The Tim Dillon Show - 214: 214 - Meatball's Mayhem

Episode Date: August 23, 2020

im discusses the conspiracy around Governor Meatball shutting down his comedy shows mere hours before performing, how old friends turn into strangers, why they are going to keep the country shut down until the election, and who the real patriots are in this country. Bonus Episodes every week: https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow Merch: https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dillon-show/ Please Support Our Sponsors: WALLETS - http://www.ridge.com/tim to get 10% off a ridge wallet. UNDERWEAR - ht Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. We are here in Long Island. Governor Meatball has attacked. It was a sneak attack. It wasn't completely unexpected. I did see the potential for this. I didn't vocalize it because I didn't want to manifest it. I don't know who the Department of Health, the Governor Cuomo,

or somebody in the governor's office shut down governor's comedy club, which was doing outside socially distanced, safe shows in a tent in a parking lot outside. And it had been open for a while. And many people had performed there. And there were no problems. And nobody had been tested positive for COVID-19. But yours truly criticized the governor of the state of New

York on the biggest podcast in the world. And then a few days later, a few hours before I was supposed to perform in the tent, the shows were canceled and governors got shut down. Now, I am not alleging that there is a connection, but I cannot say there isn't a connection. Do you see what I'm saying? I don't know.

I don't know. I believe we're now in a war. I'm in a war with this crime family. Can we be honest? They're a crime family. Mario Cuomo, the grandfather, was the governor. Now, this guy's the governor, his brother's on CNN. They're a crime family.

They chose to run the state of New York instead of a trucking company. That's who they are. And I don't care that Chris Fredo Cuomo Corleone's wife is a member of the Southampton Batheon Corp. You can't wash the garlic out of your dress. We smell you from a million miles away. You can walk on the beach with wasps wearing white linen,

but you smell like a three-day-old sausage and pepper hero under the seat of a fucking. I know you try to wash that off, but it seeps out of your pores. And I did. She's a member of the very elite Southampton Batheon Corp, one of the oldest and most prestigious beach clubs in the world, which means nothing to me.

So I walked right out, they have obviously a building and a pool and an inside that you can't get in. But there's a beach. They're out there. They're sitting on the beach. And these wasps used to own the whole world, and now they have this small patch of dirt in Southampton. And these are 800 of the wealthiest families on the planet.

And many of them have memberships to this beach club, and they all drive beater old cars there. It would be seen as grotesque to show up in a Lambo or a Bugatti, something ostentatious. It is very wasp aesthetic over there. And I walked through it. I walked through the beach part of it. There's women wearing white bonnets and kids.

I mean, they look kind of like a regular beach club. The difference was that people were reading. Let's be honest, that was the major difference. A couple of people had a few books and not trashy romance novels where there's like a guy whose packs are busting out of his shirt. It looks like some fucking logger on the front cover of the book. And it wasn't Harry Potter.

It wasn't adults reading Harry Potter, like a lot of the beaches I go to where it is an adult reading tween fiction, and adults sitting there unashamed, reading tween fiction. It wasn't that. I couldn't see what the books were, but I could tell by their covers they were not that. But other than that, other than the fact

you saw people reading age-appropriate material, it wasn't that obvious that it was so different from the types of people that would just normally congregate on a beach in a well-to-do area. I mean, there were no boom boxes. I don't want to be racist here, and this is going to seem racist. But you know what I mean? Nobody was playing loud music.

There were no potato chips. Nobody had a bag of Lay's potato chips. Nobody was sitting around crunching cheese doodles. It was people that were reading quietly, talking quietly, going in the water. Of course, there's no phones allowed, no Instagram, no TikTok-ing, no, you know, there are strict rules. And Christina Cuomo, Chris Fredo Cuomo Corleone

didn't have Corona, never forget, Liar, his wife, Christina Grisham, is a member of the South Hampton Bay the court. Do I know? Can I be certain that she was not told that I committed the social sin of walking through the beach club that I am not a member of? I don't know.

Can I be sure? Can I be certain that that did not happen? Is this a war for the future of the Hamptons? Is this the cycles of new money replacing old? Am I locked in the same war that Vanderbilt and Carnegie and Rockefeller were in? I could be, but I'm ready for it. I'm ready for it.

I'm here fighting for your rights. First of all, it is your right to die. No one's told you that. It's your right to die. It's your right to die. You have a right to die, OK? It is not your right to kill other people, but if other people all take a risk and kill each other,

you're not killing them. Do you see what I mean? Like, if everybody decides, for example, like, you know, we always talk about drunk drivers. What if everyone in the car is drunk? Do you know how many times I've been in a car when everyone is drunk? And every time we get into an accident,

almost people would laugh. Nobody in the car deserved to survive. Nobody. There was no innocent person in the car. There was no, like, good person that had just accidentally ended up in a car with three other drunks on a Wednesday night in Long Island, leaving a bar called Lisa's Lounge.

Everybody already had blood on their hands. You see? So if everybody wants to get together and assess the risk and go out and enjoy some fucking entertainment, which is, I think, their God-given right or state-given, they should be able to do that without the fear of reprisal from this vindictive petty gangster who's running New York State.

And this is the play until Trump loses. And you could hate Trump. You could want Trump to lose. I think it would be very healthy for the country to have a reset right about now. But let's just be honest. If you work in the restaurant business or if you work in entertainment, be

prepared for a rocky couple of months. Because especially if you're in a blue state, a lot of these governors, they're not going to allow the phases to reopen in a way that makes people feel hopeful about the future. I think the plan is to kind of reopen gradually, slowly. And I don't think a hell of a lot of reopening is going to happen before November.

I just don't believe that. And listen, that's a strategy. And it's because a lot of these states don't want to get clobbered again. There's many reasons. But let's not for a minute pretend. Let's not for a second pretend that there isn't a benefit to keeping the economy stalled

and to keeping people a little terrorized. They just want you a little nervous out there. They want you a little apprehensive out there, a little fearful. They want you to know that society is fragile and that that is part of a strategy to force political change in the country. You may agree with it.

You may think it's smart. You may think it's necessary. You might think it's long overdue. But let's be very honest about what it is. It's not, I think, if Biden and Kamala win, the tone of the coverage is going to change. Trump did bungle this. I think we can all agree, if we're honest,

that Trump didn't do a great job. I don't know how well other presidents would have done. And now we'll never know. I mean, we might know if we get a new one in a few months. But at the end of the day, the media wants this guy out. And they're using every opportunity to act as a partisan political machine. That's what they're doing.

If you can't see that, you yourself have left the planet, which is OK. That's fine. But just know that. Just you can see that. And it's not all undeserved. That's the other thing. Trump is not above reproach.

He deserves a lot of criticism. He's the last person you'd want in any type of crisis. He, like Cuomo, is petty. He's vindictive. I don't know what Cuomo did. I haven't really been following this nursing home scandal. I just know that my mother is in a nursing home and has not died of COVID.

And everyone in my family has been terribly disappointed. We call every day, and we're like, what is going on? Has everyone died but her? Has literally every person died of COVID in the nursing home system but her? This bitch is sucking up tax dollars like you have no idea. I mean, shoot her in the head and just say it's COVID. Who cares?

They're not going to care. The people who run this state are fucking criminals. They're gangsters. Just smother her with a pillow for Christ. But I don't know what he's been doing. I think he's just been putting, you know, he's just let a brush fire of COVID run through the nursing home system in New York State.

OK? While he's not canceling comedy shows held in parking lots, he spends his time shipping sick COVID patients to nursing homes starting a brush fire of disease. This is a guy who claims how well New York handled COVID. He fails to mention that all of the outbreaks of COVID from around the country originate and emanate from New York, not shutting down immediately

and letting people leave. Now, I'm not saying that New York should have shut down or it shouldn't have shut down. But let's look at the causation of a lot of the COVID outbreaks came that can be directly traced to New Yorkers. So before we throw ourselves a victory party and before somebody pops out of the cake and before mama starts rolling the eggplant rollatini

and before we bring out the shaping dishes and before we get the fucking penne alla vodka and the chicken frances and the cannolis out, let's understand that you and your state infected the entire country yes or yes. Those are just facts, Andrew, Andy, Meatball. They are just facts. And you can be a, you can revise history.

You can do whatever makes you comfortable. You can get out and, you know, do this dance. Do you desperately want to be president? We've never had an Italian president and we never will. We will have a transgender member of Antifa before we have somebody who smells like garlic sitting in that Oval Office, okay, criminal. Understand that criminal.

There's nothing really better than anti-Italian racism and because it is allowed. That's just simply why it's so good. It's sanctioned, it's allowed. Nobody will stop you from doing it. In fact, there's only an upside to you engaging in racism against Irish people or Italians, which is why I do it so frequently.

And because I know a lot of Irish people and Italian people, so it's kind of, it's fun to poke fun at them. But I mean, if the governor, let's say, let's just say, for an example, the governor was a black lesbian, let's do the show again, ready? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. The show's got canceled, real disappointing.

Anyway, heading back to LA pretty soon, really excited about, you see the difference, you see the difference, and that's unfortunate. That is unfortunate because I do believe that everybody deserves a good lashing, specifically when they are targeting just a clown, just a happy clown. Coming to dance is clown dance for the people in Long Island,

the simple people in Long Island who just wanna laugh, they just wanna laugh and eat bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches and occasionally do a little heroin. That's all they wanna do. They wanna live in houses they inherited and complain about the tax burden. Nate Bergman is making his solo debut that's already being described as classic rock,

by classic rock magazine, as Otis Redding crossed with Bruce Springsteen, making instantly likable tunes that hold their own. He's currently Nashville finishing up his debut album with Grammy-winning producer, Vance Powell. Good for Nate. Classic rock magazine says Bergman is one of the most original voices in modern music

and distorted sound describes his first solo show in London as a jaw-dropping performance. For fans of Chris Stapleton, Sturgill, Simpson, Jason Isbell, Black Rose, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty. Right now, for a limited time, the music is being offered exclusively through Patreon at patreon.com slash Nate Bergman sings for $5 a month.

The Patreon features exclusive studio songs, live streams and a weekly stories about 18 years of international touring and recording. Nate Bergman's a good friend of the show. This guy's the real deal. He's a great musician. He wants to get his name out there

and his music out there. He was the lead singer of a band called Lion Eyes for years. They toured internationally, domestically, and he's trying to get out there. You can follow Nate Bergman, twitter.com slash Nate Bergman sings, Instagram at Nate Bergman sings,

N-A-T-E-B-E-R-G-M-A-N, exactly like it sounds. You could go to Nate Bergman sings.com or you could go to patreon.com slash Nate Bergman sings. Nate is somebody who's always putting out good stuff and good content. We do appreciate that he really supports the show,

chooses to advertise here. I played a song for my aunt that Nate Bergman sang and she didn't like it and I killed her. I started choking her and she turned blue. She died much quicker than I thought she would have. I think she had COVID. And I didn't want to let her live if her taste was that bad

because it was a really good song and I liked it. I think it was called the middle of the end. It was about, you know, he's kind of lifted that from my show and I didn't give him any reprisals but I certainly could call a lawyer and I might but I appreciate that he's advertising and I won't, I won't, I don't own that phrase

but I mean, it's certainly being repurposed without my knowledge, but that's okay. We appreciate him. We want you to go be his fan. Go support him on social media. Go follow him. Go subscribe to the Patreon. Go, you know, go support local artists

and you know, he's maybe not local to you but who gives a fuck? It's truly the idea of it, isn't it? So Nate Bergman, N-A-T-E-B-E-R-G-M-A-N. Just get out there on Google, find Nate Bergman, find him. You just gotta throw him into Google, Twitter, Instagram, Patreon, Nate Bergman sings. You can find him pretty easily for $5 a month.

You know, he's putting his music out exclusively through that. That seems like the new way things are happening and we really appreciate that. So thank you to Nate and go find him. I saw a lot of people, you know, I visited friends of mine when I was here. This is an audio only episode.

We didn't know he couldn't, you know, don't start with me, people, please. The amount of content that you are provided for free, there is no generation of comedians that has provided as much content as my generation has absolutely free for you. And that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate all the money that you guys give us on Patreon.

I do it. We try to put it to good use and make videos and have fun and do whatever. But the reality of the situation is, you know, if you forgot what I look like, just find me. Google image me and you can stare at that while you listen to this show. But I did, I saw some old friends

and some parents of old friends and it's just depressing. We're all getting older. Everybody's getting older. I mean, that's the only way to say it. The good times are over. And I don't mean forever and I don't even mean for the country, even though I, you know, I've made that case ad nauseam.

I mean, for the friendships that you had, the golden age is over. Now, there is not much left. There's not much left and that's sad, but there's something nice about, there's something that, you know, definitive about that, where you can look at people and go, wow, because, you know,

that's where you really appreciate time. When you look at people that used to be really close with and then you pull back and you see them later on and you're in a different place and they're in a different place and you barely know each other, that's when you start appreciating time. And you go, wow, you know, that's a mind fuck.

When you kind of pull back and you go, you know, I was so tight with that person. I was so close with that person. And now I, you know, I'm struggling for things to say. You know, within a few minutes, I'm struggling for things to say. We're making inane, meaningless small talk. And these are people that I used to, you know,

we used to, conversations were effortless. There was always something to talk about. Now they're feeling me out and I got to feel them out about how political can it get? And everybody knows where I stand on everything. I'm not like a private person, but like it's still weird when you're in a room with people, they're like, well, are you really that guy?

Are you that guy? Are you this guy? Who are you? And they don't know what they can say. And it's odd because these are the people that you really, you know, spent a lot of time with. And you had a very organic and natural relationship with these people.

And then you just got to, you look at it and go, well, that's over. You know, especially when you sober up, everybody on Long Island still boozing it up and they don't care. I mean, they don't care. And God love them, God bless them. And I mean, people in Long Island,

they'll tell you they survived a brain aneurysm without blinking. I mean, they'll, they'll, they'll light up a cigarette and go, yeah, they found me on the floor. I was bleeding out. They said it was an aneurysm, you know, I don't know, pulmonary embolism. Maybe it was a, yeah, I think I had a few pulmonary embolisms

in my left lung. I coughed one up over breakfast and they'll be just sitting there drinking a vodka and telling you, they'll tell you, they'll tell you right to your face. And you're like, oh my God, is, are you okay? Is this okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

It's okay. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You know, just lighten the butt, drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a coronary, I had a bypass. It was a, you know, all of my heart valves were clogged at maximum.

I just woke up and they say it so nonchalantly. And it's everything, it's every decision they've ever made in their life has led up to that. So I get why they say, and I'll probably say it one day without being shocked, right? I just woke up and I took a breath and I couldn't breathe and I fell down on my face. And you'll be telling someone who's not

at that point in their life. And there's something so crazy about the nonchalant way they just kind of go over all their health problems and then just put the butt right back in their mouth and light it up and then just start drinking again. Like nothing ever happened. They'll just tell you, they go, yeah, I was clinically dead for eight minutes.

Yeah, clinically dead for eight minutes. And then they brought me back and I remember the paddles. I remember the cold paddles on my chest. And I remember there was, there was a dark tunnel. I was in a dark tunnel and I felt like there were these beings grabbing me and pulling me into hell. And then they'll just light up a cigarette

and fall back in their chair and they're like, but you know, I mean, things are good. All the tests are good now. And I'm like, oh, okay. Well, good to see ya. Glad I came by. Hope everyone's well. Give my best to everybody.

I mean, people that stay in the Northeast just get hit with a shovel. There is no way out. A lot of people that leave the Northeast end up for whatever reason, extending their life by a few years. Not that that's always preferable, but I was in the fat store, DXL in Palm Desert

before I flew to New York. And the worst employees in the fat store wants to try to make it like a nice experience because it, by its very nature, is a disgraceful experience. You have to try on clothing and see what makes you look less fat. I mean, that's the whole point of the fat store.

How do you look less fat by the clothing that you put on? It's never what makes you look good. It's never that. It's a lesser of two evils situation. It's voting. It's voting in America. It's, there's no real, like there's no JFK moment in the fat store where you grab a shirt

and you're like, this is it. There's none of that. There's no hope and change. There is none of that. There is just the harsh cynical realism of what is available, what will look okay on you, what will look decent, what will not cause people to vomit

when you walk in a room, and what can survive the rinse cycle. And that you won't spend $90 on a shirt and then pull it out. And then after the rinse cycle, it's now over. And I've had those experiences where you pull the shirt out of the rinse cycle and you go, this is done.

I can admit it to myself or I can deny it. I can lay on my bed and then pull the shirt and I can tuck my knees under it and try to stretch it back out, okay? And I've done that many times, but we're also gonna have to be honest. Sometimes it goes through the washer and dryer and then that's it.

It's a one and done. That's a one and done sometimes. And I'm in the fat store and I try not to speak to any of the people that worked there. I'm always polite. I'm always, hey, how are you? Do you have this in there? So do you have it?

But I'm never like, how's your day? And so this guy starts talking to me and he goes, well, what part of New York are you from? And I'm like, Long Island, and he goes, oh, that's great. He goes, you live here now? I said, yeah, I live here. He goes, don't you notice that when you go on Facebook, like he goes right into it.

And I'm like automatically already feeling nauseous. I'm like, oh boy. He goes, don't you notice when you go on Facebook, everybody from the Northeast, they look shot. And everybody that got out of there, they seem a little happier. And I'm like, yeah, I got to be honest. You're right about that.

Then he goes like this to me. He goes, he looks at me, he goes, did you hear about that actress who got murdered the other day? And I said, what? He goes, that actress who got murdered, she's famous, Reese. He goes, she was like stabbed with a knife. He goes, her name's like Reese, like Reese.

I'm like, Reese Witherspoon? And he goes, no, with a knife. And I'm like, what a life this guy has. Just trying to slip that joke into every conversation with a fat person in the Palm Desert Mall. Like every fucking guy in there, some guys are much fatter than me, like buying like five X's and shit.

This guy is just looking for an opportunity to slip the Reese Witherspoon with a knife joke in there. But he was right about the East Coast. He was certainly right about that. And I don't know. I mean, it's one of those situations where you love the idea that at some point you can get, you can find some value

in the people that you spent all those years with. And not that they aren't tremendously valuable, but I mean, you wanna be able to talk to them the way you used to talk to them. It's just impossible. It's impossible. I don't know that it has anything to do with my career or anything like that.

Maybe some of it does. I don't think so. I think it's just cause I made it out. I got out. I think I got out and I'm doing okay. And there's the people that get out and then the people that don't get out. And then the people that get out are just,

they're out, they're on a journey and then the people that didn't get out, kinda look at those people and they're like, yeah, okay. Sure. Like I said to somebody, my friend's mother, I said, hey, I got a house. Palm Springs rented it for a few months. If you ever wanna get out of New York,

you come over there and you can stay with me if you want. She's like, how do you have that? It's like her first, I don't know, I'm selling drug. Like, what's the answer? Like, oh, the podcast has done well and everything. And again, it's just a house with a few bedrooms. It's not, you know, it says in the Hamptons, the state, it's just a home.

How do you have that? And it's like, well, there's the warm Long Island, you know, reception I've been waiting for. She looks at me, she goes, you guys with a needy generation, you always wanted things, you needed things. And I'm like, well, also your generation of parents was also like, you guys were like the boomer generation

of like, hey, you were really, and it's so funny, I love this woman, she's a great lady, but she always wanted to leave New York. Like, she was always talking about buying a condo and getting out of New York. And then I asked her, I'm like, you ever think about, you know, get out of here. I know you talked about Florida for many years.

I mean, I wanna say she talked about it. I mean, every conversation that she had when we were young, she found a way to inject it into the conversation that she wanted to move to Florida, you know, or the Carolinas or somewhere. And I'm like, you ever think about leaving, you know, now you have COVID and the city, you know, she goes, where am I gonna go?

My friends are here. I'm like, okay, yeah. She goes, I'm alone, I don't wanna go somewhere. Now, you know, and I'm like, I understand, that's, those are all good reasons. So that's it, man, that's the thing with Long Island is, you know, no matter how strong the bluff is, nobody's leaving.

They're just not going, they're not leaving. I was for sure certain that this lady would have a place and do like six months, six months, but you get to a certain age where you're like, why am I going to leave everything that I know? Because at a certain age, that is all you have. Familiarity is all you have at a certain age because you're tired.

But knowing that you know the people in the neighborhood, you know the stores, you know the restaurants, you know the street signs, you know the stop lights, you probably even know a few of the cops, you know the way things work, you are, you know, comfortable and that is what you have. That is the only thing left. And there's a sadness to that in a way

because we tend to think of life being an adventure and it's about new things and it's about, you know, challenging yourself or whatever. And, you know, I think at a certain age, all of those things no longer present themselves as exciting, they present themselves as terrifying. And most people, and sometimes that age is 23, you know, sometimes people just settle in and they just dig in

and they stay where they are. And there's no better example of that than I know about than, you know, Long Island. Because, you know, a lot of people, and then some people, of course, leave Long Island and they go be, you know, racist in North Carolina or something, they, you know, it's not the physical, it's not really the physical space,

some of them just, you know, get out and, you know, take their values with them, you know, it's not, you know, it's not exactly necessarily confined to a geographic location. But it's just funny, you know, and then you wanna, you wanna, and you don't know what you're expecting. That's the other thing, when you go back and see people, you kinda don't know what to expect.

You don't know if they're gonna be like, oh my God, it's so great to see you and give you a hug and, you know, and now with this COVID thing, it's fucking weird, you walk in, you don't know, hey, can I, do I elbow bump you? I'd rather do nothing. Like if I'm not gonna give you a hug, can I just like not do anything?

Do we elbow bump? Do we fist bump? Do I do a black power bump to you? I don't know. How do we navigate this insanely awkward moment right now that we're having? Like walking in, having not seen, you know, people for years, and then, you know, basically not being able

to go up to them and hug them, it's fucking weird. Every interaction feels like a weird interview where you feel like you're interviewing for a job. And it's a job you don't want. And that's every interaction. The majority of them that I've had this week, not all of them, we had a cool lunch with a very smart person, but the majority

of these interactions that we've had have been, you know, kind of awkward, stilted, uncomfortable interviews where it's like, so how have you been faring? So how have you been? Have you known anyone who has died? Cause you're across a room, by the way. So you're not near anyone. So you gotta be across the room and go,

do you know anyone who has died from this or not? Remember your cousin, Jenna? Yes, she's dead now. Jenna died. You know Jenna, she had lupus. Jenna had lupus, she was overweight, she was Joe's daughter. I don't know. Remember she sang at Mary's wedding?

Did she die of COVID? They think so. You know, oh, it's good to see you. California, it's whatever. I mean, what are you gonna fucking do? You gotta do these things, right? You gotta see these people. I had lunch with my father, you know, my father's like,

my father's a guy, he was like, I love him to death, but he's like, he's never worked a high-pressure job in his entire life. And he acts like, he's like, well it works on Wall Street or something? Like he has the energy of a guy that's like, like a doctor in an ER, but he just sells wine. And it's like kind of like a relaxing job.

He just kind of like, you know, it's like people are drinking wine and they sell wine. I mean, it's just not, it's not like this crazy job that, you know, but he's always like on his phone, he's like, oh boy, oh boy, I don't know, Napa Valley's on fire again. I'm like, what do you care? What do you care?

Gonna retire in a year? You worried about Napa Valley being on fire? Who gives a shit? He acts like he's like, you know, he's like a secret service agent. And he's just, he's gonna have to take a bullet for somebody. Like that's the way the guy acts.

He's like, he acts, he's just always in like some frenzied, that's the thing in Long Island, man. They're always in Long Island. Everybody there is just barely surviving. They all have homes, cars, bills are all paid, but they're all like, I just, I'm just barely hanging on or being, we're being attacked. We're fighting wars on multiple fronts here.

It's just bad. It's just been rough here. He's like, the city is fucked up. He hasn't been to city in decades, you know? The city, they're killing everyone in the city now. And I'm like, that's true. And I've been vocal about that. That's not a good thing.

But yes, you know, my dad's always had that energy of just a guy who's like, just a guy that's got a lot on his plate. Just a guy who's got a lot on his plate. And by that, you know, it will be like he'll, like that, like the day we met him for lunch, that was probably the one thing on his calendar was that we would have lunch with him.

And, you know, again, he's just acting like, you know, after that he's got to go and like, you know, I don't know, like run a presidential campaign. Like, are you doing something I don't know? Are you Walter White? Are you doing something I don't know about? Are you, are you running some kind of drug empire? Because you're acting, but that's just Long Island,

you're fried. You're just so fried by the end of your life for all the sacrifices that you've made to live in this place that's taken everything from you and given you a small amount in return. There's just synapses are gone, you know? Like, I think Ben said to my dad at one time during dinner, he's like, what do you think of Cuomo?

My dad's like, look, my dad's like, I'm not a political person. And then launches into a screed. I'm not a political, I'm not a political person. But here is my 10 point plan to fix. Now, listen, let me preface this by saying I'm not a political person. Now, please direct your eyes to this chart

that I've brought with me to help you visualize the points I'm about to make. I have a 10 point plan to fix things. I wanna talk about another Below Deck podcast. That's what I wanna do. Because the show Below Deck is good. We don't know why it's good, but it's good. It's interesting, people on yachts are interesting,

they're demanding, and then the people that work on yachts are kind of people that are fun to watch, but you also don't care if they die, you know? Because those people for the most part are like, they're like galley slaves. You know what I mean? They're like scallywags or whatever. They're like, they're just monsters.

You know, they just take those jobs cause they wanna get hammered and they wanna fucking hang out on the yacht. We can't respect those people, but in a way, we wanna watch them. And we wanna watch them, we wanna see them have fun, and we wanna watch them clean and then party, and we wanna watch them fuck up

and get reprimanded and grow up right before our eyes. But it's not enough to just watch the show. I wanna hear more about it. I wanna talk about it. I wanna be able to hear funny people break it down. So that's why we have to listen to another Below Deck podcast. Okay? I just enjoy it.

And it's the Ovan's producer, Nick. It's hosted by Dylan, Nick, and Pat. Dylan, Nick, and Pat, who are, I mean, I don't use the word creative heroes a lot, but let's just say it applies to all of them. Now, who is this bitch they had, Kate? I like Kate. Who do they have her on?

They had on Kate Chastain. Yeah, she's like the head bitch on Below Deck. I'm kind of impressed that they got her, but they got her because they're running a tight ship, no pun intended. They're running a tight ship over there at another Below Deck podcast, and they got Kate Chastain, and they really went to town.

Now, what happened? Somebody got fired? Yes, the firing of Chief Stu Hannah, for she had drugs on the yacht. I don't, I'm trying to find out what Chief Stu Hannah, what kind of drugs did she have? I'm gonna look it up right now, because I just found out Tori Lanes,

shot Megan Thee Stallion, I don't know where any of these people are. I just, maybe we shouldn't, maybe we shouldn't, I mean, I don't know, should all the musicians always be shooting each other all the time? Is that good for the kids? Am I officially all that I'm starting to notice these things?

Is it good for the kids if all the musicians are shooting each other in the face all the time? Is that good or no? I don't know. She had a Valium Pills and a CBD pen. I mean, that's weak shit. They kicked her off for a Valium and a CBD pen. Who gives a fuck?

Dude, what's going on in this country? I don't understand. What is her name? Can you spell it please? Hannah Ferrier, F-E-R-R-I-E-R. Yeah. She goes, it's not something I was hiding about the Valium.

I think I've just been really disappointed because I feel I'm being painted as some sort of drug addict. Yeah, I mean, this is weak, dude. But apparently this K-Chastain hates her. Right? Is that what it says? This is sort of unfair because apparently she's been having like panic attacks on board and stuff.

You just kicked her off, huh? Well, they just kicked her off. Yeah, but you know she can fuck say anything she wants. I've been having panic attacks and that's why I need the Valium and my wrists get lonely. That's why they need the needle in them. Yeah, I mean, it's like, who knows? But I do think the podcast is worthwhile.

Give it a listen. You know, and see what you think. I mean, if you're into that show below deck, it is a good show, you know? I mean, people like it. I mean, these guys are into it and they do another podcast about The Bachelor called another Bachelor podcast. You know, they stay up on these shows and a lot of people,

you know, when you're done with this show, if none of your friends watch it, maybe you watch it in secret. Maybe you shamefully watch it. You don't want to admit you watch it. None of your friends want to talk to you about it. You can then, you know, listen to this podcast because maybe, you know, if you admit,

hey, I watch below deck, one of your friends is going to be like, listen, I mean, you know, have you ever thought about fucking a dude? You're going to be like, I did in college a few times and then it's going to be fucking weird. And then your friend comes over and you guys start fucking, you know? And you're not ready for that.

And it all started because you admitted to watching below deck and then all of a sudden he's taking you below deck, you know? And he's teaching you how to prepare at a bottom and you have to clean up and then you're sitting there eating dinner with your wife and you just got fucked in the ass viciously. And there's an oddness to it.

And you're like, you know, it wasn't entirely, you know, it wasn't unenjoyable, but now you have this entire crisis that's brewing in your life because you didn't just listen to another below deck podcast. You had to admit to a friend that you like below deck, which then led to him fucking you on the bed where you sleep with your wife.

I mean, do you see what I mean? So where can they go? They are on Apple podcasts and on Spotify. And if you want to leave a review on Apple podcast saying you heard about the show on the Tim Dillon show. I would love that if you did that for me personally, you know, if you went to Apple podcast, you say, yeah, I heard about this from the Tim Dillon show.

That would, if you guys have any time, you know, in between your busy day of doing whatever, you know, if you could do that for me, that would be really good. Also, you know, check out the podcast. I think it's a real, it's a good podcast. If you're not, if you're into below deck, I like, you know, below decks are show that I could just kind of watch.

You know, when I was on the road, I'd put it on, it'd be a marathon or brava. I just watched four hours of it while I just laid in a hotel room bed in Ohio and wished I was dead. And I would just watch the show and it was really, it was just like fun. Cause I like, I like seeing boats and stuff. All right, but I've been here a week.

I'm here a few more days, Ben's flying out tomorrow morning and then I'm back to the desert. We're really locking this shit up. We're locking it up. Unfortunately, I know that a lot of you want to go out and see me live and I want to go out and I want to perform live, but we're locking this baby up until 2021

because the reality is I'm not having you guys go out and buy tickets to shows that don't fucking happen. I don't want clubs holding your money. I don't want you to keep being rescheduled. You know, these things to keep being rescheduled and then you don't get a refund that I know you guys need your fucking money. It's a fucking rough time out there.

I will get back into this when there's something to get back into. And I think I said that a few months ago and I meant that. This was my test of the waters here to see how this would be. You know, I was never thrilled about performing in a tent. I didn't want to do it. It was an interesting experiment.

I think it would have been a lot of fun. And it may, you know, it might have made me consider, you know, potentially entertaining some other kind of, you know, experimental shows that were safe and socially distanced. But now I'm pretty convinced that until the election, especially in blue states, but in all states, really, we're not gonna see a ton of forward motion and progress.

I think the system is gummed up right now. And I think that there needs to be some resolution, whichever way in a few months, and then people are gonna respond to that. I do think hopefully after the winter, by the spring of next year, we're back up and running. And that's really not that long. You know, we have September, October, November,

December, January, February. We have six solid months of whatever is happening here. But I do believe that by March or April of next year, we might have herd immunity, there might be a vaccine, treatments have gotten better, testing has gotten better, diagnostics, that's really all we need is better testing to figure out who's got this and who doesn't.

And then we kind of move forward with it. And I do believe the tone of the coverage will change if Trump is out of office. I think even if he wins reelection, the tone of the coverage will change because it will go from being this major political story to just a story. And there's a big difference between a story

with a hell of a lot of political significance in an election year and a regular story. That's what it is. My feud and war with the Cuomo family, I imagine will continue. They don't like me. I don't like them. They're probably high level meetings

about what to do with me, what to do with this populist, this William Jennings Bryant type, this guy who's running around in tents, preaching the good word, telling the people the truth, at tremendous risk to his personal, physical, emotional safety, dealing with this gangster and his family

that are incredibly powerful. Some would say all powerful in the state, I wouldn't, but some would, okay? And they focused their sights on me. They have focused the scope of their rage and their animosity at me. But that is okay because I do not shrink. I will not be intimidated by this family of goons.

I will not be intimidated by them. I know who they are. I know what they wanna be. I can see through their lies. I can see through their distortions. I would never trust anybody who's, one brother was the governor and the other brother is an anchor on CNN.

Could you think of any more contemptible family? I mean, I would rather you just spend time with a family of cannibals. Do you realize how much more class Jeffrey Epstein and Gislaine Maxwell have than these two pigs? Do you have any idea? Can you even fathom in your mind, okay? The code that Epstein and Maxwell live by,

that these fucking garlic knots, not for a minute in their fucking life? Now I'm not defending Maxwell and Epstein. In fact, quite the opposite. I am just saying, do you have any idea how bad these people are that run the state? I don't think you know. I don't think you know, because it is fun,

because the garlic bread is nice. Because the lobster frediabolo is nice. But the criminality, the criminality is, and I love the mafia, by the way, I love the mob. I don't mind the mob. I grew up with the mob, respect to the mob, but this government, like drunk on their own, power, it is absolutely disgusting.

They should be in the mob. They should have just been actual gangsters, actual mobsters. They would have been much happier. But instead, they're on CNN. What? I'm truly appalled. And I do believe, I do believe there is a chance

that this was a personal, I do believe it could have been a vendetta. Do you believe that? 100%. I do believe it could have been a vendetta, because this club had opened. It had been functioning. And they shut it down a few hours before my show.

And I believe this is a vendetta against me. No rival clubs, either, right? There's no rival clubs that are, because sometimes you have that problem where a rival club will inform on another club. But no, I mean, this seems to be a situation. And here's the reality. They're trying to discourage me

from doing business in my home state, and it will not happen. It will not happen. In fact, I will show up with Candace Owens, with Candace Owens, and I will throw a freedom concert. I will have a freedom concert with Candace Owens, and I will sing, you know,

patriotic songs with Candace Owens. And they can shut that, let him shut that down. Let him put me in Candace and Coffs and take us away. You know, there's gonna be a protest, I think. Governors are gonna protest this. We gotta take it all the way to Albany. The fight must, we must fight for our right to see comedy in a tent.

Because folks, they're not stopping. I mean, these people aren't giving back the powers that we've given them over the last four months. And I told you, I never said Corona was fake. I think it's real, it's brutal, it's nasty, it's random. All of those things are true. They're still true. But I've also said, when you give muscles marinara,

all the power in the world, and then you expect him to give it back, it's not going to happen. So then you're left with a situation where you've given politicians more power in the last five months, and you've given them in the last 10 years. They are drunk on that power, okay?

They are literally telling you how and when you can earn a living. You are depending on them for your income. You are depending on them for guidance in all matters of public health. You are depending on them in terms of educating your children. You are depending on them.

It is a position that I, it is terrifying. For anyone that appreciates freedom to any degree, the position that people in this country are in right now is a terrifying position. And it's not like some, you don't have to be some crazy libertarian to believe that. Just pay attention.

You look at the way things are going. And you know, you got what's allowed. What's allowed today? Am I allowed to do this? Can I do that? Can I walk on a beach? Can I walk on a trail? Can I breathe air?

Can I breathe air today? Is air allowed today? What's allowed? What's not allowed? Is this the day that I'm allowed to go to the beach or is someone else allowed to go to the beach? Like, you know, what's allowed here? What's not violating a town ordinance

or law or rule? And if the five people of my house had a government to law, they'll just shut the power off to the house now. I mean, folks, wake the fuck up. Wake up. They're shutting the power off to your house. This happened to some good kids in LA,

the Sway TikTok house. Now, these gentlemen are trying to just, again, enrich the culture of the city of Los Angeles by making people happy, by dancing, and, you know, having raging parties, you know, wild ragers. They just wanna rage. They're young kids and they just, they wanna jump around and take their phones out

and they wanna do drugs and they wanna scream and yell and they wanna fuck and terrorize their neighbors and, you know, make a lot of money and then lose it. And, you know, they wanna have the kind of fun that often destroys the lives of people around them, including sometimes their own. And I think that that's what should happen. I do, I think that's what Los Angeles is about.

It's about a group of children to move into a house to destroy an entire community. I kinda believe that, whereas New York is not about that. It has a dignity to it that Los Angeles just doesn't have. You know, those kids are followed around by paparazzi. I mean, it's like, yeah, of course. And they cut the power off to the TikTok house because those kids wouldn't stop.

And I mean, isn't it ironic that they're the real Americans? Isn't it ironic to you that the TikTok house is actually the Minutemen? They're the real Americans. They're George Washington. They're hiding in the trees, jumping out to try to get the red coats. They're storming the beaches of Normandy

by doing renegade, renegade. That's a literal protest. They're the Americans. They went from being assholes like a few months ago when they were just, you know, before the quarantine, they were just having these loud parties of people trying to sleep and, you know. But now I'm in full support.

I would love to be invited and to participate in what I consider an act of civil disobedience, frankly, yes or yes. This is an act of civil disobedience and we are fighting a totalitarian government. We are fighting it with dance and we are fighting it with the volume and we are fighting it with having a great time.

Smiling, jumping around, being loud, using drugs, revving the engines of cars. These are, these went from being things that I would generally say no to, to now truly believing that this is an act of resistance. I now believe Jake Paul and team 10 to be more significant than the founding fathers. Truly, at this moment right now.

Jake Paul and his arsenal and his team 10 who have the parties and they go nuts to me are the real Americans now. It is not the nurses and the doctors. I'll tell you that much. We've all had about enough of those people crying. Oh, sorry, I had to do the job I signed up to do. What?

No, it's not them. And you know what? I've also had enough with the military. Sorry, I've just had a, I've had enough with them. I don't mean that permanently. I'm sure that I will, I will appreciate them again. But as of right now, I'm not invested emotionally in a lot of the wars we're in.

I just don't, I, you know, to me it's not. But right now I am seeing the Tik Tokers and I'm seeing Jake Paul, I'm seeing team 10 and I'm seeing these are the people who I believe will save the country by partying and by disobeying laws that are unjust. And as much as some of this is tongue in cheek, it really isn't.

And I truly believe that resistance is not, it's not going to come from the middle class, polite, respectable people. They're just going to follow, you know, Governor Panini and his family into a fascist hellscape. But what I count on, I count on the youth. I count on the kind of the rich, young rich kids that drive fast cars and that don't have any respect.

Those are the kids that may save us all, you know? And you know, when they took, when they cut the power to those kids' house, you know, I was a little disappointed that those kids kind of, I think they folded a little and I think what they should have did was I think they should have taken it to like the next level

because there's a lot of like, you know, protests in front of Mayor Garcetti's house in Los Angeles. He lives in Hancock Park. But I think the TikTok kids should have stormed his house and started partying on his lawn. Just started drinking and TikToking on his lawn and partying, pulling out with the Ferraris and just fucking making content right on Mayor Garcetti's lawn

and saying, this is America, bitch. What town did you fucking think you were the mayor of? Sagaponik? What do you think you're the fucking mayor? You're the mayor of Los Angeles, okay? This city is built on the bones of people that we've sacrificed to ancient gods. And you're shutting my fucking power off

because my music was loud, because I was listening to DaBaby at too loud of a volume. Do you think you're the mayor of Chicago or New York or a real place? You're not. You're the mayor of Los Angeles. It's a city that's on fire most of the year, okay? So to deny those young men and women the chance

to be ridiculous for money, for a lot of money, is to deny the entire ethos of the city. It's not about public health. Public health, it's on fire. How could it be healthy? You let those motherfuckers dance. You fucking empty suit. So as soon as I get back here,

I hopefully will be joining forces with many of those people and putting together what I would consider a paramilitary unit of them and starting to engage in what the FBI will call localized and worrisome activity, which I would call freedom fighting and the FBI would call domestic terrorism. Now, that is...

Renegade. So that's where you have it, folks. At the end of the day, this is not a video episode. This is an episode on the fly. We'll be back doing video next week. I will be back in Palm Springs, back in the desert, seeing where I'm gonna end up. Some of my friends are going to Austin, Texas.

Some of them have left and gone back to New Jersey. I don't know what to do. I think I might stick it out in LA. I might stick it out because that is where the freedom fighters are. So I'm gonna have to stick it out. I don't know. Not coming back to Long Island.

How'd you get that? What? Hold on, I'm having a stroke. Can't come back to Long Island. Sad, but true. Love everyone here. Wish them the best. But the times have gone.

They've gone now. And when you were drunk, and many of you were drunks out there, and you're on drugs or whatever, probably at this very moment. Just know that if you have the good fortune of sobering up, the relationships you have, a lot of the people you went and drank with are just gonna change.

They're gonna be very different. It's gonna be awkward. And it's gonna be kind of strange to see those people. You just start to realize you're like, Fox, so a lot more fun when I was hammered. A lot of these things were a lot more fun when you were hammered. That's just the truth.

And that doesn't mean that those weren't great experiences or valuable experiences, but it means that it's just a little tough to really recreate those conditions without a bottle of gin. And that's not an invitation to go grab a bottle of gin either, by the way. But I mean, some final parting words here for the Cuomo family.

I mean, why will continue the fight? We are not ever going to back down. We are never going to roll over. We are never going to let you turn this state, this great state into some type of fascist dictatorship. I mean, I'll never let it happen. I'll never let you turn this state into the Olive Garden. You are overstepping your bounds, sir.

And I'm asking you nicely to step down. I'm saying nicely, step down, resign. And I'm asking your brother, Chris Freido Cuomo Corleone, did not have coronavirus, never forget. I'm asking you to step down, sir, for lying, for lying to the nation about your coronavirus diagnosis. I would like you both to step down and I would like you to go manage a family style restaurant

in New Jersey, which I think would suit both of you a lot more. Because when I look at both of you, I see two people that should be walking around the floor asking people how their meal is. Okay, I don't see you running a state. Okay, that's the reality. And I mean, build the Blasio.

I mean, that guy, I mean, should just be thrown in a van at this point. I mean, everybody hates that guy. There's never been a political figure who's drawn as much eye or as this guy. I mean, picture JFK, like, build the Blasio has as much hatred as JFK, except build the Blasio is doing nothing,

like none of the revolutionary things that JFK was trying to do. And yet somehow build the Blasio has assembled a coalition that rivals JFK of people that just hate him. Like truly wake up every day, hating this buffoon of a mayor that New York City has. But what are you gonna do, folks?

I will see everybody back in the desert. We'll be back. We've had some fun Patreon episodes. We have Ray last week and Ray coming back this week. And then we'll be back on Patreon with some cool stuff. Coming up, we did a fun video about what would happen. You know, a lot of this corporate activism has gotten really insane.

And we said, well, what would be, you know, the next step? It would be like a guy training, you know, Antifa and his backyard in the Hamptons. And we did a video and we, it was really fun. And we appreciate the people who let us use their yard and they seemed, they seemed cool with it. I mean, they were a little mildly uncomfortable. I think the idea is when somebody,

like, you know, this was brokered through somebody. I don't, you know, I know the person who brokered it, but I don't know the people whose yard it is. And I don't ever know who knows me or what I've done or if they've Googled me or whatever. But, you know, when I show up with eight people dressed in all black and I start screaming about hedge funds in the back of a house,

where the guy probably runs a hedge fund. You know, I'm sure there was, you know, a level of discomfort. I don't know if it was mild or extreme, but I appreciate that they let us do that. I didn't think we were gonna, you know, we're sitting here last night, right? Going, how are we gonna get a house?

And we made it happen. We manifested it. It happened. As Jessarine would say, you manifest that out. You have manifest that out. And it just happened, and it was a fun video. And of course, I'm sure people are mad, you know, people are mad about it.

One woman, one like old lady tweeted at me. She's like, you need to read the Bible and stop eating. And I'm like, well, one of those things is true. I'll give you 50% of that old gypsy woman. I mean, that's, you know, you're not wrong about the whole tweet. I should probably start reading something. I don't know if it's the Bible.

That seems a little retro. Timbilloncomedy.com for all, you know, live dates that are not gonna happen. There are none. We have our merch. We have some new merch that will come out probably before the holidays. We're gonna start banging people

over the head with merch now. We appreciate everybody on the Patreon. Again, this was just a little update out of New York City. We're in the, we're in Hampton. What did you think of the Hampton? This was your first time out to Long Island, you know, this part of Long Island,

which is a very special part of Long Island to me. And I like it here because people don't want me to be here. And those are my favorite places. Yeah. It's just that little moment of being uncomfortable in those places where you're not allowed, where they give you the look and then you just, you just walk right in.

You just walk on the beach and swim on the beach. No one cares. But the reality is there's a small moment of judgment that most people don't want to go through. It's that little moment of discomfort that most people avoid their entire lives because they build it up to be much more than it is. And that's why people don't succeed at anything.

And that's why they waste all their time on this planet. But I don't waste my time on this planet. I walk right on the beach in the South Hampton, Batheon Corp. I don't give a shit about nothing. Doesn't matter to me. Doesn't matter to me because I smell the garlic. Do you understand what I'm saying?

I smell it. I smell it through the Calvin Klein blouse. I smell it through the Christian Dior. It doesn't matter. It doesn't wash off. OK? So me and you were one and the same. I'm just an Irish fucking Mick who I come from a long line

of people who fucking sat and got their asses kicked and threw up and fought in bars. And you come from a long line of fucking sausage-making criminals. So don't, we are not that different here unless not act like we are. OK? Thanks.

But what was your impression of the area? It's these. That's enough. Ben Avery on Twitter. Everybody, we appreciate it. Ben Avery is good on Twitter. Go get him. Go ask him his thoughts there.

Not on my show. Not on my show. Good night.