The School of Greatness - The High 5 Habit & The Secret To Motivation w/ Mel Robbins EP 1170

Episode Date: October 1, 2021

Today’s guest is Mel Robbins. Mel is a best-selling author, tv host and motivational speaker. She’s one of the leading voices in personal development and transformation. In her global phenomenon The 5 Second Rule, she taught millions of people around the world the five second secret to motivation. Now she’s back with another simple, proven tool you can use to take control of your life in her new book, The High 5 Habit. If you enjoy this episode, make sure to check out our two previous interviews. You can find those in the show notes!In this episode we discuss how to learn to love yourself, how to stop engaging in negative self talk, why Mel thinks everyone is using the law of attraction incorrectly, what we get wrong about jealousy, and so much more!For more go to: www.lewishowes.com/1170Check out Mel's Challenge: www.lewishowes.com/melDaymond John on How to Close any Deal and Achieve Any Outcome: https://link.chtbl.com/928-podSara Blakely on Writing Your Billion Dollar Story: https://link.chtbl.com/893-pod 

This is episode number 1170 with Mel Robbins. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Welcome back, everyone. Today's guest is Mel Robbins. And Mel is a good friend of mine who

is a bestselling author, TV host, and motivational speaker. She's one of the leading voices in personal development and transformation. In her global phenomenon, the five-second rule, she taught millions of people around the world the 5 second secret to motivation. Now she's back with another simple proven tool you can use to take control of your life in her new book, The High Five Habit. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure you check out our two previous interviews and you can find those in the show notes linked on Apple Podcast. But in this episode, we discuss how to learn to love yourself,

how to stop engaging in negative self-talk that so many people do in the world, why Mel thinks everyone is using the law of attraction incorrectly, what we get wrong about jealousy, and so much more. This is a powerful one. Make sure you share this with your friends, post it on social media, make sure to tag me and Mel Robbins as well to let me know that you're listening to this and also quick reminder to follow the school of greatness as well as give us a rating and review if you're enjoying this at any moment just let us know what part you enjoy the most by leaving a rating and review over on apple podcast and today's fan of the week is christ over on Apple Podcast Reviews. She wrote, I only wish I had come across this podcast sooner.

I'm listening to the episode with Robert Cialdini about the psychology of persuasion, and I'm smiling to my ears. Excited to implement these techniques and one day get interviewed about my own success story. Smiley face wink. So thank you again to Christina for being the fan of the week we appreciate you and in just a moment the one and only mel robbins welcome back everyone to the school of greatness very excited about my guest mel robbins in the house starting off with a high five because you have the high five habit which is a simple technique to take control back

of your life. And you were just talking about how you never truly learned how to love yourself in your own skin. And you started this daily ritual, this habit of high fiving yourself in the mirror. Yeah. I mean, you've lived a pretty full life right now, but you feel like really you've never truly learned how to love yourself, but now you feel like you know how to? Yes, I do. Why did you not know how to love yourself in the first place? Oh, that's a big question. I think that most of us are not taught how to love ourselves just for being alive. For existing. For existing. Thank you. It's always like we have to accomplish something. Correct. Then we can get love. Yes. It's the same thing with happiness. Like you're chasing it and you think that if you achieve something, you're going to get it.

And you also, or at least I, felt the most loved when I was little, when I was achieving something. And I think that most parents kind of fall into this camp. And it's really interesting to write a book about this and sort of trace back how we go from being little teeny babies that would crawl up to a mirror and put our hands up and kiss ourselves and love the sight of ourselves to being a self-loathing adult that stands in front of a mirror and either ignores or criticizes your very existence. And I believe that a lot of this has to do with the fact that so much of what you learn as a kid is if you do what I tell you to do,

then I'll like you, then I'll love you. And so much of your existence becomes complying, fitting in, not making people angry. You learn how to sort of go in and out of spaces, belong to groups, make sure people like you, and you stop focusing on how you were born, which is looking in a mirror and liking yourself. So my formula for being somebody that was worthy of love is, well, if I'm accomplishing all this stuff, then I'm lovable. If this person over here that I love loves me back, then I'm lovable. If somebody likes me, then I'm lovable. Notice where all the sources of love were coming from? Outside. But I never really understood, how do you learn how to put yourself first? How do

you learn how to love yourself, Lewis? How do you do that? We know we need to, but the question is, how? So how'd you learn how to unlearn it and then, I guess, relearn how to love yourself? Okay. So this is kind of my brand of advice. It's got to be incredibly stupid on the surface. It's got to be so simple. It's really implausible that it works. And once you start unpacking it, it has to have a crazy bananas amount of scientific proof and real life proof in people's lives to prove why it works. So I'll tell you the story first behind the high five habit, because I did not set out and go like, okay, I've written the five second rule book. I need to come up with another five. I have been toiling away with what book to write for nearly five years. So it's been five years

since I've had a book in print. And I had this random morning where there's a lot going on in my life. I'm not going to get into it because it's a boring story, but I was just having a really hard time in my life. And I woke up, got out of bed. I made my bed like I always do. I walked into the bathroom. I'm standing there brushing my teeth. And I catch my reflection in the bathroom. I'm standing there brushing my teeth and I catch my reflection in the mirror. And my first thought is, God, you look like hell. Seriously. And I know women in particular can

relate to this, but what a lot of people don't realize is you guys are incredibly hard on yourselves too. And so as I go, God, you look like hell, I start then cataloging all of the things that are wrong with my appearance. I'm like, your gray hair is coming in. You've got stripes on your neck. One of your boobs is lower than the other. You know, you look exhausted. And then as soon as you have a negative thought or a self-criticism, it's sort of like lint in a dryer. Once you start collecting it, it just keeps on collecting. So now I'm thinking not about how horrible I look or how tired I look. Now I start thinking about all the stuff I need to do. I start going, oh my gosh, I got up a little too late and I've got a Zoom call in eight minutes. I don't even have a bra on yet. The dog needs to be walked. And I could feel my

energy going down. Like I just felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Overwhelmed, uncertain. You know, it doesn't even matter what was going on in my life at that time, because I think it's a universal feeling to feel overwhelmed by your life at times. And so here I am, a motivational speaker. Unmotivated. Unmotivated. Uncaffeinated. No brawn. Standing there in my underwear with my dog at my feet. I don't know what came over me. But as cheesy as it sounds, I just raised my hand and gave the tired, haggard woman in the mirror a high five. And it didn't change my life like right then and there, but something shifted. Like I felt a little lighter.

I felt like I wasn't alone. I felt like, okay, you know, this moment in your life is hard, but you can do this, Mel. And I went on with my day. So the second day, I woke up. And this is when things started to really kind of churn in my mind. The first thing that I noticed was this. So I wake up, Louis, and I make my bed. was this. So I wake up, Lewis, and I make my bed. And I realized I was looking forward to that moment in the mirror where I was going to see myself. Now, look, I'm 52 years old. I will

probably have a hot flash during the middle of this interview. I'm a lot older than you. Just don't eat lobster. Oh, yeah. I had a really allergic reaction the last time we were together. Wow. really allergic reaction the last time we were together. Wow. But I have spent the first 45 years of my life either criticizing the woman in the mirror or ignoring her. And this was the first time that I could remember that I was actually looking forward to seeing myself. Sort of like, you know, when I was coming here today, you and I are very good friends as I was walking in the building I'm feeling excited to see you and it wasn't like I was feeling excited to my see myself like I'm not like yeah because I got a lot of crap going on in my life but I felt a little bit like I'm about

to see a friend and so that second morning I high-fived myself again and again I feel something shift I feel a, just a little lightness in the mood and I go on with my day. So the third morning I do it again. And again, like lightness. And so I keep doing it, keep doing it. A couple of weeks go by and now I'm starting to feel a little bit of momentum and I'm really enjoying it. I have no idea what the hell is going on. I haven't even done this in front of my husband, Chris yet, because let's be honest, standing in front of a mirror. High-fiving yourself. Yeah, like, come on, how pathetic does it get? You're like, it's really, you're like that bad? So I snap a photo of myself. I've got my retainer in. I got

bedhead. Like, I'm not looking glamorous. I did not expect this to be the photo that would ignite a movement. And within an hour, I posted on my story on Instagram, within an hour, at least 100 people tagged me. All over the world, people high-fiving the mirror with their kids, people on a submarine high-fiving it in the military, people MMA. And I thought, okay, wait a minute. Maybe I'm not the only one that needs a little boost in the morning. Maybe I'm not the only one who feels alone. Maybe I'm not the only one that is missing a sense of encouragement and control and confidence in an overwhelming moment in my life. there's something here. And then the messages started to come in. Whoa, Mel, like I have been using this for five days. This woman wrote to us, Lewis, she's had body dysmorphia for 20 years, has not been able to look at herself in the mirror. Five days of doing this high five. And she said, I can look at myself and I even see beyond the body. I see the person and I can grin.

We had a woman who wrote to us who said that she was in a domestic violence shelter. She had escaped a very abusive relationship. She had seen me talking at our friend Jamie Kerm Lima's event. She started doing the high five thing. She DMs us and she says that, you know, I have childhood trauma. I've just been in a physically abusive relationship. I've lost everything. I'm in a domestic violence shelter. What this high five in the mirror is teaching me is that I still have myself. And so that was when I said, I got to figure out what's going on. And I started to unpack the research and the research around this simple

ritual. I love that you called it a ritual because I want people to habit stack this with brushing their teeth. This is so life-changing. It's so simple. The science here is like, you can't believe it. And once I unpack it, you're going to be like, I can't believe how cool this thing is. So what's the science say? Okay, so the science. Let's start with the first thing. So the first thing is that when you first try it, okay, you will not be able to raise your hand and high-five yourself and be like, you suck, Mel, or today's going to be terrible.

And there's a reason for that. And the reason is that for your entire life, you have given other people high fives. So when you give a high five or you receive one, what is a high five? Just the gesture alone. What does this communicate if we do this to each other? Nice job. Good work. You're doing amazing. Yeah. Keep it up. Yeah. I believe in you. I love you. Let's go. If you blow a shot and you got to get back in the game, a high five's like, shake it off, you can win. And so all of that lifetime of high-fiving other people and the messaging associated with it is programmed right here in your subconscious brain. There's a field of study called neurobics, which is about... Neurobics.

I know, I didn't make that up. It's interesting. Physical movement plus new neurological activity. When you marry an unexpected physical movement with new neurological activity, it's the fastest way to forge new neural pathways in your brain. Okay. Okay? We know the example, you've covered this on your show, of brushing with the wrong hand and thinking positive thoughts. And the reason why that works is because when you're brushing with the wrong hand, it's unexpected. Your brain doesn't expect it. So instead of drifting off about the fact that you need to walk the dog, you have to focus. So your prefrontal cortex is engaged. You're not used to high-fiving your own reflection. So it's an unexpected physical movement that then activates all of the positive programming

in your subconscious. So when you raise your hand and you high-five your tired self, Lewis, what happens is all of the messaging with this, the high-five, I believe in you, I love you, I celebrate you, you got this, keep going, come on. It actually fuses with your freaking reflection. It's impossible to criticize yourself. Your brain

won't allow it because it's not wired that way when you're making that motion. Isn't that crazy? It's hard to say you suck. You don't matter in anything. It's hard. No, you can't. You can't. And so this lifetime of positive subconscious programming associated with high-fiving other people gets fused with your own reflection in this ritual. That's just the beginning. Okay. That's just the beginning. The second thing that starts to happen that's really interesting. So, you know, we've had a ton of people do this, obviously, around the world. Super easy idea. It's spreading around the world. We start interviewing people about what's going on. And this is what we notice. We notice that one of two things happen when you first try this. So here's how I want everybody to try it. You're going to go into the bathroom

and do it before or after you brush your teeth. And that's important because I want you to make this a ritual that's part of your morning routine. And so we need to stack it with something you already do. And you're going to stand there for a minute and I want you to look at yourself. Now that right alone, most of us don't do. Look at yourself. And I want you to just think about the day ahead. This is based on more research. So recent studies show from the University of Florida that if you take just a minute and you set an intention about how the day is going to go, about who you're going to be, how you're going to show up, what's the one thing that kind of matters to you to really make progress on. If you just kind of set that intention, who am I going to be today? How am I going to show up today?

Even if it's a hard day, how are you going to show up? And then you raise your hand and you seal it. Research shows just setting the intention alone changes your mood. It boosts your productivity. It increases your ability to make an impact on other people. And so when you seal it with this high five, it becomes this ritual of setting an intention for the day. And also silencing the critic and reprogramming the default setting about how you see yourself, whether or not you believe in yourself. And you leave that bathroom

feeling like the wind is at your back. Now, when people do this for the first time, so you're going to stand there tomorrow and you're going to go, okay, Mel Robbins and Lewis, brush my teeth. Okay, this is stupid. You're going to just start rejecting it. I guarantee you. This is the coolest stuff you're going to have the biggest resistance to. And so for those of you that just raise your hand and do it,

you're going to immediately be like, why have I not been doing this? It feels good to be encouraged and supported. To high-five yourself. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Why have I not had my own back? Why do I stand here and criticize myself?

Why do I allow this moment every single morning to be a moment where life takes over and I drift into autopilot? Why am I not taking this moment for me to build a partnership with myself? Yeah. The second group of people, and this is the larger group, right? Resisted. And this is really interesting. And the reason why you resist it and the reason why it feels weird is because you believe you're not worthy of support or celebration. From yourself or from others? Period.

Wow. Why do we think we're not worthy of celebration? Well, for people that grew up in a chaotic, violent, or whatever household, it was your lived experience. Yeah. It was your lived experience. I think that for many of us, we look back on our lives and the cognitive negative bias has its focus on the things that went wrong. And so you begin to tell yourself a story about your life that is basically a pyramid of all the things that you regret, of all the things that you wish you had done over, of all the things that you don't like about yourself. And so you drag that with you into the bathroom every morning and you stare at the mirror and you see somebody that has screwed up. You see somebody who's not where you're meant to be. You see somebody who doesn't have the number on the scale or the car that you wanted or the job that you had hoped for or the relationship that you had always dreamed about. And so standing there, you believe you're not worthy of support or

celebration. And it's this deep belief. We talk a lot in the personal development space of, oh, I'm not good enough. I actually think that's the polite thing that people say. I believe that people have a much more horrible way of talking to themselves. Like what? I can't say it on TV, but I can say it on the internet. I'm a piece of shit. I'm worthless. No one will ever love me. I screwed up my life. I'm a failure. I'll never amount to anything. It's too late. I'm a bad person. I think people actually say this to themselves. And they say it over and over again. Yes. Daily. Yes. Yes. And just like ruts on a dirt road, it starts to wear in your brain and it becomes the familiar path. And so you stand in front of

the mirror and I'm telling you, raise your hand and let all that positive programming you've given to everybody else. We are amazing at celebrating everybody else. We cheer for our favorite sports teams. We buy tickets to, you know, our favorite musicians. We throw birthday parties for people. We take on extra work for our colleagues. We help our family members out and our friends out. But when it comes to supporting ourselves, we don't know how to do it. In fact,

there's a lot of people that think it's selfish to put yourself first or that you're arrogant if you're due. I'm here to tell you it is essential to your well-being, to your fulfillment, to your happiness, all of it. So if you're feeling resistance, you're either going to feel it because you already have a deep story that you don't deserve it because of your track record, your past, because of what's happening in your life, or you're going to feel resistance because you have been trained to believe that you only deserve that kind of stuff when you're winning. Like if I don't have that car, I don't get the high five. If I didn't get that promotion, I didn't deserve it. If I am not in a loving relationship, I don't deserve to be celebrated

because I'm not actually achieving or doing the things that warrant that. I'm here to tell you, I'm on a mission to make every human being realize that if you wake up in the morning and you're breathing and you're standing in front of that if you wake up in the morning and you're breathing and you're standing in front of that mirror and you have survived the stuff you have survived and you are still waking up and trying to do better, you not only deserve a high five, you need it. Because what we also know based on the research

is that empowerment, support, kindness, love, celebration, it is the single most motivating force on the planet. Tough love is a bunch of baloney. What really fuels people, particularly when you're going through a challenge, is feeling celebrated, seen, and supported. And the research bears it out. Yeah, I can think of the times when I was on sports teams where I had great, loving, encouraging coaches. It made me want to work harder from a more energized place and abundant

energy. But when I had the coaches that would just degrade you and put you down and call your names in front of your teammates and make you feel bad. It would drive me to try to be better, but it was always like harder. And I never felt satisfied. I never felt fulfilled. I always felt like even when I accomplished something, it still wasn't good enough. And then I repeat that pattern, like, okay, I'm going to accomplish, but it's not enough to feel loved. And so let me keep accomplishing in order to feel loved, but I still don't love myself because it's not good enough. So let me go for the next thing. Yeah, exactly. It's funny because I have a photo on my phone

that my therapist told me to do this exercise like eight months ago, which was a strategy for me to reclaim the love for myself. So I have a photo of my childhood self. I don't know if people can see this on YouTube. Look how cute you are. But a photo of me. This is I don't know if people can see this on YouTube, but a photo of me, this is probably when I was like five or six, maybe I was seven. But something that I've tried to do and really been integrating my life is to reconnect with the child where I felt like I stopped loving myself. Okay. So let's talk about this right

now. You ready? So let me talk about this image. So let's talk about the Lewis this age. Right. Standing in front of a mirror. Yeah. And what I do is I stand in front of myself as a child. I imagine myself. But to do it, imagine looking at the mirror as yourself. Yes.

Yeah. Well, what I'm trying to say is when you were this age and you stood in front of the mirror, you had a totally different relationship with yourself because you still loved yourself. Yeah. Exactly. You still thought that you were a great kid and you wanted all the things that the adult Louis wants. Right.

You want to feel loved. You want to feel seen. You want to feel heard. You want to feel like you matter. Mm-hmm. And you, in seeing yourself when you were this age, felt those things for yourself. Yeah, absolutely. And somewhere along the way, you lost it. yourself. Yeah, absolutely. And somewhere along the way, you lost

it. Correct. And so what I'm trying to say is that when you stand in front of this mirror, exactly what Lewis is talking about, when you've got coaches that scream at you and degrade you and, and, you know, sure, it makes you run faster, but it leaves its mark. It does. It leaves its mark. And so there's research. So let me talk about why this is so motivating, particularly because so many of your audience love sports, right? So they did a study where they looked at NBA teams. And what they wanted to take a look at was, does fist bumps, backpacks, and high fives make a difference in a team winning?

Touch, right? Didn't they do like a 2020 special or something? I can't remember. I don't know. But if they did, I need to watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so like the power of touch, but I think it's deeper. It's the power of encouragement. And so what they found is that in the study, at least in the years that they looked at, you could take a look at the teams that made it to the championships in the NBA, go all the way back to the preseason. And those were the teams that had the most number of fist bumps

and back pats and high fives. Yep. And the same was true about the teams that were the lowest in the league at the end of the season. They had the least amount of fist bumps, high fives, and touch. Why? They're the least encouraging. Correct.

Those sorts of gestures build trust and partnership. I'm telling you, when you stand in front of a mirror and ignore yourself, you're like the losing NBA team. Ooh, interesting. Selfish on your own, isolated. You're not in partnership with the person you're staring at in the mirror. You don't have your own back because you're ignoring yourself. Yes. There's another study, and this one is, I think, even more powerful. So they did this

study where they wanted to know what's the most motivating thing to help somebody get through a really big challenge. The researchers divide kids into three groups, right? And they gave each of the groups of kids very challenging problems to work through. And they wanted to measure, okay, how resilient, how long would they work, what were their attitudes like? And then they measured it based on, well, what form of praise or support are we going to give each one of these groups? And let's see what's the most empowering. First group gets what we know to be the fixed mindset stuff. The praise was all verbal praise and it was simply about a trait. Lewis, you are so smart.

Lewis, you know, you are a super student, praising something that is just sort of a compliment about you. The second group of students working on a challenging problem got praise based on work ethics, so something in their control. Oh, Lewis, you're working so hard. Lewis, you got such good perseverance. Lewis, you know, you're really, like like just grinding away over there. Good job. Those guys did better than Lewis, you're smart. Lewis, hardworking, better. The third group,

the researcher simply walked up, did not say a word, and high-fived the kid. Really? That's it. That's it. That group literally, exponentially, more motivated, worked longer, worked through more challenging problems. Now here's the big question. Why? Why would a simple high five with no verbal praise be more empowering and motivating and inspiring and develop more resilience and confidence and motivation inside somebody. And the reason why is this. A high five affirms your deepest fundamental needs. It's not just a gesture. When you high five somebody, particularly somebody who has either blown the free throw shot

or is working on something difficult or going through a really hard time, when you high-five them, you're saying, I see you. When you high-five them during a challenge, you actually are acknowledging, I know this is hard. So the person feels heard. And because it's one-to-one and you have to be really intentional. Like if you and I go to high-five, like we have to focus on it. That was a good one. If you miss it, what do you do? You got to do it again. Correct. So there's an intentionality behind it. And that makes you feel like you're being affirmed as a unique individual. Interesting. And so all of those things are in that one gesture.

Now it goes even more. So, so there's even more here. So I was talking to our buddy, Dr. Daniel Amen, right? And so one of the world's leading experts on brains, he's got like 60,000 brain scans. I think it's like 120,000. Oh, is it at this point? Yeah. So he was so excited about the high five habit. He completely geeked out. He's like, oh my gosh, yes, yes, yes. He's like, yes, aerobics. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. So we then, he said, let me tell you what else is going on, Mel. And I'm like, really? There's more? He said, yeah. He said, you know how when you do it, you said you felt like a little kind of boost in your mood. He said, well, there are two things going on there. He said, first of all, when you cross a finish line in a race, what do you do?

Put your hands up. Yeah. What do you do when Put your hands up. Yeah. What do you do when your favorite team scores? You high-five someone. Yeah, you high-five somebody. What do you do at a musical concert? Yay! What do you do?

You know, you're raising your hand in celebration when you high-five somebody or fist bump them or put your arm around them. That raised arm gesture, in a positive sense, triggers your nervous system to tingle with celebration. It's the energy of celebration, even if you're going through something difficult. And even more, you get a dopamine drip when you do this. And so part of the reason why you feel this kind of shift in your mood and you feel a little bit of like, oh, okay, I can face this. I can do this. I got this, is because of the dopamine, it's because of the nervous system, and it's because of all of this positive programming

associated with that gesture. Isn't that crazy? That's powerful. That's powerful. I mean, so what does someone do, though, if they just constantly have the negative self-talk in their mind that they're no good? Do they go in front of the mirror, you know, every 10 minutes and do this? Or is there another strategy behind the negative self-talk? Well, okay. So first things first, definitely make this high five in the mirror a habit. Okay. So start practicing it, giving it five to 10 days and start to see what happens. The second thing that you can do with negative self-talk, okay, is you need to start to interrupt it. So the thing about negative self-talk is that it is typically something you've engaged in since you were yay high.

And in addition to it being wired into your brain, it is also something that can get triggered by your nervous system in stressful situations. And so the first step step and we can talk more about the filter in your brain and how the filter in your brain is causing you to stay stuck in a lot of this negative self-talk and how to use your mind to help you but the first step is you got to do the awful part of getting self-aware yes of what the voice is. And the way that you do that, there's a couple techniques that you can use to create what researchers or psychologists call objectivity. You want to separate yourself from the voice. So you can do what Lewis is doing. He's writing down right now in a journal. You can keep just a little notebook with you and you can kind of catalog when

your attitude tanks and what are you actually saying to yourself. So should we write down all in a journal. You can keep just a little notebook with you and you can kind of catalog when your attitude tanks and what are you actually saying to yourself. Okay. So should we write down all the things we're saying negative about ourselves? You can, you can. I personally do it this way. I start to notice when I feel down or I start to notice when my energy drops and then I tune into what I'm thinking about. And if it's negative, I go five, four, three, two, one. I literally notice, oh, you're sitting there thinking you're a bad person again. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that somebody's mad at you again. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you screw everything up again. Oh, you're sitting there

thinking that nothing ever works out for you. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you've blown it. Interesting. And then I go, five, four, three, two, one, and I go, I'm not thinking about that. That's the most basic technique to use because what I want you to do, since this is like operating on autopilot, it's encoded right here. When you're not really thinking, this is what's running, kind of like the soundtrack of your life. When you just start to notice that you have a thought that's not helping you, you can't control that it popped up, but guess what you can do? You can smack it down. And so I use the five-second rule, which we've talked about a lot on your show. Count backwards, five, four, three, two, one. The counting backwards

awakens your prefrontal cortex. It gives you a moment of control. And then the way to build distance, Lewis, is say, I'm not thinking about that. And here's why. You're so used to thinking this way. I can't just say, stop thinking you're fat and start thinking that you love your body. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. So you've got to go, oh, there I am.

I'm trashing the way that I look. I'm telling myself that I'm overweight. I look like shit. I'm hideous. Nobody's going to love me. Be like five, four, three, two, one. I am not thinking about that. It's an act of defiance.

See, I want you to go from these negative thought patterns to a more positive, empowering high five attitude. Because if you continue to live in, I'm fat, I'm unworthy, no one's going to love me, I've screwed up my life, that will be your life. Right. And the trick on this is, I'm not saying change your thoughts and unicorns appear. I'm saying change your thoughts so you stop the 24-7 beatdown. Yeah.

And learn how to lift yourself up so that you can face the things that are going on in your life. And so that you can take the actions that you need to take to change your life. Because the reason why you're not changing is not because you're not capable. It's not because of the trauma or your past or anything else. It's because of the beat down. That's why you're not changing. It's draining. It's draining. It's demoralizing. It is. And by the way, if you constantly are like, I'm unlovable, I'm worthy, I'm this, I'm that. Why on earth would you feel motivated or do you think you deserve to change if that's the thing in your mind? It doesn't work. And so pay

attention. When you feel your energy go negative, be like, oh, okay, what am I? Oh, whoa, that's disgusting. Five, four, three. I'm not thinking about that. You don't have to insert anything else. Let's just practice shutting it the hell up. the second thing you can do is once you kind of get good at interrupting it I want you to name like let's turn it into a character so I did this with our son Oakley when he was struggling pretty profoundly with anxiety when he was in the fifth grade he named his anxiety Oliver mmm and then we asked him to describe Oliver. And Oliver was like this pimply-faced kid that, what is that, the Diary of the Wimpy Kid kind of bully-looking kid? And whenever the negative worries and stuff would come up, you could literally hear him go, Oliver, shut up.

And it is the ability, what's happening when you name it and picture the person is that you're able to detach yourself from that voice in your mind that's talking. Because that voice is typically a caregiver that either talked to you that way or talked to themselves that way, or some bully or some trauma experience or some nasty coach that beat this into your head. It's from somebody else. And so we want you to separate yourselves. You can be like, oh, that's what Oliver sounds like. That's not actually how I want to talk to myself. Right.

And so identifying it, interrupting it, and then you can get into the really incredible magic of rewiring your brain to work for you. Yeah. I think Ethan Cross, who's a psychologist out of the University of Michigan, has a book called Chatter, which is about all the different psychological strategies for eliminating the negative self-talk and improving the quality of your mind. And he says, start coaching yourself just like you would have a great coach coaching you. Have someone like a character in your mind coaching you, celebrating you with your self-talk to help you kind of shift out of that by interrupted. Then coach yourself. Yeah, what would Lewis say to me? What would Mel say to me? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And here's the tricky part of this. So the tricky part of this is that I personally think most mantras are also complete garbage. And the reason why I say that is because you don't freaking believe them.

Right. So if you think you're worthless, you're never going to be able to stand in front of a mirror and change your life by going, I'm worthy. Because your brain's like, who? No, you're not. We've been talking about this for your life. You're not worthy. You don't want me to show you something.

So you have to interrupt it. And if you're going to try to replace it, what you need to do are two things. Number one, you have got to come up with, I should have called it pathetic mantra because it would have been easier to remember. In the book, I called it a meaningful mantra. We should just call it a pathetic mantra. You need to come up with something that's like, okay. You know, like if you're really like bad and you think you're a horrible person, like don't make your mantra, I'm amazing. Make your mantra like, I'm doing the best I can. Yeah. That's it. Something simple. Yeah. You can believe that, right? You can believe that

I'm trying, you know, I'm not meaning to screw up. I'm doing the best I can. That I believe. Yeah. And that's better than, boy. I'm the best in the world right now. Yeah, no. You're never going to believe that. Ever.

Ever, ever. Like, for example, if you struggle with health and weight and stuff, it's probably going to be hard for you to stand in front of a mirror and be like, I love my body. Because you've been rejecting it. So instead, look at yourself in the mirror and use a meaningful mantra. I deserve to feel healthy. Right. And I'm going to treat myself in a way that proves it. Yeah. That's it. That's different. It's different because it's believable. The only other thing that will change the way that you think is behavioral activation therapy. So there's a lot of the tools in this book that are grounded as a baseline in the body of research

around behavioral activation therapy, which I know you talk about all the time on the show, which is basically act like the person you want to become. If you want to be more like Lewis, act like Lewis. Follow his morning routine. Take his advice. Interrupt the garbage, Oliver, in your head. Five or three, I'm not talking to you, Oliver. What would Lewis say to me? How would Lewis talk to Lewis? And start to act like the person you want to become and something interesting happens. And this is why the high five works, by the way, because it is an action. You are acting like somebody who believes in and loves themselves. That's why it works. Moving to motion. Don't just think only, but move in action. So when you see yourself, you know, we always talk about positive morning routines.

Let's talk about negative ones, okay? Because your negative patterns are the reason why you have horrible self-talk. Like when I was in law school, I hated my life. My anxiety was out of control. I was out of control. I hated law school. And so my behavior actually reflected my state of mind.

I would wake up hungover. I would immediately think, oh my God, I'm late. I would then reach for a cigarette and light it. Then I would run around the apartment getting dressed and trying to find everything because nothing was organized. I would then quickly drive to Dunkin' Donuts, even though I had no time, to stop for coffee. I'd get a big old coffee with four sugars and two creams, smoking another cigarette on the way, speeding my whole way there. Then I would sit in class, be panic stricken about being called on. Same thing again. Then I would sit at lunch, pick at a salad, gossip with friends, avoid the homework. Then I would go to the library, procrastinate forever. Then I would drive home, split a bottle of wine

with my roommate, fall asleep, wake up, repeat. When you see somebody's actions, you can typically predict just how bad they're trapped in their mind. Absolutely. But I think we all are. I mean, I think even people that have healthy habits don't have a healthy relationship with themselves, that your self-talk is ground zero. Because how you talk to yourself, what you think about yourself when you look in the mirror, that sort of default setting in your mind. Jeez Louise. I mean, it makes me really sad, honestly. I gave my first speech in two years because of the pandemic yesterday in Salt Lake.

And there was a book line. And even though everybody had masks and they were six feet away, you could see the pain in people's eyes, the isolation, the sadness, the overwhelm, the feeling of uncertainty. And I think that people are feeling way more uncertain and afraid than they're actually saying right now. That the sustained amount of change that we've been having to manage, it's too much. You know, it's a lot. And if you stand in front of the mirror and you can't see somebody that's worth supporting through this, you're just going to continue to go down. Because the one person that you spend your whole life with is you.

Yes. And this is the relationship you need to be working on. Like, you want to be loved? You better learn how to love yourself. You want to feel worthy? Stop looking for it out there and treat yourself like you're worthy. How do you do that? Well, by pushing through the resistance and raising your hand.

If you can't freaking high-five your reflection, you can't do that. How the hell are you going to make things happen in your life? If you don't think you are worthy of support and celebration, particularly when life is hard. Yeah, how are you going to believe that other people are going to do that for you as well? If you can't do it for yourself, why would other people do that? Well, actually, this is why people's

relationships don't work out. Because you're looking outside yourself for the things you actually need. For validation. Correct. You are chasing people and seeking validation in romantic relationships. And that will end when you can stand in front of that mirror and validate yourself.

When you build yourself up, when you support yourself, you show up totally differently for everybody else. When you know that you can have your own back, you're not going to be looking for the validation from your boss or your friends or all these other things. People have problems with boundaries because they can't look themselves

in the eye. So how the hell are they going to look somebody else in the eye and say, actually, this doesn't work for me? What about when things start to shift and we start to see, oh, here's a great potential relationship I could get into, or I got a great job opportunity, or something's coming my way. How do we learn to not learn to not self sabotage the good things that come to us so give me an example like how have you sabotage things in your life I can't think of a good answer I don't think I really do that that much but I know I know that other people do and it's a big issue maybe I'm trying to think okay so I'll tell you but if people get into a good relationship answer though yeah ready

yeah okay so now let's detour into the lane we talked about this on the last time I was on but let's detour into the lane of anxiety of patterns and trauma uh-huh and talk about why people self-sabotage yes people don't self-sabotage intentionally nobody wakes up in the morning and says today i'm gonna screw up my life right that's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna drink myself on the ground i'm gonna cheat on my wife i'm gonna embezzle for my company i'm gonna lie to everybody about how I'm actually feeling. I'm going to stop taking my meds. I'm going to kick the dog. Nobody does that. What happens is people get triggered. And then they fall into old patterns. And so what happens, I believe, in relationships

in particular or jobs where you're like, this time it's going to be different, is it's different for the first three to six months when it's novel and when you're intentional and when everything counts. But then when you've got to face yourself. Then when it becomes like part of your life, you get lazy and you slip into old patterns. Or when the stakes get really high, let's say you're somebody who had a parent die early or your dad abandoned the family and you're scared to love somebody. And so you fall deeply for somebody. And then what gets triggered is this tremendous fear that they're going to leave. Yeah.

Because that's your lived experience. And if you go back to what you did as a child to cope with that fear that somebody's going to leave, that's the exact pattern that you will repeat as an adult. The only way to end this or to try to get your arms around it is to attack it holistically. Because so much of this happens at the subconscious level, and it also gets triggered first by your nervous system. You're not even aware of it. And so there's a tool that I talk about in this book called High-Fiving Your Heart.

Your heart. Your heart, yep. So what you do, and I started doing this because I was having this incredible response from past trauma happen when the pandemic hit. So when the pandemic hit, I started waking up feeling like something was terribly wrong and I would it would start my ankles and it would flood up my legs and go all the way up my body and I would feel this wave come up my immediate thought is something's wrong and my heart would start to race and I'd feel this full-on like anxiety response and I

know what that is now so I now know that the anxiety response of waking up, which so many people do, this is really actually very, very common. People wake up anxious. Yes. Feeling like they're in trouble or something's wrong or something's about to go wrong. Yeah, that's not good. Well, if you grew up in a chaotic household. That's normal. Yep. If you had a caregiver that gave you the silent treatment or had mental illness or had a drinking problem. If there was abuse in your house. You did wake up. Anxious. Yeah.

Because your anxiety, by the way, was trying to protect you. It was putting you in a state of being alert so that you were ready in case something happened. But for a ton of us, Lewis, we have lived our whole lives with a dysregulated nervous system. That's what I've come to learn during the pandemic, that I have literally lived since probably the fourth grade with my nervous system never truly resetting back to a calm resting state. And so I started to wake up every morning in the pandemic, like so many people did. And I've always kind of had this sort of wake up every morning in the pandemic, like so many people did. And I've always kind of had this sort of wake up and feeling like something's wrong.

Like, uh-oh, Chris is mad. My first thing is like, Chris is already up. He's meditating. He's angry that I've slept 15 minutes longer than him. It's so stupid. This is how we torture ourselves. But during the pandemic, it was like a full-on anxiety response. And so I started doing this thing where I would put my hands on my heart,

like right in the center of my chest. I got big mitts just like you, so you can kind of hit the whole thing. Take a deep breath. And then I would say, I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. If you can say those things in this moment, it's true. You are okay. You are safe and you are loved, whether you're waking up in a mansion or a homeless shelter. And what would happen as I was doing this, high-fiving my heart, is you're pressing on the vagus nerve. Like that's what you're actually toning. That's the same thing that Wim Hof is teaching with the ice bath. You're toning your vagus nerve. And what the vagus nerve is, as you very well know, because you talk about it on the show, is it's the switch between your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system.

Fight or flight versus rest. So if you ever find yourself in a stressful state, give your heart a high five. Put your hands on your heart. Go, I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. Repeat it 111 times if you need to. What you'll feel is you'll feel your nervous system start to settle. You'll

feel yourself come back into your body. You'll feel your mind slow down and you will literally take control of your nervous system. It is unbelievable. And it's also really important because, you know, in researching this book, I talked to, you know, the acclaimed Dr. Judy Willis, who's an incredible neuroscientist. And she explained something I never knew, but it makes a lot of sense. If your nervous system is on edge, it's in a alert state, you're dysregulated, it's impossible for your cognitive function of your brain to work. I can give you an example. If somebody were to bust in here with a gun and try to rob us, would you be able to do a math problem?

No. No. Just thinking safety. Yes, exactly. Save my life. I can't, I bet the majority of people actually walk around with a nervous system that is on edge like that, particularly post-pandemic.

And for me, the reason why I've actually linked it all the way back. So when I was in the fourth grade, I was molested while I was sleeping by an older kid. And in the kind of array of things that can happen in terms of sexual abuse, mine was very tame. Like it was a one-time incident. It was a kid who was slightly older than me. It was confusing, not scary. I just possum disassociated, don't even remember how it ended. And for a long time, I didn't even remember it.

And then I remembered it when I was 28 years old. And I believe that the reason why I have always woken up in a state on edge is because of that incident. Since the fourth grade? Yes. And the thing is, Lewis, is that I, you know, the morning's a trigger. If you have that stored in your body, something happened to you, something happened to you, something's wrong, something's wrong, because something was wrong. And you don't have the tools, and no kid does, to smooth out your nervous system and heal the trauma. That trauma lives in your body. And so I believe most self-sabotaging behavior that people continue to repeat is nothing but stored trauma and your best ability to cope with it

when it was happening. That's why we sabotage. Yes. So I don't think it's intentional. I really don't. Like even somebody who's diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, they don't know that they have that. Like they're not, like there's not, it's like such a program behavior. There's no, I'm gonna go do that. I'm in love with this person. Let's go screw it up. That's not what happens. And this is also why I'm telling you,

I know I'm crazy passionate about this topic of this standing in front of the mirror and changing how you see yourself. If you don't get a hold of that story, I'm worthless. I'm unlovable. I screw everything up. I'm a bad person. I'm not good enough. Nothing works out for me. If you don't change that and start cheering yourself forward, you will stay locked in these self-sabotaging patterns because you will act in a way that you believe it, subconsciously or unconsciously. I know, it's heavy.

Oh, sorry, I keep starting. It's all good, yeah. Man, so you're saying you're 52 right now, as you said? Yeah. So you're saying I have a lot of work to do still for the rest of my life. It doesn't end, huh? Well, I don't actually, I don't know.

I don't know if you've screwed up your life as much as I did. So I think it's like, and I don't know how much you torture yourself. I'm really good at torturing myself, or at least I used to be. And so back to your original question about learning to love yourself. I also think that even if you're wildly successful, whether it's successful in your relationship or successful at work, a lot of us, the more successful we become, the harder we are on ourselves. We harp on the things that aren't going right instead of really focusing on the

things that are going well. Yeah. We don't celebrate enough. Yes. Just on to the next or what could have been more perfect or something like that. Yeah. Uh-huh. What is that saying to ourselves when we don't celebrate the hard work we put in. You're not worthy of it. You haven't done enough. Even this amazing podcast that you have, this is enough, Lewis. I'll high five you when I sell it for a hundred million dollars or I'll high five you, right? It rings true because it's true. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not there yet. And somehow if I celebrate this, am I going to get the big thing? Like think about a marathon. So a marathon, I think life is a marathon.

And if you've ever watched a marathon or run a marathon. I'm running one in a few months. Are you? My first one. Oh, fantastic. It's so fun. I'm a little terrified. Why?

You've done it? Yeah, I've run four of them. Well, run is a very aggressive. Jog, run? Sort of. Yeah. Like, you know, if over five hours can, you know. Okay, you finished. Yeah, I finished. I walked through the, you know, the water things.

But you're a big guy, so it might be hard on your knees. That's what I'm saying, yeah. So here's the thing that you're going to love about it. Okay, tell me. The entire time you're running, spectators are high-fiving you. It gets you through it. Yes. That's what I keep saying.

I'm like, I feel like running alone is so not fun. If you can do a 13-mile training run. I did a 13-mile, yeah, a few months ago. Then you can run a marathon. Really? Well, because. It's just going to get you through it. Well, all of the people get you through it.

Yes. Every high-five is a transfer of energy people get you through it. Yes. Every high five is a transfer of energy. It's a transfer of belief. It drips dopamine. What did Dr. Raymond say? It actually harnesses the energy of celebration in your nervous system. Every high five says, keep going. It says, I believe in you. It says, you're going to, you're going to get there. It makes you enjoy it. Right. The same thing happens in your bathroom mirror. If you have big goals, you better stand in front of that mirror and high five yourself every day, every single step of the way. Stop looking around and waiting for everybody else to do it. Start giving it to yourself and you'll be shocked at how much more quickly things start to happen,

at how much more joy you experience along the way, at how much more present you are. It's wild. What's the difference between high-fiving yourself in the mirror versus high-fiving your partner or best friend or business partner? You already do that. You already do that. You're already throwing all this energy at everybody else. Uh-huh. And then you get pissed off when it doesn't come back to you.

Right. Yeah. Take some of that and give it back to yourself. Okay. Improve the connection you have with yourself. And this isn't about like pumping yourself up to think you're like the best person on the planet. This is like the baseline. This is literally being like, you know what? You're going to have an okay day. Let's go do this. Mm-hmm. You know what? I see you. I, this is like the baseline. This is literally being like, you know

what? You're going to have an okay day. Let's go do this. You know what? I see you. I know this is hard. Keep going. I know you're nervous to have this hard conversation with this person. I believe you can do it. Let's go. Like it's just one little boost along the way. You know, if you think about the things that go viral, it's little kids in front of a mirror with their parents getting them to talk affirmation. Believing in themselves, yeah. Correct. We all know that's how we're supposed to feel, but we feel weird and cheesy practicing it? Right. Are you kidding me? Right.

The other thing that goes viral, all these teachers that are high-fiving and fist-bumping kids with their handshakes as they go in, and the mirror one with the I am that just kind of went viral. Why do we all love that? Because we know each one of those kids just felt seen and felt good and felt motivated walking into that classroom. Start your day that way. Yeah. They feel empowered. Yes. It's easier to learn from a place of empowerment than negative self-talk. Correct. I'm glad you're here. Yeah. I see you. Right. Glad you showed up today. Yeah. Let's go do this. That's cool.

I'm curious about manifesting. You've been really good at manifesting results in your life. Yeah. Especially since the last book. What is your thoughts on how to manifest? Yeah. Everyone's doing it wrong. That's my thoughts.

Okay. Yeah. How should we manifest the dreams that we have inside of us? Okay. And what's your thoughts about the law of attraction on how to apply it the right way? Yeah. Well, I think the law of attraction and manifesting are the same thing. So law of attraction for everybody who has not read The Secret is simply your thoughts become things. And it's true.

We've talked all about how when you have a negative self-talk, it tends to draw more of that to you. I think about it like lint in a dryer. Once negative stuff starts collecting, it collects a lot more. We can also talk about your brain filter or something called the reticular activity system and how it is a live network that filters the brain. We'll dig into that deeper, but let's do surface level right now, manifesting law of attraction. So here's what everybody gets wrong about manifesting. Everybody, at least kind of in the mass market, what you're trained to think about when you think about manifesting is vision boards. And when you hear the word vision boards, you think about the big stuff. Should you have big dreams? Of course you should.

Should you dream of building a mansion on the ocean if that's your thing? Yes. Should you dream of the log cabin? Yes. If you want a Lamborghini or the new Ford Bronco, should you put, yeah, yes, yes, yes. If you want the family, if you want the body, should you think about, yeah, absolutely. Here's where everybody goes wrong. You dream about the end,

you make this gorgeous collage of all this stuff that has nothing to do with your current life. That literally, as you're sitting in your studio apartment with the cat box that hasn't been changed in two weeks. No food in the fridge. No food in the fridge, and you're looking for a job and you're staring at a mansion going someday, it's going to make you feel like a loser because the gap between where you are and where you want to go, it seems insurmountable. And so what happens based

on the research is when you only visualize the end game, Lewis, it's demotivating. At first, it's really fun to like have a bottle of wine and and make your collage. I'm going to visualize. I'm going to slap this up. There's my vision board. It's fabulous. Law of attraction, baby. Come on. I'm going to think about it. It's going to come to me. Okay, I've been doing this for two days. I'm still in this apartment with the cat box that needs to be changed. The way to visualize properly is to visualize the bridge between where you are and where you need to go. The bridge. Yes. And particularly the horrible stuff. So let's use your example of the marathon. The vision board would be Lewis crossing. The metal. The metal. Exactly. High fives. With the arms up at the medal. Yeah, the arms up at the medal. Exactly. The high fives.

Yeah, I did it. Yes, I did it. Exactly. That will not help you. Because when you hit mile 13 on the actual race and it is sleeting rain. You're just like, why am I doing this? Yes. It feels nothing like that thing on your vision board.

You're going to start a negative dialogue. I can't do this. My knees hurt. This is not what I thought it was going to be. I'm not ready for this. I didn't train negative dialogue. I can't do this. My knees hurt. This is not what I thought it was going to be. I'm not ready for this. I didn't train for this. I'm running New York. I trained in LA. Are you running in New York? LA. Okay, good. Well, then at least you're trained in the right weather. So on and on and on, and you are going to tank yourself. What you do by visualizing the bridge is you train your nervous system and your mind to do the hard work.

So you should visualize not crossing the finish line, but what is it like to be at mile 12 when your batteries run out on your earbuds? Yeah. No, I'm serious. And you keep going. What's it like when your shoelace breaks and now your heel is lifting and you're starting to get a blood blister at mile 17? What's it feel like when you

wake up and it is pouring rain and you visualize yourself running anyway. That way, when you visualize the work, you are preparing your body for it. So you're not resistant to it when it comes. Yeah. Isn't that cool? I think it's great. It's a story that I had. George St. Pierre, who's one of the greatest UFC fighters of all time, he said that he always puts himself in the most uncomfortable situations in practice leading up to the fight. The hardest situations to get himself out of. When his arms are behind his back

and he's facing against the mat in between the fence and he's just getting punched in the face, he's like, how do I get out of this? Right, right. He's like, visualize that and seeing how can I get through this? Yeah, yeah, exactly. When it seems like I just want to tap out.

Yes. Instead of tapping out, what's the process for figuring out how to get through it? Yeah. To then raise my hand at the end victorious. Totally. And so you are literally building up almost like this resilience and this muscle inside of you to do the work to get the thing. So, yeah, create the vision board, but make sure in addition to crossing the finish line, you have somebody running in the rain.

You have somebody who, you have an alarm clock that says 513. running in the rain. You have somebody who, you have an alarm clock that says 513. You have, you know, these images that show the stuff that you don't want to do. So like for people who want to launch a business, for example, like a lot of people that I'm sure follow both of us are dying to launch a business or interested in being an influencer, social media, or making money online. And what you visualize are the checks or you visualize the money you're gonna make or you visualize how cool it's gonna be when you're a lifestyle entrepreneur whatever the hell it is don't do that visualize working a day job and telling your friends that you're not gonna go

out tonight because you're working on something visualize making cold calls and being told no visualize not going to that party because you're staying in on a Saturday and not going to the party because you're staying in on a Saturday and not going to the barbecue because you're putting in the work. Visualize sitting in a seminar and learning from other people. Visualize watching YouTube videos.

Visualize your first ever course failing miserably. Like literally that's the sort of thing that you want to visualize yourself doing and pushing through because that's gonna help you do the work. Yeah. Isn't that cool? I think that's great. Yeah. Visualizing. So in order to manifest what you want, don't just visualize the good things happening. Visualize the bridge, all the things that's going to take to get there.

Yes. And, and, and the hard parts of the bridge, because then you're ready for it. Then you're like, I didn't expect this to be this hard. I mean, it's still going to be hard, but. But you're less likely to quit. Yes. So what have you done in the last five years to help you manifest after the first book? Were you doing this as well? Or kind of once you get on a rhythm and build momentum, does it become easier to manifest, in your opinion? Well, so I am constantly training my mind to work for me.

Well, so I am constantly training my mind to work for me. And there's this little trick that I talk about in the book that is all sort of the beginning of having a high-five attitude. And a high-five attitude is the ability to catch yourself when you're going mentally low and to flip yourself back up into a high-five attitude. The thing that I know to be true is that you cannot control the things around you. You can't control what's going to happen. You can't even control how your nervous system might respond or what thoughts might pop into your head. But you can always choose what you do next and what you make it mean, right? And so that's where all the power is. Yes. And so I do this thing where I, this is again, it's going to sound so dumb, but it's a way

for me to introduce you to the power that your mind has to change in real time. Okay. We've talked a lot about negative self-talk. And part of the reason why negative self-talk is so crippling is not only because you've repeated it for so long and now it's a pattern, but it's also because you have a filter on your brain called the reticular activity system. Okay. This puppy is the keys to everything. And it's remarkable that most of us have never heard of it. We've experienced it, but we don't know how to use it to our advantage. So first, let me tell you what the RAS does.

Then I'm going to give you an example of when you've experienced it in your life. And then I'm going to explain to you how to use it to get what you want in life. This is like the super attractor manifesting, and it also works for interrupting negative self-talk. Like it's going to super charge all the work you're doing with the mirror and interrupting thoughts. So first, let's talk about the RAS. So the RAS, imagine a hairnet on your brain, only it's like electric, meaning it's alive, okay? Now, the RAS has one job, and the job is block out 99% of what's going on and let in 1% of what's going on. Our brains at this moment in history are having to process about 34 days' worth of cell phone data in one day. Crazy. It's crazy.

And so your RAS has a monster job. It's like a bouncer at a bar. You're not coming in. You can come in. And you've experienced this. So have you ever shopped for a car? Yes. Okay. So what's the last car you bought? Tesla. Oh, Tesla. Oh, fancy. Lewis Howes. I like that. Well, I never had a nice car until three years ago. I had a $4,000 car for five years before that. Yeah, yeah. And then I was like, you know what? I have no Bluetooth.

I have no, it's like, I just needed an upgrade. Yeah, no, I love it. You deserve it. It was a 1991. Dude, you deserve it. I had a 1991 Cadillac. You deserve it. And I was like, okay, let's buy a car.

So I bought a Tesla, yeah. Right. And so before you thought about buying a Tesla, you drive down the road, you don't really think about it. The second you're like, you know, I think I'm interested in a Tesla. What do you see everywhere? Teslas. Yes. Everywhere. Everywhere. My husband just bought a pickup truck. I never even noticed him. Now I'm like, there are baby blue pickup trucks everywhere. What is going on? That's the bouncer in your brain. And let me tell you how this works. There are only four things that

automatically get through the bouncer in your brain, the RAS. Number one, your name. So you've experienced being in a crowded place and somebody's like, you think you hear Lewis and you're like, huh, somebody call my name? That was the bouncer in your brain. The second thing that always gets let in is any threat to your safety. So there are loud noises all the time, but only ones in close proximity make you go like this.

That was the bouncer in your brain letting it in. The third thing that gets let in is when you sense that your partner is interested in sex with you or somebody else. You're like, Chris, stop looking at her. You know what I'm saying? You kind of pick up on the signals. That's the bouncer in your brain. And the fourth one, and this is where, this is the billion dollar thing that everybody needs to know. The bouncer in your brain lets in whatever you think is important to you. So when you get intentional about telling your brain what's important to you, like I'm interested in a Tesla, your brain's literally like, oh, let's let all the Teslas in. Come on in. Here's the downside to this. If you have told yourself that you are a bad person

for the last 10 years, guess what your brain thinks is important? Examples that mean you're a bad person. So I'm going to give you a very specific example. mean you're a bad person. So I'm going to give you a very specific example. So I personally don't think I'm a bad person. I don't think I'm perfect, but I know I do my best. I mean well. I don't have that story about myself at all. I used to, but I don't. And let's say I oversleep and I miss the dentist. I miss the dentist appointment. I'm like, oh, I got to pay the 25 bucks. I had to reschedule that thing. That kind of blows. That's all I think. And then I go on. My daughter, who constantly beats herself up and says she's a bad person. This is a real example, by the way. She oversleeps, misses a dentist appointment, and it becomes, see, I always screw

everything up. I'm a terror. I'm always messing things up. I'm like everything that gets let in confirms that you're a bad person. She finds proof and evidence. Yes. That's the bouncer in your mind. I'm here to tell you that when you get intentional about what you want to think about yourself, it changes in real time what your brain lets in and what it doesn't know that helps you with the other things that you're doing the high-five in the mirror I'm not thinking about that the pathetic mantra hey you know just because I missed the dentist appointment doesn't mean I'm a bad

person you know the best I can here give myself a break right high five you know what I'm saying shake Shake it off. Get back in there. It's true, right? Because it's these little things. Somebody cuts you off. Somebody reaches for the last thing of cereal that you wanted to buy at the grocery store. You think it's like a sign that the world's out to get you. This is all your story and your mind skewing the world to prove all of the stuff you keep repeating. And the only way to get a handle on it is to start acting the opposite.

Like high five yourself, even though you don't feel like it. Interrupt the crap that you keep saying. Put your hands on your heart and settle your body down. Yeah. All of these things are things that somebody does when they care about themselves, when they think they deserve to be treated with kindness, when they think they deserve support, and when they realize they need it. And when you start to build yourself back up, you'll show up very differently in other relationships. Absolutely. You know, if you tolerate this kind of treatment from yourself, you'll tolerate it from other people.

It does begin with you. And when you create boundaries and you don't abandon yourself, then you won't abandon yourself with other people either. You won't let them cross the boundaries. Correct. Like if you stand in front of the mirror every single morning and you're like, I look like crap. I am not good enough. I'm unhappy with my life. And then you step into a relationship and somebody leaves you on read and they ghost you for three days. Like you come to expect that

because that's how you believe you think you deserve to be treated. When you stand in front of a mirror and you're like, Hey, you're awesome. We got this. I got you. I know it's hard. You know, we're going to go do this. Or, hey, this is a big day today. I've got this huge presentation. I am going to destroy this. You know, like you get into it. You're excited.

Like then you're creating momentum for yourself. Yeah. Otherwise, what? You're going to stand there and be like, oh, my God, I'm going to screw this up. I'm not prepared. Like it's like the negative morning routine. It leads to negative actions. Absolutely.

So this training thing, training your RES. So here's what I want you to do. Starting tomorrow, after you wake up and make your bed and kind of settle your nervous system and high-five yourself after setting your intention. So now you're like sending yourself into your morning routine in a totally different way with a calmed down nervous system and intention and this boost of feeling supported and loved and celebrated.

I want you to find one naturally occurring heart shape as you go through your day. I saw this in your book. Yeah, it could be a stone. It could be a leaf on the ground. It could be a cloud shape. It could be a coffee stain. It could be an oil stain on the floor of a garage. It could be a spot on a dog walking by. I want you to tell your mind, let's find a heart. Let's see if we can find a heart. And something weird is going to happen. You're going to see something. And then I want you to literally supersize what's going on in your brain.

And what you do is when you see the heart, I want you to then take a moment and literally congratulate yourself, like feel like, oh, my God, I found it. Like whatever you believe in, God, the universe, like greater connection, you put that there for me me and I found it. And I want you to feel this kind of wave of, that's kind of cool. I just saw a heart.

And then that positive thing, remember how I told you the bouncer in your brain pays attention to what's important to you. When you get your nervous system celebratory involved, that makes your brain really pay attention. Just like trauma makes your brain pay attention. It does. So you supercharge the experience by celebrating it and then look for another one.

I see hearts all day long. Yeah. And what happens when you start to play this game is you will start to realize you are walking by an entirely different world every single day because you're not looking for it. There are opportunities. There are signs. There are mile markers on your path that you are literally tuning out. Yes.

And we can all sit in this moment, Lewis, and look back and see how the dots of our life connect us here. The coolest thing about practicing the high five habit, this training of finding hearts and the high five attitude is that you start to ground yourself in the idea that this too is a dot on the map of your life. And it is leading you somewhere incredible. And when you start to have that kind of high five attitude, that there are signs, whether it's the little hearts that you're now seeing,

or it's your ability to catch guilt, or people pleasing, or insecurity, or the negative self-talk and be like, "'Nope, not going down, not thinking about that, "'five, four, three, two, one. "'Let's get that high five attitude back. "'I can do this, I can have my own back.'s not gonna be perfect but i can keep going everything changes yeah what's the hardest thing you've had to deal with with the negative thought process in your mind

like what's the most challenging thing in your life to to overcome the negative thoughts most challenging thing in your life to overcome the negative thoughts? You mean like a specific situation? Like you've had a lot of success, you keep manifesting, but what's something, like what's the biggest struggle for you where you give yourself negative self-talk? Like what's the thing you have to constantly try to overcome? Oh, that people are mad at me. Really? Oh yeah. Yeah. That people are mad at me. Or that I've done something wrong. It's actually, it's not that people are mad at me. It's that I've done something wrong. And so that's why people are mad at me.

Yes. Yes. The default in my brain is I've done something wrong. It was really interesting when this book came out. I mean, you and I are fantastic friends. And we have, and we are super supportive of one another. And we share a lot of mutual friends. Yes.

And I did not want to reach out to anybody that we are friends with and ask them to be on their podcast because I presumed everybody would say no. Why? I have this default setting that I've done something wrong, that you're secretly mad at me, that you would feel that it's a sense of obligation, and that I would be imposing myself, and it would be this weird thing.

This is a complete just play that goes on in my mind. Completely. Completely. And I don't know if I'll ever get rid of it. Really? Yeah. But it gets quieter and quieter and quieter.

I kind of laugh at it. I'm like, oh, for God's sakes, just text him. I mean, he's either going to say no or whatever. But it is something that I struggle with for sure. Interesting. Yeah. Where do you think it comes from? Um, I don't know. I think it comes from like, if I had to, if I had to really unpack it, like maybe it comes from having a mom that was 19 and who didn't have her family around her and who probably was dealing with a lot of fear and grief.

And my dad was in medical school and she was working nights for the IRS. Both their families were on the East Coast. They were in the middle of Kansas. I can only imagine how overwhelming and anxiety ridden it must have been. And what we know now, I mean, that book that Oprah did with Dr. Bruce Perry about what happens in your development from basically zero to eight months, I feel like that probably had a big impact. Not anything intentional, but just how stressed out things must have been. had a big impact. Not anything intentional, but just like how stressed out things must have been.

Like I recently, my husband and I recently did a guided MDMA therapy session for trauma. It was one of the most life-changing things I've ever experienced. I've heard great things about MDMA. Oh, it's unbelievable. There's no way in hell I'm ever doing ayahuasca. I don't need to poop or puke or any of that stuff. And I also feel like if I did ayahuasca, there would be monsters all over the place. It would be a horror show. And the thing that would come out of it is me going, I can get myself through anything. That's what the drug taught me. And I don't feel like I need to have a really scary trip in order to make that happen. I have no desire, yeah. But MDMA, I will shout from the rooftops. It suspends the amygdala, which is the fear center of the brain, so you do not have the scary response.

And so we did this incredible thing. We were together having separate experiences. We laid down on these mats. They made a six-hour playlist. You put a blindfold on, and the music guides you. And as the drug took a hold, and my intention was I wanted to look back on my life and see all the good. And it was because I tend to, like everybody, focus on kind of the bad stuff. And not that there's been a lot of bad stuff either. And so, I mean, if anything, I had an amazing childhood.

My parents are still married. They're still in the house I grew up in. I grew up in a tiny, amazing little town in the Midwest. Super close family, like whatever. But I still think the trauma that gets stored in your nervous system is very individual, whether it's a critical parent or you're just hard on yourself or it's generational crap that gets passed down. We are all healing something, whether it's ours or it's our grandmother's that got passed down through your mother and onto you. And so the music takes hold. And the very first vision, it was almost like being on a roller coaster.

And it takes a turn, like Space Mountain. And then you come onto a scene of your life. And there I was on our lake, Bear Lake, in North Muskegon, Michigan, with Jody Bricken, my best friend from elementary school. And we were ice skating. And I was there, Lewis. Wow. I was in the scene. And then as the song ends and you go into a different one,

it takes you to a different part of your subconscious. And wait till you hear this. I was sitting in a baby carriage. And the first vision was, well, actually, I didn't know I was in a little bassinet. I was looking up at the sky. And it was this beautiful sky with these big white clouds, and there were these kites flying all over the place.

And then I looked over, and across from me were my parents. And they were so young. My mom had this beautiful pixie haircut that she had when she had me, and my dad had a perm, you know. My mom was doing a perm back in the late 60s. And I was filled with so much love. And I was also filled with so much empathy for how alone they were. It was them against the world.

And that really shifted something in me in terms of that experience and how I see. Like, look, I love my folks. My mom and I have the kind of relationship. She's one of my favorite human beings. And we can stand each other for about three days. And then we literally want to kill each other. And I think as a kid, I made it my job that she was okay. If she was unhappy, I tried to make her happy, which only made her unhappy.

And so I feel like my tendency in relationships is to try to make everybody okay. And, um, which constantly me leaves me feeling like I'm not okay. Or if they're not okay like I'm not okay. Or if they're not okay, I'm not okay. That there's something wrong. I've done something wrong. Right. And so, and it's a very common pattern, by the way. This is like about as classic as it gets.

That doesn't mean there's anything horrible that necessarily happened. It's just that as human beings, we are energetically intertwined with one another. And so what was interesting is after this incredible experience, which was literally like watching the movie reel of your life, I have experienced almost no dysregulation in my nervous system. I had an experience the other night. We ordered from P.F. Chang's and we ordered everything. and i have one daughter who's like gluten-free this and do that and she comes barreling into the room and tries a bite of hers and is like this is terrible and then picks up my husband's thing and leaves and normally that would send me into like why you sell them and i felt the volcano come to my ankles. And then I very calmly said, hey, Ken, that's Dad's.

Could you put it back? And you can have what you ordered or just make something else. But don't take Dad's. I didn't need to erupt. And so that was one impact that it's had, which is incredible. That's great. And we only did this a couple months ago. And then the second thing that happened afterwards, I called my mom and I said, you know, I had this vision.

Because I didn't know. And I said, you know, all I could see were kites. And she said, oh, that's Kansas City. There's a park we used to go to. Wow. Is that not crazy? That's crazy. Yeah.

So I think that sort of default, there's something wrong, comes from just energetically hardwired into. Right. People around me, are they upset at me? Are they upset in general that it was my fault? And I also think this stuff is generational. You know, when I think about, you know, my, I come from a long line of very hardworking farmers and, you know, my dad's side of the family working farmers and my dad's side of the family owned a bakery, immigrants, and it's not an easy life. No, it's not. Not an easy life at all. Working hard all day your whole life.

There's a strategy that I started doing when I was broke. I was like, I could really start making some money. I could really start making some money. I could really start making some money. And someone said, money comes to you when you're ready for it. And I was like, I feel pretty ready. You know, I'm like, I could use some of that money right now, I don't like feeling broke.

But I said, you know what, I'm gonna start looking at the world as if I see money everywhere. Yes, yes! And I start, I literally start, like I find money all the time. I see $20 bills, $100 bills I've found, like, just on the street randomly. I see quarters and nickels and dots and pennies. Start with the penny.

You could do this with a heart. You could do this with a heart rock. His mind is open to it. Yes. This is how you train your mind. You basically tell it what you want by saying, this is important to me. You start looking for it. Yes.

You start seeing it. Yes. And by the way, this is also why it's important to do that thing where you're like, boom, I found it. See? Yes. And then it makes your mind do more. This is why it comes back to the positive affirmation. If you start to high five yourself and tell yourself that you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be fulfilled, you will start to see reasons for it. That's it. I started doing this when I was single at one point and I said, I'm going to start attracting the most incredible, amazing women in my life, whether it just be friendships or romantic.

I'm going to meet great women. That's exactly when I walked into your life. I'm like his older sister. Exactly. In Roxville, Robins. But you just start finding these. You start recognizing what you want. You start seeing it and then you start attracting it more frequently.

Whether it's a heart that you're looking for, whether it's pennies, you'll start finding it, and you'll start to manifest more of those things in your life. So in the book, The High Five Habit, Take Control of Your Life. You want to hear a crazy story? Yes, go ahead. Okay. So I've got to say what chapter this is because everybody's going to ask it, and I don't really know. Yes. This is one of the most extraordinary stories ever.

Oh, 189. Oh, no, that's the page number. It's chapter 14. Okay. Okay. You ready for this? Yes. It's incredible.

So this is a story. Is this the jealousy part or no? No. Okay. Oh, do you want to talk about jealousy? No, go ahead. I'll talk about jealousy and how I write about you in the book. That's how jealous I am of you. It's true.

I am jealous of you. I am. So here's the thing I want everybody to understand. We all have jealousy wrong. You have been taught to believe that jealousy is a bad thing. Right. Jealousy is only a bad thing if you wallow in it and let it kill you. Yes. jealousy is only a bad thing if you wallow in it and let it kill you yes jealousy is a great thing if you understand it and if you use it as a tool to move forward yes

you can only be jealous of the things that are meant for you oh that's interesting yeah like i'm not jealous of somebody who lives on a ranch in Montana. I don't want to do that right now. Right. I'm not jealous at all. I'm not jealous of somebody who lives in a penthouse apartment in New York City. I don't want that right now. You can only be jealous of things that are meant for you.

Jealousy is blocked desire. And it builds when you don't take action toward it. More and more. Yes. You resent them. Yes. And so you aim all this stuckness that you've created because you will not give yourself permission to take action. Why? Because you don't think you're worthy. You don't think you deserve it. You think you're too late. The negative self-talk in the mirror stops you dead in your tracks. And so you become buried alive in jealousy. Goes back to this high five. Give yourself permission to have the things that you desire.

Let your jealousy, like I'm jealous of Lewis because he started his podcast way back when. He's freaking amazing at it. He's got this like unbelievable impact. Every single day I wake up and I'm like, I love Lewis. I hate Lewis. I love Lewis. Fuck off, Lewis. I love Lewis.

Like, why is it Lewis and not me? Why did Lewis do it? Why was Lewis the one sleeping on somebody's couch and started a podcast? I was doing radio back in 2009. This should be me, right? I have a desire to launch a podcast. So you're launching one now? Yes. We're in the middle of it. Yes. I shook my hand so hard, like I got that weird thing that happens with your finger. So no, you've got to give yourself permission to feel jealousy and then just unpack it. Well, what is it that I'm jealous of? And it's the fact that you have a podcast. And so I've got two choices. Let that sh** haunt me or do something about it. Do it. Let it go or let it go. Yes. Let it go and stop letting it haunt you.

Yes. Or go take action. Yeah, either take action and go earn it and do it your way or let it eat you alive. Those are your two choices because the other thing about desire and the things that are meant for you, they never leave you. Somebody who's always dreamt of doing something will always dream of doing something. For 20 years is a good example. And then we've got to get to the final questions because you've got to leave here in a few minutes.

But for 20 years, every year, I've had the desire to learn Spanish. Oh, my God. I have the same thing. If you're going to tell me that you've learned Spanish, this is another reason why I'm jealous of you. For 20 years, I've had the desire. And every year, I start to attempt it and then I quit because it gets too hard. Because it's just not. You and I are dyslexic. Yes. It's very challenging for me. Foreign languages for dyslexia is very difficult. I mean,

English is challenging. Are you telling me you know Spanish now? I'm learning Spanish. So here's what I said to myself for a year now. I said, okay, I know this is not going to happen overnight like athletics happens for me or where it's quick for me to learn something. I know this has been a struggle in the past. But I'm going to start. I'm going to invest in a coach, a teacher, a tutor. I'm going to work on my time. I'm going to do it the times I can do it. I do it three days a week right now.

It's only an hour at a time, three days a week. So it's three hours a week. It's not that much. It's not full immersion. It's not six months and i'm fluent it's just like the slow process okay but you're doing it but i'm doing i've been doing for a year and i still feel like a year later man i'm like do i even know any of this i still have those moments but i also know i'm way better than i was a year ago yes i understand a lot I understand a lot. I understand a lot more. And I feel way more confident.

And I'm just like, you know what? I'm going to enjoy the process and keep enjoying it. If it takes me 10 years. That's a high-five attitude, dude. If it takes me 10 years, it'll take me 10 years. That's right. If it takes me five years, three, hopefully it doesn't. But it's the process of I'm showing up consistently.

I'm seeing the rain and the 5 a.m. on my vision board for Spanish. And I'm saying, you know what? I'm just going to keep showing up consistently in little wins at a time. Yeah, I'm embarrassed, but I'm saying it anyway. I don't know the word. I'm asking for help, like all that stuff. But I'm celebrating the moment. And in three to five years, I'll be thanking myself.

Yes. Because I'll be fluent. Yes. And the difference is we gave up every, because I've started a million times too. Given up for 20 years. And I said, I'm not giving up anymore. Right. Because it was still, because I've started a million times. Give it up for 20 years. And I said, I'm not giving up anymore. Right. Because it was still, the desire was still there.

Correct. It doesn't leave you. I didn't even kill the desire and say, I'm done with this dream. Like I let it go. I'm not willing to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Or I got to actually start doing something.

Correct. It took me 20 years to start doing this one. And it's not effortless overnight, but I'm making it fun. I'm showing up. Well, let's use the marathon analogy. If you are celebrating yourself and encouraging and empowering yourself every single step of the way and you're keeping a high-five attitude about it, every single day when you wake up, you will keep going with the Spanish. You and I kept quitting because the moment it got hard,

we said, screw this, I can't do it. Screw it. Yeah. We gave up. We stopped cheering ourselves forward. Absolutely.

It's a muscle. It is. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you the painting story the next time I'm on because I can't tell it without crying.

Perfect. It's amazing. Tell me the next time. People can go get the book. I got a couple of final questions. They can get the book, The High Five Habit Take Control of Your Life

with one simple habit simple high five in the mirror just boom just boom boom with yourself that's a good one you also have a challenge

and I've got a link I'm going to send people to just go to lewishouse.com slash Mel and it'll send you to the high five challenge Lewis is doing it

that's right I'll be doing it five days five million people Lewis start their day with this stuff it's a five day challenge so Louis is doing it. That's right. I'll be doing it. Five days, 5 million people, Louis. Start their day with this stuff. It's a five day challenge. So you can join the community.

It's easy. It's easy. It's free. It's fun. And it'll help you build self-confidence, momentum, all that stuff. So make sure you get a couple copies of the book.

This is going to be a game changer for a long time for many people. You are. I believe that. You see the five second rule. It helped you get moving. Yes. And this— This will keep you going.

No. This goes deeper. What's it do? It helps you believe in yourself. It helps you stop the self-hatred and the self-doubt that keeps you from doing what you need to do. The five-second rule is a hack that helps you find instant courage and motivation. This fundamentally changes how you see yourself. Oh, that's good. That's what we need. That's what we need. Because if you don't learn to love yourself, it's going to be hard to keep going. You can go for a day or two days, but it's hard to be consistent when it's painful. Most people

go through life not loving themselves. Right. I thought I did. You thought you loved yourself. I really did. But the truth is, I was not actually demonstrating it. I mean, I was doing it by eating the right stuff and taking care of my body and being very loving and nurturing to my kids and going to therapy. But in terms of that intimate moment with myself and how I viewed myself, I still saw what was wrong. I still saw a person who needed fixing, a person who had screwed up. And what I see now is somebody that I love. That's good. It's beautiful. Yeah.

I think that's hard for a lot of people. Everyone. So I'm proud of you for doing that because it's not easy. I'm not done, like tomorrow I could wake up and be like, okay, I'm fine, I was a negative. Again, people can get the book, melrobbins.com, Mel Robbins everywhere on social media,

lewishouse.com slash mel to get the free challenge. Audio book as well, which is going to be powerful. You can go to Audible and check that out. This is going to be a big book for a long time, so I want people to get this. I think so. It's the thing I'm the most proud of, Lewis, that I've ever put out.

I'm excited for you. Very excited. It's a great book. Thanks. I asked you this question before. I'm going to ask it again so we can see what your response is from a few years later now. This is called The Three Truths.

So imagine it's your last day on earth many years away from now. And you've accomplished all your dreams. But for whatever reason, you've got to take all of your work with you. So people don't have your books. This podcast is gone. Your videos, your content, it's all gone to another place. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world, three things you know to be true

from all of your experiences in life, and this is all we have of your body of work. What would you say are those three lessons or three truths for you? Oh, well for sure. The most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself. So treat yourself like the most important person in your life. I think what we talked about today, that, oh, I know, we didn't talk about this.

This is part of the high-five attitude. This has saved my ass. This moment is preparing me for something amazing that hasn't happened yet. That saying, which I deeply believe, because life is the greatest school you will ever attend, hence we're at the school of greatness, man, it anchors me down in hope, optimism, and faith, no matter what's happening.

It is like a mental high five. And it has always borne out that there's always a skill or an experience or a life lesson or a person that I have gained in every horrible thing that's ever happened to me or because of me that has prepared me for something amazing that's coming. And then the final thing is for sure the five-second rule.

And the application I would want people to know is that you can 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and interrupt any thought you don't want to think. And that will give you immediate control over what you think next absolutely absolutely oh I know and don't put too much MCT oil in your coffee or else you will literally have an accident trying to hike yes you don't crap yourself crap your pants true story before I ask the final question Mel I want to acknowledge you for being an amazing friend you're a great friend to me and to so many people and I acknowledge you for question, Matt, I want to acknowledge you for being an amazing friend. You're a great friend to me and to so many people. And I acknowledge you

for constantly showing up because I know you go through a lot of different challenges, a lot of different weight in your life, pressures. And the fact that you constantly show up in service of creating a book like this and creating content for people

so that they can overcome the crap in their life is a beautiful thing. So I acknowledge you for being a symbol of inspiration and constantly showing up, even when it seems like there's a lot going on in your life. So thank you for doing that.

Thank you. And Louis, let me acknowledge you for something. You have been such an amazing friend to me. I'm gonna get emotional probably. Pull it back. You have been so open and so generous with your friendship and with your wisdom, both the wisdom that comes from doing great and the wisdom that comes from being shitty. And you have allowed me to experience what it feels like to be considered a really good friend.

I appreciate it. I appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you. I'm making me emotional here. Okay. Final question. What's your definition of greatness?

Oh, this moment right now. Two friends fully present with one another yeah sharing and doing life together there you go i love you high five i love you i love you thank you so much for listening i hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links. And also make sure to share this with a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts and subscribe over on Apple Podcasts as well.

I really love hearing feedback from you guys. So share a review over on Apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most. And if no one's told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.