The Tim Dillon Show - 212: 212 - Barnyard Creature

Episode Date: August 9, 2020

Tim discusses a false accusation against him this week, the FBI raid on Jake Paul's home, why teachers should be defunded, and offers relationship advice during the pandemic. Bonus Episodes every week: https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow Merch: https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dillon-show/ Please Support Our Sponsors: WALLETS - http://www.ridge.com/tim to get 10% off a ridge wallet. UNDERWEAR - https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ and order with PROMO CODE Tim to get 20% off your first order V Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. Vacation is over, kids. You're going back to school, says Meatball. New York schools can reopen. Cuomo says in contrast with much of U.S. We all know Governor Cuomo. I affectionately call him Meatball. And we know his brother, Chris Fredo Cuomo Corleone, who was offended at the name Fredo. We thought it was a slur against Italian Americans. And now we call him Chris Fredo Cuomo Corleone. And we remember and we forgive him for his lie that he had coronavirus and beat it by chest exercises. Remember that when Chris Cuomo had coronavirus and beat it by going like this. That's how he beat it. So we apparently shut down the economy for something that you can beat by

just stretching your chest in the living room of your home. So we forgive him for his lie. Okay. Like, like we would do, we would say, what's that line in the Godfather? Which one? I don't know. He's disappointed in the kid. Is that the Godfather? I don't know what you're talking about. Where he's like, I don't know. He doesn't need to look at Fredo when he was Fredo. You disappoint me or something. What's that famous line? I know it was you, Fredo. That was, that was, you know, oh, yeah, yeah, here it is. I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart. You broke my heart. You broke my heart when you're lying about having coronavirus and that you beat it by doing

chest exercises, but we forgave you, your family. That's fine. Meatball has decided that the kids are going back to school and cases in New York are very low and people are just going to get back to the business of, you know, bringing the kids into New York City schools and, you know, not educating them. But so we're happy about that. And the teachers are, a lot of the teachers are not happy. A lot of the teachers are upset. But let's be very honest here. And I get flacked for this a lot, but I don't shy away from controversial opinions. Let's be very honest. Have you ever, and some of the people listening are going to not like this, have you ever met a teacher that wasn't just a little bit of a

self-important cunt? I'm speaking of the female teachers. The male teachers we all know are just pedophiles. Many of them very agreeable, though, and friendly. I mean, they have to be. They're, you know, they fuck the kids. But I mean, female teachers many times are self-important for lack of a better word. See you next Tuesdays. It's just what they are. They spend their entire lives with children. They talk to you like you were a child. Teaching is not the job it was when my grandmother did it when you didn't get paid to do it. And it was, you had a genuine passion for teaching children. Now it is a job that a lot of people take because it pays very well in a lot of suburban areas. And also they get the two prime months of the year off. So I've likened

them to summer enthusiasts. That's what I call a lot of teachers. Summer enthusiasts, okay? They shop at 7.30 in the morning. They hand out some folders. You're out by 2.30 every day. Oh no, they don't, they don't leave at 2.30. They, they stay for chef's club. Great. Great. Okay. Now not all teachers are bad. Okay? Not all teachers are bad. But if we're gonna broad brush cops, if we're gonna paint with a broad brush, let's paint. You know what I mean? And a lot of teachers, these social interactions you have with them, you dread them. They start explaining things to you like you need them explain. Bitch, I'm not nine. I know what the Supreme Court is. Pipe down. Okay? Teaching is the most important job in the world. It is not the most important job in the world.

The, the, the America is so behind in every educational standard. And all we do is praise teachers. The statistics are much worse for teachers than for cops. Much worse yes or yes. Where is American reading and math? Let's find it out right now. If cops were shooting as many people as teachers were failing, it would be a cause to abolish them. And this is not all teachers. And I don't want people that are teachers to get angry with me. I want you to grow up and take a little criticism. Okay? From a comedian, someone who really knows the ins and outs. I have a value in society unlike you showing up to a fucking, let's try to find where we are in math and reading. This is from October 2019. Okay? Math and reading scores

for fourth and eighth graders in the United States dropped. And the decrease in reading achievement has government researchers particularly concerned. Over the past decade, there has been no progress in either mathematics or reading performance. And the lowest performing students are doing worse. Okay? That's the reality. I don't know how to, I mean, find the statistics. I know it's tough, but try to find them because it's really an important point that I'm making here. If we're going to say abolish cops, why not abolish teachers? I'm dead serious here. Let's abolish teachers. If you think people can walk around society and police themselves, kids can teach themselves. Let's have a school with no teachers. Okay? No new Toyota Camry's

pulling up. They get out with their latte. I will get so much hate for this and I don't care because I've had an, I know a lot of teachers. My aunt is a teacher I respect her. My grandmother's a teacher and I respect her. This is not going at all teachers, but we all know there's a lot of bad teachers and the good teachers stay silent about it. The good teachers stay silent about the bad ones. I went to a Catholic school. We had teachers that used to make out with the kids in the hallway and those were the good teachers. Those are the ones who stayed after class and ran clubs and cared. They help you fill out your college application. Sure, they goose. Sure, every now and then they wanted your phone number and they wanted to take you on a date after school,

but that's nice. We did. We had a teacher who was a theater teacher who just was like making out with a girl in the hallway. Holy Trinity diocesan, Hicksville. If you know, you know. I'm not trying to get sued. I have a friend who's wife's a teacher. I mean, it's like, I mean, they're just, they just show up and they just tell you, they talk to you like you're a child and I'm just saying, so the problem is a lot of them are going to be upset. They feel like they're being put in an unnecessary risk and maybe some of them are, but if meatball wants the kids to go back to school, the kids are going to go back to school. That's what's going to happen. And as a teacher, you want to educate the kids and you're passionate

about it. You're going to have to take a little bit of a chance and I don't say that lightly. Oh, Tim, you get to work alone. You don't have to be around anybody. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Okay. I'm sorry that I chose the profession I chose. I went 10 years without making a dollar. I worked on a tour bus. I tried to sell photocopiers over the phone. You went to a school. You got a degree. You got an education. You have all the financial security pretty much that you can ask for. Not always, but a lot of the time, especially these teachers that teach in the burbs. And you know, okay, world's best education systems. They're saying that we're number two. That's not true. All of them are finding are saying we're number one or two. That's not

right. This is the teachers are running this. This is not true. This feels all fake. Everything I click on says that you're number one. The kids can't read out there. The kids are on there. They take all these pills. They're black eyed nihilists, the kids. We did the video with the kids. That little kid Oliver in there is a black eyed nihilist. He literally believes in nothing to children. They think nothing matters and they're right. U.S. We're gonna have to get back to you with these fucking statistics like our fans will go and find them. If we're 125 on a list of 197 countries in terms of literacy, how do we have the best education system on all these days? You can't get the right answers here anymore. Nobody's given you the right answers.

We're not the best education system in the country. I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. We're not. Most of these teachers don't even know the three branches of government. Go ask a teacher what the three branches of government are in a public school. They're going to say the fire department as one of them. Okay, I found one that this is usually where we are. Yeah, we're 20th. We're 20th behind Finland, Japan, South Korea, Denmark, Russia, Norway, United Kingdom, Israel, Sweden, Hong Kong, Netherlands, Belgium, Germany, China, Singapore, Portugal, Hungary, Estonia, France, and then the United States of America. So the answer is put the kids back in school, trim the fat. That's the reality. Some of the teachers aren't going to make it. I feel bad about that. The world

is not perfect. We could all die tomorrow. I could die tomorrow. And then all you'd be left with is these brilliant archives of a misunderstood genius. Okay. But meatball has spoken. And he said that there is no economy without the kids in schools. There is no economy without the children going back to school so that their parents can stop pretending to care about them. One of the biggest impediments to putting the economy back together is kids are running around the streets right now, filming TikToks and taking drugs. And what needs to happen is they need to go back into school where they could be in a social environment and have teachers watch them and attempt to educate them. Okay. That's what we need so that their parents can go back to work. That's what needs to

happen. We're not able to do anything unless the kids are in school. So yeah, a lot of teachers are going to come down and go, you don't know what a hard job it is. You don't know how tough it is. Yeah, you're right. I don't. You're right. I don't. Okay. I will teach, I will teach, but it's got to be what I want. I'm not going to teach the common core curriculum that meatball and his brother want. I will teach. I will teach different classes. What about a class called 9-11, a closer look with Mr. Dillon? I'll do it. Okay. But I'm not going to teach this. Horshaw, you hear the scarlet letter, read the scarlet letter. What? Hey, Rita tells the fourth grade nothing. No. We're not doing that. We will spend the semester investigating the attacks of 9-11.

And you'll go home every day and tell your parents what you've learned. The kids that, I don't know how the Paul brothers did in school, but they're doing fine. Jake Paul's doing fine. He's got an arsenal. FBI removes firearms from Jake Paul's mansion in probe of shopping mall riot. I commend him. I go the other way. I say get more guns, Jake. Get a nuke. Get some chemical weapons. Start experimenting, manipulating bat coronaviruses. That seems to have worked. I say go big. LA is going to fall. All my friends like Whitney Cummings and Joe Rogan, they're going to be out of here. I need to ingratiate myself with these people because they're going to have a compound and an arsenal. Don't you need someone to make you laugh, Jake? You've

got a harem of women. You've got enough people to film you, but you're going to need a jester, a court jester. Let me walk around your Calabasas mansion and be a goofball. You can throw things at me, break eggs on my head. And when the city falls, I will be behind the walls with you and the RPGs that you own. Yes or yes, please, please God help me. I can't be here when the city crumbles. The only people that are going to be able to defend themselves when the end comes are YouTubers and TikTokers. Charlie D'Amelio is going to have a house with a moat with alligators in it. If you get too close, they're going to burn you alive. They're going to torture you. So I just need to get in with these people for Christ, God. What's wrong? He made one mistake. He left a rifle by the hot tub

and some rat, some rat informed on him. No good. I will enforce loyalty. I will be the jester. I will make you laugh. I just want to know that when the end comes, I will be behind the gates, behind the walls, and I will be protected by your considerable arsenal. And I think we should start expanding quite frankly. I don't think we should only have guns. I think we should experiment with a small bio weapons lab on the property you have the space. You have the space is Calabasas, you have the space. Let's do a small bio weapons lab. Why not? I hope he has that. I hope he has a hydrogen bomb. He deserves it because he didn't listen to teachers who told him to read his books and not go on YouTube. He went on the internet and he said, I want to live in a big house with

a lot of guns. And I want to rap if I want. And do I rap? It doesn't matter anyway. Does anyone even do anything anymore? Nothing matters. Our president was a game show host. You can be whatever you want to be now. You can be versatile. All these TikTok girls just have these auto tune songs and the whole song is like, I'm sad. I get that. Other people get that. Where's that? I'm sad. You're sad. Doesn't matter. They can't fucking sing. Can you do an auto tune on my voice? In post, I can. Yeah, if you want to sing right now. Millions of dollars. They're sad all the time, but it doesn't matter. So I commend him and I want to join forces with him in his, what I imagine the FBI is calling a loosely, loosely formed a militia.

I don't know. What, what even happened to this guy? What do you have a bunch of guns? They took the guns. Yeah, they took the guns. Yeah. He needs guns. Yeah, he does. The guy needs guns. He's done well. I'm just offering my services here as somebody that could commit to the operation. Yeah. I like that. I like this. This is when he got in trouble for the mall thing. He goes, I'm above that. He said, I don't need to vandalize. I don't need to loot. I know it's not the way forward. Again, that's like a better position than Joe Biden. Why does Jake Paul have a better position? Why can't Joe Biden say that? Why can't Joe Biden say, yeah, chaos and violence is not the way forward. Why is Jake Paul making more sense than Joe Biden?

Can Joe Biden say that? Can Joe Biden come out and say anything publicly? Is he alive? Do you want to lose again? I don't understand. Trump's going to win again with a pandemic and an economic crash. He's going to win again. These polls are not right. I watched an interview where everybody was like, Trump is. He looks so bad because he does get crazy with the papers. He starts flinging these papers around and look at this chart and look at that chart. Papers are never a good idea in an interview. It's never a good idea to be like and look at the diagram that nobody wins. Nobody wins. I was a juror on a murder trial and as soon as the lawyers brought out the diagrams and everything, we all just went to sleep. It's true. Okay. We didn't even pay attention. It's

like use your words and if you can't stop like, look at this photo, this and the blood splattering and all that. No one cares. So it's never a good idea to use that. What makes sense. Okay. Is to just speak and say what those things say. But when I watched the interview, I was actually pleasantly surprised with Trump. I thought he was composed. I thought he was eloquent. I thought he made some bad points and some good ones, but I didn't see anything. I mean, it was like, they're trying to win an election on Twitter. They're going to lose it in real life. You have a British guy. Get an American. You have a British guy. Most people have like a weird reaction to a British guy. Oh, yes. Well, I don't think he's lost that actually. Well, actually, Mr. President,

I don't think he's lost it. Nobody wants that. Get an American reporter who can try to do a takedown of this guy because they've got their own problems in Britain. Okay. Meghan Markle and that idiot are here now. They live in LA. So we don't need somebody from outside of our country critiquing our country. Okay. And I know he's a citizen. He's white. So I can say whatever I want in terms of him being an outsider. He's got a British accent. If he was that American, he would not speak, you know, or don't even know if he's a citizen or what he is. But my point is that there's a visceral reaction to that. Also, Trump made a lot of good points about Portland, not so much. I don't like the vans picking up the people. I'm not for that. I think it's a bad idea.

But in explaining that, divorcing myself from any emotion, in explaining that, he did a good job explaining that. I don't think he's necessarily right, but he did a good job. And I just think again, you know, you're looking at, and the mail-in voting thing, it's like, what are we not going to know the winner of the election on the night of the election? Seems that way. Yeah. We're going to have a month or two of not knowing. I mean, are we insane? That was fun in 2000 because we all didn't hate each other yet. So it was really fun. Like late night hosts were funny. SNL was doing some of their best work. We're all making fun of Catherine Harris, the Secretary of State of Florida. I mean, it was goofy. People like, we don't need a president.

No one cared. It was 2000. Things were good. There was no 9-11. Nobody knew what the Taliban was. Everybody was fine. Social media hadn't taken over our lives. We weren't inundated with every new development. I mean, it was 24-hour cable news, but there was a healthy dose of detachment. There were people that were mad about it and people that were invested in it, but it was nowhere near what a month of not knowing that the outcome of this election will be. Not knowing the outcome of this election will be fatal probably for the country. We really need to know. So the only way to have this election is hope to God a second wave does not hit. I hope to God a second wave does not hit in the fall because if a second wave comes in the fall and people

are unable to vote and they're sending in mail-in ballots and the legitimacy of those is going to be challenged. It's going to be a close election. Both sides are not going to accept it. The winner is going to be seen as illegitimate. There's going to be riots and chaos and protests and problems and this and that. The economy is not, you know, it's going to be the perfect fucking storm for this country. So I'm hoping, and Trump made a few points about that and, you know, and I think Trump is obviously the advantage there because his voters are crazy a little bit, some of them, not all of them, but you know, Democrats, their voters probably have a higher incidence of not going to the polls, but you got to go vote where the mask can vote. That's what you got to do. I mean,

I think we just have to have an election. We have to have an election where the mask can vote. If you can protest, if you can go out, if you can gather, if we can open schools, as Meatball said, then we can have a real election where you wear a mask and you sanitize your hands and you press a button. I believe that. I don't know, you know, Trump goes with universal mail-in voting, not absentee voting, which is good. 2020 will be the most inaccurate and fraudulent election history. Do not allow this, by the way. Take this issue away from him by having a regular election. Hopefully, if we can, unless Corona is exploding and it's crazy, you know, at which point, I mean, I guess you still have to have one. I mean, I don't know that you can do a mail-in election that

anyone is going to see is valid, to be honest. It's the first time we've had an all-mail-in election. And if it's very close, it's just going to be a problem. This is not the climate to start like trying new things. Let's vote by text. Like, this is not the time. You got to probably do it the old-fashioned way so that people can feel comfortable in the result. I don't know, but I'm just wondering about that. I'm not certain that it's susceptible to the type of fraud he thinks it is, but I'm sure it is susceptible to a certain level of fraud. You know, I don't know about that. You know, I just moved to the desert. We used to get, my roommate wanted us to get her mail. We used to put her mail in the thing and when she got it, we would go, oh, good. You know,

like, I didn't even think she'd ever get it. You know, wasn't my job to send her her mail, but we did it. We did it nicely. You know what I mean? We didn't do anything wrong. You know, we had a little issue with the roommate. You know, we had a little issue there. And I mean, it's not, you know, I talk about my life on the show and I like this young woman and I feel bad about what happened, but me and you were accused, wrongly, of destroying an apartment with leftovers, food. It was said that they were maggots and they were thinking, none of this is the case. It's not true. This is untrue. It's untrue. And we don't like it. It's not nice when people say things like that. When I've been very nice to those people, it's very,

it's very not nice. You know what I mean? And if people, you know, people may be having experiences that aren't based in reality because of drinking and substances. And that's, that is, I was a drug addict for many years. I get it. And I would just say that reality, you need to operate from reality. You cannot operate from a place of, you know, you cannot blame me for bugs in the apartment if you're feeling the sensation of bugs on your skin because that is not something in reality. That is a symptom of a crack cocaine. And again, and that's, it's neither here nor there. She's not really a public person. It doesn't matter. Obviously, I've never seen her name. But I just feel that I just don't like, I don't like the lying. I don't like the lying. Just be nice.

Everybody's nice here. We're all nice. All we try to do is help. All I try to do is do work to bring people happiness and joy. And I just don't understand why. I don't understand why that's not appreciated more. And that it's denigrated. And that you were attacked, you were texted and you were attacked. I was attacked. Yes, you were attacked. And I left that place clean through everything on the dumpster. You know what it is? If you're huffing chemicals, do you really know what's going on? And I'm not saying she is, but I'm just saying if you have blue lips from huffing chemicals, I don't know. I don't know what you're seeing. You might be seeing things. You might be seeing

animals climbing the windows. And that's my fault too. I don't know. It's not my, you know, but I just, you know, peace and light, love and light. That's all I put out. All I put out is goodness, love and light. And that's like that real housewife from New Jersey, the woman that I don't know, the FBI and the CoCorp, Danielle, Danielle, Danielle, Danielle, real housewife, Jersey, Danielle, Danielle. Oh, Danielle Stab, whose real name is Beverly Ann Merrill. She used to say love and light. She was involved with all kinds of crazy people and did all kinds of crazy things. But that is what I profess to do. I just bring love and light and I try to be, bring positivity and joy to people. And I just want that to kind of be respected. And like this idea that I would,

like I'm some type of animal or some barnyard creature is just not the case. I mean, this is just not the case. And I don't, I don't understand why this is being, I mean, I scratched her car, I borrowed her car to go to Nobu in Malibu. And I scratched the front of it. And I paid thousands of dollars to have a new panel put on the car. I got new brake pads for the car, new shocks for the car, everything like that. The car is a 10 year old hatchback of a car. It's, what? I gave, you know, I was going to say, Hey, take the money for the car instead. Take the money for the car. And just drive it with a scratch. I'll give you the two grand that it will cost to fix the car. You take that two grand, you know, and go buy heroin now.

But I fixed the car and then she texted me because you destroyed the car. I don't know. I just, I got a van. They're going to talk about things here. I, what am I going to do? Not speak of the things that haunt me, that wake me up at night. I'm a good person. I just do the right things. All I do is help do the right things here. Then I'm attacked. I fucked the car up. I destroyed the apartment. I destroyed this woman's life. I did none of that. I did none of that. I'm getting text all night. I'm a horrible person. I've destroyed this. Everything I touched turns to shit. This is horrible to say to a human being. I'm a sensitive boy. I'm a sensitive young man. You can't say those things to me. That's mean. What are you, Ellen DeGeneres? Have some conscience.

We had a lovely dinner. You threw out all of the things from La Scala. In the dumpster, not even in the trash in there. In the dumpster they went. I don't understand why these attacks not only on me, but on you. On me as well. This innocent kid from Texas is just a wide eyed. He just came to LA, you know, and he doesn't, he, I know these people. I've grown up with these people. Okay. I'm not roommates with somebody by accident. We're both scumbags. I'll be a drug addict till I die. I just don't currently use drugs, but I am a scumbag. This gentleman doesn't deserve that. He grew up and went to like a school house,

you know, where it's one house and they had a school, you did, and they had a school marm and he would go in and I mean, this kid just grew up. I mean, the stories he has, the life he's lived, he just, he just deserves a little respect. He can't attack. You can attack me because I'm a dirtbag like everyone I've ever met. Isn't that funny? Isn't it funny how dirtbags seem to find each other? But I'm just saying it's wrong to attack Benjamin as well. I think that's a little shitty to do. We didn't go in there. I wasn't throwing chicken parmesan or all over the apartment. Hey! Shacks like I was taking shits on the floor. It's an old apartment. You have old rugs.

It's musty. You have clothes. It's gross. It's a shithole. That's why we lived there because it was a shithole. It's not nice. Okay. It's a place for an actor to hang themselves. That's what the apartment is. And I'm sorry there was an odor in the apartment. I'm sorry. Yes. Okay. For breeze it all so that the next person who lives there and tries to kill themselves, it smells frat. I don't know what to tell you, but the tech started rolling and they came to me, they came to Benjamin. I'm not spending the whole show on this, but I just feel like it's a little much. It's a little much the attacks. I'm disappointed to impune my character as such. That's all. It disappoints me. He doesn't understand the way people, I understand the way

people operate. He doesn't even understand it through no fault of his own. He comes from vast open expanses, big blue skies. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get wheeler dealers. He doesn't understand the different people and the way that they operate in this planet. He doesn't get it. I get it. I've known it since I was a young child. He's never met someone like Meatball, the governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo, or his brother, Chris Fredo Cuomo Corleone. This is his real name. I'm not being racist against Italians. That's his name. Frisk who didn't have coronavirus, never forget. No, you beat it like this. No, you don't. You didn't have it. Never forget. Liar, liar, liar. So we're on the other side of that now.

I wish this woman the best. Same. I wish everyone the best. I'm saddened. I'm saddened. I'm saddened by the lack of decorum. What happened to people knowing how to communicate with you? This social media has fucked everything up. I really believe that. Do you think that? Yeah, this social media. I mean, this social media has really fucked everything up. It has really destroyed people's minds as crack cocaine does. This is just I'm just comparing social media to crack. They're very similar. You get a hit, one another hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit. No more brain. Who is speaking at the Democratic National Convention? Not AOC, they say. This year's virtual time crunch Democratic National Convention isn't

making space for many top Democrats to speak. The DNC is set aside just two hours every night from August 17th through the 20th for the convention where former President Joe Biden will prove he's alive joke except the nomination. That has led the Biden campaign to make some ruthless cuts to some of the highest profile Democrats out there. Though the convention's official schedule is far from finalized. It goes without saying that the party's two most popular figures, Barack Obama and Michelle Obama will get a big role, even with time limited. Former President Bill Clinton and 2016 nominee Hillary Clinton are in as well. The Clintons are in. Why not have just Lane Maxwell speak at the convention if we're going to have the Clintons

there? Credible accusation of him being on Epstein's Island. They're going to roll him out at the convention. Have Barack, have Michelle, have meatball. Done. Meatball, Michelle, Barack, Biden over. Not AOC. Not Ilhan Omar. Easy. Stay in the main centrist lane. You're not going to give anyone healthcare anyway. You might as well win the election. Maybe then you do something good. You cannot have Bill Clinton out there. The man looks like he died years ago and he did die years ago. So he died when he could stop sticking his dick in whatever he wants in a hard condition. He had to go vegan. AOC reportedly does not have a slot yet, nor do any of her fellow progressive political newcomers. But the party has reportedly made

room for Ohio Governor John Kasich, a Republican who ran against President Trump in 2016. He'll speak on the same night as Bernie Sanders in a demonstration of unity. So John Kasich has got, well, you know, Bernie's people love that. They love when, you know, someone else and Bernie get together that, you know, might have, you know, might not be traditionally, uh, you know, a guy that you'd think would align with Bernie. They handled that very well. I think I remember Bernie went on a podcast with a guy that maybe wouldn't traditionally be a Bernie supporter, but really liked Bernie's platform. And I seem to remember the left handling that very well. Not to leave the right out of criticism. The other day I was out in the desert and it was a

Trump rally. And now it's like, it's just these rich middle-aged women. Here's what it is, man. It just gives them something to do. It gives them something to do. It's just these rich middle-aged women in hatchback, uh, Mercedes top down, pink Trump flags, women for Trump. They pull into some parking lot. They're all yelling. We're all trying to get people to honk as they drive by. And it's like, well, what is the point here? What exactly are we doing? Like, who cares? Why are cages enjoy your fucking top down Mercedes on a nice day and drive, listen to some music, put on a little David Bowie and just go. You got to have a woman for Trump sign flags, have flags in the car, put it on my Instagram. And then they pulled over and they

all start, you know, beeping. No masks, by the way. Many of them were maskless. This is on my Instagram. I on the story, it should still be there. No, no, it's over 24 hours. If you didn't see it, it's over 24 hours to get the good stuff on Instagram. And then that is it. But there's something funny to me about like, like they call them like pool and patio types, like upper middle class or even potentially wealthy people that are like treating politics like it's like, you know, like some like pep rally. It's like stew school spirit night because they have nothing to do. They're unaffected by anything. So they're just trying to find something in their life to get into. They listen like Sean Hannity every day. And they're like, you see them on Facebook,

go fighting with each other, trying to score points, like, you know, they're so satisfied when they write like a long comment to like, now you go, I'll raise you that. And so much of this just comes out of boredom. How much of this truly is boredom? Red Compo, he says people don't have hobbies anymore. Nobody's like trying to learn how to paint. Nobody's doing any woodworking. Nobody's putting together a table. They're just looking for something to lose themselves in some social fucking situation. It's just their identity. I mean, these women women for like the woman was like, the woman who was driving the car, me, Devon and I are in the car and we look at her and she's like, are we just smiled? And she was like, we're smiling, but I wanted to, you know, drive by them.

And I think it's funny whenever you see, no matter what group they are, but especially if they're Republican, if they're really like frothing at the mouth and they're happy, it's always funny to just take it a step further, like see how far they'll go. See how far they'll go. It's just a little funny. So I wanted to drive by and be like, yeah, white power. Just to see like what these like upper middle class desert housewives would do. Like, you know, if I just drove by and I was like, yeah, yeah, Trump, Trump, Heil Hitler. I mean, would they have gone along with it? I don't know. How bad are things getting? You know, would a bunch of like housewives just start fucking making Nazi salutes in the middle of the street? How bad is it out there? Sometimes I want to know.

You know, just a hot climate for race. I read an article the other day about cultural appropriation. I can't understand cultural appropriation. I don't understand all cultures add to each other. I mean, some of it obviously, some of it obviously is, um, yeah, the cause, how viral tic-tac videos laying bare cultural appropriation through slang. See, I don't even know what this is, but I mean, again, could there be any less important issue than cultural appropriation? I mean, obviously within reason, if you're a white person, you should don't walk around in a dashiki like Nancy Pelosi or whatever. Don't, you know, you don't need dreadlocks if you're a white part, you know, there's something weird about white millennial women opening up a fried

chicken restaurant, but it should be allowed. You shouldn't go crazy. Like in Portland, where it was like people making burritos and they weren't Mexican. So like they had to close their stand down should be within reason. But the reason this impacts me is because I was an actor as a kid. I was in theater as a man of the theater and I, I was a singer as a child and I sang and I had beautiful voice. And then after many, many years of hard living and cigarettes, I really can only sing one song. I can only sing one song. And what's unfortunate about this song is that it is, it's a beautiful song. It's one of my favorite songs. It's a powerful song, but it is traditionally sung by a black person. And it is from a song, it's from a show called showboat. And the words of

the song correspond to that person's experience. Now I would never, I would never ask to play the role and sing the song in a play. But if I wanted to sing it socially or at karaoke one night, I don't know why I shouldn't be allowed to sing it because I've smoked so many cigarettes and I've had a lot of dairy and I've treated my voice bad. I just don't understand why I can't go to like a Los Angeles karaoke and go, old man river, that old man river, he don't say, and that you have to do a little bit of like the black set. It's, I'm not even, I don't even want to do it. It's like, I, I'm not mad if a black person was singing like an Irish song. I would think it's beautiful. If, if, if Erica Badu sang Danny boy, I would tears down my face. And if you jazz it up,

Danny boy, Danny boy, the pipes are calling. How great would that be? Why am I upset by that? Why am I upset by Erica Badu singing Danny boy? I'm not. So why can't I, because I can hit the notes. I can go down there low and I can stay down there and it's nice. And river, he just keeps rolling. Like why, why is that offensive? I understand. I'm not saying that I'm like, I'm not like piggybacking off the experience of slavery, the original sin of America. I get it's horrible. My question is, I don't want to play the role if I were to sing old man river at karaoke. Would that be okay? Get a little drunk and get

thrown in jail. Like that. Now it's, it's not my experience as a white suburban guy, but I have a very deep voice. It is not my choice. I would like to sing at a higher pitch, but I can't. And I think this becomes a problem. So cultural appropriation, you know, within reason has never bothered me because I really can only sing old man river impressively. That's the only song that I can sing and I don't care if somebody else wants to sing another song. How cool would that be? Can't we get mature as a society and get past all this shit? Erica Badu comes on, sings Danny boy, makes Irish people cool. I don't care that Erica Badu is not some drunk standing on a hill or whoever the fuck is supposed to be singing Danny boy,

whatever experience she's, you know, trying to piggyback, you know, how great would it be? Oh, this is interesting. Is it cultural appropriation of black woman does an Irish dance? They're probably going to say no, because in the whole hierarchy, because black people have faced more oppression than Irish people, they're allowed. But I think that's a bad way to order society. It creates all this unnecessary, you know, consternation. And it's very confusing. And it creates resentment. And I don't think you need to do that. I think what you should do is have everybody experience each other's cultures and to each other's cultures. Fusion food is great. Because maybe you take French, you know, less penance, which is a great restaurant. It doesn't exist

anymore. But it was in New York City. It was in the St. Regis Hotel. None of you literally have ever been. And the Chevrolet got in great cunts, Coons, cunts, whatever, let's call them cunts for this fucking point of the show. And he used classical French techniques and Asian flavors. So he would use things like lemongrass and things like that, and then use classical for and it was like the top restaurant in the city. Beautiful. I never went. I never went to less penance. I always wanted to go and my parents never took me to less penance. So I became a gay cocaine addict and gave them no children. I'm going to see them in New York before they will both die of COVID in the second wave. And I promise that they will both die of COVID in the second wave. So I'm spending money on a

trip. They will both die of COVID. But why, why would we not do that? Why would we not take a technique from a country and an ingredient from a car? Why would we not marry them together? Now, like I get we all cringe when we see like young, young white people like like rapping or something like we all kind of like, is she a young white girl be like, yo, you're like, we all go, yeah, no, we all feel a certain way. We feel a certain way. But I tell you this, I'll tell you this, you would not feel that way if you saw saw me sing Old Man River. You would not feel that because you would look at me and understand immediately that I know the pain, not all of the pain, but I I've had pain and I have I can express myself in a way that

is that I do that I honor the song and I honor the material. You know, when a white girl is just like, that's not it. But when I get up there and I go spend a little money and you'll find up in and you land in jail, when I hit that jail, when I hit that jail, when I hit it, all your doubts fly away, fly away. I don't want to do it on stage. I don't want to do it in a film. I'm saying, can I for karaoke sing Old Man River and bring everybody down to the realities of racial injustice? Because at karaoke, everybody is like just singing journey and all this horseshit. And I want to get in there and sing something that makes an impact. Sadly, the only thing I can sing is a very low song.

These are questions. These are genuine questions. I'm not, I'm not trying to, you know, should I have sang that to my roommate? My ex roommate. I like her. She's a funny woman. I don't, you know, it's just it's unfortunate. It's sad. It's sad. Wouldn't be funny if you didn't tell me and you went back the next day and just destroyed the apartment with food. And that's what she's talking about. I just, you know, I just don't understand. I understand that, you know, people often have a different view of the same set of circumstances. This happens all the time when people are witnesses

to a murder, one person sees one thing, another person sees another thing, and they're looking at the same thing. I witnessed testimonies really a lot of times, it's kind of unreliable. Sometimes it is reliable. But a lot of times it isn't. It's not because people are lying. It's because people are having different experiences. And I think that we, we, we should recognize that. And we should appreciate that. I'm not, I'm not saying that I feel like I got me too, but it was about leftover food. That's what I feel like. I feel like I was getting attacked. Okay. Buy a woman, shank things that were not true, but the accusations were not sexual assaults, sexual misconduct. They were, you left out leftovers and there are maggots. That to me

isn't me too. It is an assault. I need to correct the record. I need to say I need to categorically deny that I did it. And I may need to hire a lawyer and sue her. I will not stay. I can't stay silent. And I won't stay silent about the accusation that I left out food and that there were maggots and flies. This is untrue. This is untrue. You know, we're doing, we're doing video now on the Patreon for the Rothschilds. We had a lot of fun. We were watching the Jim Baker who's still around selling buckets of food for the end times. And now the end times are caught up. But Jim Baker and the Rothschilds here is the higher tier, the $20 podcast, Patreon tier. And I know some people like that seems anti-semitic, not some people, one person,

comic. And I'm like, I know you can't make jokes, but at least try to understand them when they happen. The two tiers are skull and bones and Rothschilds because it's the two conspiracy, you know, the introductory conspiracies, skull and bones, when you get initiated at Yale. And then obviously, most people believe that the biggest, you know, it all leads to the Rothschilds whether obviously it's not true. But it's funny to put them as the two tiers on the Patreon, you know, so lighten, hey, lighten up out there. Truly, you know, and good luck to the kids. Going back to school, don't listen to anything your teacher says, move to Calabasas, start making YouTube's and get a gun because your teachers have no idea about the world. They've never left

their fucking classroom. They have no idea they're, they get go home and drink wine. Okay. And all they do is plan vacations. If you spoke to a teacher, you speak to a teacher outside of school, they only talk about the vacations they're going on, because they have 17 vacations a year. Okay. So if you're a kid out there and you listen to this program, just understand that Jake Paul is a much better role model than your teacher. Okay. He knows more about what you need to do to succeed than your teacher. Mother fuckers living like Scarface, big mansion. It's got guns everywhere. He's got guns leaning on the hot tub, got an RPG sticking out of the sauna. That's how you want to, you want to live

like that or you want to be some wage slave sucker. Just start dancing, start talking, start getting on the goddamn internet. But this is what I would say to the kids if they brought me in. I showed them a picture of Jay Paul's house with the guns and say, you want to live like that or you want to live like your father. Your father can't pay his fucking bills, couldn't even afford a gun. This guy's got 10. Who do you want to live like all the kids kind of looking at me? You want to live like him? That guy's a boxer and he's got a, he's got an arsenal and he wraps, released a rap song. It's actually not horrible. That's the thing now. Everything is at a point now where it act. Nothing's actually that bad because everything's

bad. So actually nothing's that bad. Everything I want to shit on. I listen to it and I go, Oh, this is bad, but it's just like regular bad like everything that has been in recent memory. Everything is kind of bad. The only thing that is not bad right now. Do you know what it is? Uh, Old Man River, the song. No, the only thing that's not bad right now is the condition I left my apartment. That was not bad. And I said, keep the security. That's the only thing right now that's not bad. Email us fun roommate stories. Do we have an email on this program? Yeah, the Tim Dillon show at gmail.com. Email us. We're not going to read them. Send them on over. Send them on over. Get it off your chest. We're not going to read it and I won't mention them on

the show, but send them over. Get it off your chest. What is it again? The Tim Dillon show at gmail.com. Tim Dillon show at gmail.com. Put it on the spam folder, but who cares? Maybe they're funny. Maybe we'll read them. Should we read them? Bad roommate stories are they all about me? Well, people that have lived with me. Listen, you fat fuck. There's some people that hate me that I've lived with. Yeah, don't like me. Then there's some people that liked me. I'm trying to think of all the roommates that I've had. Some of them have liked me. Some of them, but one other woman did not like me. I lived with one woman in Brooklyn who would take a three bites sheet. She was afraid of garbage. She was afraid to have a garbage in the apartment because we get rats

because we have rats. I said, okay, I don't see any of them because they're here. I'm like, Oh, good. It's like the nutcracker. They come out at night with swords. So she she would take three bites out of the northeast corner of her toast and put it in the refrigerator every morning. She had a bag of garbage hanging on the kitchen door that she would throw stuff out in. And then she would walk it out every night. Like she wouldn't have a car. There was no garbage, right? So you're living with someone who has a problem. You know what I mean? She has a little bit of a problem. And she did not like me. We did not get along because I wanted a garbage. Yeah, it was kind of a point of contention between both of us. And she was trying to explain to me that we couldn't have

a garbage. And I wanted a garbage. The first my first roommate I ever had was a woman who had her and her husband where she was a math add. She was recovering. Nice woman. Not really. I mean, her lovely now. And she had a husband and they got married in a gymnasium in Brooklyn. And you know, they were comedians and I lived there and we had a shower in the kitchen. The bathroom was in the hall of the building and another apartment could use it. We had a public bed. We used a public bathroom. The building was built in 1911. We had bed bugs multiple times. It was not a healthy environment for anybody and they didn't love me and I didn't love them and dah dah dah dah dah dah dah. I mean, it was just it was just too close for comfort.

They had just gotten married that didn't last. But it was a good money grab. They got some money at the time. It was a good money grab, you know. Then the next roommate I had was a woman with the toast and the no garbage. And she was a strange skittish cat like woman or pensive. Not someone, uh, not an enjoyable person riddled with anxiety before anxiety became a fat. I mean, real anxiety, a strange woman, pale woman, ghosts like young, but old. If you know what I mean, she would smoke cigarettes and stare at the night sky outside the building. We lived on a, uh, the other side of Prospect Park in Brooklyn, a strange woman. And I didn't have a door to my room. I had a curtain, just had a curtain. And, uh, when they should call me and she's like, uh,

I need you out. It's not working out. Nothing could really happen. I was like, okay. And I, I went, you know, what sucks is I went and I was like behind and I wasn't behind on rent, but I was behind like in my world because I, I give her rent on the first, but it was like almost the first. I didn't have all the money. So I went and I did a lot of tours on my tour bus. I was really good and I got all this money and I finally had it. And it was one of those New York moments. I'm like, I did it. I was down to the wire. I gave three tours. I earned like $300 on each tour in tips. I walked out with like 350. I didn't have to go get a slice of pizza. I just sit there and be like, I fucking did it. I have the rent. And then she called me before I even gave it to her. She's

like, yeah, I just think it's not working out because I don't know if I want a roommate or whatever. You know, and I'm like, great. And I call my fucking aunt, my aunt Kathleen, the pretend lawyer in my family. She's actually a lawyer, but she can't practice because she can't exist in an environment with other people. So she has a pretend office downstairs in the basement. She goes into, and the phone's not even hooked up. And she goes, I'm an attorney. It's like ridiculous. It's literally the case. She's, she's unwell. And she called her for some legal support. She's like, you've got nothing. Oh, she has to give you 30 day notice. She's like, you got to get out of there. I'm like, she's now yelling at me to get out. I'm like, wait, what?

What's happening? What happened to family? So then, then I moved in with a Palestinian kid named Mazen. He was a bartender. Not a bad looking kid, kind of a good looking Palestinian kid, you know? And, uh, you know, and then he, he one day called me and he goes, this was three days. And again, when you don't have credit and you don't have money and you're living in the underground economy, you're, you're rooming with people that are also in that position or, or they're, if you have credit and money, you're not living in the places I lived. So the idea that some of those people had the credit to get a lease, the money, uh, but they're still somehow like in this swamp, this horrible building. I mean, we lived next to a pest control place in Astoria and there

was like a picture of a bed bug, a huge one right outside my apartment. So I just like looked at a photo of a bed bug. You go home every day and you'd look at just pictures of roaches and bed bugs that were all over this building and then we live right night right next door. And the Mazen, I think that was his name. I'm almost positive. And he called me one day. He goes, Hey bro, I'm not stupid. You try to fuck me over and I don't, I don't play that shit. So you better fucking come clean right now and admit what you did. And I go, well, I don't, I'm at a loss. And he goes to the, uh, the utilities with $37 each man. I'm like, yep. And he goes, I just fucking counted. And he goes, and I'm not stupid. I, I got $36 from you.

And I'm like, well, maybe one fell or I could have miscounted. It was early in the morning before I left for work. He's like, just don't fuck around with the money, man. What he said, he goes, don't fuck around with the money. So then, uh, I said, okay. And then after a few months in there, I said, I just got to go. I just, again, left him the security. He just said, I just got to go. I got to get out of there. Um, and then the next room, man, I had as my grandmother on Long Island who would say I was a Laos and a carnival barker and tell me to go shit in my hat. She'd say, go shit in your hat. And she would drink Scotch and she would say, why don't you get one thing for McDonald's for breakfast? Get one thing.

And I said, why would I get one thing? And she looked at me and she goes, because you're one person. She was a hilarious woman. And then the next roommate I had, I had, oh, my grandmother was, oh yeah. And the next roommate I had was Oscar. Yeah. Wait, wait, no, no, it was Allen in Astoria for a few years. He was a nice guy. And then after Allen, the next roommate in Los Angeles was Oscar the cat from Instagram was a terrorist would scream blood curling screams in the middle of the night and you let him in and then he would like eat food and then shit on the floor and then you'd have to let him back out. I mean, he was a terrorist, you know, and I would always catch him. He'd be on the dark web trying to order weapons. He'd be in radical chat rooms,

try to get people ready, you know, for something for a quote unquote big event. He always said, I mean, this is a cat that was literally a real problem. It's wanted by the FBI for inciting violence and threatening sitting members of Congress. And then the next roommate I had was this this last and it was short. When did I move in there? January 15 January 15. What day is it today? Today is August 7. And it's all over. Just like that. Just like that. Happens just like that. That's what Jake Paul smart. He's the only roommates of guns. It's a smart kid. January 15 that moved in. You know the exact date. How do you know the date? Because I remember the podcast episode we did skid Ray was around that time. Wow,

because we built the new studio in that room. Yeah. Did Ray come right after I moved? I don't feel like he did. You guys were up in like Canada and then you came back or it was Ray's first time visiting LA. So that was March, but I moved in in January. Yeah. And February and then quarantine happened and that just kind of here's the thing, man, I don't want to I don't want to burst anybody's bubble. But any friendship you have a relationship, if it's not real rock solid, this quarantine is going to fucking shred it. It's going to shred it because a lot of people are feeling pressures right now that they've never

felt people are handling it in different ways. So if you do not have a real rock solid understanding of the dynamic of what's going on, this quarantine is going to really do it in and it's true. The quarantine is going to do it in, you know, and that's okay because here's the reality when the quarantine first happened and then coronavirus hit, you know, everybody was like, nothing is ever going to be the same. And I was like, yeah, that's kind of true. That's kind of true. Every relationship you're in, every setup you ran. I mean, Ben is leaving the show next week and he's being replaced by Lisa and that's because of the quarantine and all the stresses and the pressures that we're feeling bringing Lisa and so

you know, in closing here, I just want to really speak to you from the heart and just tell you that this is going to be okay. We're going to get on the other side of this. Many of us won't be alive. Country will be changed forever. But right now, if things are starting to get strained with your significant other, if things are starting to feel like to go in the wrong way in a business relationship or in a friendship, accept it. Don't fight it because this has exposed all of the fault lines in many of the things that we do as a country, as individual people. Do not fight the changing of the guard here. Do not fight what has to happen. You will not emerge from this period, the same person you were when you started. If you do, you've made a huge mistake.

There has never, ever been a better time to reevaluate what you were doing, why you were doing it, who you were surrounding yourself with 100%. And that is maybe one of the hardest lessons to learn from this period of time. It's that it should change things and you should look around. There are couples listening to this right now, uncomfortable. You get hundreds of thousands of downloads on the show between the YouTube and the audio. There are couples right now listening to this and they are uncomfortable out there because they are realizing that what I'm saying is true. And I'm speaking to those couples. I'm speaking to them, not as couples, but as individuals. When you are in a situation where you know

things are headed down a bad path, if you're a fan of my show, things aren't going to be the right way. One of you has something that didn't work out. Every relationship, somebody has something. You know what I mean? Every relationship people are in, somebody has, there's some problem that's going on. Somebody's maybe on a diet, somebody doesn't like. Somebody writes an article about somebody in the LA Times. Who knows? Every relationship has stresses and pressures. Okay? All of them do. And it is our job to recognize these things, to not fight the inertia, what is happening, what is coming, don't fight it. And if you are, if you're one of those couples right now that, you know, you feel like things are going downhill

because of coronavirus, don't drag this out, don't let it go on forever. Okay? Steal their money. Steal their money. Goodbye.