The Tim Dillon Show - 241 - Live From Cleveland

Episode Date: February 28, 2021

This show is dedicated to the great Bud Muenster. Live from Cleveland, Tim digs a bit deeper into the Woody Allen case, attempts to do his ad reads live, discusses the light at the end of the tunnel for Cleveland, and also the new Adam Curtis documentary. Bonus Episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE ▶▶ https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dillon-show/ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS:   🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co ⚓ NICK DAVIS'S PODCAST (BELOW DECK) ▶▶ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-below-deck-podcast/id1216741721 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off 💊 MASF SUPPLEMENTS ▶▶ https://masfsupplements.com/ use code TIMD for 10% OFF   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Give it up for Dasha and Anna from the Red Scare podcast Cleveland what the fuck is up This this city My favorite fact that I've just learned about Cleveland is that a councilwoman Has issued a travel advisory not for Syria But for East Cleveland There is a travel advisory

currently for the eastern half of this city Because there are so many police chases. This is a fact COVID is like number seven of what's destroying there is COVID hit here 30 years ago There are so many police chases it's fucking up the traffic Like people are getting in accidents Because cops are just ramming fucking pedestrians on their way to apprehend a murderer Or something like that

Terrifying you've never been to a place like this. Never. I'm a sweet West Texas boy. Yeah, he's never been To this place every I've been here five years in a row because comedy is good here. Yeah Comedy is very good here. Comedy is always good in places where people do not have hope This is a fact In places whereas the great Chris Hedges would say people fetishize hope Comedy my comedy is tough But here I mean this restaurant and it's lovely is the nicest place in Cleveland. This is it by far This is it. I mean rotisserie chicken. That's it. That's the best

You're gonna do in Cleveland. Yeah, you get a fried pickle The food here is puzzling to me the Polish boy sandwich, which is Guy in the back. What do you mean? Come on they come on It's a what is it Kilbasa french fries barbecue sauce and coleslaw, right? Is that what it is? I Mean He doesn't even know whatever Woody Allen did is not as bad as that Let's just say that right now. I don't care what allegations come out about Woody Allen

Who aren't the tide is turning Rogan texting me today the tide is turning for Woody really that's where Rogan said What's the you also said water cured cove? He's like it's like the movie signs man, it's water. Yeah, what is it's a night Shyamalan, ma'am I Hey, I've done it eight times if he doesn't have me back it is what it is Burn the bridges after you've crossed the multiple times. That's what I say But no, it's Woody I did you see the first episode?

Yeah put the whole Family in jail Everyone Mia that's God. She has a God complex. You don't adopt 17 children from war-torn countries if you don't expect some of them to get fucked She's importing Taiwanese ladyboys for her perv husband, she's not even adopting regular kids She's adopting sex dolls from a UN human trafficking list And I just keep looking at him if he's gonna cut our mics, but it's so it's so crazy

I want the Mola jail. I want Mia in jail. Is she even Asian? She looks so weird. I don't know. What is her race? It's troubling What is Mia Farrow's race? I Don't know I want to know she's Irish supposed to be Irish She looks like a banshee like an old Irish banshee and she just adopted those fucking kids And I think they should all just be put away all of them in jail Moses that little fucking Harry Potter Yeah, the little Woody Allen guy. I

Hope Moses is accused of something soon because Moses is defending Woody Allen hardcore. Yes Yeah, Moses is out right now going. That's my fucking bro. Nice. Don't fuck you took me fishing Yeah, you took me fishing. He was gave you buck. I bought me a pair of glasses Give us a fuck who you fucked He married my sister doesn't matter Because Moses you got to throw that in you got to be like a fucking married my sister who cares He's my dad ish kind of I don't know didn't live with us barely saw him Put Dylan in jail too for that fucking hair that red hair nothing justifies that I don't care what happened

I don't care what fucking yeah, I don't care what happened. You cannot have blood red hair and Be taken seriously There I don't feel any sympathy for you sitting there with blood red hair and You know, it's just rough Here's a thing with Dylan and this is like me. I was hot as a kid legit Me be very careful About how I phrase my issue here with Dylan Farrell

Do you see where I'm going here? If I was talking about get molested now you'd go. I don't know See what I mean, but if I was a kid that's why they keep having to show Dylan as a kid Because HBO's a little pito weird too. They're like no, but remember she did look like this Like cuz Dylan's like he would just take me to the fucking attic and HBO's like, okay, let's edit in because it's not believable At this juncture it is very I mean she looks like she lives here, you know, like it's not I'm sorry, but she does If you saw Dylan Farrell fucking serving beer cheese pretzels or whatever people eat here Half the city's a hospital. That's the other thing I love about Cleveland literally half the city's a clinic

Half the entire city is a fucking clinic if people just I walked into a restaurant once people just getting EKG's I'm like, oh I was like, oh, I thought this was the ground round, but apparently it's not But Dylan Dylan as a problem that I have we did not age into our sex appeal we didn't that's okay But when you're describing those events, you know, it's a little like we're like her because everybody's kind of doing that Everyone's like, wait a minute her Really I hope it all works out but HBO fucked up because they're releasing it. What is it once a week? It looks like once a week, which it's like the fuck. Yeah, here's a thing with pedophile documentaries

I know a little bit about them. I know a little bit about pedophilia. You got to binge it You got to get in and out You got to get in and out of a good pedophile doc You can't be waiting because then you seem like a creep if you're waiting for the next Installment like you seem like a freak if you're out to launch you turn around you go, you know what I'm really waiting for I'm waiting for the next installment of the Woody Allen doc. I think this time he fucks her I'm waiting for that baby Give it to me. You can't do that. You can have four watch parties. You can have four Woody Allen watch parties

Get a hero come to the house. This is the episode where they go to the attic. Okay, I'm getting the cake a Cassata cake the which is good. It's a Cleveland cake. It has very dry angel food cake that's old and And a strawberry ish jelly and whipped cream. So it's lovely. It's lovely. Oh, it's it is Top of the line, but you know But I hope hey, man, I hope I hope Woody makes it out. Okay. I have no You know, it is what it is, you know, I mean, I hope he didn't do it. Yeah mostly that

Goes without saying I respect you didn't do it I respect Mia and Dylan so fucking like if they're still Doing this shit to this fucking guy With HBO cameras on them and they're still sitting there and they're still going on man. Am I fucking like wow? I'll know it's bullshit if Dylan and Mia start a podcast together like after this is all wrapped Dylan and Mia do a podcast about socialism after this Yeah, what's what's the product launch? Yeah, that's true. What's the merch line the Mia Farrell skin cream? Yeah the

I Mean she literally this is a fact. I don't know if this is a fact, but I saw it She adopted a black daughter and then she like she's like put a photo out like happy birthday Shakshuka, whatever the daughter's name is It's a brunch dish, but it's something similar Sienna who cares, you know Serena Williams and the point is I'm just saying I don't know the name and The point is supposedly she googled in order to do that Mia Farrell black daughter to get a photo of the daughter

Really? Yeah, that's what it. That's what I read the online She put me a fair black daughter just to find she has like 30 She has too many kids from too many places to keep track of all of her children You know, but we're bombing Syria, so it's gonna be good. We're bombing stank God Were you getting a little tired of us not bombing Syria? Yeah, I woke up every day feeling like shit because bombs were not dropping on hospitals in Syria. I Was so upset. I Said when can we do a fake war with Syria and we're just bombing the shit out of Syria

No one really knows why I think it's because the Bitcoin story is over. I Think that's literally what happened like AMC stock tanked. I lost 18 hunch The next time I see Dave Portnoy, I'm gonna lunge at him when he's reviewing a pizza and bite his fucking neck He won't have me on that podcast with that tiktoker. I've tried to get on like multiple times No, he won't have me on BFFs with him and the child that they discuss. Have you watched that? He does his thing and he says whatever he says and then the kid goes like this the kids like yeah The response to everything Dave says Dave's like business is like this the kids like yeah, that's fire I had dinner with that kid

We all went out to dinner and that kid came to dinner and I was sitting there and literally we're all deciding on the appetizers And you know he's like sitting there and he's like And I go I go, what do you want to eat and he goes the calamari is fire I was like, okay This is like This is where it's at, you know, but we're bombing Syria and To send a message to send a message. That's it to Yemen. Yeah that

We will continue to let Saudi Arabia carpet bomb you. We don't know why we don't know why we're in war We have no idea why they used to make up reasons to go in remember that ISIS Isle yeah, remember that there were different ones. Well, this is the Levant. This is I said, there's nothing now They don't even make up a fake There were fake things that they tried hard They'd be like five guys dressed like ninjas saw on a guy's head off And they'd be like this is why we got to go in here and I'm like there's more shit going on in East Cleveland than that Go to East Cleveland like there is much more shit going on in East Cleveland than there is in fucking Damascus

But okay, they used to make shit up now. They now you just find out about it on Twitter and you go, all right Just bomb in Syria It's that hyper normalization. Did you see the new Adam Curtis doc? Okay, well Eliminate that shot It's good, but I'm just sick of his shit too. Did you see hyper normalization? He does these good docs He's like a BBC documentarian But his whole thing is like he is the wet why the world looks the way it does and it's like dude

We get it like we know already how it look, you know, it's like do you ever wonder why how we got here? Yeah, no, how do we get out of here? Yeah, how did we get to this place where no one believes anything and they never will What are we doing? You know Do you know why we're in a place where no one can do anything to change? Anything and we're all sitting around staring at each other. No one trusts anyone and everything is bad Yeah Do we have a follow-up? He just keeps doing that he keeps coasting on that, you know

Hey, man, I just hope the Weinstein brothers have forgiven me. I I Just hope that bread So on Clubhouse what's happening now? I will mention them every podcast until We we get in a full-scale war and they are not ready. Ah No idea what I will do. No idea. I'm kidding. I like there. I agree with them. That's the thing I hate getting in wars with people I agree with but we'll do it But on Clubhouse, which is this app where you it's an audio only invite app

Where you people talk to each other in these dumb little rooms and and you have to get invited into them or whatever Woke people like virulently woke people have come into these rooms and what they're doing and this is sad But a little funny is they are called they're like you have to be asked to be a speaker So what they're doing is they're calling like the wine scenes on stage on Clubhouse like inviting them up And then you're saying like fuck you you're a hygienicist right and then asking him for money They're like hit my Venmo you white piece of shit Literally, that's what people are doing on Clubhouse now. They're like dude. Just just hit my Venmo white people You're not allowed to speak just fucking hit my Venmo and I some of them are doing it

I guess these fucking cocks. I don't know Some of these fucks are like all right. I'll give you $19. I'm sorry It's so weird it's such a weird app because it's all it's like there's woke people There'll be a room where they'll be like is Cobra Kai too white Yeah And then there'll be a room about like Bitcoin and then there'll be rooms that I do which are like I do the serious rooms The ones that matter I'll do the rooms like how to become a cancer influencer, you know how to build a brand while in

prison for statutory rate I Do the ones that matter the ones that you know The alt-rights on there now by the way, is the alt-right on there. Yeah, this thank Christ see pack let him right in thank God I was getting bored QAnon's on there too. Yeah, me and Ray did a room the other day how to be both woke and QAnon We did a room where we go the stunning lack of diversity at the Capitol riot I

Just a sea of whites not good I Would like to see more. I mean ray at a great point the great-ray comp said hey If you can build remember when they built the gallows for Pence They built the gallows outside of Capitol if you have time to build the gallows you can put in a wheelchair ramp And you can allow the disabled and differently abled And and neuro what's it called with the other with the autistic whichever one is now what do they call it? No, no, they call it. Is it differently abled or neuro intellectually and developmentally disabled? No neuro neuro divergent We need

autistic Indigenous cripples Yes to feel welcome in the queue movement and I want to invite them to also try to kill Nancy Pelosi with a letter opener That's I remember the quarantine started everyone was like the dolphins are back in the canals and it ended with a guy in Viking horns Trying to kill aOC with a pet. I was like, this is a real Interesting turn this fucking shit is taking up

Remember that dumb fucking thing that poem in the beginning the guys like we are going to listen to each other He was talking to his kid. Yeah, it's like a children's book. We're going to learn how to listen. We're going to learn. Yeah, how did that work out? Yeah, but I mean that's my hope my hope is that we're able to but I don't know what's gonna happen with that app either I mean that app could bomb when everyone gets vaccinated. By the way, they're vaccinating everyone way too quickly I'm getting very nervous because I don't want to see anyone for a few years Getting I'm getting a little nervous that Thanksgiving might happen Are you watching Thanksgiving like a hawk? They're like we've actually a hundred people. I'm like, why don't you slow the fuck down?

How about you not vaccinate a few people? I don't need to see my fucking aunt I Yeah, she is she is not happy with me I don't know that I'll ever be able to go to another family event now that I have destroyed that relationship But everyone in my family secretly was texting me like dude, you got her so good That's how you know you're from an Irish family. Everyone's like it's so good I thought they were calling to disown me. They're like you nailed that bitch I'm like she started everybody's talking about Bitcoin every unemployed loser that I know is talking about Bitcoin

The excitement someone has in Bitcoin is directly proportional to literally having nothing else going on in their life Anyone with anything happening does not need to bring up Bitcoin every three minutes Are you invested or on the market? I am not Why? I have no money to invest in the markets But you are I am yeah, I'm long on a couple things then thinks he's Warren Buffett Because he has $750 After he fucks his wife she goes to bed and he goes down to his basement and goes on reddit and just stares at the doge coin dog

for three hours and Yet he's been on reddit every day for like the last two years But somehow wasn't on it enough to make me any fucking money when we could have went in a GME fucking early I got on that fucking train late and got thrown the fuck off it You could have came it was just a meme I didn't think it was really gonna be a revolution I didn't really think it was gonna take off. Well, we could have made some fucking money, dude If you had fucking caught a fucking glimpse of what was happening You know what I mean, we could have hooked up Dylan Farrow with some fucking investment advice

Yeah, what if Dylan Farrow made $19 million on GameStop? What if Yeah, she's like it's very odd doing this documentary because I just didn't make $20 million on a very Crazy play a short squeeze on GameStop I Would love if the next part of the documentary was just me a Farrow talking about Bitcoin for the entire hour Would he never considered other currencies, he just wanted to fuck Dylan I mean, it's it's it's bad out there. I don't know how I feel about therapy. It's good. You were in it for a while, right?

Yeah, I had to stop though. My therapist was too old and kind of like out of it like she was like I'd be like telling a story and she'd be like, what's uber? I'm like you're missing the point It has nothing to do with what I'm trying to tell you How old was she? I don't like an indistinguishable old You know what I mean like she was up there like really up and probably close to 80 pushing 80 74 how'd you get her? She was free. I mean

That was kind of it. What is she? You sure was a therapist not like an old lady in a church I wasn't sold. I wasn't sold might have been his own old woman on a park bench. You were talking to Like you like forrest gump I told her one time. I was like, yeah, I'm thinking about doing mushrooms. She's like that sounds nice I'm like, well, maybe this isn't super helpful. I don't know She's like I love mushrooms peppers onions. You put them in a pan You saute them and if you do it right your husband doesn't punch you in the face

I mean You have an elderly therapist. Yeah, she's nice though. She's nice. I had one I had one. I had one therapist. This is literally the fact that one therapist was Irish guy The worst is the worst therapist. They're all so fun And I believe I was like, I don't know what it was like 14 years old or something And he's like at the end of the session like all he seemed to surmise He was like, all right, so you're a homosexual and you love George W. Bush I

Was like, yeah, I think he has the right strategies for The time we're in I think we have to honor our commitment to the people of Iraq And I'd like to suck dick and I don't know what why those things are all That was like at the end of the thing that was like his diagnosis He's like you're like Bush, but you don't like Bush, you know Like right. He's like, all right. Well, that's $97. I'm like Well, I don't really think there's I don't think there's a need for the people go to therapy in Florida Where you're from or does everyone just go to the blake?

They don't they don't even know they wouldn't even consider that as an option, right? Yeah, because why go to therapy when you could go to a bar called the Landshark exactly that is the therapy. Yeah Florida man, you love Florida so much. I do. I love it. It's the greatest state in the Union It's but it's objectively not it's probably not now, but it is fun. It is fun. Yeah, but life's not about fun. No, it's not Thank you That's what me and Dan do on the road. We're in a car and he says something like that I go, but the world doesn't work like that And then he goes, yeah, yeah, I guess not. Okay, and then we just keep driving

He's a happy kid. I need a happy kid. I can't have another me here, you know, you know, I'm like Tower seven then the other one goes one of that Tower one and two we can't have that We can't have that, you know You know, I go Tower seven. He goes, is that a good movie? So that's Why it works. Mm-hmm. He's a happy guy. Ben is a demon. I mean Ben is is dark What it what it could you remember exact quote from the car about East Cleveland last night? Oh, I said I was trying to learn about East Cleveland on the plane and the darkest human being and from what I can tell It's just like people go to East Cleveland to like murder crackheads after they rape them

That was the first thing he said in the car five minutes in he goes and he has the delivery like this Hey guys with the vape. He's like People in East Cleveland are just murdering the crackheads they've raped I'm like, oh, what a fun and then we just listened to Chris Hedges speeches driving around East Cleveland I don't know if you know Chris Hedges, but he's great, and he's just But he's just he gets it like kind of what's going on and he's like would you strive around East Cleveland and literally We'll watch it Chris Hedges on YouTube and he's like the issue before us is death The death of societies the collective death of the globalized world the death of industrially

I would just driving around when was and I want to put this forth to the audience Did we have a mic that we could pass around? Hey, do we have a wireless? So I want to know when Cleveland was a shit because I know the Rockefellers lived here And I know you guys have the rock and roll Hall of Fame and I know that like she was going on at one You guys had millionaires row. Yeah Look at those girls. I'm back. Yeah Millionaires They are not the real housewives of Cleveland back there

They winter in Cleveland and they summer in Cleveland The real housewives of Cleveland some of them have refrigerators Can you imagine that sad housewives franchise? My name is dawn. I live in Cleveland, Ohio I always knew I was one of the upper crusts because we had two cars and they work My husband works in a tile factory it burnt down now He's in the house all the time which is strange, but I'm still taking a girls trip, you know the real housewives of Cleveland See how the other half lives

The the hottest woman on the real housewives of Cleveland would just be a Diabetic who could afford insulin I Literally just staying alive would be like the fucking like, you know how they have those shitty like in the beginning of the show They're like, you know, they'll be like, I don't care what anyone says about me I'm real like those dumb little intros. It would be a woman who's like I have tight one diabetes But don't worry boys. I can afford my needle The real housewives of Cleveland

There's a lot of people here that like naturally transgender, they don't have to have the surgery which is nice There's a lot of naturally Gender non-specific kind of orbs of flesh wandering around It's true so beaten down the gender down What's a gender at that point, you know, who cares just a leathery-faced old catcher's mitt crawling down the street Looking for a pool of beer to dunk their head in. What's the fucking gender at that point? You just open two legs and all you see is mashed potatoes anyway

And then last one here the last one they're gonna reject a lot of these and we're gonna have to cut them up When you if you hear them in the show, they'll be like yeah, yeah seconds. They'll take out everything It'll just be like ship station good They'll not we have to send the ads in for approval now. Yeah Yeah That's most of what my job is now is fighting with them to leave jokes in and What is their problem? They why did the spoon turn? Spoon was with us for a while and then I went tell them tell everyone exactly what spoon quote magic spoon told me they said

That we can't do any content about children getting abused or Killed or killed that was their words in the yeah, we can't Talk about children being killed or murdered in the ad for cereal or sexually assaulted. Well, then I can't do it I I try I edit it. I mean I'll try I'll try to get through it But I mean no promises the whole point of magic spoon is that the kids that grew up with those cereals growing up With the types of kids whose parents went to a bar all night Then came home woke them out of a dead seat just started pounding on them for no reason and then passed out The reward for those kids was a fucking nice lucky charms breakfast

They didn't get college out of it They got a nice breakfast and every now and then I get to go over their house They'd have a black eye true story and a bloody lip and we'd have a great fucking cereal breakfast And that's what I was trying to capture and then some blue hair fucking tech bitch They got really mad about the the part I had to edit out was about the kid getting tied to the radiator and getting his head Beaten in and then them running him over with the car over and over. That was brilliant. I Felt hungry hearing that I Wanted a nice crunchy keto cereal when hearing about that kid being beaten and then ran over with a car

They didn't like that and what do you who do you talk to over there people have to call you? Yeah, they they contact me through our ad guy and then I have to barter with him and why don't that why don't they contact me I Can include you on the calls. Oh, no bad idea Bad idea. I'll give them a fucking piece of my mind I'm not allowed to speak to anyone. This is after the whole Airbnb fiasco. I am to be kept Silent in a room with cigarettes and I'm to be let out an hour a week and then back into the cage. I cannot Speak to the world You know, but they never sued us those ladies

Umila and yeah, no no with the names now. Sorry test that But they never sued us no never never but they were happy about Rogan's comment They were like Joe Rogan is welcome any time at the time. You know, is that what they said? Yeah, that's what they said on their Instagram stories Someone they said. Oh good Joe Rogan doesn't need to go to your house. You dirty dyke because he has real fucking money You stupid piece of shit Nobody needs to stay in your litter box of a fucking house you cunts Wait, honey is wait and watch. We're just getting started. Okay. We're just getting fucking started You fucking clam divers

They fucking went at me on the gram like that and you didn't fucking tell me stories. I thought you saw it I didn't fucking some blocks No ever screen shot ever since I threatened to kill them. I'm blocked. I Threaten to kill them. They blocked me like children So wait a minute. What what did they do? They shared that thing that Rogan said when you did the podcast last about how Rogan said it was a beautiful place And he'd love to stay at a place like that. He's on DMT and they said Joe Rogan is welcome any time at our Airbnb. Thank you so much Joe

Whatever I Don't like this alliance between Joe Rogan and these two dykes. I Don't like it. I can see it shaping up and I don't like it Do you think I did anything wrong Dan Dan's sees a lot of my behavior and much of it you probably disagree with I mean who can agree with everything that someone does you know But you're a young person what you need to understand is when you're an older person you realize the value of going to war with every person that you say We got in trouble for cutting the line at a waterproof we did that was bullshit though

We didn't even we didn't know the line worked. We didn't even know the line was functioning Yeah, and it's supposed to be Texas tough guy. I'm Texas. I'm a tough guy. I'm gonna shoot you And then you go on a Facebook group like a con ten wine about it yet neighbors uncensored Yeah, neighbors uncensored. Oh, it's 25. You know what that's groups about hard or Ah You know what that neighbors uncensored in Texas is about letting it fly Neighbors uncensored how much coded racial languages in that group. I Just want to post on neighbors uncensored about the new neighbors. They seem a little different

Does anyone share my concerns about the new neighbors? They have a lot of children. I don't know Athletic sure, but I'm a little nervous I'm a little nervous about them darting out into the middle of the street to get a basketball if you hear what I'm saying It's neighbors uncensored in Texas See what happened to those ads what will shave them down Maybe we'll just put them out, but I will bleep out the that part Well, don't we have to get we have to get approval So we had we're not in a contract to get approval, but we our word is our bond, right?

What a horrible bond What a horrible bond should we do with the wireless mic by the way with the community wireless mic Does anyone working here? Okay. Thank you. I feel like we've just gotten into like an abandoned homeless Give the wireless mic to someone I don't even care who it is just give it to someone Someone that looks Hi, I spoke to Melanie the other day. Yeah, really. What was the follow-up? You were supposed to call her a year ago, but it was 1.45 in the morning and where the dirt bags Yes, see the thing about having a fan base is sometimes it's very scary

Sometimes it's very very scary I I do speak to Melanie Melanie's gonna hopefully come out to visit us and podcast with us in March Are you Melanie Was that your quote the only question that was it okay? Well, we're gonna get now we love Melanie Dude Cleveland is fucking wild Remember three years ago somebody named Melanie we're gonna call what happened with that. I Don't know. We're still gonna do that. We haven't found the time. Was that it? Yeah. Yeah That's my that's my question

So they're keeping me up nights for the last year and a half, you know, I was laying on a ventilator going what happened to Melanie Okay, give it to someone else if you can I apologize When you guys come to the city, what do you actually do because I live here and this is the first time Left my house in four months. Yeah. Well, by the way, that's correct You're doing the right thing. What do we do? What did we do went to the fig place? What's the what was it called the flying fig? Went to the flying fig. All right, rain it in It was fine. Sweet people loved it. Love them. We went to town hall. Yeah I mean, I don't know. I don't want to break some bad news to you

There's not a ton of extra curricular activities here that don't involve cooking a bunch of crystal and smoking it in an alley. I Don't exactly I don't want to walk through the rock-and-roll whole of fame. Oh the Ramones like who gives a shit like I Wish it was nicer weather and I'd go walk around by the Nestle quick colored river or something and Think about throwing myself in which is usually I'm usually here in the summer and I just walk by the river and imagine how many dead hookers. Oh I wanted to talk about my friend bud monster died my friend bud monster died and bud is a character from the show he My friend Joe's father he I've gotten two boating accidents with him We used to drink together and do cocaine and take pills and He died which is very sad because he'd never stopped doing that which is not advisable

But he was the coolest guy and one of my favorite people in the world And he's said some of the funniest things that I've ever heard in my life You know once his wife said to him, but you should get it. He was like the fun guy the party guy We'd all go over to their house high school parties and shit like that He'd take people out on his boat for 48 hours straight just drunk and throw them in the water and watched him drown and stuff He was a good guy. He loved freedom. You know people don't value freedom anymore You know these tiktoks scum and everyone else, but bud You know his wife said to him once his wife goes, why don't you get a fucking job?

And he looked at he goes, what am I gonna work like some loser? Those are memories that I really um I Cherish he was a good a great man, and it was very sad. He kind of I don't know if it was OD I think it was kind of a suicide. Yeah, and his kids were my friends are so dark. They are the darkest when I tell Dan story I mean this poor little kid's head, but I mean my friends are the darkest he texted his family My life of service is over. Let me get the exact text. It's on my phone. I wish I had it First of all, he didn't serve anyone. So that's kind of hilarious. Yeah, my life of service is over Like he never did any for like anyone, but he was fun with me like we had fun and that's important too

So many people forget that it's important to have fun even with people that are doing horrible things and he said He said like my life of service is over and he said my earthly run whatever he said He goes is over and his son. I had no idea he was serious because he used to threaten us all the time So his son literally said this was the last words. He said his father's son literally texted him. Okay. Take care And Then he did it But that's so fucking bad. That's so bad To just end it like that fucking bud

Just when he goes they're all gonna feel like a piece of shit now I know that's what bud felt like right at the end because you know what they're all gonna feel like shit. Okay. Take care Oh, I will take care Oh, I will take care and you're gonna be feeling pretty stupid, but we're all laughing About it, you know, they're they want me to do the eulogy and I do want to we might have to cancel show I might have to fly down there and do the eulogy because I've had so many fun times with the guy He introduced me to Lisa's lounge To to a place called the helm

I spent a decade of my life in a crippling drug addiction and financial ruin and a lot of that was with him and Without that, there's no podcast truly to be honest with you Yeah, there's no podcast. I would have went to some Faggity liberal arts school Truly, I would have been like I believe in the future and hope and I have a taint and whatever I would major in like I just be like fucking I'd be a fat activist just like On the cover of a magazine with my fucking asshole out and I'd be living in Vermont and fucking I'd be a full dyke I would have transitioned to a less I would have split my fucking Irish dick out and just made it into a fat fucking fat French dip

I narrowly avoided that fate Okay, I could have came out of closet easier like when I was younger and been happy and Like been financially stable and had a good life and man, we would all not be here So one of the reasons I didn't do that was because Bud monster showed me sometimes it is more important to go out and get drunk Than to heal the wounds of your childhood. You know what I mean? Sometimes in Cleveland you get this sometimes that line of coke is more important than seeing a shrink Sometimes that Oxycontin is just what you need. You don't need to call an old friend

Do you understand sometimes being drunk on a boat is just the best thing you can do at the time Bud monster was a guy that went with me every day to a murder trial That changed my life because after the murder trial, I said I'm gonna sober up I'm gonna come out of the closet and then I'm gonna do stand-up comedy, but I was 25 years old I was the same age as you literally, you know and Bud came to the murder trial every day with me because he was unemployed And he didn't have anything to do and he loved murder trials because they're really fun And they're interesting and if you ever get a chance to be a juror on a murder trial

Do it not know one of these dumb things were like somebody slips and falls into Wendy's and they're like I want 80 grand Who cares? But I mean I'm talking this was murder torture rape the guy stabbed her in each eye Stabbed her so many times that the coroner didn't know How many they had to stop at 65 he goes to flesh is so bruised that at 65 times We had to stop so what I'm trying to say is this was well worth it, you know like this was a good I Mean, you know, it's it's it was a rough experience for everyone her more

So I did a lot of sitting and judging which is nice in a jury box You sit and judge and I would crinkle chips, you know as the coroner was saying this I'd be like I'd be like and there was a laceration on each eye And Bud would be sitting in the back they thought bud was a member of the family they let bud in the sentencing They let bud go in the sentencing because they thought bud every day bud would come to and then After we'd go to lunch every day and then after the trial we'd drive home and get drunk and then tell everyone at the local bar

Everything that was going on with the truck Like update them we'd be like oh they fucking brought this expert in and whatever and shit, you know and the guy was really guilty I don't I'm not super sure about that, but he was like he looked weird and he's in jail life plus 15 but whatevs and bud was a real big part of my life because he was there and we'd go to the trial every day and Then he went to sentencing we went back for sentencing me and bud went back for the sensing the jury came back So it's like a big deal on the island. You could look it up, you know, don't overturn it or anything, but and then

Bud went to the sentencing and then we went out afterwards a few days later We're on his boat and we crashed into the piling of a bridge And we fell off the boat and then we're like both bleeding and he looked at me because you can't hang out with me anymore And I said why and he goes I'm trying to kill myself like he said it very seriously He's like I'm trying to kill myself and then it hit me. I'm like oh He's trying to kill himself. You know what I mean? Like this is not fun for him He's in the depths of an addiction, but it was also a little fun, but it was like You know

And then I forgot what I said. I probably said okay take care, but at the end I don't know what I said But and then the last time I saw him was with you. Yeah And and you had met him briefly. I did. Yeah, and what were your impressions? It's not the most surprising thing. Yeah, you know like he didn't seem super healthy You know yeah, you ever see the movie adaptation. Yes. What was that actor chris cooper michael cooper? Yeah, that guy chris cooper. Yeah, this is a dan carney basic bitch simulation. This is when he does Academy award-winning film. I know I know

This is when dan will kind of look like him. Have you ever seen fucking american pie? You know stifler's mom. Yeah, well But no, I know what you kind of look like him but like with less ambition, but it lived a life a wildlife he had like Solt blow with like george young back in the day He he was hanging out in fort lauderdale when it was like called fort leuterdale because there were so many quailudes there He spent a lot of time in florida You know it really didn't work like rarely worked barely worked didn't really work didn't have jobs, which I always liked I like people that don't work. I think they're fun

Have you ever gone to someone's house at tuesday at 11 a.m. And they're there there's something nice about that Right. Is there something nice when someone's there at 11 a.m. They'll just like yeah if you want to do something. I'm like, yeah Fucking let's do it. You know I don't want to deal with people that are like, well, I got three meetings. I got a four o'clock. I look at it 7 30. No He was always home Uh, he was a special character, you know, and it's sad that he um Is no longer with us, but I guess in one way it's good because I don't know what the next I don't know what like the back nine was going to be like there was no shot

That it was going to turn around and be good You know He built a house in georgia That's like crazy. It looks crazy. It's like It's it's like literally like built like like just like someone on drugs Built a house like That's literally what it looks like like things are uneven and walls don't make sense. Like it's literally like a fucking maze

so But it is said I mean it's sad everyone's dying except my family how How in god's name Has my family escaped What has come for everyone, you know Cleveland it's a it's an honor to to be here, you know, this is a real world-class city You may say hey a large percentage of our population dresses in reynolds wrap

Who cares Who cares many of our restaurants serve fish, which is actually just chicken or fried bread doesn't matter Doesn't matter Doesn't matter. It's gonna turn around. I think I believe I believe that your time is coming You know what I like I truly truly believe That cleveland Like it's best days are ahead of them

But but I also believe that about bud monster Thank you guys so much. You're a lot of fun. Thank you guys for coming out We got a stand-up show you guys rock ben avery dan carney follow these guys. Thank you so much. We really appreciate it Have a good night