The Tim Dillon Show - 248 - My Garbage Life

Episode Date: April 18, 2021

In an all time family friendly classic Tim Dillon episode, Tim talks why it's dangerous to get in the way of someone who wants to do nothing with their life, the current turmoil over Adam Toledo, why women like Kim Potter should not be police officers, and laments the end of the Afghanistan War. Bonus Episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: 🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co ⚓ NICK DAVIS'S PODCAST (BELOW DECK) ▶▶ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-below-deck-podcast/id1216741721 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off 💊 MASF SUPPLEMENTS ▶▶ https://masfsupplements.com/ use code TIMD for 10% OFF 🧴 DUKE CANNON DEODERANT ▶▶ https://dukecannon.com/ use code DILLON for 10% off 💍 NORTHBANDS RINGS ▶▶ https://www.northbands.com/ use promo code TIM for 20% off BITCOIN CONFERENCE ▶▶ https://b.tc/conference use code TIMDILLON for 10% off CERTIFIED PIEDMONTESE BEEF ▶▶ 25% OFF with discount code TIMDILLON at https://www.cpbeef.com   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. I'm so sad. We're leaving Afghanistan and I'm so sad. That was my first war My first war and we are gone just like that 21 quick years And the biden administration surprising us all surprise They're doing an unconditional troop withdrawal by september 11th Wow

Well, we did it We did what we had to do and um We have a whole and we'll do it later in the show. We have an entire tribute To the afghanistan war, which was my first war. You always remember Your first war like your first kiss like your first, uh uh I don't know asking a girl out your first fuck

The first time that you had a tuna tartar. I don't know but whatever you whatever sticks out in your mind You always remember your first war, baby. Now, of course, it could have been the gulf war But I was too young to really understand uh the gulf war uh until years later Afghanistan was my first year. I was a 11th grade uh just boy And we were

Heading into afghanistan and now I am It's crazy to think of the amount of changes. I've gone through in my life And the backdrop has been the afghanistan war the war in afghanistan And afghanistan now because of our efforts there is actually and this is and I thought this wouldn't happen I was a little bit of a skeptic, but it is a beautiful tourist destination and it is going to as soon as covet that's the problem is covet but when covet is um done uh tourists are going to flock to afghanistan to to the that to the

You know cashmere region between afghanistan and pakistan and the the four seasons is there There's so many hotels going over there right now And just it's going to be beautiful and it's everything that we had wanted Which is to create this multi-ethnic um democracy thriving economy Uh in the middle of uh a bed of rocks that has been run by tribal warlords for thousands of years That is going to so it's sad

But we accomplished what we wanted to do we got it done It's done and as soon as I get my vaccine passport. I am headed to fucking afghanistan I don't even know the because this hasn't been in the news. I don't even know the towns Anymore in afghanistan. We used to know them all the time Uh cobble cobble was a big one Cobble is the capital candohar. Yep. It's all coming back

Mazzari Sharif. Yeah We used to talk about that But cobble is the big one and that's going to be a hot spot As soon as we're coven is um stops plaguing us Speaking of uh coven We went to get vaccinated uh, we wanted to get the uh johnson and johnson vaccine Which I am a fan of because it has 66 uh efficacy, which I think is fine I think it's fine. I think you do want a little risk

I do think you don't want and you don't want to entirely um immunize yourself from this I think you want a little bit of sexy kind of risk and the jane j shot uh was not that effective but also in addition to that um

Even though it wasn't that effective it was also giving people blood clots and they were collapsing uh in parking lots So you had that they were getting dizzy and nauseous and then collapsing intense With because of the heat supposedly that's what that's the party line. Well, it's hot That was johnson. People were literally taking it and just collapsing and johnson and johnson's response was well It's hot as hell So that was their response. That was their scientific response. Oh people get hot. That was it Uh, I I love that they did it at colorado and then georgia But johnson to johnson's response to the collapsing was people going like was johnson johnson fish response was like

Adheats a bitch So, you know, now. Yes, there was only seven women that got blood clots and women get blood clots all the time They're bloody people these women and they they clot and yes the pill Uh, and and people say to me they go well the pill has a higher incidence of women um Getting blood clot. Yeah. Well, who's for you taking that? Have your babies ladies so um

Pitter powder of little feet lovely sound So yes, the the babies or the blood clots and what is a baby except just a blood clot that eventually Will steal your car to meet his heroine dealer But so they so we go and we we got we were going to get it at some shady pharmacy in tarzana Uh, one of whitney cummings quack, uh doctors, uh, Probably the same guy that worked on michael jackson

Um is uh the same guy that uh gave michael jackson propofol She put me in a group text with she has all these shady doctors, you know from beverly hills and stuff And so she put me in a in a in a group text with the doctor who gave michael jackson propofol What's his name get his name up the doctor that gave michael jackson propofol Yeah, who is this guy because I guarantee you this is the same person I'd be shocked if it wasn't I think it was let's see Conrad Murray

Right, so i'm in a group text with conrad murray and whitney cummings And conrad says every vial of j and j serves five people So we have to get five people to show up at this, uh pharmacy in tarzana, california and um And uh, so I call dan carney, uh and and our friends devin and ida and then of course ben um And dan's already had covet devin and ida have not You have not I don't believe I don't know if I have or not. We don't know

All the symptoms of covet like I have For several hours out of each day, so I don't know what covet is and isn't Um The only time I thought I had covet was when I had every symptom of covet in march and in the shower speaking perfect mandarin And I had a deep urge to destroy this, uh country of entitled, um Soft fatties In the shower I would stand there and I go how and I started doing corporate espionage for like a week. It was odd

That's the only reason that I thought I might have had it I was just delivering lead-based toys to orphanages and then doing corporate espionage in my spare time But again, that's the only time I thought I had it. That's the only time I thought I I had it I would also speak I would call president z. I somehow would get through to him I don't even know how I would pick up my phone. He'd be on the other end and we would chat Um, but he was very concerned about the the fighter and the kid He always wanted he wanted to know about that and I was like, isn't that odd But he said president z said I'm going to take down america first through the la comedy scene

Which I didn't understand and then a few months later. I did President z has a direct route to that woman at the la times, uh, what's her name that journalist? Oh, uh, I don't want to get on her bad side Who's that uh, that uh, lauren was it uh I don't know but whatever she writes all the good stuff All the salacious stuff, but president z Is funding her and she's taking down america Through the los angeles comedy scene one by one. That's what president z said to me. He goes one by one. He said

I didn't know what he meant, but now I do and it's unfortunate for all But I don't know if I had it and we don't know what's going on So we go to la and uh, you know dan and and devin and i to come and they all get a dinner at nobu on my arm, of course uh, you know Some of the least deserving people on earth are shoving nobu sushi into their mouth Uh on my arm and which is fine. It's nice to you know, it's like adopting people from that third world country All of them dance from you know outside of tampa um

You know so and then i didn't devin good. We don't even know where they're from but uh I don't even know if she's like, uh, is she even from iran? I don't even know. Yeah, no one even palace Yeah, no one even knows but I I I respect the grift and uh She don't anything about iran but anyway, so We go there and we're all ready to do the j and j vaccine on uh, what was that?

Tuesday Tuesday, we're gonna get and it's one and done you get one shot and listen. I'm not excited about the vaccine I'm no evangelist for vaccines But I don't have a choice if I want to leave this country and do my job. I don't have a choice By the way folks, they're not going to let you into a marriot without this shit I probably but for me I have to get it There's no way live nation all of these things are coming out and going. Hey man If you want to be in these larger venues, this is the deal. You got to be vaccinated So I'm like, let's do j and j because it's not effective and it's pretend really. It's not a real vaccine. It's fake

So I was like, that's good. It doesn't really work and it's Fake and and it's killing women. So so many of the things I support. I love it really. There's no downside to me It kills people. I don't fuck and it's fake and it's one shot. You don't have to go back to the pharmacy I like it so we're all going to do that, you know and um Unfortunately a few hours before I supposed to do that rogan texted me like ha ha the johnson and johnson vaccine

is uh being recalled or they're pausing it. They're just pausing the j and j a few hours before We're about to get it. They pause the vaccine so I run downstairs. I talk to ben Dan I say hey We can't get it They're pausing the vaccine

because women be clotting and uh I would have loved if johnson johnson came out and just did the same thing where they're like, it's hot They're like, but women are getting clotting up. Yeah, it's hot out So I don't know what the hell they're going to do with all the rest of the johnson and johnson vaccine Probably throw it in the street like they did to the french wine after 9 11 After france, you know said some uh insensitive things so after 9 11 people pouring french wine in the street I imagine that'll be the johnson and johnson vaccine just vials of johnson and johnson being thrown into the street

But I don't know I don't know How about we give it to the cops What if we give the j and j to the police? And go hey, whatever happens happens, but you guys are not too popular right now So Let's collect the members of society that aren't too popular and give them the johnson to johnson Let's give it to the cops How about that?

sex offenders Let's inoculate pedophiles with the j and j why not J and j the official vaccine of pedophiles Teachers that have fucked their students line up. You're getting j and j Matt gates people like that shady uh politicians get the j and j we've got a lot of doses of j and j Now we need to decide who gets it Okay

Derek chauvin j and j you get the j congratulations You get the johnson and johnson You're not getting that fizer No, you get the j and j so then ben got on his phone and found an appointment for me Of course, he made it look a lot harder Than it was and he made it seem like he spent a lot more time doing it now Tell us how much time you you spent doing it in actuality in actuality probably about an hour of an hour Okay, but that was of course you said two hours. You've said an hour and a half. You've been all over the map

I think I I think I overexaggerated. I said about an hour and a half. Yeah And and what did you you did get me the point which I appreciate to get the fizer And I show up We got to drive to santa clarita Which is good because that's where my uh a business manager lives who is homeless So We we meet up with him for a nice uh mexican restaurant lunch, which is lovely, but before that I got the fizer I go in

And there's a cute little mexican lady sitting there. First of all, I walk in they go. What's your eligibility criteria? I'm like BMI bitch. Shut the fuck up. You just want me to say it. You know the deal I should have taken the lizard flute and be like You know that my fucking criteria now, I told him and Dan they got a lie They got to say they had cancer uh as my shit like that bitch I will pop and lock it right now And and twerk my fat ass on your fucking table You do not need to ask me my criteria. Do you do do you insult everyone like that?

What's your eligibility cry? Oh, you want me to say it? Um So the black lady laughed there was a white lady who asked me the question of black lady laughs. I'm like BMI Obviously Bitch, I looked at the black lady. I was like, mm-hmm. And she's like damn right and I'm like, I'm a thick bitch It just got crazy. And then we just started twerking me the black they were twerking Um, no that didn't happen, but she did laugh Um

And then uh, I went in to get it which again, I don't know what's gonna happen I don't I don't we don't know what's gonna happen to these things. I just know I really can't work if I don't have it So I sit down. There's cute little Mexican lady sitting there. She's like, do you have any allergies? I'm like, I don't know. Maybe the penicillin when I was a kid. She goes, we don't know what's in here She literally looked at me holding the syringe because we don't know Because we don't know what's in here. We don't know and then she smiled So I said, all right, she goes, we don't know if you're allergic to it or not So I said sure and then she stuck me with it

And then they make you sit Uh for 15 minutes In case you have an allergic reaction and they have to uh cover it up They make you sit there for 15 minutes in case you start convulsing and you have to hide it from the media So I sit there for 15 minutes with him and Dan And wait for it. I waited for it. I'm like wait for it Nothing and I got my second shot in three Weeks

Now, of course the Pfizer guys are ready out in the news going you need another one You need more 12 months every year But then we're gonna start to forget like you do it for the first year and a half and then you go Fuck that shit. I've never gotten a flu shot. You go. We're done with that. Hey, enough of that You know I just want to hear more of Dan Crenshaw. Don't you I want to hear more of him Uh Lena Waithe is in trouble because she just uh

She made a thing for hulu Called them Which is literally just slave porn um Uh The episode I watched titled covenant And I abruptly turned against it. This is somebody writing The episode returns to the very first scene where lucky

It's threatened by a white woman and it reveals it to be a flashback from there What follows is one of the most awful scenes of violence I've ever witnessed on screen It's crazy White supremacists dump a baby into a pillowcase It tossed it around the room until it's bludgeoned to death was more than I could take and the men raped the character lucky While they read it. So Lena Waithe has made this feel good, uh Film here or what is this a show? It's a tv show. It's a tv show Lena Waithe and because I get it

How you get she's gone so woke that she's made racist porn That's really what it is. That's how woke she's become. This is the disease of uh wokeness pushed to its logical conclusion uh It'll be like a guy who sat down and he was like wouldn't this be suspicious what guy looked like me was like I think that it's our job to uh really highlight So many of the horrible things that the jewish community faced uh during uh world war two

So The new the show is called Auschwitz and we never leave the showers. We're just in there the whole time We don't There's no character development outside of it and then they go well, you don't think that's a little I go No, no, no, no, no the camera is actually mounted to the uh ahead of the shower where the uh, uh, the uh, Cyclone B comes out And so it's primarily

Uh, it's that it's eight episodes of that And then every now and then we have a scene of the train coming in but primarily that uh, it's a little weird It's a little fucking weird I don't know People are really not happy with this because they're you know, and black people are going. Hey man We don't really want to watch this shit and I don't blame them You know I get it. It's a little much. This is too violent and I'm sure listen

We know horrible things happened, uh during slavery. We get it, but This is maybe too much to watch. Truly. It's really Really, but so I think I don't know if lina has a comment. Is she commented? Is she gone? Is she uh, Responded to any of her critics who've said this is just truly grotesque See what lina has to say A lot of people are saying lina ways them exploits black trauma for the white gays. I don't even know What these things mean, but I think I do Whitey is watching

this I wonder if she's respond yet I don't think she'll respond. You don't think so. I don't know. What's she gonna say? No, it's misconduct No, I mean at the end of the day, listen She's going to Is she's going to maybe respond and say something, you know, maybe she'll just make her next thing a little peppier Maybe she'll just do the next thing a little

You know Yeah, she deleted her twitter. Well, yeah Well, don't throw an infant around a pillowcase till it's dead I don't know if she has any talent or they I don't even know anymore, you know, but uh, I She might she might be great. Is she non-binary? No, right? I can say she Let me see. Do we know I don't want to dead name her and get thrown off everything here because I've I'm not uh, I haven't kept up with the nasdaq ticker of people's identities By the way, it's a nasdaq ticker now

You should just watch, you know, he she they them they them. I mean, it's like you can't everybody She's a lesbian. Great. Good for yep. You're you're just a lesbo You're just a lady who lacks ladies and violence um But this is true. This is why I got into the airbnb lesbians because many lesbians have a fetish for violence and need to be watched Not all of them not all of them um, but many of them take a turn don't they and this uh, this, uh Movie is disturbed a lot of people

This film this tv show whatever none of it. Who cares what it is? I don't want to watch it Again, it's just how much I mean god how much can people take out there? It's too much By the way, you know, it's funny speaking of Film this is not a film, but whatever CAA sent me a audition for the new jordan peel movie

I'm like I said hey guys, I'll pass. I kind of got into it with his wife Uh, I think it'd be hilarious if somehow I got the role and jordan said to chelsea paredi Hey, we've cast this guy tim dillon and she just flipped out and of course chelsea's more than welcome to come on the program And talk to me which you won't but we're more than welcome to have a respectful dialogue She has no interest in it and frankly neither do I When comedy opens back up, I don't really want to see too many people. I don't care about going to festivals I don't none of it matters. We're we're deeply fractured. Let's leave it that way. Let's stay there

How about that? Let's stay there. I don't need to walk around the Hyatt lobby and Have fake conversations with people that I don't care about it's true And if you're still doing that after this pandemic and you still will be by the way People because people don't learn people go. I want to get back to my garbage life I can't wait to get back to my garbage life and all my meaningless interactions with people I can't wait to do it. I just can't wait to do it people will have learned nothing from this time They will have learned nothing about themselves

But the government about private business about anything they will have learned absolutely nothing And they will go right back to doing whatever they do because people truly Want to waste their time on this planet. They want to waste their time. Don't get in their way. The one of the most Dangerous positions you can be in in life is getting between somebody and the time they want to waste truly Internalize that listen to what i'm telling you people want to waste their time If you get in the way of that if you suggest they should do something else they will hate you forever They will kill you

They will lash out at you like you are some type of Nazi Risen from the dead trying to enslave the world if you merely lightly suggest to people That they should not spend their entire life on this planet Completely wasting all of their time with meaningless horseshit They will react like a fucking possum with a bunch of babies in a fucking garbage Fucking You know a garbage can that you've shooken up. They will mash their teeth at you. I've never seen anything like it

Just just mildly suggesting that people don't waste their time Because their defense is well, you don't you don't know this means something to me. Well, you're insane But you can't tell people that because that's their argument people's argument was this means something to me It might not be important to you But it means something to me and it got you go. Oh god. All right, whatever Just move on let people go back to the nonsense. Don't don't And they want to they want to

They want it The people in my world will go back to do in the meaningless late night sets and tell everybody back home They're on the late night ago I'm gonna be on felon and you know somebody on dialysis back home goes again. What channel is that on again? Can you help me? I don't have insulin. No I get six hundred dollars after tax. I can't really help you But and I know you can't pay your cable, but maybe you could go to aunt Cheryl's house And watch it there. It should be very exciting. I'm talking about my gash

I'm talking about not getting fucked during the pandemic On jimmy fallon's show tonight, but I'm not even gonna say those words I obviously it's a very coded light touch on it And I want you to go to aunt Cheryl's because you know how you've been supporting me for 12 years Yeah, and I'm 48 Well, I finally got five minutes on a show no one watches and I want everyone in my hometown to watch it before you will die Let people hey, let them go back to it Let them go back to it

That's fine. Don't don't get in their way Don't get in their way Don't get in their way listen This adam Toledo thing is really really disturbing this young kid Who has a few wacky nicknames uh andy? No, but what are andy knows nicknames? How about that? andy knows that the guy uh the asian guy who keeps going into

Antifa rallies and uh You know with like a nazi armband and starts like twerking and then they beat him up and then he puts his face everywhere Uh, so andy know has said that uh deceased teen adam Toledo his friends referred to him as a little homicide and baby diablo Well, so what? It doesn't matter He dropped the gun and then he put his hands up and the cop shot him The cop said dropped the gun He dropped the gun he put his hands up and the cop shot him

We understand he didn't win the spelling bee We get it andy. No No We understand This kid was not an honor roll student We get it. He didn't come from the best home. We get it. We understand that Cops Have to

understand That there's gonna be blowback When people see a video of a child with his hands up being shot It doesn't matter that the kid was uh called baby diablo I mean we're making this kid into osama bin laden now That's what we're gonna do They called him little homicide What?

Was he just running through the streets of chicago just wasting people How many cops did he kill How many people did baby diablo whack? He's a young mentally challenged kid with no guidance in his life Okay, and other older members of the gang exploited him and brought him out and You know more about this case than I do now

Is this true and I don't know if this is true because Why are you laughing? I didn't say I'm talking about something serious. I'm doing you're you're making it a joke And it's not a joke. Okay. I'm not here to joke around. Okay. I heard I heard I heard that he was dm'd by james charles I heard that Am I wrong? I

heard That james charles dm'd him and said What up, baby diablo? I heard they call you little homicide because you kill it Is that not true? Have you not heard that am I wrong? Am I wrong? Well, tell us about the case then because apparently i'm getting the wrong information and yet. I don't think I am So I read that adam was in special education. I don't know if he was like minceley challenged He was missing for two days his parents didn't know where he was and he was with this guy roman who was 21

They did a uh, they shot wait a minute He was with a 21 year old For two days. Yeah named roman. Yeah Do you know what i'm thinking Do you know what i'm about to say what? Why don't you say it? No, I don't know what you're gonna say

was Can you get a photo up of of roman? Yeah, I'll show you No, I'll show you Because I've been doing work This is a photo of roman That's Crazy to me All right, I'm kidding

I've defended this person james trawls by the way. I've said let's not jump to conclusions So little little diablo or is it baby diablo? baby diablo or a little homicide Or i mean adam teledo really just some people on snapchat. Let's call him his real name. I'm against the cops here Can we just can I say something that the advertisers might? Can we just can we just shoot the cops that did this No, i'm serious. Can we let children shoot the two cops that did it let other children shoot the cops They can't remove me for this because this is my right

I'm expressing my righteous indignation and rage Because it's woke There is no one more woke than myself. Let's stop with showing photos of him Show roman. I was showing a picture of roman We just did so now roman now the problem is roman Roman Is it gave him a gun? Well roman couldn't have a gun with him because he was on probation, right?

So I think the idea was that he did this this car drove by he fired eight shots at the car And then I think he gave the gun to adam remember when amadou diablo happened bruce brinkstein Uh did a song called 41 shots. Oh, yeah, yeah 41 shot Didn't that heal? Didn't that heal what happened to that? He was a young boy riding on his back They called him names like baby diablo

He ain't little homosad But these racist drunk chicago pigs Bacon the smell of bacon in the air Chase him down and out. Why are you chasing anyone down in alley? Let him go He's not gonna shoot the obamas Who cares He's gonna shoot another diablo or a little homicide He's gonna shoot little bullets

Or little knives I'm just saying I'm kidding Yes, you should protect the poor from each other apparently But do you see my point? Are we still even broadcast? Are we still on this? I Kind of went off of this. We're never monetized. So I want to go somewhere else Oh, we're definitely I get you I think you talked about the vaccine in the first four minutes We're not getting monetized on this. We gotta go if you've got a service you want us to come over there

You gotta you gotta spend a little money, but I will go on another service 100 straight up We'll call it Little podcasts And fuck handy. No, too. I don't you know, what do you want me to say? I'm sick of him Sucks. He's him sick of him He goes in the middle of like a teeth rally just starts twerking in like a nazi costume from the cabaret And then he's like they were very angry with me. They were mean to me

We'll stop twerking What is the resolution to cop violence? Oh, um, well, should I should I finish to let the people know what happened? Yes, I Yeah, so they ran down the alley Adam you got a big head now because your Rogan's like Well, we've got a better show Then bill burrow show it's ours is better Whatever, can you stick up? What are we gonna do? We're supposed to worship all these people till the 98

I'm a faggot and if I had the amount of cocks in my throat that other comics have about their betters or their peers I would really be gay like the amount the cocks never leave these people's throats about just just struck like Everyone's talking about how good and but I appreciate what Joe said about us It was very nice But enough already with everybody, you know, we get it everyone's great But our show is better than the Monday morning podcast. He's a better stand up to me unquestionably our show is better That is a fact. Do you disagree? I agree and he's the great girl one of the greatest stand-ups ever much better than me, but um Well, you know, whatever

He is much better But I was I was kind of walking back. Listen all the respect to him. He's a genius. He's the greatest Our podcast is the best thing out there So just don't even mention us in the same name With other of these people unless they're willing to get in the weeds with a little harm Because I'm ripping a little harm right now And no one is I'm repping the man

Fuck these cut Take lorry lightfoot And get her out of there Not violently not violently not violently Just respectfully get her out of there Will you tell people what's happening, please and stop Being nervous all the time. Yeah. Yeah. So then they're getting chased. They push down roman another cop jumps on him That cop keeps running towards adam adam throws the gun behind the fence to kind of do like

To do roman a solid it looks like And then as soon as he turns around and puts his hands up He gets shot right and then goes down dies So and then they were saying well, and he knows there was a gun in it and he knows a different version of this Andy knows version of this is that Adam was in antifa And they were planning on destroying the white house and he was running to the white house And the cops

And he actually had a direct energy weapon adam He had a direct energy weapon that he was using uh to destroy the city of chicago And he also had him there was At per randy. No, I don't know if this is true adam had summoned a massively big marshmallow man to walk through chicago

and destroy it and There was a dog and a refrigerator and there was something called zool But again, this is and he knows journalism and he knows journalism And he knows journalism is that there was a river of slime running under chicago pulsating with people's negative emotions and thoughts I'm trying to do this. I want the cops in uh the clink Not good They slandered his name for a week too. They're saying he had a gun in his hand when he was shot clearly not true

They're lying was saying that They all lie over there Rahm Emanuel lori lightfoot What does that even mean that name lightfoot? That weird name from like the lord of the rings Bill Bob Agans and lori lightfoot You know sam wise ganji and lori lightfoot What are we talking of? Yeah, she dressed up like the covet destroyer right right covet. Yeah, that was it. It's so stupid

The rona destroyer I kind of do respect I respect that a little bit What if she did that what if she comes out and that to deal with the cops? Hey If she comes out, here's the thing I will turn completely for lori lightfoot if she comes out dressed like the riddler And she just deals with the cops in that matter What happened with this thing this is gonna be uh, but there weren't a lot of riots, right people are I didn't see any riots

No There's gotta be something done here You can't get rid of all cops because then crime's just gonna go through the roof But like I don't know. Can you stop these people that are like idiots from becoming caught? What about kim potter? Kim Potter I can't what is it? I don't want to see this again Okay, I don't want to see a guy getting shot again. We're we're trying to do listen This is a comedy podcast. It talks about real shit. I don't want to start doing torture porn

It's I'm not lean away. I think this was about uh kim potter specifically. Oh, yeah. Well, then let's watch that I haven't seen 26 year veteran of the force is now charged with second degree manslaughter and has been arrested What what what what what are you what are you upset about? Is my belief that the officer Every cop look look at how close his eyes are I know every cop looks there's a real problem here You know what it is? It's not a great job Most people are figuring out ways to not be cops and I think the people that are becoming cops

It's really not the it's not the best in the brightest. Yeah What what were you giving a face to earlier on in the video? It's like an edm drop for what it's like. Yes Yes, well, you got to keep people into it You got to keep people into it You got to keep people into it no matter what's happening You need an edm the trunks kind of dope as fuck. Can you keep playing it? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? To write with a single bullet The song is dope as fuck

Oh Yeah, I mean can someone Get this bitch out of here to put her in jail Kim Potter her name. She should be in jail Kim Potter Stop hiring these substitute teachers to giving them guns This woman should have been teaching health not even a real thing. You gave her a gun That's a good idea, huh?

Yeah, I look at my aunt Kathleen. I go, you know what she needs a weapon Here's what the calf needs. Here's what a middle-aged menopausal woman needs a weapon And it's not all it's not all gendered, but there's a lot of women out there that agree with me That's the reality There's certain jobs women should not do There's a few jobs women shouldn't do president senator congressman cop

doctor lawyer fire department banking financial tech math higher education uh any education above third grade uh a chef

Manager of a hotel ceo or cfo c o o c i o of a company Investing vc venture capital driving driving ubers lifts cabs Working at aquariums or zoos or hotels entertainment, you know And then there are things that women are perfectly suited to do like um The dear abby column remember people would ask her advice and then she'd write she'd be like dear Dear love lord in oklahoma. I understand what you're saying, but in all seriousness You know, there are you know, we got to watch them a little you got to watch them these ladies

Am I wrong? I'm not trying to sound misogynistic here. He's the gay misogynist But There are there's certain kim potter She didn't know the difference between the gun and the taser Is that a problem? Is that an issue? I'm asking

I'm asking How about And if if you're gonna have cops you need them to be real lesbos Big bull dykes big old because they have a sense of justice that I don't always agree with But kim potter, I believe can we find out she's a heterosexual before I make this point, but I believe kim potter Husband yeah, she's got a husband. This is a problem You need you need a lesbo as much as it pains me to say it and as much as they've given me a lot of hell over the last year You need a lesbian and not those lipstick lesbians in the desert. You need a real

Hulking just like if you wanted to interior design a house you wouldn't bring in me You bring in a real gay person like a real gay guy who is like really gay and got it When you and have a woman cop she needs to be a real lesbian like like a barn raising dykes on bikes Lesbo because that then men will respect her no one respected this woman So she had to try to be cool and shoot people With uh, you know, she didn't she's uh, she didn't know the difference between her gun and a hot glue gun She should be teaching a second grade Class this is what kim potter should be doing all the kids come to the come to the and remember

They would get the uh parachute and you put the balls in the middle of the parachute and you'd go like this And then the balls go up in the air. That's her job Not uh shooting people And and who's her husband god he's jeff repotter. Is he a cop tail? Uh jeff worked as a detective I don't know maybe one person should should not maybe like you can't be allowed to have two cops and in love cop love Cops need to go back to when it was new york undercover look up the show new york undercover

Because it was a black guy in a hispanic guy and a tough talking latina Uh chief and that worked look up new york undercover Lauren valets Malik yoba Oh patty the urban villas the chief. Yeah, get this Patty the urban villas. Okay. Yeah, she was the chief and she made sure everything was fair God is she better rough? She looks good She was the chief and then there was malik yoba

and and michael dilorenzo and lauren valets They were all detectives and then the lieutenant was uh this woman kim potter. It looks like actually but I don't know what to do anymore with what's going on with the the cops. It's very bad I Don't know anymore what to do I just don't know I think

That you have to stop letting The psych evaluations for these people have got to be much better Some of these cops the psych evaluations. Do you even know how bad they are? Some of these cops think about the first question on it is who do you want to shoot the most? That's not good They go who what race do you want to shoot the most?

That's the cop evaluation Here's another question they go if a cop in your vicinity shoots a baby Will you plant a gun on that baby and a lot of them go? Yeah, that's that's question two Question three is how many people are you comfortable shooting a day? And if you answer below 10, you don't get the job you have to say 10 plus I'm comfortable discharging my weapon. It's a 10 plus people a day no matter what are you scared all the time. Yes I'm terrified of everything How many anxiety disorders you have four that I've been diagnosed with

Are you terrified? I am scared of everything all the time. That's why I want to be a cop because I'm scared Good. We like fear Are you scared enough to make something happen? Yeah Be scared shoot first make things up later They interview people for the LAPD. They're like How proud are you to be a member of one of the most corrupt police forces in history of How proud are you? And yes, there's good cops and they get in shit situations and bad stuff happens

but The things that are happening now are beyond any justification. It looks like we got a bunch of like Just like weird scaredy cat trigger happy freaks Running around just empty and guns in a pee and they're like well if I'm a cop I could get shot Yeah, but you're a cop like that's part of the game Part of the game is that you're encountering people that are not at their best. They're they're drunk. They're on drugs. They're dangerous They're 12

You know people when they're at their scariest They're toddlers literally and You have to deal with it as a cop. You can't Always be like You know But I got it the cops go. Hey, it's gonna be me or them. It's gonna be them. I'm like, yeah, but The the guy didn't shoot at you and he didn't raise his gun at you. He threw the gun down and then he raised his hands

You know Also, why not shoot him in the leg No one shoots in the leg They always go fatal force and of course, I'll have 19 people on instagram when I post the episode The reason the reason to be kim potter the reason no one shoots in the leg Bad situations man bad situations and not an easy fix either Listen to this can you bring up just scroll down a little bit? This is when the cops made sense new york police detectives j.c. Williams a recently divorced cop trying to be good father to his son

And eddy torres a young porto rican who struggles with his heritage try to balance their stressful work duties with their own personal demands Their boss lieutenant virginia cooper is tough, but fair in her assignments That's when it worked That is when it worked When you had new york undercover or you had Sipple wits on nypd blue denis franz a fat guy who knew he was racist and that he should change Every episode of that show was just him being like i'm fucking racist And a black lady was like why are you so damn racist?

He's like i'm trying. Sorry. I gotta do better That's That was a good show That was a good show because he worked for jimmy smiths. It was a hispanic gentleman You saw how it all can work If it can all work if you have a multi ethnic police force and they're all actors It can work if it's a television show Policing in this country can be saved if it is on a sound stage and it is a television show

That is my hope If the if you get people who are actors And give them fake guns And let them solve crimes that were written By people in a writer's room We can save policing in this country. It's my hope It's my hope

I don't believe we have any hope left for real policing But i believe we can get a killer show Let's solve this on tv Let's solve this on television Or on netflix with a show about cops changing reform the police on netflix I want to show about cops struggling with their own internal biases on

netflix Or amazon prime And we can do it if we work hard enough we can do it It's it's absolutely impossible in the real world But I think if we had a show a good show where is There you your neighbor gets shot in front of you and you go fuck And you're angry but then And you watch the show

And in the show There's a cop who was gonna shoot your neighbor and decided not to and then you go they're not all bad They're not all bad because i'm watching a show Where a cops are being good on the show that's the goal And when is it it's interesting like the decline of comp shows And now all these bad cops are here Because they have no role models You know

Like they have things like blue bloods or whatever, but i'm talking about real good cop shows Hill street blues nypd blue homicide life on the street law and order these were shows where Even though the cops were racist And corrupt they were likable And you realized that you too were racist and corrupt And that's what helped everybody through it That's what made it okay when you saw these cops struggle with their own biases That

You were like this is gonna be okay keep going down look at all these I mean these are these are what a great can you bring up? Can you bring up the opening sequence of new york undercover, please on youtube opening sequence of new york undercover It was on fox five Your season one that is correct Put the music on See this is when you know it's real These are the cops

Think of these cops Stop watching the news Watch this That's patty quinn she didn't shoot baby diablo. She's tough but fair Dick wolf is the only person who cared now go to nypd blue opening sequence, please Because this again was a great show about good cops that were racist and corrupt, but you liked them Here it is No don't shoot it children

Look multi-athletic we're talking we're solving bad people around there and we're trying to help the good people Yeah He was a racist But there's a black chief Hey Think she was the da that was not 11 You believed in the cops Now you're gonna try to tell you see the dragon punch

Where's the dragon Show the jarius areas everyone was okay Hey Bring it back Bring it back. Should I pitch that I got an idea? We got to do a cop show now, but good cops It's hard out there for a pimp And it ain't easy for a cop

It ain't easy for a cop But Every person I know who's been a cop has been a criminal before first Very interesting. I don't know what the process is to get selected Maybe Lena Waithe will make something years from now where it's just cops skinning people Where cops are just boiling people in pots and eating them For dinner Perhaps

I don't know I'm how many days without cigarettes that was so hard You are a day six. I'm it is so hard. I've never quit something that has been this painful Because I quit cigarettes because I want to die with the vaccine Um It's very difficult Super hard I've done it. You have not you've been smile. I have not you've smoked at night in your house. That's okay. That's your life

I just don't want you to die Thank you You're the lifeblood of the show according to you know, Joe Rogan But I do when I imitate him I have to pretend like I'm chewing because that's how you get like that But uh I don't know It's been very difficult, but I'm doing I'm doing the right thing There's a guy that I'm talking to that kind of that I do like so he has said I'm holding you too that you won't smoke

Which is good. Well, we'll see but I mean I I I'm doing it for myself But it's also you have a little extra motivation. It's nice too. You know what I mean Oh, yeah, we got to do the afghanistan war. This is This is this is a tribute to the this is a tribute to the afghanistan war my first war And I never thought I'd feel this way For as I'm concerned I'm glad I got the chance to say That I do believe I love you Taliban

And if I should ever go away The rocky shores the skies are gray You're fucking kids you've chained to your bedpost. I read that in an article if you could remember me Keep smiling, keep shining 21 years of war just war It's a just war To help the pedophile warlords We grow opium For Vicodin

Oxycontin Taste so good For sure Especially when it's grown by pedophile warlords Nothing grows but opium and boys in afghanistan Bin Laden wasn't even there But who cares You people have cool hair

The Pashtuns I think they were involved I forget Habu It went Kaboom And then we saw a group of pedophile warlords growing opium and said We said keep smiling Keep shining you're gonna have a democracy so you can Man

For kids And grow opium for the drug addicts who live in our country and lithium ion We're gonna mind that because apple needs it to make our faults so that our pedophiles can look up porn too It's about heroin and pedophilia That's the entire foreign policy of our country It's about heroin and pedophilia That's what aliens would say if they looked at history. It's kind of amazing. They go all they ever did was fuck kids

And get high They could have done so much other shit, but they didn't 21 Here's a fucking kids and getting high 9 11 never even happened The towers are still there. They are giving vaccines in the now for sure You're a pedophile warlord It's 21 years

Obama Trump and now Biden says We are not going there anymore We're bringing the pedophile warlords To america you can come to america now welcome Bring your heroin We've got boys

Welcome to america says president biden You can fuck kids and grow heroin here Ask everyone their pronouns It's been 21 years of creating chaos in hell for financial gain Thank you for everything We love you

And we hope you love us Here's to 21 more years of hell Take that pill It'll make you feel better And don't worry we'll be back We always come back We'll be back But until we do we love you so that's our

That's our um That is our uh A montage in our tribute to uh afghanistan and a just and beautiful war So We hope that you have enjoyed the afghanistan war as much as we have And we're proud that for You know since i've started the show the afghanistan war has been a sponsor

And we're gonna have to find a new war To sponsor our show But what are you gonna do? All right folks Good luck out there if you see a cop out there God i mean just Don't do anything don't make any a furtive glances movements just As you say female cop is like oof Good luck. They'll be fine. I'm sure she'll be for kim potter. I'm sure it's

I'm sure she's not indicative of what else is going on. I'm sure she's uh I'm sure it's sure it's an isolated event. Um Yeah Gotta be touring more in the summer. We need these clubs to start opening up the capacity We can't comics can't keep doing eight or ten shows for 25 percent of the audience like We need these shows to start opening up. It's a little absurd right now And uh, we're hoping that by july or august. We're getting some full rooms in there and really before that Half the country's vaccinated. It's time to move on with this shit

Uh, the the idea that we could just you know keep to 30 percent in these clubs. I mean, it's like absurd Uh, we need to we need to start opening these rooms up the governors of these states Are going to have to be become a little less tyrannical. I mean new york city now has 50 people allowed They've got 50 people out and then a curfew of 11 p.m. Because covet Comes out at night guys What are we doing? but again

We'll see what happens, but Uh, we wish everyone the best and then hopefully we'll get to go to afghanistan and broadcast From afghanistan. That's my hope That's my dream um, but until that day We'll just have to get shot here in america you know and listen

We hope david dobert comes back too and i hope he's I hope do you know and this is literally He's he said things are so bad because I know people in his camp things are so bad for him. He's thinking about becoming a cop That's how bad it's getting is that he's thinking of becoming a cop This is from people that know him well so You know he was doing a prank video. I saw the other day where he was injecting a dog with the johnson and johnson vaccine

And he was yelling at it now clot bitch. So that's again, he's trying he's coming back The whole johnson and johnson vaccine was actually just a melk prank the melk boys the melk boys Opposed a scientist at johnson and johnson and came up with an entire vaccine. So it was they kind of got us They kind of got us Who do you think wins jake paul or ben ascrin? Jake paul interesting. I'm gonna say that too I'm gonna say that too

Celebrity boxing match ready here we go lizzo versus kim potter I Give the people what they want I take lizzo on that I do too I do too I don't know you're excited about your wedding. No one else is I'm kidding. We're very excited about it. Hmm be fun, huh? It's gonna be a good time good You have a whole wedding party there

And you chose I'm not in it, but you chose because you hate gay people You chose all the other people to be in it Oh, you're talking about my gruesome. Yeah, do you do you want to be in it? I feel like I don't even want to go to the thing I really don't want to go to the thing. I felt like it would have been rude years ago to have asked you I mean, it's rude now to ask me to go To hang out with these people I mean, this is like I mean, I imagine this is just gonna be everybody. There's a kim potter At this wedding am I wrong to think about that? I mean between q and kim potter

I mean, you think they're the the nick The nickname little baby diablo is going to be talked about five times on that buffet line You know what they called him little homicide? They called him baby diablo As what they called him, you know, jesus christ coming back to fight baby diablo I mean, this is what it's gonna be. Do you have to say anything like people you have to wear shoes and stuff? No, I'm I'm I'm not I'm not trying to be rude, but do you like the people The people know they have to the people know they have to wear shoes and everything

I mean, I'm asking What is the net worth at this wedding of the 60 people there the net worth is going to be other than your friends family The people that we're in are in dental work. What's the net worth it is? I think 60 people that tell me if I'm being rude and I don't want to be rude. I'm never rude This is what I believe net worth of the 60 people liquid cash we're talking About Let's let's take your friends family out. He they're all coming right. Let's remove them because they have money

Even that though if we like I'm think I'm thinking like net worth Per person at this wedding is 25,000 dollars Yeah, yeah, let's let's let's go about there per person is 25,000 Well, I could think of 12 people off the top of my head that have been unemployed for like a very long time Right, it's correct Yeah So it'll be a lot of interesting people to talk to

Now these are people Can you gotta gotta get up the scene from gummo outside of the Dairy Queen, please? Because this is what I imagine gummo Dairy Queen said Because this is what I imagine Fuck come on gummo. Sometimes harmony Korean stuff's hard to find on youtube. It's a great pin to this episode Um, that's a tap scene. No, no, no, no. This is Oh, no, that's the outsiders There's a scene it's the albino maybe google gummo albino albino scene

Yes, yes, here we go. Okay, so this is Ben's wedding if I could uh, this is Ben's wedding. Okay. Okay. Let me full screen this Because they're hot. They're gonna be happy. I have a good personality I have blonde hair blue eyes I'm 135 pounds And I'm 4 foot 10 and a half I have very light skin I am considered what you would call an albino. I like men

That are very sensitive That will sit down and watch a Good movie with me Won't hit on me Will love me for me. I like men that either have blonde hair blue eyes

or Black or brown hair Actually the eyes it really doesn't matter my favorite movie stars are Pamela Anderson And Patrick Swayze Patrick Swayze is sexy He's a good looking

I love that man to death I would pay money To catch him This is gonna be Ben's wedding. I was born without any toes on my feet at all I would pick up things with the balls of my feet instead of my toes I had I had trouble walking on my feet Now that I mean and not to be rude

But is that a good primer for what I should expect? It's not bad. Yeah, that's a decent primer You're there for what what I should expect at your wedding. Yeah And then your friends family they have money, right? Who Travis? Yeah, we want to say names on the show. His family's not coming. Oh, they're not. No, no, no See, they won't even be associated with it. No They don't they that did you invite them? No, no, it's very small. It's very small. So there's not even there wouldn't be space for them And they feel uncomfortable

If they went no, they would love to come but we just don't have enough space But just it would be would they be disturbed by like the amount of people like You know Without shoes Would they notice it I'm not saying that would they like notice it would they go I thought because it's in the field, right? And I feel like people just gonna be running around like This is what I think is gonna happen. It's a bunch of shoeless people be like Laugh

Have you ever seen the last scene in powder get the final scene of powder up? This is what I imagine every wedding guest will be doing at ben's wedding And then we'll get out of here because we've gone long and I gotta go uh right here. This is this is this is what I believe Everywhere, okay speed this up a little bit because we I don't want to do it. Yeah, right here. Yeah, it's fine This is I believe what ben's wedding will be This is gonna be bad gas. This is this is everybody at ben's wedding This is And that's it we now pronounce you man and wife

All right Are they are they are you even gonna have like a wedding cake or you're just gonna pray have like kind of like safeway cookies or something a gb cookies There will be a wedding cake blue bow ice cream really Ooh Give me and chase something to eat while we sit there alone and hope to die What um We seated you with my family by the way, so you want to know my mom and dad. I'm very excited. Thank you

That's very sweet That is very sweet my mom will just ask you a lot of questions about like Joe Rogan and stuff Well, I'll I'll answer them pretty honestly and I'll say uh You're asking about something that you know That this show we don't think much about You know No, she'll she can she can I'll answer all the questions. I'm very polite man So who's at that table?

It's uh my dad my mom you I think my sister. Okay, and bronco bill. Okay as you call him And uh you and then devin and ida will be at that time. Oh phenomenal. Well lucky your parents This lucky for your parents, huh? Too great minds That can really enjoy Um Where's

Cole Cole will sit with my brother at a different table Interesting people he knows fair enough. There's like there's only like seven tables so We had to like be strategic I want to have a wedding to upstage this but I can't I don't I'm not gonna like no one wants to marry me but still I want to upstate like I want to have a crazy wedding. Here's the question Do I have to have a partner to get to throw a wedding?

Could I could I just to anger you and your wife? Could I marry myself? What if I threw like an incredibly Incredibly luxurious absurd wedding the week after yours to just marry myself That would be amazing I think you could marry yourself. I guess you could Yeah, because your dad has the same name as you, right? Yes. There you go What does that mean? Well, you could just act like you have like two different socials But you're really just marrying yourself. You know what I mean? Well, I'm allowed to marry myself

All right, hold on Oh my it's my realtor That was my realtor. There's a shit problem at the house the septic tank is overflowing with shit So, uh, I'm still buying the house, but uh, they opened the septic tank the other day And it was just smelled of 30 years of shit And it thinks 36 years old and it's just buckling. It's just overflowing with shit So so good But you know, I'm excited about this wedding and I think sometimes you're angry at me

Why? Because I'm I'm poking fun and I'm not being serious I don't care Weddings are dumb They're not dumb They're not dumb I am I am a entertainer and I think sometimes you internalize these things and you get angry with me because I'm I'm making a joke I'm excited. I think the wedding is going to be lovely

I don't need I'm not we're not going I don't need People to recite The whole alphabet. That's not what we're doing here. We're trying to love people for who they are Do you understand? I don't mind porta potties I don't mind None of that matters to me. I love you and I want you to be happy. Thank you. You know what I mean

Doesn't mean I want How many people are coming? that are like Friends of yours that I haven't met That'll be interesting to me because I I I only met one friend of yours. Maybe seven Because there's there's people out there that I just didn't I don't know that are friends of yours Yeah, from my past. Yeah, like six people. Maybe five people interesting. Yeah The next week I will have a 300 person

Wedding where I will marry myself And it will be Spectacular And you know who's going to be one of the groomsmen? Yeah, not you Not you Dan Carney Let's call let's let's see if Dan will be uh A group let's see if he'll be the best man in my wedding while I'm marrying myself

I'm again, I'm not I'm not trying to insult you I think it's a good idea I think it's a great idea Hey, what's up? Dan quick. You're on the podcast right now. Uh, ben is having a wedding on uh, when is it ben? Saturday saturday I'm going to throw a wedding the next week after that Um, where I'm going to marry myself Uh to show ben and his wife that I have I can I'm I'm a little bit of position in there Will you be the best man at my wedding where I marry myself?

Oh my god, I would love to yes, okay good because it will just be you There will be no other groomsmen because ben didn't ask me to be one of his groomsmen Which I understand because he hates gay people And and his family does and it'll just be a gay hate festival. But all right dan's having a high Profile meetings today. I'm sorry dan get back to your meeting. I go back to your meetings dan. Good luck Thank you So I will Dan corny will be my best man where I married myself But that's okay

Hey, man, it's totally okay That you didn't want me near your wedding If I had asked you to like be in my wedding, you would have like punched me I've never struck you in my life But I understand you wanted a crack addict Eventually you were gonna have a crack addict through the nuptials remember the beginning and I said that wasn't a good idea You're gonna have someone who's on crack marry you

So but that's okay. I hey man. I get it I get it. It's like You know can't have a fag there. I understand. I'm shocked. I'm even invited I'm hey, I'm shocked. I'm even invited. I I just hope that I can enjoy the I hope that as we're all, you know, reaching in an igloo cooler for our drink that um That it'll be okay. That's all when we all reach down into that uh igloo cooler for our drink um

And then go find our five guys Basket is five guys catering it? No It's not five guys. Who is it? It's a local Austin barbecue spot. Oh, oh Okay, is it like Is it like one that I've heard of or is it like kind of like a what what like a water burger? Which I've also heard of but is it like it's like fast food though, right? No, no, it's not fast food It's like real barbecue. Well, the sauce is being little packets

I'm just curious Why are you why are you breathing heavy? Because I've called you out For your homophobia. You know what michelle's third wedding she did in and out and she said people loved it Who gives a fuck what michelle did? We're not talking about michelle. We're talking about you and your refusal To have a gay person At your wedding

I just hope the groomsmen have a good Uh podcast too. You can go you can go produce that You can go produce that You know But the reason you are comfortable is because you're called out now and you this is this is this is something you genuinely You genuinely have really made me feel horrible about who I am as a person You know Every time

That you don't That you like every time you've not asked me to be a groomsman what you know what that is that's a little diabolo getting shot You're shooting little diabolo. I am big diabolo And you've hurt big homicide so Anyway, I know that was you and your wife's decision and I wish you guys the best with your life

You know working at diners I'm praying There's nothing wrong working at diners. I love diners nothing wrong with it. Oh, I hope you don't feel there's anything wrong with it I hope you don't feel have you ever been a short-order cook No, I was head of takeout Head of takeout Yeah, so I'd go back and like put the food on the plates and like package them and then come out keep keep that keep that resume crisp Keep it crisp think my record was 140 orders in six hours one. Who is it? Who's saying who is doing the wedding? Is it pat robertson?

Who'd be doing the wedding Is it cherry full well son that guy who raped a bunch of people? No, I'm excited. I'm excited all kidding aside. I'm excited about it. I of course don't want to go But I have to go. All right. Thank you for going. I know it's nice to go It's nice to go I was waiting for a gig to pop up. Maybe or no Listen, I'm gonna go. I want to go and be a second-class citizen at the wedding that I paid for Why wouldn't I go?

Why wouldn't I go? Anyway, this is Ben in the faggots, uh signing off You know, he'll take a fag's money, but he just won't you know, we got it. It's okay That's all right, man Just I stand with little Diablo and Ben stands with the cops Ben's a cop caller He's a white pig Okay, me and Andy. No, that's right. You and Andy. No walking arms. That's right. You and Andy. No

But I stand with the uh with the revolution Little bit of fun and I can't wait for my wedding recap where I review the wedding Oh, it's crazy michelle Hello, hello, michelle. You're on the podcast Really? Are you sure? I am very sure you're you're you're speaking now into a microphone to half a million people or more

That's gross. Do you want me to call you later? That's weird Okay, I don't know. Do you have any message for the people? Absolutely not. Um Bye Let me want me to do Anyway I wish you the best and everything you do in your life And I hope that

This is a turning point for you You understand I hope you get a lot of material out of the wedding. I hope you and travis Have a great show Have a great podcast. I'm very excited. When are you guys launching it? When we'd be launching that Christ almighty Ben and try okay, maybe she doesn't mess you change your mind Yeah, everyone just needs to dress up more

That's it and your and your hardcore anti-vax as well I'm not interested Okay, all right, well, we love you. Thank you She said I wish people start wearing slacks and loafers and clean it up. She's not interested in the vaccine Fair enough Fair enough, but I do when is the you and travis do you have a name for the show yet? I wonder Why are you laughing? I'm trying to help you Trying to help you promote the show with you and travis

They're gonna think it's real. They're gonna think I'm leaving the show that I'm starting a new podcast It really they don't get it who cares what they think I just talked to you here. I don't give a fuck who's on the other end. I have no interest Truly no interest these people give me suggestions for the show like I give a fuck. Why don't you have cares? What do they say? Who knows? Whatever they say You should have more more more It's cares you say I don't know what their thing is, you know

I'm just I'm just excited about your future with travis. Thank you as doing a really good show and You know, I'm excited if Dan Carney's future working at I don't know a restaurant somewhere between Cracker Barrel and whatever that next phase is red lobster. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're red lobster. You do well at red lobster No, he'll you know, listen, you guys are fine. And you know, I'm I'm just uh, I'm really holding everyone back Is really what I'm doing. I'm holding everyone back. So I'm gonna marry myself in a ceremony, which I hope you'll attend I'll be there. Yeah, it'll be in a lake house And I'm going to invite everyone from your wedding

And pay them to come Okay, okay And I'm gonna say this is a real wedding I'm gonna go. I hope you enjoyed last week. This is a real wedding And no, I don't have a partner. I'll be marrying myself But this is a real wedding And I'm glad that you guys all took off You know, because I know many of them have to put in shift change requests to Dairy Queen

To come And this, you know, hey I'm with it. But anyway, folks I didn't know that was gonna go on a half hour but it did and you know High five love you

No Nope. Nope. Ben is gay Go to Ben's employer and let him know how much he hates gay people. That way he gets fired from his job Too bad his employer is Andy. No Andy knows not going to take any action. All right, folks. Good luck with everything. Kill yourselves. Goodbye