The Tim Dillon Show - 236 - I Love My Family

Episode Date: January 24, 2021

On Timothy's birthday, he only wishes to express his deep love for a family member, why he almost bought a tarantula, and the reason dog shelters are actually bad for the pet community. The second half was recorded after an episode Tim did with Lex Fridman, which will be coming out soon on Lex's channel.   Bonus Episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE ▶▶ https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dillon-show/ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS:   🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim30 to save 30% ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co ⚓ NICK DAVIS'S PODCAST (BELOW DECK) ▶▶ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-below-deck-podcast/id1216741721 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off 💊 MASF SUPPLEMENTS ▶▶ https://masfsupplements.com/ use code TIMD for 10% OFF   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. We are recording this on January 22nd, Friday. My birthday, I'm 17 years old, and I really have to start taking life seriously now. I spoke to my parents and we're gonna look at colleges and we're very excited and just everything, the future is bright and I have my entire life ahead of me. I put up on my Instagram that come pig photo

from a sketch I did years ago. Okay, look at that, Eli Roth, happy birthday to Q. Very fun. I put that up and I said, today's my birthday, I wanna thank my parents for all their support. This is what you created, enjoy it. And my aunt wrote a comment and the comment, let's not find it.

And the comment was, and my cousin sent me the comment, the comment was, the saddest part is that you have your grandfather's name and you don't care at all and you care nothing about his legacy. Very, very nasty comment, very, very nasty comment. And you know me, I hate to bring family drama on the show. I hate that, I don't do it, you can get this down.

I really don't do it, okay? My aunt Kathleen, by the way, comes from me on Instagram, brings up my grandfather and insults me on the day of my birth. Now, let's get something straight, you bum bitch. Didn't you fake a drug overdose? Didn't you fake a suicide attempt?

I keenly remember you faking that you overdosed on drugs and you were taken to a hospital in an ambulance in front of your mother, who had just dealt with grandpa's death. What part of grandpa's legacy were you honoring with that behavior? What part of it? Do you remember that?

I remember you going to a hospital and then having the entire family go worried about you, not me, but other people, because I know what you're up to, you clown bitch. They went to the hospital and said, what drugs is she on, doctor? And the doctor goes, there are no drugs in her system. She literally pretended to be unconscious

so then an ambulance went to the home, put her in it and drove her to the hospital, scaring her mother half to death. Grandpa's legacy, okay. What part of grandpa's legacy were you thinking about when you took his money for law school and then never practiced law and were fired multiple times by multiple law firms

all over Long Island because you're mentally ill, forcing your father to set up a pretend law office for you in your basement that you pretend to be a lawyer in. You added a phone line to the house to pretend to be an attorney. What part of the legacy is that? What part of the legacy is borrowing money from your more successful brothers and sisters

and not paying any of it back while you sit around the house doing Percocet and drinking white wine? What part of the legacy is that? Are you honoring his days as a carpenter? Is that what you're honoring by sitting around and getting junked up on the couch pretending to OD? And by the way, the lifestyle you live,

you don't even have to pretend, okay. You can't even do that right. So I'm just wondering why you would bring up my grandfather who I have all the respect in the world for a legendary character, patriarch of an amazing family, rose from poverty and all these things. Why come on my Instagram and say anything negative

and bring up a guy who every day with your life and your choices, where is his legacy in mind? Kathleen, and I know you watch this, okay. In between reading Q-Drops and letting Fox News broil your already vikin' and addled brain, okay. It's the wrong day, Kathleen. I'm the wrong one. You know that.

I blocked you on the family, I got a new phone to get to the family fucking group text because you kept texting people about all the dishes they have to do when they come to the family parties. Bitch, no one's coming anymore. No one cares. I don't wanna be near you. You should be in a padded room.

How my mother is in an asylum and you have somehow escaped it is beyond me and it's beyond everybody. You are a disgrace. Drug addict, potentially closeted lesbian. You've never moved out of the house. Nobody respects you. You are a pedophile probably.

You are gross around kids. Nobody wants you fucking taking baths with their fucking kids. You're a fucking weirdo. They gotta watch you like fucking Epstein. So don't keep my name out of your mouth, okay. Pedophile drug addict. This is the fake business mug.

And the fake business mug is not on sale anymore. No, it's still for sale. Oh, it is for sale. It's till the 28th, yeah. I just thought it was a bit rude how she came from me, brought up my grandfather, said something very nasty to me. I mean, what part of my grandfather's legacy do you honor by not working?

This is a guy that worked every day of his life. So you don't work, you don't have a family, you steal money, you fake drug overdoses, you're a moral degenerate, you have no respect for people, you drive wedges in between people and the family, and you attack successful people and the family. My grandfather did none of those things. He was a devoutly religious, incredibly generous,

brilliant, hard worker who raised an entire family. You are the exact opposite of all of those things, all of those things, okay? Every one of them. I blocked you, I got a new phone to get out of the group chat because I didn't wanna deal with your constant terrorism or updating me like, hey, little Tom got his license. Hey, who gives a fuck, dummy?

Get a job, get a fucking job, I have a job. Why don't you get a job? Stop worrying about who got their license. Nobody wants you near their family, you fucking freak. Where's your man, bitch? Where's your woman? Where's anything? What are you doing?

I mean, let's get real. I mean, this is a woman who does nothing but attack, attack, attack. And by the way, fuck my family, and I like some of them. But, and then my aunt goes like this, she goes like this, she goes, she goes, oh, well, you know, if I bump, she's told this to somebody else

because if I bumped into him, I'd really give him a piece of my mind. How are you gonna bump into me, bitch? I don't live in your kitchen, okay? You've never left, you've never left home. I'm in Malibu, ho, how am I gonna bump into you? Okay, buying tampaks at the local CVS for your barren, childless vagina?

How would we ever bump heads together? Keep my name out of your mouth. Scumbag, you're a degenerate. You're a moral, this isn't even a podcast anymore. I'm talking directly to you. You are a failure and a moral degenerate, okay? Come pig from a sketch a few years ago on my chest is a funny dumb joke.

You, my friend, are a disgusting nightmare that nobody wants to be around. You're a thief, you've stolen people's money. Haven't you, Kathleen? You've stolen money, haven't you? You know you have. Where's the money, Kathleen? Did you take it?

You took all the money, didn't you? And then you go, and some people in the family would be like, you're being too hard on her. Fuck you too. Hey, fuck you too. You think I give a fuck about any of you? Fuck you, bitch. I have a family, okay?

It's Joe Rogan and Candace Owens. My mother and father give a fuck about you fucking clowns. Go do a fucking Irish step dance. I don't give a shit. This bitch is out of your fucking mind. You are out of your mind. So bring in my grandfather, my Instagram, trying to knock me like that.

It's a shitty thing to do, especially from you, who's accomplished zero in your entire fucking life. So that's kind of how I wanted to start off the show. Because I just, and it's not the whole show, but I just want to get it out in the open, the way that I feel about this woman, who just every opportunity she tries to neg me and she does it on a public forum.

And I will do it now on a public forum too. So I apologize, and I would be worried that you'd sue me, but you don't know how to practice law. You're not a real lawyer, are you? Because you work from a basement and you have pretend clients. You set up a care bear you had from when you were fucking nine and you still have because you never left your house

and you go, hello, Mr. Care Bear, did you have a Dewey? Well, let's look at your options. You're a clown, bitch. No one takes you seriously. You should be getting electroshock therapy. Bitch, if it was a years ago, you'd be Rosemary Kennedy, you'd have your, and I know, I know, I'm not making fun of the mentally ill,

but my mother's a fucking nut and I know who these people are. And I know that your boyfriend, Donald Trump, is out of office now and trust the plan never happened. And you couldn't storm the Capitol because it's too far away from the fucking house. You've never left. You're a joke to everyone.

So if you come on my page again, I'm just gonna do this again. I'm just gonna keep reminding the hundreds of thousands of people that listen to me, some of whom who may know you, what an absolute scumbag you are and how much of a disgusting pig you continue to be for this all this time.

So keep going at me, please, please. Other than that, I feel good. I'm excited about the year. I'm excited about, I think the important things in life are friends and family, which is ironic because we just did that. But I feel like I love the people in my life and that's so great.

And I think that many of you right now have family members, maybe not like mine, disgusting pedophile degenerates. But some of you are like, hey man, I feel this way about a family member. Tell them, tell them, get them out of your life. Let 2021 be the year of fuck it. It's not all about Trump anymore.

It's not all about politics. Let's go back to hating the people you know. Hating the people you have a reason to. You know, my other aunt who I love, my aunt Donna called me. She goes, you know, Biden got inaugurated. Me and my husband were out. We were bird watching.

We saw a hawk. And I'm like, oh, that zest for life. You could have had it the last four years. You let someone rob you of that. You sat and watched CNN for four years. You could have, there were birds, there were birds. The hawks were in the trees. You could have watched it for four years,

but instead you're like, no, I wanna just key into this. Literally nothing has changed. I mean, nothing, nothing. From Trump to Biden really in a span of hours, very little has changed. Biden signed some executive orders, which is great. You know, I would prefer if he signed an executive order to put my aunt in a mental institution,

but we're still waiting on that. We're still petitioning. But I mean, do you think I went a little too far? But I don't think so. You have a great amount of respect for your grandfather. You've talked about him endlessly. Yeah, and it's just. That's a fucked up thing to say on your page.

It's a very fucked up thing to say on the day of my birth. It's fucked up. It's a very fucked up thing to say, especially from some weird sexually dysfunction at degenerate thief drug addict. That's all. What did Jordan Peters say? Clean your room.

Clean your room. Clean your room, calf. Think I care? Think I give a fuck? Where am I gonna bump into you? Dummy, Brentwood, Beverly Hills, okay? I live in $190 million estate in Beverly Hills, you stupid bitch.

You dumb? I paid $190 million bitcoin for an estate that I live in in Bentley Rolls Royce Village, Bentley Heights. He's laughing because he doesn't even know where the fuck it is because he's dumb and poor. I live in Rolls Royce, a stan. And you don't, you live at home. Her whole life is like an after school special

that went incredibly wrong, you know? My mother, by the way, here's a fun story about her. I hope you're still listening. And by the way, Kathleen, I hope this doesn't affect your ability to buy the Ridge Wallet, which is a great compact wallet where you could keep the card of a real attorney and your debit card, which your parents pay for, your 50.

My mother, she was kind of a ballerina back in the day. She like tried to do things before she had a mental break. And my mother saw her once backstage at a show, like after she, and she was just like chugging a bottle of booze, she was 12. Oh, really? Yeah, she was like 12 or 13. She was like hitting a bottle of booze.

So again, again, hey, clean it up, clean it up, okay? Thanks, the Irish are discussed. Let's be very honest about the Irish. Lots of problems, lots of problems with the Irish. I love them, I am them, lots of issues. Clean it up, please, clean it up. It's the wrong thing to say. And I think what I did was a proportional response.

I didn't want to be too, I didn't want to be too crazy about it, you know? Oh, you're gonna go tell my stepmother and my daddy? You're gonna go cry? I don't care, I don't care. Go get all of them on your side. Go tell them all that Timmy said a bunch of mean things. You think I give a flying fuck, dummy?

I'm trying to get Arab money, Jew money. I'm not fucking potato farmer, fucking money. Think I give a fuck? You tell a bunch of cops and a bunch of fucking storytelling mix that you don't like me. You could all sit around, hard, hard, hard, hard, hard, hard, hard, hard, hard. Go away, go away.

I have a new name, Tim Mohamed Steinkoen. I'm Tim Mohamed Steinkoen. Do you understand me? I, yes, I have light skin. Yes, I have rosacea. Yes, I have eczema. Yes, something that looks like maybe plexoriasis. Yes, I have skin flakes.

Yes, I have, I'm a drug addict. Yes, I have many problems that would associate me with the Irish, but I am converting to both Islam and Judaism in Los Angeles, Tim Mohamed Steinkoen. That is my name. I am a Muslim and I am a Jew. I am on the corner, I am on the West Bank. I have one foot with the rock throwers

and one foot with the colonizers, you see? Just straddling, just straddling that. Because I have left, I'm leaving the Irish because I'm sick of them. This isn't Lord of the Rings, a little sick of it. But anyway, that's my, and we have so much else to cover on the program, but that's my opening. And the only reason I do that is the only reason

I do that is that I want the best for her. I want the best for her. And this is what people don't understand. So many people are unwilling to take criticism. And what I just did there was I delivered some criticism because I feel like if she takes it, and we will probably hear from attorneys. Ben now, man, Ben refreshes his email like this, like,

oh boy, who is it today? Is it at the Airbnb people? Is it this one? Is it that one? But we have a great First Amendment attorney and I believe that I should be able to say what I want to say. And I believe that other people

should be able to say what they want to say. So have at it Kathleen or whoever. But yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, some of, you know, really what I'm saying about this woman is that I felt her comment was inappropriate. I felt her comment was inappropriate. And I felt her behavior in life doesn't really suggest the type of stable human being

that should be critiquing me, who's gone out and just tried to make a people chuckle. I just want to make people laugh. I'm not trying to put them in jail. Didn't you work with the DA's office for a while just putting people in jail, giving people deweys, and you would just drive drunk to that job?

Didn't the irony ever get to you that you were a drug addict, putting other drug addicts in jail just because they were black or brown? Didn't that irony ever get to you? You thought you were a member of the Department of Homeland Security because you had to go through some background check

to do some job. What did you do again? Provide legal cover so that the FBI could torture 16-year-old Iraqi kids, try to find out where their parents were. How do you sleep at night? How do you sleep at night? And I don't want you to kill yourself

after hearing all this because we know you won't. We know you'll just fake it like you did last time, like you did last time. And people wanted to grab you out of that bed if you were laying in, pretending to be dead. They wanted to grab you and kill you. So anyway, I have a new family. Can you inquire about legally changing my name

to Tim Muhammad Steinkoen? Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you. Because I'm trying to reconnect with my Persian roots. I want to be a Persian. I want to be a Persian. I want to be a jeweler.

I don't, I hate this. I mean, everyone's too emo. I was talking to Devon the other night and we were kind of talking about that. They're like, people are so emo now that sociopaths get a bad rap. They really do. People that can compartmentalize their emotions.

Everyone's like, that's a sociopath. But I've never heard the word sociopath more than I've heard it in the last few years. Always being leveled at people by absolute pussies who can't control their emotions at all. Sociopath, that guy's a sociopath. Why? Cause they don't cry and bitch and moan all the goddamn time.

Who cares? You know? Is that what a sociopath is? Is that a sociopath? Okay. I don't understand. I look at so many men especially that are just completely fragile, fall apart,

ice castles, ready to melt. What about that is good? What about that is what we want as a society? Both men and women. And women are now told they should be sociopaths. Yes. Be a girl boss and step on his neck. But men are being told that any, you know,

whether they exhibit any signs of aggression or any signs of like competitiveness, they're a psychotic and it's toxic. It's toxic, but if a woman does it, she's a boss bitch. I don't feel that's a sustainable way forward. Let everybody be a boss bitch. Let everybody, let everybody go out there and compartmentalize a little bit.

You can't fall down all the time and go, you know, just be like, I just can't even. You have to reign it in. Be a little tougher. You know what I mean? You know? I mean, my tirade this morning was entertaining, sure. And there's a lot of it, all of it really, that's true.

And I don't mean she's a pedophile. I'm not saying she's a pedophile. I just, you don't want to near your care. I mean, it's just be real. Let's just be real. You just don't, you just don't. This is a woman who gave me a lecture about smoking a cigarette

that I shouldn't smoke while smoking. So this is the cognitive dissonance that operates in her drug-addled brain. So I mean, again, this is just, I just think we need to, you know, go back to a time when we can respect each other and love each other and walk in the light of Christ. And I just feel like when you're making a comment

on my comp against the grandpost and it is not nice, you are not walking in the light of Christ. Okay? I mean, bring up my grandfather, you're bringing up words like, what's your legacy gonna be? By the way, have you thought about that one? Have you thought about your legacy?

Do you have any understanding of the way you're viewed while you're here? Can you imagine what people will have the freedom to say when you're not here? I mean, wow. But people like her live forever. They live forever and torture everyone. It's true.

People like that. My friend's father was a great guy. He went to love book drugs and never had a job and, you know, cheated on the wife and whatever, maybe smacked or whatever. But, you know, I said to my friend one day, I said, yeah, it's gonna be sad when he passes on. He goes, he'll never die.

He goes, he's had no stress in his life because he's had no actual stress. He just doesn't care about anything. And people like that live forever just torturing everyone around them. Kind of interesting. I still like the guy a lot. That's the point.

You know, the point is that we must kind of coexist together and not lash out. And that's why I'm very disappointed about what I did the first 20 minutes of the show. I'm not going to edit it out. I'm not going to edit it out because I believe in freedom and fairness. And I want to take accountability for my actions.

So I can't edit it out. I cannot edit the 20 minutes of truth that I started the broadcast with today. Even though I want to, I won't do it because I have too much respect for myself and I have to learn from this. I have to grow and be better and change. So by listening to this

and by letting hundreds of thousands of people listen to it and play it and replay it and cut it up into clips and put it out on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook and hopefully get it kicking on some reddits and spread all over the dark web, perhaps, I feel like we will all grow and learn and I will not be able to ever like not see those words. I will really be like, oh, I'm so disappointed in myself

that I said all of that. And if I had edited it out or ignored her comment, I would never have the learning experience that I'll have now by releasing this episode, cutting it up into clips, plugging it on social media, trying to get people to retweet it and potentially tagging her alma mater in any place she may have worked.

And the reason I do that is because I wanna be accountable for my set, do you understand? Absolutely. It's accountability. It's truly accountability. And I'm sorry that you showed up for an episode and you got a family fight. I'm sorry about that.

Many of you have good families where you'll love each other. My family is a bunch of like, look a bog farmer. Bog farmer? Yeah, I don't know what that is, but I think that's what they are. Is that a real thing? What is a bog? Look up what a bog is.

Bog. What is a bog? Let's see here. To cause to sink into or as if into a bog. Impede mire, usually used with down a car. Oh yeah, a car that has gotten bogged down in the mud easy to get bogged down in the details. Yeah, but isn't there something a bog?

Is bog a real word? What is bog in English slang? Maybe that's what I'm using. Maybe so. Its origins are somewhat unclear, but a bog is another word for toilet. Well, we've got it, haven't we? And I love many members of my family

that are really good people and I respect them. And I know that I'm very open about my life and that's not always comfortable for everyone and I wish everyone the best. And it's about time to change the number again. That'll be happening next week. Get on that. Get on the number change.

It's time to change the old number. Hopefully ahead of this episode being released. I don't want to end up in another group text. She is going to hear this and she's going to fly off the wall. She'll send it to everyone. She'll be like, this is crazy. I can't believe he said this.

She'll really start. Hey man. Hey man. We're just doing a little business. Don't be mad at me, right? Don't be mad at me. I didn't do it. I didn't attack someone on their birthday,

on their Instagram. I didn't do it. You did it. You did it. And that's unfortunate, but that's okay. I don't care anymore about family party. I will never, now I don't think I'll ever attend it. I don't think I can attend like another family event.

I have to create a new family. That's so exciting. That's so exciting. And it will be Arabs and Jews. Arabs and Jews. People that own real estate and people that sell diamonds. Arabs and Jews. Arabs and Jews.

They don't get along, but they're not cops and firefighters. Arabs and Jews. Arabs and Jews. They're not pigs with flesh diseases like my Irish pig family. I will work for a Persian or a Jew. Arabs and Jews.

Beverly Hills. Tanner Pell. I don't care. Kind of cold. Do business with their family if you fuck them over. You're getting sued. I love Arabs and Jews. I wish I was an Arab or a Jew.

I hate Italians too. But I'm not one of those sauce monkeys. All right, folks, we are back. This is recorded on two different days just to break the illusion. You don't want to do that, but we have to. We want to be honest. And the first part of the episode

was recorded because I had just seen the Instagram. I had just seen the Instagram comment. And when Ben walked in, I was like, yo, just get the studio ready. We've got to go. Let's go right now. I've got things to say. I don't even remember what I said, but, you know,

I'm sure when it's live, it'll be something. But who knows? Larry King, RIP, very sad. 87 at LA Hospital three weeks after being transferred from the ICU as he battled COVID after catching it from a health care worker visiting his home. King has been married eight times to seven different women. He's such a gangster.

Why not? Why not? Why not? And not only why, I mean, obviously, there's always a reason, but I mean, eight marriages. I like the idea that he just kept getting married, even though he just, he still liked the day. You know, like he still wanted to have a day.

I like that. You know, we just podcasted with Lex Friedman. What a smart guy. Asks great questions. And the podcast was good. It was only 15 or 16 hours. It's a nice, if you're taking a cross-country road trip, it's a great thing to listen to all the way from New York

to Texas. But he's a great dude. We really appreciate him having us on. And he said that I could lecture at MIT. He might set that up when COVID ends. I could lecture at MIT. At that point, if I got the chance to do that, I mean, just spitting in the face of every academic who

told me that I had to stay in school and do my homework, spitting in the face of family members that have said similar things. The other day, I tried to get a dog. I thought I was going to get a dog. First of all, I was going to get a spider. We were going to try to get a tarantula and put a tarantula on the desk, even though the studio was

really good. We were going to get this guy, the Goliath bird-eating spider. It is the largest spider in the world. It grows to the size of a dinner plate. That's really what it looks like. Yeah, it's very large. And I called Ben, and I said, I think we should drive that to Rancho Cucamonga,

where we found a spider dealer, a tarantula dealer, in an office building in Rancho Cucamonga. And I did a science fair project on spiders when I was a kid. I find them interesting. I liked it. Everyone else is afraid of them. They creep me out, too.

They creep you out because they have the extra two legs. So they walk. You know how it is. Unlike an insect, which is just gross, a spider is terrifying because really the way it moves, nothing really moves like a spider. So that's what freaks people out. And I was thinking about getting a spider.

I mean, this is the stage of quarantine where we're starting to really come apart. You probably notice it out there. In your own life, you start considering things that were inconceivable just 10 months ago, especially in LA. I mean, things are open, and I see people out other places. But in LA, I mean, it's still really, it's shut down. But hopefully that's ending.

I don't even tell me to go to Austin. I got to go to Austin. Maybe. I don't know. But we'll see. Joe Rogan, Elon Musk. First of all, I'd go if somebody there had any money. We sent Elon the Tesla rant that I did.

Yeah, I emailed it. It's all in good fun. It's all in good fun. What did he tweet? He said something about comedy. What did he say? Legalized comedy. Legalized comedy, yeah.

How about legalized buying me a house? Rogan gives Lex Friedman his watch. Lex Friedman can just make his own watch. Hey, why don't you give me something, Joe? You've given me a lot. It's true. But I mean, come on. Lex Friedman gets a watch from Rogan.

How cool is that? Right on the show, Rogan turns around and. This is a watch right here. Look at that. I was on Rogan's podcast yesterday and had on air one of the most special moments of my life. Joe took off his very favorite watch and gifted it to me. To have one of my heroes do that means more than I can put

in the words. I'm not worthy, but I'll work out. Give me $200 on air in front of everyone. Give me $200. I don't need your favorite watch. Give me $200. Let me use your Airbnb account. I'll pay.

Just let me use your Airbnb account. We'll take care of it. So we drive to Rancho Cucamonga to the spider room, which I write. Let's give a shout out to the spider room. The spider room. Hey, Rancho Cucamonga. If you are looking for a spider, this guy is the guy.

Wednesday through Friday. Now we didn't get a spider here, but this guy is the guy. And I've done to do with him. He was great, knowledgeable. All of the spiders look like they're well cared for. You walk in this office building and then it's like a regular company. I don't know what kind of company it is.

It looks like an office where I used to sell mortgages. It's like a small office. And then in one of the rooms, there's just 200 venomous spiders, and this guy rents it out. You know your company's doing well when you have to sublet one of your conference rooms? Not even a conference room. A small office to 200 venomous animals.

But respect. So we go there, and I go in there. And exotic animal people are odd. They just are. I used to go see an anaconda to get fed at DJ's Reptiles at Hicksville, Long Island. They're odd, the exotic animal people. As you would imagine, they're just different.

Something is different about you if you are drawn to snakes and spiders. Usually things aren't going great, for the most part. If you really get into venomous animals, it's not this very rarely do you walk into a reptile shop and go, that guy's fucking gorgeous. Like that doesn't happen. That's just not the people.

It's never like a six-pack Malibu surfer, perfectly tan body, shaggy blonde hair, big titted girlfriend. And they're like, do you want to go to the beach today and then fuck each other senseless? Or do you want to go buy a Madagascar hissing cockroaches and feed it to the spider? I'm just saying. And I was going to buy a spider.

So we go in there. It just seems like most of the people in the trade are, they're like the less successful Joe exotic. You know what I mean? Like they're not, they're not, they don't own a zoo, but whatever. But it seems like that's not an unfair thing to say, right? People that are in there, there's something that you get drawn to spiders.

But God, God love of it. And I mean, they've got scorpions in there and they've got brown widows, brown widows are like cousins of black widows and insanely venomous. It's hilarious. I said to the guy, I go like this, I go, you know, you wouldn't have like Brazilian wandering spiders or something like that, which is like the most venomous spider in the world.

And he goes, no. And I was like, whew, he goes, they all sold out. I'm like, you're selling Brazilian wandering spiders in Rancho Cucamonga. But God love, but God love the people that want to own the most venomous spider in the world. That's a fun crew. So I walked in there.

I like to peek into these worlds, but I don't know that I could, I don't want to be in it. I just want to peer into it. You know, me and Ben walked in and we almost got a Goliath. I have the photo on my phone of the spider we almost bought. If you go get my phone, yeah, we can put it up. I have the spider, the picture of the spider. And we almost bought this spider and the guy tells us,

he goes, listen, I got to be honest. He goes, before you take this thing home, I want to run through some housekeeping with you. I said, okay. He goes, it's going to flick microscopic hairs at you, which we know this is the spider's defense mechanism. And he goes, they're going to get in your throat and your eyes. And he goes, he goes, they just got in my eyes and throat.

And I said, for how long did that last? He goes, nine days. I said, nine days, nine days. So it just flicks the microscopic hairs. You get in your throat, your eyes. It could be a real problem. He also said the fangs are like three-quarter of an inch. They will pierce bone.

This is very odd when you're about to buy something for $175. And the thing that got me was he goes, you feed them one Madagascar-hissed cockroach a week. Even the hairs in the bone piercing were getting to me, but they weren't. It was when he said, you got to get cockroaches, the big hissing cockroach.

And the idea of just driving around in my car with hissing cockroaches in the back, you've just made one purchase and become another type of person. Like you've just spent $175 and literally become a totally different human being than the one you were before, where people start getting worried about you.

Like friends of mine would be worried about me. I'd be like, oh yeah, that's the hissing cockroaches for the spider. They'd be like, hey man, are you all right? I thought things were kind of good. I'm like, no, no, no, no, things are great. I'm just into spiders that can kill me. Now that's what I like.

I like having a tank full of spiders that could kill me. The Goliath cannot kill you. It's venom is, you know, potent to a degree, but it's not like a Brazilian wandering spider or a black widow, brown widow. We were trying to figure out, speaking of spider, we thought we saw a brown recluse the other night in the yard,

but then we went on Google and they're like they don't exist in Southern California. I was reading some forum and one guy is my favorite thing. My favorite thing is just watching anonymous fights sometimes and a doctor, an entomologist, you know, a specialist or whatever, you know, or an invertebrate zoologist, whatever study spiders.

The guy goes, hey man, there are no speed, there's no brown recluses in Southern California. There's a Chilean recluse, there's just no brown recluses. And then one guy just right under it goes, hey, hey, fuck you, I was bitten woodland hills. That just made me laugh so hard. Hey, fuck you. So we don't know if there are actually

brown recluses here or not. I'm sure people will now chime in and be like, no, I was bitten by, but people are also idiots and have no idea. Like I'm sure people go in and go, is this a brown recluse bite? And the doctor goes, that's a gunshot wound. You were shot.

Look, oh, but we walked out of the spider room and we went to a puppy adoption. So they said, maybe I'll get a puppy. An animal shelter, yeah. An animal shelter, which I gotta be honest, and this is a little controversial here. And I don't, I know that it's to help them. And I want everyone to get help,

but it is not a real fun way to get a fucking dog, is it? Can we be honest? These dogs are homeless. They're like four years old. They're not puppies. The people that are showing you the dogs also look like they need a fair amount of help. I mean, it's just bad.

And you sit there and they bring the dog out and it's very sad because they brought out a husky and a husky's family to return them because he was getting territorial with a baby. And they didn't have the time, you know, people in L.A. are so goddamn selfish. They didn't have the time to throw a frisbee with the poor husky, so they brought him back.

It's fucking tragic. Isn't it really sad? It's very sad. And then they brought out a shepherd before the husky. And again, they're beautiful dogs, but they're aloof. And you could tell they've been through it a little. They've been through it a little, you know? I tend to think a lady in the tramp,

you know, where they come out of the nice box and they pop out on Christmas morning, you know? They bring out these like damaged, skittish dogs. And I immediately try to be a little funny, which they don't like humor. They hate humor, these people. She goes, what are the important qualities of a dog? And I said, one that can swallow the most cocaine.

That's funny. What's wrong with her? This woman gives me a look. I said, I'm kidding, I'm a comedian. She goes, oh, I'm just joking. But I don't have the time to devote to a puppy. And it's sad. And cause I will, here's the thing about me.

I know, this is why I can't adopt anything. I will bring it back. Like I'm the guy that brings it right back. I'll bring it right back. First sign of a problem. I mean, literally the first sign of a problem, I will show up and they know that about me, which is why they make every dog sound horrible.

Every dog, cause they look at me and they go, he's the guy that brings it back. Dude, every dog, they were like, it might kill a baby. I'm like, I didn't even ask that. They just don't want me to adopt it. Cause they know like the first sign of trouble, I'm like, you're out of here. I'll just, he's back.

They'll be like, you had him for six hours. I'm like, the dog went crazy. He got into something. But it's sad that there are so many dogs out there and they're not cared for, but I can't take on the responsibility of having a dog unless I have the time. And I'm going to travel a lot coming up.

We have new dates on the road all over the place. We're in Pennsylvania and Baltimore, Maryland. And we are in Chicago and we're in Austin and we're in a bunch of other places. And the dates are on the website and the website is getting redone. So we're putting stuff, we're putting stuff up little by little.

We're trying to get everything out there, but we're going to be on the road. So I don't have the time to really deal with a dog. I don't have the time to really devote myself to an animal. And I got to be honest with you, this is going to sound horrible. And I hate admitting this. I want a purebred puppy who's very cute and very happy.

Do you see what I mean? Is that controversial to say? No, some people just get mad if then you went to like a puppy mill or something like that. What is a puppy mill? You know, where they make the dogs, you know, they, the dogs die, they're all inbred. It's not good.

It's really not good. So you go to a breeder. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. They're breeding dogs. They're using them to make money off of them. But a lot of time the living conditions aren't that good. And there's so many dogs that need homes anyway,

like and purebred dogs. You're against the purebred. You think people should just get rescues. Probably. But they're losers, the rescues. I mean, let's be very honest. And you don't want them around your children because many of them will attack your children.

That's true. This is true. If they were beaten and they were homeless and, you know, then yeah, no good. I think they should make up lies about where the dogs were because the woman was like, we don't know where this dog came from. I'm like, just make it up.

Just make up a lie about where it came from that makes me want to adopt this dog. Right. But I want like a purebred puppy that's from a breeder who's, you know. I get it. I totally get it. They have a lot of problems.

They don't live very long. The purebred. Yeah, yeah. Perfect. That probably describes me. I want a thug dog that I can have fun with for a few years and then I mean, how long is your three-legged dog? You have a three-legged dog.

How old is it? Emma is nine now. Yeah, she's old. Isn't that insane? Yeah. I think she'll live till she's like 13. But that's absurd. To me, I get a purebred St. Bernard eight years.

I'm just saying, I'm not trying to, you know, I just really want a dog, but I don't want to really take care of it. And I don't want one of these mixed breed, homeless baby killers, which is rescue dogs, I believe are homeless baby killers of uncertain origin. And I'm just wondering why you'd bring that into your home.

I don't know. I know adoptions are way up during COVID. So that's been good. Less animals go into kill shelters. What is the kill shelter? I find this interesting. I believe there's a certain amount of time the dog can be in one of these shelters before

then it just gets executed. So if no one wants it after a certain amount of time, they got to make room for more. And then it's just gone. It's a dark job. Working in a dog kill shelter. Who does that? God, that's tough.

That is tough. That's a tough job. Yeah. I still don't want the rescues in my home. Even though it is a tough job, I still think that. Is it, should we, and I'm not trying again, should we maybe outlaw rescuing dogs? Because it's too much of a risk.

Do you know what I mean? In terms of it killing people and babies? Yeah, and just not looking good and everything. Should we maybe not allow people to adopt? Should they go right to the kill shelter? Asking questions, I don't really know. You're more of a dog person. I love dogs, but I just want to understand

this is all supposed to work. So if your dog gets lost and animal control gets it, it should just go right to the kill shelter, essentially. Wow. I mean, loss is interesting. I mean, it has information on it. It can be returned. If it has a chip in it, they scan it.

Well, but it doesn't have a collar where it says it's going. Yeah. Okay, so why would they do that? You don't need to put that dog in a kill shelter. You can return it to its owner. Yeah. Animal control takes it to an animal shelter and then calls you and says you have to pick it up

and then you have to pay money to get it out. I've done that before. Okay, well, then that dog clearly doesn't have to go to a kill shelter. Right. But any dog that gets lost without a collar or a chip should go to the kill shelter is what you're saying. I'm saying this.

This is what I'm saying. Yeah. I think dogs that haven't made the right choices should have to take responsibility. I'm not, I'm saying when you're rescuing a dog, you're adopting a homeless,

mentally ill baby killer, and you're bringing it into your home. When you go to a breeder and you get a purebred animal, you're getting a dog with has a lineage. Maybe their mother or father was a show dog and you spend money, spend thousands of dollars. And when you spend thousands of dollars on something, it's better and you take it more seriously.

Right? Yeah, that's a good point. So I think the problem is the animal shelters are actually the problem. Cause they allow, the reason that you have homeless dogs is cause you have animal shelters. Do you understand?

No, but let's walk this out. Homeless. I don't see a flaw here. I really don't. You got this whole thriving business of people selling homeless pets. They're slinging homeless dog. Go with me on this folks.

They got these people in the shelters slinging these drug mules that they find wandering around parking lots. Shut it down. Shut it down yes or yes. Shut it down. The only people that should get dogs are people who can afford to pay thousands of dollars

to a breeder for a purebred. And yes, it has health problems, but that's also good to assess how serious you are about owning a dog. Because yes, you're gonna get a purebred dog and you're gonna have to take it to the hospital all the time. And that means you're serious about owning a dog.

If you go adopt a homeless baby killer from one of these, you know, one of these fucking animal drug mule, animal shelters, you're like, okay, I just have this and then what it's gonna become a money again. Yeah, true. I just am against rescuing dogs.

I've always been against it. I don't know why that's a controversial position. It seems like it is propping up a system that is really terrible for both the animals and the people. Why are all these stray dogs around? Why? Because of the homeless dog shelter

that makes money, they get money from the state, these people. Yeah, true. The Humane Society, they get money from the state. And cats, I'm including cats. Cats should never be. Cats should survive on the streets. They should never be taken into a shelter.

I agree. Cats are capable, they were gods. Cats were gods at one time in Egypt, true. And now they're taken into these shelters. It's not right. I don't think it's right. I think if you want a dog, you should take it seriously and not rescue a dog and go to a breeder

and deal with a breeder if you actually take it seriously. I believe if you rescue a dog, it says something negative about you. You have a God complex. You wanna, you're trying to fuck it? You maybe trying to fuck the animal? Is that what you're trying to do? Supposedly a lot of people are.

You said that, you said, didn't you say that a lot of people are trying to fuck lizards now? What, how do you find these things? You said people are trying to fuck anacondas. Snakes, yeah. There was a video that went viral on Twitter a couple years ago of a guy going at it

with a snake in the egg hole. Like just holding it up like that. Be honest, was it hot? No, it was strange, it was bizarre. But you can't look away. If it's a 10 second thing, you watch it, you know? There's one on Twitter of a guy having sex with a fish, too, like a carp.

That went kind of viral. How often do you watch people have sex with animals? I mean, those are really like the two times. So you've watched Stumbled Upon. Stumbled Upon. Yeah. I've never saw that. Did we play them on the show?

No, we can't. Why? We get thrown off YouTube. Playing a man having sex with a carp? It's bestiality. Indeed. Interesting. That does seem like we would be removed.

But how funny would it be removed? Like you're just in a room of canceled people and they're like, how did you get de-platformed? Some guys like, hey man, I tweeted a lot of QAnon shit. Another guy's like, you know, I just was retweeting all these crazy accounts or making racist jokes. And I'm like, bestiality.

The old fashioned way. Watching a guy fuck a snake. But it fascinates you when people have sex with things they're not supposed to. Yeah, it is interesting. It's odd. Something went wrong in that guy's head. Yeah.

Wires got crossed. Something happened. But do you not understand that those are the type of people that are rescuing dogs? Those people. Kind of true. Absolutely is true. All the people that work in the shelter were sick people.

Let's be very honest. I kid a lot about this. I kid around a lot here, cause I'm a comedian, but I'm not kidding around about this. I think if you rescue a dog, you are engaging in bestiality. What is the name for somebody who engages in bestiality? Let me see.

Let me see if there's a singular. What? What is the name for somebody that engages in bestiality? Now we're on Reddit, so God help us. Oh, a zoo file. Zoo file. Yeah, you're a zoo file. What a horrible lesson to teach your children

taking them to a homeless shelter to adopt some mutt. What a horrible lesson to teach your children. To say, we're gonna go to the shelter and pick up some dirty rat to bring home. What a beautiful lesson to go to a breeder, see a bunch of puppies in a field, and say, I'm spending a lot of fucking money for this dog. You better fucking knock it out of the park.

With the homeless shelter, the animal shelters, it's easy come, easy go. Easy come, easy go. That's why they bring these things back, because it's easy come, easy go. Dogs should cost thousands of dollars. They should. Get mad at me if you want, but.

If you have a dog and you're young, you're not serious about succeeding it. If you really wanna succeed and you have a very difficult career, and you have a dog and you've adopted a dog, I know you're not serious about succeeding. Truth. It's the reality.

I know people that are sweet people, but they go, I have a dog, and it depends on what your career is, but if you really wanna light the world on fire, you're really trying to do well, and you have decided that it's more important to have a dog, you're letting things get in your way. You're letting things get in your way, which is fine,

but just admit that to yourself. So many people I talk to, like, man, I wanna do this, I wanna do that, but then they have a dog, and I'm like, dude, you have a dog? That's crazy. You weigh yourself down with things like that, and it just shows that you don't have a, you don't understand that time is so valuable.

That's the problem. It just can't be, you know? So, I had six dogs before I did the Joe Rogan show, and afterwards it went well, and I took them all to a kill shelter. Four of them went to a kill shelter, two of them I drowned in the bathtub myself, just because I then started selling tickets,

and I needed to understand, I mean, we're moving again, just update everybody, we're moving, we're being robbed. Ben doesn't live with me, but he's here every day, but we're being robbed by the people that we're not supposed to rob, that we're supposed to not rob us. I'm in a house, there's a back house. The landlord's daughter lives in the back house.

They have one meter for utilities. I'm paying the utilities apparently for his daughter, who's got blue hair. At the end of the day, it's not right. We don't have Wi-Fi for 10 days. That's how we do our job. No Wi-Fi for 10 days. Dishwasher doesn't work two months.

The owner's got Wi-Fi. We're paying for it. She doesn't have it, she has it, okay? Then the landlord, who's like a bumpkin? I live in a part of California where it's like fake cowboys. I'm leaving here anyway, so I'll say what it is. It's called Agora Hills, and it's like fake.

These people all worked at Paramount, and then they resigned or got fired, and now they have ranchers, and they pretend to be cowboys. It's embarrassing for all involved. And they're like fake cowboys. They're like, get her up. I'm like, you have a Tesla, shut up. Get her up, get her up.

I'm like, dude, you managed the Spice Girls. You're not John Wayne, but they walk around here like it's like rodeo country. It's time to get out of here. I've been here, what, two months? Yeah. Time to leave. Time to go.

And again, we're not mad. It's not a war when it's not contentious. It's a little, I'm not thrilled, but tell the story about what happened with this gentleman who owns the property's friend. Why do you get nervous all the time? What can we legally talk about? We're in the clear here, right?

I can legally talk about my truth. I have highly, I have sharky lawyers. Okay. Do you know my lawyer? I do, yeah. Sal Cohen, Tidalbaum, Berkowitz, Ariel Sharon, Benjamin Netanyahu, Berg. That's the name of my lawyer.

Bring it. No, I mean, we're talking about our experience. We're telling our truth. Okay. This is the truth of what happened. They're probably gonna hear this, right? I don't know what they do. It's not my concern.

I'm speaking my truth as someone who I feel was being taken advantage of dishonestly. You did not disclose that there weren't two meters. You have one meter for the utilities. It is not right. You didn't disclose your daughter was living in the back house. You said a property manager was living there.

It's not a property manager. It's just a rental. It's not a caretaker. You've not fixed any of the appliances. These are, this is wrong because I have like a business manager and because I'm in a, you know, I live, I'm in entertainment business and like, we all have business managers

because we all don't know anything about money, right? So we perform in all these different states and unless we get somebody to help us out, we end up fucking going to jail. Wesley Snipes, whatever. So they think they're just gonna like send bills to the business manager and I'm never gonna question it. They think I'm like a drug addict or something, you know,

because of my, you know, I don't know, appearance and actions, but I'm actually quite sober and quite on top of things. So please tell the people the story. Cause I, I want everyone, we should be as open and honest on this show as, as humanly possible. Sure. So we're not knocking anyone here. There's things I like about Agour Hills,

Uncle LaF's sandwiches. Really good. Sushi Raku. So good. The best. That's it. It's a good bell, good Taco Bell. These people walk down the street, it is a great bell,

but the people walk down the street, they're riding horses. Can you stop with the horses? You cut it out, get another hobby, stop pretending you're a fucking ranch hand. You made all your fucking money, working at like United Artists. And then you retired because you locked the secretary in a room.

So they're like, let's go. And now you're like, you know, get up, it's time to get on up. Let's cut it out. So tell everyone what happened, because people trust you more than they trust me. Okay, literally what happened is, you know, you, they were sensing you were unhappy

with not having internet for a week, and you finally really pushed back on it. So landlord calls me and says, hey, my friend is in IT. I know Spectrum can't come out for a while, but how about I send him over to help you out? I don't talk to anyone, by the way, Ben talks to everyone. He's great at it. The reason I don't talk to people is because

I say things that can be construed as threats, even though I'm kidding. So I joke around all the time about things, and I don't speak to people, because when I make a joke, people tend to believe their family has been threatened, but it is a bit. I'm making a joke.

I'm not gonna kill anyone. If I say it's a joke, I know where blank sleeps. You go, hey, that's not cool. I'm making a, I'm joking, a comedian. But I just say things like that because they're fun, and they rile people up. So when I like to rile people up, that I've been not nice.

So yeah, so if he, he's like, I'm gonna send my friend over who's in IT just to help you guys out. Fine, I assume no charge, of course. We would have hired our own IT guys. The friend did nothing, by the way. The friend did nothing except tell us how he bought seven houses during the mortgage crisis

and went belly up. I said, I wish I met you 10 years ago. You moron. So he like, you know, just troubleshoots. Everything I know how to do. He knows where the line's coming in the house, resets the modem, blah, blah, blah. Nothing works like I told him it would.

And then when Spectrum comes out, the landlord calls me again and goes, hey, I want my IT guy there just to help cover, just so we have an extra set of eyes on things. He goes, I know you're tech savvy, but we'll have an extra set of eyes on things. I'm like, okay, I appreciate that blank. Thank you, that's very nice.

He comes over and falls around the Spectrum guy for seven hours and just really just annoys him. He goes, oh, it's this. And Spectrum guy goes, no, that goes up to the dish satellite. That's not the answer. The Spectrum guy was so tired of having this fucking guy follow him around and I get it, yeah.

Super annoyed. So then after everything's said and done, the next day, our business manager calls us and goes, hey. We just got a bill for $1,500. $1,500. $1,500. Absurd. Shame.

I was pissed. Yeah, you were pissed and I was pissed. And I mean, I'm not getting super angry. I just want to dissolve this because it's not worked out and it's unfortunate. But now I'm starting to realize that like, this was always the plan was to kind of rip me off and just try to send bills to the business manager

that he would pay. Maybe not even tell me about it. I'm sure that works. And apparently that happens a lot. Yeah, I'm sure it does because there's people asleep at the switch. But I'm trying to, you know, stay on top of things and I just was very,

and you know, the first thing when I moved in, like if you have a dog, you can bring a dog. Dogs are okay. And it's like, oh, here we go again. Pet people. Pet people. Fucking you over. Not shocked.

But we're moving on. We don't know where yet. Stay in California for now. Yeah, I'm not mad anymore. I'm not angry. No one's angry. No one's angry. No one's angry.

It just is unfortunate that there's, you know, I feel like I have not been dealt with fairly, you know? We tried to change the wifi once and then he goes, my daughter can't miss her fashion school. Oh, that's fake, sir. Fashion school is fake. She's not gonna be Ralph Lauren. She's wasting her time.

Tell her to come in and fix the wifi, please. So we're moving on again. We're moving on again. I'm a rolling stone, wherever I lay my hat is my home. I ended up just to wrap the episode up. No wheel will towards my aunt. Remember yesterday?

No wheel will towards my aunt. I wish for the best. I truly do. I was disappointed with a comment, which I couldn't find. Maybe she deleted it. I think so, I couldn't find it. We have it screen-shotted

in case she tries to. But you know, I mean, listen, I wish her the best and I, this show's not an angry show. We're having fun with everybody. And I know that some people, you know, people are gonna hear that and inevitably they're gonna think that it's, you know,

she's gonna hear that and she'll probably get offended by it. That's not my intention. So if she was offended by anything I said, I'm sorry. I apologize. I mean, it's a fair is fair. I just want to get some things off my chest. I felt it was rather mild.

I felt the entitment of her was rather mild. And I hope that we can still break Brad in the future. But I might need a new family. I imagine after this comes out in a few hours, because it's Saturday at four. I assume when this comes out, by Sunday night, I've heard from people, but I don't answer my phone, so I don't care.

By Sunday night, I imagine people are a little, you know, but we got to make the show fun and we got to be honest. And we did those two things. We did those two things. We're gonna wrap it up. Louis CK thinks the show's too long. He goes, it's really funny, but I think it's too long.

It's like, hey man, you don't have to listen, you're a busy guy, you don't have to listen. So just anyone that gives me advice ever, I don't take the advice of legends. So just realize that. So yeah, I'm not gonna take your advice. I'm like, okay. He said, you know, he envisions it to be shorter

and more compact, but we like going long and people like it, the fans like it. So no one's at, no one is at gunpoint that has to listen to this. So there's the good news, by the way, but we love Louis and think he's a genius and everything. He's just, he's wrong about this because people can be wrong.

Legends can be wrong, you know? Sorry, that's all right. It's the way it is. See, I never spent it. It's like, I don't wanna, who cares? Who cares? Stop. Folks, really, you get like three friends in life,

everyone else, who really gives a fuck? Like, let's be very honest. Legend, family, who really gives a shit? Meet people that you have a ton of respect for. You won't care. If five minutes, anyway, you go, ugh. That's the funny thing about life. It just doesn't matter.

You're gonna get a few friends. That's it. So you can live where you wanna live and get involved in the community and ble-ble-dee-ble and climb the corporate ladder and then none of it will ever matter because you suck, I suck and everyone sucks. Nothing good out there.

And there ain't nothing good coming. So that's all. We wish everyone the best. We're gonna release the special version of the show for Louis. It's gonna be a minute. It's gonna be a quick minute. Gonna be sped up.

If you think the show's too long, you can also listen to it at three times the speed. Which is, right? Yeah, you can. Or I run the Tim Dillon Show Clips channel too, if that's more your speed. Watch the show. Don't watch the clips.

I mean, you can watch the clips too. But that's okay. But I mean, that's why nothing really, you just, you breeze in and out. The house doesn't work. You go somewhere else. You figure it out. The job sucks.

The girlfriend sucks. The boyfriend sucks. Whatever it is. You're dead. You have AIDS. It doesn't matter. It's all the same. Just don't ever, ever under any circumstances

hire my aunt as a fucking lawyer or rescue a dog. And if you're gonna rescue someone and you wanna rescue a dog, rescue my aunt because she is a dog.