The School of Greatness - Defy Social Norms, Overcome Failure, and Become Who You Were Always Meant to Be w/ Lisa Bilyeu EP 1265

Episode Date: May 11, 2022

Our guest today is Lisa Bilyeu. She co-founded Quest Nutrition, which grew 57,000 percent in its first three years. She is also the co-founder and president of Impact Theory Studios, a revolutionary, digital-first studio, that produces wildly entertaining, original content focusing on themes of empowerment. Throughout her career, Lisa has created a slate of content that has been viewed over half a billion times and by overseeing all in-house content development at Impact Theory, she, along with her husband, have built a global audience of over 7.5 million. As host of her digital series “Women of Impact,” Lisa spends her days having real, uncensored conversations with the most inspiring women. Here new book, Radical Confidence: 10 No-BS Lessons on Becoming the Hero of Your Own Life, shares her story of how she became the hero of her own life.  In this episode, you will learn:How to increase your inner confidence.How to overcome stage fright.How to pull yourself out of feeling stuck.How to confront and overcome failure. For more, go to: lewishowes.com/1265Get Lisa's new book: Radical Confidence: 10 No-BS Lessons on Becoming the Hero of Your Own LifeJoin Lisa's live event on May 14th: https://www.radicalconfidence.com/registration Tamera Mowry on Reinventing Yourself: EP 1189Evy Poumpouras on Commanding Authority: EP 1092

Because let's face it, failure freaking stings, no matter how much, right? No matter how successful you are, failure still stings. And so making sure... Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today.

Now let the class begin. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness. I'm very excited about our guest, the larger than life, Lisa Bilyeu. Good to see you. I'm so excited. I'm very excited that you're here. You've got a new book called Radical Confidence. And I want to start by asking you a question about your relationship.

Because you and Tom are amazing people, an amazing couple, and you have content out there about relationships on your show. And I'm curious because you've been together for what, 20 years now? We're about to celebrate our 20-year wedding anniversary. 20-year wedding anniversary. So you've been together for what, 20 years now? We're about to celebrate our 20-year wedding anniversary. 20-year wedding anniversary. Yeah, so we've been together for 22 years. 22 years.

But when you first got together, neither of you had a big platform. You didn't have lots of money. There wasn't a big company. There wasn't a big exit. There was none of this. There was just you two, connected, living your lives, in love, chasing dreams. And I'm curious about this. Has the massive success for both of you, or either one of you, tested the relationship in a big way?

Or has the money, the followers, the notoriety, the accomplishments done nothing to affect or test the relationship? Oh, that's such a great question. So here's the thing. I think any evolution is a test. So whether it's on a grand scale of you're building a following, you're building a business, or just, hey, you've got a different job. Everything like that becomes a how are we going to maneuver this situation because it's different to what we used to so we've kind of done that all along the way from the point of like my dad saying no to Tom asking him if he could marry me yes okay well what does that look like going against the

family going against my culture marrying someone that's outside of the Greek Orthodox religion so like every step of the way of course it's absolutely been a challenge me starting my own show i was always behind the scenes i was like so i went from the supportive wife staying at home for eight years then i went to i'll help you with this small startup company called quest nutrition and i just help babe i'm a good supportive wife what we didn't expect is it would go at 57 000 so in that growth i started off as i'm just going to help to now I'm a full-time pledged like building out our shipping department that transition of me taking care of him day in

day out I mean literally Lewis he'd wake up his gym clothes were next to him he'd go to the gym his work clothes would were outside the bath so that when he got out the shower they were ready he would go to work I'd had to hand him a. He'd come home. His dinner was ready. He didn't have to think about anything. And then I start Quest, or we start Quest. And now I'm full-time at Quest and trying to be a great stay-at-home woman. That navigation, I'm sure you know many people, we'll try and do everything. So first of all, I tried to navigate, how do I do it both perfectly? Yeah, it's not possible. It's not possible to be one perfect really. Yeah. You don't do nothing perfectly. So that's ended up what happened. I ended up failing, feeling like I wasn't being a great housewife, being a great supportive wife,

and I wasn't actually crushing it at work. So I had to make a choice. Do I stay at home or do I take entrepreneurship? And I decided I loved exploring what I was made of, what I could do. So it's like I want to work every day so now back to your question how the hell do I communicate with the love of my life that while I love him more than life itself I don't want to take care of him anymore I don't want to cook for him anymore I don't want to put his clothes out like it is not fulfilling and that was one of I think our biggest tests that we had. And so it was how we handled that, how I came into the conversation, how we really sat down and just said, let's just communicate. This isn't about me doing something wrong, about you doing something wrong.

This is just about emotions and feelings. And so how do I go in this conversation and let him know how I'm feeling? Because I'm the one changing. and let him know how I'm feeling because I'm the one changing. I recognized I was the one that had gone from, hey, I'm going to support you to now, I don't really want to take care of you at all. Well, not in those ways anymore, right? Yeah, yeah.

You want to take care of everyone in other ways, but connection, intimacy, and love, and affection, but not... Yes. In the materialistic, your clothes are going to be put out, things like that. Yes, yes. So we had to, like, it was a, you know, a learning. How long did that take until you felt like you were in a flow and a rhythm where he was fully in acceptance of that new role that you wanted to live into?

So here's the thing, Lewis. I think it always comes with, we have to accept it first. And I was trying to do both. Oh, interesting. And until I could accept Lisa you have to make a choice there's no right or wrong but you have to make a choice right now because you're not doing anything great and you're feeling like that that anxiousness where you're trying to do everything it's just not serving you and not serving your goals so the first step was how do

I communicate this with Tom so I kind of sat back and said, what would I want him to say to me? So I'm changing the game. I'm now saying to him, hey, you know, when we got married, I said I wanted four children and I would take care of you. I now want zero children and I don't want to take care of you when it comes to food and things like that. So I had to recognize I was changing the game. Interesting. And so what would I want someone to say to me if it was the other way around? You're changing essentially the ground rules. he said i'm committing and promising to this lifestyle let's say i want kids i want to be supportive and take care of you in this certain

way and that's what he signed up for yeah right and that's what you signed up for 100 not saying you can't do that but what how does someone have that conversation whether you know anyone in that relationship you know i said i wanted this before marriage but now actually i want something completely opposite yeah i love this question so much so it's the first thing give the gift that you would want so for me i would just want some i would want tom to come in and recognize that he's the one changing because there's some sort of psychological trick you know when someone comes it's like oh i'm changing you've got a problem now what do you mean you've got a problem like there's that like hang on a minute you're kind of pushing me into a corner if he brought this to you and said i want something different you mean he yeah yeah i would

want him to say to say hey babe i recognize i'm the one changing there's going to be a change here how do we do it together versus i'm changing and now you have to deal with it right so I said okay first step is recognize I'm the one changing then go in and give him grace and space to have have feelings about it like he may hate it he may it may really upset him but I can't control that I need to give him the space to have that feeling. Right. So I sat down and I said, okay, babe, I recognize I'm changing, but this is making me so happy. I didn't voice how unhappy I was. That's on me. That's not here. I didn't voice how unhappy I was for eight years.

But now I've recognized how unhappy I am because I've realized what I'm made of. You know, starting Quest and being a part of it and learning all these new skills Like it lights me up. Yes, and now I've seen the light. I can't go backwards Yeah, and what would you say you were on a scale of 1 to 10? Let's call it the self-love scale before you made that decision and have that conversation with Tom One being you didn't love yourself or have any confidence, 10 being you had a lot of self-love and a lot of confidence and inner peace. Where would you have been on that scale? A one? Really?

Yeah. Oh, my confidence was ridiculous. Even as I'm telling you this, it's not that I had the confidence to say it. That's what radical confidence is all about. It's like, look, you may not feel amazing. you may not feel confident in this thing but in order to get to what you want in life you have to take that step forward and we all focus on wanting to feel great about doing something and I just say I'm not going to wait to feel great so right now I know I have to have this conversation with Tom yeah I don't feel confident about having it but I have the radical confidence, which means I need to have a game plan. I need to go in. I really need to think about it. I need to have steps of

what I'm going to say, create words around it so that when I'm there, even if I don't have the confidence, I can still have the conversation. And so that's what I did. I literally went in and said, give the man grace to have his feelings. Give him space to voice his opinion. Express to him that I was unhappy and I never said that to him. Right. So it wasn't on him. Correct. And then say why I'm making the change.

And so I was like, this new entrepreneurship thing, babe. I was like, I've never felt so alive. I was like, I never felt so alive. I can't believe this is my life. And so as I'm telling him this whole story of how I'm feeling, I was like, look, I recognize I'm changing. So right now you're used to me putting your clothes out for you to cook him every meal. So in order to show you the respect that I'm changing and that it's going to be a difficult transition, there's always a transition. Why don't I wean you off me taking care of you?

So we created the game plan. He's like, well, what do you mean? And I was like, well, next week, I'll just do six days a week instead of seven. And then the week after, I'll do five. Then the week after, I'll do four. Then the week after, I'll do three. And then babe, because this is my language. I want to feel like an amazing wife.

I want to cook for you on saturdays and sundays so he was like okay that sounds good if it's difficult along the way i'll voice my opinion yeah so i was like absolutely now it got to the point where i was doing laundry like once a month because i was just like it's not important i spent eight years of my life focused on do these socks match like that was i was filling my days with tiny distractions about laundry about going to costco about freaking matching socks and so now i'm like i don't care it's not going to move my life forward and so making that decision telling him i don't freaking care if you've got clean underwear or not ended up preparing us for the day where he was like oh i

don't have any clean underwear i guess i'm going commando and so he goes to work commando because he's like what's more important a happy wife or a little discomfort was there ever a time in the first year or two of the marriage and in this agreement that you you know commitment that you made i guess that this is the vision you had for the marriage where you were happier doing these things, where you were happy being that role that you wanted to be in or thought you wanted to be in. Yeah, no.

Never. So here was what happened. When we first started, it was like we both wanted to make movies. We both had jobs in films. And I was on set one day and I had an actor throw a matchbox at me in anger because I was holding out for the props department and I hadn't had I didn't have another matchbox to replace it and so he literally throws a matchbox at me and I was like I'm filling in like you don't disrespect people like that I

literally don't care who you are you don't disrespect people like that I don't deserve that and so I went home and my heart was broken Tom had a really bad experience in film as well. So we came to the conclusion, let's just make our own money. It should be easy, right? Let's just go out. Let's make enough money for a month, a year and a half, and then we'll make our own film. You mean starting your own business? Yeah.

Right. Back then it was like, we didn't even know, like, we didn't even have that word. It was like, let's just try and make enough money. So what we did in that moment is we said, cool, let's look at the world at large. Who are the most successful people and how do they live their lives? And what Tom had just read an article with Steve Jobs, where he talks about always wearing the same shirt,

like black, because he's like, he doesn't want to freaking make one, spend one decision making on what he's going to wear. Because, you know, we all have a certain amount of decision making we can make in a day with clarity. So we were like, ah, what if I'm like your black shirt the version of your black shirt i'll make all decisions i'll make all decisions outside of work you go focus on work and this is how we're going to make a lot of money in a year and a half so we pinky swore it was like a deal it was like i can handle that i can cook and clean for a year and a half because it was all in

the bigger service of making movies and here's the thing how many of us get stuck in a pattern how many of us get used to a certain way of doing life and the mindset that we tell ourselves I should be doing this and my upbringing being a Greek Orthodox I fell into a habit that my parents told me I would fall into in the sense of my dad said, you're going to be a stay-at-home wife. I don't care what you're studying at university. You're going to be a stay-at-home wife in a way. Right. Eventually, you're going to play that role.

Yeah. So like these small subliminal messages that I got from my dad, that I got from my grandmother, that I got from every which way growing up that being a Greek woman meant I was going to be a stay-at-home wife. When I found myself in that position, I started to find ways that I could self-soothe. Mm-hmm. What were those self-soothing ways? It becomes distractions. So I kept telling myself,

it's for the greater good, Lisa, it's the greater good. It's just for a year and a half, it's for the greater good. You know? And that turns into eight years. That turns into eight years. Because, and I don't know about you but do you play poker sometimes okay but you know like the phrase pot committed yes you've already invested enough money and you're like well i do have enough money for another hand but god i've put so much money into it screw it might as well put it all in even if your hand's bad yes because you're like well i'm not committed i did that every single year so tom kept coming home he kept saying babe

i just need another year and a half i start remember start feeling like well i'm the good supportive wife of course babe of course babe so i'm so i'm reassuring myself emotionally that i'm the good supportive wife of course it's just for another year and a half i'm self-soothing by telling myself it's just another year and a half and any time I think should we really be doing this I start using the idea that well you've come this far you can't fail now but you're quite committed Lisa I literally want to like punch myself in the face because when I think about how many more years I spent doing something that I wasn't satisfied in, that I was unhappy, because I'd already spent so many years.

It's a heartbreaking mindset. So it wasn't like it was his fault or something for saying, this is what I'm looking to do and you've been amazing. Thank you for supporting me. This is what you said you were going to do anyways. So this is working out in his mind, right? But for you, you're realizing you're at a one or a two, maybe on a good day, most of those years on self-love, self-confidence, right?

A hundred percent. So it wasn't until you spoke up, really. Yeah, it was all me, a hundred percent. And here's the thing. I always thought, how on earth can I say I'm not, I need a new life or I need a different life? Like, how ungrateful am I right now when my husband's going out bus to his pod every day I didn't have to work I was a stay-at-home

like I had when I think about the world and how much hardship there is on certain people how ungrateful am I to ask for more Lewis and here's the thing I'm really finding struggling with with gratitude I use gratitude every day to self soothe. I've got a roof over my head. How lucky am I? I've got a husband that loves me. How lucky am I? And at the same time, anytime I thought of moments where of unhappiness, I kept using the gratitude and it kept me there. Kept you staying there. Kept me there for eight years. So like that really like haunts me because i think gratitude can be amazing i think it puts a new perspective on your life right if you're feeling

like why me you know you've got a victim mentality i think thinking of um the positive is a beautiful way of reframing things of saying yes this is going terrible in my life, but look all this amazing stuff. But it also can absolutely derail you from asking for a better life. And what I realized after my entire journey and even writing this book is you can be absolutely in love with certain parts of your life. You can be head over heels in a relationship and freaking hate your business. And you have every right to ask for more. You have every right to want more. And I didn't think I did. And I didn't think I deserved to.

And so for eight years, I was just waiting for when. I was waiting for when my husband was happy. When we made enough money. When I felt confident enough to speak up about my unhappiness. And as we all know, the when sometimes never comes. Right. Well, it sounds to me like there was no mission that you had. No mission. It was like, okay, I'm here to do this supportive role, but there wasn't a mission or a purpose

moving forward. Like there wasn't kids in the future. There wasn't something you were building together is what I'm hearing, right? Well, we were building something together. And I think that that's that's the problem Is that we can convince ourselves? We're still moving towards that goal and so for eight years, I kept convincing myself But Lisa you're still moving towards the goal. You're earning more money You're earning more money one day you'll be able to make movies and that's I think where the problem lies, right? So it was all for the fact of making a movie together eventually.

Interesting. What do you wish you would have told yourself every night to check in or assess the conversations you need to be having differently? That you don't need to have confidence to speak up and say what you really want in life. Like, confidence is like the byproduct. It's like you're really freaking scared about doing something. You try it.

You fail. You fall on your face. embarrass yourself you learn the lesson you pick yourself back up and you know you like rinse and repeat and you keep going and as you keep going as you keep falling on the floor getting yourself back up learning the lesson you build competence once you get the competence then you slowly get the confidence so the confidence comes afterwards and what i was waiting for is i was waiting to feel good about myself i was waiting for is i was waiting to feel good about myself i was waiting for that freaking negative voice in my head i literally was waiting for her to stop talking i was waiting for her to be nicer and what i didn't realize is it wasn't coming and so i had to do it anyway but to my point is telling someone yeah i

know you're scared but do it anyway it doesn't help when you've, I know you're scared, but do it anyway. It doesn't help. When you've got anxiety, when you're depressed, when you're like really in your own head, telling someone to do something doesn't help. What should you tell them instead? You need a game plan. You need to step back and actually think about things. So the analogy I kind of use, or not the analogy, but the example I use is when I was going to step on stage for the first time. I've seen you, Mel Robbins, my husband, Ed Milet. You guys are amazing. When was this first time? Do you remember? So this was probably four years ago, maybe three and a half. Which event was this?

Well, so I kept getting asked to get on stage. And I was like, are you joking? Like, why would I ever do that? It looks like it's the most scariest thing in the world. It's terrifying. If you've never done it, like I remember when I first started, it was terrifying for years. Right, but why would you do it then, Lewis? It's like, that's how I felt.

Well, I did it because I had a meaningful mission. I had a mission that I wanted to serve and impact people and be of service to helping people improve. And I knew that I needed to use my voice in some way, whether it be, you know, I wasn't a movie maker. So that could be a way of expressing yourself. I was like, I'm not that great of a writer. I got to learn how to speak and communicate a message. So that's what, when I started. Okay. I love that so much. Now here's the thing. Seeing someone like you on stage stage seeing someone like my husband on stage when you've got the mission is amazing but even if i have the mission how do i actually step on stage it's hard it's so scary and so telling people we'll just do it or like it's

terrifying but you'll figure it out it didn't help me and so i said i think i'm like so many other people because i can't just do it and so I had to have a game plan that's what I call radical confidence so I stepped back and I said all right so in fact Tom was the first one that said to me Lisa babe you keep saying like we at this point we had a mission we'd built impact theory and our mission is to impact people so he's like you realize that you keep saying no to these speaking gigs and you realize it's getting in the way of the mission that you said to impact he's like no pressure it's your life but i just as your partner i'm going to be honest with you so i had to sit back and i was like all right stepping on stage would that serve my mission

yes or no yes okay not stepping on stage why am i not doing it because i'm petrified all right with no judgment now what is more important my ego or my goals right that's it yeah just ask yourself no judgment it's not about other people you don't have to ever get on stage lisa this isn't about other people and how good everyone else is and how much other people can step on stage this is just about you looking nakedly at the situation and making a decision so i said impact is more important than my ego. Okay, great. How do I use that to now step on stage? Okay, I've got my North Star. What is the voice in my head so worried about? Let the ego speak. What is it worried about? At least you don't know what the

hell you're going to do on stage. All right, ego. Actually, you're right. So I call it, I have a chapter. It's like turn your negative voice from your to your bff because it's like she would be crippling and now i treat it like my best friend how can i listen to her like a friend i know what you're saying isn't very nice but as a friend you want what's best for me so tell me what am i what do i need to know you're going to get a stage you have no idea what you're doing okay great the the negative voice is telling me to prepare i better freaking prepare so i sat down i had coaching sessions for my husband i booked time with him i was like all right babe i need you to coach me help me i did my speech i read it in front of him i kept booking meetings with him where i'd read to him in real time i then had my whole team there where i was practicing so now i'm allowing the negative voice

in my head the thing that my ego that is worried i'm going to embarrass myself that is worried that i'm going to be shameful that i'm going to fall on my face. I'm letting her speak. I'm taking the message. I'm learning the lesson and I'm using it. So, okay, great practice. Amazing. Next thing, what is a negative voice saying? Even if you're prepared, how on earth are you going to step on stage? Because you've got imposter syndrome. Okay, great. What are the tools I can get and put on or use to my advantage because I know I need my emotions to boost me on stage? All right.

Instead of just saying do it anyway, come up with a game plan. Number one, I know music empowers me. Put on Destiny's Child, I'm a survivor, and I dare anyone at home to not feel the fire lit up under their butt. So number one, find a song, find your hype song. So I had my song ready. What happens when you give a kid a cape, Lewis? They act like a superhero.

Immediately, right? They've got the fist in the air. As kids, we associate clothing with how we feel. Think symbols. But we don't do that as adults. Well, look at my hair. Look at my neck, my Wonder Woman necklace. Even this watch which you guys mentioned when I first sat.

It's kind of like my Wonder Woman cuffs. Yeah. And so what I do is I have a uniform and I lean into it. This isn't accidental. Every time I put on this cheapy Wonder Woman necklace for like a month, every time I would put it on, I would repeat to myself, you're a badass like Wonder Woman repetition creates habit so what I ended up doing is creating created a habit

of every time now I put this on I'm telling myself a message so I lent into all of these things and I was like what's your uniform to go on stage so now I've got my uniform, I've got my hair. And then the final thing is my bad boots. Okay. So these are knee high boots that I didn't accidentally call them bad boots. I deliberately gave them a name that every time I would put them on would make me feel a certain way. You do this leading up to the event. Well, it doesn't have to be boots. It can be anything. But every time I did, I would zip them up, Lewis, and I would be like, yeah, my bad. I like that.

So that as I'm getting dressed to go on stage, what am I telling myself automatically now as I'm getting ready? I've got my Wonder Woman necklace. I've got my bad boots on. I've got my hype song that I'm listening to on stage. And then the final little like little things that i did was i set an alarm in my phone any motivating alarm that you want i closed my eyes i did you got this with like a little emoji and i closed my eyes and i spun it

and for a month i had to go off at random times now sometimes it's obviously inappropriate times it's in the middle of a meeting or an interview, but literally it would be random moments because what I wanted to do is subliminally tell myself at any moment, catch me off-card, that I got this. So that when I'm going on stage, none of it was by accident. I needed the game plan. Now the final thing was I let the voice speak and the voice was saying but what if you freeze you've seen it i've seen it so many times where someone's on stage and they mess up and they freeze you feel uncomfortable oh so bad yeah it's so heartbreaking so i was like i don't want to do that i don't want to make like that would be really heartbreaking for me so come up

with a game plan you've heard the thing that you're worried about. Now find something else to do in order to mitigate that. So I was like, all right, what can I do? Kids, when they fall on the floor, what do they do? They look at their parent to like kind of see, should I be crying right now or am I okay? You know, and the parent, if the parents chill, the kid's like, okay, I'm fine.

So they all look to you. So I said, if I i'm nervous if i'm tense and of course everyone else is going to be tense so i needed a game plan that if i froze what am i going to do i said to myself lisa laugh that was it just laugh at your mistake i don't know how i'm going to laugh or why i'm going to laugh but that was my instruction just start laughing your mistake because everyone knows you've messed up so to hide it only makes everyone else more tense So that was my game plan. I'm gonna laugh As soon as I get on stage, I'm like three minutes in start laughing. I tell him well, I made them a huge error

I start telling a story about my My grandparents and I say when my dad gave birth to my gram grandmother Was a massive her and I was like well that would be weird and I just started laughing everyone started laughing too and I moved on and no one remembered it like everyone else moved on too so did I give it my best yeah because even the serving someone makes me nervous right interesting now I'm just like do your best though yeah exactly so even with this book so when Tom came to me, he, you know, we had the whole thing behind the scenes about like Tom had the book offer and was he going to take it or not?

And then he said no. But then they hit Tom up and said, would Lisa be interested in writing a book? So he comes into my office one day during COVID and he's like, babe, like they just asked if you want to write a book. That's big. And I was like, I was at my computer. I was like, oh, that's nice. And I went back to typing. And he's like, what do you what do you mean he's like babe did you hear what i just said like they just asked if

you want to write a book i said yeah i just said that's very sweet because why are you being so freaking like nonchalant about it this is a big deal the words that came out of my mouth was who would buy a book from me interesting now this is a year and a half ago i've already built a billion dollar company impact theory has like over half a billion views on our content. Women of impact is blowing up. Yeah, all of that. And yet I still had the negative mindset or the negative voice in my head that says that. So the great news is I just embrace her now.

I'm like, oh, the 14-year-old insecure Lisa is still there. That's amazing. It's okay. I got you. We're going to do this together. Like I kind of coach myself. And then to your point about like serving someone, I was so stressed. amazing it's okay i got you we're gonna do this together like i kind of coach myself and then i to your point about like serving someone i was so stressed about what if no one like what if it

doesn't create impact and i was like i have to reframe how i think right now because right now i think i will hold my identity and my worth to if it actually changes someone's life so now i'm looking external for the validation and i was like that's a dangerous place very dangerous so now I have to do the internal work before I even release the book yes what does the internal work look like all right number one did you do your research you went in as a novice don't pretend you know your she went in not knowing what you're doing you've never read in a book before so go in with the grace that you've never read in book and now research. So I called up a lot of our friends. Like I

literally had like 10 questions, Mel Robbins, Rumi Forleo. Like I'm like, all right guys, what are the things I don't know? What are the traps I'm about to get into? What's the biggest surprise? What's the most amazing thing? And I just did my research. I made a promise to myself cool step two give it your all yes because if i've given it my all and we all know if we've given it our all right we can't con ourselves you may be able to con everyone else say oh my god i gave it everything but when you're alone at night you know whether you actually did give it your all right so i was like if i can when I'm alone be proud that I gave it every ounce of me that I didn't make excuses that I didn't give all the reasons why I didn't show up if I know that I gave it everything I've left it all out on the table there's nowhere else for me to go and by golly

I can be proud of that I went from the person that said who the hell would buy a book from me and I freaking wrote a book I need to be proud of that yes and so every step of the way over the year of writing the book I kept going back to make sure you don't get external validation or your worth tied to the the results of whether this book does well or not and that's how I've actually coached myself over this last year I've done the foundation to where you now see me, where it's like, I've got a book. I don't know if it would do well, but I'm so freaking proud. And here's the last thing.

If it totally tanks, you better believe I'm going to say, oh, why did it tank? Let me take out my book and let me, my little notepad and let me write down all the ways in which I've learned of why it tanks. Everyone wants to do the thing well that they're doing. So how do they overcome the anxiety or the stress of the results of why it tanked. Everyone wants to do the thing well that they're doing. So how do they overcome the anxiety or the stress

of the result when they put their life into something? Yeah, I think it's like you really have to process it beforehand, you have to actually assess what, you know, it's like people just like, I wanna be successful, I wanna be happy. What does that actually mean? Like what does success actually mean to you? Like you have to be so, you that actually mean like what does success actually mean to you like you

have to be so you have to define it so much so that you know what that north star is because let's say people are listening they have a goal in mind they have to know exactly precisely what that goal is for me the goal is write a book that creates impact now look attach that i'd love for it to be in new york times number one but number one, but that is so me looking outside of myself and there's certain element of I can't control it. Right? Of course, you can come in with all the intention. What are my marketing strategies? How am I going to do this? Who am I going to hit? Like all of that, be very intentional. But at the end of the day, no matter how much intention you have the success is never guaranteed this was actually something that tom taught me he's like the the struggle is for certain the

results aren't guaranteed so now are you enjoying the journey are you enjoying the struggle every step so to your point of reminding yourself but why did you do this you needed to get it out of you and those are the things that I think are very imperative to establish before you get started. Because let's face it, failure freaking stings. No matter how much, right? No matter how successful you are, failure still stings. And so making sure you don't allow that failure

to cripple you, making sure you don't allow that failure to keep you stuck, to me, is that failure to keep you stuck to me is my main goal like literally that is my north star whatever you try lisa you cannot um use the success or the failure to dictate what you're going to do next and so for me it's like how do i reframe failure how do i think of failure how do we process failure that's such an important like thing for us i think to do so that if it happens, you're not left not knowing, not having a strategy and actually thinking it's about you. Yes. You've got this book coming out. Women of Impact has been crushing. You've been extremely

successful independently yourself with your own identity outside of what it used to be in the marriage, right? Has success, your success, tested the relationship? Yes. In the last, you know, few years since you've kind of been blowing up now? So it's interesting. The reason why I said yes is I didn't actually realize that you were going to say so, like as in popularity. When I was behind the camera and I stepped in front of the camera, like the first or second time, Tom, Tom literally in front of the entire company he's like my wife's going to be bigger than me and

I have zero problem with it he's like mark my words he wants it he's like he he doesn't love being in front of the camera like he's very good at it but he loves the impact the camera is just the tool for him um I freaking love like this just hanging with you and like the idea of creating impact and staring at the camera. Like this could create like who knows where this can go, right? That is such excitement and beauty to me. So the size and popularity, no. But when I went from being a housewife who supported him to being an entrepreneur, that was a big struggle for us. Because what happened was when quest was growing our first facility was in compton and tom being very passionate and big brothering for a kid who lived in the inner cities he said it was very important for us to help the inner city people

so he when we started quest we put out a call and we said we don't care about your background we don't care if you've got uh if you're an ex-convict. We don't care. All we care about is who are you today and who are you willing to become and are you willing to work hard? And that's it. So now we put a call out. And so literally we had lines and lines and lines of people that were looking for a job.

So flash forward, Quest grows 57,000%. I've now got a facility, about 10,000 square feet, 40, four zero employees underneath me within two years. I went from shipping on my living room floor, not knowing how to be a boss to then 40 employees. Now, a lot of them ex-convicts, a lot of them are much bigger than me, right? They're like your stature.

I'm five foot one. You can like pick me up with your pinky. So what I thought, bad advice, but what I thought I should do is go in there and be aggressive because show them you can't be pushed around, Lisa. That's the only way I know how. And a lot of the female entrepreneurships back then as well, this is like 2010-ish, 11,'re all about basically don't show emotion and you have to be like a dude and so i went in there going thinking okay i'm not going to get pushed around and so i'm going to go there and i'm going to bark orders and i'm going to tell them you know i'm a stern you know you can't push me around now hey you can imagine that didn't motivate any of my

team that was a total disaster and what that ended up doing it started to harden me and one day tom pulled me aside in our person when we got home and he said babe i love you but you're hardening and you're hardening to a point where now you're bringing this into our relationship and he said and look let's talk about it i understand why you need to harden because business is tough so let's actually talk about it but i want's talk about it. I understand why you need to harden because business is tough. So let's actually talk about it. But I want to talk about the lovely, sweet wife that I miss. And he's like, if you bring too much hardness to our relationship, he's like, it doesn't compute with me.

He's like, I love your softness. I love that you care. I love that you have this big heart. And because you're starting to soften in business, you're starting to lose the softness in our relationship. Right. And so let's talk about that. And I was like, yeah, that's very fair. I love to be like, I love it when he like wraps me around his arms or like he carries me because my feet are sore.

Like I love the fact that he's six foot. Like I love that about him and so i was like oh you know what as a relationship a you need to have space where your partner can say the truth even if you don't agree like maybe i want to be hard but i have to give him space to be hurt so i heard him out and initially i was defending i was like but you don't understand why i have to be hard you know it's okay for you. You're a guy. People respect you and blah, you know. And I gave every reason why. And he's like, babe, I'm not saying like this isn't a skill set you need to grow.

Of course you do. You have to, you know, dominance is going to be very important in business. But how do we navigate what you're doing in business and our relationship? And so we just started. I was like, okay, that's very fair. When I come home, how do I soften? Because I like to be soft. So I had to figure out what that strategy was.

And so to the strategy that I sort of, how on earth I suit up to get on stage, I now do the opposite to soften. So literally, if I want to be a big ball of mush, which I really do enjoy being around my husband, you've seen me around him. I'm like, I'll sit on his lap and whatever. I do the opposite.

I take my jewelry off. I put my hair up. I wear Wonder Woman fluffy pajama bottoms. Or like, in fact, I wear onesies. We have matching onesies that we wear every Saturday. And we match onesies because I want to feel that emotional connection with him on a personal level. And so to be able to transition with work, your partner being your business partner for like 15 years, to how do you keep that spark alive and the romance alive?

It's because you need to know how to navigate the two, where your strengths and weaknesses are, what those tactics are that you're going to use when you need to turn to them because sometimes i've gone balls to the freaking wall all day in business and i'm like a you know i've got hard because all day all i'm doing is making decisions and now i come come home and i got my husband give wanting to give me a big squishy hug how do i transition from one to the other knowing how to to, having those tactics, testing yourself. You know, what I can say will be different for you or, you know, your listeners at home, but you need to try things. Like I said, for me, it really was undoing the hair, the makeup, the jewelry, taking deep breaths.

Changing the uniform. Changing the uniform. How has your mindset shifted? Do you feel like you have created more confidence or more self-love or more belief in yourself as the money started to come for both you and Tom in your life? Where you really didn't have a lot beforehand. You had some. You were working or he was working. But it wasn't like the amount of wealth that you guys created with Quest and Impact Theory

and everything you guys have built together. How did the accumulation of wealth change your beliefs about yourself? Oh, that's such a good question. That's such a good question, Lewis. Okay. You went from an apartment, I'm assuming, to a house, to a bigger house, to numbering your bank account going way up, to being able to buy things now, lots of great things. Yeah. How did that shift? So I really thought when we're successful, when we're rich, I'm going to feel like everything's going to be okay. Because you look at successful, wealthy people and you're like, at least for me, I can't speak for other people, I admire them.

Oh, my God. Look at that watch. Like, look at that thing, right? Like, oh, my God. That car, the house. Yeah, I'm going to feel great when I have them. Oh my God. Look at that watch. Like look at that thing, right? Like, oh my God. That car, the house. Yeah, I'm going to feel great when I have it. So because you think that about that person, you think that's how you're going to feel when you get there.

So I'm going to take you back. Quest is announced as a billion dollar company, but we all know until you actually make any sales. You don't make any money. You literally don't make any money. You're just getting a salary and some bonuses. Yeah. Tom and I was still sharing the

same ford focus with a hole in the exhaust when quest was announced as a billion dollar company so everyone thinks you're wealthy but we literally had you know tom's salary and that was it so we go to sell this very small portion of quest and so these things take months and months right right how much did you guys know what was the percentage? I think it was like 9% at the beginning. That you guys had total? That we sold. Or you sold, gotcha. So there's three business partners, Tom and then the other.

They split it three ways essentially. Yes, exactly. So we split like 9% or something, like 11%. I can't remember how much. This was a while ago. So it's a small percent. So you're still taking massive ownership over it. But it was still a hell of a lot of money.

Absolutely. So now that sort of thing takes months and months and months. So we didn't want to talk about it. We didn't tell anybody that we were trying to sell a bit because you never know what's going to happen. So one day we hear rumors that today is going to be the day. That the money comes in. Yes. Like there's a wire transfer of this much money. Our fourth focus is still sitting in the drive. Right. And we hear these rumors from our finances that the money's about to come in. So we're working in our makeshift garage gym.

And in between reps, Tom's like, all right, babe, refresh, refresh. No, nothing yet. So we're like, refresh, refresh. And literally one button, refresh. Boom, your life changes. Wow. And in that moment, I was like, oh my God.

And so we hugged, we took a couple of selfies. And then what did we do, Lewis? We got back up and went back to changes. Wow. And in that moment, I was like, oh, my God. And so we hugged, we took a couple of selfies. And then what did we do, Lewis? We got back up and went back to work. Yeah. And in that moment, because at first I was like, babe, where are you going? Yeah, we've got to set up. He goes, we've got to get back to work. Our mission isn't done.

And I was like, you're right. And in that moment, it was such a beautiful realization. Because we had had a mission. So we were chasing money. We said, stop chasing money. Now let's chase something that's actually predicated on passion, desire, and value add. That was Quest Nutrition. So we flipped our mindsets. We stopped chasing money. And in the effort of stop chasing money, it led to us creating money. But because of we'd already developed a mission, we'd already developed our why, we knew why we were getting out of bed every day,

that didn't change just because our bank account did. Now look, I'm not going to pretend. It was amazing, right? We didn't tell anybody. And about two days later or something, we went shopping. And it was like... Get whatever you want.

So it was like, that's amazing. I'm never going to BS anyone. It was a dream come true. It was wonderful. But it didn't change how I felt about myself. It didn't change my mission. Did you believe you were deserving and worthy of the money? I don't really think like that.

I don't really know what that means. Because when it says deserving, there are people out there that have a harder life than I do. That work harder to provide for their family than I do. So it's hard for me to say deserve. We worked freaking hard for it. We sacrificed. So do I think that it was, you know, well-placed maybe? Sure. You know, it's hard for me to kind of answer that. It really did become a, when you get what you think you want, when you go to bed at night, how do you feel about this stuff and it was the same it was just in more expensive bed sheets right you know and the nicer car yeah the negative voice is still there the person saying that you're not good it's still there

the imposter syndrome is still there it's just in a nicer house so you still felt like an imposter oh my god of course yeah what was an imposter? Oh my God, of course. Yeah. What was the imposter voice? I still felt like I was helping my husband out. What year was this? 2015. Okay. So about seven years ago. Yeah. So what was the voice in your head at that time? When this massive number hits the bank account, what is that imposter voice saying to you? Even though at this point I had, you know, I had 40 employees underneath me, 10,000 square foot, literally went from shipping bars on my living room floor to that. And the imposter syndrome was, is that my husband and his business partners earned the money.

And I was a good help. So that's what you were saying yourself. Yeah. And so even that like took work and, you know, internal work and, and internal work and the value, what value do you bring to the table? Just because your name is on that piece of paper as a founder, because those three were, it's like you've brought, to really coach myself through, but you've sacrificed. You've given every hour of every day. Literally, I was working 12, 13 hours a day. So to really believe in myself that i had earned that was very hard but it was important for me to do um

and then the idea of in the grind when things are hard and you're asking what the hell are we doing this all for like why tom and i would drive around beverly hills in our crappy car and we would like point out all the houses we would buy and we were like I like this style no no I like this style and then eventually the money comes to our account and we actually can buy the house that we're like the roads that we're touring so it's like the biggest dream come true and in that moment it was like I wanted a waterfall so I'm a 90s chick I love hip-hop and I love 90s and so I was like always joking but really serious I was like babe I want to do like our own version of a 90s hip-hop music video I want a waterfall I want Dom Perignon bottle like I want to pour it down me in a sexy

outfit I want you to film me like that was the dream I have to emotionally tie to a dream it can't just be like a house it has to be like the feeling of getting the house. So I had this vision. We finally get the house. It finally has a freaking waterfall, dude. We get the keys. We got a bottle of Dom Perignon. Tom's got a photo.

He's taking a photo of me. I'm taking a swig of the champagne. And that was the moment my health and my gut felt like, you know, obviously I've had health issues. That was the moment. Really? That same moment that we were celebrating the biggest achievement of our lives. Really? It's so cliche.

Why was that the moment, do you think? So I think I'd had 15 years of gut issues. I was ignoring them, ignoring them, ignoring them. I was priding myself on the grind. I wasn't priding myself on the self-care. So for years and years, I was getting sicker and sicker because I wasn't replenishing my gut. I had a very unhealthy relationship with food.

So I wasn't having fat. I wasn't eating carbs. I thought I had to be as skinny as possible. So all this unhealthy relationship, I was getting sick because I was working a lot. I wasn't replenishing. And so I was getting a because I was working a lot. I wasn't replenishing. And so I was getting a lot of antibiotics. And so for like years and years and years,

I was taking three to four, five times a year antibiotics. And I really think it got to the point where I'd pushed myself into the ground and the bubbly and the alcohol, I think it was just that moment. Wow. And I think, and it literally literally from them it felt like it erupted i didn't tell tom because of course i'm trying to be strong sure so i'm like babe i'll be back in a second i run to the bathroom and i literally cannot get i'm like what the hell is happening to me my gut is in like so such disarray but my husband's so excited for so of course of

course what do i tell myself just push through it it. Right. Don't tell him. Push through it. It's a celebration. And I was like, all right, if I just get straight into the swimming pool, then I'll be able to hide my pain. Oh, man. So I get out. I'm like trying to pretend I'm like rushing into the swimming pool. And just the water pressure was too unbearable. And that's when I'm like, babe, I don't know what's wrong. That was six years ago.

Wow. Six years ago. I'm still on my journey of healing my gut, just to give perspective to everybody. For a whole year, I couldn't eat more than like four or five ingredients. It was like beef, salt, coconut oil, and chicken. I was 20 pounds lighter than I am now. My hair was falling out. My nails were brittle. And you want to talk about my relationship with my husband. I started feeling like I wasn't sexy. I could barely hug him,

let alone any intimacy. You've got to understand what that does to a woman's emotions, how I felt about myself. Tom was so supportive. Wow. But I felt like I wasn't bringing, you know, beauty to our relationship. That was me. That wasn't him.

Sex was out the window. And it was like I couldn't even stand up five minutes at a time. And on the outside, we had like just literally were celebrating Quest being a billion dollar company and one of the most fastest growing nutrition companies in the world. And here I am. I can't even eat. and one of the most fastest growing nutrition companies in the world. And here I am. I can't even eat. I pretended I didn't tell anybody. For months, I didn't tell anyone.

So sorry, I know that was a long story, but really going back to your point of, I remember the day that my success changed. And that was the most beautiful lesson that I, like if I can look back, right? Like we think it was Tony Robbins, but I use this all the time, how can I make the most horrific thing be the best thing that's ever happened to me?

In that moment I was tested. Giving it meaning, yeah. Yeah, and in that moment I was tested. And it was like, you can't, I mean, like I said, I'm still struggling, six years later. And, but how can that moment be the best thing that's ever happened to me? one. I took ownership. I Did it to my gut. I

Was the one that had a bad relationship with food. I was the one that was taking the antibiotics Mm-hmm for so long. I was like, it's the doctor's thoughts. It's the experts thoughts It's that person's thoughts taking ownership over my health changed everything not just from my health But in the way that health, but in the way that I see business, in the way that I see my relationship. Now, every time something goes wrong, the very first thing I ask myself is, how can I take ownership over this? How is this my own doing? So that changed my whole health. That changed my business. Every time now something goes wrong in the business, whether it's an employee that has royally screwed up. I literally, before I say anything,

it's like, what's my ownership in this? Yeah, yeah, I know that feeling. And so that just changed everything. And then it also changed my idea of success. It really did. And so when I got, thank God, like I don't know how I would think about success if that hadn't happened to me.

I don't know how I would think about money if that didn't happen to me. How do you think about it now? I don't give a shit. Like, I love it, of course. It allows me to create content, right? It allows me to impact people. It allows me to do all the things that I do every day.

If ever I was coming to conflict with my relationship, I wouldn't think twice about it. If ever it was coming to conflict of me feeling good about myself, I wouldn't think about it. Like, that's what I mean by it doesn't dictate who I am and how I show up every day. It's an amazing facilitator. Amazing. And I'm such an advocate for wealth creation. I never, I think it's BS. Like, no, no, it can do beautiful things. It really can. So I'm not going to BS anyone. But money in and of itself is like a superpower. You can use it for good or you can use it for evil. It's your choice. And so for me, it's so beautiful

because I'm able to create beautiful things out of it. But it doesn't have a reflection of how I feel about myself, who I am and how I show up every day. And I don't know if it would have. It may have done that if my gut didn't fall apart. Interesting. I'm never a fan of changing the past, but let's say you could hypothetically give yourself

three lessons that you learned from the day you got married until now. And hypothetically, you could speak to yourself a week before you got married. Yeah. From this standpoint to 20 years ago, I guess it was when 20-something years ago when you had your 20th year anniversary.

And you could say whatever lessons that you wanted to share, three things that you just wish you had the skills around, the tools around, or you wish you had the hindsight then to think about, what would you say to your younger self right before you got married, going in those next eight years before this started the transition? I don't think I would change anything. And I don't know if that's a cop-out

because I can't change anything. Or in fact, no, I don't think it's a cop-out. I think I use it as a way for my mind to stay strong because I need to believe I am who I am today because of everything that's happened. Of course, of course. And so even going back then, I think the thing is just like, it's okay.

Like I got in my head so much when I was younger of like, can I be perfect? How can I be the best wife? How can I make sure that I am, you know, that I'm bringing value to people's lives? Like I put so much pressure on myself of always being the perfect person. And if something goes wrong,

it's a reflection of who I am. And what I've learned is when failure happens or something goes wrong, it actually is a reflection of who you are, but not in the way that we think it is. I used to think failure was a reflection of how bad I was at things. And I don't want people to see it. But now I think failure is a reflection of the bad I was at things, and I don't want people to see it.

But now I think failure is a reflection of the fact that I'm willing to go after something. I like that. And so I think I would go back and tell myself that. Number one, every time you fail or you fall on your face, just know it's a reflection that you're trying to do something in your life. Also that you're a work in progress, always and forever. Even who you see today in a year and two years, in three years and four years, I want to be growing. So even like I shared that story earlier about I wanted four children. I've accepted this is my life and that who I say I am today may not be who I am next year. And that's okay.

Because it changed then, it could change again. Of course. And even that with my husband, right? With Tom, it's like, yes, he's an extremely ambitious man. But what if tomorrow he decided he didn't want to be ambitious anymore? Like, I would 100% accept that. We would have to navigate what that means, what change that makes to our lives. But we encourage each other to change, to evolve, to adapt. And going back to your question,

when I was younger, I never would have. I'd be like, no, no, no, everything has to stay the same because everyone finds comfort in the same. Everyone finds comfort in the known. And so I have now completely pivoted and the complete opposite. And now I seek challenges. I seek things that I don't know what I'm doing. What would you say is the biggest thing you still are working on healing? Oh, healing. I'm a big believer that healing is a journey. It's a process.

You might have a moment where you're like, this thing has been affecting me for decades and now I'm awake to it and I'm starting the healing journey. And now I'm not as triggered by this thing has been affecting me for decades and now I'm awake to it and I'm starting the healing journey and now I'm not as triggered by this thing anymore, but there must be tendencies every now and then just not as big of a trigger or a wound. What do you feel the wound is for you? Yeah, I know it very well. It's a trigger of mine that I didn't realize I've been working through, realized it probably a few years ago now. Tom highlighted it for me. And it's interesting. Have a conversation with your partner about what triggers you when they notice it first.

That's freaking hard, dude. Because initially, you're just like, no, what do you mean? I'm not sure good by that. Because you get triggered by it. Of course. So first of all, I just look, OK, Tom wants what's best for me. So I have to just embrace that I've been with him long enough to know when he's saying something, I really need to pay attention.

And then identifying where the trigger comes from. So there's actually a couple. Number one, I don't cry. Ever. Not in public and very rarely by myself. Interesting. Okay. I'm working to unwind that.

And it started off with me joking and Tom joking that I was dead inside. And we used to joke. But there's some truth in jokes, right? Because there would be moments, literally, we'd be watching a movie, Lewis, and he'd be in tears, and he'd look over and he's like, what the fuck, babe, you're not even crying?

And I'm like, no. Like, it's sad. Sad, but yeah. And so I think that part of it was like a defense mechanism for him to be like, you're just dead inside. And so I used to joke, yeah, I'm dead inside. It never bothered me until I started to realize, why don't I cry? What is it? Like, I see so many women hold back the tears so much.

And I'm the complete opposite. I try to do it with no judgment, right? You mean by yourself or around people? Yeah, so by myself. After I started to realize, why am I the only one that doesn't cry in movies? When did you start realizing this? When I was younger, I used it as a source of pride. I'm strong, I'm tough.

Yeah, I'm freaking crying. These voices, what's going on over here? I don't freaking cry. I used it as a pride thing. As I learned more and more about mindset, as I started to learn about my audience, doing my show, Women of Impact, and hearing how many people would watch episodes

and being tears. And I'm like, what am I not feeling? Am I actually dead inside? So I had to process. And I was like, is this holding me back? Why is this holding me back why is this holding me back like why is this bothering me right now to your point like why is this now bothering me when you before you think of it as a superpower and so as I started to unravel I

started to just no judgment go back into my past and I realized that when I was around 15 I was at a funeral first person that really died in my family and I looked around and I'm the youngest I was very much used to everyone else being the strong people the leaders and all of that I would just follow I look around everyone's in tears everyone all the guys all the women and in that moment I was like well who's going to be strong for them? I remember, and I was like, I'm so used to people being strong for me, but there's not a dry eye in the room. So I guess I'm going to have to be it. And so I remember being, hold back the tears,

don't you dare cry, be strong for everyone else. And then I also remember at the age of around seven or eight, I remember my parents got divorced and I would walk into the room and my mum would always wipe away her tears and pretend she wasn't crying. And like now, even when my mum hears me say that,

I'm like, mum, you cannot blame yourself. Please don't. Because of course, you were trying not to upset me. So why would you like, don't feel bad about trying to wipe away the tears. And we learn so much about mindset now, you know, over the years. So don't worry about it.

But yeah, that did teach me that as a woman, you shouldn't show tears or vulnerability in front of others because it may upset them. Interesting. And so I think I adopted those things. So flash forward, I'm now an adult. My husband's crying more than I am. And I'm like, I really have to assess it so i'm really still processing it really yeah i'm how are you processing it in moments of so my my puppy

passed away a couple of weeks ago and when i say puppy 17 and a half years old and in moments like that i'm just like okay like first of all I couldn't even control myself it was just the the tears and the the heartbreak just came so in moments like that I'm like let it like I was coaching myself really to just like feel the feel and I was repeating that feel the feel Lisa it's okay feel the feel so I kept telling myself that were you trying to hold it back a little bit or um I think once upon a time I would have but i've done the pre-work now in just over the last few years i've really been working on this specific thing um so in that moment and then the last thing was give myself grace i was supposed to do jay sheddy's podcast that day and i was like

it's freaking jay sheddy like you know we all know how busy he is right and he's a good friend of ours but i know how busy he is and I was it's like the universe testing you it's like okay you gotta just toughen up and go back to work yeah

and so in that moment I was like no I'm not gonna toughen up no you know what I need to feel this and this is exactly why you can't cry Lisa

because you're trying to be a badass all the time but I have to tell myself so I have to literally say to myself Lisa be soft let yourself feel the

feelings you know if you went to this you would put on your uniform you would get your mindset right but then that won't allow you to actually grieve and so you know very graciously called him and we cancelled the shoot and I just I told my don't any, I kept my phone off. And that was the thing. I was like, I need to allow myself the space to process my emotions. And I just need to cry and I just need to do whatever I need to do. And so I gave myself that space. And so that was all because I'd done the work. I realized that it was a problem. I realized that, oh my God, this might be a point. I'm my old habits are going to arise. So now I have to give myself the space. What do you think is available for yourself when you allow yourself space to feel emotions,

to process emotions in healthy manners, as opposed to holding back emotions? I think that that might have been a big part of why I ended up having a lot of health issues. Really? Because if you think about it, I was grinding at at Quest I never gave myself any self-care it was like my auntie I remember this is heartbreaking I remember in the I was in the middle of work my auntie in Cyprus going to a massive like she was walking in the street and her car hit her and pinned her against these like barriers and I remember like my dad calling me and me being on the phone i was like you know talking with him and i was like well i can't go to cyprus i've got business i've got

business around you know keep me updated day dad but i can't you know and it's like now you're kidding i would drop everything if someone needed me and i'd like you know so things like that where you just make these small decisions where you're like well it's all the way there in a way what can i really do? You know, and then I go back to work. I didn't actually let the emotion of what happened to my aunt sink in. I didn't let any of that. And so I've kind of trying to unwind all the behavior that I've done in order to see how I can use it in the future.

And what's interesting is because I'm so used to i said earlier about music i'm so used to knowing how to get hard and how to like get on when on that day when my dog died the next day i actually realized i had to let it out even if i wasn't feeling it i had to let it out and so i was like what can I do to let it out? Because you've never really done it before. You didn't know how to. Yeah. So I actually put on a song that I knew was going to break my heart. Which one was this?

It was a very recent one, which is weird because I'd only just heard it. The newer song, yeah. It's the Jennifer Lopez song, On My Way To You or whatever. Okay. God, like even now I could get like actually a little emotional because I was listening to that song like as I was in the car on the way to the vet. Oh. So we get a call at one in the morning,

hey, we don't know if he's going to make it, you've got to get your ass here. And we jump in the car and then the next day I heard that song and it's basically I'm on my way to you. It's like even talking about it like I'm getting emotional but like If I put that song on Like I did it deliberately and put it on repeat. I wanted the tears to come I wanted the floodgates open on purpose And so that's like kind of going back to what I'd said earlier

I tried to be deliberate about what I'm trying to achieve in order to allow the emotion to come so I can really just feel it whether it's hey I want to be freaking bad right now and how the hell do I get on stage and be bad and right now I need to let this out how do I do that what do I do I I put on my most intimate, like soft pajamas. I had a photo of him next to me. I had his blanket. And so literally, like I was smelling his blanket, putting that song on and wanting to cry.

I can relate to the music being an opener for you. My father passed two months ago and for the first few weeks afterwards, I was just listening to music. Like there'd be songs, like an Andre baccelli song will play even now and it gets me very emotional to the point where i need to turn the song off because it'll take me down a grieving path for a period of time so if i'm at night and it's at a home and i can do it then that's great but

if it's in the middle of the day i'm like I have to block it at some points to stay focused on something, but it's, um, it's a journey, but I'm so proud of you for allowing yourself the process of healing. You know, there's, it's a journey. And for me, it's a journey as well, but I think allowing yourself to cry or just feel the emotions, how you want to feel them and let that out of you. Because whatever is inside of you stays trapped there and might affect you physically. So I think that's a really healthy thing. You're allowing yourself the ritual of processing. Because I truly believe the body keeps score from the book.

Body keeps the score. So if we're not able to process in healthy ways, then it's going to block us up in certain ways. Yeah, it was so weird and so freaking heartbreaking and something new that i'm working on because i know you're extremely mentally tough right you and tom talk about mindset all the time this is a part of the pillar of your values and foundation and growth mindset have you processed or thought about the power of emotional agility and that value for yourself? And have you looked into that?

Yeah. That's really why I knew that this wasn't healthy. Even if it was like, why does it matter, Lisa? Why does it matter that you don't cry? Because I know it doesn't actually help what I'm trying to do on impact and relatability and understanding and empathy. Like all of that. Like I recognize it. Are you doing any more coaching or getting out of the support for this? No. It's interesting because I have like a process that I do.

And it's very internal. It's very like i almost don't want other people to give me advice like i almost like don't because it becomes overwhelming and so for me i often go be at peace with yourself and just listen to your own mind and be like okay well why doesn't this sit well what can you do like so i'm going through these last two weeks of embracing like my emotions up and down and not knowing it's like I was walking up the Stairs the other day literally and something happened and all of a sudden I got this wave I don't know if you know how that feels

Way and I was walking up the stairs and I got this wave of just freaking grief and I was like, oh And I literally had to take a deep breath and I had to like put my hand on my heart and just be like What's happening to me right now and I'm like it's okay like even now I'm getting emotional because it's like that feeling of like and see I would never do this I would never get emotional if I hadn't done all this work and so right now you see me in real time being able to evolve and go wow just putting my hand on my heart and reminding me that it's okay like to be able to take that gasp of air where you can't believe you know that you can't breathe it's okay yeah it's beautiful I think another thing you know someone we both admire Sarah Blakely I've seen her be vulnerable

and cry and open up when you know in different settings and it's like you can be a powerful woman and build something very meaningful and impactful and also be emotionally you know agile i say yeah and allow yourself to process so not saying you need to cry all the time or anything like that but it's i think it's powerful to be aware of it and be on that healing journey so yeah i mean it's like your book the last one you wrote it's so amazing i mean it's going to the point that you know you have to always be tough and you always say, you know, people expect this of you. But what about the beauty that is emotion within a man? be mentally strong for so long that I have to give myself the permission to be this soft, beautiful, warm-hearted person and be able to be a freaking beast and crush it at work and have these dualities. And I think growing up for both of us, it was like we weren't allowed the space to have the dualities. No, it was just one way. Yeah, it was just one.

Yeah. I'm glad you're on the journey. It's beautiful. Thank you. It's beautiful. And I think that makes someone even more unique in the world. You know, Matthew Hussey talks about this in terms of relationship, where he's coaching women saying, you know, it's the person who's also smart and a little edgy, who's vulnerable and can be tough. It's not when you're vulnerable all the time or tough all the time or someone creates long-term like amazing attraction or abundance it's like having the duality i think you talked about in your show as well so i'm so happy you're doing that this is a question i ask everyone towards the end it's called the three truths so i'd like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario it's your last day on earth many years away from now you get to accomplish everything you want to accomplish

but you've lived a happy healthy life life. And for whatever reason, everything you've created has got to go with you or to another place. So no one has access to your book, movies, work, content anymore, but you get to leave behind three things you know to be true, three lessons. What do you feel like your future self would leave behind as those three truths? Confidence isn't the start to something. Confidence is the result of something. Number two, failure is the most amazing opportunity. And if you don't respect yourself and no one else will. I don't actually know where that last one came from. That was actually a surprise to me too. That's good. I believe that. If you don't have self-love, self-respect, then people are going to walk all over you. It's a powerful book. I'm really excited about this. Radical Confidence.

10 No BS Lessons on Becoming the Hero of Your Own Life. A lot of inspiring people have endorsed this. I've gone through it. I love the content. Love the practical tips at the end of the chapters. Really inspiring stories about your lessons of things you've talked about here. Building quests. Other things behind the scenes, which I think is really cool, and where you're at now. So make sure you guys pick up a copy or two, give them to a few friends as well.

Women of Impact, it's a powerful channel on YouTube. Your Instagram, your social media is really inspiring, powerful. People can follow you there. Lots of great content. Radicalconfidence.com for this. So you guys can go here or Lisa Bilyeu on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook as well. How else can we be of support to you right now?

I think it really is just, I'm all about value add. So if the book brought value, if this interview brought value, share, tag, like that's really the biggest thing is that, you know, I just always think that none of us can create global impact alone ever. And so I'm always like, what's my thing? So my thing is if I can throw a pebble in the water and then it becomes this ripple that eventually creates a tsunami, my job is done. Yes. So I think of the book, my content as being the pebble. And if other people can go out and create those ripples

like i would that would be so meaningful i love that i love that well lisa i want to acknowledge you for a moment for your journey i think it's inspiring to see someone who set out in their life with a certain path and continues to evolve that path and i acknowledge you for learning to love yourself and not shame yourself and not hold yourself back for shifting and evolving and innovating yourself from what you thought you were supposed to be to society standards or maybe family's pressures or even husband's pressures and evolving to going from that scale of a one to ten from a one to where you are now which seems like it's a lot higher and I'm assuming will always be evolving. So I really acknowledge you for leading by example.

Thank you. By talking about how you don't just become confident when you have a result, it's the confidence of the act of failure, building yourself up where confidence comes from. So I think it's really inspiring that you're sharing this, that you've been building everything you've been building, and I'm so happy for you.

So grateful for you. Yes. Thank you for motivating me as well. You and just all of our friends, you know, like my first time writing a book. And so having people to support you, like it's so freaking meaningful. And you always said, Lewis, like you got a book,

you can come on. I was like, oh my God, I'm coming on Lewis Howell. I have a book. Yes, yeah. Well, you asked to come on, i think it was a year and a half ago or two years ago and it didn't feel like it was the right timing i want to be like you know when you have your book let's do something so there's a moment so we can make a bigger impact with that message can we take a minute to talk about this it's so powerful so like as a friend you motivated me and it's like when you when people say no it doesn't mean it's a reflection of how bad you are.

Or maybe sometimes it is a reflection of how bad. Great, I can get better. And that's the thing is that how do I bring value to your audience? If I'm not there yet, Lewis, I wouldn't want you to have me on. I like the motivation. How do I get so good that I've got to be on Lewis' show? Like that's about me. That's not a you thing, how do I get so good that I've got to be on Lewis' show? Like, that's about me. That's not a you thing.

How do I get so good? One of my favorite phrases, Steve Martin, the comedian, be so good they cannot ignore you. And it's the most empowering thing ever. And so for you, I've seen the guests you've brought on. You are an incredible human. And so to motivate me to be like, you've got a break. You can come on. Like, it has to be the to be like you got a break you can come on like it

has to be the right time right i it was a blessing and i want people to really hear that because in moments where you reach out to somebody so first of all have the courage to reach out because if you don't if you don't ask the answer will always be no so now if you do ask and you get a no ask yourself is it a me thing is it a them thing or is it not yet thing right because here's the thing i just may never be right for your show in your audience okay well no matter how good i get if i'm not right i'm not right now i may take that as an insult to me but it's actually not so now look at what are the things like is it a not yet and so that was it it's a not yet great what do i have to do what skill a not yet. Great. What do I have to do?

What skill sets do I have to learn? What do I have to build? Because here's the thing. I don't want success given to me. I don't want it given to me. And that's like why I said with the book, like if it brings value, then share it. That's my thing. So it's like for me to be on here, for you to really think that I can bring value,

that's a me thing. I've got to bring my eight game. And I love that. So it was so powerful that you said that to me. And I want people to think of that, like moments like that. How can you not take it personally? How can you say their response is actually motivating to me?

You know, take our friend Jamie Kern Lima. How many no's did she get all along the way she was trying to start her makeup company? So many no's. If she had let a no stop her, she wouldn't have built a company worth $1.2 billion and she wouldn't have sold it to L'Oreal and she wouldn't have been the first female CEO in L'Oreal's history

if she took no as a reflection of her worth. Wow. So that was my leaving part. Do not take no. It's powerful. I think it's exciting. And I think if we want something bad enough, or not saying you want to diss,

but if you want something in general life bad enough. I don't want to diss bad enough, Lewis. Well, you're here. But if you want something in general life bad enough... I don't want to diss bad enough, Lewis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you want something in life bad enough so you want to go whatever on the Today Show. The Today Show is not... You've got to think about what does the audience want and are you at the level of where they want you to be to be able to promote someone like you?

Or is the timing off? Or is it not the right season for them because they're in the news cycle of the war and they're not talking about something else? So, you can't take take things personally. You just got to think, how can I build myself better? How can I improve or how can I grow and set myself up for the mission I'm on and then allow other people to talk about it when it's ready. So really excited for you, Radical Confidence. Make sure you guys pick up a few copies, share them with your friends, Make sure you guys pick up a few copies, share them with your friends. Leave some comments below if you're on YouTube right now. Tag Lisa when you're over on social media as well, of course, and follow her all over

the place on social media. Final question for you. What's your definition of greatness? Saying I'm going to get somewhere and do something and then actually doing it. So this question is very appropriate for me being here because I said, I'm going to get on the Lewis Howe Show. He will say yes to me one day. He will say yes to me.

I'm going to be so great. He cannot ignore me. And here I am. So I think the definition of greatness is saying you want something, asking yourself, how am I going to get it, and be willing to put in the work and practice. My favorite movie, Karate Kid, wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off. And just keep practicing until you get so good that you can't be ignored.

Lisa Billion. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links. And also make sure to share this with a friend and subscribe over on Apple Podcasts as well. I really love hearing feedback from you guys. So share a review over on Apple

and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most. And if no one's told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.