The Tim Dillon Show - 240 - Kendall v. Woody

Episode Date: February 21, 2021

Live, late night, from a hotel in Boston, Tim discusses the new Woody Allen documentary coming out, getting Joe Rogan on Clubhouse, and Kendall Jenner's new Tequila company. Bonus Episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE ▶▶ https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dillon-show/ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS:   🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co ⚓ NICK DAVIS'S PODCAST (BELOW DECK) ▶▶ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-below-deck-podcast/id1216741721 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off 💊 MASF SUPPLEMENTS ▶▶ https://masfsupplements.com/ use code TIMD for 10% OFF   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're good. Good to go. Ashing the clams. Ashing the clam strips. Yeah, we're late. Fuck off. We're not supposed to smoke in the room. Yeah. Let me tell you something right now. After the service I've gotten at this place, they're lucky this is all I'm doing. We're here at the win. Well, they can use this against us, can't they? If we say where we are, I'll bleep it out. We're at the encore in Everett, Massachusetts. It's fucking dump. We're here because Texas has been destroyed by snow. God only knows what Joe Rogan and Elon Musk are doing down there. Fucking around. Can everybody move down there and then the whole state's belly up because it's ice. And then I have my dirtbag family texting me going,

you need anything? Yeah, I need a storm to hit you. You know damn well, this is to what I love during the tragedy. You know damn well, you can't do anything for me. This is when people, by the way, people never ask you if you need anything in a non-tragedy when you might actually need something. They only ask you if you need something when they know they can't feasibly get, yeah, fly here. Yeah, I need something. Are you on the way? Come. You got rolling blackouts in the water's fucked. Are you coming? What do you think I'm going to ask for? A heated blanket, you dumb cunt. There's nothing for you to do except send that text, do you need something? Which is the biggest hollow gesture in the world.

Michelle was doing that all, do you need anything? Do you need something? Is there anything I can do? Do you need, do you, are you okay? And if I'm not, then what? What are you going to do? Are you going to be bothered by that? Well, we feel so sad for you. I feel so bad. Is there anything that you need? Yes, the state needs a water treatment facility immediately. Will you start on that? We need the roads cleared. Are you going to get involved with the clearing of the roads? Or is this fake? Do you need something? Yes, I'd like a natural disaster to hit you as well. That's true. I would want more pain to be equally spread out through the country if I had my druthers. Oh, do you need help? My cousin texts me. I

respect that. She goes, are you still going to be in Providence? We'd like tickets. I'll read it. I mean, these people, you can't create, you can't create these people. You couldn't create these people if you were trying. They go, listen to this, I love this. And I love her. She's a good woman. But this is my favorite here. They go, Hey, by the way, are you, are you still like hope everything's okay? I'm trying to find this one. It was like, I was like completely stunned by this, but not surprised, which is most of my interactions. You know, I'm not surprised by this at all. Hey, hope you're surviving the snow. Like people being rolled into the street. People die. It's like people are dead. People are freezing to death.

People are freezing to death. They haven't had fucking. And don't if you work at the hotel, use this as proof that we smoked in a room. Don't do that. Hey, hope you're surviving the snow. Hopefully the snow will be gone in time for your Providence shows. We would love to do the Monday or Tuesday, 7pm, if either is better for you. Will you have any downtime in the schedule to hang? At that point, I was eating a fish stick in the darkness of my house that was cold. I was eating a cold fish stick with Dan on the floor, praying for the mercy of God. And they're gone. By the way, what's date works better for the free tickets? Monday or Tuesday? Which state is better for the free tickets? I hope you're surviving the snow. I hope the abominable

snowman didn't get you. Everyone who grows up in Long Island never truly leaves in their mind. It's all about, you know, it's all about them and that's fine. But that's okay. You were in LA fucking, you know, doing nothing while we all burned in hell. You're Mr. Texas. Yep, your family has no power. I have no power and you're fucking sitting there. You and your wife eating sushi and playing golf like you're having a grand old time texting everybody. My agent's trying to get me to my agent. By the way, this guy, they're not flying planes. He goes, why? Why don't why doesn't he take a charter flight for $15,000? What? He goes, just take a charter flight. So what? It crashes. We'll sue for the commission. So what? He dies. This is this is the way these people think. Take a charter

flight for $18,000. It doesn't matter. You don't make any money. I make the same commission. What's the worst? It happens. You get off the runway and break your neck. Who cares? You incinerate and go up in a ball of flames. I don't care. I'll hear about it at Mastros and tweet RIP and then sue the club for the commission. That's okay. With a team like this skies the limit. I mean, it's truly, it was truly rough there. And you get cravings when you're young, you know, you get, because it reminds you of a snow day. The first day is fun. It's like a snow day. And you go, it'll be a fun day because I haven't seen snow in a while. I've been in LA. We go, it'll be fun. And then day two, you go, this is wacky. And day three, you go, this is a problem. Nothing was open. Gas stations were not open. Fast

food was not open. Water burger opened on the second day, but there was like an hour and a half line, like there was nothing going on. And people were starving and they had no water. And thank God, my water was okay, but closer to Austin, they didn't have any water. And people had to boil their water and they had no electricity to boil their own water. You know, they're still boiling water. They're still boiling their own water. I mean, people are boiling their own piss to drink. And Ted Cruz is going down to Mexico to do cocaine with the cartel. And his daughters, Rick, combat a great tweet. And they go, he goes, Hey, maybe Ted Cruz's daughters killed a guy. They're just trying to get out of there. Do you ever think about that? But yeah, I mean, it was, it was rough. And so wheat me and Dan went, I'll tell you right now, when you

shop and in a, in a, in a blizzard, nobody wants a salad. Like when you go shopping in a blizzard, you go hard and we're in Texas. And I mean, let me tell you right now, the milk was gone, like pancake batter was running low, but vegetables were available. Like you could get as much spinach or lettuce as you want. You, you wanted a tomato, you could get one, but all the like frozen food was sold out. And everyone knew this wasn't going to go on. It was like already over, by the way, on the third day, everyone knew was going to end on the next day. And people were still like, we need red barren pizzas for three years. Everyone knew it was done. Like, why don't you have a salad, cleanse yourself? People, I don't think so. I need 18 white castle slatters. This may never end. I'm like, the

sun's out. It's literally melting. We were in the grocery store. It's literally melting. People just buying buckets of food and walking out. I'm like, this is a you thing. This has nothing to do with the storm at this point. It's literally over. You know, it's literally done. So we're here to win in Everett, Massachusetts again. God damn dump. Well, it's the encore. It's not the win. It's the encore Boston Harbor. Imagine the people that go to a casino in February during a pandemic or whatever's left of the pandemic to just enjoy. And by the way, they're militant here about who can be in the elevators and how many people can be in a room if there's four people in a room. And if there's a fifth one, it's a $2,000 fine. And they enforce the elevators. How many people could go in the

elevator? How many people can go? What is the point of any of this? What is four people in the elevator? No one gets COVID. That's not it. What virologist designed this? Just you got to dance four feet away from someone in Mystique nightclub. I mean, it's a real, it's a shit show here. People are taking the last of their of the checks, the last of whatever stimulus money they have. And they're going and just trying to win big cause AMC didn't pan out. I lost 18 hunch. And you know, people are people are hurting. So they came here to the original casino to just, you know, let's see what happens. And I mean, casino people, we've talked about it on the show. It's not good. But I mean, it's just tough here. It's tough here to watch just cold,

like hardened Massachusetts people trying their luck. And then the young kids, like the young pale white, gone to heroin addicts, just kind of like with tattoos, just wandering around a casino. It's nothing worse than young people at a casino. I've said that before. Anybody, you see an old person at a casino, you go, we get it. It's almost over. You're like, maybe, but it's real rough to watch a 21 year old be like, let's go. It's scary. That's all you got. It's all you got. It's up. You're 20 and you see, you think it's about luck. You're like, all right, I'm 23. Let's see what we got. That's a real big problem, but it's fine. Everything's going to be a okay. Kendall Jenner is getting a lot of shit for this. I don't know if the 818 tequila, well, it's not even that.

It's Kendall Jenner. Cultural appropriation has just released a new line of slaves. And people are very upset. Now, these are Haitian slaves that the Jenner family has bought, the Kardashian family, they bought 300 Haitian slaves and they're selling them on the open market and people are angry about this. I don't get it, but they're very angry because they think that she's culturally appropriating or she shouldn't be a slave trader. And what she's doing is it's a new line of slaves who are being treated very well. I mean, this is, from everything I'm hearing, they're being treated incredibly well. They have health checkups and stylists and everything like that. And she doesn't like the term slaves. She's calling them helpers. And a lot of people are

getting angry at her. And I think it's unfair and I just don't like cancel culture. I think cancel culture has got to stop. Cancel culture has got to stop. If a young, talented woman like Kendall Jenner cannot go to Haiti and buy 300 slaves on the open market and then sell them or Libya, I forget which one, but I think it's both. They've got deals, different places, different suppliers. She's very smart about business. She's very smart about business, this woman. And nobody respects it. And people are jealous of her because they didn't think to go buy slaves. It is a smart investment. Human trafficking is a major business. She's no idiot. She's no fool. And people are mad at her and it's like, ah, enough with the cancel culture.

Stop shaming her because she's a businesswoman and literally and figuratively wants to crack the whip. What's the big deal? She's got a few hundred slaves on the open market. No, what is this? Tequila? It's really tequila. Is it slaves? I don't even know anymore. I don't even know what's a joke anymore or what's not a joke. It's not slaves. It's tequila. And people are mad at her because why? Because it's Mexican because it's the area code eight one eight and, you know, the valley. Yeah, the valley. And it's appropriate. Well, they live in a valley. Yeah, they live in Calabasas, which I don't really have nobody really right. Nobody thinks they don't think of Calabasas when they think of the valley. But so she's appropriating the area code eight one eight.

Yeah. And it's also like it's Mexican territory because, you know, they've worked really hard to have tequila brands, but people have pointed out that George Clooney and all these other big celebrities have tequila companies too. So yeah, there's not a ton of Mexicans with tequila companies. My maid does not own a tequila company from what I understand. She's drunk on tequila and doesn't do any work, but I don't think she owns the company, by the way. I'm not saying all Mexicans are maids either, but you know what I mean? She is my maids are made. She ain't a good one. So the problem is that we max what is the problem? She's appropriating like Jalisco is the city where apparently they create a lot of the tequila. Yeah, like hundreds of years. These families have

been, you know, making these tequila companies and been working very hard on them and she just sort of trots in and says, this is a spy. Kendall just get slaves. If they're going to get mad at you anyway, just get slaves. I mean, I want to, the next time people come at these two girls, I want to see them doing a slave auction in the middle of Beverly Hills with Libyan slaves. They're going to get mad anyway. I don't know if there's, this is a problem. Jalisco is where they make the tequila. That's what I was reading. Yeah. Kendall's the loser. Kylie's the billionaire. Kendall's got nothing going on. So she's just trying to wet her beak with a little tequila. She should just lean in and start selling fucking taco kits. Old El Paso should fucking partner

with Kendall Jenner. Kendall Jenner should become every, everything Mexican. Like just lean in, start, just open up a trendy Arapas restaurant, which are Venezuelan, but whatever it's late. But that's what she should do. She should call tacos by Kendall. Tacos by Kendall. She should just say, fuck it. I'm going to sell Mexican shit. Who cares? Like this person was mad on Twitter. They said, tired of the celebrity tequila craze. WTF does Kendall Jenner know about tequila? My family's been doing backbreaking work in fields for their entire lives in Jalisco just for people to come. Here's what Kendall Jenner knows about tequila. She knows you're drinking it and getting in a Range Rover and driving home

and not getting caught. She knows about consuming it. She knows about taking a few shots of it and fallen into a fucking Escalade. That's what she knows about it. She knows about drinking a lot of it and then going and sucking off a rapper. It's alcohol. Stop making it into like a spiritual thing. It's booze, right? Isn't it booze? What is this woman work? She's never worked in a field. You're on Twitter. You're in a field. You're on Twitter. What field are you in that you can take time to tweet? I see people in the fields. None of them have a phone. What did she take the phone at? She's in the field going, my family. You know what they would say? They go, get the fucking work. I am taking it to Kendall Jenner. I am wrecking Kendall Jenner. Get your fucking hands

on the crop. But I must know. Hold on. I am sending a tweet. Who's this with the tweet? This is our last episode on YouTube. I'm going to burn this hotel down. I ordered a spoon an hour ago. It's not here. She doesn't look like she works in the fields. I'll turn this around for you. The fields. The fields. Yeah. She lives in LA. I'm not saying people that shouldn't be pissed about this, but the people that should be pissed at this are working. Right. They're in trouble. They're not concerned about Kendall Jenner trying to do want someone to let him out of a cage. I mean, so what is the whole tweet? I didn't even. Oh, tired of celebrity tequila craze. WTF does Kendall Jenner know about tequila? My family's been doing back breaking work in the

fields for their entire lives in Jalisco just for people to come dip their toes. Stay in your lane. Stay in your lane. I'll start at Mexican tequila company. So what? And she's, this other person says she's not to mention she's profiting off the brown hands that actually plant grow, harvest, ferment and distill. But that's everyone's the hands of everything. Yeah. I've got no love laws for, uh, who are they again? The Kardashian? I don't care about these people. And they don't, they don't factor into my life at all. But to just get mad at them and not get mad at everybody else is profiting off the brown hands in the fields. Right? Right. Now you're right. So many people have tequila companies. George Clooney, right? Yeah,

Clooney. OJ should start a liquor company. OJ should start a booze company. He's black. He's loud. He cares. Woody Allen doc. I hear it's going to be a real barn burner. Not good. Not, not, not good. I don't know what to believe because he's a brilliant filmmaker. But the movies all do have a theme. Don't they have a theme? The films? I mean, there's many themes. They're some of my favorite movies ever. But he does seem very focused on the young ladies.

Now this documentary is supposedly so harrowing. It's very troubling. They have, uh, Adam Curtis's new doc. I got to watch. Everybody loves it. Can't get you out of my head or something. Yes. Everybody loves it. Anna Kotchen loves it. Right. Kump. The whole, all the intellectuals. Now this Woody Allen doc is on HBO. Come. Yeah, it's called Allen versus Farrow. And supposedly the most disturbing part of this is, um, a scene where he, where the Dylan is young. Seven. Not good. And she starts a tequila company. No. She claims he abused her on camera. Yeah. And people are saying me and Farrow might have

coached that, but then there's a lot of people that say, man, it's pretty fucking damning. When you see a seven year old kid, you couldn't get me to say anything really at seven that I wasn't truly, you know, I don't know. Can you get a kid to say so? I'm sure you could. I'm sure people, but I mean, it's just very sad to think about obviously someone getting abused in that way, which is horrible. And then it's also very sad to think about, I mean, it's just not helped by the fact that he married his slept daughter. And it was interesting about him as he does strike me as a sociopath. Like you never see him sad in an interview and he never seemed that happy. He's kind of just very even killing.

Hell, this is what we do. We make a picture every year and we do it in New York and, you know, it's got a little too pricey in New York. And now we shoot other places and I write every day, like every interview is like, I get up and I write every day in this little Moleskine notebook and I rape my child. That's what I do. I write in the Moleskine notebook and I rape my kid. It feels, I don't know. I mean, gun gun the head, Ben, gun the head. Is this guy guilty? Do you think Woody Allen was, because Farrell says she found porn kid porn, the pictures of the, I know when they were married that he wanted to live in separate houses, but just for his own work, so he could keep working on movies that seems like a guy that would want the kids by himself.

It's a red flag. It's a red flag, but the Kardashians all live in separate houses. Because they're buying slaves. But what, why would, this is, we're delirious at this point, folks. Been up 16 hours. Should Woody Allen marry Kendall Jenner? What if, what if, what if Woody Allen married Kendall Jenner and they, and they just started a tequila empire. What is the, now Woody Allen married his stepdaughter, Suni Previn, and it was cool about it. That's kind of ballsy to go, this is my bitch. And I used to raise her, but now I fuck her. And that's the facts. I didn't make that up. This is literally what happened. And if you have a problem with that, fuck off. And polite society was like, okay, all right,

odd. The heart wants what it wants. Yeah. That's what he said. He said something like artists create their own moral universe, something like that. Yeah. I mean, so this document, when does this documentary drop? I think pretty soon. And then it's kind of all over for him. Well, I don't think there's a ton going on now. I think he's pretty much in the denouement of it. Yeah. Is there a trailer? I don't believe so. We can't play in any way. Oh yeah, that's right, because HBO. I'm saddened by this because I like Woody Allen, but I don't like him raping the kids. I think Woody defenders always say they go, well, he didn't actually raise her. Someone else like raised her and he never really had any contact with her. Can I throw out a thing that heals this?

Sure, sure. Woody Allen rapes Kendall Jenner for healing as a way to heal. Can he get out of the doghouse? Chris Delia came back out and we liked Chris and, you know, Chris had a, he said he had a sex addiction and there's he's, but every relationship was legal and consensual. And we have always said on this show that there's real no evidence or proof of his guilt that was satisfactory to anyone. There was no evidence or proof of his guilt. And yet he lost everything because of it. So I think that's a problem in society. I do. I mean, if I'm an only child, if I had a little sister, I wouldn't be like, here's Chris, you know, I wouldn't be like, let's meet him. I wouldn't be the first thing I would do. Right. But still,

that's okay. That's still not a guilt. Right. I mean, so my, my, my situation with all these things is like, I mean, should, should Dylan Farrow just say, Hey, it's tough because she's had this horrible thing happen to her. And Ronan Farrow is supportive Dylan, but he's a liar and Mia Farrow is the one Woody says has orchestrated this entire thing. It's a tough situation to be in, you know, for everyone involved. And I, I would have Dylan Farrow on the show. Yeah. And I will offer that Dylan, take a look at this. Take a look at this. Want to clam strip? Dylan, Dylan, I'll tell you right now. If you want to tell a tale, you want to tell a tale.

If you want to tell a tale, whether it's true or not, you come right on the program. I don't care what you say. That goes for Kendall Jenner. You want to come in here and tell people about slavery? You do it. This is the new set for the show, by the way. Hope everyone likes it. What is, let's ask a few questions that are not popular. If you are a brilliant artist like Woody Allen, should you be allowed? Truly. If you're a brilliant artist like Woody Allen, should you be allowed? And this is going to be very controversial. If you are as talented as he is,

should you be allowed to start a tequila company? You didn't think I was going to do the other thing, did you? It's not that late. Because you can't. You cannot rape the kids, Woody. Don't do it. But don't you understand this is how the fucking, this is how every movie that we see now, we're going to have to look at it with different eyes. All those movies where he was having sex with high school girls, they're going to seem wrong now. Don't you see that? Don't you see the problem here? All those movies where he was 45 and sniffing the seeds of 16 year old girls, we're going to seem odd. Now, now they're going to seem weird.

All those movies about trapping young, impressionable women in horrible situations are now in hindsight going to seem bad. That's what's crazy. Now with the Kendall Jenner, this is what happens because everything's revisionist history. Now, because everything makes you look, hindsight is 2020. Now that I've heard the arguments against the Kendall Jenner tequila, I think maybe the ice camps were wrong. Maybe putting kids in cages was wrong. Now that I've learned about the work in the fields with the Jalisco tequila. Do you see? Now I think that Woody Allen should not, maybe all of his love interests in those movies should not have been 14. See? Don't you see when you look back

hindsight 2020? See? Wow. We're learning. I'm learning. You're learning. Does he go on the offensive Allen? Does he come back hard? I mean, he wrote that article where he's like, this bitch is lying. I don't know this bitch. I don't fuck that bitch. Yeah. He still denies. He still denies everything. Somehow him and Dylan have a better relationship still than me and my aunt. I'm still less welcome at Christmas than Woody fucking Betafile Allen. Somehow he walks in and they're like, well, all right, I walk in as a real big issue. I didn't fuck anybody you're talking about. I didn't fuck anyone in this family. But Woody, he's old. He's an old man. And the game is going to be his legacy because he's done.

He's not coming out like a hot new photo picture movie. It's late. I know Chalamet and those guys like backed out of that premiere, right? Chalamet has no idea what he's doing. I have offered Chalamet a public relations course where I would keep him in a fish tank and feed him what I thought he deserved. Now, I was warned and told by my agents to quote, stop saying those things. And I was told by my lawyer, it was not smart. Same thing he said about the Airbnb. He goes, can you stop this? I said, what, what? Are you on the side of Joseph? I offered Chalamet a program where he would come live in my home.

And he would be kept in a tank, sort of sensory deprivation. And I would be allowed to instruct him because he seems to be confused. Is there anyone less interesting than him, by the way? Is there anyone less? And call me by your name was freaky army hammer cannibal was fucking Chalamet who was 17. You know what I mean? So that's odd, but it was gay. So nobody really cared about it. And it was in Italy and they do that in Italy. They don't give a shit and everyone's hot. If there was a movie in Philly where I put Timothy Chalamet in the back of a Ford Explorer, nobody in the Hollywood foreign press would be excited about it. Okay. And that would be a much better movie. If after an Eagles

game, I took Timothy Chalamet a while, I'd put them on a fucking hero and ate them. It would be gross. Not to me, but to the people that liked call me by your name. Well, you had a cannibal running around and who cares that army hammer eats people. He has fantasies about eating people. When you fucked as much as army hammer, you can't get off normally. You got to imagine eating a bitch's kidney. You got to imagine taking a kidney and putting it in your throat and good. But it's hypocrisy because if call me by your name was about me and Chalamet, which is what it should have been about. And I was going to be in a movie. They were, I was going to be in a film and we can't talk about it because we signed

an NDA. But I only signed DA's disclose all, but I like the director as a person. I mean, I don't know his work. He's done great things and he's a good person and he tried hard to get us me in the movie. And then, then he gave it to another job as someone else who is fatter and older and a better actor. You know, but this is the problem. When you act, it's so fucking hard. I don't really act and I don't really go in for this type of stuff. But we had this guy, Saru's fan in the show go, work on this audition and Ben worked on the audition. How many takes did we do? 35 takes we did. It took us like four days. We nailed it. We nailed it. And then that, now they're going to give the role to Queen Latifa or someone else. And that's okay. I've learned

to live with disappointment. But it's sad because I thought I would have been good in that picture. And there were other mega stars in that picture. And that was going to change my life. But sadly, my life remains completely unchanged. And that director's name was Woody Allen. Woody Allen. Woody Allen called me and said, I want you to play a role in a movie. And so what's the film about? He said it's about a man who loves a girl. He said, what? It's about a man who loves a girl and he follows her home from school every day. And he thinks about kidnapping her, but he doesn't kidnap her. It just ends up being really quaint and cute. And it's in New York. And instead of kidnapping her, they have coffee and listen to

Red Scare together in their house. And I was supposed to play a bus driver that drove them around. And now, and I can't do it now because I'm not fat or old enough, enough, fat enough. Isn't that amazing? Go, you're not fat. You're not fat enough. Like I'm fat enough to get the COVID vaccine. Yeah, but we don't know. Could you get fatter? Could you get fatter and older? Could you get a little closer to death for the role? I mean, I don't even know what to think anymore about everything. I know the news sucks. Everything's boring. Everybody that grifted on politics is about to lose their fucking job. Nobody cares about anything. Everybody's upset. I brought Rogan on the clubhouse the other

day. Historic. What's all these people mad that they don't have a clubhouse invite? You can't find a way to get on a clubhouse? I love what anger is in our society. People should have a right to be on a clubhouse. They should also have health insurance. What? You know, a clubhouse. Everybody that wants to get on a clubhouse could find a way to get on a clubhouse. It's not that fucking hard. But I brought Rogan on and it was a very historic moment for that app. And then the founder of the app came on and Joe was kind of going right at him. Joe was like, hey, mom, you're going to have Trump on? The guy's like, well, that's a complex question. Joe's like, ah, you're scared, mom. Not good, mom.

Joe's like, have you ever been on Oculus? It should be like VR, mom, where people can see each other, mom. They can't see each other. It's not good, mom. I took a zinc recently because he said a cure coronavirus and I feel like I'm going to die. I feel like my stomach's exploding. But it was big and who was in the room? Joe, Lex, Eric Weinstein, Brett Weinstein, the Weinstein family. Yes. Yes. The traveling Weinstein brothers. Lex Friedman, the comedian. Great. Yeah. Naval Ravikant. Oh, Naval. Yeah. Who is he? I don't know. He has a lot of followers, though. What does he do? I think he's like a big tech guy. Is he? I thought he was like,

I thought he was like a guru, like a Sherpa or a shaman. Oh, maybe. I looked him up on Twitter. He just has nothing in the bio and he has like a million followers. Unimpressed. Oh, he's an Indian American entrepreneur and investor. He's the co-founder and former CEO of Angel List. Yeah, me too. Who cares? Take a seat. Take all the seats, Naval. Everybody on club s full of shit. Everybody's fake. They're all entrepreneurs. They don't invest like I do. I'm a real investor. I lose. That's what real investors do. They lose. I went into fucking AMC heavy and I lost $1,800. That's what a real investor is. Anyone can scam their way to a win. I lose honestly and go, go, go in my backyard and curse Dave Portnoy

and scream and say, fuck Chamath and no one held the line and fuck that guy from Robin Hood. Fuck all these people that left me to die on the fucking beaches in Normandy. Hold my dick and 2,000 shares worth of shitty AMC stock, worthless AMC stock. Last time I was in a movie theater, I was doing cocaine during the devil's rejects like 2007 to have fat lines of blow at 3pm. I was the only one in the theater during the mortgage crisis. They're sitting there getting coked up watching Sid Haig. I decided to blow money on that. I go, though, that's coming back. And then I lost, I lost all my fucking, you know, I lost 1800. And then what are you, what are you going to do? So this documentary, other than Dylan Farrow on camera, what else is

in it that's really getting people heated because so much of it seems supposedly they have counselors and other people who are witnesses to like Dylan's testimony. Please Eric Weinstein be in this documentary. Please God be in this documentary. Please God. How funny would that be? Please God let the Weinstein brothers be in the Woody Allen documentary. Please, please let that be the vehicle that Jordan Peterson comes back in. Oh, you know, well, you know, it's the, it's the hero's journey. You got to, you got to slay the dragon and bring the gold back to the village. Got to free your father from the belly of the whale. Please God, please God let the documentary be just the Weinstein brothers telling Dylan Farrow she's a whore.

Might be, would that not be great? Can Dylan Farrow go on the portal? Would that not be the funniest thing in the world? How old is Dylan Farrow now? Let's see. She's a big chunky monkey. Is she? We all have struggles with our weight. 35 now. My age. And she's not a fan of the Woodster. No. So they have counselors saying what that he's guilty. Yeah, that like she was confiding in the counselors and I think like CPS type people and social workers and people that were like investigating it at the time that she was being molested. Yeah. In that video, she said Woody when she was like seven years old that Woody took her up in the attic and was like, Oh, show me your private parts and let's find our

private bad. Doesn't look good. But some say she was coached, right? That's the what a sick thing if she was coached. What a sick woman Mia Farrow is. Hi, honky come here. No, we'll play with the dolls later. I want you to read this. Look into the camera. Tell everybody what daddy did. I mean, God, if she was coached, Mia Farrow is a fucking monster. But I mean, it's, I mean, I get, well, was this after Sunyi? No. Well, Dylan was seven at the time. So this was before Sunyi, right? Because I'm wondering what would have made Woody like what would have made Mia Farrow that angry that she did this that she coached her own daughter. Like there's something crazy about the idea of a parent coaching their own daughter to say something so heinous.

He must have been abusive towards her, perhaps. I mean, I guess. But even in that situation, it's such a fucked thing to do. You wonder if I mean, and people have said this is going to destroy you just blow his legacy to bits. Yeah, people have said that people go, it's going to blow his legacy to bits. They said he's done DOA. It's a tough thing to watch. People have said it's hard to get through people that have seen it. People say that you're really left with no doubt that it's a real issue and that he's incredibly guilty. It's coming out tomorrow. Really? Yeah. 21st. Where is it going to be? HBO. 9pm Eastern Standard Time. Wow. We'll see. 9pm Eastern Standard Time on HBO.

It's going to drop. Yep. I mean, listen, it is a very, very difficult subject that we obviously kid around about because what are we going to do? But it is one of those things where it makes you look very differently at this guy who we've all rightly believed was a genius, a comedic genius, whose movies were absolutely amazing. And this is going to be pretty tough to dismiss. I mean, he wrote an article where he basically claimed total innocence and said that this had matter had been settled. This is crazy. What's it called? Do we know what it's called? Alan versus Pharaoh. Alan versus Pharaoh. And then they're going to bring out all the people that knew about this. Yep. I'm still mad at him for saying he was going to put me in a movie and then

not doing it. The director goes, we're going to cast someone else. Can you believe that? We're going to cast someone else. I mean, that's absurd. I should be the whole movie. You should throw the script out. And you should follow me around for two hours. Summer blockbuster. That's what it should be. The whole movie should be me and Dylan Pharaoh just shooting the shit. Come on the show. She's more than welcome to come on the show. I don't want to hear about the get and touch it. That's depressing. But if she's got anything else to talk about her brands or products she's interested in or investments, we'd love to have her on Dylan. You could come on and talk about Bitcoin, but don't depress everybody with the

molestation. We're over that. So if you want to come on and talk about cryptos where you see yourself, how your position to the market, how to build the brand, what post COVID looks like in terms of running the cap table and getting really serious about investing, we'll have you on. But the minute you open your mouth and you start throwing, throwing dirt on Woody's name, you're out of here. We'll bleep you out. We'll bleep the fuck out of you. If you throw dirt on that man's name, it doesn't shit on Kendall Jenner either. Not on this show. You come here, you talk Bitcoin, or you talk food. Talk about some clam strips. Don't talk about your clam strip. Now, many people feel this isn't sensitive to victims of molestation. And I am not making fun

of anyone who's experienced molestation. I'm saying that as a child, I wanted to be molested. Yes. And no one molested me. And this is like a hack joke, like, oh, no one fucked me, the priest never fucked me. But I literally would stand in church with my asshole open. And no one fucked me. My parents would let me do it. They go, go down to the rectory and spread your ass. And I wouldn't then I'd come home and they go, and I bet no one fucked you. And I went, no, and they went, see, fuck. Yeah, it's a very tough topic. And it's not one that you can easily joke around about, even though we have done that for 45 minutes. It's a tough one. I think that we need a resolution here. We need to just move on.

Why doesn't Bruce Springsteen do a cheap commercial about the Woody Allen rape? America's strength is in the middle. Dylan, no matter what happened and Woody, no matter what happened, America's strengths in the middle. We need to, you both need to come together. America's strength is down the center. I'm going to go crash my car. I'm a big drunk. I love that he got a D. Wee. Yeah, they redacted like 24 pages of that. They're trying to make it public. Why his D. Wee? Yeah, but it's still like under investigation. So I imagine there's some very embarrassing stuff in there. Well, he's had some racist shit, I'm sure. I know he's all like, you know, Mr. Progressive. But you know, when the, when he got pulled over,

when he got pulled over, we don't know. But I don't know if they pulled him over on a garden state parkway. He said a few things. Don't you know who I am? I'm the boss. I'm a white man. How great would that be if Bruce Brinkstein just the transcript he's screaming? I'm a white man. I'm a what? I mean, it's amazing Jeep went through with that commercial despite in November, him having they don't care. People like people. It's better. People enjoy it. People want their celebrities to get drunk and get crashed cars. You don't care if you're buying a Jeep grand Cherokee. If you're buying, imagine buying a Jeep grand Cherokee. If you're buying a Jeep grand Cherokee, as brilliantly Nick Mullin said, it's for jarhead like retards who come back

from the war with flashbacks. If you're buying a Jeep grand Cherokee, you don't care that Bruce Brinkstein's a drunk or that Woody Allen raped his kid. Doesn't matter to you. What's a product that would go through Woody Allen, even though his deal Dylan's coming out with his doc? What's a product that would go go through Woody Allen? No matter like they wouldn't care. I'm trying to think a product that would just people wouldn't, they wouldn't be affected by it because Jeep doesn't care about drunk Bruce Brinkstein. What product would get behind Peter Woody Allen like for Loco maybe? No, too ethnic. You'd have to have something kind of classy like yo play, like yo play yogurt. Yeah. You know, just an erotic Woody Allen being like, I don't even eat,

I don't even eat, but I like yo play. They go there in the boardroom. They're like, listen, our yogurt is for like French pedophiles. Who cares? In the same way that Jeep was like, our cars are for people that are drunk while buying the car. It's for people that are trying to drink their traumas to the back of their fucking head. The CEO Jeep gives a shit. Uh, Bob, bad news. Bruce just got popped on the garden state parkway. They got him on the, they popped him on the turnpike and he's screaming, saying the N word. He goes, good, release that. We'll use that as a commercial. They originally wanted Bruce drunk screaming the N word as a

Jeep commercial, but they had to do that other horse shit. He goes, that's good. I want to see bloated Bruce Springsteen get thrown in the back of a cruiser. And then the Jeep's just sitting there and they go, nobody stops the boss. From the reports that emerged, the officer allegedly observed Springsteen consuming would appear to be alcohol in the park and then starting up as motorcycle. Oh, he was on a motorcycle. That's great. Next time, drive a Jeep. The lawyer says it might look like a shot of tequila, but who knows what it was. It might have been a shot of Gatorade. It's where to God. That's a good direct quote. That's a real Jersey lawyer. He's being represented by some real Jersey lawyer. It's the same guy representing Woody Allen.

Hey, it might look like a kid saying that they got fucked up in the attic, but we, it might be a kid playing a prank. Might also be a kid playing games. You know how kids do. It's a shot of Gatorade. I mean, what a country. All of our heroes are collapsing in front of us, folks. They're collapsing. There's nothing left to do except embrace the mediocrity and the horror that will come with people that don't make moral that aren't bad, like that don't rape and maim and murder and kill. You know, just let Mr. Beast curate the country. Yes. Just let Mr. Beast feed us. Let Mr. Beast decide what the art's going to be. Just let nerds do it. I'm not saying he's a nerd, but he probably is. Probably just let autists do everything now. Just let people that can't say

hello to you run the world. They can't shake a hand. They're looking at anyone's eye. They can't rape anyone. They can't even say hello. I feel bad, man. I feel bad for Kendall Jenner. It's a rough week for Kendall Jenner and for Woody Allen. And that's why they should shack the fuck up. He should be eating a pussy at Boa Steakhouse in sombreros. She should come out in a sombrero. Dude, Kendall Jenner, if I was Kendall Jenner's PR person, which shockingly I'm not, I would tell her go out there and just pose in front of an ice camp with your tequila. Remember the Pepsi commercial that one of them did? I think it was Kendall or Kylie. Yeah, it was Kendall. It was like give the cop a Pepsi. How about pouring a shot for an ice agent?

How about pouring a shot of your tequila for an ice agent? Then he takes it and he goes and opens the cage and all the kids come out and they start dancing. Why not? This hotel is going to fuck us up, man. Yeah, I hope they don't see this. What can they do after the fact? These, we could say these are like for the stage. These are like Broadway cigarettes. I don't see any no smoking. Yeah, and we're not setting off the fire alarm or anything. No one said no smoking.

You know, are we really doing the wrong thing here? I don't think so. We have to record ads. Oh my God. Yeah, it's so late. For the folks listening, the episode should have been out a couple hours ago, but I'll get it up in about five hours. Ben just flew in the Boston. How was that flight? Wasn't bad. Wasn't bad. You sit next to Dylan Farrow running her mouth. God, the last thing you want to do is sit next to her. I'm kidding. I feel bad. I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to really get out here and take a shot? I don't have any of the facts.

I don't know if Mexicans really make tequila. It seems like they do, but maybe Kendall Jenner is a Mexican. Her father's now a mother. Oh, she's Armenian actually. I don't even know. I mean, I don't even know. What's their drink? They don't really have one. Right. So you got to, you got to, she's got to do what she's got to do. I don't care. I don't care that the Kardashian family, Kim and Kanye are divorced. They make noise these people. That's what they do. They court controversy. They're, they're important figures in our lives. And they're,

every now and then they're going to do something wacky. Just like Woody Allen. These people and Bruce, they're going to drive drunk. I don't know what to tell you. You know? I didn't do it. I just lived through a snowstorm. I just lived through the icing over of Texas. Ted Cruz should start flaming Kendall Jenner on Twitter going, you're a fucking culturally appropriating whore. Stay out of my state. Keep your hands off the real Mexican tequila. I don't know. It's very late here. We got to go to bed. We got to record ads. We got it. We got to prosper. We've got lots of shows coming up. I don't know where they are. They're on a website or get the guy who ran it quit. We got to find someone else. What are you going to do? But that's

okay. We're, we're evolving. You know, I will be in Woody's new film. Yep. I will do it. Chalamet won't do it. That, that strange birdlike guy. I'll do it. Chalamet is like a little weird mollusk. Chalamet is something that should sit on a shellfish tower. I want to put him on a thing of ice and just dunk him into sauces and eat him. What's wrong with that? That's not, that's not rapey. I mean, consensually, I would ask him, I'd go, yes, cocktail or the spicy, uh, Calabrian chili mayo. Minionettes, put them in the oyster sauce. Yeah. Yeah. And let army hammer back in. Who cares? He wants to eat someone's heart. It's all fantasy. It's all, you know what I mean? New, new movie, new movie idea, new movie idea. Me, army hammer, Bruce Springsteen, Kendall Jenner,

directed by Woody Allen. There we go. There it is. There it is. Everyone's happy. Everyone's happy. We all move on. Great art will save us. What if Woody made a really good movie about him being in love with a seven year old? But it was really funny, like truly funny. We are not going to be on YouTube in a week. This will be it. This will be it soon. Soon it's coming. They better make room at Spotify. Joe, you better call someone. Better call someone at Spotify immediately. This podcast is going to be exclusive to clubhouse very soon if this keeps going on. But what if Woody made a very funny movie? It's just like him and a seven year old and he's like, never she are nervous. Is it like a comedy, like daddy daycare, except in a relationship?

No, it's an intellectual romcom where he falls in love with a literal child and they walk around New York City. Is that so, if it's really funny, but if it's good, I'm saying if it's good, not half ass. Good. Punch, punch, punch, punch. Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, boom, bam, boom, bam. Quick. Smart writing. You know, he takes it to Rome. Ben's nervous. Ben's seeing that Tesla get repossessed. They take that's why you should have bought outright. Like I did. I live in that Range Rover in that water burger parking lot. Fuck that guy. But yeah, Woody just going to Rome with a seven year old. I'm Bruce Mingsy. Can we record a song of it? Love is whatever it means.

Love is beautiful no matter what. Don't listen to Mia Farrow. She's some kind of Chinese. Don't listen to COVID-19. What if Woody Allen just goes nuts and starts screaming? It was made in a lab, which is not nuts, but just be funny. If that's his, his rebuttal, his rebuttal to this is that was COVID-19 was made in the lab. All right, folks, go away. First of all, we're only in this fucking dump because the, the last hotel we're at, we couldn't get a room that was bright enough to record a podcast. It was a real problem. And Dan knows what happened. And that's why I've brought him here to discuss it. Yeah. So we try to check into this other hotel,

which will not be named. And it was the Harbor hotel in Boston, the Boston Harbor hotel. So yeah, we're walking in, we're trying to check in and Tim goes in, he has a list of demands because we are trying to get this podcast recorded. He goes in, he's like, all right, I need a room that's big. I need a big table. I need a big desk. I need, I need a terrace. He's like, I need a helicopter pad. It's a huge list of demands. You know, he's like, I need a butler. I need silver plates, beautiful China. And they're like, okay, well, actually, you know, we have a room that could accommodate some of your needs. And we'll just take your card. And so he hands you, you hand them your, your credit card. I hand them the credit card.

They had discussed the presidential suite. I thought that was a bit too much, but I thought that we should stop short of the presidential suite, but be in that area. I'm glad that was being discussed. Yeah. So he hands them the card and what happens? Well, I handed them the card and it was declined. Yeah. The car gets declined because I don't have money on the card. And this is the problem that these people don't understand. Real wealthy people don't have money. I mean, this man goes in with like demands, like a real list of the bands. He's like, I need, I need luxury. I, yes, I do. But my thing is I'll call my bank and get my limit raised if we are doing business,

but I need to charge my phone. The car, the car just keeps getting declined. And they're like, sir, do you have, do you have $2,000 in your card? They go, what can we run it through for? They're like, do you have proof that you have $100 in your account? Do you have any money right now that we can authorize on the card? I said, I have to call my bank, but my phone is dead. Yeah. So you had to charge your phone. Let me charge my phone. And also how many square foot is the room we're discussing? And this is the thing, you know, I look like a crack head. Yeah. But at the end of, and we're right. We finally got the money. We finally got the money. And we went to see the room and we said, no good. And we went to

check in and then we came back down and we said, we need all the money back. It looked like you wanted, it looked like you got embarrassed, like that you were like, oh shit, like I don't have the money. Now we need to prove that I have the money. Maybe I'll call in some favors and then we got there and we're like, you know what, let's find an excuse on why the room wasn't good enough. We come downstairs, we go, the room is not well lit. We need more light because we're recording a podcast, which they don't even understand. Nothing screams poverty more than we need the room to record a podcast. And also we need, we need more light. Like it was a very, it was a very odd, but by the way, I wasn't impressed with the room. I didn't like it.

I didn't think it was worth the money. And I left. And now we're here in the wind and this fucking dump. It's disgusting. What have you done for us? Did you throw any of your cards? Did you take any of your cards out? I did. I brought your phone to the concierge to let it charge. And I believe that my phone was used to raise the credit limit on the card. Your bank was used to, your phone was used to call the bank and talk about, and enter into a negotiation about raising capital. People don't know that. I'm actually partially a financier of this whole operation. How is, how are you a financier? Well, my phone was used to help finance the recording of this podcast.

But you don't spend any money when we go on the road. You spend zero dollars. I spend zero dollars and then you're paid well. I'm paid, I'm paid pretty well. Pretty well. Pretty well. I would say well. Very well. Pretty well. I'd say very well. Pretty well is good. Pretty's good. Pretty's accomplished. Pretty well is good. You're probably, I think you're paid very well. Very well. I agree. I think you're paid very well. I'm not a grateful. Well, that's very, that's very nice. But what you, what you don't understand is that what I'm doing is negotiating and there are tactics when you negotiate. And one of the tactics is to not

have money and to keep everyone guessing because anyone can throw out a credit card and have a high limit and get it approved. But when people are guessing and there's chaos introduced, you now see an opening. So what I do is I throw out a bunch of cards, people start going to die, get on a phone, people don't know what's happening at the end of the day. I get what I want. I feel like we look like two guys who just walked in the hotel to shoot up, but we wanted to do it in like a fancy area. We had to get a credit card like no one thought. We didn't go up to that room and either like suck off a homeless guy or do a bunch of heroin and leave. Yeah. Cause we immediately, we were up there for maybe 10 to 15 minutes. What a great

idea if two guys were like, we gotta shoot up. We will only do it in a suite with two rooms and a balcony. Yeah. Like the idea of the two guys shooting up and going, you know what, we need more than just a bathroom. We need a suite. This goes out to all the drug addicts out there. Like you don't need to go to the red roof in or the days in or the motel late or whatever. You can get the presidential suite at the Boston Harbor hotel and then leave and then leave, leave, go up, do whatever you need to do, have your abortion, let them pull it out of you, go down and then say the room was not well lit. Yeah. You don't need to do this in poverty anymore. You know, and, and they, when they walked up there, nobody thought like everybody was like,

that was just, we pulled some scam. Yes. But it was legit. We couldn't use the room, but they thought they were going to walk in there and just see fetuses. Yeah. I mean, your phones is not charged. Like all of these guys probably been walking around all day. Fetuses in that room. They thought the maid was going to open it up and it just fetuses still attached to the ambilical cords, just hanging from a ceiling. Like, you know that scene where Freddie got fingers daddy, do you want some sausages? Daddy, would you like some sausage? Just fetuses. That's what they thought and drugged up fetuses as well. I know. Well, all right. Listen, tell everyone where to find you guys. Follow me at Dan Mann,

Carney, if you can. Thank you. Don't. He doesn't deserve it. I do deserve it. Make him earn it. All right. Fucking make me earn it, but you know, give me a follow. What's, what's the, what's the problem here? Follow him and then follow me here. Yeah. The same way that we walked into that room and left. Yes. Follow him and then unfollow him and shoot heroin in luxury. Oh, of course. And have your abortions at the Boston Harbor hotel. They allow it.