The Tim Dillon Show - 213: 213 - Who's Gonna Put You In Jail

Episode Date: August 16, 2020

Tim lets you know that you're all going to jail, some films he was in as a child he's trying to track down, spins a tale of a horrific hotel experience in West Hollywood, and talks about the Coney Island "Freak Show" experience. Bonus Episodes every week: https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow Merch: https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dillon-show/ Please Support Our Sponsors: WALLETS - http://www.ridge.com/tim to get 10% off a ridge wallet. UNDERWEAR - https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ and ord Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. It is Saturday night or Sunday morning whenever you are checking back in with a, with a, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, far, far. Castilian Spanish is a lot of thuh, thuh. They are the white Hispanics. They say that, they're like thuh. Everything they say has a thuh, it's a thh.

That's neither here nor there. We are drinking a Slim Fast creamy milk chocolate, Slim Fast, it's a meal replacement. Shake for breakfast, shake for lunch, sensible dinner. They are not an advertiser, but I'm part of a challenge with Big J and Ari and Salvolcano. I don't even know if they're doing it anymore. I saw a Big J guy, he was doing comedy,

sitting in a chair, somebody came up and they, they swiped the chair from him and he fell off the stage. He was doing crowd work with somebody and their boyfriend got mad or something. Yeah, it's on Louis's Instagram. I mean, or Ari put it up on his Instagram. What's going on out there?

It's just comedy people, relax. I think Ari put it up and he goes, comedy is dangerous again. There it is, middle, middle one right there. Yeah, I mean, this is crazy. So what he's doing? Oh my God, oh my God. Look at that.

I mean, what the fuck is happening? Oh my God, oh my God. What the fuck is happening? You know, it's out of control. Thanks to Joe Rogan for having me on the show. It's one of his last episodes for the moment in the studio in LA and that was really cool. Sit down with him again.

I stayed in LA that night and I went on hotel tonight and this is a problem that I've been having. You're gonna run into this problem when you travel if you were traveling right now, if you have to travel, if you choose to travel, I'm gonna tell you some of the problems you're gonna run into so that unlike me, you're not completely befuddled by what's going on right now

because there's a lot of rules and regulations that are apparently preventing anybody from doing their job even by accident. Even accidentally, the idea that somebody would perform a service or exchange a good with you apparently can no longer be done even though you're paying for said things. You're paying for the services but they are no,

they can't receive them because of coronavirus. So I check into this, so I go to hotel tonight. I like hotel tonight because hotel tonight allows you to book last minute rooms that hotels make available supposedly cheaper but they're never really cheaper. That's beyond, they're always kind of, your book, you know, I mean, hotel tonight

might've been great when it first started but what it is right now is it's just easy, you swipe it, you see the hotel, you like it, you're in, you're out, it's prepaid, you don't have to deal with the payment at the front desk although you have to give your card for utilities obviously. The utilities right now during COVID don't exist. They're on it, I was checking into the hotel

and the guy goes, hey, can I have a card for incidentals? And I said, right, good, you have room service? No. Mini bar? No. What are the incidentals? He goes, you can get a snack in the lobby. I said, so you're authorizing my card for $150

on the off chance, I walk to get a fucking cliff bar in the lobby that couldn't I just buy it in the lobby? What the fuck scam is this? I checked into the Kimpton Lapeer Hotel on Lapeer Street in LA. Kimptons are fine, it's like a regular brand of hotel that's somewhat respectable, get this hotel up because it's a dump and it's running a human trafficking ring

which I'm choosing to bring to light on this program. The pool is the size of a stamp. I mean, it's the size of a match book. Nothing looks like that, it's a dump. The rooms are horrific. I FaceTimed Ray Kump. Ray Kump was aghast at the room just to give you an idea. And now they list this as a luxury hotel on hotel tonight.

They list it as a luxury property. I don't know, I don't trust hotel tonight in terms of luxury and they don't understand. I think hotels pay, I don't think it goes by ratings. I think hotels pay them more money because I worked in certain hotels at hotel tonight said we're luxe, I've walked into them and I've said I'm scared right now

for my physical safety, I'm scared. And this is a luxe hotel. And then some hotels that they say are basic are beautiful but I walk into the Kimpton Lapeer Hotel after sitting in my car and now you're all gonna be like, oh, these are luxury problems. Is this what you're gonna complain about now? You're gonna complain about hotels and everything like that?

I'll complain about other shit too. But understand that eventually you're gonna leave your house and you're gonna have to stay in a hotel. I want you to know what to expect and how to handle it because I have been always open about the fact that I want the best for every employee that I have an altercation with. That is why I choose to have the altercation.

Other people choose not to have the altercation with the person because they don't believe in them. I believe in the person so much that for me to leave the property without yelling at them doesn't feel like I've done my job and helped them grow as a person. You see, yes or yes. So I come into the hotel, this guy might have been gay,

might not have been, it's just an attitude in LA, maybe metrosexual, it's just an attitude. It's not even a sexuality anymore, it's an attitude. It's an attitude of like, it's kind of like you figure it out. You know, hey, like it's an attitude if I'd rather be on a beach. I'd rather be a sip of cocktail and not behind it.

Some of the people in these hotels act like they're just, like their job is like they're just, they're like breezing in and out of doing it. Like they don't stand behind the front desk, like walk around the lobby, get behind the desk. You work at the hotel. Nobody at the hotel thinks you're staying here. You work at the hotel, get behind the desk

so I can dig the thing. Don't be like floating around the lobby like you're a socialite, get in your station for Christ. But they don't, they float around the lobbies and all of these new hotels are, give me an old Marriott. Give me something with carpets and thick bedding and paintings from like seers on the fucking wall. Give me a breakfast buffet with a waffle

and pancakes and eggs and bacon and sausage and little yogurts that no one gets, but it's nice to see them there. That's what I want. When I'd fill my Comedy Central half hour, Comedy Central Rest in Peace has, they put me up in the Ace Hotel in New Orleans. The Ace Hotel is cold.

There was acoustic guitar in the room. The room should have came with a rope to hang yourself. That's what it should. It was a dark, decrepit space when negative thoughts and feelings lingered. Okay, that's what the Ace Hotel was. I checked myself out immediately. My manager stayed five minutes.

My manager, RIP, stayed five minutes and then he went to another hotel and I went to, I think it was like a Hilton something, a Hilton something or other and it was fine. And there were families and it was buffet breakfast and it was an omelet station and nobody was cool or hip and nothing was cold. They've remade all the Marriott Courtyards now

and they redid them with it. It's now Marriott Bistro. It's a Bistro. Do you want food? It's a B, here's a burger in a box. It's a Bistro. Do you want the Bistro? Hey, it's a Marriott.

The people staying there don't know what a Bistro is. Give them regular food. Give them Funyuns and Oxycontin. That's what they came for. It's a Bistro. And what the Bistro is, is a glorified Starbucks and if you've stayed in these places, it's a glorified Starbucks where they give you food in a box.

They give you a box and it's always something like brioche, bun, flat bread. We know what's on these menus. We know what's on the menus. I just don't like the new, this attitude of like a kind of an ice hotel where like, none of the employees seem like their employees. They all kind of float around

and you have to kind of go up to three people. Go, you work here? Who works here? There's just a bunch of guys with their chest hair out, like walking around, like trying to fuck. It's like, who's, are you fucking me? Are you working? What are we doing?

So I finally check in and... God, this Slim Fat. And what do you think of it? It's not good. It's not great. It's the best flavor too. I mean, the French Vanilla, it's literally coffee creamer.

You want to vomit. The guy that checks me in, it gives me two cards. I say, can you give me something with a balcony? Because I'm going to smoke in the room. That's the reality. I'm going to smoke in the room. It would be easier to cover it up with a balcony, but don't force me to go old school.

Don't force me to go old school and blow the smoke right in the turlet. I will. It's my vacation. So I want a balcony or at least give me a big window. I could hang out there. At last night, there was a big window in LA. I was talking with several of the homeless people.

I was trying to rouse them off to have them come in the front and cause a little problem. I couldn't do it because many of the homeless are lazy and it's why they're where they are. But I was trying to get them together. I had promised them.

I said, there's more cigarettes and money. If you go into the lobby and just start some shit. I said, there's six of you. They can't arrest all of you. Just go and show a force. Start throwing things around. I even described the guy I wanted them to pay a visit to and they did nothing weak.

But I need a little bit of a fucking window open. I need something. I'm going to have a cigarette in the room and I don't even smoke, but I'm going to have a cigarette because I have a pack of cigarettes on me. And I'm going to have a cigarette in the room. Why?

Why not? It's my vacation that started at 4pm right after I left Rogan's studio and ends in the morning. And here's the other thing. I do late check out whether you give it to me or not. We could do late check out two ways. You can give me the late check out at 12 or one

or we could have the maid bang on my door and I'll pretend to be dead until she comes in and I'm laying their bare ass on the thing and she says, I deos me, oh, that's, I imagine that's what it is. And then she runs down the hall. It just is what it is. Let's do them easier.

So I'm going to smoke in the room and I'm staying later than I should. I'm a good guest, really, not a bad guest. I'm telling you upfront the things I'm going to do. So this guy gives me these two room keys. My whole life is hotels. Before this quarantine, I was just in and out of hotels all the time.

Every fucking week checking in. You know how many fucking cards, hotel cards I have in my wallet. I don't even use from all over the fucking country. They don't work, they don't work. And you got to go back and go, it de-magnetized. Well, that was by your keys or wallet? Yes.

In fact, my keys and wallet are always in my pants. So what should I do with the card? Should I put it between the crack of my ass? How should I hold the card? I'm always back at the fucking front desk shits the magnet. So he gives me these two cards. I go in the elevator and they don't work.

Cards don't work in the elevator. So I go, okay. I'm like, maybe it's me. So I walk to the front desk and he goes, okay, I'll help you. You know, he's not, of course, not at the desk, not at his position. I got to go wrangle him because he's like strolling around the lobby

like he's the, you know, owns the property. You know, I got to go, hi, remember me? I'm staying here. So I get him. He goes into the lobby, into the elevator. He's doing the cards. Nothing. They don't work.

So I say to him, okay. And he goes, yeah, because I'm sorry. And he goes like this. He goes, I'll call engineering. Excuse me. You're gonna call engineering and I'm gonna stand there in your lobby while an elevator mechanic

with COVID comes over. No, I just said, check me out. What I said, I said, check me out. Just like that scared him a little bit. A little twinkie fell back. I said, check me out. He goes, what? I said, check me out.

Check me out. Almost like I was saying, check me out. Like, fuck me. I said, he goes, wait, wait, wait, what's going on? I said, I want to refund, right? He goes, I'm not, I said, I'm not waiting for engineering, bro. You need to have elevators to work in the fucking hotel. It's non-negotiable.

That's just, that's part of the thing. I got to get to my room, I just stand there. I said, I want a full refund. He's gotta, he goes, we got to talk to hotel tonight. I said, I will. I said, I want a full refund right now. Then he's getting real flushing because I don't know why this is happening.

He goes, maybe it's human error. He goes, oh my God, I know what happened. He goes, your room was, so then he goes like this. He goes, I'll just buzz you up with my key. So he buzzes me up to the key. We get to the second floor, we get to the room. Doesn't work. He goes, oh, I know what happened.

He goes, you asked for room in the balcony. He goes, as you were asking, I had put you in 210. The balcony room was 310, so I authorized you for 310, but now we're at 210. At that point, I considered, this is a smaller gentleman, I considered just kind of mashing his face with my hand and like just putting him up against the wall and then try to start choking him,

like try to block his hands and then get in there. But I said, okay, so we go back down to the lobby, we go back to the lobby and he finally authorizes the right keys to work. But I mean, I was just, this is what these hotels, these hotels are asleep at the switch. There's one person working, they're not bringing anybody in.

There's no room, so why is there no room service? He goes, because of COVID. I go, why don't you leave the food outside of the door? Like Postmates has been doing for five months. They've been doing it for five months and you can't get the chef in here now. I don't care if he's on three ventilators, get him in the kitchen.

This is my vacation. And it's important when you check in the hotel now, even if you're clearly not on vacation, say you're on vacation. I always do. I check in the hotel for one night and say, I'm on vacation. What are the attractions?

Make them tell you about the attractions. I've never been to Los Angeles. What are the attractions? Tell me what they are. I said, is the museum of wax open? I try to ruin their lives. It strengthens them. I said, can I go to the Hollywood sign?

Is there a shuttle? Ask dumb shit. I say, is there a shuttle to the Hollywood sign? And then always follow up a stupid question with an even stupider question and then go, and when does it leave? Because then they're flustered and they have to go, wait, well, hold on, wait a minute.

You can't eat, there is no shuttle. You can't even get there, what? And I go, when does it leave? Did I miss it? Don't hear their answer. Go right back at them. Did I miss the shuttle to the Hollywood sign? I'm on vacation.

Also tell them right away, go, I have COVID. Then go, I've always had COVID. Everywhere I walk in now, I go, I've had COVID since I've been a child. Do you have any of these symptoms? I have all of these symptoms. I got 105 fever, I can't breathe. I'm having constant strokes and I have COVID toes.

Does the shuttle to the Hollywood sign leave three or four times a day? Tell me right now, it's my vacation. How about this, when you check in now, just tell them you've come to die. I've come here to die. I've come to die, I've cut, correct. I have all of those symptoms, I've come to die.

Can I have a sweet? I won't be paying it, see, I've come to die because you have no room service and you're offering nothing and you have no fucking mini bar. Why don't you have a mini bar? Why aren't there bottles of water because of COVID? This is Hurricane Sandy in Long Island. My loser friends for five years,

the reason they wouldn't do anything was Hurricane Sandy. Two years from now, somebody at a fucking restaurant is gonna go, well, because of COVID-19, we actually, and you're gonna launch and grab that throat and go, no more, no more. After a certain period of time, we got to fucking enough because of COVID, you can't put food in the hall. So I'm forced to smoke illegally,

hanging out of the window of your building because I need something to fill my appetite, which cigarettes historically are quite effective at. So I have to do it. Wait, you don't have, I even say it to my, I'm gonna have to smoke in the room. They go, it's a no smoking premises. They say, well, they're giving me food.

They go, we don't have any food because of COVID. And I go, well, don't you see that this is untenable arrangement? I'm supposed to sit there with no cigarettes and no food upset in this dump. Placed with a goddamn shit hole. And they're running a human trafficking ring, Kimpton Lapeer in West Hollywood.

All these new hip, gay-like hotel boys, it's like, we need to do a little work, gentlemen. Give me an angry les in there, please. Can we get a competent, angry dyke now? I want an angry dyke. I don't even want a happy dyke. I want a barn-burning fucking vicious, loves her father, thinks her mother's weak,

badass bitch to get in there. I want fucking loafers with no socks, cropped short hair like Sergeant Slaughter. I want a woman that looks like Sergeant Slaughter running the hotel, not this fucking Ecuadorian, gay coke twink who doesn't understand my needs. A big old dyke understands a meal. She understands that a meal needs to come to that room

in some form or fashion. I don't care if you pay a fucking couple of hookers to grab a pizza and shove it in my ass. You have to figure out a way to get me fed. If not, you gotta put me in a boiler room with a pack of cigarettes to fucking ass-dread. I don't want to hear any different. I don't want to hear it.

Give me a barn-burning, barn-raising Sergeant Slaughter dyke now. And I ask for that. I say that when I check in the hotel. I say, can you get a Sergeant Slaughter dyke here, sir? You know, one of the big, tough ones that holds herself and this establishment twist in. Not one of these intellectuals I can't hear is on. I mean, a tough bitch.

Somebody who's been in a few street fights. Maybe she's done some time in jail, but she's turned herself around. And now she loves this corporation like she loves the children she'll never have. She takes the check-in process a bit more seriously. I want to be a little afraid of her when I check in. I like somebody with a little authority

when I check into a hotel. I'm just a little disappointed at what I feel. I feel that COVID-19 is enabling businesses to only bring back a small portion of their workforce. And then you're paying for all these amenities that no longer exist. The rates have not fallen. The room rates have not fallen.

It upsets me. And I'm doing this for the families. I don't even care about myself. I'm doing this for the families out there. They're trying to take a vacation to West Hollywood to see the attractions. That's who I speak for. I speak for the families.

Mom and Dad, Susie and Jimmy and little Tommy and Tamara. Those people, the good salt of the earth, middle American potato farmers, who are coming in and they're staying at the Kempton Lapier Hotel because they want to take their kids and show them all the TikTok stars and boa steakhouse. They want to show them the junkies,

whatever they're going there for, whatever it is. They want to show their kids what this beautiful city of Los Angeles is and everything that it signifies to the larger country, which is so much. And I'm fighting on behalf of them. I'm changing my opinion a little bit of boa steakhouse, which I didn't love when I had dinner there in Santa Monica with Ben.

But now that I went to the West Hollywood location and I went with Spade and Spade's respected because he's famous, they were a little better and the King Kreb gnocchi is actually very good. And the people watching is fun because it's all TikTokers and rappers and drug dealers and the people that run the country, quite frankly. The only people left, the only people left,

all this rage at Sarah Cooper, forgetting a Netflix special, dude, who gives a fuck? She's not my favorite, but who cares? Yes, yes, she's going to get a Netflix special. Yes. I mean, what do you want me to tell you? What who cares about a Netflix special? What do you think?

What art do you think is on its way, folks? Just like when Kamala Harris gets picked, everyone's shocked. Oh, I, what? No, but she was a cop and yeah, guys, she's a black woman. That's what they wanted. That's what they needed. Michelle Obama wasn't doing it. Susan Rice, not really political.

Kamala Harris was hardened political campaigner. She's won races. Yes, she's going to put you in jail. Yes, you're going to jail. I don't know why that shocks you. Someone's putting you in jail. You vote right now based on who do you want to put you in a van.

What party do you feel better putting you in jail? That is the, that's what it is. That is why you're voting in America right now. Which party, which political ideology do you feel better if it's behind the people that take a boot and stomp on your face while they're throwing you in an unmarked van to the gulags?

That's all, that's it. There's not, well, but the taxes are high or low. No, it's who, who do you, when you get clunked over the head when a bunch of guys come at you and they don't have badges on, you can't see them and they come at you and they just put a bag over your head and they throw you in the van, when you're in that van and you're, you got a bag over your head

and you're heading to a black torture site, who would you rather be doing that? Trump or this lovely Indian-American, African-American, whatever the case, woman. I rather Kampala, Kaka-Laka Harris. I rather Kaka-Laka, Kaka-Laka Bo. Kamp, Kamp, Kampanya, Kaba-Lala, yeah, Harris. That's what I rather, personally.

I don't want Trump doing it, he's done it enough. Let's give Kampayo Harris the chance. Do you understand? Give Tayman-Pala Harris the keys to the cell. We're all going to jail now. She put a lot of people in jail, but I imagine that's fun, right? I mean, if you can do it, I imagine it's kind of fun

to just throw people in a, you know, by, and yes, we're going to do prison labor for corporations. That is what, but it's gonna kind of be, have you ever seen the movies where you're next to someone else and you're just on the side of the road and you're doing labor for the state or for the town or you're making little trinkets for Walmart or whatever and you get paid 15 cents an hour,

that, hey, what's coming? Ain't nothing to do about it. Ain't nothing to do about it. So just feel good. Feel good that Kamaranga Harris is going to be handling it. Biden's gonna run once he's gonna go, he's gonna go into the Oval Office for four years

and then you're gonna have Kamala K-K- K-K-Hara, K-ho, can you say K-ho? It's saying she's a ho, but K-ho, K-ha, K-ha, ha, ha. K-ha, K-ha, K-ha, K-ha, President K-ha. We'll then put you in prison. And you'll thank her. Hey, thank you. You'll bring your daughter to see her.

You'll bring your daughter right this year, go. My daughter was very excited that she could meet the first woman of color. Vice president, yeah, of course, no, of course. My daughter was very excited to meet the, okay, okay, I'll put them up, I'll put them up like this, okay. My daughter is just so excited to meet. Yeah, and we sent you her measurements for her handcuffs.

She has very small wrists, so we have those as well. But she was very excited to meet you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yes, no, it was good. It was a good, thank, no, I mean, listen, it's just a beautiful time for the country. Okay, thank you.

Thank you. In the van, clink, in the van with Kamala. But all these guys that I like, like Kiklinski and all these guys, Kyle Kiklinski, who I like, but they're always shot, they're like shocked and stunned. They just really, I mean, they're so emo about everything. And I get it, because they're like believing things. I believe in the future.

It's like, all right, that's one angle. But, and I'm not trying to rob them of their sincerity and passion. I'm just saying, this was the most predictable vice presidential pick in the history of vice presidential picks. Who is he gonna pick? Sanders?

No. Who's he gonna pick? Fucking Elizabeth Warren? Ponto? No. You picked a black woman. This is what had to happen. The moderates aren't gonna care.

The moderates aren't gonna care that she was a cop and she locked up minorities. Moderates don't care about anything truly, other than aesthetics. And it's, if you voted for Trump last time and you're thinking about voting for someone else's time, Kamala, because if you were conservative enough to vote for Trump once, it's not gonna bother,

they're gonna have a hard time shitting on Kamala. It really is gonna be tough. They're gonna be like, she put people of color in prison in the Republican, she'd be like, woo! And they'd be like, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, this is the, this is Kamala. This is, oh boo, she was a cop. Yay!

No, this is Kamala. Boo! Minorities to jail. Yay! No, no, no, no, no, this is, we're still talking about Kamala. Oh, oh, Kamala, boo! She was a district attorney who framed people.

Yeah, yeah, it's framing. No, no, no, no, no. It's the black woman. Oh, boo! She's a crooked cop. Yeah! It's gonna be tough. It's gonna be tough to really get them.

It's really gonna be tough to upset the base with Kamala Harris. Kaha. Kaha's gonna do what Kaha's gonna do. Joe Biden is gonna be asleep at the switch. And he's not even gonna know where he is. And Kaha is gonna be on Ellen. And I mean, they are gonna be boogieing down

like you cannot believe it. Just what it is. And everyone will go back to shutting up, and Teefield go back to their parents' homes and write, I don't know, plays or whatever they think they're doing. And everybody will kind of go back to sleep. Donald Trump, you know, if he loses,

he's just gonna go back to being like a comedian. He'll be just doing roasts and stuff. He'll be funny. He'll be like, let me run this country. Everybody be clapping. I love him. A few years, I love Donald Trump. Yeah, or just like George W. Bush.

He was Hitler too. Everybody's Hitler for a little. And then you love him, because Donald Trump will get a hobby. Like Bush, Bush is a painter. And they were like, Bush is, he's really stingy. The era of his ways.

And now he's like, like Bush has a new book where he's like painting immigrants. It's hilarious. He's like, I'm painting the stories of immigrants. It's like, how about you paint the people you locked in a cage and tortured? How about you paint them? How about you paint the millions of people that are dead

because you went fucking crazy and invaded nine countries? Like, how about you do that? Why don't you paint some of those? How about you paint the babies with birth defects because you fucking bombed the shit out of Fallujah with like, God only knows. This guy's fucking Walter White in the White House.

Then he all decides he wants to just portraits of courage. A commander achieves tribute to America's warriors. I thought it was about immigration. No, there's something else. He's painting immigrants. Do the, say George Bush painting immigrants. This slim face tastes like the 80s. Like it tastes like,

it tastes like it's made by taking like cocaine, a chocolate bar and an air freshener and blending it. It's exactly what it tastes like. Out of many, one portraits of America's immigrants, George W. Bush. Look at the photo here. We got a Muslim, a black, a Hispanic guy, one of those dykes I wanted up to the left

to run a hotel. We got Bush's weird version of himself in the far left. Then you have a Pacific Islander. I mean, this is literally, this is the Comedy Central half hours they're giving out. This is the variety top 10 comics to watch list. It's true. This is everybody who's getting a Netflix special

in the next 12 months. George W. Bush painted them. How great is that? Look at that guy to the right. He's a Eastern European Nazi on the bottom right. Who the fuck's that? When's the last time an immigrant came to this country looking like that?

That guy's not an immigrant. That guy's a bartender who can't get hard. So he takes his energy out beating people. What kind of immigrants is that? Some weird Scottish race realist. George W. Bush is painting. None of these people can handle. What is the fucking thing on the left?

That looks like Bush. Yeah, it does. That's a creepy version of Bush. Who's up on the upper left here? Martina Navratilova, the tennis player. What is this? A little more than a year ago, president turned painter. George W. Bush set out to make a series of portraits

about American immigrants. Well, mission accomplished. I mean, Trump will do something like, now obviously it won't be painting because Trump will never waste his time, but Trump will come up with like a line of chocolates. You know, like Bush painting immigrants is akin to like, Trump putting out a line of like chocolates

in the shape of historic black figures. Like he'll come out with a chocolate shape like John Lewis. He'll have busts of civil like Rosa Parks. Yeah, he'll have a truck and for the dark and for the ones in the dark, we use the dark chocolate. And for the lighter ones, we use the milk. No, it'll happen. He will have busts of African American figures

of history chocolates. He'll partner, he'll do a thing. He'll try to knock a dive out of the market by selling, you know, equality themed chocolates. And he'll do it during February, which is Valentine's Day and black history month. I mean, this is already a great idea. That's what Trump will do.

Trump won't paint. He'll do something so repulsive, so incredibly repulsive that everyone that hated him will somehow like it. It'll be so bad, it'll be good. They'll be like, he's really trying to do the right thing. Look at this bust of John Lewis. Ooh, it's delicious.

This Rosa Parks is tasty. Is that almond? That's what it'll end up doing. He'll release busts of African Americans in chocolate to the country and people and the media will go, okay, because they'll have a new boogeyman at that point. They'll have a new Hitler.

I don't know who it'll be. It'll be someone to fixate all their, all their eye are on, not saying that he doesn't deserve the eye he's getting now, a lot of it he does, but they'll have someone new and then that'll free up Trump to do the version of this horseshit

that George W. Bush is doing. He's fucking painting. Can you imagine a guy destroying Earth and then just going and painting? I mean, this is a guy, Iraq, Afghanistan, torture. I mean, everything, the mortgage crisis. I mean, it's that great cat, William's joke. That motherfucker fucked up everything.

And I want to, like, I mean, to just lock yourself and just start painting is truly amazing. He's trying to get good at something. That's when you kind of, the one thing you got to respect about Trump is he kind of vanquished that family. He kind of took out the Bush dynasty. And even in Texas, you go back to Texas,

they barely care about the Bushes now. It's Trump motherfucking country in Texas. They're not like, oh, we're upset. Like maybe a few of the older, old school guys are, but primarily these motherfuckers are like, they're on the Trump train hardcore. They're like, fuck these pussybushes. We want a real president,

president who applauds the people down there in Charlottesville marching for our rights. Marching for our rights. August was always the best month when I was growing up in terms of summer and in terms of, you knew you had to make August good. Fat woman named Lafawn, white woman named Lafawn, who I used to smoke pot with said to me,

she goes, August is always the best month because you know you have to make it good. Before school, you got to get it all in. So I hope you're getting it all in. That's why I started with a little rant about the hotels. I want to protect you. I'm protecting you and your interests. That's primarily what this show does.

I'm an advocate for people, for families that are going to stay at hotels in West Hollywood, California to see the attractions. And I want them to be taken care of. But I mean, it's been a tough month of August for most of us. This has not been the most rewarding month. You know, I'm trying to think, I'm trying to think, have you ever been to Long Beach Island?

This is something my family goes to, go to like Long Beach Island, which is like a working class, probably very pretty place. Look it up in New Jersey, I think it is, or maybe it's off the coast of Long Beach Island. This is a place that a lot of families go to. I have, you know, guys that I grew up with on Long Island,

they take their family, it's in Jersey. And yeah, it's a lot of people rent houses there, you know? My parents rented a house nowhere in the summer. Our summer was exactly like our winter, the same house, same residence. It's nice to give the kids a summer tradition. Do you have a summer tradition that they go to the creek and baptize you?

Something, would you wade into the water and? We went to Padre in the Gulf of Mexico. What the hell is Padre? Did you do it a lot, like every year? We did it three years in a row, but then family got sick of it, we stopped doing it. But have you been to the Gulf of Mexico? It's just dirt.

Padre, what is Padre? It's just a shitty little, it's like you stay in a little hotel, you can walk to the beach, but like you're cutting your feet on the fucking seashells. It's trash. Right. It's right there by Houston and Galveston.

You're swimming in oil. Yeah. You're swimming in Exxon. I mean, literally. Just doing backstroke in fucking unleaded. Yeah, we never had a summer tradition and seeing these traditions, you know, obviously the upper echelon of people,

it's the Hamptons and Malibu or Europe, but even the, you know, the middle class have these great traditions, whether it's Long Beach Island, maybe they go to Shelter Island, maybe they got, you know, obviously very wealthy people go to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket. But, you know, I mean,

I think the one tradition I had was, and it wasn't a tradition like me and Ray Komp would always try to go to Coney Island. You know, once a summer and have a nice day at Coney Island. And, you know, we'd see a guy without an arm, you know, and a couple of people with, you know, the requiem for a dream. Those infected heroin sores.

And we'd go, maybe go to the Coney Island Freak Show, where a bunch of people that moved to New York City to be actors started figuring out how to dislocate their joints so they could kind of get paid. Have you seen the Coney Island Freak Show? This is a great, this is a good idea. By the way, I don't know if any of this is open.

It's probably not. Probably not. But this is a good idea to really connect with an authentic part of New York City. And now you will get killed when you go. But the Coney, I mean, the Coney Island Freak Show is just a fun thing to do. It's a fun thing for a certain kind of family.

Like a family that's not gonna be there, like together for that long. Like we all know families where they're on the edge and it's over, but they don't know it yet. That's the type of family that could really enjoy Coney Island. You get a Nathan's hot dog. Look at that woman. What is that?

No, go down, go down. That woman right there in the middle with her. No, no, no. No, no, no, down. Oh, Jesus. Is that a freak? She just looks Irish. Meet the Freaks keeping Coney Island

Side Show traditional live. That's just an Irish woman. Oh yeah, she has some issues. It's visceral entertainment. Talk down a corner of Surfe Avenue between the Cyclone and Nathan stands a squat building that beckons passers-by with bold letters that say curiosities, wonders, side shows.

The letters don't lie. The building is home to the Coney Island Circus side. And by the way, all the woke people, where's the rage at this? Right. Where's the anger at that? There is no anger because they're voluntarily doing this.

The letters don't lie. The building is home to the Coney Island Circus Side Show, a rotating showcase of fire-reading swords swallowing, snake charming, and other talents performed by self-described freaks. Right. They say they're freaks. We don't.

The show is a contemporary revival of the Side Show tradition that started in New York City in the 1800s and enraptured audiences across the nation well into the 20th century. Wow. It's visceral entertainment, things that make you applaud or scream or close your eyes or throw up.

It's a different kind of performance than going to Broadway, arriving at a certain time with everybody else and sitting silently for two hours in the dark, paying attention. Indeed. Correct. Yeah, it is different than Broadway.

Thanks for pointing that out. Dick Zygon, the owner of Coney Island. It's so different than Broadway, where you go to like a theater and they got like a play with instruments and music. No, here, like a retard swallows a sword. And you don't have to be quiet. You could point at them

and really say whatever you want. They don't care. They don't have feelings. They're freaks. So it's not like Broadway where you got to sit there silently. You could talk, take photos of them on your phone. Doesn't matter.

You could ask to poke them if you want. It's the Coney Island Freak Show. This ain't lame as a rob. We got freaks in here. They're on government SSI. We pay them cash. I mean, they can't work. But I mean, we would try to go,

me and Ray would try to go to really just kind of enjoy it. We'd walk to Coney Island, boardwalk. One of my favorite times we were there, and I've talked about this on the show before, we had a father-son con team, a team of father-son con artists. And a young kid, he was like 10. And then his dad, his dad came up to me,

standing with Ray, and the dad comes up to us. We were waiting online to get tickets to date. We weren't even online yet for tickets to the Cyclone, because I was going on it. Ray's too fat to be in a Cyclone, he'll break it. So we were thinking about getting tickets to the Cyclone. So what happens is, but he would break.

I mean, if you went on, he'd break the Cyclone. Ray would break the Cyclone. He would break it. I mean, it's a legendary thing, but he would probably break. I might, I would strain it greatly, but me and Ray together would break. We would break it. It would be over and everyone would die.

It would be in the news. Me and Ray got on the Cyclone, it would be in the news, pretty much, I think. I'm pretty sure, it's an old wooden roller coaster. I just think it's, you know, it would be, if we didn't break it, put it this way, it would be tough. I mean, the thing, the last time I was on a Cyclone,

they pressed the bar so into my fat that it barely clinked. Like, look at the seats on the Cyclone, how small they are. They, it was, the metal was in my fucking rib cage. They clinked the bar in my fat. They have to clink it in your fat. And they couldn't do that with Ray. They'd have to literally perform an operation.

Those are so tiny. They're tiny. Yeah, cause it's for regular size people. Look at that black guy, they photoshopped him in there. He's clearly photoshopped. That guy is not on the ride. Dude, he looks photoshopped. He's not on the ride.

By the way, I don't think anyone's on that. That does not look real. That looks like they photoshopped a bunch of people on that ride. They certainly photoshopped the black guy in the back. But Ray and me were standing there. So the father comes up to us. He goes, Hey guys, that line's pretty long.

We're like, yeah, he goes, listen, I just bought a bunch of tickets. Me and my son have to leave the park. Bunch of tickets, you know, for the Cyclone. He's like, just give me half the money. I don't care. I'm going to throw them out anyway. We're like, okay, whatever.

I'd take the money out. I'm like being had. I'm like, okay. I go to the Cyclone. They go, these aren't tickets for the Cyclone. I turned around. The father and the son like had barely, they didn't even left the park.

So we ran up to the father and I'm like, Hey, these are no fucking good. And then he just not even arguing, took the money out of his pocket, gave it back to me that I'd given him. Cause he knew, he knew he was running a scam and his son looked down sadly. Cause I'm like, oh, they run the scam a lot.

The guy gets caught a lot. And now he probably said to the son, if we run the scam, we can go get a hot dog. And I felt bad for the kid. I consider just giving him the money back. Oh, just get your kid a fucking hot dog. But I have no guarantee he was going to do that. But when the kid looked down, it meant to me,

I was like, oh, they fucking run this scam all the time. But how close they must be. I would never be that. I've never been that close to my father. Like a father and son team of con artists working Coney Island. How close are you? Like you start the day out every day, trying to just work people over.

What a way to really be close with a family member. You know, just start every day kind of like, okay, you work this side, I worked that side. You know who we're looking for. We're looking for people that are frustrated at the lines. They don't want to wait in the lines. So we're going to go to them. You know my spiel.

Hey man, my kid's sick. He said, that was great. He goes, my kid's sick. He goes, my kids, and the kid looked a little like sick, you know, whatever the kids like not smiling. Cause my kids sick, we got to leave. I'm not even going to use these tickets. I'm just going to throw them out.

Just give me half. I get to the cyclone and they go, these aren't for this. Fuck. And then I see them. They're like barely outside of the park. It's weird he wouldn't leave. Well, it was very quick. And we, we, we, like, I think he thought we weren't.

It's weren't really going to like, we weren't like, we weren't, we didn't look like we were like doing anything quickly. You see me array out. He doesn't look like we're running to any ride immediately. But it was just so funny. They didn't even leave.

And we had to go back and this guy, and it was just a son's look. When we caught him, when the dad just handed us the fucking money back, it was like 20 bucks. They're hustling people for like $20. And the kid just looked down like fuck, like fuck. We might have been the only marks that day. We might have been the only fucking marks at Coney Island.

It's not like Broadway where you go in and everybody's like, hey, don't call these people freaks. Don't spit on them. We don't do that. You want to, hey, they're fucked up. You tell them to their face. I loved it. Like the difference was like,

in roadway I have to sit silently. But here you could just scream at these animals. You're just screaming them. You could point and just say, ooh, ooh, ooh. Fucked clothing company. Love them, love them, love them, love them. Can't get enough of it. Give it to me and let me wear it.

My favorite fucked shirt, which I really liked, the Osama Bin Laden War on Drugs button up, which is hilarious. I want this is for resale on grailed for only $666 plus $8 shipping. It's a size L though. They don't do bigger than L, huh? Guess not.

Well, there's a lot of L's in the audience. It is a dope ass shirt. So cool. I want that shirt. Maybe I'll have them make it into three acts so that Americans can wear it. I love this shirt. I would get it.

If I was a young man that wanted to be cool and edgy, and I wasn't already effortlessly cool and edgy, I would buy this shirt that has Osama Bin Laden on it and the War on Drugs button up. It's great. I really like this. Go to fucked.com, f-u-c-t dot com. Buy this shirt.

Take a photo of yourself in this shirt, send it to me, and what will we do for them? We could, we could do something with the Epstein Temple because I still have it in my garage. You think we could send that to them as a special gift or something like that? No? Kind of want to keep that.

Yeah, me too. I want to turn it into like a cat house for Oscar or something. I want to do that. Yeah. We should, we'll make a little Instagram video of putting him in there. In the Epstein Temple? Yeah.

So this isn't even for sale on their website. This is on Grailed. Yeah, you got to go to grailed.com. This goes, it flies off the shelves here. That's why it's only size large. Flies off the shelves. You could resell this stuff at a really high price. You could resell it and retire.

What'd you do for a living? I bought a Bin Laden shirt and I resold it. Sitting on a beach in North Kaka'laki, North Carolina next to some retired cop. He's like, I had 25 years on the forts. I got shot in the ass. I got off three quarters pension. That's how I got this beach house.

What'd you do? I listened to my fat guy yell and then he said that I should buy a Bin Laden shirt. I did and I resold it. And now I'm living here. Solutions are not the answer. I like that. It's true.

They're unknown. They're honestly, get the things that make you happy. One of them will be go to grailed.com, right? And fucked.com. Well, this shirt's only on grailed right now. You got to go to grailed. Let's see if there's anything on fucked right now. What's going on?

What happens on fucked when they don't have the clothes? What goes on over there? A little CP? You could just join the mailing list. Just join the mailing list, man. These guys are exclusive. It's exclusive. Are we going to find out six months?

This whole thing's a front for CP. That's what's happening. I hope not. They're sitting there somewhere like this fat idiot keeps reading these ads. Join the mailing list. Join the mailing list. Who runs?

Who's this running fucked? Who's G Maxwell? Who's head designer G Maxwell? I love the Osama. I've worn drugs, but not go and get it on grailed. Are we on this mailing list for fucked? I have not signed up for that. I bet it.

You better sign us up. I want to know everything these people are up to. I want to know everything they're doing. By the way, you're lucky I took this ad. I was fucking going to be the spokesman for Dior. For the house of Dior. I know hide fashion. Okay.

Issey Miyake, Sonya Rokeo knit, bitch. That's 90 shit. Your motherfuckers want to sit down with me? Want to sit down with me? Want to stiff a coke with Carl Lagerfeld in the plus hot today hotel? The one in Paris during fashion week. How about that?

How about that? How about I was the inspiration? I was the inspiration for when Prada started doing leather. I was the inspiration for it. Okay. People don't understand the fashion world the way that I do. Okay. You don't, you don't get it.

Gucci, Pucci, Roberto Cavalli, Valentino. I'm just naming stores that I've walked by in New York. But no, I'm not. Who's that other fuck? Couture, real couture. Not like Tory Burch who sells ballet flats for fat pigs. I mean, real couture, like fucking the name I'm thinking of. Like Oscar de la Renta.

I was the inspiration for Oscar de la Renta's spring line in 1996. My silhouette. So you think that it's an honor for me to, it's an honor for you to know me, sir. It's an honor for me to do this because if I wasn't doing this, I'd be a Chanel in a creative meeting right now. Do you know anyone at Chanel? I bet you don't. You're slinging t-shirts on Melrose Avenue to fucking rich 15-year-olds.

I'm in France. I'm in Paris. I'm at, I'm at Vogue without a wind tour. That racist. Go to fuck.com, join the mailing list, please. Thank you. I was, I was on the show, this movie when I was a young child. I was an NYU student in a film called Truck Stop, made by a guy, I don't want to say his name,

but I've tried to get a copy of this movie so many fucking times and I've never been able to get it. It was called Truck Stop. It's made in the early 90s. I was in it. I was fucking phenomenal. And it was about a family, a guy, a family, a family, a family, a family, a family, a family, a guy who abandoned his family at a Truck Stop in New Jersey. And there was like an old shutdown diner that we filmed in and I was there for like,

I think it was like two weeks of shooting. It was really good. The last scene was like me and my mother and my sister getting in a big rig, like a truck and had the truck drove us away. I mean, if we can get this, John Morning is his name. He was in the business. John Morning is the guy's name. I messaged him multiple times.

You won't, don't harass him. But if you know him, I want, I almost might want to threaten him with a lawyer. I reached out to people at NYU. I said, give me the fucking film. I was in this film as a kid. I want to play it for everybody to see what really, truly what a gifted genius I am. And this guy, I was in two NYU student films, by the way, when you're a young kid. One was called When the Pom-Poms Stop Waving.

Go to YouTube and see if you can, if you can even find when the Pom-Poms stop waving. It was about a cult of cheerleaders who killed themselves. And I played a kid who was like, had a crush on one of the cheerleaders. That was one of the student films I did. Meaning you make a film when you're at the end of NYU film school. And the second one was, yeah, you're not going to find this shit. Put NYU student film.

Yeah, I mean, good luck. Go throw it into Google just for fun. And then the second one I did was called Truck Stop, where I played a kid who along with his mother and sister was abandoned at a truck stop in like deep water, New Jersey. Yeah, I mean, this is, by the way, if you know anybody, and I'm putting this out here to the audience, we got a lot of people listening to this show. If anybody can get me in touch with the people who made When the Pom-Poms Stop Waving or Truck Stop, these were two student films that I was in that I would like to see again.

If you, if you go to NYU, it's in their archives for sure. They keep all their student films behind a, really? Yeah, they have DVDs and stuff like that. Wow. So if anyone. Can anybody at NYU... What? We're going to pretend it's, it's, it's run by the Dominicans.

What am I going to, what is it in Italian? The Italians are over there? Stern School of Business? Is he Italians? Hey, what about the stock market, hey? Does that say, did Sam Hyde do that joke where he said, I think he said something like that where he goes, I kind of remember him going. About Puerto Ricans.

I was like, what is it? Yeah, what? Was it Puerto Ricans? Yeah, it was a stand-up clip of his. What did he say, guys? He was like, you know, everybody in Hollywood that, you know, you know, runs everything. You know, Puerto Ricans, right? It was something like that.

Sorry if I fucked the... I think it was Dominicans. If I remember it, it's almost Dominicans. I don't know. Very funny. Anyway. Yeah, very funny. Um, but yeah, I'm not saying anything negative about anybody.

I'm saying get me in touch with somebody at NYU. That's just fun. Somebody was at Junior, New York City. It's fun. It's funny. It's not, it's, you know what it is? It's secret antisem... No, it's not.

We're being goofs. I love Jewish food and Jewish people and also the food. The... One of my best... One of my best friends is Jewish. That is true. That's true. That is true.

Who? Steinberg? He's not one of my best friends. What are you nuts? I mean, I like him. He's like a little... He's a little... He's like a mollusk. Hello?

The guy that runs my website's like a tiny little uncooked shrimp. Hello? Um, what else was I saying here? I just want to get those films that I'm entitled to. I want to get those films that I'm entitled to get in. I think the university owns them because they funded them. I love Muslims, too. Love Muslims.

One of my best friends is a Muslim. Who? Muhammad? Have you met him? No. This is my best... One of my best friends. I...

One... I love non-binary people. One of my best friends is non-binary. Who? Someone named Star. Their name is... Their name is Star. One of my best friends is Black Lives Matter person.

Oh, yeah. Do you know who? No, I don't. Who is it? I don't want to say her name because it sounds like I'm being racist. What is it? It's like... It's like Shaqi...

Sha... Sh... Shakida. At Hida. Megan the stallion. Kwanha. Kwik Kwik Kwan. Kwik Kwan.

Kwik Kwan. Ka boom, boom. As you're getting angry, I'm just being offended at this. But these are my best friends, so I'm allowed to kind of joke around about everybody because these are my best friends. So one of my best friends is a cop. So I'm allowed to make fun of cops.

You know what his name is? Derek Chauvin. He was a cop in Minneapolis. One of my best friends is a district attorney. Kaha Harris. Kampala. Kamala yamala lamala. Kaka laka.

Get me when the pom-poms stop waving or get me truck stop. I deserve. I deserve. I want to see my work. That's what I'm saying. I want to see my work. This is, this episode will not be monetized on YouTube, by the way. This is going to get all of the, all of the, what is it, a sad face?

What are they? It's a yellow dollar sign is what we usually get. Which is what? Limited monetization, which means nothing. Yeah, no money. Who gets the green dollar? You know what's interesting when these guys talk about Dober? Click on the young kids talk about Dober.

They're like, I like him because he always smiles. He's like so happy. And like that's such an attractive quality to always be happy. Especially in a fallen world where we're all living in the ruins of, of, of reality, truly, and everybody splintered out. Like the idea that somebody could just have a smile on their face every day is so powerful. I'll never, I'll never do that. I, I, there's no way.

I'd love like to go into these young kids. Like they love David. They're like, we love David Dover. He's always smiling. Like, what about a guy who weaponizes rage? Is that at all something that you consider? What about a guy that makes you feel bad? What about a guy that makes you feel worse about a world that's pretty bad?

I like, I like the people that smile. I just want to see my work. That's all. I just want to see my work. We had a light episode this week. We were kind of goofy. We were a little fun. We're coming back around next week.

We're going to be next week. We're going to be in Long Island and we'll be broadcasting. And then, and that's not true, by the way, won't because some of the things we, I respect the law and I respect the quarantine law. Oh yeah. Yeah. So I, it's going to look very much like we're broadcasting from Long Island next week, but we're going to design a studio in California that looks like Long Island.

Right. And in fact, there will be an overweight, loud, obnoxious person doing four shows outside of governor's comedy club that people will say looks like me, but is Amy Schumer. And we, and that is just something that happens when you're talented and when you are, when you have your two stars, two stars in the night get mixed up. People look at the sky. They can't differentiate. Oh, is that one Polaris?

Sometimes it can, but a lot of times they go, oh, it's interchangeable. Just a couple of stars in the sky. You know, so we're going to be in New York and that'll be, that'll be fun. That'll be entertaining. I'm just, you know, I would like to get, and we're going to try to make some videos there and everything and I'm going to see Ray. Yeah, hopefully Ray will come out and podcast with us. And you know, we'll be able to kind of do some, do some important work there.

I'm going to see my mother and my father before they are taken from me in the second wave of COVID-19, which I will make happen. I will make sure it happens. They will not survive this, uh, this fall will not happen and Benjamin will be there and he will be filming and editing and helping me create this beautiful experience, helping curate this beautiful experience that we deliver to all of you. I'll be at the shows. Yeah.

Well, someone that looks like me, someone that looks a lot like Ben, maybe Tignotaro. By the way, Tignotaro replacing Chris to Leah, not mad about that. Why? A lot of times when somebody gets replaced in Hollywood, especially with the straight white guy, they give it to someone else, but they're replacing Chris with another straight white man. And I think that's good. They look like brothers, those two, Tign and Chris. What a funny show, Tign and Chris.

By the way, where's the article that proves he did anything wrong definitively? Is there, I mean, is that coming out? We don't even see that. I guess we're all waiting on that, right? I mean, the guy's career has been destroyed. There's some, uh, there's some weird accusations. Nobody's comfortable with the accusations. Nobody likes that type of behavior.

But where's the article? The other thing of Brian Callan, it's like, you're going to destroy the entire, the guy's entire career in life. And the reality is it's a 20 year old accusation. I'm not, I'm not disparaging the woman's credibility, but when you have a situation like that where it's, you know, there's so much on the line, everything, respect, your good name, any opportunity, your, your ability to earn a living. When there's so much on the line, you know, it's a little uncomfortable to with one

article, just, just destroy someone's entire life with, you know, the statement of one person that she gave to a reporter, not anybody with any real authority. I'm not discounting, you know, the people that have real experiences and they're, they're sharing their, their truth. And I'm not saying that that's not powerful. It shouldn't be respected, but the stakes are very high, especially with Delia. People are online calls. I pedophile, he says that, you know, the thing it's kind of like, no, I, you know,

and it's hard for me and it's hard for me to be in these situations. Cause I've never met Brian Callan. I've never met Chris Delia. I don't know who they are. I don't, I've never met them and I've not done their podcast. Apparently they have podcasts. I've, I'd have not been on them. So I don't, I don't know.

I don't know. So it's hard for me to judge because I don't know who these people are. And a lot of them hang out at the comedy store and I've never been there. So to me, what's difficult for me to do is being someone on the outside, look at me on behind the glass and the car goes through the wash. Are they doing a good job? I hope so. I'm here playing with the air fresheners.

I'm not one of the things that's going over the car. See what I mean? I just feel a little uncomfortable with, you know, this idea that you can just destroy someone's career, uh, with just a, with just an article. And I think everybody should be, by the way, and it doesn't mean that certain people don't deserve their careers destroyed. And it doesn't mean that there's certain behavior that's completely intolerable and certain behaviors should, you know, you should be exiled from society for

certain things. And we all believe that. We all believe that. What I think we, we need though, is to realize that the burden of proof, um, and the idea of, uh, an open forum, the idea of the, the legal system cannot be completely thrown out in favor of what essentially becomes a mob justice system with internet vigilantes trying to crucify people, rightly or wrongly. We don't know, but we can't throw out the entire idea, which a lot of Western

civilization is based on, like the rule of law, completely get rid of that and replace it with a system of frenzied mob justice. That's not a good idea. Speaking in, in the most general terms I can, whatever, whatever feelings you have about those two gentlemen, I, again, never met them, never, I've never seen them. Forget that. But you know, just a lot of this is happening in Los Angeles. I've, I, I've never, it's so crazy.

I've never been to Los Angeles and I've done comedy for 10 years. I've never been there. That's kind of crazy, but it's a little wild, but I've actually never gone there. I had a layover in Los Angeles once, didn't change planes, quick. Some people got off, then we just kept going. So I don't understand it. What's, I don't get it. What I am saying is that to me, we have a system and the rule of law for a reason,

you know, Ben said to me earlier today, because I would never sue you. Just out of nowhere, said it. Isn't that sweet? Just a nice thing for a guy to say to another guy. He considers one of his best friends, I won't sue you. Just in case you were thinking I was going to sue you. I don't plan on suing you. That's nice.

Look at your best friend today and say, I'm not going to sue you. See the reaction. See the reaction. Just look at someone that you're close with and go, Hey, just in case you're wondering, I'm not planning on suing you and I won't sue you ever. That is so important to get that out of the way. If you're, if you're at a barbecue, when you walk into the barbecue, say, Hey, not suing anyone here.

Not going to sue anybody. Let's have some potato salad. Am I right? Yes or yes. Not going to sue anybody. Padre down in Mexico. Padre Island, Gulf of Mexico. Gulf of Mexico.

Padre Island. Yeah. South of. Bring it up on go. I bet it's not as bad. This guy's got all kinds of stories. South Padre Island. I bet it's not that bad.

My parents took me to the Enchanted Forest. Some shitty fucking thing up in Canada to probably sell me to human traffickers who never showed up. My two boomer pageant trying to get rid of me. He eats too many flat fishes. We're sorry. That's really what it looks like. I mean, that is atrocious.

I mean, that is. Oh my God. Wow. I'm so see courtyard by Marriott. Do you want some bistro cuisine? It's always a fucking courtyard by Marriott. Oh my God. That is a hard.

They look like they're like dredging the beach. Like as people are. I mean, this is horrific. The real dump. That ain't great, huh? Padre Island. But I see it looks much better there. Yeah.

But like Gulf of Mexico. Water disgusting. I mean, you got to see. You've never seen the Gulf of Mexico. It's just. Oh my God. Look at that. Galveston to check out.

Go down and then get that mother and that baby up. Look at that. Oh yeah. That's what it looks like. Oh my Lord. It's freezing cold. It's just bad. God.

The fish die all the time too. Because of like algae and. Go to Clearwater Beach, Florida. This is my spot. Yeah. That's nice. It's nice. Clearwater Beach is pretty.

St. Petersburg, St. Pete Beach. Go get a condo on the west coast of Florida. Get a two bedroom condo who gives a fuck. It's just nice white sand beach, baby. God, I miss Florida. I'm going to go do shows there soon. We did. They sold out their shows.

The governor sold out so quickly. We thank you so much for that. Everybody who bought tickets. Yes, it'll be in a tent. Yes, it's going to be in a parking lot. Yes. I got to do one of these shows. I'm not going to make a habit of it.

I got to just see what's going on out there. I got to do one of these shows, even for just an academic reason to be like, what is this about? What does it like to perform stand up in a tent? I don't know. I still won't do like Central Park. And I don't know that I can do the street.

But this is a tent. And it is a, you know, it's going to be a challenge. It's the first time I'm back on stage. You saw like the last set, or you were with me at the store for my last set. I refuse to go inside. Yeah, but not because of COVID. Right.

So people that you don't want to talk to. And I've, what's interesting about this is I've never been there. So weird. I even remember these memories that aren't real or not real. Thanks to Joe Rogan for having me on again. Thanks to everybody who listens, who supports the Patreon, who buys the products,

who does them, you know, who buys a life in the big city hoodies. We'll probably have another merch drop in the fall towards the holidays. You know, people are rough right now. It's a tough economic circumstance. I'm not trying to bang people over the head with a hoodie every three weeks, you know,

when we find something to make sense, we'll, we'll, we'll put it out there, you know, but, you know, maybe things will be different when Biden and Kaka Laka Harris. We're having fun. Um, Calamari Harris. It's a woman in long either right now. Be like, I like Calamari Harris.

She's good. She's the tough batch. Um, yes, we appreciate everybody that continues to support the show and subscribes to the YouTube channel and everything like that. We really do appreciate everybody who, you know, is on the journey with us and will continue to be.

And, you know, we're going to start making, you know, when we can, when the, you know, when things are better, we'll start making longer form stuff and cooler stuff. And, you know, right now we're still making videos, but there's, you know, there's more shit to do. And it's just when the world starts to open up again,

hopefully we can do it and, um, we can, uh, keep putting out stuff that's really, really funny. There's a group of us that are doing that. Andrew Schultz is certainly one of the people doing it. Uh, I'm trying to do it. A lot of other people out there whose names escape me are trying to do it. Are trying to do it.

And, uh, I appreciate you supporting this show, uh, supporting Ben and, um, you know, that's the, uh, that's the way the cookie crumbles, you know, and if you find yourself on South Padre Island, you got black dirt under your feet. Like I said, you know, Ben, Ben, look how far Ben came. Ben came from South Padre Island with dirt under his feet to regularly associating with rapists and pedophiles every night.

It's comedy show. Goodbye.