The Tim Dillon Show - 202: 202 - Puppies Rainbows Candy Lamborghinis

Episode Date: May 31, 2020

Tim discusses the wonderful men that grow up to be police officers, the Stunning Estate documentary on Netflix, shopping at Target, and the iconic show "Looney Tunes." Bonus Episodes every week: https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow Merch: https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dillon-show/ Please Support Our Sponsors: WALLETS - www.ridge.com/tim to get 10% off a ridge wallet. UNDERWEAR - https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ and order with PROMO CODE Tim to get 20% off your first order VPN - https://www Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim Dillon show can everybody just be nice Just be nice That's the ethos of America's just be nice Can't you be nice? Everybody's got problems Everybody's got problems Even the cop who put his knee on that guy's knack and murdered him Doesn't he deserve our our pity?

Shouldn't we be nice to him? Shouldn't we be nice to people? Shouldn't we be nice to target? Why not it's Target It's our friend target It's uncle target Why in God's name?

Would you ever? Damage a hair on the head of uncle target or aunt auto zone or Dykant These are corporations. There are family There are family. They're more important than people Oh Well corporations are made of people Tim shut up They're made of slaves and drones with a few people

What is what is it accomplished to burn down your community What what community? The people that are burning the community down don't own the community They've been prevented from doing so with laws That have prevented them from owning the things So maybe they don't have an attachment to it like you do Maybe they're not as attached to it as you are because they didn't inherit a home With a nice lawn and a big backyard and they didn't get a small business loan to start a business

They don't feel as connected to the community as you do Because cops can put you know could step on their throat whenever they want So they don't feel as connected to the community. Why would they ever touch target? That's where I buy towels You should be looting target regardless of what the fucking cops do You should loot target every day. You should wake up leave your house and loot target The government of this country shut down the economy gave you $1,200 and gave billionaires the rest of That bailout it was the largest transfer of wealth and fucking human history and people are upset because somebody ran out of target with a

Panini press grow the fuck up Forget for a minute George, what's his name George Floyd? Forget that for a second and just think about what else has gone on in the past three months the idea that the You know, and I'm not for violence I don't want anybody hurt and I don't want anybody's private property fucked with and I know that that's what's coming And I know that these riots they just you know these violence begets violence But as an observer to look back and to not realize why this is happening and why that it has a

Justification it means that you're not paying any fucking attention and haven't been Things ain't good. They ain't good. I know they're good on Netflix. I Know they're nice The TV shows you watch Just be nice just be nice out there Don't call anyone names. Well, things are things are much worse than that They're further along the line. They're further down the line than just that There's a lot of luxury problems we have in this country

And there's a lot of people that don't have the luxury of having those problems. They don't have food their water is the color of Nestle quick and the cops have been putting their kids in jail have been putting them in jail And I mean listen, I Mean, I don't know what to tell you. I Don't know what to tell you But the whole idea of like we're gonna do a beer summit where Obama's gonna go down there and have a beer with this Cop and forgive him and then the cops gonna go on Ellen and Do a 1970s style dance. He's gonna or he's gonna do some old depression era

Big bandy dance. He's down there doing the Charleston with Ellen. It's not gonna work anymore. It's just not gonna work people have had it. I Mean, I don't know what to tell you I'm sorry You know, you know, yes I would like to live in a world where things aren't burning down and there's not civil unrest in the streets But I mean if anybody has been paying attention to anything that has ever happened Even if you were paying attention by accident, you kind of get where this has been going You get where it's been going. I don't really feel bad for target

I don't feel bad for auto zone and you know, that police precinct got burned because that and I love by the way They just charge the cop we're recording this Friday. They just charge the cop, you know and You know people like they they don't know what new evidence the cop looked at the the other da looked at that made him charge the cop It's like, yeah the looting The burning of the city made the DA go, you know what? Maybe we should like charge the cop Who did this and arrest him? I don't know maybe George Floyd Floyd died of coronavirus. I don't know That's the next thing you're gonna be like we just tested positive for COVID-19. I don't know

I'm unaware of what happened, but I'll tell you this The amount of people out there defending target, I find to be laughable People should burn targets down on the reg on the regular Burn target down gives a fuck Well, there's employees the target. Yeah, I'm sure they're upset Sure, they're upset. They can't go in to work at target I'm sure there's a lot of tears flowing right now For the employees of target that they can't go to target because it got torched

You know so that they don't have the honor of working a target and then leaving and having a cop stop It's the stomp on their throat on the way home from target. Yeah, why change that world? It's been working so well for everybody It is what it is folks You know, I'm not a proponent of People getting hurt and I know it's easy for me to say shit on Twitter because I'm not out there throwing Molotov cocktails You know, but I mean, what am I supposed to sit in judgment of people who are and be like they're thugs and animals It's like yeah, dude cops don't treat me the way they treat black people. I'll tell you that much. They just don't you know

I did drugs. I grew up on Long Island. Me and my friends drove around very wealthy areas We got high a lot. You drove around mansions smoking weed seldom bothered by police you know seldom pulled over I drove drunk a lot a Lot Hammered. Yes. Have I been pulled over? Yes. Has my license been suspended? Yes Have I had interactions and run-ins with cops a hundred percent, but you want to look at the percentage of those

Versus a percentage of law-abiding black. I was breaking the law law-abiding black people have much higher percentages Of having incidents with police and they're much more likely to be killed They're much more likely to be taken into jail and arrested So when people get angry when this thing happens and then people go out there and they set fire To places is because they are powerless. They have no power. You've given them no power in society They don't believe I mean dude Epstein victims should be doing this

We're gonna talk about that documentary in a second, but it's like yeah These are children that were being fucked on an island by a guy who got away with it. He got away with it. I mean Deluding shouldn't end in this country. I mean Again, not that I want to see the results of it. None of us to but if you think logically about it The brick should just keep going through the windows really if you think about it The amount of injustice that you just have to swallow every day. Well, well, all right I guess that guy hung himself and in the jail with the cameras on and now all of the criminal sex criminals

pedophiles Murderers potentially they all can just none of them will none of their lives will be affected at all by this It's just neat tidy guy killed himself. That's over. There you go You know So the anger the rage that builds in people. It's just fucking it's real You know It's real. I threw him a griddle at someone today Through a griddle right in someone's face

Because I want to be involved in a little in the limited capacity So I took a McGriddle and I just slapped someone right across the face with a McGriddle And I said no justice no peace and I walked out Okay, because I want to be involved I Chucked a McGriddle Right as someone's grill unapologetically Okay

If I go to a 7-eleven I see those red box DVD things I'm gonna fuck one of them up if they're still there I don't know if they are but if they are I'm gonna light that up. Let's torch it Let's torch it Why the fuck not No justice no peace I have the address of my parents if anyone wants to go over there wake them up be sharing that later on Twitter They live in a woodhouse. It'll go up easy teach them a lesson. No justice no peace. I Have the addresses of many people I feel a fucked me over in the business. I should be bigger. I

Have their addresses maybe go to their community stand outside their homes wake them up Show them reality. No justice no peace These are just thoughts and ideas I'm an activist Understand So if you would go to my parents house and burn it down I'd be very grateful and I think we could move the country forward if you see my aunt Kathleen out throw throw something at her No justice no peace

If you see her out on Facebook grab her phone take her phone I These are just ideas These are just ideas because I'm an activist and I want if I want to help I Want to help Okay That's all I Think we could join the two protest groups the people that want to open everything up and the people that want to burn everything down

I have a solution. Let's open it up Let's eat and then let's burn it down That is a solution I can bring both sides of this country together. Let's open it up. Let's get a tostado nachos Let's get a three for all. Let's get a Jack Daniels whiskey glaze chicken sandwich Let's get a brownie obsession and then when they say here's the check go no Here's the check and burn it the fuck down, but let's have a meal first Let's have a meal and then let's bring it. Let's come together now

Let's go in let's sit down and then let's burn it down. I have no problem, but let's get in there And let's have a little let's have a salad with some breadsticks low ranch dressing and some bacon bits We deserve it. We went through a quarantine. Let's open these places up Let's force them to serve us and then let's torch them It's okay Smack the waitress with a fish sandwich not a problem Just tell her what it is out there I'm an activist no justice no peace Okay, none of it's my fault, but it's okay. I'm part of the problem. I'll be part of the solution

Let's open up and let's burn down Minneapolis looking like a third-world country looking like a war zone It's bad out there Yes, a lot of these protesters are Looney Tunes A lot of these protesters are not What you would call Upstanding members of society

Many of them and if I sat down with them, we'd probably not agree On a lot of things I get it. They probably want to abolish private property capitalism the police. No, you're gonna we're gonna have to have a society I'm sorry. We're gonna have to have a society but if but but In between Total apathy and burning everything down In the middle of that we can burn down the homes of my parents

And show people That they have to be accountable for the decisions that are made by their police and the district attorney in between total apathy And let's let's just and total chaos We can live in the middle By going and looking at the list of names that I'm gonna put on Twitter and and waking them up

Yeah, the Epstein doc, what did you expect it was gonna be? What did you think it was gonna be? uh, bill clinton confessing You think it was gonna happen. I think it's gonna be just slain max. Well She's on the thing like hello. Here's my story. It's like she just lying I'm at jeffrey. We were both kids like no You know one thing I let me tell you what my biggest takeaway from the epstein documentary on netflix was man Palm beach is fucking legit

You don't see money like you do in palm beach. Let's not forget that the east coast invented fucking money Let's not forget it There are three places on this in this world that you see mansions like that And they are long island new york the gold coast of long island Where the vander belts and the guggenheims and all those motherfuckers lived newport rhoda island And palm beach florida Makes bel-air and Beverly hills look like fucking track houses. I'm talking 50 room stone castles marble beautiful

That's the takeaway Let's be honest. You do not feel as bad for the kids when you've seen the homes What do you want to do work at the gap shut up? Now i'm against the pedophilia and the murder, but Let me tell you right now. It's a goddamn stunning estate. It's a beautiful property. It's an iconic property It's a nice place to be raped Not I am not for rape But if we went down the list of places to be sexually assaulted

Palm beach, I mean the franklin scandal these kids were getting sacrificed in barns and fucking Omaha They were eating at waffle houses. This is palm mother fucking beach private islands ranches in new mexico limestone mansions right by central park in new york city That's where you took away from the there's nothing else there I mean You know the entirety

Of the story of the entire documentary is is is is that they divorce it from any historic precedent Of this happening before and when the vicki ward is a journalist who when I had whitney web on the program And if you watched a whitney web show you know that A lot of what you learned in the epsiode doc you had previously learned on my show and more By the way, and don't get a twisted censorship. It's not all about not letting the information come out this online censorship It's about they want to dribble it out and they want to earn all the money off it So don't kid yourself. It's not only that they don't want it to come out

They want it to come out in their fucking mini series. They want it to come out the way they you know When they can profit off it, okay? That's why when the fc story happens You know people go in and buy the rights and these these mega hollywood guys get the rights to these stories because then they're controlled How the narrative Is told to people and the money you know So It's not just about we don't want the info out

A lot of it is that but then some of it's like we're gonna have to put some of it out If not all of it, but we're gonna earn the money from it. We don't want all these independent people You know reaching audiences and and building any type of equity in their own Operations online. We want to control the flow of information and capital to us So the epsiode documentary, you know in the beginning vicky ward who's the journalist who we don't know if we trust I don't know whitney's very skeptical of her. I haven't done any research into it. It does smell a little fishy

She wrote an article about epsiode for vanity fair Vanity fair supposedly refused to publish it But vicky says in the beginning she's like yeah epsi was this gatsby like man of mystery And so automatically immediately in the beginning of the series you go. Oh, this is a superhuman guy Who's very mysterious? He's oh, it's oh, he's a once in a lifetime figure He's just a character with all these powers that we don't know how he has any of them But he's just this island so to speak no pun intended unto himself, which isn't true

Okay, less waxer is mentioned briefly It's like in a very in a very like barely important way and less waxers kind of portrayed as a victim This billionaire is a victim of jeffrey eppstein This guy who owns victoria secret in the limited and j crew i believe i'm not sure but he owns the first two He's a billionaire the largest most expensive residence in ohio Was a victim of jeffrey eppstein. He just got conned by this dictionary salesman going door to door Eppstein just a less waxer just happened to give him a mansion in manhattan in a ranch and all this money Gave him billions of dollars he got swindled by jeffrey eppstein supposedly swindled by jeffrey eppstein a college dropout

From new york city gets swindled where all throughout the film We have to believe that everybody's being swindled and tricked and hustled and nobody has any clue as to what's going on And eppstein gets a job at bare sterns and they find out he never went to school and eppstein Talks his way back into bare sterns and okay Maybe maybe not we don't know And he got this job at dalton this prep school in new york city and our current attorney general bar his father i believe Hired jeffrey eppstein to teach math and at prep school in new york city one of the

Top schools in the country dalton And and he got that job as a college dropout And we're we're asked to believe That all of these things and not one or two of them But every single one is this happenstance trickery That jeffrey eppstein is able to just move through all of these circles of people Swindle them take their money blackmail them potentially we don't know but somehow always come out

Of a shitstorm smelling like you know lilies flowers. He's fine He's able to do that. We're all supposed to believe this And we don't talk about any historical precedent for this There's it none of it is mentioned the franklin scandal is not mentioned They do not mention anything about jimmy savill who is a bbc presenter And a a heinous pedophile Six sadistic guy And they don't go into any of this. They don't go into any of the the credible

Allocations about the kinkora boys home. They don't go into any of it They don't talk about the catholic church. It's pretty focused primarily on eppstein is this man of mystery They don't talk about blackmail operations Having been used before sexual blackmail Underage kids being used before No one brings that up. We're also supposed to just believe that that jeffrey eppstein just exists On this cloud and he's floating above everything and that somehow he's able to make this

Sweetheart deal which lets all of his accomplices named or unnamed. How insane is that? You're not even named just anyone that was involved Anyone that had their dick out on that island. You're good That was the deal and we're supposed to believe that he just you know He's just lucked into that deal and it's just what it is just luck and and charles gasparino Now that guy from cmbc is like, yeah, you know, he's in the tombs. It's underfunded It's underfunded the people that worked there. They're not that bright. You know who's not that bright you You're not that bright charles because we both know that's poor shit

We know you could keep somebody alive if you want to This was the highest profile criminal in this country. You know in a long long long time And the idea that like there was no way to keep them alive. It's just completely insane You had cameras and cells and the guards were asleep and the cameras weren't working Anybody believing the official story at this point was in on it If you're on social media going I think that guy killed himself, you know, whether you know, you're in on it. You did it But That was the epsi documentary people wanted me to comment on that. There's nothing to comment on truly

There's beautiful real estate if you like real estate as I do Many of you know have listened to this program I love real estate because many of the people who've succeeded at it seem to be developmentally disabled And that gives me hope When I watch these television shows and I see the idiots that are able to amass fortune selling real estate I believe that I could potentially have a second career real estate's a great fantasy career That I could just sling homes to people But that's all you're gonna get out of the documentary the women that come forward are brave

There they should be listened to it's heart wrenching the types of girls That they prayed upon our girls from broken homes that had suffered abuse. I mean, it's not it's worth a watch It's well worth watching I'm telling you that if it wasn't I would tell you but it's not going to To alter your perception of the events There's no real new information. It's still worth watching But it's not so in between

You know Throwing a Molotov cocktail at Boston Market Go and check it out It's nothing else but to see Palm Beach It's beautiful But that's really what it comes down to is that you're not going to get a real story in any documentary You're not going to get the real story ever Sorry

You know what the real story is You know it was a blackmail operation People have secret lives They are provided with illicit substances drugs people

streams of money um They're provided with these things and they are to be controlled by people that want to control them and one of the ways you control people is by Having damaging potentially damaging information on those people And that's what this is. It's not a huge mystery um You know when you start realizing that president clinton there was a governor of arkansas

became the president of the united states arkansas You know at that point i don't know what the population of arkansas was but you know I mean what's the population of arkansas now it's like Three million so at that point it was probably one million. You know what i mean like you know It's probably you know one and a half two million people and then the guy becomes a president of the united states of america Yeah, it was 2.3 million in 1990 arkansas

One of the smallest most in in consequential states in the union, right? but He ends up the president of the united states so You start thinking about those things and how does that happen? How does that happen? Is it an accident? Is it an accident? Probably not you know

I mean it doesn't mean that everybody's a pedophile. It just means that you know you have leverage on people You know obama became the president now. How did that happen? You know these men were talented. They were gifted They were driven. They had all of those things. I'm not suggesting that either one of them wasn't Didn't possess superhuman abilities But somebody's got to sign off Somebody's got to sign off somebody's got to loosen the purse strings Open up the vault and give you all the money. That's what happens. Somebody's got to sign off

Doesn't mean that these stars in hollywood aren't famous a lot of them are famous But they got to get an opportunity Somebody's got to you know, open the door You know, you got to get that opportunity And that's the same thing as politics. It doesn't mean everybody gets it from doing something illegal or shady But that's certainly a possibility

You know in the in the political realm Certainly a possibility So it's well worth a watch. Go check it out. But we know what the story is and we just don't talk about it every week You know, I think some of you are disappointed. I just don't talk about it every week. It's it's boring We know what it is. Let's figure something else out. You know what it is. We're against it I mean, I don't want to tell you. It's like people are like, why don't you talk more about talk on smooth? It's what do you want to say? We did it

We know what it is. We figured it out I don't know day in and day out what I'm supposed to do I don't even know why people are like, you got to have a take on the Epstein dog. I mean Yeah, you hear it there. You have it. I wasn't expecting from it. I didn't get anything out of it I mean, that's the take. I mean guys You you you have to start understanding there isn't going to be a resolution here There's not going you you guys Think this is a television show with a season finale

Or a series finale And the it's boom. It's big. It's breaking bad the last night. We all huddle on the couch Nothing's gonna stop me from watching this I'm getting five accidents if I have to and abandon my car. Fuck my family doesn't matter I'm getting in front of that tv because it's all coming to the bill is coming due Tonight the justice is sir. It's not no It's a show that goes on for too many seasons where you go. Ah, this is still a yeah, it's still on, huh? Yeah, I don't know. I can't get into it anymore

This is soap opera that goes on and on and on And when you start to look at it like that you you just start you get away a little bit You take a little breather I you know, I don't want to do is to show every week about the Epstein and this one and that one I I don't want to break my brain many of you have broken your brains. You don't even know it You think donald trump's tunneling under central park rescuing kids You believe things of which there are no evidence for I'll tell you what he's doing. We're inching we're inching closer and closer to a civil war

And he's pouring gasoline on that But you guys think he's out there tunneling and helping children And I'm so afraid of becoming one of you I'm so afraid of having my brain broken. It's how I make a living I earn money because I have a brain And I can speak and I can understand and process things You know, some of you I just I get so scared of becoming you

I'm like, what happens just too many trips too many trips To reddit wherever you're going the forums too many trips And I don't know what happens, but and it's easy. It's easy to break your brain. I'm not the healthiest eater It's not like I'm doing like five miles a day in a canyon like rogan Like my brain could easily ooze out of my ear And I could become one of you Like a bumbling lunatic

Like a babbling psychopath muttering about nonsense Thinking that we were just one week away Enjoy the show Yeah, we will We will enjoy the show Fucking lunatics I don't know what to do

I just know that the people I know that became cops were the same kids that were bullying mentally retarded people in my school The same kids that were like bullying and spitting on Mentally, it's like it's always that person who becomes a cop when you're like, oh, you know the guy that used to you remember the blind girl You know the guy that used to spit on a He's the sheriff He's the sheriff now Yeah, he used to spit on that blind girl for no reason Then she tried to kill herself

I mean Listen, there's great cops out there. There's great police blah blah blah whatever disclaimer you want And I I believe that I had uncles that were cops and you know, they they somehow didn't Kill anyone or back then there were no phones. So Let's just say uncle Eddie was one of the good ones. There's no evidence of that But let's just say he was let's just say he was you know what I mean He was just supposed to fat I don't think he ever got out of his car and that helps people like the cops shouldn't be fat

They should be so fat The cops should be the fattest people in society so they can't do anything Cops should be 400 pounds minimum and just drive around in fucking little you know on scooters like rascal scooters Just a morbidly obese police force of fat slobs I hate everyone who's like what well the cops aren't in shape. That's why they're shooting everyone And it's like no the cops shouldn't the cops should not be able to get out of their car without help They should have to be helped out of their car They grew up with these fake wrestling moves

Where that's what they're trying all these choke holds out on people because they grew up watching this and wwf They think they're fucking Hulk Hogan and they're killing people in the street, you know That's what it comes down to man. I'm not saying all cops are bad, but let's be honest. There's a lot of fucking um There's a lot of cops out there that are probably you know people get into games because they want to play There's a lot of cops. So let let me just say this. Let me just say this There's a member of my family Who's like he's a good kid, but he's like an what's the name like an oaf, right? If if he had a name it would be like biff

You know what I mean? He's just a big oaf good heart not a bad guy, right? but like In the in the program to be a cop and you know what they got him for Christmas They got him a shalali A shalali is like an irish stick for clubbing people They got him an old They got him like an old. I don't I don't think it was a shalali a shalali is like a gnarled piece of wood But I think they got him like an old

night stick And he was so happy with it. He was just walking around the house Like just you know, we were all eating cheesecake in the living room And then you'd see this kid who's in his early 20s in the hall Pretending to beat people with the night stick because he just wants to get out and he just wants to You know just start beating people in their ribs and he goes like this and his dad goes This is gonna come in handy one day. He goes. Yeah. Yeah And he's swinging the night stick around

It's Christmas by the way Dad the halls with but he's swinging a night stick around Because his his perfect Christmas is that he just wants to get out and kneecap somebody Silent night. He's waving the fucking night stick around He's not a bad guy per se, but what is that guy gonna do in a high-pressure situation. What's that guy gonna do? Should we maybe not lead with the night stick and I'm not saying we have to emasculate police and I don't want to You know cities being you know patrolled by improv troops of of of fucking testosterone

fucking deprived parakeet you know you know We should have created males But let's be honest Do we do do we just go go right for the night stick up front and go? Here's here's here's a tool to beat people Yeah, this guy tweets. I don't know if this was troll or not. He goes. This is alex perine

I forget what he used to run he used to run a big side he still might Because they can't be reformed to span the mpd Some miniapolis police department and every other big urban police department Hire some detectives to investigate the serious crimes with actual victims And social workers and civil servants for the other duties pay local bar bouncers and antifa to patrol neighborhoods And I quote tweeted that and I said this is why the republican party endures That type of tweet right there. Who tweeted that donald trump jr What is that?

No one thinks that's the the answer here But I don't know if the the the thing you do is to hand somebody a fucking Club I mean when I say this kid was waving around the night stick like like like Imagine star wars without the force Like you it just the lightsaber and there is no force that guides you and who gives a fuck There is no light and darkness just here's the lightsaber and goes zap a few motherfuckers that look at you the wrong way That's kind of what the this feels like

I wanted to address up seth simons Well, I shouldn't give any more press Failed bird poet Cultural critic clown critic The who criticizes clowns Uh revolutionary Seth simons

um Without without tagging me of course Uh went at me on twitter because of my defense Of or not really a defensive jimmy fallon doing blackface, but when I said listen you know Some things are appropriate

at certain times some things are not And it was about the the sketch that resurfaced with jimmy fallon Um You know playing I think it was chris rock On snl. Yeah, and so jimmy fallon writes a 2000 while on snl I made a terrible decision to do an impersonation of chris rockwell in blackface. There is no excuse for this blah blah blah

Thank you for holding me accountable. So I wrote I wrote this thank you for all thank you all for holding me accountable Which is what fallon said and I said is such an insane statement. It is think about that Think about that. Thank you all for holding me accountable It's such an insane statement never capitulate to a mob. I've said this before about mobs. Sometimes a mob is right It's still a mob. Do you get it? you know So when you capitulate to a mob and and now you're gonna say well, what about the mobs in the street

burning down the target Is what it is. I'm not saying all of those people are right about whatever they believe in but I'm saying they're angry And that anger is justified the anger at jimmy fallon doing blackface isn't real No one really cares. That's a big difference there. The anger here is real No one watches the fallon doing blackface feels any Similarities to watching this guy get his life taken away on fucking camera by a cop So there's no comparison, but I wrote never capitulate to a mob. Fuck these people

Times change. What's appropriate changes? That's true And I wrote this isn't about that. It's about dragging someone because it's the only way to feel powerful Obviously We need a second wave a second wave of coronavirus my little joke at the end Which a lot of Seth simons because he writes about comedy doesn't understand comedy at all and none of the none of the I think 9 000 people who follow him his wide reach None of those people understand comedy either because a lot of them were like Um, oh, yeah eight not even 8,700 great. So a lot of those people were like

um Are you on my twitter right now? I'm logged into mine. Okay. Okay, interesting so he uh He quote tweets me, but doesn't quote tweet me doesn't tag me This is what these people do by the way. They talk endless shit About you on twitter and then none of them tag you none of them want a response They want to this is why they love canceling people and dragging people Because they don't want and that's why they love de-platforming because no one can respond to what they say about I don't care

People make videos. I'm fat. I'm gross. I don't care what anyone does about me I'm only addressing this because it's an interesting conversation to have But most of the things I find them funny. I don't it doesn't bother me I make a good living being funny and if other people want to talk shit about me How am I I'm not going to hate on them. I don't respect them. I don't respect all those people out there I respect people. I feel have talent, but it doesn't matter. I'm not going to go at you and say you shouldn't have a platform Who gives a fuck you want to call me fat do it? I do it you can do it

I mean, what do you what do you want to do? What am I supposed to take you to court? Show up and be like your honor The eye like I can't even breathe. I'm like, uh The implication that I'm all the way is good Ray comes defending me. He's like, oh, this is a man. You can see my client is a beautiful man Well, who cares cares So seth simons goes the wealthiest people in show business should never have to answer to anyone This is seth's attempted sarcasm seth again

Not great Wealthiest people in show business should never have to answer to anyone blackface is appropriate in 2000 People who upset about it aren't actually upset about it. Jesus Here's the reality blackface was done Frequently by lots of people and people laughed at it and it wasn't now. Was it appropriate in the sense that like Was it ever morally true who the fuck? You know who knows

But the idea that it wasn't done white people dressed up as characters that were black and imitated them You know When now looking at that you go, oh, yeah, that wasn't great But to say that in the year 2000 that it was like some Deep deeply offensive thing in the context of the time It wasn't and I can prove it wasn't because it was done on a mainstream show and no one cared black people You know

Might have been upset about it. Maybe they didn't have the platform to talk about it But the reality was it wasn't like this shocking Thing And so when I say Times change the word faggot Was appropriate at a certain point and not that it was ever correct It wasn't moral never calling a gay guy a faggot was never moral But using the word in your lexicon of words that you used at one point was appropriate

Most people don't use that word Most people I know don't use that word all the time now because what is appropriate changes Just changes people used to be like that's gay all the time people used to be like that's gay Most people don't do that anymore things evolve and the people that are still Doing that are just holding onto these things and they're dinosaurs They won't evolve they won't make any money and they're just gonna be like that's good And they they want to hold on to that you want to hold on to saying the word gook or whatever you want to you know forever Or or some other offensive thing or doing an asian accent fine do it. I might laugh at it

I might think it's funny, but the vast majority of people Coming up in the world right now It's hack it's over it's been done Find new ways to make people laugh that doesn't mean you got to go full in the net But it means you evolve okay, but this guy paints me like a charlotte's film archer because I have said that I think it's a little You know the the priorities are odd To me digging up old snl skits in a country where 30 million people are out of work in the last three months Nobody has any fucking health insurance the cops are murdering people

The cities are literally burning which this guy is tweeting nothing about he's focused on Jimmy Fallon's 2000 snl slate of sketches Um, I tweeted it's ridiculous. So then he goes he goes down in the article and he goes This guy meaning yours truly This guy pays the left enough lip service that I think a lot of people miss where his sympathies actually lie Because I pay the left a lot of lip service. Okay

um My sympathies lie with humor My job is to be funny My opinions really don't matter and I'm truly telling you this but they don't matter I share them with you anyway I share them anyway Some of them are funny. Some of them are not some of them are correct. Some of them might not be

But they're not my job. So my job My job is to be funny and to process things that are happening in real time because I have talent I have actual talent. Seth does not have any talent It's just and I I I'm sorry about that. I would love a bigger penis I would like a six pack. I want a little bit more melanin in my skin So that it doesn't blister and boil like a disgusting irish piece of shit I want a lot of things one thing. I have his talent one thing. Seth does really not have his talent I apologize that you were given none of this thing that I possess

That I've worked pretty hard to to acquire So he says that I pay the the left lip service. I pay everyone lip service in the sense that like all I do is flat my fucking lips That's my job dummy Just it's like it's like me saying he pays the The left he pays comedy finger service because he's just typing all the time, right? But where my sympathy is actually lie. I thought sanders would have been a great A candidate

What would he've been a great president? I don't know what it could have gotten anything done I don't know But he would have been a great candidate. I think people should have health insurance I don't think health insurance should be a business. But again, I'm not a marxist I believe in private property private ownership private business I believe you should be able to lock yourself away from society as long as you pay your taxes You follow the law and shit like that. I believe you shouldn't have a secret government of You know dark money pedophiles running around the world starting wars to enrich themselves and their friends

I don't know draw a line around those positions and come up with a party and I'm that That's what I believe draw a line around that And come up with that I I would I would prefer if dark money billionaires didn't arrange wars all over the planet impoverished vest amounts of people rape torture murder

censor Destroy everything that was good. I'd rather everything not be corporatized and turned into an advertisement for chase I like independence and autonomy I think I want to live in a stan hopi in future where we all have little homes in bizby, arizona and little bingos and Dogs and cats that seem to die and that somehow never do And then just I mean I I I don't know but I said to ron bennington today Ron bennington is the best broadcaster in the country hands down by the way He's my favorite person the broadcast if you don't listen to bennington. You're an idiot

I grew up listening to bennington. I listened to him constantly He has a better take on most things than most people I've been listening to him since i'm 14 years old and I called him to a show today Which is an honor to do to talk to the guy and that's why everybody's oh you met this celebrity and that celebrity Being able to call in to ron bennington and perform at ron bennington means more to me than any of these fucking people Um that I that I did I see or be there in la or the comedy store would oh janik datum. Thanks. You're funny Who gives a fuck is he gonna face fuck me later? Probably not

So the reality is but I was talking to bennington today and I was describing what I think the world was gonna look like And he goes he goes most people describe a world where they would they they're gonna participate in it He goes this is not a world for you. I said not at all The world that's coming will not be a world for me and that's okay I'll I'll perch myself on the outside of it and do what I have to do Because the world that's coming is a world where where the internet's flattened everybody Individuality is just not gonna matter as much as it can't it can't it just won't I'm not telling you right or wrong I'm telling you what's gonna happen

People have been flattened their formative experiences some are rich and poor and there's vast differences in the way that people grow up And and the level of privilege they have or whatever but because everything is online Many of these people's formative experiences and cultural interactions are very similar So, you know when you go out to dinner with people It's hard now to find a real character This is what I was telling bennington like a real character where it's like, you know The expression used to be like what were you raised in a barn? Who is this guy?

Who is this person somebody that was just a thumb their nose at every social convention? That came from nowhere that got off some bus and you're like what the fuck is this part? You're gonna see a lot less of that because everybody's been flattened. It's gonna get boring But maybe it'll be better. Maybe the individuality, you know, and and again, I don't care I have no I have no say in which way it goes But maybe with a lot of that individuality came uncertainty and risk and you know, there's, you know, Jeffrey Epstein It was an individual You know can't say he wasn't

So the reality is the future that's coming Is not a future that I'll feel terribly comfortable in but that's why I do the job I do because I can kind of perch myself on the outside of it. So Seth Does this thing so what what's interesting is in the thread This is something I didn't realize was gonna happen somebody posted a reddit thing from chris gethard and this kind of Struck me as odd because chris gethard was a friend of mine I I don't hate chris gethard, but

I thought this was very strange That this was done and I and I will read this Comment this was a chris gethard answered one of his fans on reddit Who I guess asked why the election night special that I filmed with ray kump and chris did not air me and Look at this somebody somebody somebody comments. I love it. They go. He said blackface was appropriate in 2000 Shake in my head. Well, where were you in 2000?

I mean, it's like I didn't say I wasn't doing it in the year 2000 I was doing cocaine and selling subprime mortgages because I wasn't a fucking loser I didn't do that to 2004 doesn't matter the point is That so chris gethard writes this thing which I find and I'll read it to you and I found this To be a little disappointing and I'll go into it. I'm not going to make a huge thing out of it So this again somebody asked where this election special was and and if you know anything about me and ray in the show The election special with chris gethard descended into chaos

Descended into a hellscape. Why because Me and ray were brought in now picture this chris gethard is an improv comic who does stand up He's more of a storyteller He had a show for many years mean him shared the same manager chris introduced me to the manager. I would go on the road with chris. Chris is a very creative guy he's um um You're very open and honest about his struggles with mental illness and things like that

You know, I always used to kid around and be like how mentally ill is he because my mother has really schizophrenia But you know, she's not you know enrolling stone You know, she doesn't have an hbo special, you know, but i'm not saying that he doesn't suffer from it I'm sure he does. I'm just saying there are levels, you know So many of his much of his fan base also struggles with mental illness. Let's be honest I used to open for him. They come they sit on the floor. They send indian style You know, it's you know, every show you feel like you're performing in a rehab and that's okay But that's what it is, right?

And he lives in kind of this terror of being canceled by them Because that's his bread and butter. That's where he makes his money and I understand that so a lot of these fans Are not in love with yours truly Uh, and they they were at one point They have to donald trump won the election these people Then decided that anyone that wasn't going to tweet 20 times a day about how insane

It was and that we were now living in hell and The as a white guy I'm supposed to go on twitter every day and be more offended and more affected than minorities Which is what I found ridiculous so Me and ray let's all picture this and I've told the story before on the show But we're telling it again because I was kind of shocked by this comment. I'm a little shocked by it. Um Me and ray show up because they said to us, you know, again

I used to write these long screens on facebook that were very funny. I had no money I was making 15 dollars an hour not even as a tour guide in new york city for 40 hours of work That was about 280 dollars after taxes and everything. It's horrible. Which is why I've always said working people get fucked, right? Now i'm doing that. I make tips. I may maybe make 50 or 100 a day cash tips But you know me I go have dinner and then it's over right So I should have you know, but I had enough money to survive But I was like not making any money But I'd write these long screens about like defending billionaires and it was hilarious, you know

And how people didn't deserve money and everything was very very funny And it was all very very funny and everyone thought it was funny because it was very funny. It wasn't political They're not political but tour guide talking about, you know, mansions and homes and they're all on a tumbler I'll share them whatever none of them are political um And then occasionally I'd poke holes in like something like when when when people would be like say something political That was always far to the left. I would always challenge it, right? Same way if somebody's far to the right, you know, I would challenge I would just challenge things that poke holes in things

and That was all okay up until Donald Trump won the election and at that point People were like, oh my god. This is dangerous. This rhetoric is dark You're part of the problem. It's people like you that got Donald Trump elected It's people like you that are the reason things are blah blah blah and

It was like it was like I was like stunned by like the about face turn that a lot of these people made Not really. I wasn't affected so much but like Just look at what comedy then went through After the election and people were coming after comedians and cancelling people and it became this political Ground that it had never been and I'm not going to nauseam talk about it because we all know what it was like And every podcast was full of these discussions and debates, you know about pc culture and all this bullshit. So chris

Called me and he goes, I want you to come election night. I'm doing a show I'm doing a show on election night. I want you and ray kump to show up Because hillary's gonna win and you guys are going to be like the heels And it's gonna be hilarious to have you guys come in and be like these We were never trump supporters neither one of us cares. I mean, it's like I didn't care I mean now. I mean with the city's burning. It's like, yeah, but a lot led up to trump I don't I don't think trump's good for the country I in the same way that I wouldn't have katlyn jenner be the president or anyone

I know primarily from my television set, right, right, so So he calls me up and he goes Come by you and you and I forget the way he worded it But he's like you and kump are gonna be the like you're going to deliver like this hard edge Realism I'm gonna read you his comment and he describes it better. He's more eloquent about this particular What he wanted out of this night So me and kump come in barging in And you know dialing it up

Being me and kump two fat loud guys On a set with a bunch of very Very liberal very left-wing Improv comedy people. There's a guy next to me dressed like a banana You get it. There's a lot of white women. We know how great they are Uh, so it's it's all of these people and some of them are very talented, right? Some of them are talented So it's just me and ray doing exactly what we were told to do which is to come in and be

bombastic And you know like ray's eating these cheese balls And i'm just kind of going off and just Being funny Saying everything I can to be funny at one point a girl stands up and she starts going I'm just so worried if trump wins And i'm like where where where you grow up? Let's get real because you can tell she was a rich kid and I was just doing crowd work with her like hey

Let's be honest. Where did you live? What is your father? You know, your father's probably see you all bowing, you know, he's worried about trump so Pointing out that hypocrisy Was fun. So now this was this was funny For the very beginning right now even in the very beginning things weren't breaking the way that everyone thought they were gonna break But there was still a lot of hope

So in the beginning it was it was happening the way that everyone wanted Tim and ray are there. They're being bombastic They're being funny And as the night wore on it got less funny and We're we're hired to be funny, right? Now everybody else has decided to You know, they're upset or they're upset now. I'm not upset. I'm on the front of my phone drew michael Who's an s and l? Everyone else is crying

They're all crying And i'm like I called drew and that's what me and drew were like best friends And I called he called me and he's like snickering laughing And he's like, you know, but here's why we all thought it was funny not because anyone loved trump But because the idea that like all of these liberals were like so confident You ever have a friend that's so confident They're gonna fuck this chick or this dude or whatever it is and then for whatever reason they just get shut down And it's hilarious because it just shuts them down

And and and these are people that have just been eight years of obama drone striking people and you know financial crime going on No one you know and they don't care because obama's on ellen and whatever So it's just this neoliberal like yas queen stop slay bitch and like all of it You know every argument for hillary clinton's candidacy was faulty. I had the only good one I was the only hillary Uh advocate of her and I did advocate for I said give her the job because she's a murderer That's and I said she should win because she's a murderer And she's just get like it's just because I knew

Now I didn't vote for I didn't vote for anyone, but I knew that Trump was going to inspire this cult like devotion of people who think that he's doing any something He's not going to do anything right. I know people that like know him from new york I know like not to say that I'm super inside or whatever, but like the guy he's he doesn't what do you what do you think's happening here? So I knew that like this guy was just the revolution wasn't coming And then I also I made the only good argument for hillary clinton, which was a hilarious argument Which was that she was an old crook and a murderer and you should just give her the job It's one of my jokes. I say in stand-up. I said when you kill enough people you should just get the job of president

They should just make a serial killer the president because that's all you have to do is just kill Large swaths of people and then go eat chicken barbeque on That's a job you eat you kill up your doom a country and then you go to the residence and you go His brussels sprouts are good Now that's just what it is right or wrong good or bad more That's what it is and it's funny to point those things out. That's funny. I didn't Create the system But when you put it out because it's what you would talk to your friends about you'd smoke a joint in your backyard and go

You know, here's what I think this thing is I think it's just killing a bunch of people and eating dinner It's what it is and hillary can she can certainly do that So they are all starting to get really upset And they start yelling at me because i'm not upset They start to like police my emotions You know to use a fucking twitter fucking term and I just start laughing in their face nothing makes someone angrier than when you laugh in their face

I hate it When you laugh in someone's face unless it's you know, it's my job. You have to laugh in my face. I'm a comedian When you when so they are they're like crying Some of them are throwing themselves on the floor a banana is sitting next to me and he's crying Someone is dressed like a banana and they're crying How do you not laugh now? I'm dead serious How do you not laugh at a banana in tears next to you? Yeah, because this is what chris would do would be like

I'm helping all these young comics by having them dress up like fruit and sit on the set of my show Fine great, whatever you want to do, you know, that's how we would help people go You're gonna be a grape some guy would sit during a grape suit and he'd be like that's gary the grape And you know, whatever. Hey, I'm not judging But so somebody asked him why this episode wasn't released chris goes We would have released it if it was as simple as the party. I don't like one Unfortunately, the timing of everything made things bad creatively and morally for me

Not as an individual but as a creator of a community of creative people This is when we start realizing that this is a cult When you start saying things like as the creator of a community of creative people Like you are there you secure There I'm like you you're going to curate All of their experiences you have to shield them from certain things You have to protect them. You are their father. You gave birth to them This is language that I've always felt very weird and sort of uncomfortable with this type of language

um The obvious bit was that hillary was gonna win and tim would come on to be our splash of water in the face Bringing things back to reality in the very funny way. He was so good at back then Duh Back then right because I'm so different now than I was at Also to get this out of the way and I don't want to dive deep into it. Although it's a seven paragraph thing on reddit I don't want to dive deep into it 2016 tim was a friend of mine and a creative ally of mine I don't know that's is true in 2020 so keep the contacts in mind that he's grown in ways that separated us

I've seen chris since I saw him at a wedding We were very nice to each other He brought his baby to the wedding which you don't do and everyone at the wedding was offended by that It's a very de classe move to bring your baby to a wedding You're newborn to a wedding you either leave someone home with it Or you leave it with family or you have someone what you don't bring your newborn baby to a wedding Which was absurd, but I don't blame him because he's a sweet guy But he's not a kennedy so he doesn't like you know the rules of decorum or not

You know I get it. It is what it is. You just don't show up with a baby in a playpen. It's not what it is Okay, but I saw him at the wedding. He's a sweet guy. I like his wife. He's talented. I'm not shitting on him at all I was I was kind of shocked by this comment. It was it was strange to me So he goes I don't know so he goes instead of the planned vibe that his bit would have created things broke how they did And his shtick took a much darker turn it came off even darker and more aggressive than it usually did He looked bad for it I looked bad for showing up and doing what I was asked to do Which was be a comedian on a comedy show that was taking place during election night where there were two potential winners

One of them who've who won? So I look bad for being asked to do for doing what I was asked to do I can't believe he's responding to reddit comments. By the way, this is shocking to me that he responded to reddit comments like this I Was completely shell shocked with the results after 12 hours of being on camera and physically and mentally shut down for a few minutes And lost control of the show now It was one of my dearest friends got into a shouting match with tim, which I think I enjoyed and I think she did too Neither looked good

There were a few female performers on camera at the time who wound up in a battle with tim over the tenor of his comments In relation to hillary being female By the way, I was calling hillary a murderer all night and they objected that I had mentioned she was a woman again So before he had finished his thoughts and found the comedic twist on them, which is fair Chris is being fair to me. They're trying to be funny Those performers didn't look good a few audience members jumped up and grabbed mics to express their emotions They had very good points

But ultimately they did not good then afterwards comedy was still scheduled to happen And it was not a fair environment to stage comedy in and none of these performers looked good Here's the reality you know I pity people that live in constant fear of being cancelled I don't live in constant fear of being cancelled. I haven't set up my career like that I have not Arranged my career in a manner that gives people the power

Over my career other than my fans and people who listen to the show and the people that buy tickets to see me live I Feel bad for people who don't know whether chris is in that situation or not I believe he is and some of that's not his fault Some of it is just he came up in a time where you needed, you know, and even though chris is You know independent of the business to an extent and he does a lot of things on public access I still feel like he's terrified of his fan base Because they're not mentally well a lot of these people that he's you know, it's not only about comedy. It's comedy plus

comedy plus mental illness So I mean he used to show me he gets calls and texts and emails people threatening to kill them So I mean it's a very tough thing when you make yourself a so I understand he wants to protect people and whatever but to say that I was a creative collaborator and a friend of his and now I've grown in ways that have separated us I certainly have grown in ways that have separated him But like the idea that like I am that my shtick Is somehow different now than it was

Or that I am some type of dangerous or dark. I still respect chris. I still think he's funny I had shankillis on my show Shane had said something about chris on his podcast which got reported By one of these scumbags who wrote articles about shane And I brought up chris and I didn't say that chris was a friend I just said and you had a thing with chris gathered and chris got very angry with me He's like, why wouldn't you say that we were friends? By the way, this is recently when did I've shane on?

God that was in november, right? Yeah, so this is not like a long time ago. This is pretty recently chris was angry That I didn't present it like we were friendly, you know And I I didn't even realize that I was like, sorry chris. I wasn't even thinking You know, I respect you blah blah blah But you know, I I wasn't even thinking like that. So he at that point he was but now he's kind of like on reddit He's like well, he's grown in ways that have Separated out and he was good and when he said that he was like he was really good at that back then

The type of comedy he did he was really good at it back then and it's like Nothing's different. You changed Your audience changed what they wanted out of comedy changed And I've been consistent the whole way through. I'm here to make you fucking laugh I'm here to entertain you. So to me to write this entire threat and again You know, all of this is done so that I can't respond All of this is is written in a way outside of the public view

So that I don't have anything to say so that I look like some crazy right wing lunatic or whatever I don't even care how I look, but like it's just funny to me Make a public statement about it. I'm fine. Like that's totally cool Put it on instagram put it on facebook say Somebody wanted to know why this wasn't released. Here's what it is But to put it on on on reddit and it's have somebody send it to me where this guy's going like Yeah, tim was really good back then at comedy, but now he's grown in ways that I don't really I support and it's like it's kind of a cowardly thing to do. He also took down the video

I did a very funny video on a show Um where I was telling people not to vote and to marry for money. It was very funny. He yanked it off youtube because he said that The black kid in it. Justin was getting harassed by some alt right troll Which is kind of hilarious is like what does somebody send him a dm? I mean, so here's my problem It's not I don't want to have a shit talking fast here and to fuck this and fuck chris or whatever

Because I don't feel like that. I think chris is a creative unique guy That lives in fear of his fan base turning on him And then that is a massive that's a massive issue. Um and And I just want to say I like chris and whatever and I have no problem with him And if he doesn't like me because trump won an election, that's okay And I feel that saddens me because I'm still doing the same comedy

chris has helped people he's he's he's he's made he's given funny people a platform whatever He gave me a platform and I'm grateful for that and I respect that But if you're gonna ask me to go on a show and not think it's funny that a guy dressed like a banana is crying I I I can't help you. I don't know what to tell you you know So we're gonna wrap it up like this. God bless everybody be nice just be nice What do you have to do out there other than just be fucking nice?

That's the only thing you should do on this planet just be nice If you see somebody that's frowning step on their throat No, I mean listen I'll tell you this folks Epstein docks well worth a watch. Sorry the chris gethard. I I mean, I would love to release Because yes, nobody looked good. He's right. Nobody looked good. That is comedy. It's actually probably very funny It's actually probably great And unfortunately, it won't see the light of day which is okay

but I would have I would have preferred that somebody make comments about me in a public forum Or be honest with me or have a conversation with me and not write a seven paragraph thing on reddit and and You know try to distance himself from me as much as possible Um, it's okay. I mean it is what it is. You know, I've always wanted to entertain real people I don't I don't have you know, I I I just you know, so I'm not super concerned with like

You know the comedians that I like respect me You know the guys that I really respect and girls I really respect they respect me But I just find that you know, this is just advice for anyone in any creative field don't build a castle made of of like Cancelable sand Like don't be terrified

Uh, because me and chris did funny shit together and then the pull it off youtube And then to say that like I can't release this or whatever. Nobody looked good or whatever You know to me, it's just like it's childish and it just shows like he's a he's an adult. He's gonna he has a kid Which you shouldn't bring the weddings, but you have a kid be an adult Just be an adult you got enough money You can say hey, I don't like tim dillon now because trump won and now I find him offensive or he went on info wars Or whatever the case may be But like I will never say like I don't like chris or that I don't I'm not grateful to chris

Bringing me on the road when I was a young comic and I would never say chris isn't funny now He was funny then but he's not funny now I would so like I didn't do anything so it's it's odd to me that he would You know say that about me on on a reddit. It's very interesting um And of course I you know set simons says all my love and respect You know, I mean

What are you gonna do? You know and uh, listen man, here's a deal to anybody out there that has to make a living watching comedy And and and reading about it and watching it and paying attention to it and then commenting on it. You guys deserve all your money You deserve all your fucking money I mean, I am not hey aim for me Aim for me You know, I'm a real estate investor

Okay Okay, I'm a real estate investor. I am really not even a comedian. I'm barely a podcaster I have a jewelry company That is massive And it's a direct to marketing sales company with the best high quality low-cost jewelry for the american

family I'm a real estate investor. I have I have a I I I I I'm a dealer in iconic properties big ticket items And and that's where I'm an expert All right, folks Good luck out there Until next week again, not shitting on chris light chris little disappointed in him, but that's okay

That is okay. I respect him. I wish him the best No, baby at the wedding