The School of Greatness - Terry Crews On Overcoming Toxic Toughness & Finding True Power EP 1258

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

Today's guest is Terry Crews. He's an author, action-movie hero, sitcom star, children’s book illustrator, advertising pitchman, playable video game character, talent show host, high-end furniture designer, and human rights activist. He's written his new memoir, Tough: My Journey to True Power, where he chronicles the story of how he went from being a six-year-old boy with a goofy, toothless smile to being utterly selfish and angry, to a man who can finally acknowledge his own weaknesses and vulnerabilities and use his experiences to help motivate those around him. In this episode you will learn:How Terry’s childhood led him to having a toxic definition of “being tough” and how he overcame itHow getting revenge isn’t the best solution to your problemsWhy it’s important to own your truth and be vulnerableWhy it’s important to remain humble in your career For more, go to: lewishowes.com/1258 Get Terry's new book: Tough: My Journey to True PowerCheck out my previous interview with Terry: www.lewishowes.com/760

One of the things I knew that my desire to get strong and my desire to have power and to be really, really just, I was obsessed with muscle even as a little kid because I knew one day I might have to kill my father. Welcome to the School of Greatness. former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Before the episode starts, I want to give a quick trigger warning that we do discuss different forms of sexual abuse and healing from those experiences. Your book is called Toughs, Your Journey to True Power. And you are the epitome of the tough, strong bodybuilder football guy for a long time. And you portrayed this image in movies, TV, and all these different things. Why do you feel like you had that anger inside of you?

And when did you realize that you needed to let it go? Well, wow, that's a great, great question, man. You know, for me, you know, my world was designed around competition. Yeah. You know, growing up in Flint, Michigan, it was in the middle, when the auto industry imploded,

you know, I was around 10 years old, and then the crack epidemic happened at the same time. So you're talking about a double whammy on a city. And so it was very violent you know lots of crime lots of drugs lots of gangs lots of of powerlessness is what i like to call it because people felt power less especially me okay because you couldn't do anything about it. You know, one thing that people didn't know or forgot is around that time in the city, there would be smokestacks around the city. And what they were doing were burning foreign cars. Really?

And I remember just seeing you walk through school and you go across a parking lot in this factory and they'd be burning a car and effigy and throwing rocks at it. And, you know, we ain't going to have them damn, you know, Toyotas up in here, you know, because it was foreign. And it just hit me about how, you know, the problem was the city was very resistant to change. But change is inevitable. And this is what I was going through. And, but it was also about competition. It was always about, okay, it's gotta be me versus this dope man. It's gotta be me versus this gang initiation that they're trying to bring me into.

It's gotta be me versus, you know, the, the grown men in my neighborhood and in my area that were always challenging me as a young man so you had to come up and it made me very mad really and growing up with an alcoholic father on top of all that big terry whitney big terry you know i was little terry he was big terry and you know one of my earliest memories is him knocking my mother out. And I was like, got it, man. You run the world right now. Until I do.

Ooh. I'm gonna tell you, man. How old were you then? Oh, I was five. Oh, man. I was five. But I have to tell you, one of the things I knew that my desire to get get strong and my desire to have power to be really

really just I was I was obsessed with muscle even as a little kid because I knew one day I might have to kill my father oh my gosh he was that dude wow it's just he was unending never bending just constant intimidation. You know what I mean? Like- Fear, intimidation. You just didn't, you never felt comfortable. You never felt like he accepted you.

You always felt like something was wrong, you doing it wrong. You didn't iron your pants enough. You didn't do something enough. You didn't clean enough. You just felt always inadequate. And that was the mindset of a lot of men in that culture, in the city at the time I was growing up. And it wasn't going to let

you, they weren't going to let you off easy. But when you ask them questions, they would never answer them. Why not? I don't know. See, that blew my mind because I was like, okay, just, just tell me what you want. And they're like, well,

one day you're going to find out. Let me tell you one day, one day you'll get it. And you're like, but I'm 12. Right. Can you like give me a clue? Yeah.

Like, and man, it was, I mean, it was only after I grew up when I realized that they didn't know. So that was a kind of a cop out. But it made me, I had a vow with my best friend.

And we were about 13, 14 years old. Because this was such a big problem. Like his dad would never talk to him. And my dad would never talk to me. And the older adults wouldn't tell, you know, the only thing they would tell you about is how to be a big problem. His dad would never talk to him. Really? My dad would never talk to me. The older adults wouldn't tell you. The only thing they would tell you about is how to be a pimp. You want two or three girls, let me tell you how to do it. This is the game you got to run.

That's the only thing they would volunteer. But any of the other life stuff, like what does this mean? What does life mean? What's the true meaning of this? You you're in getting that go to church for that And the whole concept with a lot of men in that world was that if you scare go to church like, you know Church was for scare people interesting, you know what I mean? Like no, no, we're too we're too tough for that, you know and what was so wild is um We made a vow and we made a vow.

And we made a vow, me and my best friend, that we would, I said, if you find out something before I do, promise me that you'll tell me. And if I find out anything that you need to know before you do, I'll tell you. And we literally shook on it. I'll never forget it.

I'll never forget the day we did it. Did you guys start telling each other advice or wisdom? Yeah, we were just trying to find out stuff like, oh man, check this out about, this is in school and this is this, and this will get you to this level. And man, we got to start working out and man, we got to do this, you know,

cause we were just alone. I mean, this is in the early days of even fitness. Yeah, there was no information on fitness really about how to build your muscles. No, no we would get, I remember ordering the books at the back of comic books. Did you ever get sand kicked in your face? And you know, and I would get this little book and it had like drawings of people exercising. And then you had an old exercise thing that that was like a it looked like a bow like a bow and arrow and then you would just push it together and had a string and you just do that

it was like yeah primitive but we were like eating anything up just to improve our lives yeah and uh it was a really the competitive culture created in me this thing. And when we talk about rage, what we're talking about is an attempt to control things you can't control. Because what couldn't you control at that time? Nothing. I, outside, I just looked and it was like,

I had to do what everyone told me. And, you know, my father was addicted to alcohol but my mother was addicted to religion and he despised that you know because again it was weak to him but she was living in fear and she was living in fear and so she's like hey we got to run under the protection of the church but it was a basically as a Christian cult I grew up in a run under the protection of the church. But it was a, basically, it was a Christian cult. I grew up in a church called the Church of God and Christ. And it was so, it was what you would call holy roller.

It was a lot of speaking in tongues and a lot of music and shouting and bawling out and people running around and the whole thing. And I remember just feeling like I wanted that. I wanted to be close to that. Like I said, okay, this is what God is, but I never felt it. Like I was going, when is it gonna take me?

Cause I'd see everybody jumping and running and shouting and I was like, and they was like, well, you just got to feel it. And I was like, but I don't feel it. And no one would tell me what was going on. I mean, no one, my mother, my people in the church, I would be asking like, when do you know how this feels? Like, is it supposed to grab you? And they were like, oh, if you you don't let me tell you the day it

freaked me out is what my pastor looked at me and he said you don't feel nothing you must not have nothing oh man that's not fair i went what so it's like forces you to try to act like you feel something to fit in or belong or oh yeah and now i'm, man. And so I learned real quick. I said, man, you got to have two lives. You got to be this way in church. You got to be this. I mean, my father and mother fought constantly because of that. that I do now, I couldn't do as a kid. I couldn't play sports. I couldn't go to secular movies. I couldn't listen to secular music. I couldn't dance. I couldn't do anything.

When I say nothing, I mean, I remember, I was like, what can I do? And they were like, sit down and shut up, is what you can do. Wow. And what I would do is listen to kids at school talk about the movies. They would talk about all the stuff that they saw

and all this stuff. And I remember going home and drawing what I thought the movie was about. And that's where my art ability came. I mean, it was hours of like imagining what this movie was. How old were you when you started drawing and being, you know? I was probably six, seven years old.

But I remember kids talking about things that I couldn't experience. Did anyone teach you how to draw? I learned off comic books. You're so talented. I've seen your stuff. But see, you've got to understand. And then you would kind of mimic what you're... Exactly. Any comic book or anything I saw,

I would just try to... And let me tell you, I had the most frustrating experiences because nothing would look the same. And it was the desire for me to make things extremely real. And I wanted it to really come to life. And what would happen is I would be satisfied with the drawing. Like, oh, man, this is good. And then I'd go to bed and wake up and it would look bad again. And you're talking about this for a young kid.

And then it just continued where this drive and this whole thing because it had to look better than this and it's got to look better than yours. When you're talking about a world of competition, it created this excuse for your age. You know what I mean? And now, I'm going to tell you, man, what happened for me, and especially once I hit my teen years, I started living my life like I was in a revenge movie. Trying to get back at everyone, everything, the world, your dad. Remember the vow I made with my best friend?

I made a lot of vows and I vowed that I was gonna get every person who ever doubted me, who ever insulted me, who ever made me feel slightly uncomfortable, I was gonna get you back. Wow. And I was gonna show you. Now, let me tell you something. That is a recipe for tremendous success. You understand what I mean? Like people expect you, oh no, it's gonna fall. No. And also a lack of fulfillment, a lack of joy, a lack of peace inside of you.

Now. Cause I was so similar. You see what I mean? I wanted to prove everyone wrong and I accomplished all these goals and I was like, but why am I still unfulfilled and angry? of you now because i was so similar i wanted to make i wanted to prove everyone wrong and i accomplished all these goals and i was like but why am i still unfulfilled and angry you listen you why am i so angry you get a lot done a lot man you're obsessed extra energy you know what i mean because i'm like i don't believe yeah you gotta understand man i would go and i remember

i would do this stuff where I would go work out, and then I would work out until I couldn't move. And then I would rest up, and then I would flex my muscles until they cramped. And I would force my muscles into cramps. It was sadistic. It was masochistic. But I said, no one, I want this. I will never stop doing sit-ups. I will never, you know, again, sit-ups and push-ups until my stomach,

until I was curled over in tears. Oh, my gosh. And then I go do more. Because I said, no one's going to beat me. Wow. You will never, ever, ever beat me. And listen, understand this, man. You know what's so crazy?

I didn't even like football. Really? Didn't like it at all but it was my way out of flint it was also my way to code black this is what i mean to code what code black meaning in the black culture sports coded like success And it was the way the drug dealers, the gang members, everybody would leave you alone if they knew you were an athlete. Why is that? Because they said, this man, he might go somewhere. He might do something.

He might be, because you got to understand, walking to school, here they come. I had to fight my way into school because it was like who you think you are who you okay oh mr. smart you smart now huh mmm you're like man I'm hey this why you talk so white all right so what I did I remember developing a whole nother personality when I was on the street man what's up man ah you know I don't even you know me. Yeah boy Right, and I would mimic that. Mm-hmm just so I could Fit in all right. Yeah, you wouldn't you you have ideas you had I you had goals

You had things you wanted and all of a sudden you knew you didn't dumb down Wow There was a way man who, who you think you are? Remember, everything's a competition. Yeah. So you think you're smarter than me? No, man. No, I'm just, but here I was, this artist, drawing, really trying to excel, had ideas, had visions, being a creative person. You played music too, right?

Yeah, I was a flautist. That's crazy. Listen, I hit that. I had visions, being a creative person. You played music too, right? Yeah, I was a flautist. That's crazy. Listen, I hid that. I was able to do that in church, however. Oh man. But see, this is another thing about the religion thing, which was nuts, is that, you know,

here I was just, you know, I was a pleaser. I became a pleaser. It was like, all right, please my mom, whatever, please the alcoholic dad, whatever you want. You want, here's another beer, whatever. And my mother, what I decided was I was gonna be the best, you know, kid in the church. But then my church was a cult.

It was crazy. Because a lot of it didn't make any sense. And it really hit the fan when my pastor, you know, we found out my pastor was selling drugs and using drugs out of the pulpit. He had several girlfriends in the church. I mean, everything imploded, you know, and everyone thought this guy who was so upstanding, you know, because this thing, even with religion, is that, you know, everybody starts out with great intentions, you know. And then power and success and money and people praising you. You got to learn to really stay humble in the face of success or fame. Exactly. How have you

managed that? I mean, well, for a long time, I didn't. I'm just being real. You know, there's two Terry Cruises and there's two experiences. You know, the competitive Terry Cruz was not humble. The competitive Terry Cruz would look humble so that you could be lulled into sleep so that I could destroy you. Wow. I'm just telling you, man. When was this up until? Oh, my God. I mean, we're talking 2010. Okay, wow. You know?

And I was an intense dude, man. You got to understand. I knew. I said, this is how I work. You were intense or still? Well, I'm still intense. I'm still intense. But I'm in a different level of intensity.

In a different way. You know? My thing was, man, I knew how to manipulate. Really? What was the strategy? Well, I would look at whatever scene it was and what the rules were. And I knew how to play the game. Wow.

But it was always to beat people. To one-up, to be number one, to be a little bit better than. Always. I mean, it got me to the NFL. Of course. I mean,up, to be number one, to be a little bit better than. Always. I mean, it got me to the NFL. Of course. I mean, dude, it goes a long way. Like I said, I didn't even like football. But that way of life,

the NFL was like, come here. We like you. Right. You know what I mean? Oh, you're going to be good. You know, they say, the phrase I heard before is that, you know, the best soldiers know how to check their morality.

Like, to the side. Like, keep it away. Because you're a good soldier. Don't think about what's right or wrong. Don't really get that out of your psyche. What's good and bad. And now, yeah, now you can do whatever we need. And I determined that I was going to be that dude, like whatever it took.

And you got to understand is that this kind of mindset is very rewarded. Of course. It's very, you know, I was tough. I was, you know, in this rage, but also I could turn it on to the point where I could beat people up. Like I could start, I started to defend myself. You know, I got from being a little kid to being a big teenager to being,

to you know, what they say, he's got a little neck. You know what I mean? Like when you get some traps and you go, they're like, whoa, okay. Gang a little neck. You know what I mean? Like when you get some traps and you're like, whoa, okay. Got no neck. Gang members think twice. Yeah. You know what I mean? They're like, all right, all right.

Because again, everything's a challenge, right? Yeah. To an exhausting level. Was there ever a point where you felt like you were strong enough and big enough to beat up your dad? Well, I did. How old were you? I was 30 years old really i got to understand the

the context of what happened my father you know i was already i just started my acting career and i just got a show it was a tv show called battle dome and i retired from the nfl and uh again i was about 29 30 years old i was 30 years old. So I took my family home for Christmas and I told my father- Back to Flint. Back to Flint from LA. And I told my father, do not act up, man. Because this is the thing about holidays for alcoholics.

Oh man, it's- It's the worst, man. I mean, they go right back. It's all the bad memories and they need to placate and they need to medicate with alcohol. And I said, man, look, my kids have never seen this. My kids never came up in this. And at the time I had three girls and I said, dude, do not act up.

Okay. He said, no, I ain't going to do nothing, man. Ain't nothing wrong with you. I don't know what you're talking about. So I take them home and home and we all there, everything's going fine. My wife and I are headed to Detroit to hang out with some friends.

So it's about a 45 minute drive. We're about 10 minutes into the drive and I get this call from my aunt. And she's like, Terry, your father hit your mother. Oh, I said, what? Oh man. And what happened happened he knocked her tooth sideways like no it was hanging out of her mouth and i mean he hit her right in the mouth oh man and then i found out lewis he did it in front of my kids oh no and they were all privy to this

something that i vowed trigger went in deep i said take the kids oh my gosh over the house i said just leave them there i dropped my wife off i drove over the house and i'm looking at him and i met with him i'm like hey dude did not tell you and he was like oh And he was like, oh, well, that's cute. And I'm like, pow! Wow. And I mean, let me tell you something, man. I don't know how long the beating happened. Oh, my gosh.

I don't know. Because you black out. I black out. And when you get to that level of rage, I know that feeling. You don't feel anything. You don't think anything. It's a... Man, you know what?

Even, ooh, I'm getting it's Just thinking about it It was so like because all I could remember Was being like five years old Wow and and feeling so weak and powerless as he was doing this to my mother And we just had this take it. I was like, I can't. What can I do? He's a giant. You know what I mean?

I can't do anything. And man, now I'm 30 years old. You're big. You're strong. I'm posted. I fell. I've never had an injury. I'm ready to go.

And you've got 30 years of pent-up rage. 30 years. And resentment. And I beat his his all over that house wow and Lewis let me tell you man I felt nothing at the end I thought this was it I thought this is the revenge I've been waiting for I told you not to do it this This is it. Now you're gonna get everything for, for all Terry Crews is gonna blast you. And when I was done, I remember,

I beat him from the bottom, all the way to the bottom of the house, all the way up to his room, cause he was trying to run from me. And he was trying, he ran into his room and I bust the door down, man. It's kept beating him, right? He's on the ground in tears, bleeding, tears, the whole thing.

And I'm sitting on his bed. I just look at my hands and I'm like, I'm just like you. Didn't work. It didn't work, man. It was supposed to work. What were you hoping to feel? I mean, release. There it is.

I said it right. You're supposed to feel justice. You're supposed to feel like this. Now the score has been settled. And when I say living life like a revenge movie, I mean it. But you have to understand, that stuff is better than sex. Right. You look at a movie like that, you're like, man, yes, get them back one at a time.

Like, yes. And here I was, I was living it. I was like, this is man on fire live. You know what I'm saying? This is like get back city this was a payback and I was like nothing nothing wow and I was like I'm done and I left and I never went home for 10 years really Really? 10 years. And my mom went right back to him. Didn't change any of the home situation.

Didn't fix not one thing. And I was, I just remember going through all these issues and all this stuff like, oh my God, like, I lost it, man. And I couldn't go home. I couldn't even deal with it. And that was the thing that I said, that rage, it was uncontrollable, but I took it out on other people. Right. And I never, like, even though I didn't beat him up again

and didn't go back home, that rage was still in me. Still inside of you. And I was doing that to various people in the street. There's a long list of people who've been knocked out by me. And what's so crazy is that a lot of people go, oh no, Terry, no, you're funny and you're so nice. My wife would be like, y'all don't even know. Y'all have no idea.

He wasn't so nice back then. Because I could flip. Of course. Oh, no. You have to understand, being two people and learning how to manipulate and move, that's why it would shock everybody. Right. Because you could be the lovable, fun, energetic, passionate guy, but if there was a wound that

was being triggered, the other Terry came out. It would be a nuclear bomb. Yeah. I know this. I mean, I feel like I can understand and relate to this feeling because I had this for so long as well. I think I might have told you this story, but I was 30 years old as well when I realized I had a problem with anger and rage.

And I was playing pickup basketball in West Hollywood, the mean streets of West Hollywood. Wow, wow. And- No matter where it's at. Right, right, right. This is West Hollywood. It's not like I'm in some bad neighborhood or something. And we're just playing pickup basketball

with a bunch of 20 year olds, right? Some 20, 25 year olds. Everyone's just having fun. For whatever reason, I would take everything so personally for months. And I would shove people. And if they ever elbowed me, I take it so personally. I would get angry if they tried to talk trash to me.

I would have to step to them to the point where I got in a pretty bad fight. Like I just snapped. And I would never make the first hit. I would always wait for someone to hit me, and someone hit me and I snapped and I exploded. Kind of like what you talk about in the book here, you tell a story of you doing this. The old football me just like picked a guy up,

body slammed him and just went on in the basketball court. And it's like I didn't feel anything of like pain, it's just like you just rage, right? And I remember afterwards going back to my place, like kind of shaking at this point because the police department is right across the street. I'm 30 years old. I'd just been building my career.

I could have gotten injured. I could have gone to jail. Something could have happened where I blew everything. You talk about that moment in your life where you talk with a guy, you're beating him up with your wife there, pregnant wife, and the cops come to start to arrest you, and it could have been over, one bad decision.

I remember looking myself in the mirror after this, shaking with like blood all over my knuckles, looking in the mirror, and I couldn't recognize myself when I looked at myself in the mirror, and I go, who are you, what is wrong with you? Yeah, and it was terrifying to me to realize what I was still capable of Even though I wasn't playing football because that was the outlet. Yeah, that was the the legal outlet to destroy someone Right. Yeah and not go to jail. Yeah, and I realized at that point that I had a problem I need to work on it and it's been nine-year journey of healing ever since with therapy.

What has been the thing for you? When was the last straw where you said, I can't react in this way with anger towards fighting, physical fighting someone? I can't react with screaming or other things like that. When did you realize, I can't overcome this by suppressing it. I need to heal it. Well, my wife made me promise. Okay.

When was this? This was right after we, this was around 2008, 2009. And I had beat this guy up on the street. Is that the story in the book here? Oh, man. Start the book. Yeah, it's a crazy story. And put this guy on the concrete.

Just body slamming. Boom. Dude, it was too much. Wait, it was way overkill. You know, like, it was so... You could have just shown the guy and walked away. You see what I mean? Like, no, it was so bad.

Because you were talking about Christmas shoppers and people everywhere. And broad, it was, I remember the sun was going down, but it was still like the people walking around. People screaming and running and police coming and them holding their hands on their guns. Oh, no, man. And they're one, and I'm stomping this dude like Nino Brown. Like, it's. And you're a massive dude. And she said,

now, he disrespected her. What? He disrespected her. Right. And she was like, but Terry. You can't do that though, yeah. Listen, I got away because there was an older white man in the crowd. He came out. He said, officer, officer, because I was either

going to jail or getting shot. And he, this old white man comes out no no no no because he sees the police about to do what they're about to do he's and this is pre-social media this is pretty video this is free i'm saying this is pre-george floyd yeah because there was i, I could have been shot that day. Yeah. That's for real. And this older white man jumped out and said, I've already had guns pointed at me, literally in traffic and the whole thing. And it's, I mean, there's never a feeling. And I didn't do anything wrong.

That's the craziest part about it. So my wife was like, oh my God, you are not gonna get anybody's, nobody's gonna fight you. Nobody's gonna wrestle with you. They're just gonna shoot. No cop is gonna even get close. So she pulled me to this, after this all got,

he's like, oh, you know, I saw the whole thing. They didn't do anything. They were bothering, they were bothering them and the whole thing, and the officers decided to let me go That's what you already coughed or was he starting to try to cuff you or oh, no. No, he was starting Oh, no, they weren't cuffing. I'm trying to say they had to handle the gun Oh, man, pulling the guns out. So the white guy came in kind of stopped at all He saw what was about to happen. Okay, my wife was right there and it was pandemonium cuz people were like

Did you did you ever meet this guy later? No, I don't. Never, never. I don't know what. Again, I blacked out. Right, right, right. If he stood in front of me, I wouldn't know what he looked like. Wow.

I probably met him again a few years later. You know what I mean? I don't know. Right. But what was so crazy is that that night, my wife sat me down. She said, Terry, you've got to promise me, man, you can never, ever. She said, listen, I'll be okay. But we, first of all, you're going to get sued for one.

Because you, you know, we just now. Make some money. You're well known. You're still famous. You know, you've reached a level of fame where you're kind of getting up there. It was like right after we did Longest Yard. You know what we just now. Make some money. You're well known. You're still famous. You know, you've reached a level of fame where you're kind of getting up there. It was like right after we did Longest Yard. You know what I mean? So she's like, okay, first of all, you're going to get sued.

But secondly, I know how close those cops came to killing you. And then she said, you got kids, man. It's not worth it, man. We want you. We want you to live. What am I going to do if you're dead? What am I going to do? I said, you can't do this.

Like, you don't get this. I don't know. Somebody else might, but you can't. Because you're not going to get a second shot. Nope. And listen, and the whole time I'm like, come on, please. I was like, you know what? No, I'm a man.

Shoot. Somebody came at me like that. I got no choice. And she said, well, Terry, I don't know what to tell you. She said, because if you don't get a hold of this, it's over. Eventually something's going to happen. And I said, she said, you've got to promise. I said, okay, I promise.

Right? But you've got to understand my level of rage. Now, this is something something and again, I probably I'm gonna kill I wrote it in the book, but it's so horrible. It's a horrible horrible moment shit. I Had a dog who would eat its poop and I hate it. It was just like oh my god Every time I do it and I see it licking on the kids face Stop stop. So everything stuff. And I was just like, stop, stop. So, again, I was mad all the time.

Always angry. Dude, it's me. I'm alone with the dog. Dog starts pooping. Turns right around and starts going to town. I'm like, dude, I ran outside, and I threw this dog across the lawn. Oh, man. When I say it was a blackout moment, the dog flew across the lawn like a Frisbee, right?

And lands, breaks its leg. Oh, no. The yelp, I still remember. Oh, no. The Yelp, I still remember. Oh, sad. My kids walk in. The moment the dog lands, the kids come in from shopping with my wife. And the dog's name was Coffee. They're like, Coffee! And his leg is bent backwards.

Listen, man. Again, people are going to hate me for this story, of course. And you should. Because it was vile. Again, people are gonna hate me for this story, of course. And you should, because it was vile, it was ridiculous, it was over the top, the dog didn't deserve it. Nothing a dog could do, you know, it was like a child. You understand what I mean? It was abusive, it was crazy, and wait, the minute

I threw him I regretted it like oh yeah and I was like and then all I was remember sitting there just going why how did I do this I was in tears man like I can't control myself right you know like there's nothing scarier than knowing there's something in you that could push the nuclear button at any time. And wait, you can't stop it? I mean, I have

no control over my own life. So whatever you say could make me do it. Whatever, anything. The dog ate me, made me do it. And I'm going made me do it and i'm going wait a minute i can't i can't tell myself no wow i have no control over anything and that hit me i was going holy god and my wife was just like what's wrong with And man, I can't count the number of events, theme park gatherings, different stuff we get with the family,

and one thing would make me go off, and I'd ruin the whole day for everybody. And I thought, here I was thinking, I'm better than my dad because I didn't do this, I didn't hit my wife. You weren't drinking. You weren't hitting your wife. I wasn't drinking. I, hey, I'm successful.

In fact, I'm famous. In fact, people love me. But inside it was horrible, man. It was horrible. And I had no control. So when was the moment then where you were able to look at yourself and realize, I have either conquered this inner rage, beast, whatever you want to call it,

and you do have control? Well, I have to go, now we go flash forward. Yes. Okay. My wife and I had been through, first of all, in 2010, it was the end of our marriage. We had been married 20 years. Wow. And, you know, this whole time I had had an addiction to pornography.

And I had never told her. And 10 years earlier, I had, you know, basically cheated on her at a massage parlor. Right. But I vowed I'd never tell anybody I'm fouled I said man, I'm taking this to my grave. I haven't but see you gotta understand another thing too Is this this competition but also this guilt that I will always have, you know carrying Because of that. Yeah, because it's rage. Yeah, of course shame shame. I used to get into arguments So she asked me questions. I have you ever, do you watch porn?

Hey, don't even bring that up. What are you talking about? You know what? No, I don't know who you think you are. And start an argument. So she'd be like, I'm out. Just so she wouldn't bring up more. Because I knew what I was doing. Right. And I knew that I wasn't living right. I mean, the one thing is it's almost like, you know, you say one lie and it turns into two, turns into ten. It eats you inside of you, too. You're talking about ten years. Now, I vowed I would never tell anybody. And my wife was always like, she would just bring up stuff like, what is it? What are you doing, man?

I don't know. You ever cheat on me? Stuff like that. And I'm like, nah, I don't know what you're talking about. And angry, angry. And what you would do, and one thing that I would do is project. Of course. So I was like, why are you saying that? Are you thinking about cheating?

And again, this manipulative game that you could play with the people you love, the people who love you or you claim to love just so you can keep your thing together. You know what I mean? And this thing was, is that I realized that the image of Terry Crews was more important than who Terry Crews was. Dang. And I had to worship that image. Who? And it ran everything. Because what would happen if who Terry Crews was really came out instead of the image?

What would happen then? Well, my mindset, I had a play. I was like, I'd lose everything. First of all, my wife would leave. My people who knew me would be ashamed. People who knew me would be ashamed. People who knew me would be, they would run away. Everybody would be done. All of it would be finished.

Every bit of who I, you know, if people found out who I really, really was, or what I was really, really thinking and contemplating, how I had done, then it would be the end of me. Wow. So I decided that we gonna put this image up and we gonna prop it up. And it's like having an image on these really weak posts. You know what I mean?

It would get bumped and it's like way swaying and you're doing everything you can to hold it. I gotta put another beam up on there just to hold it up because it's getting rickety. And the longer it goes, the more rickety it gets. And it all fell, 2010. And my wife was like, I'm out, I'm done. And because what happened was she finally asked me,

because we had just been getting farther and farther apart over the years, and she said, what is it I don't know about you, Terry Crews? And I told her. I told her about what happened 10 years earlier. Now in my head, I'm like, hey, that was 10 years ago. But for her, it was today. And she was like, I'm out.

Wow. Don't come home. And what I realized is that she had married an image. And what she realized is that she didn't know me. Right. She was like, who are you? And I let her stay in that. And one thing about men

is that what we're looking for is intimacy. Like literally someone who knows us inside and out and loves us anyway. But if you never reveal who you really are, you can never ever have intimacy.

Amen to that. You understand what I mean? You can't. It's impossible because you have to know who you are. Absolutely. You have to share who you are. But the game is not to share who you are. So you can have sex all day, lots of sex, because that's still part of the image.

But it doesn't have anything to do with intimacy. Right. Anything to do with intimacy. Anything to do with someone. This is why you always love your mom. Because your mom knows who you are. Right, right. Everything. Everything.

You know what I mean? She cleans your nose. She wipes your butt. Yeah. She knows when you lie. She knows the bad you. She knows the good you. Yeah. And she loves you anyway. That knows the bad you. She knows the good you. Yeah.

And she loves you anyway. That's why you, mom, mom is queen of the world. But you didn't tell everything to this chick. No. To this lady. To your wife. I'm like, oh my God. And do years of therapy.

I finally went in to deal with these issues now the thing about in my culture where I grew up no one does therapy the mind was you can't cure crazy that was the phrase you can't cure crazy and then you're talking about in religious circles they were like

oh you're going to get them demons the demons are going to come if you go to psychology. They're going to mess with your brain and make you crazy. So my father, there was one time my father went to a psychologist to get help for his alcoholism. And a week later, the psychologist jumped off a bridge. And I was like, what? Wow. Huh?

Oh, man. He jumped off a bridge, man. And I said, okay, that don't work. That's not going to work. So, no. And I thought these guys were going to make me crazy. So that was the thing. Like, when that broke for me, when my wife left, I was at my wits end.

Like, I said, man, I got to try this therapy stuff. You know, because I'd heard enough about it over the years. What was the greatest lessons therapy has taught you, though? Man, assembly required. OK, when I say this. We all think we as men or people are as good as we are. We just take me as I am. We make songs about it. Take me just as I am.

No, no, no, no, no. But the problem is, this thing is, it's like, it's not anybody else's job to assemble you. You are like Legos, okay? Legos come in a box.

You shake the box, it's just pieces. And in a very competitive world, people tell you, you're broke.'re broke hey man look at your box you're broken but what i learned is that you're never you're not broken you're just not finished you it's up to you to assemble yourself you have to work on you You have to pick take off parts that are bad or broke or that don't fit Because nothing's broken. It's just things don't fit and you pull it off and you put it back together the right way It's like when you go, but you've got to go deep and you got to to go down with computers. It's a bit with with with property or the minerals, it's atoms.

And and with human beings, it's genes. I mean, it's down into the core. You get one little gene and you can rebuild yourself. That's what I got from therapy. Holy was like, holy cow, you can take the bad out. It's not automatic. You know, a lot of people have said, it's either nature versus nurture. But nurture always works. No matter what your nature started out as. You understand what I mean?

Like, nature is you're born naked in the woods. But nurture is you learn to make a coat and put it on. You know what I'm saying? You can build a house. You can build a building. Yeah. You can build a whole society. That's what nurture does.

I said, wait a minute. You don't have to stay naked in the woods. But my mentality was what I had to stay naked in the woods. That's why I was born, so that's it. Was there a moment in therapy where you, whether it was 12 years ago or more recently, where you had an aha moment or something you felt shift inside of you? I've been doing therapy for the last year, every two weeks for the last year, and I've done it at different stages over the last 10 years, but not consistently for the last year, every two weeks for the last year. And I've done it at different stages

over the last 10 years, but not consistently until the last year. And there was one moment for me where something shifted. I had an aha moment and like the pain in my chest went away and it hasn't come back since. And I finally felt like I was assembling myself

and rebuilding myself up to a place where I could feel that peace, where I don't have to... There's always something inside of me that knows, like I could turn a switch at any moment if I wanted to into that type of personality and that rageful energy, but I also don't want that to ever come out, and so I keep myself on a level of peace.

Was there anything like that during therapy that you're like, oh, it actually... Not in my thoughts, I can think it, but I feel something different about the rage. Man, you know what hit me out of everything, one of the most powerful, powerful moments, was my realization of what shame really was. Now, you got to understand, growing up, shame was used as a tool

everybody used it from the church to sports to you should be sure you should be shame and let that guy beat you on the outside you should how could you let that happen or in church like oh you should you should be so shamed to even think those thoughts. How could you think that? And you're like, I don't know. And shame was a motivator. Okay, it goes right along with the revenge movie. It starts with shame.

It's a shame, shame, shame. And shame tells you you are bad. Okay, in your default resting state, you're a bad person. So you have to do all these things to be good, which means it's only in your efforts. You only get good things by working for it because just in your resting state, you're bad. So let's create this person that covers all this shame up. So you create an image and you build that image and you worship it. Yeah.

And, but the bad you is still back here lurking and ready. And Ooh, it's just, Ooh. And that's, listen, even in church, people were like, man, you know, you can feel it. Like, oh, don't be thinking about that. Or, oh, you're just going to snap. You know, it's like, let's just get our minds on the Lord, you know. And shame was used that way. But in therapy, it blew my mind.

I said, hey, man, guilt is good. Shame is no good. And I went, they said, guilt says you did something wrong and you have to correct it. Take accountability. But shame just says you're just wrong. You are wrong as a human. That's you. And I said, wait a minute. I'm good. I'm good in my resting state. And one thing that got me in therapy that hit me, man,

oh, I love this. I put it in a book. There's a picture of me at about six years old. No teeth, no tooth-bunt teeth, and I'm sitting there and it's just cutest little picture. Like, look at this kid. And I had to ask myself, I said, is that kid bad? Oh, is that kid bad?

Wow. No, I said, but I'm that kid. I'm still that kid, Lewis. I'm still him. There was no point, at no point in time did I change from being that kid. Right. Understand? You're still that kid.

And wait, that's like calling a baby evil. Bad and wrong, yeah. How are babies evil? How is that? You can't. And I said, holy, I got this all wrong. That was the moment. Like, in therapy, I was like.

Look at this. I'll show you this. Oh, talk to me. Look at this. Yes. Yes. That's you. And you leave it right there.

Listen, I keep it. I keep that same kind of picture. I put it in a book so everybody can see it. But I keep it on my desktop. Wow. On my computer. And I'm like, and you know what? I talk to it, man.

Dude, I love this. I love you too. Because I've been talking about this with my audience about how I've had this for a year now on my phone. I keep meaning to change it recently because I feel like I've finally healed that hurt 5, 6, 7, seven year old child that was inside of me. I've been doing the work on healing that. And it's been so much more powerful because it's not, I'm not coming from a place of hurt and reaction from that early childhood moments. It's from a healed place and rebuilding that foundation. And it sounds like that's what you've been doing. Dude. How long have you been doing that for? Oh my God, years. I never stop.

I talk to him all the time. First of all, when you look at a six-year-old, no, let's go even earlier, three, two. When they fall down, do you go, oh man,

you should know how to walk by now. You should know how to do all this stuff by now. No, no. But you don't do that to yourself. As an adult, you don't give yourself another go. You don't say, I was merciless to myself, man, because I was bad. Man, how could you do that, man?

Get yourself together. Cuss yourself out. I used to cuss myself out. But then what happened is I would cuss everybody else out. Right, right. Because everybody else, they're held by your same standard. Again, projection. Of course. And you would

never give yourself forgiveness and relax and hey man, you tried. It's okay. No! Dude, talking to that little boy and I remember just going, dude dude that's you and you gotta talk to yourself

like that with love with care you are good yeah you're not bad and but you gotta understand

in a very competitive world people use that of course and what happens is is people can tell you that you are. And that's the world I was in. The world I was in, the drug dealer was like,

hey man, you ain't nothing but a nigga. Or, and go to church and they say, you're a sinner. You ain't nothing. Right. And you just, uh-uh. You don't feel nothing, you don't have nothing. This stuff I was told when I was little, I was bad. So I, cause I don't feel nothing, you don't have nothing. This stuff I was told when I was little, I was bad. Cause I don't feel nothing.

So now I can't have it. You understand, man. Well, I grew up where the rapture was dangled in front of us at any moment, where if you did anything wrong and the rapture was gonna come and the rapture was, to come, and what the rapture was was that Jesus was going to come and take all the saints up into the sky.

And if you weren't right, you would get left behind. And the whole thing was you would be left to be tortured by the devil. And this is stuff, as a four-year-old, they would teach. I was like, oh my god, like but it was used to control us, right? You want to be good because Jesus gonna come back And he ain't gonna take you Man you should have a life of horror. I spent most of my years young years scared. Yeah Because it was one of those things where the devil had more power than God did Because it was like a devil made me do it, you know, and the devil could do all kinds of things

I was like, well, where is God gonna step in? Wow, they got powerful, right? Oh, but the devil man, you gotta he gonna get you You know, man, like or Jesus but the devil, man, you got to, he going to get you. And you're like, oh, man, like, or Jesus was people's hit man. You know what I mean? Like, oh, he going to knock you out. You're like, but I was just. And man, you got to understand that framework created so much shame. Because I was like, everything I did, I was like, oh, no, I'm bad.

I'm going, oh, and I would pray and try to get back and other thing but you you know you you keep an impossible standard so hard man You can't keep up. No, man. And I just a lot of people who understand this. Yeah, you know what I mean? Who've been yeah manipulated by these kind of places and this kind of stuff and yeah and it's one of those things where I Going to therapy though i was like oh my god that has nothing to do with me right are you still go to therapy oh yeah yeah really yeah yeah i mean i feel like the consistency of it is so powerful for me oh yeah no i have to i i i wake up in the morning and this is the good thing is i get it in books and

and i still go occasionally to a person but sometimes this is it's just constantly constantly examining each thought examining is that me because this is another thing I even talked about in the book is that a lot of your thoughts are not yours mm-hmm you know it's like an auxiliary court and people plug in to your stuff. You pick up things and you're like, why do I not think in that? You know what I mean? Like, but that's not you.

But if you think every thought is yours and your thoughts determine your feelings and your emotions determine your actions. And so if someone can get into your thoughts, they can change the way you feel. I just look at the state of America right now and it seems to be almost in a state of a panic attack. You know, look at January 6th, and you just go,

man, something, that is not real. But the thoughts turned into emotions that turned into actions that turned into mania. And it can really, really affect you. To the point where people are standing around like, how did we do this? How did we get here? How did we get here?

That's where I was. And I'm not saying that to condemn anybody. I'm saying that because that was me. Sure. And I'm like standing there like holding something crazy, like what, how did I get here? You know what I mean? And the moment though, in therapy, when I got that, and then there was a moment 10 years post where, like, I'd been into therapy big, big time.

A couple years ago. Yes, literally. Literally. And actually, 2017. And I was sexually assaulted by my agent. Now he was the head of the motion picture department, William Morris and Deborah. Say 2017, I'm at a party.

I'm the only black guy there. And me and my half black wife. And everyone else is very Hollywood and superstars and rich white people. Okay. And there I am. And I'm sitting there and this guy comes down. I remember he came down from this area and he's just looking at me with his tongue out. And he's like,

what is happening? Okay. And I'm looking around like he ain't talking to me. You know, he can't be talking to me or looking at me like that, but he was. And he came over through, and I'm telling you, it's packed. he ain't talking to me. You know, he can't be talking to me or looking at me like that. But he was. And he came over through, and I'm telling you, it's packed. Like, it's a packed place.

And he squeezes through the crowd. And I reckon, and people are like, oh, yeah, that's him. Because I had never met him. I had heard about him. His name was Adam Bennett. And he's at my agency. And he represented, listen, he was Eddie Murphy's agent, Adam Sandler's agent, Stallone's agent, all these people

that I had worked with previously. So I'm going, okay, this is some guy I'm supposed to meet. So he comes over and I stick my hand out like, hey man, nice to meet you. He grabs my, it's like, and I'm like, what, don't want to get off of me, man. I push the guy off. He jumps back, and he starts licking his tongue out like, ah.

And listen, people everywhere. Listen, there are other witnesses. Right, right. Okay? I mean, I tell the story, but there are a lot of people who saw it. And my wife is one. She was right there next to me. He comes back at me,

grabs me again. I put him back. Now I'm like, oh, I'm going to kill you. Now you gave me the license. And I was going to punch a hole through his head.

But all of a sudden, it hit me. I was like, I don't have to do that. I looked at my wife, and she looked at me, and I remembered our promise, but I also remembered my therapy. I remembered, wow, man, you, this is a responsibility. You have an ability to respond differently. You have that now. Because remember,

you were out of control before. Anything could make you go off. And I went, I just stood there and I grabbed my wife's hand. I said, let's go. Let's go. Now, mind you, I got in the car and I felt like driving the car back through the club like terminate oh it was gonna you know i was i said man i'm gonna let me go get my gun yeah you know this is one thing in the hood that was the thing everybody does in the basketball court you know what i mean they run out and they go i'll be right back and everybody knows oh he's coming back with bullets right that was my mind my mind even in the moment. Like, no, I can't let him go.

I can't. But this is the thing, Lewis. I discovered that you can either have success or revenge, but you can't have both. You can't. You can't. Man. Success is letting it go. Success is moving. And I got in the car. Finally, again, I blacked out, but in letting it go. Success is moving.

And I got in the car. Finally, again, I blacked out, but in a good way. Because I ended up in my driveway. My whole time, my wife was like, I'm so proud of you. Wow. I'm proud of you. That's big. I'm proud of you.

It's big. What's the thing you're most proud of in the last couple years? That you either did or didn't do or evolved into you know I would say my wife and I celebrating our 30th anniversary and

she looked at me and we had a huge party, all these people, it was wonderful. It was before the pandemic. And she was like, I love you. You did the work, man. She said, you did the work.

Amen. There's nothing, you gotta understand. I, people can say, I could say I hurthmm, but when you hurt the one you love the most. Mm-hmm And she's still here Like you gotta say I would come home and she'd be in tears just sitting somewhere and crying and I knew I did it There was nothing I could really do to I'll'll come over and she's like, no, it's okay. And I had to live in it. And see, this is another thing,

because the temptation is to run. It's too painful. So you just go, man, I'll be better off somewhere else. But it's another thing, and the way I like to call it is, the world has this my bad mentality. My bad, you can't hit somebody with your car and then drive off and go, my bad, sorry about that. No, what you have to do is you have to stop.

You have to wait by the person you hit. And the police are coming, the ambulance is coming, and you have to hold their hand, and you have to get them into the ambulance, you to get them to the hospital you have to pay for their whatever they lost you have to pay you have to make amends it's not enough to just say oh I'm sorry my bad yeah and I did that and she said you did the work man Wow I'm fixed. I love you. That's beautiful, man.

That's got to feel... That's the thing. Again, it was hard, but it was worth it. It was worth it. 30 years, man. That's powerful. We're on 33 now. 33, man. 33 this year.

On a scale of 1 to 10, currently right now, a self-love scale, let's call it, hypothetical scale. 10 being you have so much inner peace, you love and accept yourself for where you are. You're also a work in progress, but you love and accept yourself. You don't have shame. On a consistent daily basis, that would be a 10. One being you hate yourself and you don't love yourself at all. Where do you see yourself on this self-love scale?

I would say seven. Seven. I ain't all the way there. You know, it's easy to fall back. What would it take to get it to a eight, nine, or 10? Oh man, that's shaman level. You know, because it's stuff that still irritates you. Look, I don't know if I'll ever hit 10.

Yeah, yeah. I really don't. I'll be honest. I don't know. Because you go, whoa, what did I, what was I, oh, okay. I got to chill. Even now, again, it's a much smaller battle. Yes.

Because you realize, okay. But, you know, I have to make declarations and this is one reason why, and this is why I'm so transparent because it keeps me at a seven because you told everybody, you understand what I mean? Like, hey man, oh, you missed a piece of love, huh? You know what I mean? Like, all right, and somebody's gonna push that button.

And people are gonna test you. Somebody. The universe. The universe's going to test you. Somebody, the universe, the universe, whatever, the street, it's like, and they go,

they see that scab and they go flick it. And you're like, ah, you know, somebody is going to do that. And, and you realize, but that's the, that's the position that I want to be in because it's always self-corrective.

You know what I mean? And like I said, my goal is to get to 10. I'll tell you that right now. But I've never dipped below five. That's good, man. You know what I'm saying? That's great. So that's where we're at.

Ana, you mentioned how for so long your life was about competition. Competition growing up, competition in the NFL, competition in the industry afterwards. When did it, or has it yet, shifted from competition to something else? Because you're so successful. It just feels like everything you do turns into magic right you're on TV shows for eight seasons you're on movies and the hosts of AGT and multiple AGTs now it's like everything you do is successful at least that's what it looks like is it still this competitive nature that you have or is there a different approach after so long being in the industry?

Okay. I, over this time, over time, I've discovered that competition, now this is, and what's crazy is people say, this is, this can't be true. But I discovered for me, competition is the opposite of creativity. And what I decided to do was get creative. And you have to understand competition is about you versus another human being. But creativity is always collaborative. Gosh, I'm so happy you're saying this. Always. I'm so happy you're saying this.

You can't be creative without being collaborative. Yeah. Just try it. Who's going to be creative alone? Yeah. The whole, the essence of what being creative is, is you're taking one thing and mixing it with another and creating a brand new thing. Where are you going to get that other?

That's the only thing that's creative. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I mean,'m saying it's like I'm crazy love I'm pretty they had and Taco Bell was selling these taco pizzas you know how did you do that with a witness pizza and copied what they did and brought it to Taco Bell and made something brand new listen creativity works that way like it's a whole thing where you need everybody else. And this is another thing that blew my mind.

I discovered that, in fact, you need the success of other people for you to be successful. So true, man. Listen, I spent hours, like, really writing this down, zoning this down down and how this worked and i was like man you go to fifth avenue if one store one let's say louis vuitton one fifth avenue and every store was louis vuitton would anybody go no you need dior you need all these places so that everybody has a choice what imagine if it was just one restaurant and everybody had to go to the same restaurant. It's done. No, you need different restaurants so that your restaurant can be successful. Absolutely.

I learned don't try to be the best. Be the only. Oh, snap. That's it. And I realize, holy cow. When did you realize this, though? When was this? It was during the therapy.

It was in the assembly. Because I was going, why isn't this not working? Man, my internal success was so far below my external success. And I had to try to rectify it. And so that took a lot of building. But I was like, why am I jealous of other actors? Why am I? I'd see something I went for and the billboards are up

and I was auditioning for that and I'm like, I ain't that good. And it would make me sick. And I said, now I had to examine why am I sick? Why am I feeling negative toward this person? He didn't do anything to me. I don't know anything about him. Why am I feeling negative toward this person? He didn't do anything to me. I don't know anything about him. Why am I feeling negative toward him?

Just because they picked him instead of me? In fact, I said, then I started changing myself. I said, you know what? I said, I wish nothing but good for that person. I had to say, and wait, I didn't feel it. You understand what I mean? Like this is where you have to act your way into a feeling because I wasn't feeling it.

And I said, no. I said, he deserved that. And I'm going to go see it. I would go pay. I would buy tickets to movies just so I could get over these feelings of jealousy and envy and competition. And I would enjoy them. And I would go, he was amazing. I got a perfect example.

I'm going to bring it up because he's one of my good friends right now, Dave Bautista. Dave Bautista is probably one of the best people in the entire world. He seems like a nice guy. Listen, I love this dude. He's jacked, man. He's freaking. I love this man like he's my brother. He seems cool.

I don't know what to say. It's so wild. Every time we talk, it's like, like man you're just my kindred you're my homie but he may not know this but i know i auditioned for his part in garden of the galaxy really didn't get it and i remember when he got it and i remember i was like oh okay universe is testing me i'm gonna say this because say this because again, I, my thing is, I got to be transparent because this is real.

And I was like, oh man, oh man. And then I saw the movie and I said, I didn't have no business in that movie. I said,

that's his. He was great for that part. He was perfect. Wait, and he's great in everything. Wait, he's past that. He's doing so many other things.

But I said, here I am. And wait, if I had let that really affect me, it would have affected a friendship. That now we talk to each other, we call each other, we text each other. And I said, man, but that feeling could have really damaged

something that was really pure and real. And I said, man, this is collaborative. It's not competition. It's not no competition. And he is one of my best friends in this business. That's cool. You understand what I'm saying?

And I'm telling you, I'm sure he wouldn't mind it because I think he's just a superstar, dude. Now you guys got to, I want to see in the next three years, you guys doing a TV show or a movie together. Yeah, yeah. I thought I'd tell you next three years you guys doing a TV show or a movie together You're like yeah your cops together or your something and we love each other but but again and and look I know The things that I have I'm the only one for absolutely you understand what I mean So you and then that one other thing is, you get tricked into thinking everything's limited. There's more out there than ever. Abundance.

Abundance is everywhere. Especially in the last five years for actors, there's 100 times more opportunities than there was 10 years ago with all the streaming and everyone's buying content and creating. It's the digital. It's like being in Whole Foods fighting over one apple. And everybody's fighting over this one apple.

And you'd be like, hey, dude, there's like a pile of apples right here. Y'all know that, right? It's that ridiculous. But once you get in a competitive game, it really, all reasoning and logic go out the window. I know. It does. What's the next level of growth for you? Because there's so many things you've overcome

in the last three decades, really. In your relationship with your wife, with your kids, with yourself, in your industry, what's the next level? What's the next limiting belief for you to elevate beyond? It's wild because it just keeps getting more and more internal. You know what I mean? Uh, I'll be honest. Like the big thing, I mean, growing up, I cared what everyone thought.

I mean, I, especially when you're in that world like that, everyone's opinion mattered way too much, you know? And so what, where I'm really progressing to is this thing where I find my tribe, you know, not impressing people that I would probably never really hang with in any way. You know what I mean? That used to be my life. Like trying to impress a whole bunch of people that I would never really call friends in the first place. And so now

it just really became about finding the people that I connect with. And what's wild is I got in a lot of trouble even over the pandemic when I made a declaration that I decided to unite with good people, no matter the race, the creed, the color, the ideology, that I was going to unite with good people. And people got mad over that because a lot of people want to fight. And, but I said at the end, I said, I'm going to die on this hill.

I choose to die on this hill. And it's hard though. And let me say, everything I'm talking about today is tough. It's a level of toughness. The big thing about being tough is people thought you'd be able to throw punches, but it's really about endurance. It's really about being able to take, being able to be alone, being able to stand alone in who you are, knowing that you're good. Because a lot of people calling you all kinds of things, especially since I'm in the public eye.

Yeah. And just go, that means nothing. And how do you learn to not care or ruminate on the opinions of others now? Well, because you have to examine every... This is what I think. When you've been so conditioned to people please for years, how did you...

It takes time. It's not overnight. And I would never encourage anybody to just go test it out. You know what I mean? It's something that takes years and years. But you've got to start exercising it it just ask yourself why you're so offended listen i remember yeah in my neighborhood and where i came up if anybody called you nigga the rule is you knock them out wow that's the rule like no question no nothing you can go on

instagram tiktok you can watch people get knocked out for calling somebody a nigga. But one thing I realized, and when I started to examine that rule, I was like, there are no niggas. It's no such thing. So why am I getting offended over something, you calling me something that I'm not? And see, that's a whole different framework.

It's an elevation right there. You understand what I mean? I was like, you might as well call me a leper cop. I mean, be honest, because there's no such thing. But the problem is, is in me, if I believed I was one, and you hit me, those are the things that hurt men the most. This is why what a woman says about a man will hurt them deeper than a punch in the face.

I'd rather you punch me in the face. But if a woman says, you ain't no good, and a guy will be like, well, because that's his insecurity. You tricked his trick. Oh, man. But you know what I mean? And I realized, wait a minute. I'm doing the best I can.

And you know what? And now I count those things to ignorance. I don't have to take them personally. Remember how you mentioned taking things personally? Hey, man, you can go a long way doing that. But I learned this is not about me. It's bigger than me. And it changed everything.

Whew, man. And if people want to learn all these skills and strategies that you've learned, you've got it in your book, Tough, My Journey to True Power. It's not about reacting in tough ways, but the endurance of emotional toughness, mental toughness to rise above it. So I want everyone to go get a few copies of this. Give it to your friends. This will be very inspiring. The stories you tell are raw. The lessons you share are powerful. So make sure you guys get a few copies. This is a question I ask everyone at the end. I asked you

this before, but I'm not going to share what you shared last time. It's called three truths. So imagine a hypothetical scenario. It's your last day on earth many years away from now, and you get to accomplish everything you want to accomplish and live the life you want to live. And you get to live as old as you want to live, but eventually you got to turn the lights off and leave this world. And for whatever reason, everything you've created has to go away, right? The message you've shared, this podcast, the books, movies, no one has access to your message anymore. Hypothetical. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world. And this is all we would have to remember

your legacy for. The first one is you can't love someone and control them at the same time. That's the first one. That is powerful. The second one I would say, and I'm going to say this, intelligent decision making sometimes requires that you forget what you've lost and reevaluate the situation as it exists today. That may seem long, but what it is, is you literally to every day re-evaluate everything you think you lost. Like to be intelligent, you have to forget what pained you. Forget that you have to actually let go of all that grief and all that get back and all that revenge and reevaluate the situation. Then you can make a real, true, intelligent decision. And the third thing is assembly required. Straight up. You got to assemble yourself. Yourself. Not leave it to somebody else to do it. It's your job. Yeah. Those are powerful. I want to acknowledge you, Terry, for constantly evolving as an

incredible man in this world. I mean, I can only imagine the amount of weight and pressure that you've had to carry for so long with these feelings and anger and rage while having a public persona and kind of having two different personalities I guess like you said are two different images and for you to want to dive in and do the work and unlearn and rebuild and assemble a healthy whole human being as opposed to a tough from the old sense of what toughness was and elevate to a new toughness I'm really inspired by it, man. And I'm just, I'm grateful for your example in the world. You know, I'm grateful for our friendship, even though I haven't seen it in a couple of years, but hopefully I'll see it more in the future.

And it's really inspiring. Again, I want people to get the book tough. The final question is what's your definition of greatness? Wow. A servant to all. The person who serves the most is the greatest among everybody. I mean, my goal is to serve, serve, serve. I serve my family. It's my job for me to make sure my wife gets what she wants. My kids get what they want, not what I want for them.

But what do you want? Let me help you. And that's my friends, my people. If I can help you in any way, get what you want, it makes you great. It's amazing.

Terry, my man. Appreciate you, brother. Thanks, man. Appreciate you, brother. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links.

And also make sure to share this with a friend and subscribe over on Apple Podcasts as well. I really love hearing feedback from you guys. So share a review over on Apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most. And if no one's told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.