The School of Greatness - Simon Sinek: Is A.I. a Threat to Human Connection? EP 1478

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

The Summit of Greatness is back! Buy your tickets today – summitofgreatness.com – Simon is a spark that ignites passion and ideas. He envisions a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are, and end the day fulfilled by the work they do. As an unshakeable optimist, he believes in our ability to build this world together. A trained ethnographer, Simon is fascinated by the people and organizations that make the greatest and longest lasting impact. Over the years, he has discovered some remarkable patterns about how they think, act, and communicate, and also the environments in which people operate at their natural best. In this episode you will learn,How to strike a balance between AI and empathy in relationshipsThe importance of critical thinking in the age of AIHow to use AI responsibly and ethically in your work and personal lifeWhy boundaries are so important for every kind of relationshipHow to avoid in-person isolation in a time where virtual connection is effortlessFor more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1478For more Greatness text PODCAST to [phone]More relationship building advice from some of our favorite relationship experts:Esther Perel: https://link.chtbl.com/1291-podFaith Jenkins: https://link.chtbl.com/1221-pod

Calling all conscious achievers who are seeking more community and connection, I've got an invitation for you. Join me at this year's Summit of Greatness this September 7th through 9th in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio to unleash your true greatness. This is the one time a year that I gather the greatness community together in person for a powerful transformative weekend. People come from all over the world and you can expect to hear from inspiring speakers like Inky Johnson, Jaspreet Singh, Vanessa Van Edwards, Jen Sincero, and many more. You'll also be able to

dance your heart out to live music, get your body moving with group workouts, and connect with others at our evening socials. So if you're ready to learn, heal, and grow alongside other incredible individuals in the greatness community, then you can learn more at lewishouse.com slash summit 2023. Make sure to grab your ticket, invite your friends, and I'll see you there. This whole idea of setting boundaries, you know, it gets a little bit um misunderstood like everybody thinks you have to set boundaries which means keep people away i refuse to do that that's beyond my boundary i'm not doing that no no no that's not what boundaries mean what boundaries means are

let me tell you what i imagine and what my limitations are we have boundaries in relationships right you sit down with your partner you co-create the relationship that you want to have. And if you're a good relationship, you discuss what the boundaries are that you both agree to obey. So I hear what the boundaries are you want. You understand the things that I need. And we come to an agreement and say, yes, those are the boundaries. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness.

Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Now let the class begin. One of the things I love about you is how intelligent you are and also vulnerable you are. And I think that's a rare combination because usually people lean one way or the other, but you're really great at mixing both of them. Thank you. And I wanted to ask you a question that I think has been an interesting conversation,

specifically in the last three to six months. That includes relationships, work, AI, and leadership. Okay. There's been a lot of, in my opinion, distractions over the last few years of all the new shiny things that come out that are available for us at work, at home, and in relationships. And I'm curious, with everything that you've seen in the last few years,

all the different distractions that have come out in life, where do you see intimacy and relationships personally and also professionally in the workplace as AI starts to evolve in everywhere. So let's just take one step back. The concept of AI is not new.

It's an algorithm. Right? The concept of AI is not new. It's an algorithm. Right? And our lives, since the early days of the internet, have been governed by algorithms.

Yes. Right? What's an algorithm? Let's start there. Yeah. Right? We talk about algorithms every day. It's in our vernacular,

but what is it? An algorithm is very simply a set of instructions. mathematical or computer code. It's a set of instructions. That's all it is, right? So a recipe is an algorithm, two eggs, cup of milk, some flour. What you get is that. And so the algorithm, the set of instructions is, Lewis went on Amazon and bought this, show him that. That's all it is. It's a list of instructions to solve a problem or to generate some sort of result. And so, there's been artificial intelligence around us for a long time. If you go back to the early days of Ask Jeeves, which was pre-Google, right?

Didn't work very well. And you had to write in full sentences. And so Google was invented a different algorithm that worked a different way that you could put in less information and you could get the thing that you're more likely to be looking for, right? And the goal was always that you'd find what you're looking for in the first page. Remember back in the early days, you'd sometimes have to scroll a few pages, right? And the goal was always that you'd find what you're looking for in the first page. Remember back in the early days, you'd sometimes have to scroll a few pages, right? So they're constantly improving these lists of instructions and tell the computer what to do

with a certain input. I think the thing that's new is the generative AI, right? Where the machine can sort of, A, it sounds like Star Trek. it's like it speaks in normal language that you don't have to you don't have to type in Google you know it's a Google the language you know you type in the keywords you want you don't have to split in complete sentences but now you talk to another human being and it tells you what you want but it's still based on existing information the thing that scares me about AI is the thing that I think scares everybody about generative AI and the speed at which this algorithm can work and the speed at which it can invent things.

But is that something to be scared about or more excited about? Both. The answer's both. And I think anybody who comes on one side or the other of the equation is missing the point. There's a cost for everything. And for all the benefits of anything in our lives, there's always a cost. You want to make a lot of money, that's your drive. You want to get rich and become a millionaire. Okay, there's a cost for the money

you make. You're going to sacrifice relationships. You're going to sacrifice sleep. You're going to sacrifice your health. Who knows what it is, right? But you're going to pay for that in some way, shape or form. It's a balanced equation, right? So the more fantastic the benefits of any technology, the balanced equation has to be considered. Is it worth all the benefits if it's going to cost this much, right? And we're looking at climate change now

and industrialization, like all the benefits of industrialization, was it worth the cost? I think some of us would have preferred to maybe scale back some of that and not deal with what we're dealing with now. Right? So I think we have to do a cost analysis, which is I want this, but at what cost are we, I want this, but at the cost of undermining a democracy, that seems like a steep cost for something to write a book

for me, you know, like, right. Like, I'm not sure. And at least as it exists now, it's useless for original thoughts. So people ask me all the time, are you scared of it? I'm like, absolutely not, not scared of it at all. Because if you ask AI to write a book in the style of Simon Sinek, you know, on any subject,

it can only draw from what I've already written, but it can't give them a new thought. Doesn't bring new perspective. There no there's no new ideas right um it will do some things that i think are really interesting it'll change the balance of jobs so for example if you work in public relations or if you're a you know even a script writer whatever it is you know there is fear of ai of course um again can't do general uh it can't do uh new ideas right but a lot of ideas are not new you know um still like an artist but like take take let's take a pr company for example right it takes a lot of time to write that first draft right and you need a good writer to write a first draft um what will happen with ai is ai can write the first draft right and you need a good writer to write a first draft um what will happen with

ai is ai can write the first draft in instantaneously so like in my world in writing you know this from writing a book the writer's the hero the editor's like the hired help right right that'll switch which not for new ideas but for ideas that don't require novelty sure write a press release that, you know. Has four bullet points that talks about the benefits. Right. The editors will become the heroes because the AI can write the first draft. So I think that balance will change.

But to go back to your original question, you know, to go back to your original question, one of the conversations that's not happening about any of this, we're not talking at all about social ripples. And there are always social ripples, right? And there's a blindness. People are blind when it comes to

how we talk about new things, right? And when I talk about social ripples, what I mean is fear, right? Fear is an emotion. It is sometimes irrational not always sometimes irrational and it can produce behaviors that can be antisocial if you're afraid enough you can hurt someone right you can hurt them with your words you can hurt them with your actions based on fear right we've all said things in relationships out of fear. So let's take an analogy. A bunch of do-gooders come into a town in Ohio, coal town, and say, we're getting rid of this coal mine. It's bad for the environment. We're

going to replace it with solar and wind, and it's the right thing to do. They're always surprised when the town of coal miners is angrily against it. Right. Now, the reality is they're not anti-winds, nor are they anti-solar. All I know is I'm a coal miner. My father was a coal miner.

My father's father was a coal miner. All I know is how to do coal mining. And all I know is this mine down the street produces income for me to take care of my family. And you're coming in here and say, we're going to take your income away. We're not getting rid of coal and taking rid of your livelihood. And you have no discernible skill set. What you get is fear.

And when somebody doesn't feel seen or heard and they feel afraid that you're coming in to take something away from them, they're going to put up a wall and say, you cannot do that. Right? That's the same thing going on here. Which is, all the discussion is all Right. That's the same thing going on here, which is, um, um, all the discussion is all the job that's going to take away all the things that's going to destroy. Right. And so what it's producing is fear. And when you have fear, you have, um, emotional reactions that have nothing to do with computers, nothing to do with algorithms, nothing to do with generative AI. What it has to do with at the minimum is how I vote, but worse, it can get people so afraid that they start lashing out in antisocial ways, sometimes as individuals and

sometimes as groups, right? And we are not talking about the social ripples. We're also living in a world where the haves and the have-nots, the richest people and your frontline worker, the disparity is so great, right? On average, a CEO made about 35 times what the lowest paid worker. And now you're talking 400, 500, 600, 700 times, 800 times the lowest paid workers, right? The disparity is so great. 1% of the population owns 80% of the stock, you know? I mean, it's just, it's so great. And when you have huge gaps between the wealthy and those who work to make the wealthy wealthy. That is a recipe for rebellion. So we already are living in a tinderbox right now where this is normal, right? And we've seen the rise of this populist message. I don't care if you're a

Republican or Democrat. We heard it from Trump. We heard it from Bernie Sanders, right? They're pointing out the disparity and the liberals loved Bernie and the conservatives loved Trump, right? Because they're saying, look what, look what, look what's happening. Um, and unfortunately in both cases are leveraging fear for a vote. Um, but we're not talking about, um, the fear that the discussion of AI is producing and the very, the, the reactions that can have, that has nothing to do with the computer. Really? We're not talking about that.

What are the, what are the fear conversations that you're hearing from people? Um, and what are the emotions that are coming out of it at the early stages? And where do you think that's good ahead over the next few years? Um, nobody's listening you know again it goes back to that coal miner example right well-intentioned people can come in and say um um this is something that's important to the environment but we understand this is highly disruptive to your life we're not going to take take anything away, but I want to hear how you feel. They're not asking those questions.

They're not asking questions. They're not trying to understand the fear. They're not making people feel seen or heard or understood. They're just coming in, you know, they're barreling in. And by the way, this is both sides of the political aisle. Both sides of the political aisle are barreling in with their desires without listening to the people who it's going to affect, right?

And then they're surprised that people are angry and put up a roadblock um uh and so to answer your question it's not happening those conversations aren't happening there is a total lack of listening in our nation there's a total lack of empathy in our nation you know we're we're now living in a world of you're right and I'm right and you're wrong rather than we have a problem and we should be you and me

against the problem rather than me against you. Which is like a healthy, conscious, intimate relationship where they teach you a therapy. Correct. And you'll find a lot of overlaps in the stuff that we're going to talk about

if you want to talk mass population. Yes. And intimate relationships. Interesting. It's human beings talking to human beings do you think that we will ever as a nation at least in this country be able to say hey how do we come together and focus on the problem not you're right and you're wrong or do you think it's politics create so much of a division that people just there'll be too much fear for people to actually listen to both

sides. I'm not even talking about politics, but just about AI or relationships or business or wealth or whatever it might be. Do you think we'll ever be able to do that? You know when people come together and put all their political differences aside? War? Correct. That's kind of scary though. When we are challenged by an external existential threat, we come together, right?

We saw it happen after September 11th. You know, Osama bin Laden believed that by flying planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, that it would fracture America. It did the absolute opposite. Wow. Right? Because there's one thing greater than my fear of you

is the fear of that. And we saw it during the first rendition of the Cold War. The fear of the Soviet Union and the nuclear war at the Soviet Union, even though there was politics and there was territoriality and the armed forces and all of the nonsense that still exists today. At the end of the day, we could all agree on one thing, that's worse.

So I can put, we can put our differences aside because that's worse. And so the mistake that America made when the Berlin wall came down and the Soviet union collapsed, um, is we falsely believed that we had won the war. And There's no such thing as winning global politics. It's like the Roman Empire doesn't exist, but the physical land still exists, and the people who were Romans are now Italians. It's like nobody went away. They just changed forms.

It's like the law of conservation of matter, the law of conservation of energy, and there's a law of conservation of people. Right. Right? People don't just disappear because the empire is gone. The empire is a political construction. And so, we didn't win anything.

The Soviet Union collapsed, but the people are still there, and the culture's still there, and the land is still there. Um, uh, um, and America acted like victors. Um, and, uh, what always happens in an infinite game, what always happens in a game that has no end, is new players will emerge. It's like when one company goes bankrupt, it doesn't mean the game of business is over, which means new companies will fill the space. Well, new nations fill the space. And so the threats that challenged America showed up in the form of North Korea, in the form of global terrorism, Al-Qaeda

and ISIS and all other spinoffs. And I think that global competition is actually a very good thing. It's scary, it creates tension. But the irony is, is we as capitalists, because America believes in capitalism and democracy, we as capitalists believe that competition is ultimately good for the consumer, and we have laws against monopolies. Well, America for 30 years was acting like a monopoly,

like the cable company. Everybody hated you, and you had no choice. Right. You know? And you can impose your will on the consumer willy-nilly, which America imposed its will on the world willy-nilly with no reaction. And so I actually think the rise of a of a of a balance

of power a competition um is probably the best thing that can happen to america doesn't have to lead it doesn't have to be war uh it doesn't have to be war but it does have to be um uh somebody who offers a legitimate challenge to the power structure. Why do you think in our personal lives, it takes a near-death experience to us or someone around us, a big health scare, a divorce, a breakup, or a massive breakdown in career or something, a divorce, a breakup, or a massive breakdown in career or something, for us to see a new path and start improving who we are, becoming better, transforming, overcoming this breakdown? And why does it sound like it takes war or conflict or something extremely scary out there for us to come together and start to transform as well as people?

come together and start to transform as well as people. You know, we're a myopic bunch, you know? Human beings are very dopamine driven, you know, find the food, look for shelter, you know, then do it again. And long-term planning is not really our strength as a species because long-term planning exists in our imaginations. I better save money for the day that i retire 60 years from now you know it's just like well or i could just buy now because it feels better right we're just we're bad at it we're bad as governments at it we're bad as individuals at it. We're just bad at it. We're not engineered for it. And so I think that's a part of it. And what near-death experiences do or competitive threats do is they're tangible reminders of what could be.

because we're, again, we're tangibly driven animals, right? We love tangibility metrics, things we can see, you know, you hear a bump in the night, you have to go look for it, you know? And so it makes it real. So even though global threats have existed since the fall of the Soviet Union, now that you can see one, you know, now you can give it a name and a flag, you know, in a language, it flag and a language. It becomes a real thing. And I think the same goes for new death experiences. It's like my mortality, which was something that I didn't think about, is now real. Which is why I ask old people for advice.

They give the best advice because they don't give a shit what you think about them. Because they're close because they've accepted their own mortality the end is near the end is near and so i'm not doing anything to please you anymore yeah i'm not trying to impress you you know talk to a 20 year old and talk to a 70 year old and see what kind of advice you get um and it's not just experience and wisdom of course that factors in as well you know one is much more concerned about what you think about them the other one really doesn't care um uh so i think i think that's what these these shocks do and i think one of the things that storytelling does one of the things that you do and i do and others do is by telling the stories

of other people's near-death experiences or other people's um losses um hopefully hopefully inspires people to take on themselves without having to go through the challenge themselves. Um, um, that's the ideal, but you know, I remember after September 11th, I was in New York on September 11th and lived through it. You were there. Yeah. I watched the buildings fall. Really? where what part of uh i was downtown i was in soho really so just about i was i actually did the calculations i figured out i was exactly one mile you could see the buildings from my office yeah i watched i was i was walking i took the subway and the subway stopped at 14th street and i still had to get to soho

so i walked down 7th avenue um which the end of 7th avenue was the World Trade Center. Wow. And so I was walking down watching them burning. Holy cow. And then got to work. And the view from my office was the World Trade Center. No way. And yeah, I remember the very strange, yeah, that's embossed in my brain. I'm not going to forget that image of it.

What was that? I mean, this is a little sidetrack here, but what was that day like? I mean, watching it at your office, what was the scene like? Were people paying attention? Was all eyes on the building? Of course, of course, of course. Wow. We were, you know, at this point, when I woke up in the morning, because the first plane hit shortly after 8 a.m. and I hadn't left the house yet. Had you already heard about it? Well, it was on the news. A friend of mine called me and said, turn on the news. So I turn on the news and there was a hole in the World Trade Center and it was

burning. But the scale of those buildings is so huge that we couldn't tell that it was an airliner. We thought it was a Cessna. So you saw a hole in the building, the building was so big. You literally just thought it was an... And it was a beautiful day. So it's not like there was a Cessna. So you saw a hole in the building. The building was so big. You literally just thought it was in... And it was a beautiful day. So it's not like there was a storm. It was a perfect day. So we just thought it was an idiot and a Cessna. And I went to work.

And people started to talk about it on the bus. I was taking the cross-town bus. Like, you know, did you see what happened? And by the time I got off the subway on 14th Street, because, you know, media disappears under the ground, now there were people sitting on the sides of the street, listening to radios in their cars. And at this point now we started to realize this was terrorism. So it was, we started to recognize what it was pretty quickly, but we didn't know what the implications were. And we also didn't expect the buildings to fall down. You know, it was a weird

flaw in how the buildings were made that made them, because, you know, most buildings had internal load-bearing structures. And what made the World Trade Center unique was all the load-bearing structures were on the outside. And so the floors basically floated in the middle. So except for the elevators, you could stand on one side of the World Trade Center inside and look clear over to the side of the building. You know, it was an amazing building.

Wow. center inside and look clear over to the side of the building you know it was it was amazing and so they collapsed on top of each other when it came down which nobody knew what happened um and so um i was in constant contact with my sister who worked also in soho across town and we were talking constantly and after the second building fell i called her up and said i'm coming to get you we're gonna go home and I called her up and said, I'm coming to get you. We're going to go home. And we lived uptown. And so I walked across town to get her. And, uh, we were part of the mass exodus walking four miles uptown. And, um, of all the thousands of images that were captured that day, um, one image I, and

I went through all the books and everything, you know, one image that was really never captured was this, it was very quiet. We were all walking in one direction and just made it thousands of people, no cars on the road, walking north. No one in the subway. No. Yeah, everyone's just like- Everybody's above ground and we're all going, it was very quiet and speckled in between all of this exodus where people covered head to toe in soot.

But other than that, everything was normal. They were holding their briefcase and their newspaper and it was just covered in debris. They were covered. I mean, we saw the pictures of people covered, but they were just speckled. And my sister, she had two colleagues, which we dropped them off on the way. And I remember there was all four of us and we were coming up Park Avenue and

there's a guy sitting on a stoop, frantically calling somebody, I guess, to tell them that he was alive, frantically calling. And we walked up to him and we said, give us the number. No words were spoken. We just, I remember we just walked up we said, give us the number. No words were spoken. We just, I remember we just walked up and said, give us the number. We'll help call. And he held up his address book. He just pointed. He didn't have words. We all typed in the number into our phones and we're hitting, you know, send, send, send, send, send. Every single one of us was trying to call. We were all getting busy signals. My sister's phone got through. She hands him the phone.

He takes it and he says, I'm okay, I'm okay. And gives the phone back and walks away. And we're all crying, obviously. We dropped off two of my sister's friends, colleagues, and it was just my sister and me walking up the rest of the way. And we got to Grand Central Station, which blocks Park Avenue,

so you have to go around it. And as we got there, somebody started screaming, run, run, run. And we saw the cops, because there were fighter jets flying over, so you heard planes, but you didn't know what they were.

So you heard planes flying over. And we looked down uh the street and the cops were going like this and everybody started running and like dropping things and shoes falling off they thought another plane had hit we don't know what it was so i grabbed my sister and i like and i'm thinking to myself okay there's gonna be a blast it's gonna come down like this And I pulled her off the street and like put our hands, you know, like up against the building. And I look up and it's a huge glass, you know, it's a shop window. And I'm like, this is not going to be good. So I grab her and we just start running. And then eventually just sort of petered out.

It was a bomb scare. It turned out later. And then we made our way to the rest. We made our way back up town and didn't leave for, you know, two weeks. You know, we just, like everybody just started watching television obsessive nonstop. Yeah. Holy cow. Did you guys, did you go back to work or did it was like work was done for weeks?

Work was done for weeks. And when it opened up, like nobody really wanted to go. And my, my office was in part of the town in part of the New York that was shut down. Like you couldn't, you couldn't get there. Holy cow. They wouldn't let you down there. How did that moment of being there, ground zero, really shape you emotionally after that? After experiencing it in person?

I was a freshman in college when I saw it on TV and it was like, it was a big deal in Minnesota when I was in college there. It was like the whole city came together. It was the whole thing, but in college there. It was like, you know, the whole city came together. It was the whole thing, but you were there. How did that shape your emotion? My story is one of literally, you know, a couple million. I mean, there was a lot of people in New York that time. And they're all pretty unique stories, but they're all deeply touching and deeply personal for all of us.

I mean, you said it. I mean, it reminds you of humanity and it reminds you, you know, and I remember that was, it was September 11th was very important to me in my career because I worked in advertising and I, I struggled to go back to that stupid job and that stupid industry. Really? Yeah. I really, once I did go back to work, I'm like, what am I doing with my life? Like, it's like you, and a lot of people signed up for the military because they're like, I got to do something with my life. And I think a lot of people had the realization that the life that I live is stupid and I want to do something that matters. And that's when I started thinking this, this is the stupidest industry in the world. Like I come to work to help people sell

they don't need like what the doing with my life. And, uh, my entrepreneurial venture started pretty shortly after that. So I could do things my way. Interesting. And do things with purpose and started talking about things in a very different way. So, yeah, it was pretty formative. I mean, it took, unfortunately, a big breakdown to happen for you to start seeing. Maybe you had already noticed it, but that was really the eye-opening, like, okay, I've got to make a change. Go back to your original question, which is why does it require these things?

I think that's not interesting to me. I mean, I think that's sort of like, I get it. I think what is interesting to me is why does it go back? What do you mean? When you have that life-changing experience, and then you... You don't make a change. No, no, you do make a change, but then it runs out.

So I saw this happen after September 11th in New York. For quite a long time, I would say months. New York was utopia. There was no crime. None. Everyone came together. Everyone came together. There was literally no crime. Everyone loved each other, strangers, what do remember thinking to myself, this is going to go away. Like we're going to forget and we're just going to go back to being New York again. Wow. back to being New York again. And sure enough, in enough time, we got distracted by the short term. So COVID was no different. In the middle of COVID, we're all thinking, oh my God, I have to reevaluate my life, my work-life balance. I don't want to work like a crazy

person like I used to anymore. Productivity is not going to be my primary metric of whether I'm having a good day or not. And that went away, you know? Or working like idiots again, and productivity is like people look down on you now if you're not having a productive day. We forget. And again, it's the biology of the dopamine-driven animal that is more driven by the short term and the visual. That to me upsets me more.

It's not that you need some sort of shock to convert but that the conversion doesn't last right and so you know you sort of you were joking about my orange watch and uh you know i i use symbols to remind me and so i'm i'm surrounded i'm like an orange belt and like you know i i i keep things around me to remind me that these things matter. And I tell the stories and I tell the story of going to Afghanistan with the air force. I tell the story of, you know, my experience at September element that it's not, it's in part to remind others, but it's also in part to remind me, you know, my sister suffered a horrible tragedy

many years ago where she lost her fiance. He was killed right in front of her two weeks before her wedding. Oh my goodness. And during COVID, she came to me and said, I think I want to talk about my experience on the podcast because I know a lot of people are losing loved ones and perhaps my experience can help them.

And, you know, again, it's in part for others but reliving that that horrible day with her uh is a reminder to us as well that our relationship matters and our friends matter and our lives matter and long-term matters and you know and and productivity is not the primary metric of a good day. And the ability to, I think, you know, it talked about the 20-year-old versus the 70-year-old, you know. It's the ability to shut out the noise, the peer pressure, that judges you based on how much have you accomplished, how much money have you made, How many promotions have you had?

What's your salary? You know, like we're judging our self-worth based on what other people pay us. And sure, everybody wants to make more money. I got it. You know? What should we judge our self-worth on? The life that we live.

I think we should judge our self-worth on? The life that we live. I think we should judge our self-worth on the value we have in the lives of others. Do other people think of you as a good friend, a good sibling, a good son or daughter, a good father, a good mother, a good colleague, a good teammate? I think that I would rather be, I would rather judge myself on that.

And again, we're dopamine-tangible, driven animals, and it's much easier to judge myself based on number in a bank account because I can see it and I can count it. And if there's a lot in there, it must be valuable. And if there's little in there, that must be unvaluable, which is nonsense because I can tell you I know a lot's a lot in there, it must be valuable. If there's little in there, that must be unvaluable, which is nonsense. Because I can tell you, I know a lot of rich people who have no value in the world. And rich people aren't necessarily the hardest working. I know

a lot of very rich people who are lazy. And I don't criticize them for that. Just don't think that because someone's rich that they're incredibly hardworking. And please stop calling the homeless lazy. You go be homeless for a day. See how lazy you have to be to survive with no money, no resources. Good luck. It just, the laziness isn't, that's not it.

Like you actually have to work hard at surviving when you have nothing. And I think we have all of these metrics screwed up and they're all based on what i can count and what i can see rather than the value i have in the lives of others and by the way you don't even get to judge that because the only way you know you have value in the lives of others is if others say you have value in their lives right so that's a thing right um i'm curious about your your sister's story that that's it that's really heartbreaking but also fascinating that she wanted to say hey maybe i can help other people through

my own tragedy through my heartbreak through my loss and the person she is what was that what was the lesson that you learned from you not going through it yourself but witnessing someone that you loved go through a loss like that what was the lesson for you um you know i'm there's a silver i talk about balance all the time there's a silver lining in every cloud there's a cost for everything we gain in life but at the same time there's goodness that comes out of every loss. My sister and I were already pretty close. I mean, it made us even closer.

My family and I were, my family and us were also already pretty close. We got even closer. I think tragedy brings families together in a way that nothing else can. Perspective. You know, the stupid stuff that we got stressed about just isn't that important. You know, um, there's something called post-traumatic growth. We love talking about post-traumatic stress, but there's also post-traumatic growth. Um,

there's a lot of growth that comes out of loss and tragedy as well. Um, um, loss and tragedy as well. Um, um, I think, yeah, I think these things, I mean, you said it right at the top, right? It's the fragility of the, of why do we need these reminders? So I think that was a big one. And, uh, you know, my, my sister's happily married. She's got two kids, you know, built a new life and that's super inspiring that, you know, people, my sister's happily married. She's got two kids, you know, built a new life. And that's super inspiring. That's correct. That, you know, people go through breakups or divorces and they think that's it. Their life is over. They'll never find love again. I'm like, we're here to tell you she created that. Yeah. You can find love again, you know? And she has a picture of, of her fiance that she lost in her office on her desk. And it's like, I see it there and it's a nice reminder for all of

us. You know, um, his losses is a nice reminder to all of us that live, live, live life, love life. Um, easier said than done. I mean, you know, you and I write books about this stuff and it's hard. It is hard work. And I get a kick out of that, by the way, you know, it's very easy to be a cat. Cats don't think about being cats. They're just cats. Right. But you have to be, you have to actually work really hard to be a human being. Like being a good human being actually requires so much work. Yes. You know, and there's, there's, that's funny to me, you know, like to be the best version of a human being is actually very difficult and require studying and accurate It does discomfort and all those things that you know, I think this young generation is tries to avoid. Yeah

Not the work part the discomfort part. Yeah, you mentioned about You know, we shouldn't be Camera exactly said but we shouldn't be focusing on, a good day being on how productive we are. Yeah. We should have a different metric of what a good day is. How do we measure what a good day is then if it's not a productive day? So this is the problem with things that are hard to measure. It doesn't mean they don't exist.

It just means they're hard to measure. You know, um, you're in love with your girlfriend uh you know show me the metric show me the number that proves to me you know that that she is the love of your life well you can't you can show me a bunch of behaviors and i can ask her if she feels secure she feels safe she was seen and heard if she feels she can be her best self because the space you provide her but i got no number um So just because you can't measure something or just because something's difficult to measure doesn't mean it doesn't exist. So that's an important lesson. I learned that in my career too. So I had this meeting at the Pentagon. I was sitting in the

foyer waiting for the general to come in when he he was ready to see me and we've all had this experience where you're waiting in a foyer waiting in a waiting area and somebody will come and get you and they take you to the conference room or the office and because being quiet is uncomfortable we fill the dead air yeah how's your day exactly what's going on exactly exactly how was your flight so hot out here so hot out exactly exactly right it's hallway talk it's all it is is designed to to to fill dead air that's it and the minute you walk in the office it just stops nobody actually cared right well that's what happened to me the general came to get me we start walking to his office and the hallway talk begins and he says you know simon i had everybody in my office read your book.

And I said, my publisher thanks you. And he said, tell them not to bother. I had them read my copy. Total book sales, one. Total impact, huge. Compared to I go to an event and they give away 500 free copies of the book, total book sales, 500,

but they use them as doorstops and coasters, total impact, zero. Maybe three or four people read it, right. Right. Yeah. So it was that experience that I realized that I can't measure impact simply based on book sales or dollars or income or anything like that. Now over the longterm, I think you can, you know, the book is sustainable, but in the short term, it's really a useless metric. So I had to get comfortable with the fact that I was doing things that I couldn't measure the impact, but I knew had an impact. And you've heard me talk about these things before. I talk about exercise, where you go to the gym

and you come home and you don't see anything. And you go to the gym the next day and you come home and you don't see anything. And so you're like, it's not working. And you're in pain, right? And you want to eat a cheeseburger pizza and ice cream yeah and you keep doing it and you still don't really see anything until you maybe look down and read a scale or and sometimes that's weight isn't even the thing you're replacing fat with muscle your weight might go up right until people start saying to you you look really good like yeah but you never saw it happen it's like you never see yourself get older until you look at a picture of you from when you were younger. Right. And and so you believe we you know, we know from the science and we know from experience that if I exercise, it's a process and it's good for me, even though I can't measure it in the short term. And if I eat well and I keep doing that, I know it'll keep me healthy for the long term of eat more leafy greens and less sugar. I know I just have to stick to this process that a hundred percent, a hundred percent of the time it works. How long does it take to get into shape? You start exercising. Nobody knows. Right. Neither does any doctor. Sometimes a little less time for some people and sometimes a little more time for others. Like we don't know, we just know a hundred percent that it works. And so I had to get used to the idea professionally that I'm going to do things that I know work, but I won't be able to measure them. And I just

have to be okay with the fact that it works like exercise, like eating right. And so that's where, you know, learning an infant mindset and letting go of annual goals. So people like, you know, what's your annual goal? I don't have any because I can't predict what I'm going to achieve based on arbitrary timelines. So I have guidelines, you know, like I run a marathon. I'd like to know the speed I'm going at. Like I do look at numbers. They matter to me. They help me measure speed and distance, but I don't get happy or sad if I hit or miss a number. Why do you think so many people get sad or happy based on if they hit their goals?

And sometimes you hit their goals and you're still not happy. Because we're dopamine driven, short-term visual animals. I mean, it's going to go in a circle, right? And because we can create, if you create a goal and you hit it, you get a shot of dopamine. That is what happened. Right. Any kind of beginning, middle and end. If you reach the end, you'll get the dopamine, like find food, found it. Oh, it feels good. I lost my keys, found them. Oh my God. It feels so good. Right. Um, this is why we often confuse, um, on a first

date. We do this like falling in love on the first date. Not really true. That's not oxytocin and serotonin. That's actually dopamine because you think you found the thing you're looking for. person seems to have a bunch of them and you have you know new relationship energy all you see is the stuff that you want that's on your perfect stuff and you're literally like i i think this is the one yeah i think i think they're the one i'm like congratulations you are getting you're flooded with dopamine on date one right or date two and you are not in love we've all made the mistake you are not in love i've made it too many times. Of course. Go out a bunch more, go out a bunch more, you realize, what the hell was I thinking?

Right. And they've said that about me. We can't help ourselves. And I think that if you recognize these things, and let's go right back to the question where you started, which is, you talked about the condition of the human relationship, right?

And I think when the human relationship declines, when our feelings of love and friendship and closeness and deep meaningful relationships decline, we become more obsessed with the external validations, the clicks, the likes, the followers, you know, um, to the point where it's literally become a career. Um, I'm an influencer, which means I have more clicks than you, more likes than you, more followers than you. And that makes me an alpha in our society. You know, I went to an event recently and there was this, uh,

this pretty girl who was, I was sitting in my seat at this event and she was posing for pictures as her friend took pictures of her. And somebody leans over to me, she goes, she's a very famous influencer. And I said, you mean she's a freelance employee of an algorithm? Because that's what an influencer is. They're freelance employees for algorithms. They might make a lot of money. Some freelancers make a lot of money and they work for the algorithm. The algorithm is their boss. They have to feed the algorithm. Or they have to feed the algorithm. If the algorithm changes, it could destroy their whole income and you never get to rest. You never get to rest because the algorithm doesn't rest,

you don't get to rest. And it could influence their self-worth. So the smart influencers, if they're making coin, right? Bank that coin, invest that coin because you are going to burn out or the algorithm will change or somebody else will do it better than you. More likely you're going to burn out because nobody can maintain that pace of recording your life every moment, you know, for content, content, content, because the algorithm never rests. Think of it like CNN. It's a 24-hour news cycle for your life.

Crazy. Right? And we saw what happened to the quality of news when we went to a 24-hour news cycle. 24-hour news cycle. Right? Now think of some of the quality of life when you go to a 24-hour content production schedule.

Your vacations, you have to bring your camera with you. You're always on. You're always on. Your relationships, you bring your camera with you. You're going to burn out. And if you've been saving your money and investing your money, you'll be just fine. But if you're spending that money, it's not going to be good. How does someone manage their own life's motivation while making sure they're being somewhat productive to have a career that pays them an income and can cultivate growth within a career or their own business while also creating the metric of a good day? creating the metric of a good day.

How can we balance those three of staying motivated, not being lazy, having a balanced, healthy, beautiful day while also being productive? What's wrong with being lazy? Nothing wrong with that. What does lazy mean? What does it mean to be lazy? I think my definition

of what I'm thinking about right now is more of like not caring about anything. It would be my definition of lazy, like not caring. Caring, okay. But maybe not the definition. But I think it's clear that we use that. Yes. Because lazy to some people might be sitting on a couch watching TV all day. Uh-huh.

Right? Now, if I've been working with a crazy person- That's relaxing. That sounds good to me. Or maybe I'm watching documentaries and I'm a crazy person. That's relaxing. That sounds good to me. That sounds good to me. Or maybe I'm watching documentaries and I'm generating ideas. Right. Yeah, that's not lazy to me. So to somebody, you know, that I haven't produced something

at the end of the day that's tangible because this thing, things being produced all the time here, right? Ideas. Then, so let's be clear that what we mean by is not lazy. What we mean by is, is how do you, how do you live a life where you care?

Like people who don't care. So I think, I think older generations and I count myself amongst them. Our generation is pretty judgy because we believe you go to work, you get the promotion, you move, you move you at the ladder. And we kind of understand people who don't have ambition. Right. What do you mean? What do you mean?

You're not interested in like moving up the ladder and getting more responsibility and one day achieving a leadership position. Or they feel entitled to just be a leader. Right. At 24. Right. You got to work for it. Like we're, but we're pretty judgy.

Right. And I think we have to recognize that raw ambition is fine for some. And some people want to just come to work, get a paycheck, and have that paycheck pay for their lifestyle. And they're not interested in moving up the ladder. They're interested in fair compensation. It's not that they don't care.

They do care. They still do good work they're just not career minded they they're lifestyle minded and so um we can't judge them as unproductive and lazy just because they don't have any aspirations to move up through the ladder um but they can't uh get all if they haven't been giving like massive raises when they're just you know like managing and i know a lot of people who are very happy they make a decent living they spend their money and they go on vacations and they save enough and it's all balanced and it's i think they live fantastic lives great they care yeah they care about the work and they care about the quality

of their work they care about their lives and the quality of their lives. And they want the two to coexist. Right. But remember we said cost, there's a cost for everything. So if you want to be highly, highly ambitious and make all that money and get all that charm, that comes at a cost to your personal life. If all you want is go on vacations, well, that came as a cost sometimes to your income or your professional stability, right? So the goal is to find the balance that you're comfortable with. Some may tilt a little more towards ambition and some may tilt a little more towards lifestyle. And it's not for us to judge, it's for us to understand. And if I can understand that's how somebody on my team wants to live a life, then I'm okay with that. And as long as they do good work and they care, I think that's a very good and important,

as long as they care, I'm not going to overload them with stuff that they can prove to me that they can do it, but I want them to do good work within those boundaries. Yes. And I'm cool with it. But when we talk about, I think this whole idea of setting boundaries,

it gets a little bit misunderstood, right? Like everybody thinks you have to set boundaries, which means keep people away. I refuse to do that. That's beyond my boundary. I'm not doing that. No, no, no. That's not what boundaries mean. What boundaries means are, let me tell you what I imagine and what my limitations are.

We have boundaries in relationships, right? You sit down with your partner. You co-create the relationship that you want to have. And if you're a good relationship, you discuss what the boundaries are that you both agree to obey. And it's not for us to judge the boundaries of other relationships based on the boundaries of our relationships and vice versa, right? We create the boundaries that make us comfortable and we agree to stay within those boundaries. We can do whatever we want inside those boundaries,

but we cannot step outside those boundaries. Whatever relationship style you want to have, you've got to have boundaries, and that is a discussion. And I think that is the right thing to do in a professional circumstance as well. It was always assumed that there's only one kind of boundary, which is the one I have. Right, right, right.

And if you go to work till 10 o'clock at night and work on a Saturday, you do it. Make it happen. Right? But that's not the reality of a young generation anymore, but we're not having the discussion. What we've confused is boundaries as a conversation versus boundaries as a unilateral wall that says, I'm not doing that.

And you kind of asked me to do that. Right. It should be a conversation, which is somebody says, look, I'm not interested in moving up the ranks. I want to be treated fairly. I want to be paid fairly. I'm going to do good work. But I don't want to work late at night and I don't want to work on weekends because I want to live lifestyle. And I'll say, okay, like an early relationship, let's have a negotiation, right? Which is, I'm cool with that. Every now and then, every now and then, when

there's a lot of stress and things have gone haywire or we have a huge deadline, I may need you to stay late a couple of nights or the occasional Saturday, but I'll give you Monday off. I'll make it up to you. I'm not going to take away from you without giving you back. And I won't do it a lot. I won't abuse it. But every now and then, are you okay with that boundary? The flexible boundary, yes. Right? So I hear what the boundaries are you want. You understand the things that I need, and we come to an agreement and say, yes, those are the boundaries. We're both, we're all cool with that. We're in alignment.

We're in alignment. And that becomes more productive, but that's not what's happening. Usually the discussion of boundaries is me telling you as opposed to, and by the way, try that in your relationship. Not going to go well. Me telling you what my boundaries are in my relationship as opposed to a discussion where I can understand where the boundaries are coming from and maybe your past experiences, or maybe you've had bosses that took advantage of you, or maybe you were underpaid and somebody abused the fact that you were, you know, salary or whatever it is. It's just a conversation because we don't know what somebody's previous experiences that makes them create the boundary that they have now. And they're usually based on

some sort of preventing something from happening again. That already happened in the past. Right. It happened to me. I'm never letting that happen to me again. Bingo. My battery. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. Like everything, this is going to be a circular conversation for us. It's human beings interacting with human beings. Yeah. And like, we, we have to, we have to do this together. Like the relationship is ours. My girlfriend and I joke that, you know, when we first showed up in our relationship,

you know, I wanted her to fit the blueprint that I expected of her, what I expected of a girlfriend. Which was? I mean, we all have our own blueprint. Yeah, your own definition of it is. We all have our own blueprints of what we want. Right, right.

And she wanted me to fit the blueprint of what... Her definition. Her definition of it is. We all have our own blueprints of what we want. Right, right. And she wanted me to fit the blueprint of what- Her definition. Of her definition of what a boyfriend should be and what my definition of a relationship should look like. And we were both failing miserably to live up to each other's blueprint. Really? Of course.

How can I? Were you failing after it was discussed? Here's what I- There was no discussion. Everybody shows up with a blueprint in their head and you either fit it or you don't. Right. Okay?

So that's where the conflict started. Of course. And then they're constantly letting you down or you're picking fights or whatever it is. It didn't go very well until we sat down and this is not working. And so we agreed that I have to throw out my blueprint and you have to throw out your blueprint. We like each other a lot. So we know that. There's a good basis. We respect each other. We care about each other. We have the same values. Why don't we agree to write a new blueprint together? And co-creation became our mantra. yours. It'll be ours. And I can no longer make a unilateral decision about what I want in this relationship because the relationship doesn't belong to me. It belongs to us. We have joint custody of this relationship. Interesting. Right? And by the way, you can't make unilateral decisions about what happens in the relationship because it doesn't belong to you. I got 50% of

this. Right. Right. Right. And the result has been amazing and it requires lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of communication and boundary setting and discussions. And I think professional relationships should be the same, which is I have a blueprint in my head of what an employee should do. An employee has a blueprint in their head of what a company or a boss should do. And the problem is, is hopefully that goes well. Sometimes it goes well. And sometimes it completely falls apart versus saying, I got this job. You got this, you know, you're, you got this, you're my boss. Can we have a discussion about what we want this relationship to be? I'm not going to get everything I want and you're not getting everything you want. It's not because that's the boundary. Like I declare, right. That's just not going to work. Right. Um, but can we, this is why I think it's important for companies to talk about their why and their values. I think it's important for companies to set expectations, what it's like to work here. And don't give me this work hard, play hard bull. Like any company that tells you we work hard, play hard, please run in the opposite direction, right?

Why not work smart, play always, right? Because working hard sounds unhealthy and playing hard sounds very unhealthy. It's like, I worked too hard this week, so now I'm going to get faced this weekend. Very unhealthy at work, very unhealthy on the weekend. Yeah, sounds like burnout recipe work hard play hard is a stupid philosophy right work smart play always right um and the point is

is it should that's why i think it's important for companies to talk about their why talk about their values be honest about them um because you'll attract people who will more likely want to work within the boundaries that you're setting. Right? So for example, people often ask me about Amazon. Isn't Amazon a horrible place to work? Right? And I'll say, well, they never lied. This is the expectation. They never lied. Right. They didn't say, oh my God, it's a party here every day.

Everybody's like, it's just like unicorns and rainbows. You work three hours and you go home. They never lied. They're pretty public about it's a really demanding job with ridiculous hours. And even the people who love it over the last two years, it's a really hard place to work. But if you like those conditions, then go work there. And here's some benefits that come with those conditions. And there's benefits.

Or like people talk about Steve Jobs was an... Yes. But people who work there, people who worked at Apple under Steve Jobs, will all tell you that they were pushed harder than they've ever been pushed in their careers. And the things that they accomplished, they wouldn't have been able to accomplish anywhere else but there. Right? So if you're okay with those boundaries,

then go work there. But the point is, is these companies tell you what their expectations are and what it's like to work there up front. And the reason it's important to do that is to attract people who are more likely to want to work within those boundaries. Yes.

But it's still an act of co-creation, right? And if you don't like it, then you should leave. Yes. Right? Enter a different relationship. Now, if the company lied to you, that's different. Yes. Right?

Then you do actually have the right to complain and point fingers. And sometimes, even like at Amazon, it got a little too far. Sure. To reel it back a little bit. Sure, sure, sure. Why do you think, I don't want to, I mean, I guess I am generalizing a little bit, but obviously this isn't the case for everyone in the younger generation. But why does it seem like there is a conversation happening about the younger generation where

there is an entitlement or demand energy towards, okay, this is my first year in this job, out of college, two years out. I don't have all the skills or the experience or the results to show that I'm capable of getting this. But I demand and want all of these things that the older generation wasn't able to do. the older generation wasn't able to do. And then they constantly, not generalizing, but a conversation of them wanting raises within the first month. More, you know, unlimited time off. Sure.

This kind of lazy mentality and entitlement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's multiple factors, of course. Parents is one of them. You know, it's the parenting philosophies of the generation. That was a big part of them. You know, it's the parenting philosophies of the generation. That was a big part of it. You know, when you and I got in trouble at school,

our parents said, what did you do now? If a lot of people get in trouble at school now, their parents say, what's wrong with your teacher? Right. No, I got suspended. Right. You know, I was like punished for weeks. Right. And, you know, again,

sometimes it is the school and the teacher, but there's bad kids too. Mm-hmm. You know, where kids do stupid things. Sure, sure. No, I cheated, so. I cheated on a test,

so I got the consequence. Quite rightfully so. But it wasn't like, well, you know, they shouldn't punish you. Let's just, you know, do this or make an excuse for me.

So parents is part of it. Social media is part of it because we're constantly comparing. My sister had somebody who worked for her back in a previous job and he walked into her office and said, can you give me a promotion? And my sister's like, I haven't worked for her in a long time. Right. And he's like, well, hold on. No, no, no. I don't need, you don't have to give me the additional responsibility and I don't even need a salary raise. I just need the new title so I can put it on LinkedIn so my friends can see. Come on.

Yeah. Holy cow. After what, like a few months? Whatever it was. But it was really about the display. So it became one of those metrics like followers or likes, which is how many promotions

have you had on LinkedIn? It's a false sense of accomplishment though. And it's really funny because there's a false sense of accomplishment though so so and it's really funny because there's a corollary here which is we know that when there is conspicuous displays of wealth so name brands when you were your your little gooch or you know or you got your chanel bag there's a reason they put the logos on the outside, right? It's because we like that everybody knows, right? And there's data on this that when you wear your fancy stuff and you put it on and it makes you feel, you actually get, you get shots of, you get bursts of serotonin

because it makes you feel proud and like you're, you know, you're higher status in the community and all of that. That's what conspicuous displays of wealth do. Makes us feel good. We also know that when you wear a fake, everybody may think that you got that Chanel bag, but you actually get no serotonin. So if you have a fake, you actually don't get the feeling of I'm the shit.

Right? Because you didn't earn it. Because it's not real. It's not the real thing. So I wonder if it seems like it seems to make sense that when you have a fake promotion for the title to show your friends that they're your friends maybe may be impressed because they're looking at the logo that you actually know that it's fake so you actually don't get a feeling of self-confidence and I think that this is good. And in other words, there's no growth that comes from it.

In fact, it might do the opposite. I might make you insecure. Wow. Right? We know this from kids who get medals who come in last. Which is great, you gave them a medal. They know they didn't deserve it. It actually makes them not feel good. Interesting. Right?

Because they didn't deserve it. They know that. And the kids who did earn it, it's devalued because you gave one to somebody else as well so parenting is part of it social media is part of it um uh but i think the other part of it which is not considered uh by older generations my business partner talks about this all the time which is when i entered the work field when you entered the work field back in the day. We were legit when we came out of college. We were legit idiots.

Right? We had no clue. We thought we knew. We had no skill set whatsoever. No discernible value whatsoever. You know, we all started making photocopies. Right. whatsoever. We all started making photocopies. And we had to look up to the people we worked for because they were going to teach us everything that we needed to know. And we learned a skillset

from working and from the people who we worked for. That was how it worked. You have a young generation now that's graduating high school and college that enters the workforce with a skillset. And sometimes it's a skill set that the older generation doesn't have. They understand personal branding. They understand social media. They understand how computers work. Photography, video editing.

Video editing. They understand the algorithms. They can game the algorithms better than anybody. Right? Look at Mr. Beast. He's what, 22, 23? Billions of views, right? His numbers are better than every top movie ever, right? I went to an event once where there was all these fancy actors

and Mr. Beast was there and none of them knew who he was. And I was looking at, and I was doing the numbers, which is if you took like one of the A-list celebrities and added up the total number of people that have seen all of his movies ever, it doesn't even come close to like one video from Mr. Beast. Crazy. Right? And yet none of them knew who he was.

And they all think they're hot. And like, no, this kid's the hot. Right. So I think that's another problem. It's not a problem, but that's another consideration, which is that 21-year-old actually does have a skill set, and they know that that skill set has value. And so they are entering the workforce

knowing that they know something that you don't know. And so they're not coming in as total idiots. And though there is still the need for them to learn and there's the sense that i already know something and so you should start giving me more upfront wow right and so i think it's right for older generations to recognize that they actually know stuff we don't know and they're actually good at things better than we were when we were their age um and that has value, just not as much value as they may think because there's still a lot more for them to learn.

Sure. Or there's the application of that skill set that needs to be honed. Or maybe that skill set has no value in this job. Right, right. You shouldn't get a job to do that. So it's... What is the, I mean, we're generalizing this,

but what is the greatest skill that the younger generation has going into the workforce and the thing that will hold them back the most? Oh, that's a good question. I think they're probably one in the same, to be honest. I think it's a complete comfort and facility with technology integrated into their lives, and facility with technology integrated into their lives, fully integrated, which is a blessing and a curse. I'm just a repeating record, which is there's a balance and there's a cost for everything.

And the cost for that facility and that ease and that comfort with technology is deep, meaningful relationships. Interesting. Because they're on the phone 20 hours a day as opposed to connecting in person. Or worse, they think being connected and connecting are the same thing. I had a fight with a 16-year-old a couple years ago that they, her and her friends,

send voice messages to each other. And I said, why don't you just pick up the phone and call each other? She goes, we are. I'm like, no, you're not. You're sending voice memos to each other. She genuinely believed that that was a conversation right it's not a conversation the disjointed it's listening to my answering machine and then leaving somebody's message on their answering machine and that's what

it is just in real time it's just quicker right um but i think that and when when we feel a little lonelier down, because we have such facility with the stuff, we go to the stuff to be a balm for that feeling of loss or loneliness we have. It's not that different for any white alcoholics drink or, you know, which is alcoholics drink only for a finite number of reasons, which is social stress, career stress, and social stress. That's pretty much it. Um, did I say financial? Um, and you know, when, when, and we see it all the time, right? You see, you know, Brene Brown talks about this as well, which is we've confused, uh, vulnerability and and broadcasting which is making a video by yourself in your room of you crying because you're depressed or you got broken up with or whatever you know and and you just being vulnerable and then you have that expression validated by likes and views that's not vulnerability it's not vulnerability that's simply broadcasting your emotions by yourself. By the way, you're by yourself in your room with your phone. Right?

That's literally what's happening. Now I challenge people who do that, go have that exact conversation, say all the same words to a friend in the same room as them. And you'll find that much more difficult. Is it harder to broadcast to a million people your emotions than it is to one person in person? No, it's easier. It's easier to broadcast it

than it is to have a conversation with a friend, a family member, or someone close to you. I can go on, I can hit play, I can hit record on FaceTime, and I can look in my computer and be like i'm struggling i'm really having a hard time stop play i'm gonna do that again record wow i'm struggling i'm really having a hard time real talk here just talking real talk you know just speaking my truth here you know um and i want you guys to know that you know, just speaking my truth here, you know, um, and I want you guys to know that,

you know, I'll get through this and then analyze it afterwards and then post it, pick a picture to go on it, you know, versus going to friend and sitting across the table from somebody and going, I'm struggling and I don't know what's going on. That's excruciating. Wow. That's true vulnerability because there is no vulnerability doing it by yourself. There's a perception of vulnerability just the same way I can turn on a movie and watch an actor playing vulnerability. Right. And I'm like, oh my God, so vulnerable.

Well, I'm watching the performance of vulnerability. So for me, the viewer, it's real. Right. And I have no doubt that the person making the video is feeling something. I get it. But they're creating a piece of art. But they're not.

It's not that they're creating a piece of art. It's that they're not. The thing that will help them, the thing that will help them get over that feeling and feel safe is not the number of likes that validate the expression. The thing that'll help them get over that feeling and feel safe is not the number of likes that validate the expression. The thing that will make them feel safe is for them to have the incredibly uncomfortable, awful conversation with somebody where they say the same things. And that person sits there and goes, I got you. I got you.

Right? And I remember I have a friend who's he's he's an impressive if he's an impressive dude and um and i love him to death and i didn't want to show him vulnerability because i'm so impressed by him i wanted him to be impressed by me he's so strong i want him to be impressed by me. He's so strong. I want him to know that I'm strong. Right. Um, I don't want him. And it's not because I intellectually understand the importance of vulnerability, but it's still, I want to, I want my friend to like me. I'm my, my amazingly impressive friend that I think is super impressive to think I'm impressive too. And I'm on his level. And I remember I was struggling and I called him up and I go,

I'm not in a good place. And he was like, what do you got, bud? What do you need? And, um, I remember we were, uh, I, we were out once and I said to him, you know, you're one of those friends that I would call in a hard time. And he said to me, I'd be mad if you didn't. And we have this magical relationship now where we open up to each other and we open to each other are pretty, and it doesn't at all do any damage to what I think about him. In fact, it makes me think more of him. I want to be on their level. Of course. I want to be strong or make sure that I'm representing myself in a way that is at their level. And if I'm vulnerable or showing that I'm struggling, then will I be less than that?

Why is that when actually vulnerability brings us closer together? Well, it's also a story we say in our own heads, right? Because it turns out he's not all buttoned up. And it turns out he's not got every answer. And it turns out everything he touches doesn't turn to gold. And it turns out he's got insecurities. And it turns out he's got fears. And it turns out he's got anger.

And he's got frustration. And he's got all those things too. Turns out he's human. Wow. And this is where the relationship became beautiful, which is he is more impressive than me. He's a much more impressive guy than I am. And I love him to death and he loves me to death. Not because we're comparing our resumes. It's because we trust each other and hold space

for each other. And I've seen him at his worst and he's seen me at my worst. And that's fine. And I think that's what social media doesn't allow. And again, forget about the people who they're broadcasting to. who's struggling themselves, how they find safety and salvation. They will not find it in the broadcast. They will at some point have to go to a friend and ask for help. Wow. And they can still make the broadcast to serve others. Yeah.

Not anti the broadcast, but that person is kidding themselves if they think that is the way to find peace and calm in a life. There's something that I wanted to go back to. I'm loving all this, by the way. Thank you for sharing so openly, which is about the breakdown in life and the breakdown, the scenario, the situation that causes us to either fall apart or come together or start to look differently about our life and ask, what's the point of the direction we're

heading? I'm curious in your mind, again, there's been a lot that's happened in the last few years, pandemic, war, and AI, which is being talked about more. Obviously, it's been around for a long time, but now it's being talked about more. Yeah, it's been around for a long time, but now it's being talked about more. Yeah, and it's moving at a pace that's ridiculous, which is very, very scary. I don't mean to diminish it. Of course, they pay fast now. When the internet showed up,

the adoption for internet was years. Yes. The adoption for most technologies is decades. This thing is increasing its potential and its speed in weeks and months, which is not giving us time to consider that balanced equation. That's the part I find scary, is not the technology, the speed of adoption. Right. The social ripples.

And social ripples. And remember, governments have to adopt it. They don't have a choice. Right. Right? So like nuclear weapons, right? When nuclear weapons showed up, governments had to. Whether they wanted to or not was irrelevant. They had to because if the other one does, we don't have a choice. It's the same thing here. Like all of the defensive and offensive weapons and AI, governments have to, they have no choice. But we actually do have the ability to set pace and we're not. And there is fear of being left out. There's massive FOMO. So one company is investing in it heavenly. Other ones are like, we have to invest in it heavenly because they are, so we have to. And so there's FOMO

and fear of being left behind. And some of it's true, but not necessarily the haste and blindness, which we're throwing the technology at our companies and our businesses. And I think history will always repeat itself, which is when you do something blindly and too quickly, at some point it's going to break. Right. Right. And so we don't know what or how that looks, when it's going to happen, but it's probably going to happen.

Right. I mean, think, you know, nature abhors imbalance and seeks equilibrium at all times. This is why when there's a stock market crash, we call it a correction, right? Because there is imbalance and it finds correction like that's how mother nature works she always finds balance at some point right you don't know when but if you don't know when but it is gonna happen yeah right and i think that the imbalance that we're creating with the speed of the adoption of the technology that we don't fully

understand the balance is gonna happen yeah i don't know how i don't know what, the balance is going to happen. I don't know how, I don't know what, I don't know what it's going to look like. No one can predict it. There's a lot of people trying and there's no way to slow it down because now the genie's out of the bag. No one's going to be like, you know what? I'll be the one to slow it down. Right. Let's stop this. Yeah. Yeah. You know, government can put some guardrails on. Europe is actually attempting to put some guardrails on, which I think is helpful. Interesting. Yeah. America, not so much. Right. We think guardrails are anti-capitalist, which they're not. They're just guardrails.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. We can debate where the guardrails are, but guardrails are good. Sure, sure, sure. You mentioned early on, I like that you talked about the fear that causes a lot of social ripples with these different things that happen, right? Especially around AI or around pandemics or around war, right? You've mentioned a few of these things. With everything we've seen in the last few years, which one do you think will cause more fear and more emotional reactions or social ripples between another virus or pandemic-like experience, war, or AI

and the acceleration of AI. I think income inequality is bigger than all of them. What is that? Income inequality. Income inequality will create more social ripples and fear than these three. Yeah, just look at what's been happening over the past 30, 40 years. The rise of populism, the rise of strongman leaders, the cynicism about democracy. And it's not that democracy or capitalism are bad.

It's that this version of democracy, this version of capitalism, not democracy, this version of capitalism that we have, that was largely engineered in the 80s and 90s by people like Jack Welch and Republican and Democratic presidents at the time, is woefully imbalanced and it is lopsided. The stock market used to be a place that the average working American could share in the wealth of the nation. And now the stock market used to be a place that the average working American could share in the wealth of the nation. And now the stock market has become the bastion for the few. CEOs who are incentivized by the price of inequity work hard to make other people rich and often don't include the workers or worse use the workers to help balance those books though the use of mass layoffs which was a relatively modern phenomenon didn't exist in the united

states prior to the 1980s really didn't insist i mean there were layoffs but not to balance the books they were used for existential reasons like we're going bankrupt we have to do something drastic right versus oh we missed our numbers you lose your job wow that didn't exist and so we have to do something drastic. Right. Versus, oh, we missed our numbers, you lose your job. Wow. That didn't exist. And so we have a very woefully flawed version of capitalism that is not the capitalism that made America great, nor is it capitalism, the kind of capitalism that Thomas Jefferson was enamored by, as written by Adam Smith. as written by Adam Smith. And I think that disparity,

and we're seeing it play out now in the strikes, the writer's strike and the actor's strike, which is people working hard to make a small group of people very wealthy and being left out. Nobody minds that a CEO is highly paid. The problem is that it's the system of how they get paid that you're not including and bringing people with you. That's the problem. That you're making money off of their backs without them letting feel like they're sharing in the spoils that they helped create.

That's the problem. And we know how we got here. It's because, again, this goes back to metrics, right? The way we measured money was very easy. This is sort of going off on a tangent, if we really want to talk about it. I like your tangents. Yeah.

You know, which is, I used, it's very easy, right? And this has been talked about. This is not a new idea. I would broadcast a tv show and i could count how many people viewed it right ratings and then and then i could get picked up for syndication and i can count everything and i can give you a percentage of all the things that i can count right um whereas when we went to streaming and everybody when streaming first showed up showed up, they thought it would be minor, so they didn't,

it wasn't built into the contracts. It was considered an alternative media, don't worry about it. Yeah. But now when something gets a billion views, um, there's no direct advertising dollars applied to that show. And there's no syndication applied to that show.

And even though that show may... We can't tell that that's why somebody subscribed because the subscription made the money, not the show, even though the a bad idea because it goes back to metrics and numbers, which is if you can count it, you need to share the numbers so that we can establish a value. And if we can establish a value, we can say what it's worth. Right? So hiding numbers is never a good thing when it comes to playing with people's income. What do you think capitalism should be? The new definition of capitalism should be then? Well, it's everything that I write about in every single one of my books. The infinite game.

The infinite game, leaders eat less and start with why all are attempting to chip away that, you know, start with why was that companies should be driven by higher calling and higher purpose, not just making money. It's totally anti Milton Friedman uh, uh, Milton Friedman and Jack Welch. I mean, I hope to undo everything Jack Welch ever did, you know, um, leaders at last was about taking care of the people in our care. You know, that leadership is not about being in

charge, but taking care of those in your charge. And the infinite game is recognizing that this game of business cannot be once to stop playing it. Like it's a finite game and stop using people as pawns and start being grateful that they're helping you advance something bigger than yourself. And I lay it out there. I lay out what the principles of capitalism should be in the chapter where I run Milton Friedman. I offer an alternative list of hierarchy and priorities carmen what they are i mean you i mean i'm hearing you say go ahead yeah feel free to share chapter five uh what pages are on capitalism should advance a cause, protect people, and generate profit. In that order. One more time. Advance a purpose, protect people, generate profit. So the responsibility of business

is to use its will and resources to advance a greater cause than itself, protect the people and places in which it operates, and generate more resources so that it can continue doing all those things for as long as possible. An organization can do whatever it likes to build its business so long as it is responsible for the consequences of its actions. That is, for me, what capitalism should be. And we're not seeing that right now. No. It's the opposite order. It's generate profit, you know, advance purpose on your website. It's called marketing and protect people, you know, when it suits us. Interesting. No, no. Like version of capitalism we have right now is pretty bastardized.

So the, I'm hearing you say the income inequality and where that's heading is a greater fear and risk than another pandemic, AI, and war. Whenever you have a huge delta between those that have and those that don't have, you have revolution. Wow. But this is happening all over the world, not just in America, right? Of course. I mean, none of the countries, it's right now. There's a rise of populism around the world. There's a rejection of democratic values

because they've confused democratic values and the version of capitalism we have. They've conflated the two. Right. So what usually happens in a scenario like this and how long does it take for that thing to occur? What has history taught us? There's going to be a revolution really around the whole world come on no i mean come on i mean january 6th these not the science i mean listen to the messaging of

the populists it's the haves versus the have-nots yeah you know and um the left needs to listen you know they're they're quick to the left and the right are both quick to criticize the leaders of each other's movements but they're missing the they're not listening to why people are interested in those messages they both think both sides think the other side are sheeple both think the other side are blind deaf and dumb and yet neither side is paying attention as to why um they both have their own um rabid followings and problem is is most of the country is moderate why most of our nation is pretty moderate most of our nation is moderate. Fine. Most of our nation is pretty moderate. Most of our nation is pretty fine. In between somewhere, yeah.

We're willing to find compromises, not really, you know, reasonable. And yet the angry extremes on both sides have seemed to set the tone. They're playing a finite game. But, you know, I'm genuinely afraid of, and I don't know how it looks or when it happens, but I think when we start accusing each other of being traitors, I mean, the left and the right literally say, call each other traitors or un-American.

That's not good. That's not good. That's not good. That's not good. Not good. I've got a few final questions for you. This has been powerful. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for opening up and sharing. We could go on for hours.

This is a question I asked you before that is called the three truths. So imagine a hypothetical scenario. It is that last day on earth for you. And you get to live as long as you want, extend your life as long as you want,

and create and do all the things you want to do. Yeah. But for whatever reason, it's the last day. And you've accomplished everything or not and just lived beautiful days

without accomplishments. But you can't take, or excuse me, everything you've created has to go with you. This conversation, gone. Your books, they're gone. It's on to another world or somewhere else.

They're not in this world. Everything you've ever said or done, we don't have access to anymore. But you get to leave behind three lessons. I call it the three truths. Three things that you know from your experiences are true to you that you would want to leave behind as lessons to the world. What would be those three truths for you? Really love the people who love you. Really love them.

Learn all the human skills that you need to be a good human being. Um, who's being human is hard and, um, and have as much fun as possible. And what I mean by having much fun as possible doesn't mean playing video games and taking vacations every moment, but make jokes. Make jokes. Have a sense of humor. You can't be angry and laugh at the same time. Stephen Colbert talks about this. You can't. There's something magical in a high-stress situation as a joke and you know whether it's gallows humor or whether it's you find the absurdity in something you know it's like just make sure to maintain your sense of humor yeah so love those who love you desperately

learn the human skills to be a great human being and make sure that you appreciate that life really is fun. I've over a thousand conversations. I don't think I've heard them in that way, those three truths. I've asked it every time and I didn't expect that from you. So that was really beautiful. I appreciate you sharing those three. I want to acknowledge you, Simon, for your constant personal growth. No, thank you. Your constant personal growth. You know, I've, I've watched you for years, you know, be a phenom on the internet with TED talk and books and all, you know, all the things and accolades, uh, you know, I've been at events with you. I've had you on the show. We know a lot of the same people and, you know, uh, but I really love just watching you personally grow as a human being, speak about

these things, loving people desperately, um, having as much fun as possible, you know, being someone who's looked at as an intellectual, uh, and extremely smart talking about humor and fun is awesome for me to hear and, uh, being the best human you can be knowing that this is a challenging existence or it can be unless you choose to learn skills and overcome it. So I really acknowledge you for your personal growth. Thank you. And hope now that we're more neighbors,

I'll run into you more frequently and get to give you more hugs. So I really acknowledge you for everything. And I also acknowledge you for this, which I think is interesting. I asked you before we came on here today. I acknowledge you for not having something to be productive in right now. Of course, you've got a book and your podcast and content that you're creating, but you're not like, I'm working on this massive project and I've got to do it.

I've got this deadline and it's got to be this way. You're like, yeah, I'm allowing ideas to come to me. I'm allowing things to form. I'm building deeper relationships. I'm connecting with my, my girlfriend. I'm doing these things. I acknowledge you for that because I think it's hard at times to allow ourselves to not be overly productive and always creating something and always trying to strive to be on top. So I acknowledge you for being in that space. I think it's a beautiful thing too. Well, that's very nice of you. I think it's important to know who you work for, right? So I would only have stress to come up to write another book if I believed that I worked for my publisher, but I don't. And I would only have stress about the

amount of content creation I have to produce if I believed I worked for the algorithm, but I don't. I work for the people who share this world with me. I work for my friends. I work for my family. I work for the people who see the world the way I see it. And I try and work very hard to live a life of service. And the way I manage it. And I try, I've worked very hard to live a life of service. And the way I manage my social media is I say something that I think is additive. I never pile on, because there's no point. I'm very prescriptive that I will speak if I have something that I believe is additive.

And if I have nothing to say, and I have nothing to write, then I'm going to say um, and I have nothing to say and I have nothing to write, then I'm going to say nothing and we're going to write nothing. Um, and I think you have to know who your customer is and then be fiercely customer oriented. And I use the word customer in quotes. Like if you're a parent, you know, your kids are your customer, you know, if you're a teacher, your students are your customer, you know, if you're a nurse, your students are your customer. If you're a nurse, your patients are your customer. And I think you have to be fiercely, fiercely customer focused. And in my chosen line of work, my customer is the army who chooses to stand shoulder to shoulder with me to build the world that we imagine. A world in which people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever

they are, and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do. Yeah. I love it, man. I want everyone to support you. And you've got a number of great books. The Infinite Game is one that I think the themes have been spoken about throughout here over and over again of how we can start reimagining our own personal lives or career, industries, everything, the world. So I want people to get this.

Start with why, obviously, as a phenom I want people to get this. Start with Y, obviously, as a phenom that everyone should have as well if they haven't got it. SimonSinney.com has got all your

content and information. I love your Instagram and your LinkedIn is massive as well if you guys are over there. It's all focused on human skills. Exactly.

That's what it is. So if you want to develop better human skills, follow wherever you're on social media. All the places. All the media. All the places. All the things. All the things.

The podcast, Bit of Optimism. You can check it out there if you want to go deeper as well. But how else can we be of service to you today? Do the things. Like being of service to me is to, I'm one person who puts out a vision of the world and some tools to help build it but until leaders lead with those tools until we and by leader i don't mean those in charge i mean those who choose to take on the awesome responsibility to see those around us rise

which can happen at alien level inside an organization or in our society and what i need people to do is do it because i i, my work is intangible and I need people to make it tangible. Yeah. Final question. Yep. What's your definition of greatness? Um, I think it's everything we've talked about.

My definition of greatness is, is, is living a life of service. And you know, the people that I think are great devoted themselves to the lives of others. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. devoted themselves to the lives of others. Plus channel on Apple Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness Newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are

loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.