The School of Greatness - Holocaust Survivor On Forgiveness, Healing Your Past & Living A Happy Life EP 1354

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

Using her own past as a Holocaust survivor and thriver as a powerful analogy, Dr. Edith Eger inspires people to tap their full potential and shape their very best destinies. Dr. Eger is a sought-after clinical psychologist and lecturer, helping individuals discard their limitations, discover their powers of self-renewal, and achieve things they previously thought unattainable.  Be sure to check out Dr. Eger’s two books, The Choice, a New York Times bestseller, and her most recent release, The Gift.Dr. Eger recently launched her first online course, Unlocking Your Potential, a 10-module, video-based workshop.In this episode you will learn, How to rewrite new beginnings from past experiences. The difference between revenge & forgiveness. How to become a good parent to yourself. The secret to living a long, healthy, and happy life.For more, go to lewishowes.com/1354Listen to Dr. Eger’s previous episode on The School of Greatness below!Healing, Forgiveness & Finding Freedom: https://link.chtbl.com/1010-pod

So I had to go back to Auschwitz, to that lion's den and look at the lion in a face to reclaim my innocence, to assign the shame and guilt to the perpetrator. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro-athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

Well, what would you like people to know about you and how would you want to be remembered? I'd like to be known as someone who did everything in her power. Everything. To see to it that it will never happen again. I'm into prevention. Yeah. I don't ask why me. I say what now.

Why is a past-oriented world a problem-oriented world? I like to deal with the present and think young. So when a man takes me out and he's trying to figure out how old am I, I'm going to ask him to take me home. Because if he's into numbers, he's not my man. What should he be into? I think he would be interested in perhaps what really gives me joy. What is that? Joy in my heart.

What is that? Joy in my heart. Like I have joy knowing that I have three children, I have five grandchildren, and seven great-grandsons. All sons, great-grandsons. All sons, no grandsons. Yeah, so I think it's good to really know that many people ask me, write a book, write a book, write a book. And I would say automatically, I have nothing to say.

I have nothing to say. I have a lot to say. And so do you. Mm-hmm. And you're committed to really change the people who don't think that they matter. Mm-hmm. Because there'll never be another you. Right. You're one of a kind. Mm-hmm.

Diamond. I see it in your eyes. You know? Mm-hmm. You're very precious. Thank you. You're very, very precious. And I know many people probably have changed because they knew that what they're doing now, they are revolving, not evolving. What does that mean, revolving, not evolving? Revolving, that you go back and do the same thing over and over again and expect different results.

Right, repeating the same pattern. Which is the definition of insanity. Someone said that. I said Einstein, I think, right? I think it was Einstein. I'm curious. Now you have seven grandsons, right? Right.

Seven grandsons. I think, are the two twins, the two-year-olds, are those the youngest grandsons you have? They're youngest, yeah. So there's 93 years-ish between you and your youngest grandsons. Exactly. And they come with their head because they know I'm going to kiss it. I love that. It's beautiful. So they just come and bring their little head. They just bring I'm gonna kiss it. I love that, that's beautiful. So they just come and bring their little head. They just bring it and you kiss it. And I don't know other people who kiss their head.

That's beautiful, that's great. But I do. I'm curious, what is the, you know, they, at this moment, they don't know the type of life you've had, right? Not until they're a little older will they understand the stories and hear the stories about your whole experience from what their great-grandmother went through

and how you overcame so many challenges and obstacles and how you became a member of society for hope and inspiration. I'm curious if you could share three lessons with them to set them up for their life. What would those three lessons be? I probably would tell them that I will never forget what happened. I don't know what it means to overcome. I don't think I… I don't know exactly what that means, but I came to terms with it.

I call it my cherished wound. Cherished wound. Yes. I cherish the wound that I learned in the classroom of Auschwitz. How does someone learn to cherish their wounds with something that's so tragic and so traumatic? You don't appreciate what you have until you lose it. See, if you take me out to dinner, and you might do that, take me out to lunch, I think I'm going to eat up my food, and then I'm going to pick up your leftovers. And if I don't do that, I'll take it home. I never waste any food.

I never leave food on my plate or in your plate. I do something with it and I give it away. You know. Why do you do that? One time I had a party and I had a lot of leftovers and I went out and I

I saw someone at the corner waiting and I gave them the food why do you why is that something you do? I told you know

they must be hungry yeah but they didn't want food they wanted money so they threw it back at me I don't want food. They wanted money. So they threw it back at me. I don't want your goddamn food. Give me money. Right.

Yeah. What's another thing you'd share with your grandkids, your great-grandkids? Right now, they're too young to listen to anything, but my great-grandson are 15, 12, and 10, and they're very interested in grammar. And I'm a very interesting person to be with. I have a lot to say. And not what happens, it's what you do with it.

Right. I think the coming to terms with the cherished wound, it's like creating meaning around what happened, right? Exactly. The existential vacuum. Viktor Frankl used to refer to that. And it's very important to know that it's not clinical depression.

Why do people get that confused? Yeah, well I had two paraplegics, both coming from Vietnam. Same symptomatologist, same diagnosis. Okay. And one of them was in a kind of a fetal position. Why me? How could anyone do this to me? Blaming God, blaming you name it, the country, of course. Conversely, the other one said to me, same symptomatologist, same diagnosis, same prognosis. He said to me, hey, doc. Dermatologist, same diagnosis, same prognosis. He said to me, hey, doc.

I was wearing a white coat, and it said, Dr. Eager, Department of Psychiatry. Okay. He says, hey, doc. I'm so grateful that I sit in a wheelchair because I can reach my children's much closer oh my goodness can you believe it and I can and reach the flowers much closer and I felt like a biggest imposter because I had a 16-old in me that I ran away from. I really wasn't qualified to take them further because I have not taken myself. You know, I went to school and I went to school and, you know, I became Dr. Edith Iwaiga. But I never really did the work.

Really? The healing work? So I went back to Auschwitz. When did you go back? I asked my sister to come with me, probably in the 70s or 80s, and she told me I'm an idiot. And that was the end of that.

My sister coming with me, and I went alone. And today the work I do to revisit the places where you've been, to relive that experience, but then you revise your life. Relive the experience and then revise your life. Rewrite the story. It's not going back. It's a new beginning. Oh, wow. So when you went there, what opened up for you?

Did you feel a lot of sadness and pain, or is that where you started to rewrite it? I was angry, and I didn't know what to do with anger. I ran from it, but I was angry. I was mad as hell. And I had to find a way to turn depression into expression. What happens if we continue to run from anger in our lives? We just build it up. It doesn't go away. You can't run away from it.

You cannot run away. It's better to face it, not fight it, or run from it. No. So I did go back to Auschwitz, and today the work I do, that yes, I hold your hand,

and we revisit your little room, your little home, the hallway, and you're holding my hand, I'm taking you out of there. Wow. Because that was then, and this is now. And you can find that little boy in you, the little girl in you, and buy him an ice cream cone. Because that little boy is crying. What happens if we never revisit the little boy or girl inside of us? We have unresolved grief.

Wow. And I think that's what therapy is. It's all grief work. Not what happened, what didn't happen. Because I remember when my granddaughter asked me to buy her a beautiful dress, which I am very good at, buying good dresses, so she could go to Bishop school to dance. And I come home and out of school to a dance. And I come home and out of the blue I'm crying. The word understand, I didn't understand. What's the matter with me? I just bought little precious Lindsay, a beautiful dress, I think it was a Laura Ashley original. But I realized that I'm not crying because Lindsay is going to the dance.

I cried because I never went to a dance. So I think the unresolved grief is important to make peace with. So when something like that happened for you or happens in any of our lives, what can we do to face it? And I have a photo on my phone of myself when I was younger, right? That little boy. Exactly, to go back into those places that were wounded and have a conversation and I, you know, I talked to him and I reflected. let him feel the feeling rather than talk about the feeling.

Let him feel it. What we do in America, we're hearing but maybe not listening. It's very good to repeat what you hear and they tell you whether it's true or false. I think it's very important to write your book. So you said anger is something that... Not the primary emotion.

It's not the primary. So when someone feels anger, what is it they really feel? Fear. Afraid of what? Fear of being found out that your true self is it fear of being found out your true self is not lovable or not enough or you're never going to amount to anything or it's never going to no one's going to accept you that you're a fake. Oh, wow.

Yes. Do you think everyone feels that way at some point in life? I think it's very seldom that a person never regresses anything. I think it's important to acknowledge that you say to yourself, It's important to acknowledge that you say to yourself, if I knew then what I know now, I could have done things differently. Right. And that's it. That's the end of that.

That's it. That's it. But why do we hold on to the pain so long, and why do we shame ourselves and beat ourselves up emotionally because we didn't have the knowledge when we were 5 or 10 or 16 or 20? Maybe we didn't have good role models. That it's okay to feel any feelings without the fear of being judged. There is no right feeling or wrong feeling. There is only my feeling.

And underneath of anger is fear. So it's very good to ride on all your fears from the least anxiety producing to the most anxiety. And then we knock them down because you were not born with fear. You were born with love, joy, and passion for life. Mm-hmm. I love that you say this because I feel like... I'm full of passion. You are. joy and passion for life. I love that you say this, because I feel like. I'm full of passion. You are, you're feisty. You're feisty, I like it.

Yes, sir. I love this idea of writing down your fears and then knocking them down. Knocking them down because you were not born with them, you learned it. When did you start to knock down your fears? How old were you roughly? I think I was 16 in Auschwitz, and I developed inside something that I cherish today, my inner resources, that I don't look at life from outside in.

And I give up my need for other people's approval. You did that when you were 16? I did that. Wow. You gave up your need for other people's approval then? Exactly. What does that do for you when you give up the need? It gave me my true self.

Your authentic, expressive self. That I am my own good mommy to me. Yes. And then I ask, is this empowering me or depleting me? Mm-hmm. If I'm going to have alcohol, I'm messing with my brain. If I'm going to have alcohol, I'm messing with my brain. So you're not going to do something to try to look good in front of others and try to make others like you.

What the neighbors think about us, yes. Right. Wow. I think very important for children, especially for the father to be a good role model to the children, the way he treats the children's mother, his wife. How should the father treat the mother? Specifically.

Never raise your voice. When you're angry in English, you start the sentence with you. You are stupid. You. When you hear you, you're going to be dumbed down, and you say to yourself, the longer they talk, the more relaxed I become. You take the negative stimuli, turn it immediately into something positive. I think there is a Mexican psychiatrist who wrote a little book that is very valuable,

and it's called The Four Agreements. So good. Don't take anything personally. Don't take it personally. It's so powerful. How does someone learn to not take it personally? If someone's saying, you did this, and you're stupid, and you powerful. How does someone learn to not take it personally if someone's saying you did this and you're stupid and you're, how do you learn to just be peaceful around it?

I know better. That's what you think and this is what I feel. And men are not taught to feel the feelings. They talk about the feeling. They analyze the feeling. They medicate the feeling rather than just feeling the feeling. A good cry, what comes out of your body will never make you ill, but stays in there does. Like posture, you know, you have to. Get it out.

Get it out. Get it out. Scream it out. Scream it out. In the car. In a pillow. Scream. Yeah.

Cry, and then laugh like a hyena, and you feel better. Laugh like a hyena? Yeah. Get it out, shake it out. How should a wife be around her husband with her kids? So what is happening, the husband comes home and the wife already knows just by looking at him that there is something going on. But she doesn't say anything

because he doesn't say anything either because he's scared. If he's going to say something, things are going to get worse. She's scared. She's scared. They both care. But they don't really sit down, which I do really to make them really see what's really going on.

But down the line, if they don't do that, they will miss passion and life for sure. I don't know what else right now to think of. Passion, joy, joy and passion, for sure. So if you want joy and passion, have a fight, but pay attention how you finish a fight. How should you finish the fight? That's right. That you can agree to disagree. That not I'm right, you're wrong. I'm good, you're bad. None of that. We're human. We do make mistakes and we have a good talk about it and hopefully learn from it so we won't repeat it. Right, right. And you worked with Viktor

Frankl too, right? Didn't you work with him? I worked with Viktor Frankl very much. I remember we were in Germany and we danced together. You danced together? Yes. Was he a good dancer? And then he said something, is this the last tango? I think it was Regensburg or one of those places where we had our conference. Viktor Frankl was, like you, a kind of a Renaissance man.

He was taking flying lessons. When I met him, he was in his 70s. Wow. He died when he was 92. But he was truly my mentor. What was your biggest lessons from him that he taught you? The Logotherapy. Logo means finding purpose and meaning in your life. It's called the existential vacuum

that most people are called clinical depression. No. Is clinical depression a thing, or is there a way to get out of it without medication? Yeah, well, we pathologize. We pathologize too much. I think it's very good to make the diagnosis that doesn't have to pathologize, like I'm sad, I'm scared, you know, to use the language that it doesn't have to go to diagnosis and medical. Medicine is important, you know. We have our blood, and that needs to be hopefully valid, tended to. Yeah. needs to be hopefully valid, tended to. We have our environment, but the way you respond to the other two, I have a choice. To respond or react.

When you react, you don't think. How does someone learn how to pause when there's an event, when there's a trigger? Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath, and if that doesn't work, take another deep breath. Keep breathing until you react. Keep breathing because you cannot change what's outside of you. The environment, the event, what occurs. You really are very powerless.

But you have power the way you choose to take the negative and turn it into positive. Because suffering makes you stronger. Suffering is part of life. Mm-hmm. Is there a way to minimize suffering in our lives? You learn from history, so you won't repeat it. That's why it's good to write a book.

Write a book. People told me for years, write a book, write a book. And I would say, I have nothing to say, I have nothing to say. But then Philip Zimbardo one morning calls me and says, you know, Edie, the people who survived and are famous are all men. We need a female voice. And that's my book, The Choice. Right.

A female voice of Viktor Frankl. Wow, that's beautiful. You mentioned, I want to ask you about the fears again, writing down a list of your fears and then knocking them down. again, writing down a list of your fears and then knocking them down. What happens internally when we start to knock these fears down and we over… You replace it with something else. See, when you're in a car and you have to switch gears, you know, it talks to you, the car. So what you need to do is switch gears and release the clutch.

What are you holding on to? My definition of love is the ability to let go. Let go. Don't live in the past. You cannot change the past. That's one thing you cannot change, is the past. I don't live in the past. I don't forget it or overcome it.

That's why I call it my cherished wound because part of me was left in Auschwitz, but not the better part, not the bigger part. How do you reclaim that part from that? You go back to that place and you can do it in your office with a gestalt chair. Put them in that chair, tie them up, and beat them up.

Sure. Yeah. Wow. How could you do this to me? I was only eight years old, you know, and you get it out, scream it out, and beat them up. If we don't get that emotion out, then we're the ones that suffer, right? Yeah, because forgiveness has nothing to do with me forgiving you for what you did to me.

I don't have any godly power at all, but I do have a power to look at everything that happened into an opportunity, for an opportunity. And that was Auschwitz, the biggest classroom, the most important one I have gone to. Wow. So do we need to forgive the person that created the pain? Do we need to forgive ourselves?

What is harder? I think we create a time when I give you, myself, permission. That's a very good word. Give myself permission to let go of the pain and replace it with self-love, which is self-care, which is not narcissistic. Love yourself is not narcissistic.

Yeah. So give myself permission to let go of the pain from the past. Permission is a key word. And then replace it with self-love. You know, if I could meet Dr. Mangala now, I really wanted to meet him. And I found out where he was, but I never really ended up

meeting him in person. He went to South America. Most of the Nazis went through the Roman Catholics, somehow helped them to go through, them to go to South America. What would you have said to him? If you could have met him, what would you have said to him? I would probably tell him, I have no idea what I would have done if I would have been in your shoes.

It must have felt very powerful, sending my mother to the gas chamber. Because he asked me, is this your sister or is this your mother? I still want to cry. And now, that stupidly I said it's my mother. Because I could not forgive myself that if I would have said my sister, she wouldn't have gone to the gas chamber. But then I had to recognize that I did what I could. I did what I could.

You did the best. And I did the best I could. Yeah. So forgiving yourself and not to judge yourself, you got to really truly do the work. Yeah. That's powerful. I'm curious. Suffering makes you stronger.

How much of a… Then ask for it. I don't want suffering. Please. You don't need to ask for it. It's not a must. No, no, no. But it makes you stronger. But when it happens, recognize that it's temporary.

Yes, yes. And you can survive it so you become your own good parent yes are you a good parent to you now I am yeah

after a lot of the healing work yeah now I'm a very good parent to myself yeah I feel a lot of peace inside

I didn't feel that for years yeah you say what you live yeah that's good yeah it's a constant journey you say what you live yeah that's good it's a constant journey

congratulations thank you the first time I interviewed you I was really inspired by how you shared so much wisdom about how to not take things personally and how to reinterpret when someone's saying something to you just say you's saying something to you, just say, well, I actually,

you're saying the opposite to yourself of like how you love yourself and how you're generous and kind. So I really appreciate that. You know, just a very simple question. Whatever you're doing now, you ask, how is it working for you? Yeah.

Is it empowering you or depleting you? And I'm curious about potential. You know, the potential that each one of us has as human beings. Yes. How much of our potential is limited or blocked or shut down if we do not learn to heal the different traumatic moments of our life? Can we still reach our potential if we don't face trauma or is it going to be limited? I think we're going to be chronic victims and every time you are a victim you're going

to find a victimizer, and it's very important to think about what you're going to say before you say it, whether it's important, whether it's necessary, and whether it's kind. If it's not kind… Is it important? Is it necessary? Is it kind? It's kind. If it's not kind... Is it important? Is it necessary? Is it kind? It's kind. Yeah. If it's not kind, you're just not going to say it.

Don't say it. How do we create a life where we don't become victims, where we are empowered no matter what happens, even if there is something that occurs in life, an event that feels like we are a victim, how do we turn it so that we aren't a victim? Because I feel like being a victim is disempowering. You cannot be a victim without a victimizer.

If you're a victim, you're always gonna find a victimizer. If you're a victim, you're always going to find a victimizer, or you fluctuate between victims, because victims are weak, and victimizers are strong. So part of the psyche will identify with the aggressor. That's what we call a Stockholm Syndrome. Is there moments in life where we should be victims? Or is it never a good time to be a victim? I think... I... Does anything good come from it? I never see myself

that my identity would be being a victim. I have no room for that in my life. I'm not a victim. I I'm innocent. Right. Because yesterday's victims can easily become today's victimizers. That's true. I'm sure you know a great deal about that. Tell me. Well, I mean, I was, I don't know if you know this, but I was sexually abused

when I was five years old by a man that I didn't know, a babysitter's son. And he was probably 16, 17. And I've talked about this many times on my show, but for 25 years, I was angry about it. I held onto the anger, the frustration, and I wanted to get back at people. And I always felt like there was an abuse happening to me, like people were abusing me in life. That was kind of the wound that I didn't heal. And when I started the healing journey 10 years ago,

I really allowed myself to let that go and forgive myself and forgive. Go through the rage. All of it, yeah. I mean, it was a process. You cannot forgive without going through the rage. Oh, I went through it, yeah. And when I thought about it, I was like, okay, well, maybe this child, maybe this.

If you go to therapy, ask your therapist to sit on you. To sit on me? Yeah and don't let you get up. You have to fight your way up and get them off of you. Give it to him. Yeah yeah yeah. But good yeah to get that thing. Get it out. But good. Get that thing. Get it out. There is a difference between revenge and forgiveness. Yes.

Revenge gives you a satisfaction. Momentarily. Very momentarily. Beautifully said. Forgiveness gives you freedom. So I had to go back to Auschwitz, to that lion's den and look at the lion in a face to reclaim my innocence,

to assign the shame and guilt to the perpetrator. Not on yourself. No. No more. Not on yourself. No. Yeah. No more. I'm free. Did you feel free from that moment forward or did you have to go back a few times and really let it out more?

I think it's a lifelong process. Yeah. Really, I didn't have to go back to Auschwitz. No, not at all. One of the things I was asked by physicians, which was interesting, have I ever saw birds in Auschwitz? Ever saw birds? I never saw birds in Auschwitz.

Why is that? I guess the smell. Birds are probably pick up the terrible smell. Wow. How long were you there for again? Do you remember? I was there from May until December. That's a long time.

Yes. You know, my daughter called me from Auschwitz and she said I'm wearing a fur coat, I'm wearing boots and I'm freezing. What did you do mom? Oh my gosh. I didn't have any boots, I didn't have any fur coat. I had a little flimsy little something, and I did what I needed to do. How did you keep your spirit strong enough to survive that? That it's temporary. You told yourself this is temporary?

I don't like it, it's inconvenient, and don't say but. And it's temporary because after all, it is temporary. I don't know where we're going from here. Maybe I'm going to meet my mom. You see what I miss? That I never had a mother-daughter talk. Like… You mean after that?

Well, when you get married, you talk to your mother about sex, about money, about in-laws, God knows what else. You didn't have any of those conversations? Any of those conversations I didn't have. What do you wish your mom would have told you? Just for me not to fake anything, to be my true self. You know, my mother told me that I'm glad you have brains because you have no looks you know that and so I became a very erudite person I had my own book club I read the interpretation

of dreams by Freud when I was 14 very different than nowadays children are not really as curious. I was always very curious. What's going to happen next? Where I'm going to go from here? Yeah. You're very curious. And I think the curiosity helped me to survive. Wow. The curiosity. The curiosity.

Well, I'm glad I'm a curious person then. You know, I'm always asking questions and very curious. Wonderful. Yeah. Sometimes you're Jewish, you know, you ask a question and you answer it with a question. Right. How are you? How do you think I am? I like that.

So something happened this weekend and you were contemplating whether you wanted to come here. Yes. And we got a message yesterday that you weren't going to come, but then you did want to come. Yes. And I'm so sorry for your loss about your sister. Thank you. From this weekend.

Thank you. And I want to know why you wanted to come here after your sister's passing this weekend. To bring you my true self. That I'm grieving and feeling and healing. My sister is with me. The spirit never dies. And I hope I'll be happy in my dead bed.

And I'm not going to ask what the world has given me. But you and I are going to probably ask, how can I contribute to the world that makes us human beings getting together and see how we can empower each other with our differences. You can be you and I can be I. And just empower each other. You do it your way, empower each other. You do it your way, I do it my way. When we think about the perspective of what will the world give me versus what can I bring to the world and to humanity, why do some people think what will the world give me and what is the trap behind thinking that way versus how can I be of service to the world give me? And what is the trap behind thinking that way

versus how can I be of service to the world? Well, there are givers and takers. And hopefully I am a giver. And I will do less blaming and pushing myself for more and more and more. You know, I just do the best I can, and that's good enough. Yeah. Good enough is good enough.

Have you been blaming for a while? I have been maybe rough on myself that I could do more than I'm doing. But I am forgiving myself that I give and do the best I can do. I do get up in the morning and I look at life as one day. The morning sunshine will not come back. And I'm very comfortable at 95 hoping

maybe that I'll do what's humanly possible. And then hand it over to God. Wow, that's beautiful. I've got a few more questions I want to ask you. But I wanted to ask the biggest lessons that your sister taught you

because you both experienced a very tragic event for many months together. You both, you know, learned to heal and you came together and, you know, you've had a great experience with her, what have been the biggest lessons that she taught you? Because she was your older sister, correct? My older sister? I was the youngest in the family. The most charming, right, in the family?

I think my parents really wanted a son after two girls. And I came along, and that was not what they wanted. And I felt it. Magda was a very good survivor. She was full of jokes. We always talked about food. That's all we talked about. she stopped really living. And it's been now perhaps many, many months

or maybe years that she gave up her piano. She gave up her piano lessons, and she gave up bridge. She was a bridge player. I think she played with Omar Sharif, but I cannot guarantee you. But I cannot guarantee you. But Magda has been extremely brilliant with numbers. So what she did in school, she did your homework, but she didn't want your money.

She wants you to bring her food. A roast beef sandwich, God knows, fried chicken. Fried chicken was always very good. My mother bought little chickens and it was so delicious. Or Hungarian salami. Have you been to Hungary? I haven't been. No, I've been to Poland and other places in Europe, but no, not Hungary. You haven't been to Hungary?

I'll have to go. Yeah. Hungarians are good survivors. What's the thing you'll hear? There is a song in Hungary that the woman is best when she's beaten up. It's not very kind. Yeah, it's not kind. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, well, Hungarian women learned how to deal with men and give them compliments even when they don't deserve it. Wow. So women are wise, not smart, but wise how to go through the man's stomach

and make him the food that he likes. Like a certain roast beef that you make in Hungarian style or the chicken with a lot of paprika

on it and garlic on it. I make a very good garlic chicken. You do, right now. I make it. Next time I'm in San Diego, I'm going to get some of your chicken. Tell me and I will. I'm there for the chicken.

I'll do the. The chicken and a dance with you. Okay. Yes, a little salsa. It's a deal. What would you say is the thing you hold in your heart dearest about your sister? The thing you'll take with you.

Her humor. Her humor, yeah. Her humor. Yeah. She had a lot of humor. A lot of humor about men and women. I didn't have at all, and I don't have that kind of sense of humor.

You've got a great sense of humor. I do what's… Different. Different. Yes. I have a question about your secret to living a long, healthy life. With experiencing pain, tragedy, trauma, loss, sadness, you continue to thrive in your life. See, when you were touched inappropriately, you probably would have come to me and say, Edie, I don't know how to tell you that, because you went to Auschwitz. And my answer would be, I knew the enemy.

I knew the enemy. You didn't. Don't minimize it. You have the right to be angry. But not to hold on to it. Or live by it. You got to go through the rage. Scream it out.

Yeah. But don't get addicted to it. Don't do anything in excess. Drinking, smoking. Right. Raging, yeah. Rage. Yeah.

Rage is fear. Yeah. Fear. And the biggest fear of a child is the fear of abandonment. That is important. Yeah. Especially in midlife. That is not a crisis,

but a transition. You don't have your periods anymore, but who wants to have babies anyway? No problem. But I work with midlife issues a lot on a daily basis. And basis and it's a new beginning it's a new beginning you become older and wiser not older and sinner so you're going to write another book

yeah working on another book which has a lot of teachings about healing in the book as well so and overcoming that. But that's part of the vision. But I'm curious for you, though, what do you feel has been one of the keys to living a long, healthy life

with challenges and tragedy? Not to lie to yourself. Not to try to please other people, give up the need for approval of others. I think that's number one. If you like me, fine. If you don't, that's okay. It doesn't mean I was rejected.

Rejection is an English word that people make up to express a feeling when you don't get what you want. Give up the drama. Yeah. No one can reject me but me. That's true.

Don't say I was rejected. Nobody has any power. But you can reject yourself. You can. And that's the biggest betrayal, if you do it to yourself. You better have a talk with yourself. Find that little boy who is still crying and looking for a good, loving parent. Yes, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Find that little boy who is still crying and looking for a good loving parent.

Yes, yes. Yeah. Yeah. And be a good mommy to you. Mm-hmm. Do you feel like you've done... Eat your spinach. Do you feel like you've been a good parent to yourself over the years?

I could have been better, but there are two questions that are important. Number one, when did your childhood end? If you're a child of an immigrant, you end up taking care of your parents. You never had a childhood. You never had a childhood. Very important. The second question is, would you like to be married to you? Yeah, that's a good one. Yes.

You got to reflect. I ask people to ask themselves. What do people say usually? No, no, no, no. It's up to you. Who do you attract? That's true. That's true.

Is there anything else you'd like to share today? Anything else that's opening up for you that you want to talk about? My 95th birthday party. When is it? Was recently? A couple weeks ago. Wow. I was, thank you.

95. Thank you. Feeling alive, 95. Feeling young. Young. Young. Energetic, passionate. That's right, dancing, celebrating.

So the question is, how can you turn life into a constant celebration? I love that. How do you do that? Every moment is precious. Never throw out a piece of bread only buy what you eat

cook for yourself don't go to a restaurant so much because it has a lot of salt and a lot of sugar yeah tastes so good though cook

cook yeah cook for yourself and enjoy yeah every moment in life right

that's beautiful don't procrastinate and get rid of perfectionism. Mm-hmm. I love those. Yeah, you're human. You're going to make mistakes. That's fine.

Mm-hmm. You've got a couple of amazing books, The Choice and The Gift, which I'm a big fan of. And I know for years you said you didn't have anything to write about, but those books are incredible. I highly recommend people getting them. Oprah loved them as well and has shared them out and talked to you about those. It's really impacted a lot of people in life. So I really appreciate and acknowledge you for how you continue to thrive, how you continue to serve, and give back to so many of us in our lives.

So I really appreciate and acknowledge you, Dr. Ida, for your service and your wisdom and your joy. I want people to get your books. We'll have it all linked up for people, but you also have a course, which is really inspiring as well. Yes, we have a wonderful course, and I think we have now about 2,000 people who signed up, but I think it's very important, hopefully for me, to write a book for teenagers. Are you going to be doing that now? I would like to do that. I'd like to really see that teenagers can become ambassadors. That's beautiful. Ambassadors for peace.

Teens of the future. And goodwill. Yeah. I think we need to take the children seriously and have conversations with them that is age appropriate. Yes.

I can't wait for that book. You'll have to let me know so we can have you back on for that book as well. Exactly. The course, I know you have a free course about forgiveness as well. Yes. So I want people to get a free course about forgiveness as well. So I want people to get the free course and we'll have it all linked up on your site, DrEdithEgger.com.

Forgiveness has a great deal to do with letting go, letting go. So my definition of love is the ability to let go yeah whenever you're holding on to let it go let it go yeah not not going back and you begin mm-hmm so you're pregnant and you're gonna give birth to the you that was meant to be free. Freedom is everything. Freedom from the concentration camp that is in your own mind and the key is in your pocket. Wow.

That's a part of your free course that people can get right now. And then if they want even more, you've got your advanced course, Unlocking Your Potential. So I want people to get both of those. Good. That's beautiful. Okay, I have two final questions.

Do you have time for two more questions? Sure. Okay. I believe I asked you this last time, but I want to ask you again. And it's called the three truths question so it's a hypothetical

question truth is all subject exactly my truth your truth exactly so I want you to imagine a hypothetical scenario

for whatever reason you have to take all of your books and conversations and courses and work with you somewhere. We don't have access to your content. And all we have access to are these three truths, these three lessons that you've learned in your life that you'd like to share with the world. What would be those three truths that you could share? If you could only share three things and we wouldn't have access to any other content you've created,

what would be those three truths? Suffering makes me stronger. Become your own good parent to you. to you and find your little child in you who is crying and asking for a good parent and you show up

for that child the little boy the little girl and how anything you do ask yourself the little boy, the little girl, and how anything you do, ask yourself whether it's empowering you or deplete you. These are three powerful truths. And don't say, just this time, nobody's going to find out.

I'm going to have this drink. Is it empowering or depleting you? You need to know whether it's really important that you become your own good parent. And then whether you're going to act upon it or not. Positive thinking has nothing to do with anything unless it's followed with a positive action. That's beautiful. Well, Dr. Edith, I want to acknowledge you. I appreciate you for how you continue to show up,

how you continue to serve, how you continue to give. That's what it's all about, showing up. Your joy, your generosity, your attention, your time, and your wisdom. So I really acknowledge and appreciate you. I'm so grateful for you. And I can't wait to have some chicken from you soon. That's right. I'm going to come and get some chicken from you.

We're going to have chicken together. But most of all, we're going to have chicken together, but most of all we're going to be colleagues, and recognize that none of the academic knowledge really does any good unless you really have the knowledge of your life's work, work that you chose not to be a victim or the victimizer ever. Yeah, that's beautiful. My final question, what's your definition of greatness? It's to show up for life. There you go.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Appreciate you go. Thank you so much. Thank you. Appreciate you. Thank you. God bless. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description

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