The School of Greatness - The BRAIN SCIENCE of Shaping Your Identity & Staying Positive w/Dr. Caroline Leaf (Part 2) EP 1128

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

“You cannot grow unless you know what your emotions feel like.”Today's guest is Dr. Caroline Leaf. She is a communication pathologist and cognitive neuroscientist specializing in cognitive and metacognitive neuropsychology. Since the early 1980s she has researched the mind-brain connection, the nature of mental health, and the formation of memory. She was one of the first in her field to study neuroplasticity and how the brain can change with directed mind input. She’s also a speaker, podcaster and the author of multiple best-selling books, with her latest being “Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess.” She’s also created an app called Neurocycle which has a 5 Step Process to help you take back control over your thoughts and life, with scientific research showing it reduces anxiety, depression, and toxic thoughts by up to 81%.Lewis's conversation with Dr. Leaf was so powerful that we had to split it into 2 parts, so if you haven’t listened to part 1 yet you can find it by going to www.lewishowes.com/1127In this second episode Lewis and Dr. Caroline Leaf discuss how to rebuild confidence when doing an identity check, the 10 second pause breathing practice and how to do it, how our beliefs shape our identity, why positivity is so important to your brain health, how jealousy and envy can cause brain damage, and so much more!For more go to: www.lewishowes.com/1128Check out her earlier episode on The School of Greatness: www.lewishowes.com/1079Check out Dr. Caroline Leaf’s website: https://drleaf.com/ Read her new book: Cleaning Up Your Mental MessThe Wim Hof Experience: Mindset Training, Power Breathing, and Brotherhood: https://link.chtbl.com/910-podA Scientific Guide to Living Longer, Feeling Happier & Eating Healthier with Dr. Rhonda Patrick: https://link.chtbl.com/967-podThe Science of Sleep for Ultimate Success with Shawn Stevenson: https://link.chtbl.com/896-pod

This is episode number 1,128 with New York Times bestselling author, Dr. Caroline Leaf. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Roy T. Bennett once said, be mindful, be grateful, be positive, be true, be kind. And author Ralph Ellison said,

when I discover who I am, I'll be free. My guest today is Dr. Caroline Leaf. She is a communication pathologist and cognitive neuroscientist specializing I'll be free. her field to study neuroplasticity and how the brain can change with direct mind input. She's also a speaker, podcaster, and the author of multiple bestselling books, with her latest being Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess. She has also created an app called NeuroCycle, which has a five-step process to help you take back control over your thoughts in life, with scientific research showing it reduces anxiety, depression, and toxic thoughts by up to 81%.

And my conversation with Dr. Leaf was so powerful that we split it up into two parts. So if you haven't listened to part one yet, you can go there and check it out at lewishouse.com slash 1127 after you listen to this. And in this second episode, we discuss how to rebuild confidence when doing an identity check, how our beliefs shape our identity, why positivity is so important to your brain health and the science behind it, how jealousy and envy can cause brain damage,

and so much more. This is gonna blow you away, and if you're inspired by this, make sure to share it with someone that you think would be inspired by it as well. The link is lewishouse.com slash 1128. And a quick reminder, if this is your first time here, please follow and subscribe to the School of Greatness over on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or anywhere that you're listening to this and leave

us a rating and review when you're done as well. Okay, in just a moment, the one and only Dr. Caroline Leaf. I put a case study in my book of one of the subjects who was in the beginning of the study. They literally said, I am depression. That was their identity. Wow. All they could describe. I am not depressed. I am depression.

I am depression. I am depression and I can't sleep. My life, the whole narrative was just everything that was terrible. They had tried everything, every drug. They were at the end of their rope. By within 21 days of mind management, they were no longer saying, I am depressed. They were saying, I am depression.

They were saying, I am depressed because of, and that is major. And then they said, so this is now, they understood now, they were saying depression is a signal. It's telling me something. Then they said, so this is now, they understood now, they were saying depression is a signal. It's telling me something. Then they said something so interesting. They said, I'm even more depressed and even more anxious than I was when I started the trial. And I said, yeah, that's a good thing, isn't it? They said, yes, because the depression and anxiety is different.

Because the depression and anxiety shows me I've done the work because now I know why I was depressed. They had suppressed for nearly 30 years. What had happened was also sexual trauma and a lot of physical abuse. And it had been so bad that they pushed it down and completely obliterated it from their memories. And that was coming up. So just remembering what happened made them more anxious and more depressed. But it was a different kind of, it was a controlled depression.

It wasn't a depression of, I'm hopeless, I can't do anything. There's no meaning. It was, I now know why I'm depressed and this is what I can do. And then by 63 days, because it takes a full nine weeks to start changing behavior, they were sleeping again. They were able to get back to work. They were able to start seeing, okay, well, I found this part. Now I need to go back in and find this part and this part and this part.

So there is now a plan in place for managing their mind and knowing what to do during the day when it hit them. That terrible, and you can probably relate to this, that terrible, like how it grips you, that sadness or that anxiety or that panic attack out of the blue, just an all-consuming, or someone just says something to you that looks at you funny and your whole identity is shattered. Yeah. and you're triggered so that that is key and and that is why we've got a very very we've got to think if we've been thinking a certain way for so many years

because of an experience or accumulation of experiences you're going to have to do the work of unwiring it and to unwire you have to get control so by gathering awareness of your signals which is the very first step you are to get control so by gathering awareness of your signals which is the very first step you are then bringing this into the conscious awareness and you weaken it and that's really key when i'm holding up the wiring tree for the listeners you then weaken the toxic thought as soon as you weaken the toxic thought you have now got agency or control you still feel depressed you still feel confused you still feel all those things but there's a shift and the shift is that now you are taking control you're empowered and Lewis I used to tell my patients get two chairs

put two chairs next to each other sit in one and that's the wise mind and the other one is you messy mind and you are talk to yourself and use the you use the pronoun you and give yourself therapy and create an environment that you would love, which is kindness, grace, acceptance, and it's okay. Everything you do and you keep telling yourself, you really are at your, you know, I always give them the science of saying, listen, neurobiologically, you're wired for love. Your mind is an optimism bias. When you feel this negative toxicity,

this is simply your body trying to restore balance. There's nothing about you that's bad. It's what's happened to you that's an adverse circumstance and you've just tried to cope. So your behaviors are simply coping signals. So when you keep telling yourself that and then you work through very systematically through the five steps, you're getting more and more control.

You're using mind-directed thinking to direct the neuroplasticity of your brain that changes. So you rewire your brain slowly. And it's not a quick process. It's a slow, deliberate process over 63 days. So in the first 21 days, it's 15 to 45 minutes. Then the second phase of 42 days, you're just going to spend one to seven minutes.

And that cycle, and I've tracked this now, all with brain studies and blood and DNA. And I've used so many different levels of studies. And you're busy publishing all these papers at the moment. But there's a summary in the book. And I've got a white paper on my website. And we're doing a national study now. But what I wanted to show people was that taking this attitude, this kind of picture I've just painted of what you did with yourself, basically.

And I'm just giving you more specifics. You are actually directing the neuroplasticity of your brain. are taking this toxic tree you are deconstructing it you're taking the energy that is in vibrating in those branches holding your interpretation of yourself which is not the truth you're taking that trauma that happened to you and you're changing all of that and energy's never lost and this is all energy in these proteins and it's only transferred so you're taking that slowly every day and you're transferring and this is getting weaker and weaker and weaker and you're building a healthy reconceptualized version so by day 21 you've got this beautiful healthy green tree now watch i'm going to pull a part of it out i'm putting a tiny little piece of it out

there's a little piece of green that i'm holding that is that converted into this it's now shrunk into a green version, which is your very terrible, sad story. It still makes you sad. It still makes you crush. Never have happened, but it did happen. But you've now changed what it looks like in you. It's no longer this toxic thing

that's causing your immune system to send out T lymphocytes and B lymphocytes and macrophages and treat it in the same way as the COVID virus, which is damaging my brain and body, whatever. It's literally the same thing as a, It's not the same as COVID virus, but it's also protein. So it's recognized as a threat to survival by the immune system in the same way COVID virus is. And you've changed that. And now no longer is it a threat to your survival, you now have a new coping mechanism. So you remember why. So when you're triggered,

this is what you revert to, not that toxic tree. But to get to this is what you revert to not the not that toxic tree but to get to the point where you revert to this the green tree you have to do that extra 42 days of work because habits only form in those cycles and i've had patients nurse that would sometimes take two years to get to the point where they were kind of had sorted out all the stuff some people will do one cycle some there's no cookie cutter, anything. This is not a technique. All I'm giving you is how you get your mind under control so that you can unwire these things and rewire them. And it's different for everyone's narrative. But you can do it.

It's hopeful. We can do this. And it's hard work. And it's difficult. And it's traumatic. And you need support. And there's times where you're going to get so depressed where you maybe can't get out of bed for a few days because of just the awareness of what's happened. But you will keep – that's all progress.

I remember having patients that were like had gone from suicidal to ups and downs to seeming to cope to like back together and then suddenly crashing into deep depressions. And then everything is progress because at every stage, there's another level of awareness. And then it gets to the point, okay, I can cope. I can move forward now. I can start, which is what you did.

You know, you've done that. Now you've channeled all that energy into helping others. It's amazing. It's all a process. And there's always going to be new lessons to learn, I'm assuming. Oh, yeah. It's that messy repair growth. Messy repair growth. Messy. Give ourselves permission. It's okay messy repair growth. Messy repair growth.

Right. Give ourselves permission. It's okay to be messy. It's okay to be depressed and anxious. It's not an illness. You're not a broken brain. Those are all signals. Be Poirot.

Be Sherlock Holmes. Be your own talk detective. There's so many things I want to make sure we go over still, but I want to go into relationships in a future episode and a future interview. So if you want us to leave a comment on the YouTube channel and just put hashtag relationship. If you want us to do another interview about the brain connection in intimate relationships and how that affects our mood and energy and all those things i think it'd be fascinating so leave a comment there if you guys are interested i want to go over brain building i also want to go over what you do for the ultimate

mindset training in your morning and evening routine to set yourself up for success for a day but i also and and i also want to go back into identity check and figure out what do you do when you're checking your identity and how do you reprogram your mind to build confidence in your identity moving forward? Okay. So where do you want to start? There's three things there. What do you do when you're doing an identity check? What are you doing personally? What does that look like? For me? Okay. So I tune into, once again, the signals. So I'll be going along and I suddenly notice, for me, I've got certain key signals that tell me I need to do an identity check. One is

imposter syndrome. When I start feeling like, oh my gosh, I shouldn't be talking about what I'm talking about. I don't even know what I'm talking about kind of thing then I know that that's nonsense because I've got 38 years of research and I know what I am and I don't know everything but I so I have to so as soon as I start feeling like that that um I will I will say okay that's and if and I watch it then I watch so they I watch for imposter syndrome I watch if I start getting perfectionistic if I'm feeling like this obsession to be perfectionistic, if I start feeling, if I like maybe hear someone's, if I start feeling little bursts of, it's not like jealousy or envy or bitterness, if any of those, I mean, I own it all. I'm not scared to tell people if I have those because it's so normal

to have those. What's not normal is to keep them. I never see imposter syndrome, perfectionism, jealousy, envy. I never see those as evil, terrible things and I'm not a bad person. I only ever see myself showing up as those because of something. And so those are my key things. If I start feeling the twinges of envy or jealousy or imposter syndrome or perfectionism, then I know, okay, so there's this, and then I watch. Is there a pattern? How often am I doing it?

Is it daily? Is it weekly? Is it just now and then? If it's now and then, I'm okay. But if I see, okay, hey, this is happening daily and I'm being triggered by everything. So I look for frequency. So I know my signals and I look for frequency.

Then I say, all right, now it's time. This is happening way too often. I need an identity check. I need to sit down. And then I will actually right now it's time this is happening this is happening way too often I need an identity check I need to sit down and then I will actually sit for 63 days every day and I do it well I'm always working on something so if I see it's an identity check I'll finish whatever I'm working on and then I'll start and I'll start and I always do my my neuro cycle for anything when I'm getting ready in the morning it's just the routine I've set up in my life so it's so then while I'm getting ready it always takes me about half an hour or so. So it's a great time.

No one comes in the bathroom. Everyone knows that's leave mom alone. That's leave me alone. That's when I have my space. So I have a routine. So then I'll start with, let's say it's day one. I'll say, okay, seeing I'm dealing with imposter syndrome, I see whatever the four signals.

And then I break it down. Okay, what are the emotional signals? What are my feelings? So I'm feeling a bit of envy, a bit of jealousy, a bit of frustration, whatever. Then I'll say, okay, behavior. What am I doing? I'm definitely not smiling as much. So I look at my behaviors.

I seem to be a bit short. I keep talking about this. It's coming into conversations. People are actually commenting, why do you keep talking about this? So I look at my behavior. So emotional warning signals and behavioral warning signals. Then I will look at my body. I'll sense my body.

What's different? Wow, I'm getting more gut aches. My gut, we have such a genetic weakness in our family with gut. It's very common. I'll notice that foods that don't make me bloat, suddenly I'm bloating more. I'm suddenly getting incredible cramps in my lower colon. I know immediately there's a certain pain that I get in my colon that is related to emotions. Also, I get tremendous pain in my heart when I'm very toxically stressed.

Like it really feels like pain, pain. It's sore. I can feel the pain. So I notice those things. I'm very aware. Then I'll look at my perspective. And my perspective is, why am I doing this to something? So it's kind of in a negative, it's moving to can feel it's pain so i notice those things so i'm very aware then i'll look at my perspective and my perspective is why am i doing this or something so it's kind of in a negative it's moving to a negative zone so i gather those but i gather them loose like i'm gathering apples in a in a in an apple orchard so i literally will do yeah i do i literally in my mind i am

two chairs i am using the you language i'm very kind to myself i'm very accepting i set myself up correctly. So my whole mindset going into, even before I gather those four signals, is one of it's okay. You really are amazing. There's no one can do what you can do. So a little bit of, you know, motivational boosting,

but I'm also kind to myself. It's really okay. It's really not, you're not the first person who've done this to be feel envy or jealousy. This is not that you're a bad person. There's a reason. So I just remind myself of those things.

There's a couple of little prompts that changes my neurophysiology. I know from the science that I've done that I've now got 1400 neurophysiological responses working for me. Just before I start the process, I'll do the brain preparation and I've in my app, I actually do this. I have some physically walk you through audio video. What's the app called again?

Neurocycle. It's called Neurocycle. And it's on, and I've got it one for identity in there. So it's, it's the app called again neurocycle it's called neurocycle and it's on and i've got it one for identity in there so it's it's the whole 63 day process i literally give you therapy and then we have many neurocycles it's many neurocycle guides so like if you're feeling imposter syndrome you can press that i'll give you a neurocycle um identity check i do anxiety so yeah it's really cool we're going at all the time and i'm building in a neurocycle lab so people can actually get coaching and get coached through different issues, which is fun.

So then I'll do a bit of brain preparation. So I set myself up, the kindness, all that stuff, and then I'll do a bit of brain preparation. I love to do the 10-second pause. I write about that in my book. And that's just a very common breathing technique, but I do it with quite a lot of difference. I breathe in very deeply for seven counts.

I mean three counts. It's very deeply like you know the yoga kind of breathing where you really move your belly wim hof type you know where your chest is and then you breathe out for seven counts but also that sort of yoga type breathing where you push you've got to really rush it out um the extended extended exhale pushes oxygen to the front of your brain and blood flow to the front of your brain. So I almost have to shake my head because I feel lightheaded. So that's how intensely I do it. Then while I'm doing it, I'll do the first couple just breathing.

Then I add a cognitive dimension, and I start saying, think feel in the inhalation and then choose in the exhalation, and I do it out loud. So I add in the verbal component to the actual physical. So now I've coordinated, I've created not just a physiological response, but I've brought mind, brain, and body. I've brought all three responses together. So I've calmed down neurochemistry.

I've calmed down blood flow. I've increased blood flow to the brain. I mean, I've done, I can go on and on and on. I've just given my telomeres a boost, which are the ends of chromosomes. I mean, it's just my immune system is now primed. I've given my whole body the message, it's okay. You don't have to be now making stress work for me and not against me. So even my blood vessels around my heart would have dilated and that I would have got more blood flow to my brain. So immediately I'll feel this pain in my heart immediately because I've now calmed my whole

body down because that pain that I feel in my heart is coming from the trauma that's in my mind, the identity trauma in my mind. Anyway, so then I go into the five steps and then I'll go gather those things like I told you, the four different areas, emotional, physical, behavioral perspective. Then I go very distinctly to step two and the gathering is like picking apples off a tree. So I don't go stand under the apple tree and just let all these things fall on my head. That's totally overwhelming. I stand back. So visualize yourself standing back and selecting.

And I do what I can on that day. Sometimes I can only pick maybe just envy that day and maybe just not smiling as much. And maybe just perspective seems to be a bit down or negative. I'm not as hopeful because I'm a very kind of positive, hopeful person. But it's not there. So maybe I can just handle it, but I don't force myself to do too much in one day. And then I'll go to, once I've gathered, then I take each thing and I'm like, okay, now I'm going to reflect, ask, answer, discuss. What does this mean? Why, why, why? And I discuss and ask. So I'm starting to find the meaning. Then I'll write it down. So either I do it in a metacog and a metacog i started talking

about earlier on a metacog is a way of organizing information that looks like a tree i mean literally like a tree grows branches and another branch and another branch every branch is connected to something else you grow branches on a piece of paper and on each branch you write a word or a couple of words or a little phrase but nothing's floating on the page this is so important and you start in the center and you just build. You can either go clockwise or anti-clockwise, whatever you want to do. You can keep it all clockwise and turn your page, whatever you want. Lewis, I developed a system about 38 years ago,

and I've constantly improved it. I would do this with my patients. I would work with people, for example, with personality disorders, and using the Metacron technique, they would be able to see the different personalities and reintegrate them and find the trauma source and that kind of stuff to get your conscious mind working with your non-conscious to find all the trillions of thoughts that are in your non-conscious mind where they stored to get that depth because your conscious mind is only working when you're awake but your non-conscious mind's working 24 7

so it forces these five steps going into the metacog which is the third, force this integration and this connection between the conscious and the non-conscious. So then I start writing down what I've gathered and what I've reflected on. But in this metacog, so it's a mess. It's just like words all over the place. And you literally vomit it on your page and you start seeing things that you can't believe that you, I mean, every time I do it, I'm astounded at what I see. Then the fourth step is a recheck. And I'll go and sit down and I'll take color and I'll look at what am I saying here? What does this mean? And I try and get order.

I look for triggers and patterns and antidotes. Big thing is antidotes. That's reconceptualizing. You said that's an antidote or reconceptualized statement earlier on when you spoke about this morning the sadness that you felt. And you said you gave yourself permission to feel the sadness. And your antidote, your reconceptualized version was, it's okay, I'm feeling sad because this is a transition in my life, and it's okay to feel that.

And then you moved on into the day. That's what you look for in step four. You look for what can you, what is the antidote? Yes, you're feeling this because of this. And you start, so as you go through those stages, you start seeing the reasons why especially step three starts pulling that reason the root of why i have this identity thing and you start seeing wow i thought i had dealt with it but i haven't this is still an issue i still need that approval because of this this i still why do i need that

approval do i really and then you start saying actually i don't because of this so step five then that builds into step five which is then a little statement that I'll hang on to for the day. And that's where your gratitude statement or your positive affirmation or your whatever summary of what you've achieved that day. It could be as simple as, okay, our identity's been knocked. I'm feeling this envy. It's okay to feel that. And maybe that's your statement. It's okay to feel this. I'm finding the reason why. And that may be all that you do so in the app i would type in it allows you to type in your active reach reminder you set it to go seven times in the day because it takes this research shows that if you can see something consciously be prompted seven times at least during the day you then are putting energy to the positive and

taking it from the negative and so you're transferring you're weakening this and you're getting the healthier one strongest you're weakening this, and you're getting the healthier one stronger. So you're weakening the toxic, making the healthier one stronger. So I'm now re-energizing and I'm disciplining. The big thing is disciplining my mind not to go back and give energy to the toxic pathway, but to actually take energy from it so it weakens. So I'm allowing grass to grow over the worn pathway. And that's what I force myself to hang on to.

That's all I allow myself to think of the rest of that day. I always like to have a visual as well. I love white roses and I love to see like most people do. So I'll have some image. So it'll be, it's okay to feel envy. There's a reason. And then I'll imagine white roses. So each time my mind wants to go back to this imposter syndrome,

this identity, this lack of value, whatever, I say, it's okay if you're in the white rose. And then tomorrow I'll go further. And that's how I do it. So over 21 days, I will do that. And then for 42 days, I'll just go with my final act of reach. And I find that I do a big one like that at least once a year. But if I need to do more, I do more.

And sometimes all I need to do in between is a quick one five minute cycle. Oh, hang on. There's a bit of an identity thing here I can run through and I remind myself. So in the course of the year, I probably do five or six times a year, if not more. Does that help? It's massive. And I think identity check is something I feel like all of us should be doing. All the time. Constantly adjusting and improving on because what I'm hearing you say is our belief around our identity is what shapes a lot of our mindset. And then what you're going to say and what you do. So what you'll do is once your identity is sorted out, once I do that kind of identity check, the big one and then the little ones in between, I'll immediately shift in my day to looking at something differently. So now I see something

that I think I should have achieved in my business and I'm not achieving it and I've compared myself to someone else. I suddenly look at that and say, no, I don't need to compare. I'm now enhancing. So I shift from comparison and competition, which is totally toxic. It's not at all human nature. And back to enhancement, which is, oh, gosh, that is amazing what that person is doing. Wow. I love that for them, and I mean it. And I'm so excited.

Now, I enhance them. How does that enhance you? What can I learn? Or what works for my life? What do I have? Do I need that exact thing? I can I learn? Or what works for my life? What do I have? Do I need that exact thing? I can't have that exact thing because that's that person's thing. That's what they've got.

That works for their life. That's their, I can't use my measure of success against their measure. So I tell them, we know all of that, but you're not going to believe those words. We're very good at saying words that we don't believe. An identity check takes the words that you're saying that you believe. We're very good at saying the kind of statements I've just said that we don't actually believe. And we try and convince ourselves. That's the band-aid approach.

That's the positive affirmation approach. So I know when I'm saying those statements and I don't believe them, I know I need an identity check. If I can say those statements and I'm genuinely throughout my entire mind, brain, body, if I'm entirely, totally happy for that person's success and I'm not thinking, wow, I want it. Give me an example of like feeling jealous or envious about someone else and saying I'm happy for them, but not feeling it and believing it. So let me think of something. So it's like, it's a whole body check. So there's been times where I've said, oh, I'm so happy that that person got a New York Times bestseller.

And then I say, hey, but I can feel my body's not, I'm out of alignment here. Then I have to go and do a little identity check and I do it in a quick neuropsychoanalyming. Then I'll say it again. Okay, I really am genuinely happy that they got a New York Times bestseller or they got on the published weekly or whatever case may be. And then I check my whole mind, brain, body, and I can feel, actually, yes, I do.

It's true. There's a whole, like an alignment that I feel different and my body feels different. It's like I'm relaxed and I'm excited because I now feel that I feel different and my body feels different. It's like I'm relaxed and I'm excited because I now feel that I can see that their success is their success and that enhances me. Whatever someone else succeeds in is only to my benefit. Why is that?

Because that generates, they're operating in something that they can do that no one else can do. So if I celebrate that, that's going to be generating a whole bunch of success energy and love energy that's going to hit me and build me up. And then I in return am building them up. So this is Einstein's work. Not that he spoke directly about it like I'm speaking about it, but he spoke about the – he worked with a few people on how we generate photons. And there's been tremendous advances in that work, especially in the field of quantum physics.

So if you're genuinely happy for someone else, you're going to generate photons. When you're alive, you're generating energy. You and I are generating energy. Now, even though we separated technologically, we impact each other. We've got a relationship going through our connection, et cetera. So we're entangled. So we're impacting each other. And it's positive because we're discussing positive things. But if you have a toxic relationship with someone the photons that have been generated are toxic so toxic energy waves the electromagnetic light waves are toxic they're different and they can see that with experience with research now so that's the example of that is if you walk in a room and you know people don't like you you can feel it if someone's you know someone's like can't look you in the eye and you just you

know the way they they're kind of smiling but you just know there's something wrong. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. That's what I'm talking about. It's real. Those are actual toxic energy waves coming from that person's thought in their brain and their mind and their body. They are generating all this energy that is toxic. And that's what you're feeling. It's like having a little BB gun shots at you or paintball.

So that's how real it is. gunshots at you or paintball. So that's how real it is. And so when we're in our natural wide full-up mode, when we're in a non-destructive mode, we enhance. So it's like two waves. If you think of two waves in the sea, when two waves hit each other, they cancel each other and it's flatline. That's competition.

No one benefits. But when two waves go underneath each other, there's an enhancement. The wave gets bigger. And that's enhancement culture culture that's the real bond or connection deep meaningful connection so when i'm deeply recognizing my identity is hey i can do something that no one else can do i don't have to be threatened by that i'm not a competition for anyone that person's not my competition that person's my my um what's the word i'm looking for? My aid, my support, my collaborator. Collaborator, yeah. They're on my side.

Everyone's on my side. Everyone, no one is a competition. If we got into that mode, and there's been so much science showing this, there's ancient science on this. You can go back thousands of years and find teachings on this in the ancient texts and different religions and just ancient texts. And there's been 150 years of research in this sort of area, but it's not very well accepted in sort of the more, what can I say,

more physical-based science where it's all about the brain and body. That's seen as woo-woo stuff. Meanwhile, it's more accurate scientifically than a lot of the current medical science that we see that is supposedly more accurate. So if you look at it, and you really dissect these studies, so it's very interesting. And quantum physics, for example, is huge in this,

and it's one of the most accurate and fundamental sciences. So the quantum experimentation is more accurate if you look at the rules of scientific research than a lot of the classical studies which is very interesting um so essentially what was i going to say now what was i saying relating back to all the um in terms of identity enhancement culture so enhancement we so driven by by Darwin and there's obviously good in everything, every philosophy, but prior to Darwin, there was Lamarckian theory. And I don't want to go into any of this in depth because it's a whole huge area, but essentially it was not that we need

to compete. Competition is not really what breeds success or wiping someone out at the expense of someone else. That's never really worked. But if you really look at what's worked, it's if I enhance you, we don't specialize at the expense of others. We specialize at the enhancement of others. And if you look at the research on bond research and that kind of thing, we build each other. We grow as a community. So communities,

for example, that are very community focused versus individualistic, they're much more successful in helping people with mental health, with relationships, with peace in the community, with just generally happiness versus those that are very individualistic in American society, which is one of the unhappiest societies in the world. There's not enough enhancement. It's all about if you did well, that's a threat to me.

That's absolute nonsense. If you did well, that's great for me because that means you are enhancing me. So what does it do when we can see someone else and celebrate their success authentically? What does that do for our mind, our brain versus envy and jealousy and resentment and frustration that they're winning or succeeding and you're not at that level or something. Okay. So the easiest way to see what it does in the mind is to think of like when you look at QuickTime, QuickTime has all the little bars going or podcasts. That's what the memory looks like in your mind. So in your mind area, it's these waves. So a love wave is generally like a sign wave versus when you're in any kind of envy and jealousy, it's a very erratic wave. And when that goes through your brain, it creates neurochemical chaos.

So first of all, you've got neurochemical chaos. So you won't have enough balance between serotonin, dopamine, and andamide and the various different chemicals, which then affects the hormone balance, which then affects heart palpitations and cardiovascular function, immune function. So every system of the body becomes disturbed. That's why we feel disturbed throughout our entire body.

In the brain, we'll see an increase in high beta. High beta, if you think of a wave, when the wave is breaking and you see the white, that's high beta in the brain. Now, you're only supposed to have a burst of high beta and then it should crash and settle into a more gentle wave. But if you have a constant tsunami of high beta, it creates tremendous and almost sometimes sharing of axons. It can actually damage.

It can actually cause physical damage to the axons because you've got too much of this wrong energy, too much of the wrong chemicals. And that can create all kinds of distortions that eventually make things like tau protein, which is actually a good thing, become a bad thing. And we hear that in Alzheimer's. And so eventually, if we have years and years and years of jealousy, envy, unmanaged mind, we're damaging our brain and cumulatively over the years, we change the neurons, the neuronal structure, the levels of good and bad protein, amyloid beta, which is a very

good protein, but in the wrong quantities, it can create memory loss and all that kind of stuff so eventually over time we change the structural integrity of the brain and so it causes brain damage and envy and jealousy do that in a big big way competition that stress that it causes it creates toxic stress very bad for your heart because it causes constriction of blood vessels then that's less blood flow to the brain and if you don't have enough blood flow to the brain you become more impulsive you don't you enough blood flow to the brain, you become more impulsive. You lose your intelligence.

You lose your cognitive flexibility. You know, you'll have, instead of having lots of waves of high beta, gamma flowing from the back to the front of the brain in a balanced way, you're going to have a tsunami of gamma in unbalanced ways. That's not good. You're going to have an increase in delta too much during your conscious. You know, so there's a lot of different patterns that start emerging. You'll be learning more and more about this as science is advancing. So there's

a definite impact, but you can change that. You can reverse that. That's the hope of neuroplasticity, of mind-directed neuroplasticity, because neuroplasticity can't happen on its own. It happens run by mind. So you direct it. So you can change change that so yeah so it's changeable but it really creates a mess and that isn't going to lead you it's going to lead you to make decisions that maybe will get you to the top in a certain way but the price you pay in relationships health happiness peace so many people that have got to the top in a competitive way are not happy people and people on theirbed, you ask them what they'll say.

I wish I'd worked on my relationships and love. Be designed for an enhancement. You can still get to the top. And then also be able to define what is getting to the top. Right. You know, there's a whole different redefinition needed of that too. You know, at the moment, it's how many likes you have on Instagram, how many New York Times bestsellers you have, how many.

You know, we've got very, very toxic versions of what success is. It's how many likes you have on Instagram, how many New York Times bestsellers you have, how many. You know, we've got very, very toxic versions of what success is. And that needs to be changed as well. Absolutely. They're very competitive based. This is fascinating. I'm curious about, I'm just thinking about a majority of my life where I was competition focused. We all grew up in that environment. I actually like competition, but more of like toxic competition maybe where it's yes

where it's like i need to be the best i need to be number one i need to win at all costs otherwise i don't feel loved and supported and you know desirable or whatever it is i'm all for like you know competition and bringing the best out of each other yeah that's that's enhancement that's not even competition that is okay let's enhance each other. Yeah, that's enhancement. That's not even competition. That is, okay, let's enhance each other. Let's see who can do the best, whatever. Yeah, exactly. And then it's like everything's to be celebrated.

But as you are building, so if you shift your mind to say, okay, we've got a competition here for someone who's going to build the best new version of quantum computers because they're busy trying to do that at the moment. So instead of it being a competition, let's talk about an enhancement. So everyone is throwing everything at it. Let's actually take the vaccine, the COVID. If we had more enhancement versus competition, we would have had a vaccine earlier and distributed

to the poor countries quicker. But it's the competition and the desire for finance that has taken precedent over humanity. And that's an example where a lot of the scientists didn't want that. A lot of the scientists wanted to share each of it. So it's not- What's working with everyone. Exactly.

So you've got something to bring to the table and so do I. You compete a piece of the puzzle, so do I. So if we put our heads together, instead of competing against each other, that's going to lead to success, global humanitarian type success, as opposed to because it takes one man to make a difference. So it's just how we look at it. It's just like a whole perspective needs to shift.

Yeah. We're getting deep here. I love talking to you. We get into all these really excellent things. It's called the school of greatness, Caroline. I love it. That's fantastic. Not that we're competing or needing to be the best.

No, we enhance each other. Greatness means a beautiful thing. It means we are growing. What is it that you bring to the table that I don't? I must tell you a quick story if I may, just about that statement. Years ago, when I worked in South Africa, one of the things I did was I trained teachers. I used to work in the apartheid era and the transition. I don't know if I told you this before, but I spent three days a week in apartheid

South Africa, working in pre-apartheid, in the apartheid transition and post when Mandela came to power. And I saw firsthand the impact of terribly evil social structures on humanity. And that's why I chose to do that at the same time as doing my research and working in private practice with people that had a lot of money and could afford to see a therapist. And so that was one of the best experiences of my life. That's where I learned what I really know about life and about this field that I'm in because I saw how humanity,

when you put your mind to stuff, it's just incredible. It's a school of greatness, honestly, was that time period. And I used to train a lot of teachers in the education environment to try and help uplift the terrible education that the black population had been exposed to. So part of my team, we worked with over 300,000 people. We actually reached more, but we would work with teachers and students, and one of the projects was 300,000 people. We actually reached more, but we would work with teachers and students.

And one of the projects was 300,000. What we would do is go in and train the teachers on how to use their brain and how to learn, how to build their brain, how to manage emotions, how to just really get the most out of the mind-brain connection, and then how to adapt this into the education system so that you could transfer knowledge more effectively. Because literally, these schools would have one textbook, 100 kids, piece of chalk the size and all talk all that didn't work and they would get the kids to literally repeat and regurgitate with no understanding and I remember teaching one of these schools and I'd always teach identity first was the first session when I trained

teachers was identity for themselves identity for their students and then I'd go into the techniques and as I started this one teacher stood up and he was so aggressive. I'll never forget. He just said, Dr. Leaf, I'm sorry, but you have got it wrong. There is a kid in my class who is so stupid and so difficult that there's no ways that he could learn anything or he could change. And I mean, it was worse than that. He really went on. It was just like a whole mouthful of venom and I was so dumbstruck and I'm very seldom dumbstruck and one of the other teachers in the class stood up and said sir that child that you say is so stupid can do something that you can't do and it's your responsibility to trigger that in that child I tell you this was nearly 25 28 years ago it changed me. And that's where I

started researching identity in a big way in my work after that. And that's what we're talking about here. When we recognize that in other people and that my role is to bring out the best in you, your role is to bring out the best in me. We change society. It's not that I'm trying to beat you. It's that I'm trying to bring out the best in you. It's a totally different perspective. Absolutely. I want to talk about brain building for a little bit before we wrap things up because I know this is something we mentioned a few times. Yeah.

And I'm curious, what should we do the moment we realize we're being triggered and feeling a lot of emotions? Should we lean into brain building or is brain building something you do before that? Such a good question. So when I'm very, very emotionally triggered, the first thing I'll do is that 10 second pause. How often does that happen for you?

It's less and less now. I used to get very easily thrown because I think that intense desire to please, I think you can relate. Things would throw me very quickly and I would get things under control because I'm a very energizer bunny. But yeah, I would get thrown very quickly. But I know now if I want to get, if I'm in a very challenging situation and I'm very emotionally triggered, I will do the 10-second force

because I've got to get my neurochemistry under control. I do it six to nine times. So it's about 60 to 90 seconds, which is enough time from the research that I've done and others that have done this, that in this field that gets your neurochemistry calmed down and your blood flow and everything to a point where you're okay. And then I kind of check,

am I calm enough to kind of move forward? And then I do brain building. And I would do this with all my patients. Just as an aside note, I never started a session without an identity check and brain building and then we were diving to the heavy stuff so i always got them in a place in brain preparation i always got them in a place where they were ready to do the work hard work before we did any any you know heavy stuff so then i would and i'll go brain build so i'll go and brain building is essentially using the neurocycle so it's the same five steps but now instead of detoxing identifying and detoxing and reconstructing you're actually just building so it's the same five step process because the neurocycle is simply the science of thought it is how we use our mind to grow stuff in our brain

and it's controlling the process and get stuff out of our brain. That's really what the neuro cycle is. That's why I say it's a delivery system for doing that. So then you take whatever you're interested in. And I'm totally, as you know, interested in brain science. So I'll take every day. I mean, I do this every day. You said, what's my routine? But in that moment, I'll take something like I'm always creating podcasts, like your solo podcast and things. So I'm always writing books. I'm always doing journal articles. Writing a scientific article is an enormously challenging, extremely difficult thing to do. So anything, any project that I'm busy with like that,

I'll go and dive into it. I'll go and either prepare a podcast, do work on a journal article, because that requires brain building. It requires me to read complex stuff that I have to read a couple of lines and then I have to stop. So I have to gather the information, which is the read part, where we spoke before about gathering awareness. Now I'm talking about gathering awareness in terms of reading

that information. I do it out loud and I do it with my pen, literally underlining it, because that brings all my senses together. I explained this in depth, by the way, in this book and also in the app. All the stuff we've been talking about is in the book and the app. Then I'll go, then I stop and I literally look up and I talk out, I ask to do the reflex step. So I ask, answer, and discuss.

What have I just read? What does this mean? What's this stuff here? Because you can just read. And then until I can discuss it and I know, okay, it means this. And when I'm doing that reflex step, I go back in with my pen or my pencil and I circle. I don't underline.

I circle. Because when you circle, you get to the key concepts. The concepts are where the information is stored. We don't recall 100%. We recall conceptually. So you want to build conceptually. Conceptually is where the core information is. It's about 15% to 35% of information.

So if you take a simple sentence like, the cat sat on the mat. The cat sat on the mat. Seven words. What is it? Seven words, six words. The concepts would be around about two words. Cat mat with an arrow.

That's what you want to get to. You want to get to the concept level. So in the reflect step, you are rereading it and circling and asking and answering and discussing and finding. So what you want to circle is 30% max. Then you write that down onto the metacog and you organize it. So you organize it and you write it down. And then you go back and say, okay, does this match what I've just read? And then you say yes and you discuss it.

Then you go to the next sentence. And that process, it totally puts your brain into one of the most highly resilient states that you can get. It calms down your brain, the neurochemistry, the blood flow, it balances the two sides of the brain, increases your gamma activity, which in the right way, which is what you want, because it pulls stuff from the non-conscious to the conscious. And it also gets you into a state where you are like a sponge to learn and when you get into that state your brain goes into a tremendous state of brain health it's like your brain loves this it's like literally your brain is in love with brain building i should say that in the book and so you now feel a sense of peace and excitement and wisdom and as i'm brain building suddenly i'll often happens as i'm

doing the brain building the metacog the navich as i'm doing that, it often happens, as I'm doing the brain building, the metacog, the Navichik, as I'm doing that, suddenly I'll get to a point where, ah, that's the solution. And I feel it's a sense of peace and I can go and handle that situation. So I've trained myself to do that. I don't, as far as possible, try and solve a crisis, unless you have to solve it on the spot. But I try to always stand back and say, okay, I need a bit of time. I'm going to go and calm down. I'm going to go and do... Even this kind of thing that we're doing now is brain building. Brain building. Learning.

Learning. It's learning. And if you look in my book on chapter 14, I actually have my daily routine. I don't know if you want to talk about that now in another thing, but brain building is one of the first things I do in the morning. And I do it through the day. What's the best thing to do for yourself at night to clean out the mental mess? So the best thing to do at night is to start in the morning. So when you wake up, it sets the tone for the day. So you want to get your-

Don't have a negative attitude in the morning. Catch it early. Catch it early and then catch it during the course of the day. So sleep prep starts in the AM and you've got to do a check-in at lunchtime as well. So I do that every day. So it really does start, I mean, I wake up and I check immediately, self-regulate immediately in my mind, what's my mood? What's my mindset? And if it's complaining or negative or I'm worrying, I catch it immediately. I work out why I do a quick neurocycle in my bed. It takes me two minutes. I do it so quickly.

I immediately go into brain with my coffee. Obviously, I will do some brain building, even if it's 15 minutes. And then I will start getting ready and doing the detoxing. Then during the course of the day, I'll take periods where I'll do thinker moments. And thinker moments are where you activate what we call the default mode network in your brain, which is very important to restore energy, restore balance, just reset. We've got to reset. And the thinker moment, you can reset in a few seconds.

And it's great to have a 10-minute block if you can during the course of the day, preferably in the sunshine if you can. And all you do there is daydream. You literally close your eyes, switch off to the external, switch on to the internal, and just let your mind have a bit of a rest. And that is very, very powerful. There's tons more I can say about that. And it is in the book, but that's like another two-hour discussion. But it is so powerful. Thinker moments are unbelievably restorative.

What do you call them? What moments? Thinker moments. Thinker moments. Thinker. As in T-H-I-N-K-E-R. Thinker. Thinker moments. Thinker moments. Sorry. Thinker moments. You sound like an American T-H-I-N-K-E-R. Thinker. Thinker moments. Thinker moments.

Sorry. Thinker moments. You sound like an American over here. Yeah, there we go. I have to go American. Thinker. You have to go to Dallas. Dallas, yeah.

I'll have to get the – I did it too English. Thinker. Thinker. Yeah, thinker. Thinker. Thinker moments, yeah. It's basically switching off to the external,

switching on to the internal, allowing thoughts to move through your mind, daydreaming. You find out then what's going on. What are you actually thinking about? What's dominant? What are the patterns? Phenomenal powerful. And that's another whole long discussion.

But I make sure that I do those frequently. And I try and take a 10-minute break in the middle of the day where I do that. And then at nighttime, before I go to sleep, there's other stuff I do. It's in the book, but it's in chapter 14. But just before I go to sleep, there's other stuff I do. It's in the book, but it's in chapter 14. But just before I go to sleep, I will make sure I do a whole check. Also using the neurocycle.

What are my emotions? What are my signals? What am I thinking of? What am I reflecting on? And get order. And then, okay, this is worrying me. This is worrying me. This is worrying me.

I'm thinking this. I'm thinking that. So I do the neurocycle and I get to the active reach where, okay, I can't fix this now, but this is what I can do. Type it in my phone. I'll do this tomorrow. I'll do this. This is a solution here, that there.

So I get my little solutions. It takes me five minutes and I calm down and I'll watch a movie like Frames or something. That's been my obsession lately is watching Frames before bed or something fun, relaxing, and, you know, then fall asleep. And then, as i said earlier on i'm busy now with a starting setting up a research study um on dreams and how you can actually there's a lot of research showing how you can actually prepare yourself for dreaming

because dreaming is restorative and you're learning more and more about dreaming and so i want to start doing that because you can actually especially people that battle with night terrors and nightmare paralysis and nightmares, because it's all just your mind processing, because your mind's processing during the day. So it's to try and help people find more information there and whatever. But I always find that helps to prepare myself for sleep. That's beautiful. And if you guys want us to do another episode on dream states,

then leave a hashtag dreams below as well in the comments on YouTube, just so we can see how many people are interested in that. Again, put a hashtag relationships if you want to learn more about that. This has been fascinating. Hopefully next time we can do it in person. If you're coming to LA, we'd love to have you in person. Yes, it'll be so nice. And you've got to come on my podcast as well.

We've got to carry on. We can just keep the series going. I mean, yours, mine, yours, mine, yours, mine, seriously. It's just so great. We can just keep the series going. I mean, your mind, yours mind, yours mind, yours mind. Seriously. It's just so great. I have the best discussions with you. It's been beautiful. We've covered a lot today

and I want to wrap things up here. But if we could, if someone could pull one thing from this, we've covered a lot, but if we could do one thing where they can implement moving forward, just one thing, or one thing they could think about differently to help improve the quality of their life, what would that one thing be based on implement moving forward? Just one thing. Or one thing they could think about differently

to help improve the quality of their life. What would that one thing be based on what we talked about? I would say to understand the concept that your mind is not your brain and your mind changes your brain. And that based on that, what I've been saying throughout this interview, you can't change what's happened to you, but you can change what's happening in you.

You have that power. And I think just that awareness, if people can start developing that awareness, they get a tiny bit of empowerment. They're on the pathway to empowerment. That's beautiful. You've got an incredible book. It's been spreading all over the world in a beautiful way. It's called Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess, Five Simple Scientifically Proven Steps to

Reduce Anxiety, Stress, and Toxic Thinking that people can dive into. It's extremely practical, but it's got all of the neuroscience and the research backing everything on how you can apply these simple steps into your life under these stressful, overwhelming moments that we all have faced and hopefully give you a lot more clarity and peace. So make sure you guys get a few copies of the book. It's powerful. I really like it, Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess. Also, I'm excited to check out your app, NeuroCycle. I haven't downloaded it yet,

so I'm going to download it right after this. Make sure you guys download the app. It's in the App Store, I'm assuming. Yeah, iTunes, Google Play. Yeah, it's all over the place. So get NeuroCycle. And it keeps getting updated, so yeah. And you're the voice, huh? You're the one who's doing it.

I'm the voice. It's my creation. It's my baby. I do all of it, so it's no one else. It's amazing. I mean, I have a team of engineers, obviously, huh? You're the one who's- I'm the voice. It's my creation. It's my baby. I do all of it. So it's no one else. It's amazing. I mean, I have a team of engineers, obviously, but I do all the talking. You're the content, yeah.

The content, yeah. So we can download NeuroCycle, the app, and also your podcast, which is, it's Clean Up the Mental Mess. Yeah, same name as the book. Absolutely. Yeah. Lots of more great stuff there. We also had another interview that has blown up over on YouTube and on audio. So if you guys want to listen to that or watch that, we'll link it up as well. And I asked you your three truths and your definition of greatness the last time. So if you guys want to hear what those are, make sure you go check out the previous episode as well. And I want to acknowledge again, Dr. Caroline Lee for showing up so brilliantly. You've got decades, almost four decades of wisdom and research and case studies and experience in

this field. And it's so powerful the way you explain it, the way you articulate it, the way you simplify challenging concepts that seem so overwhelming with examples, with models, with props. You're just making it easier for people like myself to understand how to manage our mind and master our mind. So I appreciate and acknowledge you for the gift you are in this world. And I'm excited to do more of this with you and help more people together. Thank you so much. It's very kind of you thank you of course uh my final question for you is what's the thing that you hope to improve more in your life the rest of this year i have to get a mastery of being able to help people see the importance of mind and

understand mind so diving into more research studies finding easier ways to explain this because i just know if we can get people understand the how their mind works and how to manage it we're going to have a better world we're going to start being able to get these social constructs and things that are damaging the world like racism and just the competitive competitiveness and the hatred and the wrong narratives around mental health that are damaging so many people. I just want people to be able to shove. So that's really, I'm so driven to get that message through. So thank you for helping me to do that. And I, by the way,

think you're amazing. I mean, what you've gone through and how you've turned that around and how you express yourself, you're phenomenal. You really are. Thank you. Always learning, always growing. I appreciate it. I see that. Well, Dr. Caroline Leaf, thank you so much for being here. I was always excited to have you back on. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope you found it helpful for the quality of your life. We're all about improving your life. We're figuring out the tools, the strategies, the science that will help you unlock the power of your mind

and your inner greatness. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend, post it on social media, and make sure to tag me and Caroline Leaf as well over on your Instagram stories and let us know what you thought about it. And if this is your first time here, please leave us a rating and review over on Apple Podcast.

Click the subscribe button, leave a rating and review, and let us know what you enjoyed most about this episode. We'd love to see your thoughts and your feedback on the power of this interview and also make sure to check out the other part to this episode again this is a two-parter so go back to the previous episode in the podcast app that you're in so you can listen to part one with Dr. Caroline Leaf and I want to leave you with a quote from Alphonse Carr, who said, We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorns have roses. No matter what type of pain or stress or anxiety you're going through, whatever the thorns are in your life, realize that there's so much beauty on the other side as well. There's so much beauty surrounding that pain as well. Just be willing to open your eyes and look for it and smell those roses that are all around you. And I want to

remind you, if no one's told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. I'm so grateful for you today, and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.