The Tim Dillon Show - 253 - Jenner's Joyride

Episode Date: May 23, 2021

In another family friendly classic, Tim discusses Caitlyn Jenner's run for Governor of California, Bitcoin's big tumble, The Menace Lori Lightfoot's ongoing Chicago shenanigans, and why you can't buy true friendship. Merch store is live: https://fakebiz.net Bonus Episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow See Tim Live on the road: ▶▶ http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: 🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co ⚓ NICK DAVIS'S PODCAST (BELOW DECK) ▶▶ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-below-deck-podcast/id1216741721 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off 💊 MASF SUPPLEMENTS ▶▶ https://masfsupplements.com/ use code TIMD for 10% OFF 🧴 DUKE CANNON DEODERANT ▶▶ https://dukecannon.com/ use code DILLON for 10% off 💍 NORTHBANDS RINGS ▶▶ https://www.northbands.com/ use promo code TIM for 20% off BITCOIN CONFERENCE ▶▶ https://b.tc/conference use code TIMDILLON for 10% off CERTIFIED PIEDMONTESE BEEF ▶▶ 25% OFF with discount code TIMDILLON at https://www.cpbeef.com HELLO FRESH ▶▶ Go to https://www.hellofresh.com/timdillon12 for 12 free meals including free shipping! GET ACRE GOLD and start investing in physical Gold today! ▶▶ https://www.GetAcreGold.com/TimDillon ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show audio only episode. How fucked are we? How disrespectful? What contempt we have for our fans? We're back in the studio next week. We're having the studio amped up. We're moving We got a new space in Austin. The studio is gonna look the same. Don't worry your little heads about it It's gonna be great, but we need to have it done We're having the pillows fluffed and the curtains steamed and the neon sign is being moved and All of that night and I want to apologize for cancelling some of the spots in LA. I am no longer in LA I am not in LA all of the Instagram photos that I have uploaded at sushi restaurants

And at the beach are from other places. They were taken years ago and uploaded today I am not here. I want to perform in backyards and alleys. I'm listen Here's the deal with with spots you people have to realize this and I and I'm I'm terribly Saddened by the fact that many people don't get this when I do a spot on a show. I Am doing a 10-minute set maybe 15 Potentially 12 it is not my show. I am not headlining it I have no control over the show. I don't know when I'm gonna go up And if I book a lot of those spots in a night sometimes with LA traffic and shit like that

I can't get to one of them truly and sometimes when it's a place like the ha ha comedy club Which I don't didn't know anything about but it was in alley with 12 people in it I walk in and then I walk out because I don't want to be there You see I want to do something else so I do it and I'm sorry that you bought Seven tickets to it for your birthday your birthday at the ha ha comedy club in an alley It's not Tim Dillon's headlining and we're gonna have a great time It's Tim Dillon's going and doing ten minutes probably the majority of which is me going on stage going I don't want to be here. I walked into the ha ha comedy club, which is it is outside. They're not inside

It's outside and there were eight audience members or ten that I counted there was a girl on stage a white girl With like a Bob Marley hat going if aliens land. They're just gonna go on Rogan and do DMT. Yeah, I Don't know who this person is. I have not booked her. I am. Sorry you had to suffer through that I apologize for that, but this is what happens when I do I don't do a ton of spots I'm usually out on the road doing my own shows headlining and those are the shows that I Show up to and are good and I try to do the other ones, but sometimes There's a problem. There's traffic. There's crime there's homeless and

That prevents me from getting to the spot because I'm on my way The I was on the way to a spot and I I tripped and fell into a sushi restaurant for three hours And it happens because of the violence on the streets. I Was I was walking down the street and then there was a gang of Palestinians beating me up And I said, I'm an Irish Catholic and the only refuge I Could take was to spend three hours eating sushi and not going to the thing. I apologize When it's a headlining show, it's a headlining show You know when it's a spot and I'm doing 10 minutes

I try to get to all of them that I can and It should be a thing where if you like the whole lineup go don't go just for me Go if you like everybody if you go, I love I like the sclar brothers good go to that go we're it's a it's a Group effort is what I'm saying You could stay home and watch Barb and star The new movie Barb and start which I can't recommend More I mean Barb and star It's so good. It doesn't have a plot and there's no jokes, but it's very brightly colored

It's brightly colored and it's very Serene there's blues and greens and there's musical numbers and it's a some SNL alum Getting there funny on so you can you can always watch Barb and star but genuinely Message me if you bought a lot of tickets to the ha ha comedy Parking lot and you're offended that you could not see me do 12 minutes. I Apologize I will try to get you into some of the headlining shows But this is the difference between when a comedy show is a headlining show that I am putting on and a show that I'm being promoted on the lineup

But I really don't know what's going on and I tried to get to the ha ha the first time not the second But the problem is if you book too many of these spots in a night It's hard to get to all the end and I and I try but a lot of these shows in LA God bless everyone they're in backyards and some of them are very fun and support them But support them because you love comedy not just me There's a lot of me out there and and and there's other people out there You know, I just it's it's you know doing spots is something I've done for 12 years. It's it's not as fun anymore Doing them. It's not as fun anymore to have to make small talk with Anthony Jeselnick

Who shared an article saying that comedy had an alt-right problem that the New Republic decided to publish? Anthony Jeselnick who made his bones doing Boston Marathon bombing jokes has now decided He's the arbiter of what is and isn't appropriate to be set on stage And I have to go and speak to him like he's an actual human being That's what I have to do. That's part of my career I have to speak to him like he's a person. He's a great joke writer. The comedy is not really for me I'm more interested in human beings carbon-based life forms But what he does is, you know, great and people love it, but that's what spots are

I have to sit in a green room and talk to him Even though I know that he shared an article That seeks to take everybody that I know his career away But you know, we gotta sit there and go, yeah, how are you? Oh, they're good. Yeah, the audience is good. Good to see you And I shit on Austin all the fucking time I shit on it all the time, but you know a lot of these people in LA I mean, they've got another thing coming. I don't know what the hell they think is gonna go on I mean you guys can you do spots for the rest of your life? Do spots and stand in parking lots and smoke cigarettes for the rest of your life

I don't you know, hey, enjoy that good Enjoy that and let me know when you can afford that 12 million dollar house out here. Let me know Let me know when you can afford that 12 million dollar home Let me know when your vision board starts to work out Keep me updated. Keep me abreast of that because I got a nice house and it ain't big It's fine and it's big enough for me and we're gonna pay that and we're gonna we're gonna podcast and make content We're gonna do shows on the road and we will come to LA from time to time to do spots and Just

Understand what those spots are. I mean, it's you know, it's not something where I can really Control everything that happens. I do my best To get to the spots I do I do my best But there are there are there are problems with getting to all of those spots. There are dinners There are things I'd rather do there is laying in a bed. There is smoking cigarettes on the street There is talking to a hotel valet and deciding that I find him more interesting than doing it There are all kinds of problems because of the violence because of the homelessness. Do you see Lori Lightfoot? Mayor of Chicago, who I can't describe how much I enjoy Lori Lightfoot. I can barely put into words

how Obsessed I am with this woman She's a somebody messaged me on Instagram and they said you try reasoning with this menace. She's a menace she's destroying one of the great American cities, but Somebody else would be if she wasn't and she's a lot of a fun. She looks like a Batman villain. She's a lesbian and There's all kinds of rumors that she's like cheating on her wife and you know She's I don't know using state money and she's taking like broads to shitty hotel rooms and I mean She's now refusing to talk to anybody who's not black. She won't talk to white reporters anymore

There's pictures of her with these big balloon pants like she wears ill-fitting clothes. They don't fit And I mean she's just an absolute legend. She wears, you know, these weird like suits and then she wears These fedoras and she walks around like a Batman villain like I picture her like walking down the street and a zoot suit with a Fodor on and a cane just you know hitting homeless people But Lori Lightfoot is our is our hero here She's our hero and she's forcing the if you want to talk to her in Chicago You're gonna have to do blackface if you are a reporter in Chicago that is white and you want to talk to Lori Lightfoot You have to do blackface. She's given you no choice. You should be you should not be

Even in the slightest bit of trouble for painting your face black To talk to the mayor of Chicago Lori Lightfoot if you are curious as to what's going on, but Lori Has an open invitation on this show I will get a black translator here and I will ask question to the black person to then be asked to Lori Lightfoot Because we like Lori so much. We appreciate she's a goon and if there if there's one thing that we respect and we love and we appreciate it is a goon and We love her and we just want to say that even though we're white and by the way, we're sorry about that We had very little control over it. We wouldn't trade it as Louie CK said because it does seem to be easier

But not now because we want to talk to Lori Lightfoot. In fact, that's every day. I just want to speak To Lori Lightfoot and and see I mean her name just her name is perfect Everything about her is absolutely perfect. My dream is a Caitlyn Jenner Lori Lightfoot Presidential ticket Caitlyn of course headlining it more name recognition But Lori Lightfoot as the VP kind of like a Dick Cheney a power player behind the scenes folks are fedora wearing head out every now and then Shuffles on a staging and ill-fitting suit and then lays down the law That's what we hope. That's what we're going for

But we are Kind of unironically supporting Caitlyn Jenner on this show I like Caitlyn. I think she's an example of true diversity in a country that claims to want it and does not We do not want diversity We want young good-looking Ethnically diverse but usually ethnically ambiguous People that all have the same

life experiences views thoughts We like mediocrity we do not like greatness and Caitlyn say what you will is an example of Greatness DeKathleen Olympian how many gold medals do we know? Let me see. I mean a

woman who has truly Lived many lives And she's she's what the state of California needs Yeah, and 76 for the Decathlon won the gold medal. Yes, amazing. She's a denizen of the country club She's a denizen of the cause she likes diversity the way a lot of people for a generation like it They like seeing it on TV They don't want it too close They

You know, she doesn't really Love the homeless She wants them gone She's a country club trans person who murdered two people in a car and acts like it doesn't happen She's just heading down the PCH a hundred miles an hour Remembering the good times remembering people putting gold medals around her neck

Before she was subjugated to a tertiary role in that family of Armenians that lived in Calabasas Caitlyn strutted around that house like a nobody like a nothing like an afterthought While everyone else engaged in feuds and scandals Caitlyn just kind of played it close to the vest Very quietly would go out in golf offer a few words of wisdom when asked but rarely asked Caitlyn was really an afterthought on that show, but all the while Caitlyn was sitting there going

I am cooking up a way to come back big big and Caitlyn had known for a while that that Caitlyn who was known at that time as We will say like Voldemort the The name that cannot be mentioned because it will be dead naming and we will be kicked off but Caitlyn there was another iteration of Caitlyn bouncing around and

Caitlyn knew that that wouldn't do she said I've always felt like Caitlyn and But I don't want to change who I am. I don't want to I don't want to not be rich and I don't want to not be you know a Person that likes law and order and money and Country clubs she likes that and why shouldn't she she's good at things

Right, Caitlyn does things very well So she likes people who also do things very well. Yes, she's a bit insensitive Yes, the only Mexican people she's spoken to are giving her guacamole. I understand that I Understand that maybe She's a little culturally unhip if you will Caitlyn spent a little too long on the golf course a little too much time in Calabasas doesn't really regard Diversity is anything else other than like a keen seniora on a Malibu Beach. That's getting a little too loud

But Caitlyn's important this is an important figure in America we need More trans people that come from this background. We don't need more trans nerds Do we do we need more tumblr trans people? I don't think so It's like we don't need more gays that are wearing leather and pink thongs doing cart wheels down the street We need more gays like me people who look like they work on the docks People who look like they're a crooked cop or they have a gambling addiction People like me we need more of us we get it we get that gays some of them are very fashionable and You know white women like to keep them in their purse and take them out so that they can chirp at them while they get

Hammered in Orange County. We understand that those and we know that gays are very talented and many of them are in theater And there are quite a few of them as flight attendants telling you to put your mask over your nose, you know Clearly not a dream job, but you can junk up you can do a lot of drugs and then fuck people in the different places You land and then get out of there. It's not the worst job for a gay But we just don't need more of them in the public eye because we get it in the same way We don't need more tumblr trans people. We don't need more people who've lived their entire lives In a computer. We don't need more trans people that really like anime what we need is a country club Trans bitch that's not taking any shit

We need somebody to pull up in a Bentley and get out in a Christian Louboutin La butan and walk into a restaurant and sit down and if she spies a tent on her way in She's unhappy That's what we need. Am I wrong? I am not wrong Yes, or yes If trans people are to represent the fullness of human experience as they should why in God's name Wouldn't we have a wealthy trans Olympian who's a bit out of touch a little loose sealed bluth in

her She doesn't really tolerate Too much self pity. She doesn't like it. You can tell that Caitlyn Jenner is a tough bitch She is she doesn't really tolerate you if you're going to she doesn't like the whimpering. Oh, I don't have money Oh, I was just in the middle lane on the PC age any of those things. She doesn't like it It doesn't matter because she's got somewhere She wants to go and it's usually a 12,000 square foot beautiful desert home and I am supporting her because I

unlike everyone else Care about diversity and it would greatly help trans people. I had a joke when I first started comedy We need more gay people and gangs We need more violent gay people gay people that other people are afraid of you know in the same way that trans people we need strong trans people insensitive trans people people

Who have money and aren't ashamed of it people who are willing to tell you that they are better than you? She's a conservative gal She did an interview with Sean Hannity in her airplane hangar It was one of the greatest things I've ever seen a great spectacle of political theater. Okay Now Miss Lightfoot who we love is not at this level yet Hopefully she will get there, but Caitlyn is a spectacle not for her Transition but for all the reasons that I had mentioned it's it's a total package

She is dare I say the total package and what I love about Caitlyn is she speaks kind of like Trump off the cuff She has called herself a disruptor She's a disruptor She's going to disrupt not only the state of California, which I imagine she'll destroy in four to six months But I don't care. It's neither here nor there to me. I want to be entertained from my small house in Texas It's not that big, but I want to be entertained. I will of course be watching it very closely I imagine Caitlyn won't do anything too much worse than Gavin Newsome although she might I don't know But I think California should have a Caitlyn Jenner

They had an Arnold Schwarzenegger they should have a Caitlyn Jenner and as you listen to me you're kind of agreeing with me here She's not going to go too far to the right Because she's trans and and and and she gets it But she's not going to go too far to the left because she's a multi-millionaire Olympian who's killed people That's the different I Know that she killed them on accident But here's what I like about Caitlyn and this is what I think a chief executive needs and the governor of the state is an executive Look at Caitlyn Jenner

listen to her talk Do you think? She spends one minute of her day thinking about the people she killed Do you think when she's ordering I don't know oevos rancheros Out there at the club Do you think she's sidelined even for a minute thinking about the two lives she ended in Malibu No

Much like George H. W. Bush who probably didn't think too much about his partner when that plane went down years ago go to the archives I Think Caitlyn has shown tremendous strength in being able to kind of just go on about her day-to-day life Without thinking too much and who are the people by the way that she killed do we know let me look it up because I know that If it's public I know it was an accident when I say murderer. I'm kidding. I don't think she did it intentionally I'm just saying I don't think it keeps her up at night, which I think is important She's gonna be making big decisions and running a state. She can't always be Guilt ridden stricken with feelings of despair. Oh God it's the fucking

Hello, how are you good? We can't unfortunately well, what what what time what time has it become available? Okay What's the temperature like down there? What time is it now then it's a 1 51 p.m. Oh No, sorry, buddy, we appreciate it. Thank you One of the cabanas became open. Oh, we're on a wait list T

But I can't we can't do it now we're in the middle of the show I can't just leave here and go to a cabana But it's the high 60s grazing the 70s we can go in the pool though. Yeah See this is what I think Caitlyn Jenner thinks about Instead of the two people that she left dead on the side of the road. Do you understand and why shouldn't she yes? There are problems But Caitlyn understands that problems aren't real if you can't see them Who did she kill Ben? Okay? So the local sheriff's department determined she was driving her escalate at an unsafe speed when she rear-ended

69 year old widow Kim Ho's Lexus pushing her into oncoming traffic Ho died after crashing head-on into the wolf molasses So so only only one person died So the wolf molessey family Sue Jenner over the crash and in their court papers listed extensive injuries Their two sons one was only a month old and wolf Molissi's mother Elga Maurer. So they had cervical spine She killed a one-month-old no no no no there that one month old was injured and also

It looks like the mother had a cervical spine fracture according to the lawsuit. They sound like frauds Hmm they sound like frauds I Mean I gotta be honest So who only one person died it seems that one person and she agreed to pay out eight hundred thousand dollars to the family Oh enough enough She can rear-end me Push me oncoming traffic It is said that the one-month-old was injured. Is he fine now? Yeah immediately was fine

But wasn't responding to stimuli at the scene of the crash went to the hospital and was totally fine She almost killed a baby whatever I You know, it's it's the it's the cancel culture. I don't like that's that's my biggest problem is the cancel culture I don't like the cancel culture Mm-hmm and to cancel her Because she almost killed a baby. Mm-hmm to me is is unconscious and killed a widow just one widow Who's what 69 69 how much more do you got? Mm-hmm? How many gold medals did that widow win I

Don't understand you people not getting what I'm saying here We need this woman and we need her now It is sad I'm happy the baby's okay Had the baby died it only would have proven my point more Do you think that would have sidelined her campaign if she killed a one-month-old? I don't think so That's what I like about Caitlyn. I think if Caitlyn had killed a one-month-old baby She still wouldn't really she might think about it occasionally But Caitlyn knows

She knows can we play her clip? Yeah, I got it right on the homeless. Yeah, because this is This is our next governor in California, and I don't live here. Don't fuck with me IRS. I do not live here This is a Clip of our next governor or the next governor of California speaking about the homeless California my friends of leaving California Actually work my hair the guy across right over at me. He was packing up this hangar. I said, where are you going? And he says I'm moving to Sedona, Arizona. I can't take it in anymore. I can't walk down the streets and see the homeless I don't want to leave

Okay, either I stay and fight or I get out of here She's going to fight the homeless This is Such an important point of her campaign Listen to the wording Her friend from across the street Probably a guidance counselor or something public school teacher. I imagine bus driver

Caitlyn is speaking to her friend and he's saying I can't do it anymore. I can't look at the homeless Caitlyn's response is then I don't want to leave I Want to fight She's gonna fight the homeless She might go start going on midnight raids in that escalade What if Caitlyn Jenner in her escalade was just mowing over tent cities For the betterment of California Do you understand that?

Driving at an unsafe speed with reckless abandon Mowing over tent cities mowing over the homeless for you the citizen Do you get it? Don't you get it this woman is trying to save you She's just said she will stay in the state and fight the homeless for you Presumably you don't want to do it, but she will can you play the clip? I don't know if you have it queued up. I know that you're Concerned mainly about the PGA golf championship. That's what you spent most of your time on and Showing everyone you knew shirt that your wife boy. What did your wife do?

The week of your the month of your birthday. She gets me a present every week leading up to my birthday. It's one of those presents anal What what now why does she do that she treats it like Hanukkah is that Hanukkah they get a present every day for eight days Oh, yeah. Yeah, so I guess she does like a different version of that. Yeah Now they should get you a big present at the end or do you just get a present every week? No, it's just kind of the same big present every week. What have you gotten now your birthday is when? June 25th Are we even in the month of June? No, she started early because she didn't want to wait she gets too excited now Is this the first gift you've gotten I've got two gifts this and then my new travel bag I have with my initials on it

Wow, and then the gifts will continue Until June 25th, when it's your birthday Mm-hmm your gift for me is your continued employment which is subject to constant review

constant review Because quite frankly, I don't know Can you play the clip of the Jenner interview where she speaks about the police Yeah, let me find that Because this is the only time in the interview where Caitlyn lied and I have to call her out because I respect her She lied she said every time she sees the cops She pulls next to them and says thank you for your service Can you imagine how startled?

You would be as a police officer if Caitlyn Jenner just pulled up and was like thank you for your service bars And then kept going which she does not do You can tell she's lying here. You can tell she's being honest when she says my friends hate looking at the homeless. That's true but when she says When she says something like hey Hey, man, I Just pull over every time I see a cop and I say thank you. We know that's not the case

She says thank you to maybe the security guard at her Intergated community, but guess what even even no even that no Caitlyn speaks to very few people's what I like about Caitlyn. She has a few friends She speaks to and she has a lot of employees that she barks at But she doesn't like you probably say that, you know, everyone on the Instagram is like to be better. I mean what? Do you have this up with Caitlyn? Okay Fox News says Caitlyn Jenner? I'm 100% behind our police force and they have a clip here. Yes, let's let's let's see if this is it

I don't know if it is but We're here tonight in Southern, California for our exclusive interview with Caitlyn Jenner running To be the next governor of the great state of California to replace Gavin Newsom Let me just ask you about law and order that we have you watched the riots this this summer Some Democrats media people wouldn't acknowledge their riots. I have statistics in LA 465 shootings since January 1st up 67% from last year homicides up 26% when you look at LA County and How many car accidents?

Well, does he do any of that 13% and Gavin Newsom is going to release 76,000 hit and runs additional inmates for good behavior 63,000 of them committed violent crimes Would you do that? Not at all. I think on the releasing of the prisoners Criminal justice reform is very important And we need to do that. Okay, we need to rehabilitate people in prison and bring them back into the community safely Wow, Caitlyn in his case. I don't know how many of these people have actually been rehabilitated to go back into society

and So I am 100% behind our police force every place I go If I see a cop here's a lot if I'm driving and I see a cop I'll put my hand out the window and give him a thumbs up If they're sitting there, I'll pull up and say hey, thank you for your service, you know, this citizen appreciates what you do I am 100% support our police forces. She's lying As far as I would be great. What a great boss very tough Riding

Using as many forces as I could possibly use to stop the right and protect the citizens and the businesses of this community I think that's extremely important the National Guard Whatever we need to keep peace the Marines. What is the police reform the National Guard the Marines? The Green Berets Navy SEALs Delta Force Direct energy weapons, how great if she just kept going I Would use direct energy weapon Sean? You know electronic pulses things like that You know any type of thing that we had radiation tear gas

You know cluster bombs anything Sean Anything to stop the riots any forces that I could get my hands on anything We'll do anything Sean We'll never stop Throw a brick to the window of Lenziaga. We'll use a direct energy weapon I'll I'll tell you right now any force or Sean at my disposal and I mean anything I

Mean I've got friends when we go to dinner Sean They've got weapons you've never heard of me and you've never heard of them But I'm talking about some real interesting stuff, you know, there's things you can do to people with magnets You you wouldn't You wouldn't imagine I mean the things you can do to people With sound do you know this now Sean sound

You can pulsate energy waves through the air. They're just knock people down They knock people right on their ass Any and all weapons at my disposal I'm talking right now with Lori Lightfoot and we're talking about Well, I'm just saying we're supporting Caitlyn. That's all that's what I'm saying We're moving on from that now, but I'm saying we're supporting Caitlyn Jenner Because as the the logo of Bravo says watch what happens, you know

And I know Jimmy Kimmel shit honor Jimmy Kimmel's like is it transphobic to cool her in a hole? She's disconnect. It's like hey Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy the joke bombed. It's horrible. Stop She's funnier than you. It's horrible. Stop crying on TV Stop pretending like you have any fucking clue about how to fix the state or that you give a shit about the homeless You make like 25 million dollars a year. Can you stop please? This is embarrassing now. You're in bed. You did a show called the man show you talked about beer and tits You know, this is embarrassing. You're somehow a statesman now Well, you and Chelsea handler gonna go on a tour and then you know, this is embarrassing Chelsea handler by the way

Hopefully she's better. She got the Madonna shot and I went deaf in one ear. We were sorry to hear that We hope Chelsea gets better. We want her a hearing out of both ears so I can tell her that she's a cunt But Jimmy Kimmel going after our next governor not are I don't live here there in the royal sense We live in Texas I can prove it. I don't have to like Austin to enjoy where I live in Texas Which is very pretty area. It's very quiet People have the guts to say things over coffee like Trump was too liberal But I mean we're we're getting a little sick of this act which you meet Jimmy Kimmel, can you please Jimmy Kimmel joke?

He'll be fine. It just bombs horribly Is it a transphobic to call someone a hole or is it? Is it not transphobic because we're not discriminating against a holes? God Christ Almighty isn't bad I Want to go swimming later. I want to inflict my body on other people It's nice to stay at an ice hotel and inflict yourself on others

It makes them understand that no matter how much money they spend they can't really get away from the problems Go on. I got it right here. Yeah, please listen to this tidbit of comedy This is how well Caitlyn Jenner understands the plight of everyday Californians here in LA Kimmel then showed a clip from her Fox News interview where Jenner opened up about how her friends are quote leaving, California I actually worked my hair the guy across right over everybody was packing up this hangar. I said, where are you going? And he says I'm moving to Sedona, Arizona I can't take it anymore. I can't walk down the streets to see the homeless here was Kimmel's response Homeless people can't walk around them can't fly over them. You know late-night host went on to say this

Is it transphobic to call a trans person an ignorant a-hole? I mean or does calling that trans person an ignorant a-hole even though she happens to be a trans person Show that we don't discriminate against ignorant a-hole for the full late-night segment. That's great By the way, I love it. They get out of there before the audience doesn't laugh What a horrible joke just the word it's wordy and bad. I mean, it's bad, huh? No, and the other thing is like, I don't know what you where does Jimmy Kimmel live which is general area like Mulholland Drive like Hollywood Hills, do you know? Yeah. Yeah, how do you know? Whitney told us where he lives, right? Yeah, and there's a lot of homeless people up there, right with him Matt Damon's up there

Yeah, that's my understanding, right? It's just Jimmy and the homeless singing kumbaya Because Caitlyn doesn't understand the needs of everyday Californians, but Jimmy Kimmel does he understands the needs of everyday Californians, okay? Whatever Bitcoin took a little Took a little nosedive Ben has been in his famously paid in crypto the whole crypto market shit the bed Ben now owes me money for being employed on this show Bitcoin was what let's rattle off some statistics. It's down about 30%

It was 44,000 of like five days ago and it fell all the way to 32 and it's back up to like 37 right now as a Yeah, but I mean the high was what it was about almost 60. Oh, yeah close to 60 Yeah, wiped a trillion dollars off the crypto market now. Here's here's my concern We are going to do a convention in Miami in early June From June 3rd through the 6th. It was going to be the biggest party of our lives It was going to be a celebration of cryptocurrency a celebration of Bitcoin a celebration of narcissism a celebration of ourselves

It was going to be a gathering of cooks and criminals and fun people financial libertarians People that believed in changing the world and some of them brilliant some of them not so much some people just wanting to you know talk Take some Adderall and chat Quarantine had been lifted. It was going to be fun

Now I'm wondering How fun is this going to be is it going to be dark and gloomy and sad? I did it with a wink of us twins the other night they were fans and wanted to have dinner and we had a nice dinner in Los Angeles and They were Smart guys for sure You know, I didn't ask them too much about Facebook. I asked him a little but not a lot They truly true believers crypto replaces gold. It's a reserve currency. They made a lot of great points. I'm with them. Hey Of course, I could see the problem governments having here with it

Feds cracking down the IRS, you know, I tweeted something today people are mad at me I'm like, you know, governments aren't using Bitcoin to finance wars and bailout people who lost yachts during the recession And people like well, what's preventing them from doing that? I'm like, well, I'm sure they could at one point But you know like all there's a finite amount of it. They just can't keep printing it, you know every time You know, Benjamin Netanyahu needs a suitcase nuke So that was the point of the tweet so I do understand that you know kind of revolutionary Possibilities of it and I've talked to some very smart people in that world. I am not That intelligent. I you know, I understand I have a rudimentary understanding of blockchain and and things like that

there's people much smarter than me and You know, my lack of autism is a real problem I think to be honest and I think Autistic people are privileged in a weird way because they have such a laser finite focus Like they really just key in on something now the smart ones key in on like blockchain, you know And the other ones key in on like, I don't know Something that's not as you know, like anime something that's not as profitable But my lack of autism, I'm like not on the spectrum that I think is a an issue

Do I have Asperger? Can you check? Read what Asperger maybe I have Asperger somebody said to me once I think you have Asperger's I'm like, I don't think I do But I don't know I think it's like lack of awareness in social situations. I have a ton of awareness in social situations. I often just don't care Okay, so uh characteristics of a person with Asperger's Intellectual or artistic interest. Okay already. Yes speech differences. I don't know Delayed motor development. What does that mean? Did it take you a while to learn how to like walk or like use a pencil? No, okay

Poor social skills. It took me a while to sodomize myself Like I didn't try that with my finger until I was like older But not that old like teens Uh poor I have great social skills. I just hate everyone the development of harmful psychological problems. Well, yeah That I have uh detail oriented. No I would say with architecture and stuff like that like you notice certain things. Yeah, but none of it matters, right? I mean the details of my own life. I lost my hotel key three times I lost my wallet. I lost everything

Uh persistence. Yes And not socially driven Uh, I don't know what that means I was socially driven in high school, but people that are socially driven when they're older are That's isn't that another problem. Yeah Oh and then last two high integrity and masters of routine I'll let the audience judge About my integrity. I think I have enough

And and a math a what a master of the routine. Yeah, uh, like you you're addicted to routine Yeah, that is not the case. I don't think I have ass burgers I think the person who told me that that was years ago and that the person who told me that I believe was wrong Well, I just wanted to figure that out, but it was a fun dinner and I texted them I said, would you guys come on the podcast? I'd love to have you on the podcast to talk about You know the volatile week and they have not gotten back to me, but that's okay. I'm they're busy It's been a rough week. Maybe they will come on and also maybe not That's a lot of these people are like, yeah, we love the thing, but we do not want to be

Sitting next to you And that's fair We are still trying to get somebody Uh to interview for the bitcoin conference in miami It's definitely gonna happen. Some people are saying about bitcoin that they have the bottom has been reached They think and then it's gonna climb back up, you know, kathy wood, you know kathy wood, of course, you know kathy wood Of course, do you know kathy wood of arkas? Do you call her kath? Like I do

Where does she work? Ark is her and she sets price targets, doesn't she? Yeah, she does and and a lot of them are when she sets them kind of crazy people go We don't think so But then she's turned out right like about tesla correct interesting You you've been on the kathwood train. Uh, I call her kath because I know her for years um You've been on the kathy wood train for a long time. I was an a r k g and a r k k there for a while. Yeah, yeah

What do you like about kathy wood? You want to fuck kathy wood? Is that what you want to do? Is that what you're trying to do? Mm-hmm taking big old texas dick and smack kathy wood in the face with it. How dare you How dare you she's a ceo. She's a ceo. I suppose. Yeah, it's an etf, right? So she's like the leader of the etf She's the leader. Yeah But there's a man there, right as well doing all the decisions Uh No, I think it's just kathy is kind of calling all the shots, but she has a team of like people men. Yes

Okay Get nervous a little nervous there, you know It's not a flower shop This is big business The fake business hoodies are out. We were going to wear them on the show. Of course. They didn't send me my correct size Why why here's the thing I'll say the quality of these hoodies is truly amazing They're soft that the business jacket. It's amazing. It's like shit you buy in stores. It's really great. It's a big step up I think from the merch we were doing before which was still good

But it's not nearly as good as this The people that are involved in merch are a little brain dead some of these merch people, you know I mean, they're they're not bad people but I mean, I mean christ, you know I mean, you're not really dealing with I mean, you know, this isn't exactly You know the best and brightest uh out there in the merch space. Let's just be let's just be honest about it I mean, they're they're lovely people You know, that's something katelyn janer would say at the country club. She'd go they're love. They're lovely people

But god Not that bright Um, but bend a lot of work on the merch I uh I did some I did a lot too The fake business stuff is really cool. It's really cool that people uh dig that Bit that we did and it's very funny and it's a cool the logo is fucking amazing

And the the quality of the shit is is really good. It's soft. What is it? What uh, is it cotton? What is it polyester? Let me take this off. What is it? I don't know what it is But whatever it is, it's soft and I very sensitive skin and it hasn't given me a rash The this vest is 100 polyester Well, that's not That's not good. Is it but it is good. Is it soft for this vest? Yeah, it's very soft Sometimes you have to use polyester. Get the hoodie. See if it's caught. Let me see

I don't have any problems with polyester Some people don't like it But they're stupid What did kathy wood say about polyester? Did she say anything about it? Has elan musk tweeted about it? What is the hoodie? It's um, let's see here It's uh 80 cotton 20 polyester. Hey

80 20 nothing wrong with that You need a little polyester My mother didn't want me to wear polyester as a child, but I was a gay cocaine addict So they were worried about all the wrong things. They were worried about polyester and not cocaine and the fact that I couldn't get enough penises As parents they should have been concerned about that we are working on A book called the boomer guide to parenting which is about the great parenting strategies that my parents employed with me um

And there's rules about boomer parenting and we're very excited about it and it should hopefully you know It's a few months away from Being ready, but it's uh, really great We look back at the childhood that a lot of people in my generation had that are in there, you know mid 30s And we look back at a lot of the uh tactics and strategies And lack thereof that our parents used when raising us, you know, they certainly were not helicopter parents They were helicopter parents as they followed the kids around all the time and they're Right, uh, the boomers were slightly less involved. They were involved in different ways. They used to drop us off a lot of places

But a deeply selfish generation and uh, we exposed them in the book, but it's funny it's funny all the recollections of Things like what my father told me son never overestimate your value. He was right about that He was right. He was he was saying just listen don't overestimate your value If you will do it, you couldn't say that to a kid now. They think it's abuse They were less right about other things, of course And that's the majority of the book is the things they weren't right about but at the end there's a chapter where it's like Things boomers got right when raising their kids like he shouldn't be a helicopter parent

Of course, you don't have to go to the extreme that they did as well um You know where like somebody's like my teacher's molesting me. They're like, will you shut up? But there are There are certain benefits to the way the boomers parented And we will get into that. Are you afraid uh for the bitcoin? Are you uh, do you think uh I just we just have to have it let's start to build because we have this convention and I don't really want It would be funny if these people just throwing themselves off balconies in miami

Well, I'm seeing some of these shitcoins like defy 100 are doing exit scams. You seen this Yeah, well, what did that what did what did what did that what did the website said we scammed you and you can't do anything about it Yeah, we scammed you guys and you can't do shit about it Ha ha all you moonboys have been scammed and you can't do shit about it devs and fuck you moonboys And they uh walked away with 32 million and investor investor funds Well There you go That's what happens

Crypto's getting raked over the coals. I think I think the bubble Uh, which it clearly is an asset bubble, but I think people are starting to realize that You have one bitcoin and all these other coins they got people into crypto Which is what I think people liked about it like the winkel bosses were like well these other coins You know, hey, are they a waste of time? We don't know But they're getting people interested in the crypto space and they think long term. That's really good So they tolerate the kind of clownish element to a lot of the other coins

Uh, then there are people that are saying that they think ethereum could overtake bitcoin. I read that Zero hedge dropped that article somebody was saying that. I don't know if it was an analyst at goldman or somebody I have three ethereum for my nft. Yeah. Yeah, you do. I don't know why my nft did not sell for more I thought it was going to sell for 80 million dollars Where I dressed up like megan mccain I mean, I don't understand. What is my three ethereum worth right now? Well, I think you wasn't it five ethereum? It was five ethereum. That's correct. What is it worth right now? Let me see the price of ethereum right now Should I just give that to you and then have you worked for the rest of the year for free?

I mean, how much money does he deserve? Him and his wife are constantly trying to get more out of me the other day He had some thing where he said his eyes were degenerating So I think she was she probably told him when they were eating oysters in some parking lot in texas She probably goes you're gonna pretend to be blind and this is how we're gonna suck the rest of the money out of them And I'm just gonna I'm gonna lead you around And it'll make him feel bad. We'll like tug on his heartstrings. You know, you're his only friend and everything and He goes, yeah, yeah, I feel a little bad about that. She goes. No, no, no, don't worry about it

He knows you have glasses. Anyway, you take them off. You're kind of blind as a bat pretend to be blind I'll walk you in to do the show Just just keep looking around the room. We'll give you these big thick black glasses He won't know the difference and then we'll tell him your eye operation costs an insane amount of money We'll get it from him and then you can you we'll rent a we'll do a whole thing. We'll say you're recovering at home You know and then we'll just get the money from him and then you can just kind of you know go back to the show And I I think that scam was in place But I called it out as soon as he

Went to the eye doctor said if you and your wife are thinking that this is gonna work or where you pretend to go blind And then I have to pay for some crazy Fucking experimental surgery to save you. It'll never happen. I'm not that stupid Did you find the thing I'm talking about? I know. Oh ethereum. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so you you have 11,845 dollars worth of ethereum now. That's yours. Thank you. That's yours That's yours. That's for the that's for 2022 That's for your work I don't know why you keep laughing all he does all him and his wife do is they're they're just trying to

But I'm very much like Caitlyn Jenner like I understand That the parasites come I understand what a scavenger is. I understand what it is when somebody You know sees you on the side of the road And you're carrion you're a carcass and that's what him and his wife look at me as and they they like vultures landing on a longhorn How about that texas? They just want to rip my decaying flesh off my body And I won't let it happen

That's why I support people like Caitlyn Jenner people who know who they are There are some real listen. You cannot buy friends in the world. I've tried it fails I'm telling you you cannot buy friendship. It's really crazy. You think that you could you should be able to in theory But you can't it actually doesn't work. But what you can buy Is the governorship of california? You can do that. I mean that's been proven So let's do it again is my point You know, it's interesting. You can't buy friends. It's interesting. It's it's something that

You would think you should be able to do But you can't but money works really well and why do you think that is you can't buy a friends Um, I guess because then the love is unconditional, right? What? Like uh, you mean the love is conditional Well, yeah, then the love isn't unconditional. So the love it would be conditional will be the correct way to say that Please pipe down He ruins everything I try to do I'm staring at a half a bottle of beef heater gin that I didn't drink my friends came over

Uh, it's their anniversary. So I had them come out Here and I made the martinis because I make martinis very well in and out We didn't even do vermouth last night. We did the dry. So you could do just gin stir it You don't want to bruise the gin. You don't want to shake a martini till it has all those little ice. Uh, you know, that's not what you do Uh, gin shouldn't be that cold. It should be chilled I know a lot about gin, but I'm staring at it. You know, it's so funny I'm at the point in my recovery now as an alcoholic where I don't even want to drink it I don't even I look at it and I don't see that it's the solution to any of my problems

You know, I look at it and I go, oh, that's funny. So that's crazy 10 or 11 years in 11 years into not drinking and doing drugs You can stay overnight in a hotel room with a half bottle of gin and there was not one part of me that thought Of drinking it like there was not one part of me. There was not one Uh, ember of my being a fiber of my being whatever that expression is that I thought, you know Maybe I should just sneak a shot. What would a shot feel like, you know, would it make the cigarette better? If I just did a little shot just to warm me up before I go outside everything It was not one part of me. So I'm I'm very I'm I'm proud of that

I'm proud of that you can do a lot sober. That's the thing you have to realize if you're out there you're struggling Uh with drugs or with uh with quitting drinking you have to realize how much you can do sober and then how This huge part of your life will eventually not become a part of your life at all That's really amazing. Like this isn't even a part of my life. It's literally just sitting on a counter I have no Business with it. I have no business with it. You know what I mean and just to prove that I drank the whole bottle I said I am so past this. No, I'm kidding

Ben was funny Ben goes it's just I'm saying all this in the bottle's water like I just filled it up with water That's what we used to do to my grandmother steal her booze and then put water in it God love or we miss her Um, but you could you could do a lot sober This thing that's this huge part of your life and I know a lot of people listen to the show probably with problems This huge part of your life actually becomes Not a part of your life. It's amazing It's truly amazing, but you got to fight

Just like Caitlyn Jenner said You got to fight you got to fight the homeless You got to fight them You got to use every weapon at your disposal In the same way that Caitlyn Jenner will use a direct energy weapon on homeless people You have to use every Ember of your being

To fight the need To pour yourself a drink because it doesn't it doesn't fix your problems and it never will it'll just it'll just fix them For a short period of time for a short period of time, but it will not It will not turn things around To turn things around you got to know who you are you have to know who you are that the happiest people in the world Aren't actually that happy happy people that are overtly happy are actually Um, you know, I mean the annoying kind of happy. They're they're actually not that happy

They're uh, they're on a drug and the drug is themselves and it's quite annoying and it's Troubling if you're in their presence. They're there. Oh my god It's like whoa The happiest people in the world Are Caitlyn Jenner Caitlyn knows exactly Who she is and she always has It transcends gender

It transcends class. She's just Caitlyn That's who she is. That's who she'll always be Most at home Eating mexican food served by white people at a country club most at home Sitting in the backyard of a mansion Occasionally thinking about the great thing she's done That's where she is. That's why she's the perfect person to lead the state of california

Because she knows who she is. She doesn't lose sleep. She doesn't go. What if the baby died? She doesn't lose sleep over it She goes, I will use any force at my disposal any force Any force at my disposal doesn't matter what it is Doesn't matter what I've got friends of Raytheon the things they can do Sean Sean the things they can do are Are amazing It's it's so funny to me because Sean like you you

You come from a generation like me where you had to get out there and shoot people with guns. Remember vietnam You'd have to shoot them with guns in their face Now Sean what you can do with with energy? with vibrations You can do things with vibrations That knock people down and you don't kill them You don't kill these people you terrify them you scare them and they fall down and some of them might have seizures, sure But what you what you do is you you keep low on order Sean and i'm very excited

To really start using more of those methods and I think every time I see a police officer Every time I see it. I don't care who it is. I don't care if it's Derek Chauvin. I don't care who it is I I just pull over my car. I just give him the thumbs up I give him the thumbs up and occasionally I yell out the window who you're killing today boys Who you shooting today boys? Because I'm behind our cops 100 percent. That's a happy person She doesn't feel the need to lie to you

Or conform to what your idea of what she should be is She is quite happily an olympian a father a mother a murderer And she will Be the next governor of the state of california And she will be the next president of the united states and there will be hell to pay