The Tim Dillon Show - 261 - Please, Die Alone

Episode Date: July 18, 2021

Joining us from New York City is the comedian Tim began comedy with, Kunal C. Arora, to discuss their early beginnings in Long Island, Call Her Daddy and Armchair Expert podcast deals, people moving back in with their parents, and why New York is no longer Tim's home.   KC's plugs: https://www.instagram.com/alldaykca/?hl=en https://www.alldaykca.com/   ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow See Tim Live on the road: ▶▶ http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: 🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co ⚓ NICK DAVIS'S PODCAST (ANOTHER PODCAST SHOW) ▶▶ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtvB1iiShWreiKusHjzXI0w?sub_confirmation=1 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-podcast-show/id1566793182 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off 💊 MASF SUPPLEMENTS ▶▶ https://masfsupplements.com/ use code TIMD for 10% OFF 🧴 DUKE CANNON DEODERANT ▶▶ https://dukecannon.com/ use code DILLON for 10% off 💍 NORTHBANDS RINGS ▶▶ https://www.northbands.com/ use promo code TIM for 20% off BITCOIN CONFERENCE ▶▶ https://b.tc/conference use code TIMDILLON for 10% off CERTIFIED PIEDMONTESE BEEF ▶▶ 25% OFF with discount code TIMDILLON at https://www.cpbeef.com HELLO FRESH ▶▶ Go to https://www.hellofresh.com/timdillon12 for 12 free meals including free shipping! GET ACRE GOLD and start investing in physical Gold today! ▶▶ https://www.GetAcreGold.com/TimDillon   MAKE CRYPTO SIMPLE! ▶▶ Visit https://Dchained.com/Inner-Circle and sign-up today. PSYCHO LAS VEGAS! ▶▶Check out the full lineup and purchase tickets at https://VIVAPSYCHO.COM   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Want to get a beef with her and I'm kidding Here's the thing about the cool her daddy thing. Sure. God bless her. Right. I was it. I don't know her. Mm-hmm. God bless her. Yeah Six sixty million dollars, they're not gonna make that money. Absolutely not. No way. They won't make six million To be honest, let's just wish Barstool still owns. Yes is what drives the whole thing I think right people buy the merch. Mm-hmm. That's the most profitable. I would wait I think the closest I would get to the call her daddy podcast would be a hat That says call her daddy. I'd wear that you do that. Yeah, but I'm not gonna I tried to listen to an episode What is it because I've never listened but she's getting

60 million I made four seconds in And I turned it on I said no was was it that bad? Yeah, it's just it's not but it's not for me though Right, you know what I mean? You got to know what is interesting like to me It's like if it was just like is it an exploration of like anal where you listen to it You go, how do you take a big one without getting an anal fissure like is it cuz I better fix those titles man, right? Cuz I'm not having it. All right. Yeah, I didn't I I I'm I think the podcast money now is getting silly. Yeah This is silly. This is Bitcoin. That's right from like five six years ago. It's getting silly. Yeah, and I think people are I

Think these companies are gonna just eventually go. Oh, we learned our lives. Oh, they're gonna pull back. Yeah, hard They're pulling back Spotify likes Rogan, right? Um, I don't know if they're in love with it They like it's a solid like which good people coming to the platform. I've heard they don't like the ringer The Bill Simmons thing they're not thrilled. Is that like a sports thing? Yeah, it's a sports thing and they gave him a hundred million Yeah, they're just they're just They're just given people Pretend are they they're just are they is the money even real or is they spotifying the money? I just spotting the money It's on loan. Yeah, cuz I feel like I'm gonna start a podcast. I'm gonna come in way too late

Yeah, I'm gonna get a book of coupons. Yeah Definitely gonna get an I owe you from Spotify. I don't it's weird. It's too much money. Yeah, people are getting it I don't know yours is already on there. So what is the thing? Yeah, do you just be like you walk in there? We're like a black trench coat and a suitcase and fill it with money or I take it off spotify No, they're not gonna give us anything. What is what is what is Spotify is they've what is their communication with us? They're like you can be honest. We're not getting any money. There's been no offer But our agent lot like he lies and says he's getting us money. Yeah, he says a deal might come through Of course and they tell you that there's a big deal coming

There it's just not true. Yeah, sir. It's XM. Yes, sir. Yes, and all the we're getting a deal Yeah, and they'll call you up there like there's a company called clincher like it's all a fake Like thing like it's a digital media content Korea, and they're really interested. It's just a general name with the company Yeah, bill serious called he wants to give you $250,000,000 Now you'll never see it because it's not real, but just tell me how you feel. Did you like the number? Yeah I think they offered Rogan money and he said no and then like when the pandemic hit they're like how about this and he's like, okay Let's do it. But does that mean you take your podcast off other platforms?

I notice that mean it did for him right Joe. You can't get anywhere, but Spotify. Oh Spotify exclusive, right? Your daddy. I also believe But call your daddy so much funnier call your daddy is better if it was a show where she had to call her father Tell him all the things she did Sexually I would really prefer that show. I'm gonna tell you now. I'm listening now. I'm in like she calls him up And she's like dad That's the fourth episode. He's like, oh my god. He's like Like, you know, she's every every art. It starts with the ringing

And then it's just him picking up that click in and it goes Now what? He's so dejected. Yeah, and she's just like, well, you know, it's another episode of call your daddy Hi daddy and he's like hey And she goes, all right, so I want to tell you this story when I was in cancun You just hear him like use your eyes clicking in his glass He's like Jesus fucking Christ He's like episode eight. You just you hear the phone go down and then a gunshot

He just blows his brains out call your daddy But that that uh, that one's exclusive too. I think when they give you the big money Yes, when they roll out the big ins You can't You they Spotify's like they can't find this show right If they find this podcast anywhere but Spotify, yeah, we'll kill them like that's the level of we'll kill your daddy Yeah

So those are the big deals they made they made the ringer. They made rogan. They made call her daddy Uh dax shepherd's podcast. What did dax shepherd get? I I read 60, but you never really know his whole thing positivity Isn't he just isn't his biggest claim to fame being married to christin bell I kind of believe it probably was but now he's got this massive show and I don't what is it? It's armchair expert What but what is it so he's like a he's like a therapist to to like paul rudd and seth rogan all these people why? I'm like curious aren't they're really rich and famous. So what's the problem? Yeah, you don't need someone rich to tell you that you're rich still I'm aware of it. Right the armchair is nice. Yeah, that's all it is like I can tell this is a good armchair

Thank you. What I don't know anything about his podcast. I'm sure he's a good guy I don't want to find out a guy is pretending to be an expert and getting paid 60 million dollars. Yeah Because there's a there's an actual expert very upset. Yeah How many experts that are actual experts have zero dollars? Maybe spot if I could get some of them So the the website says the armchair expert podcast celebrates the messiness of being human I mean, I can't these windows open. Yeah Let me just jump out from here canola rora is with us by the way follow canola rora

Give people your social media. It's all day kca all day kca. Is that everywhere? Is that on everything? It's on it's on twitter. It's on qanon. It's on instagram instagram. It's the website. It's everything 4chan Fundamentalist.com everywhere hilarious comedian started Started with me. Um, you know, we were like Like I was gonna say thugging it out. I don't know why we were not Like I said, we're thugging it out and open my I'm thugging it out. Yeah I don't know what thugging it out means, but

We were at open mics in 2010. Yes late 2010. Yes. I met you. I was doing my first set ever At which I might have done better than tonight. I'm kidding. I love new york It was I was at a coffee shop in long island called wild child slash Tattoo parlor tattoo parlor. Yes, right and you'd bomb and you'd hear the needle buzz You you hear whenever you bomb it's just a guy going Yeah, it's okay And they were all going to like get there like they'd get like some chicks named tattooed on them Right that tattoo shop did a lot of like like, uh, like whatever

What is the term when you like turn one tattoo into another one a transformation? Maybe I don't know it was a lot of names being changed. Yes and dogs faces because I it was a lot of dogs But I remember there was always like a consultation Like we'd be like we'd walk in and we'd see somebody and they'd be like, okay, so here's what we could do It's like we made a mistake. Here's what we could do. We could turn your ex-girlfriend's name Into r.i.p. And nice 9 11 We could do like an r.i.p Right the heroes right towers and they're like, okay

I constantly heard from those tattoo chairs. You know, this is permanent Now you know, this is permanent, right? You know, you can't walk in here tomorrow and get rid of this And by the way, they should like that was such a weird eerie thing for us to hear Doing stand-up comedy because it's like, oh fuck. This is permanent. Yeah for a lot of us. It was permanent And um, I was doing my set and it was like whatever dumb and can I'll have like a little net book Yes, I remember that. Yeah. Yeah a little like a net book Right and you were like typing on it and every now and then I would say something funny and he'd go He'd have like a little like, huh

It was and then and then I was like because can I was a guy I was like wanting to like like impress and then There was another guy with a scott right who I did like didn't want to impress He gave me a fake name. Yeah the first time I met him What what did he he's like? My name is michael and I was like this is I'm gonna know this man for the rest of my life I'm livid. Why why did he do that? I don't know. He's just a weird, you know scott's a weird guy He's an odd. He's a great guy. I love him. But he's nuts But I remember that that was the beginning of and then you can all like we would go into the city and like do Stand-up comedy at these crazy places. Yeah, I started doing this thing called trip sundae. Yes

And you would take two comics. I would take two comics with me. Yes, so it would be three comics three mics Uh one day basically a hundred miles of driving and it was usually me you Dennis yeah, yeah, it would be oh it always switch around switch. Yeah, because sometimes you might be booked sometimes Sometimes you're like, you know what man? I don't want to eat my fucking ass three days three three mics in a row That was a great day of comedy. Yes Because it was we did a A hipster mic. Yeah a black mic. Yeah, and then uh long island club mic sad mic

It would it would always end good or bad at a pizza shop across the street Eating eating a couple slices and one of the saddest moments and I don't want to let you tell the story because you remember Exactly how it happened right was the night you decided you had to move into new york city So we're doing it's like another trip sundae. I mean there's a hundred miles of driving. It's a lot. It's a lot Yeah, because we would start in long island or I'd pick you up Yes, or you'd come to my mom's place. Yes, and then we shoot into the city Yes, do these mics. We're fine if trying to figure out parking Trying to get to these things and then uh then shoot out to long island and not like regular not like

You know a simple like new hide park right now. We're talking in there deep deep huntington Yes, yeah, so and it's not every day would everything work. In fact, most of the times it wouldn't right you're just eating it all day long So this day nobody's happy. Yeah, we're all we're in the car. We're now in deep long island huntington We had bombed at the hipster mic. Yes bombed in the black room. Yes Now we're heading back home right and we're now at this mic in in huntington. It's a second floor It's this place. I think it was called chester fields. Yes. Yeah, and it was like it had some history to it But nobody knows what nobody knows the history, but everyone always said, you know, this place is known I think they used to say eddie murphy started here. Eddie murphy started. Yeah, no one knew what that meant

I think eddie murphy took the bus that passed by there I still have no idea what that meant. No clue people would be like have some respect Eddie murphy started here. Yeah, but like you should they have a picture and it's a white guy named eddie murphy. Yeah Yeah, by the way, it's also these are the most racist people in america telling you that eddie murphy started there I'm like you're an insanely racist person Like, you know, they're just taking pride in the accomplishments of like there's a picture of eddie murphy with his racial epithets Scrawled on the glass eddie murphy started here. He should have stayed here It's like, okay

So we're we're sitting there and uh, i'm sitting next to you and we're just watching people go up Yeah, and then a guy gets up and he is a rodney danger field impersonator Yes As to why you need to do rodney's material at an open mic right beyond me. Yeah, it's already tried Yes, yeah, he did it on letterman. Right. I mean, you know what I mean? He did it on course You're not working anything out. Yeah Yeah, it's like, why do you need to retry material on Carson? Does I get no respect for yes? Yeah, this for your audience it does

For whatever birthday party is hiring you Yeah, this is gonna be fine. Who quality controls rodney danger fields material, but the guy's up there He's got the suit. He's got the tie. Yeah, shaking the tie. I got no respect. Yeah, and then you hear somebody yell from offstage What the fuck? And We look over because we're like, this is an open mic. Nobody should be heckling right it's hard It's mostly comics anyway. Yeah, and we look over and by the door is another rodney danger field impersonator Dressed in a suit and red tie

Going you stole my act In complete earnestness. Yes. No the to the extent to which this is not a joke Yeah, that it was not that no one appreciated this In any in a comedic way at all For what the fuck was genuine? He was shaken to his core. He walked into a rodney danger. He saw the other one and was like, what the fuck? And he goes he yells from offstage. Just because I had a heart attack. You think you can do my act? Yes

Which is rodney's act But whatever right and And I lean over to you and I just whisper. I'm moving next week. Yeah, I move to the city So first of all The rodney one rodney gets off the next rodney Then like they let him go up like right after right because he's like upset. Yeah, he does look sick Like he's not done. He's older. He's pale He had legitimately suffered a heart attack. He was like in recovery. Yeah for a cardiac incident

So he cuts the line And he goes this is how you do it and does more rodney material And then he goes like this he goes he goes i'm here and he goes I'm recovering from a heart attack. He goes. I don't know if I can still do this And I just want to try this out because it's the way I make money Yes, and I want to know if I can still do it. She now looks like the added pressure of like Not only and he wasn't that good. No I could barely tell it was rod

I'm gonna tell you right now doing a rodney danger field impersonation. Yeah, it's a young man's game And by young man, I mean 40s. Yeah 45 Yeah, um And uh, and it goes like I gotta go and you were the first Amongst us. Yes to have to leave. Yeah, I lived in an apartment in the east village Yes, and alphabet city alphabet city. Yeah, c and ninth and you were the first one and I was so impressed and everybody was like Fuck he's doing it. Yeah, he's actually doing it. Right. He's actually leaving

He's not gonna have pizza with us anymore No, no leaving and then uh, and then you moved right after I moved pretty soon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I moved pretty soon because I used to hang out with you Yes, and I used to and I'm like man come on. This is better. Right. I just realized it was better. I'm like this works Yeah, this is what you we should have been doing because it was easy. This is the thing This is the trap. It's easy to do open mics in long island because you drive To the thing. Yes, you drive you park your car. Yes. There's a parking lot. Yes, and you walk right in Right do your set and then you leave right? It's not like the city where you're on the subway. Yes

You're someone is dancing in front of you. Yes, and you're like, I got to make these jokes work Right and then you go mic to mic to mic. It's not like that in long island. You're still the same person Yeah, but you're just doing comedy. Yeah, that's the problem. Nothing. You could still work at Verizon Right and do your bullshit. Yes, so it's fine when you make that sacrifice to move into new york city You're taking on a different identity. I had a conversation some comics and they were like, well, what makes you a comic a comedian Right and they're like, is it money? Is it like, well, I think that you got to give up a certain amount Yes, and that's what it is. You're right. Yeah, and it's out of these guys moved from other places here to do comedy It it has to be

To me when I look at it, I don't think it's money Yeah, to me it has to be the organizing principle of your life. Yes, that's what I View it as right to be a real comedian. Yeah to be somebody who does comedy whatever If you're a comedian to do it, it's got to be the organizing principle of your life meaning I'm a comedian and these are the choices I made In pursuit of that you could make money and it can still not be the organizing principle of your life Absolutely. There are people that we met in long island. We were just like, yeah, this is what I get paid to do this and you're like People pay for this. We always knew what we didn't want to be

Yeah, I think that's a great thing about starting in long island, right? Listen, I went back to long island and I was at the diners there and I was you know showing my friends there and I'm like I'm really happy and listen. I I love long island. Yeah, I grew up there But I'm really happy. I I got out of there. Yeah, man. I'm really happy when you go back to those diners. Yeah, they stink They're horrible. Yeah, they're terrible and you know what it is like four good diners in the entire long island I mean, I think they all used to be better But now it's just but you also look at the people right and you look at everything and you go You know what? I'm glad my journey was out. Right. I'm glad my journey was out of here. Absolutely. You know

Yeah, and and I doesn't mean that like I won't eventually move back there and get addicted to pills I thought we went to a uh a dar williams concert. Yes Okay. Yes. So dar williams is a folk singer Yeah, and you put me on to dar williams and she's not bad I I saw her youtube live. Yes. They're during the pandemic so many people right now are like they hate when they When there's actually incontrovertible proof that I suck dick. Yeah, and this is they hate it They're like because they can ignore it for so much of the content and then every now and then they're like fuck But not here not here not when dar is yeah, dar williams. She was like a folk singer who like is like

she's um northeastern, yeah like Lives in like, you know the Hudson River Valley. Yes. That's where we saw her. Yeah, we saw her purple crayon was purple crayon Yeah, she's uh, you know, she's always trying to like spring terrorists from jail. I respect She's always she was like bang the tambourine. That's like, you know some terrorist fucking thing. Yeah How was the youtube? It was good. It was great. It was fun. It was like, you know, we're in the pandemic

We were during the pandemic. I was like, what else am I gonna do? I got a little upset with her because the last time I saw her in brooklyn She started bringing out like a bunch of other people like she put out a poet No, I don't want that. No. No. No. No. She started bringing out people and I started going. Hey, man Do the hour right do the hour. She just this is the pandemic. So nobody's visiting Good. And I was like, this is perfect. You got to do the work. Yeah Like she'd bring out a poet and then somebody did a poem and then she like brought Like someone from the neighborhood up. Yeah in brooklyn. I don't I don't care about your gardening issues. Yeah, right

It was kind of like that. Right. It was kind of like and somebody's talking about like voting for like It's voting for like a councilwoman. I'm like, hey and everything was like I'm just like at least play guitar in the background Something Yeah, doing that. It's like if I came on this podcast and talked about a leaky fire hydrant Like I gotta tell you guys what really matters here. Yeah, like I'll do it on my personal time Don't make it the show. Yeah, don't make it the fucking show. Right What have you liked you were in new york for the entire pandemic? Yes, and that that's a lot of people left

Yes, a lot of people people went home. They went back to their to their, you know, the cities that they came from comics And do you judge that? No, okay. No, why am I it's like good good. Yeah, go home You need this Mentally, you need this. Yes. They're unwell. Yeah, they've been here too long. Yes. It's this is the same thing I'll get our like, you know, this is what I said about when you start here, right? When you start here, what really sucks is that when you start in, I don't know, chicago And you come to new york you come to new york and then you get you you sharpen your teeth

You go back to chicago you murder right your self-esteem chips are filled right and now it's like, oh I feel ready to go back into that muck. That's the city. Yes when you start in new york city There's no place to collect self-esteem. No, so a lot of these people are long overdue for for a little hit They're a little hit the little hit of self-esteem. Yeah, they need it backs a home cooked meal Yes, something someone to hug them. I think it was good for a lot of people to go and reconnect. Yes with family, right and maybe they needed to reconnect with um Who who they were

Before they moved to places like new york or their original psychiatrist. Yes. Yeah Yeah, absolutely. It know has how to help right exactly like you're a long overdue for these anti-depressants. Yeah, it's it's fucking It's wild to think about who we all were like Before we knew that this could happen, right and then Now having this fucking Think about Death. Mm-hmm in a real way. Yeah, absolutely in an actual real way like

Like yacht this ends. Mm-hmm. And we don't know when right could be sooner Then I like, you know, I remember like, you know Like co-morbidities when that start, you know, which is you know, you know fat You know, I just remember like when they started talking about co-morbidities, right morbidities I was like, you know, I just get nervous. I'm like, what is where is co-morbidities? And and and I don't have diabetes or anything like that, but they're like that's a big one. I'm like, yeah, yeah Yeah, there's a big there's a comic on the bigger side who was he died. Yeah This guy Kenny Ortega big guy funny dude funny guy

Could kill in pretty much any room and unfortunately passed away got covid passed away and that's the thing like you start thinking about I'm like, fuck. I'm like, all right. I don't have diabetes. Right. I'm like, but I fucking smoke I don't I'm not smoking now, but I'm like and then you have the weight Right, and then I'm 36. Right. I'm like, I'm not and they're like, you know, I always look at that chart We're like, well when the brackets of your age the brackets. I'm like, well people in their 30s, but I'm like, but I'm 36 And it's you know, and I that was an alcoholic And a drug addict right for a decade over a day well over a decade. Yeah from 13 To 25 about 12 years

And you go you go, yeah, I don't know that I want to go to the dance. No with this stay home Yeah, yeah, and a lot of people went home They went back to their family and I don't judge them for it go for it Do that and also it's your family. You don't even know if they're gonna live Right, you don't know if your parents are gonna live. Yeah, so you're gonna sit there and What tough it out in new york city, right? That's insane behavior. I know a lot of people that went Back home to me for me. There's no home to go That's there hasn't been a home to go forever

Right there. Right. Yeah, and um, I guess I could have went home Right, but I mean I live with my girlfriend. Right. No, yeah, you're the life. Yeah, I have a home age Yeah, yeah, yeah where it's harder to do that Right, and it's harder to do that. My father and his wife would have been like, please die alone Like they would have been like, please like die like have the decency After all the shit you've talked about us after all the the the money you've made like dragging our names through the mud Please do not come back here to die Like I mean

Do what did I want to die there like do I want to die there with my stepmother rolling her eyes? Rolling her eyes. Nobody wants to be dying and having somebody give you a a shady look. Yeah Nobody wants like a dirty look like right like not so funny now. Are you fat ass? My last few actions would be to cough on you. Yeah Yeah, I mean So there was nowhere but then you start thinking about like I'm like if I die these with dark thoughts like you have a girlfriend I'm single. I mean, I guess I could call one of these guys in the early 20s that I've You know, fuck because they like hotel rooms and sneakers and go

Hey, would you want to sit by my bedside while I die? It's such a weird I don't know. I'm like, hey No, they'll straight up be like, am I in a will or something? I'll have to like I'm like, yeah. Yeah, but it's fucked, right? Because I've been I you don't have much. I have this career. Right. I have the career. Yes. That's what I have and the career is good But the career is the least the last thing you want. Yes, if you're dying Right, right, right. But if when there's no opportunities, it's the career is the first thing you want The career is what you want. It's either first or last in a lot of places. Yeah

It's weird to think about because I had those thoughts, you know, I had those thoughts like I was on the road I was on the road during the pandemic when cases would drop Well, they would drop like last summer or people like it's over and I'm like, all right You get a few shows in and they were like it ain't over and Cases went up and then we back off the road But like I was out on the road. I got my opener was like 24 25 and he's fine. He was young And he's like his whole thing was he's like No, no one's fucking anymore and I can't go out to bars and my whole thing in my head. I'm like, I'm gonna die alone. Yeah

You know what I mean? Yeah, like I'm like, well, I understand that he's like, yeah the fucking bars These chicks on tinder. They're weird because the pandemic. I'm like understood right, but also I will gonna die here Alone but but in his to his uh to what he's saying You know not being able to go out to the bars and these restaurants closing. Yeah Some of them had to go. Yes. Yes. Some of these restaurants had it. Yeah, it was I and it's just like a friend said that like Oh, they can use covid as an excuse right to close up. Yes, but some of them Good Yeah, I'm happy your dream was crushed. Some of them need to go

I didn't need to eat at your shitty burger restaurant. Yeah that people showed up to it had horrible brunch Yes, and it's like people were like, oh, this is no good right board up the walls. Yeah, I'm happy good And you know what I I hope somebody I don't want to say death But I just hope something was affected because I don't want it coming back Yeah, no, I don't a little lung scar. I don't want someone Sponsoring this place. I don't want to go fund me appearing. No, I don't want to hear this I don't I hope you realize your life shouldn't be dedicated to sriracha aioli. No get out of my life Yeah, no some there are necessary changes. Yeah, you're jarring things. Yeah, no you're jarring you annoy me

Do you think differently now about anything Uh I mean right now. This is the thing you said something. I heard you on uh on some on uh, you were saying that new york city is Is frightening to some capacity? Um, when you were here briefly probably it was there was I was it was it was we were in Times Square late at night. That's that's what I wanted. I wanted to bring that up Yes, because a lot of you know, you said that a lot about and you know, people think times square is just all of new york city

Right, but you're right times square at first when I heard you say that I was like, man tim He's going a little too much. I know and then I went to times square. Yeah, and I was like, oh this place is haunting Yeah, no it was a little weird. Yeah, I mean it is listen still the greatest city in the world Sure, but I I always got to be honest. I mean, I've never been to tokyo. It was Sure, well It it threw me a little bit. Yes because I said this is You know It's scary. Yeah, it was scary. You could hear. Here's the thing you could hear. I think I'm gonna get raped. Yeah, it's not good

When someone may rape me as a goof Not even it's not even sexual at that point. It's just something to do you could hear a syringe fall. Yes And it's and that's when it's terrifying. That's when it's terrifying. So it was certain parts of new york city were scary Yes, we're very scary. Yes, where I live was fine. It was not a big deal I would say that living through the pandemic. What did it teach me? What did I walk away with? Um go hard. Yeah come if you're coming back. Yeah Bring gather all the self-esteem leave your stupid clothes at home And just bring all that in and go as hard as possible. Yeah, I lived through it here. I'm fine

Right, and I was cautious right and the subways are not so bad now Yeah, and I think because people are uh, I think because there's more people out Which means that more money is trickling down to the homeless Yes, and the crazies and that is better for the city. Yes, because the thing is before There weren't enough people on the subway these homeless people are now starving Right and nobody's looking at and the few like it's subway cars if you had like one or two people filled in it, right? Right, no one's gonna give you money Percentages drop dramatically, but when you got it like a decently filled subway car you get a couple dollars

And that's okay So now that the city's bouncing back I think homeless people and people that are on the streets are are are less aggressive. I I I It's so funny to to say this because I I grew up here. Yeah, I grew up on Long Island. I Lived here for years

And when I come back here, I love it. I love being here. I don't feel like I don't feel like it's home. I've gone I've gone too far off the reservation. Yeah. No, this isn't a home to you. Yeah. I'm like where we're at. Yeah Yeah, I'm like I'm like gone from here. I'm softer now Like I'm not as hard like, you know the whole new york car like fuck it I don't give a shit. Yeah, somebody's bleeding on the subway. I think that's cool. I think it's cool when kids get shot It's gritty. Fuck. Yeah Yeah, new york through a dot. I'm just not like none of that

Makes any sense to me anymore. You know as I get older. I start going. It's nonsensical You know what? I I realized my thing is I don't want to be new york tough. Yeah, I want to be I want to be midwest considerate Those people treat each other relatively well. Yeah, I remember being in chicago the first time and that's not even chicago They don't people from the midwest don't even consider that right a real taste of the midwest right some woman I was talking to A buddy and I was like, I gotta find a chase ATM and some woman pops up out of nowhere. Well, if you go and I go, who are you?

Yeah, I was flipped out on her. Yeah, and I go. This is not a right way to act. Yeah, you know what I mean? The city does something to you. Yeah, and And I think that's good. Yes, and I think the great innovations and the great You know things that we've learned to appreciate whether it's in the realm of art or wherever, right? Come from being shaken out of your comfort zone. Yes and being willing to shake yourself out of your comfort zone Right, but I do think there is also some value to not losing yourself in this city No And and and I know a lot of people who I love and whom whom I have great respect for

Who I feel like, you know when when new yorkers, I used to think new yorkers were the worldliest people in the world No, and now like when like new yorkers leave new york and they're like I remember going to new orleans with with yannis sam maril and they were like, why can't you get a slice? Why can't you get a turkey sandwich? Guys, there's a food here. Right. It doesn't exist anywhere else. Yes. Creole food doesn't really exist anywhere else in america Right. It's this amazing fusion of like french, caribbean, Haitian all this stuff and it's only here Why are we talking about turkey sandwiches? But they never stop It's a common new york thing to walk into a place that's not new york city and then immediately compare it to something

That's new york city and then to be a complete piece of shit about it. Yeah, it's like. Oh, wait, wait, wait Creole job. You mean this is like halal guys. Yeah, right? Right. Yeah. It's like, uh, it's like a french halal guy It's like, no, it's not it's it's not and some I used to do that all the time when Ben met me Yeah, I used to do the old and I still do it. Yes. I still do a little bit. I still find myself doing it But I catch myself. Yeah, like or like a cafe du monde. Yes. You take new yorkers there and they'll be like Zeppelies, right? Right? What? No, no, no. This is like bagels thrown in a deep fryer. It's like, that's not. Yeah, it's not that at all Appreciate something that's not yeah, and I've just gotten to the point now where I I love it. I come back here I feel like I'm on a vacation. Yes, and I've surrendered to Los Angeles for good or ill

Yes, surrender. You called me surrender and uh, first of all, I saw like a three one own number I don't know if I can give that it's zip codes. It's fine. Yeah, and I'll find it. Yeah It's fine. Yeah, and I just I got two numbers from that and I was like some someone really wants to spam me on some bullshit Yeah, someone wants to tell me my my my warranties overdue. Yeah, and then it was you and I was like, oh shit But I do want to also tell you that you have been selected by Marriott It's funny that you mentioned that because you have been selected as well I thought I when you were like, I'm staying here. I sent you the wrong hotel. Yeah. Yeah When you sent me I was like I just um

I don't know I when I went out there I was I think I didn't know if I was done You found your place there. Yes, you were doing well here. Yes, you were everything was going was clicking in place For you the shows were moving What's the thing called you got uh, there was like things that you were getting. Yeah, Montreal, whatever the the comics to watch And uh, and but I still felt like there was something missing. Yeah, and then when you went out there It's just like it's like you figured that out. Well, I figured it out

I hope and I figured it out with this kid's help right and we figured it out in a garage True. I'm gonna have to kidnap him on the way out. Yeah, he's amazing. Yeah, we figured it out in the garage. I hope you're ready to start over Yeah Yeah, by the way, he always is yeah, okay. Others before me. Right. They just weren't funny. Yeah, some of them look like me He's got a little bit of a chubby irish fetish. Anyway, not Not gonna know. COVID took most of them out. COVID took most of them. Yeah. No, it's shockingly nobody who deserved to die of COVID Right. Yeah, um But there was there's a real

There's real moments of like fuck, you know, and as I get older now, I think just more about like Yeah, we all got to plant the flag eventually Yeah, and try to find or create some type of home Yeah, and I think I have to do it in Los Angeles, right, you know, right. It's not austin It's not austin texas. No, I tried. Yeah four months, right gave it a shot I knew this is the thing I I was uh After my set I had to leave I had to do I had to do a show and you know

Yeah, yeah, yeah a specialty cheese shop and a milk bar, right? So I'm right as I'm walking out You're talking about uh How austin's got like things that austin has that new york doesn't right and I go as soon as I heard you Phrase it that way. Yeah, I go. He's done with austin. Oh, yeah Yeah, because you're only throwing it in new yorkers faces. Yeah, because it's enjoyable. Yes, because it's fun Yeah, it's just fun and it's fun to tell new york they suck even if it all and everyone knows I hate austin Yeah, and the thing about austin is it's it's it's it's it's a it's a sea list town And and that's really what it is right across the board

It's not about anything specifically Across the board. It is not where the best and the brightest go. No, it is it is where the dullest Go as historically as best of the dullest. You're the best of the dullest And I just got to go and I love joe and you know, I'll work his club But you know when it opens or what I'm I'm I'm just I I think it's a horrible place And I wish nothing but pain for everyone there I mean truly and I've been kind of honest about that

Right, but you know, but I've realized during this pandemic that like life is short. Yes life is short, right? And you can and both you can't I was you know, a lot of your life you spend bullshitting Yes yourself, right and others and you have to because a lot of your life is like You know You're fighting with your own insecurity. You're fighting with your own sense of like Self-worth right and you got to like you got to build yourself up And you get then you knock yourself down. Yeah, and and you try to get to this like stasis where you're just like, okay

I'm great. I'm not a king and I'm not the worst person that's ever lived And that's hard for comics. Yeah, because every day we're like, it's tough Every you wake up and it's a different it's a different feeling Yes, or you do a set and it's a different feeling different. You you leave and you're like, I'm the king of the world I walked out tonight. Tonight was a fine show by all I did great, but it was not As well as I done in the past and other so I'm like, you know, I was just unhappy Right and my my sense of happiness is very tied into how this goes

And that's not right, but it's not I'm too old for that. Yeah, you know, that's what I've tried to realize I'm actually too Old yeah for it. No as somebody older you are right, right? It's too much like I don't it doesn't matter how the sets go You just walk away and it's just like who gives a shit Yeah, yeah, so I'm gonna I was telling my girlfriend. I'm doing your podcast She's like, oh, this is a big deal and I go. Yeah, I know it's it's good, but you know who gives a shit I agree. Right. Like it's I'm happy to do it

Well, I'm happy to talk to you. We haven't spoken a long time. I think what makes Podcasts good is that you I have genuine interest in what you have to say Right and there's I don't have a lot of gas on the show because I don't have genuine interest in what a lot of people have to say right, um But you know, you were the first friend I had in comedy. Yes, truly. Yeah, and And you're not white. I want to say Am I am I like tony woods to your dave chappelle you are you are here i'm gonna be on they ready You're countering a narrative

No, but and you were the first dude who loved comedy. Yeah that I really became friends with who Loved comedy and we we had a lot of other friends We had a knew a lot of other people right and their relationship as comedy is what it is But the you know, but you were the first person where I was like this guy Loves comedy. He cares about it. Yes, you cared so much about right and you wanted it to be You you I remember we would be at your house And your mom would make his dinner. Yeah, and really good dinner. Oh my god butter chicken. He's really good indian dish She's she's retired, but I want to I want to like chain her to a kitchen

I know you got to get her back I want to open a restaurant and the open up those closed burger shacks and have her do do her own thing It was so good. Yeah, and I remember we would talk and that's back in the era when like We were just coming into the city. Mm-hmm. I was like these long island guys. Yeah, they would always be Yeah, they'd always like look down on you. Of course. Yeah for good reason. Of course. Yeah, it's fair It's It didn't help that we ran in and be like, you know, eddie murphy. Yeah It didn't help that we're like, we're basically like eddie murphy. Right, right

I mean, I'd call myself eddie murphy. You call yourself kevin james. Yeah So just it didn't work But no that was the era when we were starting shows. Yes wanted to be taken seriously Right and this was the era we were in our mid 20s And we were like we are choosing this is our life now. Yes, and that was uh, and I'm so far away from that now Like it's so weird. Yes, and I've moved three steps from that You as well like you're you're older you have a girlfriend you're mature you you've lived this life I mean, how awful would it be? Yeah, if you come back here

And I'm still like gotta get a 12 o'clock midnight mic. Yeah. Yeah, that would be crazy I would hope you'd come here to kill me. That would be crazy. Yeah, it strangled me with this mic chord If I didn't find some semblance. Yes. No, you would you you love this is what you look like comedy something I've never loved anything else. I know that wasn't like other than the girlfriend other than yeah Yeah, sure, right, but I mean as a as like a thing, right? I never loved a thing I didn't know you could do this as a thing Right, I would you know, I the first time I watched uh, I remember watching snl. Yes, and it was uh recently No, no, no, no, no like oh this was and who was on uh, kevin kneelen

Was doing the weekend update But I it's comedy to me like being indian and like me. We didn't see any of this shit Right. I thought kevin kneelen was Legitimately trying to get fired from his news job. Yeah, I'm like this guy is good to get fired. Yeah He's making fun of the news. Yeah, and then I realized oh, this is a comedy show. Oh, yeah You can do this. Yeah, and then I'd see people on tv telling jokes You can actually do this and watching that and still being no, this is not even possible Yeah, and then then getting able to do it

Right and then for me that goes I would never want to stop this right any which way now what why do you think there are less immigrant uh You know like the immigrant story Doesn't usually involve comedy. Yeah, because uh, I and of course not because I mean imagine right if everyone's parents and grandparents Got here and said I want to be a clown if They would turn the ships back right. Yeah. No, absolutely. They would drive the ship into the statue. I remember like white people are So kind of out of it and don't really care about their children right that when we all said we're going to be comedians

Are parents like hey great as long as it does involve us. Yeah, my dad's like as long as you're old enough I don't have to drive you to the comedy right the reason why uh immigrants uh They're worried when their kids do yeah It's because the either the reason why it happens or doesn't happen It's because your parents either beat you hard enough right to talk you out of it Yeah, or didn't beat you enough right and then you end up doing it right and then quitting and then going I'm gonna do a real thing right and I think I get it. Yeah shit. I get it my brother's a doctor

Right first one in my family. Yeah Is it harder because to me? I think it's Is it Is it at a certain point you stop explaining right? And you can just you go People don't have to understand your life decisions. Yeah that to me is the big thing right that If there's one thing that I think the generation

under us It's it's not the pc or the whatever and all the fighting and the I don't even get on them. But yes, they're a little ridiculous about that But the main thing and maybe this ties into that or not. I don't know. I would say You don't have to win Everyone no that's no I see people out there Right, whether it's their family their friends their community. Yes They need everyone that they've ever met

Right to agree with them or to love them That is a real recipe for how as a non-binary Bipoxist In front of my you don't need to win any you don't just need to win enough people Yes, just not you don't need to win everybody right and it's great that way. Yes, and it's okay There's always people in my show that shouldn't be absolutely. There's always people in the audience some of them women Who are it It's not for them right and that's okay. Yeah go watch a bachelor recap

And then we're wrong with that. Yeah, it's like I just there's it's we are I think I think that's the one thing I've learned as I get older is that I don't care Who likes gay people? I don't care who likes me. Yeah, I don't care who thinks I'm funny Outside of the people who already think I'm like I want you to think I'm funny I'm gonna work my ass off to hopefully have you think that I want you to think I'm a decent person I don't need you to think I'm a great person. I'd like you to think I'm smart I don't need you to think I'm I don't want you to think I'm a genius

I don't think I'm a genius But I've also learned to take the foot off the gas with that stuff because I think that's the stuff When you first started that was a big deal to you huge. It was a big deal huge. Yeah, you wanted people to know Yes, everything and like you this is my journey. This is my rock and this is the thing Some people that's not their bus. Right. Yeah, they're not they don't give a shit. Absolutely. They just want They want the yucks. Yes. Give them yucks. Yes. That's it. Yeah. Now when I first started I I thought um That we all

our job was to Inflict ourselves on people to a point Where they just said, okay. Yeah, all right, right and and and part of that I I've now learned that that is a colossal waste of time. Yeah, you know, what personally and professional You know what made me realize that was when I uh, I was on the subway Yeah, and I saw some guy like singing

It was awful. Yeah off-key terrible Some people enjoyed it Right, and I'm right and I'm like, I guess that's for you. Yes, and there were a bunch of other people who were like Get this guy off the fucking train. Yeah, throw him under the train Right, that's how some some guy felt like he put on his headphones. He's like and he was ready to fight the guy Right, and I was just like so that's what it is. Yeah, and that's okay. Yeah, who you get you get and then you move on I think that's the way the way that

one thing that I think Younger people don't seem to have a grasp of yet. Yeah, is that you can waste a lot of time trying to win Yeah, I can't find uh, like my audience is not going to be Indian people. Right. I mean, you know this, right? I can't do my audience is not gay people. Yeah, right. Yeah, like I've done. I'll get hired for Indian gigs Right. I talk them out of it. Right. I'm like, you know, what's a great idea? Talking to each other. Yeah, how about that, huh? How about saving money? Why do you think it is that you have a similar relationship with Indians that I have with gays? In terms of our

comedy We're like We're not the star of our community No, not that that's a good or bad thing. Right. Why are we not the stars of our community? Why don't we don't why are we not drenched in our community? I think because we were meant to look at it differently, right and that's the only thing I can come up with Yeah, you just gotta it's you were meant to see it from a different perspective, right to give you an angle that hey, guess what not all Indians are Doctors lawyers, right? They're guys who sound like mechanics. Yeah, you know, right?

So it's like you got to deal with this. Yeah, or like if you're if you're gay, it's like this is not what you know Yeah, it comes in so many other different ways packages, right? It's it's strange and you'd think that The the people Whose job it is to make sure that Things are interesting out there in entertainment would value that Yeah, they don't they want to fill the protocol. Yeah, they want to it's like, okay cool like we'll have We'll hire the indian guy because it looks good, right?

But to me the bigger deal is when you have the indian guy In central pennsylvania. Yeah, that's a bigger deal to me. Yes You put the uh the gay guy in long island to headline the clubs, right? Because he guess what? Yeah, he gets the work done, right that to me is a major that's important That's that shifts the needle, right not the place not the channel that goes we have an obligation to hire Somebody who is who's indian or gay? Whatever, right? It's to me. It's the place that's deep seated than elks lodge Yeah, who goes, you know what let's get this indian guy in here. Yeah And not because it's the good thing to do because we love this guy because he's funny

He's funny because he's going to entertain the shit out of us. That's right. Yeah, that's that's what I think was more important Because that's what that's at the bottom At the bottom line at the end of the day. That's our entire life And that's what shifts everything right to be honest. That's what changes people's perspective. Yes You know many times there's people they'll come up to me like You know, I didn't I didn't think a hindi comic could be this funny, right and I go I love that they use hindi comic. Yeah, and I'm I'm like, I don't know even know how to respond to that right by the album though, right? I take I take venmo. Yeah. Yeah venmo me. Yeah. So what do you think?

Is the uh, do you ever see yourself outside of the city? That's that's another thing that I've been wrestling with is like, can I live elsewhere? I see somebody like, you know, you Go to like Los Angeles. I've seen another bunch of the new york comics go to LA. Yeah, and some You know, you had heat going out. Yeah, and a lot of them didn't yeah, but they still seem pretty happy out there It's an adjustment. Yeah, they seem and I didn't think it's possible Right because I had that same mentality where I go. Well, what if I need to get Right, what if I what if I need? Yeah, uh a slim gym at 2 30 in the morning. Yeah, where will I find it?

Yeah, how about how about not have one? Yeah, how about it's okay? It's weird because So much of our lives are this Chitty career and even though it's a good career and I've done, you know, great things in it and you haven't we've all enjoyed it And this is why we exist. Right. Right. Right. Uh, it's still shitty. Yeah, cbs bull. Yeah, I've done good things You have yeah now. Yeah, have you seen me on a little voices on apple plus? Yeah Well, I don't have apple plus I will watch it's listen if you just use the free trial membership I think heavy griffin who I'm sure doesn't love me if she knows who I am

But I will quote her and say the only warden comedy is to say you're still doing it. Yes. That's it. Right the only Award that a comedian will ever get is to say they're still doing it. Right. Yeah. I remember used to quote Joan Rivers It's about who can stand in the rain the longest. Yeah Yeah And that's probably true Yes, um, and the problem is I think a lot of people that aren't they're standing but it's not in the rain They think they're in the rain. No, yeah, they're like looking it's like a gray day and they're like this seems like rain I'm like, I don't know. I got a I remember a facebook memory popped up and I saw an old show flyer

Wow from seven years ago Yeah, and I just go and I'm looking at some of these people a lot of them quit They all quit. Yeah, a lot of everyone quit writers now some of them are writers some of them are right So they're not going to do this. Yeah, they're not going to get on stage. Like, why would I right? I collect $1,500 a week Yeah, we're gonna show up Right and and and you know that was never the life for you or me. No It was too too much too much felt like a day job. Yeah, I can't do that. Yeah I once I had a gig where I had to go there once a month

To help write bits really for the radio and and what happened and every and it'd be like, okay cool It's 150 bucks Right and but I would dread the entire time the day before I go. I gotta get up. Yeah, I gotta go in there I gotta talk to people. Yeah, I gotta sit here and be like, this is a good jingle Right. No. No. Yeah, throw me off the building. Yeah, I can't do this nonsense. We gotta do it the way like on our own terms Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the thing that That I figured out how to do. I think that's the the biggest thing that I figured out how to do Was that I didn't need

The people that I thought I needed. No, that's the real shot. Yeah, man. You figured that shit out. Yeah real well Yeah, and I think it's part of it is like you Depending on the type of person you are Like like coming out of the closet. I think it's part of it because years and years ago when I came out of the closet I'm like, well, maybe my friends won't like me anymore But who cares? No, you know what I mean, right? And I think every decision I've made in my life has kind of been a little similar where I go

Yeah, I might lose people by moving LA people might not think I'm a serious comic or they might not like Or maybe if I do this video and I put a wig on people who think I'm an idiot And they're gonna be like, that's not the right way to do it. You should be the comedy seller You should be here. You should be there. And maybe if I do Logan Paul's podcast people think I'm a sellout or a piece of shit or whatever Um and every time I have one of those decisions I go. Yeah, but fuck them, right? That's really the reality. Yeah, but fuck them. Okay, you know, and I think that That's the Thing that I would probably say has been the the best guiding thing. I'm gonna leave here and steal a car

I mean, there's plenty of stuff in the hotel to see I mean, I've taken a few things already You don't have to steal Anything from outside You can steal stuff from inside. I'm stealing your producer. That's the first thing that's good. Yeah, he's great. He is good He's a little bit entitled. Yeah, I can tell he's but I've made him a monster, right? No, I've made him a monster I mean like I forget what he did the other day, but he goes Like he'll be eating a restaurant. I'll be eating lobster bisque. I'll go

Kind of put a spoon. He walked up to me expecting me to with wet hands expecting me to dry them. Oh, yeah Yeah, that's the real real piece of shit. That's the type of behavior. Yeah, you've really created something. Yeah, I've created a monster It's disgusting. He shook wet hands at me. Yeah, he really Just is he's really leaning in to that part of his personality When I met the guy he was working in a pet store All right, urban pet urban pet urban pet not even a chain Is it a chain? It's a chain, but in LA. Oh, they're even worse. It's your your pets an urban pet Why what is it? It's not a country pet. It's an urban pet. It's just a collect of those hairless cats. Yeah

That's all they sell. It's just Mexican hairless cats It's like it's it's it's for like it's for like we want your dog to feel like he's on a farm Right, so it's all that type of horses. And I met him there and he was brushing a dog's teeth Yeah, I still think it would be a good idea for him to like work there for two weeks a year That's his vacation to kind of get it back. You should make his vacation where he gets a regular job. Yeah, I agree with you I think that that's where I think it's not the worst idea because his day to day life is a vacation Yes, and then you know how like well, he doesn't see it that way. He thinks it's hell Right to his wife all the times on a photo wife. Oh, you know, we were at the Hamptons

I had to eat the lobster again. Yeah, it's a horror to him Right. I had to sit there while he talked to someone and yeah, he's a demon Right, this guy's talking to one of the biggest investment bankers of the world and I had to sit here and listen to this Yeah, he's got some other journalists on and they're talking about whatever. Sure. I'm going to use it for insider trading But how exhausting How exhausting I You know, I've taken this kid all over the world the bitcoin conference, right?

And he's got the yeah, so his vacation quote unquote. Yeah should be send him to a petco This is the thing that new york doesn't have you don't have producers Now everybody wants to be the guy right everybody wants to be the guy I still look at podcasting like it's uh collecting uh Action figures, right? I'm like I'm leaving here going so podcasting might work I'm sitting in a goddamn a massive hotel with a living room. Yeah, it's nice and I'm going podcasting might be the thing Yeah, yeah, no idea. Yeah, it's good. Do I get a Hyundai Elantra for doing this? We actually we actually charge you to do this

That's how people eat money. Damn it. We're actually gonna Venmar request you Jesus, if you don't mind And we're gonna but the money doesn't go to us it goes to Dax Shepard We the Spotify doesn't have the money So we got to kick up right to Spotify so they could pay Dax Shepard the armchair chef More money to tell Seth Rogen to get high again armchair armchair. Hey Seth Rogen. Why don't you get high? Now you're upset get high and laying a pool of money. I don't know cola hooker There's not that many things in life to make you happy. No coming eating a hug

Right, I don't know how many of those you can buy but two out of the three Yeah, it's not this is gonna be an interesting podcast to listen to of his do you talk to anybody Who is your boy? You had like a best friend? Uh like in real life was his name trevor. No. Yes. Yes. Well trevor wasn't my best friend. He was a good friend He was a good friend. Yeah, but there was another kid. There was like from from like home. Yeah, this guy chris Yes. Yes. Yeah, what happened to him? He man. He lives in italy No, yeah

He's got a baby got a wife. How did that happen? He was backpacking through italy lost his job Backpacking through italy and he met uh, he was on the train and he met this girl And he just started talking to her Started seeing her and then went to school in in melon Yeah, and now he lives there and he's got a baby lovely kid kids growing up And it's just so crazy because like you look at a life like that. Yeah, and you go. Oh my god It's out there People do it

That's fucking mind blowing. Yeah, and uh, you know That's well, they got trevor. He's dead, but that's not that's not what happened to him I think he overdosed on pills, but that's not the point. Let's go to italy. Yeah, let's go to Back to melon I mean, like that's a great way you you you just said something that's great people do it. Yeah There's actually people that do it. Yes Right, that's crazy. They find that happiness Like I look at his life and I go that is beautiful

That is really beautiful. Yeah, so but maybe Maybe he's in italy And he's going I wish I had a podcast Maybe you think maybe he's thinking man, it would be it'd be great to drive canals moms hrv Yeah, you might go this Woman and this child have kept me. Yeah from what I really want to do Which is talk to Joe Rogan about bigfoot Yeah, yeah, that's what I want to do. I mean if he thinks that

Yeah, that's got to be the saddest thing in the world. Well, we all have our disease Yeah, I guarantee it's not this but no, there's something that gets every there's something that knows it ever all of us You think so I think so you think so I think in the quiet moments in the darkness And I think it knows it as because there's there's something crazy about this life We know it ends. Yeah, which makes us Just different than every you like most animals. I'm sure elephants, you know higher conscious, you know But most animals you see them. They're like going around going like yeah, this is hey man This is all good. Right. No one day. It's just it's over

We know the sense and we know that we have to make all of these choices We know it's a game where there are choices and we know that Each one of those choices there's then results in A few things that we expected to happen and if you want expected things and I think that the more of those you make There's always a part of you Just by the design of this whole entire thing The way whatever this is a high level video game being played by aliens who the fuck knows You say to yourself

It's so natural to go. What if I had made a different choice Even when The choice you made was great. Mm-hmm. Even when the things that came from the choice are Good. Mm-hmm. I still think it because it's the insanity. Right. It's crazy. Yeah, that thought pops in your head. You knock it out Yeah, I think that that to me uh when you start to do that that to me feels like i'm uh flirting with a bad place Oh, yeah, yeah, I don't I don't do that that to me feels like i'm flirting with depression

I don't want to I don't do it's a bad place. Yeah, I go past it now Yeah, there's no more hanging out there anymore. Smart. Yeah, I just go. You know what it happened It is was it is what it is and then I move forward past that Because you could get stuck in that shit and then you're going, you know, what's you ever have? What's a thought recently that you had with that? Um, even like if I should have devoted more of my life to my Uh mental and physical well-being and less to this industry, right? Yeah, you know, yeah, I mean that's sure that's part of it

Sure, only because I've met some of the most successful people in this business. Many of them are criminally insane I mean they could fill swimming pools with money and do backstroke in it But at the end of the day, um It's it's your shadow boxing ghosts here Mm-hmm You know It's not, you know, what is that? It's the speech from the wire Okay, the job won't save you. I think it's like so I think to myself sometimes

What is what is this at the expense of? What is this? What is this? This this cool shit that I'm able to do which I love doing right? what is The cost That's what I think of right sometimes. Mm-hmm. I there's always a cost I think

if you send Uh, I think you can eliminate that feeling. Yeah that mental feeling with heroin No, no, no, no, no, it just it's just gonna take you just got to sit back and Uh send um ben to a pet shop. Yes I think he does and that'll sort like but I think good would that feel for you to watch him there Oh, no, I I I'm I'm planning on doing horrible things

But I I think that's By the way, I think anyone that does I think that's a pretty common thought right for people. They go. Hey, what? What else can I be doing? But if I wanted to do something else, I would yeah, and that's the thing though, right? Yeah, I've done Podcasts right and I've said to myself. Okay. Let me try this right and Someone said to me is like, oh, you didn't stick with it. Yeah, and I go. No, right. I didn't care for it Right. Let's just accept that first. Yeah. I it's like, you know people's questions like well, why haven't you?

Why didn't you keep doing that? It's like, you know, I during the pandemic I created a game show, right? Okay, and I shot a few episodes create a whole game show played with comics It was fun right somebody was like what it's a really good idea You should keep doing it and I go. I don't want to right you only have a certain amount of time Right do the things you want to do do the things you want to do that's it right and then and you know and then you everything else will be fine Because it's absolutely it's over then. Yeah, man. It's over that quick Yeah, and I just want to do more of the things I want to do and I think that's hopefully what we've all learned right

You know that what we want to do As long as it's not hurting anyone else. Well, that's debatable and even if it is yeah Who cares right life is too short one of the funniest moments was throwing rocks from a roof You know what I mean? Yes. I laugh. I never laughed so hard. When was that? I was like a child I'm not saying I'm going to revisit it. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah, but it's just like all right. Nobody got hurt But you know what I mean? Sometimes Jeffrey. I've seen just Lane Maxwell. Hey Questionable characters sure right, but they lived. Yeah They truly lived let's say truly lived. Yeah, I don't have an island. No

And I think that's like that that's what it comes down to it's like what what makes us Truly feel alive right because happiness is a weird goal, but if you feel alive You feel like you're living it'd be nice to not do it at someone else's expense But there are countless people that do There are countless people that do yeah, and I get it and I understand the reasoning for it But at the same time it's just like I think that if you can live I make yourself as happy as possible Without at the expense of somebody else that would be great right, but just do that man right do that Yeah, get fucking happy get fucking happy tell people again. What is your album out there?

Oh, you're a great stand-up. Thank you. It's hard to get people to to to figure out Because people just don't trust anything anymore and right, you know, it's hard for people to find stand-up Yeah, it's uh the album is called draw for Draw for yeah, it's uh, you know, I'm based on the uno card. Yeah, and uh, you know, it's my current draw So it's I love that. Yeah a little little four. Uh, yeah, you can find that everywhere Canal Aurora draw for album Find him on social media Um all day kca.com. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's his website

Check up on him Send him a nice positive message Maybe a negative one I'm definitely I'm gonna get a couple negative one. I get a couple. I'm getting negative ones sitting here Hey About whatever. Yeah, of course screaming Today because I said I I'm like, hey, I'm vaccinated which they know already right and I'm like, hey guys I don't care what you do. Yeah, my literal stance was I don't care if you want to get it great

I want to get it fine. I'm 36. I got it. Yeah I needed to show my vaccine thing to perform at the comedy store like and I imagine it'd be I'm gonna need it to travel. I don't know if I will maybe I won't right, but I'm like, I don't care what you do That's not enough for people. No, you can't it's by the way, my opinion is a non-opinion It's a non Opinion that's what sets people off because they want to be told what to do Or validated because then they're back in this Good verse evil thing of winners and losers and right and wrong and yeah, I'm on this side now on that side

And it gives their meaningless lives meaning meaningless lives meaningless And it's not my fault. They're meaningless, but they're meaningless because you're mad at me on twitter For the simple opinion that I don't care what you do I don't think there's a right answer and a wrong answer in every instance for everything And people got angry at that. Totally unrelated. This episode is brought to you by Pfizer. Yes There's nothing to do with anything. Yeah, bill and melinda gates have been so kind to me

On this show, you know one guy goes I'm fanning myself with the check by the way from Pfizer One guy literally said to me goes you're being paid by Pfizer. I'm like Pfizer does not sit around and go what guy can we get in here who's questioning 9 11? To also pump our vaccine And I'm not pumping. I'm like it's like hey, man If you're fat if you've done bad things to the body This might you know if if you're 20 and you don't want to do it. You're like fuck it. Hey, God bless you Right, or if you're older

You know the people are not doing it some of them some people are doing it and getting fucked up from it Not good. Some people are not doing it and dying from covid. I mean not good. COVID sounds terrible It sounds not fun and the people dying. It's just gotta be embarrassing. Right and and listen I get if you There's a lot of people that like playing the game and Whatever, but but my non-opinion Which it is not an opinion. It's like I don't care. I truly don't right. Of course. It doesn't matter. I you know Question why you care on either side why it's such a big deal for you if you get vaccinated You're vaccinated if your neighbor does it they're not you can live together

You can live in a happy world use promo code tim j dylan at moderna.com. Yeah. Yeah, by the way Pfizer dot Pfizer slash Tim promo code t. I am for the booster You know, you're gonna love that booster. You're gonna need it when the delta variant comes The delta the lambda baby you're getting it all. I'm telling you right now. It's every year. It's gonna be a new booster show It'll be a new boost. It's gonna it's pumpkin spice. Yeah, it'll be fall It's gonna be you got your hulu your netflix, right your booster shop. Yeah, that's it. That's your monthly expenses

Subscribe and fires are just gonna stick you and they're gonna go subscribe And yes, you might have bells pulsing You might die sure sure everything tastes like piss. Yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't happen. You're like, I can't taste anything I've lost control of my tongue. Yeah Yeah, that's everything feels like the temperature of a wet, but I'll tell you whoever the ceo fiser is he's gonna be in a really nice house And someone's gotta hear him on luminary. Yeah. Yeah the ceo fiser has a new podcast with dak shepherd Dak shepherd's gonna tell him why it's okay. Even though a few people, uh, you know Can't chew anymore

And he's sad about that dak shepherd's gonna he's the armchair expert. Yeah, he's gonna tell you he's gonna tell the ceo fiser Why things are okay. It's fine if you're sneezing teeth. Yeah KC aurora canal aurora find them casey all day. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you brother. Appreciate it