The Sevan Podcast - Carter Dockerty | Chicago Comedian

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

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That's BetterHelp.com. meeting with friends before the show we can book your reservation and when you get to the main event skip to the good bit using the card member entrance let's go seize the night that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash y amex benefits vary by card other conditions apply oh bam we're live! Jeffrey Birchfield with the bench press video. Holy cow, awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome! How's my audio?

I am working out some kinks. This is the first setup with this. With these channels. But I feel good about it. Look at you, Jeffrey. That's like a prison photo. Look at that shit. Let me see where the guest is. Where is this young man? I am. Today we got a comic on. We haven't had one of these in a long time. Carter, is he coming on? Oh my goodness, Carter. Where are Carter where are you see where he's at let's see where he's at see you in a bit okay good I text him love to see you right now or two minutes ago

you guys want to hear a story uh sorry my computer had to do an update. No worries. No worries. Worries. No, no. No worries. Shit. I forgot to send the no. Maybe I should check to see what this guy's name is before he comes on.

He had this video he put up on his Instagram. Docherty. Carter Docherty. Docherty? Is that really his last name? Docherty. What a great last name. Docherty.

He put up this video. I'm going to show it to you when he comes on. He is so funny. The delivery, just the whole... I'm really curious if he's really like this or if that's part of his shtick. It's like when I had had Hans Kim on he really is He really is He really is like how he is in a stand-up routine remember when we had him on he was a trip

Nailed nation. Good morning. I a trip. Scaled Nation, good morning. I went to the Scaled Nation seminar up at CrossFit Diablo about two months ago. I highly recommend it. One day course with Athena Perez. I forget the other lady's name. Crazy pack of information nonstop. By the way, those of you who are always asking what my kids do, my kids do Kumon. They don't sponsor me, but they should sponsor me. Basically, they gave my wife the tools to teach my kids how to read, write, math. It's pretty crazy. She's been doing it with them since they've been three. I think you're supposed to start at four. Um, and it starts off for those of you who want to understand how basic it is. Cause I know some of you are probably crazy scared to homeschool your

kids. It really starts off with just like, Hey, hold the pencil. Like day one, hold the pencil. Okay. Your kid's holding the pencil. Okay. they pass. And like day two is hold the pencil and like hold it over your head. I mean, it is in progressions. Eventually, it's just draw a line. It's not just like right away, day one, seven plus seven. It's a whole, it's awesome. Full progressions. I don't know if the phone line is working today.

I guess we'll figure that out soon too. I just set up in a new location. line is working today. I guess we'll figure that out soon too. I just set up in a new location. I am at the CA Peptides luxurious beachfront property. I've been texting all morning with my agent friend. Not my secret agent friend, Tyson Bajent, but my agent friend. It's pretty funny. Pretty funny. Okay. Carter's coming on. He's rebooting his computer. I want to tell you a story real quick. I made this video yesterday and I didn't post it to my Instagram. And it was me talking about the importance of choosing the right woman and that the hundred best moments of my life. I've been with my, Oh no, not telling you the story.

Here we go. Look at Carter's. He's adjusting his camera, got a sweatshirt on. He's not in his car. That's, I mean, that's a good start. He deserves better than my location, but okay, here we go. He's, he's fingering something. Oh, wow. Guys, this is going to be a first. This is crazy. He is using a coffee cup to prop his camera this isn't with a cord that's not long enough holy shit guys this is going to be crazy okay ready here we go we're bringing carter on everyone be nice to him everyone be nice to him he's uh he used to play sports i don't know if he does anymore so he's he you know we know he he moves around he's he's physical oh shit he might have a broken arm. Okay, here we go. Carter Docherty.

What's up? What's up, player? How are you? Dude, do you have your phone propped on your coffee? With a candle. Dude. Is it a Jew candle, like a menorah candle? Nope, just a straight up Yankee.

Yankee. Yankee. I got a whole house full of Jew candles. I'm Armenian myself. Oh yeah. But I got, but I got three Jew kids. If you've,

you impregnate a woman, you get a Jew woman, you get Jew kids. It's kind of cool. Yeah. Yeah. That's wild that you can start as a non-Jewish man and produce Jewish offspring.

I still have my foreskin. I know you Yankees don't. I know that. Wow. I'm Armenian. Look at me. I'm Armenian. Look at me. Look at me. You were born in Armenia? No. Oakland. I was born in Africa.

Oakland. Jesus. Be good. Be nice to me. Hey, what happened to your arm, dude? Car accident. I broke it. Dude, Carter, I'm really nervous because I'm so envious and excited. I'm not nervous. Yeah, I'm nervous about you. I'm so excited to have you on, but I would love to see your face. Oh, yeah. I just realized excited to have you on, but I would love to see your face. Oh, yeah.

I just realized it was not prepped properly. You da man. Here we go. Jesus. That nose is Jewish. Johan Lopez, a guy with a fucked up German name and Mexican name mixed together, says that nose is Jewish. I'm an Armenian dude with a Jewish nose. What can I say?

The reason why I'm so nervous is because you're living my life. Every time I have one of you guys on who's fucking doing it, I'm like, God, I'm 51. And I have a million excuses why I don't do comedy. And I just love watching your Instagram and watching you just go after it, dude. So first of all, congratulations. You are the fucking man, and I'm living vicariously through you. Thanks. Oh, jeez.

I just dropped it again. Yeah, comedy is pretty sick. At 51. Go gentle on me, buddy. Go gentle. Maybe you have to do the show like this. You have to lay down. Yeah. No, I'm joking.

I'm joking. I'm going to move to the office. Office? You don't have an office. What are you talking about? You're 21 years old. How old are you? 22. Yeah, you don't have an office. Please don't tell me. You're too young to have an office.

Is it your dad's office? Do you live at home? No, I live with my girlfriend. She's mad at me because I was in the living room. Is she really liberal? Is that part true? That is true, yes. Very true.

Wow, that's impressive. Yeah, so we moved out to Chicago because she's going to med school right now. So that's what really prompted the move. We were living together in Cincinnati before. Does she believe in healthy eating and physical movement is the best way, lifestyle choices are the best way to a long and healthy life and to avoid any medical intervention by all means necessary.

I mean, I guess. I don't know. It's kind of hard with med school. You study a lot. Sean Roddy, Carter, is everyone trying to set up for a zoom job interview oh uh better be dumb you better do it better than carter's doing it if you want a job yeah i'm i'm like uh i i've uh i've interviewed like for a few things over zoom and uh i've never

gotten one of them because uh as you can see, I'm pretty bad at setting it up. Do you own a computer, Carter? I do own a computer, and I was turning it on, and it updated, and then it restarted three times for some reason. So I kind of started to panic for a bit. Oh, you don't seem like you're panicking. And are you on an iPhone? Yeah, I'm on an iPhone currently. And what is your computer? it a apple laptop uh no it's a razor blade it's like a gaming laptop no shit but yeah it's good for

editing and stuff like what you use premiere uh no i use well i use premiere sometimes and then i also use like Sony Vegas is another program. It's pretty good. Gotcha. I know that one. Hey, I'm going to play this clip from your Instagram that has a 45, um, a hundred, uh, comments. It's crazy. That's my, that's my, my entire YouTube. Uh, no, that's my entire YouTube. No, that's my entire Instagram. All my posts, like 1,200 of my posts don't even have that many comments combined. Okay, here we go.

I haven't shown the audience this yet. Okay, here we go. Where are you here, actually, before I play this? Do you remember where you were? Yeah, Go Bananas Comedy Club in Cincinnati. It's a really, really good comedy club. Plays rules. Man, this rule deserves to be said in Los Angeles.

Cincinnati didn't deserve it. You overperformed. Okay, here we go. Last time I went home, my sister Madison, she decided to tell the entire family that she's only into black guys. Didn't know you had to come out with that. Like, I thought you could just be fat, you know? Well, this is going to be a good show. This is really fun.

Tell me how – can you just give me like the back story on the joke? All my jokes, it's like something's happening in life, and then I kind of twist it and then and then you know and then try it out on my wife is that what happened she actually came home and said something then you're like oh oh fuck oh my god where's my pencil and paper this is crazy yeah to the tune of that i was just like i told that story to a few other comics she did that a while ago um she's she said something like that and uh that's the liberal thing to do, right? To be in the black dudes? Your sister's liberal too, right? No, she's not. Oh, okay. Not at all.

It's very funny. Yeah, I don't know. My brother and sister are not very liberal at all. But my sister said that. I told that story to a few comics, and they told me to write a bit about it. But also, I was like, I don't know, even the setup just kind of sounds a little wild to say it might derail a set. So even now, I still can't really do that joke very often. Seriously, are you fucking kidding me?

When you put that on your Instagram, are you like, holy shit, this like, you know, when you watch that, like I'm scrolling and I see that and I'm fucking on the floor dying. I send that to like 20 of my friends. I'm like, holy shit, this, like, do you know when you watch that? Like, I'm scrolling and I see that and I'm fucking on the floor dying. I send that to, like, 20 of my friends. I'm like, dude. Because I've been to, I've been to, like, Fat Girl Dance Night, you know, like, at a bar in Ohio or something, like, after an arm wrestling tournament I was filming, and it's 30

huge white women and 15 just fucking studly black dudes. Wait, that's a real theme night, bro. I mean, it's not themed. They're not like fat white girls, uh, studly black dudes come together. The black dudes just come. They know it's big. The theme is big girl night. You know what I mean? It is that, but like the bar advertises. Yes. Yes. Yes.

That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Yes. No, no, what you said is the craziest thing. Okay, so really that's not a go-to in every set, Carter? No, because if it's a type of show that I know that type of material will turn them against me, I'm not really really gonna do it because like what's the point of bombing but i'll do it if like uh it's it's gonna be a good room for it so there is a crowd that doesn't like that joke like there's a joe biden jokes and trump jokes

and you feel and you know what city you're in yeah i mean it's just like i've done it a few times on shows and then it's just thrown it off and like the crowd just uh kind of like i'll get like big laughs from like a few people but then like a lot like like 60 to 70 percent of the room sometimes will like not laugh and that's when it like goes bad so you kind of have to which is wild because on instagram it was kind of the other way around like uh there was like probably like seven people that commented like being mad about it and then the reason that there were so many other comments is people just went at people that commented that i mean i mean uh it is um it is a it is a um from the science perspective it's a highly predictive uh truth you know what i mean like let me give you another one like so like insurance companies charge people like you more money to

drive than me because you drive faster than me you have more testosterone than me and you smoke weed more liberally than me right a black dude's like big girls like there's there's no one like that's not a racist thing that's not a uh that's just a um it's just a fact how could anyone get mad at that no one's like how dare you charge those 18 year old boys more for insurance you know what i mean it's like yeah we were all 18 year old boys we know what we do i'm not in denial yeah you should have charged me even more i was a truly hard yeah i just got into an accident was that your fault uh no it was like stop traffic, so I did have to say my brakes are. Were you texting? No.

But they did ask you that? Mm-hmm. But if you were texting, you also wouldn't tell me because it's being recorded. Yep. So, yeah, insurance is pretty expensive. I don't have a car at the moment, so I got to get a new one. Did the cop ask to see your phone first thing when you pulled up? No.

I was driving one time on the freeway, Carter. Yeah, the Ebony. And the Highway Patrol pulls up next to me, California Highway Patrol. And I look over and he goes, pull over. And he goes, were you texting? I'm like, this is when the iPhone had the button. And I'm like, nope. And he goes, can I see your phone?

I'm like, sure, no problem. And he pushes the button like in this pattern. I don't know what he does. And he goes, look, I just pushed your button. When you push your button like this, it shows you the last app you were using. And the last app you were using was your text. I'm like, fucking A. You know what I mean? Dang. It shows you the last app you were using. The last app you were using was your text. Like, fucking A.

You know what I mean? Dang, that's crazy. So I got a ticket. So that's why I asked if the first thing he did was... So now if you ever get pulled over and you think you were texting, quickly swipe to choose four different apps. You know what I mean? Yeah, you can make it go away too. Yeah, and you can, yeah, you can like make it go away too. Yeah, hopefully.

But. Crazy. Yeah, man. Dude, this is an early podcast that we got going on today. I got up at 5 a.m. to do the 6 a.m. podcast. This show happens every morning at 7 a.m. That's sick, man. I've been doing it for pretty much three years.

And the vast majority of my guests are just CrossFitters. Okay. But occasionally, you know, once a week or twice a week or as often as I can, I'll have on other people. Like I have UFC fighters. I think the last comic I had on was Hans Kim, the Asian guy. Oh, yeah. Out of Texas. Yeah.

I know who Hans Kim is. That was really weird. He's weird as fuck. Yeah. That's very weird. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, yeah, it's fun. It was fun. Yeah, that's a lot of fun um

but the crossfit stuff uh so what do you do exactly with the with the crossfit stuff just not just stir the pot just stir the pot okay yeah yeah you know what i mean like if someone's if someone was exercising and like their top came down and a nipple came out i would highlight it oh nice that right uh no one wants to interview the fittest dwarf in the world i have them on my show you know what i mean stuff like that that's that's a lot of fun yeah the fittest guy in the world uh who hunts bears that everyone's like judging because he kills animals i have them on stuff like that i had a flat earth drawn that was crazy people didn't like that. I had a flat earther on. That was crazy. People didn't like that. A lot of people don't like that. Oh, no? Very controversial.

That sounds like a guy that's got a lot of stuff going on. Or actually not a lot of stuff going on, probably. Both. He can probably go on for a while. Carter, can you give me the details of the accident a little bit and how you broke your arm? Just the airbag coming out is what really made the break happen. So you're driving, car's in front of you, slow down. You slow down, someone hits you from the back.

And then we went into the median because it pulled off to the side. And is your arm broken? Yeah, the ulna so tell me tell me what that's like you're holding the steering wheel and the airbag comes out and yeah and you kind of like react to like block it i guess for some reason and then uh the impact yeah and did you know right away does it hurt or are you having such an adrenaline rush that you don't know um kind of a little bit of both like you kind of know that feel like i had broken my leg when i was a kid and so like you know that feeling have you ever broken a bone no sir

oh really wow 51 it would yeah i was i don't know i It's kind of healed pretty quick. I would be – I feel like – I hope this is the last bone I ever break because the healing process on this one kind of stinks. But when I was a kid – Is that something in your wrist? Is your ulna something in here? No, the ulna is the bone on the outside of your forearm. Oh, the long skinny one? Yeah. I think it's the thicker one because it's the ulna and the radius.

But I don't know. Someone will cause it's the ulna and the radius, but. Someone will tell us in the comments very shortly. Yeah. You probably have like a, you probably have a pretty anatomy inclined audience. Ulna. I'm looking at the picture here. Uh, which bone is the ulna? The ulna is one of the two bones in the form.

The other is your radius. The ulna is on the pinky side of your form. Oh, that's nice okay yeah all right you can't see mine because my forearms are so massive but in a regular man you'd probably see some outline of the bone all 155 pounds of me god that's been the big thing is i have not been able to like really work out at all since i broke my arm yeah that's depressing work out at all since I broke my arm. Yeah, that's depressing. Do you have a job?

Yeah, I'm a server during the day. I just do it like 20 hours a week. Where? I serve at a restaurant in downtown Chicago. Can you say the name of it? It's called The Exchange. It's a cool place. But I just, you know, there because then I'm by the train, so whatever shows I have later that night, hit the spots from the train.

The train is like you're by an actual train or that's the name of a place where you do stand up? No, by the actual train to get to the spots that I do at night. Oh, you chose your job because of its proximity to a subway so that you could go to other places? Yeah, just because in Chicago, the train systems ran out of this place called The Loop where all the trains meet. And so I just got a job near there during the day

so that at night I could go wherever I need to. You know, you're going to probably like this. You know who else comes on this show regularly are you uh uh the quarterback for the chicago bears tyson bajan has been on the show 12 oh wow that's sick yeah that's cool right yeah that's very neat i think he's the same age as you he's either 22 or 23 too god that's uh that's very depressing no dude you're doing it carter yeah you're fucking doing it dude i guess i have some really bad news for you what's up no matter how successful you get like if you become the biggest comic in the world it's never

going to get better than what you're doing now you're doing are you sure yes i got a broken arm and i'm serving in a restaurant dude dude the real uh the real like going around was cool uh it got me some gigs this year um and we'll see what else um what got you some gigs what got you some gigs tell me me. The real. Yeah. So like you got some nice gigs for the year. But, you know, I'm still like on the real grind part, the starting part of comedy at the moment. How long have you been doing it? Four and a half years. I started right after high school, like right at the end of my senior year of high school. right after high school like or like right at the end of my senior year of high school can you tell me about your first um up like the first time you were ever like

and maybe build it up a little bit like what like i want to know like before you went up like yes was it like two years of like fuck should i do this should i do this fucking well kind of because so there was a comedy club that's like 10 minutes from my high school in Akron, Ohio. That's where I'm from. And it's called The Funny Stop. And so kids from my high school tried it. And it would be a big thing where kids from my school would just go out and watch whoever was trying for the first time. There's probably like five or six people that tried it before me.

And we would go all the time because they would have open mic every wednesday and then eventually like you would just see enough people kind of go up there and bomb pretty hard and you know you you kind of just want to give it a shot and then i went up there like i did like i so you didn't want to be a comic you just saw other people bomb and you're like i could do this no i had always been super into stand-up comedy. I watched everything on Netflix. I went to see shows when I was in middle school and stuff with my mom. So I was always deep into it, but actually trying it, you never really know how. And then you get into Joe Rogan and stuff like that, just listening.

I used to deliver pizzas and listen to that all day. And so that's kind of what prompted like them talking about starting to do stand up and then going and watching open mic night at the comedy club. You eventually just get the balls to go up and do it. What was your prep like? Is it like six months of like, God, I'm going to write the best set ever. Or is it like you're procrastinating in the week before you're in a panic? Well, like when i

started to think like start thinking about doing it i just started watching like a bunch of stand up and then like the first time you do it you kind of just mimic the people that you really liked when when you first start and so like you know it was uh it was pretty like based on like other comedian stuff so it was a pretty hacky set my first time. And then eventually you do it long enough that you start to find out how you actually write jokes. And that takes a while in stand-up. So that first night you get up there, how long are you responsible for keeping the crowd busy, keeping the crowd entertained? Five minutes is usually always like your first time standard and so you go up there and are you just shitting bricks

uh kinda i mean i i had like a little bit of amping up because like i brought like 15 people out and that was like oh you're crazy yeah yeah yeah i don't know i had like high schooler like energy like i just thought i was being cool i guess yeah yeah so i i guess i wasn't as nervous because like it was just a bunch of people i knew there but there was a little bit of ignorance is bliss yeah people yeah on stage in high school people would think i was brave and you're right i never thought i was it was just that i was belligerent i was a belligerent kid full of semen yeah yeah you're just fully amped up on testosterone and uh and you do like i i did pretty well and then so that kind of gave me like a false sense of hope because then i just went

went off to mike's then you and saw how brutal comedy truly is and then did that for a few years. What did you do for a few years? Bombed at Mike's. Tell me about your first bomb. What's a bomb like? You just go up with new ideas that you think are going to be hilarious

and you go up to a room full of comics usually and you deliver these jokes as hard as you can and nobody responds at all oh and it's a room full of your peers yeah and it's a room full of your peers no like you know it's tough because mike's it's hard to draw an audience for so a lot of times it's just other comics and so that's what starting out in comedy really is it's just going up at some brutal stuff like that and and and a room full of comics is it's like a room full of filmmakers you're with um people who pretend like they want you to succeed but really they just want you to fail yeah you truly yeah it's like god it's wild like it's it's at least uh like film they have like unions and stuff where they can agree on things comics they'll always undercut each other how many in these four and a half years

how many ups have you had ups yeah like just like uh how many times have you like climbed up a few stairs and stood in front of people with a mic in front of you? Oh, goodness. I couldn't even tell you the number. I think my phone was on full. I used to record every set audio, and I think it went full at 400-something. Okay, so, God, that makes me so happy for you. Because Hans was saying that he was living in a van in New York doing two shows a day for like over a year some shit yeah and i was like what you did 600 shows in a year he's like no 730 i'm like what the

fuck that's that's kind of how it is i mean i didn't probably do that many but in a year what's what's the longest so this is it like um this would be a question i'd ask a crossfitter what's the longest you've gone without working out someone's like you know i didn't work out for three days once and i'll be like really and they're like well i ran a few miles every day what's the longest do you think you've gone without enough in four years goodness i've i've like had things that have taken me away for two weeks. No shit. Yeah. You feel rust building?

Does that make you nervous? Oh, yeah. Definitely. But I think, I don't know. I enjoy a reset sometimes when you're really grinding it out. And then you just kind of fully go off and then you start back in the grind. And then you kind of like, I don't know, you develop new habits. You figure new things out i feel do you do you ever like uh reset like a program when you're working out uh no but i but

i understand the i never want to miss a day of doing a show and like yesterday i missed a day because i was traveling and it's very rare that like normally I'll come home and I'll just do one at night to make up for it and I didn't but but it but it did help for today's show I was so excited to get up like even though I had to get up at five I was still like fuck yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna hang with this crew I'm gonna I'm gonna so so I get I get I get the feeling so you get maybe the way I was interpreting what you're saying is you take two weeks off and you get a little butterflies back that's important yeah you you miss it you miss it and then you like – I don't know. You come at it with new ideas. It's like being away from your girlfriend for a week and the first thing you do is you go down on her.

And it's like before you had gone down on her in a month, but now all of a sudden that's all you want to do because you're away from her for a second. Yeah. Like that, yeah. That's a good sim simile right that is that is a very good analogy metaphor thank you thank you oh my my audience appreciates that they want everything they're very crass and wild they want everything to be about uh eating at the y everywhere Yeah. Hey, Carter, when I do afternoon shows, often days I'll do two shows too. I'm like you. Nice. The second show, though, I have to work out before the show because it gives me clarity.

And I have an exercise bike, right? Like one of those ones with the arms that go like this. So I get on that thing for 10 minutes, then maybe I do some pushups and pull-ups or maybe I run a little bit, but I do something to be pouring sweat. Then I get in the shower and then I go right on the show. For some reason in the morning, I just need two cups of coffee or one cup of coffee. Do you have a protocol that you feel like, like, like if I went on stage and I, you know, my stomach was full, I'd be, I'd hate myself. Like I would hate it if I went on stage and i you know my stomach was full i'd be i'd hate

myself like i would hate it if i did a show and i felt bloated man i like i wish i could have that but usually i'm just like barreling into the show and having to run straight up on stage like you just got off work you threw down a diet coke and a piece of cheesecake that some patron didn't eat and then truly that's actually how it is a lot of times yeah and then you go down on the subway you race there and you're like fuck what's my hair doing yeah yeah or like man it's so funny i i run like a a weekly tuesday show that's right by my work uh and it's you know downtown sometimes i'm just running in there right after work and i have to set it's a coffee shop slash wine bar and I have to fully set the room around

and I have to tell people to move and stuff like that. Last week, I had a guy just tell me that he's not going to move right where I set up the stage of the show. So I just had to set up the stage right next to him and we had to do a comedy show with a guy just sitting right where the stage is. What about at your age i i really did not i was a fucking pussy but i really did not like sweating and i'm guessing chicago summertime you're always sweating and it must be what do

you do right before you go on stage you're like and you're setting up all the shit and you're just like fuck it i just have to accept the fact that i'm drenched. Dude, that's actually so funny because I, this summer, went into the bathroom of a show and just fully took all the paper towels out and dried myself. And I brought it, like, during the summer, I was bringing a change of clothes. And I just changed in the bathroom of the comedy club. Yeah. Your underwear is just soaked. True, yeah.

Like, what the fuck is going on here? Yeah, my black pants. I would wear black pants in the summer, and one half would be a different black. Maybe there's a bit there, too. After you dry yourself with the paper towels, you bring them out on stage. Yeah. Well, they'll smell me. Who wants to recycle this?

Yeah. Who wants to recycle this? Your wife and my wife are kind of in similar situations. Yeah, what does she do? Well, not that. Your wife's crazy excelling, but she's going to medical school, and she's fucking hooking up with some fucking dude who uh serves cheesecake and has an aspiring dream to tell dirty jokes yeah and my wife is has three kids with me and at 51 her husband's trying to be a fucking youtuber that's this is not this is this is cannot be

a good mating strategy on our part. This cannot be like – women want security. Yeah, I think the security is the aspirations maybe. I think that's a good – Why do you think – do you think your wife is inspired by how hard you work? I mean I'm guessing – I'm getting the impression you're a fucking grinder. You work your – there's no lazy in you. Oh, man. I'm pretty lazy to you're a fucking grinder. You work your – there's no lazy in you. Oh, man. I'm pretty lazy to be honest.

You are? Dude, comedy is full of lazy people. Oh, shit. I mean I like write – I work at comedy pretty hard. But, man, like you seem like a guy that does the dishes pretty fast. I don't do the dishes. No, I'm just,

but, but no, I'm just, I'm just selfish. I'm just doing my own thing the whole time. Like I just only do the stuff I want to do with the kids. I eat out of the pan. So I don't have to do dishes. You know what I mean?

Like last night, and I just, and I just ate right off the stove thinking. And I don't even want to use a fork because I don't want to have to like – You went barehanded on a steak? Yeah. I'm a CrossFitter, man. Yeah. I'm surprised.

We were lucky if we get that shit cooked. You're a caveman, brother. Yes. Yes. carter when your sister enters the room and she and she makes it you know hey this is jamal and and you're like oh fuck and the joke starts building in your head does any part of you go fuck i'm not gonna be able to tell this because i'm gonna she's gonna be that's what that is actually what i thought at first a little bit, but then I did it. It did well on some shows that I did it the first few times, and I told some comics, and they were like, oh, that's a really good joke. And so then when I did it, it went, and it had that reaction.

I was like, I think that'll be funny to post. And what did your sister say? My sister commented on the video. She just commented funny brother and she gained like almost 200 followers out of it yeah it was kind of nuts she got she got followed by do you know who benny the butcher is i did see i there was i saw someone commented with a blue check mark i clicked their blue check mark whore and he had like 900 000 followers yeah he's a pretty big rapper that like a lot of people,

I don't know. He, he's kind of goofy on Instagram a lot. So it's funny that he did that. Yeah. It's crazy. Dude. 4,500 comments is crazy,

dude. Yeah. I don't know. Oh, there he is. Get Benny. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what's going on here yeah here he is dang yeah he liked your shit enough to comment yeah his stuff is uh stuff's good too I don't know are are you have you gotten any trouble with any jokes like so my whole life from the second i finished the podcast to when i go to bed at not is finding stories to tell on my podcast right so if i see someone shooting up drugs or i see a naked woman or i spin a story about it or if my wife and i get in a fight i spin a story about it to try to bring back to the podcast and i've got i've actually lost some – I've done some damage to some relationships. Even though I don't say the people's names,

I've damaged a few relationships by telling stories. Oh, really? Yeah. Have you done that yet? Have you damaged any stories? Kind of. Just stuff I've said on stage for sure. I haven't like podcasting isn't exactly – I do a lot of – i don't know i i used to run a show at go

bananas the club that that clip is from uh that was an open mic on sundays after like the headliner show and the headliner show i like the headliner uh this couple wasn't laughing and she was like what's up with you two what's uh what's your problem right now and they're like our son died two weeks ago oh and that just really threw off the show like crazy and it was awkward for the rest of the time and so then the open mic starts immediately after the show and it's you know usually the audience clears out nobody stays and so everybody left it was just comics in the room i go up on the stage and i'm like oh hey everybody my son died two weeks ago and it got a big laugh and then i'm like okay this is gonna be a good show and then in walks this guy and he's like that's not funny oh shit oh fuck and he was like don't make that

joke and he left it was the dad oh shit he was just he was his wife was going to the restroom apparently they said everybody had left but uh they his wife was going to the restroom and he was just waiting in the hallway and so that's kind of cool right that even gets you more attention right that's kind of cool right oh no not really i felt like the worst person ever after that i because that because it was gonna be a good mic like we were going to have a fun time with like friends and stuff but that just really oh man that so then that went poorly too because everybody felt awkward after carter have you in four and a half years have you um are there moments where you actually find yourself on stage like and then and if so

how often does that happen like sometimes i'm doing a show and i'm just like i start to have like this weird like out-of-body experience like i'm really like being myself yeah um you know you get that like with hot shows and stuff like that you, where there's like a lot of people stacked elbow to elbow and do, and they're kind of just going with stuff that you're saying, but like, truly that happens once every couple of months, the like real hot ones. Do you notice that maybe they're coming closer to closer and closer? And what do you, I attribute it as to when i'm really trusting myself

what do you attribute it to you were attributing it to the crowd i kind of since i attribute it to more like i guess i just get to this weird state where i'm trusting i can either trip it's like one time i did mushrooms and i went to a grateful dead concert and me and my buddies we were the only ones, we were wearing, it was during that flat bill stage in the 90s and I was wearing like a flat bill Oakland Raiders cap. And everyone,

and my other friends were wearing like a Green Bay Packers and a 49ers. We're the only three people at the Shoreline Amphitheater with 30,000 people wearing hats. Everyone else was in fucking tie dye and hippie shit. And we look like fucking, we're wannabe white kids.

You guys look like you're hip hoppers. Dude, it was crazy. And I told myself, okay, I okay i can either trip no one of my friends said it to me he goes hey dude you have two choices right now i go what he goes you can either trip or you can go with it i'm like fuck okay i'll go with it but i was about to trip i was about to have a horrible trip is it like that for you when you go on stage you're like oh fuck i can either trip or i can go with it um yeah i mean a little you don't have to agree with me you can be like no sorry uh definitely like if the show's going poorly it's always funny because as a comedian like you're like in your head you're so delusional enough that you're like i'm gonna i'm gonna turn this whole thing around i'm gonna make this a good show i'm it's gonna be me that changes the tide here and then you go up and then it just starts to go poorly and then you're inside you're like i'm gonna i'm gonna turn this whole thing around i'm gonna make this a good show i'm it's gonna be me that changes the tide here and then you go up and then it just starts to go

poorly and then you're inside you're like oh my god no and you start just withering away crying on like inside and then you just do your jokes tell them and then leave but you know so being a comedian i feel like you're always delusional enough to like try to stay positive and then it always just goes so poorly but then uh if it's a hot show you know you're like you're always delusional enough to like try to stay positive and then it always just goes so poorly but then uh if it's a hot show you know you're like you're like oh it'll go well and then it does go well and you get that like real good adrenaline rush that you the reason why you do stuff like that um if that the place where you set up the uh tables how long have you been doing that oh i've been doing that like uh almost 20

weeks now uh i i did it right when i moved to chicago i started that show so they like you yeah it's it's a good show it's uh like you know we get like it's a 50 person room we get like 30 people out a week so it's like you know a lot of people in a room like that. What's the name of the place? The Drunken Bean. It's in downtown. Drunken Bean. I wonder how they came up with that name. It's a coffee shop and wine bar. Oh.

Because when I think of the bean, I think of the clip. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the bean. The bean. Flick the bean. Yeah, or a slur. beaner oh yeah that's not really a slur in california no no not really no it's cool oh look at see even jonathan ortega knows probably some mexican i've never yeah you think bean is singular for no beaner is singular and

then beaners. Is that just because you guys eat a lot of beans? How do you get the name bean? Like if you call a motorcycle a rice rocket, like that's one of the fast motorcycles that came from Japan. You heard that term? I have not heard that term, but that makes sense. Yeah, rice rocket. So, yeah.

Or Crotch Rocket. I've heard of Crotch Rocket. Steven Flores, I am a drunken bean. There you go. It's a little early. Okay. So, you think you've done over 400 shows? Oh, for sure.

Yeah. I'll hit multiple in a night quite often. I mean, this is what? How many number of podcasts that you've done now? I think 1,500. Yeah. If you just think about how long you've done that and how you do it every day, it just really starts to add up.

Fifteen hundred is a huge number, man. Do you have jokes? How often do you come up with jokes that you're like, oh, my God, I can't wait to tell this one. You're like just like, I wish I wish more. I force myself to do new stuff every every week. I do new stuff every week. But those real hot ones that you know are just going to be instant, add to your real showcase set.

I get those once a month maybe. And they're a minute and a half to three minutes long sometimes. And so your act starts to build over time but it takes a while this cadence that you deliver at and chill and the way you look at the crowd and all that you've developed that over the four years oh for sure you know you start going up like different ways uh and then you eventually like kind of figure out like how you can be yourself on stage but at first you know you really start to like mimic just what you like in comedy. Yeah. And you eventually like are funny, like how you're supposed to be funny.

And how long did that take? Man, I guess I'm still kind of figuring it out. I would like to say I've figured it out, but I know I'll probably keep changing. So I would say I'm still learning. Four and a half years. Look at this guy, Franco Dubac. I've coached over 32,000 CrossFit

classes. I'm not that good at math, but that's insane. I don't know how many days that would take. Let's say he taught five classes a day and he did that 300 days a year uh that would be uh 1500 and then no no you haven't there's no way you there's no way

yeah that would have to be maybe he's coaching 20 years maybe you've taught 30 no no no no no that's like when will chamberlain said he slept with like thousands of girls. You're like, wait a second. I would, I really like to like imagine when Wilt Chamberlain said that, like what that must look like at night. Cause I mean,

he's, he's clearly got to be counting all of them in the room at once. Right? Yes. Yes. It's not like you have to crest your helmet you have to put your helmet i think to get to claim one your helmet has to pass it the labia majora you know there's got to be some anatomy like or else you girl can't just be in the room

while you're having sex with another girl and you get credit for both of them yeah i don't know i i think that's an insane stat oh look at 11 11 years of coaching nine classes a day all right well i guess that starts to make a little bit more sense but nine classes a day jesus christ like because how physically involved is the coaching because dude it's a lot it's mentally exhausting yeah that's you got to be shredded at that point oh yeah oh he he doesn't work out in every single one yeah but you're still like and like up in i don't know on if you worked out earlier that day you're gonna be tired tired coaching are you do um do you do anything before you go on stage like take a shot of tequila or take a shot of espresso or yeah i'll do coffee a lot before you know i like to i

like to walk around that's why i like working and taking the train because that means i'll have to do some walking and that makes you you know give you gives you some time to think yeah it gives you clarity yeah for me occasionally there'll be a time when i don't want to do the podcast but every time after i do it i'm pumped i'm like yeah do you get that sometimes yeah it gets your gets your brain going for the day for sure i like uh you know that's why I like work, like working during the day, you know, kind of forces me to go do stuff. Because when I was in Cincinnati, I wasn't really working very often. I had to just work a few days serving at a comedy club. But now I'm like working a lot and that makes me like talk to customers all day beforehand.

That kind of makes you a lot better at comedy. You ever go up on stage sick? Yeah, like I have been the past couple of days i sound a little stuffy yeah but like you're gone up there like really sick like you're like oh shit uh like like throwing up sick are you talking no but just like like like you got 102 flirting like you're you're you're in you're like sweating balls and you're like uh i mean yeah i've gone up super hungover yeah yeah definitely um but i i guess i can't recall if i've ever been like feverish have like i guess you probably it's it might be i don't know if i would say easier because the podcast is a lot longer. It's easier. I mean, you can be separated is what the biggest thing is.

Right. Probably in the – there are times in the show where I've been so sick where I'm lightheaded. I would say even once a month I'll get a little lightheaded on the show. It's weird. Like in ways that I don't get ever lightheaded in the rest of my life, yeah. Maybe it's because I got up too early or I stayed up too late but i'm doing the show early in the morning and i'm like oh like maybe like like i got the injection or it's like how i imagine those people who got the injection who are passing out on stage all over i feel like i'm

yeah but i didn't get the injection but but i feel like oh i wonder if that's what it's like right before you go down yeah i mean I mean, I don't know. I ended up getting it. How'd your heart do? Your heart okay? No, I died three times already. Jesus. Yeah, they had to revive me. Defibbed.

Yeah, I have a murmur now. You had to get it, though. Your girlfriend made you get it. Yep, yep. If I wanted to stay alive, I guess. I don't know how it all works. How many boosters? None. I'm not getting none of those. I don't even have the iOS update on my phone. Fair enough. Fair enough.

Did you get the flu shot? Yeah, I had to get it for something. I can't remember what it was, but I had to get the flu shot uh yeah i had to get it for something oh i can't remember what it was but i had to get a flu shot i don't i i went to the doctor the other day and he's like hey you're behind on your vaccines i'm like no thank you and he's like but they're free i'm like i'm good they're free they're free oh that's. That's not good. That's really funny. Don't drink all my coffee. It's wild that they're free. Oh, it's crazy.

Right, because you know they're not free. I mean, somebody's making money. Yeah, please. I'd love some. Now my wife's awake. I tried to get up early to do the podcast while we're on. Oh, yeah. You deserve better than this. Normally, I have a whole studio behind me.

I apologize. No, you deserve better than this. And normally, I would have had my computer set up. We're both just trudging through it right now. Yeah, I woke my girlfriend up with this because she was in the bedroom. But she has to study for med school, so she needed the office. So when I said I was going to go to the office, she stomped out. She was like, no, I need the office. first yes there is a hierarchy there is a hierarchy her thing is uh you know i her thing is she's spending a lot of money on med

school that's very important if you're 22 and you started this when you were 18, let's say, or 17, you must be one of the youngest guys who is senior in your area. Oh, man, you would think. But in Cincinnati, that was definitely the case. But Chicago is such a young place for comedy. I don't know. Every comedian that I hang out with is 22. It's very shocking. that was definitely the case but chicago is such a young place for comedy i don't know like every comedian like that i hang out with is like 22 it's very shocking it's a very young place uh cincinnati like oh you know all my friends were like 40 doing comedy and like they're you know

really really good but chicago is just a lot younger how many comedians do you think there are man it's so crazy there's like you know there would be like six mics a night, and each one will have like 30 to 50 comedians at it. And those are just the people that night that are going out. And that's Chicago? That's just Chicago? And that's the open mic. Then there's showcases. There's probably like a few showcases a night.

They each have like working comics on it. So, you know, there's a couple thousand just in Chicago. It's crazy. Do you have a favorite? Do you have some guys that are, like, I'll go first, Tosh. I really like Tosh. Oh, yeah. I mean, like, my favorite right now is, like Tosh. Oh, yeah. I mean, like my favorite right now is like Shane Gillis probably.

Yep. Really loves Louis C.K. You could be his little brother. You could be his little brother or cousin, Shane Gillis. Yeah. You could look like you could be a younger version of him. Oh, man. Like I wish I could be as funny.

I don't know. He's an attractive guy. He's a handsome he's a handsome fella so i'll take that as a compliment um he um do you think he knows he's funny oh for sure i mean he's he's making millions of dollars being funny i think you you know that i don't know about millions but he's he's selling he's making a million he's a sold netflix special i don't know how much it's it's so wild the scale of how pay is in comedy because for me right now like you know i got a few like off the

of getting some followers i got like some you know thousand dollar gigs this coming year and like to me it's like huge money yeah yeah like i'm like that's that's freaking that'll make my month that's my food that i spend in a month hey dude you're kind of in this um like so so fighters are kind of in this uh there's different levels of fighting but like if you want to be a world-class jiu-jitsu guy like some of the best in the world still have to pay to fight so you have to pay to fight so you could be one of the best fucking fighters in the world and you have to go somewhere and pay someone money to enter a tournament fight and then on the next level up like where you get to like really like your people are hurting each other like beating each other's faces in like basically no rules fighting you know like this

ufc shit um the guys at the fucking bottom the amateur guys they're they're making like a thousand bucks for getting in a ring with another guy god risking your life essentially a thousand bucks bottom and it's kind i'm guessing it's like that in comedy like there's dudes who are like the vast majority don't even get like you get a free cup of coffee and and uh three you get three drink vouchers right yeah yeah and sometimes like you know right when i moved here there's a comedy club that's right by where i live and it's a two drink minimum to do the open mic so that's what you really start out doing you have to buy two waters for five dollars so you're paying 10 bucks to do an open mic and that's like what you're introduced to comedy as you know luckily now it's like i have my spots i like i can you know work out material throughout the week and like'll hit an open mic after I do a show and stuff if I'm really excited about a joke.

And we're working stuff out that way. But the introduction to comedy is definitely a lot like that. You're getting beat up for paying $10 to get beat up, essentially. You're renting five minutes of the stage. The guy owns the place. For $10, you get five minutes yeah you know you start out with that you start out with uh comedy clubs they have bringer shows that's a big thing is like you can do five minutes if you bring five people that buy tickets

wow that's like yeah so it really is like a fight scene so that's why i brought all those people because uh my first open mic because that's the comedy club I started at was a bringer open mic. I mean I take my kids to jiu-jitsu tournaments. It's $150 a kid. A month, right? No, no, no. Well, yeah, that you and it's a room full of – my kids are the only Jews there. It's all Asians and it's all dark-haired people, right? There's no blonde. Like you show up to San Jose, California.

It's a room with 2,000 parents and 500 kids, right? And it's fucking all weirdo parents because they brought their kids there to fight. I mean it's fucked up. Really? I feel like the comedy boom has probably – I thought would introduce more uh more jewish fellows to fighting yeah because like the joe oh right right that's a good point that's good is rogan a jew no no but the comedy is he really a rogan rogan are you a jew is carter Docherty a Jew name? I'm not, but half the comedians I know are. Right, right.

That makes sense. So you go there, and you pay $150. So I pay $300. I spend $450 because I have three kids, and each of my kids gets two matches wearing the karate outfit and then two matches without where you just fight without it. Yeah, no gi. Yeah, okay, so you know, no gi and gi.

Yeah, I did jujitsu for like a few months when I could afford it. Oh, you miss it? Yeah, I wrestled my whole life so I really liked it when I did it. Do you think you're more confident on stage because you wrestle? Like, that's helped you a lot?

I don't know. I was pretty bad at wrestling. But you're not scared. Do you have a little swagger in you? Yeah, I feel like I have this thing because like I was always a guy who like knew how to wrestle. So I was like good at practice and stuff like that because I just could beat people that didn't know how to wrestle at all. But as soon as I got to a match with somebody else, I was always in bad shape, and they would always just kill me.

And so I feel like I'm working real hard at trying to get comfortable because whenever I would feel comfortable at practice and I would feel confident, and that's something I work really hard at with comedy is to feel confident all the time so I can perform the best that I can. I noticed in this post you write, I pinned this kid in the first period.

Crazy, right? Yeah. Is that a joke? Did he really beat your ass and you were joking? No, no, no, no. That gave me a lot of comments because I didn't wrestle my freshman year i like started off the season and then uh like decided i wasn't going to that season then sophomore year i decided like really like halfway

through this season almost that i was gonna wrestle and uh and so this was like my first match after a week and i i pinned that kid so gave me like a lot of confidence but then uh then i ended up sucking still there's this um there's this uh dude named justin madaris and um he's the fittest man in the world uh in 2021 and 2022 basically he shows up to madison wisconsin against uh people from all over the world who had to compete like this pool of three or four hundred thousand people and he makes it to the top and then he competes with just like 40 dudes right and they don't even know what they're gonna do and it's just crazy shit lifting shit running climbing it's it's it's fucking wild it makes the

olympics look like it's for pussies this guy won it two years in a row. He's a young kid. But I was interviewing him, and he said in high school he wrestled, and his record was 1 in 49 for his first 50 matches. He lost 49 fucking matches, Carter, out of 50. But he ended up his senior year, I think, going to state championships. I think he didn't do well. But that's crazy, dude, 49 defeats. That's what it's like being a comic, right? Yeah, truly.

You are getting beat up over and over again. But you get the one out of the 49, and that's what makes you want to keep doing it, I guess. Do you have anyone who believes in you? The cool thing, I have these three women in my life. I have my mom my sister and my wife crazy believe in me they don't say it but i know like you know what i mean they're not like oh we believe in you so much or we trust you they don't just say that they're they're more stoic women but i could tell like whatever i'm doing they're into like they got

my back does your does your wife have your back like that? Like, can you just tell, like, she's, um, or is she like, uh, Carter, you really need to get a job at Starbucks and get an insurance? No, no, she, uh, no, she definitely, uh, is, is, uh, fully, fully in. Um, you know, it was, it was really nice. Cause like, you know, she goes to med school, uh, and she, you know she picked one that was close to decent comedy and stuff like that, which was real cool. It would be so easy to poo-poo you. It would be so easy. Say that again? She picked a med school that was where?

You were dating her before? What? Yeah, we've been together for three years now. three years now and uh and luckily like i was a comedian before because i feel like that's uh that's very like the the beginning part where you're really bombing all the time and you know i was she saw a bit of that for sure um did you lose your virginity to her no no oh i lost my virginity when i was uh uh i had a girlfriend for three years in high school and she said i we could i could have sex with her but i didn't until my senior year till i almost graduated and i only had sex because i was like i probably should have sex before i graduate

she was cool she was great yeah i don't know discipline i was lazy you call that lazy yeah just lazy just lazy but it opened the floodgates it opened the floodgates yeah where'd you uh you go to college yeah then i went to uc santa barbara for fucking 10 years as an undergrad oh nice yeah was a maniac so she chose a med school next to a and you wanted to be in chicago because it's a comedy um yeah just like uh and plus it's because you wanted to get robbed or because it's a comedy um comedy uh definitely yeah and i haven't been robbed yet luckily i have been i was chased by a homeless guy my first week um because it was like when it was super hot in the summer when you're sweating through your clothes

and uh and this homeless guy was uh was walking near laugh factory i was about to do a show there and he picks up a dog bowl that they leave out for people walking their dogs and he starts drinking water out of it i'm like oh jesus i had just bought a water from the gas station across the street and i go over to him like hey man i just got this water do you want it right now and he looks at me he goes and you have my rent money too and i'm like oh jesus christ and then he like starts to like kind of go in go in at me and i like back off and then he like starts to chase after me and you know i don't want to be in an altercation with a homeless guy so i just sprint away and i have to run around the block to lose him yeah crazy but uh i don't i don't want to be in an altercation with anybody yeah i i would prefer to run rather than uh get shanked possibly or

something like that or bit it sounds like he yeah he was more dog than man get aids or something yeah yeah homeless guy who drinks hey you want to see you want to see my next guest i'm just going to show him to you really quick look at look at no you got he panicked look at he ran nope i took him off oh yeah well uh we have the same body actually me and that you have the same body as that guy yeah same same hey he's in chicago too oh really yeah yeah i'll introduce you to him he's a great oh god he's so great and meet carter what's up carter how are you what up andrew you're from chicago yep yep as in from or living in uh no living in in furthest south neighborhood. Which part of Chicago are you in?

Well, I live in the suburbs right now. This garage in Chicago would cost like a billion dollars. Truly. Why do you say right now, Andrew? Are you going somewhere? No. No, I mean, we've looked around. Half-hazardly, but we're staying here for the time being.

Look at that fucking vein on your forehead, dude. The TRT is really kicking in. This guy? Yeah, it's like a combo dehydration. Yeah, that's a vein. Hey, Carter, this dude comes on my show regularly, Andrew Hiller, and so I'm used to him with his shirt off, but is that weird for you? Because I remember in the beginning it was kind of weird for me that the guest had his shirt off.

No? I'll do mine too. You don't have to. I heard you say you're a wrestler. You got to take that off. Oh, no. Yeah, I haven't cut yet this season. What was your level of wrestling, college?

No, no, no, just high school. We were just talking about, like, yeah, I just uh you know i i was in high school four years ago so i still have pictures of it up on my instagram so he just saw that we were talking about it what's your weight class uh 182 i would always start out at and then try to get to either 170 or 160 by the end of the season cutting weight yeah hey carter do you ever do themes like could you ever like do when when you're being creative do you ever do like okay i'm gonna do a whole set on like your mom uh like i'll definitely or fat people or it's all start out like if i already have a joke about something that i like thought of i'll be like well i'll try to think more on that just so i can

you know keep going it just seems more natural to keep talking about the same subject yeah but yeah and then there's like theme shows sometimes where they're like you try to do material about this thing those are those are kind of stressful to do because then you have to really hunger down and write oh so someone will tell you that like hey this is the entire show on well yeah there's like entire show on palestinians in a city like chicago where there's so much comedy if you want to like get like there's the comedy clubs they have like themed night shows where they're like this is like there's jokes about being in the service industry or something like that so like it's all like people that like are waiters at tables and stuff like that and they talk about that are there any are there any comics that are blackballed that are like that you know that all the other like that all the people who own the clubs are like, hey, don't associate with that comic.

Don't associate with that. Is there any like that? I mean, yeah. There's some for crazy reasons that I shouldn't talk about. Like inappropriate? Like something they do with their penis? Is it all dudes that have to do with their penises? Yeah, dudes like to do that sometimes yeah for some reason well it's not it's yeah it's always like they do things with their penises yeah right but is that no but all kidding

aside that is that is the reason right it's a guy and he's got well yeah he's done some inappropriate things with his penis so he's not welcome yeah and it's rarely like people are too like harsh on stage because is that what you it's rarely like people are too like harsh on stage because is that what you're asking about like people that are blackballed for like jokes yeah jokes or behave i i was thinking more jokes but now that i think about it could also be like drunken behavior while they're waiting yeah behavior is usually what it is actually i feel more times because people people are usually smart enough to about what they say on stage to not, like, piss everybody off. Right.

But, you know, I've seen it where people do a joke that didn't do well, but usually, like, if they tell a joke that's, like, a little bit off color, you know the person, like, and you're like, oh, they were just trying something that they didn't know how to word yet. And that just... So usually, like, the bookers of clubs are like realizing of that so they uh they don't freak out too hard they're just like that joke bomb tonight get them next time so there is so there's even this this social censorship there

like there are some boundaries you know well yeah the because the boundary is did it get everybody to laugh or not right okay so you know if you yeah it's a social temperature you're taking a social temperature yeah you're taking a social if you look around the room and you can get them all to laugh then you did a good job that night but if you say something like that they don't laugh at then you did a bad job i saw this poll on twitter that um said that uh 83% of people think it's okay to say the word retard and 17% don't. So that's kind of like checking the social temperature. Yeah, it's definitely,

that's something that I, I feel like that's actually a really good comparison because that's something that like four years ago, like right when I started, if you said that on stage, people would be so pissed off. And then if you said it now, that word's back, it's back. back oh that's really nice yeah i see it a lot okay it's cool there's some cool ways to say that word i have a friend who says it he says retard and i just really like that retard that is that is a it's quick hey do you do any

um um physical comedy i like the comics like that for some reason i think it's quick. Hey, do you do any physical comedy? I like the comics. For some reason, I think it's funny when they do stuff like gyrate their hips or tiptoe around. You know what I mean? I definitely try. I'm not a very smooth mover. I look clunky when I move around. I imagine the scene in Big Daddy where he steps on Scuba Steve.

Damn you. Comedy. Someone has no clue. Carter, do you have any clue what he just referenced? Dude, I'm going to be honest. No. Get him, Chandler. Big Daddy. Scuba Steve. Damn you. He gets hit by the car. The kid laughs. Come on.

I've never seen Big Daddy. All right. I missed. Carter. Go ahead. car the kid laughs come on i've never seen big daddy all right i i missed all right go ahead go ahead i was just gonna say my movie viewership started in like uh i was born in 2001 is this so post 9-11 is uh my movie era jody linda big daddy hey 9-11 just so you know wasn't really that big of a deal like i was alive and then it was nah it was nothing just a little hiccup in this dude i had like school canceled every day like basically every 9-11 class would just be us watching i'm joking i'm joking it

was uh hey listen to this compared to covet it was nothing let me tell you that yeah true truly like so you are you got you already like ah fuck 9-11 don't worry like you did you did a whole cool that's why he wasn't even born yet when this movie came out yeah is that two twin towers oh yeah wow wow um carter when you get would there be a point where you get so big that you won't come on this show well or will you be like oh that was kind of or or will it be like hey that was kind of cool that when i was starting out it's just the first podcast you've ever done uh like yeah especially zoom podcast i've done i actually just did a stream yard brother zoom is ghetto stream yard oh sorry sorry sorry careful my bad you were wearing gucci and i said you're levi's you'd I actually just did a podcast last week. StreamYard, brother. Zoom is ghetto. StreamYard. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Careful. My bad. If you were wearing Gucci and I said you're Levi's, you'd be pissed. Dude, that is true. Sorry. I just meant over the microphone with the earbuds. Thank you. This is a superior thing because I did just have to click a link. I didn't have to download an app, which my phone already is so full, which that is a superior thing.

Tell me what you think. Tell me what you think. So some guy reaches out to you and then you look at my Instagram and you're like, what the fuck does this guy want to have me on? Yeah, I saw all the CrossFit stuff and all that. And I was just like – I think that would be funny because I just told somebody that I was like, yeah, I think I i'm gonna be on a crossfit podcast which i think is uh very funny because i'm uh you know i'm kind of just chunky and i look gross so i think it'd be good to talk here maybe i'll get some motivations you're waiting and there's a comedian right you know you know that adam And there's a comedian, right? You know that? Adam Sandler's a comedian? Mm-hmm. Okay.

That's all. Yeah, no, I... Sorry, I... I'm all messed up that you've never seen that movie. I didn't mean to take the subject back to Adam Sandler. Adam Sandler does rule, but I just... I don't know. I feel like if you're not... If your parents didn't, like, show you, like, a movie from then,

then you just miss out on it completely unless you somehow take a deep dive back. How much do you weigh now? Oh, man. Well, actually, surprisingly, 170, but not like I did when I wrestled. I was going to say, that's less than you weighed in high school when you were cutting weight.

Yeah, but I played football as well. So I was like, how tall are you? Lifting weight. I'm like five nine. You are not 170. You're not chunky then. Dude, he's not 170. He's 190.

Are you fucking kidding me? I'm 170. I'm fucking five five on a good day. I'm 170. At Best Western, when you stay three nights this this summer you earn 10,000 bonus points and while you're reliving your summer childhood road trip memories they're creating new ones so check into any one of our more than 2,300 hotels

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Yeah, really? But you're all juiced up. Yeah. I mean, I have like no muscle at all right now. I was like working out for a little bit. Even butt? You don't have any ass? Do you have ass? No. Dude, that's the biggest bummer because when I was like

182 in high school, like I was like squatting all the time. I was like really working out. Yeah, squat. Carter, just squat. Yeah. Dude, yeah. I truly I'll get into phases of it but you know like when you play sports they tell you to be there at this time yeah you have to be there else like they make you run more the next time you go so do you live close to andrew you could work out you want to come work out you want to come work out here i gotta recover my broken arm oh yeah show it hillary your arm

hillary fucking airbag busted his arm dude yeah you gotta work out breaking bones in your body i know you can still work out with that i know i i have a i have an anytime fitness membership and like i i'm gonna make myself like go there and at least do like cardio. I bet that you're no further than 25 minutes away from me. We got to do this thing. It'll be great. It'll be great. Easy.

Uh, Hiller have him and Tyson over to your gym and make a video of them working out together. That would be fucking awesome. I'm in Tyson agent. Yeah. Would that be killer? Right? Uh, I guess if he can get tyson if he can get tyson bajan over to his gym the quarterback of the chicago bears and he

invites you over to come work out will you go do that oh for videos okay okay cool would you do it without him or no i do i do i 100% for Tyson, but I do. How many, how many YouTube subscribers would Hiller need for you to go over to his house and work out? I don't know. Subscribers doesn't matter. I just got it.

I do need to work out. Good point. Good point. Subscribers don't matter. His or his or wild though. His, his, his,

his or he got a fucking rabbit car when you see the private shit or no no i don't think i can say i'm gonna send you my phone number in there and then you can come on over whenever you want all right i'll text you i'll send a text and just and just link you guys you can even bring a girlfriend dude yeah you guys can work out there yeah yeah we were we were pretty active at the Y before we moved here because the one in Cincinnati was really close to us. But then – Stephen Flores, Hiller's subscribers are feral.

Like a cat? Feral. What does that mean? Well, it's like they have rabies and they – like the homeless guy that attacked Carter. Yeah, they act wild. They foam at the mouth. I like it.

They are, yeah. Carter um i'm stoked you came on dude and and uh you can come on anytime you want you're cool i've had a lot of comics having me three dozen you're the coolest one dude you're the only one that can keep a conversation they're all fucking semi semi-retarded or well yeah that's comedy i thought i was being autistic the whole time so i appreciate that that that calms my nerves and i'm so i'm so pumped for you that you're chasing your dream i really fucking mean it and nothing can stop you dude at the pace you're at and how early you started you're just going to get better and better dude and you present so well and you have a great vibe to you um i'm rooting for you, dude. For sure. Well, thanks so much for having me.

I guess I'll shout out my Instagram. They came up a few times, but follow at CarterDComedy. Oh, yeah. Oh, so this is what I should have done for you. But in the future, when you go on podcasts, you just do this. Use your name as this. See how we used our name? Oh, yeah. I just changed yours. See name? Oh, yeah. I just changed yours.

See that? Oh, thanks. Yeah, I appreciate that. Endless shameless promotion. Yeah, so I used to run a coffee show in Cincinnati. That was the one that I ran there. It's pretty good. But, yeah, thanks so much for having me.

This guy looks familiar. Dude, do I know this guy for some reason no he just has a mustache and Jeffrey Dahmer glasses his name's Ty Obama comedian out of Cincinnati okay you look very familiar well alright yeah I'll talk to you later thanks so much

for having me alright brother have a good one thanks Carter you too bye Carter bye come work out I got the last word he's coming All right, brother. Have a good one. Thanks, Carter. You too. Bye, Carter. Bye. Come work out. I got the last word. He's coming. And then there were two. Mason Mitchell, Hans Kim is an amazing comic. Did you see him when he was on the show?

That was fucking tough when Hans was on the show. I've been trying to get him back on, though. I don't know who Hans Kim is. Asian dude. get him back on though i don't know who hans kim is asian dude um he kind of he's on this uh youtube channel called kill tony i've heard and he and he started opening for um that's what he looks like the fucking red stapler guy. Who does? The dude I said has a familiar looking face. Oh, oh, oh. You're going to die when you see this dude.

Look at this. He looks just like this dude. Wow, wow, wow. And Rambler knew that right off the bat. Uh-huh. So there are people you really connect with in that. Do you ever find someone who's just like in the movie space like you are in their head, and you guys are just on another planet talking to each other with movie references?

It's probably just everyone I grew up with, yeah. We would just sit there and watch movies and chill all day. Eric. Eric. Eric. Recent. all day um let me uh eric uh eric eric recent eric something chart chart rend seven on the most recent rich froning appearance episode you say you have an obligation to take care of your guests also seven when my guests come to my house i don't even give them water anymore that's a financial that's a financial uh thing that's a financial uh yeah no but you can get your own water like by that god when did i say i don't give them water anymore that i think that's an old episode are you just catching up anyways did you actually say this or i don't i don't know i

must have said it because like i have a i have a running joke with one of my friends who comes over and it's a joke it's not even real that's what's listen you guys 99 of the shit i say is just a joke like hey when i went to your house someone's like you make 89 000 a year i can't believe go ahead what are you gonna say tell me how great i am when you as a guest you wouldn't stop giving me water i had to stop telling you to telling me to drink your sparkling water yo dude i don't want one get yeah there you go yeah so i had to believe it was an analogy knowing what i know about your water generosity yeah it was kind of it was kind of a joke like hey i um when i was uh making more money than god i i would offer everyone a sparkling water and a bag of pistachios. Now it's like, if you're going to drink water, drink out of the hose out front.

I don't even want you dirtying a cup. It's a joke. I mean, it's kind of true, but it's not like – it's not – some fucking idiot in the YouTube comments is like, someone's out of touch again saying he only makes $89,000. It's like, oh, fuck, you fucking don't ruin my bits. I hate that when someone ruins my bits and I have to fucking explain to you, like, it's a bit, you jackass.

Will Wallraven. Sevan, it was an awesome surprise to meet you at Legends this weekend. Between me sprinting back and forth on the competition floor to capture content, keep being yourself, man. Dude, Wallraven is a fantastic last name. Yeah. Will Wallraven is a fantastic last name. Yeah.

Will Wallraven. You couldn't ask for much more. He was a good dude. He was set up well by your parents. I remember who you are. Yeah. Yeah, Pellegrino. Pellegrino.

All that shit. JR Howell, you don't get the show everyone yeah you know jr is really good because sometimes i do these i do these bits that i'm like there's no way anyone got that and then jr will be like holy fuck you know no one got that he'll just text me that i'm like i do like jr's random text and they and they're right to the point and they're always funny Heidi Kroom that's what people don't get about us most things we say are just in jest

yeah what does that mean jest I'm assuming it's gotta have something to do like a jester those clown looking things that hang out with the kids yeah things done for amusement so that brings us to um oh no um uh so i don't oh shit no fucking way beaver hey what's up dude is that from hospital no it's an the fuck are you wearing?

North Face. What the fuck is that thing? Oh, discount rack. Discount rack. Retro. Retro. Retro. Tell me how cheap that was. That's an $800 jacket that he got at 95% off at North Face.

It was only 50% off, okay? It was in the clearance rack. Tell me the truth. Was it really? Yeah, it was. God, you're a humble man. Fuck, you're a humble man. Hey, what's wrong with Patagonia? Is it one of those companies that does crap?

No, Patagonia got like I guess started being used by the military a lot, and so now it's just like chump shit. If you wear it, you're kind of a douche. I'll come on the show wearing a Nike sweatshirt. And I'll remember seven, just choose me out for not knowing that.

And I go, geez, I'll take it off. All right, come on. I just don't know. Listen, there's,

there's some good parents out there who send their kids to school. Don't anyone get all fucking freaked out. There's all these people out there, potential guests for the show, right? And there's agents out there, right? And I've talked about this guy before, the agent from Sport there's agents out there right and i've talked about this guy before the agent from um sporty beth's agent right um and and buttery bros and craig richie and and others and and there's all sorts of agents out there right like patrick clark's an agent i think i think cooper marsh i can't tell if cooper marsh is an agent or if he works for an agent he's

like a docent for an agent. I can't get it. But then there's this guy named James Neely who's an agent also. Or like Matt O'Keefe used to be an agent, right? Is he not anymore? I don't think so. I think he's like the CEO of HWPO or something. God, that's a good shirt, CEO of HWPO. Anyway, so – and I understand like if you think it's bad for someone to come on my show i'm

no i have no issue with that at all you know what i mean i've had some very cordial amazing exchanges with people like there's three athletes i can think of who are really big athletes who uh who have had some incredible exchanges with who don't come on the show. One used to come on the show. They don't anymore. And I get it for whatever reason. Can I guess? But I'm not going to tell you. I know.

Well, I'll tell you. Because I don't want to burn my trust. I was just hoping you'd say no. I wanted to, you know. I don't want to burn my trust. I don't want to burn my trust with them. Yeah, yeah. That guy represents Zach T. Lander too.

And so I totally get it. If someone said to me, so if someone said to me, hey, do you think I should go on the Kettlebells and Cocktails podcast? I would say no. And I would explain to you why. And... Can I ask you why?

Because you don't want to go on a show and that that looks like you got 50 they got 25 views so i'll even be harsher than that like so the lone ranger podcast had don fall on it and it couldn't even get a thousand views in a couple hours don should not have gone on there or rich froning went on the talking uh the the talking ranger podcast lone ranger podcast and it had it when i last looked it had two or three thousand views that's not it i just wouldn't do that and the conversation that rich had on there i just wouldn't recommend he go on there that's just not his that's not his i don't think that that's like great for his what what unless he went on there knowing he wanted to help them and carry their show. Do you get what I'm saying?

It's like – and so – but anyway, but then there's other people who might not want to come on here because I say things like if you send your kids to school you're a shitty parent and they think that that's um alienating right you leave fitness equals i don't think it's career suicide i think that there's people i think that there's people who listen don's interview with them like i said is fucking amazing on the lone ranger podcast i just like they just they just if you want to talk about professional they're so fucking unprofessional by putting him after fucking 45 minutes of just bullshit talk about who gives a fuck where the semi-finals are being held you know what i mean that's a five minute show correct yeah right i mean do you

guys do you guys agree with me i don't mean to drag you into my mud, but like Don Fall, the CEO of the fucking small business miracle and the flame holder of the cure for the world's most vexing problem is putting the second half of a garbage show. Like, come on, dude. At least either start with him or make him standalone. Yes. Make it a standalone podcast or make that the main event. Especially during this time when his stock is probably the highest. Can I fluff myself up a little

bit? Yeah. I go and I hang out with a bunch of people in fucking furry costumes and it got almost six times the viewership as the CEO of Don Fall right here. A thousand views in four days. If Don came on this show,

he'd get 10,000 views. Yeah. So it's just, so it's one thousand exact same day put up four days ago, six times the views. That being said, I am not. Yeah,

that's crazy. By the way, good job on that. Thanks. Good job on that. It's, it's, it's like I listened to it and i

learned a ton of shit and i liked it and you're so fucking respectful you're such a good dude they were cool so um they that's why i put the furry video up to make talking to the fitness look bad just so everyone knows i i knew i would outdo them with downfall. With furry? With furries, yeah. So I'm not upset. I don't care.

This is going to be hard for some of you to get your head wrapped around. I'll use Tia as an example. I really want Tia to come on the podcast. I don't care that she doesn't. But I would really like her to come on. I would really like like to talk to her i'm interested in having a relationship with her or with shane or someone over there i want that relationship but if they don't i don't care i'm not like people will be like well they're never going to come on because you do this this and this i'm not i'm hoping that they i'm hoping that they see value value what I'm doing.

I'm not grabbing my ankles, begging someone to come on. There's a difference. I'm not opposed to grabbing my ankles and bending over. Like if Shane and Tia were like, hey, we'll come on, but it's going to have to be at 3 in the morning. I'd get up at 3 in the morning and do it. But if they're like – but if someone was like, hey, I don't want you to hang around Caleb anymore, or else we're not going to come on, then I'm going to go, fuck you. I'm sorry I hang out with Caleb.

That's just what I do. I'm not changing that. Anyway, so it brings me to this point. So this guy has been telling people that they shouldn't come on my podcast. Not only that they shouldn't come on my podcast, but that it's not good to hang out with me that i'm bad that i'm bad for someone's brand or reputation and um and a lot of his athletes have come on the show and i've and i love like i would love emily rolf to be on this show regularly i think fucking emily rolf is like i don't know what the fuck is wrong with our fucking community she should be there should

be fucking like you had your fucking mind it should it should be that yeah his husband's funny as shit but but emily rolf is the fucking 10 and she's fucking eminently capable and she's got a great sense of humor when she's on the show she's dope yeah emily rolf is hot yeah beyond hot it's like she is the fucking real wonder woman um i got the list if you want me to pull it up hillary just wants to get the ball rolling just tell me when um but to um but to tell but to but to bad like to bad mouth me is is some sort of like hey um just just telling random people out there hey you shouldn't associate with them it's bad for your brand you're a fucking idiot like that's not true and if you do tell people that um and you

want to start looking at numbers um i'm more than happy to start talking about that. So in the classic example is this. This guy, James, and his group represent Craig Ritchie, who's made four videos in a row crying like a baby. And his brand is called Hustle. The guy's brand is called fucking hustle and he's he's he's complaining he's playing the victim his brand is not hustle it's fucking victim and you're his fucking agent and you're advising him i don't know actually i don't know if you've ever advised him because i've never invited craig richie to be on the show and i like craig richie the interaction i have with him is games him and his wife are fucking dope but you're advising him or you're advising people to not hang out with me when when this guy your guy's making videos saying he lost

money at the games when i made a shit ton of money at the games a shit ton caleb's like where's my piece a shit you're wearing that you got a set of headphones and a I never I made more money at the games than I made all the rest of the year in that week and you certainly didn't lose money

and and and and and you guys know how yeah and I certainly didn't lose money and and and um and and uh and uh uh you guys know how yeah and i certainly didn't lose money and i didn't complain about it and i celebrated it if you're fucking crossfit do you want me to talking about um what my experience was like at the games or do you want craig richie and why the fuck james aren't you telling craig richie hey don't don't do that Aren't you telling Craig Ritchie, hey, don't do that? This is what you should say. I'll type it up for you.

James, you ready? Dear Craig, there's a guy in the space who's one of your colleagues named Seval Matosian. He's so upbeat and positive about the games. He loves the games. He always talks up the athletes. He talks about how much money he made there. He talks about how he wants to kiss Don's ass and Dave's ass so that he can go back again. Maybe you should take a page out of his book instead of feeling sorry for yourself and talking about how the games

is not a way to make money. Because they're going to want to associate with people who are pumping up the games. I don't know what it is. I don't know if you're threatened by me or what, but let me give you another example. Emily Rolfe came on the show, and everyone knew the inevitable collision. First of all, she had a fucking huge set of balls to come on here

because I always fuck with people who take in the shot, the injection. And she came on here, and everyone knew. I had had doctors on, and we were talking about the clot that she had at the games, which was completely fucking out of left field. Right. And people were like, oh, it's from they said it was from acupuncture or something or needling. Right. But we all knew it was. We're not stupid. Two athletes for the first time in 16 years have clotting at the games. Two athletes for the first time in 16 years have clotting at the games. Like there's a Harvard doctor who's like trying to be like, no, it was from the needling. Shut the fuck up. We already know Harvard's a fucking joke. You guys are paid fucking mouthpieces of pharma.

And just say the fucking truth. And so she came on the show and she did. She looked at her scar on her arm and she goes, well, we all know I got the injection. Here's my proof. Meaning she gave it a fucking nod. That's it. It was all good. People love her to death. She came on the show.

I wonder if she told you in advance before she came on. I've had a bunch of your clients on. I've had a bunch of your clients reach out to me and ask to be on. But here's the thing, dude. Here's the thing. You have a client. And by the way, I didn't plan this ahead of time. I just realized this this morning. I just realized this this morning i just realized this this morning you have a client named uh sporty beth who fucking did a fucking wild hit piece on me and you make money off of those clients and uh so so you're in the game you're in the arena hey dude you know when you go to our youtube it's the first video that pops up reena hey dude you know when you go to her youtube it's the first video that pops up

great it's the it's the first one that pops up for you because she has them because she has them organized yeah look at look dude that you represent that you make money off of slamming me you james neely and sin and all that your whole group, all those people from Brent Fikowski to the Buttery Bros, all get – you guys hang together. You roll together. I know you're all separate people. I'm not saying that everyone's to blame. I'm not even saying that all you guys – but you guys all roll together. And, dude, she has some crazy values. Imagine doing – imagine just doing just a crazy hit piece on some dude that she never even

talked to which is completely false too i mean just completely insane the shit she's saying in there like it's like it's a complete win-win positive uh for women not to be on birth control who are competing at the crossfit games there's no one arguing that with fucking three brains more than uh less than uh there's no one arguing that unless you have less than three brain cells you can be fucking with your fucking hormones if you want to be a fucking professional athlete and she makes an entire hippie sauna and you make money off it and that's the company you keep that's the company you keep you talk about the you you you started it by being concerned about the company that other people keep well i'm just looking at the company you keep you want to talk about me i want to talk

about you you talk about me behind my back i talk about you to your to your face publicly i talk about you're not part of my story you're not part of the you're part of the thing and while i have no agent i just got little matt sousa running crossfit livermore make it bringing me shit loads of fucking big sponsors you got your fucking guy complaining he lost six hundred thousand dollars in the last two years because he can't keep his fucking hustle shit afloat hey i got that bit pulled up if you want i'm talking about his loss of the games if you want to see it yeah let me let me see. That'd be great. Thank you.

Seven seconds? Seven seconds at a time? Somewhere there. Okay. Actually, at the CrossFit Games, we made a loss. The view money didn't bring in as much as it cost us to go to the games. And yes, probably some of you are going to be like, yeah, you can play business. I found some amazing deals in the Christmas sale to go to the games.

Between Jazz and I, we treated ourselves. It only cost us like a thousand pound more to go business than an economy. And removing that a thousand pounds, even if we flew economy, we still would have made a loss. Oh, my goodness. Let me tell you what i did i took my entire crew that was a voluntary crew out to a dinner where we spent a thousand dollars every night i was there can confirm that's right everyone got a 60 steaks and all the drinks they could eat and we did that every night we were there. Spicy margaritas are good, man.

Yeah. Did not partake in that, but they look good. Hiller openly says that he thinks we're stupid for drinking, and he's right. He's correct. But it's cool. We are not perfect, me and Caleb. But it's cool.

Should I go put on my hustle shirt while we have this conversation no fuck that fucking brand fuck those dildos for uh being associated with james so so yeah so so can you bring up the whole the whole list of characters that this guy represents so this guy so this guy this is the thing you're in a position where you represent other people and these are the people you represent other people, and these are the people you represent. And you think it's cool, and you think it's – the people that you've been telling, telling, the people you've been telling are not just these people.

But I want to tell you which ones have been on the show that I fucking really enjoy. By the way, I got to hang out a little bit with Brent Fikowski at the games. He was wonderful. Obviously, I know the buttery guys, Heber and Marzen. I text with them regularly about maybe like camera gear or ideas or probably, let's say, on average, once a month.

Emily Rolfe was on the show. Absolutely amazing. Elliot Simmons. Is that Jamie Simmons' husband? Yeah. Outstanding fucking dude. Met him at the games great i would have him on the show harry lightfoot a target of uh my humor all the time he'd come on i'd have

him on i can't remember if i've had jamie simmons come on but complete fucking mature awesome person con porter what a stud been on the show very vulnerable cool i think that's like some washed up usc fighter, Obi Vincent. I'm not sure. Sam Briggs has been on the show a couple times. Promoted the fuck out of her book. What did you say? He's that giant jack dude, Obi Vincent. Oh, then it's not who I think it is.

I did have Jamie on? Okay. Jake Felton. Fikowski. Never heard him mentioned ever with Hustle. Fikowski. Fikowski. Let me see.

Zach Talander. Another guy. Another guy. Made a hit piece on Greg Glassman and pulled it down. Complete bullshit. Complete horseshit. He hangs around a bunch of – Zach hangs around a bunch of people who are fucking butthurt because their career got derailed when Greg sold the – or fired the media team. And I understand that they're butthurt.

I was butthurt too. And then got upset when they sold the company double whammy, but no fucking balance in his reporting, just a complete fucking uneducated hit piece. And I spoke to Zach. No, get Zach on the show. He's already been on a couple of times.

That's not, I didn't, I didn't, I'm not, he's not. Hey, everybody like it says that get so-and-so on the show. There's a live call-in number that goes across the bottom of the screen all the time.

And I would love nothing more than this sin guy to call in right now if he had any balls whatsoever. And then he needs to tell everybody what's going on with him telling people to stay away from you. But he won't do it. Because he's got no balls. So I want to reiterate. I'm not asking anyone to come on. I don't care if you tell people that you don't think that this show is a good fit for you. But.

If you're telling people that they shouldn't. If you're telling people that they shouldn't, if you're telling people that they shouldn't say that again, how cowardly it is to consistently talk behind somebody's back. Has he reached out to you? Uh, he has yesterday, this morning, this morning,

I got a text message from him. I guess, uh, let me guess. Let's have a personal conversation. One-on-one man on man. Yes. Yes.

That's what he's got no balls it's worse than that actually oh god he says why he basically was insinuating why haven't i called him i don't want to go into it because i i appreciate the fact that he i do appreciate the fact that he reached out but asking me why i didn't call him is just he lost me there i think i took a giant crap on sean woodland once for doing that yeah you should handle this behind closed doors like hell no yeah well here's the thing maybe if he would have if he if like i said i don't care if someone's agent is like hey you shouldn't go on that show i don't care athletes who are friends of mine be like hey dude i can't go on your show anymore actually i just thought of another one.

I've invited Tia and Shane on the show, and they've handled it with the utmost class. I'm not throwing a temper tantrum about anyone wanting or not wanting. There's hundreds of people who've asked to come on who I have not had come on. So I've been

on the other end of it too. But to be talking shit and telling other people in the space not to associate with me. Oh, and especially you pussies that call Don. Like you're going to tattle on me now. Like you think you're going to call Don or Dave like Sporty Beth did or Wooly did or these people did. Like you think you're going to call someone and tattle on me? That is a bitch move. people did like you think you're gonna call someone and tattle on me like you're a that is a move to tell people who are already my friends that they shouldn't hang out with me

that is a move that's what this is all about yeah yeah he he he's he's spreading about me that's not true because he's insecure and threatened by me. And now he wants me to talk about it. I bet you I made more money at the games than all of those people put together. With no agent. With no agent. And here's another thing I'd like to add, since we're telling the story.

I add things to people's lives. I give people stuff. You take things from people. I give stuff. I had this guyter on because i'm giving him something you took on the buttery bros because you want to take something from them remember that you are a taker i am a giver this is obi vin Holy shit. Let me see that first picture. Oh my God. Wow. From what I understand, he's pretty flexible too.

Oh, it's Zach George. He's in men's health. UK. Oh, Zach's been on the show. Zach George has been on the show. Cool dude. He's not a sin guy though look at this dude

huge great smile too Natty or not, Caleb welcome to Sebon Space Space yes, James Neely, welcome to my safe space uh his tits look fake i thought the exact same thing his tits did look fake jesus tank a tank buttery bros numbers have fallen harder than the ukraine army is ukraine getting its aspie i don't know anything about it but he's wearing the

dark helmet picture that's funny caleb just went from penis down to penis up anyway how do you know so so i see that but here's the thing too like yeah going uh going back to what heidi was saying like this may be serious to you james this is not serious to me. I see this whole thing as content. And I'm salivating. You're like a fucking pork chop. I'm just salivating to drag

this thing out and make it as exciting as possible. But the shitty part is all your people take the hit. All these fucking people that associate with you, they take the hit. Pork chops are gross. And the fact that you associate with so many fucking people who do fucking just stupid fucking pieces and hit pieces And that are fucking bullies

Does doesn't help and you make money off. It doesn't help your case at all uh uh airy bros uh seve show is like the mma hour ariel hawani might not work for the ufc but they all go on a show because it's the number one show in the space that sounds good but i don't know who the hawani person is he's huge he's he's he got kicked out of the UFC as a commentator. Oh, really? Yeah. He's either Middle Eastern or a Jew or something, too. There he is. Canadian. He looks just like you, dude.

And in his show, he owns the UFC interview space. It's kind of cool. And Dana hates him. Really? Just like Don hates you right no don doesn't hate me me and don i love don yeah me and don are good look at that support he's only got like another 10 or 12 followers than you've got yeah he has one uh 1 300 followers nice hey dude that dude has 1.3 million followers and all of his followers are real that his account is savage caleb can you go to the reels click on the reels thing his show is savage

i like to look at the real plays that's how how are those numbers they're they're they're good 600 000 That means that they're real. Or paid for. Could be either. I'd say they're real. One million there? Yeah, they're good. He's good. Yeah, Dana White hates...

Anyway. As the great will smith says just keep your fucking name out of my mouth you don't you don't want to you don't want to play or if you do want to play keep keep talking that shit and we'll just keep playing but i but i i'm enthralled here's the thing also you have to remember and, and I give this to you warning once and probably never again to everyone out there in the space. I give this warning to everyone out there in the space. If you don't have a platform, you're fucked if you tangle with someone who does have a platform. What do I mean by a platform is I'm on every single fucking morning. I'm on every single fucking morning. And everyone gathers around the mountaintop to look up and hear you. So if I have one shitty day within three days, everyone's forgotten it.

But like Mikey swoosh is only known for one thing. Yeah. You Simba did. You went to the end of the mountain and he held it because he, because he, because he came because he doesn't have a voice to get past what he said. He had one. He's like an artist that's a one-hit wonder.

And so if you're going to fuck. If you're going to come around. It's like if you were a fighter and you lost your last fight, everyone's going to remember that you lost your last fight. So you got to keep fighting. People are going to remember you for whatever you did last I used to stream on Rumble now we just it goes there afterwards like three days after

Tank asked do you stream live on Rumble and the ground you walk on James by telling people that they shouldn't associate with me, it would take two seconds to know that that's stupid. That every single person who comes on the show looks good. They leave with more followers. They leave with people liking them more. liking them more it's the it's the i would take the claim that this show humanizes people in the space more than any other fucking show um even if the people even yesterday someone in the comments god i fucking hate sebon but i love this fucking show when he has guests on it was like basically i had rich on hey dude reddit really likes, by the way. Reddit hates me. They hate me, too.

Yeah, it's fucking... To get on Reddit, you have to have a five-shot booster minimum and three black squares. Hey, dude, I'm on Reddit. Chill, chill. I hope you're... And you're with your real name. You're probably one of the only people with a real name on Reddit. It's a guy named James Neely. He represents all these guys.

The name of the... Jeff, the name of the agency is called Sin S... Something. You want their Instagram? If you're an agent, if you're an agent, you don't talk shit about someone who has the

yes hello hello i don't know if my phone's right hello can you hear me yeah the the calling number is working yes hey how are you james hey james okay james why why why do you why are you telling people that it's not a uh good idea to uh associate with me i mean did you see sporty vets video pretty self-explanatory You're a mean guy. Oh my goodness. I know, I know. Hey, I know it's like way off subject,

but I wanted to call into, so you know how it was going with the terzepatide thing. I don't even know if that's how it's pronounced, but. Terzepatide on a capeptides.com. Yeah, that's the stuff that Hiller and I were kind of talking about, Terzepatide on capeptides.com. Yeah, that's the stuff that Hiller and I were talking about, whether it's capeptide. Are you got it, Hiller? I got it.

I thought this was freaking James. I was so pumped. James Neely is on terzepatide, and I do appreciate I understand. Terzepatide. I don't appreciate, I understand. Terzepatide, okay. I don't even know what that guy looks like. But he looks like an agent.

Oh. That's weird. That's the one on C-peptide. It's like Ozempic, but different. It's like stronger and not supposed to have any side effects or anything like that. Yeah, and and I just finished the First bottle of it just like four weeks no shit You got it and then and you reconstitute it and you injected it yourself all that yeah, well, no, it was already all put together and then you just keep it in the fridge and and and just inject like it's like a really tiny amount uh every week

once a week so you injected the whole the whole body so you did it in four injections yeah yeah and and how much did you weigh when you started? Did it change anything? What did you feel from it? Um, you know, honestly, I didn't feel a lot different, which was kind of surprising. I was like a little bit nervous to take it because I was like, oh, this is probably gonna make me feel like shit. Yeah. And I'm going to have all these side effects. And I didn't, I didn't have any. The only difference was was like if I'm eating, um, then I'm like, Oh, I'm done. I'm good. But it didn't push back on this. Do you think, do you think that it was, um, any of it was, um, uh, what's that called when you take a medicine and you think it's working,

but it's, um, Oh, placebo. Do you think it was placebo? You're like, fuck, I'm injecting myself with this i should just eat less no no no because because i have no fucking problem eating like at all so uh yeah so i mean i don't think so i don't think so let me ask how much did you weigh when you started? Let me, hold on. 328. And how much did you weigh after a month? This morning it was 310.

But the last week I haven't done any too much gym. I went this morning, but I've been sick. Any side effects from the terzabitide? Did you feel nauseous at all? I've heard some people feel nauseous. No, no. You know, because I did message Sarah beforehand, like, hey, you know, what do you think about this? And, you know, she said it's like ozempic, but with less or no side effects. I didn't have any.

Or I didn't notice any how much less are you where i didn't notice how much less are you eating do you think you can't have as much as you used to yeah yeah and and i you know and i've been dieting during too um so it wasn't like i'm just like eating spirit and and and taking the that there's appetite they have been dieting while i've been doing it. I still do a little bit of intermittent fasting, but I change the window to where it's at in the evening

instead of the morning. Is it easier on the terzepatide to fast? Yeah. What about your mood? Has anyone said you've turned into an asshole? No, I don't think so. How about getting tired? Are you getting tired no but um i sent you some texts before the show this morning like right before yeah i was i was i was sorry i didn't like

i got up no no okay um i it turns out like i had sleep apnea too so i went on offer up and i bought a machine and like fixed it like i was like my sleep was just shit like almost non-existent you got a sleep apnea machine yeah so you got terzapatide and a sleep apnea machine in the same time uh yeah well yeah the the machine a little bit before um what about this theory that hiller has that he went from like hey you should never take that shit to okay and i'm paraphrasing if you do take this stuff what you need to do is you need to be acutely aware of how little it takes you to eat and you have to build those habits when you're on it. So when you get off it, um, 90% of them stick. Is there any validity to that you think as a strategy?

A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. And that, and that's what I've been doing. I've been trying to like, you know, retrain myself with, you know, the way I eat and how much I eat during it and kind of trying to be pretty strict about it. I have a coworker here who's also taking it, but he's like, you know, severely diabetic. And he, you know, he eats like shit still. So it's really not doing much for him.

What do they say happens? Have you been reading a lot about it? What happens when you get off? I haven't read a lot about it a lot about what happens when when you get off of it just because i kind of want to see for myself uh you know i don't want to have anything in my head to where it's like oh you're gonna get crazy hungry when you get off of it. Or, you know, I just kind of want to experience it myself, you know, without, without anything in my head beforehand. Are you going to do another, are you going to do more? What's the plan? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to do more. Uh, probably, you know,

cause the way that they had recommended it was for, you know, do a few months of it. So that's probably what I'll do is a few months. What's a few? Two, three? I think like three or four. Well, I think four total. So three more for me.

All right. Shit. Hey, dude, please keep us up to speed. You can't call enough this. Oh, look, there's your chick wearing a shawl. Is it that golden there? She just got out of the sauna. Oh, that's nice.

What's she wearing? It's a towel. Bring that over here. Come on over here. Relax us, please. No. No. Come on over.

Let's see what's going on over there. Hey, does that QR code work up there with the CA peptides? Let's find out. Hey, if anyone wants to, you can go to CA peptides and use the barcode and type in the password SEVON and you get... Yep. Oh, it's December 11th. I was going to say up until December 1st, you get free shipping and 10% off. But now I'm not sure what you get. But you get something.

It does work? Caleb? The QR code works, off. Now, I'm not sure what you get, but you get something. It does work? Caleb? The QR code works, yes. Awesome. Thank you so much. Congratulations. Keep us up to speed. Stay healthy. Keep exercising. Don't let a little sickness stop you. What's up, girl?

I'm good. Thanks. All right. Love you, buddy. Bye. All right. Thanks. All right. Love you, buddy. Bye. All right. Shit. All right. All right. All right. I got to stay real quick.

So someone dropped fucking, someone got the tersepity. Fuck. Okay. Go ahead. Anyone who takes anything from there, call me and tell me. I'm just crazy curious. Jay Chapman. Yeah.

All right. What's he saying? I was as into building muscle as into getting as fit as possible as anybody could ever fucking imagine. I did just about everything that you could possibly do. And went to bed, got the whoop, did the sleep, did the cold, did the hot, did the diet, did the protein, macro. Every single anal of my life had been put into a bucket. And I tried to see what I could do with my life my body and Jake in here says just be better and Jan Clark said it too how does it feel to have given up how does it feel to just be better so I I compare what Nick just said with a statement

like this this is this is what people like Jocko say. Wake up, right? From what I understand of him, that's kind of his shtick, David Goggins. Sometimes you can't. I was never going to win the CrossFit Games. There was no amount of anything that I could do with my genetics to get there. And if it's going to help Nick get there, sometimes you got to see it to believe it. So I take some testosterone in the same light that nick's taking through his appetite and i see what it does for you and i put on i i couldn't for the life of me get over 210 when i or 205 when i wanted to be a bodybuilder and at my

height you basically have to weigh i don't know 260 270 and i accidentally bumped up to 210 on testosterone body weight with more muscle mass here here's the here's here's the thing i could probably if i really wanted to get to 230 and probably 12 body fat in two three months right now i don't have a point i tried harder no way in fuck could i do that trying harder being better i don't have a point to – If I tried harder, no way in fuck could I do that trying harder, being better. I don't have a point to what I'm about to say. I'm just kind of flowing with some thought here to put some things in perspective. What Hiller did, though, was because you kind of had a choice. You could have – not to say that this other guy on the Tersep side didn't have a choice, but you didn't want to accept where you were at, so you took TRT knowing that it would make changes.

Are you going to say that that doesn't apply to Nick though? And that there's plenty of examples and data on TRT. Sure. Plenty, right? And you really know what you're getting yourself into. I don't have a problem with what someone does who's overweight and who wants to lose weight and try this. The thought of being stuck on it the rest of my life is a little scary. What, the TRT? Yeah.

No, the triseptide. Triseptide. But here's the thing. Relative – like you could have just been like okay i'm never going to fucking be as jacked as i want to be i'm never going to know what it's like to be 210 pounds of muscle and just accept it and keep plowing along right but you decided oh yeah that's cool you decide to go this way i do and i think both but both have their their place i do have some concerns about someone who's 350 pounds and has been trying.

I don't want to say it's impossible for them. I don't want to argue their limitations, but you're 350 pounds and you've been trying for 10 years to lose this weight. I would much rather a thousand times rather. So you take some terz epitide, then fucking go under the knife and, uh,

and, uh, have your, and get your fucking, uh, large intestine fucking removed or whatever the fuck surgery they do to you i would much rather have you try that than throw in the towel and just say fuck it i'm just gonna die 30 years early you get what i'm saying like it of the

things to do that someone might think are cheating fuck dude it's so benign it's so it's so benign. It's so... So Mason and Jacob... Call him what you want. If he goes down to 250 and gets off this stuff and then comes back up to 275 or 300 and he made a 50 pound and he keeps it off the rest of his life, fucking it's a win. And I see that as such a better win than

cutting your fucking stomach or just accepting being fat. I don't see that as such a better win than cutting your fucking stomach or just accepting being fat. I don't see that as giving up. I just don't. I just can't imagine what it's like to be 350 and just be like, fuck, how am I going to do this? And not only think, but he's surrounded himself with people who are eating right and exercising. Do you feel me on that? Or does it feel like I'm making up excuses for him? or does it sound like i'm trying to peddle through his

appetite what does caleb think i think people i don't know i've had my own goals of like okay i want to lose weight or i want to do like better fitness wise or whatever and I feel like I've tried pretty hard to achieve some of those goals but it's never actually panned out yeah why well and that it I've been injured or I didn't have the proper diet or I didn't train hard enough. I don't know. There's a lot of different variables, I think, that have played into why I haven't achieved. So you could have been better. Yeah, I could have been better. But then also, like, my body is sustaining the what I've required of it.

You know what I mean? Like I've done everything I could to be injury free to not or to be able to be consistently training. But I haven't achieved anything like I haven't achieved some of the goals that I've set out for myself. achieved some of the goals that i've set out for myself so i think my physical limitations i've i've reached some sort of physical limitation on my body let me throw this out there uh sema i've lost 150 pounds uh not once but twice that's amazing let me let me throw this out there um i i when i was uh um i don't know five or ten years ago ten years ago fuck maybe more than that i got a new pair of running shoes and i'd never run in my life i'd never like had done jogging in

my life and i got these new pair of shoes and they were like 150 bucks so i started running every day three miles every day i did my crossfit workout and i went on a three mile 1.5 miles up a hill 1.5 miles down the hill and i did that fucking every day until I got plantar fasciitis. I did that for like over a year, ran three miles a day or, you know, at least five days a week. But, but I hated myself the days I didn't. And it was motivated all by these new pair of shoes I got. And, um, similar to what Caleb's saying, I never had an injury. Well, I probably had some injuries. I mean, but for me, the reason why I've never reached my goals is because I eat like an asshole. That's the the reason why i've never reached my goals because i eat like an asshole that's the only reason why i've never reached my goals or else i i in my mind i'd look like fucking the little tiny incredible like incredible hulk my whole life um but but i

ate like an asshole well recently um when i uh started taking the cjc 1295 i don't know if it's doing anything or not but it's incredibly motivated me to stop eating like an asshole like this because and so i'm only eating steak now i'm only eating meat and so whether the cjc is a motivational tool but but i don't want to waste it right and so um for me i'm okay with that i'm i'm at i'm at i'm at peace with, I'm okay with that. I'm at peace with that. I'm okay with getting this little bottle, filling it with water, and taking the CJC every other day for a couple months. But on top of that, using it to police myself so that at night I'm not eating a bag of fucking dried mangoes anymore. And so by no means am I suggesting one is right or wrong.

by no means am I suggesting one is right or wrong. I'm just saying that's, I'm way at peace for using that for motivation. So if this guy's been 350 pounds for fucking 10 years and he can't pull his shit together and he's going to use that fucking, um, there's appetite to fucking get his diet under control. Like, fuck it.

Like war, baby war. Now, now, now if he's eating like an asshole still well then he's it doesn't fit my paradigm and he doesn't sound and he doesn't sound and he doesn't sound lazy what did heidi say i sound like i'm peddling yeah and then she said something else that was funny

let me see if I can find it. Jake Chapman, this drug goes hand in hand with CrossFit's new ideals. Jesus. Oh, no. Hey, but you know what? I also appreciate your guys' sentiment. Like, I get it. I get where you're coming from. Like, I fucking fully get your sentiment.

Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds. Take whey-loss drugs. Some fruit that'll start your new sugar. I thought that was funny. eat meat and vegetables nuts and seeds take way less drugs some fruit little starch no sugar i thought that was funny uh uh renee k um uh it would be lazy if he was content with being 350 he's trying to change hey dude it's like my dad whenever i say talk about my dad and him being on test at the age of 62 like he wasn't just to get better his way into changing the way he looks at life. He took one shot and three weeks,

four weeks later, he's a completely different dude. And he's been that way. And it's on the TRT. Like he was depressed, sad, broken, frail,

a shot. And his head changes three weeks later uh four months later he put on 10 pounds of muscle and he's just over the moon every single day and it's like you're not just gonna get better be better try harder quit being a bitch your way into that sort of lifestyle it was a shot like when you see it it changes perspective. I'm not saying everyone needs to do it either. It's not a be-all, end-all. It's just a potential. Everyone's different.

Mr. Ortega trying out a new slogan for CA Peptides. Take drugs, get fit, get money, fuck bitches. I got three of the four there. You can decide which ones. God, I fucking love the lighting in this house. The lighting, finally. That last hotel room was fucking horrible for my lighting. Yeah, I don't mind a lot of elitism here.

I like elitism. I like, fuck you. Is that us? We are? Well, no no not us he's he's i think uh mike's more on our side being like yeah let people try what they want to try and you know jay chabin you're right hey dude taking taking drug take injecting yourself with shit and taking drugs like i don't want to be i don't want to be a proponent of that i just don't want to be that's my job um i your golden tan i'm always good this

is how i always look that's why the other day when i was on the show and i was looking red it was just the fucked up lighting in that room it's like what the fuck is going on when i got out of the comedian sima goes why does he look so red that has worked out oh yeah you're right you're and it's gone away your redness went away yeah look about white again good caleb you know what caleb looks like caleb looks like i don't know what's going on with caleb but he looks like he has that filter on that turns people into a pencil drawing do you know what i mean you know what i mean that you don't feel them tonight he almost looks cartoony i's the Patagonia sweatshirt. Oh.

But yeah, I see it. Devesh Maharaj, cocaine is great for weight loss. Does California peptides have cocaine? When I did MDMA for a month, I went from 155 to 135. And I just lived off of bananas and tomatoes it was awesome would you recommend that for someone looking to lose weight no no no no your whole fucking my whole life unraveled

not in a bad way but it did truly unravel like literally my life just unraveled like whatever recommend that for someone looking for a life altering experience, dude, you better not have kids and do that. Yeah. Yeah. If you're just fucking doing, if you're just on your own trip.

Yeah. Like just go do some MDMA and hang out at the beach and, uh, Molly, right. Find yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Go find yourself, but shit, your shit is going to unravel and it takes a few years for it to like re re years. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, it's still reassembling motherfucker isn't that what people take at raves mdma yeah yeah but i just took it just on like just walking around on the

just hanging out was it awesome yeah it's fucking and why did you eat bananas and tomatoes because i was doing exact that's why i relate to what you're saying so well because during that time because i wanted to lose weight anyway like i didn't like my body when i was taking the mdma so i was like okay and i just realized i wasn't hungry when i was on it so i started just being like oh shit i don't need to eat i realized on that how little it takes to survive and have you realized that your body can't only eat meat yet or is that not hit you yet that it can or can't. Are you doing okay with that still or not? Yeah, yeah.

I took a – oh, yesterday and today I've taken solid shits. Are you telling me I quit too early? I'm just telling you. I want to spy for one man that did call in and go, you fucking bitch. I quit after four days of shitting water. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that's what happens because because i texted jr about this

and i was like oh no when do i start when do i stop shitting my fucking brains out for like i was like i think i'm 10 days in i think i'm 10 days in yeah it's about a it's just over a weekend because your body's just like it's smooth baby everything's just lightning out of the ass so you're doing it too now You've been doing it? I was doing it. I'm having a hard time getting back into it now. I spent $350 last night. As soon as I got to fucking LA or Newport, I spent $350 on ribeyes.

I just put it on my rogue backpack, cruised down with my kids barefoot down to the pavilions, and just filled my backpack with fucking ribeye. I thought it would be cheaper it was more expensive than i'm dude it's 25 dollars of water but i doubled my grocery bill like yeah it's so expensive i think i started i could take one ribeye and probably eat it over the span of like two or three days like i caught i cut it up and i only probably only eat like

are you on mdma I'm eating two ribs. I'm eating two ribs all the time. All right. I got to go to the back. I'm going to, I'm going to pop. Okay. You guys talk for a second.

I'll be back in a second. All right. All right. Where's my, okay. I've only eats one ribeye every three days. Yeah. That's pretty much what happens.

Well, if you think about it, it also has so much protein in it. I don't need a ton of it. I just need enough to like, it's all fat. There's a ton of protein in ribeyes whenever i was using it when i was using my uh my fitness pal i could eat like probably half of a rib half of a 18 20 ounce ribeye and i would have like three quarters of my protein intake for the day and then i would just eat like

beef jerky what's your protein intake supposed to be how much do you weigh aren't you like 200 something pounds yeah 200 pounds so you're supposed to have 200 grams of protein a day right yeah and you're telling me you could hit that in a third of a ribeye almost yeah there were fat ribeyes yeah fat no like there is not 150 grams of protein in a third of a ribeye hey i'm feeling pretty good when i'm taking when i'm eating those ribeyes i'll tell you what and then i would just eat a bunch of mango and bananas and apples then i'm good ribeye nutrition fat i don't eat that much even if i i mean i'm not tracking anymore because i just don't care to eat that much so then i just all right for a three ounce serving it's not telling me much proteins in there here let me look it up on my fitness here we go it's over here i got it i think

i was eating two to three eight ounce uh ribeyes a day 69 grams of protein in a... What's 290 grams in ounces? I only understand ounces. 28.5. No, 16 ounces in a pound. 28.5 grams in an ounce. It's 10 ounces. That's a 10-ounce steak right there. At least for weed.

At least for weed. It was 28 grams, 28.5 grams in an ounce, I think, of weed. That's pretty good math, dude. You're right. It is about a 10-ounce steak then. So you figure you can double that for a big fat ribeye. There's 847 calories in a ribeye? It depends.

Is it 10 ounces? How big is it? Yeah, it's 8 ounces. Okay, so about 800 so i'm having between 1600 and 2400 calories a day of maybe this is my problem steak my ribeyes are fucking huge like 24 ouncers even after you cook them i wonder if that's before after i think i measure i always measured them uncooked so i would eat a whole one for dinner and a whole one for lunch. I was wondering why I was gaining

weight and shitting my brains out. I told you, you don't need that much. Well, you told me now. This is a week ago. I feel pretty good. I just eat that and then mangoes and bananas and apples. I feel pretty good.

I have a comment. there's a ton of protein in any form of beef yeah yeah i know but there's it's just a ratio so there's more fat in a ribeye than there is in a sirloin at least as far as i know you have eight ounces of sirloin eight ounces of ribeye it's going to be more protein than of sirloin and eight ounces of ribeye. It's going to be more protein than a sirloin. I'm double checking that now. I was eating eggs and stuff too for breakfast sometimes. In three ounces of sirloin, there's 23 grams of protein. So it's about the same, I think. 23 grams of protein and how many ounces three oh no here we go there's there's more in sirloin about 10 ounces more or sorry 10 grams of protein

more in a sirloin because there's less fat but it doesn't taste anywhere near as good sometimes i'd make like a skirt steak or like a flank steak and then cut it up and like make like fajita type stuff oh look at this go to go to no rep uh news all right i'll pull it up god this is fucking amazing i'm really so curious who this is this is someone right in our ecosystem after losing a significant amount of money hustle made makes hustle made makes four videos it, and then rebrands for 2024. Listen, you fuck nuts. That's my fucking brand, victim. Victim mentality. Go over to Vindicate, Vindicate, V-N-D-K-8, and get your Savant Podcast victim shirt now.

Who is this? Hey, so it can't be the three of us because we're on the show right we would have had to have posted it correct that's nice we just whittled it down i'm so happy i plan to hire somebody finally worked in my us three are out oh. Nice. Hey, how about that one about the media director? Where's that one? Oh, yeah, yeah. Have you talked about that? No.

Do you not want to? No, I don't want to. Oh, well, it's that one of the Harry Potter in the middle. Let me read it. More turnover in the CMO. No, I don't want to read that. I'm good. Okay. Not yet. Not yet.

Not yet. Okay. Alright. Thanks. That's a great way to end the show. You can drive conversation. You can't take Hiller anywhere. What? Speaking of not being able to take him anywhere, how was yesterday

with Tyson Bajan? You got to hang with him yesterday? It was cool. Dude. Dude. You wouldn't believe it. He's pretty good at CrossFit. Yeah. And I don't know if this is the person in me who coached a lot of people for a long time, but particularly

his little brother, Ezra. Ezra, yeah. Yeah, he's 19. Is he as good as Tyson? Is he a phenom? I haven't seen him throw a football, but if he can back up the way he backed up his handstand walking ability, then, yeah, he's probably a good quarterback.

Because the dude, he goes, hey. When's the video come out? I'm going to try to get you know by the end of the day that's awesome ezra goes hey you do crossfit right and i go yeah he goes you want to go to handstand walking and i'm and i go yeah i'm pretty good and he goes i bet i'm better i'm like fuck you no you're not you're not better his little brother said that to you brother yeah yeah and i go no you're not and he goes yeah man i bet i can handstand walk in and around these tables better than you. And I go, all right, go ahead and do it.

And he stands up like he's about to do it. And I'm thinking I've seen this before go down in affiliates. And what happens is they fall on their face and I'm not trying to, we're in this penthouse somewhere in Chicago and I'm not trying to have Tyson's little brother falling on his face because of me. Yeah. But fast forward about 30, 40 minutes and there's a hallway and he goes, I can go down and back in this hallway and he does it on his hands and then and then he goes but you can't do it so i had to do it and then and then tyson looks over and he goes yeah i'm gonna have to do

that too and tyson hands oh shit you got that all on video yeah yeah wow dude see dude that the kind of shit dude that would be amazing for crossfit if they had that content yeah too bad it's on my camera well i mean it's still good for crossfit it's still good they can they can they can use it if they want they can use all my shit i don't care yeah that's still that's still good for CrossFit. Holy shit. You hear that growl face? You can use all my shit. Dude, I'm so fucking jealous. I'm so jealous that you got to do that. You're such a stud for doing that. And you got to go to the game yesterday, too.

Yeah. And they beat up Detroit. Beat them up good. It was a great game. Local, but it was great. What'd you wear? Who'd you sit by? Sit by a bunch of his friends from back home.

You did? Yeah, his chick was there. It was cool. How's his chick? Cool? She's super cool, yeah. How would you rate her on a 1 to 10? 9.5.

Dang. Yeah. Dang. She's cool. So that means she's a 10, but you just can't say that. Yeah, Alexis is a 10. Right's cool. So that means she's a 10, but you just can't say that. Yeah, Alexis is a 10. Right, right. Holy shit.

Yeah, she's cool. All right. She's all cool. He can walk on his hands. He's got a 10, and his brother's cocky as shit. I would have never in a million years. I would have put a pretty good amount of money saying that his little brother wouldn't have made it down and back it was

probably 100 feet he did on his hands and it was good his little brother he turned around at the end of the hallway or he got down he did a pirouette and came back damn can you hear my kids no yeah oh yeah a little bit they're doing they just woke up and they came in the room they're Can you hear my kids? No. Yeah. Oh, yeah. A little bit. They just woke up and they came in the room. They're doing fighting sound effects. Do you remember doing that as a kid? Hey, I wonder how many people in the comments section can do 100 feet on their hands.

JR, you don't count. Fuck out of here. All right. What did we learn from this show? Carter's a good guy. He is a legend. Same's Geely. So what did we learn in this show? I think Carter Docherty will come on the show when he becomes big time.

We learned that don't be a douche nozzle if you're an agent. Don't talk shit about people in the space. They could end up shit raining down on your clients that's just stupid that's dumb uh we learned that um uh savon made more money than all of uh james neely's clients combined at the crossfit games is what i'm betting and that the games it was is an amazing opportunity for content creators to leverage the game and the games and get rich creators to leverage the game and the games and get rich i mean look at me and get friends i have caleb and hillary as my friends and same and we learned that uh uh ter's appetite is um uh has helped uh someone lose a little bit of weight so far and then we're going to continue the story

and that andrew hiller was in a handstand walking contest with the quarterback of the Chicago Bears and his little brother, and the video will be coming out tonight. For all of you out there in the world, what is today? Monday? Monday, the 11th. Okay, before I go, where the fuck have you been? Working. Are you still serving this country?

Part time. But when the show got moved up, I just couldn't make it work. I know, but I haven't seen you in a week. I missed you. Yeah, I should be back now. As long as we're back at a normal time or a regular time

probably every day this week we'll go an hour early just so that we don't have to hear fighting sound effects during the show gotcha love you guys talk to you guys tomorrow tomorrow I think we have Adam Neiffer on.

Adam and the crew from CrossFit Fort Vancouver completed and took third place in the hardest team race on planet Earth. It's some crazy shit that happens in South America. And Adam's coming on tomorrow to talk about it. He said it was fucking crazy. We're going to hear some crazy stories. So he's also, I think, Ellie Turner and Justin Medeiros' coaches and Trista Smith

and there's a boy over there too. But anyway, and he's probably a 10 times games athlete and just a really cool dude. All right. Hiller, never stop flexing. Rambler, love you too. Bye-bye. All right.