The School of Greatness - "Why You're SABOTAGING Your Love Life" - The Neuroscience of Attraction Revealed

Episode Date: October 11, 2024

In this powerful episode of The School of Greatness, I dive deep into the fascinating world of love, relationships, and the human brain with three incredible experts. We kick things off with neuroscientist Dr. Tara Swart, who breaks down the science behind attraction, bonding, and how our childhood wounds impact our adult relationships. Next, I sit down with relationship guru Matthew Hussey to discuss his new book "Love Life" and unpack the keys to finding lasting love. Finally, we explore the future of dating and how to build strong connections in our tech-driven world. This episode is packed with mind-blowing insights, practical advice, and inspiring stories that will transform how you approach love and relationships. Whether you're single, dating, or in a long-term partnership, you won't want to miss the game-changing wisdom shared in this conversation!IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL LEARN:How childhood trauma and our "shadow self" influence our ability to attract and maintain healthy relationshipsThe surprising ways brain chemistry and hormones impact attraction, bonding, and long-term commitmentWhy developing self-compassion and vulnerability is crucial for finding authentic love and connectionPractical strategies for rewiring your brain to break negative relationship patterns and attract the right partnerExpert tips for maintaining a strong connection with your partner and navigating the challenges of modern datingFor more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1679For more Greatness text PODCAST to [phone]More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Dr. Tara Swart – https://link.chtbl.com/1629-podMatthew Hussey – https://link.chtbl.com/1590-podNick Viall – https://link.chtbl.com/1565-pod

Welcome to this special masterclass. We've brought some of the top experts in the world to help you unlock the power of your life through this specific theme today. It's going to be powerful, so let's go ahead and dive in. Do you believe that we can be in beautiful, healthy, loving relationships. And we can manifest everything we have on our vision or action boards if we have yet to heal the wounds of our childhood as a neuroscientist. No. Really.

So if we have these visions and dreams and goals that we want to go after, if we want to have a beautiful relationship, but we are wounded still, the inner child is wounded inside of us as adults, what will happen to us? So this is really about inner child and shadow, right? So I think people understand that you've got an inner child that maybe didn't get over things that you experienced in your childhood. Shadow is about the parts of yourself that you've rejected because as a young child, you rely on your primary caregivers for survival. And if there is something that they don't love about you, you want to hide that for all the world so that they will still love you and not let you die. You don't want anyone to notice about you. No. That's shame. So you hide it away in childhood

and often find yourself in adulthood no longer even aware of what those things are because you've rejected them so deeply. Wow. Yeah. But that's driving a lot of your unconscious behavior. Right. So if you put together the inner child and the shadow, then what happens is you meet people on the same level of psychological wound as you. Oh, man. You also leave people where if you evolve out of that and they haven't been able to. Wow. Which I think goes back to one of the things, one of the pieces of content I heard you talk

about, which is like the sense of smell connected to someone's stress levels or anxiety levels. Like you'll kind of attract a similar nervous system or I guess a certain similar like, I don't know, stress level. Yeah. It's not, it's not, it's not smell. It's sensing, sensing, not through smell, the level of the stress hormone. Yeah. But that's short term, right? But the inner child and shadow stuff is longer term. Gosh, that's fascinating. Yeah. So you think we attract people based on our psychological wounds? 100%. Wow. And as we start to heal and grow, if the other person's not healing and growing, we kind of pull away. Wow. That's interesting. Speaking, I guess,

about relationships and men and women, with all of your expertise on the brain, is the process of manifesting love and falling in love different from men versus women? I think if it's love you're really looking for, then it's not different. Not lust. Yeah, exactly. The issue is what you're actually looking for. So you think men and women manifest love the same way, similar ways? so you think men and women manifest love the same way similar ways yeah i think if you know if you want that sense of partnership and friendship and intimacy and you want to be loyal and you want it to be for the long term then it doesn't matter what gender you are um but if the disconnect is often and you know this is a bit of a stereotype but usually it's more that men are sorry that

women want a loving stable relationship and men perhaps you know don't want that as much sex or whatever yeah or don't you know just don't want it right now go through periods where that's what they want and go through periods where that's not what they want which i guess could be true of any gender as well but overall more likely women will want to to be in a monogamous relationship. Why is that based on the brain size? So it comes from evolution. So when we lived in the cave, women did need men to protect them from predators and to hunt for food. Especially if they're pregnant too and they weren't able to go out and hunt or gather or whatever it might be.

I mean, they generally didn't hunt as much, so they gathered more. But then it's hard to get protein from what you gather rather than what you hunt. So for survival... And, you know, they use the fat and the skins and everything. So it wasn't just food. It was shelter and fire and, and you know all of that kind of stuff so although we don't necessarily need a man for those physical things now it's a very strong survival wiring in the brain and so what we have you know in in the cave we lived nomadically. So often the men would go and hunt and be away for a very long time.

Or if they went far enough and they found a cave of the same tribe, they would just stay there and not go back. Why risk your life to travel back for six weeks? But over time, a lot of societies in the modern world have asked people to live in unit families. And so we have seen men's brains be rewired. Really? Yeah. Quite recently, relatively recently, like maybe in the last 10 years, research has showed that when you become a dad for the first time, oxytocin rewires your brain so that you're more into bonding and less into the testosterone competitive stuff? Because if you think about it, lions and tigers, they'll eat their own children.

You have to tame that in some ways, right? But how do you tame it but also harness it in other ways? You know what I mean? It's like a dance of having drive and testosterone. I never want to lose that drive, right? I get this question all the time. But I also want to be a great loving parent and partner and all these things. Yeah.

And not let testosterone drive me in doing damaging things, you know, so. Well, so from about the age of 35, your testosterone will have started dropping significantly already. Oh, man. What's going on? One's testosterone tends to drop from that age. So when you do become a dad. It drops after you become a dad. For the first time oxytocin goes up testosterone drops you become much more about like cuddling and bonding and wanting to stay in the home and look after the. Interesting. Mom and the baby. Less about more about like cuddling and bonding and wanting to stay in the home and look after the mom and the baby. Less about like lifting and like hunting right?

Yeah. If you keep lifting then you would actually like keep your testosterone levels higher. Also if the baby sleeps in the same room as you then your testosterone levels drop even more. So you might want to move out for three months to a different bedroom. Yeah I've already told her I'm getting my sleep, you know, the first few months. So your testosterone drops. If you sleep in the same room as the baby. Why is that? Because the oxytocin's becoming like, you know, higher and higher because you've got this cute little warm thing that smells so nice

and is so like vulnerable and dependent on you. And it's like in the room with you the whole eight hours of just oxytocin boost. But are women attracted to men with less testosterone? They are when they're not fertile, but they are not when they are at peak fertility. Really? So mid-cycle when you're ovulating, you're going to want a bad boy. And the rest of the time you're going to want a nice man that will the rest of the time, you're going to want a nice man that will stay at home and help you look after the baby. So if you're not a bad boy, when you're at peak fertility as a woman, is that going to hurt the relationship if you don't give women what they want? Hang on, say that again. So if a man is not a bad boy, when a woman is at peak fertility, and the man just wants to cuddle and chill and not be driven by testosterone and give the woman that testosterone feel.

Well, that ultimately hurts the relationship long term if the woman doesn't get what she wants sexually. I mean, I think if she's chosen him by then. So this is more about when you're like in the choosing phase. Once you've settled down with with someone then you have like a logical conversation about are we trying for a baby or not right um but logic and emotion are two different things no i mean relationships you know you might logically say okay i'm safe but emotionally you want something else this is a reason that people cheat right right because they're not getting what they want sexually yeah and. And so it's like, how do you suppress the thing you want sexually to be like, oh, but he's such a good guy or he's this.

But if he's not giving me what I want, then I'm going to go find it from this other younger testosterone driven man, right? You're getting really jealous here. I'm not getting jealous. This fantasy younger high testosterone man. Well, I'm just thinking, is this what women deal with? I know. Is this what women deal with? Yeah.

To some extent, you know, more consciously or less consciously, depending on the woman. Yeah. It's interesting, right? So let me kind of explain the physiology behind it from the research that we know the best. Yes. Which is in prairie voles. So there are two types of voles in America. Marsh or mountain voles.

Voles? What's a vole? Vole. It's a little rat-like creature. Prairie dogs? No. Not prairie dogs. It's a vole. It's more like a mouse or a rat. Okay, cool.

The ones that live in the marsh or the mountain, they have plenty of food and plenty of shelter. And they're super promiscuous. The ones that moved to the prairie, where there's like scarce food and shelter, they snuggle in and settle down and become monogamous for life. The same rat, the same mouse, but just living in different areas. Come on. So wait, you're telling me rats are monogamous these voles these voles are monogamous um they live in the prairie if they live in the prairie

but not if they live in the park but if they have a but if they have all the food and abundance they're just and lots of female voles that they can go and visit. They're just little polyamorous voles. Yeah. Because they know that if they get one vole pregnant and she's left on her own to look after her young, they're going to survive because they're well sheltered. There's plenty of food for her to nip out and bring it back to the babies.

Yeah. But in the prairie, if he was was promiscuous then the chances of his offspring dying are quite high because she can't defend the nest herself she can't find enough food for herself and then without help and so let's extrapolate this how does this help humans right okay well which first off which which mice are? The ones that are more promiscuous or the ones that are coupled? I think it depends on the vole. So you think the female mice are happy if they just, you know, are pregnant, but then their partner just leaves? No, no.

They're not happy? No. How do we know? Can we test that? Okay, so how do we apply this to our lives? No, hang on. There is an answer to that okay we test it through um levels of oxytocin and vasopressin come on have we done this have people done this yes no way from these mice yeah wow that's crazy um and actually just to be serious the research has

done more to help with loneliness grief and heartbreak but obviously it's got implications for dating wow um so because one of the things that we saw with the receptors in the brain is that like if if i'm in no it's got to be the other way around if you're in love with me you've got more vasopressin receptors in your nucleus accumbens, which is on the reward circuitry. And then every time you see me, you get a reward. And the longer that we've been dating and stay together and become closer, that reward becomes more intense every time you see me. However, if we then had a prolonged separation,

time can downregulate the effect of those receptors. So obviously there are implications for that in a breakup or grief right right um and but one of the things i think is like so so important for dating is that if a woman if a couple are getting to know each other and this is all on like heterosexual couples in research, then as a woman is sexually interested and liking the guy and enjoying the dating, her oxytocin levels are slowly, slowly starting to go up. When they start actually having sex, she's going to be releasing higher levels of oxytocin every time she orgasms. And that's going to make her bond to the guy much more.

every time she orgasms, and that's going to make her bond to the guy much more. If you have sex on the first date, the guy's vasopressin levels will plummet straight away, and all he'll be interested in is testosterone. If you make him wait, his vasopressin and oxytocin levels go up, and then when you do actually have sex, he's already bonded. So it's more likely to become part of a loving relationship. Wow. So if a woman sleeps with a man on the first date or two, is a man driven to want to bond long-term with that person? No. Why not?

Because the vasopressin levels drop as soon as he has sex what does that mean so vasopressin is the one that makes the prairie voles monogamous the higher the levels of that and that the receptors appear in the reward circuitry of your brain and so basically if you see your partner in distress it um affects your brain that those neurons and you want to comfort her through physical touch so that's oxytocin but if you haven't had time for those receptors to appear in the correct place to make you bond then it's just it's just you know it goes back to lust so what I say about love and relationships is that the genetics and the receptors will load the gun, but sexual activity will pull the trigger. So based on neuroscience, if you sleep with someone quickly, you're less likely to bond long-term together. They're more likely to be promiscuous or just

not be as interested in that person long-term is that right okay that's fascinating no but you hear a lot of people which should be like you know just sleep with them on the first day it's fun just have fun you know it's all good but i just feel like you're setting yourself up for let down but if that's what you want, that's fine. But don't expect the guy to keep liking you after that. No, no. And don't say it's fine and it's fun if you actually want a long-term relationship

and then be disappointed that they didn't want that too. Yeah. So the brain chemistry within a man changes if they have sex earlier with a woman. And it changes in a different way if they wait and they actually create a bond. And it changes in a different way if they wait and they actually like create a bond and then... First.

Yeah. And then have sex. Yeah. What changes within a woman when they have sex with a man? Do they become more bonded to the person? Yeah. So for the woman, it's not so much to do with whether they are already in love with the person or not.

If they're having sex and they're releasing oxytocin, because they don't, we don't have It's not so much to do with whether they are already in love with the person or not. If they're having sex and they're releasing oxytocin, because we don't have as much testosterone as you. You've got at least seven to eight times as much testosterone as me. And that buffers the effect of oxytocin, whereas I would get the full effect of oxytocin. That's fascinating. So a woman, when they have sex with a man they're bonding quicker yeah when a man has sex with a woman he's not necessarily bonding right away he has to have more time connecting with her yeah until he bonds yeah that is interesting and then sex will then the oxytocin isn't as buffered by the testosterone so when you've got the vasopressin and the oxytocin isn't as buffered by the testosterone. So when you've got the vasopressin and the oxytocin high, then the testosterone has less negating effect on it. This is fascinating. Okay. What

else about neuroscience and relationships should we address since we're on this topic that you think is really interesting? So I think, you know, the whole like visual and smell thing at start is quite interesting. And then the receptors and hormones to do with bonding and sex is really interesting. I would say that because we live so much longer now, you know, we were using these cave analogies. But to be honest, in cave times, you and I would both be dead. So relationships potentially have to last for longer. And I think there's two things to say here. One is that you can use neuroplasticity to keep growing and changing in a way that keeps a relationship fresh. If you are holding on to this fantasy that a relationship has to last forever, even if we're now living till we're 100 right so I think another way to look at it is about being in the present not necessarily putting this intense pressure on yourself your partner in the relationship that it has to last forever yeah um understanding that

even if a relationship breaks down and that's obviously difficult to handle at the time that there are potential possibilities for something that's more right for you at a different age than maybe a choice you made in your 20s um so you know nothing you don't have to be a neuroscientist to say those two things it's kind of like just using your brain to understand that there's a certain amount of time. There are benefits to being in long-lasting relationships, but there are possible alternatives as well. Yeah, that's interesting. I want to go back to what we were talking about a little bit before in terms of 3D, 5D, brain states.

I guess my question is, you know, we're in the three-dimensional world right now, 3D. But from my understanding, 5D allows us to manifest faster. It's like I'm skipping time. It's not saying you have to push things forward in the physical material world. You're jumping time in a sense, if that makes sense. And when we use our brain to think about something, we're sending a signal into space, into time, space, our environment, consciousness. We're putting a signal out into the world. And maybe sometimes when we think about someone, we're sending that signal to the other person, right? Potentially.

sometimes when we think about someone, we're sending that signal to the other person, right? Potentially. And if we send a signal out consistently, we're signaling to the world. And if we fill our hearts with love and gratitude and harmony and peace in a beautiful state, a flourishing state of abundance, we're signaling something out and we're drawing it back in through the heart. Is that a bunch of baloney or is that something that you can back by science to support our energy, our thoughts, our way of being and connect it to the actions we take on a daily basis? That's a really beautiful way that you've put it and a great question as well. And so I just want to start that story with a few things like, if you think about what you and I watched as sci-fi when we were kids, so much of that is true now. It's happening.

Yeah. And things that we used to think about the brain, like one way that we used to treat mental illnesses was by doing a frontal lobotomy or cutting the corpus callosum that, you know, like bridges the left and right hemispheres. And we thought we were doing a good thing. I have actually given patients electroconvulsive therapy in my career so not that long ago and not because i wanted to but i had a patient that came to me um and said you know i've got a long history of depression and when it gets to the point that i don't want to eat and drink the only thing that helps me quick enough that i don't have to suffer for weeks is is ECT and I said are you sure you don't want to try you know there are some modern antidepressants now that you know have an effect in a couple of weeks

and she was like no I'm not eating I'm not drinking I'm totally depressed I just want ECT so I was like okay um but we don't generally do that so much anymore. So our understanding of psychiatry, psychology and then with the advent of brain scanning, how, you know, how healthy brains function has come a long way. Even at this conference at the weekend, all the speakers were amazing, but a few of them mentioned right brain, left brain. And I said, I'm sorry, but I've got to stand up here and say we really can't talk about the brain like that anymore. It's so much more complex and sophisticated with these amazing networks and subsystems

and it's just doing a big disservice to the brain to talk about. It's all connecting. Yeah. So in that sense the research that most backs up what you're talking to speaking to is we can't prove all of that yet but how we're getting there is through two main ways one is looking at what happens in the brain with psychedelics and how they can induce neuroplasticity. So I keep my eye on the research at Johns Hopkins because it's like, to me, the best lab that's looking into that stuff.

And so there are really great benefits from one or two doses spaced one to six months apart of certain psychedelics in mental illnesses like depression and schizophrenia, potentially in grief as well. But what's really interesting to me is that everything that you see that a psychedelic can achieve relatively quickly, you can achieve yourself by sleeping right, eating right, breathing right, and meditating. Let's go. I'm so happy you're saying this because I have a lot of friends that swear by psychedelics. They say like, oh, this changed my life

and it's opened me up and it's allowed me to see things differently. But I've been in many meditation intensive retreats that I feel like I'm seeing visions and I'm seeing like geometric shapes and pulsating and, uh, you know, all these different things that we are creating ourselves within ourselves. You know, it's the chemicals, the pharmacy that we have in our brain and body that can manifest and create these things are so powerful that I think if trained continually, it's hard work, but if trained properly and continually with the right teaching can have just as powerful effects, if not more powerful healing benefits than an outside pharmacy. That's

just my belief. I may be wrong, but it sounds like from your research, that's true. I'm so glad. I'm so glad you said that because I know it's particularly popular in LA as well. Oh yeah. Everyone's talking about microdosing and ayahuasca and everything. And my concern is that- And they're swearing by it and it's helping them immensely. And I'm like, cool, if it's helping you, cool. But can you try other things too that aren't changing your brain chemistry from the outside in, but rather from the inside out? I think there's a couple of other things around that. One is that if it's not in a hospital or a lab under like proper supervision with qualified people then a how do you know how pure the source of whatever you're taking is um you know in the 60s

there were so many bad like lsd trips that happened to people so what happens if something goes wrong and there's no one trained there that can help you neuroplasticity as i remember we discussed before is not always good it can be You know, you obsess over a breakup. You're just wiring into your brain. You stay in it for years, this grief. And so can these psychedelics do that as well. They can keep you trapped in a depressive state. They can even like, yeah, like they can make things more negative

because how do you know where that mushroom or whatever it is that you're taking is going to induce neuroplasticity in your brain? How are you directing that if you've got no experience of that you know so that is a bit of a concern when they did the ayahuasca research at johns hopkins they use the pure ayahuasca when you do it in ceremony it's mixed with something that makes you purge makes you throw up and feel sick yeah and and have diarrhea potentially as well. Yeah. So the purging. I don't want that. I know. No, I know. Who wants to go through that? It completely puts me off. Some people don't mind it so much, but it's done because it symbolizes

a massive release. Yes. And that's part of. And a rebirth. Yes, exactly. i think for a lot of people especially those who are playing the field and experiencing different people and whatever there is a kind of being single is this dopaminergenic cycle and it and it's hard to get off that cycle because you're kind of wired you're wired for it now you're wired for instant gratification you're wired for variety and excitement and what next and the dramas of the first few weeks of knowing someone and the romance of like just figuring each other out and all of that is like and texts and phone buzzing and you know this and that and this person's now called and it's like a frantic sort of dopamine engine that you get stuck in and at a certain point you have to come to value something else more because otherwise and this happens of course routinely is people get locked into that

cycle and it was clear to me at a certain point oh this happiness doesn't lie here for me anxiety lies here for me uncertainty uncertainty is having an effect on on the way i see the world or myself, or this is not, this is not going to serve me long term. But that doesn't, just because you realize that, it doesn't mean that you immediately have an appreciation of what the other thing is, or that you even know what it looks like, or what package it comes in, or you don't know any of those things and so you you know there's a whole chapter i wrote i wrote in this book that i'm really insanely proud of because i think it's so on the money of what's happening for so many people it's called never satisfied and that i think is the feeling i explain the steps of why it is we struggle to be satisfied. And the next

chapter is how to rewire your brain so that you can actually rewire yourself for happiness. Because I know for a long time, I was that never satisfied in relationships or just, yeah, my love life. I think in life too. Right. But in, in my love life, I was just chasing, chasing, chasing, chasing, chasing dopamine, dopamine. I'm not happy. I need to get out of this relationship. I'm single dopamine, dopamine. I'm not happy here. I knew, you know, like there must be some perfect person who's going to make me feel differently about this whole thing. And I'm going to feel different when I meet that person. And that person didn't come because it wasn't really about that. It was something was going on with me. I was, I was in that cycle and it, and it, the other thing that is available to

you is so, I don't want to, this isn't a, this isn't a lecture on whether someone should be single or in a relationship. So I don't want to become that person, but I, what is so amazing about a healthy relationship is not available to you until you come to value something different. It's like someone who's been used to doing drugs every day. And then the day that you, that you get them to quit drugs, you sit them outside their house in front of a beautiful field. And you say, appreciate the sunset.

Yeah. There's no dopamine rush. A sunset is a mate. Like a sunset is an mate like a sunset is an awe-inspiring unbelievable thing it's something that you just mind-blowing why do we all go on holiday and everyone at the same time goes out onto the beach and watches the sunset because there's something stunning and magical about a sunset but for the person who's been doing drugs every day, that's not the day you can appreciate a sunset. You are coming out of all of those feelings that you've been addicted to and all of that like instant gratification, dopamine.

So it's about like, again, it's nervous system stuff, right? It's retraining my nervous system. And this is some of the stuff we talk about in how to rewire your brain, but it's, you have to orient yourself towards a different goal. And in the beginning, you can't expect the new thing to feel like the old thing. Cause it's not, it's not going to feel like the old thing because it's not it's not gonna feel like the old thing but the more you lean into the new thing it you develop an appreciation for how much better it actually feels and that's like a kind of stunning and eye-opening realization and I'm I feel really passionate about this because i see a lot of really unhappy people i was one of them by the way who are stuck in those cycles and and i think there's a lot of

i think there's a lot of people who get stuck in optimization cycles in their love life where it's like especially taipei people not everyone does but a lot of life, where it's like, especially Taipei people, not everyone does, but a lot of people do where it's like, I'm trying to find the perfect thing. And I'm trying to, and if someone's missing this thing, I'm going to optimize and go for another person who's like got all the good things about this person, but, and also that thing. And it's like, people don't work like that. You exchange one basket of ingredients for another basket of ingredients and you'll get new good stuff and new bad stuff and challenging stuff. And I'm a huge believer. I think the settling is a word that has has a really unfairly negative connotation and it shouldn't is something

amazing about that word you can change the meaning of of that depending on the word that goes after it so if you say if you tell someone you have to settle for something that feels immediately negative right i feel like settling down yeah because i because I feel like I'm being shortchanged. But if you say settling on something, that changes it because you, Lewis, settled on a particular business and brand. Yes. You're such a capable person.

You could have done a hundred different things in this lifetime and you would have been a success at them. So how the hell do you decide which one you should do? You found one that scratched the itch in a bunch of different ways. It allowed you to be creative. It allowed you to broadcast, which is something you're really good at. It allowed you to connect, which is something you're really good at. It allowed you to harness all of these relationships, which is something you're really good at it allowed you to you know harness all of these relationships which is something you're really great at is

relationships it allowed you to put to work your strategy mind it allowed you to be competitive which is something that's in your bones and and so it this business it ticked a lot of boxes for you but it's not the only business that would have ticked boxes for you. There are other things you could have done that would have ticked boxes, but you settled on greatness. And you said, I'm going to go all in on this and I'm going to keep going on this. And the thing that has made what you do so great and what you have done is extraordinary. What you've built, the audience you've built, the platforms you've built, the body of work you've built the the audience you've built the platforms you've built the body of work you've built it's extraordinary but it's not extraordinary because you found an extraordinary thing you didn't find the word greatness and and like you know you just went i've got the if you'd

have said to me like 15 years ago we didn't know each other then but when you started if you'd have said to me matt i've got the greatest idea i am gonna take the word greatness and i am gonna just own that world and word and build a brand out of it and do all of the i would have been like that's not an idea so you've taken a common word in the english language you talk about it yeah you know what I mean? Like, but that's not what's made this extraordinary. What's made this extraordinary is that you have settled on it and you keep, you take this thing to another level every year and people who are looking at you going, there's, you've got a lot of, I've, I've, I've walked with you in the street in vegas on holiday in places on

when we've traveled you have people coming up to you everywhere you go and you're a hero to so many people and so many people want to create what you've created i want to be where you are but you didn't you didn't start with this really special thing you spent year after year after year making a really special thing and every year i see you take the same core thing and stick with it again yeah not go you know what now what i really want to do is now i really want to do real estate yeah i'm over this i'm going to move on yeah the greater yeah it's not that's not it for you you're like i'm going to make this thing even better i think that's how people should approach relation approach relationships and that's my point is that you settle when the thing that makes a relationship the greatest relationship of your

life is that you take someone who ticks the boxes for you and that's the starting point. But then based on the values you each bring, and I think there are some very powerful values for a relationship, like being growth oriented, like teamwork, like loyalty, like prioritizing the vision of the relationship. I think when you take those things and you put those two people like that together, what they start with is not nearly as interesting as what they will create together. And you can only create that if you settle on a person, but you will never settle on a person as long as you are looking for the perfect person as a starting point. Because the perfect relationship doesn't exist at the beginning but the perfect relationship for you can exist over time if you settle on someone and you resolve to make that relationship as good as it can possibly be and that's why i get i get so

excited about my relationship because i'm like it's's amazing right now. It's going to be even better in six months. Right. Because we're building something together. Martha says that to me all the time. She's like, how do I love you even more today than I did last week? And I think it's because we're both focused on growing ourselves individually and growing the relationship together. And I'm sure there's going to be adversities and challenges we face, but us facing it together makes us even more connected and appreciate each other even more. And there's something even fun about that. When you know you're an amazing team, there's even something fun about knowing that there's going to be challenges and the two and

how you're going to solve those as a team because you're in a killer team. Like that's, that's even that there's something exciting about it. So, you i think we we almost have to pay attention to some of these ideas we have about love and relationships is what you know the way we use words like settling are you settling for someone or are you settling on someone that will change if you settle for someone you'll become passive and resentful in that relationship if you see it like you settling on someone? That will change. If you settle for someone, you'll become passive and resentful in that relationship. If you see it like you settled on someone, of any choice you could have made, you chose this person.

And because you chose it, you're gonna lean into it and you're gonna make it as great as it can possibly be, that relationship, that will change the way you approach relationships. The same is true of the word commitment. This is amazing. This is such a fantastic example of the way you approach relationships. The same is true of the word commitment. This is amazing. This is such a fantastic example of the point I'm making. If you look up, I think it's in Apple Dictionary.

I don't know how it's reflected in the Oxford Dictionary. But if you go on your Mac and you type in the word commitment, there are two different definitions that come up. Really? What does it say? One is a, I think it it reads and people can go and look for themselves and get the exact wording right but one of them says roughly a obligation that restricts freedom of action wow right now if you you give me someone that has that as their definition of commitment and i'll show you someone who has a hard time ever being in a relationship but there's another definition of commitment under

that one and it says commitment a dedication to a cause now when you think of dedication to a cause, it creates a completely different energy in your body. I'm dedicated to this cause. I'll fight for this cause. I'll do anything for this cause. There's something heroic about that. I'm dedicated to the cause of our relationship, of our future, of our vision, of where we're going. There's something stunningly beautiful about that. Dedication to a cause,

an obligation that restricts freedom. One is about shrinking your world and the other one enlarges it. There are so many people out there struggling with the idea of committing whether it's to a business an idea a path a country a person a new sport and your definitions around these words, the way you choose to see them is going to determine your ability to stay with something, to invest in something. And I think that's so fascinating.

I really do. Yeah. This is big, man. Um, there's so many more questions I want to ask you, but I want to, I want people to get the book because I know you're going to answer a lot of these questions in here as well. Love life, how to raise your standards, find your person and live happily no matter what. So make sure you guys get a few copies.

If you have a friend who's been struggling in relationships, get them a copy as well. If you know someone that just went through a breakup, get them a copy. If you know someone who's in a healthy relationship, get them a copy so they can still use these tools to improve their relationship as well. Love life. Where can they go and get this copy? Is there a way we can get some extra goodies or bonuses or should we just go on Amazon? Where should we go? You can definitely get it from

Amazon or Barnes and Noble or wherever you get your books. But we actually have a website, from Amazon or Barnes and Noble or wherever you get your books. But we actually have a website, lovelifebook.com. There's so many great concepts in here. Again, how to rewire your brain. I love the chapter in here about if you know you want to leave, but you don't know how to leave, it teaches people how to get out of a relationship the right way. Yeah, there's a lot of talk in there there that's a big chapter on anyone who's in a toxic abusive or narcissistic relationship and and you can apply that by the way across the board not just to your love life but if there's family relationships that you're struggling with and you don't know what to do about them that's a very hard-hitting chapter there's chapters on confidence

in there which is why this has mass appeal i i want to say this just to, just to, cause I think it's important for people to hear. I have come to believe that there are three relationships we are all in, in life. One is our relationship with other people. The second is our relationship with ourselves. And the third is our relationship with life itself. And these are three relationships that you can't get out of right you're for as long as you're here on this planet you are in these three relationships and these relationships the quality of them will determine your happiness in this world so we better focus on those relationships and that's in many ways this book is designed not just to be a book for people who are looking to find love but a book for people who are looking to improve those relationships and uh i talk about my own

journey even i talk about some times where i fell out of love with life because i was you know handed some difficult cards along the way and struggled. Uh, and you know, maybe we could talk about it on another episode, but you know, was in a very dark place and a very depressed place. And I, I talk in the book about how I improved the tools that I use to improve my relationship with life in the hardest times of my life. And that, you know, that's why the double meaning in the title of this book is so important to me. This isn't just about your love life. It's about your love for life. And it's why that last line, you know, how to raise your standards, find your person and live happily no matter what was really, really important to me. So don't think this is

just a book about finding love. This is a, I believe that this is a book that will get passed around for people who are struggling with all sorts of things in their lives. That's cool, man. And again, if you don't have a good relationship with life, you're probably not going to have a good relationship with yourself. And if you don't have a good relationship with yourself, how are you going to find someone that you can actually love and appreciate without being jaded on them trying to hurt you in some way? So you need to have a healthy relationship in all three areas, or those first two at least,

if you want to have a healthy relationship with someone else and trusting them in your life and opening your heart to them. Knowing everything you know now from being in multiple different relationships, going through breakups, being in challenging situations and in love, being single and dating a bunch of people over the years, you know, now being married. If you could give your 18 year old self three pieces of advice about love

that you wish you would have known then that you know now, what would those three things be? Three on the spot is hard, by the way. If you imagine. I got it. 18 year old Matthew sitting in front of you saying, I just want to find love and I just want to feel loved and I want to have a family and be married one day.

And you get to sit in front of him with all the wisdom that you have now and all the heartache and all the pain and all the love that you've experienced, what are you going to say to your younger self? I think the first thing I would say is that it's, it's not, this is going to sound cheesy, but I, I, I really mean it. I would start by saying, it's not your fault that you are the way you are.

That these things that you think are a sign that you're broken, whether it's your shyness or your anxiety or feeling like you're, you know, terrified of rejection or that you're not good enough. you're uh you know terrified of rejection or that you're not good enough i you you know these things are either they've either been part of you from the beginning or they are a response to things that have happened in your life you know i'm not saying everything is nurture some of the some of it is just our dna right yes our brain but either way you know these things that you keep judging yourself for and telling yourself that you're broken for they they deserve compassion because they're not you didn't choose them you know and i and the reason i think that's important from a love life context is because the what i lacked for so much of my life was self-compassion i thought i wasn't good enough

i thought that you know deep down i was shameful i was ugly i was um unlovable i was bad like not a good person you know i was just yeah like just not you know like if people really knew who i was i they would think i was disgusting and pathetic and weak and unlovable and um and i'm not saying all of this is was always conscious but it was on some level this must have been how i was feeling because i was really deeply afraid to be seen yes and so i would have i would have said it's okay that you're like you're you're okay you're like the way you are you didn't it's not that you're like you're you're okay you're like the way you are you didn't it's not because you're broken or that you made choices to be there it's that you're responding to something and that would that would give me self-compassion wow and the

second thing i would say to myself is is share those things now i don't know how well it would have gone for me at 18 to share those things with with girls my age but in general i would have said as a lesson for life share those things because that everyone else is also in all the ways you fear you're broken everyone else is too and if you can share that with other people you that is going to be your ultimate power i spent my 20s lewis you know i was coaching people and i was lucky enough like you to be quite known relatively speaking you know as a 25 year old i you know made a bit of a name for myself and a lot of people knew who i was and and i and i never really allowed myself to truly just be myself because i was trying to be something else i was trying to like be impressive and these days i'm much more focused

on connecting yeah with people it's like you and i would never have had this interview 10 years ago right the first ever pass too much or yeah the first i'm sure the first interview we did together was was strong because it's fun sometimes when someone is being impressive right we get to watch someone you know do their thing but this this now this wouldn't happen 10 years ago because i wasn't sharing myself in that way. So I would say share yourself because that's the route to real connection, real friendships, real love. Have compassion for these flaws in other people. Because, you know, I spent way too much of my life writing people off or judging people for things that they were struggling with. You know, and things I didn't like about the way they did this or that, or the way that insecurity showed up all the way. And, and, oh, like, honestly, man, I look back on it now. And I'm like,

they were me. They were me, like, I, I, they only didn't know that that was me, because I wasn't being vulnerable with them for, you know, I didn't even offer that was me because i wasn't being vulnerable with them for you know i didn't even offer them the ability to have compassion with my deeper flaws or my insecurities or my vulnerabilities because i never shared them you didn't reveal them no because i i didn't i judge those things in myself and when you judge them in yourself you judge them in other people and the more in my life i've developed space for myself and who i am uh the more compassionate i've become with myself the more compassionate i've become with other people the greater my capacity to love other people for who they really are i have found it

easier to love other people the more that i have learned to love myself and the more compassion i've developed for my own complexities and the things that make me a difficult and complicated and it's made me able to love other people more because now that i'm making more space for myself i also make space for for the way that other people are and the things that, those things on the surface that are easy to judge, the things that, the deeper wounds that those things represent that they're struggling with. Having that compassion for yourself breeds compassion for other people. You mentioned something about learning to accept love. I'm curious, can you truly accept and feel loved by someone else if you don't learn to love yourself? Oh no, I don't think so. Yeah. Because

if, because you don't believe it, you know, if you think you don't are undeserving of love, you think that, you know, you're not good enough. When someone says, I think you're great and I love you, you honestly will think they're lying to you. Even if you're chasing them and even if you're trying to be with them. Yeah, you might feel valid or special. You get that kind of fix. I create a lot of relationship advice, like food advice,

that I always refer to people as sour patch kids. I had this epiphany. I was like, what? How how can i i was explaining to i was dating an actress at the time and her sister was asking me for relationship advice and she was talking about this guy over and over about like he would go out with me you know we do all these boyfriend and girlfriend things and then they would hook up and then he would disappear and then she'd feel like crap afterwards. And I'm like, you know who he is? He's a Sour Patch Kid.

She was like, well, what do you mean? And I was just like, well, like when I eat Sour Patch Kids, I love them. When I talk about them right now, my mouth is salivating, you know, just thinking about it. And every once in a while, I'll indulge in a bag of Sour Patch Kids. But every time I eat it, even though I get that fix

and it's so good going in, I inevitably always feel like crap because, well, they're crappy food. Nothing about Sour Patch Kids will nourish your body. You're not going to get healthy out of putting Sour Patch Kids in your body. So that fix is always followed by that hangover of being crappy. And a lot of people are kind of that Sour Patch Kids or that hangover of that fix of validation, that temporary short-term feeling of excitement and the euphoria of feeling enough only followed by that kind of hangover of not feeling good enough. So back to you, like if you don't really love yourself and you don't truly believe it, you know, they might compliment you. They might say this, I love you. And you're kind of caught off guard and you're feeling good, but then you'll, then you'll get in your head.

You'll be like, well, do they really, are you sure? You know, they can't really love me. And it's just like, you look in the mirror and you're kind of disgusted with yourself. And then, you know, it'll be followed by that hangover of, of that kind of that, that excitement going away. And so, yeah, I think it really is important to truly be comfortable with who you are. As I get older, I'm sure you've done this too. Like, again, there's a, you, you're, you're never a finished product. Like I always want to work on myself. I always want to work on my bad habits, of which I have many. But I also have gotten to the point in my life,

and I remember a moment when Natalie and I first started dating, and she was giving me a hard time because I don't ever close cabinet doors. You know, I leave things open. I'm a very disorganized person. And I said to her, I'm like, listen, I promise you'll always work on this, but I just want you to know, this is also who I am. I've never been good at this.

And I remember, and I was kind of half joking, but just me being able to say that to her and just say, I have some really bad habits. And honestly, my brain works a certain way that I've tried so hard to be good at this stuff and correct it, but it's just hard for me. I don't know how to like, I don't know how to do this. And just to say that out loud to her, 23 year old me, I would never have acknowledged that.

Oh yeah, no, I can do that. Yeah, I'm right on that, babe. I'll master that. I was never willing to acknowledge that there's some yeah, no, I can do that. Yeah, I'm right on that, babe. I'll master that. You know, I was never willing to acknowledge that there's some things that are just really hard for me. Wow. I'm really not good at this. I'm really going to struggle with this.

This is a weakness of mine. And when you can say that and someone else can see and accept it. Yeah, and say, you know, it's annoying, but okay. You know, I'll put up with it. Yeah, accept it. Like, it's a lot easier. Because even if those little things of pretending that you're somehow going to master closing cabinet doors or never be forgivable, you know that you're not being honest with yourself, you know, you're not being honest with them. And then that subconscious brain feels like they're going to find out about me. And usually our bad habits could run much deeper than not being able to close cabinet doors. And so that subconscious and fear thought of they're going to find out who I really am, I think will often lead

to that like fear of abandonment and rejection and always kind of live, live in that state of like fear of like not being enough and things like that. Why do you think so many people settle in relationships for something they know is not right for them? Fear of finding it elsewhere, I think. Yeah. Fear of wasted time. I think me about to be a father for the first time, I want to figure out how I can teach my daughter perspective, which I don't know if you can. I remember going through a heartbreak after my fiance cheated on me. We were living together, and I didn't want to keep living with her.

So I moved in with grandma, who also lived in downtown Milwaukee at the time. She's a hip grandma, but grandma nonetheless, that was very embarrassing for me. How old are you now? 28. 28, yeah. It ended up being a very memorable moment of my life,

but at the time, I was living with a lot of shame. Yes. And my grandma, my grandfather, left her for other women when she was in the 70s. And she had to raise five kids on her own in a time when not a lot of people were getting divorced and not a lot of women in the workforce. So she had shame from that. She had a shared had a shared experience shared experience but she also had the perspective

and she ended up dating and you know and and she taught me that like you know well i was at a time where i thought my life was over i'm i'm a failure i'm a 28 year old man i'm almost 30 and i've had nothing but failed relationships so much so that now I've been engaged and I got cheated on and I bought this ring and I'm an embarrassment to myself and my friend. And that's how I truly felt. And she taught me that my life wasn't over. In fact, it was probably just beginning that you're only 28. And, you know, I don't know when I'm going to die, but I was, she was banking on the fact that I wouldn't live as long as she had. And, and I had a lot of years left and I might have some more loves that might not work out.

And life is definitely a journey. And when you find that right person, it might be much longer than you realize. But from now you might have to be more patient, but like, you know, there's so many opportunities to reinvent to reinvent yourself which I I really grateful that I learned from my grandmother Phyllis and I think back to that guy that 20 year old man and I think about how many times I've now reinvented myself only at 43 years old you know I went from I was an accounting major got a job as an accountant then I decided to get into sales, had a successful sales career in corporate America, quit that, left that, went on reality TV, had a little stint on reality TV, and then got into, you know, podcasting and being, you know, really interested in

relationships and social dynamics. And, you know, now I'm, you know, doing what I'm doing now, but who knows how long I'm going to do this, you know, hopefully for a long time, but you never know. Life brings you challenges. And just, you know, I think we think that once we enter our 20s, that we somehow have to lock in to whatever it is we're doing. And that fear of, you know, starting over is, I think, scary for a lot of people, but I have learned and you know, that sometimes starting over is really the best just to press that reset button. It's never really too late to press that reset button to, to, to reinvent yourself into something completely different. You know, I can't think of how many times in my twenties when I thought to myself, Hey, what if I went back to school? Or what if I did that? And thinking, I asked three years for your commitment. I got to do that. And then three years would go by.

And then I would think back and look, I remember that time three years ago. And I was thinking about what if I went back to school and I thought to myself, I haven't really done anything that significant in those three years. And I had, I gone back to school. I would have been right where I wanted to be, but I didn't do anything. And why didn't I, you know, and then I stopped doing that. I started being more of a doer and saying yes to things. I wasn't much of a risk taker in my 20s. I've become a big risk taker later in life, you know, quit my job, go on this TV show,

move out to LA with kind of a hope and dream. But yeah, I played it kind of close to the vest in my 20s. And I realized that didn't get me very far. Interesting, man. This is fascinating. Now, Natalie, right? She's your fiancee. Have you guys picked a name for your child? We have. Is that public yet or not? Okay, cool.

I'll tell you afterwards. Yeah, tell me afterwards. But you got a girl coming, right? I have a girl. We have a girl coming. Yes. I'm curious, what do you really want her to know as she grows up in terms of how to get into a healthy relationship?

Fast forward 20, 23 years from now. She's graduated college. Yeah. She's where you were at 23. What do you really want her to know and what do you want to teach her about love relationships intimacy being with a man and what that looks like well one i guess you know sounds almost cheesy or cliche that that she's deserving of love that she is truly loved and i want my daughter and any kid i have after her to know that really they're kind of capable of anything i want my kid I have after her to know that really they're kind of capable of anything. I want my kid to have perspective and I don't, you know, I want them to be hard working and, but I don't want them,

I want them to understand their value, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Um, and their value comes from how they treat themselves and how they love their family and how they take care of the people they love. And I want them to understand that their time is not infinite and that their energy is not infinite and that the people that they spend time with has a cost. Everything, you know. time with has a cost everything you know and so anytime we have a reaction with someone when they start dating don't ask themselves is this person like worth my time you know where is it getting me you know because i don't want my daughter to chase the wrong things and i don't want my daughter to feel like she is not enough or that there's something inside that's missing and instead of seeking out love that's gonna make her feel content and safe and

valued I don't want her to go out there and chase something that just you know fills a void that she thinks she has you know so I hope to give her enough love and make her feel valued and I want her to value the, hopefully the hard work she puts into whatever it is she wants to do or create to know that her time is special and to not waste that on people who aren't going to prioritize her, who might use her and things like that. And, and also to, you know, respect the people around her and respect their time. You know, if she's going to expect people to value and prioritize her, then she has to be willing to do the same for those, those people as well. I hope I answered your question.

Sometimes you ask a question. I just, you know, we're, we're both not fathers yet. Um, so we, maybe you don't have the answer to this, but how do you think a father can teach their daughter how to feel loved and valued without needing a toxic man to chase them? Well, I think it is just giving them that love and attention. You know, I have a lot of... My fiancée will joke about having her own daddy issues, you know, because I think daddy issues can be a real thing. And I think sometimes when you grow up in a, you know,

a lot of our trauma, you talked about this comes from our childhood. And if you're not loved and you're not cared for, I think it can create a void that you try to fill in toxic ways. And so I think really just being present and being around and paying attention and showing an interest in what they do. And not just be a parent. There's a balance. It's like you want to be a parent and you want to teach them respect. And it's not your job just to be their friend because they can have friends. But at the same time you know

have a connection with your your daughter or your kids you know i guess that's what i think right i don't want her to feel like she's not getting the love that she deserves from me and that um i'd rather have my daughter say hey dad you know what i know you love me thanks you know back off a little bit in a way you know kind of be the annoyed with dad because ah dad why do you have to you know rather than it would break my heart to know that my daughter um wonders if i loved her or wonders why i don't spend enough time with her um and wonders why, you know, I prioritize other things over her. That would break my heart. Yeah.

And I don't want those actions to affect her in her adult life because, you know, they often can. Yeah. What do you think needs to die inside of you before your daughter is born for you to be the best father you can be or something you need to let go of or step into? Probably that fear of abandonment.

Because, again, anytime you're operating under fear, you're just not making choices that are usually healthy. Right. You know? I also don't want to pass my anxiety down to my daughter. And I can be a pretty anxious person. Right. You know, I don't want my fears to become her fears, you know?

And so unnecessarily worrying about things outside of my control is definitely something I don't want to pass down to my daughter. That's good. That's good. You know, 20 years ago when we guys started getting into relationships and dating, things were a lot different today, it seems like, than they were 20 years ago. Um, things are a lot different today. It seems like than they were 20 years ago. Where do you think things are going to be in 20 years when your daughter starts dating and being with boys? And I'm worried.

Yeah. We, we just got in the social media world. Yeah. It's gone too fast. You know, I think technology has made it easier and easier to disconnect from each other, you know, and we are social creatures. We, we need human connection and technology has made it easier and easier to not connect with each other from human to human

yes the art of communication has been lost with people um and i'm really afraid that things like ai and technology uh will offer us non-human options to find some sort of connection. I'm, you know, sounds almost sci-fi, but I don't think we're that far away from it. We're becoming lonelier and lonelier as a society. Men are even lonelier and lonelier. I saw a study recently about men are making less and less friends and like, we're just, we're, we're isolating more. And so, yeah, I am, I am worried about, I'm worried about, you know, the potential options for my daughter in terms of making connections. Um, and I almost feel like there

needs to be like a Renaissance with dating where we have to kind of go back to our roots and we have to limit our options and limit our choices. And, you know, we say things like being intentional, but, you know, we truly have to be, we just start ask, why are we dating? You know, what, what, you know, people go out and date and it's like, well, why are you doing it? Now we have this kind of hookup culture, you know, and it's just like, eh, they're in my twenties, I'm going around and hook up with people. And listen, I'm not here to shame anyone if they want to go out and have some sex, but like, just be honest with yourself about what you're doing. Right. You know, and if you're really focused on meeting someone who's right for you, then you maybe have to reflect on maybe your past choices. And, you know, who are the people you're choosing to go on dates with? You know, is it the person that will, you know, really give you that ego fix because you think they're really good looking or have a certain type of job, or they have a certain type of value that

you think that if you were able to land that person, it will make you feel special. And you have to start thinking about how is this person going to make you feel? How are you going to be able to connect with this person on a daily basis? Is this someone who is willing every day to prioritize your connection? Because that's something Natalie and I really focus on. And it's really helped us in our relationship because I think sometimes, I used to do this,

you get in a relationship and it's like, oh, I really like you. Will you be my boyfriend? Will you be my girlfriend? And then you decide, you decide it's like oh I like this person and most of the time when we date once we meet someone we like and we decide we like them or we realize we like them we actually stop getting to know them you know it's like oh now I like you and now I have to just keep making sure you like me instead of realizing, well, even though we like each other, there's a lot to learn about each other and you're going to grow as a person. I'm going to grow as a

person and every day and ask myself, how connected are we? You know, because that's a tangible thing that we can, we can actually measure, you know, today I feel less connected to you than I did the day before. Okay. Well, and then I can address that, you know, and there are days where Natalie and I will say, I just, I feel a little disconnected from you. Can we try to be more connected? And the past, I never, we never, I never used that language in relationships and I didn't know how to quantify, you know, being in a fight or just, you know, feeling like I just, you know, I think we've been kind of going through the motions. And so, you know, now that I really focus on and, and, and give some actual thought to like how connected we are, because that's something we can name. And then it's, it doesn't become anyone's fault. It's not like, right. Why did you do this? Or you're always going out or you're always doing

this. It's like, I just don't feel as connected to you. And I'm not, I don't know what it is. Let's just talk about it. Let's just figure it out. And then, and that way we're not, it's not being adversarial, you know, it's not pointing fingers. It's, it's just, we prioritize our connection. It's that's, that's the kind of the, the lifeblood of our relationship. And so it's either, we're either coming close together, staying together, or moving further apart. Yeah.

And, you know, we check in from time to time, you know, about how close we're feeling. And there are days where, you know, I just feel a little distant from you. Disconnected.

Disconnected. And so if nothing else, sometimes it's just holding each other's hand, you know? We started prioritizing holding hands and going out in public and just, you know, always holding hands. And that just is a way, a very tangible way of, of literally being connected to your partner, but you can kind of feel that, you know, and sometimes that's just enough, you know, caressing each other and things like that, you know, it kind of sounds corny, but like make love without having sex sometimes, you know, and, and that way you can be more intentional with your connection because, you know, especially with guys, sometimes you can have sex and it really has nothing to do with connecting. Right. to learn too, in terms of really prioritizing my connection with my partner and going on my way to,

you know, really make her feel seen and then be present and pay attention to her and listen to what she's saying. Cause those are all things I've struggled with. That's beautiful, man. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on apple podcast as well let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review i really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward and i want to remind you if no

one has told you lately that you are loved you are worthy and you matter and now it's time to go out there and do something great.