The School of Greatness - How To Develop A Peaceful Heart & Warrior Spirit w/ Dan Millman EP 1217

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

 Today’s guest is Dan Millman. He’s a former world champion athlete, university coach, martial arts instructor, and college professor.After an intensive, twenty-year spiritual quest, Dan’s teaching found its form as the Peaceful Warrior’s Way. He’s written eighteen books, including the best-seller Way of the Peaceful Warrior, which had a big impact on my life years ago. He’s back with a memoir called Peaceful Heart, Warrior Spirit: The True Story of My Spiritual Quest which is all about Dan’s search for meaning in the modern world. That’s something I believe each and everyone of us can relate to.In this episode we discuss the interesting approach to overcoming the fear of other people’s opinions, how Dan’s definition of a purposeful life has become clearer over 75 years and what gets in the way of most of living meaningful life, how to reshape your negative beliefs and build up your self worth, how to develop what Dan calls a peaceful heart and a warrior spirit and so much more!For more go to: www.lewishowes.com/1217Get Dan's new book: https://www.peacefulwarrior.com/peaceful-heart-warrior-spiritThe Wim Hof Experience: Mindset Training, Power Breathing, and Brotherhood: https://link.chtbl.com/910-podA Scientific Guide to Living Longer, Feeling Happier & Eating Healthier with Dr. Rhonda Patrick: https://link.chtbl.com/967-podThe Science of Sleep for Ultimate Success with Shawn Stevenson: https://link.chtbl.com/896-pod 

This is episode number 1,217 with Dan Millman. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

Welcome back, my friend. Today's guest is Dan Millman. He is a former world champion athlete, university coach, martial arts instructor, and college professor. And after an intense 20-year spiritual quest, Dan's teachings found its form as the Peaceful Warrior's Way. And he's written 18 books, including the bestseller Way of the Peaceful Warrior, which is one of my favorites, which had a big impact on my life when I read it many years ago. And he's back with a new memoir called Peaceful Heart, Warrior Spirit, the true story of my spiritual quest, which is all about Dan's search for meaning in a modern world. And that's something I believe each and every one of us can relate to. It's a book that I loved going through and I loved this interview.

So much wisdom from what Dan has to share. In this episode, we discuss the interesting approach to overcoming the fear of other people's opinions. And I think everyone should try this approach. It's something new that I hadn't heard that I really loved that I want to try myself. How Dan's definition of a purposeful life has become clearer over 75 years and what gets in the way for most of us for living a meaningful life. How to reshape your negative beliefs and build up your self-worth, which I know holds a lot of people back these days.

How to develop what Dan calls a peaceful heart and a warrior spirit. That and so much more. I was so inspired. Again, I really love this message. I hope you're getting a lot out of these interviews. Every week we try to bring you the most inspirational, inspiring guests we can find. And if you're enjoying this at any moment and you can think of a friend or two or you want to post this on social media, then please share this message out there. You can post it over on Instagram stories and tag the link wherever you're listening to this episode. You can post it on your WhatsApp, group chats,

on Facebook, wherever you want to post it. Get this message out there to someone that you think would be inspired by this as well. And I want to give a shout out to the fan of the week, Mo. And Mo said, what I look for the most in a podcast is being able to take something away from any episode that I can actually apply to my life and this happens every time with the

school of greatness it's so informative thought-provoking and always inspiring so big shout out to Mo for being a fan of the week leaving a review over on Apple podcast thank you so much for your reviews and if you want a chance to be shouted out then make sure to leave a review of what you thought about this episode today. And make sure to subscribe as well over on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or as well over on YouTube, as we're about to cross 2 million subscribers over there. Okay, in just a moment, the one and only Dan Millman.

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Dan Millman is in the house. Thanks so much for being here, Dan. You bet, Lewis. It's always a pleasure. I'm excited because you've been on a couple times now, and I've been a fan of you personally. I've been a fan of your message and your work. Um, you know, your, your books have been very impactful way of the peaceful warrior was,

uh, uh, so inspiring for me. And you've got a new book out called peaceful heart warrior spirits. And there is a saying out there. I may butcher the saying, but it, it's a saying that says it's better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war and i'm curious does that resonate with you in any way about having a peaceful heart and a warrior spirit and what does that really mean is it connected to that in any way well i like that saying it has a nice resonance and balance. And yes, I love to have the opportunity to explain what I mean. You know, way back when, when I was a young college professor in Oberlin, Ohio, I taught a martial arts course,

basically Aikido and Tai Chi. And they're both internal arts. I was going to call the course The Way of the Warrior, which makes sense, but it didn't quite fit because they're internal martial arts. They're not really aggressive arts. And then a light bulb went on and I said, hey, why don't I call it The Way of the Peaceful Warrior to add some balance? But it wasn't until years later that I wrote a book and decided to use that term as the title. But people ask me, what do you mean peaceful warrior? And so over time, it evolved and I got more insights. And it's like, we're all peaceful warriors in training, whether one would label themselves such or not, I view everyone that way because everyone I know is seeking to live with a more peaceful heart,

a sense of serenity, equanimity, balance in the chaos and changes of the world since change comes at us in waves that we can't control or predict, as many of us have learned recently, but we can learn to surf those waves. And so that's the idea of a peaceful heart. And there are times in our lives, not just athletes like you and me, former athletes, but there are times anyone needs a warrior spirit. And it's not about fighting. It's not about a battle, except maybe the internal demons of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, those kinds of things. But really, it's about rolling up our sleeves, standing up tall inside of ourselves, and marching into everyday life and doing what we need to do with that kind of spirit.

So that's why I view everyone as a peaceful warrior in training. You mentioned these kind of inner demons that we all face. What do you think is the strongest demon that each one of us needs to learn how to overcome? Probably some form of fear, including self-doubt. That can be a big one. You know, Customato, the boxing coach, once said, heroes and cowards feel exactly the same fear. They just respond differently. And so the focus of my work recently, after working with the four primary mentors in my life over a 20-year period that I describe in the new book, what I've come to is that we have less control over our thoughts that just appear in our mind, in our awareness,

and less control over the emotions we happen to be feeling in any given moment. We can't just change them by willing them to change instantly. We don't have a spam filter in our head to stop certain thoughts. So rather than focus on what we have less control over, I believe in focusing on what we have more control over, I believe in focusing on what we have more control over, which is our behavior, what we actually do. And so that's become an emphasis in my work of late. And it really does simplify life. Barbara Rasp, the writer, once said, the lesson is simple, the student is complicated. And that's true of all of us. We complicate everything. And so I'm striving for simplicity, directness, clarity by life skills, spiritual life skills

we didn't learn in school necessarily. And so that's what I've gained that kind of insight after working with these mentors over, as I said, several decades. And what do these mentors teach you about overcoming fear and self-doubt? Or what did you discover within your own lessons and own failures and learnings on how to overcome failure and self-doubt so that it doesn't consume you or control you? Early on in the memoir, in the new book. Early on, I go into my foundations as a young risk taker who was almost left the planet when I was still in diapers,

running after a bouncing ball in the street till my dad grabbed me. But I had a role model named Steve Usa when I was about five or six years old. He was seven or eight. He was streetwise, you know. And he and his friends, I'd followed them around. And he and his friends found a home under construction in our neighborhood. And they climbed to the roof naturally. And there was a huge sand

pile below. And I climbed up with him. I managed to get up there. And Steve jumped off and sunk up to his knees in the sand pile and his friends followed. And then they said, come on, Danny. And so I went to the edge and I wanted to so badly. I wanted to jump, but I was so afraid. I stepped back. Then I stepped forward again and stepped back.

And he finally yelled something I never forgot. He said, Danny, stop thinking and jump. And a light bulb went on. It was like, I could do that. I just stopped my thinking about it and bent my knees and pushed and jumped. And that became like a master metaphor. It became a meme kind of in my life. Stop thinking and jump. And I trained my gymnast to do that when I was coaching at Stanford University. When I knew they were prepared to do something, but there was still the fear. What if we don't feel prepared to do something? Right. Now that's different. There's a saying that fear is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. And it can serve us. I mean, if our fear is physical,

if we could be injured or killed doing something, fear may be a wise counselor saying, wait a minute, step away from this. You're not ready yet. Or prepare better. Or take precautions. Or be especially alert if it's something we really want to do. But if we're not prepared yet, then we avoid it. So if the fear is physical, we need to listen to our fears. If we could be injured or killed, they may guide us. If we're walking down one dark street in a part of the city we're not familiar with, and we get a weird feeling about to go around a corner, we might want to listen to that and go wide around the corner or across the street.

That sort of thing. But if the fear is subjective, if we're afraid of looking foolish, or being embarrassed, or ashamed, or awkward, just do it anyway. Because it doesn't break bones. So we're embarrassed. So, you know, I've been embarrassed many times. And I write about that in the book as well. So those are the two kinds of approaches.

When do you know when to listen to fear? When do you cut through it? And that's how I would differentiate it. Why do you think so many people are crippled by the fear of judgment of other people the embarrassment what people will think about them how those what they'll say about them why do you think so many people will wait in decades to actually start a project a creative endeavor uh writing their book that they've been dreaming about for so long out of the insecurity of

someone else's opinion? I couldn't theorize about why other people do it, but I do know that I've faced it myself. And yet, as a gymnast, I've failed. And as a football player, former football player, you faced it too. I failed 50 times a day. I tried something, I messed up, I fell, I crashed, and I kept doing it. So failure to, I messed up, I fell, I crashed, and I kept doing it. So failure to me was just a stepping stone to where I was going. But many people haven't really encountered a lot of that

and they just wanna succeed and they feel their identity is on the line, their self-worth is on the line, and they put too much on the line. To me, it was all play. You mess up and you do better next time. So I think there's one fundamental kind of fear. Well, there's several actually, but the fear of public speaking. One Canadian study found that it was rated slightly

higher than the fear of death. Because when we're speaking in public, all these people seem to be judging us. What if they don't like us? Oh my God, we might as well roll over and die. But the fact is, if we focus more on the task at hand of giving to them rather than what they think of us, if it's all about me, how do I look? Do they like me? How do I sound? Then we can get all nervous about that. But that's the one kind of fear, but it also is related to self-doubt and it's related to the God of opinion. You know, you've heard that saying, what other people think of us is none of our business. Right.

But most people don't believe that. They put the best self forward on Instagram, on Facebook, whatever, because they want to look good to everybody else, thinking everyone will like them if they look good. But sometimes if we look too good, other people feel bad around us. They compare themselves. And there is an exercise one can do to free yourself from the god of opinion, so you can begin to trust the god of your heart. All right. And this, by the way, this actually works. It sounds silly, but it works. You make a little altar in your room and maybe put a white cloth on it and some incense, a flower, whatever, make an altar.

Then you make a little God of opinion and you put it on the altar. It can look like Darth Vader or a clay figure or put someone's picture on it who represents the God of opinion. And every morning when you get up, you get on your hands and knees in front of this altar before you start your day. You bow down, touch your head to the floor, as ridiculous as it may feel, and you go, how am I doing, God of opinion? Am I okay? Do I look okay? Do I sound okay? Do you approve of me? Now, if someone walks in on you when you're doing that, it's like, whoa, what are you doing?

And it's like, oh, I'm just worshiping my God of opinion. That's even better. But let's say no one walks in. You do it privately. You don't have to do it the rest of your life, just for a week or two. But what happens is during the day when you confront somebody and they seem to be judging you and you're worried about their opinion, you can say to yourself, wait a minute, they look a lot like the God of opinion, but it couldn't be because I know where it is.

I left it back on my altar this morning. And here's the key. I've already worshiped it today. I already did that. Do I want to do it again? What this exercise does, it works at a subconscious level because that little inner child or subconscious mind likes humor and it likes symbolic imagery. And this has both. So this actually can help cure

worshipping the God of opinion and start paying attention to our own inner knower. worshiping the God of opinion and start paying attention to our own inner knower. I love this example and exercise. I don't think it's too crazy. I think I'm always exploring and trying new things like that in my own way. So I think that's a beautiful exercise. I think people should try that 100%. If there's been something that's been holding you back from the opinions of others, peers, family, friends, social media, whatever it is, practice it.

Try it for a day. Try it for a week and see what happens. Do you ever feel that insecurity at your life, at this stage of your life, from the opinions of other people when you're putting out a new project or speaking or anything like that? Or have you mastered that? I only feel insecure around my wife. That's about the only time. I just am so focused on sharing with people that the insecurity or doubt just never comes up. And even if it does, I've learned, and really, I learned that God of opinion exercise from one of the mentors I call the warrior priest

and found out it really works. And I learned from the mentor I call the sage, who I met more recently, some other principles. And so even if I feel self-doubt, I've learned three things that are very, very effective for functioning well in life, despite the feelings or thoughts, positive or negative, which is to accept my thoughts, positive or negative, and my feelings as natural to me in that moment. Now, when I say accept them, I mean as I might in meditation. Notice them. They're there, not denying them or ignoring them or running from them. Just notice they're coming up. The second thing is, what is my purpose? What is my goal or aim? And the third is doing what needs to be done in line with my purpose.

It sounds very simple. It's not so easy. But by doing that, we learn to function well in life despite conflicting thoughts and feelings, all those complications. So there are three things. Accept your thoughts and feelings. Yes, it's natural to you. Maybe you don't want to continue on with those thoughts and feelings, but accept that they're happening. You're feeling them. You're thinking these things.

That's step one. Notice them, really. Number two is go back to thinking about your purpose. What is my purpose? And then step three is to start taking actions and steps that are in alignment of your purpose. Right. It's respectful of the individual, not in alignment with Dan Millman's philosophy or what you read in a book or scripture. I mean, it's basically just what is your purpose, a constructive purpose, and then do what needs to be done. We've all done that. We've

taken out the trash or done our work or gone to school or whatever it is when we weren't, when we were tired or not feeling like it. We've all done that. So we know how to do that. You know, there's a saying, a man named Shoma Marita once said, when running up a hill, it's okay to give up as many times as you want, as long as your feet keep moving. Absolutely. Do you feel like we can control our thoughts and our feelings? Absolutely not. I know there are many books around or people who will tell you how to feel more resourceful feelings and feel this and feel that so you can finally live well and how to quiet the mind or think more positively. I personally, in my own experience,

have found that neither I nor anyone else I've ever seen has a spam filter in their head, can just say, oh, I don't want to think that thought anymore. In fact, the best way to become obsessed is to try not to think a given thought all day. So rather than focus on that, trying to control what we have little control over by our will, because feelings and thoughts change all the time. They come and they go. They don't stay with us unless what you fight, what you resist persists, that old saying. So rather than trying to fix my thoughts and feelings, there's another way to liberate ourselves literally from that. Now, feelings can be very valuable. I mean, they have information. If I'm feeling depressed or

angry when I'm around a particular person, there's some action I may need to take, something I may need to express or change. So feelings have information. I'm not saying deny or ignore them, but to try to change them. You know, if there were a terrible storm outside right now and a lot of destruction, If there were a terrible storm outside right now and a lot of destruction, would it be your fault? Would it be my fault? I don't think so. And why not?

Because we have no control over the weather. Unless we're a storm, I guess, in the X-Men or something, you know, she could control the weather. If we could, we'd have some control. But we can't control the weather. Therefore, we're not responsible for it. So we can probably agree on this, that we are responsible for what we can control, not responsible for what we can't control. And so if we come to accept this idea, many people haven't thought about it. I know I hadn't until the sage exposed me to these ideas, but I realized that thoughts just come and go. And one problem with many teenagers and adults as well

is they feel too responsible for the wild and crazy thoughts and feelings they're having and not responsible enough for what they actually do. And they use emotions or negative thoughts as an excuse to not do what they need to do. So there is a way, an approach to simplify our lives and just focus. The one question, the key question in my life in any given moment is, what do I need to do now? And do that to the best of my ability. And there are tricks. There are ways. There are hacks.

to the best of my ability. And there are tricks, there are ways, there are hacks. For example, I recommend to people, they dream big, but start small and then connect the dots. A little of something is better than a lot of nothing. Right. What if someone is saying, well, I feel like I can't manage my thoughts and my feelings and it's consuming me so much that I just feel stressed out or anxious or worried all the time. How do we then, I guess, redirect our thoughts and our feelings into a more peaceful heart, I guess? Yeah. Well, the peaceful heart is not always a feeling of serenity. It's a way we behave. Let me give an example. A young man came up to me after I gave a talk at a college. And he said, Dan, I think you mentioned you have done

consultations with people one-on-one at times, but you must charge a lot of money for your time. I'm a poor college student. So what can you tell me for a dollar? And he gave me his dollar. So what can you tell me for a dollar? And he gave me his dollar. And I told him six words that could change his life. I gave him a lifetime practice in six words. I'm still practicing. And those six words are here and now, breathe and relax. And that is an entire teaching. The here and now part, most people say, oh oh yeah i know that already i know it's good to live in the present moment but many people don't really understand what that's about and why and for example technically a physicist will tell you there's no such thing as the present moment because what what nanosecond can we grab hold of? You know, a millionth of a second. It's gone. It's gone.

It's gone. So what teachers like myself, what we say is, just handle what's in front of you. Because past and future do not exist. They literally do not exist. The past is always going to be past. The future is always going to be future. There's no such thing as future happiness. We're either happy now or we're not. We're either strong now or we're not. It's not a matter of,

I will get that way later in the future. So what do we bring to that? How do we know? Well, first of all, when I say they don't exist, what we call the past is a set of neural impulses in our brain we call memory. And someone can show me a picture of their 10th birthday party and say, look, I know the past is real. I can show you this picture. But what's actually happening is I'm looking at a picture in this present moment, and they are showing it to me in this present moment, a visual image. But that was, it's still a memory. Nothing wrong with the past. It's a great human capacity to remember, to learn, to reflect on, to ruminate on the past, but not to mistake it for reality.

And the same with the future. We can plan our day. We can use our imagination about the future. But the future never comes. It's always our imagination. Even if we plan our day, we don't want to become too attached to the plans because they have a way of changing, don't they? We intend one thing, something comes up. So by focusing on the present moment, the here and now,

that's our moment of power. It's our moment of reality, our moment of sanity. We can always handle this moment. When we're concerned about a toxic meeting we're going to go into, we're not looking forward to it, it's not happening right now. You know, I was in Costa Rica teaching a workshop there some years ago. And one of the things we did was a zip line. You know what zip lines are. You go up at a big platform and link up to this line and leap off, you know, 30 feet in the air and zoom down this line. Well, it's kind of scary. And she'd never done this before. We had our harnesses on, our safety harnesses, which they hook us up to. And we were walking up this gigantic

tree, like in Middle Earth. It was a spiral staircase going up this tree. And as we were walking up, she said, oh, I'm so nervous. I'm really getting scared. And I went, I don't understand. Haven't you ever walked upstairs before? And she went, oh yeah, I've walked upstairs. I said, well, that's all we're doing right now. She went, oh, okay. So she relaxed for a little while. We got to the top on the big platform. People were going off and they hooked us up to a cable at the center of the tree, around the tree, so we wouldn't fall off the platform. And then she saw somebody leaping off and she went, oh, I'm getting scared again. And I said, I don't understand. The only way we can get hurt standing here is to take off our helmets and bang our head against the tree. And she went, oh, okay. Brought her back to the

present again. And finally, she was standing on the edge, ready to leap off. They'd hooked her up to the line. And I went, now you can be scared. At least it's appropriate in the moment, you know? So by focusing on the moment, it simplifies our life. This is the moment of power to focus on our, not our cosmic purpose or ultimate purpose or 20-year goal, but focus on what I need to do now. What is my purpose right now? My purpose is very clear. So is yours.

Has your definition of a purposeful life or meaningful life changed over, over the last 20, 30 years, or has it always been the same? No, it's changed. It's evolved like everything else. It's become clarified more than changed. My sense of what it means to have a purpose. Reflecting on my little granddaughter when she was in diapers crawling across the floor, it struck me that she wasn't doing this to exercise. She wanted something. Some sparkly little thing she was crawling toward. And I believe from infancy, we're hardwired goal seekers. We're happiest when we're pursuing a goal.

Those people who feel most fulfilled aren't just those who've reached a destination, but those who are moving toward it. In fact, I define success as making progress toward a meaningful goal. And, you know, in the Peaceful Warrior movie, you may recall a moment when the character Dan is walking up this big hill with the man I called Socrates, played by Nick Nolte, you know. And Dan has this realization. He said, Sock, you know, I just realized it's the journey that makes us happy, not the destination. And that's a bit of wisdom because most of our lives are spent on the journey. But without a destination in mind, there is no journey. We just wander around.

So from our point A, we need a point B to be going toward, even if it's just in the next five minutes. And by doing that with quality, it pulls us into the zone like we experience as athletes in everyday life. And it helps us to live purposefully. You know, one of my books is titled Living on Purpose. One is the four purposes of life. Another is the life you were born to live. So a lot of my work has developed in this area of living a purpose of life. Another is the life you were born to live. So a lot of my work has developed in this area of living a purposeful life. What do you think gets in the way of people living a meaningful, purposeful life? Well, as you probably know, I'm sure you do, things like doubt, like insecurity, these blocks that we put in our own way,

what if fear of failure and maybe even fear of success at times? Because what if we succeed and we're not happy? What do we do next? So sometimes we get in our own way, step on our own feet, put our foot in our mouth and self-sabotage. So life can be very simple if we just focus on what is my purpose, not what does someone else want me to do, and what is my purpose, and then moving toward that. And I believe that sense of a purposeful life gives us a sense of fulfillment. Because people who get things done, that may not sound that sexy or spiritual, you know, to finish what you start, but people who get things done have a default sense of fulfillment

that's greater than those who people who get things done have a default sense of fulfillment that's greater than those who don't get things done. And why do you think so many people self-sabotage and how do we overcome sabotaging ourselves? Well, and I have given this some thought. So I believe one of the fundamental elements, in fact, I wrote a book called Everyday Enlightenment, which has 12 gateways to personal growth. And the first one in that book is discovering our worth, appreciating our worth, not a sense of entitlement. I'm talking about appreciating our innate worth as a human being.

I often remind people that each of us has a story. And that story is unique. It's like no other on the planet, not a single other person on the planet has exactly our story. And it's kind of our treasure. We don't just have a story, we're a story in the making. We're like a novel being written

and we never know what the next chapter is going to be. But I think we need to appreciate that story and the value of it. And we've all had quiet moments of courage, of heroism, overcoming adversity. We've all had those. You know, sometimes in a seminar, I'll say, please raise your hand if you've experienced physical, emotional, or mental pain in your life. Of course, all the hands go up. But yet, I think we could agree that because of that difficulty, that challenge we've all faced, we're a little bit stronger now, a little bit wiser now, and having a bigger sense of perspective for having gone through that. Sometimes digging out of a dark hole can give us the strength to climb the mountain. That's my experience.

And I've had my dark moments as well. And I wrote about it in Way of the Peaceful Warrior and in the new book, in the memoir. We talked about fear of failure, fear of success, and the fear of other people's opinions or judgment from other people. Which one do you think is the biggest fear to overcome for a majority of people, of those three? I wouldn't want to hypothesize because each person is individual. And it's, well, I was mentioning self-worth. Yes.

When we grow up, we've done kind acts in our lives. We've done unkind acts. All of us at times have been callous. You know, somebody came up to me once and said, Dan, you know, you've done unkind acts. All of us at times have been callous. You know, somebody came up to me once and said, Dan, you know, you seem like a nice guy. I said, sometimes. Because we're sometimes this and sometimes that. That's natural. And we, you know, nobody is standing over us with a notebook judging every time we've done a kind act or an unkind act or shirked responsibility or showed lack of integrity, all those things.

But somebody is keeping track. We are. And what happens is we each have a sense, a limited sense of deservedness. There's a saying, we don't get what we deserve in life. We get what we're willing to negotiate. And what we're willing to negotiate depends on that sense of deservedness. How much do I deserve of success? And again, it's not entitlement. It's just innate value as a human being. And if I were to ask a group of people, and I have done so,

give yourself on a one to a hundred scale, Rate yourself. What's your level of deservingness? Give yourself a number. Rarely do people say, honestly, sincerely, a hundred. Usually it's 98 or 26 or 72 or whatever it is. And, you know, Ramakrishna, the Indian saint, once said, an ocean of abundance can be pouring down from the heavens. But if you're only holding up a thimble, that's all you're going to get. And so that's what that limitations we place on ourselves. When something good happens, we go, this can't last. Or when's the other shoe going to drop? Or I'm starting to get uncomfortable with all this good stuff. I need to make it more difficult. We don't do that

consciously, of course. We don't wake up one morning saying, I think I'll sabotage my relationship today. Oh no, I did that last week. I think I'll do my finances today. It's all, it's operating on the subconscious level based on the sense of deservingness or self-worth. That's where self-sabotage comes from. Now you may say, well, if it's subconscious, how can we change it?

Well, it's not really about a feeling of self-worth. By the way, it's not the same as self-esteem. That's more like confidence and liking ourself. But this deeper sense of deservedness, that's going to be key in our lives. And, you know, I would just recommend as a practice, put up a little post-it on your mirror in the bathroom. And every morning when you get up, you read this and it says, how good can I stand it today? And that's

how good you'll get it. So that's what I suggest. It's a matter of when someone offers us a pen, because we don't have one, instead of, oh, I couldn't accept that. It's thank you. It's saying to life more, yes, thank you. Yes, thank you. And opening up to that, that we deserve it, not because we've led perfect lives or always been nice to everyone, but because we're a human being doing the best we can with what we're given that day. I mean, how does someone really learn to develop their own self-worth and appreciate their worth so they can believe they are deserving of what they want and they believe they are deserving to negotiate more of what they want? Yeah.

Well, that's really a tough one about believing that. Now, there are people who will tell you, there are trainings that work with belief structures and discreating unresourceable beliefs and creating more useful beliefs, more complications. You don't have to always feel worthy. You don't. That's why, see, all I can do as a teacher of this kind of practical, some say spiritual wisdom, all I can do is remind teacher of this kind of practical, some say spiritual wisdom, all I can do is remind people of what they already sense or know at some level, but they tend to forget. I offer observations and reminders. So I'm offering the reminder now. And that's, other than putting that post-it on your mirror, it's just remembering this issue

of self-worth, remembering how we can sabotage ourselves because of the subconscious tendency. And any habit like this can be challenging to overcome. For example, here's another habit that's not the same thing. I'm going a bit off topic, but it's related. One of the most heartfelt things I beg people to do is to stop comparing yourself to other people. Because if you do, and look what happens, people get depressed. We know young people on Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat and all that, because everyone else seems to be having such a fantastic time. But they don't realize everyone has their inner battles. Everyone, no matter how good their act looks like on the outside. And so when we compare ourselves to someone else, we're either

going to feel superior or inferior. And it's a profound disrespect for our own process. For example, when I was a coach at Stanford, I taught beginning gymnastics classes. And eventually, I taught some of these young kids how to do back somersaults. And I noticed that some of them learned the somersault faster than others. But often, those who took longer to learn it, learned it better than those who learned it faster. Interesting. So we need to, that's another reminder, we need to trust our way of learning and our way of living. To trust our own process and who we are.

Which is why, well, one of the fundamental tenets of this approach to living that I call the peaceful warrior's way is that there is no best teacher, no best book, no best philosophy, no best religion, no best diet, no best exercise form, no best martial art. There is only the best for each of us at a given time of our life. Life's an experiment. We have to find out what works for us. So I'm back to that topic of self-trust. And yes, we'll have doubts. We'll have insecurities in various situations. Like an athlete may be very confident on the field, but maybe not so much at a party. Or it's for some, it's the opposite. So we all have our situations. That's old saying, what is it? We're all ignorant, only on different subjects. So we all have our situations. That's old saying, what is it? We're all ignorant only

on different subjects. So we're human beings and we need to give ourselves a pat on the back and cut ourselves a little slack at times. Sure, sure. What's the thing that we should write on our mirrors? How good, how good can I stand it today? How good can I stand it today? I like that. What happens, do you think, for people when they start making that switch? Not, oh, here we go again. I hope it's not a horrible day again. But instead, how good can I have it today?

Well, in another one of my books, I write something I call the Margaret analogy. And the way it works is this, you know, people ask me, Dan, if you had an enlightenment experience, I go, no, my life is more like a dimmer switch being turned up and then down slightly and then up a little brighter and then down slightly. So it's more, you know, two steps forward, one step back kind of thing. But in this Margaret analogy, I coached a diver, a springboard diver named Margaret at Oberlin College. And the way she learned a new dive is first she would go up and just go splat in the water, trying it. She'd have no idea what she did wrong, how to improve it. She'd need me, the coach, who watched her. And she'd say, what did I do, coach? And I'd explain to her. And then

she'd say, thanks. And she tried a few more times. And then as she improved, while she was messing up, she noticed it. Oh, I'm doing that again and splat. But then after- In the air, she's noticing it. She's noticing it in the air. Oh, I'm doing it again. And we've all had that experience. Here I go again, right?

And what you said. So after more practice, she's able to notice it earlier and correct for it and compensate for it. But it takes a while. So people shouldn't think they hear something, hear me speaking now or read a book and suddenly they're going to just, their life is mastered now because it takes time to overcome inertia, old habits, ways of doing things. So there's that in-between period and we have to understand that. You know, I learned something when I was 60 years old, which was about 15 years ago. When I turned 60, I wanted to do something special.

So a friend of mine loaned me his unicycle at my request. And I wanted to learn to ride a unicycle. And he recommended I practice in a tennis court because it's good level ground and I could get a death grip on the chain link fence while I'm trying to stay atop this thing. Now, I don't know if you have ever tried that, Lewis, or any of your listeners, but it's humbling, believe me. You just get up on it and it goes out from under you. So I practiced every day.

I came back and at the end of the first week, I could pedal six times careening forward before it went down. And then the second week, I think I got 12 pedals. I was thrilled, 12 pedals. By the third week, to make the story short, I was doing figure eights on the unicycle around the tennis court. It took me three weeks every day. And I learned two things from this experience

that I'd learned years before in gymnastics, but I'd forgotten because it's easy to forget. I learned, first of all, that everything is difficult until it becomes easy. And that's everything we do, changing habits, whatever. The second thing I learned was maybe even more interesting. I found there were certain days, two or three days during those three weeks, where everything fell apart. I was worse physically. I was confused mentally. I don't know what happened. I was better the week before. It was very discouraging, but I kept coming back. But then I realized, noticing this pattern, that the day after those so-called bad days,

this pattern that the day after those so-called bad days, I made a breakthrough, a jump in learning. And I realized the learning was actually happening on those so-called bad days. That's when it was the information was going from my front brain, the cognitive part, thinking about it, analyzing it, to the back brain, which is more automatic into my instincts like learning to drive a gear shift car in the old days you know um so that can happen that those crisis times that seem to be worse in a relationship for example or in learning any kind of skill where you feel all confused and you feel worse you know sometimes we feel like we're getting worse, going vegetating, even going backwards. But we may be backing up to get a running start. So we persist through that difficult time and we have breakthroughs in relationships,

new levels of intimacy, and so on. So just to push on, that's where our feet keep moving. Right. I thought you were in your fifties. You look amazing for 75. You said. Yeah. 75 genetics and,

and, you know, decent life habits, nothing extreme, but good life habits, good mindset, habits, environment,

quality relationships, good sleep. Hopefully, um, what have been the, the, I guess, I mean, at 75, what have been, what are the new lessons you're learning at this season of life that were different than 40, 45? Well, one thing I realized in my relationship with my wife, Joy, of 46 years, but who's

counting? It took me 25 years probably to realize she was not criticizing me. She was improving me. That's part of her job. And hopefully I serve some of the same capacity, but she's taken that on, that task. And with the new book, Joy read every single draft of the nine drafts I did, cutting the new book down from an over bloated 500 pages down from a hedge, a big thick hedge to a 200, weighing in at 200 pages to a bonsai. I wanted to just trim it down. You know, Jack London once said it takes hard writing to make easy

reading. And I did the work. So Joy read every single draft and made suggestions. So I'm still learning, always learning. Anybody who presumes to teach needs to keep learning. And Joy even weighed in. Around the seventh draft, she said, Dan, I remember things. She was with me through my time with the four mentors as well. And she said, I remember things that just have a different sensibility. I remember this differently from you. And she said, what if I wrote something in the book? And I went, what a great idea. So she also, it's unusual for memoir, but she also added about 10 pages overall, sprinkled throughout the 200 pages of the book. So I added about 10 pages overall sprinkled throughout the 200 pages of the book. Yeah. I see Joey's notes at the end, at the end of some of these chapters,

her notes, which is kind of cool. Exactly. I'm going to be 40 in a year and two months. And it's, it's hard. It's hard for me to even contemplate that because I just feel like I'm still in my, I don't know, 20s, early 20s still. Good, good. Yeah. What are three things you wish you did, didn't do, or implemented as you went into 40 for the next 35 years of your life? Yeah, well, that's a good question because I have more of my life to look back on than forward to in all likelihood.

And that's why it seemed time to write a memoir. But my 40-year-old self, I would congratulate myself on reaching a certain level of maturity. You know, in our 20s, we were kind of bulletproof. We can do anything. And we learned that's not necessarily the wisest course sometimes. In our 30s, early 30s, we become more reflective, more contemplative. We're ready to take on life in a different way than just the playtime of the 20s. And at 40, I think there's also a place of maturity. I think there's also a place of maturity. For you, it probably won't even be midlife yet,

but it's getting to those places where we really wonder. You know, one of the books I wrote with my daughter is called The Creative Compass, and it's about writing your way from inspiration to publication, but it's about creativity. And I'll get to the point of this in a moment. Sierra, my daughter, very smart young lady, who just turned 40 recently too, and she structured the book around five stages of any creative process. The first is dreaming, coming up with ideas, light bulb moments. You have to get some idea, you know, what you want to do, and especially in writing or creating anything. The second is drafting, which is bringing it into the world from the ethers, from nothing to something. So you sit down usually and you record it or you type on a keyboard and you bring these ideas into life.

The problem with that is sometimes that castle in your mind, it looks more like a garden shed when you've actually written it down. And that's when you have to renovate. That takes you to the third phase of the creative process, which is development. Development. Which is when you step back and you say, is this the vision I wanted to convey? And then finally you go to the refining stage. That's the fourth stage. Polishing and so on. And then finally, you go to the refining stage. That's the fourth stage, polishing and so on, and then finally sharing it with the world, the fifth stage. Now, the reason

I mentioned that, it seems like a non sequitur, but you in your 40s are at the development stage. You're looking back at your life, and is this what I want to do? I hope it is because you do it so well, Lewis. Is this what I want to do? Do I want to make some fundamental changes in life? You're really going, you've developed some momentum as well and experience. Do I want to tackle the way I do it in a little different way? How can I improve? So that's what I would say to my younger self is to trust that. Trust the process exactly where you are. And remember, you are still young from my perspective.

Yeah. Is there any other lessons you wish you knew when you hit 40 that maybe were hard lessons to learn in your 40s, 50s, or 60s? Again, you're getting insight into my thinking process because it's going to seem like another brief tangent. But I came across a quotation by Golda Meir. I used to be more of a humble person. But then she said, stop acting so humble. You're not that great. And the reason I bring that up, the reason I bring that up in the reason I bring that up in response to your question, Lewis, is that I want to say, don't worry. It's not that important.

You know, the world isn't riding on it. It may seem to be so. It seemed to me, oh, when I was really involved with my books, I was writing almost a book a year, and I was going to save the world and turn people's lives around. And maybe I have influenced some people, but nothing is that important. It's all a form of play. We're here on earth. We don't know why. It's a bit of a mystery. We have a certain amount of time let's not be too desperate let's let's relax a little bit and and enjoy the show you know that's that's what i did on trampoline from a beginner and kid just jumping up and down i describe in the book to at a world championship the book opens in midair you know at the world championships um but it was all play they're just having a great time and

yeah i was working It was some effort, but it was all this sense of play. And that's what I would say in their 40s. It's a good time to remember that. Do you feel like, you know, working on all these books that you've written, do you feel like they were all play when you're in the middle of it? Or did you get lost in maybe the stress or the, you know, worry of making sure you've created more and more? Good question. Because no, I associate trampoline with play. But writing is difficult. In fact, Thomas Mann, a Nobel Prize winning author, once said, writers are those for whom writing is more difficult than for other people. Because they're trying to do it well. And you know, in our, in our little book,

the creative compass, uh, one chapter is permit yourself to write badly so that one day you may write well, permit yourself to write badly. Those who write a first draft, you know, Hemingway said the first draft of anything is crap. And Ray Bradbury said, writing consists of two phases, throwing up and cleaning up. And I found that to be true in my own case. But writing is difficult. And yet, so is gymnastics, so is trampoline, so is football, so is life. It can be difficult at times, but it can still be approached with the idea. Well, let me tell you a story. I was in the

gymnasium and I was swinging around the high bar, getting ready to do a big dismount, like a full twisting double somersault, whatever. Socrates was there watching me in this story. His arms crossed, you know, and I do a full twisting double and I stick my landing. That's a good thing in gymnastics. So I went, yes. And I figured that's a good place to stop for the evening. So I rip off my sweatshirt, throw it in my workout bag. And he and I are walking down the hallway afterward. And he said, you know, Dan, that last move you did was really sloppy. And I went, what are you talking about, Socrates? It was the best dismount I did in weeks. And he said, oh, I'm not talking about the

dismount. I'm talking about the way you took off your sweatshirt and put it in your bag. And he reminded me again that I was treating one moment as special and another as ordinary, like it didn't matter. But there are no ordinary moments and everything matters. That doesn't mean we have to get too serious about it or desperate or craving or clinging or perfectionistic. But it just means, see, what he said after that was, he said something I never forgot. I actually got this line into the movie two weeks before they started shooting. I wasn't the screenwriter, but the director liked the line and put it in. And Socrates says, Dan, the difference between us is you practice gymnastics.

I practice everything. Now, what did he mean by that? Because that sounds like a never-ending obsessive self-improvement program, but that's really not what it's about. See, mostly we do things. We do our work. We do our job. We do the laundry. We do the dishes. We do our studies. But the moment we say we're practicing something, we're doing it with the idea of improving it or refining it. How many of us refine every time we sign our name? How many of us try to do it smoother or better? Or when we walk across a room to ask ourselves, can I walk a little more smoothly? Can I sit a little more

balanced? Can I breathe a little more relaxed and deeper? When we do this with a sense of play, not over seriousness, but just how can I improve, like learning a backflip and improving it? What happens is it pulls us into the moment, into the zone, into the flow, and life becomes a meditation when we remember to do it. Do I remember it all the time? No, that would be idealistic. But in those moments I remember it, I have a different quality of moment, a different quality of life. Even now, I'm remembering that.

And it's a good reminder we can offer ourselves every now and then. I love these stories. They give me chills about that. The movie's amazing. If people haven't watched the movie, you should go watch it and get that book as well. You talk about these additional mentors in the later phases of your life,

the warrior priest and the sage. Why is it important for someone like yourself who has been someone who has achieved at high levels from sports to teaching to writing and creating and workshops and all these different things had a thriving marriage for 45 plus years why is it important for someone like and plus many other things a movie and all this other stuff why is it important for someone like you to continue looking for, finding mentors, and learning when you are teaching so much and you've learned so much already? Well, there's a thing, a concept, as you probably know, in the Buddhist tradition called beginner's mind, to keep the mind of a beginner.

There's the old Zen story about you have to empty your cup before you can learn. The teacher pours the teacup and it overflows and so on um but actually i've learned that you don't need to empty your cup you just need to get a bigger cup you can keep what you've learned your life experience but stay open to new learning um and that's what i've tried to do it makes no sense to lock into the role now i'm a teacher i don't have to be a student anymore. Even after years after I was teaching, I met some other mentors. I was starting to teach when I met the warrior priest. I was definitely teaching actively the peaceful warrior's way when I met the sage. And I wasn't studying with him to improve my life. I was studying to maybe refine

what I was teaching, to inform my teachings, so I could simplify further and keep things more and more practical and realistic. And he was a devotee of reality, and he brought me down to earth from the metaphysical realms. So your question is, yeah, I had a lot of success early on. It was just my destiny, if you will. I got lucky at the world championship, as I described what happened. You know, I was in the middle of my championship routine when I completely forgot the routine, forgot what I was doing. My mind was a total blank and I could have very well just stopped and hung my head down and that would have been it. But I remembered that stop thinking and jump. And I just kept jumping and I kept doing flips and I just made it up as I went along.

Improv. Now, people have trouble relating to that. They're used to seeing gymnastics in the Olympics that people do routines over and over and over and rehearse and practice for their performance. But I never did. I used to do different routines every meet. I was creative and I liked improvisational stuff. So I kept learning. I was all these experiences. And then I ended up lucking out and getting the coaching job at Stanford at 22 years of age and went through many experiences learning how to coach. Then, you know, it's funny, a lot of managers in business, I think they'd be better off considering themselves as coaching a team.

And it's a beautiful and apt metaphor. It's not just fancy words. They are a coach, no different from a sports coach. And they have a team to manage. But I think rather than a staff, you know, manager and staff, it works better to think of themselves as a team. And yeah, so I learned a lot. You know, what prepared me was my athletic days.

That prepared me for what I was to do later on. I didn't know it at the time, of course. But I describe in the book how a Zen master knocked on my office door and said, I have a group of students. We meditate in the mornings. Could we use your floor exercise mat? And I went, sure. In fact, can I join you?

Later, I learned transcendental meditation and all that. This was before I met any of the mentors. So I had some background. In college, after I shattered my leg in a motorcycle crash, as many people know about who've read my work, and I describe what really happened like that in the new book, I started thinking more deeply, what is inside? What's in my psyche? I realized my own mortality. It shook me upward, let's say. Yes. And I actually experimented.

It was back in the late 60s. I was at Berkeley. And I went to a teammate of mine. I said, listen, I've heard you can get some real insights with this stuff. What is it, LSD? And I said, can you give me any advice? He said, Dan, have you ever been drunk? I went, no, I don't really like alcohol. He said, have you ever been stoned? I went, no, I don't like having smoke in my lungs. He said,

you better get drunk and or stoned first. You better walk before you run. So I experimented a little bit with some grass and got the munchies and experienced music for the first time in a different way. But the LSD trip for me was quite valuable. I don't believe in recreational drugs at all, but for a sacred purpose and in the right set and setting, it was quite profound. All that happened before I met any of the mentors. But I think more than anything, it was my commitment to share with other people. Because something hit me. I was so much into self-improvement, Lewis. Maybe you were too.

As a kid, I took memory courses, speed reading. I learned to juggle and do magic tricks, sleight of hand, yo-yos, bull whips, boomerangs. I just learned all these skills because I wanted to improve myself. And one day it struck me that no matter how much I improved myself, only one person benefited. But if I could somehow influence other people in a positive way, and look what you're doing, you know, then it made my life more meaningful. Not everybody has that calling. That's fine. They don't need to. But for me, that was the call. And because I wanted to share anything I learned with other people,

I think life opened me up to meeting these four mentors, the professor, the guru, the warrior priest, and then the sage, over a span of 20 years, intensive training. Even people who have read Way of the Peaceful Warrior think, oh, Dan was this jock who met this old guy in a gas station, and now he teaches spiritual stuff. But they don't understand the intense preparation and training I went through to do what I do now. If you could only, uh, let's put you in a hypothetical scenario. Maybe it's not a fair question, but hypothetically, if you could only spend, um,

one more day with one of the mentors, one of the four mentors and you had to choose one, who would it, who, who would it, which one would it be? And what question or conversation would you still want to ask that maybe has not been asked? Leave it to you, Lewis. That is a great question. I've never been asked and probably will never be asked again. If I could be with one of those mentors now. Only one. You can only be with one. Only one. Well, I could answer that different ways. Let me just take the easy way out. I'd

want to be with a sage, the last one, because he's the only one still alive. Okay. Though it'd be very interesting being with one of the others who passed on. And also, because it was more of a culmination. It was more of a finishing school, if you will. Now, if you'd asked me another question, who's your next teacher? I have no idea if I will have one,

but I suspect my wife has been one of my teachers all along. Later in life, a lot of my training is just to keep up with her. I think she's an older soul. That's my own feeling about it. And I'm just playing catch up this life, doing all this hard work, the things that she had already realized in some ways. So I think we need to appreciate our spouse if they're in our corner. And to me, more than anything, she's my best friend. And I think that's so important. We're not competing with each other. We're not, even though I do feel insecure around her, as I mentioned, sometimes. So without idealizing her, I mean, she's got her issues too, like we all have, but it's been a real blessing in my life. Socrates, the ancient Greek, not my Socrates, he actually said this. He said,

by all means, marry. If you choose well, you'll be happy. And if you do not choose well, you'll become a philosopher. You realize he became a philosopher. You're a philosopher too, but it seems like you've got a happy marriage. Yes. Also, I had both best of both worlds. So you were asking? The greatest lesson your wife's taught you in the last 45 plus years. I believe the most challenging lesson for me, we all have our tendencies and values and

priorities. And I think I came in to life on what they call a certain ray. And my devotion was, my family was my extended spiritual family, my students, my readers. And so that was my priority. Fortunately, I did better than Mahatma Gandhi, who was a great figure, an iconic figure, but he completely ignored his children who suffered and their lives reflected that. And my priority was always on my work. It felt important to me that I needed to spend my time no matter what. Before that, it was on the search. And my first wife suffered the effects of that because I really wasn't engaged in the relationship. I was just focused on my work. And so my work changed. It became teaching work in a larger world.

So what my wife has taught me, one day she said this, and it didn't make sense to me at the time, but I never forgot it. She said, Dan, with all the work you do and all the books you write, it may be some of the most important thing you'll have ever done is help raise our daughters. Right. It may be some of the most important thing you'll have ever done is help raise our daughters. And at the time I said, well, yeah, that sounds good, but I didn't really get it. But now I do now that they're grown. There are some amazing people, as all young people are in their own way. I don't want to be a bragging dad. Nothing's more boring than hearing a bragging dad. But now it's grandchildren and it's taking care of them. It's not always easy. It's like running a marathon, delightful,

but exhausting. So, so I'm, I'm having to, it humanized me in terms of focusing on my daily life, my relationships and family and, and setting aside my work at times when I need to do that. So I think that's, you know, I was introduced in Melbourne, Australia, when I gave a talk down there as an expert in mindfulness. And the first thing I said when I got up on the stage was, my wife might beg to differ. When I do the dishes, she always finds the spots I've missed. Dan, come back and redo this. These are the kind of humble things that I learned from her each day. By the way, while we're on the topic of mindfulness, to me, it's become a thing, this like solution. Oh, I practice mindfulness.

But actually, mindfulness, I don't know how people can write whole books on it. Basically, it just means paying attention to what's going on in the present moment without judgments. Just being aware. And if we do it internally, we call it mindfulness meditation. Noticing the thoughts and feelings arising, letting them go. But even more important, because we don't live life in a sitting position, in a lotus position, more important is being mindful in everyday life. And that's something I'm still learning and my wife is still teaching me more about. Wow, that's beautiful. It's interesting. I'm just, um, uh, in my relationship

with my girlfriend, um, it feels different in the way that we communicate with one another. It feel then my previous relationship, let's say there's a different quality to our conversations and spiritual connection it feels and we we've gone very you know vulnerable early on when the first day we met both of us very vulnerable it's kind of been that way the entire time and so every time she asked me what might seem like an uncomfortable conversation, I tell her, do you want me to tell you the truth of what I think and feel and you know, my vision and all these different things or, or not, because everyone I've shared in the past hasn't been able to handle the truth without some type of reaction or not accepting

me or getting upset or whatever it might be. And she said, said yes i can handle it and then i'm in my mind i go okay here we go again i'm going to say the truth and then this is not going to work out but the reason i'm queuing this up is because one of these conversations was her asking me what's my vision and what's my priorities in my life? And I said, do you want the truth? And she said, yes. I go, to be honest, I think most women will not want to hear what I'm about to say if I was in a relationship with them. But my vision and my purpose, my number one priority is to take care of my mental, physical, and spiritual health first. Because if I'm not in

a good state of mind or a good body or good physical health, then I'm going to have to put all my energy into getting there so I can help others. That's priority number one for me. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's where I feel like I'm out of my life. The second biggest priority is my mission, my purpose, my calling. Because if I'm abandoning my calling from my creator, I'm going to be very upset, resentful, unhappy, calling from my creator, I'm going to be very upset, resentful, unhappy, missing, you know, whatever it might be. And so my mission is my main driver beyond that. And then three will be you, my partner, if this continues to grow and work out. And I go, you're probably not going to like that because most women want to be the number one priority in a relationship, but that just doesn't work for me. And I've tried that in the past and it didn't work.

And she looked at me and she goes, that's it. I love this. I've, you know, I've always wanted to find a man with a purpose. And so I was like, okay, well, uh, but I'm hearing you say that your work was a, a massive priority for you. Do you, do you wish that you pulled back on that in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and I guess were more present in your marriage or with your kids? Or do you feel like what you did was exactly in alignment with what you wanted to do? Yeah. I really wouldn't change anything at this point in time. Looking back, I did what I needed to do, just as you've stated, Louis. Taking care of my body and my health is central to anybody's life, because spiritual life doesn't begin up in the air. It begins on

the ground where we are. And it's the old cliche, you know, take care of your oxygen mask before you put it on somebody else. So that allows us to do all that. So I'm really aligned with what you've done. And no, I think one thing I did, if you want, you know, to model this vulnerability is I wish I'd been more communicative with my wife and my daughters to about what? Well, my own vulnerabilities when I screwed up to apologize, even when I wasn't sure I was really wrong, but just to acknowledge it. And if when my daughters were young, being teenagers, they'd sometimes run in their room, slam the door, they were upset. Their mom would just pound on the door and come on, let me in, let me, I would step back. I just stepped back at that point. It was too difficult for me at the,

at the time. So maybe I would have stayed engaged and been more involved with their schooling, knowing their friends' names, that sort of thing. These are small things, but big things for them at the time. Sure, sure. It wasn't like I abandoned my family. I mean, I was a pretty good dad. We still have good relationships and everything. But we all make mistakes. We refine things, we do them differently. But anyway, I want to make that clear because there are people out there maybe in a similar situation. I wouldn't change my priorities.

I'm here to share what I can. But I will say this, Lewis. When you get to be my age, your marriage, if that is your partner, is going to take on more and more priority because you've done the work, you've completed, you've accomplished a lot, and you realize you're going to be together this time. And you've got the two of you. Many people are afraid of intimacy because they're afraid of loss. And my wife and I talk about that because one day, you know, she says, I'm going to die first. I said, no, I'm going to die first. I don't want to have to deal

with that, with you dying first. So these are intimate things, but many people have conversations about this. It's difficult. What do you think the lesson, you know, I'm seeing that as a big, a fear that's, you know, you don't want to lose your wife, obviously before you go, what do you think, um, is the lesson for most people? You know, I don't want to put this out there, but what is the lesson for most people? If they lost their partner, what is the lesson that they need to learn, can learn if they're willing to step into, you know, that unfortunate, obviously, and very challenging time? Well, just love and trust. And many people are afraid to do that because the grieving will be proportionate to the

love. But I just came across a quote. It's a hobby. It's the one big hobby I had for the last 40 years. I collect quotations with pithy bits of wisdom. As you've noticed, I like to share them. I love them. Yeah, I do too. And it's been just a hobby of mine. And one that comes up for this situation, it may be when you lose somebody, the most appropriate response is not necessarily grieving, but gratitude for the time you had together. On the other hand, everyone grieves in their own way and that they will, there's no one

way to do it. And it's natural part of life when people have been together a long time. We just have to face that with a warrior spirit. Man, Peaceful Heart Warrior Spirit is out now. It's the true story about really your life and your spiritual quest and a lot of great lessons. The four different mentors that you've worked with over the years, the lessons they've taught you, incredible examples and stories, actionable practices that people can take on to have a deeper, peaceful heart and warrior spirit as well to take on the challenges and adversities of life. People can get the book right now. Where can we go and support you personally? Where do you spend

the most time? I love getting your newsletter. So I know people can go to peacefulwarrior.com at least and jump on your newsletter. But where do you spend the most time that people can connect with you? Well, I think my website, peacefulwarrior.com. There's a free life purpose calculator. People might enjoy just putting in their date of birth or even a relationship number there you can do. And various books, online courses I teach, a four-minute meditation, a four-minute workout, which I do every day as a core of my workout. So yeah, peacefulwarrior.com. But also I share my favorite quotes with people on Facebook and Twitter as well. Yeah.

Anybody who wants to follow me there can do that. And yeah, so I'm going to continue to teach where I'm invited, and I'm looking forward to going on as long as that may be, staying in good health. And it's one of the treasures of my life is meeting people like you, Lewis, and being invited to share with you and have conversations. Yeah, I appreciate it you know every time you come on we every time you come on it we get a such a great response people love the

message and so glad you always got you always got these new quotes this year which i love so yeah um i'm curious i want to ask you a couple final questions i've asked you this before but i'm curious if the response is the same or if maybe they're different. This is called the three truths question. It's a hypothetical question that I'll have to look up what you said before, but I'm curious what you say now. Imagine it is your last day on earth.

You get to live as long as you want to live, but eventually you got to call it a day. And you continue to live out your dreams and have the relationship you want with your wife and see your kids flourish and all these different things, they all come true. But for whatever reason, in this hypothetical scenario, you have to take all of your work with you to the next place, or it goes somewhere, but we don't have access to your work anymore. Your message, your quotes, your books, your content, this video, it's gone for whatever reason. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world, three things you know to be true from your life lessons, or maybe the lessons that

these mentors tell you. What would be those three truths that you would share behind? Yeah, I don't know what I said last time at all, but this time, right now, I would underscore with a yellow highlighter some of the things I've shared already. First, it would be about trusting your process. Again, not comparing to other people, but trusting the process of your life unfolding. The second would be that faith is the courage to live as if everything that happens is for our highest good and learning. And the third would be to remember your innate worth as a human being and treat yourself kindly, with compassion, as you would treat others. I love that.

I think that third one is a big one. And if people can remember their innate worth, they can hopefully overcome the insecurities and self-doubt that holds a lot of people back from the fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of judgment, and just be willing to pursue the calling. Listen to the calling and pursue whatever that calling is for you, trusting the process of the failures, the lessons, the learning, and have the courage to know that it's all coming in your

highest favor. It's the highest level of learning for you. So I love these three truths. I want to acknowledge you, Dan. I've been, again, a big fan of yours for a long time and just inspired by your message, your mission, the way you constantly show up as a human being, the way you continually want to serve humanity. I think it's just such an inspiration. So I really acknowledge you for it. And I hope you get to keep doing in-person workshops sometime in the future. And I got to come out sometime. But I want people to make sure they subscribe and come to workshops and do your online courses and everything as well. Again, peacefulwarrior.com. And the book, Peaceful Heart Warrior Spirit. Make sure you guys pick up a copy of this. You will be inspired. It'll just give you more tools to

support you on your life's journey and figuring out what your message is, what your meaningful life is to you. So make sure you guys pick up a copy of the book, Peaceful Heart, Warrior Spirit, anywhere online, Amazon, but also at Dan's website, peacefulwarrior.com. And support your independent bookstores. Oh, there you go. Support independent bookstores. Oh, there you go. Support independent bookstores. Yeah. It's at Barnes and Noble and independent bookstores and all that stuff. Yeah. Yes. And the final question is what is your definition of greatness? There's an ancient quote that says he or she who would be the greatest among you is the servant

of all. Dan Millman. Thanks so much for being here. I appreciate it. You bet, Lewis. You take care. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links. And also make sure to share this with a friend and subscribe over on Apple Podcasts as well. I really love hearing feedback from you guys. So share a review over on Apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most.

And if no one's told you lately, I wanna remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.