The School of Greatness - The Key Steps To Overcome Criticism, Heal Your Pain & Grow A Successful Business w/ Kristin Cavallari EP 1286

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

Kristin Cavallari is an American television personality, lifestyle entrepreneur and New York Times Bestselling author. She first rose to fame in 2004, as a cast member on the popular MTV reality television series, Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County, followed by a starring role on MTV’s hit series, The Hills, and later sold her own reality series to E!, Very Cavallari, where she served as Executive Producer. Now a dedicated mother-of-three and respected wellness authority (which led to three New York Times Bestselling books), Kristin is the Founder & CEO of wildly successful lifestyle brand Uncommon James, which spans jewelry, accessories, home goods, children’s apparel and clean skincare and generates over $30 million in revenue annually, with over 100 employees and three brick-and-mortar locations (Nashville, Chicago, Dallas). In this episode, you will learn:How to embrace suffering rather than run away from itHow to approach Social Media in a healthy wayThe importance of healing after a breakupThe keys to success when starting your own businessFor more, go to: lewishowes.com/1286How to Change Your Limiting Thoughts & Beliefs Around Success w/Lilly Singh: https://link.chtbl.com/1250-podMel Robbins: The “Secret” Mindset Habit to Building Confidence and Overcoming Scarcity: https://link.chtbl.com/970-podDr. Joe Dispenza on Healing the Body and Transforming the Mind: https://link.chtbl.com/826-pod

I have three really small children. I was filming Very Cavallari, which was a reality show on E! I was working on a cookbook. I was hosting a lot for E! My marriage- Running your business. Yeah, and my marriage was falling apart.

That was the most stressful time in my life, and- How did you navigate that? I just- Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur, and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending

some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Welcome back everyone to School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest, Kristen Cavallari in the house. I'm so excited that you're here. You've had an interesting life and career. A lot of people watched you as kind of like this villain on TV when you were a teenager, whether that was actual real or if that was half produced or who knows. And then people have really come to love you in a different way and see you as a mom and as a, you know, an adult grow in your life and also become this powerhouse, you know, female entrepreneur. But recently you've gone through different transitions and changes. And I'm curious, what's been the biggest transition

internally that you've had to face? I have gotten to a place where now where I'm at in my life, I just want to be present. You know, I'm here to experience everything life has to offer. And I feel like before in my life, if I was hurt or sad or whatever, I wanted to ignore it, push it aside. Where now I feel like if you can lean into that, there's actually a lot of growth that can happen. I think everything we go through, there's a learning lesson to be had. And so I'm just trying to sit in everything rather than get from point A to point B my whole life. I've always wanted to be older. So when I was 12, I wanted to be 16. When I was 16, I wanted to be 18 and so on and so forth. And now I'm 35.

I have three kids that are growing up right before my eyes and I want everything to slow down. And what I've also realized going through a divorce and everything that I've gone through is that at the end of the day, everything works out. So even in our most challenging times, when we think the world's falling apart, we're always going to be this sad. Everything is going to always be horrible. We get through it and we make it out on the other side. And then we look back and we realize why everything happened. As we get older, life starts to make sense. To me, life has been building blocks.

And everything we go through is to get us ready for whatever we're going to experience later on in life. And so in that sense, life is really exciting to me now. And I'm ready for everything that's coming my way. And what would you say was the biggest challenge since the world got to know about you when you were at 16, 17 on a big show? MTV is where I was originally. So you're on a big show when you're in high school, which no one even knows who they are in high school, right? You're just trying to figure out how to manage like your little friend circle, let alone manage the world's opinions of you, right? Being on the show. What would you say was the biggest challenge since 16 to now that you've had to face? Was it

being on TV at a young age? Was it having your own reality show later? Was it being in the public eye and being married? Was it launching a business that had challenges and ups and downs? What's been the biggest challenge you faced? The thing that's probably been the toughest for me overall has been people judging my life based on what they think is accurate when it's really not. I mean, I don't care who you are. There's no way the press, the media, Instagram, anything can capture who you are.

There's just no way. We have so many sides to our personality and especially nowadays with media and press, everything is about clickbait. thing can capture who you are. There's just no way. We have so many sides to our personality. And especially nowadays with media and press, everything is about clickbait. And it's shocking to me how they can take one little thing and turn it into this whole story. And even though I've been doing this for 18 years or whatever, it still gets to me because I have an issue with people judging me on things that aren't true or they're, or speaking as though they know what they're talking about when they have no idea what they're talking about. And I think probably for me, I've never been someone to shy away from a challenge. I actually love a challenge or, you know, someone

telling me, no, it makes me want to push harder. So like all of those things, launching my own business, that's all been easy in a sense, because I love all of that. But it's when I have no control over something like the press or people's opinions that that will then irk me. So I think a lot of people want to have a bigger following. They want to be more influential. They want to have an audience. A lot of people who are on social media are looking to grow it. No one's saying, I wish I had less followers. Unless they're private, maybe. Right, right. But I'd say a lot of people have this desire to grow, to have a bigger audience, or they

have a business, they know they need to build an audience around that. And with a growing audience comes criticism. And you had criticism at a young age. And I think people don't understand how challenging it can be to manage the unfair opinions of other people or the made-up stories about your character that aren't true and managing that. So how do you manage the criticism that maybe it is justified or it's not? Right. How do you just manage all of it so that it doesn't hold you back from believing in yourself,

from your confidence on a day-to-day with yourself, with your kids, with your life, with your business? How do you continue to believe in yourself with others critiquing you? Because I started dealing with it at 17, 18, I think really quickly what I realized was no matter what you do, you can't please everybody. And that was a great lesson for me because if I can't win in that regard, then I'm going to live my life for me and I'm going to do what makes me happy because no matter what, I'm going to piss somebody off. So that was a good lesson to learn at an early age. When did you actually start living that way though? Because I mean, I probably in my early twenties, I would say because, because I was

getting judged quite a bit. My life at that point in time, I was on the cover of all of the tabloids. I had paparazzi on me every day. That was a very different me than sits in front of you today. That's like a whole other lifetime ago for me. And, um, and then I remember, you know, that was before social media and I, but I would go on the chat rooms and I would read what people were saying in the chat rooms. And that, that crushed me those first few times when I was still living at home in high school, reading what people were saying about me. And so now fast forward to now, I don't typically don't read my comments on social media. I try not to, to read the comments at all. And that I've found a lot of peace in because again,

another thing I've learned is people's opinions of me actually don't really have anything to do with me. And that's just anybody in general. If you, you know, for example, I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin. I'd say I've a good sense of who I am. I'm pretty confident, you know, what you're doing with your life. It doesn't affect me. So I don't care what you're doing. I'm not sitting here trying to tear people down because I'm happy in my life. So what I realized is that people who are constantly trying to tear people down or judging them, that speaks highly of them and not so much about me. And I will say the one good thing about social media and being in the press, now that I have kids, I'm able to have that conversation with my kids.

I'm looking at this stuff as an opportunity to have... A teaching moment. Yeah, exactly. Where if I wasn't, you know, in the press, I would never be having these conversations with my kids until they were probably older on social media, dealing with some of that stuff where now I'm like laying little nuggets in their head. You know, I'm just like getting the foundation, having real conversations with them about people in general. You know, the only time people tear you down is

when they're insecure and dealing with their own issues. Those kinds of conversations. So I'm trying to just look at the positive in all of it. And I do think that is a very good thing. And if you could go back 20 years ago, right before you were, not to say your age. You keep trying to age me. I'm 35. Well, you're always trying to get older. Yeah, but now I'm finally trying to slow down.

Well, you're always trying to get older. Yeah, but now I'm finally trying to slow down. But if you can go back 20 years ago, right before you were going to be on one of the biggest shows at the time, and you could give yourself three pieces of advice on how to manage your emotions, how to manage friends, family, how to manage fame, or any tools that you wish you could learn before that, what three things would you say to yourself to learn or manage? I love that question to talk about it more. Talk about what, what I was feeling and thinking about your feelings. Yeah. Talk about your feelings. I was not good at that until honestly, probably the last few years. Really? Yeah. And I was always

terrified of being vulnerable. Why? Because to me, I thought it was weakness. And now I realize it's strength, but it scared the shit out of me, quite honestly. And so that's number one. Number two is just to take it all in and just live in the moment a little bit more. Kind of goes again with what I was saying earlier, but everything just now that I'm a little bit older, you don't realize that you're living the best years of your life when you're in them or some of the best years of your life. And just to enjoy it a little bit more, just to take it all in. And then the third is, well, so I'm actually doing a Laguna beach rewatch podcast right now, and I've gone back and watched it. And some of the stuff that came out of my mouth, it's just like,

so I probably would say, you know, reel it in a little bit more. It's interesting because on the show, everyone looked at me as the confident girl and people couldn't believe I was so confident for my age. When I watch it back now, I don't see someone who's confident at all. I actually see someone who's extremely insecure.

So it's kind of funny that that's what people saw because I was the one always trying to tear other people down or talking shit or whatever it was. And that's an insecurity. That's not being confident. That's the people critiquing you now. Yeah, so it's interesting. So I think I just would have probably given myself

a little bit more self-love back then. Wow. Yeah, that was a mess. When did you learn how to love yourself fully? I didn't learn how to love myself fully until probably the last like three years or so. What was the moment that allowed you to start that process? When you have kids, or at least when I had kids, realizing that everything I do is going to make an impact on them.

And I wanted them to see that I'm making good decisions for myself and also for them. And putting myself first became a priority for them. I mean, my kids have inspired me to be the best version of myself. Yeah. And you don't feel guilty putting yourself first and then being there for your kids. I don't because I can only be as good to my kids as I am to myself. If I'm empty, I have nothing to give them. So being able to be energized and love myself so that I can really love on my kids and support them and encourage them, that's the most important thing. And so that was where it came from. And being in a relationship where I was really unhappy, that wasn't going to work for me. And I knew in my gut for a long time, but I just had to do it.

And that was the scariest thing that I've ever done is get a divorce. But it's been the best thing that I've ever done. And that has really jumpstarted my journey on self-love and figuring out who I am now. What have been the things you've done since then? What practices? Is that therapy? Is that sound healing? Is that just being in nature?

Is that spending time with friends? What are those practices that have supported you in your self-love growth? It's interesting because I've been in therapy pretty much my whole life, but this is the one time I didn't go to therapy. I didn't go to therapy during my divorce, but what I did was I wrote a lot. And writing for me is a way for me to get my emotions in check, really figure out what I'm going through and just to have a level, we'll just be a clearer.

Also my friends, I have a couple incredible friends who have really been with me every step of the way. Couldn't have done it without them. Honestly, friends I think are sometimes the best therapist on the planet and yeah, having time to myself and being in nature, I moved into a new house. I'm on 28 acres. I'm outside all the time and just breathing, meditating, all of these things, just taking care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and taking time to, to just, you know, I think for me, it's really important to anytime. And I've always been like this. Anytime you leave a relationship to reflect on it, to learn from it. And then when you can close

that chapter, then you can date and move on. Never understood how people go from one to the next. I'm like, how is there any growth there? So that's been really important to me. And there was obviously, you know, it was a divorce. It wasn't just a breakup. We have three kids together.

I really wanted to make sure that I was taking the time, really feeling everything that I needed to feel before I was able to really move on. Yeah, and you were afraid to feel things before in your past, right? Yeah. You never really faced it because you thought it was a weakness, you said. Yeah. What has feeling the full range of emotions done for you now?

It's gotten me to a really peaceful place, I would say. And I'm not just saying this, but I feel the best I've ever felt in my whole life and the happiest I've ever been. And that feels really good. And I'm no longer afraid of getting hurt. I've sort of gotten to a place where if things don't work out, I'm okay with that because I know something better is coming down the line. I'm a very spiritual person. I'm a very everything happens for a reason kind of thing. I'm more just kind of go with the flow now where before I was always trying to control everything. Yeah. And so now I'm just kind of taking a step back.

Where did the sense of control come from? Was there an insecurity or a fear or a doubt? I think that's a fear, right? Or what was the... And I don't know exactly where it came from, but I think control in a general sense is a fear. A fear of what for me personally? I don't really know. Maybe, well, I've always been afraid of getting my heart broken. Why? Probably because of my relationship with my dad. And so I would want to break your heart before you were able to break my heart. Really? Yeah. And so those girls, I was that girl. So just when things were getting good, let's push the guy away and see later.

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm, I've worked through that and I actually am excited to see who I can be in a new relationship because I feel like I've done so much work the last few years that I'm in no rush to be in a new relationship. But when I am, it will excite me to see how different I can be. Wow. Yeah, I look forward to that. Do you feel like you were able to heal a lot of things from your past, whether it be previous, you know, relationships growing up or with your, with your father, the relationship internally or with that, or, or process. I've done a lot of work on being in relationship with a narcissist and that has been heavy. That's been heavy, but really important. And I'm really happy that I've worked through it. And to be honest, I don't know when you're dealing with stuff like that, if it's with a parent or whoever,

like in my day to day, I'm fine, right? Like you can, I can be like, yes, I'm totally fine. I've worked through it, but it's always still there. You know, it's like one of those things where as much work as you can do on something like that, I don't know that you're ever like fully healed from it. It's a journey. It's a journey. It's a

journey and acceptance is huge. And I have accepted everything in my life, every situation in my life, but the dad daughter relationship is an interesting one for sure. And it's one that I've never. You haven't fully healed yet. I mean, I, I feel like I have, but then it, but it is still kind of just always will be in the back of my head. So much of your childhood memory is is that it's it's hard to process all of it and be like, oh everything's perfect Yeah, it's you know, even if we have good moments with our parents and some bad moments It's it's hard to like heal all those challenging moments in that process So and I think for me like the most important thing for me is accountability Because I mean my mom for example, if someone else isn't accountable, but that's hard.

All I need is an apology. It's literally all I need, but that's really hard. But you may never, we may never get that in certain relationships in life. Exactly. But that's why I like, cause my mom, my mom is my best friend now, but growing up, we had a lot of issues, but she's taken responsibility and she's owned up to her stuff. And that's allowed us to then have an incredible relationship now. I mean, she truly is my best friend, but sometimes that's all people need is a sorry, but it's, that's one of the hardest things I think for people. Yeah. You

weren't able to do that with your dad fully yet, or is it still in the process? We're in the process. You're in the process. Yeah. I'm curious about the, the challenge that I think a lot of moms face. Yeah. With always giving to their kids first before they give to themselves. And I'm not sure if that's what you did or maybe you're half and half, but why do you feel like mothers feel like they should neglect self for their kid over everything? And what does that do for moms from your personal standpoint and maybe the

mom friends that you have who don't take care of themselves first or at least make themselves a priority in the process? Yeah. Well, I think just logistically, when you have little kids, it's hard to make yourself a priority because there's no time or there's no resources or whatever it is. But unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, most of it does fall on the moms. Just because when the kids are little, the kids primarily want the moms too, you know, and moms are very good at balancing a million things and doing, you know, a thousand things at once. And so you'll get burnt out if you continue down that path. I mean, there is light at the end of the tunnel in the sense that like my daughter, who's my baby, she was in kindergarten this past year. And I remember

dropping her off and being like, oh my God, now what? Like I made it, you know, like all my kids are in school now, like you full days again, you know? So it's, it's a moment in time, but it is challenging. And I wasn't able to now have that balance until I got a divorce. I'm not recommending getting a divorce, but that's offered me this perfect balance, I will say. And before that, there was a couple year period where I had three really small children. I was filming Very Cavallari, which was a reality show on E! I was working on a cookbook. I was hosting a lot for E! My marriage- What are your business? Yeah. Well, yeah. Oh, yeah. Uncommon James. I had my business and my marriage was falling apart. And that was really,

really challenging. That was the most stressful time in my life. And how did you navigate that? I just, I don't know. I mean, it was, I essentially had, it was my reality show came first and my company and my kids, you know, and everything else was like a second thought, which that's not why my marriage fell apart, because I think that would be really easy for people to say that. I think what I was doing was I was throwing myself in all of these things to avoid my marriage. Yeah. Yeah. So you were saying yes to things that maybe you wouldn't have. I was maxing out to.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. things that maybe you wouldn't have to kind of distract us. I was maxing out to, yeah, yeah, yeah. What happens when we avoid challenges? I mean, it just gets worse, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So, but, but in those moments, you know, if, if you're a working mom and it's very hard to find that time for yourself. I mean, it just is. I 100% agree. And so I wish I had some great advice, but I really, I don't. I don't know what to do. Even if it's get a friend, you know, to come and watch your kids so you can even lock yourself in your bathroom and take a bath.

I mean, listen, I don't have any experience in this. So this is an outside perspective without having kids speaking on this topic. But I feel like just in general, I see a lot of women trying to do it all on their own as opposed to, like you said, have your friends come over or do it with other moms, activities, family, as much as possible.

But for some reason, it seems like maybe it's just in our culture that in general, I see the moms wanting to feel like they're doing it independently, like they're doing it alone. And I just feel like that seems like a lot of pressure. Like, just bring some friends over sometimes and, you know. I think a lot of people don't want to ask for help though, either. I'm not good at that. You're personally not good at that? I haven't been. And that's something I'm trying to get better at too, is being, it's okay to ask for

help and leaning on people. What's up with this theme of this vulnerability and weakness? Yeah, leaning on people. What's up with this theme of this vulnerability and weakness? Yeah, I know. Well, when I was little, I had to do everything myself. And I learned very quickly that if I wanted something, I just had to make it happen myself. Why is that? Your parents weren't supporting or you didn't have? My parents weren't really around, to be honest. So my parents got a divorce when I was in third grade. And no, I mean, it was essentially my brother and I, my dad moved to California. My mom was working. We were alone quite a bit. And then I moved to Chicago with my mom when she got remarried. And listen, I love my mom, but she was in a new marriage. She was very wrapped up in that. I was very much alone, started getting into a lot of trouble, moved to

Laguna Beach, California. My dad and I did not have a great relationship and I never honestly wanted to be home. And so again, it kept getting in trouble. And so I was just kind of on my own. And, but you know, the good thing is I, in high school, when I was 15, I went out and got a job because I wanted to, not because I needed to. And I remember my dad being like, you know, you don't have to get a job. But for me, that meant freedom and independence. I never wanted to rely on anyone for money or for anything. And I'm thankful for that now. You know, and that's what I mean. It's like these things that we go through when we're younger or whatever, it's, it's setting us up for what we need in life. And now that I'm older, I can take a step back and I can work on all of the things. You know,

I was so focused growing up and like, this is what I want to do. And you know, I can take a step back and I can work on all of the things. You know, I was so focused growing up and like, this is what I want to do. And you know, I'm so tough and I'm not going to rely on anybody not realizing that was a trauma in a lot of ways. Um, where now I can work through it, you know, so it's all good. But, but yeah, it's just interesting how life plays out. And I do feel like everything we go through is, is building blocks. Absolutely. And I think it's only hurting yourself at the end of the day when you're not reaching out for support and you're trying to do it all your own. Yeah. Super mom. It's got to feel like a super weight though, right? It's heavy for sure. Yeah. Yeah. And now you feel a lot lighter. Yeah. And also running a business with how many employees

do you have? Well, with our retail stores, we have over a hundred. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. It's been spiral. Thanks. We just had our five-year anniversary. It's pretty, thanks. All right. All right. Five years. Yeah. It's been amazing. I'm so thankful for it too. And honestly, I think Uncommon James is really what gave me the confidence to leave.

My kids and my company gave me the confidence to get a divorce. Yeah. So five years in the making, you didn't have any outside investors. Is that right? No, I'm a hundred percent owner. A hundred percent owner. And I think I read online and we can edit this out if it's not true, but it's doing about $30 million a year in revenue now, which is pretty inspiring to do, to come from, I mean, you never had a jewelry business before, did you? No. Well, I did have a line with a girlfriend, but no, I mean, it was a joke essentially. So what was the vision when you created it?

And what would you say were the talents that you had to go into launching something from scratch without money coming in and believe in yourself to make this thing bigger than just an idea? So I had a shoe line with Chinese Laundry for about five years, which I loved. That was such an enjoyable experience for me. But at the end of the day, I was still answering to a team of people. It wasn't yours.

You weren't ownership. It wasn't mine. I learned a lot though. And sometimes I think it's almost more valuable to learn what not to do than it is what to do. What did you learn not to do? Well, okay. Another, I had another jewelry line with a girlfriend

and what I learned through that was, A, never work with a friend. But B, we came at it from very different perspectives. I wanted to grow the company. And I wasn't looking to make a quick buck. Where she needed money right then. And so we just, it just didn't work. The vision was not aligned.

The vision wasn't aligned. The values were off. Yeah. But what I learned with my shoe line was that I really know my customer. I really know my girl. Which was, that gave me confidence. I love accessories. And so I had a shoe line, couldn't do shoes. So I felt like jewelry was the next natural step. And because I had so much fire in me to prove to everybody, I know what I'm doing. Watch me take this thing. I was ready to go. So I found someone

to manufacture the jewelry and someone to create my website. And from there it was like, boom, let's go. I had no business plan. I, the thing with me is I'm very launch and see what happens. Exactly. Which, you know, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I've always been like that. I run off of my gut instincts. I don't overthink things. I am super decisive and I just go. so um I launched I think from the time I decided to do it to when I launched it was like four months and yeah design you manufactured you you sold and shipped within four months yeah holy cow and were you designing everything from the beginning yourself did you have other support designing yeah how many items did you have when

you started I think I had like eight or nine so not many like one small collection would there be a collection yeah exactly yeah one small collection okay yeah and when you started? I think I had like eight or nine. So not many. It's like one small collection. Would there be a collection? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. One small collection. Okay. And so you're like, I'm going to launch this to my social media following. I'm going to do all the press that I know I can get on and just see what we can do with this. Yeah, exactly. And what happened in the first couple months of launching? We crushed it. I mean, it was, yeah, it was, and it was such a great feeling because right out of the gate, I was like, okay, I'm onto something. And I do know what I'm talking about. And so because it was so successful immediately, that gave me the confidence too.

And to keep pushing and keep pushing. And it was, it was crazy because, I mean, I launched it in a room in my house. It was a hobby at the time, you know, and I knew I never thought I'd go back to reality TV, but I said I wanted to for Uncommon James. That was the only reason why. To show the whole journey. You could document everything. Yeah, I was like, well, you can't buy that kind of exposure.

And built-in media, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So did you pitch to, what was that? So it was on E. E, did you pitch to them and say, hey? So I met with a production company, and we then went and pitched it to E. And actually, at the time, I wasn't supposed to be on it as much. It was going to be more about my employees

and the store and all of that. And then E eventually, you know, they said they would only do it if I was on it more. Kind of like what? Vanderpump Rules. Yeah, that was my inspiration, yeah. But they wanted more of you. They wanted more of me.

And each season became more and more of me and my personal life. But, you know, and it is what it is. I mean, from the get-go said I wanted to do three seasons. I did three seasons. It got me the exposure I needed. It literally catapulted Uncommon James to the next level overnight. Really?

Yeah. You think, where would the company be without that show, do you think? I'm sure it would still be successful, but I don't think it would be what it is today. Maybe like a $5 to $10 million a year brand or something. Probably, probably. So that show has that much power. but I don't think it would be what it is today. Like a five to $10 million a year brand or something. Probably. So that show has that much power, even though it was probably only talked about what 5% of the time, maybe like.

It was on it a decent amount though. I do feel like the company was a bit of a character on the show. Yeah. So it was a part of almost every episode for a scene or something. Cause it was like the work drama or whatever was going on, you know, the shipping issues and whatnot. And we, cause you know,

we really did show the, um, the hardships of a startup company and some of the things we went through, which at the time I had a lot of other entrepreneurs reach out and say that they loved that I show that stuff because it's what everyone goes through. So I didn't, yeah, it was real. I didn't try to sugarcoat anything in that area, but you know, a reality show is hard because especially very Cavalier, because we don't, I didn't show my kids, so that's a huge piece

of my life that wasn't on the show. And my life, believe it or not, is actually pretty boring. It really is. So you have to make it interesting.

Yeah, and so it's like coming up with storylines, even, you know, it was exhausting and that's what I don't like about reality TV. I know. But I did it for the company.

Because you can't just wake up and live your normal day. Yeah. There would be nothing to watch. Just sitting here watching like on your Instagram or like watching TV or hanging with your kids. It's the most boring show ever. So yeah, you have to create, you know, create situations. Yeah. That's interesting. Now I'm curious, we don't even go into the relationship, but how much pressure does a reality show cause you as an individual, whether you're in a relationship or not? Yeah. They definitely offer a level of stress in the sense that, again, it's people judging you.

They think that they're in the middle of your life with you and that everything they're seeing is accurate. It's not. There's no way to have a show be 100% accurate unless you have cameras with you 24 seven. But even then things are getting edited. Your whole day is getting edited down to two minutes. I mean, that's impossible. So that's challenging. And also just the schedule, quite honestly. You're filming nonstop. It's a lot on constantly, right? And when my kids have my kids and they're not on camera, you know, we can only film while my kids are at school. But I was good about that.

I was like, I'm never filming on the weekends. And that was the good thing with Very Cavallari. I had a little bit more say in it, and I was an executive producer. So it ended up being a really enjoyable experience in that regard. But I said, I'm home every day by five for dinner with my kids. I'm never filming on the weekends. And if you need me to go do a night scene, it's after my kids go to bed. Like, I was very strict about that stuff.

So you had some structure. You didn't feel too, like, burned out from it. If I was just doing the show and had my kids, I wouldn't have. But it was the company and the cookbook and my marital environment. You know, all the other hosting and all these other things on top of it. That's a lot. It was a lot. It was a lot.

Busy schedule. Yeah. I mean, you know, fun stuff, fun stuff though too, but yeah, it was a lot. Would you ever do a reality show again? No. You said that before. I did say that before, but I mean it this time. Why is that? No, because again, believe it or not, even though I've been on three reality shows, I've always been semi-private even on Laguna beach. And now that I'm watching it again for this podcast, anytime like my ex-boyfriend and I were in a fight or whatever, I would say, let's talk about it later. Let's talk about it later.

Cause I didn't want to talk about it on camera. And that's again, cause I didn't want to be vulnerable. Right. So, um, but I like keeping my personal life private and especially with where I'm at. A, my life's not that interesting. I'm never going to do a dating show. I can guarantee that. So, and I just, whoever I end up with, I would never want to expose our relationship like that.

Yeah. Well, I mean, you probably host shows. You just wouldn't be in a reality show. Absolutely. I would host a reality show, but yeah, no. It wouldn't be about you and behind the scenes in your home and in your bedroom. No, no. Yeah.

Gosh. What were the greatest lessons you've learned about being in reality TV? Like on just all of it, managing it all. I think just really being true to who you are and not bending for producers or for this or that, which I did more on Laguna Beach. Well, the hills I did, but I was essentially playing a character, which made it fun. I looked at it as a job, and that was a very different experience. But very Cavalieri, I stood up for myself a little bit more, and I was like, I would

never say that. I'm not doing that. Because the producer might say, hey, we want you to start with this conversation by saying this. They'll try to get you to do anything and everything. And when you realize you can say no, that's a good place to be in. everything. And when you realize you can say no, you know, that's a good place to be in. So I think, but that's sort of been my thing my whole career is I've always been me. And I think that's what people can see is I'm authentic. I'm not trying to put on a show. I'm not trying to

be somebody that I'm not. I probably say too much. I don't really have a filter, but that's me. And so, you know, I think now people come into this business with an agenda and they're trying to be some, someone they're not. So I was asking you, I got sidetracked. I was asking you about how you launched your company and you said in the first few months you killed it and you had a lot of confidence going into it. What were the biggest challenges you had to face after launch? Because you had a big surge of confidence. you had a bunch of sales. Yeah. What did you have to face the next year? Well, the biggest hurdles were when the show came on air and we sold out of everything immediately

and the whole first season of Very Cavalry, we had no product. No inventory? Nothing. What? Nothing. Wow. That's a problem.

That was a huge problem. So were we just collecting pre-orders? Like you were just getting the sale and saying, we'll ship it in six months or what? Yeah. I think it took four to five months to get everything. And we had one of those alerts. So people could sign up to be notified, which by the way, um, like 2% of those people actually place an order. So we're like, Oh my God. Yeah. We're ordering like thousands and thousands of units of stuff. And then when everything came in, it was like a tiny percentage of those people. yeah we're ordering like thousands and thousands of units of stuff and then when everything came in it was like a tiny percentage of those people actually really so we're sitting on all this inventory like figuring out our inventory for a while was a massive challenge

honestly probably until about a year ago and so that was that was huge um also hiring we had all the wrong people working for us for the first few years. We just needed bodies at one point. Well, no one teaches you how to hire. And I realized I'm horrible at it. And how to manage. Horrible at hiring. And how to, yeah, exactly. And I still am. And so I have nothing to do with that anymore, thank God.

Although I've hired, no, I mean, I shouldn't say that. I've hired incredible people. My COO, my CFO. I have really great adults in the building now. And now you let them hire for you. Exactly. Now they do all the heavy lifting. building. And now you let them hire for you. Exactly. Now they do all the heavy lifting.

But yeah. So, you know, just the insane growth that we saw overnight was very challenging to keep up with. I'd say that was probably, probably the hardest thing. And then I've had to fire a lot of people in my day, which I, I get anxiety about it. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I, I hate it. And so, yeah, I had to do that way more than I wanted to. I had to figure out this business world when I don't know anything about it. You know, I just had to fake it till I made it. And so, yeah, I had to do that way more than I wanted to. I had to figure out this business world when I don't know anything about it. You know, I just had to fake it till I made it. Because you were essentially a talent putting your name on products or lines before essentially. I mean, I was involved, but yes, it was someone else's company, you know, and I had a team of people to fall back on where this was me, this was all me. And so it was exciting, but it's also, it's heavy. And still, I will always feel that because I'm now responsible for a large group of people. And, you know, it's

my main source of income. And so I want to make sure that it continues to grow. So I'll always have that, not heaviness, but I'll always feel that weight. Yeah, of course. What's the vision now after five years? Where do you see it in the future? So we're going to open two more stores next year. We have three right now. So that'll be- Do you have one in LA? No.

We had a pop-up at the Grove for a while. I think I saw that one time. Yeah. There's like those beautiful carousels. Yeah. I got to get some for my girlfriend one day. Yeah. Well, I'll send you some stuff.

But I don't know that I ever will in LA. If I was going to do California, I would do Southern California. But we have Nashville, Chicago, and Dallas. We're going to open Charleston and Austin next year. Wow. Yeah, so very excited about that. But, you know, honestly, I want to just continue to grow it. We have jewelry and skin care are our two main focuses.

And then we have some home goods and stuff like that. But the jewelry and the skincare are what are, you know, driving the most sales. And so I want to take what we're really good at and just focus on those. I don't want to have a million other products. I want to take what we know and do that to the best of our ability.

So the main thing, the jewelry and the skincare, the skincare is more recent, right? Yeah, it's only in the last year. How's that doing? It's doing really well. Yeah, it's a clean skincare brand. And a lot of brands can say that they're clean, but we actually are. And so there's peace of mind putting these products on your skin.

And we've only launched with our five core products. And we have a ton more coming out. So I'm excited for that. More inventory challenges to face. Yeah, well, now I have a team of people for that. It's not on my plate anymore. What inspires you the most about yourself over these last five years in the business side of things?

Again, starting something from scratch, building it up, going through a lot of challenges of hiring, firing, kind of all the mess, mistakes, the lessons, the growth, the success. What are you most inspired and proud of within yourself? Just the fact that I listened to my gut and I, I trusted myself, you know, I think that's a hard thing to do sometimes is to trust ourselves and that I, I fought and I pushed for it and I didn't let any discouragement along the way stop me. I think that's really important. And I also am really proud of the fact that at one point in time,

I did every job within my company, you know, so I was shipping. I was, you know, doing I was I've done everything. And so that I also am proud of. And I'm just I'm proud of where we've gotten it to. You know, I mean, I really am. It's the thing I'm most proud of professionally. And so it's cool if my daughter wants to take it over one day. I think that would be awesome. You know, I think just being able to show my kids, too, that, you know, you can do anything you want, I think is, is really cool.

That's really inspiring. You know, speaking of young women, um, I feel like there's a pressure today for women to be like perfect on specifically social media and Instagram and everything else. What advice would you have for young women who see you and they're so inspired by your success, they're inspired by the mom you've become, the woman you've become, the entrepreneur, all these different things, polished on TV, all the different things that you do well, on how to really stay true to themselves and not get into, I don't know, a fake persona to try to get likes or try to get engagement or try to search for some type of acceptance or acknowledgement that I feel like just a lot of people are putting out in the world. I know it's so hard for everybody, but I mean, young women, especially you just can't get caught up in the noise and, and, you know, social media is not the real world. I think that's what we all have to keep in perspective. It's not the real world. None of that translates not the real world. I think that's what we all have to keep in perspective. It's not the real world. None of that translates into the real world. I think it's easy to get sucked into all of that. Put your phone down, go outside, go have actual human interaction. I think that's the most important thing.

But you can't compare yourself to anybody else. I think that's probably the most important thing. The only person you should be comparing yourself is to yourself. You know, am I better than I was yesterday or a year ago or whatever it is? You know, we're all on a different journey and we also have no idea what other people are going through. And of course, on social media, we're all putting our best foot forward. You know, it's easy to compare our worst to everybody else best. And then we end up feeling even worse than we did initially. So we just have to keep it all in perspective and, you know, pick up the phone, call your friend, pick up the phone, call your mom, go outside, like put your phone down. When did you stop comparing yourself to other people? I mean, listen, I would be lying if I said I never did, you know, I still do sometimes,

but I think, I think truly like just in the last couple of years, have I really started to get to that place. So give me an example of, is this you would see someone on social media, and you'd see what they're doing, and they had some success, and thought, you need to do more of that? Or would you compare yourself to it? Yeah, I think it's... What are women in general, I guess? Is it comparing to looks? Is it comparing to success?

Is it comparing to like, oh, their husband did this with them? Yeah, it's everything. Really? Yeah. And I think, I think what it is is there's this mentality that, Oh, if you have it, I can't, but no, there's room for all of us to have all of it. So instead of being envious or jealous, I guess I should say it's being happy for someone because also I am a big believer in energy and we get what we put out there. And so if you want love,

you need to be putting out love, you know? And so instead of being this like bitter, like, Oh, you know, F her and whatever it's, you know what?

Good for her. She's killing it. Like it's changing. It's flipping the script in your head. And, and I think how we talk to ourselves is also really important too. Yeah. I'm a big believer in energy.

Me and my girlfriend talk about energy all the time. I'm curious, do you have a daily energy practice to support you in having harmony and peace in your heart, in your mind? Is there something you do in the morning or at night that supports this reminder? When maybe you get off track and you go into comparison mode and you have to catch yourself and go back into like, keep killing a girl or whatever. Yeah. The five minute journal, which is a gratitude book. I go through phases, but I do have that. And I try to incorporate that on a daily basis. I also got these little three minute journals for my kids too. So we'll do that together at night and in the morning sometimes. Yeah. And a lot of times it's, you know, a little over their head, but I just

think laying the groundwork right now will hopefully set them up for the rest of their lives. Yeah. So yeah. You have three kids, right? Yeah. Two boys and a girl. If you could only share with them three pieces of advice, you could sit down in front of them. It could only give them three pieces of advice for what they're going to face for the next 20, 30 years of their life. And you can only share these three things. What would be that advice you'd give them? So hard.

Okay. Okay. I said it, one of them earlier, but no matter what you do, you can't please everybody. So live your life for you. You create your own destiny. can't please everybody. So live your life for you. You create your own destiny and life's about the journey, you know, just, just being present, I guess is what I would say. That's beautiful. Yeah. And call your mom. Your kids are lucky. I'm curious, Kristen, if you could go five years in the future and just hypothetical imagine your five-year-old self walking up to you.

Are we in therapy right now? Isn't this a therapy exercise? Is it? I don't know. Yeah, self talking to your little self? Yeah, that one is. But I'd like to talk to my future self. Okay, okay, okay.

I've had many conversations with my five-year-old self. In fact, it's on my screensaver is my five-year-old self. Oh wow! To heal the inner child. Wow, you really have been doing the work. That's good. Yeah, but I like to go in the future because when we, it's really when we learn to heal the memories of the past then we can be more present and we can start looking at the future about what we want to create, what we can imagine as opposed to being stuck in the past pain. Love it. So if your five-year-old self hypothetically walks right up to you

and is standing right here, what would be the ideal on how she would look, her energy, her presence, her qualities? What would she have? And what do you think she needs to say to you right now in order for you to be prepared for what's to come? Okay, well, the energy would be warm and loving She needs to say to you right now in order for you to be prepared for what's to come. Okay. Well, the energy would be warm and loving and engaging.

And because I'm talking to the five-year-old, getting down on her level. No, five years, five years ahead. So your 40-year-old self. Oh, I'm talking to my 40-year-old self. You're talking to your 40-year-old self. Oh, I'm talking to my 40-year-old self. Gotcha. Your 40-year-old self is coming up to you.

Oh, okay. To me right now. Okay, okay. Five years away from now, and she has this presence, energy. What is that presence she has? Okay, well, I would still say- And what would she be telling you at 35? What would 40-year-old me be telling me at 35?

To be ready for over the next five years of your life. Okay, okay, okay. You understand? Got it. Okay, so she would still be warm and welcoming and inviting and calm, I think, and just peaceful, just seemingly happy. What advice would she tell you on how to be prepared for what's to come over the next five years of your life? To just, to be, it's what I've been saying the whole time, be present, feel it all, experience

it all, take it all in. And savior these moments. I'm really thinking about my kids because my oldest is almost 10 and it just goes by so fast. So in five years, I mean, I'm, you know, he's going to be 15 almost. So just to, to really enjoy these moments with them. Because I know as soon as they're out of the house, I'm going to be a mess. Really? Yeah.

And I mean, listen, there's days where I'm like, Oh my, I need today to be over. You guys are driving me nuts, you know, but it's yeah. Overall, I look back and I'm like, how was my oldest 10? It's insane to me so fast, long days, insanely quick years, you know, that's kind of how it is. But yeah. So I just want to, I just want to take in these years, you know, while they still love me and want to snuggle with me and all, you know. Watch movies with me. Yeah, exactly. I just, I just, I want it all with them. What's the greatest lessons your kids have taught you?

They have really inspired me to work through my shit, you know, to be the best self that I can be so that I can be the best mom to them. Because I want to be operating from my highest self so that I can really show up for them. And obviously I'm not perfect. You know, we all have our things and I'm sure in 20 years they'll say I've messed them up in some way, but, but I want to, I want to give it my best shot. And so, um, that's obviously they've taught me about patience and I think just being able to really look in the mirror and, and look at myself to figure out what things I need to work on. Yeah. What are the things you still need to work on or insecurities or doubts that are, you think? I have a really hard time trusting people, but I, I don't know how you really work on that necessarily. I think being in

the entertainment business that offers its own challenges with trust, but I was like that necessarily. I think being in the entertainment business that offers its own challenges with trust, but I was like that before. And so before 16, right? Yeah. I've kind of always been like that, but I guess maybe with men is really what I'm talking about. And so, um, like in relationship with men is, is, is that trust? And so I don't know. I mean, I'm, you know, I'm dating in a general sense and i'm i'm trying to figure that out right now it's hard to open your heart sometimes yeah it is and fully trust someone's intentions are and you know yeah so that's it's challenging so i was telling you before that when i started uh you know hanging out with my my girlfriend i was like i'm gonna be a i

told her i'm gonna be a hundred percent authentic to who I am. I'm not changing for you. I'm going to grow and improve for me and for my mission, but I'm not going to change to try to make you happy. So if you don't accept me and I don't accept you, then we shouldn't be together. Exactly. That's how it should be. That's how dating should be.

And I was like, and once I got to know her and hear the words that come out of her mouth and watch her actions and behaviors match that, you know, that's where I started to build the trust and started to have the trust for her. And I think it's learning for me, I'll speak for myself, it's learning how to create agreements and boundaries in place and not allowing things to pass. If someone breaks their word consistently, you're like, okay, without any mending without any apology or yeah like that then it's challenging so i think it's so it's so great i think it's

important to have our hearts fully open but also we can create boundaries we don't have to move forward that's the key exactly yeah and i think too just being okay if things don't work out too that's a great place to be in where it's like listen if it doesn't work out too. That's a great place to be in where it's like, listen, if it doesn't work out, it's all good. Like we just weren't meant to be and that's okay. Yeah, so. All right, well, you're inspiring me. No, it's definitely possible.

But I think, you know, for me, I just had to do a lot of the healing work to know that I could walk away. And be okay. Yeah, and not abandon myself. Exactly. I think a lot of it is like learning to not abandon ourselves in relationships just because we don't want it to fail.

Exactly. We don't want to make it hurt someone. Yeah. So true. It sounds like you were really good earlier in your life at saying peace and like hurting the guys. I still am, but I mean. No, but I, no. I mean, I think before I didn't I know empathy really for other people.

It was more just about me. The world revolved around me where now I don't want to actually hurt anybody. That's not my mission. You know, before, like when I was younger, you know, early 20s and teens, it was if I can hurt you, it'll prevent me from getting hurt. That was sort of my mentality. I know it's messed up. Oh, man. Yeah. So I'm not like that anymore. I'm glad I didn't meet you back then man. Yeah. So I'm not like that anymore. So I'm not like that anymore. That's good. You're kind human being. I have more compassion in my life. What's, what's the thing that you're most proud of about yourself that most people don't know about you? That's not on a TV show. That's not in public, but maybe it's something small or something big, but no one knows about.

No one? I mean, very few. Yeah, I mean, I would say that I'm very normal. Like I'm very down to earth and normal, and I'm not just saying that, but that's what my friends tell me and people who meet me. I've allowed the entertainment world to not be my life. I look at it almost as fantasy land. To me, this is not real world. It's just not. And it's because I didn't

grow up in all of this. I mean, obviously it fell into my lap at 17, but I grew up in Chicago and Colorado. And so I, I live a very normal life and I'm a homebody and I just kind of like to kick it. You got a lot of land. You got a lotbody and I just kind of like to kick it. You got a lot of land. You got a lot of, you got a farm or something. I mean, so I have chickens and beehives and stuff like that. But, um, yeah. And my kids have go-karts and they run and drive around and it's, yeah.

But so my life is not this glamorous, dramatic, you know, crazy life. It's very normal. And I'm, I'm thankful for that and I am I'm proud that I didn't let any of this stuff change me or or make me somebody that I don't want to be yeah I guess yeah it's fine is there any question you wish more people would ask you that they don't ask you well it seems like all anyone ever cares about is my dating life so anything other than than that. I could care less about that. Yeah, which I appreciate. I'm more curious about like learning

what you've learned about yourself in this process and the person you've become and the challenges you've overcome, whether it's in dating or business or anything, but it's not about who are you dating. I could care less. I know. I guess it's more about,

I wish people would ask, you know, like what makes you happy? Like what are you doing that fuels you? Like that of stuff instead of just what are those yeah what are those things god great question um I mean honestly I love cooking I find it to be so therapeutic I love hiking I love being outside I love just spending time with the people I love you know my kids my best friends I love traveling I was just in Coeur d'Alene Idaho it's beautiful it was amazing on the lake yes it's beautiful there. It was amazing. On the lake?

Yes. It's incredible there. It's beautiful. And I went with three girlfriends that I've been friends with for 18 years. And we just had the time of our lives. That to me, hiked, went to a farmer's market. That to me, that's what life's about. That little town right there.

It's amazing. The lake and the trees. We're going to make that our annual trip. I loved it. It's incredible there. Well, Kristen, I'm really grateful to connect with you and meet you and just to learn more about you from a real world perspective. Yeah. Not the real world on TV.

And I've got a couple of final questions for you. Before I ask them, I want to have people follow you and support you. You're Kristen Cavallari on Instagram and all over social media. Also, Uncommon James. They can learn more about your skincare line there, your jewelry collection, which I'm going to get some for my girlfriend. Love it. So I'm going to make that happen. And also, you've got the podcast.

When's the podcast dropping? Yeah, so that comes out July 12th. That is Back to the Beach with Stephen and Kristen, and it's a Laguna Beach rewatch podcast. So if you're 35 to 40, this is the podcast for you to relive your high school and college years. It's been a trip, to say the least. So that comes out, when is it coming out? July 12th. July 12th, it's coming out. How many episodes?

So we did 40. So the seasons one and two. Wow. And then a couple of filler episodes, interviewing people and whatnot. But yeah, been it's been fun do you guys talk about lessons or is it more just kind of like it's everything it's yep it's light and fun we also get deep at times it's therapeutic we have people come on it's you know yeah we really cover a lot of ground wow it's been it's been really fun i'm really happy that i did it yeah that's cool so we can we can follow you on your social media

we can check out Uncommon James and follow there and we'll learn more about you'll be promoting that when it comes out so if they're following you yes

they will see anything else we can do to support you today no I mean this has been great this has been one of my favorite interviews so thank you

that's good I'm happy to hear that this is a question I ask everyone at the end it's called the three truths. I think they might have prepped you on this before. Imagine it is your last day on earth. Okay.

You get to live as old as you want to live. Okay. And you get to live the life of your dreams. Everything you want comes true. But for whatever reason, you've got to take all of your conversations, your work, your message, it's got to go somewhere else. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world, three things you know to be true. And this is all we would have to remember you by.

What would be those three truths for you? Okay. And now I'm kind of wishing I said some of this for the lessons I would give my kids, but it's all good. It's all good. Okay. So the first one would be, we're only given as much as we can handle. I truly believe there is nothing we will go through in life that we're not capable of. That's one. Two, stay curious. And three, which I've been saying is that you can't please everyone.

So you got to live your life for you. Yeah, those are powerful. And I think you being on TV for a long time, you probably learned that from 16, 17 until now that if you do that, you're going to be miserable. Exactly. It's going to be exhausting, draining. Yeah, you can't please everybody. for a long time you probably learned that at that you know from 16 17 until now that you if you do that you're going to be miserable exactly it's going to be exhausting draining

you can't please everybody yeah so really learning a practice on how to manage that internally and not not deal with that stress kristen i want to acknowledge you it's really been a pleasure to connect with you and learn about your story uh in a in a more vulnerable open way that i think most people don't hear about from you and the shorter celebrity news stuff that you're in typically. So I really acknowledge you for, I mean, anyone going through a breakup, anyone building a business, all these things are challenging. Anyone having three kids, all these things are challenging things in life, but it can also be beautiful moments of transformation in each area of life. So I really acknowledge you for

being vulnerable, for feeling the wide range of emotions that you're feeling and not shying away from them and not stuffing them. I acknowledge you for processing it. I acknowledge you for doing your best to be a light and lift others up around you. I acknowledge you for being open about different challenges you still have and knowing that you're a human being on the journey. So congratulations. I acknowledge you. Thanks.

And my final question is, what's your definition of greatness? So my definition of greatness is, one, I've also kind of said this, but not comparing yourself to others and just being the best to your ability. So whatever that means to you. Kristen, thanks so much. Appreciate you. Thank you. This was so fun.

Amazing. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links. And also make sure to share out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links. And also make sure to share this with a friend and subscribe over on Apple Podcasts as well.

I really love hearing feedback from you guys. So share a review over on Apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most. And if no one's told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.