The Tim Dillon Show - 224 - American Chainsaw Massacre

Starting point is 00:00:00 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show and Happy Halloween. We're here with Chief Vaping Silence, and he is the chief, and Ben is actually dressed as a proud Indian chief who was very pro-colonist, and this is not written about, but many of the Indian chiefs love the colonists, and Ben is dressed up after that chief who said, our way of life is valid, however, progress is what it is, and, you know, and he started the, it's the Native American exit, the Native American exit, the Native American exit, the Native American exit were like, Blegs it, Candace Ellis, you did Blegs it, so you did Native, it's hard, it's very difficult. This is just something that we didn't use for a sketch,

Starting point is 00:01:16 we bought it, we had it, I threw it on. Is everyone ready for election day? It's election day in America, board up the stores and get a gun, board up the stores and get a gun, it's a healthy democracy, we've boarded up all the stores, all the glass that can be smashed is now behind wood, that's how you know we're doing good, Walmart has stopped selling guns in ammunition, but they're still selling liquor, just booze it up, Trump or Biden, booze it up, high spaghetti, booze it up, don't ask about your job, don't ask about your health insurance, don't ask why your kids are on drugs, don't ask about the vaccine, just put the needle in your dress, don't question us and we won't have to kill you or make things so bad that you kill yourself.

Starting point is 00:02:21 What a week! I did one of the biggest podcasts ever recorded and I sat next, love them or hate them, I sat next to one of the most fascinating people ever, Little Zan and that was such an meaningful event in my life to be part of that podcast, to sit there and do some time with a thinker, I am of course being silly, the podcast I'm talking about was the one with Joe Rogan and Alex Jones, maybe one of the best podcasts ever recorded, not because of me, I was funny, but what a great podcast, of course, love or hate Alex Jones, he's the most entertaining person on the planet, in terms of skill as a broadcaster, it's beyond anything I've ever seen up close in person,

Starting point is 00:03:20 it's truly amazing and I had some really good funny moments and Joe did a great job, everyone's mad at the fact checking, it's like Joe's got to do that because that's what makes a good listening experience, even though some of you are angry at it and I get, I understand what you're saying, but when Joe's like, let's slow down and look at these things and Alex ends up getting proven right, that's literally what differentiates that podcast from something where you let Alex rant and then the people go, well, fuck that, it's all wrong, I can't say that about this podcast because we have the receipts and Joe was like going through every story with him, so that was really interesting to do and I'm happy I did it.

Starting point is 00:04:08 And then I'm back with Joe and Kyle Koklinski for the election special on November 2nd. Election day, a lot of people have already voted, more than half of the country has already voted or something like that is they, could that be a real statistic? Who are these people doing early voted? I think a large percentage of the electorate has already cast a ballot, it's shocking to me. So more than 80 million Americans, it looks like more than 80 million Americans have already voted in the presidential election and 50 million of those people have boarded up their homes and isn't that nice? I'm telling you this, what a really, I mean, could anything be more of an omen for this country than Walmart stop, they had to stop selling guns out of fear of what's coming?

Starting point is 00:05:07 Could anything be more perfect than Walmart saying you can't come on down here to get socks and ammunition? You gotta relax. Walmart returns guns in ammo to store floor saying civil unrest was isolated. Oh, so they did it for like two days and then put it back. They're back. What am I saying? Thank the Lord. Walmart on Friday said it's returning guns in ammunition to store floors, describing incidents of what the retailer called civil unrest in several of its stores earlier this week as isolated. Hey, that's only a few cities. Only a few of our locations have been completely destroyed. Get the guns back out. I like that attitude. Hey, get the guns out. What are you doing? You know, some guy walked into Walmart. There's like a bunch of people

Starting point is 00:06:00 carrying crates of ammunition. Some manager goes, hey, what the fuck's going on? Didn't you hear? We got word from up top. Get the bullets back out on the shelves. They go, well, I just spoke to someone in the Philadelphia store who just got stamped to death. They said, hey, isolated incident. Dummy, haven't you heard? That person had children that got trampled to death. It's isolated. We don't expect it to happen here. So put the guns back out next to the waffle irons and everybody get ready. Major cities are boarding up their storefronts just in case people have a little fun on election day. Major preparation is underway for boarded up windows and increased security retailers braced for the election. Is that Rodeo Drive? Oh yeah, it is. That's Rodeo Drive in sunny California.

Starting point is 00:07:02 Nordstrom, the high end department store chain, said it planned to board up some of its 350 stores and hire extra security for election day. Tiffany and company, the luxury jeweler, said that windows of select stores in key cities will be boarded up in anticipation of potential election related activity. Isn't that a fun way to say it? Well, there is potential election related activity that could look like bricks through our windows. In Beverly Hills, the police said they would take a proactive approach and close Rodeo Drive, a renowned strip of luxury retailers on Tuesday and Wednesday, citing the likelihood of protest activity, quote, quote, unquote, protest activity. The police working with private security companies, CIA, Massad, MI6,

Starting point is 00:07:56 said they would also be on full alert throughout Beverly Hills starting on Halloween and continuing. What is Halloween going to be this year? What is it going to be? We've got socially distanced trick or treating. What are you going to be doing? How are you going to do this? What are the guidelines? Because COVID is back, baby. I don't know if you know this, but COVID is back. We're going to have to reschedule some of our comedy shows. My fans are going to get mad at me. Here's why we're going to have to do that. I don't know which ones yet. Here's why. Comedy is fun when they let people in the building. You see, it's kind of a requirement. When they decrease the amount of people you can have in by hundreds of people, you go,

Starting point is 00:08:38 this isn't fun. I want to come back when we're big and we can do it big. We've had great shows in Dallas and Fort Worth and Nashville and West Palm and Tampa. Phenomenal shows, San Antonio, and those rooms have been packed. They've been COVID festivals. Nobody's got a mask. I mean, it's been the good old days. The good old days of me going up there, killing for an hour, and the people on YouTube going, I don't, whatever. And the good old days. But it's been great. Dan's opening for me. He's been killing. We've been having an amazing time. We can't do the meet and greets after people get mad at me. They get angry. They're like, stop that way or not. I can't because then the rats, and there are rats, they find these photos

Starting point is 00:09:22 and go, he's doing meet and greets. Close this club down because they're miserable people. So I'm trying to protect the interests of the club and myself. I don't want to get sick. More importantly, I don't want a fan getting sick. I don't want, and I don't want the club having to deal with bad press and bullshit. These places have not been open. They're trying to make fucking money. But the problem with a lot of these things now is that the cases are spiking. So the clubs are coming back and going, okay, we're getting all these increased regulations, and we're going to have to do a certain percentage of people. That to me is not fun. I'd rather wait a month or two and go back out on the roadway. It was my rationale in the beginning. I want comedy to be fun for

Starting point is 00:10:03 everyone involved. We've got 90,000 corona cases at 24 hours for the first time, which is a record. It's a resurgence of COVID-19. COVID-19 is back. COVID is back, baby. You just see Bill and Melinda Gay. It's like, somebody's watching me. It's like 90,000 cases, just them and Fauci just dancing in one of his nine mansions. Like 90,000, baby. It's back, baby. Now, I don't know what this thing is. I don't know if I've had it. I've had it for 10 years. I'm going to get it. I'm going to die. I don't know what it is. I've been exposed to it probably. I've been out. We've been out. I've been in clubs. I mean, we've been careful. I've been in planes. I put on masks. I don't even know anymore. No one knows. It's just back and it's big. It's bigger than ever. It's

Starting point is 00:10:57 COVID-2. It's a summer blockbuster. COVID is back. That's right. Just in time for the holidays. It would be like a movie, you know, just in time for the holidays. COVID is back and better than ever. National Lampoon's COVID Christmas. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm just saying we're going to have to move some of these dates to the other end of whatever this is. Hopefully, it's February, March. We can kind of get into those markets and play to rooms full of people, not 100 people socially distanced in a room of 400. That to me is not fun. And, you know, and I love everybody that buy tickets. It's fucking, we've had an amazing time. West Palm Beach was some of the most fun I've had doing stand up. I mean, drunk, monstrous crowds,

Starting point is 00:11:50 horrible people like myself. That's when I know I'm having fun. When I go, look at the audience and I go, these are bad people. And that's why they enjoy me because I'm a bad person and it works. Sometimes I look at a crowd and I go, ah, they're not going to want to laugh. West Palm's great. The ocean, the mansions, the human trafficking. In the middle of one of the shows, I'm shitting on just lane max. Well, she stood up and started a wave and the whole room did it. That's the type of shit I want. That's the type of fun I want. You know, our kids allowed to trick or treat, bring something up about that. Are they allowed? If the kid shows up at my house trick or treating, I am going to sit that youngster down and tell them about civic duty and say, what is wrong with you?

Starting point is 00:12:39 Don't you know point? Oh, one percent of people die of this. So we're on the CDC's website. We're on the CDC's website. Here we go. Steps to take when trick or treating avoid direct contact with trick or treaters. So if your son sees his friend, make sure they go nowhere near each other. Trick or treating should be an isolated activity. It should be isolated and scary. Give out treats outdoors if possible. Isn't that always how it's been? Who's trick or treating? What pedophile is going? You want candy? Come on in the living room. Isn't it always an outdoor thing? Isn't it always a doorstep thing? It always is. What weird Epstein type is going the real candies in the kitchen? Set up a station with individually bagged treats for kids to take. Okay, that always works out well.

Starting point is 00:13:36 Some fatty goes and steals them all. Wash hands before handing treats and finally wear a mask. Well, it's Halloween. That shouldn't be that hard. Make your cloth mask part of your costume. Fun. Fun. A costume mask is not a substitute for a cloth mask. Mask should not be worn by children under the age of two or anyone who has trouble breathing. Wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on. We're going to let a bunch of one year olds not be masked up. I think not. Stay at least six feet away from others who do not live with you. Yeah, most people don't live with you. Use, bring hand sanitizer with you and use it after touching objects or other people. Parents, supervise young children using hand sanitizer.

Starting point is 00:14:33 How great would it be if a bunch of young hooligans went out and instead of toilet papering cars and throwing eggs this year, just started blasting hand sanitizer all over things. How about this year instead of toilet paper, you just see masks hanging from trees and houses. Remember that? Did you ever get into trouble on Halloween all Halloween? Yeah. Tee-pee-ing. Tee-pee-ing where you throw the toilet paper rolls over the trees. And that was a real, because your family didn't have a lot of that. So that was a real thing for you to do. Yeah. Can you take that off now? We've had fun with the costumes, please. It's bothering me. Can you take this off? What do you, you wore that to? What are you in full regalia here?

Starting point is 00:15:17 You got excited about the costume. The love of God. My culture is not your costume. Don't disrespect the Mayans who used to sacrifice children on a mountain. The Mayans didn't dress like that. I know what's going on, folks. I'm incredibly intelligent. Many people are shocked by that. I used to, I remember eighth grade, I said, this is the time to be cool. There are times in your life when you should be cool. Many of you have never been cool. How sad is that? Being cool is destroying property, like Antifa. If I was a kid right now, I'd be in Antifa because it's cool. That's what I'd be. You know, I'd be in, I'd be in a like fat Antifa, which is the saddest Antifa where it's like

Starting point is 00:16:10 you're, you're like heavily breathing. Everybody else is really getting in the riding. You're kind of in the back, you know, you just have a lot of fun things to say about Karl Marx. But like, dude, you weren't even there. You're like, I was there. Dude, you didn't even do anything. We all got arrested. You didn't even run up the hill. You sat down. You sat down and all black. No. I would provide the intellectual fire. Me and Ray Compton are going to do a great schedule, Fat Antifa, where it's two guys that were on their way to Charlottesville to fight the right wing people, but they kept getting distracted by fast food restaurants. And then and they kept eating. And then eventually they were just beaten to a bloody pulp by a female

Starting point is 00:17:00 Trump supporter in like a golden corral parking lot. We never did it. But I remember in eighth grade, it was like, it's time to be cool. So the cool guys at my school, they had names like Johnny and Alfred. We went to fucking be cool and throw eggs and hang out in the park and shaving cream things. And that was cool. And I wish that for all of you. I hope you have a journey that involves a night like that, where you can be cool and hang out with people like Johnny and Alfred and throw eggs and do shaving cream. And then I went to my I after that night, I went at the end of that night. And when my dad was eating dinner at a steakhouse, the steakhouse in the town I grew up in, and I came and I smelled like shaving cream, but I

Starting point is 00:17:44 said it was cologne. And my father's friend who owned the steakhouse was like, ah, you got the cologne on for the girls. I was like, yep. That's exactly right. It's exactly right. Little do you know, I've been sucking dick in the bushes. I was not. I was not. I was not doing that. I was throwing eggs and doing shaving cream. So I hope there's a way for kids to vandalize safely. You can't even be against vandalism anymore. As long as you just say, well, it's, uh, it's political, right? Political. So if you're a kid and you're leaving your house with two dozen eggs and your parents go, what are you doing? You turn around and say, shut up. You capitalist pig and shut the door. They can't say shit to you. You're like, Oh, what am I doing? Uh, it's called a revolution.

Starting point is 00:18:34 How about you keep watching how I met your mother? Okay. And yes, I will have leftovers, leave them in the fridge, but I'm going to go out now and do revolution with my friends. Be with my friends. So much of this sad, shitty life we all live is social. Once you realize that, you realize that there's, there's no hope in ideas. Everybody wants to just get hugged. There's no hope in ideas, dummy. I'm going out with my friends to burn down the courthouse. I have friends too. It's a fucking, so everybody's a fucking social. These mega hot retards. They're driving around in Cadillacs. You know, they're, are you on the team? I'm on a team. We got something to do. So much of this pitiful, miserable experience of life is just finding

Starting point is 00:19:28 people to fuck and tolerate you. That's it. This, this is all thing. I remember that you, you don't get smarter than when you're in eighth grade and you go, I want to throw eggs with the cool cake. You're just, everybody wants to throw eggs with the cool kids. You just want to get invited. You want to have value. You want to have worth. Shut up. Stop being bigger and better than everything. You just want to shave and cream someone's car with Johnny and Alfred. That's what you want to do. And whatever that version of that is playing golf and having a 401 K who no cares. Same shit. So social, we're social creatures. Nobody's really an island. Some people, very few, the majority of us are organisms that need others and validation constantly.

Starting point is 00:20:17 And I love Halloween. I've always liked Halloween. I like it because it's about simulated horror. And I think simulated horror is a nice way to get away from actual horror. What actual horror happens from November 1st, all the way to October 30th. And then one day, everyone goes, let's pretend that we're scared. Let's find things to scare us. Boo. Like haunted houses and scary movies. But the other 364 days are filled with very real verifiable accounts of nightmarish behavior that by the very grace of God and sheer luck, you don't find yourself embroiled in. It's hard to enjoy movies like hostile because I used to think they were fake. I can't enjoy them anymore as much because I guarantee you there is a place in Bratislava

Starting point is 00:21:23 where you can take a drill and go through some tourist eye. And if there isn't, there should be. Because if there's not, you're leaving a lot of money on the goddamn table. You can't enjoy Texas Chainsaw Massacre anymore. Why? Because now you don't see leather faces, someone scary. You see him as somebody that runs for the Senate. How can you enjoy a horror film? It's better. Jason, Freddy, these people are all better than the people who run the country. They've all done less killing. They've all done less killing than our leaders. How do you enjoy a horror movie? House of a thousand corpses? How nice it would be if there were only a thousand corpses. Do you know how many of these Third World countries would go,

Starting point is 00:22:14 you only killed a thousand of us. They'd be dancing in the street with American flags on right now. A thousand corpses is Tuesday morning before you have fucking lunch. How can you enjoy a horror movie now? It's hard. It's difficult. When you know the actual shit that goes on, if Leatherface was around today, he'd be running a major Facebook QAnon account that just got shut down. And he'd come out and say they shouldn't have shut me down and like, I kind of agree with Leatherface. I think he's got crazy ideas, but I agree with Leatherface. And then he'd mount the campaign for, you know, local Congress or something. What are your favorite scary movies, favorite Halloween movies? Favorite Halloween movie

Starting point is 00:23:07 off the top of my head, Hocus Pocus, because I watched it when I was a kid. Very gay, Hocus Pocus. Now Ben as a wife, and I hope she's not in therapy in years from now, Hocus Pocus is a gay iconic movie. I like it. It's very gay. It's, it's a Bette Middler and I'm aware it's Kathy Najimi, who is a little similarities, who's brilliant. And Sarah Jessica Parker. And it's a very gay, funny movie. And I, I enjoy that too. It's not really a horror movie. Right. Favorite horror movie? It's scary. Here's why Hocus Pocus is legitimately scary. Everybody in the movie is white. That terrifies me that they would have such a lack of concern for diverse. Was there one disabled person? Was there one person going through a transition in

Starting point is 00:24:03 the film? No, thank you. Was there one black panther in the movie? No. No good. I like a movie called Jacob's Ladder with Tim Robbins and the guy. Yeah. Yeah. Phenomenal film. And Danny Aiello. Great. Someone said, and they were right. They were like, Danny Aiello's face is, is on, in every pizzeria in Manhattan. If you've ever been in New York, the celebrity, like pizzerias put the celebrities that have eaten there on the wall. And Danny Aiello is in like more of them than anyone else. This is a, oh my God, does he look bad? He looks so, oh Jesus. Is he still alive? I like Danny Aiello. No, he died in December 12, 2019. Sad. He's great. Well, anyway, we had Jacob Slatter. Yeah, great. Yeah. And it's about a guy that

Starting point is 00:24:58 went to Vietnam. And this is why I like it. It's just a little bit of a backstory. It was about a guy that went to Vietnam and the government experimented very similar to Agent Orange. They experimented with this drug called the ladder, which made American servicemen more vicious. And they, in the movie, they explained that we were, we were not convinced that we could win Vietnam because our boys were soft. We needed them to be more vicious. So we needed to unlock the real nightmares inside of them. And they, they all took the struggle, the ladder. It's a cool movie and many of you may enjoy it. And then I think at the end, Danny Aiello is like, there's, there's this great quote in it that I like. Danny Aiello, demon's quote,

Starting point is 00:25:42 Jacob's ladder demons quote, demons and angels quote. It's kind of a fun little quote. Demons are really angels. Yeah, that's the quote. This is a fun movie, by the way. Many couples, I see many couples come out to the shows and I like that. I like that. My fan base is primarily heterosexual, but at least many of them are coupled up. It's good to do something every night and not have one person that potentially will like me ever. So I enjoy that. It's nice. You know, straight guys do comedy, people message them, Hey, it was great. You want to have a drink? You know what I mean? People message me, Hey, look at this pizza menu in Omaha. Do you think the S is really a Jacob? This is a quote I like, if you're afraid of dying and you're holding on,

Starting point is 00:26:26 you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace and the devils are really angels freeing you from the world, it all depends on how you look at it. But Danny Aiello does the quote. So Danny Aiello is like, if you may your piece, the devils are really angels freeing you from the world. He's got a garlic not falling out of his mouth. It all depends on how you look at it. You see? I enjoy that film. I like a lot of the Rob Zombie movies. Devils rejects, which is a movie about comedians. I'm kidding. House of a thousand corpses. So by the way, after I did the Rogan episode, you know how much I love and value journalists because they write about our world.

Starting point is 00:27:16 And it's so important. And many of the, a few articles were written about me. Who's this Tim Duh? He says he sold subprime mortgages and his mother's a schizophrenic. It's like the level of research they do is like nothing. It's like, yeah, that's in a five minute set you can find online. Well done. And so, and then some of them are like, he's made controversial comments. And by the way, these aren't journalists. Let me correct myself. There's like seven journalists in America. That's why everyone's like Trump hates journalists. There are no journalists. They don't exist. They're not real. They're like Santa Claus. They're not a thing. Okay. There's a few of them. Very few of them who actually cultivate sources, break story. They do not happen. The majority of

Starting point is 00:28:08 these people are stenographers. They write things they hear. And then they type it and they write listicles and buzzfeed. One of them was like the top 10 craziest things you hear from the Rogan Alex Jones. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is not journalism. It is something else entirely. And then of course there are, and this is very, very funny, people who put the words comedy and journalist in one job title. I'm a comedy journalist. My beat is people that make sillies. I write about them. And some of these people like they'll be like, Tim Dillon's made controversial statements about the Kenosha shooting, Kyle Rittenhouse. And the, and none of, and then I read what's supposedly controversial. And it's like Tim Dillon said there was looting

Starting point is 00:29:07 and riot. And it's like, no, objective reality has said that. I have repeated it because I have ears and eyes and senses. And I don't go at it with like the need to slant. I just go, I'm watching TV. I'm watching things burn. I'm watching people throw things through windows. What would I call that? If I had to describe, and whatever it is, what it is, fine. I'm not saying people shouldn't be pissed. I get it, you know, but this idea that like, I made some controversy. And the controversial statement I saw was that the Rittenhouse guy was being chased. I was being chased. I think somebody, and I, somebody had a gun or whatever. And again, I saw the video. I saw the video. I said what I saw on the video. And then they take all these

Starting point is 00:30:02 things out of context that are very, very funny. I made some very funny statements about that. Very, very funny about the family, you know, the Rittenhouse. I said, they're a bit off. And they're like, he's dead. They're a bit like, it's, it's, it's clearly humor. And these people don't have a sense of humor. All these tech journalists, these tech journalists, these women or not, not, sorry, sorry, sorry, these entities with, you know, green hair and a USB port for a clit are, are, you know, these miserable people. They're miserable. They're unhappy. They're unhappy. It's my fault. It's my fault. You are miserable. And they were, and then I look in Twitter and many of them have blocked me. They've already blocked me. And I'm like, what am I?

Starting point is 00:30:47 What did I do? What did I do? Did I shoot anyone? Did I go to the protest with the gun, with my mother? I don't see my family during good times. I didn't grab my family and say, let's all get in the van, go to the protest. I'm commentating on it. Tim Dillon. Get it up here. Get up, Google me and see, let's get this article up. It's, it's absurd. Tim Dillon made, uh, do Google Tim Dylan Kenosha. How great is, how fun is my life become? Yeah. Go to me. What is this? Mia. Mia. Oh, I guess this was the one. Joe Rogan puts Alex Jones, Tim Dillon on his podcast, internet angry. He featured anti-vaxxer during pandemic. Keep going down. And then

Starting point is 00:31:41 yeah. And then they, but who is Tim Dillon? He also podcast called Tim Dillon's Going Hell. That has not been the name of the podcast for years. Some of his comments during the Black Lives Matter protest have received sharp criticism from who? Case in point in the aftermath of the shooting in Kenosha, Wisconsin in late August, commenting on armed civilians. Dylan had said, quote, when the police are defunded, the boss just be the scene in many major cities, militias finding each other on the street. Well, what do you think the scene will be? Compliance? Do you think everybody, I mean, what, I mean, how dumb are these people? So keep going down. Then they find a tweet where I say a logical rational thing.

Starting point is 00:32:26 So with these two guests on board, it is only likely that people will criticize Rogan's decision to host them. One Twitter user said, WTF is wrong with him. There was a time years ago when his podcast had some interesting thought-provoking episodes. Now it's just crazy town. Oh, it wasn't thought-provoking. Aren't you having thoughts right now? Aren't you having thoughts? It's not thought-provoking. You went on Twitter and started writing about it. Apparently you were provoked and you were having thoughts. Come on. It's, there's, there's, there's children in the country. I mean, we don't deserve a government or future. And we, and here's the good news. We probably won't have one. It's, it's childish.

Starting point is 00:33:13 We can officially count his show among the most dangerous propaganda outlets in the country. By the way, guaranteed that person as a podcast is not doing well. Anyone that's really mad at this, let's, let's really unpack the problem. By the way, all of these people are, are, have, here's it. Let's break this down for a minute. You know, I never talk about comedy, but let me get in here for a minute. Let me get in here for a minute. Comedy is a haven for the mentally ill. There is actually very little comedy. The majority of comedy and comedians are, are mentally ill people. They're sick, including me. The difference is that I'm funny. You see, if I was sick and not funny, I'd be angry because they'd be like, well, I'm sick

Starting point is 00:33:58 and I'm not funny. Like, I have these obsessions and I'm crazy and everybody knows. And I talk about all this shit and, and it's funny. And I find a way to make it funny. And that's how I survive on this planet, right? But if I didn't have the converter, if I wasn't able to make it funny, all of many of the people I know, I would be in trouble. And many of these people are in trouble. And then I would look at funny people and look at successful people and I'd be in a blind rage, which is where these people live. They've wasted their entire, I hate using a hack example. I hate using a hack example. I'm going to use a dumb hack example again that I've used a million times. But if I showed up every day to Ford modeling agency, someone there would have to sit me down

Starting point is 00:34:41 and go, explain to us why you think this is going to work. Explain to us what you're seeing in the world that makes you think that we want a blotchy overweight Irishman in any of our ads. We want Mediterranean muscle, baby. Black, white, whatever. Don't care. Why do you think this is going to work? Nowhere in our, in our, do we want redness, occasional redness, unexplained redness. I don't even know why it happens. I just get red in parts of my body, my skin, my emotions bleed out of my skin. These people are going to Ford modeling it. And I don't even know who this is. And I'm sure they're not a horrible person in what I don't care. It's not like beefs and feuds. Doesn't matter to me. Maybe they are funny. No, but let's not leave this up. I don't want to fucking look

Starting point is 00:35:36 at this fucking article. Let's like get something fun up like a jack-o'-lantern. But the whole thing here is be very, very, very, be very honest here is a little bit of the anger, jealousy that Joe has done something that none of these people were able to do. These people think they're intelligent and they're smart and, and they're too good to have the biggest podcast in the world. They're too smart. They're too smart to have the biggest podcast in the world. What a, what a take. They're too good for success. Me and Mullin used to talk about that all the time. People are too good to succeed. They're too funny to perform in front of other people. They're too good. So the rage that these people live with all, all the time, they're just angry. They're just very,

Starting point is 00:36:32 very angry that they've dedicated their life to something that hasn't worked out. And here's the quote. Here's the quote. Who told you to do that? Who told you that that was a good idea? I bet no one did. No, when you go to Thanksgiving and you go, I'm a comedian, your family goes, thanks, great, peel the potato. No one cares. Imagine going to your family going, I'm a comedy journalist. This is a million people who want to be chapo-chapos. You're not. They are very, very funny. They're hilarious. Whatever you think about their shit and they talk shit about everybody, but they're very funny. I don't even know who they are, but whatever. Mullin live with one of them, the skinny woman with the cat. I think they're good. They're funny. And then there's

Starting point is 00:37:19 90 million other people. And then the red people are funny too. Red, the communist pussy. I don't know. Whatever that show is, they're good too. They're funny, right? Some of them. I don't know. Occasionally I've heard things like, I like it. Whatever. I don't mind a gig. I don't mind a little Marxism, baby. But then there's 90 million fucking people that aren't funny, that are just angry because things are unfair. Oh yes, things are not good. Do I come out here every week and go, it's getting better. What do my Ben Shapiro? Well, actually, folks, it's actually not as bad as you think. No, I think I'm pretty honest about how fucked we are. And if you think that the reason we're

Starting point is 00:38:02 fucked is Alex Jones, man, are you out to fucking lunch? How lucky would we be? How lucky would we be if the biggest problem in this country was some conspiracy guy in Texas? That's crazy. The problems are so institutional, so deep rooted that the selective rage in a successful podcast, having a guy on a broadcaster and then fact checking him in real fucking time. I mean, that's crazy that you would get so angry about that. But it's really about just the, because they never were cool. They just want to be called. They just want to throw eggs with Johnny and Alfred. I don't know who they are. Johnny came to see me in West Palm Beach, by the way. Thank you for coming. I didn't let him in the green room as a COVID.

Starting point is 00:38:46 I love that now because of COVID. I got no one coming to green room because of COVID. The manager can't talk to me because of COVID. My, no, I don't have a next of kin COVID. Those are the doctor that you got to fill out that next to kin. I just write COVID. They're all dead. But did, everybody wants to throw eggs. Everybody wants to, to put shaving cream on the car. That's what it is. People aren't thinkers. These people aren't actualized human beings. They want to hug. They want someone to go, you're, you matter. You're valid. You, you, you're, you're, you're, you should be here. And I mean on earth. Hey, you should be here on this planet. That's all these people are trying to do. And don't think anything of it. You think Alex Jones

Starting point is 00:39:42 is changing minds on the Joe Rogan experience. You think my answer is a hardcore Biden voter is going to go, well, you know, Alex made a good point about interdimensional, uh, lizards. So I think I'm going to go in there and vote red. No, this whole thing of people influencing each other. It's like, there's such a small sliver of people that can even be influenced, you know, and Alex is more, is a complex guy, smart guy, made some mistakes, very clear, but this whole blind rage that everybody flies into every time Joe has a conversation with people they don't like is, is embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for a lot of these people. I'm like, why have you not like figured out that you're the entire problem, the entire reason, you know, the red scare at

Starting point is 00:40:33 Steve Bannon on people went nuts. They got mad. They got angry. Why? Why? They're having a conversation. What's dangerous about having a conversation? I don't understand. It's, but it goes back to just social. I get, you know, I get, I get, it's, it's, you learn all those lessons young. If you pay attention, you learn all those lessons young. You people just want to be accepted. They want to accept each other. They just want to be, and all these people just want to be a revolution. They just want to, it's got to matter, right? It's got to matter. Can't all be shitty job interviews in Panera. Let me throw a brick through the fucking Louis Vuitton and let's do a little revolution. I'm bored. Can't all be broccoli and cheese soup on the way to

Starting point is 00:41:10 some hell. I want a revolution. I want to, I want to live in historic times. I want to do something. Well, then do something, do something, actually something. And I'm not saying, you know, don't fucking, I know their comfort is showing. But you know what I'm saying? Like create something. Help people. Help someone. I don't do that. Go, go ask any of these people if they volunteered their soup kitchen, look you like you're, you have 10 ads. You know, I know people that go, I know LA comedians that go to like a help the homeless workshop. They all see each other. And then they never helped the homeless. What is a help the homeless workshop? By the way, can anyone explain to me what that even is? So fucking hipster and echo park being like,

Starting point is 00:41:56 what we really should do is be working. Can you imagine some homeless guy who's like mentally ill, who's done three tours in Iraq. He unzips a, he unzips his tent and like Brandon Wardell's there with a clipboard like, Hey man, can you get, and I love Brandon, but you know what I mean? Like what, what is that the solution? What are we talking about? Paul F. Tompkins is going to walk around under bridges and help the homeless. Can we get real? Amy man's going to be there with a guitar. Sorry, a homeless, sorry, a homeless, doesn't it suck? And I'm at fault. Somehow I'm at fault. And I like Brandon. Brandon. What's his name? Brandon. Brandon. I'm kidding with him. I know.

Starting point is 00:42:44 I like him. I like them all. I have no problems with anyone. People don't like me. Huh? What's that? Odd. Very strange. I don't understand. Have I said things in the past would lead people to, uh, dislike me? Probably. Probably. Have I been wrong? No. That shouldn't matter. Shouldn't that matter? I said Sanders was a good idea. People got mad at me for that. I think healthcare is like my mother's mental institution. Uh, that's run by the state. You want to talk about a horror movie and they still can't find a way to kill her. And we're paying good money. Christ almighty. If we lose this COVID window to get rid of this bitch, we'll never do it.

Starting point is 00:43:41 She'll live forever. I think it's a great idea. If my aunt was in a saint and didn't work her ass off getting my mother into that hospital, there would be, my mother might be homeless. Okay. That is why I said Sanders was good because I believe that people that are mentally ill, especially those of people that have served the country or whatever, should not be allowed to die in the streets. That is what I believe that position is apparently alt right. I don't even know what to tell you. I was willing to vote for Bernie Sanders. I'm not voting this time because I don't know how to vote. I don't have a voting plan.

Starting point is 00:44:27 My business manager called me because should you, should we register you in California? I said, will you leave me alone? Go vote. It looks gross. Have you seen it? Have you seen these people voting? They look sad and desperate. I don't want to go to libraries and firehouses. Let's go to dinner. If my friend called me and said, are we going to go vote? I said, why don't we just go to dinner? I think me and my friends went to vote once we just went to dinner. Yeah, cares. The line's too long. I got us a table. Let's go have a few laughs. We're all dead tomorrow. We're dead now. Here's the funny thing. We're dead now. I mean, California's not a swing state. I don't want to vote for Trump and I don't want to vote

Starting point is 00:45:26 for Joe Biden and, uh, you know, Calamari Harris. I don't want to be involved in any of that. So what? They can start a war with North Korea and Russia in five months to prove a point and nothing can get me fucking better. We're going to vote for Trump again who's now talking about Jesus because he knows it's almost over. Did you see that clip today? The Trump Jesus clip? Pull that up. This is a guy. The only time he's been in a church is when he got married. Fucking nine times. Here we go. It's a tricky thing. It's, uh, it's dust. It's a little tricky thing. Masks, no masks, everything you can do all you want. But you know, you still need help from the boss. We need help from the boss. That's what happened. We need help.

Starting point is 00:46:14 I love, you gotta love them. What a con. What a, pause it for me. What a con. I mean forever and all things and I can't, there's a soft spot in my heart for a huckster. There's a soft spot in my heart for a conner. He's standing there. He's at the end and he might be losing and he might not be, but he's just like the great con is always the first con and it's Christ. It's God. It's Jesus. It's the, it's the all good con artists go back to that first con at the end. They all go to Jesus at the end and that's the truly poetic thing about Trump here is you are watching somebody at the end of a long con that has been more successful than any other. It makes Enron look like nothing. I mean, this is truly a thing to watch and let's watch this.

Starting point is 00:47:11 You know, it's all right to say. Now they'll criticize me for that. How dare he say that? How dare he say that? No, I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. Somebody said to me the other day, you're the most famous person in the world by far. I said, no, I'm not. No, I'm not. He said, yes, you are. I said, no. He said, who's more famous? I said, Jesus Christ. Yeah, it feels like it's almost over. It kind of does. I'm not taking any chances. I'm not going to have an argument. Hey, I'm not having any arguments. Jesus Christ, I'm not going to take any chances. I'll give it a guarantee and let me look up and I'll say, and it's not even close. If he goes down and he will, maybe, I mean, that's what the

Starting point is 00:48:05 numbers say, but he also may not, right? If he, he will be the funnest post president, you'll have the funnest post presidency. They'll have him on all the shows. They'll have him on all the chat shows. Holly will embrace him. They'll all embrace him. They'll all embrace him because they just want to win. They want to win at a small game, a petty game, and as soon as he's gone, they'll do what they did with George. They'll be pushed. It might take a while. He might die before it can fully happen, but if he's still around and he might be, he's figured out something that works, McChickens and Adderall's. I don't know what he does, but it's fine. He figures it out. They'll all have him on. He'll go on. He'll goof around. He'll be funny. He'll go back to being a

Starting point is 00:48:51 celebrity. He'll go back to being a Hollywood and, and everybody will just be okay with that. Everybody will be okay with it because they don't really care. They don't really care. And it'll just be, it'll be fun to see, right? Because they will have, they will have then done it. They will have gone and thrown eggs with Johnny and Alfred on Halloween night and they will have gotten it out of their system. They'll have gotten it out of their system. They said, we shave and cream the cars and we threw all the eggs and all the popular kids hung out. We all roamed together. We all roamed together in one pack and nobody stood out too much and it was just fun. It was just fun because for a, for a moment I felt like I mattered and, and I, and I, I did the

Starting point is 00:49:38 thing that I came to do, right? And there's all these people when he, when he loses, if he loses, that's what will happen, I believe. I believe that the hysteria will calm down. I believe that, you know, or it may not, it may intensify and increase. I mean, we are, you know, who the fuck knows what will happen. But when you see him there and he's in his element, he's with these people. He's so funny. He's so on his game. You know, he, he doesn't care. It's what a great con doesn't get invested, you dummies. He cares about, there are things he cares about, I'm sure, but a great con like he is, you know, like a guy who truly is, you know, a craven narcissist, a megalomaniac, you know, he's up there and he's basically saying it's me and Christ.

Starting point is 00:50:35 That's what that whole thing is. He gives his name and that should almost be the last thing he says. It's the perfect coda to it. Yeah, there's one guy bigger than me and it's Jesus and I don't want to take any chances. There's one guy bigger than me because in his right, he's not wrong to his people and at this moment and at this moment in history, he is the biggest other than Jesus. You did it. Donald, you did it. You threw all the eggs. You shave and creamed all the car. There's nothing left to do. There's nothing left to do. You did it. You made all of the fucking deals that you didn't make and who cares anyway, you know? You made the big deal, which is the deal with your people, your followers, your fans, your rock star, your rock star. The second term will

Starting point is 00:51:31 barely be fun. You're not going to get anything done. God only knows. You did it. You had kind of the rock star presidency. You can always blame the economy and you wouldn't be wrong to say the economy crashed because of COVID. Say, I was rocking out and then COVID came and fuck, man. Yeah, the second album never happened, but that first album, man, that was a good one. That first album was Billy Joel, The Stranger or whatever in the 70s or whatever. You know, that was the big one. That was, you know, that was the one that we were still playing the hits. Billy Joel's still playing the hits, isn't he? He's still playing those hits. And Donald, you can, you can still go play the hits. You can still do the rallies. You can

Starting point is 00:52:15 still have the fun. You can still be this massive force. And if this is, this may be, do we have another one coming out before the election? No. Well, Patreon. Yeah. A Patreon. Join that. But this may be the last episode where Donald Trump is president. Yeah. Yeah. And I will say this as someone who, who is always, who knows what he is and is no, I have no, I understand what he's doing. So I'm not taking in like many of you into this emotional spiral. Many of you will spiral when Biden wins. I will wake up and go, all right. And vice versa, but many of you will spiral because you are children and we've talked about this many times and yet telling you children does not get you to not act like them. And it's because it's shit. That's what children, like if you turn

Starting point is 00:53:03 around and go, you're a child, what does the kid do? Do they start there? They straighten up and go, you're right. Now they go, does it work? I've tried. But I will say this, this man emerged in 2016 and he's done some very bad things, some good ones, some that, and a lot of nothing. Somehow a lot of nothing. But I will say this. It has driven the people in my business to the brink of insanity and then some. It has driven those people insane. It has rendered them ineffective and useless. And it has paved the way for people like me and the other people that I mentioned in the show, the chapos and the whoever's of the world to really fucking look at our business for what it is, which was also a con for many, for a very long time. And one con exposed another con.

Starting point is 00:54:08 And if Donald Trump has done nothing else but destroy the facade of Hollywood and he does nothing else other than that. And to pull the cover back on, on the corporate media and Hollywood than, Hey, you did it. You did something. You know, you truly did something because they don't matter anymore. These people, they don't matter. No one cares. I live here. I know that no one cares. And if that's the only thing that Trump was able to accomplish, you know, and he asked the kids in the cages, Obama had him there. He didn't care that he care now. Was bad when he did it. Bad when Trump did it. Bad, bad, bad. Get an immigration policy. Can't let everybody in to press his wages. It's again, we're past this. We're passing. We all

Starting point is 00:54:58 know you don't care. You don't care what the facts are. It doesn't matter on both sides. You don't care what the fact. Nobody cares. So what am I going to do with the data? We're going to put the graph up. We're going to do. We know this. Immigration shouldn't be an emotional issue. Do we need more immigrants? Do we not? What's unemployment look like? What's an inequality look like? What do the people have healthcare? Do they have anything? Should we be importing low wage labor, unskilled labor at this moment right now? More of it, less of it. It's a gradient. It's, you know, but whatever. Nobody cares. I'm not going to care. AOC is a vanity fair. Man, stop it. Just throwing eggs. Don't want to throw eggs. So, but I will say that's the

Starting point is 00:55:38 enduring legacy of Trump to me. The enduring legacy of Trump to me is it took a guy from Hollywood to break everybody's minds because he used their system against them. He weaponized the structures that they had created. The obsession with celebrity, the narcissism, the vulgarity, the vanity, the ugliness. He turned it on its head. He made it cool. He wanted to be the president and he found a way to do it using Twitter from his toilet. He took your value system and ran with it. He became the best version of you. He took all of the things that you believed in, that you worshiped, and that you idolized, and he used them to defeat you. He didn't do it with knowledge. He didn't do it with hard work.

Starting point is 00:56:49 He didn't do it with faith. He didn't do it with competence. He did it with vanity, vulgarity, narcissism. He did it with cheap horseshit and he took it and he sold it back to you. Right? Yes or yes. That's what happened. So don't be mad. Benjamin Franklin once said, don't hate the player. Hate the game. And there's a lot of people in this country that think that the only problems are the players. It's just the players. It's just that conspiracy theorist we don't like on Rogan. It's just that game show host who became president. But it is the game a little bit, isn't it? And it's all of us. It's just all of us, right? It's kind of the folly of humanity at the end of the day. It's why I like

Starting point is 00:57:59 Halloween. I like Halloween because it makes people pretend for a day that all of the horrors are fake and that we can control them. We have power on Halloween. We dress up and we decide what haunted house to go to. And we like to get scared and spooked in a controlled environment. And we like to have fun on Halloween. That's why I've always liked Halloween. It's simulating something that really terrifies us down deep. It's a simulation of something. And when Donald Trump took office in 2016, the simulation won. Good night.

The Tim Dillon Show - 224 - American Chainsaw Massacre

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