The Standup with ThePrimeagen - The Most Insightful Apple Commentary | The Standup

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

Thank You! https://blacksmith.sh our #sponsor today! Speed up your GitHub Actions AND pay less! 📍 Chapters: 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:50 - Blacksmith #ad 00:04:27 - Is the IPhone Pro Strap cool? 00:12:40 - Airpods Live Translation 00:23:40 - The Worlds Best Scratchability Test 00:26:30 - Apple adds matmul acceleration to A19 Pro GPU 00:42:09 - GPT-5 Announcement 00:54:38 - Paying Trash's Bills https://twitch.tv/ThePrimeagen - I Stream! https://twitter.com/terminaldotshop - Want to order coffee over SSH? ssh terminal.shop Become Backend Dev: https://boot.dev/prime (plus i make courses for them) This is also the best way to support me is to support yourself becoming a better backend engineer. Great News? Want me to research and create video????: https://www.reddit.com/r/ThePrimeagen Kinesis Advantage 360: https://bit.ly/Prime-Kinesis

So, I guess, so that's it. It was nice chatting with guys. I'm going to head out because I think you guys said you were talking about Apple or something, which I know nothing about. So I think we're good. You guys got it from here. And I'm going to watch the show. I'm going to love it.

And I'm really looking forward to what you guys are going to say. And that's the intro to the start of. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, sorry. Today with me, we have Casey. We have Trash Dev.

And we have TJ. We're going to be talking about. Apple and their release. Yes, I actually watched the video. And I'm not going to let you guys. I watched the video. I am not an Apple person. I've never owned an Apple phone.

I own an Apple computer maybe eight, ten years ago. I've been not in this whole Apple world. But, dude, after watching an hour of marketing, I'm like, dude, I could own Apple. Like, look at that. Look how thin that phone is. I think I need a thin phone. And I realize that I'm getting one shot at by advertisement. I haven't been on advertisement in so long.

I just get sucked right in. I'm looking forward to a Prime Apple arc if that's a thing that's going to happen in the world. DHS will cancel us, Prime. Don't do it. Do you realize how obnoxious I already am? Do you really want me to be on Apple? Am I the only one that uses Apple? Yes.

That's why we have you on here. I mean, I want to use Apple because work pays for the computer. I would never. Wait, that's a lie. I'm lying. I have my own computer. I have my own personal computer. Okay, I lied.

Trash tried to do the like. It's my word. I'm not an Apple shill by any means. Show me your phone, trash. Well, I got an iPhone. Okay. What was that on your wrist? Oh, no, I got an Apple.

Oh, no. Oh, I got an Apple. Oh, God. Oh, no. What are the headphones? What are the headphones? Oh, my God, dude. I'm an Apple Shill.

Oh, no. Honestly, I didn't even, like, view myself as that. until I looked around and oh man. Tim has cooked me. Brian, you thought you got one shot. Trash is already $5,000 deep. Dude. Yeah, how much is?

Can we get Apple Shill under that, under that trash name there? We can fix that. I don't think tests is. And I use a magic mouse too, unironically. Nobody uses a magic mouse in the world. Not even Tim. That's the only one left you probably have. I love it.

So here, these are my. Remember he scrolls it like a phone. He picks it up and uses his thumb. Like he's like scrolling on the internet. Hey, man. Trash, now be honest with us. Computer. I can't believe I own this many thing.

I can't believe it. I'm actually ashamed right now. I am ashamed. I'm so sorry. The people need to know. This will seriously be the last draw if I find this out. Please don't tell me that you use Siri unironically. When I'm driving Apple CarPlay, I'll say, hey.

That's different. Hands free in the car is different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do it for hands-free stuff. I don't really do anything else other than that. See? I'm a safe driver, so there you go. I don't use Apple Intelligence.

I don't even know what Apple Intelligence is. New it is Apple. You're probably using it trash, but. I don't think so. I don't think I enabled it. If I am, it's not doing anything. I think that's what they call Apple Intelligence. Okay, okay.

Roughly, you got it. Okay, got it, got it, got it. So, yeah, I guess I use Apple. This is a great revelation. This episode's already. Got that Apple Watch. That's crazy. That's crazy. All right, and now we're done.

Okay, that was the end right there. Thanks for joining us on the stand-up, everyone. You've been a great audience. Trash, be honest, though, are you going to buy the little strap for your iPhone? Whether you're a vibe coder or a handcrafted free-range NeoVim user, you still need CI to be able to build your binaries, run your test, or make your releases. That's where Blacksmith comes in. It takes your GitHub actions, and with a one-line change makes that.

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Now back to the stand-up. I don't think that people know what they're talking about. Hold on, hold on. You're getting too deep now. Especially for people like me. Slow down. Did not watch whatever this is supposed to. For those that are wondering, this is what they're unironically proposing everybody should wear.

They're like, and with your new iPhone 17 Pro, you can get the iPhone 17 pro strap, the strap on Pro 17, whatever they're calling it. Strap on Pro would be a great name for it. I think you've nailed it. Wait, prime, is that what got you interested in Apple? I will buy the strap on pro. Look at this thing. I know, just leave the strap on off for a second here. But look at this guy.

He's going for a bike ride while wearing a European man satchel, except for the European man satchel is just a phone. Like, who's actually going to wear this? Okay, so this is where I think Apple dropped the ball. Not because they made the satchel. Obviously, the satchel is great because they can charge a lot more money than it costs to make the shoe lace to put that on. But what they're missing clearly is now everybody's going to have their iPhone out on display.

So this is a statement. It's not really about the convenience of having it in your phone or not. It's really just about showing that you bought the latest pro. Right? You're like, oh, my goodness. That guy's loaded, right? It's like your flexing the watch. You got to flex the.

Apple needs to be doing something like they sell only a special case if you spent $25,000 on your Apple account. Oh, my gosh. Right? The aeron approach. Yes. Right? Like, I own bananas, but they have an heroin sticker. them. It's just like, oh, I have Apple, but this is

the special Apple. Tim Cook, if you need me to help you with monetization here, you guys could be selling $1,000 cases to the Apple whales. Trash would absolutely buy one. He just wouldn't even notice. He'd be like, well, you got to get one when you check out. It's available only to me. I'm not

shilling or anything. I need an intervention. Well, wait, wait, would you guys use Android? What are you using? Yes, the other phone. We do use it. Or like a Google Pixel, right? I made pixel runs Android I got a pixel as well

Is anyone on graphene? You're so bad I don't know what I'm on I'm on random piece of crap that Google ships I mean the operating system The phone is actually Mine's a Motorola I think

Nice But don't you guys think that would be a good strategy For them? I feel like They're leaving a lot of money On the table for Apple users Well Here's the thing

You said that they dropped the ball But they clearly did didn't drop anything because they've got it attached to a little string around their neck. Great point. So the ball is, the ball is hanging from Tim Cook's neck. It's still in play. It's still in play, right. It's dangling near Tim Cook's waist is where the ball is.

And he just has to reach down and grab it. I would love to see Tim Cook wearing this satchel because there's, there's no, sales plummet after Tim Cook puts it on. You know what I'm saying? Here's what I will say, knowing nothing about any of this. and I would have liked it to remain that way, but unfortunately I'm doing this podcast, is that if this is of all the things,

even the Vision Pro, of all the things I've seen Apple do since Steve Jobs died, this is the one where I think he would have fired the entire company if he was still here. He would have been like, I worked so hard and so long to, like, force everyone to make computing actually be cool. and you guys turned it into a freaking man bag

are you out of your goddamn mind? Like he would have thrown something across the room he would have thrown the iPhone attached so you would have swung it like Ebola and then released it at somebody and it would have hit them in the head and he would have been like, you're all fired, get me someone who knows how to not look a complete idiot

in public. Is that the David and Goliath weapon? Yeah. I heard that the satchel was getting regulated in the UK. have to register your satchel. But, but I mean, to be fair, Apple did release the Vision Pro, and how many thousands of people walked around, even in the streets with their Vision Pro on, unironically, like, walking around. So the other people doing European mansettles, registered European man satchels will be

through the roof. Like, there's going to be so many people walking around with it. But it's like a segue. What a next podcast with a satchel. It's just like a segue. way, of course people will do it, but the brilliance of Steve Jobs was like he did things, he made computing into something that everyone thought was cool. No one's going to think this is cool mass market. Like, that's just not going to happen. Gen Z, dude. I think, Casey, that's what,

I'm going to disagree. I'm pretty sure. We'll have to revisit in six months. Yeah. This is just like people already do the fanny pack just to carry around their phone. This is like fanny pack, but actually for your phone. But you don't get anything. You don't get the bonuses of a fanny pack, right? But you would also put some tapstick in the fanny pack. No, they don't. Their credit cards. The credit cards goes on the phone case on the back. Fanny pack is like 1% of all phone users.

It's not 50%. Like, it is not cool. Nobody is racing to put their phone in a fanny pack. That's the minority of people. Of course, a very small number of people will do this satchel, and everyone else will be like, mm. And it's a mark against Apple's mindshed, just like the Vision Pro was.

Yeah, I thought you were saying popular in the sense, not necessarily. like Apple's not popular in sense of like total number of people who have iPhones right like in the world in America they are yeah in America in fact among among among people who are paying to be cool they are the premium brand everywhere in the world but that's what I'm saying I'm saying I was I thought you meant like it will be popular like it won't be popular in the sense of like stylish like I think it will be the trend to do it even if a lot of people aren't doing it really I think you're wrong wait what does that I think literally four days into this, someone's going to throw on their satchel, walk out into SF, and be brutally robbed.

It's going to happen hundreds of times due to how dangerous that place is. That has literally not stopped them at all for anything. Why do you think they're going to change your mind about that now? Because now it's just, it's so out there. Like, you don't, like, just walk around with your money hanging out. This one is your iPhone, and it's a bare note of 17. I need clarification. What's brutally robbed versus robbed?

Robb is where, like, someone holds up, like, maybe a gun to you and you, like, raise your hands. you sweat and you, like, throw your wallet. Brewery robbed is like where you get pistol whipped. You're, like, beat up and your stuff taken from you, right? Okay. Okay, I got the visual. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, got, got, got, got, okay.

One involves battery. Well, there could be, it could be worse than what, even what you're thinking, Prime. It could be that, like, someone goes to rob you and then just sees what you're wearing and just laughs. Like, you get humiliated by the robber. Like, the robber is so, thinks you're such a dork that they can't even, they can't even quite pull off the robber. It's like our new anti-theft device. Everyone will just start laughing at you so hard that they won't be able to complete the robbery of your phone. I don't know.

When I think about that satchel, I think about San Francisco. So I think it's going to pop off there for sure. And L.A. Thank you, Trash. Thank you, and New York. We'll set a reminder right now for six months. I'm going to make a calendar event for six months from now, and we'll revisit. I'm going to go to a tech conference and SF and everyone's be wearing that stuff.

I swear. I need you to actually go to like a tech meet. up in SF. Should I bring my satchel? Three weeks from now, I need you to go get a satchel. Then I want you to report back. Like, if you wear a satchel, do other satchelers come up to you? And like, you know, like, you're now in this cool kid club.

And so they're all going to stay in the corner by myself with my satchel. I set a calendar event for myself a few months from now. Is Apple satchel popular? We'll check back in. We'll report everybody. Report to everybody on the pot. I hope the satchels can't get cut easily. People just going to walk around with scissors and just like, pull your satchel off.

Dang. You know what I'm saying? Doing you a favor. Yeah. It's true. It's true. They're making you cooler by quickly applying a pair of scissors. You can't ask for more than that.

Here's one cool thing that, well, I don't know, probably you want to like lead this, but I thought there's a pretty good thing. You're the Apple guy, Trash. Yeah, you're the Apple guy. Start chilling. I think, I think, okay, I just, this is for my health. Okay. All right. It's integrated.

Anyways, the one thing I thought was super cool. He was about to do a sales pitch. I know. I'll put myself back. I'm not an Apple show. I'm not an Apple Shill. But did you know the integration across platforms? I used to be 300 pounds.

Then I got the Apple Watch. Now I'm a Jitsu champion. I'm not an Apple Shill, but it changed my life. That was kind of where I was going, but I did it. Okay. But you guys have to agree. So the AirPods, which I have right here, right? There's a new one coming out.

They do the live translation. I don't know how good it's going to be, but like Casey, like, imagine you have these on, you go to, like, Italy, you hear people speak in Italian or whatever, and it does the live translation for you. I think that's, like, the coolest thing ever. So that's, like, specifically one of the things that I'm like super. Yeah, that's going to go great in France. Yeah, I love that.

They're going to love that when the tourists come over there and are like, I speak fluent French thanks to my AirPods. Speaking of things that will get you humiliated and robbed in public, ladies and gentlemen, this is featured. Apple seems to be on a role. They're like, let's see, what are all the things we can do so that people literally hate the users of our products? It's like, one, make them think they can speak a foreign language using something that probably won't work. Two, let's have everyone wear like a little dangly string thing around them so they look like a complete dork all the time.

What's three? Is it like wear a hat beanie with a propeller on top? What is the third product that they announced? Because I can't wait. or Casey, the third thing is that now when you go to France, you'll hear how much they hate you instead of being... That's the best part. That's the best part.

Yes. All right, but I did... So a couple things on that one. First, with the live translation, I really already hated so much when people do this move. What was that? Right? Like, I hate that so much.

And so now to be like people going, grabbing the grid, dude, double stems grab? Can you say that again? Right? I'm already going to be driven mad enough by that. But on top of it, there's just no way, like, I've never met anybody on the internet that says translations are good. Every single time you've gone through any sort of translation service,

people always complain about it. Any automated, like, subtitles are always like, whoa, it's way off if you're doing these autos. You should turn these off. That's like number one comment on YouTube is turn off the auto translations because they're all so bad. And so it's like, okay. So how is this going to work in practice?

Is it going to be even any good? And then I had one more item with the AirPods, but now I have seemed to forgot it. It was my favorite part about them all. There's an additional thing about the translation, which is, are we sure it's doing translation and not like, you know, old person translation? Like, is it possible that what these things are doing

is you go like this and go like, where is the bathroom? And then it just plays your voice but shouting. Like, where is the bathroom is what comes out of the thing? And so it's just like it slows you down, slows down your cadence, and increases your volume. Why are you guys yuck in my yom, okay? You guys are all yucking my yom. Okay, okay, I remember the other thing. There is, there's also this kind of like romantic funness, and this is definitely super, this is definitely Silicon Valley to a T where they just believe they're super well-traveled and their life is like this traveling extravaganza. So they're like, you know what I need? I need to be able to just constantly be

translating my headset. I'm like, what are you, Peter levels? Like, nobody does this, okay? Like, the average person sits in their town 99.9% of the time and never interacts with anybody else that speaks different languages. At least in America, I'm sure this might be a slight different in Europe, but this is, it's just like, I've never met anyone that's just like, you know what I need. I need auto live translating all the time. Idea sounds super cool. Never needed it in practiced. I specifically want just to hear people talk shit about me. Right. But not actually interact. Like you just go to like your favorite like restaurant that's off like Chinese or something. And you're just like, this fucking American.

And I don't think, I don't know if it works that way. I don't know. But I hope it does. So you won't actually hear who's talking because it does noise canceling and like reduces their sound. Yeah, it's probably going to sound like ass when you're in a restaurant with all that noise too. If anything, if it actually does work, it's going to make me not want to go to those places anymore. So. I do think it may be the thing you're talking about prime though is at least, it at least continues the idea of Apple.

sort of trying to position themselves as premium and expensive and for rich people or whatever, right? Because it's like, oh, I just go to so many countries. I can't possibly speak all these languages, but thankfully my AirPod, right? And so like I'm assuming that the next feature, like there's probably going to be some feature that they roll out next time, which is something like, you know, it's getting hard to manage all three of your houses at the same time. So this new like, you know, multi-house feature that lets you manage your house in the Hampton. as well as your house in rural Japan will help you stay on top of all the maintenance items, right? So they could be just going for that kind of thing, and, you know, that's this is appropriate there.

This is why all the agenic demos of like, oh, here's what our AI can do is like booking travel. Yeah. They're like, well, that's the only thing I do by life. That's all I do. I just travel around and get people to give me money for hooking up this AI cloud to this website. Casey, it did feel like your idea of the old person. translate thing though or just yells at you would kind of actually be helpful because there's I just feel like I run into so many people who are big time mumblers while I'm out and about like I don't

need audio canceling I need it like audio boost right where it says it seems like that person you're talking to they're just like this all the time I like I need it so when I go through Taco Bell I can understand what they said in the drive-thru you know what I mean like I think they have something like that a previous release yeah that's what I need I need audio boost you know what I'm saying like no I did not ask for no ground beef. I ask for extra ground beef when I get home, you know, and then you're devastated. That's the feature I need, I feel like, from them. Extra ground beef.

No, I don't know. I just made something up off the top of my head. Just going to go ahead and say that if they were going for the premium rich person's market, advertising, that you will be able to hear what happens at the Taco Bell is not a step in the right direction. But okay, Tege. Well, they also get a bunch of the do-ers thing. That's an Android. What you're talking about,

there is an Android feature. The Android feature is which Taco Bell in my era. it has the lowest price on this item. Yes, right. This is why we use Android. Yeah. I need my agentic demo of it ordering Taco Bell and getting the order actually correct. And then I get my meal.

That's the Android demo of Google Assistant that we need. Yeah. All right. It's like the Android features are all the opposite. It's like couch change finder and stuff like. It's all features for people with no money. It's like, I will say though, The funny thing for this is Apple's acting like they're the first people to have live translate in the headphones.

And it's like such a classic Apple thing. Trash is like, bro, that's crazy. Bro, we're cutting edge. Like the Facebook, the sunglasses, the Rayban Mattas, they already have live translated in here. There's already a mass market thing that's already out, Trash. You're acting. I learned that from Began the other day. I know.

The other week. I was like, I've never seen anyone with the Raybans before. Pretty interesting. Well, you know, that really surprises me because if anyone's on top of. of great marketing and convincing people that they're cool. It's usually Facebook. I will say the Ray bands actually are pretty cool. Like what I put them on and I heard like it does that,

whatever the bone jiggling sound is versus the other one and it just goes through and you hear stuff. Oh, it sounds great. It's pretty fantastic. And so is the Quest 3. It's a pretty great VR headset. It's just meta is absolutely horrible at convincing anyone to use their stuff. Like people were probably more excited about the Vision Pro than the meta Quest 3,

even though the Quest 3 is actually good, right? My parents say otherwise. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Casey. Sorry. Yeah, my mom thinks Facebook actually is cool, so I like it if you would stop. She's focused me right now. Facebook Marketplace is the shit.

Good point, Trash. Good point. That's how you know you've gotten older is when you say Facebook Marketplace is cool. Like, that is the sign that you have hit a certain stage in life. I do scroll Marketplace before I go to bed. I'm like, mm-hmm. Anything local I can pick up that's on sale, any deals? Not even kidding.

Tresh, what are you finding on this doom scrolling? Well, I'm trying to get a picnic table for my kids for the backyard. And, you know, I'm just, like, waiting for, like, someone that just doesn't want their picnic table anymore for whatever reason. And I can, like, get it for like five bucks? Let me ask you. Tresh, can I ask you how many hours you've spent searching for it? Yeah, I know. This picnic table is going to, this is $5 picnic table is going to end up costing, like, $3,700.

in like hourly wages. I'm only doing it for like 20 minutes. 20 minutes a day. And I look for like a used jujitsu gear, you know, and then maybe some like office. It's called amortization. He's going over. Yeah.

He's amortizing it across several products. I got you. I'm just throwing it out there, trash. Maybe Netflix salary not working out well enough. Maybe you have to go for used jujitsu gear. I feel like if there's one thing that you can spring for getting new, You could be on one of those commercials that they do. It's like, there are people working at Netflix

who can't even afford a picnic table for their children. Please give generously to the Netflix fund. My kids are going to draw on that thing. For less than a price of coffee, you can help trash get a picnic table for his children. Currently, they're just sitting on the ground and all of their food is filling out all over the grass. And they're eating their sandwiches.

You're well, Welcome, Trash. We just gave you your nights and weekends back, buddy. This podcast has made me hate myself for using Apple, for using Facebook Marketplace. That's the funniest thing. Am I a terrible person? Jesus. We're totally screwing this up. On the Discord, it was like, Trash was like, I'm not supposed to be here today, right? And I was like, no, we love you, trash. Come today. And then now this is how we treat him. He's never coming back. This is the problem. He's the star of the show, and he's going to leave.

And no one's going to watch this freaking show. What I wish we had done is that we had not made so much fun of the show. satchel and seen an inside bat I'm getting a satchel 100% getting the satchel I'm getting the orange iPhone okay I'm getting the live

translation AirPods you bet your ass I'm getting all that okay and I'm going to expense it no I'm just kidding just kidding well Netflix is so multicultural you maybe are testing out the subtitles with your iPod with your earpods it's true

I got business case free no phone I actually XM is my phone do the announcement It's anything that is actually something at this? Yes, they announced something that's something, but I don't think a lot of people caught it. In fact, I thought it was one of the greatest parts of the entire presentation. Which was how they tested the iPhone scratchability by exploding coin changes and having a very complicated lever. Move iPhones through the exploding change and breaking bottles and everything.

They set up the world's most intense testing simulation for scratchability. Okay. That part of the video was cool. Why do they keep throwing me for these loops? So I keep saying, oh, they must be going for like the rich high-end marketing. Who has change? What is these testing? What is this supposed to test?

That it doesn't get scratched. Casey, that's such a good point. Because how would your iPhone get scratched in the iPhone satchel? If you, you know, like there's no change in an iPhone satchel. You shouldn't it be something like, oh, we set up a thing that like launches just, you know, 1,500 designer handbags from Gucci and bulgarie and stuff into the air. And then we just, like, there's iPhones and all of them.

And we just, like, ram them around with, like, a bunch of stuff in there that's, like, meant to, you know, like, an entire full purse. And then we just, like, see what comes out. Like, what changed? What are we talking about here? How do we go back to Android use? I like when they do, you know, they just have the machine that, like, punches a seat a thousand times, right?

To make sure it's good. it should be like inserting it into a Gucci bag and pulling it out. There you go. Like how many times does it hit the... It's a full cookie bag. So stuff is move an eyeliner. Yeah. Tap sec.

Like, and they should show it rubbing up against $1,000 bills. Yes. Just like, I don't have changed, but I might have like a few thousand dollar bills in my pocket. Does it scratch against that? It's like... It's like... There you go. Yes.

You know? They could also do like, we wanted to make sure that your $100 bills don't get defaced by the iPhone. So we also check to make sure... make sure Benjamin Franklin's face was perfectly visible after our 10,000 insertion test. And they just rolled up the, you know, they're like, the BF, the BFD is a Benjamin Franklin degradation? Yes, yes. What's our BFD mark? We ran BFD mark on this. Is this for the screen? It is for the screen trash, yeah. There you go.

How many times we got it? Oh, yeah. Oh, God, I'm the biggest Apple user ever. Oh, my goodness. That's funny, trash. I only have this because I want to Vegas, and I didn't spend it. That's the lead. If that's not the opening of this podcast, then I quit. That is the lead of the podcast.

That is amazing. Man. That is ridiculous. I am a stereotypical Apple user. Casey, I hear that they brought Matt Mall to the GPUs. Okay. Which apparently makes things much faster for various operations. Probably just AI, unless they're talking about Matmole for, you know, for full floating point or something like that.

I don't think so. Assuming that they're talking about low precision mat molt, I mean, I have to see the thing. That's AI, right? So I assume this is for the Apple intelligence that Trash says isn't there, I guess. So I don't know what it's for, but. Let me actually check and see if it's enabled. I don't even know how to use this thing. Because, yeah, map mold, generally, if they have an accelerated mat mold,

I mean, those are things to exploit the fact that you know the order of operations in a matrix multiply, so you can do them more efficiently. And so presumably they are just saying, like, we want to have AI run well on this part. Presumably this is in the GPU, but I guess I don't know. Without seeing the thing. I mean, GPU. It's in the GPU cores of the A. series chip, whatever A series they're on at this point.

19. So on A19, presumably the GPUs have this accelerated, whereas I guess they didn't before? Yeah. I don't study A series hardware, so I don't know. Local model quite, actually they said the word local model quite a few times during the presentation. So my guess is that they're gearing up to be in some sort of, like, they're actually thinking about local models.

But my guess is that, because it's Apple, it's going to be like a walled garden local model. It's like a local model, but not really a local model. Oh, it's like we specified which local model you get to run kind of a thing. Yes, the Apple local model. Gotcha. You can't own the numbers. Like, they have to own the numbers. You can't own weights in a computer. That's very dangerous. These weights are licensed, not sold to you, the end user.

And you have to use them. Each weight was notarized by the Apple notary service. Tim Cook signed each one. That's why they haven't released any new or interesting features. He's been spending all of his time signing the weights. Yep. But what can you do? You've got to make sure they're safe. Yep. There was actually, I know we're kind of getting a little off topic,

but Anthropic is apparently endorsing a California bill called SB 53. And I believe part of that actually had some sort of limiting amount of flops. The bill currently decides which AI systems to regulate based on how much computing power flops they were used to train. The current thresholds tend to the 26 flops. And they do some sort of like regulation based on flop. Are we on Super Bowl, like, 56 or something like that? Is that how many flops run?

It happened a while ago. So, I mean, the total number of flops that got executed through the entire training run? I don't know. It was only one sentence, which does not make a lot of sense. I guess we could go look at the bill. Will LeBron still be able to play at the Lakers if they limit the number of flops in the state? Or what's the... Jeez.

Oh, my goodness. Yes. I need someone to... Yes. I don't even follow hockey, and I got that one. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. That was a great sports ball reference, DJ.

Thank you. Guys, if you have not seen the clip of LeBron getting knocked over, knocked over, and then doing this, where he peeks out and he peeks them and the camera sees him and he goes, that's an all-time classic. That's what my kids do. Oh, man. Oh, man.

So, yeah, I don't know. Like, it'll be interesting to see who cares about this, because presumably somebody cares about this. I don't know how the AI features. I don't know how the public has been responding to AI features. Like, mostly the things that I hear are that people seem to be using cloud AI stuff a lot. Like, they seem to be like, oh, you know, I lost my wife to chat GPT or whatever. is like the news stories, right? Or like all the kids today

just have all their stuff written by chat GPT or whatever, right? But I don't know, like, to what extent are people actually counting on AI run at the edge of something? Like, to what extent have they been caring about AI running on device? And I don't know.

Like, have people been adopting those features, generally speaking, such that they will care about Matmole being on this? their iPhone? Anyone know? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure no one has Apple Intelligence on. I'm pretty sure when it first came out. Everyone would, everyone turned it off. I actually

checked my phone and it was actually off. I remember when it first came out, it was like trying to give me all these bozo recommendations. And I was just like, this is stupid. I ended up just turning it off completely. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. I did notice that in the previous years, kind of like, whatever they call this iPhoneapalooza,

that they were very heavy into Apple Intelligence. They mentioned it like 9,000 times. This time, as much more of like just like a background hint. Like it was mentioned maybe like three more times than the Vision Pro. So I... Which is three. And give, I would, I would just ask to combine that with the fact that like I feel like

Microsoft's like co-pilot PC thing did not go over well either. Like I don't really hear a lot of people going like, oh, I'm so glad I bought like a Qualcomm Snapchat PC because all the AI that I've been running on that TPU. is really making me happy, right? So I'm just wondering, like, is this sort of just more of a forward-looking thing? Like, look, we expect in five years to be at a point where people are doing this. So we're just adding TPU stuff now because we just trust that at some point we'll get these models. Either the RAM bandwidth and the on-device storage will be such that it's feasible to just run all of a modern model on the device.

or we'll get these devices down to smaller things so they run. And so we're adding TPUs to A19 because really it's more about A20 or A21. Or are people literally like, I can't wait to use these AI features now in the A19 because there's all these things I was doing on a co-pilot PC that I could do on my phone. Does anyone have any idea? The only one that I've seen people be excited about for like on-phone stuff. I don't know about in Appal Land because I'm not right not Appleland yeah but I don't have Apple friends except for trash I didn't know like he didn't realize he was so we'll probably not be friends next week he's like too cool for me now he realized I can smell the poor your text are showing up the wrong color um the only one that I've seen is when you can do stuff with like your photos like you know where you can like magic erase something

and like they disappear or like oh I need to like combine three photos because my kids always look in a different direction correction every single one and so we can't line all of them up at the same time. I feel like that's the only like scenario that I've seen people like, oh, that's really cool and useful. I would like actually use that. I don't think anyone's like, I really hope it can summarize my text faster. Like I really need my text to be summarized in 13 milliseconds or something like that because I can't read the text from my mom that says like see you at 5 p.m. for dinner. Are people actually using the combined three photos thing or they just think it's cool? Because that's my, I agree that they would think it was cool

but I'm like is anyone actually using these or just don't care okay so that in that case that alone would probably be enough to justify something like this because if you don't have Matmole you're not going to be running much of a model like really yeah like the speed difference is pretty dramatic right so

I only know of it like on pixel basically and Google ships their own so like Google is doing the same thing right Google is shipping like custom chip setup pipeline blah blah everything for their pixel line and then doing special stuff in it for like local or like on device um like AI things like Google now sometimes even will like it doesn't do yet but I'm sure it will like

auto combined it already picks like it takes a bunch of pictures and picks the one that's like best where most people are like looking at the camera or whatever right and so those are like those are I think like actually you know people would use those and taking pictures is like a big part of why It's a big part of it, yeah. It's a big part. That part makes sense. So it seems like that would be enough probably to justify this, especially if it's something that you're expecting to happen quickly on the phone.

Like you need an oil and also low power. Like another thing is like the more efficient you can do the calculations often sometimes it's not necessarily about how fast the turnaround is. It's just like, look, we could do this fast enough just using the CPU or just using the existing GPU molt, but it's like it eats a lot more power. right and so that's no good because then your battery life stats look crappy and when the reviewer goes and photographs as kids it's like oh i lost all my my juice whatever so it's okay yeah so that's probably it then i guess and then future like well maybe it'll be something else in the future who knows

can i be the boomer about phones and just be like what's up with all the phones getting super thin can i just have like yeah i don't understand that i just want a five-day battery is that so much to ask Tim Apple. Five-day battery. What's the battery on the thin one? You can buy cases, T.J, that just make your phone thicker and are a second battery. Oh, good idea. I actually didn't even think about that. Yeah, so why don't you quit being such a boomer and just get a boomer case?

Well, that's what I'm saying. I already said I was the boomer about this situation. I'm already yelling at the cloud, you know, so I get that. Well, but you have to ask the question is who are these thin phones for? Because everyone puts a case on it. So why don't you just make the phone thicker and have it be grippable? And then we wouldn't need to do that. Thank you. An internal case would be really nice.

Because that's the test. Instead of having this, like, silly experiment where someone spent, like, $5 million setting up the perfect iPhone drop and all that, can we just have something that someone just drops the phone a hundred times? Yeah. From, like, from nipple high and be like, when does it break? How many nipple high drops of the average male does it take for phones to crack? Well, not all nipple height's the same. He said average. He said average.

He's going with the mean. Nine worldwide. Five-11 America. This is a mean nipple. He's asking for mean nipple height or MNH as it's called in human factors engineering. Yeah. Yeah. The MNH drops.

How many MNH drops? They should be safer, dude. You should be happy. Yeah. My phone sounds pretty safe. Because if you have a built-in case and you can't customize it, people want to customize it. Yeah. No, they don't.

Apple's like, guys, a big feature is released a phone in orange. This is not, they're like... They actually did highlight orange as a specific feature, TJ. I heard it was because of... And that shit blew my mind, all right? I was like, orange. This will be my favorite color. It's ironically my favorite color.

I was like... But you bet your bottom dollar. I'm showing up with that at some point. I do want to see a 20% increase in M&H or in MNN. drops and M&Ds before cracking. Like, that's what I want to see. Yeah. Yeah. What's, we need, so is it possible for Apple to create a position that's like the nipple drop,

like, like, like, nipple drop, director of nipple drop experiments, right? Like how, like, there's someone who's going to do this kind of like, like large scale testing for that. And also they can do the Gucci handbag insertions. or G-H-I's. Imagine how... $100 bill rubbing. Apple would be able to make a sweet, like,

really artsy, make you feel bad about yourself unless you're an Apple user video of them doing those tests, though. You know what I mean? I do feel like they still got the production crew. Those guys are still there. They're still hanging out. I mean, it does feel like a little bit, you know, I don't know. Feels like Versel stills kind of got them.

but they could put together a sweet video of the Gucci test station and they would eat that up. Apple TV Plus exclusive as well. It's like you have to pay to watch the Apple documentary. It's kind of like when Nintendo released the schematics of the Nintendo that you could walk around on for the Nintendo Switch 2, but you had to buy it for 80 bucks or whatever it was and you're just like, really? I have to buy the tutorial for $80. Oh, oh, that thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know what you're talking. Apple would do the same thing. Apple could do the exact same thing. You want to see our premium testing. It's a premium feature. Yeah. All features are premium and all premium features cost money. I'm buying that right now.

Yeah. You have to verify that you're a serious Apple user. You must have spent at least $50,000 on the store before we allow you access to see this. They could also have it so that like the only way to buy one of the really exclusive iPhones that we're contemplating is they won't. give it to you, they will only put it into a designer handbag.

So if you don't show up with like a handbag costing like at least $3,000 or something and open it, they won't put anything in it. Like you don't get a device until that happens. I think they do that with Ferraris. You can't buy a Ferrari unless like you like...

Come in with leather driving gloves. Yeah. You got to like... Were you trying or something or what? So trash, oh, tell us the disappointing story. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Tell us about the time you went to Ferrari and got rejected. I hate myself, okay? Just stop talking to me. I didn't actually try to get one. I just heard.

Yeah, yeah. You got to be one of his friends. My brother was messaging on the account. Sorry, it wasn't me. Do you need a designer handbag to buy a Ferrari? Hashtack asking for a friend. All right. Well, I'm just curious. I'm very glad I spent a lot of time watching all the stuff on that Apple thing. It doesn't seem like anybody else, Casey, was engaged in the Apple stuff, Casey. Why weren't she engaged?

So I was told, and maybe this is just me, you know, doing some, I realize it's frowned upon in the modern world, but reading the Discord. You guys said we were going to talk about NPM getting hacked for the 700th time in the past three days. So I know I'm prepared to talk about that, but guess what? It turns out we're talking about literally Apple posting a freaking ad. Like we talked about an Apple ad for 45 minutes. So that's not my fault. I don't watch Apple ads because I have some self-respect. Did you watch GPT5 announcement video?

No. Okay, because that was so bad. Okay. That when I watched this Apple one, I was just like, this is noteworthy. We should talk about this comparatively. It was like, how's the difference between the two? what did the gp what was so bad about this gpt5 announcement video since i didn't see it

hey guys brian here to talk about chat gpt5 and then the graphs the graphs oh i see some of those graphs we treated they were just completely wrong like my judgment graph the deception graph having a higher number look lower

to be deceiving in a graph about deception was like it was the greatest moment in my life. Casey, you know my conspiracy theory about this, though? Okay. I don't. I mean, I don't. You're going to tell me.

Okay. Yeah, I will. Off straight. No. I'm kidding. Okay. All right. No, I'll tell you right here.

You never know who might be listening. Exactly. My theory is Open AI intentionally does bad and cringe announcement things because it adds to their mystique as, a nerdy company. Because they're like, they're just so full of nerds that are so in their ivory tower of magical AI, that

like when Normies watch it, they're like, wow, these guys all look like they could be on Big Bang theory. That's crazy. They're really smart. And then they believe that the AI is magic. That's my theory. You might be running into a bit of a pose law situation there, though, is my only thing?

Why is there so many laws you guys keep bringing up? Who's poet? I have a look at every... Every damn episode there's a law. Someone's talking about. Why do you all know about these laws? There's a Wikipedia page full of every law. These is just the laws, man.

Tash's law, Bobbin's Law, Connman's Law. Murphy's Law. Too many laws. I like this. Trash's Law, which is when you think you've learned all the laws, there's another. Trash's law. Trash's law is just, why are there so many laws? Not really a law, but that's okay.

I'm telling Chachibitita Eli 5 Pose law to me Nice Dude ask Apple intelligence Siri Let's hear Siri Hey Sirish Trash

Ask Siri what is Poe's law And let's hear it Hey Siri What's Poe's law What's Poe's law? Here's a web result I bet you Remember Siri's like five have statements

Are you making an appointment You want me to turn on Apple Intelligence? I don't know Tresh we got to find out now though This is a live demo Apple Telephones. Sorry, I can't help you with that. Hey, Siri.

Can you Eli 5? Pose law. Put it to the microphone. It says, search the web or try chat GPT. Are you kidding me? It didn't even talk to me. It didn't even talk to me.

It was just a screen. Are you kidding me? It was just a different product. It didn't even try. It was just like, I don't know, bro. I ain't smart. I don't know, man.

I'll sit here with Jimmy. It didn't even try. Yeah, well, there you go. There's your answer. But now I know what Pose law is, because I just looked it up on my computer. I can't tell a difference between a joke. So, DJ, you're hitting up into Pose Law. Well, I don't have anything else to say. I was just asking if that was the case.

Like, I think what you are mistaking, I feel like you may be mistaking a bunch of nerds who do not know how to make a video for a bunch of people who want to appear as nerd. Like, it may be exactly what it appears to be. I'll give you my evidence. I'll give you my evidence. Okay. If this whiteboard was real, I would be drawing lots of connections. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do it. Because you said conspiracy theory. So I want something deep. Like, this has to connect to Jeffrey Epstein or this is over. This podcast is over. Dang it. We don't have enough time for that. All right, all right.

I do have this whiteboard, but I don't know where my markers. What is? Okay. So here's my evidence. Here's my evidence. One, Sam Altman is a known hype cycle chaser. Okay. Every time he goes on the internet, he chases hike.

He knows, and he's raised a lot of money off of hype. That's fair. Remember the day before ChatGTP5 was announced, he did tweet the Death Star. Yeah. That's his least good one. Him going on Reddit and saying AGI achieved internally and deleting it and other stuff like this. And he's, he is really good at it, especially for, I would say, non-technical normies who are reading it. And they think he's this super genius, incredible monster brain guy, which, like, to be fair,

he's better at lots of things than me. So maybe he is all of those things. Whatever. But so he's and he, there's no way he's getting to the presentation and they're like, oh, we just didn't prepare and there's no, like, he is doing those things. He's preparing those things and he's getting him around. Number two, you can watch the video where they did the like I.O. announcement with him and what's the, what's the ex-Apple guy, designer guy? I always forget his name and then I want to say Bon Jovi. Yeah, Bon Jovi.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, that's the one. Okay. That's why I, so watch that video. They know how to put on a produced video that makes people feel a certain way and gives you a certain vibe. They made Sam Altman look human in that video. But who's the they in that sentence? That's the same thing.

People. Are you sure it wasn't like Joni was there like, hey guys, you can't do any of this? Let me tell you how this has to be. Don't you think if they're doing like a huge billion dollar thing with them? They're like saying like, yo, come over and help us do our big announcer for GPT5. I just feel like, you know, I'm saying, like, within the company, like, when's the last time Microsoft put out a video that made you think, like, hmm, nice? Like, they just can't. Steve Ballmer.

Yeah, when you said last time, you're suggesting that there was a time. You're telling me, developers, developers, developers, Alpha Sigma Mail edits. Don't make you feel something. Come on, Casey. Personally, I feel like the Windows Vista rocks, like Bruce Springsteen parody video, is. is my favorite and so that's the one I would go with although I agree developers developers developers was was good as well so was the one where he said sit down but what his goodbye speech where he sings I don't think I've seen that way oh that sounds really good you got to watch it after this there's also just a television commercial where he's selling windows and I think he says something along the lines of like can't get that you can't get windows in Nebraska and like that's the ending is that like they didn't ship windows to Nebraska there are some sort of law and one of the estates. There's like no windows. So my point being, that company is unable to produce a video, regardless of what collab they make

or whatever they do and they can do it's. And Open AI has made those things. Sam Maltman is a hype beast. And they have insane no money. Now, sometimes insane no money means you waste it all and do something stupid. I get that. But like, they could at least bring in like a prep team to help people do the presentation. That's my case, Casey. I don't know how strongly I truly believe it, but it's just a like pet conspiracy theory of mine. It's weakened slightly by the comparison to Microsoft, because I guess my counterpoint to that would just be that like, explain Xbox.

Like, actually, they did some pretty cool, like, the trailer for Gears of War. That's Microsoft Game Studios, right? The original one was kind of amazing. It's like Matt. It's the cover of Matt. It's the cover version of Mad World with the, like, exploding things. Like, that's Microsoft. Like, they made that video, right?

And they put on some pretty great E3 stuff in the early, like, 360 days. So. Well, then I take back my Microsoft argument, just to raise that from memory. So I guess I'm just saying, like, when we're thinking Microsoft, we're thinking, like, the Windows org. And so I think it's very possible that Open AI could be similarly that way. Like, it's like, maybe there is, maybe when Joni comes over, or I don't know how you pronounce his name. Bon Jovi. Bon Jovi. When Bon Jovi comes over, he's like, look.

Guys, this has to not be so cringy. Sam, could you stop sounding like one of the AIs? And then when he's gone, it just everyone reverts back to behaving the same way the AI does. That's always why they're like AGI achieved, because the AI sounds just like them. And they're like, I don't understand. This is exactly like a human. You're like, okay, not, no, because other people aren't this way, right? That's, you know, you know what I'm saying?

That's pretty good. Yeah. They're just like, wait a second. I'm wrong 20% of the time and I sound like this. and they're wrong 20% of the time. I mean, this is AGI. Yeah. I've never expressed uncertainty.

I've never expressed uncertainty in my life. Yeah. Casey, that was extremely insightful. Yeah. Oh, I'm just a form of Conway's law. I'm just a freaking fountain prime. Almost a form of Conway's law. Prime's law is when...

The output of the Jipides matches the organ which the Jipides was developed in. Got it. So your... So basically, in my mind, I'm just thinking Open AI is basically that Krasam sketch where the guy's like, hey, I'm Orange Delong and I love the Embarcadero and my dog Biscuit. And the other guy's like, we improve the performance of the back end queries by 17%, which was above our target. Like, I'm thinking it's that, but you're thinking that they're like 5D chessing it, and they just want you to think it's that.

Is that what we're saying? I don't know if I truly believe it or not, but it is my current favorite conspiracy theory about open AI. It's it just, it could be right. It could be right. It strikes me at least as a possibility because for some reason people forget open AI has like access to every powerful and important person in the world, all of the capital that you could possibly imagine and then some and is heavily incentivized to try and make them appear to be the only place to go to get real AI. like it is not it is not that you can't get decently similar results by going to clod.com or like you know like you can get some of the same experience but why is it that like nobody goes to anthropics website to ask questions to claude no one says i'm going to go clawed that or something

you know what i mean yeah like i like i literally call it clod jippity yeah so my my point there's a huge incentive for them to make themselves appear to have some mystical, some additional thing that's beyond matrix multiplications appearing at their company. And if you ask normies, like what AI is, they just think that it's magic. Right. So it's like that's why I think there is legitimately an incentive for them to like make this kind of appearance, that they're there, they're the elites. They're putting on a show that they are the academic and the intellectual elite. They're here to lead you to the promised land of AI.

We're the only people that can take you there. Okay. We've gotten pretty far off from the main top. I have no idea what we're talking about this point. All right. See you guys, nice time. Can we just bring up this one thing? Who here watch the presentation?

Which one? The Apple presentation. The thing we're talking about. The whole thing? There's multiple videos. Yeah, yeah. I watch the highlights. I watched highlights.

All right. If you watched every last person speak, they were all clearly trained by the same person because they all did this. Arms locked. And they just did this and rested. This rested. This rested.

And they all did it. Dude, so much. Just, dude, they were playing whatever this, the accordion, nonstop. It was, it was, dude, is Trump. Trump started this. Tim Cook's like, don't worry, Trump. We got you back.

I made everybody speak like you. Don't hit us. We've got the thinnest phones. Everyone says it. We walk into the room and say, wow, that's a thin phone. That's a thin phone. Did no one notice that? Or is it just me?

I started taking pictures of it because there's just so many of them. Can you post to your X feed like just a grid of a shot of each of the people in the presentation with their hands doing that? Because I would like to see that. And I ain't watching this presentation. It's way too much work. Again, like I said, I tried to maintain some self-respect. Gave it up. A little company called Apple.

Before we go, before we go, so I just want to show you guys something. So there's these pipcorn things, and they're like hot fries. They're like hot fries, but they're, like, hot fries, but they're healthier maybe. And I couldn't find these at, they used to, I used to get them from like sprouts or whole food or something, but they're always, they were always sold out. So I had to go on Amazon. Fuck, I ordered a whole box. I had to show somebody. I was like, I was going to, I was going to, I literally went to the aisle,

look for them for like the hunter's time, and I was like, I'm fed up with this. Busted open up my app and just bulk ordered some. I was like, I'm done with this. Anyway, they just had to share it with somebody. I was really upset. That's amazing. That food is, I think the craziest thing you said in there was it might be healthy. I think it's healthier.

Pipshorn is like maybe healthy brand. I don't know. Maybe Frito's owns it. Oh, my God. It's comparative. He said healthier. Brian. Yeah, I think it's healthier than, like, the original hot fries in that blue metallic bag. Okay. I don't know.

Anyways, check them out. Pretty tasty. Is this an ad trash? No, it's not. You know, they're going to want to cut, trash. They're going to want to cut, you know. I just wanted to share it with somebody. I haven't told anybody.

Doesn't do this for free, my man. Yeah. Sir, Ash, you got to split it with us at least. Come on. Bring some to the top. Oh, bring some to the tower. It's pretty good. I'll bring a box.

Oh, my goodness. All right, well, that was crazy. I want to see if all of the things with trash from now on, like somehow pipcorn is like sneaking into it. It's like, he comes on to the tower. He's like, oh, sorry, I hadn't quite finished my bag of delicious pipcorn yet, so I finished it just figured I'd finish it here. If you're everyone, go and tag pipcorn right now in an appropriate, non-harassing way

and say that they would be a great sponsor of the stand-up, and we can have them send more boxes to Trash's house. Yes, we will get Trash a lifetime supply of Pipcorn if possible. I want that whole wall behind you, Trash, to be pitcorn bags to the ceiling. Speaking of which, this wall is supposed to be decorated. You see that these pictures right here? I bought these in January. They're just sitting there.

I was supposed to hang these up, and I haven't done it yet. Hey, Trash, is that a peloton? That is a peloton. Mine doesn't even work anymore. Like, I actually can't even ride a bike. This is like an inverse ad. Now you're inverse adding Peloton. This is not going to get you more sponsorships.

The single worst company in the universe. Don't I hate that? Since we said we did that, I'm going to opposite. I don't subscribe at this point. I can't do, it was so bad that I couldn't even do a free ride. Like, they changed their menus so you can't even free ride. No, that's what I do. I do the free ride.

I know, but it was now two menus deep. And then it starts saying, hey, you need to change your account information. and when I changed it, say, you need to pay. And I was like, I don't want to pay. I'm not paying. I just want to ride a bike. And I said, you need to pay if you want to proceed. And I could, I had to bypass by quickly going faster than the loading.

And then it would forget to do that. And then it just quit working. Now it just doesn't even turn on. Now I just literally have a 200-pound bike. I can't even ride. Can we hack sort of the ROMs on this thing or something? Like, I feel like there's got to be aftermarket flashable Peloton by now. I don't know.

No? I don't know. That's a stream, prime. That is a stream series. Hacking my Peloton. Make it happen, dude. That's content. That's hashtag content right there.

Dude, the problem is I just hate Pelot. The problem is I also hate biking. So it's like, what is the reward for doing all that work? Yeah. Doing an activity I hate anyway. Fair. Reasonable. While you guys are doing hashtag ads, I will point out, I ran out of coffee yesterday.

And I have not been able to get to the store to get it. And I don't know, like, I've heard that you guys have something that helps with this. You should try my special blend. I'm sending you some later today, probably, Trash or later this week. What is Trash is a special blend? Bring it to a tower. Yeah, yeah, Trash has its own special blend. Which is what?

We'll show you at the tower. Trash blend. Hashtag ad, ironically. Perfect. I'm just the walking cash cow. All right folks Buy a picnic table for his kids I'm going to buy one this week

And I'm going to show you a picture of it Oh my god dude that's it Like 10% of the proceeds of all hashtag ad coffee sales Goes to try to fund trash his picnic table for his kids All right well this is a great stand-up Thank you everybody for watching the stand-up I hope you also enjoy Apple or you don't Put up the day

Vibcoating errors on my screen Terminal coffee and hair