The Tim Dillon Show - 235 - Covid Kai

Episode Date: January 17, 2021

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. So much to cover this week. As many of you know, I have been banned from Airbnb. I am no longer allowed to conduct business using the app Airbnb. I cannot rent property using Airbnb. I cannot take a property to market. With Airbnb, I received a notification from Airbnb

that said, and we will read it for you right now, that I believe that I was in violation of one of their safety practices, all stemming from an event where I rented a property in Joshua Tree and... You didn't delete it, did you? I probably did. I think you did.

I did delete it. Let me check your Instagram. I deleted it there too. It's a tough week on social media to be pushing buttons. This is not the week on social media to be testing the waters, as they say. Big Tech is ready to paint with a broad brush. They are ready.

So I might put something up for a minute and then it might be gone. And you might go, why is he doing that? Why is he being a pussy? I'm being a pussy so that we can all have nice things for a while. And we wanna have an Instagram page. We want a Twitter account.

We want all of these things. For as long as we can have them, we would like them. Thank you. So sometimes we have to put something up for a minute and go, you see? And then yank it and get it out of there. So that's what I had to do, unfortunately. These are the times we're living in.

But let's go through the facts here, because I don't want any harm to come to these two women. I don't like that they are liars. I don't like people that misrepresent the facts and do so in a way that I cannot defend myself because there was no process on Airbnb for me to do that. They just unilaterally removed me from their service. And this is unfortunate because for the inauguration,

I wanted to rent a bunch of houses in Washington DC because a lot of my friends wanted to go down there and congratulate Joe Biden. And we were trying to get a bunch of homes down there in the surrounding area in what was, what some of my friends were calling the blast zone. But they just wanted these. They wanted to get in and I, so that's sad, right?

Amazing, but we rented an Airbnb in Joshua Tree. It was very expensive, but we got a good deal on it. See, so much out there, people speculate as to what's really going on. They don't have any of the facts, and I understand that's what they have to do, right? But Airbnb is, if you booked them a few hours before they stop accepting bookings for that period,

you usually get a good deal. So we got this Airbnb for less than half of what it was, okay? I went in there with Ben, with Ray, and with Lucy, Ray's girlfriend. We were there one night to just, they had never seen the desert. They're simple people. I just wanted to show them the desert.

We found an Airbnb that I thought was pretty cool. I had contacted the hosts. They were very aggressive at getting me in there. They said, well, we're getting another offer for tonight, which was a lie. They were lying. They needed the money. They needed the money.

This is the reality. We stayed there. We made a meal. We've covered that at Nauseum. If you want, you can go back to the last episode and go through what we cooked. And we left dishes in the sink. That's all we did.

And now on Joe Rogan, by the way, when Yanis Papas went on Joe Rogan, Joe Rogan's like, who I love, but is like kind of saying, well, you should have cleaned the dishes, because that, what? What's that?

What's that about? That's not punk rock. First of all, you pay a $400 cleaning fee, which I assumed was for cleaning. You see, that's why I paid the fee. All you had to do was wash dishes. A $400 should really give me license to like fuck up the whole house.

Not permanently, but I should be able to have pillow fights and throw comforters off beds. And it's $400 for that. And then there's like, well, it's really for COVID cleaning. Okay. We know that scam.

It should COVID cleaning and cleaning. It's the same cleaning, by the way. You're cleaning, you're disinfecting. Nothing's happening in a regular cleaning and a COVID clean. What are you doing? So I had paid that money. Now after the Airbnb transaction is over,

before the different parties, the renters and the people who've rented write reviews, there's supposed to be no contact. There's not supposed to be contact. These two witches, one of them texted me and said, hope you had a great time. Our cleaning crew had a little bit of a stroke.

LOL. LOL. Please give us a five-star review so we can stay on Airbnb. I was gonna do that anyway, because I'm not a rat, even though I wasn't in love with the accommodations. I don't, I've stayed in Airbnb as it were dumps.

I never ever give anyone really less than five stars. I don't think I've ever done it. Truly, you can look at my Airbnb. I haven't. Everything I give is five stars. I never wanna fuck up anyone's business with my own whatever. Let people figure it out.

The way I figured out this place was a dump. I don't know you anything out there. I don't like to, that's why I hate all this crowdsourced, you know, reviewing and yelp and this that and the other things. It did none of it, I don't trust you on you.

I don't trust the masses. I don't trust the public to give something five stars and then I walk in and go, oh, this sucks. You know, what else has the public made popular that sucked everything? So I don't trust them. So I just say five stars,

keep going on with your business. Let somebody else figure out that this place is a dump. The way I did. I care. So I give them a five star review. They trash me. They trash me. So it's a bad gas.

And then they start lying. They said I broke their stools. They have these modern stools with concrete slabs that are connected. I put some of these photos up on Instagram. These are, before I deleted them, these are not, this is not furniture that you can even break

because it's not furniture. Number one, these are art pieces scattered throughout a house. It's more of a gallery than a house. They said that I broke a cactus. When we walked in, the cactus was all fallen all over the floor. How do you break a cactus? What do you think I'm doing?

Taking the cactus with the spikes and snapping it while my hands bleed? You dumb cunts. What do you even imagine I am doing? How do you even break a cactus? What do you think I'm doing? Trying to sit on it? Maybe that was it.

Maybe I thought it was one of your chairs. So they're lying about what happened. They're saying I destroyed their property. Then I texted them because I was upset. I was not, I was upset. And I texted them that, I texted them that kind of that I was going to burn their house down.

I said, I hope nothing happens to your property, which was that, but I do hope that nothing happens. I was being nice to them, I was saying, I hope nothing happens. And then she said, are you threatening me? And then I said, we'll see what happens because I'm not threatening you, but we'll see what happens. And then I sent her a GIF or a GIF,

how they call it, with the Simpsons house burning, you know, the Simpsons house burns. This is all good fun. We're having fun. I'm a joker and we're having a good time. These women probably reported this to Airbnb and they got me kicked off of Airbnb. These two women, they broke a contract,

a social contract that I had with them. They asked me to do something, I did it. Okay, I did not ask them to give me a high rating. Maybe I should have, but they gave me a, not only a low rating, they trashed me and lied about what happened. And now I'm no longer allowed to use Airbnb. I'm not, I don't have any dealings with these women.

I don't care about these women, Jonah and Mila. I just, those are your names. You trashed me on a public forum. So I came on my podcast, which is listened to by, by hundreds of thousands of people. And some of them maybe, I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. Maybe they sent you a few little messages,

having a good time. What you did was you dishonest and wrong and you're hurting my ability to conduct business. And I have to speak publicly about this because I have a platform. It's not my fault that you two don't have a platform. You know what I mean? Maybe spend less time eating each other's pussies,

drinking out of your tea collection and passionately supporting Elizabeth Warren. I don't know what you're doing, but all I'm trying to say is this, you can't get me for being homophobic because I'm also gay. I'm allowed to hate you for who you are. Not because you're lesbians.

I don't care about lesbians. I hate you for who you are. You're insufferable pseudo-intellectuals, pretend designers. You are not architects. You are not designers. You are less than nothing. You've put together a house that is grotesque. It is laughable.

It is self-parody, okay? What you've done. It is truly embarrassing. You should have a faggot like me walk through it and let you people know how wrong you are about every design choice you've made in your home. It is an uncomfortable, sterile, doctor's office like environment that is only fit for weird, sexless dykes

to sit around and fucking drink chamomile tea and talk about how much they want to munch Elizabeth Warren's box. That's all that house is for. And I'm sorry that I came in there with love and light and I infused your home with a little character. And I'm sorry that you are shitting on me now I can't use Airbnb.

But that's it, we're leaving it here. That's it, we're just gonna leave it here. Will people rent the house and will I go back in it? Yes, will I do a live podcast from it? Absolutely. Can you legally do anything about that? Probably not. I can go as a guest and do a live podcast from your home.

And I probably will. I don't know when, it's not gonna be soon. It'll be when you think this is all forgotten. And I'll just upload photos of myself shitting on your toilet because as long as you keep renting out your house, people are gonna find their way in it, honey. So again, that's all I'm saying here.

And that's my little disclaimer. I want no harm to come to these women or their business. I am the bigger person, literally and figuratively. They look like weird fucking, I don't know. But I've just had enough. She then texted me, do you want me to get the review removed? She was probably trying to do some wheeler dealer shit. No, no, no, no, no, no.

So now I can't use Airbnb. Airbnb is the platform for me, okay? And some people are rejoicing in that. That's fine. I can clearly use other people's Airbnbs, use VRBO, set up a fake account being a fake person. Listen, what? We'll figure it out.

None of it matters to me anyway. But I just wanted to clear the air there and just kind of bring people up to speed or maybe confuse as to why is he putting this stuff on Instagram and taking it down? Because there are people out there that now are trying to, my ability to defend myself publicly is unfortunate.

Now people are trying to take that ability away from me. So I just want to relax for a minute because these social media tech companies have gotten rid of the president of the United States. They will clearly get rid of Tim Dillon, a young patriot who is just trying to conduct business appropriately. So that is my two cents about that.

That's what I have to say about the Airbnb. Don't harass these women. Don't pay them any mind. If you rent their home, invite me. I will come, we'll do a podcast from their home. That's all. And again, nothing, we won't destroy it. We'll actually document how lovely we're treating it

while we livestream from their house. But these are people who are detestable people because of the way they've acted. And I made a joke to them over a text message about burning down there as a joke. I was sending, first of all, I'm sending the gym for the symptoms house burning because wildfires are a problem in California.

It is a huge problem. So for me to not tell them that that's a concern for them is crazy. So these are women that just don't know how to have friends and all I'm trying to be is their friend. Speaking of friends, I was out the other night. This is a new thing now when people, I was at a socially distanced backyard in Los Angeles,

which we all know is burning down with COVID. We all know that. And COVID is real disclaimer. It's real. It can be devastating. It's fucked up. Several people I know, those are all true things. And apparently everyone in Los Angeles has COVID.

Even if you don't have any symptoms and you've tested negative for COVID, you still probably have COVID. That is the message from the government. If you don't have symptoms and you've tested negative, you're not out of the woods. So by the way, that's fun for the anxiety. Hopefully nobody has anxiety.

One in three LA residents have been infected by coronavirus. It's a new estimate. It's a Nielsen rating. We think this amount of people are watching Jersey Shore. We don't know, but if you have anxiety, this has been great. Hasn't the last year been nicer? Remember when we all cared about mental health?

All of a sudden that went out the window when the media every other day is going, are you, do you feel good? Guess what? Did you test negative? Guess what? You got it, bitch. It's real and it sucks.

But here's the other thing. And this is a little message for the people that have survived it because I've had enough. I really have had enough now with, I was in a yard yesterday. Two people in the yard had had COVID. They hijacked the entire event, which was not really an event.

It was just a hang. They hijacked it to discuss how they both beat COVID, how bad it was and how no one in the history of the world will ever understand the struggles that they went through. Not AIDS, not cancer, not those pussies with ALS. Nobody will understand how hard it is to beat COVID. I go, I haven't had it. I said, I've been being relatively careful.

I said, I got very sick in March. I had all of the symptoms. I tightness to the chest. I had chills. I woke up in the middle of the night. I couldn't really leave the bed. I was exhausted. I could make it from my bed to my couch.

Maybe I lost smell. I don't really know, but I know that taste was all fucked up. I could barely eat. It took me three and a half weeks to get my things back. And then they look at you and they go, no, you didn't have it. You would know if you had it. This doesn't even feel organic.

It's a bio weapon that you do battle with. And they're literally doing like Cobra Kai moves in the yard about COVID. They're like, you think you're good and then it hits you from the side. And then you double over and then you have to kick and you have to hit you again. And I'm like, what?

And then I'm like, well, other people get really sick. You know, my friend's mother had pancreatic cancer. She fought that for 10 years. And they're like, fuck that bitch. I had COVID. You don't understand. It's a bio weapon. They act like they defeated the Chinese military with this.

You can't even get a word in edgewise with these people. You can't say that other people get sick. People die of cancer. Is cancer not a thing anymore? What about AIDS with these fucking people, lesions all over the world? How about Ebola? I mean, these fucking cons will go to Africa.

People will bleed out of their eyes. There's lepers on the thing and they go, you don't know about COVID. I couldn't taste my hot dog. You don't know about COVID. It's just a bio weapon. Ebola is just one of those cute diseases that comes from the nature.

It's not a weapon. I beat a weapon. So it just gets a little, it gets a little frustrating. What, is that it? Frustrating. Doesn't it sound better as frustrate? I do like that. It's quicker.

This whole thing, we know how bad COVID is. We know how much it fucks people up. I've had friends tell me how bad it has been for them both physically and mentally. I understand that. Dan Carney, for example, my opener who's had it is now occasionally tired. So I get, I get it.

I get it. I don't know why I haven't had it. They're saying people that smoke are getting it less frequently. It's true. This is wild. Man, if the only thing that cured COVID was butts, cigarettes, I mean, what a fucking-

I'm finding that 45% people are less likely to be current smokers, hospitalized COVID patients were 45 less likely to be current smokers. The science is not here on this. I'm not trying to pedal junk science because then we're gonna be kicked off YouTube and everything else. All I'm saying is this, these are curious findings.

We don't know. I don't know why I haven't gotten it. I'm not trying to get it. I'm not saying that I'm super human or anything. I don't have any. I'm taking the vitamins that Joe Rogan tells me to take but every now and then he calls me and he goes, you know what cures COVID freshly fallen snow

and maple syrup. But I'm like, I don't think so. But I'll do it, right? Cause he's healthier than me and I trust him. So it is what it is. He gets info from doctors and different types of people and people that are kind of doctors and kind of are doctors a little.

And I respect Joe. So anything he tells me to do, I listen to him. The point is, I don't know why I haven't gotten this but here's what I will tell you. I know that it's really bad and vicious when people get it in a bad and vicious way. But it's one of the symptoms that you have to discuss it for seven months afterwards.

Is there any lead up here? Because truly when you bring up any other disease, they look at you like you don't get it. And I'm like, well, what about ALS where you get diagnosed and you literally become a puddle and then die within two years? They go, they go, no, still no, not a bio weapon. They go, you don't get, they go, you don't get it.

This is made in a lab and I beat it. And then they tell you they're like, this is how I beat it. I sat in the room and I just went, I'm gonna beat it. I'm gonna beat it. I'm gonna beat it. And they're like, you don't even understand what you go through, the mental fitness you have to have. And I'm like, yeah, okay.

But again, my friend's mother fought a death sentence, pancreatic cancer for 10 years. It's unheard of. The woman was out doing marches. She was raising money. There are people that overcome horrible conditions. There are people born with horrible conditions, okay? So this idea that the only thing in the world

that anyone, the mark of a man is that he beat COVID. The mark of a man, the mark of a soldier, they're acting and I know it's bad. But the way that they're talking and acting makes me feel so much less sympathetic for them because it's getting obnoxious. It's obnoxious to tell a group of people that somehow they're less than

because they didn't beat what they're calling a Chinese bio weapon. These are the people, by the way, that have had it. They're like, China tried to take Hong Kong with this bio weapon. I beat it, but it's tough. Like, yeah, my friend's mother has brain cancer. She doesn't know.

She walks in a wall. She can't see anything. She's losing her sight in one eye. This is like nothing that's ever been. I'm like, okay, but what about? I just keep throwing out diseases. How about leprosy, leishmanus? Go to the symptoms of leprosy, please.

Say if we could get the symptoms of leprosy up. Can we get leprosy, please? Because this is the stuff I was bringing up. Grows around the skin, thick, stiff, or dry skin, ulcers on the sores of feet, swelling or lumps on the face or ear lobes, loss of eye brows or eyelashes, discolored patches of skin,

usually flat that maybe numb or look faded. You know, that ain't fun, right? That's very painful. Yeah. Pain areas in the joints, blisters, loss of color, rashes, ulcers, redness, reduced sensation of touch, pins and needles, loss of temperature sensation, nerve injury or weight loss. How about ALS?

Get ALS up. That's a walk in the park, apparently, because of COVID. Let's get ALS up. Muscle cramps, tight and stiff muscles, slurred and nasal speech, difficulty chewing or swallowing, which ends up no chewing or swallowing, okay?

Literally what it does is it immobilizes you and it's insane how bad it is, okay? Difficulty swallowing, drooling, lack of restraint, mild cognitive impairment, severe constipation, unintentional weight loss, shortness of breath, difficulty raising your foot. So you bring this up to these people and they go, dude, you don't even get it.

You don't even fucking get it, dude. This is like lab made. It's something else, something different. It's just annoying. It's just annoying and it's gotta stop. I know it's bad, but it's gotta stop. Life is a Pandora's box of horror, okay? People have all kinds of problems.

Some people's problems are greater than others. Some people have to go through horrible things, okay? I understand that this can be an insane life-changing event for people. It could be a horrible thing. It could kill them. It could kill me. I've been open and honest about that.

But what we don't wanna do is annoy people to death as well by pretending that you are the only thing that matters and that the things that you've gone through are the only things that anyone should ever take seriously. That everybody else in this country that's suffering because we have an opioid epidemic or because their jobs have evaporated or because they don't have health insurance, okay?

Or that they work all week for shit wages and nobody cares about them and they have to fucking navigate this world without any help from anybody. Those people should all shut the fuck up because you had it got sick. That is not the way to interface with the world. People do not wanna tolerate that.

They just do not like that. So what you have to do is you have to have some perspective and see things with proportion. And I know this is a bad disease and I know it's affected people. People have died, families have been ruined and I'm not making light of any of that. What I am saying is please,

if you've gotten through it, confide in some close friends about how tough it was but otherwise shut the fuck up because there are people that are dropping dead every fucking day that have diseases that make this look like a walk in the fuck apart. There's people that have brain tumors like you can't even fucking operate

inoperable brain tumors that destroy their entire lives. People here every day, you gotta get your affairs in order. So let's just put a pin in it for a minute when you're in a yard with people and they're trying to relate to you. I'm trying to relate to you. I'm trying to go, yeah, man, I was a little sick in March.

You're like, no, no, no, you don't, you know, with all due respect, with all due respect, you don't understand what this is. I fought the Chinese. I fought the Chinese in one. Your friend's mother with the pancreatic cancer, that's a walk in, let's be honest, that's a walk in the park, okay?

It's a walk in the park. And our last wheelchair can't move, stop, stop. I had COVID, okay? I don't wanna hear about your hemorrhagic fever, your Ebola, boo. I'm just saying, you know, and by the way, smokers in Jersey are getting the COVID vaccine, which is odd,

because they're saying they've identified it as a high risk, it almost seems the other way that somehow they're, but maybe if you get it as a smoker, it's a quicker descent, I don't know, but you can now get vaccinated. Smokers in Jersey are eligible for vaccine, no proof needed. New Jersey is one of only two states

that has included smoking among the high risk medical conditions that make, can I just get on a plane and get the Vax with the button hanging out of my mouth? They open the floodgates of vaccine eligibility on Thursday to about 4.5 million additional residents. Those 65 and older, younger people with underlying health problems, including cancer,

but I mean, we all know cancer, fuck that. Heart conditions and diabetes diseases that can lead to severe complications of COVID. As part of the explanation, New Jersey also became only the second state in the country to open vaccinations to another high risk group, smokers. Wow. You don't have to document an underlying health condition

to say I'm a smoker. What's the other state to do that? Can you find the other state? Yeah, let's see what it is. They're saying one of them is Jersey. I wonder if one of them is closer. I could just roll up with the butt. And how do they prove you're a smoky?

Just roll up smoking ciggies. I go here, look at my podcast on YouTube, you see I'm smoking cigarettes. States play smoky. New Jersey and Mississippi, dude. We got to go get vaccinated in Mississippi. They're doing vaccines at a buffet. We got to go down and eat some hush puppies

and some fried shrimp. And get vaccinated while smoking butts. Would there be anything more American than getting vaccinated in Mississippi while smoking a pack of cigs and taking down a few hush puppies and some basket of fried shrimp? Can you imagine that?

Like nobody else has been vaccinated yet and you're just like, I'm staying safe. They just give you the vaccine instead of teachers. Fuck these teachers and nurses. Let me get the vaccine so I could go to this shaky's pizza parlor. This pizza buffet. So this is very interesting.

I don't know that the tier of CAA call me. They're like, we can get you into tier three because you travel. Tier three? Yeah, or tiers, you know, well, because I travel and there's like, you know, because I travel for a job and I'm going to need to have a vaccine to go around and do my job.

I mean, whether I love it or not, and I don't love it. And I've been very open about my concerns about it. At the end of the day, I'm going to have a choice between probably doing my job, traveling and leaving this country to do my job and doing it all around the country or getting this vaccine, probably going to have to eventually get it.

That's what it seems like. I don't know. Ben's wife got it. She's fine. Yeah, she felt weird though. Yeah, no, listen, it's gonna make you feel weird, you know? But this apparently in Jersey, you could just kind of show up smoking butts

and you get the vaccine. You have to be a resident of Jersey. So I can't, I mean, California is such a goddamn mess. God only knows how they're gonna dole out the vaccine here. I mean, God only knows how they're going to fuck that up. I mean, California tears will make no sense. They'll just be like, all right, first, we're giving it to TikTokers.

Second, surfers. You know, third, people with an eye twitch, which would be me, I have an eye twitch. So I don't know how they're gonna rationalize who gets it, when and where they get it. A lot of people don't want it. I don't love it, but at the end of the day, I don't think I'll be able to get on a plane

to go do comedy in London or Australia or any of these places without this vaccine. This is what I'm imagining. I don't know. Supposedly they're coming up with an immunity passport. These are things that are being bandied about. And I do wanna leave my fucking home eventually. I mean, it is time, isn't it?

In the next few months, I think eventually, after all these, now we have the mutant strain and there's 15 more strains and the Andromeda strain is coming. I mean, it's never gonna end here. But eventually people are gonna need to leave their houses because my friends are losing their mind. My friend called me the other day

and goes, I want 250 grand cash, which I don't have. She goes, I want 250 grand cash. She goes, I want it so we can start investing in properties together. I'm like, what are you saying? What are you talking about? She goes, just give me a quarter million. We would start investing in properties.

What are you doing? Me and him, I almost got taken in a land lease scam in New York. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So now here's the deal. I saw this condo in Manhattan for 215,000. I love New York. I'm like, I'd like to own a condo in New York

and it would go up in value. And I'm like, how bad is New York on? I'm like, 215,000 from Midtown Manhattan. What the fuck's going on over there? I knew there was an exodus, but Christ, right? How bad could it be? What are you just getting stabbed on the way into the building?

215,000? Benjamin, explain to them, I almost got taken. And by the way, if you look at me, I am the guy they hope buys this because when I walk into an office, this is the pitch that they make to me. This land lease scam that Ben understands, even a little better than I do.

So it was a, first of all, very important. It has to be cash only all up front. Cash only because banks, and this is a bread flag, will not finance this type of transaction. Now me, I'm an idiot. So I see that and I go, cash only. They want the big rollers. I'm in.

Like they're like, they want a certain type of people. I think I even said to him, I'm like, I think they want a certain type of people. I'm already putting my foot in the door to get robbed. Do you see what an idiot I am? Do you see what an idiot I am? Because I'm a salesman and salesmen are easily sold. If you were a salesman out there, you're easily sold.

It's true. So the land lease is essentially, the building does not own the land that it sits on. So you can never technically own the apartment. It can go up in price at any point. The homeowners dues, which are monthly, can double, triple, quadruple, doesn't matter. And it gets reassessed every five to 10 years.

So interestingly enough, in the 60s and 70s, Trump Plaza made a deal with the land that the building was on to only pay $1.9 million for the land over the course of 40 years. And in the 70s? Yeah, in the 70s. When that expired, they owed $190 million to own the land.

Because land costs in Manhattan always go up. New York land costs go up. So they raised the money. Everyone in the building raised the money. All the criminals living in Trump Plaza raised the money. Because otherwise you could lose the unit completely and lose all the money. Yeah, completely.

Because all the land gets forfeited back to whoever owns it, and you're fucked. But the people in Trump Plaza were able to raise $190 million, so that they were square. Well, we're not going to be doing that over at the fucking, what was this place called? It was Carnegie House. Carnegie House.

And they have all these, and it's on billionaires' roads. On 57th Street, billionaires' road. And I'm an idiot because I'm telling Ben, I'm like, you see, I said a lot of people are just not on Zillow trying to get these deals. But I'm on it because I'm smart. That's the great article right there. Which one is it?

Right there, the $99,000 one bedrooms on billionaires' road. Yeah, this was it. Carnegie House. This is yet. $100,000 studios on billionaires' road, highly desirable apartments, and people are racing to unload. Why? And then they explain to you.

In the case of Carnegie House, it turns out it's straightforward. It's a land lease building, meaning the building doesn't own the ground beneath its foundation. The arrangement is fairly rare. There are only 100 land lease buildings in the city and means that the building's owners have to pay rent to the developers, which in a co-op building, of course, means that the shareholding residents who pay ground rent,

in addition to their typical monthly maintenance fees, real estate tax and any operational costs. So if the ground lease expires and is renewed at a much higher rate, the monthly's can double or triple. Land leases can reset as often as every 5, 10, 15 years as the building and the property underneath is reappraised when they do. So this is what is, I almost got robbed because I'm an idiot.

Now, they would have explained this to me, but I'm such a moron that I was actually looking at this as like a good investment. And I'm the type of guy that they dream of. Because when I walk in to the real estate thing and I go, listen, I found a good deal. I know how this works. I pay attention.

I got my ear to the ground. 2.15, I'll go in there. Maybe we do a cash deal. Who knows? They look at me and they go, right. They go, OK, so it's a land lease, and that means that whatever, in a couple of years, they reset the monthly's, it can go up,

but anything can go up, right? They go, hey, 15 years, 20 years, who cares? They go, this guy, get him another steak. Get him another steak. You want a light? Light up a cigarette. Get him a steak. He doesn't care about what happens in 20 years.

You don't care what happens in five years. It doesn't matter. You're happy in the moment. Buy it. You're a big dog. You're living on Billionaire's Row. Why about how much it costs? I mean, there's so many ways to try to sucker me into that deal.

Thank God Ben was here and smart and able to. See, I just said white power. Didn't even mean to. I just went like this. I was trying to make a point, but this is white power now. This is screenshot that. They will screenshot that and they'll say I was trying to do white power.

All my enemies, of which there's like two enemies I have that write about me that make like $8,000 a year to write about my podcast every day. It's like, great. The true, the true threat to America, the Tim Dillon show, the alt-right podcast that has never, ever talked about anything remotely alt-right. It's amazing.

But again, it must be so comforting to just live in a reality that there's no resemblance to the one on this planet. And that's what many people have been doing. And they've made Lewis Gomez a political figure. They've made Lewis Gomez into like a divisive political agitator. And hey, man, whatever works, whatever makes you that 85, 9,000 a year that you earn writing

about comedy as if it's the most important thing when we all know that it's pretty unimportant. Adam from Red Scare was very interesting. I want to get her on the show because she made a great point about Me Too and that like the unquestioning nature of Me Too, not that there wasn't a lot of real shit happening clearly, but the unquestioning nature of it was really like lays the groundwork

for this sort of like social compliance. That everybody, like the highest virtue in America will just be compliance. People going, yes, that person is bad. This person is good. Whatever the body politic, whatever feelings and thoughts and ideas and opinions we all may have, we're going to subjugate them.

And we're always going to take instructions from this tech, media, industrial complex now that will feed us our beliefs. They will feed us our thoughts. And we will regurgitate them because we all live in fear of being on the outside of that mainstream acceptable. And that's obviously the other side of that

is like let's not storm the Capitol with horns and let's not burn down federal courthouses in Portland or Seattle. But the intellectual response to all of this has been pretty frightening. The people whose job is to think have shut their minds off. Pretty terrifying. And they've fallen on both sides of a binary.

And everything they do just reinforces that binary to the point where the only thing that will happen is some type of violent clash. There is no other option. When nuance, people like me, the purveyors of nuance in a funny way, are attacked. People don't like it. They get angry when you're nuanced.

But if you fall on either side of a binary, they actually like you. The left kind of loves the right. And the right kind of loves the left because they give each other oxygen and a reason to exist. They give each other an enemy. When somebody comes in the middle and goes, hey, what kind of nuance?

And I'm not like a total loser, even though I did just almost get fucking built in a land lease scam in New York, pretty fucking easily off Zillow. I am an idiot. But I'm not a complete loser. And I have a little nuanced point of view. I become the threat. The threat becomes, are you fucking up the binary?

The powers that be love the binary. And the people on either side of the binary love it. So when you fuck it up a little bit, I agree with them, but then I also agree with them. And maybe we shouldn't do this, but maybe we shouldn't also do that. People go, oh fuck, you actually are putting out, putting a way forward of like this could be a new way

to think about things. You're the real problem, you know? But I haven't had COVID. So I haven't really gone through the necessary things. Another thing to talk about last night is Teslas. Everyone that gets a Tesla thinks they're part of the development team at SpaceX. I've never seen a product like this

where you buy the product and you become also a spokesman for the product. It's not enough that you own a Tesla. Everyone around you needs to know about the Tesla, what it can do, what Elon Musk is up to, what the Starlink satellite system is to, it's a fucking car. Yes, it's electric, maybe it's the future,

but who gives a fuck? Why are you going and ruining my night? Never shutting up, oh the cyber truck's coming out and you know what that, no one, no, shut up. It's a $37,000 car, okay? A public school teacher could afford it. It's not impressive, it is what it is. It's just a fucking car.

I get it, you drive an iPhone around, it's got all the bells and whistles, it's self-driving, I like driving. All these idiots are like, well, you don't even have to drive, you're gonna sit in your car. And what are you doing? What are you doing? Working on a hedge fund?

Drive, there's nothing else to do. Well, you could self-drive. Yeah, we know why you drunk. We know what you want to do, you drug addict. Yeah, you could self-drive, so you could cut lines of coke on a fucking CD case or whatever, or whatever you have. Yeah, that's a reference from a long time ago, but I bet those people still have those fucking,

I used to do it on a Jim Blossom CD. But that's my point, I don't have problems with Tesla owners, but everybody thinks that they start talking about Elon Musk and they start talking about the stock price? The stock price? You think I ever bought a car and I'm like, well Ford is actually up because of,

you're not part of it, you own a car, you're not part of the thing, it's really frustrating when people with Teslas don't understand that you're just buying a fucking car. It's a weird cult that you need to convert everybody else into, everybody needs to know how cool Teslas are, like somebody I know has one they just looked at me, they're like,

they're the future, like very seriously, they're the future, it's like, hey, why don't you shut up about the future, okay? It's a cool electric car, other companies will come out with cars to compete with Tesla, Jags doing it, Ford's doing it, a lot of people will do it. Teslas will still probably be always maybe the coolest or not, I don't know, but Elon Musk is a little annoying

and I'm sick of him doing his Starlink satellites, I don't even know what the fuck they do, but they make me think it's a UFO. I think the planet's being invaded and we're all gonna get colonized and raped and I get so excited, and then when I find out it's just this motherfucker goofing off, I get upset. So if you own a Tesla, congrats,

but please just pipe down, it becomes like the COVID thing, you're like, you don't understand. I understand, no, I know it's, no, the car drives itself, you put on self-driving, it drives itself and soon in a year it'll have full self-driving. Well, why even get in the car? Why doesn't the car just go to fucking Ralph's for you? Why doesn't the car fuck your wife?

Why do you have to be even be in the car? Why doesn't the car go to the meeting and say the bullshit things you're gonna say? Well, it drives itself, I just sit in it, I'm just a passenger. Okay, we get it. We understand that it's fascinating and great and I'm happy about everyone that owns the Tesla,

I'm very happy about it and I'm not shitting on them. I have a nice car, I don't talk about it, because it's boring, no one cares about cars. I don't care about cars. I have a nice car, it's a decent car, it's a fine car. There's better cars than mine. There's cooler cars than mine, it is what it is. It's not a big deal, okay?

My car's also not mine's a gas-guzzling truck, so it's not cool. I don't get to talk about the charger, I don't talk about the Tesla charger all the time. And we're just gonna, they're actually, they have supercharged stations where if you pull up at charges, I hope you start getting shot in the head

at the supercharged Tesla station. Why don't we start doing that? Why don't people start shooting people in the head and taking their money outside the supercharged? Just an idea, wink, free idea. I'm just a little sick of it. I'm not hating on the Tesla people. I was in Rogan's Tesla, it's very cool,

it goes very fast. The ludicrous mode is very fast, I understand that. But where are you going? Where are you going? You don't have anywhere to go. You're going fast to what? What exactly are you doing? Are you gonna chase?

Are you using that car to chase down a man who has just thrown a girl into a van? Is that why you need ludicrous mode? So you can go so fast and then find that van and then fucking beat that guy up and then free that girl? Is that what you're doing? Or are you going to like, I don't know, fucking Dairy Queen? You know, I mean, it's like enough already.

I'm just a little sick. Do you understand my frustration with these people? Of course, it's a weird brainwashed cult of people. Well, but it's people that just wanna talk about, you have a Tesla, you wanna talk about that? You have a Tesla and all you talk about is your Tesla. That's not true. But that's not, I wasn't really going at you.

I was going to a lot of people because he has a Tesla, you know. That's a weird cult of people. Yannis has one, Michael has one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My friend Michael has, they just... They go, you never, you'll never go back. You'll never go back.

What does that mean? I'm already looking at the Lucid Air. It's a better EV. It's coming out in like two years, you know? There's other companies that are making fun of us. You'll never go back. You'll go back. This is just whole thing is like, you'll go back.

It's like, you'll go black, you'll never go back. It's like, maybe that's the case. But with Tesla, I mean, let's stop acting like you've done something. People that have a Tesla act, like they've really done something. They act like they've accomplished something. Now you've accomplished something

because you used to be too drunk to even get in a car. And now you've been sober and you're doing all this. That's great. But it's like, I have a Range Rover. Who cares? Does it matter? I don't talk about it because it's not interesting. The fucking British monsters that own Range Rover

are not trying to help the world, by the way. They lock the car, burns a lot of gas. They lock to sell it to rappers. They lock to sell it to housewives and rappers. That's who drives Range Rovers, housewives and rappers. And I'm half of each. And that's who drives it. But enough with the Tesla shit, like enough with it.

I mean, you're starting to get better about it, but you love talking. At the beginning, I was a little annoying about it. Well, you just love talking to people about it. You know, and it's like, there's other things. You're a fascinating guy. There's other things that you can talk about besides your car, your car.

Your Tesla, yeah, whatever. But it's just, you know. See what I do when I walk in a room? I always give people sort of a dissertation. And I don't say like, oh, the cool thing about the roof is that the sunroof, I don't do that. I tell people, when I walk in a room, I tell people why they are,

why they are where they are in life. And that's what I feel is nice. And I feel like it's the ultimate act of charity to walk in a room and look at someone and identify their weakness and magnify it in front of others. But I am getting a little sick of houses. I'll tell you this, I'm getting a little sick of houses.

We're in this house right now, which is great. It's a regular house. You wouldn't look at it and go, wow, it's a mansion. It's not. It's a perfectly regular suburban California house. It costs a little too much money because California costs too much money. But I don't need more space than this.

It's great. The reason we got this house was there's a large carpeted room that has a studio. And carpet's important for what? The sound, right. So we found this room and most houses do not have old school carpet like this. But it's an old house.

It's like an old house. And the things in it, the handles fall off the doors. And the dishwasher doesn't work. And then you call the landlords who are sweet and you go, hey, can we fix a dishwasher? And they go, well, it's a melee dishwasher, which means that we need a melee technician to come in and otherwise it would void the warranty.

And because of COVID, we can't get one of the technicians in and it's been broke for a month. And now what happened with the Wi-Fi? The Wi-Fi, there's a cord in the wall somewhere that's disconnected or under the house or something. We can't get anyone out here for two weeks. You know what happened? My wife, let me tell you, let me tell you something.

My wife came in one day and she goes, the Wi-Fi doesn't work. You know what I did? You know what I did to my wife? I killed my wife. I killed my wife and I buried her in a fucking ground and I pissed on her corpse. Nice.

But now they're coming when? When are they coming, these people? In two weeks. And for anyone wondering, we're doing a hotspot off my phone. That's why we're pulling stuff up. We don't have internet for two weeks. So two weeks, two weeks.

I mean, people that are working from home would die. That's what I told them. I said, I work from home, I'll lose my job. What did they say? They started with the COVID? COVID. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can't get anyone out.

That's a bio, if they tell you. They go, you don't understand. You tell them, we need the Wi-Fi because I'm dying. I have terminal cancer. They go, it doesn't matter. You don't know. It's bananas that we have to like, we have to keep tiptoeing around.

But now I'm looking at, you know, I also don't have a life to fill the suburbs. Let's be very honest. He has a wife and a Tesla and they have a, you know, it's a life, two dogs. I'm just a lone ranger here. So I live in an area where everyone is families and you know, they all have lives.

I just, I'm a person. So I think my next move is gonna be like a nice apartment building. Get like a one or two bedroom apartment. I want modern. Like I always hated modern. Now I want ultra-modern. I want everything to be modern.

I want no problem with the Wi-Fi. I want a lap pool to swim every day. I want like a fitness set because I think after COVID, which there will be an after COVID. I know people are like, no, there will be. No, people who work from home forever. How are they gonna get their dick sucked? They're gonna get fucked by meeting people at their jobs.

People have not like, you can't just run everything out of your fucking basement. You're gonna have to go back out there eventually. And like, there's gonna be, I think that, you know, people are gonna realize in a few years if you don't have a life to really fill the suburbs, you know, or fill your house up with a look. Like you go and you get just a nice apartment.

Some of these buildings are really high-end buildings that have everything that you could ever want. They've got maid service. You know, all these cool things that are kind of baked into it. Some of them are furnished. I furnished this house. I don't wanna, I don't wanna do any of that.

Some people love having a house tinkering around, doing this, doing that. To me, it's never been exciting. I just wanna be funny. My job's difficult enough to stay funny and whatever. Stay sane that I don't wanna, I don't need to like walk around the house and be like, what's wrong today?

This is a fun project. It's not a fun project. You know what I mean? A fun project for me is trying to figure out, you know, who I know in the business is next gonna end up on the cover of the LA Times. That's enough of a project. I don't need to be tinkering around with door handles, okay?

So that's my point. My point is that I think after this year leases up, I'm done with these old houses. I'm done with the charm. I might be done with the suburbs and I head in LA's all suburbs, but like head into more of an area of like a modern building with some amenities

and just kind of go into that space age type of, you know, I don't know, blink your eyes and the curtain goes down or something. Some of that shit is cool. Some of this old fucking like, charm is really what you say about something when it's just dated. And I like dated stuff,

but charm and dated go hand in hand. Like this shit's just, the house I'm living in was probably the shit 20 years ago, or maybe not even, but whatever it's a cool house. I'm not complaining about it. There's people that are facing evictions and shit like that. I'm not trying to be like,

I hate, I don't know, whoa. But it's just annoying when you're living in a place that is, you know, you just can't have wifi, can't have things because there's problems in the walls. It's probably a bunch of brown recluse spiders that are allies of the Airbnb cons, just chewing on the wires in the walls, trying to fuck me up.

That's probably what's going on right now. Or I don't know, or some fucking MAGA black widows that are upset with me because I suggested, and by the way, I'm sorry for going woke last week on Twitter and suggesting that you not bludgeon a cop to death with a fire extinguisher. I do realize that is Hollywood elitism,

and I'll try not to exhibit that behavior again. Although it's hard to get tempted, you know? So many of my friends have pools and you start to think like a Hollywood elite. And I go, what would a Hollywood elite say? You go, hey, don't attack a cop with a fire extinguisher and bludgeon him to death. Now by the way, three months ago,

that was a position that would put me squarely at odds with the left. Now people on the right are angry with me because you don't have to find the tweet. It's fine, it's fine. It's just what it is. People on the right are angry with me because I've suggested that we not harm

the Capitol Police with fire extinguishers. And they're angry with me. And they're like stupid. They're like, yeah, well, it's a revolution. Well, everyone wants a revolution until it's here. It's like, what? You think this is a revolution? How much of a loser are you?

That you think hitting a cop in a face with a fire extinguisher is an actual revolution that's actually gonna happen. You've dedicated your lives and to following around a billionaire who lives in a castle in Florida and you think he's fighting some underground war to free the children that are being eaten by other politicians whom he was friends with

up until three years ago? You've dedicated your entire life for that. And if I say something like, that's probably not the best, huh? You go shut up. You don't understand. Just a country of cults. Country of cults out there, I guess.

I just, I'm trying to avoid the cults. I'm trying to just, you know, it's like a slalom in skiing. You just got to like zip past the cults. Like zip past this, zip past QAnon, zip past Russiagate, zip past Coronavirus, zip past this, zip past COVID. That locked that. It's like anti-masker. You're like, oh, I almost became an anti-masker.

And then I'm like, well, that's kind of stupid. Some people are saying it helps. And I'm not saying you have to have it on all the fucking time. But like, why am I, why is my identity becoming like, telling people not to wear a mask? What is that about? Like I uploaded a photo the other day in Santa Monica. I have a mask on because it's lit.

It's the law here. And I have a mask on and I just, and by the way, I usually put it around my chin so I can breathe and still suck people off on the beach. But I have it on my chin. And then sometimes I put it up when like, I'm walking by like an old part or somebody who's like, gives me a look like it's my,

and then people are like, you're a pussy. You have the fucking mask on. I'm like, your entire identity is become about telling me to not put a mask on. Like that's your entire brain, that small, shriveled up brain in your head. You're funneling all the energy at just getting mad at someone who's wearing a mask

because it's literally the law of the place that they live. And they're trying to be considerate of other people. They're like, there's no scientific proof it works. I'm like, whatever the scientific studies are, whenever we find out what the fuck works and doesn't work, it's gonna be probably years from now. And guess what? It's not gonna be because some scumbag on Twitter

told me it did or didn't work. There's people that actually have degrees that are trying to figure this shit out. And don't spam, I don't even care, just know that your 15-paragraph YouTube comment about masks will be lost on me. I don't love masks, I hate them. I hate wearing them.

I feel like you can't breathe. I don't like them. I get creeped out when I see kids with them when they jog in school. I don't like, I'm the wrong one. But when I go out into public, it seems like the right thing to do to wear a mask. But again, it's Hollywood elitism.

Don't smash the cop with the thing, Hollywood elitism. Hollywood elitism, by the way, the only down-to-earth person left in this country is Donald J. Trump. He's the only one that somehow, he's the only one that's somehow down-to-earth. And I mean, it's a good run. He's had four years and big tech is,

they're not acting up, right? And the walls built and everyone's happy. The kids are all freed, you know? There's parades every day of kids that were victims of human trafficking and they're just like walking up and down the streets. I'm not saying everything Trump did was bad, but I do think it was a little bit of a mixed bag, you know?

Even his supporters, a lot of them that are intelligent and have brains, but now he's like deluding his supporters to like the real hardcore supporters. Like the real hardcore, like the people, the Tesla cult. It's like you have just a cult of people that just wanna talk about how wrong Trump has been and how he's just never had the opportunities to do the things he didn't wanna do

and you'll just never understand. It's just like COVID people, you know? Everybody you'll never understand. So everybody now just, you have to sit there and just go, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause they wanna talk, they talk at you and you just sit there and you go, yeah, yeah, yeah. My aunt Donna texts me every day

that everyone has corona and is dying cause that's what she wants to live in that universe. She wants to live in a universe where it's like terror and fear and fear and terror because the boomers, the boomers need to be under attack. They need to be under attack. So it's either it's MS-13, it's COVID, like something's coming to take everything that they deserve.

And I get it, I love my aunt Donna, but it's like, this is not uncommon to her generation where it's like, these are people that are in love with fear. They love fear and wherever they can get it and they're not, they don't discriminate either. Well, they do discriminate, but they don't discriminate about what kind of fear they want. They'll take it from anywhere.

Give it to them from Fox News, MSNBC, the local bulletin, a fucking something on a pizza place wall, wherever they get it, they don't care. They just wanna be afraid and they wanna be aggrieved. I mean, people are trying to kill us. Everybody's trying to kill us and somebody out there is to blame and this is what? This is the dynamic that they love living in.

That's just what it is. That's the boomer dynamic is just we love fear. They have really attached themselves to fear. They have had it the easiest of maybe any generation to have ever lived ever. And they still somehow find things to complain about. It's kind of impressive. It's just damn fucking impressive

when you could talk to people that all of it, a lot of them have inherited houses, gotten great jobs, were able to go to colleges very cheaply, made it. If they weren't in Vietnam, they kind of skated by without any serious military commitments in their lives unless they were voluntary. Yes, there was boom and bust cycle in the economy and of course they went through

periods of economic hardship, but that's everybody. I mean, there was nothing like the Great Depression and I don't think there was too much like the financial crisis in 2008. I mean, the early seventies were banned, you know, parts of that sucks for different people, but the people I'm talking about kind of skated by, they kind of did really well through all of these things.

And again, they either idolized Trump or hate him. He is the center of their universe in a good or a bad way. And because again, they want, it's either Rachel Maddow or Tucker Carlson. It is a fear-based kind of end of life. We don't know what else to do. We've done it all. All the hippie bullshit never was realized.

Any of that stuff never really happened. We all became yuppies. And then we all bought houses in the suburbs and then we are all now, you know, huddled in these houses in the suburbs and angry and just looking outside the windows. There are people coming to kill us and we got to defend our, you know.

So I get it, but I mean, it's just like, that's part of why I like the suburbs. I like living in this house, but I wonder if, I wonder if I could live in like a modern apartment because my goal would be to kind of live in that modern apartment and still keep that fear and that anger from the suburbs and bring it into the city.

Keep that fear, that sense of being aggrieved, that sense of perpetual victimhood, that sense of just churning, angry, violent, nasty, entitlement and bring it into this kind of modern communal living situation and one by one poison everybody that lives there, one by one, you know. But listen, folks, here's the reality.

You shouldn't talk if you haven't had COVID. Everything's about, you should just have COVID. And if you don't have it, make it up that you had it. Because I know people now that are almost provably doing that. They're provably making up that they had COVID and they're medicating COVID with things like Percocet, which is not a prescribed thing.

And then they're saying things that have nothing to do with COVID, like they're saying, yeah, I had a physical fight with, I beat up my boyfriend, COVID. I beat up my girlfriend, hey, I threw my wife down the stairs. You know how it goes, COVID. So that's where we're at now.

If you haven't had COVID, invent that you've had COVID because no one's gonna take you seriously. So as of right now, I'm gonna let everyone know, last week I beat COVID. I punched my mother in the face. I robbed the bank. I bought a bunch of guns. I went to the Capitol and I stormed in

and I went and I put a fucking pen and I held Nancy Pelosi and I held the pen to her neck. And you know why? Because COVID, good night.