The Tim Dillon Show - 268 - Hokey Pokey Horror

Starting point is 00:00:00 We are going to be on tour for the rest of this year and we are coming to a city near you. Here are all the cities that we are coming to on this tour. They are Seattle, Washington, Portland, Oregon, who are two of my favorites. Indianapolis, Indiana, Morgantown, West Virginia, Munhal, Pennsylvania, Washington DC, New York, New York, Atlantic City, New Jersey, Rochester, New York, Iowa City, Iowa, Madison, Wisconsin, Louisville, Kentucky, Los Angeles, California, Bakersfield, California, Reading, Pennsylvania, Atlanta, Georgia, St. Louis, Missouri, Fresno, California, Sacramento, California, San Francisco, California, Garden City, Idaho, and then finally New Year's Eve, Toronto, Ontario. You can get your tickets at timdilloncomedy.com.

Starting point is 00:00:51 Promo code is fake biz, okay? This is important because we're putting them on sale, pre-sale, will allow you to get tickets before the public. The password of the pre-sale code is fake biz, F-A-K-E-B-I-Z. This all starts tomorrow, Monday, September 13th at 12 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. You can unlock tickets for this tour. We're very excited about it and we look forward to seeing you guys on the road. Tickets go on sale to the public on Wednesday, September 15th at 10 local time, but pre-sale live this Monday tomorrow at 12 p.m. promo code fake biz, F-A-K-E-B-I-Z. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. We are struggling with the new vaccine mandate in our company. Our company only has two people, but Ben the other day produced a fake

Starting point is 00:01:57 vaccine card and he has been reported. No, in all seriousness, the vaccine mandate affecting companies with over 100 people. This is a federal mandate, I believe. States are resisting it. They're suing the vaccine mandates. I don't understand. You can get COVID if you're vaccinated. You can spread COVID if you're vaccinated. If you've had COVID already and you have antibodies, there are studies and articles that show that those antibodies are more powerful than the vaccine and they're longer lasting. United Airlines staff who are granted religious exemptions to vaccine mandate will be put on unpaid leave. What would those religious exemptions be? What would that be? It's got to be Mormon, probably, right? Because they don't do that.

Starting point is 00:02:56 Well, Christian scientists don't take any medication. That's true. The airline last month said 67,000-person U.S. workforce must be vaccinated against COVID this fall, but said it would consider exemptions for religious and personal beliefs, as well as medical reasons, well, personal beliefs that would include everybody. Right. Right. Well, okay. I don't get the mandates. I think that this should be voluntary. I got the vaccine. I was pitched. Like everything America makes, I was pitched a slightly different version of the product than the one I actually got. The version I was pitched was the one that kept you from getting COVID. That is not the product that showed up in the mail.

Starting point is 00:03:48 Yes, I didn't die when I got it, which is great. I didn't go to a hospital and hopefully the vaccine had something to do with that because I did wait on a line. But the efficacy of the vaccine is there's some debate about it. Doctors tell me that people that are having adverse reactions to the virus that are doing very poorly, doing bad in the hospital, are largely unvaccinated. However, for older people, and if you look at the studies coming out of Israel, I don't know how much of a difference it makes. A lot of vaccinated people are still going to the hospital after you hit a certain age group. And then there's the debate, you know, Jimmy Kimmel made a joke, should unvaccinated people

Starting point is 00:04:30 get beds in the hospital? And then Glenn Greenwald is like, should obese people get beds in the hospital? And you know, so that's where we are. We are, it's the great vaccine debate of 2021. The final quarter of 2021, Jimmy Kimmel implies vaccinated heart attack victims should get priority over unvacced, ivermectin, slugging COVID patients. This is out of the daily news. Also, the media is pretending, and we've made fun of ivermectin. It's fun. It's fun to make fun of everything. But ivermectin is not only a drug for horses, it's a drug for people. Yes. It won a Nobel Prize. The media knows that. And it doesn't mean that it's more effective than a vaccine. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. I don't, I don't, I, you know, there's no evidence of that. There's no big

Starting point is 00:05:18 studies that suggest that. But there are doctors that say, Hey, it's a good idea to take ivermectin. No one is by the way, pitch suicide, which is fascinating to me. That is the most effective way to end, to not be hospitalized from COVID-19 is to kill yourself. That is a 100% efficacy rate. If you have COVID and you don't want to be hospitalized, you can take your own life. Not one person has said that. Howard Stern is in trouble. He rips anti-vax hosts who died of COVID-19. This is why you can't go too hard at the vax because then you could die. And it's embarrassing. I say the vax mandate is no good. I'm against compelling people to do things when it doesn't even make sense in terms of protecting society as a whole. You know, this

Starting point is 00:06:08 doesn't make any sense. But this is why you can't go too hard at the vax because a lot of those guys that went very hard at it died. Three in one month. Yeah, three in one month. It's kind of an embarrassing death. It's a little embarrassing. Like a lot of those guys made songs like about, it's a little embarrassing, you know. It'll be embarrassing when Megan McCain kills me. We'll be embarrassing. These are, but if you go out on a limb, if you stake a claim, if you say this is my turf, I'm the anti-vax guy, you got to survive. Like Candace Owens, you got to, she's got to survive. If she goes down, it's going to look bad. You know, you don't want to hand people the ammunition. You don't want to hand people those,

Starting point is 00:06:55 you don't know the fuck you're going to react to this. Don't hand people that ammunition. You don't need to. There's no reason for it. But let's also not pretend that this vaccine or rollout has been incredibly, it's, it's everything we make as a country. It's not really that good. Truly everything. It's not just this. The idea that it's just the vaccine, most of what you get in America is shit now. Most of it is shit. So of course, Pfizer is going to be like lowering your expectations every hour about what the vaccine does. But we get it. You know, it's, it's garbage. Yes, is it good to get depending on who you are? Sure. But it doesn't seem to last that long. They're already talking about boosters. It's like

Starting point is 00:07:51 if you were buying a house and in the middle of that deal, the realtor starts going in on your next house, you go, focus. What are we doing? Why don't you fucking focus? But they keep talking about the booster. You're trying to get people vaccinated with this fucking dose that's like barely working. And then you start going on about the booster. People start going, wait a minute, what's going on? Does this even work? No, it's the booster. No, but next time we get it. We get it on the third shot, the fourth shot. We'll figure it out. We don't know. It's experimental. And it also doesn't make you feel great that it obviously the appearance of the booster signifies how experimental this whole is. Like it's one thing to be a guinea pig. It's

Starting point is 00:08:37 another thing to feel like a guinea pig. You know, when they're like, yeah, we're going to throw the booster and see what happens. You go, wait a minute, what? Yeah, we go, we do the booster now. Around the holidays, we'll line everybody up for the book, for the booster and see what happens. That does not make you feel stunningly confident in what's going on. I just, so I don't, these mandates I don't quite get. I can understand encouraging people to get it. I think it makes sense that a lot of people should get it. There are certain people that I understand why they didn't get it. If I spent my life working on my body and my health, maybe I wouldn't get it, but I haven't spent my life doing that. I've spent my life getting funny and brilliant. And that doesn't

Starting point is 00:09:22 lend itself always to the preservation of the physical form. This is not my fault. If I was like a surfer with an eight pack, and I don't want to kill a surfer with an eight pack out there, if they're hearing this, you know, but if you're a surfer with an eight pack and you're like, fuck this shit, I'm not taking this. Hey man, whatever. You know, if you're like a fat slob from Missouri, you know, I don't know. Maybe give it a shot. But the idea that it's a one size fits all. Israeli study finds third shot provides significant boost. What does it mean though? All of these things. Stop using the word boost. That's not scientific. That's something a drug dealer tells you. You get a boost. What does this do? It's a

Starting point is 00:10:14 significant boost. What the fuck does that mean in numbers? Give me facts. Give me data. Give me a percentage. Give me some idea here. Pfizer's just thrown out fun language, you know. The boosters serving up fierce realness. What? Pfizer's just using this weird fucking language, you know. Pfizer is really fucking serving Corona with fierce. Fuck you. MRNA realness. Give us the data on that booster because I've had it. I've beaten it and I've been vaccinated. I think I'm done. Can I, and I had it earlier. I think, I think we all think I've had it twice enough already with this. Can we stop? Can we just stop? You better come to my house, Pfizer. I'm not going to you. If you want me to get the booster, come to my house and put the needle in my taint.

Starting point is 00:11:22 And if you will do that, I will get the booster. I will do it. You will walk into my house and sometimes you'll see this on Craigslist. People get off like this. I will be blindfolded in my living room, spread eagle on a couch. You will come in, not speak to me. They specify this a lot of times on Craigslist. Do not speak to me. Don't tell me who you are. You will then just deliver the needle in the taint and leave. I will get up and unblindfold myself only after I hear you have left. The mystery, it will make it more fun. Someone told me that once, a guy that I knew told me and I was terrified when he said that to me because I enjoy, also because he had a wife, but he goes, I enjoy sometimes when I'm tied up, I, someone comes in,

Starting point is 00:12:20 I have a blindfold on. I don't know who they are. They fuck me and then leave the house. And I said, well, okay. And he goes, sometimes I get fucked with a gun in my head and sometimes I dress up like a woman and I had no idea. I was just sitting there and I was kind of stunned. I had a face like, and they just said, he goes, I've never told anyone that, but I've chosen to share it with you. I said, well, that's lovely. Thank you so much. I have to go now. I was at my own house. I'm like, I have to go. I must leave. But thank you. Thank you for confiding in me. Are you vaccinated? It's the next line I say. All right. What vaccine did you get? Because I like getting fucked with a gun in my head. And what vaccine did you get? That's the way you change the subject now. You

Starting point is 00:13:07 just switched to vaccines no matter what anyone says. I like getting fucked by random strangers that hold a gun to my head. And are you vaccinated? I remember at the time you guys were social distancing in the house. Woody said that is very funny. It was one of the most terrifying nights of my life. I called you and you said, now that he's told you this, do you think he'll try to kill you? And then I said, well, I didn't think so. But maybe now, yes, I don't know. Crazy. But this is what people do. Let's take a look at this hokey pokey video. You want to talk about the news right now, by the way, is there anything more disturbing than the news trying to do feel good stories? Like, I am one of these people that go, the news is too negative. But then you go outside

Starting point is 00:14:04 and you realize that it's kind of accurate. It doesn't mean their targets are, you know, always valid or, but there's a lot of fucked up shit happening. So now here's how I measure how much fucked up shit is happening. Not even the negative stories, which we all know already, or the panic, you know, the news is always in a panic about everything. It is, what is crazier than the negative stories is the feel good stories have gotten so bad and so insane that you genuinely, because this is all they got. This is all they have to take your mind off the plague and the impending economic collapse, the eviction moratorium, people living in their cars, violence in the street, gun to your head at lunch. We'll show

Starting point is 00:14:58 you that video later. People eating lunch on the street, gun to your head, armed robbery, take your money, riots, corrupt politicians, corrupt police, everything. In order to take your mind off that, they go to the feel good stories and the bag of stories that they are so disturbing. In fact, they're actually more disturbing than the hell that we're all used to by now. We're all used to the hell by now. 27 years old, healthy, COVID dead in an hour. I mean, that's all the stories they do about COVID. They're like, he was a personal trainer and he ran up the mountain every day. He rescued dogs and he had a beautiful wife and child and now he's dead, COVID. And you're like, fuck. And you look at the guy, he's ripped. He's on

Starting point is 00:15:49 like a mountain. He's got a beautiful wife. He's got three kids and a dog. It looks weirdly photoshopped. I'm like, does he exist? Is this real? But who knows? And it probably is, but we're all used to that right now. We're all used to that horrible, like auto fatalities. We're all used to street racing. Like someone just sitting in a light and then these two demon children street racing, just kill that person and that person like, you know, it'll, it'll be like, she was waiting to make a left into the, you know, parking lot of a Walgreens and two street racers killed her and her baby. And so you're used to that. You're like, fuck, but you're used to it. It makes sense. You go, yeah, yeah, that's that. Random acts of violence. We get it. You know, Waffle House

Starting point is 00:16:39 Brawls. We, but the feel good stories have become so insane and disconnected from reality that they are now more troubling. You find yourself staring at them and the news doesn't even know how to do a positive story anymore. First of all, they all almost, they, all the feel good stories involve people dying or about to die. Just to give you an idea of the feel good stories. They involve terminal disease or the elderly. Those are the, that's the feel good hour. That's the happy minute at the end. Like a make a wish kid, something like that. Something like that. Or, or, you know, we all know the one where it's like he walked 30 miles every day to work and everybody bought him a Saturn. We got everyone in his job to donate, you know,

Starting point is 00:17:35 $50 and we bought him a used Saturn that when it breaks down, he can't even get parts for because they don't make Saturns anymore. He'll be walking again in no time, but put it and let's make it go viral on Facebook because it's still a great country where we care about our workers. Happy Labor Day. We all know that story, right? Like this person had no shoes. They'd be like, this person had no shoes. And instead of going, why do they not have shoes, right? Or they, they work every day. Why do they not have a car? You're supposed to go, well, all's well that ends well. He got a fucking 1998 Saturn and he'll be thrilled now. But play this feel good story because this is about, uh, I'm not even going to tell you what it's about. Let's just enjoy this together.

Starting point is 00:18:22 I'll periodically stop it to try to explain to you what's going on because I've watched it several times. This is the good people at where CBS, I think this is CBS evening. These are the good people at the CBS evening news, trying to take your mind off all of the other horrors with this piece of fun and light, which by the way, this is heavier than anything I've ever seen. Opinions vary when it comes to music. One person hears a symphony. Another person hears noise, but CBS's Steve Hartman discovered a song that can get a whole neighborhood dancing. Here's tonight's On the Road. On the Road. You're ready. Already, you know, it's rough. On the road never means anything good,

Starting point is 00:19:10 right? On tonight's On the Road. That means like we're really out there. That's CBS's way of saying we are out there in the sticks. This is how much contempt they have for people that don't live in like LA or New York. They're like on the road. And by on the road, we mean somewhere in hell. We're broadcasting somewhere in hell. On the road, you know, where people are just eating each other's corpses. We've sent one of our reporters out there to bring you a story that is completely insane. Dancing days are done. Phyllis Brinkerhoff of Prairie Village, Kansas says she's not too old to appreciate a sick beat. In fact, Mrs. B, as she's known in the neighborhood, is obsessed with one dance song in particular. It's just a fun, joyous song.

Starting point is 00:20:04 And you know how when you love a song, you want your friends to love it too? Well, that's why Mrs. B gave her neighbor, Melanie Mendries, a hokey pokey CD, and started talking about the song. So this is in Kansas. It's an old woman. I can see her name pop up on my phone. Who's obsessed with the hokey pokey? And it is, it's probably like a member of the Fred Phelps church. Like this woman, they're probably conveniently leaving out that like she protested like marine funerals with the God hates fag sign on Oak Dag for the majority of her life in Kansas. But now, but listen to this, she's obsessed with the hokey pokey. So this is the feel good story of CBS. They found a woman who is mentally ill and obsessed with a very annoying song for children,

Starting point is 00:21:04 the hokey pokey. She can't get enough of it. She's insane. They found an insane woman who's obsessed with the hokey pokey. Continue this. Mrs. B left dozens of messages. I really do need to talk to you urgently pleading her case. CD I gave you. Are you hooked on it yet? And I just would always say not quite yet. Melanie's reluctant. This woman, this old bat gives this neighbor a CD of the hokey pokey and then harasses her and keeps calling her and goes, are you hooked on the hokey pokey yet? This is a story that's supposed to make you feel good about the direction of the country.

Starting point is 00:22:01 This old bat gives this woman a hokey pokey CD because she's like an MK ultra victim or something. This is a crazy behavior. It's crazy behavior. And then she calls this woman repeatedly harassing her and her child going, are you hooked on it yet? Are you listening? Are you listening? I mean, this is like the behavior of Sirhan Sirhan who was activated to kill Bobby Kennedy, probably by the hokey pokey. They started playing that. He blacked out and then he came to in the kitchen of the ambassador hotel standing over a corpse. Me and Ray were laughing so hard. They're like Ethel Kennedy. What are the older Kennedys? I forget. Maybe not Ethel. Somebody wrote a letter to keep Sirhan Sirhan in prison. That's all the Kennedys have left now.

Starting point is 00:22:46 He's trying to keep this old fucking prison, this old patsy. That's all they have left. Trying to keep this old patsy in jail. Let's continue this feel good bit. Affled, Mrs. B. You know, most people don't care really at all for the hokey pokey. Really? Really? I find that very amazing. Do you? Still, she knew her crusade was all but lost. Then one day, Mrs. B happened to mention that her birthday was coming up, her 93rd. And when Melanie heard that, she decided to embrace what she'd been resisting. Or to put it in hokey pokey parlance, she put her whole self in. We made copies of the invitation. We rolled them in little scrolls and we wrapped ribbons around them and the

Starting point is 00:23:34 tape stepping down the street. Now they have the saddest and morbidest people on the lawn. Trying to do the hokey pokey, they can't even do it. This is a feel good story about America. By the way, they went through the neighborhood in Kansas. They have all these people who can't see their feet on the lawn and they all can't do the hokey pokey. They can't even do a child's dance. These are the citizens of America. And they've all come to dance for this old witch. She's doing some black magic ceremony in her front yard and these tubs of lard can't even get the hokey pokey right. And this is, and just finish this, but again, this is supposed to make you feel like we're on the right track and are, you know, things are in that bed.

Starting point is 00:24:25 You got an Antifa member far left here. Can you see that? The blue-haired little girl? No, I don't. Oh yeah, yeah. It's a blue-haired girl in Kansas. They get wild over there. Let's see the rest of this. The smile on her face was so big. It doesn't take that much to make someone's day. And I think we could all do a little more of it. Shut up. Because that's what it's all about. Retired flight attendant honors colleagues killed on 9-11. These are the good stories. This is the front. This is CBS. Retired flight attendant honors people killed on 9-11. This is 30 seconds? Yeah. They've devoted 30 seconds to this. That's 32 much. Can we play this? Can we? Yeah, play it. Well tonight, a retired flight attendant

Starting point is 00:25:15 is on a mission to honor the flight crews killed in the September 11th attacks. Polly Veneto is walking more than 200 miles from Boston where United Flight 175 took off from on the morning of the attacks to one World Trade Center. And he's pushing a beverage cart along his three-week journey. Jesus Christ. Polly actually knew some of the crew members who were killed and he wanted to honor them. His trip is helping to raise money for the families of 9-11 victims. Thank you, Polly. Yeah, that's good. Thank you, Polly. Good luck. Let's go into this brazen robbery in the Fairfax District of Los Angeles. Oh, on Melrose. Yeah, yeah. Because this is also the LA recall coming up. Gavin New, feudal Lord wine merchant Gavin Newsom

Starting point is 00:26:03 going up against Larry Elder for the recall. Black conservative Larry Elder who suggests that not only slaves, but slave owners also maybe should get a little bit of reparations. Okay, here it is right here. So now this is people outside in LA getting a gun to their head while they're eating lunch and robbed. And I go, am I for this? I don't know. But it's crazy. We had lunch today. We ate inside because of this. Because by the way, it's also embarrassing to get robbed at gunpoint while you're having lunch. It's embarrassing. But here's why. It's too on. It's like too, like, this is very, like, here's what's great about this. You know during this lunch, someone said something about people exaggerating the crime. Like there's no chance that during this lunch, someone didn't

Starting point is 00:27:11 pop up and go. And I voted, of course, no on the recall for Newsom because quite frankly, they do this all the time. They exaggerate the crime. They try to make you scared and then gun to the temple. That's a little beautiful. If you think about that. So let's take a look at this. This is in broad daylight in the Fairfax district of Los Angeles. This is a guy in a hoodie and someone else. They look like Tik Tokers. These are old Vine stars who didn't transition into Tik Tok. Some of the old Vine stars are broke now. They might as well start robbing people with guns. What if this is the D'Amelio sisters? Like they listened to the last podcast and they agreed with me and they're like, we got to start going out

Starting point is 00:28:00 there and fucking shit out. How many people do we know that this could and should be them? Oh yeah. We know so many people who should be holding people up and we don't even know why they're not. Unemployment just ended. I mean, I guess they're gonna start. But this is a foursome and then they put the gun guns right to the old noggin. Let's take a look at that one more time. They're just having lunch. Oh my God, have you seen White Lotus? Oh no! The guy has his hands up. It's like that seems to be a little... Let's see what she's saying. What's Anne Souter? What's going on Anne? Witness news reporter Leanne Souter live in the Melrose district with new reaction and the

Starting point is 00:28:48 manhunt happening right now. Leanne. Mark, there's two suspects about as bold and brazen as you can get. Area residents and business owners say this type of crime is happening all too often. A brazen robbery and broad daylight on Melrose Avenue. A brazen rut. They love the litteration. A brazen robbery and broad daylight. These swiping the shopping bags and belongings on the table and running off. Brazen red daylight. Wow. Wow. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Wow. I'm concerned about being caught on camera. Wow. Oh my God. That's terrifying. Hasha. I live in this neighborhood and hang out all the time so that I'm excited. I like the clarity that that was happening. The robbery happened Tuesday afternoon just before

Starting point is 00:29:35 five in the 7300 block of Melrose. A popular strip full of stores and restaurants. Many business owners say they have been seeing crime. Everyone talks about crime but like I think that it's just that like it's just racist. So I don't really talk about it but like wow. It's crazy. Broad daylight. And here's the thing with Gavin Newsom. I like watching rich attractive people get nervous. He's getting a little nervous because of this recall. Here's the thing with Gavin Newsom. People say he's very liberal and the reality of the situation is I bet he's not that liberal. And what I mean by that is I don't think he really believes in anything. He's just kind of a good looking rich wine merchant who walks around his vineyard like a feudal lord drunk on Cabernet.

Starting point is 00:30:19 He has no idea what's going on. The California state legislature is locked up with a lot of people that don't want anything to happen. Largely Democrats of course. But I mean again this guy is not like he didn't know what governor was before he got the job. He just thought he would go out to dinner. He just wants to drink Barola with his hot wife. He does not want to deal with. He doesn't know what MS-13 is. I don't even think he's been to LA. Like he lives up north. I mean he just wants to go to dinner with his friends at Montecito. Like when you saw him at the French Laundry that was the happiest he'd ever been because he was at dinner. He's like thank fucking God. Finally we can go to dinner at a great restaurant and drink wine.

Starting point is 00:31:00 I mean this state is so ungovernable. I mean you run for governor of California you're like this is going to be fun. It can't be that hard. Arnold Schwarzenegger did it. I'm good looking. My wife's a piece. We like wine. People like us. I'm the LA governor. Look at me. I don't look like Andrew Cuomo or any of these other but like bombs like I'm the LA governor. I'm in shape. I'm into the wine business. I'm about all that. And then your first day you're like sitting at the desk and it's like traffic, fires, machete, beheading, MS-13, droughts, killings. All the movie studios are leaving. Hollywood's dead. Traffic, beheadings, machete, Malibu, death, rain, no rain, drought, fires, flood. And you're like what the fuck. New Scientology building every five days.

Starting point is 00:31:52 Crazy. You know, there's a, there's a, you know, the homeless who just built a hotel at a shopping cart on sunset. It's what do you do? How do you lead? How do you govern this state? I mean, good luck to Larry Elder. I don't think he'll get anything done either because it's just ungovernable. How do you even fix it? The amount of problems, the scope of them is, is there's so many. But you know that Gavin Newsom doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. Gavin Newsom, listen, is he ineffective? Yes. Is he left the center? Sure. But like, look at him. He doesn't care about homeless people. He just, you know, ship him to Montecita. Dude, we have, can we get an interview of him even speaking? Oh yeah. Let's, I don't know. Have you watched him? This guy

Starting point is 00:32:45 is like not even present in his own body. This has got to be him speaking here. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. Here he goes. To make history of our own here in the state of California by rejecting that citizen, the citizen, that, well, that's cynicism, rejecting that fear. You can't talk. Rejecting that kind of divisiveness. California, we are better than that. We have the opportunity. You see what he did the other day because Larry Elder said men understand things better than women and Gavin's like, no, women do. And then Anna Haaschen from Red Scare retweeted some guy who write, yeah, women run California. That's why it's on fire and everybody's lives in a tent.

Starting point is 00:33:27 It's kind of hilarious. But you know, I mean, this guy is not, this is empty. I mean, I think Ezra Klein is like a, you know, liberal guide Vox wrote that California is kind of a failure, progressive governance. I don't know that Larry Elder is going to help. I think he could throw a, I was back in Caitlyn Jenner because I wanted a little fun. I wanted a little fun. I wanted her to get in her escalate and just mow the homeless over, which was her plan. She wrote a plan that the LA Times refused to publish where it was literally just a route that she would take her escalate through Venice, knocking over homeless in campus and they refuse Gavin Newsom is much more, oh no, this is not what Ezra. This was Ezra eight days ago, but he also,

Starting point is 00:34:11 Ezra also wrote this. Is this he wrote California is making liberal squirm and it's a failure of progressive governance. But now he goes, Gavin Newsom is a lot more than less or two evils. Here's the California is not as bad. It is bad, right? I mean, it's not good, but it's not as bad as you would think, you know, certain parts of it are they, they're trying here. They're losing the one industry that California has made California relevant, has traditionally been the entertainment business. And now it is the tech industry that is, is, you know, headquartered up in San Fran Palo Alto. That is the new dominant industry in the state, but it was Hollywood for a very long time. A lot of movie studios are leaving.

Starting point is 00:35:00 They're abandoned in California. It is too expensive. It is not cost effective to shoot here. They're going to Atlanta and a lot of them are going to Canada. They're moving and Hollywood is, you know, is losing a lot of the bigger studios. I mean, they're fleeing. So California is trying to stop that. They're trying to stop the bleeding. They're trying to stop that mass exodus because it is the only industry outside of tech that really the majority of the Los Angeles economy is kind of, a lot of it is based on that. It's really an import, export town. I don't want to say the majority. That might be the wrong way to say it, but it's, it's the reason that people have lived here and it represents billions and billions of dollars in revenue to the state

Starting point is 00:35:48 and they're losing a lot of that. And I don't know how they're going to plan to do it. And this has been happening for years. It's been happening for years. It's very expensive here to shoot things. And the internet has given people the ability to attract an audience outside of the mainstream system of networks and studios. We've done it and a lot of people we know have done it. That's why they hate Joe Rogan so much because he's done it. So, you know, a lot of people are, don't have to be in California and they don't have to, even if they are here, they don't need to rely on a staff of 20 or 30 or 50 or a hundred people. They can do things, you know, very simply. So, you wonder because the industry is having such an evolution, what does that mean long term

Starting point is 00:36:39 for California? But I think what, what happens is just Hollywood is replaced by the tech industry, which seems to have some permanence here, even though new tech companies are, many of them are going to Austin and there's some big people down there. But it seems like because you have Stanford here, a lot of the tech companies are always going to be anchored in California and a lot of revenue is going to be coming from that, not to the people, but to the state. Because these companies do not employ a lot of people. Tech companies famously employ very few people as opposed to companies like General Motors or something like that. But they have a lot more power. They have more power than any companies have ever had before. They know everything about

Starting point is 00:37:24 you. They know what you think and believe, what you're afraid of, what you search for. They know what you do and what you watch. They know where you bank and how you bank and what you buy. And they can turn any of this off. They can turn your ability to talk off and your ability to stop spending money, really. I mean, you know, this thing where like Candace Owens was refused a COVID test and, you know, they shut off Alex Jones's debit card. And you might hate these people, but you should recognize that corporations being able to deny services to people based on politics is probably a bad thing. Right? Shouldn't we agree with that? That being able to turn off someone's money supply or refuse them a test to see if they get

Starting point is 00:38:12 tested for COVID, which they could, if they had spread to other people, denying them that based on pod, it's just not good. How bad will this get? Like how bad is this going to get? Are we going to, is it, is it, is it going to be a thing where like the unvaccinated people go to In-N-Out and the vaxed people go to Fat Burger? Is that how divisive this country is going to get? I want to know how divisive this country is going to get. Are certain porn sites going to make you scan your QR vax code before you jerk off to a woman getting drowned in a fish tank? How bad is it going to get out there? Are gun stores not going to sell you an AR if you're vaxed like a puss? How bad is it going to get? Truly. Are you still going to be able to get

Starting point is 00:39:15 a McGriddle at three o'clock in the morning if you are unvaccinated? Is Denny's going to have two sections? One for vaccinated people and one for unvaccinated. How bad does this get? How divisive? This is becoming a caste system. The biggest subreddit right now is Herman Kane Award. Have you seen this? No. It's blown up massively. Why? But it's people kind of celebrating the deaths of, here's the thing, I'll preface it by saying it is funny to see someone post eight things about how they'll never get the vaccine. And then they die. And then they like die tragically. You know, you got to find the humor where you find it. Yeah. So like this is- I've been long, listen, all we have left in this country is to celebrate the deaths of our political opponents. I've been a

Starting point is 00:40:04 fan of that. If I die, people dance on my grave, whatever. This is- and it's not even that I'm like this hugely divisive character, but I've angered some. So the deal is you're allowed to do that, I think within reason. That's something that you should be allowed to do is to celebrate the deaths of your political opponents because you don't have health care. You don't have a retirement. You probably, you know, your family, if you have one, may hate you. So because, you know, things are rough, you should be able to celebrate the deaths of people you disagree with. And the right does it and the left doesn't. More Texas-loving wife gloats. She makes a local news for protesting COVID mandates, catches COVID, almost dies. Husband gets COVID and dies. And now she needs

Starting point is 00:40:54 money because she's a single mom, COVID long hauler. No thanks. I'll burn my money before I do that. There's something here that's biblical about all of this. There's something biblical about all this. We're failing the test of compassion for both sides, by the way, for every, everybody's failing. We're, we're, we're, we're 450,000 people in Sturges rally, not a China virus super spreader. Stop living in fear and get back to the end. What happened? Does this guy die? And then he dies. Yeah. Then these people, they go through Facebook and they find all these posts like, I'll never get the vaccine. I have an immune system. I don't need a vaccine. And then they die. And then their page turns into a memorial page because they just died of COVID.

Starting point is 00:41:37 And it was like really brutal. But here's the thing. Where does this end? This is my question. If you're really getting excited about this, and I know some of you are, and I've don't get, I've just defended your right to be excited by this. Is it a great way to spend your time? Probably not. Look, what did this guy say? Not trying to win any pageant, but I'm alive and doing better. Oxygen is improving by the day. I feel better as a whole. Getting moved out of ICU sometime in the morning. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. They mean the world to me. So please keep them coming. What happened to him? This was the same guy. He, then he died, but then they keep you updated on Facebook after

Starting point is 00:42:09 sharing memes every day that are anti-vax and then they just die from. Yeah. But this would also be like if you found people that did get vaxed and either went to the hospital and died. You could do that too. Sure. This is not a real productive use of the time. No, but this is blown up. People loved it. People like it. Listen, people like to go and find people that have died and try to catch them. I mean, this is like something, this is like something my aunt would do, you know, after, because she's now going on about the women in Afghanistan that she's all worried about now after not caring about them for 20 years. Now she's all, uh, she's cause I can't believe these women in Afghanistan.

Starting point is 00:42:57 CIA men, you gotta hand it to them. It really works. Everything they do works. The propaganda machine works. My boomer aunt is like, but the women in Afghanistan, but what about if they want to learn to play the violin? Um, I think probably you should try to not enjoy the deaths of others too much. This is, now I've defended your right to do it and I understand why you're doing it, but it, it seems to be a very dark way to spend your time. It's, it's weird. There's something karma wise about it that I think is weird. Like if I spent all my time laughing at the deaths of people that I disagreed with, I would feel there's some weird karma to that that is going to swing back around my direct. You know, I just, I think it's odd to do that,

Starting point is 00:43:57 but I, I understand why people are doing it. I get it. If a bunch of vaccinated people started dying, would it not be the other way? Right. And there have been Vax people that have died, but it would be cause, cause people enjoy when vaccinated people go to the hospital. They go, see it's both ways. See if this is where a country of C now, see, look at them. They're trying to breathe. They're flopping around like a fish. We've become a country of people that enjoy the deaths of us. This is the final stage. You know, it's the final stage of, of what we're, whatever we're trying to do here. And I know that, you know, people tend to think I'm maybe being dramatic. I'm overstating things. I actually

Starting point is 00:44:53 think I've been too positive. And I frame this issue in a comedic way more often than not, but to truly take a break from that for a minute, which also as is funny in a way, this is really the final stage before we descend into just barbarism. This is the final stage before a barbarism will take hold because people are getting off watching other people die. Think of where we started. We liked ratting each other out. That was the start of it. We're like, it's fun to rat and tell people what to do. And everybody got on everybody's back and everybody was like, did you go out? Who have you seen? Are you fat? Did you have an abortion? Like, everybody has become everyone else's mother, father, keeper, governor. You know, people just,

Starting point is 00:45:52 people like it. They like petty, you know, excuses so that they can be moralists and they can, you know, lord their power over other people. It started there. And I warned against that. I said, it's a very bad idea. It's a very bad idea to encourage people ratting on each other and feeling superior morally to each other. A little over a year later, we are now openly enjoying each other's deaths and hospitalization and suffering like that. We are enjoying each other's deaths and hospitalizations. We're posting them. We're saying, haha. We're saying, look at this. The news is getting in on it. The media is saying, look at this. They ran a million articles about that guy, Phil Valentine. It's unhealthy. This is bad energy. It's bad karma. It's, yes, should

Starting point is 00:46:50 you have the right to do it? Sure. But it, just to tell you karma wise, not good. This isn't what we should be doing. It's the final phase before we start killing each other. There's really nothing left to do. We're enjoying each other's deaths already. The next thing will just be to make those deaths happen, which will be the final, final phase of this. But it doesn't seem like a great idea. I talk people all the time are giddy about the death of someone or, you know, you'll talk to somebody go, yeah, he was faxed. He can't breathe now. And you go, okay, man, it's like socks. We don't know what's going on. Yeah, he can't even breathe. He's fighting for his life. And they say it like they just tell you their kid got into college. He's fighting for his life.

Starting point is 00:47:47 Isn't that nice? And then on the other side, you know, if somebody who's unvaxed dies of COVID and they were like, didn't want to get the vaccine and they were public about that. I mean, they just, they do a fucking conga line on the guy's grave. It's really wild to watch where we are. Instead of just, here's what I do when you say, tell me someone died. I don't even ask. Ready? Okay. Because someone died of COVID. My friend died of COVID. Shit is fucked. Next. I mean, that's, you don't, I don't, here's what, here's what other people do. Were they vaxed? Were they fat? What they do? What was their, like, how they get it? Were they get to bars? They get, did they go out? Were they fat? Did they eat bread? Did they take 19 supplements?

Starting point is 00:48:39 Did they get the monoclonal antibodies? Were they vaxed? Did they take the NAD drips? Did they take vitamins? Did they go in the sauna? How old were they? Did they go out? Did they see friends? Did they want two or three mask? Were they an anti-masker? Who gives a fuck? They're dead move on. They're dead move on. You become a district attorney when you hear that someone died now. You try to get to the bottom of it, you know? It's, it's alarming. It's just, it's just alarming. But we can always count on CBS to have those feel good stories about people. Get out of this here. I'm sick of this. Get out of this. This is, it's bad for us even to look at. The Detroit News, parents lose lawsuit over destruction of sun's

Starting point is 00:49:30 porn stash. And good. Fuck these people. Read a little bit of this. This is a great story. Now, this is a feel good story. This is, yeah, yeah. There's a 40-year-old man who lives at home. He lives at home with his dad. As he should. But to be fair, he hasn't always lived at home. He had a divorce and he moved back in with his parents. Fair. On his feet. Fair. And then when he moved out, they had destroyed close to $30,000. They described 12 boxes worth of pornography. And he, and he took them to court. Anyone. Anyone. Anyone. Well, they destroyed property. Yep. I don't, uh, on New Year's Day, 2018, according to the suit, working's father sent him an email that said, I don't think that you've been listening to me. So

Starting point is 00:50:14 let me make this very clear. I do not possess your pornography. It is gone. It has either been destroyed or disposed of. I may well have missed a few items that are now in your possession, but at this point, if you don't have it, it is gone. Ditto for your sex toys and smutty magazines. We counted 12 moving boxes full of porn plus two boxes of sex toys. We began the day process of destroying them and it took quite a while to do so. Frankly, David, I did you a big favor by getting rid of all this stuff. Well, this is a confession. His father is confessing. The next month, working called the Ottawa County Sheriff and a deputy spoke with his mother who acknowledged a couple of dispositions of pornography. On March 17th, according to the complaint,

Starting point is 00:50:55 she sent a son an email saying, believe it or not, one reason for why I destroyed your porn was for your own mental and emotional health. Working's parents said they had a right to act as his landlord. Defends us to not cite any statute or case, let us support their assertion that landlords can destroy property they dislike. The judge said Maloney told both sides to file briefs on the financial value of the collection. The court does not intend to hold an evidentiary hearing. So what's the, uh, you got 38,000. The parents had to pay him $38,000. 38 grand, yeah, 38 grand. I mean, having kids can really go one of two ways, right? Yeah. It can work out or it can really be like, fuck what did we do? And when your kid is paying, when you're paying

Starting point is 00:51:40 30K to your son because you threw out his sex toys, there's got to be a part of you that regrets having children. Like all these people in Texas that are anti-abortion, don't you understand this is how it could work out? Your 40 year old loser son could move back in your house and fuck pocket pussies and then leave and leave his porn stash there. You get rid of it because you're horrified by it. Imagine like you're sifting through your son's like pocket pussies and dildos and whatever. And his porn collection, whatever that guy's into, they're ruined his first marriage. You know, that's what ruined his first marriage. And they find it. They go, we're just going to get rid of this shit. And then they got to cough up 30,000. Good. It took them a day to destroy

Starting point is 00:52:25 all the porn. That was the worst day of their life. Destroying all of your son's porn and sex toys. The great thing to me is two boxes of sex toys that they knew he used. They knew they're picking up like cummy pocket pussies. And I mean, it's just, that's a feel good story. Like the news gets it wrong. I don't want to hear about some old bitch wants to hear a song. This is a feel good story. Imagining that couple from Canada having to sift through their son's pocket pussies and then throw them out. You think there was a debate. You think one of them was like, let's keep them for him. You think there was any debate or both of them were probably on the same page. They were like, let's just get rid of this. This ruined his life. You know, the whole day they

Starting point is 00:53:16 were debating when he got into this. They were like, was it a teeny, were we not paying attention? Did this start as a teen? You know, this ruined his marriage. And this is going to ruin everything he does. He's a sex addict. He's addicted to porn. He's got all the sex toys. We don't even know what some of them do. But we know this. We're getting rid of them. We're getting them the fuck out of this house. We're doing them a big favor. And then a judge goes 30 grand. I needed to urinate woman as to leave Disney Park for her behavior. This is another fun story. People do not know. So here's the thing. Since the pandemic is, you know, whatever, wrapping up now and people are going back out people and we notice as a comedy shows people

Starting point is 00:54:03 just don't know how to act. They don't know how to act. They don't know their limits. They don't know how much booze they can drink before they start the room starts spinning and they start vomiting. They don't understand what decorum is. They don't understand how they're supposed to act like human beings. So what we notice is, you know, people on flights now are just beating the shit out of flight attendants because they don't realize that that is wrong. They haven't flown in a year and a half. They forget. They go, am I allowed to hit the flight attendant or not? That guy duct taped on United was groping all of the flight attendants. Yeah, because people, he hasn't flown in a while. He goes, what is the rules here again?

Starting point is 00:54:44 Can I finger the person bringing me juice or not? They're unclear. So now what happened at Disney World? This woman was- This was a viral TikTok. This woman is a, well, I'll reveal her occupation in the TikTok right here, but she was pissing in a cup in front of people at Disney. She had to go. Yeah, she had to go. It just says what it is, but here we go. Because I have a bad bladder. I don't think you understand what women's bladders are all about, but I can really have a bad bladder. And there's no reason for you to judge me or judge me. I am not judging you, ma'am. Who are you, sir? No, I'm not. Tom. I'm not judging you. Can you please be your manager? I am the manager. Somebody hire up, sir.

Starting point is 00:55:30 Disney World. Hire up. What? The CEO, Bob Iger, please. Can I see the CEO, Disney? Your manager. Someone hire up the corporate share. But I needed a year. So what's the- What's the right year? There's been times where I have to pull- You'll see the card she tries to pull. For my job, Tom. I am a teacher, a teacher. That's right. I literally have to yearn it in the top. Peace Therapist is not a teacher. Because I don't have time to go to South Central on Slopson and Crenshaw to yearn it, sir. That's where she lives. I cannot believe you're judging me. I'm not judging you, ma'am. Do we see her peeing? No, no, no. This was taken after, but she was just pissing in a cup,

Starting point is 00:56:13 and then she tried to say, since she's a teacher, she should be allowed to piss in the cup. Because I'm a speech therapist. I'm allowed to shit. I'm allowed to shit in a box. I'm a speech therapist. So what did they do? They threw her out of the park? Yeah, they threw her out. They threw her right out. The only report on it is from the TikTok, but I thought you- I don't know if I'm for that. She just pissed in a cup, right? She didn't throw it in anyone's face. No, she didn't throw it on anyone. So why are we- I mean, it's not even Disney World. It's Disneyland, which is like not even real. Disneyland is an embarrassment. Disneyland is horrible. Disney World is legit. Disney World, Florida. Yeah. Disneyland Anaheim.

Starting point is 00:56:53 Oh, I mean, Disneyland Anaheim. It's not even real. It's like Six Flags. I mean, it's stupid. We're on tour, folks. You gotta come see us on tour. We're very excited about being out there for the rest of the year. Just come see us. We're at so many cool places. Timdilloncomedy.com again. Seattle, Portland, Indianapolis, Morgantown, West Virginia, Mulhall, Pennsylvania, Washington DC, New York, New York, Atlantic City, New Jersey, Rochester, New York, Iowa City, Iowa, Madison, Wisconsin, Louisville, Kentucky, Los Angeles, LA, Bakersfield, Reading, Pennsylvania, Atlanta, Georgia, St. Louis, Missouri, Fresno, California, Sacramento, California, San Francisco, Garden City, Idaho,

Starting point is 00:57:37 Toronto, Ontario, for New Year's Eve. Spectacular. We also have some UK dates. We're going to announce, very excited, going there for a week, I believe, in January. We hope and we believe. Timdilloncomedy.com is where you can see the full tour schedule, get tickets, promo code fakebiz. We launch tomorrow, Monday, September 13th, at noon. Noon Eastern Standard Time. Eastern Standard Time, baby, fakebiz, promo code. Really excited to see you guys on the road. It should be a lot of fun. And we end this year together. Don't enjoy people's deaths too much. It's like booze, drugs in small doses with close friends and family. That's the way you should celebrate the deaths of others. Like infrequently with friends,

Starting point is 00:58:45 not publicly. Every now and then you enjoy someone's demise. But don't do it too frequently. It's ghoulish. It's ghoulish if you keep doing it. Stop investigating people's COVID deaths like you're a sleuth. Well, what, what, just realize this should affect people differently and sometimes they go and it sucks. You don't have to go through it and find out, you know, if they were vaxed or unvaxed or if they went out, they go to bars, did they eat McGriddles? Hey, man, life's life. Just kind of behave. Just behave yourself, please. Do you have anything to add? You rarely do. To the show. To anything. I've been having a good time with you here in LA. It's been fun. Have we? The chocolate souffles were delicious. So what? They're very good. I like the souffles here.

Starting point is 00:59:48 Do you realize the content you bring is horrible? Like if we relied on you, we'd be broke. I said, do you have anything to add? You said, I like the cake that we had earlier today. We'll go broke with that kind of content. Nobody wants that shit. He can't even, he doesn't even have a line at the end. I go, you have anything for anybody? And you go, yeah, the cake we had was good. The souffle cake was good. Thanks. That's clippable. Should that be the clip, everyone? Should we put that out on social media? Ben likes the souffle that we had. If I die of COVID, everybody's going to go, we had a souffle. You see? That's what happens. How's Oscar de la Jolla? Is he coming back? We can't lose Oscar de la Jolla.

Starting point is 01:00:43 Is he okay? Oh, released. He's released. There we go. But the fight's canceled. The fight is canceled. What are you going to do? He'll be back. He'll be back. What did he say? Go back up. Said it hit him really hard. Yeah, that's okay. He'll be back. Does he have brain fog? Can you tell? Anyway, kidding. He's an athlete. I was in there for three days. It hit me really hard. I was in the best shape of my life. Yeah. Crazy. Oh, before we go, did you see Trump said that Robert E. Lee would have won Afghanistan? Yeah, I mean, it's funny. Yeah, it's funny. It's a funny line. How did his tour with Bill O'Reilly go? Did that not happen? They're doing it in December. Him and Bill O'Reilly. They're doing it

Starting point is 01:01:42 in Florida a couple of days in Florida. That's it, huh? I believe so. That tour kind of bombed. Yeah, I mean, that's all right. The QAnon people, they thought he was going to become president. Again, that's okay. It's like, this is just as good. You get to spend $350 to see him in an arena and Bill O'Reilly is opening. Bill O'Reilly, the boomer rapist will be opening. Yeah, they're doing the American Airlines Center in Dallas and they're doing big venues. I don't know if he's a rapist, but I will say this. He was, you don't pay someone $38 million for nothing. Oh, have you read those court transcripts with Bill? Well, yeah, but I haven't read them like recently. Is it just a Lufa stuff? Yeah, like he would keep interns on the phone and

Starting point is 01:02:25 he would got to be more. He would ship them bags of toys and make them. Yeah, $38 million though. It's got to be more than that. Oh, yeah. Right? Oh, yeah. Something else happened. He like climbed in a window, $38 million. Dude, there's no fucking way. I don't care how many bags of dildos you shipped. You had to do something heinous to part with that kind of money. Forty sticks, $40 million. So he's opening. He's opening. And then I imagine he's not closing. I imagine. No, Trump's to close or Trump's going to go out and talk about, he's going to be funny. He's going to do bits. This is what he should be doing. He's on the road doing bits. The ex-president just on the road killing. He'll kill for an hour.

Starting point is 01:03:17 Ticket sales are still moving slowly. Well, listen, folks, don't spend the money to see me. The tickets are cheaper and the show will be almost as good. Yeah, this is very expensive. It's very expensive. My show is almost as good as this and it's cheaper. I'm not going to say it's as good as I'm not going to lie to you. I would go for Bill O'Reilly alone. I'd spend the 300 to just see, to just see like what Bill O'Reilly is even doing. Like what is that opening set? You know, what is that even about? But then of course we know Trump's going to kill it. But all right, folks, timdilloncomedy.com. Don't rob me if you see me having lunch

Starting point is 01:04:00 in Los Angeles. Please at gunpoint. It's going to be fucking embarrassing. And if I get shot in the head while I'm having lunch in Los Angeles, you can enjoy it for a day. That's it. And then move on.

The Tim Dillon Show - 268 - Hokey Pokey Horror

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