The Sevan Podcast - #271 - Kayla Harrison

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

2X US Olympic Gold Medalist, Author of Book “Fighting Back”, Founder of The Fearless Foundation, 2X PFL World Champion, and Undefeated fighter. Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/therealsevanpodcast/ Watch this episode https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC59b5GwfJN9HY7uhhCW-ACw/videos?view=2&live_view=503 Support the show Partners: https://cahormones.com/ - CODE "SEVAN" FOR FREE CONSULTATION https://www.paperstcoffee.com/ - THE COFFEE I DRINK! https://asrx.com/collections/the-real... - OUR TSHIRTS ... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Just like that i'm kicking off uh twitter oh that's a good sign kayla what's that that you're oh by matt uh that you're drinking the same drink is that your go-to drink yeah why yeah because i in your interview that you did with uh your two coaches that i Oh, by Matt. That you're drinking the same drink. Is that your go-to drink? Yeah. Why? Yeah, because in your interview that you did with your two coaches that I was watching the podcast, their name slipped me right now. You were drinking that same drink. Yeah.

I see continuity. It's just a latte. Where are you? At my house. In what country? I live in florida which is its own country um and i'm in california so i know exactly what you're talking about that's also its own country when am i gonna move to florida probably soon uh where do you start with uh kayla harrison so uh those of you who are piling into the live view right now you may be looking at the uh greatest um female fighter who ever lived uh time will tell um some people might get upset that i'm even saying that but

no one would argue the fact that if you had to pick the future, you are staring at it. You're also looking at someone who took a journey to get there that is indicative of greatness, but that no parent would, man, it's quite the, it's quite the, it's quite, I don't know if conundrum is the word or paradox or, but everyone wants greatness for their kids. Every, every parent in the world would want Kayla Harrison to be their child. And yet, uh, no, no parent in their right mind would want their kid to take the journey. So everyone knows that I am a huge fight fan and that I leverage my fame in the CrossFit community to slowly get out of interviewing you nut balls who exercise for a living to slowly pick off fighters one by one and get them on my show. So here I am excited to have Kayla Harrison on the show.

And then as I start researching her, I come across, oh, she has a book. I'll read about it and try to impress her before she comes on the show. And I read this book. I have three little boys, by the way, two five-year-olds and a seven-year-old. The book is called Fighting Back. So we will get to this. This book changed my life. It's weird.

I was like, can I recommend this book? You absolutely can. Yeah, tell me I recommend this book? You absolutely can. And yeah, tell me, tell me, tell me why you absolutely can. And show me why. Cause it changed my life, but I'm like, man, like, like, I mean, yeah. Tell me why. Yeah. I mean, so for those of you who don't know, I was sexually abused by my first, uh, judo coach from the ages of eight to 16. And, you know, we can talk about that. I'm not shy. I'm not, you know, I feel like having the conversation is the way we stop, stop it from happening. So we can talk about that as much or as little as you want. But part of my journey and part of, you know, I believe that everything happens for a reason.

And I believe that I was given two gold medals. I was given this platform. I was given this opportunity and I love what I do and it's very selfish and it's an amazing thing, but, um, I would really be missing the whole point of everything if I didn't do my part to try and change the world a little bit. So the book is a big part of my purpose. I feel like on this earth, it's a big part of why I even chose to do MMA is to have a bigger platform, to have a bigger reach, to talk to people like you about the book. So it's not a memoir and it's not a textbook. It's kind of a

combination of the two. It uses my story, my actual journal entries from the abuse. So those are the actual journal entries? Yeah. I assume they were, but that was one of the things I wanted to clarify. Wow. Yeah. So it uses those as sort of like a guideline and it's written, it's co-written with two psychiatrists from McLean hospital who are world renowned in the PTSD field and, and work with victims and survivors all the time. So Blaze and Cynthia really, they do a really good job. I feel like of putting it in layman's terms and talking to you about,

like, what is grooming, you know, and why kids don't talk and how the court process can be equally as damaging. And what are some ways you can talk to your kids? What are the proper ways to approach them? And it's really, it's a guideline. It's a book that I think every parent should read. I think every parent, teacher, social worker, doctor, police officer should read and know how to talk to kids about stuff like this. You know, we have all kinds of material on stranger danger and bullying and no, say no to drugs. And, but we don't really talk about what you should do if someone close to you tries to take advantage of you, or if you're a kid and you may be like, you know, funny tummy feelings and things like that. You know, it's just, it's just a matter of educating our society one day at a time, one step at a time. And I think this book is a big

step in that, in the right direction. You know, I'm also working on a curriculum for the book to be in seventh grade. Yeah. I would love for it to be in the seventh grade. I think that's the appropriate age. I mean, obviously younger, I haven't written a book for younger kids yet. Um, but that's also in the pipeline. Eventually I'd like to write a book for even, even younger kids. Um, but I have a lot of really good ideas about how I would like for this to tie into like just mental health in general, you know, obviously sexual abuse is very prevalent still. And it was my, it was my hurdle, right? It was my demon, sexual abuse. I was sexually abused. And it was that,

that was the thing that I had to overcome to become the hero of my own story. But everyone has something in life that they have to overcome. Everyone has something that they have to work to get through to become the hero of their own story. So really, I would like the curriculum to talk about sexual abuse and to educate our kids. But at the end, if I could do it right and work it right, I would love for every kid to have to write, write their story.

Tell me your story and tell me what you're trying to overcome and tell me how you're going to overcome it. And kind of just, I don't know, start to change the culture of our, of our youth. You know, I think that I could talk about this all day. I think that we have a Go do it. You know, unique opportunity to... Everyone is born with unlimited potential. Everyone is born with the unique opportunity to become whoever they want to be and life and social status and shitty circumstances and parents and not parents and abuse and no money and money

and all these things that the world throws at you come in and play a role in who you're going to become. But what if it didn't, what if it was just up to you to decide and then you decided, and then you did it, you know? And I think that kids should know that that's possible. You know, I was, I was- Is that possible or is that really the only kids should know that that's possible you know i was is that possible or is that really the only way is that what's going on here right yeah yeah if you choose a shitty life you're gonna get a shitty life choose a good life you get a good life yeah but some of you might be well oh that's easy for you to say, Kayla. You're a multiple-time national champion. You're a two-time Olympic gold medalist in two different Olympics and the first American to win the gold medal in judo. But it's actually quite the opposite.

It's quite hard for her to say because she took the journey. And if everything went perfect, it's one of the hardest journeys you can take. And actually, man, one part of me wants to say nothing went perfect. It's one of the hardest journeys you can take. And actually, um, man, one part of me wants to say nothing went perfect. Going back to the memoir, are you going to come out with a memoir? I'd like to. Yeah. Eventually. I mean, I, you know, I still, please, please, please. I journal every night. Um, I write down my thoughts usually a couple of times a day. And it's something that I think about quite a bit. But I mean, I just feel like my story is so far from done. You know, it's,

it's a work in progress. I guess my memory, make it long and fun. I can please. It's gonna be long and fun. So how old are you? I'm 31. So how, how old are you? I'm 31. Um, it's, it's crazy to have you on the show. People, as I, as I posted on my YouTube and on my Instagram that you were coming on the show, of course, a flood of, um, people started being like, Oh my God, look at this. Um, there's a lot of hype building around you. Your names come out of Dana's mouth. A bunch of times you're coming, you're coming onto shows, all the little like TMZ type, um, fighting, uh, YouTube stations, you know, that I listened to when I work out are all like your names popping out of their mouth. And you were, you're really infusing, not just the female fight game, but the fight game with a little, you know, shot of energy

like these people do come and go, you know, weeks ago it was patty and then it was ian gary and and now uh kayla harrison's name on there um yeah which is so funny to me because i haven't fought since october usually you have like your you know you fight and then you get a little buzz and then it's over but it's, people want to know what I'm going to do, I guess, which is exciting. Has it been decided? Are you decided? I mean, no. I mean, yes, I had a very big plan. Kind of like an epic, like, you want to be a legend? Do this.

I had a plan in my mind that it looks like is not going to happen. But I still have a little bit of hope that it might. So I'm not going to say anything because I don't want to jinx it. I will tell you this. So I'm a fight fan, but I'm really not a fight fan. I'm really a UFC fan. And the reason why is because I spend three hours a week just on UFC stuff. And so if I want to go over and look at the Dallin Rasta over at Bellator who pops on the scene, then I have to start digging.

And then I got a life too, right? I mean I give Saturdays to the UFC. But I tell you this, man. There are people who can transcend the sport and carry organizations. And like, no matter where you fight, I'll watch your next fight live and I'll pay for it. Oh, thank you. And I think a lot of people will, that's not me. I'm not like trying to flatter you. Like Sevan would do that. I'm just saying a lot of people will yet, but I know that I'm, I know that I'm building, you know, I think that I have, um, I mean, it helps that Amanda left your camp too. I mean, there there's this,

and I say that with no emotion or judgment, but there's this whole, the narrative's getting thicker. It is the plot thickens. Yeah. You're, you have the Olympian you're used to train with the former champ. You have Dana and I'm the PL PFL, you know, all we can do is speculate that they're that they're in a bidding war over i mean it's a fun story as a fan you're like where is she gonna land where i can't wait to see her go and it must be freaking out your competitors i think i'm freaking everybody out everyone is just kind of like i mean I mean, you know, I think that you're being courted by two handsome suitors. Yeah, right. Multiple hands. It's like worse than The Bachelor. It is. It's insane. I got an offer to box and get paid multiple millions to box. And I'm like, you know that that my, my background is grappling,

not boxing. Um, but it was, please tell me you're going to fight Jake Paul, please. Is that, is that what that is? I would do that for free. Um, no, it's been quite a interesting, it's been quite an interesting couple of months for me, you know, very, a little bit chaotic, a little bit of a, uh, I mean, the problem also is like, I'm not really like this. Like, this is not the, like I just want to fight and I just want to become the best and I just want to put food on my table. And, you know, I have a lot to say.

I have an opinion about certain things and I'm not afraid to be vocal and say what I want. But really, like at the end of the day, the real Kayla is the Kayla in the cage. You know, that's the truest form of me. That's me in my most pure self. You're like, hey, how come I'm here? Just let me step here, here. Why is the road splitting so many ways here? Why does everyone have to mess this up?

Just show me where to go and I'll go stand there and solve the next riddle. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, life's a trip. The part of the book that really opened up a bunch of different stuff – so although I have three kids and they're very young, I fancy myself as a parent expert. I talk from – I climb up on a ladder on my Instagram and preach like I'm the fucking king shit. kids and i'm speaking in hyperbole now what you should do is when they fall down you turn your back to them and make sure an alligator doesn't come out of the bushes to get them or that uncle buck doesn't get them but your job is to protect them while they unfuck themselves your job is not to unfuck them your job when you pick a child up you're stealing an air squat from them you're

stealing a burpee from them do not steal a burpee from someone. And so when I read your book, part of me, it reinforces that for me. Like, hey, motherfucker, you are the ultimate caretaker and do not let anyone get to your kids. fight off an alligator you were to fight off every alligator that comes in the room for them while they build their skill set the part that really trips me out is if your parents beat you as a child do you think that's normal and i don't know if you can ever um right like any like like everything that happens to you as a child is normal and perfect even if it's the most horrific shit that can happen to man and then so you have this this relationship that you had with this gentleman is so fucking complex and at one point in the book the parental figures your parents your mom and and the people who love you obviously as this comes out they want to kill this guy that's a but as you read it you explain it so well that like hey that's not your place yeah it's so twisted because your life is no i thought i loved him yeah your life is normal

being um molested it's like and you explain that and i'm just like i almost i'm just torn in like five different directions. I'm like, Whoa, like, it's like a complex, the human brain is such a complex thing. And it's also, you know, as human beings were developed from age zero to seven, and grooming and your brain is still developing as you're into your teen years and things like that. And I absolutely thought that I absolutely thought that we were in love. I thought that this was normal. I mean, I knew it wasn't normal because I had to keep it a secret and I was disassociating and living two lives and like all these different layers to it. And, and, but there were so many layers to it that I was literally like suicidal, you know, like I was, I knew part of my brain knew that it was wrong and part of my brain felt shame and guilt and like inner turmoil. And part of my brain thought, well, this is love, you know, this is love. This is love. And if someone loves you, then they do this to you.

And yeah, that's the part. Right. That's the part. Yeah. Every child has that. No matter what happens to you, this must be love. Kind of. Exactly.

Exactly. And that's why we have so many fucked up individuals roaming around our roaming around our world, you know, because whether you realize it or not, your brain, your brain stores that, you know, your, your lizard brain, if you, because when we're born, we need our caretakers, we need adults to survive. So when something happens, there's not, you can't, your brain can't compute that there's something wrong with your caretaker or your coach or your, your brain computes. There's something wrong with you. And this is part of survival. Yeah. Get in where you fit in. And so you say, okay, I'm, you know, in order to be lovable, I have to be perfect. Or in order to receive love, I need to do this. Or in order to survive, I have to be really quiet so that I don't make

my mom and dad mad because if I'm loud, then that's bad, you know? So you internalize all this shit and then you grow up and like you keep using those same survivor you know tactics in the world but like you don't have to be quiet you know like you're a grown-ass woman now you can speak your mind but you don't because you were taught that that's what you need to do in order to survive and you don't even know that that's your coping mechanism that that's your survivor tactic like you have no idea right the brain is fucking wild um when you say do you drink any alcohol occasionally um when you say i'm gonna tie back to that one second when you say disassociate what's that mean in your book you

said that one time that you would get on the mat and disassociate what it's like your brain goes to a different place, like, like almost like an autopilot or like you're just not there anymore. For me, like when I would disassociate, like if I was being abused or something was happening, like I would my body would be there, but I would be like. In a fucking meadow or something, you know, like in a field and not there. Do I know what that how come I I can't, I can't, I don't, I don't know what you're saying. Maybe, you know what I mean? I can't, um, like if you were like, man, pull up so hard, I'd be like, yeah. You know what I mean? Like I'm, sometimes when you're a child or when, or when you've been abused or,

or you've when there's trauma, extreme trauma, so traumatizing that your brain can't handle it, it will take you out of that situation for you. It will help you survive the situation. If someone was raping me, my brain might go to that picture in my head. My brain might literally take me out of my body and put me on that beach in that house with the wind blowing. Holy shit. That's – hey, and when you drink – so when I read that i was trying to like contextualize it or like make it like relevant to my life i've known these people in my lives who who in this one woman particularly who i knew was sexually abused as a child that she would reach a point where she

would drink you know like six drinks in and she would she was gone she became this totally different person like it was just like and i'm'm like, oh, this is, I mean, like, it was like literally a different person. You might as well call her a different name. Yeah. Sometimes I, I don't know if that's the same. I don't know if that's the same terminology. I've been like that. I've had, I've had phases of my life where I've gotten blackout and I've, I've coped with the inner turmoil with that, you know, where I've, I've, with the inner turmoil with that, you know, where I've, I've, you know, done drugs and drank and made really poor choices because I couldn't deal with the shit that was going on. You don't, you, do you have COVID? Did you just give me COVID? No, everyone has it. Don't everyone has it. That's's true it is rampant right now again i i feel

omnicron just dripping off of me um california yeah you live there huh fuck what's that like every story i go into i'm the only dude without a mask my kids are are the only ones without masks. I mean, I live in a beach community. I live on the beach. Like my kids and I go in there barefoot. Everyone's like covered up. Really? Yeah. Like they're in Syria. Wow. Like everyone's dressed in the, I don't even remember masks like to, we don't even have masks in the car or anything anymore. Like I refuse to, I refuse to listen to you.

Not true. True. Yeah. Wait, where's your dad passed away? My stepdad. Yeah. Are you starting to go? Why did I take this podcast?

No, no, no. See, this is the thing about me is like, I want to go deep. Like I want to, like, I am not interested in superficial surface shit. Like, oh my God, your hair looks so nice. I love it. Thank you. This is my mom. Look, before practice, when I dropped the kids off at school, I'm glad you want to go

deep and don't want to do superficial. Me neither. Yeah. No, it's like, yeah. Can you imagine? I get asked the same 10 questions by every single reporter. Where are you going? Who are you leaning towards? What do you think? Can you make one 45? Uh, you know, and then if I have a fight, it's how's your camp, how's your weight? What's it this, you know, like, are you going to fight Amanda? Are you going to fight cyborg? Like, these are like, who gives it? Like, I'm going to do what I'm going to do. My career is going to go how it's going to go. But like, yeah, like let's talk about dude, my dad killed himself. Let's talk about it.

like yeah like let's talk about dude my dad killed himself let's talk about it dude your life is like it's never that's what happened yeah how old were you when that happened uh 23 hey could i say something just totally outlandish yeah do you think that your dad did that because he was hurting children? No. No. No. Do you see where I'm – say that again? I think he did it because he had a chemical imbalance. Okay.

I'm sorry just to come at you with that, but I think – you know where I was going with that, right? Like there's this, like you were attracted to what the male figure was in your life. Yeah. Well, this is why it's different. So my dad, my stepdad, who I grew up calling dad was a great father, very loving, but I was, my mom and him had two other children. Um, my real dad, my, my real father was an abusive alcoholic. Um, he and my mother split when I was three months old. Um, you know, he was abused and this is why I say from zero to seven, you become who you are. But. That was the love I was always seeking was my real father's love. Ah. Into adulthood, mind you, like I was in abusive relationships as an adult, like literally recreating my past. as an adult, like literally recreating my past. And we all do that, by the way. Don't anyone think that you're you're like, don't anyone be like, no, I'm not going to marry my mom. You better

watch out. Yeah, no, man. You can't even help it. Yeah. Right. And you know, what's so funny is I've been doing a lot of work on myself, I guess you could say, especially since I got the kids, it became abundantly clear to me that I wasn't who I needed to be in order to be the best parent for them. Um, and I am hell bent on not making them Kayla Harrison's actually, you know, I just want them to be fucking, I don't want them to be perfect. I don't want them to be great. I don't want them to be, I just want them to be human and whatever that means for them, you know, give them the best opportunity to be human. They've already had so much fucked up shit happen to them in their lives. Like, so I just want them to be okay. But I've been doing a lot of work on myself. And the crazy thing about our brain, again, is like, my dad abandoned me, but lived a block away from me my entire life growing up, you know, and had 50-50 custody with my mom. see me very often. I would see my grandparents all the time, his parents all the time, you know,

and he would come in and out, in and out. And, and I'd like to throw one thing in there, by the way, for all the grandparents listening, her grandparents from the little bit that she mentions them in the book basically saved her life. They were rocks in her life on both sides. So if you have, if you have shit bag kids who, who have kids, you can still be good grandparents. It's important to be good grandparents. Okay. Show up. Yeah. Show up for them. Cause you don't, you have no idea the difference you can make my, both of my grandparents, my Mimi and Poppy and my mama and papa, they are still to this day, like my examples, you know, my shining examples. Okay. Sorry, I interrupted. So your dad abandoned you, even though he lived a block away. And when you say abandoned,

basically he prioritized drinking over kids. Drinking, fishing, hunting. Wherever you're going, you better believe American express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure. We'll help you breeze through security, meeting friends, a world away. You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade.

Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. vary by card terms apply um and my mom didn't do a great job of you know my mom is not blameless in any of this um she didn't do a great job of you know she would like come in here you know listen to this voicemail from your father and i'm five years old listening to my dad say i I'm not going to make it. I'm, I'm stuck out here hunting. Like, you know, so she did a good job of making me not like him too, instead of protecting me from that. And just being like, Oh, like she would be like, Oh, your dad's supposed to get you. I wonder if he'll show, which is not really like, it's not, you know, my sister is a drug addict.

She's supposed to FaceTime the kids every Sunday. She's not anymore because I just, I'm done with it. That's going to be another interesting twist, guys. So I don't know if you're keeping track of this, but we have an 8 to 16-year-old who was molested by her – is that the word to use? Do I use molested? Is that the word? Molested by her judo coach. Dad abandoned her and killed himself.

And then I don't know if it's Chapter 3. Maybe it's all just the first chapter. And then she now has two kids that call her mom because her sister couldn't raise the kids. And I am their mom. I adopted them. It's official. So she is her mom. And Kayla Harrison stepped up and adopted the kids.

Which you don't have to do, right? Like the judge isn't like you take them. All right. Oh, yeah. I mean, I guess I don't. I can't imagine. Not right. Right. Right. OK, sorry. So I just want to keep a picture for the people talking about. take them right oh yeah i mean i guess i don't know i can't imagine not but right right right

okay sorry so i just wanted to keep the picture forward for the people we're talking about um so i want to know how old were you when your dad passed away when he killed himself my stepdad my he was i was 23 okay so that was and so is your real dad still alive? He's still alive. And do you ever see him? You know, occasionally. He very much wants to be a part of my life. You know, he found Jesus and he doesn't drink, I think, anymore. And, you know, basically when I was 16, I told my mom that I had been sexually abused. She went to my coach's house with a baseball bat, beat the shit out of his truck, pressed charges the next day. And a month later, I moved to Boston by myself.

That's all in the book, by the way, people. Right, to train for the olympics and the day before i left and when she says she moved there this is another crazy part she didn't move there her mom fucking forced her to go there and dropped her off right yeah yeah imagine you've just gone through the eight hardest years you're ever going to go through in your life and it's horrible for both people and her mom has to make the decision to take her away. I mean, what kind of wisdom is that? I mean, okay, go on. I mean, it worked. It sounds like it was the right thing to do, but you would think most parents would pull their kid close.

I mean, you know, it was the right thing to do for me. I think know the Pedro saved my life Judo saved my life I obviously it all worked out for me but you know my mother's relationship like our relationship suffered major still to this day you know we're not it's not a mother-daughter relationship like you would hope I love her and she loves me and I know it, but I have a lot of resentment towards both of my parents. Like I was saying, the day before my mom shipped me up to Boston, my biological dad showed up and was crying and telling me how much he loved me. Oh, my God.

And I was like, I lost my shit. I was like, you're shit like i was like you're you're you're telling me this now like now i don't like and i've had this same conversation with him very many you know when i won the olympics he's crying and wearing a my daughter won the olympics shirt and when i you know he's like i want to help with your foundation and this and that and he's like you know i really want to talk to you. I want to be there for you. And I'm like, you want to be there for me now? Like I'm fucking 22 years old and I got my shit together. Like, I don't need you now. I needed you then. What do you mean you want to be there for me? Like what? Cause I have two gold medals. Like I've lost my shit on him

plenty of times and I've lost my shit on my mom too. Like what person in their right mind drops a 16 year old off with $200 in her pocket and a house full of men and two brand new coaches who's just been abused for eight years. Like I was raped for eight years and you're just going to leave me there and say, good luck, honey. I hope it like, what is, you know, I've had plenty of conversations like that with them, but you know what else I have to do? I have to thank them. I have to say, thank you, mom. Thank you, dad. Because I wouldn't be who I am if you guys hadn't done what you did. I know that's the crazy part. I have to blame them. I have to blame them for the bad and the

good. I am so beyond blessed in my life. And I'm so mentally strong. And I am so beyond blessed in my life and I'm so mentally strong and I am so rich in life. And that wouldn't have happened if they didn't make those decisions. You know, everything happened exactly how it was supposed to happen. So I have to blame them for that. I have to say, thank you and be grateful for it. Is that your bird or a bird outside? It's my baby chick. Oh, are you going to raise chickens? Yeah.

Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome. Hey, do you have some land, Kayla? What's that? Do you have some land? Like how big is the property you live on? No, it's not big. I'm actually looking right now for a little more. Here's my little. my goodness oh my goodness um so funny story about this i had five baby chicks and i we i had ink we have two we have two bigger chickens outside

right now and then we got some more. We were going to do it from the beginning to the end. So we got an incubator. We got the chicken. We got the eggs. Four of them hatched. You know, the kids named them. Emory named his chicken Nugget.

Like we're, you know, raising them. They're in a box in my moving room with the gate. And I have two dogs. So I said, you know, my mom is here visiting. And I said, mom, you just got to make, I went to practice. I said, mom, you just got to make sure to with the gate and I have two dogs. So I said, you know, my mom is here visiting and I said, mom, you just got to make, I went to practice and mom, you just got to make sure to close the gate. Make sure you close the gate. One of my dogs is a Husky. Uh, well Monday, one of the, the gate did not get closed. So there was a massive slaughter and four, four baby chicks, four baby chicks are no longer

with us and this where did that hide where did that one hide this was the last egg and we weren't sure we didn't think it was gonna hatch and then yesterday morning voila so this oh that's only a day old it's a day old this is my little survivor does your husky mess with the full-grown chickens oh he yeah he tries to oh don't don't fall don't fall um okay my um so i signed my kids so basically when my kids were young i figured hey i want to get them as much adult interaction as i can professional adult interaction so I didn't care what they what their vocation was whether it was ballet this that or the other I just wanted them in front of adults getting professional interaction and one of the guys in in my town who's friends with me his name

is Garth Taylor and he has a place called Garth Taylor Jiu-Jitsu he's been around forever I think he was the first American to win the Brazilian heavyweight championships in Brazil. And he was actually – and he did it in three belts. So he's a cool dude, totally capable, awesome. And I've talked to him a ton of times, and I love him to death. So I take my kids there, but I take them to jiu-jitsu because – not because – well, kind of I want them – I want my kids to be able to do three things, dance, fight and play music so that they can court women and then defend women.

Do you know what I mean? Like with dancing and music, this is, that's a good formula, my friend, right? Yeah. Cause you want them. And then, and then I know that like people who are good at fighting, there's like a calmness and lovingness to them. Like all those guys in that community, even though I don't do it, like when they hug me, like they hug me. You know what I mean? I'm like, whoa, they make me disappear. Yeah. And, um, and I like all that I'm Armenian

and that, and everyone's really touchy feeling nicer. So my kids do jujitsu and I know they've been doing it now for three years, you know, five days a week there. It's just, we're obsessed. And I noticed that not only do they listen well, not only are they, um, getting good at defending themselves and be in, you know, controlled aggression and they're very confident, but they have this intimacy with other kids and adults that I can't even fathom. And when I first took my son to jujitsu for the first three months, three days a week, he wouldn't do any of the training. He would only do the warmup because he said, I don't want those men touching me. And I would be, and I would say to him, yeah, I don't blame you. I don't want

those dudes touching me either. But somehow he got over it and now he's in this really intimate setting. How is, and I tripped because I was watching that video where like, you're, I watched a video yesterday where you're hanging out with a Mozzie doll and you're so intimate with him. And then I watched a video like with you, with other men and not just men, but women. And you're so intimate with them. Like you're, you just touched them or like there was a guy on the beach. Well, how do you reconcile these things? You have this thing and I and you probably know this. I don't think a lot of people fully understand this. If anything a man does sexually surprises you, you do not understand men. Even the most benevolent man from the Dalai Lama to I don't care who you hold in highest esteem is capable of bizarre, nutty shit.

We are not a – we are a one-track pony, and everything else is a distraction. How do you – how are all of these things coming together so that you're going to have – I mean are you going to be in a relationship ever again, you think, like an intimate relationship with a man? Like how do you manage this? Fuck these dudes. I know what you're about. I have to roll with these guys like how is this all have you had training partners where you're like fuck you i'm rolling with you no more i don't like the way you know no no i think that again it's that level of

um comfort first of all this is how i grew up you know i don't i started judo when i was six and i was the only girl on the mat for years. So I literally have no, I don't know any different. And I think that also with maturity and kind of learning how to manage myself, I'm able to discern. manage myself, I'm able to discern like, yeah, I'm very physically comfortable with like that. I'm a grappler. I don't know. Like I, I hug people for a living, you know, like that's how it feels. Um, but that's not to say that that's the same in my personal life. You know, like I have had to very, very, um, firmly learn to set boundaries and learn to like, listen to my own inner voice and my own needs. Like just because I'm used to it doesn't make it okay. Like if I'm uncomfortable, I need to say I'm

uncomfortable or I need to say like, Hey, go fuck yourself. But I haven't really ever had to, I mean, I've been, I've chosen partners that I shouldn't have been with, but I've never had to say to someone like, hey, don't fucking touch me. Like I've never, no one really ever crosses that line. Like it didn't, after all, as you got older from when let's say you were 16,

when you, would you say that, I guess when the healing began or something there was the massive change that guy was out of your life that there wasn't all there wasn't a like so there was never a time where there were then people in the in the gym that you were like weary of where like all of a sudden everyone was guilty everyone was trying to cop a feel all about sexual is like, you don't, it's not, you become internally shameful. I thought there was something wrong with me. I look,

I felt like people were staring at me. I felt like I was dirty. I felt like I was to blame. I felt like, you know, that's another thing in the book. And no matter how many times you said I could not get my head wrapped around it. I was like trying to like, like come up with ways in my life where it's like that and I couldn't internal shame or just like blaming like I'm so quick to blame it yeah I'm so quick to blame everyone else fuck you you took two parking spots that's a good thing I mean you probably have a healthy you have a healthy level of self

love you know like a healthy level of like worthiness. That's that's that's how humans should be. You know, you should value yourself. I didn't value myself. You know, I felt worthless and unlovable and unworthy and shame like then those are all. Again, meanwhile, the entire world is loving you, but but you're just not open to it. Well, I just thought I had to earn it. Again, it's another thing that made me who I am. I felt like I had to earn love.

I felt like you want to feel good about yourself. You want to feel worthy of anything, then you have to go out there and earn it, which is not – every human being has inherent worth and value you know when you spoke to mike tyson did his um sexual abuse come up at all i wish i had yeah i think he has a similar journey to yours i mean please slap me down if well do you think it would be worse well, do you think it would be worse? Is there, do you think it would be worse if it was a boy who was molested by a man? I think that.

Are there degrees or is it just like. I think it's a different level of shame, you know, I think it's like a, and our society puts a different connotation on it. Like a woman being raped is not the same as a man being raped. Like, because we don't like, it's the same way as if, if a man was sexually abused by a woman, like if a boy was sexually abused by a woman, people don't take it as seriously for some reason. Yeah. The child is a child is a child. Like it doesn't fucking matter. You know, abuse is abuse is abuse. It doesn't matter.

But for whatever reason, our society is like, Oh man, you got banged by the teacher. Like, that's so cool. Like, you know,

it's interesting that too. Same with when you try a child, like a child does something bad, like shoots up a school and the policeman comes on. He's like, we're trying this child as an adult. And I'm like, and like, everyone's all excited. Like, I'm not excited that that kid killed all those people. Don't get me wrong.

But I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are we like, what, what, what is this fucking a game of thrones? You're excited that a child, a 14 year old being tried as an adult. No, no, no. It doesn't matter what that child did. That's a child, a 14 year old being tried as an adult. No, no, no. It doesn't matter what that child did. That's a child. Exactly. And I don't think the child is doing something like that.

They have major like. Yes. Traumatic or, or chemical shifts in there. Like they're clearly not an adult. My wife used to work at a juvenile hall. She taught yoga there. Really? Yeah.

And she taught yoga at San Quentin, a bunch of like crazy places. That's cool. Yeah. And, um, it, it wasn't healthy for her to see that.

Cause she saw just how bad people were treated. But one of the things was, is she would say that there would be girls in there who were like young girls in there who were in the juvenile hall because of prostitution. And she's like, these fucking girls didn't want to be prostitutes. Why are they being punished? It would like you,

it's almost like if you would have been sent to jail. Yeah. Let's say they, they would have found out you were charging this guy. It would almost been like you were fucking sent to jail. Yeah. It's a broken system no it's a broken system it's a broken system like huge we don't we're not doing anybody any favors you know like any of these kids any favors and that's the thing that man that's the thing i want to change like

shit like this kid isn't even like you take it like a down from like that's an extreme level right like prostitution killing killing people and like that kid who's misbehaving at school or being an asshole at school like he isn't being an asshole at school because he just wants to be an asshole at school like something is happening and it's our job, I think as adults to try and figure out what it is to help him so that he doesn't end up in juvie or end up shooting up the school or end up, you know, like that's why I think mental health and like, obviously I want to help end sexual abuse,

but really I want to help end mental anguish, suffering for kids. Like I want to help end sexual abuse, but really I want to help end mental anguish, suffering for kids. Like I want to help them learn how to kind of take back their life and, and, and not be a victim of their circumstance and, and learn how to regulate their brains, their emotions, understand what love is, understand what their emotional needs are, understand what every human being needs at a very basic level. And also understand what it means to be successful and how you, if that is your desire, how you reach that. Like, all right, you're going back in your thing how tall are you five eight

and and if you jumped on the scale right now how much would you weigh uh right now i'm a little i'm like 165 and um and is that a good training weight for you yeah I feel good here I was a little bit leaner um last year I was like walking around 160 160 158 ish just because I think for the four fights back to back to back to back, I was just constantly training. And between October and New Year's, I took I was just training once a day. I took some time off. I was like, I actually enjoyed my life a little bit and didn't wasn't a psychopath. So I put on a little bit of weight.

When you were in the Olympics, what weight did you? 172. And are you more comfortable at 165 yeah like less inflammation yeah i moved i was very thick at um when i did judo i moved up from 63 kilos which is 138 i skipped 54, 70 kilos. And I went right to 78 because at the time Rhonda was competing at 70 kilos and they didn't want their two best girls in the same weight class. So they bumped me up to weight classes and I was a big girl. I was thick. It takes weight to remove weight. So it wasn't like a, I mean, it was healthy. I just, I didn't, I don't feel as good. I didn't feel as good then as I do now for sure.

And in all your, um, I went through your entire Instagram yesterday, all the way back to July. I don't know when it was July something, 2012. And in every, and in every single picture that like you're in a bathing suit or that you're, you know, wearing less clothes, you look thin. You don't, you don't. And what's, what's interesting about that is, and I come from a world of CrossFit, right?

Yeah. So it's not uncommon for a girl who looks relatively thin to me to be, you know, five foot, 250 pounds. Yeah. But we live in this world like i listen to not anymore now that he's a uh not now he's gone from howard to cow a coward i used to listen to howard stern and now he's just a full-blown bitch yeah he's a spreader of fear and hatred and sad sad pathetic man but um he used to say stuff like you know women would call and he would be

like how tall are you and they'd be like five foot five and be like how much do you weigh and they'd be like 115 and he'd be like oh that's a little heavy and i'd be like are you crazy yeah yeah you see what i mean what is wrong with people like like that's like veal like how would you like how would a one like you a woman would to be like, be kept in a hammock and not produce any muscle, you know? Yeah. When you were, um, when did you get strong? How old were you when you got strong? Do you remember that? that i mean i went through every weight class growing up i was i started judo when i was six and and before i started judo i was i was like a little roly-poly like i was i was chunky my nickname was chunky monkey not cool people don't name the kid that not cool

um and i'm having trouble connecting to the siri for more info check your siri's a dude yeah nice job um i need some kind of mail and you still call him siri god he's a bitch okay can you change his name can you change his name i don you change his name? I don't think so. Oh, maybe Cyrano. That's the only male affection I get these days. So fine. I like him how he is.

He's good. I might give him a British accent soon just to spice it up. He's a good dude. Okay. So, so you started at six years old i mean do you think of yourself as strong now no yeah yeah and when and i guess i'm saying when that is bitch on the planet yes and when did that happen like where are you 12 years old

and you're rolling with someone you're like holy fuck holy fuck, I'm strong. Well, this is me like when I'm six and I'm like this little tubby thing. And then there's a picture of me when I'm eight on the monkey bars and I have like traps. How old was that? Sorry. Eight. By the time I was eight, I was like getting physically strong. And then I started doing two a days when I was 12 years old. I literally when I was in sixth grade, I broke my shoulder.

I broke my scapula, my shoulder blade in two places because I was trying to throw someone and my muscle, my bones still had like growth. Some was part cartilage, some was bone, like because I was so young, my muscle was so strong that I, I was trying to throw this big fat dude and I snapped my scapula in two places because my bone overrode my, my muscle overrode my bone. That's nuts. Can you imagine? Yeah. That's different than the accident you had with your, uh, where, where he fell on you and broke your collarbone. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I broke my arm and my collarbone, yeah, in that one.

Excuse me real quick. I try not to read the comments during the show. Michael Gessfeld, Howard Stern has matured with a little luck. It'll happen to you as well. Hey, go fuck yourself. Thank you. So, wow. So that is strong.

So you knew. Yeah. Sorry, sorry knew yeah yeah oh sorry sorry one more sorry one more i hope i never fucking mature i hope i fucking turn into a two-year-old and start shitting my pants thank you okay the older i get the more i realize're, we're on a path to nothing. Oh good. Me too. That's just what I want to be. Just nothing. No thing. Yes. My wife tells me before I go on the show, cause sometimes I get really wound up. She goes, you are nothing. You are. I mean, my, my yoga, you are no thing. I would definitely. Yeah. You have a a p yeah for you have fur on you

okay so so you know at that point okay at 12 you know and and you can at that point you said you're rolling with fat dudes so you can you're not even rolling with your peer group other 12 year old girls i mean there were no other 12 year old girls but i i also started competing in the senior divisions when i was 12. So I was 105 pounds. What does that mean, senior divisions? Like 18-year-olds? Like the divisions, the adults. Yeah.

Okay. So I got my black belt when I was 13. I started traveling overseas to like the big girl, like the legit international competitions when I was 13, 14. When I was 14, I made the Olympic trials. I qualified for the Olympic trials. I didn't compete because the weight class didn't qualify and I couldn't make weight anymore. I was like starving. I was 14 and still trying to make 105 pounds.

So then I bump up to 57 kilos and I bump up to 57 kilos and I bump up to 63 kilos all between 14 and 16 I moved up that many weight classes how tall are you at 14 you think you think you were done growing no okay six five seven I was still big and I like 105 pounds up like I was like maybe two inches shorter than I am now. And 60 pounds less. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy.

Yeah. It was miserable. I was like literally starving. I was going to school with like spinach salad and a plum and all my friends are eating, you know, uh, two time gold medalist, as we said in judo first american ever to win a gold medal in judo not just two gold medals but two separate olympics also won uh the professional fighting league championship twice uh won a million dollars both times which probably after taxes and painter coaches still doesn't make her a millionaire so stop saying that when you introduce

her people because the government takes fucking everything. Are you tripping on how much money they took? Oh yeah. Don't get me started on that. Were you tripping? I was, I was, I was devastated.

I was like, wait, but I earned that. Like, yeah, I didn't make a million dollars one year, but one year I made $960,000. And when I saw how much money they fucking took, I was like, whole, yeah, I didn't make a million dollars one year, but one year I made nine hundred and sixty thousand dollars. And when I saw how much money they fucking took, I was like, oh, like.

For all you people who are like tax the rich, tax the tax rich, I'm telling you, I would have spent or or like even I saw yesterday, they're like this money was wasted on elections. It's not wasted, guys. When people spend that money. Let me tell you what's wasting money. Giving it almost always to charities. You want to give someone a charity? Give a fucking $20 bill to the guy who pours your latte, who's 16 years old, working three fucking jobs to stay in high school because he has two fucking alcoholic abusive parents. Tip his tip jar 20 bucks. I was never like in my house when I had all that money just burning it i was spending that shit

giving it to my gardener my electrician my carpenter the nannies i was spending my money and you want me to give it to fucking nancy pelosi yeah dang do i spend money now fuck you i don't want n want Nancy Pelosi getting my money. I saw a hot dog vendor, and I saw a musician, and I saw a homeless guy all next to each other in San Luis Obispo, California, in a college town. And the hot dog vendor was offering food. The musician was offering entertainment. And this homeless guy, it's another profession. He's not even homeless.

That's a mischaracterization. He's a drug addict. There are know homeless people i was homeless and like who am i going to give my money to i don't think i'll buy a hot dog and give it 20 to the musician and if i really care about the homeless guy i'll talk to him and try to change his life i won't give him 20 so he can go buy more heroin i'll sit down with him i'll be like yo what's up dude you deserve better than this and i'll believe in him and give him love so maybe he can get the fuck up and do something with his life because i know if i give him 20 bucks he's gonna buy a six-pack sorry this show's about you i just sometimes no that's no i can't i can't say it better myself preach yeah all right all right uh so can someone be great without having their fucking,

having being tortured? Can anyone do what you've done and not have a pathologies? And when you're in the ring, let's just expand on that too. Like, are you like, when you're like, when you're fighting someone,

is it like, that's, that's, that's the, that's the world you're fighting that dealt you the shitty hand? No, no, that's not uncle.

It's very cold and calculated. It doesn't feel like there's no emotion involved when I fight. Wow. In judo and fighting, there's nothing. I become like this. There's no emotion. I just want to go out there and instill my will. But it's not like an angry, I want to kill you.

It's just like, I want to win. Are you in touch with your will my will i think so you might find this hard to believe but i bet you 99 of the public point 999 is not in touch with their will why do you say that i just think most people are on autopilot. They have no fucking idea. But that's my whole point. That's what my purpose is. Man, like, fucking own who you are. Like, figure it out. Just go within.

Yeah. How? How? How? How do I make that first step to go in daily habits? My number one thing is daily habits. If I want to create change, I have small daily habits in order to create that change. You know, I'm not talking about like, Oh, I want to be Olympic champion. So I focus on being Olympic champion. I have small daily habits that create

that Olympic champion. And this is like internal and external goals, by the way, like internally, I want to become more, I want to love myself more. So what are, what are, uh, things that I do every, okay. I meditate every day. Uh, can you tell me what that looks like for me? I wake up a half hour before the kids. Cause I want to do it before my brain turns on. I want to do it when I'm in my most kind of like state. So I wake up a half hour before the kids. Sometimes I use an app like my, there's this insight. I can't remember what it's called. They don't pay you enough to say their name anyway. Uh, meditation apps, please contact Kayla Harris's management and she will get behind your

meditation app. Thank you. Yes, please contact me. It is a really great app though. And they have all different, I maybe pick something that I want to focus on or sometimes I just try and meditate by myself. I'm not the best at calming my mind, quieting the mind. Another thing I've been doing lately, which I absolutely cannot stand, never used to be able to love, like used to hate with a passion, but have been doing a lot lately, which I absolutely cannot stand, never used to be able to love, like used to hate with a passion, but have been doing a lot lately, which has become a form of meditation is running, just trying to focus on my breath while I'm running. Um, so I hated focusing on

your breath or you hated running, hated running. I'm not a huge, I'm a big girl. Like it a lot of, a lot of hurt, a lot of pain in the knees. I've also had reconstructive knee surgery. So it wasn't a big fan, but it turns out when you get two kids and your house is never quiet and everyone's always screaming for mom that you would, you would, you enjoy focusing on your breath. You enjoy the peace of just putting one foot in front of the other. My wife, she's also a breath coach and it's like breathing and focusing on your breath is something I spend so much time doing every day. Anytime anything gets squirrely, I go straight to my breath, which is like every 10 minutes. Absolutely. That is, that is a great daily habit. Like if anything, that's what I'm teaching my son

right now. You know, he's in the tantrum stage. He's in the, you know, I want what I want stage. And, you know, I look at him every stage. And, you know, I look at him every single day, my Emory, let's take three deep breaths, you know, and he'll do it. Like sometimes he's like, you know, but he's learning to regulate his inner turmoil with breathing. So that's a great daily thing. What else do I do? Um, I mean, I write down my goals every year. What do I want? What I want to achieve? What do I want to accomplish? I write down three things inside, three key areas of focus for me to focus on. I do that with fighting. I do that with my personal goals. Again, you said you want your

kids to be around adults. I work with people who are good at what I want to be good at. So I surround myself with mentors, with people who I think who are where I want to be, whether it's in fighting, whether it's in parenting, whether it's in relationships, whether it's in whatever area that I'm trying to get better at. I have a therapist. I think mental health is just as important as physical health. So I do my mental reps every day the same way I go to the gym and do my physical reps. Do you have a money mentor? I also have financial advisors. I have a money mentor.

I have a financial advisor who watches the financial advisors. Like, yes, I put $, uh, uh, uh, yes. Um, I put $10,000 in each of my kids accounts when they were born in these mutual funds. And basically they'll double every seven years. So when they're 77, they'll have $11 million each.

Yep. And if they die before then, then fuck them. As long as they don't die before me. Um, yeah. Daily habits, they die before then then fuck them as long as they don't die before me um yeah daily habits small daily things like i'll give you last i have to go i have another appointment but oh it's gonna be downhill from you from here for sure this is great a great way to start my day um i have a daily habit tracker so So I pick four things that I want to focus on. I have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Monday, Tuesday,

someone showed this to me. Um, and I pick out what I'm going to do. So meditate, uh, right now I'm focusing a lot on internal since I don't have a fight. I'm just training every day, trying to get better. Um, but my four daily things are right now. I'm going to meditate every day. I'm going to journal every day. I'm going to write down three things that I'm grateful for every day. And I'm going to list out loud the reasons that I love myself every day. Oh, is that last one really important? If you don't know how to love yourself, it is. Yeah.

You sound like you love yourself pretty good like oh yeah too much too much i live a really good life but that doesn't mean you love yourself i think i many notes to not ask you to come on again sometime i would love to yeah uh ladies and gentlemen so uh she's 12 and oh you definitely i her words not mine but but i i echo them this is the baddest bitch on the planet. Uh, you, if you have kids, you should read this book. Um, and, uh, there is the books broken into two parts. It's kind of two stories going on at the same time. It's her story, um, which is written in one kind of font and then, uh, and then sort of the, the psychiatric perspective of it and how to help and heal and, and, and all sorts of other things in, in, in another font. It's called Fighting Back.

This is a woman at 31 who's had more experience than maybe whole tribes have had. An incredible story. Please follow her on Instagram so you want to get on the Kayla Harrison bandwagon. We are late to the party, but the big shit, like really fucking gnarly shit's about to happen. So go back,

um, watch some of her videos, watch her time at the Olympics. So much more to talk about. Holy cow. We didn't even get into like the superficial stuff. I'm dying to, she knows one last thing.

We talked about my hair, her instinct. She's, she knows everybody in the business, but her Instagram is not full of any of those people, which is kind of crazy. Like there's one sighting of Khabib. There's like, you know, I didn't see any Henry.

I didn't see any Rhonda. And you've done it all with all of these greats. I mean, you come from an insane pedigree. So yeah, there it is, Judo Kayla. All right, girl. Thank you. Thank you so much. Hey, have a great rest of your day. All right. I'll be in touch. Sounds good.