The Tim Dillon Show - 197: 197 - Essential Episode

Episode Date: April 26, 2020

This is the essential episode for the essential worker. Tim discusses what kind of women listen to the show, lean cuisine meals, and David Dobrik. Bonus Episodes every week: https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow Merch: https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dillon-show/ Please Support Our Sponsors: https://magicspoon.com/timdillon use code TimDillon for free shipping! Follow the show: Tim J Dillon Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon Tim J Dillon Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim Dillon shot. Where's your mask? You don't have a mask you want me to go get one are you are you violating the Beverly Hills law? And if you come in with six feet of another person you have to wear a mask Everybody looks like the fucking Phantom of the Opera You're this is my reusable cloth mask, which is these are disgusting I mean you don't want to reuse a mask you want to throw it out when you breathe in it Yeah, it's really I mean this is atrocious you know and

I had an eggplant parmesan today that was truly Life-changing and I'm not getting money from these people or anything I just want to say a shout-out to Domenico's Specialty store you know an Italian specialty store that Sal Volcano on the impractical Jokers Turn me on to And Paul Verzi among others great eggplant parm is such a tough dish to make because it's either too mushy like where it's literally or the eggplant slices are cut too thick and

But this was perfect like it was absolutely perfect and It comes frozen and you heat it up in the oven or the microwave Every time there's a choice between the oven and the microwave. I just do microwave because I Did cocaine at 13 and when you do cocaine at 13 you've grown up in a home where you use the microwave a lot So I'm no stranger to the microwave. I don't care that it radiates your food and it radiates you and I mean the only reason I'm not dying of coronavirus might be the fact that I stand in front of the microwave and stare at it While the little food goes around remember when microwavable food was considered like a healthy option Yeah, like people would go and get literally a chunk of frozen something that looked like an artifact that was found and

Then it would melt and then become something like they had lean cuisine had sandwiches for a while Where you would literally like it was like add water and then it would become a fucking sandwich And they had these you know, they they would serve them in these little trays. Yeah, there they are They served them in these little trays crisping sleeves click crisping trays and you would crisp up this and when you were eating a lean cuisine Sandwich and that's what it really looks like right down there That's what it really looks like when you're eating that and I've eaten that you're in an office and you're eating a lean cuisine Sandwich like that and and Ben you got to put that up on the podcast because when you're eating something like that, man There is no reason that you don't take out a I

Mean whatever gun would blow your head clear off 45. I'm Something where there wouldn't even be a chance you'd live Like it would have to just take you out, but I've seen it man. I've done it. I've seen secretaries Fat people that are trying to get ahead Trying to get ahead of you know, just choked down a lean cuisine microwavable sandwich I Mean

the horrors of of mass produced diet food Because before people before there was this organic movement or farm to table There were people that were like the same what I love about like this era of dieting They were like the same people who fucked us are gonna help us now right like the same companies that have done nothing But push sludge down our throats through drive-thru windows are now Going to answer the call and provide us with healthy alternatives that we just add water and it's a steak Just add water

and I watched my mother and countless fat Long Island women Go and then men as well More shamefully though a man a man pulling out a lean cuisine Then there was like an element where it almost got weirdly masculine like if you had a lean cuisine in the break room You had to kind of be you had to pee cock a little and be a dick like go fuck a liquid Sort of fuck what like if people be like relax, dude Calm down, you know, but that's

That's what health food was for a very long Time was just genuine. I mean look at look at that. I mean, could you imagine? Sitting now, you don't really see now I guess I haven't been in an office environment in a long time But I'm sure there are still people out there choking down a lean cuisine They're tough There's a little Asian chicken one Which is just four to five morsels of a meat that

The FDA has ruled is close enough to chicken and then just like a a little like a handful of Angel hair pasta and it just boils like it cooks it gets so hot That when you when there's no lean cuisine that you put in your mouth Well, you don't burn your mouth third degree burn Maybe that was the strategy get all these people to just burn their mouth and they won't eat right Because these link was seen to get hotter than anything I've ever seen in my life I mean they get hotter than a cast-iron pan because it's just chemicals. Have you ever lit plastic on fire?

That's what this is. That's what these things are. It's amazing To watch but an amazing eggplant parmesan today from Dominico's. Thank you, Dominico's Let's do the death counts. Where are we everybody? Coronavirus cases right now in the world two million eight hundred thirty one thousand seven hundred and eighty four deaths One hundred ninety seven three hundred and six recovered eight hundred and six thousand nine hundred and fifty three Let's do it by country. We're about to break a million in the USA. Tell them what they've won They've won a great depression

Young people are having strokes. No one knows why Nobody knows You go to the hospital you may not leave This is a it's a brutal sickness man Even though I criticize like the way the government's handled it and we can all debate What's coming and everything like that? It is a real virus like the people out there to think that this is not real or Mentally ill like it's people are getting it and they're dying. I don't listen you may say you might look at the numbers and go, huh Doesn't worry me

But that's fine and you can make a judgment on the mortality rate, but like there are people in Hospitals right now checking out in their 40s in their 30s and It's you know You know in the USA there's some real Critical there's 15,000 critical cases in the USA. That doesn't seem like a lot and It's not a lot but that also

Could be the result of the fact that nobody's been outside Because once everybody starts going outside you might see more cases if China did this and they introduce a vaccine and then we all take the vaccine and then they flip on the 5g switch and We all explode or we all fall to the ground and start shaking you got to give it to China You got it folks folks Yeah, gotta give it to him Credit where credit is due Sometimes you got to know when you've been beat

They're gonna win They're putting people in in in in While they're still screaming in in in a in a crematorium and then put them in an urn They're gonna win here. We're apologizing because we said the wrong word They're gonna win. It's just a matter of when and if they really Did this and then the 5g starts being used and people just fall to the ground and start shaking. I mean Hats off to China. I don't I don't want it I don't want it to be the case. But if that is the case

As so many of you happen to believe then hey, what are you gonna do? What are you really gonna do? All these people are going to work Trump doesn't care about these people Yeah, he doesn't He does it He's not gonna Obama did it

I understand it's shitty to work at a meat processing plant When this pandemic is happening How fun was it? Pre-pandemic to work at the meat packing plant What kind of barrel of fun? Was it packaging meat before this for no money? Let me know. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it was a a real ball

Everyone who's having at the meat packaging plant before corona. I could be wrong Meat needs to be packaged People need to package meat. I like meat. So do you? If we fire all the people this comes down to the fact that not everybody Is going to there are people out there That work at jobs that are not There's no silver lining So their silver lining is a ciggy

or a glass of booze or maybe a nice pill or the lord jesus or You know dark web torture porn or A nice big buford at checkers nice sloppy buford But the job's not getting better

at the meat plant It's think about it Think about working at the meat plant. It's not nice. It's not good Everyone's like about workers at the meat. By the way, did anyone give a shit? About any of these essential workers before they're essential. They're making eight dollars an hour They're essential We've never treated them like essential workers and I'm saying that's fucked up I'm saying that's not good, but we've never treated them like it's a because let's be honest if you're essential in a pandemic

It doesn't mean you're essential without a pandemic And I'm I respect the fuck out of the grocery clerks that are out there But it's it's you know, it's a different world now and you're now essential But you were an essential and it's insulting you to pretend that we think you're really we don't think you're really essential I gotta be honest with you. I'm telling the truth Susie sarandon won't maybe she will saranda is all over the place and probably on pills and might say things it makes sense occasionally, but you know what I mean the The people out here in the hollywood and their pools

They're not gonna tell you the truth. I'm telling you the truth We don't really think you're essential. We just don't want you to die I don't want to die and I don't want you to die But we don't think you're essential and we god if any of us and I mean anybody Had to work at the meat packing plant. They would blow their head off I'm just say I'm not insulting you at the plant. I have to be honest It's if you don't expect honesty from me I don't know what I can give you truly if you're not expecting honesty here

So let's cut the shit and this canard about the essential word It's it's great like all of these celebrities like it's the thank you bus drivers. Fuck one Hey, fuck one Fuck a bus driver Make them essential to your pussy Fuck one of these people that you say are essential Take them home Open your beautifully manicured snatch

To someone packing meat at the plant How about that? Put your money where your mouth is and put his mouth where your mouth is Or her mouth go grab a big feisty dike at the tyson Chicken plant and let her go down on you Why not because you're essential Thank you. Is there anything Now I brought food twice to the nurses and the doctors and I immediately regretted it and I paid once

Whitney paid the other time. She's done well Uh and and the reality is this I want I want the nurses in it, but then I realized they don't need food They don't need me showing up with with big ziti They don't need me showing up with trays of lasagna This isn't a retirement party in a vfw hall in long island. This is an er They need other shit ppe vaccine. Listen. I'm all for helping people, but I we have to be honest now Because if we're not honest, we're gonna we're going to

We're going to devolve rapidly Into a world where people are always lying at every and that's going to get us all killed Sooner or later if we're not honest. We have to be honest. You don't care About the essential workers. You can't flip a switch and start caring about someone overnight You truly do not care Because here's the thing some of these essential work and I understand But some of them still have attitudes. I'll rip the mask off your face

Do you understand? I said, where's the gravlocks? The gravlocks is different than the regular smoked salmon. Bitch, you know this you know this The smoked salmon and the grab the gravlocks is cured with the dill Don't treat me. I will I'll grab the mask off your face He's what up Okay, let's cut this shit. I know that everybody's treating you like you're just you know So let's cut it out. I am all for paying these people more fucking money But I'm not for these fake social media

Displays of affection to strange. They don't care stop banging pots and pans. Yes, it is nice for a little while It is nice. I understand that but we need deeper structural change You know, I know David Dobrik is going around LA shooting a t-shirt candidate people and they're making $10,000 That's lovely, but perhaps there needs to be a more widespread effort at healing the wealth divide That's so entertaining because we live in a fallen world Where you're you know people's only hope now is that the millionaire from youtube shoots a t-shirt candidate them with $10,000 I was I thought he was just going around LA shooting people which I supported and I said now now I get it I get it. I people I was like, why is this guy so popular? He's a cutie and he's nice and I do I do like him

I've no beef with him But you know, I was always said like why is he and then I looked they go Oh, he's just running around and he's shooting people and I go that I like and I think there's something about that He's embracing where we are and what needs to be done They were going he's going around and he's shooting families in need and at that point I said well I like that right he sees a family in need. He goes. Well, they're a fucking I don't need four leeches Get him out of here. I was like I'm in for that now, but supposedly he's giving the money. I don't like that I don't like that, but he's going around to families in need. This is America in 2020

I want everybody To take a deep breath and realize where America is in 2020 America in 20 if you are a family in need in America You can only rely on the youtube guy shooting you with a t-shirt cannon and hope to god It has a check in it because the government is no we're no longer a functional state That's where we are. That's not a joke. That's not a bit That's not a bit and and the government will provide you nothing Your only hope is that you happen to be walking around the same area

As the youtube millionaire who's shooting $10,000 checks at you That's charity in america. He's going to shoot a potato gun And He's going to bury a $10,000 check in a potato and then shoot it at you That's that is america right now and you trend it on twitter for it and people like he's the best person It's ever lived and I have no I'm not saying don't do charity, but I'm saying That's where we are. I have to step not everything can be about selling sneakers Which is my problem but existing in the digital world because that's literally

Everything here is just about and we are launching a line of something soon And I don't want don't come at me and say well, what about this and either that you go Fuck your mother is what that is because we're launching something very soon It's going to be very good for everybody and and all of the donations Uh, we'll go to a hollywood celebrities who are already wealthy Because we're not throwing good money after bed. I'm telling you that Families in need. Why are you a family away from me gross? Go get david go chase david dobrik down the street. Maybe he'll shoot you with it with it with

With a t-shirt cannon Maybe there'll be a wet t-shirt contest where at the end of it david dobrik He gives you 30 grand in pennies and you have to crawl around the street and and stuff them in your ass It doesn't matter, but that's where we are as a country And and be happy be happy david. I'm not I'm not insulting him be happy. He's there I'm I don't have the money to do that. I don't have the sponsors that help me do that either. Okay I guess I could fling ridge wallets at these families in need, which by the way, I saw the videos You know how in need these people were people that are in need

You can't shoot something out in many cases because they would shoot you back I Wish he shot something with 10 grand I would I would say yelling at him like what the fuck am I gonna do a 10 grand in LA? Go to lunch go to lunch But that's where we're at the government gave you 1200 dollars david dobrik's giving you 10 000 That's something to think about that's something to think about the fact that you have to rely on a a video

From a youtuber like you like if you're a poor person or you're somebody in need You have to retweet jeffrey star and hope that he gives you money That's part of the american system now part of the american system is youtube philanthropy That's part of america now People do it they tweet at these people. I am my loans as a student loans. I can't my dad is sick It's It's terrifying and tragic and it's part of america now that

YouTube philanthropy is the thing you just got to wait for whatever narcissist on youtube is willing to throw you money I Want to go around would have gone and take ten thousand dollars from people And I would love that if that was the video If youtubers got together and went around bevelly hills and took ten grand from people with a gun Not a t-shirt got a real gun a big boy gun Took ten grand from people. I would watch that video I'm just saying this is where we are people say I don't have anything on the pad

The circle represents a circle of life. I like having the pad here. Fuck off Please join the patreon. There's there's hundreds of thousands of you listening to this. We have 4,500 patreon. What are you gonna do? It's all over. They're not making any more movies this year. They're not making a you're you're gonna have to wait for oz and czark Ozark season four. Okay, which will be written by ai at that point and you'll all love it So don't you know get excited over there ozark Everybody it's the best show. It's it's great. Loreline and jason bateman are phenomenal And julia garner are amazing actors and they do a great job with what I would consider Is an okay script. It is fine

It is a serviceable piece of work for those great actors to do every Movie or tv show right now should just be me yelling at people There is no reason to have any other entertainment right now. It is tone deaf It is tone deaf to have anything else but me screaming at people in my fucking carpeted apartment because I live in hell If you have a carpet you truly live in hell You really live in hell people don't realize that the sign of poverty is a is a carpet a disgusting dirty Stranger things era 80s carpet where you're just like get me the fuck out of here

Okay, it's nice to have a persian rug. It's different a carpeting It just means you live in an old place I live in an old apartment building where a lot of actors and actresses have probably said their final farewell They said goodbye Here I'm living with their dust It's in the walls and the air broken dreams

Just a litany of failures I mean That's what i'm saying Folks, let's talk about cereal because I am so I you know, I want to talk about cereal actually because You know when I was a child my parents didn't do a lot of the things I wanted They didn't get me a dog. They said my mother was allergic. They were probably lying They Didn't let me have cereal with yellow dye number five. They wouldn't let me have lucky charms

It wouldn't have me all that stuff. So what I did is a way to get back at them was become a gay cocaine addict in my uh Immediately almost immediately a few years after that literally a few years after at 13 I was doing coke and trying to find dicks to suck and that's their fault. I would have been a married Uh banker who attended a golf club if they just let me get all my fun out with lucky fucking charms Instead they said no lucky charms for you. So I found lucky charms and I blew them right up my nose But breakfast used to be fun, right? I mean once you start watching your carbs and sugar it gets boring It's true. We're all trying to do keto paleo. Whatever. We all want to survive get the immune system strong

So corona doesn't kill us but now I want to get the ads going that's my point here patreon's great But we've got to get the ads going You know, you know why all the big podcasts in LA don't have patreons Because they have and I'll always do a patreon because I always want to do content That I like the idea patreon's five bucks. You get four hours. It's fucking. It's good. It's real deal. Shit You're not getting fucked over. I've sold a lot of bad products in my life Subprime mortgages cop your machines. It didn't work and I'll do it again

But the point is that the patreon's actually a good deal But a lot of these big podcasts in LA they don't need that because everybody buys the shit. So just buy the shit, please I'm not gonna get less funny I know you know what I mean I'm not gonna I think some of you think I'm gonna get less funny When I when I when I like have a home when I can afford a house Here's what's gonna happen if I can't afford house. I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill all of you. I'll find the way to kill all of you. I don't know how I'm gonna do it

I'll figure out a fucking way I'll kill every last one of you. I'll kill my whole audience What's going on with this vaccine these motherfuckers you pull something up here about the vaccine What are we doing? What is what is the vaccine here? I was fucking around in the kitchen I think I got something with a little white wine vinegar and something. I'm gonna call the cdc tomorrow See if we can start a trial fucking around a little extra virgin olive oil a little white wine vinegar I think we could kind of do it We've we've topped over 50,000 deaths. It's a fucking ugly thing, man

Anti-vaccine anti lockdown movements converging refusing to be enslaved. Here's the thing folks Here's the point. It's again. This is unhelpful to have this fucking I mean, it's such a We have such a fucking dumb country It's such a dumb country That it's the people are not governable Because on one side of the anti lockdown movement you have these retards That are like going out there and they're acting like they have a right

To like completely destabilize society entirely By just flouting every like common sense like you wouldn't even have to have these lockdown movements if we were hygienic Take a shower pig You wouldn't even have to have these fucking lockdown movements if you didn't go to apple bees and take a shit in the booth Like these the reason that you have to be locked inside of your houses So there's certain people that are like I just want to go cough on old people Because that's it's really and then the other side of morons who are like who are like this quarantine

Has become like a boon for like cat mom winos Who are like baking bread and showing us they're like um Chocotery platters all day and it's like enough with that. They're fetishizing this quarantine They like being alone They like like the idea that they can just they're there they work at some bullshit creative job They've saved up enough money. They don't understand that there's people out there that have to really work in america at real fucking jobs okay

Some people need to go out and open up their business that they own the fucking fried chicken and grenade stand Or whatever it is because that's what's out there people need fried chicken and grenades So on one side you have people be like, hey, what do you mean? I can't fall apart. I want to part You have these fucking disgusting spring break kids, which by the way, let's end that whole thing Let's end that immediately all of that What I hope Truly truly what I hope comes out of this pandemic is I don't want to ever see anyone in public again happy If we can go through this whole pandemic and on the other side of it come out with a stoic

Scandinavian group of people who like barely shows emotion and just walks around the street It'll be like something good. There's nothing more repulsive than seeing people Now here I like maniacal laughter when you see me and my friends out You'll always see us laughing a lot, but we never look happy because we're not We're laughing because if we weren't we would be killing ourselves The only and it's the type of laughter that's very unstable and it could lead very quickly into screaming or crying That is still okay But genuine displays of affection and happiness amongst groups or couples should be over now

You should be walking around thinking about death every minute of every day the darkness That lives outside of you should now live in you a little part of it should live in you So what I mean here is that like I understand how gross it is If you're fucking cousin is in the hospital with covid and they're fighting for their fucking life And then you see these idiots that just want to be on jet skis It'll drive you fucking mad But you still have to understand that there are people that need to go out and work at the fried chicken and grenade stand

And i'm not saying that To shit on the people at all in the front because a lot of people go Oh, you're an elitist you're shit on the front chicken and grenade say number one I'm not but that's what's going on in the country like and I mean those types of jobs It's not the rich fox don't need to go the fuck back out for the most part It's people that work at the at fucking places where they they gotta be there You know, it's like the meatpacking plant which we gotta have a chain can't have the food supply You know interrupted by this shit. It's it's you know, we need to feed the country

We need to feed the country and I know I live in california Everybody thinks we could feed the country with like bullion cubes of vegetable. We can't people need to eat meat They need to eat things that other people have killed the large corporations have tortured put them in a in a in a thing And then somebody and this is why life sucks somebody is gonna have to put the meat in the package Before you get it and I know that's not nice to think about But it's okay because listen and then you can't tell those people not to smoke or not to drink You gotta let them live it up the way they want to live it up If you work at a meatpacking plant you go you do you

No, don't eat organic Go to town If you're unhappy Make yourself happy Yes, there are better ways to do it a long walk is probably better than a plate of chili southwestern egg rolls But guess what? Some people need that egg roll I saw a woman. I was I was driving home

Driving back to the house to do the podcast. I saw some woman like limping She's like a decent younger good-looking person. She's like limping down laurel canyon and like And I don't know what the fuck happened. I don't know if a sex dungeon opened the doors and flung around But I'm like, what's this bitch going through and now because of covet you can't pull over and even try to help them And I wouldn't have done it before covet but now because of covet you can't I could see a whole family getting lit on fire I would just roll my window up and keep driving because it's the right thing to do right now because of the pandemic You gotta be a real hero now Thanks bus drive. Hey, thanks bus drive. You don't take the bus. You don't give a shit about bus drivers

Shut the fuck up. You don't care about the people that work in a meat processing plant You call them all murderers You'd like their job to be fucking outlawed if it was up to you Everybody would be putting edamame in their ass and there'd be no fucking meat pet packaging plant or whatever But this is the way these motherfuckers have to make a living. They have to do this It is what it is. It's not nice, but they're not qualified. You know, maybe they're not qualified to do other things Did you ever think about that that the person working in the meat packaging plant has to have a job? And it can't be running paramount pictures. Maybe they're not qualified for it

Maybe they're not qualified to own a bank or to run a business or to own a restaurant Maybe they can't be a carpenter. Maybe they can't sell cars. Maybe they can't be a medical assistant Maybe they can't be a physician. Maybe they can't be a lawyer a doctor a cop Maybe they can't work in a diner. Maybe they have to work in that meat packaging plant And that's what it is I would like and by the way, if you work in a meat packaging plant, I'm not going at you I'm not even in so I'm not insulting you at all What I'm trying to say is that you're being patronized by people that don't give a shit about you

Because we all work in these grocery stores and half of us. This is what really people think This is do you want to hear the honesty of what's going on right now? Rich people want a vaccine so they can go back to treating you like shit That's exactly what it is They want to get pricked so they can go right back to walking a grocery store and fucking treating you like shit That's what they want. So this whole idea got You know the essential workers this bullsh- and listen

I am not Abusive to workers now a lot of people will say that's untrue because of things that I've said before I have never Been abusive to someone at a restaurant that did not have it coming or that I wasn't trying to better as a person I'm I support you which is why this bitch In Bristol farm to keeps give me a look is is gonna get dragged Because I want her to succeed. So when you give me an attitude When you give me an attitude

I know that you don't want the best for you But I do so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna hit you in the back of the head with a loaf of bread And your mask is gonna come out and you're gonna lick the floor and you're gonna get I'm gonna make you lick the floor Like you get COVID like to see from American history acts I'm not so here's the reality let's these people should get paid I called for it. I said give them give them Cancel all the student debt for the nurses and the doctors Go treat these essential people like government employees for this period of time If you work at a place like Target or whatever and you're at risk

These people should be eligible for maybe low interest rate loans a portion of their student debt too. I'm all for that I'm all for all of that But what I'm not for is the patronizing horseshit Because I don't we don't care. I don't care. No, I don't really care about you I want you to have money and survive, but I don't care about you and you don't care about me. So let's cut it out Obama doesn't care. Trump doesn't care Chuck Schumer doesn't care. Amy Schumer doesn't care. No one cares true

You barely care about your neighbor You barely know their name if I see my cousin on the subway I walk to the other car because I just go what am I gonna do here? Oh, yeah, your mom's good. No, it's good I saw you I saw you So this whole pretend caring shit is is it's an insult to your intelligence. I don't know you Woman at this grocery store, but I want you to have health insurance and money But I'm not going to tell you I care. I care in the abstract about you Just let it caring in the abstract in this country, you know, but they don't no one gives really I don't care

You're a central worker now, which is great And I appreciate that because you are doing an essential function for the moment But as soon as that vaccine is here, do kid do not kid yourself as soon as that vaccine is here You'll you'll go back to getting open hand smacked in the face If the deli counter doesn't have what these bitches want it is what it is I mean, I just I'm I hope I'm making the point that I want to make here, which is not fuck these people They're working their ass off. I'm for giving them a lot more What I'm against is this fake thing. Well, you don't care about the can you stop get my aunt calls me

She's like they shouldn't open the economy people gonna die. You don't care. You don't care Just stay in your house You don't care about the red It's and I'm not a sociopath that doesn't have any feelings, but I'm telling you patrice did a bit about it Where's a kid can't care There's so much shit going wrong in the world at any given moment Your own survival depends upon you not caring about every little thing your own Survival depends on you not caring about every little thing

You have to just get on with it and figure out a way to survive in this fallen fucking world And you could support policies That help people you can support all of that shit, but don't don't fucking this whole horseshit Thank you bus driver. Thank you nurses Thank you Food delivery. Let me tell you right now. Let me tell you right now If everyone says the postmates but the door dash people are essential. Let me tell you right now I if I

door dash If I could give the ceo of door dash Fuck corona if I could give him ebola and watch him bleed out of his eyes hemorrhagic fever Door dash is the most incompetent I mean they don't best case they deliver your food to someone else Best case someone else eats your fucking meal and I'm gonna have to pretend that door dash is an essential fucking service They can't do anything right. I'm gonna have to say everybody working at door dash as a hero

Because it's Two months ago. It was a stoner who couldn't sell the screenplay and now he's a hero Because he's because he's dropping off meatballs. Stop Stop it now. You're insulting people. You're making them weak and you're destroying them and I refuse to do it I refuse to be a party to your lies Essential workers some yes some no Let's cut it the fuck out not every nurse is a fucking hero either They're not some of them are some of them are great and I respect the fuck out of what some of them are doing

Especially if I get sick and I have to go to the hospital the one that works on me That's one that I real respect and I support that one But some of these other ones I don't know That's my whole point here my whole point is that For our own sake And for the good of the country and for the good of these People for the good of the essential workers we have to begin to abuse them again For the good of the essential workers we need to be to get to a point where we can start

Opening our assholes and taking a shit on them Because that's when you're going to know The country is beginning to heal When when we start treating the the grocery store workers like garbage again That's when you know that this great disgusting country of ours, which is I was gonna say almost over it's over and then something I mean, I don't know what to tell you The hope in this country right now

Is that one of those essential workers when they're walking back to their apartment gets shot with a t-shirt gun on youtube That's their hope That they get shot that some narcissist who's got a youtube following decides to shoot them With a potato gun full of money. That's their hope. That's the country that we've all created because we lie We lie and we go I just think just thank you Thank you so much Thank you essential workers. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. I'm gonna bad bye. I'm gonna bang a pot

Does it mean anything Does it mean anything folks? But we've got to figure out a way to start opening things up safely Because the country cannot become a bunch of wino cat moms and that's what we see Who's truly fetishizing and enjoying this to an unhealthy degree is wino cat moms with like plaid sweaters and they're sitting around and They're posting photos of their goofy parents. My parents are being so goofy They're so goofy. Look. I made banana bread get the fuck up and get ready for the war

We're going we're having nuclear war with china in like six months wake the fuck up I hope you like your fucking cat then We're going to have a new What's funny is when me and ben started the show the idea of us sitting in a room and Where I would just scream about nuclear war At midnight. Yeah, exactly what we we wanted to create that space You know, but this is this is what I mean the cat moms can't win these morons can't win either

That are walking around You know, it's also stop giving candy. Someone's all your money Stop don't any listen. I know the drag stuff can give you a little force and it can get a little annoying You're more mad at the drag show on HBO than you're mad at the people who didn't give you any money The government shut down the economy gave you $1,200 Trump's the president. What are you dumb? You think Jared Goldman Sachs Kushner gives a fuck about you grow up You dummy They want you in the street. I want you in the street and I have no money. I barely have nothing

People like bill gates wants to depopulate the world. I'm like, so do I I just want to decide who goes People that don't buy the magic spoon cereal is certainly not safe That's that great bill Hicks bill Hicks did a bit like that. I kind of forget it, but he was like He's like he's like politics make strange bedfellows. He was like People were like the Iraqis. They just want to cut off bushes head and play soccer with him. Bill Hicks is like He's that's what Saddam wants. They go. Yeah, Bill Hicks goes. That's what I want He's like me and Saddam. We're like this man

strange bedfellows You can't be overly panicked about anything. Don't be overly panicked about the chip that's coming into your neck It's probably coming But we're not gonna be alive to see it and all these liberty movements that are sprouting up around the country in spirit I I'm with you. But what are you really doing? You you know, let's let's truly be honest here Is it liberty? Is it true liberty or is it liberty because you just want some version of jesus fascism? Because that's what you want

You just want to be a slave to another thing That's insanely corrupt. That's the problem. I have the problem with the modern conspiracy movement is everything goes back to jesus Everything goes back to it's a fight between good and evil. You're just turning your brain off You get into conspiracies. You get into alternative Alternate history whatever you want to call it because you don't want to turn your brain off You don't want to be shoveled. You know this this shit from the mainstream media and the government You don't want to take everything they say

You turn your brain on when you then take that and it all goes back to john 3 16 and jesus That means your brain is off again. You've turned your brain off And you're looking for right solutions that make you feel good And that's what bothers me about the modern You know the because it's blown up. It went mainstream conspiracy wasn't ever supposed to go mainstream Most people can't handle it. They don't understand most people now They were getting redpilled and they're they're figuring shit out. But they're they're so they don't have any of the facts They've never read a book. They've learned about american history through memes. They don't know anything

Their minds are melting. They don't understand new ones and they're being Taken advantage of by just charlatans of people who know that i'll have to shit. They're pushing is it real? They know the q and not shit They know the people that are making money off this know there's not going to be three days of darkness Which ends with the arrest of some fucking celebrity. They know that They know that they're just and the ones that don't that's scary But most of them know that most of them don't care. They're just figuring out a way to take your money Because they're convincing you

That for whatever reason There's some big thing and you're in on it You know it You're in on it and you're gonna have a front row seat to all the justice. It's not gonna happen How stupid do you have to be to believe that a guy who had the top tv show in all of hollywood Who is friends with the clintons who is friends with jeffrey eppstein? Who wouldn't care if his own daughter tiffani was thrown out of a helicopter? How that suggested today that maybe chlorine might make sense inside of you to fight the virus like

This guy is leading a secret war To rid the world of satan He made his money with gambling and modeling He made his money with gamblers and whores This guy's trying to get satan out of the world when When did he discover jesus his third or fourth marriage? I mean I understand nancy polosi sucks and you want to stick it to the liberals

But how dumb do you have to be? I want to be that I want to be that dumb To believe that that guy's the guy That's gonna do it The people that would do shit like that don't get elected. Don't gay have no money The people that really care about the children tend not to build real estate empires with russian Who live in their buildings who are doing Human trafficking

I mean guys At what point do you put the fantasies down? The reason you don't want to do it is because then you know it when you Finally accept that you've been taken for a you chris rations made a great point about north korea He goes, you know, nobody's choking around here. Nobody's talking about how bad it is He goes in every, you know fascist country, uh, you know authoritarian Theocracy he had been to there was at least some joke or somebody looked at somebody else like fucking They're really fucking us here, you know, but in north korea. They didn't do that

And he goes that was the most alarming thing about it is the lack of any of that sentiment And he goes he asked somebody why and they said to him they were like listen It's easier to go along with things than to admit your entire life has been a lie I get it. There's good when trump's out of office It probably will take another four years because they're running biden But who knows p might you know another thing? I mean again the economy You know incumbents usually win but when the economy when there's bread lines might be tough, you know, but the reality is Like you have to

When when he's out of office You're gonna have to say to yourself We got taken a little Got taken for and I by the way, I don't think everything he tried to do was wrong. I think you need an immigration I think I've been very clear I think if he if he said what he was going if he if he if he rolled back to carried interest loophole Which he didn't because chuck schumer and wall street got involved but if he did that if he gets more companies back to america if he

if he focuses on An economic policy that centers Bringing certain manufacturing jobs and certain things back to america incentivizing companies to come back here I have no problem with that enforcing border security. I have no problem with that. Um He's done it in a cruel and inhumane integrating way of separating families I've never been for that but I've always been for having a border as most sane people are Okay, not to cast of SNL, but most sane human beings understand why we need some type of border. Okay Okay, not if you're on coke every night and you're with other celebrities and everyone's doing coke

And the only meals you eat is through your nose. I understand that you don't understand why we need a border But most people do and thank god other people are thinking, huh? Thank god you get paid money to bomb all the time Dressed up like a like a fucking muppet The point is this folks when trumps out of office There's a lot of people that are gonna have to come to the realization That electoral politics doesn't work We're a failed state

And it's dysfunctional and the only thing Truly if you want real change If you want a country that actually functions what you're going to have to do is buy the magic spoon cereal Do you understand that? You have to buy If you buy it and you eat it You'll feel like a child again and you'll cast aside all the racism and all the xenophobia and all the whatever And you'll become that child that believes again

And it was through all of us believing and creating that reality that we can have a new country But it will not have and mark my fucking words Without the magic spoon cereal will be we will be more chaos and death to a to a degree that even further I mean, it's just gonna be You'll see people walking around snapping the necks of their pets in the middle of the street or Magic spoons and don't buy a box or two buy a lot Buy a lot

But that's what i'm saying i'm saying when you grow up, you know I paid attention to politics very closely when I was a child I was in high school and you know a little bit of college and you start realizing you're like, oh, no it no it's Oh, it's pretend and people make a lot of money pretending And I get it like I get that People need to print like oh, okay. I sure I understand it But what you don't understand

Is that the vaccine to coronavirus is the magic spoon cereal It is the vaccine to the pandemic If we all eat it we'll get to a point where we can walk back into grocery stores and start attacking the people we can start to choke out uber drivers again We can start to punch the delivery people in the face We can start treating those essential workers the way we've all treated them by just think about this think about it's a year from now There's no new cases and you see an essential worker and you just splash a glass of your piss in his face That's when you know and he says thank you because thank you sir

Thank you sir, and you go you like it That's when you know You know this country's back in business when just slain maxwell has a show on brava You Know she's one of the real housewives of new york just slain maxwell She's an international woman of mystery Trying to think what her poor quote would be she'd be like a lot of people got a lot to say about me But they don't know the real me

If they did know the real me they wouldn't talk because all fucking I'll have them killed that's right I'm just slain That's It's pretty much what we had to go over this week Uh for those of you in a bad spot Don't worry about it things are gonna get better potentially position yourself in front of david dobrick's t-shirt gun Or embrace a world where no one really cares about you

certainly not politicians And go from there just go from there just wake up every day and go yep. I'm all I've got No one else truly cares. Maybe find a bed. Maybe get a good friend. You should have like three or four friends folks stop it These these cat moms that love the quarantine. They all have a trillion pretend friends. They got a trillion pretend friends I'm telling you right now small group Figure out what you can do We'll all get to a point in this country When we can piss in the mouth

Of an essential worker Because that's the goal And that that's what trump's thinking and you can't say it But the trumps trumps going like when we can like backhand Uh an essential worker again Oh We're gonna feel good like everybody's like What's the thing like what are you gonna do and you're out of quarantine?

What's the first thing you're gonna do? Are you gonna go to a restaurant? You go to the beach? You're gonna come the first thing i'm gonna do is get in a fight With this bitch at Bristol farms getting a screaming match with her go. You knew Don't roll your eyes to grab locks and the smokes out. They're different. You knew it She's gonna be like my my little brother. It's dead from coronavirus and i'm just gonna backhand And other people in the store are gonna just give me a nod and we're all gonna be back and we're all gonna be Dancing around and just fucking smacking Smacking people throwing acid in the faces of nurses again. Get over here. You stupid bitch

That's what I used to say to nurses. I used to go to doctors also a nurse. What can I say get the doctor you stupid bitch Now I can't because I might get coronavirus and I might have to be on a fucking tube or whatever they call it So I have to treat them with respect. But what I used to do when the nurse walked in is I'd spit right in her face and go Take get me the fucking doctor. Are you you are you whore? What are you a stripper? What are you a stripper? You're gonna take your tits out. I'm a faggot. I don't even want that So whoever ordered you you're in the wrong room get the doctor clown But I can't do that now But when we're able to do that when we can go back to our old

behaviors If you're getting on a bus go right in a bus driver's face go you're out of the money, what are you gonna do? That's that's when you know this great country This country that I love you people think satan so involved in this country satan would be embarrassed by this place satan would run from this place very good satan would go here and go It's

It's the same reason That nobody no big hollywood person is offered to take this podcast and make it any better Because satan would have the same view of this country in this world that the hollywood people have about this podcast They look at it and they go well. We really don't know what else we can do. You seem to have done it all yourself Good luck