The Tim Dillon Show - 149: 149 - Ron Bennington (Live from Moontower)

Episode Date: May 26, 2019

Tune in this week for a very special episode of Tim Dillon is Going to Hell. This week's episode was recorded LIVE from Moontower Comedy Festival with the legend Ron Bennington. What more do you need? You have to listen to this one. Please Support Our Sponsors:Go to http://www.timdillonisgoingtohell.com and follow the link at the bottom to get 10% OFF any Wix Premium Plans!Check out Infinite CBD and see which one of their products is going to enhance your life. Go to their website: http://www.INFIN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And now Tim Dillon is going to hell! Thank you guys, thanks for coming out. Tim forgot to order chairs for his podcast. I panicked. I looked at her, I'm like, are there no chairs? Tim, I'm a professional broadcaster. I must have a chair. Yeah, I mean, and look at what a nice chair they got. Yeah, they spared no expense. Thanks guys for coming out. We were worried that the venue wouldn't have huge windows with a lot of light.

Good it did. Appearing in, but thank God. So if this is your first AA meeting, welcome. Tim and I both have been sober for over six hours now. Yes. And we're excited to bring you here. To spread the word of positivity. Yes.

This is a cool, what do you think about Austin, Ron? What do I think about Austin? What do you think? Let's get controversial right up front. I'm going to go this far. It's a city in Texas. Is that what we're looking for? I got to be honest, I concur. What do you, it's weird to me. I don't, it's, it's, it's a place you don't get. Well, I don't normally, most places I go, there's not scooters on the sidewalk. Right.

That I'm fucking dodging. What, what was the idea there? It's too safe to walk around here. You know, there's not enough minorities, so let's do something ourselves. I will be honest. Scooters on the sidewalk. Not enough minorities, but some terrifying white people. You guys, you guys have done that. You have taken your white people and really. You've run with it.

Yeah. You spiced them up. Yeah. Can I just say this? I don't think we need a camouflage inside city limits. It gives me, it's a nerve wracking feeling. Like there's some Mad Max thing that I don't understand that's going down at any second. Do I need camouflage? Yeah. It's like, do everybody's a doomsday prepper.

Right. It's weird cause you'll walk around this place and you'll say to somebody, you'll be like, is that a homeless shelter? And they'll be like, no, it's the highest rated restaurant in the state. Right. This is, this is the number one difference, right? Yeah. Is our homeless people are sick and ill.

Yes. Not incredibly great shape. Right. And able to chase you down the street. Right. Looking for money. I don't ever want to be outrun by a homeless person. Yeah.

I want my homeless person to have a scary rash. Here. That I don't understand at all. Here they leap off the ground. Like I've seen two of them literally leap up off the ground. Yeah. In a maneuver that I could never attempt. Well, that's because you didn't live the matrix.

That's all about Tim. You got matrix homeless people here. They're just in fabulous shape. By the way, the will work for food sign. I just want to say, yes, that's the basic theory of all capitalism. Yeah. This is what we're all doing working for food. So like when we go on a job interview, we can't say, okay, you're not hiring me.

Can you give me a few bucks? No, it doesn't work that way. No, it's, it's amazing to watch. I also like, they don't have a lot of, like another thing, I was, I was here for South by Southwest a few years ago and I was sick and there's like New York, we have a drug store. Every other storefront is a drug store. Right.

But here they don't have that here. They have like apothecaries. They have like, right. Old 1950s style drug marts that close at 4pm and you can't get fucking time at all. Right. You have a guy actually grinding up the drugs. Yeah. You know, we, we have machines to do that.

Yeah. With a mortar and pestle. Yeah. They have their own Uber service because you, I think it's Uber still banned at the airport here. Uber's in now, right? Is it still no good? You can't get an Uber at the airport.

Look. Oh, they're back. Okay. Good. That service you had didn't hold up. Yeah. That service of, it was just like a witch would pull up with a van. Yeah.

It was a wagon train more than a van. Am I too much into the Western thing? Yeah. By the way, is this the West or the South? You got to make up your mind. You can't have both. Yeah. That's a good point.

I mean, by applause, how many people think this is the West? By applause. And how many people think they're in the South? South is a clear winner. Clear winner. We're in the South. Yeah. Congratulations.

Clear winner. To the Confederacy. Yeah. Which got the silver medal. Not a lot of people bring that up, but they still, they silvered in the Civil War. They did fine. They did fine. They would have gotten endorsement deals, you know.

That's absolute. Take away nothing else from this podcast that the Confederacy got the silver. That's what we want you guys to take away. I'm not a, I think barbecue and a lot of people are going to get mad here because they base their identity on this. Sadly. Yeah. Tragically.

I think barbecue is kind of overrated as a food. I do. Thanks. Thanks one brave person. Right. But I do. I mean, it's like, it's eating a log. You feel like shit.

You sweat for the whole day. You're burping up mesquite. They give it to you on, you eat it on like the top of a garbage can lid. You eat it like a raccoon in an alley. You wait seven hours for a pit master when that sounds terrifying to carve up. Yeah. It's very hostile. And then they give it to you and then you just eat it crouched like by a garbage can

in a field and everybody's like, this is the best thing you'll ever have. You know what? It's like, okay, maybe you're, you just turned me vegan. It just happened. I never thought I'd go that way, but I'm just going to eat small salads now for the rest of my life. But I'm going to go back to doing coke. So you know what you have?

Yes. Yes. You're going to get a little bit of both. Are you going to, you were a Florida guy when you were in Florida, you know what, here's what. I had moved to Florida, but I grew up outside of Philadelphia and I went to Florida and you know, there's no laws there whatsoever. Yeah.

It's a wild place. No, no, I smoked meth with alligators. That's how fucking weird Florida is. See, that's a take note, Austin. That's real cool. You know? Yeah. That's a real cool place.

You were in like Tampa. Yeah, I was. My drug dealer was Dusty Rhodes. I mean, this is years ago, Dusty was laying it all out on the line here. You better pay me back, brother. I mean, you didn't fuck around with him. I'm going to be honest. Red turns to green.

It's an old wrestling thing. I think there's some wrestling folks that know this, but there they go. There they are. Yeah. It's the Von Erich family came back to life after all these years. The Von Erich family was the royalty of Texas wrestling. And then Vince took them in and named them the Texas tornado and then killed him. I saw him.

Yeah. When I was a little kid, I saw him in Madison Square Garden in his one of his last matches before he died. Yeah. Well, that's exciting stuff, Tim. Yeah. This is. That was the first little connection.

Yeah. He died of it. What did he die? Heroin overdose? No, no, no, no, no. How did he die? Old age. In the wrestling business, people just died, Tim.

They don't live past 38. 38. That was it. Is the retirement age for wrestling. Thank God. Yeah. Thank God. Are you still into it?

Because a lot of people are still into it. No, I'm an adult male. Yeah. So I can't. You're going to get mad. You're going to get mad. You're going to lose them. Are you?

Do you care? You just ran down fucking barbecue in Texas. And then you're like me, easy, easy on the wrestling. We don't want to fucking lose these. They love. They love their smoked meat. And they love their rat. Do you care about any?

Because I don't care about any of it. Like that new movie end game coming out. Do you care about that? The movie end game. What is this about? The Avengers. The new Avengers. Oh, is that?

Yeah. I do care. Yeah. Quite a bit. I really. I. Here's. Here's what happens.

Can people like, hey, why do people go to these movies? Well, because men wear backpacks now. Right. They just gave up growing up. They just like fuck growing up. I'm staying a child. I guess I have a feeling that a lot of these people keep like a little tent in their bedroom. So when their friends sleep over, they have a place to go together.

It's crazy how many friends I have that are in their mid 30s and they have they get in fights about these movies, like arguments, uh, vicious, who are we talking about? Mike Vacchione, Dan Soder, which one of those fucking men's doing good. Those are the successful ones. Those are the good ones. That's the tragedy of it. Dan's on three TV shows and he still cares. And then he gets home at night and him and Vacchione and put fucking mattresses down

on the floor. Every drop. Oh, oh, seriously. It's lost something now, though. I mean, it was cool when you were into it. It was cool. Thank you very much. You were on meth.

Yes. Yeah. And it was me and Bruno San Martino, the two of us together. And you had a, you opened a comedy club in Tampa. What is this? This is, this is, this is, you're unmasked. I'm unmasking you now. This is it.

I've done my research. I went on a Wikipedia page five minutes ago and I read three things and I'm prepared to discuss. Yeah. Um, but it was, it's crazy that you, you had a comedy club and comedy was cool. Right. It's not cool anymore. Well, I mean, it's cool, but it's nobody's on drugs, nobody's dying.

You know what I mean? Yeah. That's right. You, you were in it when it was people doing blow. You were laundering money, probably not you personally, but a lot of the other places. Still laundering money. Yeah. I'm right now me and Aunt Becky are just fucking, by the way, how many people were to see Aunt

Becky go to jail by applause, by applause? One guy, one guy is like, yes. Why sir? Why would you want that? Justice. Real Texas justice. Yeah. That's what we're after here.

Just, would you like to see her fry? Where would it end? Would death penalty be too much? Prison tax. Prison tax. Okay. I wouldn't mind seeing her get, get, you know, fucked up. Okay.

You know, today in Texas, they actually executed a person for a crime that took place 21 years ago. Is that true? 21 years ago, it was a racial murder. And now like 21 years later, he's like, I think that was me. I'm not sure. It was a long time ago. I'm fucking different.

Different now. How do they do it? Are you doing injection now or do you still have the chair? It's a headlock. They put the person in a headlock and they just squeeze and squeeze and squeeze until they're dead. No, you were asking me about my comedy club in Florida doing this unbelievable mask. Excuse me.

I'm going to cry. I want you guys to leave with a real sob a little bit. Yeah. I want you guys to leave with a real, you know, taste, real taste of what it's about. Dude, I've changed my name three times. No one's going to ever fucking know who I am. I don't know who I am anymore. You know, these aren't my fingerprints.

I had to keep moving. Yeah. You know, that's like Florida. You just keep, I have a cousin who lives in Florida. She moves to a different town in Florida every six months. Yes. And it's always a town that sounds a lot nicer than what it is. It's always like Crystal River or Sandy Springs.

And if you go there, you're like, oh, this is not that. The real name would be the real name would be Trailer Park Junction. Watch out. Everyone here has a knife. Yeah. She said to me once, she was living in Delray Beach and she said to me, we had lunch at a Chili's and she said, you know, I love you and I love the family, but I just, I love heroin.

Yeah. I was like, that is. Yeah. Where do you go from there? I'm like, all right. I get it. Here's the thing. Just before you mock it, do it because I'll tell you right now, it's a great feeling.

Yeah. Especially if you're in Florida, there's no reason not to. Right. It goes through the humidity. I remember thinking, I remember thinking on heroin, I'm like, oh yeah, it's the spine that fucks everything up so much better now. The young people and I know you guys do different kind of opiates and you're doing this thing. A little tip for you because everyone in history has done morphine, but you're the only generation

that dies. It's a great point. Here's the tip, right? Stay the fuck awake. That's it. That's the end of it. Yeah. No one who's awake dies.

It's the lazy fucker who just drifts off and forgets to breathe. Stay awake. And I wish I could go into schools and teach that. I think you can. I think that can be arranged. There's some stupid rule they have about keeping me, I think, 70 yards away from any school. That's fascism. That's what that is.

I think it's fascism, to be honest. That's exactly what that is. Thanks, Hillary. Yeah. You're welcome. I think it's Hillary that's president, isn't it? Yeah. I don't know.

I don't have cable. They took my cable. I haven't heard much about the president. No. When you, when you, you've been doing your radio show for a crazy amount of time. I talked to you the other day. You said, make a wish kids would come in for the, to do the show and then you'd realize that it clearly had nothing to do with them.

No. We would get a thing that says to make a wish kid wants to come in on a titty bar on Thursday. Oh, I forgot to say, I was, I was a shock jock. I was a shock jock. And we would say, oh yeah, sure, bring the kids in and that would be their dad. That would really, and I'm going to be honest about this, it was their weekend dad. It wasn't a dad who stayed with the family. Yeah.

Now I, I just, I, that's so on opportunity. Yeah. I mean, the weekend dad, the divorce dad, is he really the dad? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I would have gotten divorced, but I like to keep my weekends free, Tim. I don't want to, I don't want to go to miniature golf and I don't want to find out what you want to do this weekend, scooter. You know what I mean?

I was like, no, I stayed with your mom mow the lawn, dude. That's the fucking difference between me and your friend's dad's. I'm in it. Long haul. Were there any, were there any make-a-wish dads that you thought were cool dudes when they came in? No, no, they were Floridians. Yeah.

There was a, all of them were bad. Dude, every, we had a giant show down in Florida and every listener I had had eight or nine fingers. They were always, yeah, you would shake a listener's hand and just jolt back. You know what I mean? Just every time. Just strange lizard hands. Yes.

It's a weird thing that happens that people that were born and raised in Florida lose at least one digit. How do they even know how? No, no, no. They just wake up and a finger is going, Tim. Probably black market. Yeah. They'll say this, you've gotten more out of me than anyone has.

Yeah. Can I just, Tim doing everybody? It's a skill. It's a real skill. He's the rising star in comedy right now. He loves them. Two more years to live. Yeah.

So it's going to be a rise and a fall. And by the way, I think you're two years past due. So this is amazing. I agree. I agree. You're fucking going to move in. Well, you would know you are my biological father. Yes.

I was going to wait till the end to bring that out. Just because I had sex with your mom doesn't make me your father, Tim. She was in Florida. She's a Florida woman. Yes, she was in Florida. And I can tell you for a fact it was anal. Yeah. And I hope so.

I hope and pray. And by the way, I was the one getting it. That's how fucking, that's how wild me and Tim's mom is. She was pegging Ron Bennington. That is something that I will always remember. That's why I got into this business. My mother said I pegged a great broadcaster and you soon. She remembers me that way.

That's wonderful. Yeah. She's a great woman. She was in Florida. She was a mermaid in Florida in the week you watched. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah, legit.

She was. She was real trash. This is not. And truckers would go and watch these mermaids and like jerk off to them before strip clubs opened in like the late afternoon, early, you know, and then she would just swim around in the tank. And that was what she did it. So my grandmother went down, saw her doing this and was like, good God, what are you doing?

You are disgracing everybody. You're gonna be getting, look, those wiki-watching mermaids are fucking royalty down there. They're kind of the Kennedys of Florida. But there would be like a vine, right? And there was an air hose in the vine and they would reach over, suck on the air hose and go back to fucking dance. I mean, it was amazing. You know, Jim's quick, so I didn't see the whole show.

But you know, everyone. It was the nutcracker for meth heads that were people smoking meth on a parking lot. Loved it. Every once in a while, the mermaid would just pop a tit and everybody would go crazy. But that was, are you making this up? No, that was legit what she did. That was her job. That was her job.

Yeah. Now, for a few years. Yeah. And that wiki-watch, she is also where Seahunt was filmed back in the 1960s. What is Seahunt? Seahunt was a big TV... This guy knows. This guy knows Seahunt.

What was the star of Seahunt's name? Lloyd Bridges. This is the Bridges Brothers dad, right? And he was a guy who was a scuba diver, but he would solve underwater crimes. And this is an amazing... It was an amazing TV show because every week, somebody would cut his air hose, like, watch that fucker. He's going to cut your air hose.

And then he did it. And they also did the Tarzan movies, the same place. But when the movie companies left, they just let the monkeys loose. What? I'm still stuck on underwater crimes. Well, there's underwater crimes. It could possibly take place underwater of a criminal nature. Yeah.

Well, somebody could... Like, some guy cut in a boat line? Yeah, there could be that kind of thing. Somebody could be stealing underwater treasures. Sure. You know? I mean, it was an exciting... Okay.

It was an exciting show. An oddly canceled mid-episode. But, you know, life, you know, it was MAGA. I mean, those were the days. That's what people loved, you know? Yeah. That's what we're trying to get back to now. Yes.

That is the greatness. We're trying to see if we can recapture. Trump wants to take us back to Sea Hunt and Flipper, which was a dolphin. MacGyver? MacGyver came later. Yeah. MacGyver came later. But Flipper was a dolphin that solved crimes.

And then these are all Florida shows. And then General Ben was a bear that solved crimes in the Everglades. Wait a minute. Who? Gentle Ben? Yeah. Gentle Ben. Yeah.

So, I mean, Florida's little brother was the star of the show, maybe the ugliest baby that ever lived. I mean, just scary, scary fucking, but every week this bear in the Everglades would just fucking raise up on somebody. They would fall backwards, and that would be the end of the episode. That's all. It was the whole thing? Yeah.

It was the whole thing. So, I mean, Florida brought a lot of arts to this country. And we appreciate it. Yeah. I'm trying to think of what they've done recently. I don't think they have anything recently. I don't think there's a new Florida show in a while that I know of. No, normally what you have is bath salts pretty much ruin the arts.

You have like a guy ate another guy's face. Those are the best headlines. Florida men. Well, also the bath salt headlines are always like, woman chokes pit bull. Right. You know? Right. It's a very, it's a great visual on whatever.

There was a Florida story the other day that I just loved that a bird kicked a man to death. He was raising some giant emu type bird, and he made the mistake of falling down. And the bird ran at him, he had these big razor claws, and kicked him till he was dead. And just kicked him to death. Yeah. And that guy was the governor of Florida. Yeah. Texas is so glad there's a Florida.

Yeah. That's so true. The bucket takes the heat off of everything. Yeah. By the way, are you drinking the rain water that they're giving you? It's great. No, I love it. I had a little bit upstairs.

I don't want to get too drunk on, you know, the natural world at this point in the day. But one of the things I love about Florida is people, I was at a Denny's there, and this was about four months ago. And the Denny's now has food that doesn't even make sense. Like it doesn't even sound good. But it should. Like they have salted caramel, banana cream, pancake. Like nobody even would ever want this.

And people in Florida will go and house a serving of that and then do a Marlboro Red 100 right outside. There's something so beautiful about watching somebody do 100, not even a regular cigarette. Which takes a while, 100 takes three minutes to smoke and to just stand there and really go for it. Well, you know, I mean, it's still recent, you recently, you could still smoke in the restaurant during the meal. And that was an amazing time.

Yeah. Those times are gone. Thanks, Obama. Yeah. You said in your comedy club, there was so much smoke, you would see somebody on stage who would have smoke coming out of his mouth, but he wasn't even smoking. Yes. My comics would be breathing in so much cigarette and cigar smoke that they would be huffing

it back out during the show. And you know, we refuse to have ventilation. Like a big vape. They were just one whole thing. But that's okay. The second hand smoke is bullshit. I mean, this is true. I agree with 100%.

Fuck you, Austin. It's true. Okay. Relax. Nobody's videoing this. They're going to fucking replay it later and get in trouble at your shitty job. Right. Human resource at the we work next door.

We work. You know what? You don't. I hate we work. You don't like beef. It's we work. It's just rich kids who go to Coachella and they're all coked out and their father's like, let me get you an office.

You've got 32,000 Instagram followers. Let's have an office, you know, figure out something. You should have a stapler. It'll turn it all around. I hate we work. Fuck you if you work at we work. I tweet ISIS locations of we work all day. I'm like, you should see what they're doing to the profit at this we work on Congress.

They are really disrespecting the profit and nothing. I think this ISIS thing kind of overblown to be honest. All day. I hate we work. I hate it. I'll just say this, Tim. You weren't made for these times. No.

This is not. This is not. I was made for Tampa. That's why I keep fucking. So I keep asking about Florida. Yeah. You were bowling up there. These are the kind of sports.

I like bowling. You know what? There's a little, I just bowled to 229. I couldn't believe it before I came to haven't picked up a ball. Thank you very much. Yeah. Natural athlete. Yeah.

You know, I met, I met a young lady outside who told me that when she was 17, she came to one of my shock jocks shows. Where are you, darling? I can't, I can't say in this light. She's still alive. There she is. Oh, there you are. I was 17 during, I think, was that the let the puppies breathe tour that we were doing?

Wait, what? Wait, what? Yes. This was the actual thing that the women had to show their tits to get in. I should also remark, this was before the Me Too movement when we just called it the this is normal. Yeah. But it was a celebration of women's bodies and independence.

Yes. Yeah. So I only have one line left, so you're doing it off my dick. Yeah. And that is fair. That is fair. That is fair. People always ask how you meet girls.

That was my way. Yeah. I've got one line left. Yeah. You're doing it off my dick. Yeah. That's great. And that's a t-shirt that would sell out in Tampa in three minutes.

Right. You know, I had a city bar too. You know, I was kind of the shark tank guy of Tampa. Yeah. You hold their needs covered. Right. But I had a titty bar called the Third Trimester. And it's specialized.

I'm not one of these people who gets turned off by a woman's body. You know what I mean? Right. I find the whole thing to be beautiful. Yeah. But a girl was dancing on stage at my club and her water broke. And I said, look, we got nobody else to stay in. Yeah.

Until Mercedes can get here. Mercedes stage name. Stage name. Yeah. Not the real name. And she just continued dancing. She kept dancing until, you know, luckily we had a girl. So.

Probably my mother. Yeah. My mother took her fin off and got on stage and started showing her tits. We love you, mom. Was your mom a mermaid or a shark if she was had a fin? Yeah. I don't know. Well, a mermaid's have fins too, don't they?

I don't think I think they just have the tail. Oh, I always considered that a fin. We've in the last couple of moments, I think it was the third trimester talk. I believe we lost this audience. Yeah, they're gone. They literally mentally left. They're actually mentally left. Their army crawling their way back into the street.

They're gone. They're back. They're at a vegan taco shop up the streets listening to poetry. Yeah. I got news for you Tim. I thought this was going to go a lot better. Yeah, I agree. I think these people are very tough.

They're very hard. You know what happened? It's this third person that they set the mic up for. Kevin Hart doesn't show up. This guy doesn't come doesn't call nothing. No email from this guy. This is this was my I always I put out an extra mic for Nipsey Hussle. And I go, you know, my brother, so we're never going to forget you.

Yeah. Pour out some spring water for Nipsey Hussle. This isn't spring. It's rain. Yeah. They leave these cups outside. Bring them in. It's as good as any water.

Yeah. But why the extra mic? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's it's it's probably a venue decision that I didn't question. I mean, when we walked on stage, remember, we had no chairs. We had no chairs.

We had no chairs. And I saw the thing and I go, Oh, is he doing that dick ventriloquism bit? Yeah. That he used to do. That's what I'm going to do. That's what I'm going to do. I was going to slide over here to a voice slide back to a voice. Who is the person that you have had calling your show the most over the years where you

think about them at night and you're like, fucking, oh my God, that person, like what person are you just completely like? Is there one person where you're like, Christ, where is that person? Or do you know because they still keep calling? There was a guy who he was a crank caller and he crank called me on the night of 9 11. No. This is the worst. The night before it or the night?

No, the night of as we're going through people are looking, you know, because we were on local New York radio and people were looking for their relatives and stuff and he fucking crank called that night. So I had never met him before. His name is the radio shark. He's a, yeah, he's a complete fucking degenerate. I mean, he's really, he's like one of the worst people ever. So I fucking, I was like so, you know, I just yelled at him and shit.

I'd never met him before. Do you remember the prank? Do you remember what? No, I really can't. But we left me and Fez were on the air. And matter of fact, Gail was a little girl and she was on just sitting in with us because I couldn't get her back home. I was running around grabbing my kids at school and with her, you know, the trains, they shut

the trains down. So I just brought her to work with me. So we go to leave that night and there was a guy after I yelled because I was like, come down here and I, you know, I was like, you know, radio tough, what I like to call radio tough. And I come outside and there was a guy that was like six foot four, just a big beefy guy big. And I'm like, holy shit, I'm going to have to fight this fucking guy on 9 11. Yeah, 9 11.

You imagine the cops responding to that? Yeah, you have no idea what's going on. A radio shock, shocks beating the shit out of somebody. No, I was going to lose this fight. Yeah. But my thing was, I was going to go right for his day. I was just going to slam his knee, break his knee and then run. I mean, because again, Florida training, it's unbelievable. Florida was our Vietnam.

I think people in America should remember that. But here it wasn't him. And it was just a big guy who was looking for someone to connect to. And he said to me that he was scared as a little kid. I'm as scared as a little kid now. And I said, well, the word is gay. That's what I said to him. No, I didn't. Yeah.

Well, I didn't say that because you can't anymore. And here's the thing. I was the first woke person in America. I was the first white guy on 9 11. You were the guy you changed. 9 11 changed you. Well, it made a lot of people mad at Arabs, not you. Yeah, you woke. Well, I don't think it was all Arabs.

Was it? How did it work out there? I know you're struggling with this. Yeah. No, I don't know. It was probably some Jews, too, I would guess. I mean, yeah, the YouTubes that I've watched right late at night. One of them looked like Voss. Yeah, I thought it was probably Rich Voss. If we're honest, we're going to be really honest.

When people are like, oh, you know, you know, you should like Jews, I go, all right, I want you to meet a guy. And his name is at least Jewish guy, though. Like he's really well, he's Jewish, but he's like, no, I've never met another Jewish guy who like smoked crack for years. Dude, he's put up in this beautiful hotel and I just saw him screaming in a desk clerk today because there's no free breakfast.

Yeah, he's got a point. He's got a pretty fucking solid point. Fuck you, aloft. No, he's aloft hotel. Oh, he's in a nice. He's in the continental. Yeah, he's at the intercontinental. Are you at?

Yeah, I'm at the loft, like fucking like a scumbag. Yeah, aloft is a real co-co-tel. The aloft room shouldn't be seen before 3 a.m. Yeah, like you look at those rooms, you're like, oh, I should be looking at this on Mali at 2 30 in the morning. There's just at the loft, there's a mirror that's down in a razor there, just in case. Yeah, just in case.

You ever do it, you did coke, right? Yeah, for a while. You ever do the thing where you're just chopping and you look down in the mirror and you see yourself? Yeah. Why? Why? Well, just one more. I would do it off a gin blossom CD case.

Oh, God. Sorry, I was a professional. Yeah. Gin blossom CD case. You ever do this? You ever go in like a long run and you're fucking just fucking whacked out and the sun has already come out

by the time you're driving home and you know how last night's clothes just feel dirty all of a sudden? Yeah. And you stopped at a red light and you just see a bunch of kids getting ready to get on a school bus. Yeah, and you kidnap one of them.

No, no, no, no, Tim. Absolutely. No, Tim. Absolutely. The good old days. Yeah. Are you ever planning on being a father that? No, I don't know.

I don't think so. I mean, it would have to, it would have to be a real reason. Like there'd have to be a show or something where a show like a reality show where they were like, oh, you have an Asian kid and the kids teaching me stuff. Dude, you can't afford an Asian kid. You're going to a good point.

I could afford a Florida kid. I will only be a father if I can adopt a Floridian. Yeah, just a Tampa kid. Yeah, just a white trash kid. Eleven years old smoked cigarettes are ready. Those kids are great. Yeah, you know, those kids are great. They're selling oranges.

Dane fingers. Yeah. Selling, yeah. Dumping paprika on oranges. Yeah. I don't know why, but. I always say. I always say.

I never understood that. Yeah, no. Why they did that. Why they dumped. It's delicious. Spice on mangoes, but. The thing is this. I respect Acasio Cortes and her people.

AOC, I read about her every fucking day. That's right. They love her here. If she was outside, they would break their necks trying to get selfies with her. This whole fucking city would grind to a halt trying to get selfies with AOC. It would be a fucking.

Why do you waste your time doing anything but Fox News? They would. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Well, they would love you. We did. They canceled the show that we roll on called Red Eye at 3 a.m., which was a great show.

You see two, two degenerate white supremacists are in the crowd who watched it and. And it was fun because it was fun. It came on at 3 a.m. So if you were watching that, you had real problems. Yeah. And you know, me and Bonnie McFarland would go on and pretend we knew about the news and people would be, you know, coming down from a meth binge,

working in a factory, looking at me and Bonnie, like, well, those guys will figure it out. And that got canceled. Sadly, they canceled that show. Hard to believe. It's shocking. It was a time of the night. There were no ratings.

So how would anyone know? You know what I mean? They turn off the machines that time. Yeah, I know. I just think they just said we could make more money with an infomercial and they just played the infomercial, you know? Yeah. But you know that one of those infomercials is where I got my legs.

So God bless them for you. Yeah. Red Eye was a good show because every now and then you'd be in a green room with people that you shouldn't be near. Like Megan, I would, and they'd give you like free brownies and I would eat like half of a brownie and leave it in a makeup chair. And then Megan Kelly would be like, who's brownie is this? And I'd have to go, oh, that's mine.

And she'd go, can you come take it? And I'd have to go in and take the brownie covered in saliva off the makeup station and sit there. And then we'd go on TV with like the National Security Advisor and they'd be like, what's your plan for Syria? And I'm like, well, let me tell you. Right. And then if you put, and then you would be with all these women who were

like Miss Tallahassee and they'd all be nice in the green room. They'd all be like, you know, I love pageants and my parents were independent and then they would date, turn on the cameras and they'd be like, Hillary's a devil. She eats kids and she writes. And you'd be like, whoa, whoa, rain it in. I don't know. I think you guys run to something.

Yeah, I agree. I think it was fun. Yeah. Now, do you vote? I mean, I didn't vote last election. I was flying. I was flying. I'm going to vote like a lunatic get off a plane, start running around.

I don't like polling station. If I would vote in a restaurant, if at the end of the meal, they were like, which one? I'd go, oh, okay. That's Yelp. I'm not going to go to the Bronx to a polling station, stand there in a gymnasium for an hour and a half. You know, come on.

Apparently then you've never voted. I voted no. I voted for Bush once and Obama once. And then I gave up because I'm like, none of it really matters. It's all kind of bullshit. Really? Even today you don't think any of this matters. Listen, this one's a little different, I guess.

I mean, people seem to be a bit more emotional. This guy's really just kind of riffing up there. He doesn't seem to have a ton of prepared material, but... Here's what I love about... But he's funny. That's the problem. He's funny, so I don't know. Here's what I love though.

For years, I mean, we would never have a New York president because people would think that New Yorkers were rude and assholes. And rightfully so. Rightfully so. But then you guys in the South, you went and picked a guy that even we think is a rude, asshole, con man. We were like, what the fuck? He just destroyed a casino.

His fucking planes fell out of the air. And you guys think he can run this dump? Yeah. You know, that's the funny thing about Austin. It's like liberal, but it's still Texas, so you never know where to go with this. You never know how far you can go with this material, you know? You're like, where do we land here, you know? They're liberal.

Austin is liberal until it gets to Jesus. And then they're like, hey, hey, hey, hey. Christ died for our sins. And lived in Texas and owned a gun and was a pit master. You got to go to Christ's barbecue. It's a little stand in the middle of a field. It isn't a bad area. Six hour wait.

You served brisket in a coffee cup and you eat it sitting on the ground like a pig. Welcome to our city. Yeah. Well, here's what I love about Texas. America looks at Texas like the rest of the world looks at America. You know what I mean? We're like, are they cooler fucking creeps? We can't.

We don't know. We don't know. And those are afraid if you lived here, you'd become this. Yes. Nothing else. Like, well, I should do this. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. There's no doubt. You know what I mean? There's like a comfortability to it. Yeah. Yeah. There's something cool about it. There's something cool about just saying that.

And that's what's kind of cool about Florida. Florida is what's cool about Florida is like giving up at 32. Right. You know, just somebody who's 33 years old going, fuck this. Fuck the game. I went to fucking Florida at like age 21 because I'm like, I'm not fucking working. You know what I mean? Right.

I'm not a sucker. I just headed down there and literally started hosting wet t-shirt contest. But that's so fucking awesome. Yeah. That's amazing. And then people would bring their kids that were sick with cancer to those contests. Well, this is even before I got on the radio. I was just hosting.

It's always been Bobby's dream to see who wins. If any of you have kids that want to get in the wet t-shirt game. Yeah. Here's the fucking way. This is before you judge us. It's one of our sponsors. Yeah. They're cast digital.

So shut the fuck up. Okay. We can't only sell CBD. Here's the way to win every wet t-shirt contest. Come out and dance to You Shook Me All Night Long. Yeah. That's the fucking winning song. And the girls used to fight over it.

They would fight to see who got that song. Because that song was worth $500 to their wet tits. Now who? What is strategy? What was the next song? If they didn't get that, what would the next song be? Dirty Deeds Dunder Cheap. You had to have ACDC to win.

Yeah. To win. You couldn't win with God. God bless America. Kate Smith. God bless America. Kate. The Kate Smith thing.

You know, I was from Philadelphia originally. Yeah. What happened? She's a big racist now. She was a racist 90 years ago. But in the 70s, she was our good luck charm. And won us two Stanley Cups. But let's be honest, nothing since.

Yeah, she's not good. If you listen to music now, it sucks. Oh yeah. These are terrible songs. Every woman then sounded like a transgender person. Right. Yes. You had to be big and brassy.

It sounded like me, Ethel Merman, her. I'm a woman. It's American baseball and I have a vagina. I don't think that's the lyrics. But you got it. You have to sound down. It was. I read the songs.

They all sounded like that. They all sounded like they were on hormones for fucking six months. It is true. It is true. Women have gotten more feminine because they were very masculine. Yeah. I mean, she had to, you know, have a plow and then go out and sing after. Yeah.

She was Irish. I'm Irish and Irish women age like cabbages. Like they are. Okay. They are very hard scrabble women. Yeah. Yeah. So that's something that you have to look forward to.

Yeah. Aging like a cabbage. Well, yeah. I mean, Irish ladies are, my grandmother had a maid named Terry. Terry was an Irish woman, real Irish. Like older kids at Dewey's, the other half were cops. And Terry just had varicose veins. She smoked cigarettes and asked in a seashell.

She was always bombed. She always called my grandmother when she got home and went, made it. And then just hung up the phone. She was an Irish woman. Right. You know what I mean? Made it. Yeah.

Food was disgusting, boiled meats and like just filthy. I just loved the made it. Oh, yeah. I told you I could fucking drive drunk. Yeah. Made it. Like without the seat belt on. Yeah.

She would literally, it would be the answering machine. And we go, beep. And then she'd go, Dottie made it. Call me tomorrow. Right. Click. They lived on Long Island. So she'd show back up with a fucking basket of oysters.

Yeah. Hair. Beer and oysters. She'd show back up. She was interesting, interesting lady. Dude, what do you feel about this new thing? We're like, we're looking back and going, well, that person was racist 70 years ago. We got to get rid of their shit.

Like, I think that's what happened recently with Michael Jackson. It was a documentary. He was racist. It was a documentary where people said that he was racist. And now they're taking his music off the air. What do you feel about that? Maybe if he would have fucked a couple of black kids instead of all white. Yeah, exactly.

I could have got behind them. That's what I have said. That's what I say. That documentary sucked. There was no music in it. I fast forwarded the whole fucking thing. There was a lot of talking. I'd watched it on mute.

And I don't know what it is. Making him look like he's a good person because he helped all these kids. Who gives a shit? We get it. He's a good guy. Okay. Where are the bitches? You know, he fucked a lot of hoes.

Where are they? There's not one bitch in that fucking thing. You know, this guy was fucking hoes left and right. It's crazy. You've got a whole new spin on this, Tim, that I'm not hearing anywhere else. And I'm not shocked that red eye is off the air after that. Let me... We would say things like that on red eye.

And we would very seriously, like the host would be like, that's a good point. Right. There was nothing you could say on red eye that would make them. Yeah. The thing is with Michael Jackson, we all knew it. Everybody said it then. Yes. Everyone said he's fucking those kids.

But no one stopped him. Right. And the reason why everyone in the 80s was lazy. Yeah. I think that was it. I don't know. I don't know what happened. It's an extreme amount of laziness.

There's not a single person shocked about this. No one's really surprised about it. There are truthers out there, the Jackson truthers. What's that? What do they say? I believe that this is an elaborate... Is there anyone here by round of applause? And we won't...

We're not going to, you know, you know, whatever. But... There's nothing we could do. Is there anyone that thinks he could be innocent and it's like a setup? Okay. Is there one person who's like, Mike did not do this? Mike is... All right.

So I'm saying this guy. Yeah. What do you think of him? Right here. This guy. This guy. Yeah. He just winked at me like I think so.

I don't want to say anything. But, you know, so we all knew it, so why didn't we care then? I don't know. I mean, yeah, it's a great point. I wasn't a lot. I was a young kid who was trying to be an actor, trying to fuck people, trying to fuck directors, and nobody... I was on Sesame Street.

Elmo didn't fuck me. Nobody fucked me who should have. And if you look at a photo of me back then, you'll be like, these people were crazy. You were like, you're good. And my eye peeked from seven to seven and a half. I was a fucking treat. And then at eight, it started to head in a Florida direction and very solidly. It headed in a mortgage broker direction around nine.

Like, you look and you go, that guy's going to sell houses to old people. But you had six beautiful months. I had six months. No, I really... You know, but, you know, I was untouched. Thank God. That's why I'm broken, you know. That's why you're broke, because you never had the chance to sue the church.

Because I've never had the chance. I'm starting to speak Dylan. I'm starting to figure out where his head's at. Yeah. The church is a big thing. No one stops that. You talk about Michael Jackson. What about the church?

Well, you know, Jesus. I got you. That's a fair point. It's a good point. Is Chris Stanley here? Chris, could I get a rain water? A matter of rain water? Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, the untalented Tim Dylan, the Chris Stanley is here tonight. Yeah. Our surprise guest is Latoya Jackson. So whenever she gets here to defend her brother. I believe that at a certain point, he became Latoya. Yeah. Well, that's a lot of people say that. You've never really seen them both in the same room at the same time.

Those kids might have. Yeah. But member Janet is the one who was out because she showed nipple. Yeah. She did. Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Stanley. There he is. Chris.

There you go, buddy. Turn around and wave to everybody. Hey, look how thin he's got. Come here. Look how thin he's got. Chris, come back here. Look how thin he's got. Look how thin he's got.

This could be fun. For the rest of the show, he runs in place. Yeah. He's so thin. We're on the air. You just run in place. There he goes. There he goes.

Look at that. That's great. Yeah. I want the knees to hit the hands. Yeah. I really want you to go for it here. You're running like someone that was in a car accident. You're running like my aunt who's at physical therapy.

Yeah. There you go. Now it's better. That's too much. It's gonna have a heart attack. Now it's distracting. We gotta be careful in this Texas heat. Yeah.

I'm doing a show later tonight. Yes. Plug it. Plug it. What is my show? What is Ron's show? Chris. Ron Beddington crowdsourced at Antones at 9 p.m.

Yeah. How cool is that? It's a format that I thought of and then never once tried. What is the format? I don't know. I thought that I could, because there was a lot going on, I thought maybe I could bring those whole country together and figure out where all of our opinions are. But literally, just like school didn't know work on it.

Yeah. Sometimes those are the best things. Yes. That's how, look at Trump, this is what he did and he's now, you know, killing it. Well, you gotta, he's killing it. He's killing it. It's a very literal sense. I was telling a kid about that.

This kid's unbelievable. I want to do, how long was that? Three minutes? Yeah. Was that three minutes? That's my fitness goal right there. Yeah, that's amazing. I'm like, this guy.

This guy got off the plane today, went straight to the gym. But you look angry now. This is what's great. Yes, that is true. You look, no, listen, underneath is roiling rage. You are, you are going to kill a person, but you're going to look great doing it. You're going to strangle a woman in a hotel room, but you're going to look phenomenal while you do it.

We've all done that, Tim. Yeah. It's called love. Yeah. I figured it out. That's not Chris Stanley. That's Vito. Vito, everybody.

Yeah. No. I was just about to say, I thought it was interchangeable. You just used whatever name. Vito is a greasy Italian. Yeah. And his family kills other people for money. Is that how it works out?

Yeah. So he was born and raised Italian in New York. And I don't know whether you ever saw the Godfather. I have. But his mom was in the Godfather. Really? Yeah. That's fucking all.

My mom was a mermaid. Yeah. Everybody's mom was cool. But your mom was in a real mermaid. Listen, I can believe what was your mom and the Godfather? Hold on. In the microphone. Yeah.

Yeah. That was right where I lived. Jones Beach. Yeah. That was my mom. What? In the, when the turnstile. Oh, the one who'd shut the thing and dropped?

Yeah. Wow. That was my mom. She was, I'm sorry. I haven't seen her in a while, but that's what we mean about that. Italian women look like dudes. The masculine women. Yes.

She sang as she dropped. Yeah. No. She's just a good lady. She's a little hairier than normal. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. Listen.

Easy. Don't fucking chest up. All right. Leave that shit back home. She's a good woman. She's a good lady. Hey, look. You got to fold the fucking pizza and eat it the right way.

We get it, John Travolta. You're fucking practicing for a dance contest. All right. You're on edge right now. Still wears the white suit wherever he goes at night. Do you really? Yeah. I like that.

I like that. White skin, maybe a shark skin suit. Easy. Easy, man. This isn't your show. All right. Okay. I love how aggressive he is.

This is what happens. You stop eating carbohydrates. Everything's an intense thing. Right. I wear a white shirt every day. Every day. It's like have a fucking frozen yogurt. Here's what he has.

He has 42 meatballs for fucking breakfast and spends the rest of his day doing Goomba sit-ups. Dude, we all have guns here. So fucking, it ain't just you. All right. Goomba sit-ups. That's great. Just Vito's workout video. Goomba sit-ups.

Well, thanks buddy. Go take a fucking seat. Leave Tim alone. Go take a fucking seat. Leave Tim alone. Go take a fucking seat. Leave Tim alone. Yeah.

It's still light out. This will be light forever. That's what's great about Austin. It'll be light till midnight tonight. What is this fucking Alaska? What's happening here? Yeah, I don't know. What don't I know?

I would like a little night. Trying to make these people laugh. It's like it feels like a graduation. Fucking weird Greek university in Texas. Austin bullshit. Graduation. Somebody getting a degree. Because they get degrees in like agriculture and all this horseshit.

Stop it. That's true. Fucking longhorn jerking off or whatever it is. It's a giant tactical. It's fucking genius. Colleges for losers. Period. Fuck you.

And pay your student loans. No forgiveness. Burn in hell for the rest of your life. Because you got a degree in English. You fucking loser. Burn in hell for the rest of your life. I didn't do a student loan. I took out a subprime mortgage because I'm fucking cool.

That was my fucking loan. I learned a lot. Yeah. That's an education. No doubt about it. Straight up. Dude. I have an intern that she is in college for communications.

Right. Yeah. Basically radio or TV. Right. The same thing. The mediums that are on the rise. Right. And could there be less of a.

This poor thing is going to fucking owe $320,000. Because she's fucking stupid. Right. And I don't feel bad for her. Because she wants to be Wendy Williams. And she's going to pay $400,000 to figure out that no one gives a shit. Right. Well, if you had kids, you do.

But if you had them now. Participate in this pretend life that does exist for you. I have outside kids. If you had kids now. I got a six month old Puerto Rican that I'm fucking taking care of on the other side of town. We get it. You're a hero. But if you.

Austin. That's nice. All I want to do is be appreciated. What would you tell them? What's the major? What's the move in life? Dude, you don't know because this shit changes so fucking fast. Right.

You know, everything. You can't. You can't get a kid prepared for the future. What are you going to say? Take up robotics. No one knows what's going to happen. It's a great point. I mean, I'm lucky that I'm the last person who will live a full life without there being

terminators or fucking Martians. You know what I mean? I'm going to fight as long as I died by any hand other than a robot. I'm going to feel like I beat the game. I beat the fucking game because I wasn't a slave to them. And you know what? Here's what kills me about robots. We fucking knew it since the 1890s.

Right. Jules Verne fucking would write that there weren't even any machines and he was like robots are fucking scary. You know what I mean? And no, every movie since then goes. The robots are going to turn on you. Yet these fuckers still keep making AIs. Yeah, they don't care because they want us gone.

They want to get rid of us and watch the people at the top. You keep trying to get me to fucking say shit. Okay. This ain't red eye. Red eye goes away. This stays a podcast. People bring it up in three months. The other great thing about red eyes on a 3 a.m.

There were no records of it. You can't find it. Right. Well find red eye. You can't. Yeah. Say whatever you want on it. So what do you say?

Who's behind these robots? No, it's a group. No, it's not the Jews. It's not the Jews because it's a group of people. It's a group of very wealthy people that may or may not be lizards. Right. That fucking control a lot of different things. That's it.

Oh, you were done. That's it. I thought that was the start of a rant. No, that's it. Yeah. They're the controllers and they control. All right. So we're against them?

They haven't offered me anything. I don't know if I'm with them or against. I don't know where I am. I can't afford to, you know, not have opportunities. Right. You need to serve the fucking. Yeah. For what I've learned from my, I didn't take student loans.

I watched info wars. And what I got from, thank you, Austin, for your leadership. Yeah. And what I understand, what I understand from that is that there are demons. Right. That are coming to get us. And I don't know how and when, but it's going to happen. And they have the machines.

And I think a lot of those kids shot in the schools were faking it. I can't prove it. Listen, I wish I could have gotten that gig as a kid. I was an idiot at Sesame Street. I would have killed that fucking fake shooting gig. I will tell you the truth. In the last five minutes, we just got as offensive as possible. If you don't realize what's going on, we just go down the list of sacred cows and slaughter them.

Literally, when I was a fucking kid in high school, because we had had a couple race fights, you know, on Polish versus no, no. Okay. And on Fridays, I always planned these keg parties during school for everybody to come in and give fucking a couple bucks and, you know, make a little money for me. And I would just call the fucking local paper and I go, I hear Friday there's going to be a race for it to school. I hope it's going to be fucking bloody.

Watch out for it. And they would write it up and then they would cancel school that day. And we were all free to enjoy our fucking youth. Wow. Now it's so fucked up, you do it now, people will show up. Right. Yeah. But not only beer, but plenty of PCP for the kids that like angel dust.

All right. And I also sold this fucking PCP powder and called it THC and go like this. It's the best part of weed. You're going to enjoy this. Kids have got to be free to enjoy themselves. That's what I'm saying when you're younger. Yeah. Fuck the student loans.

Let them be free. Let them be free. Plug away, sir. Well, tonight, I think the show I'm doing is source code. I don't know the name of it. Crowd source. Thank you very much. Yeah.

You guys are all coming, right? You're coming to this show tonight. Yeah. Right. And bring the energy that you had here. Yes. A little six out of 10. Yeah.

Bring that parent teacher conference energy you showed up to fucking this thing with. That win me over energy that we fucking are working up here pulling every anecdote we've ever fucking had. Jesus Christ. Tim, you brought things out of me that no one else did. I mean, you're the next Ron Bennington. You really are. Yeah. Let's hope.

Let's hope. Give it up for Ron Bennington, everybody. Serious sex. Thank you guys for coming out. Have a good night. Fuck barbecue.