The Tim Dillon Show - 234 - Stop Ratting

Episode Date: January 10, 2021

Tim returns from Vegas this week to discuss the Capitol Hill siege, why lesbians are incredible at their job, what comedians should do now if they can't scratch together a couple nickels, and closes out the show performing a new Billie Eilish song. Bonus Episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE ▶▶ https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dillon-show/ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS:   🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim30 to save 30% ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co ⚓ NICK DAVIS'S PODCAST (BELOW DECK) ▶▶ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-below-deck-podcast/id1216741721 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. I am Tim Dillon. What a week we've had a little skirmish over there in the old Capitol. Stop the ratting. Stop ratting out all these idiots that ran in the fucking the Capitol. They're idiots. Some of them did commit crimes. A lot of them didn't. They were just standing there being morons. I told you this sobering up from the QAnon wasn't going to go. Well, who told you that? I said that I've been on record going, they're not going to take it well when they find out that this shit's not really going to work out the way they want it to. Imagine you thought you were saving the children and then you find out you're not, that no one's being saved and you're wrong and the people you've invested

your fucking time into, in some cases, your money, the people you had faith in have sold you down the river like Trump did when he went up and, and you know, correctly, he was like, what the fuck can't do this after encouraging them and egging them on. Saying they were great people that he went out and went, well, wait a minute, but this is what happens. This is a tough pill for those people to swallow. But you don't need to rat on everybody in that crowd. Come on. I didn't even rat on the Airbnb who tried to destroy my life because we simply wanted to have a meal in their drug den in Joshua Tree. I didn't even drop a dime on them because I am against ratting.

I, you know, just let it go. Also, why do you want to do your, someone else's job for them? Why do you want to do someone else's job? That's the cops job. Let the cops figure out who stole Nancy Pelosi's pen. You don't have to go into citizen detective mode and figure out who was responsible. I mean for doing whatever the hell they did. Supposedly smearing shit, is that true? Yeah. Yeah. They took shits in the bathroom and tracked it all over the Capitol building. Yeah. Yeah. They're doing what they're accusing the people that cues accusing the senators are doing. These people like, how do you like him? But you don't have to go out there and, and, and, and, you know, where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Where in the world is, you know,

I don't know the dude with the horns or whatever. These people are going to get found out. You don't have to be an online sleuth. These people are going to get found out. The cops are going to arrest them. This is what's going to happen. But it's so funny how schizophrenic everything is like now, now everybody is like cops are heroes. These police are heroes. The Capitol police are heroes. You see those cops? They're heroes. You see the black cop who's, who's all the white people yelling at him. He's a hero. However, the black cop where the white and black mixed race crowd was yelling at him with the BLM protest. That guy's a part of the problem. But now that guy's a hero. You see? So nobody has any values. Nothing matters. Does truly nothing matters. No one really cares. The

cops are heroes now and protesting is bad. Just being out of protest is bad and it should bar you from ever being employed again ever. No one should work ever again. You should lose your job as an apprentice at the tattoo parlor. These people don't have high level jobs but they work at like call centers. It's some poor guy, some schmuck who's gotten sucked into a QAnon cult because he can't afford any other type of cult. He's fucking, you know, spend six months thinks he's hunting pedophiles on 4chan. Then he fucking goes to meet up with his friends. All of a sudden he gets caught up in a moment and he's in the fucking chamber of, you know, Congress. Yeah, I mean it's a bad choice. It's probably gonna fuck him from doing certain things.

Let that schmuck, if he's charged with a crime, he's charged with a crime, whatever. You know, if you got caught, you got caught. But don't you go and, I mean let the guy go back to the call center. Job. This isn't the CFO of fucking Goldman Sachs running around there. These people's lives are not great. That's why they're there with a helmet on. Nobody has a really good life is in the Congress with a helmet on. I'm telling you, these people have mental problems, most of them. Just the BLM people, a lot of them, the hardcore. I'm talking about, you know, the 300 pound woman with purple hair, the people that are screaming and going nuts and my friend's 80 year old uncles in a car and they go up to the car and they're like, say Black Lives Matter. Say it.

The people that are like harassing the elderly, they have mental problems as well. It's not just like you have a political difference with these people. They're extremists. That ideology comes from being mentally unwell, being socially unwell. These are antisocial personality disorders. They should be studied, not listened to, not retweeted. They should be studied. But, you know, I just can't get involved with the ratting. These people really thought this presidency was going to end a different way. And I mean, you know, unfortunately, I was ringing the bell for them telling them this is not the way it's going to work. You know, it's like the movie Clifford, the great movie Clifford, starring one of my favorites,

Charles Groden and then Martin Short. Clifford with Mary Steenburgen. Clifford was great because Clifford wanted to go to Dinosaur World and, you know, his uncle Martin kept running into problems. He was unable to take him to Dinosaur World. Well, and then he of course went insane and his uncle Martin was building a model of the LA transportation system and then Clifford blew it up. Sorry. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. And that is how people reacted when they found out they couldn't go to Dinosaur World, that they weren't going to be personally arresting Barack and Michelle Obama and putting them in Guantanamo Bay. They thought they were going to be marching down fucking Beverly Boulevard and they were going to go up into the hills to Chrissy Teigen's house

and take her out and arrest her. And then I guess steal her cookware line and cook with it or I don't know. But they really thought this was what's going to happen and that Alan DeGeneres was going to be going to jail. None of this was true. All this was bullshit. All this was like, you know, a l-a-larping fucking just troll game that these people fell for because they're terribly unsophisticated and because the country is so fucked up and so many of the monsters are real that these people found out about it and their ha- their brains melted. They had no idea when they found out about the Epstein's and the this and the that and how fucked up things are automatically overnight they started to get an overflow of information and they were manipulated

by people like Steve Bannon and these other people that didn't give a fuck about them and just they thought we're going to get their votes and let them believe whatever we want them to believe and it really I don't know how many of the people in the Capitol were hardcore Q people but I gotta imagine it's a few. I gotta imagine some of them found their way in there wasn't the guy that we just did that sketch he was the QAnon shaman yeah the QAnon shaman he goes I see different uh levels of uh you know that was just his name this is him this guy yeah yeah there he is Jake and Jelly I think his name is or and you know you got people there with neo-nazi flags and everything like that but here's the other thing folks and this is like an uncomfortable

thing nobody really wants to talk about this nobody really wants to admit this you're not going to be able to arrest uh or a shame every Nazi you're gonna have to deal with certain Nazis you know if you want a tattoo you might have to deal with a Nazi unknowingly this is what it is you don't think I you don't think I have to deal with hardcore uh you know anarcho communist of court what if I want ice cream in Portland I can't scoop it myself I gotta deal with one of these militant dikes I don't care I don't want them to lose their job I just walk in I go yeah punch Nazis and Rocky Road or whatever I want that day and this bitch scoops it up and it's we move on I don't give a fuck I don't I don't go oh this bitch wants to destroy anything good about what I

think this country means let's get rid of her I don't care and if she heard my comedy she'd probably might want me in a cage I just move the fuck on get your fucking ice cream and go get your tattoo and go why are we gonna arrest everybody but people I don't who cares what people believe yes if you run into the Capitol yes you're gonna get arrested it's what it is I mean I don't know what to tell you you know if you do something crazy in the BLM protest you burn down somebody's small business yeah you're gonna be arrested you're destroying property you know what are you gonna do but if you're just being an idiot I don't know what's the punishment for that you're probably not doing that great you know so I don't know I just I think

this is this I don't know what happened when everybody's like we gotta get we gotta get rid of all these everybody we disagree with they can't they can't have shitty jobs these people aren't really raking it in here you know these people aren't doing well for the most part they're living off money they've inherited they they have some type of stipend they're living in some type of communal how I don't know what the fuck they're doing but I mean I'm sure that I deal I deal professionally with people I disagree with all the time about many different things all the time about many many different things you know I I I would never expect I have a personal trainer who I disagree

with about many things because he was like he's always like what are you eating what are you doing and I'm like I think it's more important for him to start looking into Q and to discover the truth for himself but he's very like about me and everything I'm doing and I'm like that's not that important when you look at all of the children have you saved all of the children yet no well then how about you go and state have you saved any of them no why well you haven't found the underground tunnels anyway what did you have for breakfast keep looking for the tunnels there's you see there's we're having a divergence of opinion we're unable to serve each other in in the way that we need to I have professional disagreement all the time

and I deal with people and I make the best of it because I'm a fucking adult I don't care if the dental hygienist believes in ghosts it doesn't matter to me if the bitch cleaning my teeth went to the fucking area 51 rise well convention and fucking dressed or dressed like a gray alien and jumped around on DMT as long as she's sober when she's fucking cleaning my teeth I don't know what this bitch thinks about I don't want to know I don't want to know I got enough problem thoughts in my own goddamn head to worry about what other people are doing okay it's all these people that are just ratting people out oh you know don't give these people any of your money at you know Nazi tattoo or whatever it's like I don't know don't get a tattoo they're stupid

tattoos are stupid they are I'm sorry I know many of you have them and you love them and everyone has one now why don't you be the person that doesn't get one how about you be the bad ass that doesn't get a tattoo and then you won't worry if your money is not going to yeah let your dead dog or your dead grandfather let them lie you don't need them on your bicep let them lie okay I deal with fucking militant communist dykes all the fucking time they're in every ice cream parlor ever and I loved coffee at one time they were in all the coffee shops black black antifa in the coffee shop if I want a lemon loaf I gotta do a black block it is what it is and those dykes cut a thick loaf and they make a good espresso so you just go in and you fucking mix it up with them

you act like they act you're fucking punch Nazis fuck Trump yeah you know smash the patriarchy you know can I get a scone and Earl gray with honey you know just do what you gotta do so if you're getting it good if you're going to tattoo a Nazi tattoo you get in there and go hey how are you all right so anyway just I want to clean this up yeah I just put 1987 there yeah yeah yeah that's here my birth all right hi Hitler all right let's do this just fucking fit in so whole point of the country is fit in we were just in Vegas we went to Vegas for two days because nothing's open in LA we just wanted to go to dinner frankly and Vegas has been brought to its knees by this I mean it is so bad they thank you for parking your car now that's how bad it is

the valet people are happy to see you in Vegas they're like hey good to see you thanks for coming thanks for coming here I mean you feel like you're a king I mean you feel like you're everybody in Vegas right now feels like a high roller you want to feel like a high roller go to Vegas now doesn't matter what you're spending I didn't go near a poker table or a slot machine the whole time I was there you will feel like a high well you know I I should have but I just I'm not really a gambler but I can play cards a little bit if I want to but you will feel like a high roller they're just so lucky you'll get in all the best restaurants you can get in anywhere it's not a problem and they're happy to have you just go there they're happy to the whores are happy

to have you the whores are happy to suck your cock in Vegas right now they are happy to suck I got been a transgender african-american uh prostitute your wife doesn't listen right they're happy to have you they're so happy to have they they thank you I had a whore trying to pay me they give you discounts they're happy you're there everybody is happy the buffets are closed which I don't love because that's part of it part of the experience but the whores are happy doesn't matter if you have a rash they don't care if you've showered they don't care if you're tested for cove or not doesn't matter they don't even care if you can stay hard the whole time they will take your dick and they will fuck and they will use their teeth on that motherfucker

to get them up and running they are just happy to have you they will take your dick and put it in a thing a hot fudge and suck it off they're so happy for you to be there and the valet people are even happier you might not even need a whore the valet people are so happy we had a lesbian to ran the valet which is good because they're very business minded the great thing about lesbians they take any job seriously it's a very it's a respecting for them whereas gay men unless they're doing the job there that's their dream don't really do it well they don't really like and I was explaining a bit like if I had that job at valeting cars the manager would come to me and go hi you're not doing this right and everyone's upset and I would look at him and go it's a

stupid job though no and he'd be like what and I'd be like it's dumb we're just driving a car into us I mean it's dumb I'm doing it the best I can but come on it's horrible but the lesbians they just fucking hit it they hit it and they do it well because they just do it they just like the simple things about life it's just easy to you know so respect to that woman we tipped her well give her a hundred bucks for everybody but that that is where vegas is right now they are so sad it is so depressing it is like the an apocalypse but like I've never seen like there's nothing going on you would think it would be like the real apocalypse is in the capital it's in DC vegas is like calm and relaxed just a couple of lifers pulling slots a couple of fat old people

not giving a shit mask under nose just like that's the new real gangster move mask under your nose like say say something about it bitch throwing up the margaritas they don't give a fuck they're just living they're just living there we had dinner at carbone which is a big restaurant new york that's now in vegas and uh and it was fun not as good as the one in new york but it was good and we had dinner at uh what is it manumi yeah the sushi restaurant in the wind very nice sat outside at the pagoda table nice and safe nice and distanced and it was fun it was just nice to be out having dinner it was nice to to be out I mean LA shut down and it's been very hard for me to even get material to talk about as a comedian and we made a sketch in vegas it was a

lot of fun went to a costume shop found that guy's you know coonskin cap or whatever and got horns and whatever but it becomes difficult to live in a city and I'm not I get it it's bad out there hospitals are bad right now in LA but it becomes difficult to live in a city that is completely shut down uh yours nothing to do you can't leave your home really there's nowhere to go there's nothing to see and if you're a comedian or you make your living talking and observing there's nothing to observe so I went out to vegas and I was very I was very happy about that it was good we did a patreon with ty reveria uh very funny comedian who lives out there and um vegas is open the comedy clubs are starting to open but they're open at a very low capacity so you only

got like 40 seats in there at the comedy clubs in las vegas so you're not really you know you're not you're not making money there yet but it's opening little by little little by little what was your impression you haven't been a lot but I mean this was pretty you you said it best it's been brought to its knees the homelessness looked real rough real rough in a lot of the parts of the city it's not as bad as LA though and it's open but no one's there you know it's open but nobody's there the casinos are allowed a minimal capacity of where they used to be I don't know what it is someone could fill me in on on on the actual capacity um the homelessness problem is not as striking as LA for whatever reason you don't but it is bad I mean this is it's it's not good

you know so this is as of november 29 2020 new restrictions limit capacity of casinos and restaurants restaurants can see patrons if they have reservations and no more the four diners are allowed per table masks are required at all times indoors and out maximum size of public gatherings is 50 people yeah which will crush the recent revival of live entertainment so that's where you're at a lot of casinos are not opening weekdays they are opening uh thursday through monday and some of them are just not functional during the week it doesn't make sense for them to open so little by little las vegas turning around one of my favorite cities I do like Las Vegas couldn't ever live there but like going there for 48 hours at a time checking up on vegas and seeing what is

going on I just couldn't live there it's one of those places I don't think I could live there's a certain type of person that can and I respect that person that's just not me same with new orleans that I love new orleans I couldn't live there it's just too much even though I like it I just couldn't do it the special thing it's like the way a lot of people feel about new york and now I kind of feel about new york I couldn't live there you know so the capital uh skirmish uh who's our boy what's his name we just did the video about the q and on shaman the q and on shaman are they trying to put him in the clink for this behavior I believe they arrested him already yeah I mean he was pretty out there in the open wasn't he yeah yeah yeah yeah jake and

jelly lead seizure of capital by the way this wasn't a coup everyone's saying this was a coup or a revolution I mean this was closer to a high school theater group I mean listen they they were not they I mean I'm not excusing what they did right what they did was fucking insane and obviously there are laws that they broke and they will go to jail like and and by the way that's everybody that destroys property break breaking and entering these are all laws that we have for a reason civil society exists for a reason okay so if you're breaking those laws uh for whatever because you think that you know uh that landlord should all be taken out and hung that's that's breaking a law and if you break the law because you think that inside of uh congress there's a chamber with

children that Nancy Pelosi's eating you're breaking a law either way you're breaking a law so you know sorry to everybody who's like but I I like one kind of riot that's the maturity of this country everybody's sitting behind screens being like well this violent protest was not good I like that kind I like this type of chaos it's like people sitting in a restaurant being like I enjoy this type of chaos oh you like that chaos I like this chaos ah interesting just people tasting wine a sommelier comes over the sommelier of like you know the apocalypse and he's like what do you like what do you like do you like a racial equity narrative with some burned buildings and some chase police or would you like a proto-fascist takeover involving a horned

gentleman leading a group of people up the steps of congress and people are like hmm they both sound appealing it's stupid you cannot encourage this type of behavior at all very funny though you know it's QAnon Shaman known as 33 year old Jake Angelie of Phoenix man Phoenix huh has been a fixture at a number of pro-trump rallies and protests across 2020 especially in his home state soon after QAnon Shaman received viral infamy some followers of the loose collective of conspiracy theorists movement began to turn on him falsely suggesting Angelie is actually Antifa and had infiltrated the mob ain't that always the way man what a short rise right ain't that always the way it's like this it's like I'm in the movement I'm in the movement

QAnon QAnon QAnon Shaman QAnon Shaman viral viral big Antifa a big circle it's almost like the people that get involved in these things aren't the most stable and they'll actually turn on anyone interesting it's like the underpinnings of these movements are not logical coherent political beliefs it's really the majority of it is undiagnosed and diagnosed mental illness many of these people have been diagnosed by the way I wanted to correct uh Kansas Owens when she said it's undiagnosed mental illness I'm like many of a lot of it's diagnosed somebody tweets why aren't these quote crisis actors more successful in acting this guy was way into the role months earlier clearly a method actor he's really selling it

he should be alongside De Niro is this the one where he's yelling let's see what this is this is a crazy conspiracy theorist yells at people getting COVID tests in Arizona I think this is our boy Jake Angelie all right it's fucking crazy you guys the amount of people that believe this bullshit is insane interesting this just goes to show the mockingbird media the way it uses fear to compartmentalize to propagandize and divide and conquer our country this whole country is an episode of the next file I mean look at this look at this by the way stop this I know like 30 comics that are that are five minutes away from this behavior if they don't get a special I know 30 to 50 people that are five minutes away from horns and screaming in a parking lot

if something doesn't turn around if you don't let them go perform somewhere this is a scientific fact the corrupt media is lying to you you're corrupt governments dick doocy is fucking lying to you COVID-1984 is a globalist propaganda hoax I love all the people that are like COVID is a global the big global reset it's like what reset it's been going the way it's been going for 50 years what reason no reset it's this I'll tell you this no more I can't take I he's just talking it's annoying with the screaming it's annoying but yeah that's Jake Angelie I mean these these people again you know I don't I've never known someone you know I guess I've witnessed people that have

gone really radical in their belief systems not quite that extent where it's like costume shop radical but I've known people that have gone really off the reservation and the one thing that seems to unite all of them is that number one they started to get attention doing it it was what got them attention so they would never stop because it was the only way they got attention they didn't get attention other ways they weren't they didn't get attention from their talent and they didn't get attention uh from uh you know any you know interpersonal thing that was good going on in their life they got attention by going crazy publicly in front of people you know this is what they you know enjoy doing and I don't mean and I don't just mean Whitney but there are people

kidding she's her dog she called me her dog ate her hand or something it's fine but I've I've seen people politically go off the rail go off the rails like this and they're off the reservation I know that's not a kosher term to say but this is what happens they you know you know you're yelling in a parking lot with a fucking with viking horns on you're not it's not going well so I don't know what this got but this guy's gonna see some real jail time probably you know probably I mean this is a real embarrassing end for the Q movement I thought it would kind of silently kind of just go away like like a tide goes out like a tide comes in and a tide goes out this one was rough this one was a little embarrassing for the Q movement this was rough I don't know what

the hell they thought was gonna happen they were gonna get in there and the US military was gonna go you're right let's go and then Jake Angel is the president yeah what did you think it's the same thing with a Black Lives Matter it's like what did you think was gonna happen just the National Guard's gonna stand down you're gonna take over Portland I mean I don't know but now of course we have you know the the the very schizophrenic body politic where you can't keep up with everything you can't even understand you're like okay you're like these people gathered front of government buildings and they harassed the police who are heroes and you're like staring at these people like what wait a minute what and they're and then they find

all the Black Lives Matter protests that were always peaceful like nothing yes like because we all know the riots we were watching had nothing to do with the protests I mean they had nothing to do with it and they didn't happen well so the riots didn't have that you saw with your own eyes the burning of businesses the burning of cop cars the looting of stores that didn't happen and if it did happen it was justified that didn't happen you saw it I I brought it up I people are angry at me because I've literally people hate me because I've literally said things I've seen with my eyes that has labeled people are angry with me because if I'm a shill and right wing and alt right or whatever because I've just uh I've been sitting in front of a tv like huh

okay I'm seeing a thing and now I'm saying what I'm seeing and people have gotten angry about that you know getting angry I get it I have enemies people dislike me because I've literally just said what I've seen so when you say what you've seen uh people get angry they're worse than people that were uh knuckleheads in all these movements that seem to just want to you know benefit themselves in in you know and do crazy things these are like people these were like dorks and I'm not again I'm people gonna be like they're terrorists sure sure but also let's not glorify them uh by by making them out to be more than what they are they were willing to do some very stupid things which they'll pay for but they're idiots I mean they're not the terrorists are

always smart but like these people believe in a fairy tale their door I mean some of them are like elderly you see that old woman you see the photo of her I'm gonna compare her to like a like a terrorist too late the woman's got dementia she's wandering around the capital she doesn't even know what's going on you know what I mean this is a crazy woman whose prescription medication is all messed up and she's she's wandering around the capital the woman that got maced to yeah yeah you know I mean and then there's a woman that got maced let's play her she's like I love how nonchalantly she goes it's a revolution they're like what are you doing here she goes uh it's a revolution dummy what do you think I'm doing here we go ma'am what happened to you fun couple

alert I got maced yeah you know by the way stop and what happened you know she was getting maced and her man was like that's you know he's kind of unbothered he's he's completely unaffected she just got maced to the face he's you know in the ride home he looks at her and goes you got a little excited he got a little excited and she goes well it was a revolution he goes I know I know I know but you got a little excited and she's like they didn't mace you and he goes wipe you know you went nuts you went you tried to jump on that cop's back she goes well it was a too it was a revolution you don't like anything I do you never support me if this woman could get a small business loan to be a caterer would she be doing this

yeah I made it like a foot inside and they pushed me out and they maced me what's your what's your name where you from my name is Elizabeth I'm from Knoxville Tennessee why did you want to go in we're storming the Capitol it's a revolution we're storming the Capitol it's a revolution dummy are you dumb we're storming the capitals but these people just want to have fun I mean I think it's time we open up Dave and Buster's we've gone too long this didn't work this whole experiment where Americans didn't work doesn't work let's take note this doesn't seem to produce good results okay so I don't care what the next thing is I don't care if it's the black plague

I don't care if it's Ebola hemorrhagic fever bleeding through the eyes when you close down fud ruckers and Dave and Buster's and Applebee's and Fridays and two for one margarita night at Chili's it ends a few months later with a guy in horns standing in the middle of the Capitol that's where it ends so think long and hard about that Gavin Newsom think long and hard about where this is gonna end it's really crazy but the country is not built to do anything except work sadly it's just what we're built to do it's what we're built to do we are built to just run at 100 miles an hour and work and work and work and if we don't do it it becomes a real problem and then you get this and then you get this woman who's looks like kind of a normal suburban lady kind of

yeah and I'm not saying that because she's white I'm saying that because she doesn't have blue hair and face tattoos and nose rings she looks kind of like what I mean she's got a piano scarf is that a piano scarf maybe not I'm straight no it's just striped I don't love that but this this looks like someone's substitute teacher and she's getting maced while she runs into the Capitol I mean wow you gotta hand it to Trump though he knows how to sell a product he really does I mean you know he knows how to sell a product you know he's walking around looking at the TV going like because I spoke to somebody who made a good point and they were like they were like yeah he's just walking around go good good this is good very happy oh yeah because he want he wants

people to know that he can he could fucking he could cause little ruckus and he's not gonna be a biden's inauguration he's he's gonna be out of there let's play our video which is very funny please if you have not seen this uh you should see this this is an interview with uh Jake and jelly and we get to the bottom of of what Jake and jelly is really all about I'm sorry things got out of hand okay this everything people are saying about me isn't true I'm an actor I'm a voice actor I'm a musician stop the steal what people saw yesterday was me doing vocal exercises me just kind of you know putting myself out there for the first time the industry just doesn't want a white male unless they're literally storming the capital you know obviously

save the children and and and do a coup but also you know as important or even more important is to just try to like you know build my socials this is my american idol this is my the voice I think there is a hole in the market for sort of this like reactionary psychopath that's also very musical when I first started working with Q I thought Q met Quincy Jones people said to me what was yesterday was it a revolution was it a coup uh it was an exercise in branding we have no problem with the capital police by the way we have no problem they were nice to us we took selfies with them they let us in uh you know we met a lot of them on 4chan sometimes I'm sad and I feel like there's not a space for men to share their feelings in this country and I think

that's tragic I'm willing to learn and grow I've been reading a lot of tweets about my behavior that are making a lot of sense to me and I'm going like back in my childhood and I'm going yeah yeah that was it yeah that was it it's okay if I like the show shrill on Hulu it's my favorite show show and I can admit that like I like it because it's a big powerful woman that's confident and that makes me happy I'm the victim yeah ridiculous by the way everyone's like how did you get the costume so how did you get the costume so quickly Ben Avery went to the costume shop Ben Avery really whipped that up shout out to jones fabric yeah combination of a like and go and fabric what'd I say jones oh my bad

well now do it the right way joe hans shout out to joe hans fabric in vegas is fucking he he acts like a petulant child now he won't do it he's like um uh what about uh the costume shop oh yes it was uh we're going to shout out this costume shop in vegas because there it's like better than anything in LA they were really cool uh star costume and theatrical supply star costume and theatrical supply if you go in there tell them tim dylan say yeah maybe we'll get some some something off on our next one we probably won't we didn't even uh we didn't even we didn't even uh watch them call it we didn't like uh we didn't go over anything with them we should get a deal yeah we should get a deal if I stare going if people are going in there yeah that's an ad

this is an ad this is an ad yeah can we can we bully companies to pass retroactively if I say a nice thing about them on the show like we do we do reads and then charge them without ever approving any I mean can we call the win and go hey this guy just talked about your valet the the lesbian and the valet thing said how good she was can we get a couple of dollars here can we get some money I go to the I go to valet my car let me tell you I go to I go to valet my car they got I mean I can't believe it they put a black guy in the car I mean I'm like hey buddy if I wanted my car stolen I would have fucking put it on blocks myself

Sebastian Sebastian we appreciate you coming in but we're this you're reading a children's book you're reading a children's book and and and and you've just said some very racist things into the mic and I want you to kind of focus right now because it seemed it's very strange all right all right I don't even all right all right the easy basis minor what can I tell you one thing can I just tell you one thing I got a tj max they got one of these Asians you don't even have you ever seen asian but they look kind of like a native american it's like this weird it's like all kinds are wrong you know what are you doing what's wrong with your face I don't know what to do with these people do I go like this or go

or do I like you know spicy tuna roll I don't know Sebastian gonna have to that is a fantasy that's a character I do where um Sebastian Menescalco a brilliant comedian who I really respect says crazy things uh he they they bring him in to read a children's book and he just says and he's like let me tell you I gotta get something off my chest and my father was a nazi is the american nazi party my father and he started explaining to me what they believe I have my father he started explaining to me about what the nazis believe I gotta be honest it's pretty I mean come on it's pretty accurate I think I'm a nazi so we think that's we think that's really funny um and now obviously that's a joke and I've never

spoken to him in real life but he said nice things about me I believe to people that have relayed them to me but we have a lot of respect for Sebastian and we do we're not insinuating that he or his family is in the american nazi party but it is very funny to do that little there's no more fun voice to do I just don't I mean you know what are you gonna do it's so entertaining I I just can't stop I just but I will stop I will stop and I imagine lawyers will get involved eventually and tell me to stop you know it's uh we're working on a steak sauce we're developing a steak sauce for people uh we're gonna launch that in a few months we're trying to steal steak sauce recipes from a restaurant there I really want to I I the way is the way I've always

wanted to have a sauce a steak sauce and I want it I I'm not gonna take it from a place but I do like I've gone to restaurants where I go this is a good steak sauce do you know what I'm saying here like what's the problem yeah are you selling your steak sauce no so then why am I not you're inspired as we I'm inspired by it I'm inspired by it and it's gonna be very good we're developing it we're working with a chef we've tried to do up a steak sauce and uh and and then sell it and bring it bring it to market so that we can you know you know we don't have to like worry about these other companies telling us what to do and say you know freedom of speech that's right steak sauce freedom of speech I just like to say things that will make the people that hate me hate

me so much more and by connecting steak sauce to freedom of speech which you know is absurd uh the people that whose job it is to hate me all day which is by the way good gig good gig um um well people just don't like you there are people that it's like it's like the Q and on thing it's the same with comedians it's like everybody starts off going like I'm gonna be a comedian and then that's Q and on people like we're gonna save the kids and Trump's gonna be the king and then none of that happens and then everyone's angry at me people started out trying to be comedians can't scratch two nickels together can't get a following to have no audience and it's my fault how is it my fault they've been doing this longer than I have but years and years

and somehow it's I've done it to you what or or or other people other successful podcasters or people we've all wear the problem wear the issue and they all cloak themselves in politics and they're like I just I could never I could never stoop to the level that you've stooped to the people you've spoken to okay congratulations congratulations I hope has has that gotten you anywhere has your refusal to talk to anyone gotten you anywhere still no still no so you've refused to speak to anyone and you haven't stooped and still nothing I'd start stooping I'd stoop stoop as low as humanly possible you roach it's just there's a lot of people as business right so I understand they'll queue and I think I understand when everything you believe doesn't

work out and it doesn't work out because you were stupid to have believed it in the first place that's why it doesn't work dummies and then you can't get that angry at yourself because what happens you go to the holidays and you go like this with the gun in your mouth mommy oh you can't get that mad at yourself so you have to dole out your hatred in little bits little bits and it's got to be I'm a problem and it's the Rogan or it's this guy or that guy and I hate him first of all you broke bitches if anyone had asked you to sit next Alex Jones not you would have sat next Alex Jones in all all of you would have in a minute by the way why because no one is asking to do anything with anybody so stop getting angry at me this isn't even a specific person it's just

the there's people out there it's just there I just don't understand like how embarrassing is it you're living in the heyday of leftist not really leftist but more liberal non-comedy you're living in that heyday if you couldn't make a buck sucking now you'll never make a buck you didn't even have to be funny you just had to go fucking show up at Stephen Colbert's office and and and fucking I don't even know claim to be an Eskimo on your mother's side and write nine horrible monologue jokes and you got thirty five hundred a week if you didn't make a living sucking because I know you hate podcasts you hate all of us because we make a living like being funny with our fans it you know it's it's

cool it's it's fun for the most part it's some of it's not um but if you couldn't if you couldn't get a writing gig and then all these woke people you know what they all say to you they all tweet about how horrible podcasting is all for it's the right wing of fascism and then you know what happens when you go hey man you got a writing job they go no I'm white I'm white guy can't get a writing job what you sound like the right wing guy I'm not complaining about not writing on you know Boko Haram's new show or whoever they're giving a show to on fucking Cartoon Network I don't give a shit the funniest new comedian Boko Haram like whoever I mean no one cares no one cares or or or whatever whatever terrorist group sounds eerily like the name

of a comedian you know I'm a fan like you know I'm not mad that I didn't get the Netflix special they gave to Ansar al Islam doesn't matter to me doesn't matter to me I like Ansar al Islam some of the bits are good you go that's good but it's just so funny all these people then they turn around then they say well I'm white I can't get I can't get in the writer's room and I'm like okay I'm like but yet all you do you know how's the how's the non-stop capitulating and and self-flagellation and disgracing yourself and throwing yourself at the altar of those that would seek to impoverish and destroy you how is that working how is it worked how is it worked doing nothing but throwing yourself at the altar of the p the same people that want you to be

homeless and being like they're so good they're so funny you're so good has everyone seen this new show it's so good grow up you're too old all of you you're too old you're old you're elderly your credits are like network television show you people are trotting out like the Drew Carey show I mean it's Sahara what were you people on empty nest enough vh1 chat shows I mean it's Sahara here it's crazy let it go go to a farm go away Christ almighty with these people you can't make a dollar in comedy now you don't even have to be good if you're a woman and you don't own four houses is a comedian right now kill yourself you dumb cunt you should own nine houses if you are a minority and haven't gotten a set on Conan hang it up hang it up okay and if you're a

funny white guy and you can't scratch together a couple foul on a patreon to pay the rent you ain't a funny white guy clean it up get it out enough with the wine in if you are a funny white guy that's being ignored by the business and you can't scratch up a couple of g's on patreon you can't scratch up a few friends then it's time to put the horns on and go to the capital because you're living in a gold rush of shit everything they make is shit so now you can do something good Shane Gillis is doing it Nick Mullin is doing it I'm doing it other people are doing it do it Ryan Long makes sketches every he's doing it Andrew Schultz is doing it there are people doing it just shut up and do it who cares or don't or do it for your people do it for your fans that

whatever they want you know I remember when I got to LA people like yeah well yeah you got in with the Rogan crew but I'm not really in with those guys because I'm not an ultimate fighter where do you think I met Joe at a fighting gym you dummies I'm a fat faggot you just suck you're not good who told you you were good sue them sue them the people that told you you were good at this meet sue them you should be knocking on their door going what the fuck so that was good well you're kind you were good a little I don't know what happened they're like yeah I'm not in the MMA so I'm not in with those guys I've never said anything to Joe Rogan about MMA ever ever we've never had one come I said what do you think's gonna happen to Jake Paul fight and I asked him once

if one of the hulking lesbians at the frozen yoga shop was Amanda Nunez he said no that was it I I have no interest they don't give a shit so whining all the time everybody everybody sucks some I'm too good at my job to make money Marlon had that great point where he's like the people are like too funny to be funny they're too good at their job to make money what this is if you're like in the industry it's like this is like the golden era of sucking at comedy if you can't make money now god forbid god forbid it goes back to a point when like the minimum amount of talent required then you're really fucked all you have to do right now is kind of show up look decent talk about how much Kamala Harris has made you feel energized about the future of the country

I mean Stephen Colbert Kimmel they're all crying they're all crying you'll never leave to spend them none of those people will ever be respected ever again none of them they've all destroyed their legacies destroyed and they were very funny they've destroyed their legacies by being mouthpieces of a political and getting out and crying and being unfunny and being absurd they they're forever not funny anymore you will never see them and I don't care what they do maybe they maybe they donate a lot of money to breast cancer good for them but they will never be funny ever again ever ever ever again as they'll never be funny again unless they reverse course hire nick mollin Shane Gillis me and Candace Owens and unless they do that and I don't see that happening

but if they don't do that they're fucked forever sorry if you don't let Candace Owens host and have me Shane and Nick then you're not and then it's not going to be funny and hire the leftist red scare and the period or whatever these you know my period and Karl Marx or whoever these fucking you know uh uh you know a sardonic consort that are pretty funny actually bring them into who cares but if it's just the same fucking northeastern liberal arts school cons that are like being fat as my oh shut up like it's over it is over this pandemic killed those shows it's killed it's killed all that but it's opened this space up for other people to do shit so just stop fucking whining stop fucking wanting i have so much more respect for that bitch that got maced at the capital

than i do these dumb people that just sit there and fucking whine just do something just do something i don't care what it is it doesn't matter doesn't matter what it is to me or anything i don't care what the fuck you do that's why i don't rat on people i don't know people are going through i don't rat i don't call people up and say hey you should be in trouble for storming the cow i don't know why those month those motherfuckers stormed the capital there were kids inside i mean i don't know they had to find out their warrant the old fashioned way okay and a black lives matter people are burning down bodegas and i don't really love that but i don't you know i've had some real attitude from some of the koreans in the bodega real attitude and i'm not even black they get a

lot worse so i don't really get involved you see i don't rat people out i don't get involved stop getting involved cut your friend group in in in don't cut it in half cut it in nothing strip it up get them all out of your life go down to vegas they're happy to have you the whores are happy to have you the restaurants are happy to have you they're happy if you park your car you can just go to vegas play a few hands lose then go back into the hotel room order the chocolate cake we almost vomited it was horrible it was like the display cake they gave us it was very bad but but it's enough with the who cares and i again i know that it's not applicable to many people it's just my own twitter timeline it's not but this is my own show and i wind

about the shit that i wind about so it's my own timeline of people that just it's just exhausting what and they're getting old these are people in their 40s and 50s that are old and they're complaining and it's like guys it's not cute anymore it's not cute no one believes everyone that's uh leapfrogged you and this is a nazi how how fucking lucky for you huh how coincidental you imagine they're like telling their children which they won't have they're like well i was on a great path in comedy but then comedy was taken over by nazis the kid would be like well what do you mean actually it seems like mainstream comedy is just full of people that believed all the things you believe well so what did you do did you spend all day smoking weed and drinking you don't

understand i was dealing with my mental health and i had anxiety and depression i was manic depressive i had you know i had multiple personalities and none of them were funny none of them so that's all i'm saying i'm saying that we're trying we're developing a steak sauce it's going to be very good it'll be the greatest sauce that has ever touched a steak and we're we're we're we're uh we're doing all we can here we're meeting with the chefs and food developers and i want to get into the food business i really want to own it i just want to open a restaurant and be done with this i i hope the horizon time horizon for that is 10 years five to 10 years i just want to own a restaurant and then blow my brains out on opening night in front of everyone once

it's once everybody's there and everything's nice and everyone goes this is really good i just get in the middle of the room like bud Dwyer and go good night i just to see like blood all over ben and his wife's face as they said they'll have made enough money that's so they won't care and they they just said they're eating unaffected yank yank having their basic bitch conversations about nonsense that god only knows what they talk about when i'm dead they can't talk about killing me talk about the length of grass on someone's lawn you know you know make sure but i'll tell you this folks i'm just i'm just saying god love you out there don't rat you

lose this part of your soul everybody needs to figure things out on their own yes it seems a bit extreme to storm into the capital to find out things aren't exactly the way you think but who am i to judge you're probably gonna do a few years in the clink for that probably do a few years in slammer and you know our criminal justice system isn't really rehabilitative you know so you'll probably come out much worse probably destroyed your entire life you won't be able to get jobs and it'll be a fucking nightmare all because you believe there's some horse shit and you ran into the capital so stop that shit stop it it's bad for you in terms of like it's a long term a net negative to get to get to get worked up enough to go storm the capital

i mean listen but i'm the i'm i'm not getting in trouble i'm not trying to get you fired from the call center i think you you can still heat up somebody's soup at panera i don't care i'm gonna tell you you can't put together an asiago turkey club at panera because you're a nazi you're a nazi you make sandwiches and suburbs it's kind of what you should do not exactly a win huh what am i gonna do what are we gonna force all these people into more desperate situations how's that gonna work out has anyone played that out in their head we're gonna fire all these people and then force them into more desperate situations what could be worse what could be worse than then then storming the capital with horns on the top of your head yes my career like the people

that i know comics they're much worse but at the end of the day you know they also they don't have any balls to storm the capital you know they can't even they can't even storm the fucking out their own door but you know it's bad enough for half of these people you know it's just it's it's so crazy to think about to think about how this all ended and how it all came apart you know it was bad for a while and then it got it got worse it started it started coming apart um it's it's just you know it's completely it it's it's an unraveling it's an unraveling that's been unraveling it's just

unraveled now it might get better maybe now people start to go okay let's just let's chill out you know what i mean let's relax let's build let's build again let's build a time because you know spurts of crazy or fun a prolonged period of insanity nobody likes that so let's go back to something boring for a little bit let's go back to something boring and then we can turn up the crazy again just for fun but don't don't rat anybody out please don't be that person don't be the person that fucking informs on your fellow citizens no matter how misguided they may be don't don't be a don't inform for the state don't turn states right don't be a fucking narc on your fellow cray i would never i would never narc on any of these antifa super soldiers

dikes in portland did own all the ice cream shops i would never narc on them i would never narc i just walk in i i i stared them silently i say hello their name is like i don't know some genderless one syllable insane thing makes no sense like star with three r's and like a chinese symbol or something i'm like hello i'm like the fucking fascism in this country is out of control and she's like i think they know i'm undercover they kind of know she's like yeah and i'm like all right well the white chocolate you know little rocky road and a little whipped cream on that thank you she gives it to me i go eat it and then she goes you know i'm back to you know i don't know beating up andy no i don't know not my problem

stop making everything your problem you know and and just move the fuck on but you know it's fun being out there in vegas hopefully hopefully things calm down i think they will i'm very excited we're going back on the road soon i have some dates uh that we'll put out uh hopefully sooner rather than later but we're coming to mugubis and bolt more we're going to comedy connection in providence rhod island and i'll be uh at soul joel's it's an outside thing in pennsylvania doing the best we can to get out there and perform but you know it's harder and harder right now and um you know we'll be we'll be having some fun i believe i'm doing logan paul's podcast again with whitney you know whenever she is available to do that podcast she's had some

accidents she walked into a wall and this is according to her instagram story which is public she walked into a wall and she was attacked by dogs stop helping animals stop helping stray animals you know so i don't i don't know what happened but she was like something happened where she was attacked by a dog and her her hands are all screwed up i don't get it i don't understand it but you know and you know it's even weirder about that somehow a dog attacked her in a pharmacy very strange and the dog was wearing a vest that said dea so odd these dogs dogs with jobs i'm of course kidding um we will see everyone uh next week ben writes the whole show ben if you have any problem anything i say ben writes a script he hands it to me i deliver it every

single episode this is the nazi this is the problem you have a problem me you have a problem with him i'll go i'll go woke i'm just the puppet he's the one who writes the script if he writes a different script i will say different things i want to be on lily sing show i want to be on lily sing show imagine looking at lily sing and going i can't make it in comedy imagine looking at lily sing and going i just can't figure a way to make it god anything is i mean there are instagram stars in the middle of this country that are just making it because they are funny on instagram and they don't even know what comedy is they don't care they're just fucking farting in wheel barrels and making more money than all these fucking bitter losers that i fucking know

be one of those people be one of those people you know i don't know what to fucking tell you we're coming up with a mistake so it's going to be really good it might take a year to launch we don't care but it'll be the best sauce on the market if we if we get it perfect if it's not perfect i won't launch it or i'll take mcdonald's barbecue sauce it will put him in a bottle and then put our name on it and put it out we don't know yet but it'll be one of the two it'll either be the best sauce ever or you will get sick you know which is i think a pretty fitting narrative for the show and the united states of america it's either going to work out really well or you will get sick you know or you'll be

sick and it'll work out that's the real fun you just go insane and things work it's it's a fun way to do it do we have a p.o box set for people to send us things we will next week next week we have a p.o box you can begin sending things to the show uh jake angeli uh be our guest next week he'll be the governor of arizona oh for sure within 10 years the country's ending exactly how it's supposed to that's what's truly terrifying actually everything that's happening is actually should happen you know what i mean yeah the nuclear codes are being taken away from trump i mean it's like everything there's people with horns at the capital there's soccer moms are being maced in the face because they believe that uh they're protecting kids from tom hanks i mean

no this is everything that should go down going down vegas is emptied out there's nothing to do people are just gaming it's the the end of you know the the economy there's just people is pulling slots pulling slots wear your mask just got the mask on go through the butt still smoking butts pulling slots butts butts out ash the butt put the mask on it's just still pulling slots in vegas you know i mean it's it's it's truly the way it all should should go down but i think maybe we'll hit a wall with this it will turn around and things will get uh things will get you know much brighter and beautiful more you know i don't know i mean it could be now i'm very excited about the spring and the summer of being you know happy we'll always but always know this

always know this no matter how happy things get in this country we take it our jobs very seriously and we will always go out and find the horror for you and then deliver it to you we'll always go out and find the hell because there'll be no shortage of unadulterated hell pain horror we'll find it for you and we'll deliver it for you don't worry about it don't don't despair don't you know what i mean this isn't going to be this isn't going to turn into like jimmy kimmel or steven colbert where they're like hey hey everybody i'm on 19 fucking pills to not kill myself and here's what i have to hey miley hey everybody hey who's this it's like in shitskrieg and shitskrieg

dan lee from shitskrieg you know who is this quick it's dan lee from shitskrieg chris pratt's here who follows me on instagram oh really respect to chris pratt i didn't mean that i said that i didn't mean whenever i said i was just i was fearful oh actually you should put me in a movie put me in something put me in one of them you don't want it to work you gotta you know do do let's throw one to the wolves something fun let's do something fun you know i should just dm him because he follows me on instagram i should dm him go hey man brass tacks are you gonna produce my film or not because quite frankly we should do that to philippe yeah hey ryan are you gonna produce our movie can you cut it out please

a lot of celebrities listen to show very weird odd but not not that weird when you think that we're we're kind of commenting on things that they they like to hear this you know but they're in that in that world of like can't can't really say anything can't really say anything ever about anything so you know they just they enjoy hearing you know i guess this message you wouldn't think they would but they do we're about 10 minutes over the hour here as you can tell the broadcast and quality is declined precipitously but if i were to keep doing the show for like nine hours on my 10th hour i would suck as much as everyone else like that's what most other people are putting out by the way other than like 20 of us that's what most

people are doing okay i'll be back on the king in the sting co-hosting with brendan schaub the greatest comedy team in history this is what a lot of people are saying it's not abbott and castello or laurel and hardy it is me and brendan schaub on the king in the sting so uh if you believe that and that is a widely held belief so if you believe that as i i don't know if i believe it but i've just heard it so frequently that i have to believe it so uh very good and then uh i'll be at the performing the paramount or some theater in austin at the end of january get tickets i tweeted it out i'll figure out what it is it's socially distanced but it's around there i don't even know i can find it on your twitter hold on can you this will take three hours i hope no one's got anything to do

would you tweet it out i don't know it's socially distanced is it on my website i don't think so just say austin or no i mean it's just just go to my website it's probably not on there either no yeah it's not on there well whatever if you could find it it's a paramount go to paramount austin tim dillon moon tower comedy thing at austin go moon tower comedy tim dillon paramount austin i um it's in fucking austin the tower comedy it's tim dillon it's there paramount theater i knew it yeah january 21st and the 22nd which is my birthday january 22nd is my birthday i'm turning 19 years old very excited their website's not loading but their

website's not loading it's real folks it's real it's actually happening late january i'll be in austin texas there it is thursday january 21st january 22nd january 23rd in austin texas old ass bio there that's fine not holding it against i'm very exciting it is a big theater and it's socially distanced so hopefully we'll have a lot of fun there so grab tickets to that if you want to come and see me do you have anything to plug or do you do anything you want people to oh listen to uh the tim dillon show on youtube patreon.com slash the tim dillon show you had a podcast but you're now done with it i'm done you're done with it okay maybe we'll start another one with with you how about i start a podcast with

you no you're the co-host you need more of a following i'm not doing a crossover unless it's someone that has a big following like little honey it would be it would be funny when they have you sat here and i just did you like we had a crossover called the ben avry show and you produced and i hosted yeah and you would just go hello start just practice to what you would do the first minute hello everybody i'm here with i'm here with my co-host and producer tim dillon uh we went to vegas this weekend vegas is uh it's a crazy place with crazy people you know the thing i like about vegas is

valet people at the casinos now are thankful that's what you have that's all you have it's a it's a 60 second podcast but you were copying a lot of what i said which is disappointing to me well actually how about this the ben avry show should be a recap of the tim dillon show every week we do three days later where i talk about what you talk about no one's doing that do you see what happens when you let him speak how how crazy and off the rails against people like you a lot of people like you because they don't know you this is true they don't really know you because they've they've they've been allowed little parts of you i've only showed them the parts of you that i feel will help you out but

they don't know the parts of you that need not only the uh leather strap but the buckle whereas when you you need that needs to get the buckle where it's like you just you ever get hit with a buckle yeah my dad used to do paddle and belt yeah with a buckle well like the i think sometimes i got hit with the buckle but not across the face if that's what you mean but on my ass it's a lot my butt but you need will you need those beatings big paddle yeah you need you need you need more of that you need to live in constant fear for your life and that is when you are at your best that's when Tina Turner, Michael Jackson, let's not lie here when people stop getting tortured everything started to suck Billy Eilish just had like a lovely childhood which is why everything's

like that's why that's what happens now if it was like Billy would be like oh I'm Billy Eilish I got my ass kicked so I'm good now why won't she come on this fucking goon I'm kidding Billy shout out to Billy Eilish she's our sponsor yeah she sponsors the show we will watch that doc when it comes out oh yeah that one that looks like who took Johnny looks scarier than who took Johnny I wish we could play it it's terrifying I mean it's a terrifying it's like it's like horror movie music hey hey hey you're from the suburbs cut it out this is why people get sick of white people because they got to do this goth horror

shit and it's like you know what you grew up in the suburbs things aren't that fucking bad act like Katy Perry and dance around with an inflatable dolphin and get junked up every night please stop acting like you've been through it okay you mini witch act like these fucking you grew up in the suburbs things aren't that bad what happened you got sad one day okay enough stop making these documentaries like these horror movies where it's like you don't know how dark and complicated it all is no it's not that dark and complicated she is talented she has talent and she sings songs for people that cut themselves fine no problem with that not hating on her I think some of her music is good but let's not make why are we making a documentary about her

anyway she's the 13 secondly why is it the darkest thing ever where it's like you'll never understand what it's like do you not want this would you like all the theaters and the audiences to go away no but it's more complex than that there's layers of okay well don't do it you don't have to do it you want to work at the shoe barn you know Howard Stern had a great line what's about Barbra Streisand Barbra Streisand was like I just feel so exposed on stage and so vulnerable and Howard Stern was like they didn't feel that way when you were hungry you know this exposure and this vulnerability is a bit new but uh how great would it be if the majority of the Billie Eilish documentary is

devoted to talking about me and the joke I made about her on Instagram she has no idea who I am if you know Billie Eilish tell her about me and tell her how much you like me and tell her how much you think that me and her should collab because I could collab with her on a song easily totally I could be like I could write a Billie Eilish song yeah right I'll just I'll take the beat can you find a Billie Eilish instrumental royalty-free all right yeah do a do a royalty-free Billie Eilish instrumental I can easily write a Billie Eilish song T-Free Eilish yeah it's it's gonna go off to the first one here okay easy

uh I saw you in a cloud I had a nightmare about your breath there were bats and blind I was sad I left my lunchbox on the bus my life saw horror show I'm dark and complex I'm sad sometimes aren't you sad too you work at the cell phone store my brother showed me his a genitalia and someone said I read in the book that wasn't okay but then my agent said shut your mouth Satan's your friend and I said who is Satan and my agent said oh we're all Satan and I said that sounds good so me and my brother and my mama and my daddy

got an old car I eat vegan food and I like my agent Satan hmm I perform in a stadium for girls that are very sad some of them can't keep down the lunch they ate that afternoon I don't know why I'm getting deeper Billie Eilish is a black guy I agree if she released an album as like a blues singer and everyone just had to be like I guess it's okay she's like oh lord the pain I've been through ladies and gentlemen show ladies and gentlemen thank you we'll see you next week goodbye okay we just finished recording we're coming back on really quickly uh just to say Trump was banned

from twitter you guys will know that right now uh twitter released a statement saying it's uh due to the increased incitement of violence um so you know you knew it was coming I think Trump's going on parlor it'll be interesting what does what does the news say we'll cut we'll keep following this story we'll keep following this story um yeah I don't I don't know how I feel about it I I don't think that the ban is appropriate but I mean you know this is also coming on the heels of some shenanigans but I do I do think the ban's a little much but I also think they're like hey this is kind of what this guy wanted I think he wanted it to go down like this he kind of wanted it down like this I think he's getting his wish really truly I think this is what he wants all

right good luck out there