The Sevan Podcast - KILL TAYLOR EP 1 // Taylor Self vs The World

Episode Date: April 27, 2024

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I'm not fucking scared of anybody. Okay, fine. All right. 10 rope climbs, 30 dual kettlebell hang clean and jerks. 24 kilograms for the men, 16 kilograms for the women. Listen, 10 rope climbs to a 15 foot rope, 30 dual kettlebell hang clean and jerks, 24 kilograms for the men, 16 kilograms for the women. One more time. 10 rope climbs, 30 dual kettlebell hang clean and jerks

24 kilograms for the men 16 kilograms for the woman the show is going to kick off fast now listen if you think you can beat him no I don't even care if you think you can beat him if you want us to tear you a new one you go ahead and you go ahead

and send me a text and I'll send you a link and and you can come on here have your shit set up it'll be your turn probably like here in 10 minutes this show is gonna move fast this show is gonna move very fast now listen i just got a text message from jason kalipa saying he's loving the tooth powder and that they plugged it on his podcast today. Can't believe how good it is. That's awesome. I thought you were going to say he was jumping on. If anyone beats Taylor, we'll pick the best score that beats Taylor

and they get $500. If no one beats him, it'll roll over. All of this month. Say that again. The best score that beats Taylor. Not if you beat Taylor. Thank you. Thank you. The bet.

Thank you. That's a good way to say it. I'm trying to figure out a way to say it. The best, the best score that beats Taylor. We'll get the $500. If no one gets it, it'll roll over next week to a thousand dollars.

Someone write the workout in the, uh, maybe we can write the workout in the chat and someone can, I got it. Okay. Thank you. 24, thank you. 10 rope climbs, 30 dual kettlebell hang clean and jerks, 24 kilogram for the men, 16 kilogram for the women.

Oh, thank you for time. How many are you using kilograms? I don't know. If you want a shot to do this live. Oh, Tyson got called into camp. Sorry.'t know. If you want a shot to do this live... Oh, Tyson got called into camp. Sorry. I know. Bryson is setting up a camera, so he's going to join up. And if you'd rather have his, just check it out when he pulls it up.

Okay, Caleb will do that. Tyson Bajan was supposed to be here this morning. Pedro was supposed to be here this morning. What you're looking at down here on the bottom of the screen is the clock and then in the middle what you are staring at is the most prized advertising space in the entire crossfit ecosystem okay 24 kilos is is 53s right i believe dead center matuthean get your matuthean at doc Spartan. That is the prize spot in all of CrossFit. Now there it is. You guys can see it.

Hey guys, he's not getting gave paper street coffee confirmed 1000% conversion rate. That thank you. That is, that is the spot. Uh, and the, uh,

the cost for, uh, uh, sponsoring will double every week. How convenient. Okay, we got our first person. Here we go. Put your name in, too. Oh, no, that person doesn't want to. Do you want to do it, this person?

If you text me, tell me your name and that you want to do it. So text to the number 928 9, 2, 8, 5, 8, 3, 3, 9, 0, 3. Text your, your name and I'll send you a link and you can come on right after. Um, Taylor, Taylor, we're ready when you are, buddy. You guys ready for this shit? 10 rope climbs, Taylor self versus the world to kill Taylor show. 10 rope climbs, 30 dual kettlebell, hang clean and jerks, 24 kilograms for the men, 16 kilograms for the women three

One At the no rep you didn't start with his back facing to the rope Uh tyler watkins, uh from the heat one app and uh, andrew hiller from hiller hit the best judge in the crossfit space and then me undisputed Undisputed two God he makes that rope look small. Three. He's touching the beam.

He's touching the wood. See those two dots up there? Four. That's where you have to touch. They're like white dots on the beams. Yeah, that's where I did the rope climb event. Five. These are quick.

Yeah. He's going to be trying to keep his grip rather relaxed. So a minute and a half, he's going to finish these rope climbs, you think? Seven. Text now, 928-583-3903. I'll send you a link a link do not text the phone hey the other the other camera angle is pretty good too unless you want a link to come and work out come on taylor wow look at that That's a good angle. That's pretty nice.

Nice. Let's go. Minute 15. 1.15 to split. That's a really fast 10-row climb. Oh, he's using those clips. Okay, so you guys can see he's beatable. His transition was slow. He's totally beatable.

1. 30 of these guys, right? Yep. Man, these are fast, though. Guys, stop fucking texting me unless you want the link. I don't give a shit about what you think your time would be. Fuck yourself. He's at eight.

Eight. Easy 500 bucks. You think you could beat him, Siobhan? All day. I would use PVC pipe. It's hard to push the pace on these. Yeah, there's really one pace, and it's just rip on them. What's the vetting process?

How about you go fuck yourself, Fondal? I believe he's at 18. 19. 20. Hey, the sure way to get me to hate you is to text me now and not want to link to fucking bother the text on this phone. God, that camera's good.

25. I can't hear you. The roll climb is fast. 27. 29. Let's go, bro. 30. 249. No rep. Drop the kettlebells.

No rep. Damn. Damn,. No rep. Drop the kettlebells. No rep. Damn. Damn, damn, damn. Taylor set the standard. I think Taylor even said before the show, no grips allowed. He broke his own rule. 248 or 249?

Where are we going? 249 is what I got. Okay. At least on the- Oh, my God. Some fucking idiots are like, hey, you want to see a link to my video? I did it this fast. No. You're going to do it live, Some fucking idiots are like, hey, you want to see a link to my video? I did it this fast. No, you're going to do it live, you fucking idiots. How come no one fucking understands this show?

You guys not fucking paying attention? Listen, if you want 500 bucks, you send me a fucking link. You send me a text to the number below, 928-583-3903, and we give you a chance to fucking beat them. Anybody can do it. Yeah.

A bunch of douche canoes. No one, no takers. If you want to be on the show, it's going to be the best show ever. Just do it for the hell of it. No takers. Brandon Smith wants to do it, but he only has one kettlebell.

It's fucked. All you need to do. Call me. Oh, Jesus. Shut the fuck up. up everyone stop fucking texting me stop fucking texting me look at travis from vindicate how'd that feel what did his shirt say like crossfit how'd that feel taylor get real grippy around grippy around 10 rope climbs. Dude, his forearms look huge. Can you hear me through this mic?

Yeah. Yeah. Taylor, how long did it take you to make up that workout? Long enough to text JR. I'm going to go here. Oh, look at his arm. Yeah.

I can scoot the echo. We're getting feedback, but Taylor's holding the mic right next to the earphones. Hey, like 10 people. 10 people in my ear 10 people have like text me and uh it's just a sure way for me to block your number forever if you want to if you if you want to fuck like go ahead keep texting me i just block you guys i just hate you guys i love how this show was set up to tear other people apart and we're just tearing seven apart on the through the text messages yeah hey how long did it take you to come up with that workout five minutes you just are just not even i just came to me this is the one yeah i figured that'd be something I'd be pretty good at. Did you feel the pressure before you went?

Knowing there'd be a lot of people watching, knowing that someone's going to try to beat and get the 500 bucks? No. Hey, Sean M. did it in 146. Hey, Jason, you big fucking pussy. Come do the workout. You're in the chat, bro. Come do it.

How are you going to talk trash crash and not show up you're there hey you know what you know what's crazy too is is that um it's only gonna get harder the money's gonna roll over and people are gonna want to get on and then you're never gonna be able to get on so now now's your chance people i think you probably scared people taylor's kind of scary yeah Yeah. I think he scared people. Yeah. They're exploded right now. How do they feel for the rope climbs?

Exploded. Oh God. Hey, Trish, you shut the fuck up too. Grips are allowed. Trish, we can make it a five foot rope climb.

You still wouldn't beat me. 90 year old woman. You're yelling at. No, that's some fat dude in his undies in the basement oh well your nose in your shirt gross uh the actual workout was 10 rope climbs 30 uh dual kettlebell hang clean and jerks with 24 kilogram for the men 16 kilogram for the women it's funny how many people text me yesterday saying that they were going to do it and not a one is biting now very right right very very interesting i'm doing it hey that's a super attainable workout for people to do

possibly not you but do yeah oh yeah i mean yeah it's gonna as soon as we get to three minutes and people are still on the rope climbs we're just booting them off the stream. Steven Blacksmith, dude, Taylor, you're the man, dude. Veronica, nobody dares try. He's a monster. He's a monster, but you should at least try. Shut up with that. They let you use grips and alpaca at the games.

Is there any benefit in using grips? Oh, here we we go i'll wait till the pot is bigger hey jason when the pot's bigger it's going to be 50 muscle-ups for time so you're not going to beat me bro five hundred dollars in three minutes taylor are you this was your this was your best fucking chance you and sprague both you'll never get another opportunity like this it's only going to get more wheelhouse from here yeah yep and there's going to be eventually uh once we crack this seal i'll do 100 i'll do 100 air squats for time next week and jason you still won't beat me you big mongoloid there's no way he beat you on that is that keith matt no it's my friend marin he kind of looks like pat barber It's my friend, Marin.

He kind of looks like you. He looks like Pat Barber. No. Keith Knapp, maybe. Andrew G., I was half watching the start and had to rewind because I said, no way he did 10 that fast. Yeah, that was quick. When was I done with – You have a 30 rope climb for time?

Yeah, and it's not as good as it would be now. I think it's like seven minutes. Is that leg words? No. No? 30 regular for time i told spencer you know when he i told my coach i told andy i was gonna do it he's like oh text spencer see what see what you should do because spencer you know he's freaking rope climb legend um handle and i was like dude i think i can go sub five six a minute he's like there's no

fucking chance that you could go sub five. And I was like, no, I got it. And, uh, five minutes in, I was like at 22 and I was exploded. Um, yeah, Jason probably maybe could beat me in that workout. Problem is he's a pussy. So he's not, he's not here. Love you, Jason. Well, of course you love pussy. A 115 on the rope climbs, 249 for the time. Why doesn't someone just send me a text right now, and we'll see if you can even do the 10 rope climbs as fast as he did the entire workout. Yeah, what if we set rates? If you can finish the 10 rope climbs in the time he finished the workout you get like 50 bucks what would jason's time be taylor i don't know there's no way jason

beats taylor on this workout i don't know dude no zero zero chance i wish you could see the morons texting me fuck i wish jason is good at rope climbs and we did it on that third workout well he did he did the rope climbs faster than me we did a we me and jason did a row dual kettlebell hang snatch bar muscle-up workout with 50s and he beat me by like three minutes because he was so good on the kettlebells so credit where credit's due but i knew nobody go ahead i was gonna say i knew nobody who could beat me would have the balls to come on week one hey i i wonder if in the future we should let them do the um uh do the workout uh first and

then you beat their time so that they're not all pussy. So you don't scare them all. That's probably what would need to happen. If Jason actually wanted to beat me in it, he would definitely have to go after me. Cause if I saw his time, there's no way I'd lose to that nerd. I know, but I think you scare people.

I think you scare Jason. I thought Alex Kazan or Ariel Lowen said they were going to come take, take the money today. Where are they at? They ain't taking nothing. No one's taking nothing. No one's taking nothing from you. That was fast. That was an easy day for the house

to keep its money. It's a good bit. Shut up, Patrick Clark. Messaged a few athletes, but most are working right now and by work, that's what you mean. Wad Zombie! $4.99. Thanks, dude. We're going to need to raise the money because I'm feeling the prize money is going to skyrocket.

Hey, it's crazy how many morons are texting me with just dumb shit. Hey, guys, next week, $1,000. That's right. Okay. Travis Bellinghaus, you're right there. Just turn the camera and have him do it. He's messaging. Don't be scared. He's right there. Just turn the camera and have him do it. He's messaging. Don't be scared.

He's right there. Go ahead and do it, Travis. I told JR he could come and beat me in this and take 500 bucks, but JR couldn't beat me in this. What about, is there any woman in the world who could beat you even at the 16-kilogram weight? Do you think Laura could beat me, Hiller? Do you think Noah can beat you?

Laura Horvat. Noah. Laura. I don't think Laura could beat me, Hiller? Do you think Noah can beat you? Laura Horvat. Noah. Laura. I don't think Laura could beat you, no. No. Really? No. Is Noah going to come on and get the 500?

Laura. If anyone could understand the order of operations, it would be Noah. Noah. Noah, stop it. He's not beating me in this. You're retarded. He's five foot tall. He's shorter than Tim Murray. How is he going to beat me in this workout? Itarded he's five foot tall he's shorter than tim murray

how's he gonna beat me in this it'll help him on his cycle rate what are you talking about is noah in the chat dude i don't know his name is where'd he go where'd he go where noah olsen there you go hey all right i'm go, Noah. Come on. Let's do it. Dude, let's go. I'm on his YouTube channel as well. Crazy. $4.99, Trish. This is like when you go to your liberal friend's house from Fourth of July and they have snakes and sparklers. Hey, Noah, you text that number, and then Stefan's going to shoot you a link, which will get you a log into StreamYard.

And then you just put your camera up so you can see the setup and you get after it yeah you want a shot at this go ahead what a good dude go ahead and text me 928-583-3903 928-583-3903 it's on the bottom hey uh and you can just use your phone i'm going to send you a link you prop your phone up and you and you him, and you get to 500. Bill Lay, he's not beating me in this workout. Stop it. I don't know, dude. He's a trust fund baby.

Shut the fuck up, Tyler. Jump alone. He's getting halfway up the rope. Stop it. He has to take 30 seconds more for every kettlebell rep, dude. Once this show moves to a time that I'm not working, I'll embarrass myself. Nice job.

By the way, next week, this show will be Saturday at 10 a.m. Pacific Standard Time, I believe. Damn, I really hope Noah comes on. Come on, baby. Yeah, that would be awesome. Get with the programming. This was fantastic. Yeah, that was fun watching you do that, Taylor.

I almost fucked up on rep 16. I was like, oh, shit. Did you see that? I caught the kettlebell weird. I had to pause for a second. You didn't see that? Oh, dude. All right, Brandon Smith's going to go get a kettlebell.

Tell him to hurry the fuck up. This show ain't going to last very long. Okay, hold on. Read Noah's comment because this is a good opportunity to explain the premise of the show again. All right. Noah Olson, I'm in my undies making espresso in my kitchen right now. But perhaps later when I'm not in my man thong, I'll text you. Later.

Go ahead. Explain it to him, Taylor. Right. The premise of the show, I come on and within a couple minutes I do the workout. Then you have to call in, you get the link to stream yard, you set up your camera, then you have to do the workout live while we're all on air and beat me. So you can't go beat me later. It's gotta be right now. So next week for a thousand bucks, Noah. But I'm definitely going to program something now that I think you can't beat me at. And it probably still can beat me. We will try to post a workout an hour before it goes down at the Real Sevan podcast or over at Sentinel Training. The workouts will be posted.

And then you'll have an hour to look at it. And then you'll come on and we'll rip you up uh dark lord seven taylor is a dog thanks seven hillary crew for killing it and keeping it interesting always guys i'm really excited about this this is going to be uh this is going to end up being a very um fun show this thing is going to get legs and it's going to be wild i jump in and crush taylor but taylor in this but i'm too busy spreading the liberal word for him, Taylor. Hey, here's something else, too. Someone said, why are you choosing this time

of day? We need to choose a time where people can get to an affiliate. Well, this was the first one. I'm competing today or I'm competing tomorrow at Crash, so we had to do what we had to do to get the first one out of the way. Now the pot's at $1,000. Don't fucking complain. Just show up next week. Bill Leahy can beat you if Hiller is

his judge. I just got off the phone with him and that's what he said. He goes, I'll beat him, but you gotta judge me. Too soon. That's cool. You're doing Crash Crucible this week. What does that mean? You're on a team?

Crescendo. It's a team competition. I'm on a team with Bryson, Travis Brault, regular in the chat, a regular troll, and then my friend Marin. And when's the competition start? Tomorrow? Yeah, I don't even know. Early. I don't even know what the workouts are.

It's a Saturday and Sunday competition? Yeah. Male team of four. Male team of three, one trans. That's me. And does it concern you um being the only trans on the team no does it concern you that you're doing this workout and then you have to uh compete tomorrow hold on brian friend male team of four starts tomorrow

that's what we're talking about holy smokes two-day competition for advanced male, male, male, male. Stop it. Stop with the corrections. You're getting pissed off. But wait, but it does, does someone start today? Yeah, elite team of four, but nobody cares about that. It's all about me. Wait, you're not in the elite class? I'm in the elite male team of four. They're going Saturday, Sunday.

Elite. Oh, okay. Co-ed. So, men and women, pairs, two men, two women, like games teams. Co-ed. Men and women pairs. Two men, two women. Like games teams. They start today. It's like a regional almost for them.

Okay. Is it open to the public? Yeah. Could be a good time. Someone just texted me, Taylor's rope climbs were kind of slow. Headed to the gym to try to beat him. I need 20 minutes.

God, it's so funny how many people. Who is that? Some other person. I can beat him, but I need 15 minutes to get to the gym. Like, shut the fuck up, guys. Oh, yeah, what would you sit around here with our thumbs and our butt and wait for you? Only text me when you're ready to go. 50 texts, not a single fucking person ready to go

just fucking up the show oh my god uh black swan creations rare occasion i get to watch i'm usually coaching well thanks for watching appreciate it this show uh will eventually uh hit the time slot of 10 a.m on saturdays uh you know what's uh taylor and i were talking and um he's like hey what about the weeks Appreciate it. This show will eventually hit the time slot of 10 a.m. on Saturdays. You know what? Taylor and I were talking, and he's like, hey, what about the weeks I'm on my honeymoon or I can't do it? I go, you just do it in your hotel room. He's like, check.

He goes, fuck it. I'll even do it at semifinals and at the games. That's crazy. Yeah, we're going to do it. We're going to do it in the tennis stadium at Carson. Oh, that would be wild. That would be cool. That would be wild.

And then at the games, we're going to do whatever we need to do to assuage Dave Castro to let us do it on the floor. Taylor's striking a front double or a front chest. I would beat that pussy, but I don't have a rope. Oh, yeah, right. That's like saying I would beat that pussy, but I don't do CrossFit, and I can't actually beat him, but I would if I could. I would beat that pussy but i don't do crossfit and i can't actually beat him but i would if i could i would beat that pussy i don't have a penis yeah that's what i was gonna say yeah we got somebody incoming in five minutes i ordered my

second batch of matuti and my wife stole my jar dude it is the way it is so awesome how many people like are hesitant and then they text me like a month later and they're like holy shit who tyler who's coming brandon smith who's that i like him uh he can he competed at crash crucible this year he won he won the rx division at um my uh water palooza this year okay so he's not beating me oh no dude he's pretty tall that rope climb is gonna be good for him hey what about uh could hunter mcintyre uh do well at this workout fuck no he couldn't beat me kettlebells are too heavy for him you get squished no the rope climbs he can't do rope climbs as efficiently as me gotcha he's one inch taller and about 30 pounds

lighter so not only the rope climbs but also the kettlebell you know bill sent the event record on that rope climb workout two years back right yeah but you know that was a 13 foot rope and it was legless and there was also a thousand meters of running stop it stop it hey it would be awesome if you could get jr to try this he won't he's busy he's setting up the jr workout anymore yeah he does i know he's shredded hey this adapter works bryson oh with the camera is that the cam link you got it yeah you just downloaded the firmware no no i got i brought a different adapter from from my house that works so we'll just trade uh trish seve sevan can you send me metuthian with fluoride in it uh Yeah. How about with arsenic in it? What's this, Trish?

How about with some of Taylor's semen in it? Hey, hey, Jake Hendry, how do I text the number internationally? What's up? Colton, you missed me setting a record time that no one has a chance of beating. Try that. I don't know what's gonna happen on um hey jake i'll send you a link right now to your instagram hold on let me see uh let me are you ready to go jake yeah jake if you're ready to go we'd love to pound some foreigner ass

you're probably from one of those european socialist european countries you need a good good wake-up call or you need some real competition. Jake. There might be coffee. Nitro. Starbucks coffee in that plastic bag. Thank you. Ginger semen is fluoride. What is that comment? Oh, I'm driving right now.

What are you driving, dude? Jake, why don't you just text this number, Jake? Why don't you just text the number? It only costs you like a dollar or something if you got the shit plan. Just text the number. And then you can win $500. Yeah, got the shit plan Just check the number 500. Yeah, you win 500. Why are you right? Why are you nine? Why are you hard? 35 pounds Patrick Clark Why do I have to work so hard to get you? Hey hurry the fuck up. I gotta finish my training I got to do more training. I thought you're competing today. I'm competing tomorrow. Oh

Seve is that you yeah, this is me. Is this you is this you? Where's there you alone? Where's Dylan? Where's Dylan low and come on? I don't want this much Jesus Christ Someone just sent me a picture of their dick my first dick pic. Wow Is it a good one? Hey, it's huge, you know, huge you know we're just gonna you know we're just gonna send a link you know we're just gonna send a link to somebody and they're gonna jump in the back end and have their cock out stroking like it's omegle i just want to i think we have to have that happen one time you'll get 500 right away if you do that you win the 500 automatically

oh this i don't know if this is a good, Taylor's my new favorite non-games athlete. Shit talk is on another level. Love to see him shit talk with Bridges. Non, damn. Josh, Bridges can't put three sentences together without saying, oh, oh. So I would definitely win that fight.

I think you just proved your point. But, but if we did, but if we did talk shit, I would be scared because I might say something that made him mad and he could beat the fuck out of me or kill me. What do you mean? All you got to do is this and he'll keep him at arm's distance. Dude, no way, dude. He knows jujitsu or something, dude.

Just touch that knee one time. He's done. Same here, though. Oh, that's a good point. Oh, jeez. The year of Taylor. Look at that picture of Sevan. With a do-rag and a suit.

It's gangster shit. Dejan, can't do the year of Taylor. It sure is. Tracy Hefner, Taylor, did you have Colton in mind when you picked the rope climbs? You know he would be coming for your ass otherwise. Yeah, Taylor, can Medeiros beat you on this? No, Medeiros is a puss. He would never have the balls to call into this show with us on it.

Stop that. $50,000 on the one hand. For 50 grand, he still wouldn't do it. Hey, the closest we got to anyone doing it is Noah, and he's in his underwear. Like, that's some sort of excuse. He's in his underwear. Like, so?

Yeah, do it in your underwear, bro. Yeah, yeah. Stop it. So, we really missed an opportunity here. We should have said the prize was, like, two grand, because it didn't matter. We're not going to give anything away, so we should have really missed an opportunity here we should have said the prize was like two grand because it didn't matter we're not gonna give anything away so we should have made it huge hey oh we're the most soon as soon as if someone with a fucking iq of over 15 figures out what a prize spot that is to have their name there where matutin is we will make the prize money 2000 a week and we'll roll it over every week so and we will make it fucking impossible to fucking beat taylor like absolutely impossible but this thing will get to fifty

thousand dollars here's the thing people have to use steroids to beat them go ahead and that's legal you can do you get juiced up yeah you can share jake's latest comment this is the problem this is a problem with people and this is why the pot's gonna get fucking crazy big jake henry will hit up the number next week. I didn't know this was happening until now. Savage work, blah, blah, blah, blah. He pussied out. Love you, Jake. Then here's the next problem. Heidi, Heidi comments. Where the fuck is this dumb comment would be more exciting if Taylor didn't create the workout. I'm not getting any money, Heidi. It's 500 free fucking dollars. Week two, it's a thousand dollars. Do you not get it?

God, Heidi, I hope your fucking boyfriend puts it in the wrong hole tonight. Oh, my. Fuck. And here's the other key. God. If I'm doing this every fucking week for a year, it's got to be workouts I want to do so that next week I'm like, I don't feel like it. I hope you get a fucking anal tear tonight. Yeah, let's do 30 deadlifts for time at 4.05 and watch Taylor kill herself.

Right. No. No, thanks. Trish, there is no wrong holelifts for time at 4.05 and watch Taylor kill herself. Right. No. No, thanks. Trish, there is no wrong hole. Fine. Fine. Wow. Wow.

I didn't mean to be so judgmental. This is a safe space. Taylor, how long does that take you, 30 deadlifts at 4.05? The thing is, it takes a while, right? And that's besides the fucking point. Three minutes? To do what? And that's besides the fucking point. Three minutes? To do what? 30 what?

I don't know. I could definitely do like 15 in a row, but then what? You're exploded. Wait, what was 30? Deadlifts or back squats? Deadlifts. The thing is, Taylor's terrible at deadlifting. No, I'm not.

No, I'm not. I'm better now, dude. Stop it. Well, he kept him out of the games in, what, 2021? Yeah, I'm not as good as you at deadlifting right now, but I'm much better at deadlifting. And that's the purpose. You're only doing shit that you can destroy everybody at. Exactly. And if you don't understand that, get the fuck out of here. Oh, shit. Sorry, Paper Street. I didn't mean to do that, dude.

Jesus. Hey, I'm sorry. Listen, I'm drinking the juice. Dude, I got nothing to put in my body. I needed sugar and something. I woke up at 5.30, dude. No, it's not. That's not my max deadlift. Fuck you.

Greg C, for Taylor to compete, one ring handstand push-up. Hey, Taylor, is it only a matter of time before the workout is 50 box-overs or five minutes of burpee box-overs? That'll happen soon. Oh oh yes yes what do we got who is this oh shit brandon smith let's go let's go hey you gotta measure the rope bro which which tape line are you going to that rope is long enough i've climbed that rope before. Where's the clock? Randy, can you hear us? Can you grab my watch, Bryson? It's by Travis' feet.

You're going to have to count us down, Braden. Okay, I can do that. Braden or Brandon? Brandon, but Braden's behind the camera. Can you see that top tape line fine? 249. Okay, so I was 249. 115's a split.

I've seen this fucking dude wearing a CEO shirt. I hope this dude fucking wins. He brushes with Matusa. My heart rates through the fucking roof right now. Tyler, can you all see that top tape line up there? Yep. Yeah, we see it. Yeah, we do.

Thank you. Hold on. I got to get a napkin for wiping crayfish off my face. All right. Oh, my God. Giddy up, Brandon. Giddy up. Can you hear us?

Giddy up. Let's go. I'm not going to stop while you're going, dude. Let's go, Brandon. No rep. Here we go, people. Caleb Beaver on the timer. Holy shit.

You start that clock, can't see shit. Brandon, you're a fucking stud. Turn us all the way up. Everyone else who hasn't called in, hey, Jason, all fucking pussies. Look at this guy. We don't even know who he is. At least I don't. Jason's sleeping in a bed of $100 bills after you wiped your butt on the floor. Jason's probably stroking his wiener with the $100 bills

Hey, this is our inaugural athlete This is it He's going down in history He's the first guy ever to do it Let's go, Brandon We're going to remember this 200 shows from now Come on, Brandon Is that what you hear at semifinals?

Let's go, Brandon. Where are we at, Brady? Five, four, three, two, one. Go. Good job, Caleb. Good job, Caleb. That's one. Taylor was at

115 at the 10. To me, that didn't look like he grabbed the white line. Whatever. That's good. I'm good. He grabbed it. He's good. He's good.

There you go. Good job, Brandon. That didn't look like he just got it. Jesus Christ. Treat him like Bill, Hiller. Treat him like Bill. That was good. It's all good.

Keep going faster. Is that four? Yeah. That's five. Come on, Brandon. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I don't know, dude.

You can't be bobbling like that. Dude, this fucker lands so hard on his feet, a filling comes out every time he weighs. He weighs 800 pounds, I think. Jesus Christ. Seven. No shit, I think he weighs like two pounds. Hey, he's making good time. Hey, you're on pace, dude.

You're on pace. There it is. You're on pace. Taylor, what do you think? How'd that look to you? You're on pace. Come on, Brandon. That was clear. One more. Let's go.

You're on pace. He's not on pace. He is on pace. Let's go. You're on pace. Oh, dude. He's with you. He's not on pace. He's with you. Yeah, he is. He is on pace. He's on pace. Come on, Brandon.

Let's go. You're one second behind him. Go, Brandon. He's dealing down here, Brandon. Let's go. Let's go. Oh, no. You guys stand up.

No, you guys stand up. That's a no-rap. That's one. That's one. That's two. This is two. Stop it. He didn't deadlift the kettle's two. This is two. Stop it. He didn't deadlift the kettlebells.

This is four. Eat my dick, killer. What are you talking about? That's why Bill got his penalty, you fucker. He's killing. You're scared. I am scared. Fuck this guy.

Put him down. Put him down, Brandon. Fuck you. Put him down. Get out of that shit, Brandon. You can't do it. What number is, Brandon. You can't do it. What number is he at? You can't do it.

11? I don't know, dude. 12? Hey, Braden, tell him to do another one. 13. He's got to do 31. Turn it up, Braden. Tell him to do 31.

15? Oh, shit. This guy got the 500. Jesus Christ. No, that's 16. He's got to do one extra, Brandon. This is shitty. I just cost myself $200. Jesus Christ.

I hate this. I bullied Brandon into doing this. Now I'm going to pay him. You got it. Come on. Oh, this looks like it hurts Holy shit Come on bro

You dilly dallyed on the transition Taylor You fuck nut He's got it Lock those arms out Let's go Let's go Oh my god dude My asshole is in my throat Let's go. Let's go. Oh, my God, dude. My asshole is in my throat.

Holy fuck. God damn. Finish up. Holy fuck. Oh, my God. Dude. That's 39. One more. Nice. There's 39. One more.

Nice. There you go. What a fucking. Holy shit. He's cheering now. Holy fuck. He's cheering at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, dude, I'm not going to lie. You scared the fucking shit out of me, bro. Brandon, you're a beast. Beast. God damn it. Yeah. Look at Taylor in the background. Oh, my God. Hey, dude dude thank you for doing that you're

the fucking man everyone else is a pussy hey brandon what so so you were you were gonna beat him you were three i think you were three reps away no no no way he was if he would have gone on broken it would have been like two seconds over because no right no yes it would have uh what happened brandon did you that last one looked like you were having a little trouble locking out is that what happened yeah it was all grip look at that bicep pain dude massive biceps what did you do to warm up brandon uh two rope plungs and three clean jerks hell yeah holy shit hey what's your venmo put your venmo in the chat people you guys send this

guy some money um what's taylor taylor don't redirect the funds from the from the show please stop it stop it eric weiss 499 it's amazing hey uh brandon will you be a regular you think you're gonna get the money sooner or later maybe if it's wheelhouse yeah did you think you're going to get the money sooner or later? Maybe if it's wheelhouse. Yeah. Were you pretty excited when you saw this one? Yeah, I just knew it would come down to the kettlebells. Because what the thing is is Taylor thought was most confident, I think, about the rope climbs.

He thought like, hey, I'm going to do that. That's what's going to knock people out. Yeah. I'm just a little longer until the reps take longer. That's what I was worried about. Dude, you smoked that. How much do you weigh? Like 225.

Oh, shit. You are. I did hit zone five watching that, dude. My penis was in my stomach. Dude, I was cheering for you to fail so bad. Sorry, bro. Dejan Tondo, this is CrossFit. Brandon, are in a um brandon are you training pretty hard are you training pretty hard like in your day-to-day what is it hold hold that close hold that closer also brandon listen up uh hgr cbd said to adm yeah brandon dash smith dash 486 yeah um hgr cbd Yeah. Brandon dash Smith dash four, eight, six. Yeah.

Um, HGR CBD said to send them a DM. They'll send you something. Oh yeah. Thank you. Hey, so what did you say? You used to be training hard. You had games aspirations, but they went away. Ah, we didn't make semifinals this year. So yeah, no, no one did. No one, everyone's no one. No one did. No one. Everyone's. No one did. No one's going to make it. Get with the programming, changing the content game.

What a great concept, boys. Hey, how old are you? 27. Nice. It's a good number. And so next year you'll do the same thing? You'll try to get to semifinals again next year? Yeah, we'll see.

Who coaches you, Brandon? Adrian Conway. Oh, he's a good coach. Yeah. Killer coach. Okay, just kidding. Love him. I was going to say I could do better maybe.

And where are you? Is that your garage? It's Brayden's garage. That's a nice garage. Brayden was on a team with my wife. Dude, you guys. Brayden teamed your wife? Okay, stop.

That's how I said that. Dude, you guys, both of you, so lucky to have you guys join the show. This was awesome. Yeah, thank you. That was crazy fun. Can I see the whole garage? This is his personal gym. Can I see?

Can we do a – This is sick. Yeah, dude. Do you guys – does he have a race car or something? You big NASCAR guys at number eight? No, not even close. Yeah, dude. Do you guys, does he have a race car or something? You big NASCAR guys at number eight? No, not even close. That's racist, dude. That's not racist.

It is. All right, turn the other direction. I told you there'd be a car in there, you fuckers. Damn, that's cool. That's crazy sick. And you guys train together, Brandon? We'll be back next week.

You guys train together?on You guys train together Uh a lot You and brayden, okay Hey, you think you could beat it? Uh, I do you think you could be what could you beat him at? It's like a uh in a couplet or a short workout. What would you like to see and you'd be like, oh taylor's fuck 100 cows for time Okay, not programming that On the road Hey, where'd you get that second kettlebell uh i had to drive down

the road this is crazy nice hey we gotta post it we'll post the workout like 20 minutes before we go live next week yeah cool hey uh love you dude thanks for doing this you the man thanks for making the show you made the show dude you stole the show you did make the show 100 all right dude have a good day thanks braden peace yep see y'all god i can't wait till we're big enough where we can give a um uh oh braylon tender that. That was him. Fitness competitor. That's who fucking Brandon Smith is? Who's Braylon Tender? No, that's his friend.

He looks like Braylon Tender. Who is that? He's the guy who can take anybody and everybody to the CrossFit Games in the chat. It's only a matter of time where we can give something to every person who comes on the show. So that's our first guy, Brandon Smith. Dude, that was crazy. In the history of the guy, Brandon Smith. Dude, that was crazy. In the history of the show, Brandon Smith. Wow. He was so fucking close, dude.

That was exciting. Hey, we should have all first. That's our first straight white male. We should just start keeping track of all the firsts. We'll have our first black woman, our first whore, our first... We didn't talk about his sexuality. You don't know if he's straight.

What did he say? He goes unbroken. He does 30 reps. He still didn't beat you. I know. He was going too slow. It would have been like 254, 258 in there. It's close.

I disagree. Really close. I disagree. Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about. You would be wrong, Savant, but that's cool. Hey, dude. He was at 27 with 20 seconds left.

He was at 25 when he put him down. Caleb, can we see where he was at 27 with 20 seconds left. He was at 25 when he put him down. Caleb, can we see where he was at? He was definitely going to beat you, dude. Hey, Hiller. Please tell this guy. Savon, Savon, what's in your body right now? Is there something big and tiny and seen like in your anus? Paper Street Coffee.

Paper Street Coffee. You're crazy. Just because you're drinking straight estrogen doesn't mean that I'm also. Dude, I'm drinking straight butter. The building blocks for testosterone right now. I'm getting that fucking. Look it. Caleb's going to pull it up.

We're going to see. He put it. What rep was he on? You're retarded, Sevan. Let's watch. Let's watch. By the way, if you want to take a shot at this. Rewind.

Rewind. Rewind. When does he put him down, Caleb? He was at 25, I thought, Caleb. He's at 25 Brandon reps and 24 actual reps. So he has five reps left. He has six reps left, and it was at 244, and my time was 249. Okay, he's fucked.

He had no chance. He had no chance. Thank you, dude. He had no chance after, like, maybe 15. That's when his cadence slowed down. Yeah. But he had a shot after the rope. He definitely had a shot after the rope climbs.

I was fucking nervous when he picked him up. He looked strong. I was like, oh, fuck this guy. Here's the problem. See how when he's doing his reps, he's hinging so much? He reaches his butt back and his chest drops. Instead of squatting? Yeah, he needs to stay more upright and just catch the kettlebells in a dip.

Oh. I'll say he should have put a belt on no it was so what is that's that's good advice taylor so for cycling you should already be in the dip when you catch it on your shoulders and then just explode out of there no i'm talking about when you bring the kettlebells back down into the hang instead of bending over so much he should stay more upright and just dip at the knees so that he's not that that adds a quarter of a second to every rep gotcha god i want to see a chick do this workout uh taylor and co saving uh crossfit content that's facts dude that was crazy exciting how close that was holy shit and we're saving crossfit content i thought he was taking 500 bucks and i was fucking blown

i was i was sad for daddy. Daddy. Why does Bryson say yes, Matt? I said, is anyone else? And Bryson goes, yes. The guy goes, was it 10 rope climbs and 30 kettlebell clean jerks? And Bryson goes, yes, Matt. Marron de Souza. I'm going to try.

I am sold. I'm going to try Central Train today. Thank you very much. Thank you. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to try Sentinel Training today. Thank you very much. Thank you. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to sell. I'm going to sell two of my 7-Elevens and give the money to Sentinel Training.

D'Souza is Brazilian, dude. Is it not? Listen, listen. I'm just telling you. He looks like he's from fucking Pakistan. Hey, hey, Myron D'Souza. See that number on the screen? Send him a picture of your butthole.

Is Mads D'Souza from number on the screen? Send him a picture of your butthole. Is Mads Souza from Brazil? I don't think so. Just so you know, the reviews for the show are coming in fast and furious. This is better than Dune 2 and didn't cost $200 million. Thank you. Wrong. Dune 2 is good. I got to put the rope up.

I got to clean all this shit up. JR is looking around. He's pissed at me already. Okay, guys. You have five minutes now. We're going to the show. We'll be over in five minutes. You have five minutes if you want to go.

All you have to do is text the number below. Hey, if I do it again and beat my time, do I get 500 bucks? No. Dude. I'll give you 100 bucks. Okay. That's not enough. I'll do it right now. Yeah. I'll give you i'll give you 100 bucks okay that's not enough i'll do it right now yeah i'll give it to you you need 500 to do it again right now and beat your time wait what is what is patrick

clark saying who who's he talking about he goes he goes uh it's 30 oh i might have a girl disregard she did kettlebell hang cleaners yesterday. It's like fucking what? 70 pounds for women? $500? And that's why no one will remember your name. Exactly. And if that's what's keeping you from doing

this workout, you wouldn't have beat me anyways. Too soft. I had sex yesterday. I'm not going to do it today. Okay, I'm not doing it again. There's no way. No fucking way. I had sex yesterday. I'm not going to do it today. Okay, I'm not doing it again. There's no way. No fucking way. I couldn't. What do you say?

Travis comes in here and goes, I'll give you another 100 if you beat your time. No shot. Would you do it for 500? No, I'm not beating it. There's no way. I'm still exploding. Oh, Trish said she'd give 100. I'm one and done.

Stop fucking with me, dude. Stop it. This isn't that show anyway. I ain't doing that shit on on this show i don't trust getting those funds from trish 10k for 10k i try again we don't want to make it a recurring thing i don't think no hey dumb shits don't send me stuff like oj simpson confesses it to do it on uh the killings on his deathbed everyone knows that's a dick pic hey bro morons bro I'm not going to do any Taylor. I don't know if we're doing Taylor vs. the World shirts, but you can go to Vindicate

and you go to the partner tab and under Sentinel Training, there are my shirts. Just so you know, CA Peptides will be sponsoring Oh, shit. Oh, who's this? Oh, shit. Here we go. Who is this? I don't know we go. Oh shit. You don't say who is this?

I don't know, but he looks like a real man. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Let's go. What's your name? Kyle South made Kyle. You're a beast. Let's go. Are you, are you that nervous? You're shaking so hard, dude. Yeah, I am nervous. Stop it. Healthy, healthy, healthy. Hey, let's see where you're going to do it. Can we see where you're going to do it? Yeah, let me know if it's too loud in here. Yes, it's too loud. I already can tell you. He's lying.

Don't listen to him. I can't hear anything. Kyle self-made. Kyle finished 478th in the North American East region this year. Wow. West. Kyle, you're a fucking stud, dude. Hey, guys.

We're selling these shirts. Kyle, back it up. I can't see the top. Back up. Can't do it. Can't focus. Hey, can you text at the table? Oh, yeah, that's awesome. uh yep that's okay we don't

need to see the top oh yes we fucking do and that looks like a 12-foot rope what are you talking about no that's good oh no higher higher higher higher the kettlebells don't need to be in it because you're going from the hang anyways $26 for the day seven on the coat turn the sport of crossfit on its head with this format. Thank you. I'm glad someone gets it. Dude, let's go. Number two.

Hey, did you watch the last guy try to do it, Tyler? Hey, guys, what's pedantic? Kyle. Kyle? Chris, what is pedantic? Oh, okay. He got 315, I think, dude. He got the last guy.

The important part is don't dilly-dally on that transition from the rope to the kettlebell. Taylor was wiping his ass during that transition. Dude, you got some skinny arms. I don't know if you stand a chance on the kettlebells, bro. That might be a good thing. I don't know. Bicycle thing. Holy shit.

I'm too fast, but my fitness might not hold up. Okay. It's three minutes. You got it. Don't come off that rope, dude. He's going to murder you, Taylor. that rope, dude. What a fucking beast. He's going to murder you, Taylor. I hope you know he has no fucking chance. Hey, I want to tell you something, though. This guy looks like a fucking real athlete.

I'll remove a rib and suck my own cock if this guy beats me. You've been coming up with a lot of reasons to do that here lately. He just really wants to do that. This guy bars did he in four sports, dude. Okay. He slapped himself in the face.

Did he really? Dude, that ain't 15 feet. Caleb Beaver, pay close attention. Here we go. Caleb watching the fudgy numbers. Six, five, three, two, one, go.

Damn. Caleb's scaring us, waiting until the last second to pull that shit up. Holy shit, Taylor. We can't see the fucking… That's a 50. Whatever, dude. He's getting it. He's like way the fuck up there, dude.

This is a shit show. That's true. You're going to give this guy the fucking money? You can't see a single rope? Yeah, go. Ah, he lost. He lost. He lost. No, we didn't.

He lost already. Is this four? Is this four? I wonder how tall he is. Yeah, that's four. He's still in it. He's still in it. Taylor, I think he's going to 16 feet.

No, he's not. That's five. What do you think about his descent? I think it's better than Taylor's. No, it's not. Oh, he's done. Brandon Smith came down like a fucking rock. descent. I think it's better than Taylor's. No, it's not. Oh, he's done. This is six. He's already

15 seconds behind me. Let's go, Kyle. Let's go, buddy. That is correct. This would be invalid, but this is not the CrossFit Games. This is seven. If he beats me with this, we'll still give it to him. He's got eight. Hey, let's go, pussy! He's not beating me.

There's no shot. Hey, let's go, pussy! There you go. That's eight. There's no shot. Let's go, let's go. That was nine? Come on! I got eight. Is that eight or nine? Okay, I think that was eight. Yeah, this is nine. Okay. He's still not very far behind. Oh, he's behind enough, and he's not going to the road right now. Kyle, you got it. You got it, Kyle. You got to get your ass up that rope, boy. Come on.

You got to get your ass up. Let's go, Kyle. That's 10. Okay, seven seconds behind. No, no, no. That's 10. That's 10. Oh, he know-repped himself. He know-repped himself. He's not going to do it, dude.

Boot him off the stream, dude. Let's go, Kyle. No, no, no, no, no, no. Come on. When does he break? Hands off your knees, dude. Pick the fucking bells up. I'm saying he breaks at 12.

12. Oh, shit. Yeah, one. Is this Street Horner? Look at the transition to the shoulders. Needs a lot of work. I'm going 18. Three.

He's going 18. He's breaking at 12. No, he's going unbroken. Four. Hey, Jessica Rivera in the chat, you shut the fuck up. This is the Taylor Self Show. Six. There you go.

Come on, Kyle. Oh, shit. Yeah, he's queefing right now. Seven. Vindicate VNDK8. VNDK8.com. We'll be putting out kills. Oh!

Let's go, Kyle. Ditch your ass up and pick him up. Fuck that out kills. Let's go, Kyle. Ditch your ass up and pick them up. Fuck that. Go. Let's go, Kyle. Get up, Kyle. Only 1,200 people watching you. God damn it, Kyle. Suck my balls, Kyle.

Let's go. It's like that cool guy. Is that nine? Hey, we got to get his venmo too and is this 11 tyler would you say he was before this was it ranking 478 in the west is this 13 1999 did they check his first workout score no get off your knees, dude. Stop

spending so much time there. You're not going to get better at that. You don't want to be good at that as a dude. Let me tell you. Yeah, dude. I got bruises on my knees, dude. Dude, he's at 315. Sheesh. Hey, jokes on us. Those are 70 pound

cattle. John Clark goes, this dude doesn't deserve any money. Don't ask for his Venmo. Dude. Come on, baby. Where are we at? Where are we at? I don't know. 18. No idea, dude. He's at like four.

18 is a good number. I'm going to say 18. 12 more. 12 more. Get up, dude. Get up. Kyle, do more and you're done. We're going to scale for you. Get up, dude. Get up. Kyle, do more and you're done. We're going to scale it for you.

Get the fuck up, Kyle. Just 20 for time. No, he's got 12 left. One more, Kyle. Let's go, Kyle. I don't know either. Chase got his time cap. Jesus Christ, I can literally watch this all day. Hey, should we make a time cap Jesus Christ I can literally watch this all day Hey should we make a time cap For this show

Yeah 3.30 Kyle don't put him down you motherfucker Let's go Kyle Stop it You're almost there buddy So how much are those kettle bells each 53 They look like hundreds for him 53 so so that's 106 pounds overhead every time yeah so it's heavy he's swinging more than a two

pood yeah yeah hey dude i'm gonna be here all fucking day with this come on let's go you want to hate your heroes call into this show and do the workout yeah yeah if you like taylor just call in and do the workout. He'll fix it for you. I'm going to watch the show back later. Oh, come on! Come on, Kyle! Let's go! Let's go!

Nice. Oh my God, he's going for it! Let's go, Kyle! Oh my God! Is that it? Are's go, Kyle. All right. Got it. Is that it? Is that it? Are we done? Nice.

503. Hey, valiant effort, Kyle. Good job, Kyle. But not really close at all. We got to appreciate it. This is our first. What's it? What is it? Yeah, yeah.

Bring us closer. Ma'am, could you please bring us closer to Kyle? Yeah, yeah, bring us closer. Ma'am, could you please bring us closer to Kyle? Yes, please. Thank you. Thank you, ma'am. First scaled caller. Kyle, did you hear us? Yeah, you beat him. Beat him by two minutes. Shut the fuck up. Hey, did you hear us?

Did you hear us yelling at you? How many rope climbs did I do? Eleven. I think you did 11. My biceps were worse than I thought. Yeah. You got to do some more curls. Hey, did you hear us yelling at you? Oh, not really, but good. That's probably positive. Probably for the best. That's probably positive Probably for the best I think it's the chick behind the camera

How many cleaners did you do? 30 Okay well she yelled at 12 more And we just were guessing Kyle real quick real quick Because we got one more last person we're going to do before the show is over Why did you do it like Were you just going back and forth like fuck should I do it

Should I not do it should I do it should I not do it And what pushed you over the edge to try Well yesterday I told myself if the rope climbs were with legs that I would give it a shot and I didn't want to back down it was scary you do I knew I wasn't going to be Taylor but I wanted to see what I could do in front of however many people so fuck yeah that's a bad that's awesome dude hey you got fat balls dude you got some big nuts yeah did they hold you back did they hold you back at all and the way mine are tiny dude that's why i went so fast

all right kyle uh we've had enough white guys on the show we have to do some dei shit we got francisco gomez on thank you, buddy. See you soon. Canceled. Who the fuck's Francisco Gomez, dude? It's our token Mexican, Francisco Gomez! Oh, yeah, dude. Dude, where's your rope? We can't even see it.

Oh, there it is. It's in line with that. Hey, can you move the camera so it's not in line with that green beam? Yeah, right there. That's perfect. And then tilt it the other way other way yeah right there taylor's ruining the show with perfectionism as trish would say stop being pedantic uh theresa 20 bucks this was the best kyle do you want me out of here just go when i'm ready yeah you can go when you're ready do you have a clock in the shop by any chance hey we're ready dude in the back or no yep uh count it down for us no? Count it down for us.

You gotta count it down for us and yell it so that we can start our clock. You're trying to exhaust him before he starts? Yeah, dude. Fuck this guy. This dude's gonna smoke your ass. No, he's not. He's got love handles. Oh, jeez. You can see those? Yeah, dude. Big ass. No way.

No, no, dude. That big fucking dumper, dude, there's no shot. Did he have a big dumper? He had, no, dude. That big fucking dumper, dude, there's no shot. Did he have a big dumper? He had an accent, too. His ass was fatter than Will Branstetter's. It's a dead thing. He's laughing at it, too, now. He's like, what, they like my butt?

Push this thing through the shot. Nine. Eight. Oh, yeah. Oh, this is a man child, dude. This is a fucking strong human. Two, Oh, yeah. Oh, this is a man child, dude. This is a fucking strong human. Two, one, go. Yeah, he might be in John Young territory.

Oh, he ain't beating me. We can already tell. No, dude. No way. Oh! One. Oh, my God, dude. Oh!

His descent is cringe, dude. Two. God, I hope he fucking wins. You're retarded, Sevan. He's not beating me, dude. Dude. God, I hope he fucking wins. You're retarded, Sevan. He's not beating me, too. I've never wanted to give away $500 more. If there was a guy betting on the heat, won't that be a high? There you go.

Great to the toilet as soon as that happens. Holy shit. Hey, Trish. Go wipe your mouth with some toilet paper after you wipe your ass with it or something. Is that four? That's four. Hey, he's on pace. No, he's not.

No, he's not, dude. My mom would be on pace after five reps. Stevon just learned that phrase. He just learned that phrase there on pace. He's trying to use it. He's watching Formula One now. He's like, oh, DRS engaged. He's got DRS. He's got DRS. Let's go, dude. Let's go, Francisco. He's in one minute, dude. What is that?

His fourth rope climb? Andele, andele, arriba, arriba, arriba. I think that was six. He's a good looking ref. Let's go. Andele, andele, arriba, arriba. No, that might be, I don't know, seven. Oh, it's Brandon. Hey, we know know this guy i think he just did the workout watch him fly through the kettlebells no dude this guy's doing fives dude are you kidding me this is a big dude stop it i actually asked brandon yesterday i'm a big dude you fucker oh you're just bust the muscly this is a big man i'm five 5'10". Let's go, bro. Let's go. Let's go, Francisco. Did he rip?

He just looked at his hand. Oh, he's fucked. He's already at two minutes, dude. The best content in all of CrossFit. Continue to change the game. Taylor is the personality the sport desperately needs. Superstar. Taylor Self. Kill Taylor. The shirts will be available soon at Vindicate.

V-N-D-K-A. Pick these up. Pick them up, fucker. Dude, I'm not the personality of the sports media. He's not going to put them down. I'm going to destroy the games if I ever make it. Let's go. You got this.

That ain't winning, buddy. Holy shit. You know that Denver is using that momentum right now. Look at how far he's pushing the kettlebells away from his body on the way up and down. That's so much wasted time. What do you know? He's doing them well, I think. What do you know? He's doing them. Well,

I think, what do I know? Tyler, pull your head out of seven. I can see the shit all over it. Dude. He's on pace. No,

he's not. Oh shit. Oh shit. He's breaking down. He's going to explode. Oh, he's exploding. Explode. Just go. Shit oh shit. He's breaking down. He's gonna explode Explode oh my god. You suck dude pick him up

His hand would you be ripped Told you just fingered. You couldn't wait until she was done? Wow. Jesus Christ. There you go. Hold on. There it is. DRS is definitely engaged now, dude. Dude.

Looks like he fingered a pomegranate. There you go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. What's this guy's name again? Francisco. Francisco Gomez. Holy shit.

Hey, dude, this dude's doing great. He's doing great. Come on. Dude, he's going to beat Kyle. Stay steady. Is he? Holy shit. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, pick him up, dude. Fuck your hands. He already did, dude. Yeah, you already blew him out, so let's just go all the way. Yeah, you're going to be paying for that for a week or two. Holy fuck, dude. Might as well use it now while you can't feel it. Hey, how many live viewers do we have?

Can you say that live or will you text me? 1270. Woo! We're killing it. Let's go, Francisco. There you go, Francisco. Come on, bro. Dude, he's about to discover America right now. This is how fucking francisco come on dude i gotta get to the skate park for fuck's sake let's

go i gotta get to the skate park my kids are waiting let's go you're almost there come on you're almost done oh my god hey hey sir trolls a lot shut the fuck up that's the whole point of the show we're making fun of people as they fail come on come on come on oh yeah he is a big motherfucker i think he's done nope right there come on oh oh he's got dudes oh oh, oh. Done. 4.33. Good job. Second best time of the day, Francisco Gomez. Hey, that was third best time of the day.

Great job. When did you rip? When did you tear? Oh, my God. On the first rip coming down. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're supposed to.

That looks like my toilet paper after I wipe, dude. Oh my god. If you think I suck, it's because I do fentanyl training. Oh, stop it! Stop it! Stop that!

Do you really? Are you real? Yeah. Dude, you're the fucking man, dude. Hey, hey, put your Venmo in the chat. You guys better send this guy a lot of fucking money, okay? Yeah, you got to buy some of your own sports. Go ahead, Jeff.

No, I'm an old man master with a hernia, so. Oh, dude, hey, you crushed it. I honestly thought you were going to do way worse on the kettlebells, but you were pushing them overhead so fast. Thanks. Francisco, tell me about, like, the process of wanting to do it and jump on. Was it scary or, like, was it easy? Or, like, when did you decide, like, fuck it, I'm giving it a shot?

Well, I originally was like, fuck it, I'll give it a chance. And then this dude Brandon comes in, I'm like, oh, fuck. I can keep up with him no so whenever the second guy wins like oh hey people with him francisco will you will you send me will you send me your address and name so i can send you a t-shirt yeah appreciate it for sure dude hey you're the man that was awesome How tall are you and how much do you weigh? I'm 5'11", 230. Woo! Yeah, you're a lot bigger than me, dude. I'm like 5'9", if I'm lying.

How long have you been doing CrossFit? 2012. Nice. And where are you? Are you in the United States? Yeah, I'm in Cape Coral, Florida. I'm wearing a uniform from Puerto Rico, though. Okay.

Well, dude, good to meet you. Thanks for doing it. It's people like you who make this show. Thank you so much. You demand it. Hey, pull up Will's comment before he leaves. This is accurate. Hey, the whole point of the show is we're making fun of you,

but this is what I said. I said you suck. You said you're on Sentinel. Now I'm sucking you, dude. Hey, good work, man. All right, Francisco. Thanks, brother. Have a good day. All right, Francisco. Thanks, brother. Have a good day.

Thank you, Francisco. Take care of those hands. Guys, what you are looking at right there is the most valuable space in all of CrossFit. We're going to the fucking moon. And if you don't want to get involved, you're fucking up big time. Love you guys. See you guys tomorrow morning, 7 a.m. Pacific Standard Time. There might be a show tonight.

Andrew Hiller from HillerFit, thank you. Hey. Taylor Self guys tomorrow morning, 7 a.m. Pacific Standard Time. There might be a show tonight. Andrew Hiller from Hiller Fit, thank you. Hey! Taylor Self from Sentinel Training, thank you. Tyler Watkins from Heat One App. And the last word from Taylor Self. Next week, $1,000 on the line. Oh! Rollover money, baby. Rollover money.

Is it $50?