The Tim Dillon Show - 192: 192 - Coronavirus The Musical

Episode Date: March 22, 2020

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the program. I don't love how much I'm hearing the term martial law. I Don't love that. Tell you that much. You're hearing it a lot now Gavin Newsom Governor of California brought it up You're hearing it. The press is bringing it up And when you hear something like that Over and over again, it feels like they're doing a soft launch for martial law

You know It feels like they're just doing a little roll out see how you See how you react to the idea you can't do things like that all at once because it inspires widespread panic and chaos Suspending the constitution and bringing in the military that tends to make people a little iffy So what they do I think is they introduce you to the concept little by little A little shelter in place

A little shutdown And we start seeing people at public parks people working out people doing things People still gathering together in groups and the government goes, you know, I don't know if we're going to be able to weather the storm here without the tank We might need the tank to come in and stop you from gathering in a park You know, I'm no fan of martial law I do understand the shelter in place you know

And when I when I criticize the conspiracy community for saying that the virus isn't real or the virus is just the flu Or the virus is a cover so that the government can arrest tom hanks What I what I do fully understand and i'm quite aware of is that When you have a problem like this like 9 11, which is so big and knew That you are going to have elements of the government

And the private sector you're going to have people You know as rama mine As rom immanuel said he was the chief of staff Uh for barack obama and who is now the mayor of chicago or was i believe he still is the mayor of chicago as he said never Let a crisis go to waste so There are going to be people That try to take the few remaining rights you have So you have to be a little vigilant that doesn't mean you go cough down an old person's throat

Does it mean You know you ignore What's a clear reality, which is this is a You know incredibly dangerous virus But it means that you're vigilant and you understand that no government has ever Emerged from a crisis with less power

Doesn't happen Doesn't happen The government now Is growing In power it's going to start to pay you To live to stay home to sit in your house It's gonna cut you a check Yeah, you you don't have and and by the way i'm for that

People need that But just let's think about this let's zoom out for a little bit And when we look at this we we go you are now dependent on the government for everything for everything They've taken your ability

in the short term to earn a living and We i understand that in the short term I understand the need to close things and i've told people to comply with this But There does come a point where

You're going to see You know, it's kind of like when you bring a car in to a mechanic And the mechanic is less than reputable And you know, they're like, yeah, it's total, you know, we just we got we total out the car, you know You bring it in, you know because we're headlights out and they're like, yeah, it's total you might as well We're totaling the economy right now the world economy. I mean we are totaling the world economy. We are seeing Uh a global depression take root. We are seeing

um Potentially unemployment in the range of 20 percent uh containment has failed The report's now out of new york and california if you have symptoms do not get tested Unless you are in a very high risk group And you're so sick that you have to go to the hospital. They are saving the tests for health care workers

Doctors nurses first responders People that are coming in contact with this virus and with sick people All the time so at that point when you say testing we can't test anybody the containment model which is based on Knowing who has this and who doesn't you know trying to contain it You know the social distancing the Shelter in place You know all of that

you know Might have some positive effect. Hopefully it does But a lot of people are skeptical At this point about how much of a positive effect it will have we should still do it We should still do it for the time being But I think a lot of people are saying you got to move into mitigation Which is basically the development the rapid development of antiviral drugs You know, they're talking about chloroquine ion or something

I think I believe that's the name that was used to fight malaria But I was reading about those the side effects on that last night. It could be blindness And if you take an extra dose sudden death You got it. Yeah, chloroquine ion. Yeah, if you take a sudden if you take an extra dose of that goodbye So I don't know if that's the best idea to give to old people I imagine that that'll be given to them in a hospital you take that with erythromycin Which is a z-pack to get bronchitis you take a z-pack Little erythromycin take the five day

You know two on the first day and then boom boom boom boom boom and it usually clears bronchitis So if you take the chloroquine ion for malaria and the erythromycin it is beating back the virus I have a friend who's a doctor at Lenox Hill Hospital who said that actually the results are pretty good Does it mean, you know, Trump gets high marks here this is you know It's a colossal failure. It's a colossal failure to not have the tests To not order more supplies in january and february when you had the intelligence community warning you about this

When you were you didn't have to have the intelligence community warning you about it because you're watching it happen in another country It's a tremendous failure. It's a fireable offense Whether you love the guy or hate the guy, it's a fireable offense Because it was done correctly in other countries. I mean, you know South korea and again, I've no emotion here with this. I'm just telling you south. I'm not south korea, but yeah south korea but taiwan You know 24 million people one death 85 cases and that was up until recently and i'm sure their numbers are

Pretty similar to 153 cases and uh four deaths. There you go Or two deaths. Yeah That's taiwan. They're right next to china, but they had been through sars. They knew what this was going to look like They got the masks immediately. They ordered the supplies. They Have made testing widely available. It's a high tech Health service they have where you get the results to your phone They text you The results you know exactly where you stand and if you have to go quarantine. So fuck

I don't care how much you love this guy and how much you think he is essential Or whatever fairytale you've concocted in your head about any of these people any of our leaders That you love so much yet have never met I mean all of these people would want nothing to do with you The obamas the trumps. They wouldn't want anything to do with you. Can you imagine your disgusting? family Your marinara sauce covered fingers Do you understand the way these people fucking look at you? When will you when do you think you people will wake up?

Is it when you're all in camps? I mean truly At what point do you understand that these people? Fucking look at you like a fucking rat Scurrying across a busy street They're puzzled by you. They're confused almost They watch you run across the street and if you make it they go, huh cool And if you get hit by a car and you get squashed in the middle of the street, they go, haha

They don't necessarily rejoice, but it doesn't fuck up their day at all I Think we all need to grow up now. I really believe that I think if we don't grow up We're gonna be in trouble as a species and if we keep thinking That these people give a fuck about us and that they care about us on any level at all We're going to we're going to delude ourselves to death And I think it's a big fucking problem

And I don't care whether it's aoc any of the people that we've elected To be the narcissist of the week And to tell us all how we live how to live All of these people are after for the most part their own power And they're not really looking out for you. They believe things in the abstract that could help you But when Bernie Sanders who I like and respect You know treats joe biden like a statesman in that debate instead of turning around and going you are the fucking problem

How did trump get elected by going to jeb bush and destroying his own party trump destroyed the republicans He destroyed the bush dynasty. They they they limped jeb limped out of those debates That young bush still can't get elected in texas the little kid tried in a congressional race The the the damage done to that name might be irreparable And they were the biggest political one of the biggest political dynasties in our country and trump got rid of him

And he did that by being rude I mean he did that by saying things that made you go whoa But you have bernie sander's kind of treating joe biden like a statesman because they're friends or whatever trump was friends with hillary He didn't care He didn't care they were friends He played golf with bill. They you know, he went to a wedding. He went to their wet like they they came to his wedding He was friends with them. It didn't matter

Didn't matter to him And yeah, you know, maybe sander says more integrity great That doesn't win That doesn't win it's very hard to root for the left because they they're so allergic to winning They are so they are born losers. They are incapable of fucking winning I mean trump may still win the next election How hilarious is that? We have a worldwide

preventable pandemic in this country A stock market crash the likes which we haven't seen in a generation And we're going into a global depression And trump may still win He might pull it out He the record he has to run on is the worst record of any maybe president ever I mean has anyone the wholesale destruction of the american economy and our complete way of life We can't leave our houses

We all the whole country got suspended And he still could pull it out does that give you an idea of how pathetic The other side is How they're quibbling and they're infighting is so repulsive They're so annoying to most people Even me who realizes and has realized that trump Again is a hawkster He's peddling his wares to people that you know see him as some type of avatar

but but essentially He's a hawkster If you don't see that even if you think he's funny Even if you hate the other side You you see trump as a hawkster I think the difference is that a lot of people out there go. Yeah, but he's our hawkster He's my like he's He's ripping off everybody on behalf of us if that were only the case

If that were only the case I could be like great But you can't leave your house Because we didn't order the tests and the masks Because he didn't care See they want to spook the stock market by even talking about a pandemic You know because it didn't matter because everything was good the gravy train was rolling along and you know so again, it's a mistake if you if you're unwilling to admit that you're you've left the realm of logic and Fine if you want to dwell

in Your own world that you create and I think that that is where You know, we are we are seeing these states like Philadelphia I'm sorry cities like Philadelphia saying we're not going to prosecute. We're not going to arrest and jail people for Uh crimes petty crimes and you know petty to them when you read the list includes burglary auto theft vandalism property crime so I mean what's gonna start to happen in in Philadelphia and cities across the country that are unable

To deal with the increased spike in crime That is almost certain to happen With it kind of goes along with the destruction of the American economy arise in crime 20 unemployment they're talking What you're gonna see In cities like that is you're gonna throw their hands up and they're gonna wait for the federal government to roll the tanks in They're gonna say listen. We don't have the resources

To handle this put bring in the tanks and that's why you're hearing the term martial law The states are not going to be able to handle this especially in high crime areas where the crime is going to explode The country folks Does not look the same after this Not trying to be alarmist here But it doesn't look the same it does not emerge in the same way You're going to see the rich and they've already done it. They're fleeing to the hamptons To marthas vineyard

They're going behind gates They know They knew before this happened probably they had a inkling that something was coming I mean, I know there's a very wealthy guy in new york who's close to a billionaire And I know somebody very close to him and this guy was told in february That he would maybe not have to pay rent on on some of his properties his commercial establishments and He should get out of the market or reduce his positions in the market. This was you know Several senators

Are claiming of course that they did not You know sell these stocks or change their positions because of inside information. That's a complete lie. They should be hung I mean, it's as close to treason as I can think about somebody profiting off the deaths Of their fellow countrymen and and not informing Uh anybody that this was going to happen and certainly not doing anything from their position of power in the government To reduce the likelihood it would happen Just going in there

And profiting from it. It's disgusting Now all the republicans in the beginning it was like one guy should resign But then you found out that all the senators did it and four of them are republicans and everybody's like Well, maybe this one guy should resign because they don't want to lose control of the senate But this is You know pretty disgusting If you fall on a partisan if you're still thinking in terms of left to right republican or democrat in this period of time

You're wrong. You're wrong. I feel bad for you because you're going to step on your throat It has nothing to do with the blue or red or republican or democrat left or right. That is a show This is a show Okay, the people that that have money and power right now Are going to get richer They're going to get more powerful and they're going to leave you and your family to starve. This is absolutely the case It's happening already and if you're still thinking that well half of them give a fuck about you I mean god

What would do it folks? Do they have to FaceTime you and tell you how much they don't give a fuck? Do they have to FaceTime you and go hi Mr. And Mrs. Who is this? Is this the uh Fantosies is this the millers? Is this the dominix? Is this the parkers? Hey We just want to call you up and let you know you're on your own Here. Did you not did you not get that?

Did you not see that with all the you know with us selling our stock? Did you Can we stop doing the fucking press conferences too? Who who are they who is? Feeling better after that That little doctor fouchy who's probably a good dude, but he's a tiny little man We have no there is no time for short people right now. Sorry Nobody is being made to feel better by a tiny little doctor Give me somebody's six fucking two who looks like they can take this thing on

Little fouchy looks like coronavirus He's a tiny little man. Nobody feels good about that at this moment Short people are great in good times But when times are tough you want to look at somebody tall to lead you through who sees above the crowd Who is this woman who comes out in a night dress who looks like she's on percussa? Who's it's just like my daughters? My daughters who are two I have two beautiful millennial daughters They're the most important generation millennials

I have two daughters. It's like who the fuck is this bitch? Who is this and then you have trump and then pence Stone face in the back And then of course they bring out, you know Pompeo who just wants to be you know the secretary of state We used to run the CIA and What he just wants to be just sitting eating a french dip sandwich That poor guy's like what the fuck is this? I thought we were just blackmailing people

Taking photos of them fucking underage people What's pandemic? They're wholly unprepared And the country is unprepared for what's about to happen There's no way to be prepared For what's about to happen. What's about to happen? Is going to be truly astounding

for a lot of people cities are going to turn pretty quickly into mad max Situations there's going to be shortages. There's going to be an increase in crime. They're probably going to declare Martial law Some version of that. I don't see in certain areas of the country I don't see how that doesn't happen. It seems inevitable

That if things continue the way they are continuing All the big finance people the Goldman Sachs guys are all being told it's an 18 month pandemic with waves of sick people Waves of where we can all go back to work I'm sure that looks great by the way I'm sure everybody's really excited like, you know ways where we have to shut down again It's just going to be cyclical And when we all go back to work, it's I don't think it's going to be boom times. I got to be honest with you I don't think it's going to quite feel the same. I think people are still going to be

like you know What are we doing? They're going to think long and hard about where they go How they spend their money What risk they're willing to take what level of risk they're willing to take concert comedy show restaurant You know

Beach these are all different things We're all going to know people who pass away tragically from this disease. It's going to be emotionally scarring It's going to damage the psyche of people Not only individually, but the country's psyche And I think unfortunately the reality of how bad things are is going to push people further into Their own world It's going to push them further Into conspiracy

Further into You know Cult religion Things that give people Some level of hope or at least a way to organize the world And it's going to get bad and I think that When people are confronted with chaos, they need something

and I think for the good of the country It has to be this show It has to be the patreon the tim dillon show It has to be the merch I don't think it can be anything else I I worry About you being taken in

By charlatans out there online. There's a lot. There's a lot of problems There's a lot of Bad actors In the digital space just waiting for you Come here Come here We're giving you the information We're giving you the perspective

I don't want to be hopeless. There are good things coming Celebrities and politicians will die. That's nice That will be fun to see and watch if we are still alive to watch that happen That will be amusing Good things are going to come of this I'm telling you real housewives are going to die That will be fun For all of us

From what I see the disease clearly does not discriminate So there's going to be some annoying people that are gonna get it And they're gonna go Bye-bye And that might Keep us sane for a little while because good people are gonna go people you love are gonna go People you respect are gonna go but then other people are gonna go To it's the little things

It's the small victories that you can't lose sight of in these times You should put pictures on your wall of people you hope get it And when one of them does put a check Have a drink eat a good meal I'm of course Joking about celebrating the deaths of others, but am I? And how bad will it get where we need some form of entertainment as cryptic as that sounds as Depressing as that may be as inhumane as you might find that to be

We're going to need light at the end of the tunnel and it is not going to come From the powers that be they are not going to help you your community might help you your friends and your family Might help you your your Local government could help you The powers that be Are going to make a mad dash for the hills They're gonna grab their money and their families and they're gonna fucking they're gonna head out to the lifeboats It's going to happen. This isn't

This isn't a debate. This isn't left or right Don't look for these people to show you a way out of this fucking mess. It's not gonna happen Comedians get off instagram live For the love of god Especially unsuccessful ones Especially ones that failed at the real thing Ones that couldn't do it when you had a stage and an audience get the fuck off instagram live Nobody wants your thoughts now enough

Comedy couldn't be less essential funny. Yes funny. We all need funny comedy. No The entertainment business is about to get gutted If you are in the business and you've done well enough You'll probably make it through if you survive but your relationships are going to change Your business relationships are going to change how you do business is going to change How you attract a following Is going to change how you make money at this business is going to change It's absolutely going to change if you're independent

The only way out of this is being Self-sufficient you cannot rely on anybody anymore for anything And this is particularly aimed at people in creative fields. You're not The the sitcom bullshit the pilot you thought you were gonna get The tour you were going on. I mean everything unfortunately Uh, you know is sand through the hourglass. It's fuck. All you can do right now Is have something valuable for other people and find a way to deliver it to them and that is not

Going on instagram live with you to act With you stand up act for the love of christ Jesus christ Does anyone right now want to see a half decent comedian perform to an empty room What psychopath Wants that who are you all performing for it's over it's over What the fuck do you think happens next you get noticed On instagram live and then what?

What happens then? They lead you with a mask through the gates of paramount studios It's curtains Collect your belongings and go check out is at 11 a.m There is no late check out today the rooms are booked Get the fuck out the vacation has ended Your meaningless life Is no longer public consumption

Go back put your privacy settings go reestablish some relationship that matters before it all goes black Some of the things i've seen have been good But the majority the majority of them have not And i feel for people. Oh, it's not so easy to do what logan paul does is it? You all Thought you were slick and you shit it on youtubers And now you're all trying to be youtubers As the gypsy and thinner the steven king movie said die clean die clean

Die clean white boy. That's what he said Some of you Have no clue what's coming because you trust the government and the media Because you're children Or you're insane They know things we don't know they're trying to avoid widespread panic. They're trying to avoid chaos They know this is a lot worse than they're even letting on They know maybe this thing's mutated. Who knows

It's taking out people left and right and it doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason why Maybe it's just that it's a novel virus. We don't have immunity people's systems. Some can handle it Some can't but how terrifying is that that is why they're like, well, it's mainly elderly people You know mic pent said the other day he goes the majority of americans don't need to worry about getting this There's no there's no statistics to back that up There's none What the ones out of china italy there's a thousand people a day or died That's spanish flu

China we don't know what the fuck's going on. You can't trust the media So we have the vice president going. Yeah, most people don't have anything to worry about when contracting this disease There are no numbers to support that. We don't know that that's the case We don't know what's the death toll in italy right now 4,825 yeah A lot of dead people Yesterday there was 793 and it's not over. I know you know if we if we if we were closing the book out people go 4,000 so what I don't know anybody with coronavirus. Do you know how many people die of gunshot wounds?

You know how many people die of other things like the flu is isn't over. We're just beginning the movie has just started We're barely through the previews You don't know what's coming We don't need a lot of people to die to unleash martial law And to doom the economy You don't need a lot of people to die to collapse the health care system You don't but I do think you're gonna see sadly a lot more people die

I mean, what are the what are the totals right now? We usually do the totals in the beginning, but let's do them now 301 627,000 So we just passed the 300,000 mark and then the death 300,000 worldwide. Yeah, the deaths are about to hit 13,000 We're at 12,955 America what are the totals in america? In the usa we have wouldn't be funny if like at an old-time rock DJ like there was this guy cousin brucey

who 101.1 when I was growing up was like Like that type of old school And he'd be like, hey, it's cousin brucey And it would be just be funny if like in the dystopian nightmare that we live and he's like, hey, baby It's cousin brucey giving you the totals Giving you the totals. We got about 23,000 deaths right now Now how about rocking out to the four seasons? Um, where are we in america?

We have uh, 22,813 cases and uh, 288 deaths I can't wait for coronavirus to musical coronavirus to musical Can you see it? Broadway stage opens 2023 People are standing there. It's kind of like rent if you if you remember rent the stage is You know, there's no real set

There's just some garbage cans and some stuff and you know, there's a catwalk and It's kind of plain and there's just like people standing on the stage and you know 2023 coronavirus to musical, you know, the first number everybody's standing there just like You know, they're doing it on the beat they go Doodaloo Doodaloo Doodaloo

What was that? What was that? I heard about a pandemic happening What was that Wuhan china? What was that pandemic bat flu plague plague in a bat flu? And then you know, I mean it's coming It's coming Where are the tests we thought we had the tests? Just doctors and nurses singing By the way, isn't the worst thing about this that we have to treat doctors and nurses with reverence and respect Is there anybody more annoying than doctors and nurses?

Let's be honest I mean, I know that now they're essential, but I wish they weren't I wish we were relying on like blackjack dealers or people that I like Doctors and nurses they're almost as bad as teachers Imagine if we had to imagine if we all had to glorify teachers during this. Oh my god I would just go kill me now I do like I you know, it's just doctors are you know, they're pompous doctors are pompous

And nurses as well think they're doctors It's not all of them, but it's a fair amount of them and many people in the medical field agree with me I'm just saying I wish we were Relying on another group that we had to exalt, you know I don't know who You know people that work at clam bars Like fat women who ladle clam chowder into a cup. I wish they were the front lines and we could be like, yeah

I support I support donna I mean You know folks You you have to remember When all this is happening that you're living through a Historic time. I love that. Isn't that people tell you that like it's a good thing You're living through a historic time. This is historic This is a historic time. It is a historic time. You know, so was the holocaust

Was historic. You think they walked around Auschwitz ago. You know what we have to remember We're living in a historic time We really are We just get to see it all up close. You think they talked about that? Probably not But what do I know? you know I'm itching. I'm itching to get out there and do live stand-up comedy again, but it's just not going to happen It's not going to happen for a while

And even when it does happen who the fuck knows what it's going to look like You know What's Billie Eilish up to she was on tour too Google hitting news on Billie Eilish. What's she doing? She always wore that mask anyway. She was prepared Remember she always had that bane mask on her face. What's she up to? I mean, it looks like she's just on the voice right now The voice battle rounds Billie Eilish, Whitney Houston more songs and pairings I mean to put Billie Eilish and Whitney Houston in the same sentence. I mean imagine what a decaying society we are

How deserving are we of a plague? To put those two Whitney Houston one of the greatest voices ever Who did exactly what a musician should do entertain the fuck out of us and then died in the tub Didn't stick around for too long. Well, isn't the voice people covering stuff? Who knows? But that's probably not that recent They they shut down says one day ago. Really? Yeah, but didn't they shut down the production of all of these shows? I guess they shot him so long ago. Yeah

That's the other thing that Jimmy Fallon's doing the tonight show from his house to view, you know Whoopi Goldberg's like Skyping it in the view enough I mean I don't want to you know, I don't want to be uh The bringer of bad news But just shut it down I mean, are we gonna be living under martial law and still watching Jimmy Fallon? Is that what's gonna happen here?

Are we gonna be living under martial law and still watching carpool karaoke? Shut it down have the decency to treat us like real dictators and just have state tv Which is what that is by the way Fallon and cordon that is state tv I mean Am I gonna look out my window? See a tank rolling down the street and then turn on my tv and see ellen dancing At what from our living room? At what point do these people just go the fuck home and stay there turn off the webcam and let us all be

Let us be please Give us a few months without you I mean I mean, can you imagine it jimmy fallon going outside? ellen dancing with the military jimmy fallon taking pictures with the tank that's parked at the end of his block I Mean at what point can we just can we can we request that they shut the entertainment industry off?

Shut it off They should be martial law on instagram You should have to get approval for the military to post That's what should happen that fucked me up. They wouldn't give me any fucking we'd have to go onto the dark web We'd have to live stream on the dark web Is that does anyone ever do that? No I mean, that's what a red room is supposed to be. Yeah, that's not real

It's not real That's what america is about to become by the way a red room supposed to wear You torture and kill people and the people in the comments are like kill him get his leg It's like there's a torture chamber and you get to say what you want done to the person if you donate money like a super chat On youtube get his leg Pin his leg back. It's like not real but Who knows who knows what entertainment will be considered

after this Every company in this country right now should be making ventilators everybody and some of them are to their credit Every fucking company should be hagan das. Whoever make fucking ventilators You're gonna need a lot of ventilators. You're gonna need masks make fucking masks You know This should have been happening months ago You know, what good is it to call yourself the greatest country in the world and they get beaten by taiwan? at survival

you know How does that happen? How does it happen that all you do is call yourself you pat yourself on the back for being the greatest country in the world taiwan figures out a way to do it. You can't taiwan I mean That's amazing to me It's amazing to me how strong And virulent like nationalism is that there are still people walking around be like i love this country

Relatives are dead in the street I love this country I love that I can't get tested for this thing. I may or may not have It's a death wish large segment of the population in this country wants to die They want to die They were brought up thinking that the glory would come after they died that this life Was a mere rehearsal for the next one. This is what religion pounds into the heads of people while they're still kids and that's why Many of those people grow up and they

Keep that belief and they treat their bodies and everything else like shit And they don't care because as soon as you know as soon as they have the glorious aneurysm or heart attack You know and they fall on the floor of denny's. That's when things get good That's when things get good That's when it gets fun Our Friend our friend is calling who is it? Alex we'll call him later

I will say this You know I I really truly Every day get up and go should I get the fuck out of los angeles? Should I get the fuck out of terminator? Should I get the hell out of here and I don't know I don't know I believe that

I don't think anywhere is going to be safe Truly if it goes as bad as it could and will go potentially What'll save us is some antivirals Laura quinine little remdesivir What'll save us Is some antivirals perhaps perhaps That becomes essential

The erythromycin and the chloroquine and I hope it works. I hope it works But I mean And then we then we have a where's joe biden by the way. Where is joe biden has joe biden? He's running for the presidency. He's running for the highest office in the land. He's disappeared He's he's his handlers are keeping him out of the spotlight because they know he'll will make a mess of this I mean, I've had a joke on my actor I said the trump biden debate is a debate where we don't need a country anymore We squeeze we call china like a kid at a sleepover that's not working out and calls his parents and goes hey come now

Just come now leave now. I'm ready now. We're ready now There are people Saying they're getting out of the chinese quarantine and americans living in china xpats and Who knows if they're writing these you know updates with a gun in their head? Things are better. The bright futures ahead, you know They just got a guy with a gun in your head. You're sitting in the room staring a chairman mouse photo on the wall You're just typing. They just come in with a laptop macbook. Sit it down and go tell everybody how good it is Tell everyone outside how much fun we're all having

This has been fun. He says that they take your temperature everywhere now. That might be the future infrared technology In order to get into an event, you might not be able to get into an event with a fever Anymore, it's interesting if you have a fever if you're feverish if you're over a hundred They might just say you're not getting into this concert. You're not coming in. It's interesting. That might be the future the future I mean the I mean, when the comings was telling me she was going back from new york to la and the flight She said was full. No one spoke to each other Everybody was wiping down the plane. There was no service the flight attendants did not speak to them and the pilot did not make any announcements

It was like a crazy Flight it was amazing. You know when I heard that I was like, what a fucking amazing Thing to to go through to witness because I've flown so many times and that has never been the case, you know I imagine even after 9-11 they made Comments and they talked to you but right now the level of fear is so High that nobody, you know There was no communication between the flight attendants The pilot and the passengers on the plane

Everybody was just sitting there You know wheels up six and a half hour flight wheels down And then get off the plane and run It the future doesn't look like the past did especially in the past Like the past did especially in the in the way You know, I was watching these shows on netflix is this good show called restaurants on the edge and Where they just go to restaurants that are in beautiful locations

But are failing Because the food sucks. They're poorly designed And what happens is netflix goes three people go they have a designer a restaurateur and a chef They help redesign the menu They help redesign the restaurant and you know, you know, obviously all these restaurants probably still fail because the idiots As soon as the netflix team leaves they go back to doing it their way, you know You know all this actually, you know, and then the you know, it was whatever But i'm watching these chefs walk through these open air

Markets to buy produce and to buy and there's fish and you know Fowl, you know birds and there's all kinds of things and you're saying yourself You know, obviously that is the reality for most of the world is these, you know, wet markets these markets where live animals are sold You know, and then people walk through them and they take photo. I mean, are you gonna? I mean does that Continue Are you gonna go walk through those markets anymore? Are you gonna try something in one of those markets? somebody hands you a piece of fruit I mean not that it's any better here. I'm not I'm not an idiot

I know that things sitting in a supermarket are as likely to make you sick as anything But just the idea of walking through a market you see live animals You see like is that are you gonna do that? Are you gonna hop up? You know, you're gonna go on a cruise Are you gonna go on a cruise right now? Are you gonna eat it buffets? Are you gonna do all of that stuff? Is that does that survive do those things survive a pandemic? Probably people got to go somewhere to be disgusting animals But I mean, you know travel there's travel take a hit to people go. I'm good

I'm good Or do people just say fucking I'm I'm gonna go I'm gonna go anyway. I don't care That becomes the real question is what does the world look like? I'm talking best case Because worst case forget it. I mean we've already went through that We're talking martial law. We're talking crime. We're talking the cities are abandoned We're talking the rich fleet of their bunkers and that all looks to be the case But let's imagine we get on the other side of that or the effects of that somehow miraculously don't materialize fully On the other side of that, you know, are you allowed into an arena with a fever?

Going forward if it is an 18 month pandemic That's cyclical where there's waves of sick people. Are you allowed into a restaurant with a fever? Are you allowed into a movie theater with a fever? Fascinating shit to think about How does life change And then we get into the scary stuff and you know what that is the chips the bio the bio security stuff

You know Do we do they put a chip in yesterday? You know how sick you are And if they don't like your behavior, do they just deactivate the chip? They just deactivate you I mean that's been those nano chips the idea of putting that under your skin was so that they had all your health information So that now in a world where anyone trusted the government It's really not a bad idea on its face Like if you collapse in a walmart and they come up to you and there's a chip that says this guy's diabetic He's this he's that he's got this he's got that and they don't have to wait to find all that information out

So you either regain consciousness or they can get your relatives on the phone the idea that that's all in a In a you know, there's a convenience there, but then how but but jesus christ How much are you giving up for that? How much are you giving up for that giving all of your medical information to a government and letting them install a chip in you And then trusting that they can't do horrible things to you With you know because they have access to that chip Again on its face great idea. That's an idea. That's like, you know But that's that's what comes down the pike what biotech firms right now are developing

uh different types of you know diagnostic tools for concert venues arenas sporting events what Restaurants public places resorts amusement parks what biotech firms are going to go out there and start thinking about how to You know, and maybe it's short term. Maybe it's long term. Maybe it's forever

But if it is an 18 month pandemic with waves of things and you are and you have a you know You're a property that's insured and your insurance company is my company and go you need to figure out a way to prevent sick people from coming in here You know We got to insulate ourselves against the liability. We got a It's fascinating. It's very interesting to think about you know We're we're we're going through some changes here the studio. We're going to uh, we're going to modernize the studio broadcasting has become Is the future right here? This is the reality

Um, we talked about this the other night since live stand-up has been put on hold indefinitely um, we are going to Modernize the studio. We're going to get a uh, we're going to get a nice big television in here We're going to be able to pull up media in live time. I'm in real time whatever We're going to be able to Uh, bring you a better show um, especially um now it's super important that um

We are able to you know, not only have some fun but get out, you know information or kind of we all need to stay on top of what the Fuck's going on, you know So we're going to be able to you know, interview people on on on on skype And we're going to be able to pull up articles and pull up videos and things like that and that's coming down the pike We appreciate that We also appreciate Oh This one too, huh? Oh, we'll do that at the very end. Okay. That one's audio only

You two will get mad if we do that So the studio is going to we appreciate everybody that's that's contributing on patreon Um, we know that everybody is in a bad spot right now. Most people are in a bad spot We know that you don't have a lot of fucking money And that's why we're trying to put out as much free content as possible a lot of these free podcasts on our youtube You know channel. We also put out videos and everything on instagram and twitter tim j dylan di l l o n on instagram and twitter And all the content in this podcast will always be free. You'll always get One podcast a week free. You'll always get a youtube one or two

Uh, youtube's, you know, either an extra episode and then also a live stream that we do where you can ask questions All of those things are always going to be free. The only thing you'll ever have to pay for Is if you want the patreon episodes and there there's a lot of archives there there's like, you know 100 and 70 70 archived episodes 170 hours of content you can sift through and a lot of interesting interviews with a lot of people um And you know, it's it's for five dollars a month. It's a pretty good deal, but I totally get it if you don't have it

and You know, if you don't have it, we're still pumping out a lot of free stuff. Don't worry about it You know, we want you to get yourself right Most important thing is for you to be financially. Okay Uh during this thing we're going to try to figure out The best way to start donating some money to people or organizations. I spoke to andrew schultz about it Right now a lot of us are focusing on people that have been directly affected that in our industry

So waiters and waitresses at comedy clubs are fucked right now And those are the people that allowed us to Earn a living being comedians, you know, they were the support staff. They brought you drinks. They brought you food um, and they helped those Operations run They made those operations run So we're helping those people now, but of course the scope of that You know, it's going to get bigger. We're going to look for other ways to you know

contribute money to Um people in real time that need it whether it's food banks or stuff like that because things are going to get ugly And they are going to get bad And if you do have money and you do have the wherewithal To kind of give people, you know, you can't volunteer right now. Nobody wants you to leave your fucking house So the reality is if you do have the money the money helps that's kind of going to be but I am also very careful about Where you give money because there's a lot of institutions out there

That misuse funds and misuse money. So we're all going to have to figure out together How exactly we Um go forward with that and I'm speaking to some other comedians, you know, I rogue and a bunch of people that are You know, you know that help a lot of different people, but we're all trying to figure out What's the best? Way forward You know the next two to three weeks are going to tell us a lot They're going to tell us if the health care system completely collapses

They're going to tell us If you know, probably if we're heading into Uh more of a severe lockdown something that looks or not that looks it is a martial law um These things are all on the table. I don't know that we have to freak out about them because you don't really have control over them But the idea of you know, the election getting pushed back or being canceled uh, the idea that You know come november people are not going to be able or feel comfortable voting getting together and you know

All of these things are going to change our lives for a foreseeable period. It's not conspiracy mongering to say that we are You know in you know, the survival of the country right now is not guaranteed and I and I don't I don't say that You know to joke around and I don't say that to be Dramatic or to be an alarmist the the survival of the country that we are living in right now in any And by the way, the country in the sense that it looks or feels like anything you remember is not guaranteed. It's not It's truly not and the people at the top know that We're at the precipice of something

very very Challenging and If you see huge spikes in crime if you see a global depression um, if you see a loss of faith in the government Which I don't know how you don't see more of I think it's because people are afraid right now So they're kind of ignoring certain things the insider trading and stuff like that. I think people are You know You know burying your heads in the sand, but if you see those things happen, I mean

this these are the ingredients that you know bring about A fall and We see that and I'm hoping that doesn't happen and I'm hoping that we're able to weather it but It is not at all irresponsible

to float those Possibilities because they are real possibilities a real possibility That your city and local governments collapse because of this And that the federal government then rolls in the tanks and you don't have any more rights And it's not the america that you remembered and the rich

uh go to planned communities where they have rights And you don't and they have the technology and they are able to weather the storm for however long it is you know and you You know sitting there in a perkins You know or denny's or pizza hut are not going to weather the storm because you are going to be left to unfortunately perish

By the people that you put so much faith in and what will prevent that? bonds with your family with your friends When the time comes, you know not right now, but when the time comes probably there will be you know I mean It will be some time There might be some type of organized resistance to what happens. I don't know I'm saying You know

I you know, it's it's funny because it's not you know, we have to laugh at these things. I mean, we are laughing at them, but no if Rich powerful people leave us all to die You know, you might have to go and visit them. I don't know I'm just saying I am not You know I am not trying to sound the alarm here other than to say if you aren't going over these possibilities in your head

What is happening in your head? What is happening in your head? I'd love to know I mean if you're not going over the real possibility That these people are gonna pull the ladder up I don't know what Is it the ladder up? Is that the expression? Yeah. Yeah

I don't know what you think is happening. I don't know what you imagine is gonna happen You better hope chloroquine on works You better hope remdesivir works and this might be as rogan said the other day. It might be a dress rehearsal because the next pandemic You know But maybe maybe we'll be prepared probably not um

I'm gonna be the hollywood improv this weekend headlining. Fuck them. We're gonna do it We're gonna do it To cough minimum Ha ha, but those are the hack jokes that are going on on instagram right now where people should be taking out shots So I mean Be careful the content you put out be careful the content you consume You know

You know, I I wonder how it's all gonna play out. It's very interesting I you know, the one thing that'll save us. This is literally what I believe. This is truly what I believe I think the one thing that saves us is that the robots are not good enough yet If the robots could do all the things these people wanted Oh, goodbye I mean truly if ai and automation like if ai was at the point where ai could do Most of what the wealthy needed done

I would be like in total panic mode I think that we're still some years from that happening. That might be the only thing that saves us It's not about democrat or republican It's not about any of that. It's about this is just a strong survive in in the sense. This is darwinian and That's what You're seeing right now as you're seeing nature You know as chris hedges said the other day we're in the middle of the sixth extinction or whatever

This was a year before this even happened So I mean, I'm not don't don't be too anxious. Don't be too depressed. Don't use too many mind-altering substances Stay sober. Keep your mind sharp. You're going to need it I'm hoping the worst doesn't happen I'm cautiously optimistic Only because robots cannot do all of the jobs yet I don't I don't think it's you know

It's like I don't I don't I don't I'm not trading on empathy here. I'm like, thank god. We're a little behind Um But you know keep your wits about you out there it's It's it's not going to be pretty and uh We appreciate you listening you know

Reality really caught up with this show Really did and one of the reasons that the show has always kind of been darker Is not because i'm some prophet or you're like I you know, I didn't I don't live in that headspace all the time I'm funny and I but when you look around Society I always saw it as somewhat fragile. I think other people didn't I think that's what it comes down to. I always looked at the institutions of society How corrupt they were The fools that were running the show and I always said to myself these are fragile institutions. It really wouldn't take

much And now you're kind of seeing that This is how that manifests when you're led by sociopaths and clowns and goons And people that just really want money and power and they just enrich themselves And there's no checks on them and there there's no democratic process that fucking means anything and everything is you know being sold to the highest bidder and everything's about the consolidation of power and it's a

You know a partnership of the public and the private sector. It's the you know corporate state As hedges and other people have said when it gets so all-powerful I mean you look at it and you go. Yeah, this is something that's just so corrupt So incompetent and yet also very ruthless You know and it lacks any empathy Uh, you look at a society that's like that and you go. Yeah, there's the potential here for some real problems And we have children licking toilet seats on planes. I mean, this is where we're at

It's not a You know, I'm not making that up. This is there are people licking The toilet seats on planes because they're treating this as a joke. It's a profoundly Disturbed society I read today there's kids coughing on fruit as a joke in the store It's a profoundly sick

and disturbed society And I if you don't believe that please point me to the evidence Please show me The evidence because I got a lot I got exhibit a b c d e the whole alphabet So show me your evidence when we have kids licking the toilet seats on planes Tell me by the way, fuck the pandemic

Fuck that they're gonna get a pandemic or that they're making their you know that they're putting old people at risk Or that they're selfish forget all about that What if they were just licking the toilet seats on planes? How about that? Let's ignore the social context What if kids young people young adults were licking the toilet seats on an airliner and putting it on social media? And you're telling me we are not a profoundly These are the people that was pointed out by Whitney Cummings the other day on her podcast that last year we're eating

Tidepods they were eating soap because they like the colors and how it felt in their mouth And you're telling me we are not a profoundly sick and disturbed Society they're eating soap And now they're licking the toilet And this is the future Okay I feel bad for coronavirus

That it has to infest us Hopefully we fucking get ahead and beat this thing I really really really want life to go back to the way it was but This unmasks the whole thing if you're fucking thinking If you're looking around at how people are responding to this how fragile it all is this unmasks the whole Thing if you're fucking awake You see how unsustainable Our lives are not only the systems

which we've created but How unsustainable our beliefs are The idea that we're safe and the people that know more than us Are figuring things out on our behalf Is not the case It's not the case now I coronavirus tried to buy an ad on this show And I declined

You know I was contacted by somebody who said corona wants to advertise on the show COVID-19 wants to advertise because they think they're getting a bad rap in the media And he goes if anyone would understand Population control it's your listeners So COVID wants to come up and kind of just talk for a little bit and they're like you want to interview COVID. I'm like not really not really um

But good luck out there folks. It's gonna be a fun Couple of months would put not as much free content as we can Hope you and your family are safe really try to get out there and You know, but take some time to read some books Read some books. How do we get here? Read the devil's chessboard. David Talbot read family secrets Russ Baker read other things read tragedy and hope carol quigley history of you know the world in our time read Horlitz ghost by norman mail or any of these things

You know read books like sapiens read other things read books that I don't even know you know read books that uh about biology and Epidemiology, I don't know but you know figure out how we got here Figure out how most of our our our social media feeds are clogged up between a game show host Mr. Trump and a bartender miss go Cortez And how those two people we've decided that they are going to be our avatars. They are going to be the people that Speak on our behalf. How do we get here? How did that happen? How did it happen?

It's not an accident didn't happen by accident it's a long process of kind of giving up little by little little by little taking a hand off the wheel and just cruising and coasting And this is where it leads you This is where it leads you when you just take your your foot off the gas and you just let it go

This is where you end up so when you have the time go and do a little reading and figure out exactly How and then read about other empires and how they fell And you start to go. Oh, wow. This sounds familiar You know, everybody's obsessed with sex and food We you know, they make celebrities out of shafts. I mean read about the fall of Rome. It's fucking wild

you know so again Hopefully we make it over this hurdle hopefully I'm somewhat I'm somewhat in the middle. I don't know could could be good

Could be you know lord of the flies We don't know We don't know but if we do We could look forward to coronavirus to musical We could look forward to so many shitty movies

We could look forward to a bangin Netflix doc Kids in 10 years would be smoking weed in their dorms watching a bangin documentary about COVID-19 You know if there are dorms And if there are kids Good luck