The Tim Dillon Show - 252 - The Summer of No Opinions

Episode Date: May 16, 2021

Tim explains how to make it though this beautiful summer happy and healthy, shows appreciation for Courtney Stodden as she goes up against Chrissy Teigen, weighs in on the Tony Hinchcliffe controversy, John Mulaney's separation, Prince Harry going after Rogan, and calls Sonic Drive-In to inquire about a job. Sign up to be notified when the merch store drops 5/20: https://fakebiz.net Bonus Episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: 🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co ⚓ NICK DAVIS'S PODCAST (BELOW DECK) ▶▶ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-below-deck-podcast/id1216741721 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off 💊 MASF SUPPLEMENTS ▶▶ https://masfsupplements.com/ use code TIMD for 10% OFF 🧴 DUKE CANNON DEODERANT ▶▶ https://dukecannon.com/ use code DILLON for 10% off 💍 NORTHBANDS RINGS ▶▶ https://www.northbands.com/ use promo code TIM for 20% off BITCOIN CONFERENCE ▶▶ https://b.tc/conference use code TIMDILLON for 10% off CERTIFIED PIEDMONTESE BEEF ▶▶ 25% OFF with discount code TIMDILLON at https://www.cpbeef.com HELLO FRESH ▶▶ Go to https://www.hellofresh.com/timdillon12 for 12 free meals including free shipping! GET ACRE GOLD and start investing in physical Gold today! ▶▶ https://www.GetAcreGold.com/TimDillon ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. We have a large problem in this country. People do not want to work Because of the stimulus You see what happens People do not want to work. They don't need to They don't need to come in and do their jobs So we're here Because Ben Avery has decided that he is part of some labor movement Uh because he doesn't think he needs to work. He doesn't think he's treated well here

So he's decided To not show up I talked to business owners all over this country And they are telling me they cannot get anyone to work Uh, I mean, it's absolutely absurd That these people will not do their jobs. They won't do them. They just won't show up Well, look who it is What what is what is this issue you're having I need to get paid in like real money

You're I you're paid in safe moon Doesn't I got a bills. I got a wife This show barely makes any money We don't have any money I can't pay you Any kind of money and stay afloat. I just saw that article that you make a ton of money. I had no idea The media is going to present things in any way they want to you have a unique opportunity here Well, my landlord doesn't take safe moon. It's a you. It's a unique opportunity

You're building an infrastructure. Do you see what I mean? And by building an infrastructure you then will one day sit behind the big microphone. That's the goal All right, I just I'd like to get paid and like not safe moon, but well we'll talk about it off air I think safe moon is what what about light corn? That'd be fine you're gonna work your way up to ethereum We don't start at ethereum But got some of these statistics up nobody's working and these are good jobs like arby's These aren't bad jobs. These are good jobs. People aren't working at like hardys

Who doesn't want to work at hardys? And they they complain go to minimum wage in america right now. What is minimum wage right now? I can't believe it Minimum wage, I think it's it's seven dollars and 25 cents per hour What's the pot you're making 40 dollars a day? What's the problem? Do that what is on a 40 hour work week 725 is what? You will earn A good living $290 a week

$290 a week That's almost 1200 for the month What is that for a year if you're making 1200 for a month? You're looking at 14 15 thousand dollars. That's what I thought. What's the problem out there? What's I don't get it. Do you get it? 15 thousand dollars per year

Because they don't understand when they work at arby's they think it's the end goal guys If you play your cards right you move up so that one day you can be the ceo of arby's That's the point good get the ceo of arby's up. Who is this? I bet he started at arby's I It's poll brown Poll brown is the ceo. What's his deal? Let's look up poll brown because I guarantee you this is a guy that started working the friars at arby's Putting the beef and cheddars together and then he

worked his way up Early career brown was previously the president of brands and commercial services at hillton and President of expedia but before this He worked at arby's. I bet watch he was also the senior vice president of global brands and intercontinental okay but He also held positions at the boss in consulting firm and mckinsey and company now mckinsey and company's probably fast food

Go to that This is probably a fast food company It's an american worldwide management consulting firm. Oh That advises on strategic management to corporations governments and other organizations I thought it was a like a What i'm saying is that this is an example of someone who worked their way up from working at arby's in may of 2013 brown became the ceo of arby's

During his tenure as ceo of arby's a brand introduced a new restaurant design and launched a we have the meat He's the guy behind we have the meat. No, who could have came up with that? Listen, the reason these people are making the money. They are is because they have come up with things that you cannot We have the meat. Do you remember that campaign? Because we were unsure if they had the meats, but they do And he's here saying we have the meat He also introduced menu items such as the smokehouse brisket pork belly gyros deep fried turkey and venison. So he's not uh

Slacking he's working his ass off okay Coming up with do you know how many nights he probably laid in bed with his wife or and or someone else and he's laying there going How do we? Communicate the idea that we have the meats How do we do that? And and and and some hooker was probably just like, well, just say you have the meats and he goes. Yeah, we have the meats I'm telling you right now, but arby's completed its acquisition of buffalo wild wings for 2.9 billion in 2018

under brown's leadership Inspire completed its acquisition of sonic for 2.3 billion and in 2019 of october inspire brands Completed its acquisition of the sandwich chain jimmy johns. So this guy is responsible for a lot of the fast food you eat And he started work. This is what I mean People at Arby's don't have a vision They keep going. Oh my kid needs food. They don't have a vision. They don't understand like what they can do If they believe in themselves and work hard and hustle and grind You can actually get to where you need to go in this country. You keep focusing on

Uh health care and I don't have clean water But what you should be focusing on is what how are you positioned uniquely in the market? To come up with something brilliant like we have the meats Because if you're not coming up with we have the meats, what's the point? So i'm just saying we've got a bunch of lazy Mothers and fathers Trying to raise their undeserving children while

this poor guy Paul who came up with the the the idea that we should give deep fried turkey to people in the middle of the day This guy has to share some of his money. Oh, I think not By the way under brown's leadership fortune named Arby's to its 100 best workplaces for millennials women and diversity So everyone who's fucked Arby's goes we're a perfect place to work for everyone who's fucked Are you a good place to work for white men to go like this to go?

No Well, I'm just saying I I I was surprised and shocked To know that this guy actually didn't start Making sandwiches at Arby's I bet it's fun to work at Arby's. I really do I mean So the the idea that people are complaining What about hardies?

CEO of hardies. Let's see. No, just hardies in general. Okay. I want to know what hardies is up to. Let's look at hardies What are they doing? Not in wikipedia. I want their website So then the a1 burger Checkers just introduced something called the monster or something I swear to god checkers go yet checkers new burger I think it's checkers. It could be rallies or something No, the big beautiful. No, that's been their classic

Maybe it's rally. It's something I passed in florida. It's called the monster something Something I think that's carls jr. It might be carls Oh red robin. No. No. This was a fast food restaurant uh That I passed I don't think it's that it doesn't matter. Can we call arby's and see if they're hiring right now? Yeah, I got minds hooked up right now. Let's call. I want to call arby's

See if they're hiring and see what the big deal is here Because I want to work and you know what they might not even have to pay me I just want to learn is there an apprenticeship program where I can work at arby's and just learn How about that? Maybe stop asking for money Like him and learn Okay, I'm calling arby's. Let's see if they answer. I hope they do Everyone's dead they can't answer They're probably too busy to answer learning about

Business I mean what the fuck's going on here and these are the people that want to get paid I'm trying to get a job Maybe we should call inspire brands and ask for paul Are they not open? No, they're open right now. They have to be open. It's 12 30. It's the lunch rush Call sonic Sonic, okay call sonic and let's see what I want to know what the starting salary is and what's the problem Sonic is a fun place to work you get to see fights. It's fun

None of the man to the phone I mean Good afternoon, this is sonic. Sure. How may I help you? Yeah, are you guys hiring right now? We actually are sir. How you doing good? What would this like starting salary be there? The starting salary sir. We pay by the hour But depending on the position that you want and then you can see about salary What what would what would it be for an hour work? Would you say? Yes, sir. How much would be for an hour work?

Depends what you do sir if you're a coach And there'll be 11 for a cook Okay, 11 for a cook. What about like a cashier? Oh, we Carbs are five dollars an hour because they get tips. Oh, do you get a lot of tips? They got a good amount of tips, but Yeah, they got a good amount of tips. So it's under minimum wage is five dollars an hour and then you get tips Yes, sir. Is it a fun place to work? Like can I take some food home for myself?

Yeah, of course Okay, so I could eat every day at sonic if I wanted to Yeah, he's got a yeah pretty much you could have Yes drink any drink you want any drink. I was okay. So it's five dollars an hour, but I could drink all the soda I want Yeah, okay and eat any food. Can I make myself an ice cream every now and then? Yeah, sir. It's not a bad deal five an hour tips Do they really give you so they'll give you tips and I can eat all the uh soda and burgers I want and make myself an ice cream I mean you can make yourself an ice cream and then maybe one day you'll be able to make yourself ice cream in another day

You'll be able to you eat some food and I get it So you don't want to abuse it, but every now and then you could get something different Yes, sir, right. So you have one day is ice cream and then the next day you can sneak a burger Yeah, and he's maybe I could sneak some french fries on the third day Yeah, okay. Well, I appreciate it man. I'll head down there and I'll apply Yeah, sir, but uh, uh, but cooks do you pay 11 dollars an hour and we already need to cook So you're in need of cooks and do I have to be good at cooking? No, no, sir. Not at all not really

You learn you don't need any experience for this You gotta be having the willingness to learn the will and how much food can the cooks take I would probably a good amount Uh, what was that there like the cooks can take a good amount of food, right? Yeah, we we cook about uh on the weekends like from a thousand to two thousand worth dollars worth of food and product We're doing lunch and that's because I have a I have a family and it's very hard to get them food So if I wanted to I could maybe take two little burgers for my children Yes, I'll be fine. Okay. Yeah, because they they're they're one their babies, but they do like burgers. We're getting them We're getting them started early

Yeah, of course. All right. Well, thank you very much for your time, brother. I appreciate it Yes, sir. Yeah, thank you What's the problem? I mean, what is the fucking problem here? You're allowed to eat And drink all the soda you want and eat all the bisonic you want I But you got to do it in a smart way It's like one day you make yourself the ice cream the next day you get to and it's five an hour that

What's wrong with that? It's five dollars an hour to work. It's now do the math on that Five dollars times 40. It's eight hundred dollars a week, right five times 40 it's 800 a week And then oh no, it's 200 a week. I'm an idiot. So then 800 a month. It's 800 a month is what I mean It's 800 a month. So what's the problem now? What is that's under 12 grand? It's 11 grand a year Yes, but then you get the tips But but the folks you get the tips now, you know me I've got when I go to sonic I didn't even know you could tip or we're supposed to

We've gone to sonic. There's literally nothing that would suggest that I tip at sonic not a sign I I don't but I imagine it because you're making 9600 a year But free you could drink anything you want any soda you want one day you get an ice cream next day You get french fries not a bad deal if you were like me in my hypothetical And I had two little babies that wanted burgers if I was a chef I could bring the little burger home to the babies Again, it's not a big deal. So you make 9600 for the year now. This is fair You make 9600 for the year but tips now. What do you think they make in tips there 20,000? 25,000 it's sonic tips

How what do you think they make in tips today? Honestly 25 bucks a day. Yeah, probably a day How many days would you imagine they work? Probably four Four to five days. So let's say five times 25 is what five times 25 would be 125 Okay, and so 125 and then how many weeks let's say let's say they work 45 Let's say they work 50 weeks a year. Let's be honest. They probably work more. So 50 times 125. Okay That's 62 50 add it to that nine add it to the 9600 That is hey you greedy fucks

That is 15,850 dollars a year to work all day every day at But what's included in that which you're forgetting you greedy pigs Is an occasional ice cream and probably you could make the large and all the soda you want and And occasionally you can bring a burger home for your baby

Who you should get started on liking that? Burger as early as possible. So It's absurd It's really absurd the anger. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you understand? Are you embarrassed now as an employee complaining to me? A little bit. Have you ever paid for a meal in your life? Never and you're asking me for money to work at this job Do you not enjoy this job? I do and you're and you still come to me and say I want actual money And you and your wife want actual money. This is a bit better and more than he deserves truly and and and

And I what I've done for him and his wife is Unimaginable what I've done for everyone in my life is is is quite frankly unimaginable not my family But most most others really it's only been it's really just been but this is a bit So don't it for in in in any don't think that he in any yeah, I'm not leaving the show I'm not yeah, and aren't you happy we do take care of you very yeah, okay? Don't start because people are so dumb out there. They don't know this is a bit, but this is not a bit This is a fair way You get 1500 and $15,000 a year because of the tips. It's sonic five dollars an hour

As a kiss sheer inside wow And the tips aren't taxed because that's cash, you know right well Lucky ducks You're a lucky duck I don't understand the problem here We've clearly showed that the CEO of sonic and nrbs and buffalo wings pole brown started as a fry cook At mckinsey and company and worked his way up

To intercontinental hotels and then eventually hilton and then inspire brands I like the name inspire brands because it's inspiring Are these people not even grateful to work for a company that's called inspire brands? So we had to do a little deep dive a little investigating So we've proven that the ceo is a self made from scratch guy who started on the line making beef and cheddars Then we called sonic and we proved how fair it is because there's a cookie make 11 And as a cashier you make five because there's a little box where people take their change and put it in

After they've given you a five or a ten dollar bill So this whole idea that we're not fair to workers in this country is truly insane It's truly truly truly truly insane now. Let's look at pole brown's net worth because i'm betting it's not that goddamn much I bet it's not that much I That's a lie That's an absolute lie. They're saying his net worth. It was 5.34 million. That's an absolute lie. That is by the way That is an that is an absolute lie

Oh, hold on Inspires boarded by 650 company and french as team members the brand achieved 27 billion in global system sales Yeah, and pole Paul paid 260. He's paid 260,000 and his net worth is only 5.34 million. Yeah, okay, sure He's suffering What about pole brown house? Yeah, that's not what I'm gonna say where it is. I'm just curious as to what he's rocking out with Hmm, let's see Maybe something on our images there might not be

They keep him under wraps on yeah, well, he's broke He's broke But this is what we mean here. It's fair. We don't understand the problem christy teegan Uh thrown off twitter because she or not thrown off twitter, but being attacked by candice. Oh, by the way, every time I see christy teegan She looks different Right, doesn't she look different every time I see her It's very interesting. It's not unappealing. It's just different She told courtney stodden to kill herself

Right. Yeah, right here This is what stodden said teegan would just publicly tweet about Wanting me to take a dirt nap, but would privately DM me and tell me to kill myself. I gotta be honest like that's hilarious Stodden said teegan would send her things like I can't wait for you to die Teegan took the twitter to apologize. I'm mortified and sad why it used to be I was an insecure attention seeking troll I'm ashamed to completely embarrass at my behavior, but that is nothing compared to how I made courtney feel I have worked so hard to give you guys joy, but you haven't what has she ever done

You what did you and what did you do slap your name on some cookware? I worked so hard to give you guys joy and Be beloved and the feeling of letting you down is nearly unbearable truly These were not my only mistakes. It surely won't be my last as I try hard You know courtney stodden if we don't know is what again? She's a singer She's a reality show per what is courtney stodden courtney. So when she was 16 she married um Doug Hutchinson the guy who plays persie and the green mile remember the guy Who doesn't put the sponge on uh john coffee. Yes evil villain. Okay. Yes, and so he was uh courtney's acting coach

Via online back in the late 2000s and he ended up marrying her when she was 16 Hey, man, weren't those the times so then they made a reality show about them being married when she was 16 and They had a reality show about this guy marrying a child. Yeah There was a reality show called i'm fucking my child What was it called? I think it was called. Let me see I mean, this is amazing to me Is that illegal to marry a 16 year old?

Uh, well with the parents permission. It was okay. Oh, well, well, yeah Well, I imagine she came from a good family good to know I was correct. Yeah, they appeared on couples therapy couples therapy Okay, that was a reality show because it's hard when you are dating your daughter Now and i'm not one of these freaks that thinks i've dated younger people doesn't matter i'm dating one now I was younger, but it's like a little 16. Let's draw a line here. Let's draw a little bit of a line Anyway, we have Her song reality because there's a really hot dude in this he's kind of the the nerd thing but this came out in 2013 this is courtney stodden's song reality because

This is a very talented woman. And I think that that gets lost in this. Let's take a look at at her work And by the way anybody at sonic That's upset at where you are The problem is you haven't attained this level of talent. Do you get it? So if you are at arby's and you're angry about the money you're making How about you take a look at the greatness and talent all around you in this country? And it should no pun intended inspire you. I give you courtney stodden's reality

She's good You Stop making burgers take a risk Take a risk and be a genius This is greatness Do you understand that's why you're not making money because you're not producing this content This is fucking great You don't need minimum wage you need a little dose of reality by courtney stodden

This is almost so good that people Are going to be put off because they're gonna go I can never do something like this It's like listing the moats on But this is what I mean about people in this country Not realizing that this woman is clearly A gift from from whatever you want to call it god or the universe I mean look at the skill

Let's play a little more of it You know, it's good to write it And I like that the guy's like good-looking but not that good-looking. He's like a doughy chipmunk And he doesn't know what's happening. He thought he was gonna be an actor Great vocal is the way she the way she sings It's amazing And I like the candy in the background because what that's saying is candy and I'm candy it's

This whole thing is about colonialism But you're not getting that This is about she's sucking his cock there Which that's about american israel. That's what that is about. You have to read into it. It's not cheap This is about colonialism And how to decolonize This is when it gets wild

Look at yeah This is about the right of returns I'm telling you people don't get it. This is one of the most brilliant things ever done Why would you tell this woman to kill herself when she's doing this kind of art Chrissy By the way, what's ironic is if Chrissy teigen had a music it would be this Yes, like that's ironic is like it would just be Chrissy teigen with cookware And her husband playing piano in the back

It would be Chrissy teigen and this woman have the same level of talent, which is why they don't like each other That's why Chrissy teigen's threatened by her because you are her Chrissy teigen is this woman. By the way, Chrissy teigen has zero zero going on zero skills 0000 She's a zero when people are like she's a static pedophile and eating people. I'm like no those people have jobs like she's less She can't eat any she's she's a fucking A complete

Drain on earth. Let's just finish this. We've gone so far I gotta see the ending But that's why Chrissy doesn't like her I like that she goes down on them in the video. It's good. It's good for people to see for the children I mean anyone not recognizing the deep themes present here is just completely wilfully ignorant of the message At the end she just goes free palestine Anyway, that's court and he's done and I hope they patch it because I like when talented people get along I do

I can't believe this people are mad at barry weiss again barry weiss uh People are angry with her because she uh wrote something um Where you got to go on twitter. She wrote Uh something she's trying to get pregnant by the way. Okay with her uh partner nellie and and

It's been difficult for her and do you know why it's it's been it's been difficult work. She's trying to get pregnant with a bomb So it's very it's very hard because they keep wanting her to have a human baby But she keeps she said it'd be more she'd be more comfortable with a missile So that's it's been very difficult for her Now it's been hard now she and she did say it's very tiring to get pregnant while advocating a genocide It's very Trying so she wrote something where she was basically like hey uh zionism every now and then we got to just uh go in there and

She has a quote that's pretty disturbing. Okay, where it's basically like Uh, I don't know if she meant to say this but it does come off negative Quote the results of this mess is always are especially bad for the palestinians who live under hamas rule Hamas rule casualty reports are hard to verify because hamas controls the media even the international press Inside the goddess trip, but it appears that more than 50 palestinians have been killed Here's what people are upset about this quote some of these people are entirely innocent non-combatants including children This is an unspeakable tragedy It is also one of the unavoidable burdens of political power and power

Of zionism's dream turned into the reality of self-determination. Well, that's not great What you're saying is that the dead children and the innocent people that have died Are an unavoidable burden of political power of zionism's dream turned into the reality of self-determination It's a little callous It's a little callous for someone who's trying to get pregnant, right As a little callous What are we doing her podcast the night we'll be free that day probably What we love is getting booked on things and then seeing if we can free up our day so we can go have lunch

And I have no issue with barry outside of some of the crazier things she said I under she's not people make her have to be like some ghoul This isn't helping that but I mean she has said some things that make sense This one. I don't know makes sense. It's very strange to be picking out furniture for nursery and then also say hey every now and then Zionism's got to come in and get killed the babies That's a tough, you know, it's just ironic. She's actually like trying to get pregnant during this Time, you know, it's almost like she says to the doctor. She goes and don't worry

If my child acts up and goes against israel, I will also Realize that they must be killed because it is one of the burdens of political power doctors like Okay All right. Thanks for coming in It's getting wild over there. I I you know israel Netanyahu's taking that country in a very like right wing crazy Thing also the other side is that people think Hamas is like a theater group. That's also not true

So i'm just an irish catholic from long island really leave me alone. I just don't care anymore I know you're gonna get mad at me for saying that I know you're gonna listen I think what's you the Palestinians should not live in those conditions. That's ridiculous um But the real people who are suffering right now truly. I mean, yes Yes The people over there But truly it's the people that are going out for their first lunches and brunches that have to deal with this horseshit

And i'm going to provide a way for you to get out of talking about this while you're out at your first lunch The post quarantine lunch these are things that i've seen my father do his entire life and they really They really do help Start we're at a lunch right now start a conversation about israel and palestine Did you see israeli strike destroyed the gaza not very sad not good Not good. It's uh mess You got a mess. Yeah, the aljazeera building. It's uh, oh boy. You got these ones and then those guys

I mean and forever it's going on forever It's bad. Yeah, the u.s. Said it's social crab out of season I think it is it it's it's out of season in the spring But that's all right. I love the grouper But stick to it's bad. It's a mess What a long time I can't believe it. I just want peace just say that guy just I just want peace I hope they figure it out

I hope they figure it out. I just want peace then steer the conversation into a fish dip because there's nothing you can do All these people that are tweeting and I understand that but there's nothing you can really do There's probably quite a blackmail operation going on that the massage has been doing for a little while That's right. Joe biden. I mean these people really can't say anything. I mean, this is a guy that what made out with 11 year olds What does he have to hide? And so you get to a point where you go? Yeah, we're kind of you know All of our political leaders for the most part are are kind of blackmail and then you have people like ilhan omar Who thinks that uh, you know, we should just the white guys have to go in the camp

So it really isn't it's there's no way out So what you just do is try to avoid the conversation uh because politics Uh can really ruin what is a lovely lunch That's what it is. It's time to get out of your post quarantine Relationships if you were in a relationship with somebody I don't mean if you met in the last couple of months But I mean if you were in a relationship with somebody when they shut down the nba, it's time to call it quits out leave your wife

Leave your husband get out Get out now because it's over Say it was very fun wearing masks with you But it's time to go and this is awkward people are watching this their bed right now smoke on a joint You know the end is nigh you know it You know come july you are gonna be you are gonna be out of there I mean just window open and fucking Sheet tied down as a rope climbed out out done

This includes even some friendships like you gotta shake it up keep moving your quarantine was a very interesting time for a lot of people But you gotta go now You can't keep beating the dead horse These relationships a lot of them were trauma bonding. You gotta just get out Reconnect later maybe not no don't maybe I don't know but I'm telling you a lot of relationships I'm seeing them myself. I go And also move move you're not gonna want to live where you quarantine. You just go somewhere else for a year You know rehabilitate yourself

Get somewhere else in your own life and then go back. I'm telling you right now Leave your wife and kids right now. Leave your husband and children Destroy your family. It's time This year is about you It's about you It's not about the others. This is a year of selfish hedonism It's a year of disgusting

libertarian values It's a year of horrible things anti-society behavior Just glorifying every impulse Eating s'mores out of a stranger's asshole in a subway platform. That's what this year is about It's not about anything else Don't miss it

You're gonna have to do it I'm telling you I know it's hard to look at someone you went through this whole thing with them and it's like You guys are like, yeah, you know, and you're like should I propose the answer is no You have to go out Experience other things. Are you and your wife gonna break up? No, we're happily together But then you knew each other before the quarantine. Yes a long time. That's why it works But if you had met during the quar- I mean, it's just

You gotta go And this is why israel and palestine are having issues in my estimation truly I don't think there were problems before this I don't know if there were but I haven't read about them. This is a cuffing season quarantine like Okay, we wore masks together We watched the news together We figured out who aunt that he found she was and now you have israel who's like more powerful

In the relationship, but you have palestine who's like a dirty freaking bed And then you have these two people and now they're just not seeing eye to eye. They have to like amicably break up Do you understand because qua is over and is and pal have to go But they can't bother their friend tim Who's just on the other side of the world Finally mask off enjoying a lunch. I don't have to have talking points about this. I don't have to go through talking points I this is the summer of no talking points

Telling you right now the summer of no opinions Oh, your mother's a rape to your sister. Yeah, all right The summer of no opinions You just had four years of opinions. What did that do nothing? The summer of no opinions the summer of yeah, man. Don't know if it's not fun not doing it It's got to be fun water park build a fort Try drugs again. Maybe you can handle them this time

Booze it up Drink and drive a little not a lot But if you have three four in you and I mean cocktails not beers always getting a car with three or four beers pussy But I mean if you if you're feeling it or you got four cocktails And it's a late afternoon and you're not gonna get popped get in there and feel what it feels like to control a vehicle drunk Light a butt Blast so lonely by the police. This is that summer. This isn't a summer about making documentary films This is a summer about letting it go a little bit having a little fun

Fly somewhere to suck someone off Buy a plane ticket to suck someone's cock And have them give you a whatever a return blow job But that's what this summer is going to be about and this is really starting to ruin it And I don't want to see that I want to see people being happy On the beach remember quarantine was so fucked up But now we're happy because we can make $15,000 a year at sonic And everyone is going to be out this summer and I mean everyone so you got to pick and choose your places

It's going to be a little grotesque out there. The tits are out. The fat pussies are going to be out You're going to be you're just kind of a fat pussy put right on your table as you're reaching for a handful of calamari It's going to be a wild summer. You got to get ready wet and wild bad bad disgusting People just vomiting puking. Oh deeing left and right Giving birth on the middle of a dance floor. That's where we're headed to it's going to get fucking nuts masks off tits out people living on borrowed money and borrowed time

You're going to be getting stimulus pussy do it Don't waste this summer in long meaningless conversations at brooklyn with some other loser in a knit sweater But actually what I really think shut up. Let's fuck what are we doing life is too short Take this pill. Let's kill someone together. Let's murder my mother That's what this summer is about Courtney Stodden people like her geniuses

What do you think about israel and palestine? I I think I stand with palestine. Wow You know what that would have been harder for us to say, but they just passed on our movie And you know who didn't pass on our movie hamas So that's what happens. We just fine. We don't want to be in the industry anyway, you know So great. It would have been nice to have a film, but what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Who cares? We're having enough fun here, but that's my advice for this summer check out

Find some new people enjoy some things travel And make your life meaningful this summer in any way that you can if you can I know it's hard out there the whole first half of the show. We showed you how fucked people are We're not blind to that But i'm saying even in any little small way that you can Get away from the people that you spent this quarantine with it is essential It is really essential that you leave Uh

Because I think you want to have a little bit of an adventure and this quarantine was kind of a weird inverted adventure Where it was like a slumber party For a year and everybody was in their pajamas and you can't go out now Where we're heading back out and we're gonna come out in the world very sloppily You know You ever see like a horse like a baby horse Where after it's give birth it can like barely walk and it's covered in like after birth That's what people are going to look like walking into clubs and restaurants just covering after birth

Not even able to walk just Being led to their seat. That's what's going to happen. But you have to Embrace that just for the summer and then in the fall gets serious Get serious But this summer you should be having sweaty Uh sacks with people That you don't know even if you're not gay you should be having gay sex You should bring another man into bed with you and your wife

A man of color Look at this now the nypd. They're not letting march in the gay pride parade They're not letting the the nypd And this is a real punishment for them Because that's their favorite thing to do Is march in the gay pride parade The nypd Interesting

Heritage of pride the nonprofit organization that produces new york's famous pride parade announced saturday It's banning corrections and law enforcement exhibitors from participating in nyc pride events until 2025 nypd is not required to lead first responses security at nyc pride events All aspects of first responses security can be reallocated to train private security community leaders and volunteers I think if they want to punish the cops make them all march Go every turn it into a cop march Take all the police and make them wear revealing

clothing and They should all every nypd officer You should have to walk down the street with a sign that says i am gay. We are all gay If anyone is gay, i am gay. That's what the church should read They should have pink shirts to say if anyone is trans i am trans i am gay And they should all have to march and they should have choreographed dance numbers That would be fucking good I mean, they don't care about this. No, this is absurd. What a crazy thing. It's a weird way to punish the police

What's next? Wait, i mean, i mean, what's next are you gonna are you gonna ban them from attending Broadway shows? Are you gonna ban them from the opera? What comes next now? Are the cops not going to be allowed to go to the ballet? I mean, this is terrifying for the police On friday, the nypd gay officers action league hilarious name The gay officers action league released a statement saying they were just heartened by the decision to placate some of the activists in our community They're looking to create a safer space for the lgbtq ia and by pock

By pock that is I know the last ones people of color Black indigenous black indigenous people of color communities at a time when violence against marginalized groups specifically by pock And trans community has continued to escalate the sense of safety that law enforcement is meant to provide can instead be threatening And at times dangerous to those in our community who are most often targeted with excessive force and or without reason Is this the new thing now cops are killing gays? I know I know that during the stonewall riots that cops are clearly uh

You know Behaving like murder is fascist and I know that they do that too often But is that the thing where it's like? Cops are uh out there with gays. I don't know. I mean, I haven't heard that but I I imagine that is a new uh That is a new

Thing here. Let's also before we leave let's comment on this um tony angcliffe our friend Uh, and I've been on kill tony many times got himself into a little bit of a pickle He made a statement. He's as a joke We was saying something about the host of a show and he called him a filthy fucking something Uh, he's an asian gentleman

He's only really two or three, but you're gonna it was the It was it was not good. It's the one that lands not good Tony I do not believe is a hateful person. I don't believe he hates people. I don't believe he's racist I believe he made and I said this on twitter the worst decision of comic or human anybody in that particular moment Can make in that time that was not a good choice And people got enraged about it angry about it. Tony's a roast comic. What tony does Is roast people now outside of the show kill tony that uh can be Harrowing I guess that's you know, if you don't know tony is a roast comic and you're not in his element

Watching what he does and how he does it uh, it can be uh Disturbing and people were obviously Uh unhappy with it that being said I will say personally about tony A lot of people have launched their careers on kill tony black people Gay people he's helped me dramatically. He's helped other people trans comics There's a lot of people that have traveled for hours and they flown states to go Do kill tony for the chance to do their set and to get roasted by tony and to roast tony Um, you know, he has guys with al s michael lara who's a brilliant comic with al s

He has him on the show every week tony does have a heart. He's a human being Um, and I think that reducing him to just this collection of words Is unfortunate and they were the wrong collection of words. It was the wrong thing to do. It wasn't funny It didn't work that being said to diminish him as a human being because of this is is a little ridiculous And of course, we all know what happens the agencies drop them and this happens and that happens and this is what Uh happens, you know and to me knowing him and knowing that He has provided a platform. He built something and it's still a show and I'm I you know on twitter I said it meant something to people and I talked to him

He's like you're staying at the past and I'm like, I know but right now it's You know, but it'll be back But I'm saying that like the show meant something to people of all races genders sexual orientations You can't just diminish that and I know that You know, there's a lot and I didn't you know the full sets. I think provide a little bit more context still It was probably not the best Uh choice to make in that moment, but that's what being a comedian is You do make choices. Some of them are good. Some of them are bad

Um, and it's hard, you know seeing that it's hard to see where the funny would have been, right? But a lot of people will say things and then look back at it and go Not great, you know me being one of them. I mean, I've said all kinds of things now Usually everything I say is correct and that's another burden I have the burden of being right all the time about everything which people don't think that's a burden It's a terrible burden. Where's my netflix special? I'm right all the time and they don't like that Okay

Also stop talking about John Mulaney and his Olivia munn. Leave him alone. Who gives a shit? He stopped you a blow and he needs some strange. Let him be Let him be The bad people in this business are the ones who use words people don't like not the people who destroy their families Anyway Those are the bad people don't you get it see you can do anything to anyone in your personal life As long as you say the right things. Do you see what I mean? You never try and I'm not a moralist. I'm not saying to judge anyone morally for their personal life

But what happens is in your personal life, you can do whatever you want Kids on the island in the cage fucking who cares come here honey Doesn't matter as long as you get out and you say what is needed At the moment it's needed. It doesn't matter What you behave like in fact it almost feels like I don't know it almost feels like saying This shit that they want you to say

Can inoculate you to a certain degree from being judged in any other way Huh And I'm sure that's not the case. I'm sure I'm wrong But making life about words and phrases and opinions And not making it about about character and what people do and if you're an entertainment I think it should be about nothing. I don't care if you're funny or funny. Malaney's a genius Whatever you think about whatever he's he's a comedic Like, you know, he's not my favorite comedian, but when I watched John Malaney

I go that guy is fucking amazing it at this That's a fact and if you don't think so and and and when I watch necrol I say similar things like it So yeah, I mean the family is involved in some But who cares, you know at the end of the day To me it truly is what you're doing on the stage But what's interesting to me is when everything becomes about words and just I have the right opinion in the right package And that's good and that's odd. It's very interesting to me that that's really what people care about Hollywood is riddled with divorce with abuse

with all kinds of problems as is america and But there's a real obsession with having the right posture on the right issues And that's what it seems to be so talking about this. You have to realize that I've seen tony personally help people Of every race by giving them a platform on a show by encouraging them after the show By having them open for him by doing certain things by putting them So the idea that you can reduce this guy to just a sentence that he said which was again Not wise

But the idea that you could reduce him to that after he's had a career of doing this whether you like his comedy Or not the show that he built means something to people and it has elevated people Uh, and it has elevated them in cases where the industry has not elevated them and he's given a pathway for people to earn money Uh Blah blah blah. So that's what it is and that's That's what I have to say, but I did want to address it I know other people will not be addressing it of course because they don't have platforms as large as mine So we will just say that

um You know and and and that's what i'm saying people need to be able to be taken uh The whole of what they've done has to be judged not a few things here and a few things there Who people are if you're going to judge them you should judge them on uh everything not so much just one thing so it is unfortunate but

We do have a new ad that I just got on my phone and I want to read that because obviously we got to make money on this show Then half of my thing is out now Like it's this year, but it's not this year Right, but he wants more money and give him more money Okay, let me read this ad because So I just got this emailed to me Now the quarantine is lifting people are feeling like they have the revolutionary spirit all pent up in them That's why

Hamas is proud to sponsor the tim dillenshow Hamas is a palestinian sunni islamic fundamentalist organization But it has a pragmatic and militant track record of advancing nationalism hamas come on down We are proud to have them as a sponsor of the tim dillenshow a lot of people said don't take that ad but they paid Go back to england prince harry people are mad at harry Because uh, he doesn't understand the first amendment Is there any more proof that this guy's a fame hungry grifter him and his wife literally uh are coming here The american media is bamboozled by them

I've got so much to say about the first amendment. I'll still don't understand it, but it is bonkers It's bonkers If somebody has a first amendment they might say something like more family killed my mother Man Why is harry here? Why is he here? They're here because they're getting in bed with netflix are getting in bed with everybody. This is what they're gonna do Um, they want to be celebrities. They were sick of being lizards. So they want to be celebrities

They double cross their lizard family. They don't have the decency to go to the bloodletting rituals They're here trying to fucking You know cry on oprah and have a netflix series. I mean how disgusting truly What's more offensive being a fucking interdimensional shape-shifting lizard or whatever fucking These two have now become Strutting around hollywood trying to get streamers to make their garbage content. Get the fuck out you white devil Get out of our country. You pale white ginger fuck out

Go I don't talk the first amendment. They let people say whatever they want here That's when the the fucking the prince comes back out I try to be like every man Joe rogan don't talk about the vaccine But then he goes why do they have the first amendment here? Why do they have it this guy has no core? He has no fucking soul. Look at his face. Look at the vacant face of that guy Do you know how scary it is to be at that fucking point in your life and not have a goddamn clue as to who you are

He has no fucking clue. So this bitch came in bamboozled him pussy whipped him dragged him back to america But he's a willing participant in this by the way, and they're trying to be jazzy and Beyonce Step slightly reversed whatever it is get him out of here But look at the vacant look in his eyes. He doesn't exist. He has no core. He's dangerous That is a dangerous man a man without a core a man who has no idea Oh, what is this first amendment? I've read about it, but it's weird You've never read about the the cornerstone of our country. You dumb fuck. What is this first amendment? What does tim dilling get to talk? I don't like it

Me and megan are making a documentary about people with cleft palates And netflix has bought that We don't want any more comedy specials with the first amendment We want to document to be a people with cleft palates That's my favorite thing to watch is little kids with cleft palates smile and make sun castles God He's grotesque. He's a grotesque human being and he must go

truly I mean Truly truly truly we are launching merch. It is coming on 520. It is a new fake business collection Nelk can't win this game. We must now advance We will now nelk is lovely to me and they send me free stuff. They send me me free merch But we will not be sending them free merch. That's right. Mr. We'll do it if you want the merch you will do it yourself But this is coming 520 go to what fake biz dot net fake biz dot net And sign up you put your email that give you a quick email when this goes live

It is going live on 520, which is what day? Thursday and this does not end with a merch drop. We're opening stores in paris and london in milan Fifth avenue in new york. We're going global. This is a global fashion brand That's what it is get on board now go to fake biz dot net Fake biz dot net put your email in to be alerted. We've got a new can we show them? Let's play our video. Let's show them what we got. We're bringing the heat. These are legitimately beautiful Clothes, this is not what we did last time, which was good. This green printing was good We've taken it up to the next level. We've kicked it up another notch as they say

Let us watch this promo together cut together by uh ben avery who wants more money for him and his wife I do fake business. I call realtor's all day when i'm bored and I pretend Oh As for me, I like the stock kings of leo. Yeah, they tell us where the first two release our album As an nfg. Do you know that lindsay lohan now has a non fungible token? I wonder if like rocketfeller and carnage and bill came back I wonder how disgusted they'd be at the new crop of people that have taken their place The currency that was invented as a joke in fact becomes the real currency to the moon. Oh

Fake biz net Get on there put your email in You Very exciting times coming up Very exciting things. We're on the road. There might be some tickets left for fox woods Uh, we're in san antonio We are all over the place. I am in san antonio, texas Denver if it's not all sold out try

Raleigh north carolina july 9th and 10th At the wilbur theater in boston, which is almost all sold out But go give it a shot the 21st through the 23rd fox woods casino on the 24th Irvine, california the 29th through the 31st Chicago, illinois august 24th through the 28th. We are out there having fun doing stuff I'll be in la this week all over the place running around doing spots if you're there come say hello Merch is in the store

Fine Do you want you want to be paid actual money? Yeah Okay fine See your first your first check Will be coming. Okay of actual money. Okay Okay, I'll believe it when I see it Well, what i'm just saying is you have all the opportunities in the world

And to want money is so crass It's so crass and undignified to even talk about money To want money or to even talk about money to me is crass and undignified And I don't know why you and the other people are in this country. The workers are doing it Why would you not realize the unique opportunity that you have? At arby's Why would you not realize the how lucky you are? To be at arby's

Like paul brown who started there And worked his way up To be the ceo That's what it is Can't we're talking about the wrong things here So just remember that I get annoyed when it takes a little bit longer to get a filet of fish But just remember that you know I listen man These companies got to start paying people actual money

That doesn't mean everyone will want to work when there is actual money either by the way But they do have to start uh raising wages to lure people back into the market. It's already happening and that's a good thing That's a good thing Truly I don't think it's a bad Thing to put a little pressure on companies so that they have to pay people more money That doesn't mean this doesn't hurt small businesses or people like that If they can't find work, they can't find people to work there But um, you know, we got to figure out something where people in this country can live

Because it is quite difficult right now Uh to live on the wages that we have shown that people are making. I mean This is poverty level wages This is completely Completely ridiculous. So I think that people are gonna have to start um You know paying paying real money, you know two other people because It's tough out there and we and we hope uh, we wish that israel and palestine figure it out

That's all I can say we wish that israel and palestine Figure it out Barry weiss figures it out Hopefully she finally gets pregnant Um, you know in nine months when she gives birth to a missile It flies out of her pussy And kills only a military target. Goodbye