The School of Greatness - Tony Robbins: Own Your Future in Business, Life & Love EP 1107

Episode Date: May 7, 2021

“If you want joy, happiness and freedom in your life, it won’t come from blame.”Today's guest is Tony Robbins, who is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, philanthropist, and the nation’s #1 life and business strategist. Over the past four decades, he has empowered more than 50 million people worldwide through his business and personal development coaching programs and events. Lewis has had the privilege of having Tony on the podcast multiple times in the past, so if you enjoy this episode, make sure to check the others out!In this episode Lewis and Tony discuss three habits Tony wishes he knew in his twenties and thirties, why loving yourself is not the secret to success, the key to “stacking the positives” in your life, why you’re raising your kids to be more insecure and unsafe and how you can change it, why millennials could be the best generation if they play their cards right, and so much more!For more go to: www.lewishowes.com/1107Tony's previous episodes: www.lewishowes.com/109, www.lewishowes.com/311, www.lewishowes.com/366, www.lewishowes.com/451, www.lewishowes.com/794Join the Own Your Future Challenge: www.lewishowes.com/future Book Tony Mentioned: The Fourth TurningThe Wim Hof Experience: Mindset Training, Power Breathing, and Brotherhood: https://link.chtbl.com/910-podA Scientific Guide to Living Longer, Feeling Happier & Eating Healthier with Dr. Rhonda Patrick: https://link.chtbl.com/967-podThe Science of Sleep for Ultimate Success with Shawn Stevenson: https://link.chtbl.com/896-pod

This is episode number 1107 with number one New York Times best-selling author Tony Robbins. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Eleanor Roosevelt said, do one thing every day that scares you. And author Wayne Dyer said, if you believe it'll work out, you'll see opportunities.

If you don't believe it'll work out, you'll see opportunities. If you don't believe it'll work out, you'll see obstacles. My guest today is Tony Robbins, who is a massive personality, entrepreneur, number one bestselling author, philanthropist, and the nation's number one life and business strategist. Over the past four decades, he has empowered more than 50 million people worldwide through his business and personal development coaching programs and events. I've had the privilege of having Tony on the podcast multiple times in the past. So if you enjoyed this episode, make sure to check out the others in the show notes as well. And in this episode, we discuss the three habits Tony wishes he knew in his 20s and 30s. Also, why loving yourself is not the secret to success.

The key to stacking the positives in your life and what that can do for you, why you're raising your kids to be more insecure and unsafe and how you can change it, how to free yourself from the chains of your past, the power of pushing through your fear, why millennials could be the best generation if they play their cards right, and so much more. I was so inspired by this interview and I hope you enjoy it. Also, make sure to go to lewishouse.com slash future right now and sign up for a free challenge that Tony Robbins and my friend Dean Graciosi are creating. It's all about how to create and own your future in your business by building your brand and business online. Go to lewishouse.com slash future right now

to sign up that for free right now. It's an amazing free challenge. And if at any moment you are inspired by this, make sure to share it with a friend that you think needs to hear this. You can just copy and paste the link wherever you're listening to this podcast and share it over text or WhatsApp group or social media.

And make sure to tag me and Tony Robbins over on Instagram as well when you share it there. I really hope you share it there. I really hope you enjoy this one. And in just a moment, the one and only Tony Robbins. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness. I'm very excited about our guest. Mr. Tony Robbins is in the house. Good to see you, Tony. Good to see you, Les. How are you? I'm doing good. Every time I get the chance to interview, this is interview number four now for the show with you.

The last three interviews have done over six million views and have changed millions of people's lives. We've done them on your plane. We've been in hotels, and now we're virtually here. And every time I get to interview you, I have a ritual. You may not remember, but I've told the story of how I first saw you in person. So I want to tell it really quickly. So I set the context here.

It was about 22 years ago. My dad bought myself and my mom tickets to an event they used to host that was like a big three-day conference success. All these great speakers came. Actually, Trump was there. Larry King was there. All these great football coaches. It was in St. Louis, Missouri. And you came down on stage at one point. I'm sitting about halfway back in the arena on the floor level. And you came off stage and walked down. I remember vividly there was a song, Don't Worry, Be Happy, that was playing. I don't even know if you remember this part of your speech. I do remember that, yes. You came down. I mean, I'm sure you had this story at all your events, but you came down off this song and came down and you stopped right next to me. I'm probably 50-yard line back in the arena, so halfway back. You stop right over me. You don't look at me. You look out. You say

something to the crowd. I have no clue what you said, but I remember the energy you possess in that moment. And I was like, I want to have that confidence one day and that energy. And that moment has stuck with me for the last 22 years. So I want to acknowledge you for constantly being an inspiration to not only myself, but millions of people around the world from your way of being, the way you open your heart, and the way you see other people. So I really, really appreciate your consistency over the four plus decades of work. And my first question is, what is it like being a father of a daughter? Yes, I'm 61, which I can't even believe I'm 61, but thank God I feel better than I did when I was 30 physically, and I've trained harder, I'm stronger, and psychologically better. So yes, I just have a brand new daughter. I have five grandkids that are older than my daughter, and I've got five kids in total. My oldest is 54, and my youngest now is four weeks tomorrow. So it's beautiful. She's the greatest gift. And she's a rainbow baby.

We tried so many different ways. So we're just so, so grateful to have her. And we're keeping her life out of social media. I'm certainly mentioning her, but we don't show her pictures and don't talk about her name. Just to give her a little bit of space from what the world is like, where everybody's trying to get likes for something. I don't want my daughter to have that habit.

So we're going to give her a little space there. But it's very kind of you to ask. And there's no greater gift. I'm, you know, anybody who's a father or a mother out there knows nothing, anything else you've experienced in life, nothing comes close. What, and what's the biggest lesson she's taught you in these first few weeks? Well, she's already restructured my life. Like no one else has. I mean, I sit there and hold her and obsess about her. And I, you know, like 40 minutes have gone by and I'm just staring into her eyes, you know, it's that kind of thing. So she's put a little balance in me, that's for sure. And, and, you know, also, you know, I've,

I've, I've, like you, I'm obsessed with being fit and strong and alive as required for what I do. And to do it at the quality I want to do for 44 years plus, and I'm planning to do it for a lot longer. So, but you know, when I started thinking about her life, I'm 61. I remember telling my wife, I said, I'm not having a kid after 50. I said, I'm not going to be, you know, you know, 80 years old with the kid's high school graduation and so forth. But now it's like for me to see her at 30 plus, I got to be 90 plus. So I'm, you know, I'm well on my way to making sure that happened, but it's given me even greater incentives. I love that.

For all the young people here who are maybe they're just having their first kid and they're in their late 20s, early 30s, around that range, what are the three habits or skills you wish you would have known then that you wish all of them start to learn at this age in their life? It's a tough one because I think at every stage of your life, you look at life differently. So it's hard to tell someone in their 20s how they should be until they've experienced certain things. There are certain things that just be words.

But if I was going to give a couple habits, I'd say the first habit is to not judge yourself too hard because I think that's what young people do a lot. And I think people do of all ages. You know, when you're 61 years old and you've lived as much life as I have, a little less judgment of myself in this area. You know, when you're 61 years old and you've lived as much life as I have, I have a little less judgment of myself in this area. It's not making everything life and death because then the kid feels that. And it isn't all life and death, you know?

I've got to be honest, I thought when my daughter's crying, it's like, I hate anybody in pain. I thought it was going to just pierce me and make life so difficult. But fortunately, number one, she doesn't cry. She's like, I told my wife, I don't know how this kid came from us because this kid is so zen. She cries when she's got to go to the bathroom. When she's got a diaper, she cries when she's hungry. But otherwise, she's pretty zen. But the cry even then is different for me now. So it's not life and death. I'm not hyperjudgmental

of it. And then the third thing is decide what's most important that you want for your child, the two or three most important things. For me for me is that child feels so incredibly loved. And for me, not yet, but as a child develops, it's developing a sense that life is something that's calling to you to give something, not to get something. I think if I could give any lesson to my child, it's the lesson of contribution, which makes life so meaningful, the depth of relationship that comes from having such a deep love. I think those two things are the minimum, but you've got to decide what do you want for your child? Because, you know, they're their own being. You're going to have your plans, how you think they should be, and then they're going to be how they are, right? But what you can shape is their value system, and not every individual value,

but the global values. You know, that life is a balance, that of course you're going to go to extremes, but balance is how the body maintains. It's how life gets in balance. It's like, look for that. It's like life is not about me. It's about we, that life is calling to you to give something. Don't ask what your country is asking for you is, you know, a democratic president once said, what are you gonna do for your country? We kind of lost that theme, not only in our country, but in our parenting. And so I see a lot of kids today that are like, they're, what, what is my parent doing for me? I can never imagine that thought in my life my whole thing was like not one of my what can i do for my parents was my focus you know what can i do and all those little patterns lead to a life

that is more meaningful and fulfilling but i don't think over controlling is not going to get you where you want to go based on my history because because this isn't my first rodeo. I got four children before that, three of which I adopted. So I was 24 and had a 17-year-old son instantly, an 11-year-old, a five-year-old, and one on the way. So you learn to grow differently. And, you know, my former spouse who had those kids, she'd been married twice before me. So they were from different parents. And so I adopted them all and brought them to my life. Probably got the greatest growth in my life from that experience of parenting and for those that grew up and don't feel like they got the love they wanted

or the love they deserved or the love they were supposed to have or whatever and people haven't learned how to love themselves whether it be because they didn't get it from their parents or they didn't learn it how can they learn to love themselves later in their life when they never really felt it? I think this idea of loving yourself as a cultural obsession has no basis in reality. Here's the challenge.

When you're born, what do you got to do to be loved? Nothing. Because your mother's on drugs, natural drugs, oxytocin. So you look like a lizard and she thinks you're beautiful. You know, you're fat, you shit all over, you throw up and you're still beautiful, right? For a while, you're unconditionally loved. And thank God we wouldn't have survived otherwise. I'm so, I love women so much. I have so much respect for women, even more so going through birth again. No man will ever fully

appreciate what a woman does or what a baby demands of mother if you're breastfeeding and the energy and the sleep. I mean, it's just, it's amazing what women do in our lives. But the point is, in the beginning, you're going to do nothing. And then the oxytocin wears off. And suddenly, you do the same scream or yell, throw your food. Now you get yelled at or hit or the worst one of all, you get ignored. And then fear enters your body. And then the rest of your life, you're looking for how can I get this unconditional love? And I remember in the beginning asking myself, because I studied all animals and what the level of dependency they have. And, you know, human beings have the longest period of dependency for survival of any creature other than other primates. Whales will be dependent

for a year, birds for a few weeks, and boom, get your ass out there and fly. You know, it's a different world. We have this long dependency. It's just the nature of how we are. And then I thought to myself, so why, why don't we just have unconditional love all the time? And I think my answer is because then you never grow or give anything to life. You think everything is about you. And unfortunately, there are a large population of kids that were raised in a generation of parents that were helicopter parents that thought everything should be about the child. And they wonder why they're selfish today or why they, you know, don't seem to have great relationships where you got to be with somebody else. You got to put somebody else out of you. That's what love is.

Love is putting somebody else ahead of yourself. Loving yourself usually comes for most human beings by starting to have a value and just appreciating people, not because of what they do, not because of what they have, just because you feel their essence. And it's easy to do that with somebody you love than it is with yourself. But when you start to do it with somebody else and you're not judging, you're truly loving them, then it's much more natural because you're already doing the loving. You're not getting it from somewhere else.

Someone may say something, look at you a certain way as a trigger, but all love is self-love. This bullshit, I don't love myself. If you've ever been someone who felt loved, you loved yourself. They didn't love you. They said something, they did something with their eyes, and you use that as a trigger to release love inside of you. But loving yourself every moment all the time is not the secret to success. Having appreciation for yourself is different than constantly loving. Now, in the Bible, it says, love thy neighbor as thyself. So I think it's a worthy goal and it's useful, but most people are

obsessed with it. And I think, get on about living a life that's meaningful and you'll love yourself. As long as you focus on you, you're not going to love you. Because the human brain is always looking for what's wrong, what to protect, what needs to be changed. It's a survival instinct. And so it's looking for things to fight or flight or try to freeze or pretend you're not there about yourself. But when you're in a bit of service, when you're trying to serve something more than yourself, that's when the higher part of your consciousness is there.

That's when your heart is flowing. And when you're doing that, you're not thinking about you and therefore you feel love. And I can tell you my own experience, I don't have to, no one else has to earn love with me, but my strategy has been I got to earn my own love, right? I got to be worthy of my own love. I don't do that to somebody else.

How do you do that? Well, by helping millions of people for 44 years. Now I'm finally at the stage where, oh yeah, I fucking love myself. I'm out there enjoying myself. I appreciate it. But along the way, I've always earned it. Now, I don't think that's necessarily healthy or not, but I like what it's done with me.

I know people that just think they're God's gift to creation, and they don't add any value to any other human being, and they're assholes to be around. They love themselves. So I would challenge that whole belief system. I'd say it's appreciating yourself. It's loving the people around you. And the more you can

unconditionally love others, the more you'll unconditionally love yourself. But trying to start with yourself when you're not doing with others, forget it. It'll never happen. Was there ever a moment where you didn't unconditionally love yourself? And if so, and if so, when did that shift where you stopped that and you started saying, okay, I appreciate myself because of my contribution and my service and who I am What was that shift? I don't think it was ever I just didn't love myself There are times obviously be angry with yourself or frustrated yourself or thinking, you know, I'm not doing enough I mean I can remember my birthdays to be honest with you probably up to my 40th birthday

Including my 40th birthday, you know, you have a birthday with a zero on it once you're over past 30 You know 35 sometimes five years on it a zero on it once you're over past 30, you know, 35, sometimes five years on it as well. People look at their life differently culturally. And I used to think it was bullshit. But sure enough, I would do it. I remember turning 40 and I was really, really unhappy. I was like, Jesus, I've not done enough.

I've not helped enough people. I know tens of millions of people at that point already had done all over the earth in 100 plus countries at that point. But it was still kind of stuck in my head. So I would earn the love by over delivering, change somebody's life. Like, I don't get it because somebody says, oh, I love you, Tony. I mean, I appreciate that.

Oh, you're the greatest. It's got to be my standard. My standard is higher than their standard for me. Right. So when I get up and someone's going to kill themselves and it's their suicidal and boom, turn around, they're no longer not going to kill themselves, but they're transformed, their life is there. That's when I go, okay, now we've hit the center of what I'm made for. Now I deserve to feel this euphoric feeling within myself and appreciation. And even then, I still know it's God coming through me.

I don't have the delusion it's just me. I don't have the delusion it's just me. But I think sometime after 40, I finally saw the stupidity of it. I accumulated enough that I looked at life with fresh eyes. And I can say by the time I turned 60 a year ago, I noticed it was interesting because my birthday, I didn't have an ounce of it. I was just like, you know, how could I at this stage of my life when I've had the privilege of serving so many humans in so many contexts, you know, from turning around, you know, guys going to kill themselves with PTSD to helping kids turn around to getting kids off cocaine or adults to, you know, help people build multi-billion dollar businesses from nothing.

And when I've lived this long, I can't go by without hearing half a dozen stories a day or a dozen stories a day from people telling me how something I did changed their life. So it's not that I'm so smart now. It's just I've stacked it. By the way, though, stacking is the way you can do things. Most of us stack the negative. If you are really angry, it's not usually because it's just the moment. It's that it happened again. You know, it's like if you've ever lost it or overreacted to your kid or to a friend or a business or even within yourself. It's because it happened, again, we hit this one, two, three, many point, and then our nervous system overreacts. But what I've learned is you can stack the good.

And, but for example, if you're, if you go into a state of really strong anger for more than five minutes, your immune system is suppressed between an hour and a half to two hours. That's a physiological fact. But no one had done any study. I started stacking good, like, okay, let me stack a dozen great memories, feel them, see them, experience them. And I felt this biochemical change that didn't just last a half hour, an hour or 10 minutes. It went on for a day or two. And so I think I've learned to stack the good. So just having experience is not enough. You got to stack the good to be able to appreciate it. But I think, just come back to the main point here from my perspective, which could be completely

full of shit, it's just my perspective. So I want to point that out. I think the more you find unconditional love for others, the easier it is to find in yourself. And I think the focus is serving and loving. And that's what will get you to the point where you start doing it. But if you want to speed it up, stack all the good you've done, you'll feel great about yourself. I already know all the comments that have come through. Thousands of comments tell me, but what about my family that's toxic?

What about my partner who is toxic? And how do I love someone unconditionally when they don't respect me? I can't trust them. What about situations like that? All those reactions are natural human reactions from ego because it's all about you me me me what i'm not getting what i'm not doing and that's why you're in pain and so i'm not telling you like i haven't done this i've done it too in the past but it's an old pattern i don't really do anymore and it used to affect me now not a dominant one i wouldn't

become who i become early Early in my life, I developed this belief that life is calling not to give me something. Life is calling for me to deliver things, for me to bring something to life. And I felt the joy that came from not getting, but giving. And I got hooked on that core pattern and then the pattern of learning. So I'd have something to give, which I know one of the things I respect about you, Lewis, is that you have that same pattern in you. You're always trying to learn more because underneath it all, you also want to give it. You want it for you, but you want to share it, right? And so those patterns help me not be in what they're not giving me. And all this language. Language, today, people don't understand the power of their

language, like toxic. What the hell of their language. Like, toxic. What the hell are you talking about? You've been reading too much social media and thinking about yourself, or somebody raised you to constantly judge everybody else. We live in a culture now where people, you know, you're evil or you're like me. That's basically how it is, right? The whole world, everybody else is immoral unless they do what you do, think what you think, experience what you think. I mean, being a liberal, I was a liberal, right? Being a liberal growing up meant I would fight for your ability to say and believe whatever you want different than me. Today, now, everybody wants everybody to think the same thing. Otherwise, they're

evil or otherwise they could hurt me. Whatever happens, sticks and stones will break your bones. Words will never hurt me. We have this whole thing that words are evil. Words are action. It's bullshit. And all it does is make you incredibly weak as a human being. And you're more than that. We all are more than that. But you know what? Like a kid that's never broken their bones, definitely afraid of breaking the bone. But if you're a kid and you're rough and tumble, you broke multiple bones and they healed, you don't have any fear of it. There's so many kids that have been raised to be safe and secure every moment. Anything that's insecure or unsafe, they don't want to be a part of, including language. And what it does is make you incredibly weak and fearful.

And that's why there's so many people that are abundant that are angry all the time. Because they're angry because they're not growing. So don't get me wrong. I know some people are not a good influence. I'm not denying that. I'm just saying you're more than somebody's influence unless you obsess about it every moment and make them wrong so you can make yourself feel superior morally, psychologically, or spiritually. That's bullshit. Stop the pattern. We've all done it. Catch yourself. Because if you want joy, happiness, and freedom and extraordinary life, it will not come from

blame. Never. There's no pride not come from blame never there's no pride that comes from blame i don't mean fake pride where you make up to feel good i'm talking about real pride pride is something you earn like people tell me oh i have no self-esteem because my parents used to say this or they'd say that i'd say that's such bullshit i'm not saying it's bullshit they didn't say that i said it's bullshit that's why you're doing self-esteem self-esteem does not come from what people say about you. Self-esteem comes from what you experience about yourself. See, someone can tell you your whole life you're a piece of crap,

and part of you can go, you're full of it. I'm going to show you. Lots of people have done that. They never bought it. Or someone can tell you you're beautiful your whole life. You go, I'm not really beautiful. So what people tell you doesn't matter at all. It's what you stack. It's what you assemble. It's what you create. It's the habit of what you put in your

head. And today I don't blame you because we've got a whole culture that's always blaming somebody else for something in their life. But blame is not a strategy for pride. That's why you listen to these blaming people. They're all angry all the time. Listen, if I wanted to blame, I grew up in an environment. I didn't even share it to my mom past. And even if I want to blame, I grew up in an environment. I didn't even share it to my mom past. And even then I didn't share. I grew up in a pretty rough environment. My mom was a beautiful soul.

But when she drank alcohol and she mixed it with prescription drugs, it was a different creature. And it was a violent creature. And I have a younger brother five years younger and a younger sister seven years younger. And my mom would get nuts. And I didn't want them to get hurt. So I was 5'1 in high school. She grabbed me by the hair and smashed me against the wall until I bled. Now, I never shared this, and I'm not denigrating her in any way.

I only shared it like four or five years after she died because I was talking to a group of kids in New York City, all without fathers. because I was talking to a group of kids in New York City, all without fathers, 80% African American, about 20% Hispanic out of their group, roughly. No white kids. And I'm talking about your biography is not your destiny. And it doesn't matter what you've been through. What you decide now is what's going to control your life. What you decide each day going forward is going to decide your life.

And I look at them seeing me, I can read their minds. This big, tall, white, rich guy is going to tell me, biography doesn't matter. So I said, let me tell you my story. And I told them the whole story, way more than I'm telling you. And every one of them was crying their eyes out when they were done. I said, look where I am right now. Because I wouldn't assemble the story that my past equals my future. The past only equals your future if you live there.

If you're using a rearview mirror to guide yourself, you're going to crash. So what you've been through is horrific. What you've been through is unjust. I'm on your side. But if you hang on to it, you have no future and you have no one to blame but yourself. And these kids, to their credit, man, they just responded to the challenge because they first cried their eyes out hearing all the stories. My mom would think I was lying and I wasn't lying. She poured liquid soap My mom would think I was lying and I wasn't lying. She poured liquid soap down my throat until I threw up and I wasn't lying. So it's not the physical abuse. It's the fact that this is the person you love most that's trying to hurt you that messes with your head.

So I could have been messed up for life, but I didn't because something inside me says I'm responsible for this life. And part of that is because I started reading when I was 13, 14, biographies of people, the greatest people in history, and reading their lives and finding out, guess what? Their lives were far from perfect. Some of them had worse lives than I had. But when you have no reference and all you do is go online,

you talk to other people, making everybody else toxic, and I'm like this, and they didn't do that, then you get to have this shitty life just like those other people. Why are they online so much? Because they don't have a life. Right? Don't be one of those. Free yourself from the chains of your past.

I'm not saying your past doesn't matter, but listen, my mother, I tell people this all the time and it's the truth. If my mother had been the mother I wanted her to be, the mother she should have been, I would not be the mother I wanted her to be, the mother she should have been, I would not be the man I'm proud to be today. Because I had to become a practical psychologist way before any schooling, figure out when she's going to go into mood, how do I change her state, how to protect her from the kids? I mean, it was felt life and death, and it was to some extent.

So I developed skills at such a young age. Then when I learned things, I just added to my skills, but I had a core sense of certainty that I could turn anybody around because it started with my mother and thank God for her. And she encouraged me in so many ways. She did so many great things and she loved me, even though it didn't look like it at times. So, but if your parents, if the people around you said all the things you thought they should have, if they had just not been toxic, if they'd encouraged you, you wouldn't have any muscle. And right now you don't have any muscle because you're using that as an excuse. If you're thinking that, and I'm not attacking you brothers and sisters, I'm calling to you because I know

you're more. Otherwise I just keep my mouth shut. We're just, you've been hypnotized by a culture of weakness. Now, having said that, I'll say one last thing. I know you haven't got other questions, but it's so important what you've asked. Yes, there are people that you don't want to hang out with that will not serve you, but then move on. Don't sit there and talk about it constantly. Don't waste your time. And you say, but what if it's family, Tony? Mine was family too. And you learn to grow. You go there in my life. Someone can get your goat. If someone can piss you off, if someone can make you feel less than that's God coming to you saying, grow, you need some spiritual growth. There's got to be some change in your perception, your belief,

your emotions, your spiritual look of life. So that can't happen anymore. And when it happens, like at 61, I've been through so many of those things. And I like do things in mass. I took on big challenges. So I'd have to grow more. But then life throws them at you too. When they come, you just go, okay, it's going to have me until I grow. What needs to shift in me so that no longer has an impact. But you know, Jim Rohn used to say, my original teacher used to say, Tony, what happens if I've got a cup of coffee here? And he'd say, what if your worst enemy drops sugar in your coffee? What's going to happen? And I'd go, well, you'd have sweet coffee. And he goes, what if your best friend, your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, your loved one drops one drop of strychnine? I said, you'd be dead.

He goes, that's right. Life is both sugar and strychnine, so watch your coffee. His whole thing was stand guard at the door of your brain. But some people take that and go, oh my God, you can kill me. It was a metaphor. These people are not so toxic. They're toxic because you give them energy. So if your mom's crazy and constantly criticizing you and it drives you nuts, just go, that's my mom. That's her way of showing love. And I find a new perspective. And no matter what she does, just stay in a beautiful state and love on her and think, boy, think of all that she cares and feels for all that she's frustrated in life or all that she's going through that's made her this way. And think, I don't have to go through this. I can love

her. It's like your growth is the only limit to your happiness. If you're not happy, you're not growing in some area. And usually it's a place where you're blaming, you're pointing the finger. I don't care if it's government. Don't get me wrong. People can be unfair, unjust. That's for sure happens, but you can't control that. You can't make it not happen. What you have to do is become stronger than any of it. So you're free. Freedom comes from growth. Freedom does not come from control. Because control is an illusion. You can't control everybody, no matter how hard you try.

You can't control what they think or feel. And not everybody's going to be fair and just. And you, my dear friends, and I, have not always been fair and just. Whether we admit it or not, it's just the nature of being a being, a human being. But we can't make the largest pattern fair and just and loving and powerful and serving and growing until it becomes the dominant thing inside you. And then you experience life as being great, not you're great. Life's great because you're living a great path. It seems like what I'm seeing and hearing from a lot of people

that this past year, everything has fallen apart for them. Their health, their relationships, their finances, their mission or purpose, and their spiritual awareness. Like every area of life has been in breakdown mode for some people. Not everyone. Some people have had incredible lives and have stepped up to the occasion and broken through on all these things. But I'm seeing a pattern of a lot of people breaking down in many areas. Hypothetical scenario. Let's say you could only focus on one thing to get you started.

You only have the time and energy to focus on one of these areas. Your health, your relationships are all breaking down. Your finances are failing everywhere. Where should people lean into first to kind of create that foundation so that everything else can start to rise as well? I think before you answer what to do, you've got to answer why you're there. It is not because of the pandemic. I remember when 9-11 happened and people tell, oh my God, my life was destroyed because of 9-11. And there were people in the same building who

turned their life around, grew spiritually, grew closer to their family, made their businesses larger, and the same building burned down, right? I know in my case, you know, 9-11 comes, if you can imagine, you know, I'm fortunate to have now more than 80 companies in all these different industries, and obviously, you know, I've done pretty darn well by most people's standards of business and life, but my core mission is what I do for a living. It's why I'm here talking to you right now. It's getting people to be free and alive and have the level of fulfillment that they deserve to have.

I know they desire, but I also believe they deserve to have. But to deserve to have it, you've got to do certain things, right? And so you're not in the place of being overweight because you lost your job. So stop the bullshit. Blame. Blame is not a strategy for a meaningful life. Blame is not a strategy for greatness. So you've got to

resolve that number one. And then your question was, what's the one thing to focus on if you only focus on one? I think it's smart to focus on one thing primarily. Focus on too many can be overwhelming. Other people, it's good to focus on multiple things. It depends on your personality. So I wouldn't presuppose. But then the answer would be whichever thing you're most desirous of changing. Whatever thing is giving you the most pain. So if it's your relationship, I'd go full force on that. Now, in the world we're in today, you know, you don't usually have the privilege of going, okay, I want to work on just being happy.

Well, I can train you to be happy while hell's breaking loose. You can sit in this chair and be totally euphoric. But if you do that in a Western culture, people come and take your furniture, right? So you probably have to work on both your business or financial side and some personal side. I would be working on both. And to me, the way to attack that, if you're not sure which areas to start with the body, and I know you can relate to this, Louis, because you and I both share this in common. It's like, I always teach physiology first, as you well know. If you change the body, you'll change the emotions. If you change the emotions, you'll change your decisions, you'll change the quality of your life. Because the quality of life is your emotions.

It's not what you get. You can have a billion dollars and commit suicide. People have done it. Right? You can have beautiful relationships and commit suicide. You can have people loving you and be sad all the time. Our pattern of emotion is our home. And you have to upgrade your home. You have to train it. And one way to train it is the emotion comes from the way you move, the way you breathe, the way you speak. So if I said to your listeners, there's a depressed person behind the curtain over here and I'll give $100,000 to their favorite charity if they had to describe their body, their posture, and they're depressed, you tell me.

I'll just use the example. What does that person look like? They're slunched down. They're looking down at their feet. They're not looking upward. Their shoulders are over. Are they breathing full or shallow, do you think? They're shallow.

Are they talking fast or slow? They're talking, if they're depressed, they're probably talking fast because they're not calm. Well, no, that's usually stressed. Depressed is different than stressed. They're probably talking low volume, slower than. And all those physical characteristics change your biochemistry towards this feeling of being depressed. And in a depressed state, you won't do anything.

When I used to be depressed, I don't get it anymore. I just took it out of my life. I even took the language of it out of my life because the words you create create a biochemical response but when i did that decades ago because i was like having those thoughts like is there a reason to still be here that kind of crazy in your head i got out of it by using anger originally i'd much like sometimes if somebody's really sad or depressed i'll make them angry people like what's, what's he doing? He's making them angry. Because angry is much more resourceful than depressed. From anger, I can get you to laughter. I can get you to taking action.

So, and then gradually I got where I didn't need anger. It was about growth. It was about contribution. It was about meaning. So there's like stages to go through. But to answer your question, they should work on both their business side of their life and personal. One of each. And in order for either one of those to work, you need to be in a strong emotional state and if you start with your body like you know i start

every morning in my cold water starting morning with my workout i started every morning on feeding my mind right so there's certain things you got to do physically so you're strong enough to remember the truth because remember fear is physical you feel your throat or your gut so it's courage courage doesn't mean you're not afraid it just means you're strong enough you. You push through in spite of the fear, right? And courage feels different in the body. So when you go lift or you go for a sprint or a strong run, or you jump in that freezing water, when you push your mind, you go beyond what's comfortable. You feel a strength inside you and that strength will help you to change your body, your emotions, your relationships, whatever. But then the other thing I want to say is model someone who's successful. Don't just do this shit by trial and error. Like find somebody who has what you want,

ideally maybe more than one person, two or three, and see what are they doing different than you in their relationship? What do they believe different than you about relationship? If it's their body, what are they doing different? They're not lucky. They're doing things differently. You might be slightly biochemically different, but there's patterns there that you can see. And so instead of learning by trial and error, which can take decades, you may never learn. Jim Rohn taught me successfully. He's clues, man. Find someone's got what you want, study what they do, every aspect of it, and then add yourself to it. And that's the pathway to speed of transformation. So now, like, you know, I've done it. I'm not the only person. There's so many companies that went from worse off than they'd ever been in their history to the best off because they found a way to pivot. But that required a psychological piece of not blame. So maybe it's time for you to think for yourself

and model what works instead of just what you're told. That's something to consider for yourself. It's one of the reasons you've got millions of people that model after you, just like myself in many areas of my life. I've got three final questions. Is that okay to ask? Sure, of course. I went long on this. Want to be respectful of your time since we're at the top of the hour. I just want to make sure I'm good. You mentioned, I had the opportunity to go to Fiji with you and Dean Graziosi and a group of people about a year and a half ago. And you mentioned that winter was coming. This was in 2019, I guess, or yeah, right before 2020. And you mentioned winter is coming. I don't know how, where, what, what type of crisis is happening, but something's going to happen. It may be in six months,

it may be in the next few years, but something is happening. And from people that went through 9-11 to the housing crisis of 2008, 2009, to then 2020, what would you say if people want to prepare themselves to create more financial abundance over the next 10 years? With winter coming maybe again sooner than later, what should people be focusing on in order to earn more and invest more so that they're not overwhelmed financially with the next winter? Well, first of all, I want to acknowledge that every generation, there's a book everyone should read. It's called The Fourth Turning. It's not a great read. I'll be honest with you in advance i read it 25 years ago one of the most seminal books i've ever read because what it will show you is that every generation goes through different stages

a winter time a really really rough time a spring time like after the rough times we usually see this easy growth you know a summer where god i'm working hard doesn't seem the reward and then a fall where all the rewards show up in a major level but those seasons which may be 10 20 years are a way of thinking for some people those seasons happen in their youth some midlife some later because there's a cycle of history it's a thousand years of history you can study it's fascinating i'm not gonna try to explain it to you right now but if you want perspective it's there the generation you're speaking of the millennialial generation, a very special generation. I don't mean special like you're so special, but special because they have a unique place in human history.

They've experienced certain shocks at a certain time. They are an archetype of one of the four seasons of life. The last one is called the great generation. Think about this. If you were born in the year, say, 1900, 1901, 1902, something like that. When you're coming of age, 20 years old, when you want to think about your life and where it's going and all that stuff, right? Let's say 1910, excuse me. When you're coming of age, if you're born in 1910, the stock market crashes. The biggest depression in human history, at least that we're aware of, modern history, happens. You know, 50% of people seem

to be losing their jobs. There seems to be no hope whatsoever right as you're coming to your early prime to make things happen. Oh, so that's 1929. What happens a decade later when you're about to turn 30? Another seminal time in your life.

World War II breaks out. Holy shit, the whole world likes it's gonna get over. We're talking about world war all over the earth and it looks like Hitler's going to win and that we're going to have Nazism everywhere and countries are dropping like flies and the economy's going through the floor and you just turn 30. But guess what? At 40,

the greatest bull market in the history of the world began for that generation. But they were so tested and so strong from everything they've been through. But then they were tested by their own kids who didn't have to go through that suffering, who thought life should be easy for them and said, look at you. You're not balanced. You aren't fair to women. And they weren't. But they were busy fighting wars to get to the point where you'd have time to do that.

It's like people say, you know, art for the sake of art's sake is for the well-fed, right? You know, it's like, you know, these people have a different journey. And so it's not like challenges disappear, but they're called the great generation because they found their way through those things because it was a generation that was not taught to look for excuses. I think the millennial generation is the next great generation if they play their cards right. And I think there's enough great people in that generation to help lead a new direction for it. And I think there's technology allows them to connect in new ways, but technology unfortunately also pits them against other people because if you've seen The Social Dilemma, you know there are people manipulating your brain and your biochemistry and your dopamine right now. your biochemistry and your dopamine right now. So, but I think they'll figure that out. I think they really will. Now, the answer to your question, I want to give that context because without the context, all this is about survival or doing okay for yourself. And I think you're not going to feel a great life just trying to take care of yourself. Don't get me wrong. It's like, if you know the

Indian tradition in India that they teach these four aims of life, the first aim is Artha, A-R-T-H-A, and what that means is prosperity and security. It's important to take care of that because when that prosperity and security is there, it's not like that's not spiritual. Taking care of yourself and your family is part of life, and so you need to do that. And then the next level of development, next aim of life is Kama, K-A-M-A-a and that means pleasure and it's good to find pleasure and like if you found good work that serves more than yourself you're going to prosper but then do you enjoy it and do you enjoy your life and do you appreciate things and it's like finding that appreciation it isn't just sensuality or sexuality it's music it's art it's family it's

all these things it's the history of your own country and finding the good right and then the third level for that most people have heard of is dharma, which is, you know, your purpose or your truth. But notice, you really don't have a real clear dharma in most people unless they got some level of prosperity, security, some level of enjoyment of life, that they get to the point of thinking broader. Now, some people early on are trying to find their purpose. What's my purpose? What's my purpose? I got to find my ultimate purpose. Who said there's one freaking purpose? Where did you get that delusion? And why does it have to be so huge?

I know like when I was a young kid, I had this purpose statement. The purpose of my life is to be a passionate, loving, incredible creation of what God shows is possible by serving all its humanity and lifting them. And I mean, it went on and on and on. Now, like, what's my purpose how can i help i mean serving is what my purpose is i don't need all this bullshit and that means i can do it when i introduce when i say i'm a little of a mailman i can do it in front of 50 000 people i can do it with my child right and there's lots of different purposes as you go through your life but most people try to get that they haven't even figured out what the hell they're going to do. They haven't even figured out enjoy their life. Your purpose will unfold if you do the right thing. So now to answer your question precisely and specifically in short order, you need to put yourself in a position if you're going to be successful is to have ideally your own business or a business where the more value add the more you earn

You can work for someone else and do that if you had stock options you could do that if you've got bonuses But to me autonomy if you really want an extraordinary life, I believe this is personal preference. This is my opinion This isn't the truth for everyone Is if you can find yourself in a place where the more value you add, the more you can grow mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially, then you can write your own ticket, right? And so owning your own business, to me, is one of the ways to do that, or partnering with somebody in a business, or working for somebody, but where they treat you as a partner, you get a piece of the business.

So you don't have to be only on your own. But if you're going to grow, you need to make whatever business you're part of, even if you work for somebody else, you've got to think like an owner, because if you do, you'll become one. And if you think like an owner and you're going to grow, you need to make whatever business you're part of, even if you work for somebody else, you've got to think like an owner. Because if you do, you'll become one. And if you think like an owner and you're going to succeed, then you've got to model the people that are successful. It's like why we put this challenge together. It's not just me. We've got about a dozen of the best people in the world, all different ways.

Because they're like, oh, Tony can do this. But what about, here's Jenna Kircher with her camera and what she's doing, making a couple million dollars a year, being a mom, enjoying her life, right? So they get to meet them all and not just be inspired, but this is specifically how to do it. Because you know, and I know, there's shit you get to have that I didn't have 20 years ago or even 15 or five years ago, some of it, but certainly not 30 years ago. It cost a fortune to do this stuff. Everything's for free now.

You can put up a podcast and reach millions of people. That was impossible in the stage of my life. So there are ways to leapfrog because of technology that you want to take advantage of. So you want to model somebody that's incredible, but then what's going to make that business work or not is two things. Do you understand who your ideal client is? You can't be a client to everybody. You got to know who's my, you can help everybody, but who's your ideal client? Who's the client that's going to stay with you when the economy gets bad? Because as you said, winter always comes.

I was saying winter came then because I knew we'd had a bull market so long that we're going to have to have a bear market. We usually have one every five years. We had this unbelievable long period of time without having one, and I wanted people prepared. Because when things go down is your greatest opportunity. Right now, your greatest second opportunity in your life is happening because we're coming out of winter, and we're not fully in springtime yet, although the economy is heating up. And it's artificially heating up.

They're going to pour so much money into it that you can be an idiot and do well in this economy. But you want to take advantage of this time because when it goes back again, because it will, we can't just keep printing dollars forever or putting ones and zeros in computers without inflation. We're already starting to see it. And most of you don't know what inflation is. I remember buying my first house at 18 years old, a triplex at 18% interest. It's hard to make money at 18%. Yeah. Now you got like two and a half for people right now. It's different universes. So you got to be prepared for whatever's coming. And the way you do that is know who your ideal customers, who you can add value to, fall in love with them. What do they need? What do they want?

What do they need? And not fall in love with your product, fall in love with them so you can keep meeting their needs and then come up with an irresistible offer. If you have those two things, you're going to win. I mean, I remember I saw there's a great little series out right now on, I think it's the History Channel. They've done these series in the past. You may have seen them, Lewis, like the people that shaped America and they show like all the guys that built Standard Oil, like the Rockefellers and so forth. They're doing one right now on the food that built America. And it's fascinating. And so one of those stories was about the pizza business. And I won't run it for you, but one of those was such a perfect example was Domino's Pizza. He was going bankrupt. He couldn't figure out what the hell to do. He couldn't make any money no matter what. And then one day he had a problem delivering something and somebody was pissed off and they go, I will not accept this pizza if it takes more than 30 minutes. was pissed off and they go, I will not accept this pizza if it takes more than 30 minutes.

And he was, and he heard it. And then he tried on every call Domino's pizza. We deliver within 30 minutes or your pizza is free. He made an irresistible offer. Not just that we'll deliver by 30 minutes, but I will be penalized. You will get it for free. If you don't, that offer turned Domino's from a losing company to the, one of the most dominant pizza companies in the history of the world. Having an irresistible offer and knowing who his client was. He went for kids in college. He targeted them because they ate more pizza and you could deliver more to the same dorm with more people. So he knew his ideal clients.

He knew who else he wanted to serve. He came up with an irresistible offer. Done deal. Unbelievable business. And this is one of the things you guys are teaching in the Own Your Future Challenge, which if I want everyone listening or watching to sign up for this, it's completely free. You can go to lewishouse.com slash future. It'll take you right there. You guys are doing this week-long challenge. You and our friend Dean Graziosi talking about how to build and scale an irresistible offer, talking about how to build a business, a side hustle, whatever it is, using your knowledge

and information to build something, to earn something on the side that eventually you could take it. What's unique about this challenge, and it's not just me, as you said, it's a bunch of people, is we're going to use technology each step of the way each day so you start to build a business that you could start to launch at the end because there's technology you can do in minutes what used to take months or years and or if you already have a business, how to grow it dynamically.

So it's not just going to be sitting back with philosophy. We're going to be calling you. There's no charge for the program. The charge is you got to take uncomfortable action each day using a little bit of technology we'll show you how to do and then you're going to have something really at the end, not just inspiration. I love it.

Yeah, I want everyone to sign up for this. It's completely free. lewishouse.com slash future. There's going to be a lot of great content. A lot of my mutual friends are going to be on there teaching, sharing some of their greatest strategies about how they built and scaled their businesses and brands. So make sure you sign up for that. Final two questions. This is a question I've asked you before. You probably don't remember. I think the last time I interviewed you was four or five years ago. But it's called the three truths. And I like to make it, spin this question. It's a hypothetical scenario. Imagine it's your last day on earth many years away. You get to accomplish and live as long as you want to live, but eventually

you got to turn the lights off. And for whatever reason, Tony, you've got to take all of your work with you. Your written words, your audio, the video, no one has access to your content anymore. They steal the books out of people's homes and it goes with you to the next place, hypothetically. But you get to leave behind three things you know to be true. The three lessons you would share with the world, and this is all we would have from your information. What would you say are those three lessons that you would share with your daughter or to the world if this is all we would have to remember you by? Life is not about me. Life is about we.

The quality of life is the quality of relationships and relationships are grown by giving, not by demanding, not by judging. I'd say secondly, love is the answer with strength. You have to have love and strength together. Those two resources, anything can be transformed, anything can be accomplished, because with love and strength, you'll have a larger vision. If it's true love, I don't want to talk about love in a sense of just trying to get something. I mean true love, which is about how can I give something, but still having strength also so you're not run over.

And I'd say constant never-ending learning will make life not only interesting, but the meaningfulness will come because you'll have something to give and that'll tie back to the first piece that I described. So, I mean, there's so much, it's hard to reduce to three things, but off the top of my head, those would be my first three. I love those. And Dean Graziosi said one of the greatest lessons you've taught him is about love and relationships. And he said that

you told him you feel love when you give it rather than when you receive it. And also in relationship, never keep score. And so I just wanted to mention that as something that has been impactful for him and so many of your your friends that you've taught this to especially myself and in relationships and understanding relationships before I ask the final question I want to acknowledge you Tony as I as I've done many times before and I will continue to do for as long as you're alive for constantly being a symbol of inspiration to so many people for constantly showing up you don't have to do for as long as you're alive, for constantly being a symbol of inspiration to so many people, for constantly showing up. You don't have to do this stuff anymore. You've done a million times over the work of helping so many people. And the ability, the amount of growth that

you continue to have in wanting to serve at a higher level continues to inspire me like you'll never know. And so I want to acknowledge you for leading the way, for constantly serving so many people that will never know that you touch their lives directly because you're doing it not for them to know you're doing it. On every area of life, I really appreciate who you are as a human. And my final question is, what is your definition of greatness? I think greatness is service. I think great service is a great life. I think, you know, as you live your life, and I'm fortunate enough to uncover this earlier in my life, not because I'm such a good person, I think just because I love people. And because I've been attracted really brilliant people 20, 30 years, my senior, who had been through all the patterns. In the end, it's not what you get that's going to make you happy. It's who you become and it's who you've been able to touch. And, you know, so I think greatness is service. I think greatness is finding the way to do more for others than anybody else, because that'll also come back to you in spades from the standpoint of your own sense of internal pride, not external, but your

own sense, like people could take away everything I have. They can't take away who I've become as a man by my service and by my growth. So I think, I think purpose and, and having a sense of progress are the two things that create a great life. If you've got a higher purpose than yourself, that's going to give you the motivation and the energy to drive when everybody else is exhausted and you're exhausted. And if you're making progress, you'll feel the rewards that come from that. I think those two are twin powers in a great life. Tony Robbins, thanks for all your service and generosity, my friend. I'm so grateful and thanks for being here. Thank you.

It's great to see you again. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you enjoyed it, please spread the message of greatness to a friend. Three friends. Post it on social media. Share it everywhere that you think someone would be inspired to listen to this episode. Make sure to subscribe over on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Just click the subscribe button right now.

Leave us a rating and review and share the part of this message that you enjoyed the most over in the review section on Apple Podcasts. Also, if you want inspiring messages sent to your phone every single week via me or a text message, then text the word podcast to 614-350-3960 to get on our secret texting community list. Also, make sure you sign up for the Own Your Future Challenge right now. Tony Robbins and Dean Graciosi are putting this on. Go to lewishouse.com slash

future. You can get signed up for free. Incredible week-long challenge to help you build your business and brand online. So make sure to go there, lewishouse.com slash future. Sign up for free right now. And I want to leave you with this quote from Shonda Rhimes, who said, you can waste your lives drawing lines, or you can live your life crossing them. I hope you enjoyed this. I hope you got value. Every time I have Tony on, I'm always inspired. There's something that he says that reminds me of what I need to do to continue to improve

my life. And he always shares something new that inspires me as well in a positive way. I'm always grateful for his time for coming on this show. Make sure to check out the previous interviews we had with Tony on here. If you want to be inspired, just check out the show notes at lewishouse.com slash 1107 or check out the description below this episode. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter, my friend. I'm so grateful for you. You know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.