to me right now?
You think I'm going to sit and listen to a bit out in front of the club?
Do it on stage.
Don't do in front of me.
Gross.
And I told Rogan a bit about on his show,
on his show.
I said it.
And then I've watched it start to fall apart and then i
was like i was like i was like you know never mind he went oh tell me tell me the story what
happened finish it i go i don't think you'd like and he goes tell me why not why would i like it
joe is like joe's like my wife just brutally honest and you're like good god i'm so uncomfortable
right now no tell me why don't you like you're fan? He was just tell me the thing and then I told it to him and he goes I like it
Okay, and I was like, okay, this is not jokes. This is not jokes. This is not morning radio
This is going to be two friends talking and having a conversation and at best
The best of two friends talking is what people go hey did you hear about that time?
of two friends talking is when people go,
hey, did you hear about that time Joe licked my shoe?
And you're like, wait, what?
Or hey, did you hear about the time I shit on a pizza box or I fought a bear?
And that was what worked on Joe's podcast was
my dad's on speed and he's been putting pregnant women's
under his tongue and he's like, wait, tell me more.
And then you're like, okay.
Or I had this weird interaction with a bellman and then I told her on Joe's more and then you're like okay or or i got and i i got
i had this weird interaction with a bellman and then i told her on joe's story and then
all of a sudden it became a bit and then i'm like oh and so i started developing bits based on a
real authentic conversation like i would have had in high school like i would have had in college
like i did the first time on stage i started having these authentic conversations and then i
got known for a little bit i was like hey next time i'm on do you want me to tell you about the
time i got involved with the russian mafia and he's like wait what i was like
i'll tell you when next time i'm on that's a good that's a good promo and then he a week later he's
like dude you gotta come on and tell me the story and so and so then that that's when i found my
authentic voice um interesting what what is your authentic voice if you could voice it? I think it's a little bit Florida.
I think there's this, and this is way overthinking it,
but there's a little bit of the wild men that went through Florida
that I have a little bit of all of them a little bit in me.
I have a little bit of Meathead, a little bit of Moron,
a little bit of Carl Hyacinth, a little bit of meathead, a little bit of moron, a little bit of like Carl Hyasson,
a little bit of Ernest Hemingway, a little bit of this weird Florida eclectic man that is the
Florida man. And it's like, my stories are a little outrageous the way you would hear in Florida
because no one, no one told you, no one just told you facts. They told you the story they told they,
they would, they wanted you to, I mean mean i remember older men when they tell a story and and they and they have words like
monstrosa and you're like i don't even know what that means but i know what you're saying
you know like like you know like and and like our our our our baseball coaches growing up would just
tell you these stories back in the day when i was playing ball and this and this and they were ball busters and they were men and they'd fist fight but they
drank and they chewed tobacco and they thought you were weak if you didn't chew tobacco and like i
feel like and then and then juxtapose all that with my father who's a very pretty straight-laced
brooks brothers wearing democrat in a sea of republic. Um, uh, very, very, very,
to this day, very progressive to this day. If you, you, you like, uh,
and, and he is, he's very, he's very humble. His,
his mantra in life is eat cash checks. Wow. Instilled that into me to a fault.
And, uh, but I think I'm a little bit of Florida.
I think I fit in in Florida.
I think I, people get my energy in Florida, you know, like, and I think, I think that's
how we grew up with the crazy and wild stories and you know, like I'm, I'm definitely not
in New York.
Right.
I'm definitely not LA.
How long you been out here now?
I've been out here like 20, I was in 2000. So wow. 23 years. After college, you went to New York for
a little bit. Went to New York, got discovered by Will Smith, uh, did the bi-coastal thing for
like two years, like 97, 98, 99. And then 2000, uh, booked a TV show and moved out here full-time still did the bi-coastal thing but
never went back right booked a tv show and then started living out here and i mean when i i it's
funny i was just telling someone the other day i never i uh sometimes if you're like we didn't
have any civic pride in tampa like there's no like no one's like proud to be from now i am but like
when i was a kid it was like i thought i, it was like, I thought I belong in LA.
Like I really thought I belong in California.
And my first time in California, I was right.
I was here.
I was right where we are right now.
Literally right here over the mall right there.
Yeah.
I was there.
You know how unattractive this area is.
It's very sterile.
It's getting a little better, but yeah.
I call my daddy.
It's 98.
I call my dad and I go, I'm going to live here for the rest of my life.
Really?
And I was here.
In the corporate world, it wasn't even beautiful.
It wasn't even beautiful.
I hadn't even seen the good parts yet.
Wow.
I'd driven from LAX to here.
Why did you have that feeling?
The energy, the air, the temperature, the vibe, everything.
And then winter rolled in, and it got windy and cold.
And I was like, but not too, too cold.
And the mornings would be like a little brisk, but then they'd cool down.
When the sun comes out.
And then when the rain showed up, everyone got excited.
It's raining.
It was like, boy, it rained every day in Tampa.
I hated rain.
But then all of a sudden, I'm out in LA like, it's raining.
And if you ever got thunder, you'd be like, how lucky are we?
Right.
I loved it.
I loved it.
I loved it.
I would go out to the beach every single day. When I first
moved here, I'd go out to the beach and run on the beach. I'd drive from the Hollywood Hills to
the beach to do a jog and drive home. I loved LA. I still love it. I still love it.
It's hard to beat it. It's hard to beat. I mean, I grew up in Ohio. Great people, great, you know,
all four seasons though. Super muggy in the summer, very cold in the winter. You deal with it, but
it's not perfect weather like this every day.
Every day. I couldn't, I know
so many people have gone to Florida in the last
three years. I can't do
it there. It's so muggy. I was just
there the other day. I have to shower three times a day
just to walk outside.
I was just there the other day.
Something will happen wherever you are.
You work out, you take a shower, and then you still sweat for a little bit.
In Florida, you never stop sweating.
All day.
You have to carry a towel.
You have to carry a towel.
Yeah.
And I remember my assistant was with me, and he's like, this is unlivable.
And I go, bro, I have swamped for the first 18 years of my life.
I had to wear khakis to school every single day.
Yeah.
That's what I don't understand.
People are like, it's incredible.
There's no taxes.
You know,
you can do whatever.
You have freedom.
Oh, there's so many predators.
You got alligators.
You got lightning.
You got sharks.
You got poisonous animals.
Hurricanes.
Tornadoes show up.
Florida's like,
the fact that you come out of Florida
makes you a strong person.
I mean, look at Germany.
They got no predators.
They don't even have wolves.
Right. They got nothing. They got nothing. those people are so soft the germans are you know they
die in australia like every day till like nine germans die a day and really dude they go to
australia like dude look at this water it's so nice i'll just jump in what that a big means
oh no i wonder if i can pet him yeah german every sign in australia is written in
english and in german come on i swear to god i swear to god i swear to god no predators they
got no predators if you go out to the world with no predators no predators then you just look at
the like everything like why would i ever check the grass for snakes i checked every day of my
life i walked into my backyard and i looked where I stepped. Because when you step on a snake once, you never enjoy the grass again.
Oh, man.
Step on a snake once.
I stepped on a snake one time.
Stepped on a snake and then I'm telling you, I sprinted.
Gators?
Oh, no.
I couldn't do it, man.
We go water skiing.
You fell water skiing?
No one was ever like, that was fun.
You were like, get me.
Wait, you can go water skiing in Florida?
I didn't know you could go with those gators there.
It's the water skiing capital of the world.
In the gator infested waters?
Gator infested waters.
I was 11 and my dad was like, have fun water skiing.
That is the perfect size for a gator to fit you in its mouth.
Wait a minute.
What are you kidding, dude?
Our lightning's so bad, we can't even have giraffes at our zoo.
Are you serious?
No, I'm not being serious.
But imagine how scary that would be, though.
Oh, man.
So water skiing, I didn't even know it was possible.
Oh, yeah.
I thought it was like they just made lakes and then gated it
so there's no animals going.
No, no, no, no, no, no, Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I would never go in it.
I would never go water skiing
in a lake.
There's gators in every lake
in Florida.
And people are skiing.
And they're 13-foot gators.
Remember when that-
How do you get in the water?
There was a kid that got
attacked in Disney.
Yeah.
And everyone was like,
can you believe it?
And I go, 100%.
Yeah, we never went
to a lake at night.
Never went to a lake at night. They're sitting there waiting for you with the little eyes. we never went to a lake at night never went to a lake at night they're sitting there waiting for you with the little eyes you never went in the lake at
night mother no and then our oceans new smyrna beach shark attack capital of the world of the
world dudes get bit on the reg come on all the time all the time shark attack capital of the world google just google aerial view of florida
beaches and then type in sharks and you will see one fat dude from pennsylvania sit in the water
and 90 sharks around him holy 90 you will see not there was a dude that was when kiteboarding
kiteboarding failed uh sharks just ate him come on That's Florida. So when you grow up in that, when you grow up in that, I think it creates a different person.
A little bit of anxiety.
A little bit of anxiety.
Like, I'm hyper aware of sharks.
I'm hyper aware of gators.
I'm hyper aware of the weather.
I'm literally, dude, I knew dudes that got struck by lightning.
I knew one dude that got struck by lightning twice.
In Florida?
In Florida.
Holy cow, man.
Dude, lightning was very real.
And our parents would just drop us off at a golf course at like 10 o'clock.
The poles in the air?
Yeah, and be like, you guys play two rounds of golf, we'll grab you at four.
You play one round of golf, go in, get a root beer, get a cheeseburger.
Then you come back out, play another round, and that's when the rain comes in.
Anyone from Florida right now is going, oh, it starts raining around two or three.
Every day it rains in two or three, thunderstorms roll
through. Every day in
the summer. And our parents just left us out
with steel rods and go, go in the
steel, good luck, hopefully I'll see you at four.
It was, dude, I'm
trying, I wish I could work a bit out of
it. I feel like you're working on it right now.
It's so true that like, you
start realizing i was
on a hike with uh i was on a hike with my daughter my daughter isla says some really insightful things
sometimes in her own little weird way how was she i don't know um she's 16 yeah she's 16 and uh
and she uh she's hyper aware of snakes and spiders.
Especially black widow spiders are really bad in the valley.
Oh, yeah.
I just moved to Studio City.
Oh, brother.
Take your Adirondacks and flip them upside down.
You'll see little white balls underneath it.
It's all the babies.
It's all the black widow spider webs.
That's where they put in your Adirondacks.
Oh, man.
If you have one of those Stop at Rock City little mailboxes,
all in, I mean, they're bad. So we're in Hawaii with a family. That's where they put in your Adirondacks. Oh man. If you have one of those stop at rock city, little mailboxes all.
And I mean,
they're bad.
So we're in Hawaii with the family and we're on a hike and we're with this guide and he is like super like casual and I is everywhere.
And,
and he's like very laid back.
It was like,
he got really high and he was like,
he's like,
I'm not going to do the Hawaiian accent.
So it'll sound, it won't sound Hawaiian. it'll just sound racist he's like well i don't even know what
it sounds like and he says to and isla goes aren't you worried about snakes and he goes we don't have
snakes in hawaii she goes you don't have snakes in hawaii and i went no she goes well that explains
everything and he goes what and then she looks at me goes, I've been wondering why this guy's so relaxed.
He didn't grow up with snakes.
And she goes, can you imagine that, Dad?
Never worrying about a snake.
And then I thought, just casually, every time we play softball in our front yard and the ball rolls under the bushes and you stick your hand in there, it's that Flash Gordon moment where you're like, am I getting bit by a snake?
Right.
Like, in my whole life. And if you grow up in Hawaii and your hands in there, it's that Flash Gordon moment where you're like, am I getting bit by a snake? Right. Like, and my whole life.
And if you grew up in Hawaii and you just hands in bushes.
You put your whole face in there.
Put the whole face.
I wonder what's back here.
Hey, let's flip these rocks over.
This is a hilarious man.
Here's what I'm fascinated by.
You've got three shows.
You know, you've got three, essentially two podcasts, a YouTube show.
I don't know how you do those three.
You got a Netflix special right now, which is is hilarious you got the Machine Movie in theaters and you got a world tour coming up I don't understand
how you were mentioning before we started about how you aren't really
doing therapy right now because every day you're talking about yourself yeah
how do you manage really staying healthy happy happy, uh, keeping up your relationships while doing so many incredible
projects all at once and having to be on to promote them all and, and come up with great,
you know, promos and hooks and just be on constantly. How do you manage it all?
Well, it's, it's, it's interesting. So like, so the hardest part is that all the promotion stuff is a hat you wear.
Like it's your brain is in that mode.
And staying healthy is oddly enough is not, and I'm not the most healthy guy in the world, but like as I cough.
Even like mental health and just relationship health.
So I try to stay super grounded in like just how lucky I am.
Like it's going to sound super silly, but like Rob Dyrdek did this, talked about this. I love Rob. He's, he talked about this, like
quantifying his happiness one day. Yep. Yep. He measures it all every day. I'm not that guy.
It's unbelievable. So I draw, I draw a lot of inspiration from people that are totally not
like me at all. Like David Goggins and Rob Dyrdek. Yeah. And Cam Haynes. And like, you know, I can't
do half a marathon every day
like Cam does,
but one day I just go,
and I'm going on full cam.
Let's go half a marathon today.
Let's just do 12 miles on the treadmill.
Let's have fun.
Rogan is a great inspiration.
Jesse Itzler.
He's great.
I was texting with him last night.
I think I'm going to do this.
Are you going to Hell in a Hill?
Yeah.
No, no, no.
I'm going to do the run.
29029 or the all day running?
Whatever the one is in Georgia. The party one. Dude, I'm going to do the run. Oh, 29029 or the all day running. Whatever the one is in Georgia.
The party one.
Dude.
Yeah, it's going to be a blast.
And so from Rob Dyrdek, I got this.
I actually figured out.
I'd heard of gratitude my whole life, but I figured out how to quantify gratitude.
Really?
Yeah.
I started keeping this thing called a happiness journal.
I started writing down things that made me happy and then writing down things that didn't make me happy.
And then going like, okay, let's identify the happy things.
And then let's start doing more of those.
Even if there's stuff that's out of my comfort zone, super silly, like super easy to quantify.
I was like, I know making breakfast for my daughters makes me very happy.
And having breakfast with them makes me even happier.
One morning, I know that.
I wrote it down in my happiness journal.
One morning, I'm hungover. It's seven in the morning.
Girls are in the kitchen and I hear them and I'm like, I'm going back to bed. And I go, hold on.
I've proven that making them breakfast makes me happy. So let's just make them breakfast. I get up, I make them breakfast. We start laughing. I kind of forget that I'm hungover entirely.
George is like, you want to go for a hike?
And I go, I know that makes me happy.
We go for a hike.
And then I go for a hike and I feel amazing.
And I'm like, and so, and then I started listening a little more to Rob Dyrdek.
And I can't apply everything he does because I'm not totally that guy.
He's, he's very down, Dan.
But I really started quantifying gratitude and trying to be grounded, grounded in gratitude and, and, and place that gratitude and, and, and understand that anything from the outside
is just stuff from the outside. And like, and like, and for, as far as mental health, I stay off
all social media apps. Like I don't really like, I don't read comments and I don't read,
I stay away from it and it'll creep in at times. Like you can't help it. Sure. Like you'll, you'll slip in and you're like, God dang it. Like, uh, like YouTube. And I'm like, and I don't read, I stay away from it. And it'll creep in at times, like you can't help it. Sure.
Like you'll slip in and you're like, God dang it.
Like YouTube.
And I'm like, and I'm so promoting myself,
I'm everywhere right now.
I can't open an app without seeing your face.
I'm everywhere.
And I'm so, I'm like, okay.
So I've been totally off my phone entirely.
I like, I almost entirely.
And then, and just, and my wife's pretty regular, like pretty regular regular like pretty regular like like yo be a dad right now and so she's grounded yeah and i and i i'm i'm very as far as like
everything else like i wake up every morning at probably like six in the morning and i work out
really hard i have a trainer that comes to my house and i work out really hard um not as not
as hard as uh walbert but not pretty hard as hard as Wolverine.
No, we got to do it at 45 class that I love to, I would love to.
Um, but, uh, and then, so when I have that hat on a promote promoting stuff,
the problem is when you get it, when you're doing standup, you got to put
on a totally different hat where all you think about is jokes all day long.
And one's a marketing hat.
Another one's an actually entertainer joke performance. Yeah. full hour hat, which is a whole nother skill set.
Well, it's a whole nother skill set and it's all kind of found a little bit.
Like for me, my material is a little found.
It's not like crafted.
It's more like I stumble on something and then you roll with it.
Yeah.
And then I roll with it.
And so that for me, I just kind of book spots and that's the hardest part is you work all day long.
Last thing you want to do is go to a club and wait until midnight to go on.
But like I do that, like when I go to Austin to do our podcast, I'll do Rogan's club and then I'm
off the grid. I'm not, I don't have to feel like I'm away from my kids. Um, how do you set yourself
up to get in the pocket when you're on stage?
Like if you could remember the times where you're like, man,
I was just in the zone, the flow of the pocket.
Was there a process for getting in there that day or that hour before,
or that week that allowed you to get the best possible chance?
Cause obviously you got the energy of the crowd.
You got to deal with other situations,
but for you to be in there where it's just like,
man, this is, everything is landing.
What does that process look like?
Um, you can never, even on your like best day,
where you're like, man, I'm firing hot all day.
Wait till this happens on stage.
You can still bomb.
And then you're like, wait, where did that come from?
And then on days where you're like, I'm not feeling it,
I don't want to go to the club.
And then you have like the best set of your life. The only on the road, I have a little bit of a,
of a schedule. I like to work out around four. I like to take a nap around five 30. I like to
wake up at like seven. I like to start drinking coffee around seven 30. Um, I don't have coffee
all day long. I like to have it right before I go on stage. That's's really helpful really yeah a cup of coffee is really helpful i heard nicotine really helps
too a lot of my friends are all using nicotine before they go on stage or while they're on stage
um but i i'm not gonna do that but uh coffee right before i go on stage really helps
um i have little things that i do like so if i'm if i'm pretty thick in an hour like say 16th month
months into you know an 18 month run month run of getting ready for an hour i like to get drunk or high when i go on stage
like pretty like pretty lit why is that because it's nice to fuck up what is a very rote material
like material that you've been doing oh this is my beginning this is my thing interesting it's good
to be a little fucked up and be in a club not in the theater but be a little stuff
and screw things up because it forces you to think on the fly and it forces you to rethink things
that were like it's it's it's almost like like painting blind and just and then taking the
blindfold off and going oh well what is that um as some of my best bits were bits that were doing
just fine and then i tried them once drunk and they go sideways.
And then I'm like, wait, I gotta fix that on the fly.
And then I go, wait, I probably took this bit.
And you're thinking it's forcing you in the moment.
Yeah.
I like to do that.
But for the most part, I really enjoy, um, this is going to sound not like the answer
anyone wants to hear, but like a little structure.
And I don't like to be drunk on stage.
I like to be sober on stage.
I like to have coffee on stage.
I don't mind having a drink on stage,
but to go on stage drunk
is never like a winning recipe for me.
Right.
And how do you keep your confidence up?
How do you build the confidence,
keep it up,
if something's not going your way on stage?
Oh, that's part of the...
I don't know if this is fool's gold stage oh that's that's part of the i don't know this i don't know if this is
fool's gold but like that's you kind of need things to not go right on stage to be to know
you're going in the right direction really yeah any anyone who's killing every time they go on
stage is not they're not taking enough chances and not risking yeah you got to risk things and
you got it you got to fail and you got to fail epically at times and you got to risk things and you got to fail. And you got to fail epically at times. And you got to fail like, it took me like a solid year to get the machine story to work at all.
You kept trying and it just wasn't working.
Dude, we're talking about, this is back when I toured clubs.
So we're talking about six shows a weekend, working 40 weekends a year.
And then at the end of that year, I kind of got it where it started working.
Because you're doing what, 10, 15 minute segments?
No, no, no, I was doing an hour.
An hour, six times a weekend.
Six times a weekend.
Holy cow.
And it wasn't for a year, it wasn't landing.
Wasn't landing.
How do you, why do you keep doing it when you know?
Because you know it's there.
You know it's there.
You know it's there.
Even though it's bombing every time,
or there's no last.
There's always something, there's always something where you go, this has got, like it's a, I had a joke about
confederate statues that I'm still never told on a special, but it was a really, I knew
there was something there.
I didn't know what the joke was, but I knew there was something there and it was like
nine different ways of racist before it got to work, but I knew something was there.
And when I finally solved it, I went, I got it.
And it's a great joke.
It's a great joke.
And if it is anything, it's very progressive.
But you got to figure out the ones that,
you got to just break the eggs to make the omelet.
You can't just make an omelet with no shells anywhere.
Is there any joke that you thought was there
that you haven't figured out yet over the years?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, there's, yeah.
There's a bunch.
Yeah, there's a bunch.
And do you still feel like it could be there?
Oh, there's one I figured out last week in Austin
that I've been chewing on for like 10 years.
Come on.
10 years you've been thinking about it?
10 years.
And then I got it. You try it 10 years and then you try it
every now and then once every couple years or got it and it would get it would get like a smack the
statement in and of itself was working but nothing around it was working ah the punchline was working
you mean or like no the concept the concept the concept was was there i just couldn't figure out
how to tell it and i and it was and it was based on a true story and i couldn't figure out how to tell it. And it was based on a true story
and I couldn't figure out the thing
and then, and I'd always had it.
And I remember I said it to Segura one time
and he laughed hysterically.
He's like, is that a bit?
I was like, no, but I said it at a Chinese New Year's party
and it killed when I said it.
And then I told him the story
and he goes, shut the fuck up.
And he's like, are you doing that?
I was like, I can't get it to work.
Because you tried it in a club.
I tried it and it just came off.
You got to find, sometimes with some jokes,
especially, you know, anything a little edgier,
you got to find the lubricant to get it there.
And you got to find the friendliness.
Like, I had another joke.
There's two jokes in this, in this new hour that one I wrote probably, I mean, the kid,
the child that it happened to is now has a kid. So it had to be like probably 13 years ago,
13 years ago, I had an experience with this child and he's now an adult. He has a child.
He's bigger than I am. And, and I had an experience with him 13 years ago that I had an experience with this child. He's not an adult. He has a child. He's bigger than I am.
And, and I had an experience with him 13 years ago that made me giggle.
And, uh, and, and I, and then, and I, and I knew the word that he used to talk to me.
And then my wife one day said something about how she had dated a cousin and found out at
a family reunion.
And I was like, huh?
And she said something that made me laugh.
Like what her dad said to defend it was hilarious.
And then I was like, oh, if I can marry.
Okay, I'm going to tell these as one.
So you just, you know, it's almost like keeping like really good notes about your ideas.
And then going back and going like, that that can work now or i'm
a better comic and now i can get that to work and that's a lot of it is like you've got more reps
now you get you become a better comic and you can figure this there was a story that happened to me
there was a story that happened to me um when i was when i was 25 years old. That was just a hilarious story. It was a simple interaction, a phone call,
and that was it. I tried telling it 25 years ago and nothing. And the other night I told it in
Austin and Mark Norman came up to me and he goes, that's the best story I've ever heard.
Come on.
Swear to God.
Now, is it a better story
because you told a better story
or is it because you are who you are,
people love you, they know you,
they think it's funnier
because you've got the platform
and the specials and the movie
and you're just a funny guy?
I think you get more confidence on stage.
I think it's exactly as funny as it was 25 years ago.
It's the same story. It hasn't changed at all, at all. It's more your on stage. I think it's exactly as funny as it was 25 years ago. It's the same story.
It hasn't changed at all, at all.
It's more your energy that you bring to it.
I think it's your energy and I think your confidence.
Like, look, if you watch Dave Chappelle,
who's the greatest at what we do,
he's changed, he's grown as a comic
to now he can open a show singing Prince.
He opened a special quoting Prince,
and you're just like, oh, that's amazing.
Whereas maybe if he did it 20 years ago,
you would have been like, what the fuck are you doing?
Right.
Yeah, I think you'd be, I remember Louis saying that.
You become a better comic, and then you look at bits
that you couldn't get to work, and then you're like,
oh, I can get that to work.
Interesting.
So is building confidence for you all about the reps,
or is there other ways to build confidence,
especially in the world of comedy? I think you all about the reps or is there other ways to build confidence, especially in the world of comedy?
I think it's about the reps.
I think it's about getting confident on stage
and being really comfortable on stage.
I think as a young comic, I came in going like,
I'm gonna be aggressive, I'm gonna be this, I'm gonna be that.
And then I got older and I was like,
oh, I don't need to be that guy.
I can be a guy who tells you just what his life's about
and talks about his own
personal experiences yeah there's some there's some great people that do that on stage today
in your mind and i don't want you to single anyone out because i know there's lots of great comics
but and people just in comedy but who are two or three that really inspire you today
or maybe that resonate with you in a special way today?
Well, I mean, David Tell's my favorite comic there is.
David Tell's the best comic that's... I was talking to Segura about him last night,
and he was like, you know, he's in Austin,
and I went down, and he goes,
I just went down to watch him.
He was like, and I said to him,
I forget how great you are.
And I'm on tour with Dave on Fully Loaded,
and I just, I do it because I like watching him.
His brain is so different than anyone's.
And he's such a master at our craft
Chappelle's
Chappelle's I
Mean this it's hand in hand as those two Chris Rock
Chris rocks the reason I got into comedy, you know, yeah bring the pain. Oh my god
And then there's a ton other ones, you know that are fantastic bill burrs of brilliant. I mean
He's brilliant.
Brilliant.
I mean, legit brilliant.
You know, like there's no, like, and there's a ton more.
I mean, Nate Bargatze, Mark Norman, Shane Gillett.
There's dudes younger than me that I go, watch out.
These guys are monsters.
Wow.
Yeah.
And you, like, Nate Bargatze can get you to laugh about eating, like he can tell you
about eating a cracker and you cry laughing.
What is the thing that you're the most proud of that maybe a lot of people wouldn't think
you're that proud of, but they don't know about?
Something maybe that you don't talk about too much that you're really proud of, whether
you do or you've done or you haven't done.
This is so stupid.
out of whether you do or you've done or you haven't done uh this is so stupid so sometimes you sometimes you see something you did and you go oh i forgot like i'm
i'm pretty funny like like i like because you forget like you do it you do a special or you
do a movie and you you know you i i did this thing called what will the maid think when i was working on travel
channel i would leave hotel rooms the maid what would the what would the main thing it was a
hashtag i'd use and i'd leave hotel rooms in interesting fashions i'll show you some on my
phone and and and every now and then i'll see one and i'll and i'll go i forgot that was me
like that's legit funny that's legit funny. That's legit funny.
And I would do it and I would make myself giggle.
And then I would laugh throughout the day about it.
And I'd leave a hotel room.
Like I'd leave a nice tip, but I would laugh hysterically.
And so every now and then I see it and I go, what would the maid think?
What will the maid think?
And I see them and I go, so, and I forget, oh, that's me.
So like, I'm going to show, okay, this was the very first one I ever did.
Okay.
Very simple.
Oh my gosh.
I just put my shoes behind the curtain and left.
Holy cow.
Right.
Every now and then I go like, I'm so self-promoting so much, especially with all these projects
that every now and then
I'll see something, something that will show up and I'll go, sometimes I was just funny,
just for funny sake. Right. Sometimes like some of the most brilliant things are the things that
no one really knows about, but you did it for yourself. I look at that and every now and then
I go, I was just a funny funny dude like a really organically funny
guy yeah like when i talk to my friends from college and they tell stories about me the ones
that i'm not telling everyone else you know like you're just doing it like it was i remember we had
we had theta homecoming and we were in chapter and so they told us the other night they were like do
you remember when you got kicked out of chapter, out of Theta chapter?
And I was like, I definitely remember.
The president said, you know, we got homecoming coming up.
I made a joke and everyone laughed.
And he was like, hey, let's not, we're trying to get through this for real.
Theta homecoming.
And I made another joke.
And he goes, hey, I'm being dead serious.
I hear one more joke about Theta or homecoming and you're out of here and it's quiet and he sits down he goes all right are we ready to start and under my breath i go
two thetas walk into a bar and the place and i was like but you forget about these like when you
when you were genuinely funny not for a tv show not for a, not for social media, not just, just being funny and everyone's
doubled over.
And, and, and it was just for that group.
I, those are the times where I like, when like people tell stories about me that I grew
up with or from something and they're like, do you remember that?
And I'll be like, oh man, that's what, like, I saw that.
I saw that.
What would have made think? And I was like, and I did it, and I just posted it.
There was no viral thing when I was doing that.
Tribal Channel hated it.
I think you should bring that back.
I like that.
Bring that back to Instagram.
I like that.
When I was good at it, I was good.
Oh, man, I like that a lot.
I was good.
That's a good. I haven't done it in forever
what happened is the hotel started expecting it so i get to my room and there'd be 30 towels 45
pillows oh wow a ton of toilet paper they'd be like leave us something and then i'd be like
panicked anxiety of like how do i i'll do the last one and then they started doing it to me i'd get
there and my bedroom would be placed by a white water rafting raft and they'd have mannequins all over my room.
Kind of cool.
Good content now though.
Yeah.
Caverns of the Winds, I think.
I mean, that should be on this next tour.
Yeah, I wish.
This next tour.
I live in a tour bus now.
Right, right.
I'd be doing it to myself.
I'm curious about,
there's so many great comedians that bring laughter and joy to the world, but there must also be a dark side to comedy or to comedians.
There must be pain that comedians go through, suffering, sadness, loneliness, insecurities, doubt.
Can you speak about the dark side of comedy if there is that i mean look i don't i don't i don't want to dictate
how people think about comics but i think there's something inherent in every comic
where he felt like he or she felt like a little bit like an outsider
looking in maybe a little bit of bullying that happened they were bullied yeah they were bullied
or they felt like an outsider i always felt
i still in this business always felt like an outsider right no yeah i definitely never had like
industry like praise like the industry was now when i was young i was never on the top 10 comics to watch i was never given the half hour comedy central special when everyone got them i i kind
of always had to make my own way which i think is inherent in every comic you feel like you have to make your own way and i think everyone i i don't i don't know if i have like a real sincere
darkness i don't think i do but i know i deal with anxiety and i deal with like a little bit of ocd
and i don't i'd say depression but not really like not someone who's watching now goes i have it like
i don't have that i was bullied know, a fair amount as a kid.
Just regular back school then, like 1980s bullying,
the kind of shit that happened.
But I think every comic has a little bit of an outsider's view, I think.
And that's why they're funny is they see things a little bit differently than everyone.
And you don't want your kids to go through it.
You don't want any kid to go through it.
But sometimes you'll see a kid going through stuff, and you'll be like, that kid's going to be a great comic.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Where you're like, sweet.
Sweet.
Like, I mean, I remember, and it's just like, just little things that set an example on you where you're like, here's how we're dealing with life.
Like, I had closing ceremonies for Little League Baseball and I did make the All-Star team that year.
I was young.
That year I was young. That year, I was young.
I was in the young kids group.
And there was an All-Star game that day,
and the coaches were like, hey, we need your uniform.
I was like, huh?
He was like, you can turn in your uniform.
I was like, I'm not keeping this?
And he's like, no, no, no, we keep them.
Turn it in.
I was like, probably don't.
All I have is a Speedo on.
He was like, oh, that's what you're wearing.
And so then for an entire All-Star game, I had to watch an All-Star game in a Speedo, knee- was like, he was like, well, that's what you're wearing. And so then for an entire All-Star game,
I had to watch an All-Star game in a Speedo,
knee-high socks,
stirrups,
cleats,
a glove and a hat.
And I was like,
I was Magic Mike.
And I was like,
You're like what,
six or seven years old?
Eight.
And I,
He would have let you take it home,
bring it back tomorrow.
I might have been 10,
because I wasn't 11.
11's when I got my teeth knocked out
and I was on the all-star team that year.
I was 10 years old.
How did that let you take it home?
I just sat there and I had to watch a whole all-star game.
I sat in the toilet by myself in the bathroom
at Forest Hills Baseball.
And I sat there just like mortified, mortified
that I was like, no one else is wearing Speedos.
No one else is wearing this outfit.
And I'd walk around with people like, what's up with this?
And I'd be like, hey, what's up?
How you doing?
And I think that you don't want that for your kid.
No.
But if you want your kid to be a comedian, you need to have a couple of those.
A couple of those moments.
Do you think if comedians in general went to therapy consistently, worked on healing
the traumatic events from the past, would they be funnier or would they be less funny?
No, you'd be funnier.
It's stuck on you.
It's stuck on you forever.
I've made my therapist literally spit coffee out of his nose.
And then I write it down.
I'm like, I'm talking about that on stage.
Right.
Like, yeah, it's stuck on you forever.
The way you see the world is different,
especially when you're a comedian.
Once you become a comedian,
your brain shifts into a different parallel universe
where everything's a joke.
Everything's a joke.
You're looking for the joke in just about anything.
You're at a funeral and you're thinking, what's funny about this?
I mean, my grandmother was dying.
She was having congestive heart failure,
and I'd never seen my uncle or my dad cry.
And they called me up and they're like, yo, grandma's dying.
And I was like, okay, and then I come over to the hospital.
And so I get there and both men have their heads in the curtains because they're holding back emotion. And my grandmother's laying
there and she goes, Bert. I said, grandma, how are you feeling? She was not good. My back hurts.
And I said, well, what do you want me to do? She goes, would you rub it? And I went, yeah.
And I go to rub her back and I'm looking at my dad and my uncle and they're looking at me going
like, it's so, they don't have what I have that I can hold it together and give her comfort and they're both
looking at me and then I said grandma I think someone dropped a tissue behind you because I'm
breaking up a tissue behind your back and she goes that's my skin and I watch my dad and my uncle just he's like he's rubbing skin on my back
and they start laughing and then I'm laughing
and we're all three laughing our asses off
and she goes rub it harder and my dad's like
he's gonna rub it harder
he's gonna rub it harder
the three of us are crying
oh my gosh
but even in that moment when my grandmother's dying
I go I remember saying, well, I'm
a better comic.
That'll be a bit like, I'm not ready for that now.
And I'm not ready for it soon.
But when, when I figure it out, like when my dad dies or something, you know, like when,
like it's gotta be, gotta be later.
Man.
How do you, how can you tap into vulnerability though?
Or is that a thing that.
Dude, I sit in vulnerability.
I live in vulnerability.
I put myself out there so much.
But I mean emotionally.
Are you able to sit in vulnerability
without it being a joke at the same time?
No, I lay in vulnerability.
I tell everyone everything about myself,
every aspect of my life.
I say everything on podcasts.
I tell them everything.
I tell them I wants my wishes and what I like, what I literally everything. And I, and I hope
that people are responsible with it and gentle. Um, some people aren't, some people, you know,
take that as like, you show a little bit of your neck and they go for it. And some people appreciate
it. And they're like, yo, thanks for talking about what you're talking about. Thanks for
talking about anxiety. Thanks for talking about your drinking. Thanks for talking about you and your wife's sex life.
Thanks for talking about your shortcomings as a dad.
I really appreciate that.
Other people are like, yo, he's a dad.
And he's just some alcoholic who tells the same story.
You hear those and they hurt your feelings.
And you go, I guess it's my fault.
I've overshared.
I've overshared.
I've given them ammunition to hurt me. And I have
to live by that sword and die by that sword. I just know that when you do connect with someone
and maybe you take someone from a place that isn't so great to like a little bit better a
place by being open. And I know there's comics that have done that for me on podcasts. I know
that they have, a Rogan has, I know that that that's invaluable and so you just hope that you hope
that you're you're you're flooding the market with good and you're helping more people then
and then you're helping i just yeah i don't know this is hilarious man i'm so glad you've been
open and sharing today you've got the machine movie which is out now and people to go watch
that uh the the nfx special is hilarious razzle dazzle for us you guys check it out if you want to see the
sexiest man on stage shirtless check it out world tour coming up you know you got all your podcasts
we'll have everything linked up how can we before i get to the final two questions how can we be a
best service to you today all right just just i don't know i don't know i hope you like me and
that's the status part is like they've been talking about vulnerability
because I just want people to like me.
Yeah.
So I hope you like me
and I hope you enjoy this conversation
or I hope you draw something from it
and I hope we made you laugh a couple times
and then if you like it,
this is the rub.
Yeah.
If you liked it and you go,
I wouldn't mind seeing more of that guy.
Absolutely.
Come see me live.
That's what I do for a living.
I do live comedy.
That's my thing. I do live comedy. That's my thing.
I do live comedy.
I'm on tour with Fully Loaded until mid-July.
I'm on Tops Off World Tour from beginning of September
till the end of December.
I'll be touring the world again.
Check out my specials and check out my movie
and just see me live.
That's the thing I do.
Where can I get tickets?
Go to BurtBurtBurt.com.
Go to BurtBurtBurt.com.
Three Burt's, B-E-R-T, because four would be ridiculous.
Yeah.
Go to BurtBurtBurt.com.
You can get tickets.
All the tour dates are there, everything.
All the tour dates.
We've got a full stacked schedule for the fall.
We've got my cruise.
We've got Red Rocks coming up.
Wow.
And fully loaded, I'm bringing 26 comics out on the road with me.
We're alternating dates and having a blast.
Live comedy is really important.
I think people, it's going into a moment.
It's having a moment right now.
It's huge.
And I love it.
I love it.
First time I saw it live, I was blown away.
And I was like, this is the most amazing thing in the world.
This question I ask everyone at the end, it's a hypothetical scenario.
Imagine it's your last day on earth many years away.
Dude, so you're just, so we're giving you a heads up.
Yes.
If you do not want to see a grown man cry,
turn the shit off.
It's not.
I'm telling you, I get really emotional.
I don't know what's wrong with me,
but I get really emotional,
especially when you think about,
like towards your end of life or any of these things.
So I'm just giving everyone a heads up, okay?
Cut it off right now.
Stop watching.
Stop watching and go watch some face jumping video.
Oh my God, I'm stuck on a face jumping.
I've been thinking about the end of life, yeah.
Imagine you live as long as you want.
Ooh, I love that.
You live as long as you want.
That's a great question.
I'm not crying now.
And you accomplish all your dreams.
Yeah, well, by the way, I've already accomplished a lot of dreams I didn't know I'd have. You live as long as you want. That's a great question. I'm not crying now. And you accomplish all your dreams. Yeah.
Well, by the way, I've already accomplished a lot of dreams I didn't know I'd have.
Right.
But it's the last day.
Hypothetical scenario in the future.
And for whatever reason, all the content you've created has to go to another place.
It's not in this world anymore.
It goes with you or it's erased or something, right?
This conversation, all your specials, and everything you create from here to then, for
whatever reason in this world is gone. So no one
has access to your content or information anymore, but you get to leave
behind three final lessons, three final truths that you
would share with the world before you got to turn the lights off for your own life.
What would be those three truths that you would leave behind to us?
The three truths would be those three truths that you would leave behind to us? The three truths would be.
Life goes by way faster than you think.
Slow down.
That's number one.
Slow down.
That's number one.
There's no place in this world for hate.
It doesn't serve you.
Find love, find laughter, find happiness,
and bathe in that.
Get rid of that negative.
It does not serve you yeah and then the last one
the last one would be uh
leave a mark leave a mark leave this world leave this world in a way that when you're gone
people think about you every now and then i I just drove by Buddy Hackett's house.
That's where I blew out my tire.
And I'm still thinking about Buddy Hackett.
Leave a mark.
Leave a mark
so people think about you.
Not famous,
but just people miss you
and they go,
God, I wish you were still around.
Leave a mark.
Leave a mark.
Yeah.
Those are the three things.
That's beautiful, man.
I want to acknowledge you, Bert,
before I ask the final question
for your realness, your authenticity, for you being vulnerable
and also just being an incredible storyteller and bringing joy to the world.
I think you're leaving a mark in a big way.
I think your consistency over the last two decades of showing up
and being of service to people in your unique way inspires people
and brings them joy
when they might be feeling bullied or hate or less than or whatever it might be. So I really
acknowledge you for your gifts, your craft and how you share it with the world. Thank you very
much. Yeah, of course. My final question is what's your definition of greatness?
Greatness is a, uh, greatness is a silent trait
ironic coming from me
it isn't one you have to tell people
it's something they just witnessed
they smell and they know
you know when you see it
you know when you see it
it's effortless it's pure joy and it's inspiring
and i think it's something we should all aspire to find our thing that makes us great
you don't need to be a comedian you don't need to be a comedian. You don't need to be
a movie star. You don't need to be a rock star to acquire greatness. I grew up with a guy named
Brad Racky, one of the best pitchers I've ever seen in my entire life, went on to play in the
pros. He had greatness. You don't need to be that. You can just be great at being a dad.
You can be great at being a PE coach. You can be great at being a PE coach. You can be great at being a baseball coach.
You can be great at being a cop.
You can be great at being a fireman.
And you don't have to brag to anyone.
It just shows up and people can sense it
and they can see it and they can smell it
and then it inspires other people.
And greatness is like true beauty.
It's like the purest form of beauty.
And it's so soft.
And it sneaks up on you.
And then when you're next to it, you're just like,
God, you just want to stare at greatness.
I've been lucky.
I've been very lucky.
I've been lucky. I've been very lucky.
To see greatness hit all over the spectrum.
I've seen the greatest comic work.
I've seen the greatest dad in the world, the greatest mom.
I got the greatest wife in the world.
I surround myself by greatness,
hoping that it elevates me to just pretty good.
But yeah, greatness is sexy, man. So sexy. Seek out that greatness and then surround yourself with greatness. It's so cool. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards
greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me,
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