The Sevan Podcast - Kill Taylor Ep. 5 | LIVE from Carson

Episode Date: May 24, 2024

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That's BetterHelp.com. Travel better with Air Canada. You can enjoy free beer, wine, and premium snacks in economy class. Now extended to flights within Canada and the U.S. Cheers to taking off this summer. More details at AirCanada.com. Thank you, buddy. Pedro White, thank you. Tyler Watkins, thank you. Colton

Mertens, thank you. Caleb Beaver, thank you. Even Caleb's here today. What a fucking motley crew. Colton was too good, so we've moved him to the panel. He can no longer compete. The only way we can keep him from now on is taking all the motherfuckers' money.

This show is brought to you by Born Primitive. Thank you, Born Primitive, for doing this, by the way. This is really fucking cool. They're doing it for the next three weeks. We have a great lineup of sponsors for this. I love that we're piecemealing this thing together. Please visit the Born Primitive site. I'm wearing their joggers right now.

Great brand. I've been using the Born Primitive Savage 1 for a few months now and it's now the only shoe that I wear. From rope climbs to Olympic weightlifting, I'm able to use this shoe in all of my training, coaching classes all day. Over the course of the past few months, it's been virtually indestructible. And after doing 30-foot rope climbs, I can't get the shoes to tear or the shoelaces to come untied. The Savage 1 has a super wide toe box, which is really comfortable for me. It's important to mention that Born Primitive is an American veteran-owned and operated company who continues to stand behind and support our American servicemen and women. Don't forget, the Savage One is now back in stock.

You can get $20 off using the code SAVAGE20 at bornprimitive.com. The only one stopping you is you. I don't know if that code works anymore, but Taylor still wears the shoes. We are ready for showtime. Caleb, please pull up the workout. The workout today, none of you will beat him in, so don't even bother sending me a text. But if you do want to get your ass pounded, you can send a text to the number in the bottom right-hand corner. I'll send you a link, and you can come on and compete against Taylor.

It's nine devil press. For those of you who have a brain, that doesn't make any sense. So it's nine burpees with dumbbells in your hands. That's what it is. It's burpees with dumbbells in your hands. 15-ring muscle-ups and then max skier calories. You do that for two minutes with a one-minute break, and it's two sets. And I guess the winning score is the number of calories. Will, the number of calories on the skier calories. You do that for two minutes with a one-minute break, and it's two sets, and I guess the winning score is the number of calories.

Will, the number of calories on the skier? Yeah. Okay, Pedro says yeah. I should ask people who are actually on the show. Okay, let's do this. If he's ready, let's fucking rock and roll, man. Yeah, he's ready. 9-3-8-5-8-3-3-9-0-3.

Whenever you're ready, Caleb. I mean, Taylor Alright, you guys are good We lost Colton No, he's there Oh, okay We do have a blank screen above him, though Oh yeah, what is that screen above him?

Can we take that off? Oh! And we're off, ladies and gentlemen Susan in 13 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! And we're off, ladies and gentlemen. Susan in 13. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. God, are we idiots. What a rookie.

Colton, what are the implications of that? Adrenaline dump? Yeah, a little bit. And he's going to be probably pissed off as well. See, that clock shit's hard, man. So is he just – is he praying the water now? Did he step into the ring and we know he's injured now? Like is this the week to beat him?

I don't know. I think that maybe it could benefit him if it takes that edge off a little bit. Now he's already got going once. Maybe it shook out some nerves. All right, they're about to restart. Hey, last week's winner is on the show, Colton Mertens, today. If anyone ever beats Taylor ever again, don't think that that means you get to get on the show. Like don't fucking text me, can I get on now? You're no fucking Colton Mertens today. If anyone ever beats Taylor ever again, don't think that that means you get to get on the show. Don't fucking text me, can I get on now? You're no fucking Colton

Mertens. Can you tilt that laptop screen down? I can't even see the timer. Matthew never got to come on. Hey, Colton. And we're off! Are we thinking like a minute 35 on the main piece and then on the calories, what, like over 12? Yeah,

I mean, it's going to take 45 seconds to do the muscle ups there's not a whole lot you can do to speed that up um his devil's press are pretty fast but yeah he's gonna have to really hammer that skier i think uh i think some of the people going the challenge and probably aren't even going to get there for both rounds yeah it's gonna be this is gonna be a hard workout that second round's not gonna feel good what are the dumbbells the weight 50s is going to be a hard workout. That second round is not going to feel good. What are the dumbbells? The weight? 50s? They look like 35s,

don't they? Hey, Colton, isn't 35 too light for the girls to compete with him? It's a little bit light. Usually females will move the 35s faster than males move the 50s. Taylor moves those pretty quickly, though. It's only 9, so it's going to be sprinting

the whole time. I think he'll probably be'll probably hold on but i think the big difference is if there's a female that can go on broken on the muscle up she's going to have you know 10 extra seconds to work on that ski so maybe that makes a difference gotcha and do men just unequivocally pull harder on the skier yeah being bigger taller and stronger uh helps a ton for the machines. So, I mean, those calories per hour are going to be way higher. So, I mean, you get – So, you're only good at one part of the skier, the stronger part? You're not good at the bigger, taller part?

I don't know what you're insinuating, but – Made it 23. That was good. Yeah. If they had 45 seconds to pull compared to, you know, his 35 35 that might be able to get them over the edge did you hear that uh text message come in tyler yeah only in the background let me see if i can turn suza we need to be able to see that the uh i can see the timer i can see yeah but we don't know what the calories are. Oh, that's okay. I'm going to tell you guys when he's done. Okay, thanks. 30 calories in 30 seconds. When he's done.

I don't find it. Thanks, fucking Bryson. Great. Thank you. You're a good dude. What are we at? 11. 11.

Nice. Oh, my God. That's not enough. Are you kidding me? Does he get rollover? I say no. I didn't count his rollover. Nice. Oh, my God. That's not enough. Are you kidding me? Does he get rollover? I say no. I didn't count his rollover. Okay.

And what did he have? Say it again. 11. 11. This might be the week for a woman to beat him because of eight. It says fall down. 10 to 15 extra seconds isn't a lot, but it is when he's only getting 30 seconds on this gear.

I don't think a woman can keep up with him on the muscle-ups, though. I turned down our mics, by the way, so keep up with him on the muscle-ups, though. I turned down our mics, by the way, so Colton's mic will be a little louder, hopefully. Who in the world, not even people who show up to this, who in the world could do muscle-ups in the women's group as fast as him?

I think for 12, there's a few. Yeah. Oh, it's not 15 for them. People will go way too hard on round one and the second 15 will take them two to three sets wow okay yeah so if you're a girl don't bother this isn't your week and if you're a guy go i don't know if you should bother either we're off the second round he got 11 cows on the skier the total score will be the cows on the skier. It's nine burpees with dumbbells in your hand and then 15 muscle-ups. And then as much time as you have left, you pull the skier until you hit the two-minute time cap.

He already did round one. He rested a minute, and he's going again. Do you guys think he'll get 11 on the skier again? I bet he gets more. 12. 15. Might be able to get a little more if he's not holding back now. Yeah. Do you think he was holding back a little bit?

He might have been just to ensure that he gets through the 15 unbroken muscle-ups and can transition fast. Oh, that was a slower transition? Oh, that was a, yeah. The prize money this week for beating Taylor is $500. Send in your text now, 928-583-3903. Thank you to Los Amigos CrossFit

somewhere in the hood here Southern California for letting us come and do this he's really cool before the show started people were watching, shaking hands, asking questions that's pretty neat

I saw some people from the chat at the venue. Oh, really? Yeah. Was he locking out those musclops? I don't know, man. Did he throw those? He screwed himself here. Oh, man.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. So he held on too long. Here goes $500. Holy shit. $500 up for grab, ladies and gentlemen500 $500 up for grab ladies and gentlemen $500 up for grab this week

Holy shit He might not even be able to finish this workout Sousa is sweating Holy shit guys $500 on the line Let's go Holy shit Nick Sacks shit in the bed

That's a fact. Where's David Weed when you need him with words of encouragement? I think his name's Nick Sack. Ah, fuck. It's what you do when you're shaving your balls. What do you get? Six calories, so it scores 17. So whatever Pedro says in the future, divide by two.

17 calories oh shit this is gonna be a crazy post interview if there's somebody oh nelly that skier they might be able to just sell out round one and get it done around one for all their no shit just one round so i think repeating it is really hard but if they know they just had to do one round and get 16 calories, they might be able to do that. Oh, yeah. That's a good point. Manny Serrano, he must be in the house live reporting live from Los Amigos CrossFit. Manny, thank you. I think you and Jake Berman would do really well at this workout.

Who, Jake German? Jake German. Damn. Trying to think, though. Wow. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Okay, 928-583-3903. If you think you can beat him.

It sounds like it's wide open, guys, for the taking. $500 from Born Primitive today. Taylor thinks she did 16 muscle-ups in the second round. We will get a count on that. Pedro looks like someone from the cartel with that haircut. Okay. Who will get a count on that? Short straps can't

be paid. Short straps can't be paid. Yes, I said so much. Dude going to lose back to back to back. Someone's going to go. Someone's going to go. That might be you, dude. Is it?

Oh, wait. Is your computer off? How does it know? It doesn't know. I think you're too close to each other. No. Oh, maybe. I think you're too close to each other no oh maybe oh

there we go now you're muted again okay perfect thanks how about that beastcake23 Colton can't wait for you to prove these nerds like Hill are wrong this weekend big guy weekend my ass Good luck brother and great job

Taylor. What are you talking about? Did you see that video that hitter made Colton? Colton's already making his plans for next year. What do you think? What do I think? Yeah. Can we pull up the Andrew Hiller clip? I think that's a pretty reasonable analysis

on my past performances and how that would translate to this weekend. I'll just say it's a good thing that I'm not the same athlete I was last season. He did 15 reps in the second round. It's a much more measured response than the one you had for Kiefer. So not only did

Taylor shit the bed on the workout, he came off the rings in the second round. Do you think that that was the plan for him to come off? No, not the way he threw him. Colton, second round. Was that the plan for him to come off? No, not the way he threw him. Colton, you think that was the plan? No, I think he might have decided at the last second that he had to come down. Wow.

Stopped at 11. It was a weird number. Devesh Maharaj. Taylor can't handle the pressure. He's spiraling. But he's fucked next week if that's the case. Holy shit. can't handle the pressure, he's spiraling. Well, he's fucked next week if that's the case. We have to have a forfeit for him if he loses four weeks in a row. No, no, no.

He's already lost this week. We'll just change the name of the show to Ass Pounding Taylor. Butt fuck self. No one, no takers this week. Big audience one no takers this week big audience no takers easy score too

on the ground hey good thing no one owns a skier dude hey fuck off hey that's awesome good job great job there buddy no I suck I know I was being facetious

listen walk us through this first round. How did you feel? I felt pretty good, and I felt pretty confident starting the second. And then, like, five muscle-ups in, I knew that it was going to be really hard for me to do all 15. Like, typically, I don't ever go to failure and muscle ups uh in my training so when i get to that like slow grindy spot i'm like not used to being there if that makes sense um so the plan wasn't to come off the rings yeah the plan was going broken for sure and then i

stood around when they were fucking swinging. Oh, so when you slapped the rings away from yourself, you didn't do that on purpose. That was an accident. Slapped the rings? I like myself? Peter? Yes, Taylor.

Yes, Taylor. How can I help you? Yes, Taylor. No, that was not part of the plan, Peter. Oh. Let me see if I can find that spot in the clip when you completely fucking... Like in workouts, in open quarterfinal workouts, like there's rarely a chunk of muscle-ups that's like,

damn, I'm going to have to push it to that edge. That was a weird time constraint. I clearly thought I was way fitter than I am because I was pretty confident I was doing both sets unbroken. 15's a lot back to back. Oh, here we go. Thank you, Caleb. Here we go.

Let's watch when he pushes the rings away from himself. We got a guy here who's going to go. No shit. Yeah. Well, good. Okay. Shout out to that dude. Yeah. Why did you what when you came

down why did you push the rings away from you like that he was trying i didn't what do you know rest time what do you mean go go come go to me coming down that was me stopping them no watch when you get off you kind of push them was it just yeah it's like almost like you're in cahoots with someone there to get the 500 bucks are you trying to give the 500 bucks away? No, I didn't push them away. They just slung away. I don't I don't like I do not like to come to the bottom of a rep, hang for a second and then drop. Why? I don't ever do that. Yeah, you're right. You're right. But again, typically, I haven't practiced a lot of, okay, I'm going to do this set that I'm going to have to break up three times.

So it's really important how short my breaks are. I do a lot of big sets, but yeah, my discipline there is not great. Trish, did you guys all get lice together and have to shave? I'm always bald. These muscle-ups were way harder than the quarterfinal muscle-ups. Way harder. Do you think travel has anything to do with it? No.

$500 from Born Primitive for anyone who can beat Taylor. The text messages are now starting. Hey, are you competing this weekend? Come in. Hell, yeah. The guy who's about to do this is competing this weekend. What is he on the team? Okay, he was Tristan Harrison. Hey, he's getting...

Oh, shit. We talked so much shit about you yesterday. Oh, shit. It is. Holy shit. And he's taking this one seriously. He's adding affiliate. Oh, fucking A.

He's at our affiliate. No, he used the other money to do it. Oh, this is a different guy this is matthew dude holy shit fucking christ holy shit dude matthew's back this isn't my fault this isn't like brandon i didn't send him the link god i hope matthew's such a muscle ups what's up, Matt? Good to see you.

Not really. Fucking A. What did you do with your last $1,500 of my money? I still have it. Look how good it is. What? You still have it? Yeah.

Got it. Yeah. You didn't buy a new ATV or something off eBay? No. No ATVs. No. Sevan, guys like Matthew don't invest their money in like vanguards. They just put it in a piggy bank under their bed and think it's going to grow.

The only thing is, hopefully I can stay in the video, but I have to run to the back of the class to use this gear. So we're going to find out. Hey, and then you'll come over and tell us what your calories were? No, there's a guy filming me. He'll follow me over there. Oh, shit. Okay.

All right. All right. Sounds good. I like it. Jesus. He even has friends. You would never think this dude has any friends. Fuck.

That's what he's using all his money for. He's paying a guy to hang around with him. Hey, you don't look like a sleeper this week. Where did those abs come from? No, it's his mouth. That's where 500 of the dollars went. Lip filler? He got lip filler in his stomach.

This guy looks like a fucking muscle-up machine. He just invented the muscle-up. Should have made these 70-pound dumbbells, Taylor. Yeah, that would have been trouble. Previous superstar winner of $1,500 on the Kill Taylor show. Matthew is here. Oh, they didn't even give us a countdown. Jesus Christ.

We're going to have to trust you, Matthew. He's not going to beat me. See how he's swinging the dumbbells in between his legs? He's got balls in the middle, yeah. Hey, as long as he doesn't stand under the rings for 30 seconds, he should be fine. I wonder, will he choose to slap them away from himself as well?

God, Peter, I wish you were in America. I would bend you over and ruin you. Well, now I wish I was in America too. No, no, no. I wish I knew what his... I think Taylor got off the rings at 1.23. He's on pace. He's not on pace. Look at those muscle-ups. That's the thing.

He's popped out of those muscle-ups. Hey, cameraman, if you can tell us the time he gets off the rings, that would be awesome. Chris called this guy Janky Redneck Howell. Now I'm scared this semifinal athlete who I was talking shit about

last night is going to beat me in the affiliate I did it in. God, is he going to hold on? He's already scared. He's not going to get up with me. Sorry, I'm sorry. He's going to get back up. Show us the clock.

It's over. 136. Let's going back up. Kick him off. It's over. 136. Let's go, Matthew. Hey, we're kicking Matthew off. He broke the first round. He's done. Yeah, he is. Hold on.

Let's let him get to the skier. Let's see what happens. He can't make it to the skier. Fuck him. Maybe he's broken. Oh, the one-handed wonder. One-handed wonder. One-hit wonder. Oh, shit. One-hit wonder. One-hit wonder.

Oh, my goodness. Matthew's worse than Norman Greenbaum. Come on, dude. He's like, damn, it's over. All right, he's got it. All right, Matthew. Hey, dude, you're a fucking legend. You're a legend, dude.

You're a legend. dude. You're a legend. Hey. I tried. All right. Thank you. Back to the meth lab for you. Have a good week, buddy. Make more meth. He should open his own. Maybe Tanner's better than we thought he was.

Maybe what? Maybe Tanner's better than we thought he was. Yeah, shit. Who knows? Chris Beeserfield, more bench for Matthew. Yeah, maybe Heidi's right. Maybe he didn't do enough meth this time. Jesus. It's the end of the month.

He's probably out of cash. I thought for sure. All right, turn this camera around. Tristan's ready to go. I thought for sure that dude was going in. Who does this guy think he is? Showing up to the affiliate I'm training at? I run this place outside of Carlos.

This freaking guy. It's not even his affiliate. He came there to fuck with you? Yeah, dude. You shouldn't have said anything last night. You're like, I'm attacked. What's his name? What's his name?

Is this dude with the girl's name? What's this dude's name? Tristan. What's his last name? Harrison. name? Is this a dude with the girl's name? What's this dude's name? Tristan. What's his last name? Harrison. You're thinking of Trista Smith. Hey, Tristan, do you actually have a chance? He's wondering if you have a chance.

Oh, stop that. Come on. Look at that mustache. He's got a pretty good chance, I think. He's not sure. I think his strategy is to send the first round to beat me. Is he going to put Josh before he came down here, just trying to trim it up. Look at Barry McCaulkin

or my suck Tristan's dick. Look at this. Shut up, Sevan. Wow. I knew there was something about you and Tristan. Hey, Taylor, that's the best Sevan impression I've ever heard. What? I don't, please don't stop the Los Amigos. I'm just i was like four here we go

caleb three two one go colton this guy got a chance uh we'll find out yeah he's going straight down with if he sends the first round i think that's his best chance i don't think he's gonna go 15 15 unbroken and get enough. Is this guy on your radar? Do you even know who he is, Colton? No, I don't know who he is. Okay. Fuck this guy. Is he competing individual or team?

He's team. Individual. Yeah, great question. Team. Moving pretty good on these. Yeah. I think he's going to try and just get it in the first round. Dude, this is one of your competitors for the weekend.

You think he blows up in the second round, Colton? That's nice of you. I think his plan is to just try and get... He doesn't want to have to save it and try and go 15-15. He's going to try and get them all round one. These are way too labored. Taylor got off

at 123, people. It's nine burpees with dumbbells, 15 muscle-ups, pull on the skier, whatever your calories are. That's your first score. You rest a minute. You do the same thing again. You pull on the skier. You add the two scores together. Taylor got a 17. What kind of shoes does he wear?

Nine. Black ones. Oh, yeah. Thanks. Eleven. We have a live count in the house from Taylor Self. Twelve. He's just showing how high he can count. He's not counting the muscle-ups. 11. We have a live count in the house from Taylor Self. 12. He's just showing how high he can count. He's not counting the muscle-ups.

If he pulls a 2,000, he's got a chance to beat it in round one. He's got to get this. He's off at the same time Taylor is, 123. Take the camera there. There we go. There we go. No chase. No? No. Choose. There we go. No chase. No? No.

Shoes. Oh, yeah. This shows us so much. Oh, this is so much better, yeah. Your silhouette's amazing. Ask him how he feels. Get into his ear. What's he pulling there? 1974.

Hey, you should have let That dude used the 35s with a name like Chris Taylor. 5, 13, 14, 15. 2, 1. Rest. How many have? He's going to be one calorie away.

He's going to roll over. He rolled over to 18. You don't get roll over. He rolled over to 18? No, we didn't count your roll over no roll over you don't get rolled over to 18 but you don't get rolled over oh you didn't roll over to 18 no we didn't count your roll over you got 16 so they didn't count my roll over any rest i don't know if he's gonna do it hey you can't you can't give up now dude so he's just fucking oh my god he's sold out all he has to do is pace these ring muscle ups so i get one calorie no way he's fucked he's fucked there's no way he gets 15 i know he has to get two calories three

sorry he has to get three yes hey taylor why didn't you use that strategy why didn't you use the strategy i didn't think that would give you a dub in this. Damn. Because I clearly thought I could do the next 15 unbroken. Let me tell you, you got it. He's fucked. No way. Here we go. Round two. All Tristan has to do is make it to the skier.

Oh, no. No way. No, he's fucked. Let's go. I told you. Oh, shit. I told you. Come on. He's going to break the devil's dress. Hey, six, five, four. Stop told you. Come on.

He's going to break the devil's fist. Hey, 6'5", 4". Stop it. Let's go. Hey, does he know this is CrossFit? What's he doing? I don't know. Come on. Who's talking? Is that Bryson? This guy don't got shit. He's going to puke.

Don't encourage him. Oh, my God. The muscles are going to take at least a minute. Wowzers. 25% of the workout has gone by already. Dude. Ramblers. Sloth fit, for fuck's sake.

Good one. Uh-oh. Poor guy. He is moving through molasses. Shout out to Tristan for trying to win it. Go, go, go. Stop that. Get up.

Jesus Christ. He's going to do three. He's going to do three reps. Yeah, he's coming off. Oh, he's going. Stop that. Get up. Oh, Jesus Christ. He's going to do three. He's going to do three reps. Yeah, he's coming off. Oh, he's going to mail the second rep. My God. Oh, my God. Hey, 13 more and you're right there.

I fucking told you. Oh, no. F45 presents Tristan Harrison. F45. My God. presents Tristan Harrison. I have 45. My God. Well, Tristan, we picked you to take 37th this weekend. Wow. My boot camp is not paying off.

Wowzers. Hey, it makes me feel a little better. My God. Dude, if that was a farm animal someone put a bullet bullet yeah dude this was one of my things hey he's pretty good at muscles because the first round looks smooth to me. Yeah. 9-2-8, 5-8-3, 3-9-0-3. You guys, this is the week to win.

3, 2, 1. Shout out to Tristan. Come on, come over here. I appreciate anybody who wants to push that hard and then just fight the bullet. Damn, dude. How many calories was he off? He got 16 first round. How many did Taylor get?

Hey, Tristan, was that the strategy to get the first round, just beat him in the first round? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How'd it go? Not well. Close.

That didn't work out. Hey, Tristan, is it possible? close that didn't work out hey um tristan is it possible um have you ever pulled uh 16 calories on the erg and in a minute yeah i think i was at like 18 or 1900 cals on it i've done i've done a comp where i didn't where i was had to do like 15 at a time with partners and it was over 2,000. So basically, if you didn't have the devil's press, you would have got that. It's doable. I don't know much about the skier, but it's doable.

It's a good strategy. I think if I would have turned the damper up to like a 9, that would have had it. It was at like a 7. Colton, did you say no? Yeah. You didn't know what he was talking about. Today we spell redemption T-A-Y-L-O-R. Tristan, you think anyone's going to beat him?

And when you saw him fail, did you think, oh, fuck, I got this? I thought it would be a lot closer. When I saw him not send the first ski, I knew it would be close. Were you like in your head, you dipshit? I thought he'd send the first ski a I knew it would be close. Were you like in your head, you dipshit? I thought he'd send the first ski a lot harder. Yeah. Not just do 11. I thought he'd go for 15 or 20 in the first and see what happens in the second.

But his strategy was better. What happened this morning? You knew he was going to be there, so you just showed up and you're like, hey, dickhead, I got you. Yeah. I saw it last night. You guys were talking shit. So I come try it. Dude, you're a beast.

Hey, thanks for doing that, man. You're only one of two this week who has the balls to try. Thanks for coming and giving a shot. Of course. Thank you, guys. How's the nervous energy leading up to tomorrow? How are you feeling? I feel pretty good for tomorrow.

I don't have any expectations, really. I was not planning to compete this year. It went well, I guess. So I'm just going to go have fun and enjoy the tennis stadium. Hey, someone said... Sorry. Go ahead, Pedro. Go ahead.

Are you just going to sprint the first run and then hope you can hang on like you did there? Yeah, I'm going to do a two-minute 800. Perfect. I just need to make a quick change. I'm going to heat one up. Hang on. Hey, someone said that you look like a liberated Hiller.

You do look kind of like the heterosexual version of Andrew Hiller. He does look like the straight version of Hiller. Oh, I'm the straight version? Yeah, I think. I mean, Hiller's got his wife like kind of like the heterosexual version of Andrew Hiller. He does look like the straight version of Hiller. Oh, I'm the straight version? Yeah, I think. I mean, Hiller's got his wife's an esthetician. His face is smoother than ice. Yeah, he's like all injected in Botox and shit. Yeah, and his eyebrows are overdone and shit.

Well, just the one. That's pretty good. You don't even have to take tests to do that. To look that way. Yeah, he's injected more than Botox. Look at Suze's at lab placement. Born primitive, putting up to $500 today. We do have another competitor coming on. Tristan, thanks a lot, dude. You're the man.

We'll see you tomorrow. Hey, what time is orientation today at the event? 5.15. 5.15. Okay. We'll see you there, buddy. Good to meet you. Thanks, guys. Good work, Tristan. Later. Good job, Tristan. Wow. Taylor's taking photos with people. Of course he is.

He thinks he's famous or some shit. Yeah. We're struggling with him already. His head's fucking watermelon size now. Okay. So very, very close race within one calorie. Very interesting strategy. Matthew tried, and now we had Tristan Harris try.

We have someone else coming on now. I don't know the sexual orientation or the sex of the person. It would be fun to see if a chick tried. Who's the only girl we've had on the show? Jamie Latimer. Latimer, yeah. And then we had one other girl in the wings one week, but I think that was the week Colton won. Who's the only girl we've had on the show? Jamie Latimer. And then we had one other girl in the wings one week, but I think that was

the week Colton was. This is one of those workouts I almost wish the score was the lowest number of calories you get on the ski. Because I don't think anyone can do what he did and come out hot in the first round, but in the second round, they'll just eat shit. What do you mean?

If it was the lowest calories on the ski? If it was the lowest calories on the skier? Guys, guys, I had two people here showed up, Seban, since you gave the address to everyone, and they wanted to get a picture so I was like, hey Susan, can you come take a picture of us? And Susan comes over and stands in it with me and I was like, hey Susan, I meant to...

All this... Hey, when you have two stars and only... When you have two stars and only two fans, shit gets good. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about, Tyler? I mean your lowest scored round. He means if you get like 10 calories and six calories,

it'll be six calories. Oh, okay. You take the lowest of your... Yeah, the only body... Oh, shut up, John Young. Dude. John Young. John Young. I'm going to fucking curb stomp you. Oh, shut up, John Young. Dude. John Young. John Young.

I'm going to fucking curb stomp you. No. Oh, he said total left. He said total left. I was about to be so mad, dude. He beat you last week. He beat you this week. Oh, my God.

Hey, why wouldn't you just call in? I love that. John, keep doing this. Keep chirping him up for about three weeks, and then when you come on the show and lose, it'll be a great failure story. I actually did make this rule. This is not just a made-up rule right now

that JR suggested. I definitely made this up earlier. You should make the rule that if you don't finish the buy-in round two, you can't win. It's a four-minute workout. You got to do all the work.

Oh, please. Oh, John Young. You're just trying to take out one primitive money. I want to get John Young to say the F word once. Have you ever heard him say it? Wouldn't that be frick instead of freak? Chill the freak out. Loppy, chill the freak out now.

I'm not all-famous. You can say either. Chill the freak out. Loppy, chill the freak out now. I'm not all-favorite. You can say either. That's the autism. Anything but autism. That's the autism. That boy got autism. Oh, my God. Wow, no other takers?

No, there's one more coming in right now, coming in hot. Brandon, come in hot. Smith, if you're listening. Hey, did I make the muscle-ups less for women? I hope so. You did, yeah. 12.

Let's take a look at the workout. Week 5 of Kill Taylor. Two minutes on, one minute off. Nine burpees with dumbbells. 15 ring muscle-ups for the boys, 12 for the girls. And then max skier calories. That's where you get your score. Two rounds.

Why does that picture look like Taylor just slaughtered 10,000 people? That's because he did last night on the show. He slaughtered 10,000 people. He slaughtered 38 athletes. 39 athletes.

Oh, yeah. Let me take this off and show it. The new Sentinel merch. Give me a second. Where's this Hiller video where he tears Colton up? I want to see this shit. Where's that? It's in the middle of his news. The very end. Sentinel. All right. That's cool.

Retards of fitness. Why did you take off the old Ridge Against the Machine album. That's inclusive. I hate to break it to you, I think those guys got vaccinated. Oh, did they really? Yes. Stop it! Stop it!

They were like, worse than they got vaccinated. Who cares if you got vaccinated? They were like, if you don't get the vaccine, you're a douche. You're lying. Because they started Rage for the Machine. Oh, fuck. I like a year. Grab the shirt. Grab the shirt. Because they started to rage for the machine. Oh, fuck. I'm burning it. Sorry. Sorry, Vindicator. I'm wiping my ass with this. Apparently, these

guys got vaxed and told other people they were fucked. Yeah. I can't do it. They used to be against the man. They are the man. They got a little coin in their pocket. Yeah, they suck the man. That's crazy, dude. What? Hey, I'm still going to make the shirt because we're going to stay true to fuck the man.

Well, he's supporting us when he isn't. Okay. Now if they send me a cease and desist, it'll be even sweeter. Wow. I'm trying to see. You know, here's the thing. I do like Travis Brault a lot, and he got the jab. It's more than they got the jab, dude.

They were proponents of the jab. They were like, hey, get a free hamburger and a lap dance and get the jab and save grandma. Okay, here we go. Andrew Hiller speaking on Colton Merton's chances at the semifinals. Here we go. I don't have the exact spot, but this is just the part where he talked about it.

This looks good to me. Kowalski's winning the West for the men. I had Alex Kazan winning the West for the women. And then on the men's side, it goes Medeiros, Leahy, Belner, Grace Haber, Sam Quant, Greg Mucket, James Sprigg, and Zach Blunton. And I know what you're thinking. You're looking at things like, where is Colton Merton? Yeah.

Colton, you're not going to make it, dude. Col it dude these workouts are not good he's an idiot from the ninth spot i've got zachary bunden and that's a big dude you don't see that i got people like james sprague brandon luck at san juan these are all big guys they'll look at yellow hostet last weekend yellow hostet that dude he's a big guy what i need to tell tell you next is that Victor Harper, who did make it, and he is on the smaller athlete side, and everyone knows that Colton's on the smaller athlete side. He also has home run potential that he has around stuff like the handstand walk. I don't see Colton being a home run handstand walker.

I do see Colton being a home run event tour, but Colton's got a grip issue, and that's not going to vote on that as well. And those dumbbells on event six. He just said you have little hands. His best lift is much better at the clean and jerk in the front right position, which we saw in the crucible. He managed to hurt that thruster workout, but stands aren't thrusters. Wow.

It was the same 10, 8, 6, 4, 2. The rope line box step down. So here's the thing, dude. Here's the thing. This is all you have to know about hillar's take look at the women's field go back go back look at the women's field and look right there at number four and that's how stupid hillar is well here's the i think there's a couple things with this um one if you do look at my past performances you look at event one i'm not

typically haven't been the best runner. You know, event three, there's a lot of bike and box jump overs. Event four, not the best rower. Event five, typically I'm really strong in like a squat or a clean, but snatches have not been my strong suit. I think I got 20th in the snatch, max snatch last year. Event six, there's a lot of power output. The muscle-ups don't matter. You don't know if I can hang on to the dumbbells um so i mean honestly i kind of that's a respectable analysis but um

you know he can only work with the information that he has and i do have a few aces up my sleeve this this weekend i think and i also think it's also a little bit of just a jab at proven and why he's not picking me oh oh yeah it's about you bro i don't know but um yeah taylor taylor has had my back i think that's because he knows some of my practice scores too so he knows that uh you know so there's gonna be a few surprises this weekend some definitely some i don't even think so well not to me surprises every time i look on your instagram reel you're doing a couple things that typically people think you're not good at and i guess people just don't pay attention and i when i mean you're doing them like you're always

doing them and i won't give that away for other people but yeah i just don't believe how about this tidbit of information that no one has thought about yet and colton's also gotten four inches taller i mean that's something nobody's talking about it yeah congratulations hey this is a good one hillar just punched colton's tickets to the games and knocked out his boy his boy let's go that would be i see john thank you john you in the last event oh my god so torn i mean i torn. I mean, I'm going to ruin you. Oh, Jesus. Jesus. I feel like I would ruin.

I'm sorry, Colton. This is Tyler's last show. Not because Colton's ruinable, but because I really. I'm not a games coach. I don't fucking know, dude. He just left. He's gone. Oh, is he gone?

That's it. Fuck you guys. See you see you colin love you um he went and got a box of tissues oh all right you know what did you go get tissues colton i know it just exited the stream i would also say coming in i'm not sure where he is. Uh, nine, two, eight,

five, eight, three, three, nine Oh three. Last chance guys. He's got a five minute time cap. He can't just sit around and warm up for two hours,

then decide to come on the show. And we're already fucking not live. It's Matthew. He did a line. He's ready to go now. Hey, where are all the people? Listen,

there were like seven, some girl DM to me, some rando DM to me and goes, Hey, let's do a semi-final event four head to head i was like there's 1800 meters of rowing are you stupid and she was like oh let's find out let's find out and i was like no she was like don't be a pussy this girl called me a pussy that's awesome that sounds like a key for wedding material wedding shit no no ever got a dm off a girl

that's not true dude uh lizzie was in my DMs. I DMed her and then she DMed me and now we're married. Oh, so you were in her DMs first? I was in hers first, for sure. Bill Leahy's going to crush it. He won the fittest experience. What's that? The fittest experience? Exactly. It was an exhibit at the

museum. That's right. I'd also say, who was it? Poolboy said it, that Hitler just punched Colton's ticket. I'd also say who was a pool boy said it that he just hit her just punched colton's ticket i'd agree and like ruined the i'd agree with half of that and i would also say that it was probably intentional this is the other thing dude yeah leahy doesn't even look fit leahy doesn't have look at the muscle mass here you see that yeah lady doesn't have any of that leahy doesn't have any of that colton's got more muscle mass than lay he and lacy's brought ladies probably 10 inches taller this is lacy's

lacy whatever his name is dude i just i don't buy it i don't buy it so you don't think lacy's making it to the games i think lay he needs to i think he's you know he needs some uh he needs some mental fortitude we're gonna see if he's got it this weekend i think he looks pudgy you think he needs some mental fortitude. We're going to see if he's got it this weekend. Do you think he looks pudgy? Do you think he looks soft? Do you think Lacey looks soft, like too much estrogen? He looks like a basketball player. He looks like he eats soy.

He looks like he eats a lot of soy. To be honest, that's probably as accurate of a depiction I could probably get. I appreciate your honesty, Taylor. It's fantastic. He actually looks like he's going to knock on your door and ask, can I have a moment to tell you about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? Yes, 100%. Wow.

Wow. What are they called? Mormons? Mission. He's on a mission. Not Mormons. Jehovah's Witness. Jehovah's Witness.

Yeah, Jehovah's Witness. Oh, right, right, right. Fuck if he needs a liver transplant. Is he going to give Hiller his coach's pass? No, I think Hiller's just going as a spectator. Be funny if he did. He does not. He does not.

He does not. Lacey has a crazy dumper. Lacey. Lacey. Dude, Will Branstetter's butt is bigger than Bill Leahy's. Whoa. Will's butt's ridiculous, though. Have you ever seen Will's butt, Caleb?

I can't say that I have, actually. Just Google search Lexus, Texas. Okay. All right. Lexus, Texas. Whoa. And that's Will right there. Guys, tomorrow morning, 8.30 a.m. Pacific Standard Time,

we will be live from the West Coast Classic. That is the CrossFit semifinals in Carson, California. It's at the StubHub Center or whatever it's called now. The show that will be live there will be Taylor Self, J.R. Howell, and Will Branstetter. It's going to be a wild show. If you remember it from Wadapalooza, it's probably some of the best stuff that's ever been on this podcast.

I will be there filming the behind the scenes taylor will be there looking for sponsors for the heat one app oh sorry tyler uh taylor can too if you want please and then and then i think we have a closing show in the evening like at 5 30 and then after that uh we'll all uh rally back to the the house and we'll probably have at least one special guest on, I think, tomorrow night. I got confirmation. So that'll be fun. Andrew Hiller will be here in the house. It's going to be a great

time on the couch. Trish just called us incels. What are those? That's fucked up. Involuntary celibates. I just tell people it's involuntary. Wait, is that actually what incel means? Yeah. Pedro, don't learn that stuff.

Don't learn that stuff. Is that why my students have been calling me an incel? Now I'm worried that I've been calling them that. We're involuntarily insolvent sorry bro okay alright it looks like

I don't know if this other person is coming on hey dude are you coming on or what I don't know just someone in the text I sent a link to they probably did a couple

muscle ups and quit they saw the last time they were like fuck that was my strategy I'm out In the text I sent a link to. They probably did a couple muscle-ups and quit. They saw the last time and were like, fuck, that was my strategy. John George, by far, this is my favorite show of the week. Thanks, Devon and Taylor and Caleb and Tyler. Oh, the rest was just cold fuck ourselves. Colton, it's extra special this week with you here.

Wow, that's a lot. Good job, Caleb. All right, guys, I think we're done I can't believe you were able to fight off with that error let's get your final words on the error did you think for sure when that happened you were toast yeah you can

see me at one part of the video where the rings are swinging around I'm like fuck I just yell fuck cause I'm like trying to time it I don't like to waste extra energy like jumping up to settle the rings or especially when there's five hundred dollars on the line well i just think about any wasted energy is not going into your movement so like typically if like the rings are swinging around i can time them and jump up and grab them while they're swinging and that wasn't going well so um yeah that was just a fuck up so it's all good

three fuck ups in a row still three three wins two losses unless some rando calls in the next five minutes uh born primitive is putting the money up this week next week in the following week uh we have some big news coming from them uh next week Next week. Stopping it. Increase the heat. I don't believe in you running from me. You feel it the most, I never know. I don't back down from anyone. I don't back down from anything. I don't back down from anyone.

I don't back down from anything. Looking forward to seeing Colton Punch's ticket and all the live shows you guys will be doing. Thank you, Kevin Doyle. Next week, the show will also be on Thursday at 9 a.m. And then I think also the following week. So we have three weeks. We don't know what next Thursday is going to be because I don't know when all that orientation stuff is that i have oh you know what i mean

right right okay colton when is yours today do you know do you get assigned a check-in time that's between like one and five o'clock and then okay after five all right 9 a.m should be fine 9 a.m next week week. Okay. Air squats and burpees, probably. All right, guys. Thank you for participating. Colton, dude, you're the man. We'll have you back anytime, buddy. Thanks for being here.

Awesome. Thanks. Kiefer, Liamy, you're a dork.