The Tim Dillon Show - 265 - Austin Taliban

Starting point is 00:00:00 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show, adjusting to Taliban rule in Afghanistan. Clarissa Ward, the journalist who famously called the Taliban friendly, which everyone got mad about, but they were being friendly. They were chanting death to America, but they were chanting it in a fun way. And then all the people jumped on her. They were like, oh CNN will describe any of America's enemies as friendly. It's like, hey, you know, they were, they were, they were, they were ebullient. They were happy. They had won. There's no reason for them to not be friendly. They won. The Taliban won. All these people that are like, no, they didn't really win. They won. What do you call it? We, we, we were,

Starting point is 00:00:53 we were thrown out of the country. You know, they threw us out. They waited 20 years of painstaking, taking these little towns and villages that nobody gave a fuck about building their power base back 20 years fighting for Afghanistan. And they finally did it. And they're thrilled. They're very happy, which is why as they're chanting death to America, there's something, uh, they're friendly. There, there is a happiness, but Clarissa Ward, uh, finally left the country. She was able to leave on a, an evacuation flight. These flights at the Afghan airport. I mean, this airport, I mean, it's worse than LaGuardia. That's how bad it is over there. I mean, it's really bad. And, um, everyone's, uh, saying that we should,

Starting point is 00:01:54 this isn't the one you pay for, but this guy, now this is said a 19 year old Afghan footballer. This is like tragic was among those who fell from a USC 17 military aircraft after rescuing people from Taliban ruled region. This is the tragedy of this type of event when there's a coup. Um, and you see it here, and I don't know if you can see that, but you see bodies falling from the plane and it's fucking heartbreaking that this is what happened. When you have that general, that moron, uh, Millie, I think it's his name who's going, I saw no indication that the, I had no idea. We had, we saw nothing. There was no indication that the Taliban was taking over. We had no idea this was going to happen. This is the same guy that

Starting point is 00:02:53 gave that speech a couple of months ago where he's like, I want to learn why white people hate. Remember that? That guy who was sitting there, like he was, uh, doing a, uh, a monologue, you know, from a new, uh, you know, Shonda Rhimes project on Netflix. He was like, I want to learn why white people hate. I want to know. Well, how about you find out why the fucking country was taken over by the Taliban? Isn't that your job? Shouldn't you devote at least as much time to finding out why Afghanistan is failing miserably as you do to wanting to find out why white people hate your words. Um, and this is, you know, America has no credibility now. And by the way, it really didn't have a ton of credibility leading into this last couple of

Starting point is 00:03:48 years, but now we have none. Like imagine going into a country now with a straight face and telling them like, we take care of our people. Don't worry about it. We take care of our people. If you work for us, you help us. If you're a translator, if, uh, you help us gather intelligence when shit hits the fan, we've got your back. We don't leave people. I mean, there's video evidence. There is, you can, you could, like anyone they're telling that to should just pull up a YouTube link and be like, actually, what about this? You have this young, good-looking 19 year old football player whose entire life is over because he trusted the United States. That is what's tragic about it. This guy's entire life is over because he trusted the United States.

Starting point is 00:04:44 A member of Afghanistan's national youth soccer team was among the people who were killed as they tried desperately to cling to a U S military plane, evacuating people from Kabul. Uh, he was 17. This guy, geez, I thought it's some say 19, some say 17, uh, Monday, a crowd of Afghans surged on the tarmac of the international airport in the frantic scramble to escape a country newly overrun by the Taliban on worry was one of hundreds of people who wanted to leave the country and in an incident fell off an American military plane and died. The sports community of Afghanistan was in grief. The statement said it wished the sake of place in heaven and offered a prayer that God grant. I mean, this is so fucking sad. And this is unfortunately what happens when you trust the

Starting point is 00:05:30 United States of America. I mean, there's no other way to say it. I feel horrible for him. Now I'm going to be a bit, I'm going to be a little, and I, it may come off as insensitive, not about him, but I, I may, this may read a bit callous. I'm less concerned with the people who went there to do charity. Now here's why this is real charity. Most people when they do charity, they like write a check and they go to some event, uh, you know, in Manhattan or Bel Air, they go to somebody's mansion and they buy a $50,000 dress and they write a $25,000 check and they, it is a social event charity. True philanthropy in cities like New York and places like LA is how you rise

Starting point is 00:06:39 up the ladder of, uh, the social scene in that city. This is not that. This is real charity, real life. You are putting yourself in danger. You're putting yourself at risk to help people. Nothing wrong with that, but here we go. When things go wrong as they have, this is when charity becomes even more real. This no longer is a feel good mission. Afghanistan's no longer a place for white women to go find themselves and just connect and fial and like, I just want to get away from San Francisco for a while. I just want to go. No, no, no, no, no. You are in it now. You are now living in Afghanistan and listen. Some charity, most charity I would imagine is good people, great people per se, helping other

Starting point is 00:07:52 people, but there is some charity that's a little cynical. There is some charity where it's white people who want to like show the world that they're a little different and they care even though, do they? And not always white people, but primarily white and then they go to places like Afghanistan and they do like, you know, whatever, whatever they're doing, you know, you know, they, they distribute, um, you know, iPads to, to the women and let them listen to call her daddy. Well, that is now over. That is now over. Call her daddy has been banned in Afghanistan. The Soho house Kabul is closed. Okay. So now, yes. I mean, Ann Coulter said everyone's like, Oh, these Americans got to get evacuated from Kabul.

Starting point is 00:08:46 She goes, who the hell is in Kabul? But listen, there are people there. There are good people there. No doubt. There are people there who went to that country to genuinely help women and people, but then there are people there who were cynically exploiting a situation. And this happens all the time. And some of these, um, charities are CIA front groups, we know that knowingly or unknowingly, and they know, um, and some people are there to genuinely help. And some people are there because it's a, you know, it's maybe more about them and it's more about their, you know, I've talked to people and I'm not just talking here. Everyone goes, you're just talking with your front mouth. No, I have spoken to people that have gone to these countries

Starting point is 00:09:46 under the guise of being a savior of helping people. And you know what some of the, and I'm not speaking about only the military, although I have spoken to members of the military, but I'm talking about people that have worked in the capacity of charity. And you know what some of them have told me, some of them have said, you know, going there and helping, I realized that the, the people of the country did not want me there. And this is a hard lesson to learn, but it is a lesson to learn. They go, we were not culturally in sync. Yes, there were things I did that helped them. They were grateful for certain things, but overall on the whole, it was, um, you know, I don't want to say a wasted effort, but it was perhaps a little in vain,

Starting point is 00:10:45 because some of it is vanity. Some of it is that it's why I didn't go over to Afghanistan and start teaching women to read. Now people say to me, well, that sounds like, uh, you're, uh, you don't care. I care. The problem is that you're fighting against the ocean and the ocean's always going to win. The waves are going to win. They're going to knock you back down. And I believe there's a lot of charity to be done in America. I know. I don't know how I got that idea, but I'm telling you, if you take a road trip through America, you're going to be convinced as I am that there are tons of people to help right here. Doesn't mean that you shouldn't help people over there, but there's a lot of people to be helped right here. But that's not as glamorous. Let's be honest.

Starting point is 00:11:48 That's not as sexy to tell your friends that you went to Vassar with that you're helping people in Ohio. You want to tell them that you're helping people in Kabul. Let's be very honest. And today is when you have to pay the piper. You have to really be the thing that you want to be. Truly, if you really want to be the person who's like, yeah, I'm in Kabul right now, like teaching people how to read. Well, today is the day that that just became real. That's all you may have to join the resistance. I want to read this thread. This is a great thread. We did a great episode on the Patreon about this because this era, which spanned 20 years, my awakening into US foreign policy, maybe happened in the most meaningful way

Starting point is 00:12:50 with the onset of the Afghanistan war because I was in 11th grade and all of a sudden things mattered in a way they hadn't before. Friends of mine, their parents died in 9-11. Friends of mine were joining the military and were becoming Marines and things like that. The onset of the Afghan war was when our country's foreign policy was more than something that I looked at in, you know, a theoretical way. This became real. And when I was 17 and addicted to cocaine, I thought it was a great idea. I thought all this because I was very face value. And when I read a Tom Friedman article in the New York Times and he was like, the world has gone from interconnected to hyperconnect. You know, all these things that mean nothing, but you're like,

Starting point is 00:13:39 yeah, I'm smart. I'm smart. And then Tom Friedman would write an article where he'd go, you know, I saw a kid in an Osama bin Laden shirt and a Yankees cap and we need to make sure he grows into the cap. And I'd go, yeah, yeah, that's something he wrote. And I'd go, yeah, that's smart. That's smart. And I believed, you know, that if we went around the world and helped free these people, they would love us again. I was on cocaine. I had an excuse. I was a 17-year-old closeted cocaine addict from Long Island, whose emotions were completely out of whack with his thoughts. I was just feeling things and not thinking. I remember just going, yeah, like you'd sit on the bus and you'd watch some, that was like the era of like patriotic montages and, you know,

Starting point is 00:14:34 the concert for 9-11 and, you know, Bruce Springsteen and the who and all these people. And, you know, it was a big thing. And it was a beautiful moment for the country because we had just attacked ourselves. And then after that, we had, you know, we launched into this very kind of beautiful campaign of healing and, you know, patriotism. But it felt good and it felt like this is right now. I remember I wanted to join the military. I thought about it. I was looking one day in the library, you know, I like never went to class. I was in study hall in the library, looking at like requirements to join the CIA because when you're young and something like that happens, you go, I want to live a life of meaning and purpose. And look at these dumb teachers.

Starting point is 00:15:18 They don't fucking do anything. And all these entertainers and celebrities and, you know, all this fame and money, the two things now I've realized are the only things that matter. But back then I thought that what really mattered was honor and valor and serving a purpose higher than yourself. God was I wrong. But I thought for a moment, a brief moment right after that happened that actually life was about helping other people. It was about agreeing that certain things were right and certain things were wrong and going to the places where wrong was being done and reversing it and making it right, making the world a better place. That's what I genuinely believed on cocaine in the library of my high school. And I would, you know, say, how do I get

Starting point is 00:16:04 into the FBI? How do I go and frame people? How do I get into the CIA? How do I blackmail doctors to not give kids medicine so that we can figure out a way for ExxonMobil to do more efficient business? I didn't know. You see, I thought the CIA was like a crack squad of people that were like, there's a bomb on that bus. They're going to kill babies. And the CIA would like jump through the windows of the bus and get the bomb and then like throw it in a field and it would blow up. And then the bus driver would be like, and he'd be an old black man, not because he's racist, because my bus driver, Keith, who I love, was an old black man. And he'd be like, thank you, CIA. And he would just drive the kids to the school. That's what I thought was happening.

Starting point is 00:16:47 But I was so wrong about that. I come to find out after many years of reading books and rehab, I found out that I was wrong. I was wrong. I started to get control of my emotions, get control of what was going on. But for a while there, I didn't, I was just sitting in the library with Holy Trinity High School, drugged up, stoned or coked out and eating some really good meatball parm, chicken parm lunches, phenomenal, really good, especially for high school, but really for anywhere. And, uh, and then Friday, bacon, cheeseburger day, and then you would just be stoned and eat and then you would just kind of stare at the computer and you would just go, I want to live a life of meaning and intrigue and purpose. And I, I didn't know anything. And I remember I had friends

Starting point is 00:17:37 of mine that became Marines. I had friends of mine that went into the service and some of them served multiple tours and I, I visited a few of them, like, you know, down in North Carolina, and I, um, my voice is starting to go. I got to be careful. I did a show last night at the Vulcan Gas Company in Austin. That was a lot of fun, but everybody was smoking in the green room and it was like, it gets my throat and I haven't smoked in two months. So now this was somebody who I believed served. They did serve. They were deployed there twice once in 2018, once in 2009 or 10. This is, uh, as painful and brutal and assessment as you can read, looking at all the life lost, uh, which is more important, but also the amount of money spent, the resources

Starting point is 00:18:29 diverted to this, uh, engagement, um, which again, we know the cynical, uh, outlook. We covered on the Patreon, you know, the chaos, the Pentagon losing all this money, uh, the, the rare earth minerals that are under Afghanistan, the pipeline deals, the fucking, um, poppy fields, we get it all. We don't know the full extent of the pillaging and the things that happened, uh, and we won't know the full extent of that, uh, probably for years or until some real investigative journalism is done. But this, uh, thread, this screed really sat with me because I was like, God, it's tough to, to read this at knowing what we know now. But it says, boy, howdy am I having a lot of feelings about Afghanistan today. I was deployed there twice,

Starting point is 00:19:17 once in 2008 in once and once in 2009, 10. It was already obvious that the Taliban would sweep through the very instant we left. And here we are today. I know how bad the Taliban is. I know what they do to women and little boys. I, I know what they're going to do to the interpreters and the people who cooperated with. It's awful. It's bad, but we are leaving and all I feel is grim relief. Afghanistan is a dusty beige nightmare of a place full of proud, brave people who did not want us fucking there. And we called them Hodges and worse and they were better than we were braver and stronger and smarter. I remember going through the phone to the people we detained and finding clip after clip of Bollywood musicals, women singing in fields of flowers.

Starting point is 00:20:00 Rarely did I find anything incriminating. I remember finding propaganda footage cut together from the Soviet invasion and our own operation enduring, uh, enduring whatever and laughing about how stupid Afghans were not to know that we weren't the Russians and eventually I started realizing I was the stupid one. I remember how every year the U S would have to decided to deal with the opium fields. You could let them alone and then the Taliban would shake the farmers down and use the money to buy weapons or you could carpet bomb the fields and then the farmers would join the Taliban or you could give the farmers fertilizer as an incentive to grow wheat instead of opium poppy and the farmers would sell the fertilizer to the Taliban who used it to make

Starting point is 00:20:41 explosives for IEDs that could destroy a million dollar, uh, MR AP, whatever it is and name everyone inside. I remember we weren't allowed to throw batteries away because people who worked on base would go through the trash and collect hundreds of dead batteries wired them together so that they just had enough juice for one charge and that charge to detonate an IED. I remember the look of my roommate's face after she got back from cutting the dead bodies of two soldiers out of a Humvee that got blown up by an IED and I have always imagined, uh, that was made with fertilizer from an opium farmer and detonated with a hundred thrown out batteries. I remember an Afghan kid who worked in the DFAC cafeteria who we called Cowboy, always wore this cowboy hat and an I'm

Starting point is 00:21:23 with stupid t-shirts someone had given him always with a big smile high school age cowboy was a good student and he wanted to go to college in America but they weren't colleges it took Afghans the education system was was too shit no program to help kids like him I looked I wonder if he's dead now for serving his food and dreaming of something different but if cowboy is dead then he died a long time ago and if cowboy is dead then it's our fault for going in there in the first place giving his family the option of trusting us when we are the least trustworthy people on the planet we use people up and throw them away like it's nothing and now we're leaving and the predictable thing is happening the Taliban is surging in and taking it all back

Starting point is 00:22:01 they have what you can't buy or train they have patience and a bloody mindedness that warrants more respect than we ever gave them I'm team to get the fuck out of Afghanistan which is a friend pointed out to me today has always been team Taliban it's team Taliban or team stay forever there is no third team so I'm sitting here reading these sad fucking tweets about the suffering in Afghanistan and the horror of the encroaching Taliban and how awful it is that this is happening but I can't stop feeling this grim happiness like finally you fuckers finally you get to see it too no more blown up soldiers no more Bollywood videos on phones whose owners are getting shipped to God knows where no more hypocrisy no more pretending it meant anything it didn't it didn't mean a

Starting point is 00:22:42 fucking thing wow what a thread and it is crazy but if you remember the beginning of the Afghan war we were just sweeping people up some of them terrorists some of them not and sending them to places like Guantanamo Bay sending them to Bagram which I believe is in Afghanistan might have been in Iraq sending them to places to I think it was in Afghanistan Bagram Air Force Base it's Afghanistan yes sending them to places like the salt pit to be tortured look that up look up the salt the Bagram salt salt yeah the salt plate was a black prison okay meaning that it was a CIA black site for interrogation it's located north of Kabul and was a location of a brick factory prior to the

Starting point is 00:23:30 Afghanistan war that's where we would bring people and torture them because we were there to help them you see we were there to help them and we would bring them to this underground prison this brick factory here and torture them mercilessly until they gave us some type of information and people were tortured to death and died there and how do you think that made the people in Afghanistan feel do you think we lost a few hearts and minds with that with the salt pit do you think perhaps yeah X US detainees describe unreported CIA torture you know I mean it's like Jesus electric chair threats guys yeah water torture waterboarding beatings threatened with electric chair they would put people in boxes and put bugs in there

Starting point is 00:24:22 let them crawl on them I mean this was again this was how we were going to break the spirit of these people well guess what it didn't work didn't work we lost this one and we lost and there's there's no other way to yes we could drop a bombs and nukes or whatever but we lost the ground game here big time we didn't have the will nor should we have the will we're fighting for Afghanistan um and this sucks it sucks across the board it sucks for the afghans it thought that we're gonna have a different life it sucks for the soldiers who died and their deaths don't don't mean anything it sucks for the people that went over there to do some charity that sucks if you're still there it's you know it really is going to test how much you believe I mean

Starting point is 00:25:14 you know show the afghan airport show that plane leaving okay this is a very this is a crazy scene to watch you see this c 17 this is a wild video to watch if you haven't seen it which I'm sure you have and I'm telling you right now uh there's a few days here before as I said on the Patreon we're gonna get a media blackout and once there's a media blackout it's pretty much you know we're pretty much done no one's gonna care anymore so now that look at this okay ben this is the wrong video this is a scene of austin texas this is a scene

Starting point is 00:26:05 of people leaving austin texas look at this they're all leaving look at this scene of people running down south congress to get out of austin texas to go back to a real city that's the austin airport there's all the comics that moved here they thought they were gonna be on joe rogan show every week they're gonna comics are gonna leave austin like afghani translators that worked with the department of defense they're gonna get on planes so quickly and get the fuck out of there because they all thought they were coming down here to do do rogan show you know and then he had some guy that he like you know hunted for bigfoot wood on the ninth

Starting point is 00:26:56 for the ninth time and all these comics are sitting here in austin going wait a minute when's my time you better cling to that plane and get out leaving your house is whatever we read a real fun article about palm beach all roads lead to mora lago inside the furian fantasy of donald trump's florida you've got oh you've got a fun crew down there i mean let's separate this from ideology for a minute i know the audience is incapable of doing that you know i i i don't understand it's probably because they have nothing going on in their lives that brings them any enjoyment but separating ideology for a minute it's just a fun crew roger stone tucker schoenhanity ben Shapiro laura ingram and culter brad parskow the trump

Starting point is 00:27:49 campaign manager who's now advising katlyn Jenner the epicenter of the american conservative movement has become florida it's become this swamp of of um you know goons and scoundrels and grifters and just all around fun people tabloid culture tabloid culture the birthplace of the national inquirer and met drudge lives down there the drudge report which i love and and conservatism was kept out of these mainstream institutions for a long time you know a lot of the major papers in america and television networks were cosmopolitan in the sense that they were never hard left for sure they were liberal they were decidedly liberal on a lot of the key values that conservatives find themselves on the other side of and that's why a lot of the

Starting point is 00:28:47 conservative personalities in media are a bit fleshier because they uh they're rappers essentially they they they they talk shit they're not getting published in mainstream places right so they had to take over alternative media talk radio and the internet and people like rush limbaugh and matt drudge and ant culture and they came from outside uh of this uh system where you played these respectability politics and these guys like christopher ruddy you started newsmax and they're all down there in palm beach florida and it it just seems like a lot of fun it seems like a lot of fun and if you read this vanity fair article like the the the waiter who's serving roger stone and laura loomer uh food it goes like this so they're seated in a private room a heavy set

Starting point is 00:29:41 waiter comes in an immigrant from yugoslavia named mario who introduces himself as a diehard republican he's crestfallen he sees laura loomer and uh you know roger stone sitting there and he goes unbelievable what they did to us and loomer goes i know and the waiter goes bunch of criminals and stoned oliver stone goes not over yet and then mario goes that's right i'm hoping we're all hoping so they're keeping that hope alive down there in florida it's like you know the song the beginning of portlandia the dream of the 90s is alive in portland that's what's going on and the dream of q is alive in palm beach you know and it's just these people just kind of dancing around eating steaks and martinis at 3 p.m thinking that trump's going to be reinstalled as president

Starting point is 00:30:33 somehow fat mario the waiter laura loomer and colter who then at the end of the article and colter and matt drudge go we're leaving florida and we're not telling anybody where we're going and i guess they're leaving because uh drudge and i are both leaving florida and we're not telling anyone where we're going this time um i guess because colter she's fallen out of the trump camp she's unhappy with trump but it's fun florida's always kind of been a fun place and and i remember when we snuck into the breaker's buffet yes and there's something nice about florida there's something distinctly american about lying your way into an all-you-can-eat mother's day buffet without a mother we had no mother we honored no one it was just to sit there

Starting point is 00:31:21 and feed ourselves on shellfish and it was great and seguro was there but we didn't even see him didn't see him yeah but that's uh that's florida for you it's a fun article in vanity fair if you read it and uh the i mean the thing is you know ben said i'd love to go to one of these parties earlier and you would and you wouldn't because one thing i learned um when i was debating people that were to become people like this right a lot of the kids that i was debating when i was in college and even though i was at a community college many of these people were going on to four-year schools and uh they were going to i think one of them worked for mit romney for a while the thing about people who live sleep eat and breathe politics is that they're boring the thing about politics

Starting point is 00:32:12 is it obscures many of the truths of life which are truly apolitical right the deep human truths of life which is what art tries to get to which is why art sucks now because we're fitting those truths or showcasing them in a way that has to break down into this political binary it's not natural but and i'm not saying artists are fun to be around either don't don't mistake me but the thing about people whose entire life their entire existence the way they interface with the world is all politics is deeply unfulfilling it's deeply unfulfilling and many of them know that um because there is a disconnect between what you're saying and what's happening and that's a chasm meaning you're not really in the fight to change things as much as you're in the

Starting point is 00:33:20 fight to become famous or wealthy and you're really trying to establish yourself and then there's this movement of people that you can kind of grab on to for a minute and you could guide them or push them in a certain way but that's an unruly mob of human beings that's just going to go somewhere so you gotta keep track of them keep hold of them it's not easy and you know real change is very difficult and it's not that glamorous and the people that work to make real change like real activists lawyers and doctors and people that give up lucrative careers to then go help people on the street and actually help people get elected to local uh government and change laws that affect people's lives that's very different than the pundit class who's swilling you know gin martinis

Starting point is 00:34:18 at 3 a.m at the breakers in palm beach and talking about revolution and this is happening and this is happening and none of it's really happening that's the thing i mean it's not really happening and the people that do this kind of know that but they've given themselves over to it and their entire life is politics there's not much else there and it's why i decided to get out you know i thought i wanted to be in that world and i said i don't want to be in that world i don't want to have to have an idea or a thought and go wait a minute is this is this something that my enemies would say or is this something my allies would say and and then what i didn't want to have to put everything through that prism but if i did it does seem fun to do it in in palm

Starting point is 00:35:12 beach florida with these lunatics they seem a lot more fun than the neoliberal hampton set and the brooklyn socialist set these people seem a lot more fun if we're just gonna go off fun if we're just gonna go off fun martinis with these lunatics i mean the true answer is none of the above but if you had to it might be here hurricane heading the long island long island is very well with hurricanes i remember after hurricane sandy people were sitting out on their lawn uh with rifles because they were afraid of quote uh wandering gangs of minorities so long island really shines during natural disasters uh people were going around to rob each other's houses um on long island there are people sitting in their driveways with weapons and i'm not saying that there wasn't some

Starting point is 00:36:08 fuckery i'm sure there was this is hurricane henry or anri it is strengthening it is expected to become a hurricane on saturday i'm really wondering i'm really wondering uh how bad this is going to be now you got to remember that strengthens to a category one that's nothing that's nothing nothing hurricane sandy was the long island it was the first time in a very long time that long island had really gone through a natural uh disaster um it destroyed 650,000 homes or damaged it took years to get back on their feet these people i knew long island was finally back when insurance companies were calling people and

Starting point is 00:37:17 saying we overpaid you we gave you too much money and you owe us money and then people that i knew from comedy comedians in long island that didn't have jobs were working at those call centers calling up these elderly people who'd finally just had a moment of peace because their home had just been finished after years and said hey miss marino we overpaid you about 30,000 dollars you owe us what you owe us money the insurance company you better make good what's going on ralph they're saying we owe the money you better fucking pay you old bitch so as soon as that started happening again and people in long island started leaning into their character i knew that long island was going to be fine but i remember i was living in new york city when hurricane sandy happened

Starting point is 00:38:08 and it damaged uh where i grew up i mean it was underwater the town i grew up in was underwater it was really really bad um yeah this is uh photos from island park uh during hurricane sandy it was bad people were without power people there's boats and people's yards um looters will be shot like that there you go that's beautiful but it did it pushed people to the brink and i'm not you know i i did not experience it right i was in Manhattan i never lost power i was living in midtown Manhattan some of Manhattan lost power downtown but not where i lived and hurricane sandy was it was real character building from long island it really was long island used to be a racist place after hurricane sandy long island was used to be a place for people like

Starting point is 00:39:07 very paranoid about different races now after hurricane sandy it really became a beautiful place where different types of people understood and respected each other but before that can you believe it was not that um and long island uh it was tough and i remember talking to friends um and of course people were you know people used hurricane sandy for years after as an excuse for why they're lives it's we will be covid too you know you will the biggest losers in your life and they're already doing it but they'll do it more we'll go i had so much going on covid i was about to do it do what everything covid and that's what hurricane sandy was people like i was doing i was oh my god at hurricane sand you can't and it fucked me for years

Starting point is 00:40:15 yes i couldn't get a job but go to school or anything i just had to sit in water for years and drink i just had to sit in in disgusting water and drink for seven years after hurricane sand and that's what's gonna happen with covid too on the other side of covid people are gonna go yeah you know i was i was gonna go to college or i was gonna get that job i was gonna move that's gonna be the big one i was gonna leave but i because of covid i couldn't do it and some of those people will be correct just like some of the people in long island were being genuine when they said that this fucked up their plans but then there will be the vast majority uh of people that are uh or maybe not the vast majority but far too many people that are just lying about this

Starting point is 00:41:12 and you're gonna turn around it'll be like it'll be like 2026 and you'll go so wait a minute run this back again you dropped you didn't go to college in 2023 because of the coronavirus explain this and then they'll have to jump through hoops and explain it and say like oh well actually what happened was my mother's friend died of covid and we took in her cat and that was more of a burden than we had imagined and then i thought i had it but i never did and then we couldn't pay the bills because my uncle had a bar and my boyfriend got in a bar fight with a guy who may have had covid and that was why he was crazy and my boyfriend split his head open in the parking lot and we had to pay for my boyfriend to get out of jail and then go to trial and then

Starting point is 00:42:12 he did six months and six months well he can't work and how are we going to feed this cat from that lady who died of covid and you see what i mean covid you go what you see because that's people hurricane sandy the big my car was destroyed in hurricane sandy and then i got another car and it was repossessed uh and it was taken by the state because uh they said i was drunk but i wasn't and you go does this really have to do with the hurricane can you draw a straight line from the hurricane to where you are now draw a straight line from covid to where you are now now many people will be able to they'll be like i went in i had 19 strokes and then you go got it right good hey got it got it and those people are going to barely be able to talk

Starting point is 00:43:03 we get it but then there's going to be the people who are going to get very creative about this period of time and i and i said before i said on the patreon episode uh how excited i am for whatever the next phase of life is whatever the next phase of culture is because we need it people are psychologically coming apart uh the news is uh circular we've all had enough there's nothing that we haven't talked about 19 times you know um it would be like imagine if hurricane sandy kept happening like imagine if hurricane sandy just kept battering like you would build the house halfway back and then gale force wins again floods again it would be crazy if that kept happening like hurricane katrina just happened the next year just again they're like

Starting point is 00:44:07 it's another surge it's hurricane katrina delta variant and it just wouldn't stop this is great larry david screamed at alan dirshowitz at a grocery store because he's mad that he's friends with donald trump or that he's in the trump team i saw you with your arm around mike pompeo it's disgusting dirshowitz goes he's my former student in harvard law i agreed all of my former students that way i can't create my former students david it's disgusting your whole enclave it's disgusting you're disgusting then larry walks away alan takes off his t-shirt to reveal another t-shirt that says it's the constitution stupid and then dirshowitz drove off in an old dirty vulva i love by the way that it wasn't that he's been accused multiple times of rape

Starting point is 00:44:54 by underage people it's that he's like a republican that's really if you want to talk about hollywood that's the perfect encapsulation of hollywood you know he'll be like if jeffrey ebson was found out that he was alive and larry david bumped into him and marthes vania'd he'd be like i can't believe you were such good friends with trump i never knew that by the way dirshowitz has been accused by this uh virginia geoffrey or guffrey i don't know guffrey yeah virginia guffrey of molesting her right multiple times yeah seven times seven times between the ages of 16 and 19 well that's too much using some of the same language that he had employed to describe ebson's victims a decade earlier this is what dirshowitz called this woman this is how you know she's telling the truth he

Starting point is 00:45:43 called her a serial liar a prostitute and a bad mother i mean that sounds a bit personal for someone you didn't rape dirsh can you believe that like if somebody accused you rape wouldn't your first question be like what who how huh but he's like she's a liar prostitute and a bad mother it's like well it sounds like you're protesting a little bit too much in fact i think that you know this woman quite well and you may have done the wrong thing to her then he said who could not be believed quote against somebody with an unscathed reputation like me does he have an unscathed reputation i don't know about that he insisted that guffrey had quote made the whole thing up out of whole cloth in search of quote a big payday when a tv reporter in miami questioned his characterization

Starting point is 00:46:36 of guffrey a sex abuse victim as quote a prostitute dirshowitz replied she made her own decisions in life he's basically admitting he fucked her but he's saying she's a prostitute who cares she made her own decisions even though she was underage yeah so it's just very interesting larry david kind of like bumped into him and marthe's vineyard and was like hey i cannot believe that you're a republican forget the friendship with jeffrey apstein forget the multiple accusations of child rape when two people when he bought when when a hollywood person and i love larry's brilliant comedian but it's just funny it's like you know you are in a little bit of a bubble unless there's more to this which we didn't hear

Starting point is 00:47:24 where he's and maybe that's part of why he's grossed out by dirsh but like you know you're in a little bit of a bubble when somebody walked you bump into uh an accused child rapist on marthe's vineyard and your biggest problem with them is that they're friends with the trump team that seems odd larry's a knee jerk radical dirsh would sell page sex he takes his politics from hollywood he doesn't read a lot he doesn't think a lot it's typical of what happens now on the vineyard says dirsh people who won't talk to each other if they don't agree on their politics well what about the child rape i love this he goes it's the price of principle this guy is a he's been involved in some very uh very nefarious dealings and he's probably done some horrible things and uh

Starting point is 00:48:22 what's funny now is that he relishes this every time somebody yells at him about being in the trump circle it's it's it's uh it helps him because what they're not yelling at him about is uh the credible accusations of child rape that he's also had a large part of so like every interview he does he's like i'm just they get mad at me because i believe in the constitution it's like that's not Alan you know that's not it i just watched by the way the people verse oj simpson again because it's on netflix it's great and he's in that not him but an actor um this is funny that was a great go back to that uh photo it's uh the noted lawyer's long controversial career in jeffrey apci and oj simpson mike tyson uh is that limbaugh i believe so yeah might be limbaugh it's trump

Starting point is 00:49:20 i don't know this is a good article alan dirshawit's the article's devil's advocate i mean he's an amazing lawyer right i mean we can't take that away from him sure he's a great lawyer he'll be representing the taliban soon the taliban will have alan dirshawit's and he'll go people are mad because i represented the taliban that's why they're angry he's gonna keep doing controversial things to take the heat off the whole ebbstein thing he if he was smart right now he'd be in afghanistan defending the taliban so that people you know uh forget that he's been accused and where is jis lane maxwell's trial just to check in on that piece of news see what's going on where is she what's going on which is

Starting point is 00:50:09 how is this woman yeah they're trying to they're trying to get prince andrew yeah trying the royal family may just hang him out to dry huh i didn't think that was gonna happen but it's very possible the royal family saw andrew you know what we don't like you that much anyway you're sort of odd you blink a lot you don't sweat strange so the royal family prosecutors asked judge to withhold the names of jis lane maxwell's uncharged co-conspirators from her meaning go down here this is interesting federal prosecutors urge to judge not to force them to provide jis lane maxwell a complete list of her uncharged co-conspirators urging that those that disclosure risks quote harm to the government from restricting its proof at trial you wonder if she's gonna try to have them whacked oh yeah yeah

Starting point is 00:51:04 although it's not required to do so the government can state that as of the date of this letter and although the government may change its view as it prepares for trial it currently intends to introduce co-conspirator statements at trial from only two individuals okay maxwell asked to learn their identities earlier as one of the categories of information her defense team requested to avoid a trial by ambush she wants to know she goes i have a right to know who's diming on me in open court i have a right to know so that those people can get threatened what's going on she goes i should know who they are there is accordingly no significant risk that the defense will be surprised at trial

Starting point is 00:51:51 by a profound by a profusion of co-conspirators and their statements even if the government identify statements for use at trial from additional co-conspirators the letter says this court has twice concluded that no bill of particulars is warranted because the defendant has adequate information to prepare for trial um and avoid unfair surprise julie k brown at the miami herald who's reporting has been widely credited with sparking epstein and maxwell's prosecution opine the transparency has been getting worse on the dockets her public records battles in court led to the release of thousands of pages which included the names of prominent and allegedly implicated in epstein's conspiracy despite that flood of documents courts remain under pressure

Starting point is 00:52:35 to keep more files under wraps and heavily redacted so it'll be interesting to see which um how they go so push to november now was july push to november right in the height of the uh the deltas storm right yeah well it'll be interesting i'm gonna say that maxwell gets like look at this just laying maxwell reportedly sells house where legend sex crimes occur she's offloaded her now notorious london home 2.5 mil the social aid acts of late pedophile jeffre apstein had put her muse house in the super exclusive belgrave a neighborhood on the market for 2.7 million her spokesman uh first confirmed earlier this year was finally bought by a property developer for around 2.42 million the house has long played a central role in her sex ring scandal

Starting point is 00:53:42 yeah and this is where uh prince andrew's photograph to hugging is accuser when she was just 17 well she dumped some real estate she's she needs money like everything else like everybody else she needs money and uh i'm sure meanwhile max will be sad about the sale for london quote refuge because it held happy memories her spokesman told them out what's great is that these people forget like what they're on trial for and they have to pretend that none of it's real so they have to like release statements like that well it was a refuge darling and there's many happy memories there so many happy memories that i just will miss it i'll miss sipping tea in the yard and so many happy memories of drugged up children running around you know prince andrew chasing

Starting point is 00:54:36 girls through the through the hole just chasing them through the corridor um um yeah she's still in brooklyn well our tour rolls on folks uh you know assuming that i don't collapse from exhaustion i'm getting stronger every day i did uh 20 minutes last night in um austin texas so we're at the chicago improv in schomburg and everyone's like oh it's not chicago it's the suburbs hey man that's where the seats are right i'm already doing 10 fucking shows uh which i shouldn't even be doing i you know i'm not going to be doing 30 fucking shows it's anus i need a bigger room so schomburg improv there are some tickets left because we've opened all of these up i believe at full cap some of them say they're sold out i don't know but let's see

Starting point is 00:55:28 but there might be tickets try to figure it out it's 10th corpus christy texas mesquite street comedy okay september 23rd through the 25th boltamore maryland october 7th through the 9th milwaukee west consen uh wednesday october 20th through the 21st is spokane washington and then there's a theater run that we're announcing to the beacon theater thursday november 11th in new york that's going to be big um and of course our our dates in san diego that got rescheduled because of coven um which i said family emergency but i knew i knew i probably had coven so i said it was a family emergency and then i finally got the test back and they're like it's coven um but i was like i can't go because it was saying negative but i'm like there's no way um san diego in

Starting point is 00:56:25 december but the beacon theater is going to be the big one in new york stand up live podcast it's really cool um we've moved a lot of tickets already and uh we're very excited about it but all right listen let me go drink some fucking water with lime to get my throat uh going patreon.com for the bonus episodes uh support our the products um that we sell on the show it helps support us we appreciate you guys buying live tickets and then the merch will drop some new merch in december around the holidays we'll give you ample time for that we're not always trying to shove merch down your throat fake business was awesome people uh are happy with that seemingly and uh you know we're going to try to do something a little different in um december something smaller maybe one or two

Starting point is 00:57:18 items in december for those people that didn't grab the fake business stuff or want some other stuff the quality of the last merch drop was really high uh the the hoodies and everything like that there was some really cool stuff there and we're working on something that will have the same quality perhaps we can bring down the price that's our hope in december because i know people are going to be buying a lot of different things you know socks from cody co or whatever so we just want to make sure that everybody can we love cody buy everything from him but uh we know you're spreading yourself out you know um so we're going to try to do something that is uh cost effective um and i do want to go to afghanistan to do a benefit

Starting point is 00:58:08 for the the women's foundation the reason i'm not is because i i i get it you know and i don't want to be left on the tarmac in kabool because that's you got to really assess why you're doing what you're doing you have to really truly uh because everybody who does charity real charity should be prepared to be left on the tarmac in kabool it shouldn't just be some dinner party in the hamptons you should actually have to put your money where your mouth is and and go to kabool and it's not the worst thing listen a lot of those women that went over there men whoever this will be a very interesting part of your life i truly believe that i believe will be an interesting uh part of your life and i don't think that you should necessarily

Starting point is 00:59:08 look at it as something negative i think you should look at it as a as a positive development you know because you know this is the way it is now and you know that's the thing like you know the taliban is the real version of the fascism that you people constantly moan about being here you know our fascists are inept they're incapable they're drinking martinis in in uh florida they can't oppress you that much although they'd love to perhaps um but the taliban can they like have a real singular focus on creating a society that is sufficiently religious and uh they're going to do that and um i hope everyone gets out i hope all the translators get out i hope all the people that uh were there to do charity get out but that seems unrealistic

Starting point is 01:00:10 right now because you trusted the united states and you went to do a good thing but sometimes the price of doing a good thing is seeing it through and now you're going to have to see it through i would suggest go the other way if you were there to work for a woman's charity right now go hard the other way i'm talking burqa start whipping women in the street you're gonna need to kind of you are going to need to figure out how to ingratiate yourself with the leadership so if you were a translator and you could delete your history so they don't know who you are you got to be the behander wouldn't that be great if you went over to afghanistan to help and now you're the behander you're just be handing thieves or people that maybe aren't thieves

Starting point is 01:01:04 and you go you know i came over here i was working uh i was working with a uh you know a teach afghani children uh about capitalism uh thing and we were gonna have gary v come over into a talk it was great we came over when they uh you know teach afghanis about investment teach afghans about investment um and we were teaching uh students how to be hustlers and grinders and start their own energy drink company but that all went bad i couldn't get out and now i'm the behander and i just i just i just lob people's hands off and i throw them in a bucket you know it's a different hustle it's a different grind but ultimately it's the same thing right is it life simple can't you just enjoy the simplicity of life i say this to all the women there now

Starting point is 01:01:56 that we're americans or whatever and all the people that are trapped can't you just enjoy a simplified life maybe you don't need starbucks just enjoy a simplified life enjoy the simple pleasures of theocratic fascism the real kind yes it's gonna suck for a little bit but adjustments are tough change is never easy it's never easy i feel like them standing on the tarmac at fucking what's this airport called oh and kabul no in austin oh austin bergstrom yeah standing on the tarmac at austin bergstrom waiting to leave i which i'm leaving in a few months i have a similar feeling a similar feeling i'm one of the last ones out i'm going to be one of the last ones out and i say look out at the plane and i see people falling off it

Starting point is 01:02:56 and i see just people running around with burkas eating brisket performing at comedy clubs that aren't comedy clubs you know as i look at all those damned doomed people just running through the drunken melee you know i'm gonna say to myself we never should have invaded we never should have invaded places have cultures and those cultures matter and they're resilient and the austin they're gonna take it back they're gonna take it back from joe rogan and elon musk those drunken savage animals those complete failures those thoughtless nothings are gonna come back and it may take them 20 years i imagine it'll take them a lot less than that they're gonna float on their rafts in that beer piss lake they all like and they're gonna float

Starting point is 01:03:50 right to shore and they're gonna waddle off all coved up and brown recluse spit and they're gonna just walk in all drunk full of taco farts and they're gonna go my friend's got a show tonight he's in a band and you're gonna look at these brainless zombies and go you know what this place is theirs it's theirs it's not the tech people and it's not joes and it's not elons it's none of that it is for those brainless zombies we never should have invaded but now we can make it right we can get out and let them do what they're gonna do because the austin taliban will be back and better than ever

The Tim Dillon Show - 265 - Austin Taliban

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