The Tim Dillon Show - 270 - Havana Syndrome

Episode Date: September 26, 2021

Tim is stalked by a woman in New York City, and gets the very mysterious and definitely real "Havana Syndrome" while staying at the same hotel as Harry and Meghan. He dives head first into the two chubby Southwest Florida boys planning a massacre at their school, and wonders why he doesn't have more mainstream success on respectable platforms like HBO. Bonus episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow See Tim Live on the road: ▶▶ http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: 🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off 💊 MASF SUPPLEMENTS ▶▶ https://masfsupplements.com/ use code TIMD for 10% OFF 🧴 DUKE CANNON DEODERANT ▶▶ https://dukecannon.com/ use code DILLON for 10% off 💍 NORTHBANDS RINGS ▶▶ https://www.northbands.com/ use promo code TIM for 20% off CERTIFIED PIEDMONTESE BEEF ▶▶ 25% OFF with discount code TIMDILLON at https://www.cpbeef.com HELLO FRESH ▶▶ Go to https://www.hellofresh.com/timdillon12 for 12 free meals including free shipping! GET ACRE GOLD and start investing in physical Gold today! ▶▶ https://www.GetAcreGold.com/TimDillon MAKE CRYPTO SIMPLE! ▶▶ Visit https://Dchained.com/Inner-Circle and sign-up today. BIRD DOGS! ▶▶ https://www.birddogs.com/ use code TIMDILLON DOORDASH ▶▶ Download the Doordash app and enter code TIMDILLON to get 25% off. SIMPLI SAFE ▶▶ https://simplisafe.com/timdillon to save 20% DRAFTKINGS ▶▶ Download DraftKings app and use the code TIMDILLON to get a free shot at a one million dollar prize   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show audio only episode Direct your rage at the citizens of Baltimore, Maryland I will be at Magoobie's tomorrow night in Timonium Which is not even Baltimore. It's like a town outside of Baltimore. It's like if a rest stop Became a town. It's not a town. I don't know what it is But I'll be at Magoobie's Laugh House a very fun, but unfortunately named Comedy Club and in order to get there and do it on time. We were unable to use our temporary studio in Hollywood, California and we are broadcasting from a

Room in a hotel and I don't want to say which hotel even though many of you will find that out anyway because we had one crazy bitch Already foe. This is our first stalker. Of course. It's a dumb cunt It can't be some fucking hot dude who wants to fuck me to death some guy with a fucking hot fat fetish He just wants to beat the shit out of me With his cock and then blow our brains out. It can't be that

It's like some dumb yoga instructor. Who's fat? Well, well good for me I have some dumb fat yoga instructor who's stalking me. Of course I would of course I couldn't even get like some hot Fucking guy or girl and this slob Shows up at the hotel that I'm staying at We came here to New York for a few days. I don't tell anyone when I'm coming here because I I don't want to talk to them and I don't want them to request Me to do things I don't want to do, you know people reach out to me. Do you want to do my show?

It's you know, it's in a laundromat and we're you know raising money for it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no Stay away from me There's certain clubs where I miss the people at the clubs, but also I don't You know, that's part of life. I Do in theory and in my head and in my mind But in reality, I I do not so I don't even let them know I'm here Even though I would like to go to see some of those people, but I wouldn't You know, I have this this very complex relationship with with

That I want to do it, but I don't but I do and I will but I won't So I'm here incognito Nobody knows where I am. I'm just shuffling around. I did the Red Scare podcast with Anna Hashan and Dasha nekrosov Brilliant cultural critics Hot bitches I put up a photo with them and you could tell a lot of my more intelligent fans are like, yo, this guy fucks Women he's fucking this these bitches and I'm like, okay

Fair enough that whatever But I didn't really tell anyone I was here I was here for three days three days You can't get all the you know if I was here for two weeks. I tell people bitch three days. I'm in and out We were gonna do is a sketch with little Sasquatch yes at Barstool Sports We could not figure one out in time. He came over to the hotel me him and Ben were writing eating Sichuan Chinese food Sichuan really good spicy in the middle of the night. No good. I Wake up at 3 30 in the morning to a phone call

from the manager of the hotel front desk going Someone's here to see you and And I know this fat bitch is listening to this And I'll tell you right now You're lucky I didn't walk down into the lobby and beat the living shit out of you because that's the next thing I will do you fat bitch Seriously

Okay, I'm staying at the same hotel with Harry and Meghan Markle. Okay, my friends Who I thought when the phone rang at 3 30 in the morning. I said, well, this is the end of me Because they called in a favor. That's what I thought I thought they called in a favor and like a guy dressed up like a postmates delivery guy Who's gonna come in here and put a blow dart in my neck? Okay, because you know Meghan Markle heard what I've said and felt some sort of way So those two Intellectual heavyweights are also in the hotel along with every other diplomat in New York. Everybody's got Havana syndrome here

Nobody, you know before it's just taking the people's heads I'm just trying to get the fuck a mustard sauce with the filet of buff and This fat slut or pig calls walks in here Waddles her ass in here and and Maybe she thought I'd food but she called They call me through 30 in the morning. They go Cameron Herron wants to see you

Somebody's down here to see you. I said who they said Cameron Herron. Now Cameron Herron is a poor kid Who murdered a woman with his car and her baby? I talked about it? Two episodes a month ago. Yeah about five or six kids in Tampa good-looking was on tiktok Everybody was like he's too hot to go to jail. They put him in jail You know real He's a rough situation. Okay. I tried to make a light of it. Whatever It is what it is. He's getting married. He's fine. He's gonna be in jail, but he's doing better than most people. I know

24 year jail sentence most people I know not doing as well as him Okay So I hang up the phone now. I'm terrified Cameron Herron. I don't know what's going on. Of course. I think Megan and Harry are drunk and Playing games and that's literally for a minute because you gotta remember it's the middle of the night It's a middle of the night. This is what I think I think that Harry and Megan Because they're like maybe in the penthouse. I don't know the penthouse 75 grand a night Maybe they're not springing for that who's paying for this by the way Diana left him money

So he's you know spending that and he has a stipend or whatever I think the royals are kind of like hush-hush just keep it up. You know what I mean They can't have them staying at a clarion. You know what I mean, or you should see the hotel Benz at God I mean a horror They want stalkers in that hotel that anyone comes in so I think I don't know what's going on. I said Harry and Megan are are playing games now and They're they're calling me in the middle of the night and they're trying to give me Havana syndrome Explain what Havana syndrome is please because there's people that listen to the show who don't have any idea

Where they are So explain to them So about about a hundred forty people have got this so far and like Cuba and the US and a couple other places and Basically primarily CIA agents are getting this right. That's correct. This isn't something We don't think it's going to be widely dispersed through the population No, no, no, I want to read the actual list of symptoms But it is pretty crazy a lot of people report that they only feel the symptoms in their hotel room And by the way, they don't know how they get this because it's a direct energy weapon. It's through like microwave

What would you call that to a microwave? Waves micro waves, I guess like not through an radiation through yeah radiation. Yeah Scaring me about this. Well fucking the last couple of days took a better We all gonna get a van as well. Yeah, as soon as I walked in the hotel This is the last place I'd want to be if I wanted to get Havana syndrome Jamie diamonds outside. You're not gonna give anyone fucking Havana syndrome. They're gonna fuck him up He's still out there by the way. I just walked by of course. He is what's he gonna do? Where's he going? Fucking out there drinking wine

You think what where's our friends or all of our unemployed friends at the many saints in Newark? I didn't know that's $12 Watching a movie So they suspect that microwaves that are the main suspect of this microwaves microwaves. Yeah, that's what they're staying in a hotel With microwaves, how does this work this day? They're because they don't really know sick people get a little sick of the CIA's act So the CIA comes into the country starts pulling the playing games and now these countries are fighting back using microwaves Yeah, well, it's hard to get mad at that. So like you'll be sitting in your room and all of a sudden it feels like You're you know when you roll the windows down and the in the

In the backseat die do that'll happen for like 30 minutes to like an hour You have nausea headaches just weird unexplained symptoms You don't know how you got it and a lot of people think it's this is Russian intelligence doing this. Okay, so that's then terrified me He goes we're all gonna get Havana syndrome here. Mm-hmm Okay, well, we don't have a Havana syndrome. I have a Cuban sandwich syndrome because I got a fat girl in the lobby She shows up at 4 o'clock in the morning 330 and she gives this fake name Cameron Heron Then they call me back. I said, I don't know who I'm not I'm not entertaining guys. I'm asleep. I said a lot I go 330 in the morning

What are we doing? I? Hang the phone up. I go use the bathroom. They call back. They go. We're kidding She was using a fake name. She said it was a joke. Here's her real name. I said, I don't know who this is I don't know who this person is. I don't want her here The next day today. We're recording this when today Wednesday, September 22nd Wednesday, September 22nd So if anything happens between now and you know when we released this Saturday Just know that we're recording it Wednesday, you know, there's like a nuclear attack that we don't address It's also not as important as this to me unless it happens to me unless I'm vaporized which again, I

Wouldn't be able to address it anyway but This woman then calls back and gives her real name and I go I don't know her today She's in the lobby again, and we're on Long Island and I get a phone call That this woman is in the thing again, and I explained to the people at this hotel Which is the hotel that Megan and Harry's dad. It's the best Western In Times Square, okay, it's where I stay when I come to New York. I say the best Western. Yeah with Megan and Harry so Megan Markle

Harry me the diplomats Havana syndrome Jamie Diamond and this fat whore Are all here together trying to just have a fucking a Souffle before the end Okay That's what this area of New York City is called the Upper East Side It's let's do a little wine and cheese before the end The door is slamming shut on the American Century, but before it does let's sneak a little Cabernet in there

And a little cheese that's all that's all we're asking for okay No talk of revolution here the quieted muted tones of a group of people of I Accepting the ephemeral nature of The civilization that they've built you know with all its problems anyway So this Goliath beast of a woman who like does yoga you imagine

Yoga's a real fat thing isn't it you just sit around and like put your leg in the air So And that's what it is right isn't yoga you just like drink smoothies I get sit on your ass I guess you could be really fat and still do it, but isn't it just learning how to fart and stuff I Haven't really done much of it But I imagine that's the majority of it is learning how to like open your body so that you can pass gas Which I imagine is what this woman does so piglet Shows up again. I tell him I said beat her up. I said I tell them on a phone and said hit her

You know like like fuck her up like I hate the cops I don't want to get the cops involved, but I'm like you got a bunch of secret service You got some ex-intelligence people just smack around. You know put the head in the toilet You know what I mean like just Put hands on her. I literally said the guy go. Why do you put some hands on her you do it like casino open the door with her head? I had no problem bumping into my fans ever. I go. Hey, what's up? Let's take a photo or whatever Don't fuck it wake me up at four o'clock in the morning. You fat bitch So I said listen open the door with her head put her head in the toilet

Kick her a couple of you know body shots to the kidneys. Fuck her up Fuck her up. They obviously legally can't do that. I offered to pay extra for them to rough her I say Ray were you rough her up? Rough her up a little bit, but they threw her out Took her name. She can't come in now without trespassing But this is the level we're at now now I got a check in every hotel Unregistered guest she tried to call me on Instagram tried to call Ben Imagine stalking bad

She tried to call Ben on Instagram. What do you think she would have said? I don't know. She sent me a message I was I was gonna show you cuz I saw it on the way over there get the message Yeah, cuz this is interesting. She said something about you being in New York. She said I don't know why he's here I'm gonna read it exactly though. And then I'm gonna this is this is payback because I've always said stalkers are funny Cuz they are you know like whatever somebody says I'm trying to protect Taylor Swift. Look at that Yeah, so this woman goes why is he here? I don't understand what's going on and miss call miss call on Instagram Yeah, yeah, she's a little terrifying. Hmm. Why is he here? I don't understand what's going up and looks like you said I'm here to punch you in the face

That's why I'm here But this is what's going on we got a psychopath here Yeah These star imagine stalking me it's the lowest level. I mean what a horror what an embarrassment to stalk me Stalking a podcaster Mark Marin told us he has a stalker. She's like hangs outside of his house She leaves that oils on his porch. Yeah, and the cops go. We can't really do much. Yeah, the cops said to Marin the cops go Yeah, man, she's out there. He goes. I know She's out there. He goes here. She's like out there. Yeah, she's also literally out there

But you can't do much. You don't have a lot of legal rights to stop these people Mm-hmm from Stalking you I just thought because we're in a really nice hotel with a bunch of fucking spooks and You know Intel guys here that we could you know, I don't know give give give a vat a syndrome Put them put her head in the microwave. What's the problem here? I'm paying a lot of money here I'm paying a good amount of money put her head in the fucking microwave kick her in the ass and get her out of here You think Sebastian menace Calco has stalkers like to call them up and they're like hey somebody's here. She's like What are you doing? What are you doing with these?

I'm telling you right now. I got a stalkers stalkers People are trying to kill me They'll be a stalker They show up to my hotel. I go. What are you doing? Are you embarrassed did they stalking me? Are you crazy? You're a stalker But you know, I mean, I think I handled it maturely I told them fuck her up

Yep, but this is a psychotic individual that would send a message and say why is he here? I don't understand what's going on bitch. What do you mean? What's going on? I'm fucking freely traveling as a citizen of the United States of America What do you mean? What's going on? That means someone's really sick. That's a sick person. Gotta keep tabs on him. I'll stalk her Like I'll have people stalk her too. I got a lot of friends without jobs They'll sit outside your house. I got a lot of people that don't have shit to do by the way

I'll put them on a salary. They can they can sit around and ask ask you why you go where you go But it's one of those things when you get known a little bit you're gonna every now and then get a psycho Yeah, you know the I don't understand what's going on. It's almost like oh, but Tim isn't Continuing on with the plan. He's not supposed to be here right now Almost almost like in her head like she's like he's not supposed to be here He's supposed to be in X where is he fulfilling the prophecy of whatever like almost a Q and on type thing Like why would she say I don't understand what's going on? Well because sometimes in these people's heads They're unlike some type of relationship with you

That they they don't understand that you do a show that they listen to they think you're literally talking to them And now bitch I am but they think I'm I'm literally talking to them. I Will go down to the Bronx right now and spread a lot of money around I will have teenagers stomp you out in front of your apartment. You understand Break your rib cage. This is not about violence against women. It's about violence against woman WMAN specific But no, maybe these people are in a relationship with you in their mind

Do they think they think there's layers to some I don't understand But it's insanely inappropriate to show up at somebody's hotel room and demand to To see them at 3 30 in the morning And you told your wife Ben's wife was all spooked. Yeah Yeah, she was a little scared she was she was she was she was scared that the woman what wasn't gonna kill me She was scared that the woman was thrown out Then now that's another plan that she's hatched. It's not gonna go anywhere They know they're in the will now so everything's like, you know

Well, listen, I mean, you know, this is part of what we're gonna have to deal with I guess as a show Get some more popular people are why are you looking to start? What are you looking at? I'm seeing the previous message. She sent me. What is it? It says hey Pauly. I hope you're well Since you chuds don't watch makeup tutorials here. It's the same as my conspiracy or scandal follow the money Here's a link to the evolution of Morphe has been linked to everyone in the beauty community who has had controversy the last two years And Morphe is like some it's a like a makeup brand that was involved with James Charles Yeah, that's what it seems. Yeah, this chicks takes on Doverk are quite good, too So and she calls me called me Pauly for some reason

Yeah Is there any chance this is Gabby Petito? Would Gabby Petito fake her own death gain weight and then stalk me We covered the whole Gabby Petito thing on patreon. I will say this I'll address the tweet that people are getting angry about don't go to national parks, which I think is I Think that's and people go. No, you're unhealthy and fat and that's why you don't like national parks You go. No, I'm not a murderer. That's why I don't like them They seem to be frequented by killers

Lots of people that murder other people hang out there a Lot of people disappear in national parks. That's somebody on the patreon who wrote an entire book about it John Billman Yeah, and what is the book called? Let me pull that up. I Love how he has the name of the guy, but not the name of the book You would think I thought for a minute he pulled up the name of the book But he somehow has the name of the guy and not the name of the but it's like an amazing Well, hey any any problems with the episode. It's which have had a syndrome The cold vanish the cold vanish people go out for like a light jog and they're gone gone and

Then you know, you could keep blaming mountain lions and bears, but let's be honest. I Think there's something else going on. I don't know what it is. I don't want to find out. I'm just saying it's not exactly the you know Safest place to be at people like you're victim blaming you're trying to make a joke out of this and I'm like, you know, hey Do we need a trial? Yes We explain it on the bonus episode. We need a trial to get us out of Where we're at with COVID

Everything people are still talking about tick-tock. It's like that should be over already COVID should be over already We're living in a hangover right now of News that should be over a they should have been flushed down the toilet already the old turtlet But we were just circling the drain here and we need an OJ Simpson style It'll never be OJ But something good juicy that we could sink our teeth into to help us get over this hump What is going on in Texas?

Uh, we'll write so right now in Del Rio is the city where a lot of Where is Del Rio? Del Rio is that where Joe Rogan is building a new comedy club? It's it's somewhat far away from Austin probably about four or five hours. Is it not in Del Rio? Aren't we all building a new comedy scene in Del Rio or no? No, no, so what's going on there? So we got Haitian migrants that are moving from central and South America to do comedy Yes Perhaps okay, perhaps. I don't know what their dreams are have they heard because we put up that bat signal Go on so a lot of them you remember in 2010 you remember the massive earthquake in Haiti do not

There was a one that pretty much decimated. I don't remember and it's not because it didn't affect me and I'm a fucking Piece of shit white guy. It's because of Havana syndrome So although I am usually Paying very close attention to the tragedies of the world Havana syndrome so there was an earthquake in Haiti 2000. I do remember that a little it's a little bit of the I get it It's coming through the haze. It was really it was a really bad one. I believe you So yeah, Patrice had that bit about it when people see disaster. They yeah, yeah, yeah, so check it off. Yeah, yes so um

so a lot of these you know Haitian people came over to South America and Central America and now they're making their way up through Del Rio a lot of people think it's from the recent one And Haiti well, no, they've just been down there And there's there's been rumors through like social media that they were letting people in through Del Rio for whatever reason And so now they're all coming in through that city Gotcha and that that the border wall was supposedly down and then governor Abbott declared a state of emergency and everybody's just Kind of losing their money. We were watching Tucker. He is in a wheelchair. Who's taking him seriously? I

Don't he loses legs. He's going for a jog after a storm The guy's tree in someone's yard fell on him and paralyzed him and he like sued and then he gets money every month for I feel like this is a lie But whatever God bless the governor of Texas now The the Haitian migrants are why they're under a bridge and then the state of Texas has sent people out on horseback That's what I've seen. Yeah, which is it's not a phenomenal look

Yeah, they're using rains like whips to round up Haitian immigrants. They're not really using the whips They're they're using the reins on the horses the way the photos are taken. I see I see looks like they're lassoing the migrants mm-hmm But we got it. Can we not with the horses for a minute? Can we just I Understand that we they always want to bring the horses out in Texas mm-hmm for crowd control But it you know, it does look a little bad in the photos Right. Yeah, it doesn't look good. It looks a little jango on chain. So why don't we just you know, I don't know let's just

but I guess the horses are in In their minds, they're saying it's necessary. It's good for crowd control None of the migrants have had COVID tests so they want to be you know, I Guess if you're on a horse, you're kind of six feet away. Yeah, that's true, right? There are like supposedly reports of 10 to 15,000 people. This is a lot of people it's a lot of people in Del Rio and they're here and the debate is

The same debate that we that's been going on for a very long time. Mm-hmm. How many immigrants? Can America absorb? What Does an American citizen owe to people coming over the border and How can you maintain a Society With all of these questions. This is you know

The same debate the same argument that we've been having and which would make you know If we weren't doing all these things around the world that created the conditions For a lot of this migration Like if we weren't you know when people get mad at the Afghan migrants, they're like well now they're gonna come here. Well, well, yeah because we spent 20 years there But if we weren't doing those things you it would be more clear like this debate

But we've been going all over the world overthrowing governments creating chaos and creating situations where You have refugees that are then flooding into Europe in the UK and in the US It doesn't mean that the people that are concerned about immigration are wrong. I think those concerns are valid I don't think they're racist. I don't think they're xenophobic I don't think certainly some of them are right, but I think the the main concern of How many immigrants can a country absorb and at what pace is Largely economic and that's really always been the case to have these you know

a immovable opinions on these things like AOC seems to have or some people on the right seem to have Don't make any sense to me There are periods of time when you need more immigrants to come in and then there are periods of time One might argue a pandemic skyrocketing wealth inequality Lots of issues already a fair amount of immigrants in the country already that haven't been legalized That during a period like this period you may not need as many or you may want to hold off bringing more in until you figured what's going on you figured out what's a

Fair process to bring people in but just making that point has already made me a Nazi In the in the eyes of somebody who says no no human is illegal Borders are inherently racist. We cannot have a country America as a country is racist We should give it back to the Native Americans. We're all on stolen land and you go What does this mean? What is the plan? How does all this work? And then they go? I'm just gonna watch the Met Gala And you go but you just said a lot that we're on stolen land and we got to give the country back But who gives it back first and they go I'm going to now tweet about the real housewives for an hour You go, but wait a minute. What about the country in the stolen land? So you're on stolen land tweeting about the real housewives

Nobody's serious about any of this. We Mullen said once you know all these politics are It's all aesthetic. It's all optics. It's how I look to the rest of the world But nobody's serious about any of these things just like I don't I don't know how many people are serious about saying we should never have Another immigrant come into America again. That's not realistic either Right, especially when you have all these baby boomers retire and you're going to need Immigrants to come in and be in fields like health care. That's gonna be a booming and rapidly exposing industry rapidly expanding industry and exposing industry probably because a lot of those nursing homes will need to be exposed for like beating and

Robbing the boomers, but this time they'll deserve it. I Will put my parents in a nursing home where I know they're gonna get roughed up and stolen from But that's we're at here, but it's that inability to have a logical discussion about any of this That's just why you you know, you know, you kind of have to put your head in the sand here But I mean just I would say just you know, maybe you know, not with the horses That's all it shouldn't look like a scene out of a movie Try I mean, there's got to be someone in Texas that had to make that point go. Hey, man If we go out there with horses, I mean, you know it, you know what this is gonna look like

What well their Haitian and we're gonna ride in there on horses You see no You remember that period of time When Black people were enslaved. Yeah, those are good thousand years. Well, and it wasn't But a lot of the imagery from today's events may make people think of that time. I Guess that conversation was not had I Guess nobody had that discussion

You know, well Abbott remedy it looked like because he just put a wall of cars Right there on the border That's all he did he just parked a bunch of cars That's good. What is that gonna do Texas governor Abbott creates steel barrier of vehicles to block migrants from entering you That's right. American muscle cars, baby. Yeah That's all American cars are good for is just to block immigrants from coming in You know, we finally found the use for American autos. We just put them on a

Put them on the wall I Mean If there was a better way because didn't the people that are all pro-immigration are like no one should ever have to assimilate Or learn English and then you go, how do they get jobs? Mm-hmm? How are they gonna get jobs? How are they gonna work? How does this all work? Nobody has any interest in the practical applications of any of their ideas No, no one has any interest in taking it. It's all just about the perfectly crafted opinion

The perfectly crafted take hot take economy send it out there in a tweet and then we'll go watch You know, all these morons are at the Emmys, right? They're all offended by this. They're at the Emmys How what do they imagine? That does for any of these people by the way All these people that just got here from Haiti What do you imagine you walking around a ballroom in a gown and Getting a trophy for your work on hacks or Ted lasso does for

These people that are living under a bridge Because they really believe they believe when they give these speeches they're like the people in Haiti want to be on Ted lasso Or whatever show I don't even know what shows are on anymore. I don't need there I just I don't even know here right now to like see I don't even know what shows or I Have the full list of winners here Hacks, right? You got a yeah, Ted lasso which led all comedies with 20 nominations. Wow. They really sweep Yeah, you got a on the drama side. You got the crown. Yeah

The mayor of East town mayor of East town. Yeah, well, that's what these people think they think the people under the bridge Because when they when they're like when they're like You know speaking into the camera after they've won the award They're like, you know, this is for everybody out there whose dream it is to make art I'm telling you never give up. They think they're talking to the people in Del Rio under the bridge They came here to be on mayor of East town. They think they've come here to be on the crown. I Don't you know, listen, we're past solutions in this country, you know, we're still looking for solutions. I Don't know what to tell you poor Colin Quinn just got COVID again vaccinated. Mm-hmm had it. No symptoms

No symptoms But you know, he tweeted out he's like everyone that was around me at the cellar Well, I mean, here's the thing man if we're gonna have all these cases where nobody has any symptoms Maybe we should just stop keeping track of cases and start keeping track of hospitalizations only Michael Tracy is running around all these different colleges because they're just shutting down colleges now and Michael Tracy has become like this interesting kind of version of milk He's like he's going around from college to college just like trying to defend these kids right to party and fuck Whereas like colleges now like they don't allow they don't really allow you

To congregate in the manner that you would have been allowed to do pre-pandemic Although even though a lot of their populations are like 98% vaccinated So Michael Tracy has just been like Leading the charge trying to liberate college students from the draconian COVID measures

That are and they're in certain parts. It's a lot of like Ivy League schools. I don't think the southern schools care But I think it's a lot of IVs a lot of northeastern schools. Yeah, he Michael was in Connecticut specifically. Yeah schools on the west coast I Know some people that go to schools that are like we've not had any I mean, I've not worn a mask in New York, but we were asked for proof of vaccination Getting a piece of pizza in Staten Island Which was weird because you figure Staten Island Trump country back the blue

But they're like, yeah show us that Vax, which means that a lot of these people are going to get Ratted out They're gonna get fined There's probably a sizable hefty fine That they'll get because not nobody's hearts in it. You can tell as it shouldn't be But like every other bureaucratic thing. There's a fine coming down. Yeah like I remember when they just banned cigarettes and Like

They would be like, all right, you can't really Yeah, you can't smoke here But it'd be like a guy telling you that who like really His heart was not in it He was just like wanting to Smoke himself and he's like, yeah, they you know, you can't smoke you used to be able to just smoke anywhere You want it? I mean not anywhere, but in every bar. When did they ban smoking in New York? Let me see When I was growing up restaurants had smoking sections. I

Mean, which is unfathomable to me now because Wow 2002 that recent, huh? Oh, yeah No, I mean restaurants had smoking sections when I was in high school It's wild to think about yeah, that is because the smell of cigarettes by the way is So strong and it used to just everything would smell like that Airports people would smoke in planes and now nothing smells like cigarettes every now and then you smell a cigarette as you walk down the street You go, oh But nothing smells like cigarettes, but for decades everything smelled like cigarettes

It looks like New York was one of the last to do it because Texas was 75. That's why I never saw it growing up at all Texas banned cigarettes when 1975 smoking in doors and why 1975 Texas first enacted legislation restricting smoking in public places including primary secondary schools elevators theaters movie houses pretty much everywhere I thought they were free state. That's what I thought too Wow But New York 2002 baby, well, New York used to be a wild city Interesting see that that flies in the face of everything that everyone believes about New York first Texas. Hmm. They're like New York is this city of liberal pussies and Texas is like the city of like

Hey, man Grabbed life by the balls. Mm-hmm. See what happens But Texas in 1975 is like do not light up inside in 1975 Yeah, it's wild, huh? But yeah, it's really wild. I think everyone was dying back then in Texas from like, you know, they called Marlboro Reds cowboy killers Yeah, because cowboys would just smoke them on down

So maybe there was more death. I don't know You're allowed to smoke in Texas now if you're if you're pregnant, but you have to you have to carry the baby to term and low birth weight and whatever but you gotta You can smoke if you're pregnant, but not if you if you go if you're gonna abort the fetus That can't that can't happen I love it. We're being stalked by by a fucking lunatic Should send her to Del Rio Introduce the Haitians to her be like, are you sure you really want to come here?

You gotta release people come to this country desperate. They're desperate. Yeah, this is not a really great place to come right now Truly you've got to be desperate. Yeah, you can't have any other options If Sweden would take you you'd be an idiot to come here How stupid would you have to be if like Norway or Denmark would take you and you go, nah? I want to go to America That would be crazy, you know I told ray. I'm like, maybe the moves to just get a buy a house in another country That might be the move to just have another

place outside of America You know just to see like If things go real bad here I mean if things go bad, you'll probably go bad everywhere, but I could live in a fishing village in like Sweden Yeah, you know That would be fine. Yeah Where were we uh right before we came here? We were in um

And what is that thing my it's not well if the internet right that what is that? article about san antonio It's it's a lie. It says I was banned from corpus christi. That's oh, oh um corpus christi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, let me pull that up This is not true This is from a news site that's like fake And my agents were all like worried about it because they thought that I was like banned from Corpus christi, which is one of the worst cities in america Comedian tim dillon banned from corpus christi texas after disrespecting selena, which I didn't do

Yeah, I made a joke about it on the podcast Yeah, and then hey, hey, hey corpus christi with selena get over it Hey, hey, hey john lennon get over it same thing stop strumming your guitar outside of the dakota on the anniversary of his death move on Is that okay? Is that equal enough for everyone? I think john lennon probably was more musically talented than selena. Am I allowed to say that? Although she was really good

Yeah, this article saying the mayor banned you from the city. It's a joke can't be true the article It's all at the website. It's a joke. Yeah, it's it's dumb. Yeah, it's like like a fun joke. Yeah I don't think they have a mayor I don't think corpus christi texas has a mayor Who's the mayor selena's ghost? Selena's ghost sits on the council there and has a vote Who's the mayor the woman who killed her? There is no mayor Please i'm never going back to corpus christi in my life. Sorry

I'm not I'm not gonna Yeah, life is really too short. Yeah, it's bad It made me think it made me go man austin. What a place What a fucking awesome place, but you know, of course my agents and everybody's nervous to like were you banned from a city? Stop You please grow up These are not the brightest people in the entertainment business by the way

I hope i'm not surprising anybody, but They're not exactly well read This is not exactly I've said it before that people that become agents for the most part are the black sheep of wealthy families Their brothers and sisters have accomplished things They work at goldman sacks They're a surgeon at johns hopkins They work in finance at a high level

You know, they're in academia These people Are selling clowns You know You know, they're routing a tour for some 16 year old tick tocker It's a it's you know It's not a prestige position anymore It's been a long time since arie gold and entourage, right? Remember that. Oh, yeah

Long way. There's about four of those guys There's about four people in the business left that are like arie gold and the rest of them are like shot Truly the rest of them are like fucked You know I mean, there's not a ton of those like high powered Fuck you agents slick back hair quick quick fun sharp Hopping out of a fucking Porsche like fuck you My client, you know, they're terrified. They're just scared now. They're now they're quivering

They're You know, they're like, oh my god Did my client say something to a woman at 7 11? Is it on is it on video? Fuck are we fucked? Who did he rape? Who what happened Seki or college what what happened? Who do they got? All these guys now are just they're just terrified

So that you know that would have been a great season of entourage If arie gold just had to keep kept dealing with like the me twos From vince and everyone else Like that was the entire season arie gold's like, wait a minute. She was drunk Vinnie Vinnie Vinnie listen listen Sophomore year Queens college

You were to party You remember this She was drunk Vinnie Vinnie I need you to listen. I know you're having fun I need you to walk out onto the balcony. You need to hear me right now. We got a big fucking problem Vinnie we then I need you to hear me right now. We got a big fucking problem There's an article coming out tomorrow. Okay. Do you know what date rape is? I'll tell you what it is. It means you're not an aquaman for that's what it fucking means. Okay

Jesus fucking christ. It doesn't matter about facts Vinnie Jesus, do you know what trauma is repressed trauma? Well, I'll tell you what it is. It means that even though she didn't feel like that at the time She felt like that a decade fucking later. Did you keep up with her? You got to send these some fucking bitch. It's a text. Fuck Who is his assistant Lloyd? Yeah, Lloyd. Do we have a mole at the LA Times? Jesus fucking christ It's just the me too season of entourage That made Hollywood look so much fun. Yeah, one guy one guy gets famous. He brings his three friends along

And that that is part of the Hollywood now It's just it's really the majority of that is that's what the tiktok young social media kids do Somebody gets famous. They live in a house with a bunch of their friends Um, they all throw a lot of parties. They make a good amount of money And uh, then it should end and it should be over already, but you know, they're still hanging on to that They're still hanging like the demilio should not have a show That it should we should be nearing the end of that act But nothing ends

So now we're just dragging everything out You see the dances now these kids are like in their mid 20s. They're not even into it now They're like the dancers on tiktok They they're starting to like they look old some of these children I'm like they're starting to look like they're like Like adults like they have to stretch before they go into yeah, they look like they're like They're like dealing with problems I'm like this this isn't fun anymore. It's not fun anymore. He's now their job

And they're just doing it and you go Just shut this thing down Just shut this thing down, please They did it with the other one. They did it with vine. Just shut just shut it down shut it down Send these kids back to school Mask them up and I don't know what they're doing make them do live shooter drills They need to be in school doing live shooter drills By the way, I love all the people that want you know want their kids in school

And they're like these they they shouldn't be Learning at home. They need to be in school with their friends doing live shooter drills They need to be in school And they need to be practicing what happens when someone comes in here with a gun Do you know how much were the experiences we're robbing these kids of? Not being in school Learning how to survive a violent attack by a by a Maladjusted unmedicated heavily armed member of their class

You can't get that on zoom You can't get those experiences on zoom They'll never have that year of their life back What if parkland was on zoom? They never would have had those experiences. You know what kind of bond that fostered None of those kids will ever forget that year And it wouldn't have happened if they were on zoom It wouldn't have happened

I want to be a parent who goes to one of these school things that makes that point They need to be in person learning So that they can learn how to defend themselves and each other from their fellow classmates Who we have driven insane With a steady diet of fast food

No attention Horrible violent entertainment and we have also armed And and our children need to learn How to defend themselves from that inevitable Nightmare situation that is all too common That cannot happen on zoom I'm sorry I feel better as a parent knowing my children are in school

Safely learning how to deal with an active shooter situation That will happen because of the society that we've set up. It seems pretty inevitable How many school shootings have we had since we've gone back to school by the way? Well, did you see that 13 and 14 year old were planning like a column bio? Yeah, what were they doing over in florida? Yeah, they were in a florida middle school and they were two hours away from marjorie stonem douglas So I think they were inspired by it but by parkland And and these were like kids are like baby-faced chubby fat little kids 13 year old kid

And they're planning a massacre massacre. Absolutely. What's going on with the society? Hopefully these Haitians get to have that experience. We're like their children at 13 are planning a massacre So it looks like these kids were basically Extensively studying the Columbine shooting the investigators found They found knives guns They were learning how to purchase firearms on the black market and how to construct pipe bombs Hmm They're 13. They were purchasing firearms on the black market. Yeah, and probably instructional articles like on the dark web

Let's never something you want to hear How's your son? Well Um, to be honest, he was purchasing firearms on the black market And trying to learn how to make pipe bombs You know That's not good, right I'm not a parent, but I'm guessing that that's not good Now what happens to these kids?

uh, it says here that um they were They the the authorities the two students are well known to the authorities deputies having visited their homes nearly 80 times combined Both boys met the criteria for evaluations at a mental health facility and were assessed before being detained So they're I guess I guess detained, but you know not in You know prison they've been to their homes 80 Times what it says. Yeah, very thorough here man 80 times, huh? I'm betting these kids are a real problem. Yeah, this seems like they were really gonna go like all out here

Maybe I mean at a certain point If the cops have been to their houses that combine 80 times should the cops just kill them Like literally and I'm I'm not trying to be insensitive But if you're buying like trying to get pipe bombs at 13 I don't want to see what 19 is So why don't we just kill them like we killed that witness in the uh The docars aren't I have case tamils aren't I have the boston uh bomber The fbi invented a reason they whacked that guy even though like, you know, four to six fbi agents

Wanted to go interview him. Supposedly he was some kind of threat. So did you just shot him? Why don't they just get rid of those kids? Oh, supposedly these kids were also recruiting others to participate Wow Well, that'll teach you a lesson. You always got to keep it small They're spending 21 days in secure Juva Nile detention. Well, that'll help You got to kill them truly I mean, there's there what do you I'm not I'm not kidding. What are you gonna do with them?

They're gonna be a nightmare their entire lives. You have to kill those kids You gotta do you have to execute both of those kids There's absolutely no way they're gonna come out. There's never ever a story where I was like Yeah, I was building pipe bombs and getting weapons off the dark web at 13, but Now, you know, I'm just a really excited uh barista I just have a zest for life and I love making the coffee I mean, I think maybe they're too far gone Kill them

I understand that there's redemption arcs in people's lives. I've had one to a degree. I'm not saying that You know, these things are impossible I'm saying it's a real steep hill to climb from pipe bombs at 13 To any, you know, to being a productive member of society kill the kids Their names are uh prudent and bird Jesus christ kill them I mean kill them now Why can't cops have ever killed people that need to be killed?

Prudent and bird They should be publicly hung They're little fat legs kicking out We we we have to Pru it and bird. Yeah, they knew where the gas lines were to the school and everything They really were just gonna take the whole thing down kill them Kill them Say it was uh, I don't know

Do what you always do say they came at you What what about their parents any quote from prudent and birds uh parents on this? No, they've they've stayed out of the media on this one. It seems I'm guessing and I don't know but I bet they're not from a great home I can only see the backs of them here. Oh the children. Yeah. Yeah here. Let me see these fucking monsters Dude Yeah, I mean and they're just friends these kids, right? They're they're like they're not brothers. They're like just friends just friends supposedly

I think bird was the mastermind here or maybe prudent. Let me see Yeah, birds the mastermind. He's the older one. He's 14. Don't you think anybody at prudent's house goes you cannot hang out with bird anymore? Why I don't know the cops were here like 60 times Do you think around number 20 when the cops come to talk to you about your kid? You should just not Allow them to do whatever they're doing Hey, we're back again. All right, sorry Pruitt get in here

You can't go to birds anymore I don't know what the fuck you're doing, but the cops are here. This is the 28th time. They're fucking here prudent They're saying you're trying to get pipe bombs you little freak Jesus There were plenty of warning signs in this case deputies were called to the home of 13 year old conor prudent 60 times Nearly 20 times to the home of 14 year old philip bird Which has many asking should parents be held accountable if their children kill them now Do not waste time for christ

I Do not understand why we cannot execute children. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm They'll do it in texas Right. Yeah, they should. Oh, yeah Well, they're 13 and 14 and they they were responsible for their actions I would put them both in little electric chairs And cook them Put them on death row and cook them cook those kids

Zap them They're not gonna listen This is an uncomfortable truth that many people listening to show are probably not happy about If the cops have come to your house 60 times about your kid You're you fucked up I don't know what you did but the kid's bad bad news There's nobody that comes out of that and becomes like something, you know, yeah, yeah It's not like one day bird is gonna start dating gretta thunberg

and doing uh You know carbon emissions speeches. He's in trouble I'd love to see the look on their little faces when a judge sentences them both to death by electric chair Put them in old sparky and cook them How about that that's my position And cook my stalker too put her an old sparky get her a bigger chair at fat lump And don't try to kill me don't think anyone's gonna care they won't trust me so it looks like um

people have signed a Says here that there's a petition created by the parent of the children and the school district of lee county is close to 2800 signatures as of saturday morning. It calls for the 13 and 14 year old boys who are arrested september 9th Uh to be kept out of the schools and suggest they be homeschooled I think home is the problem school is also not good kill them The problem isn't Where they are physically the problem is that they exist on earth kill them

Truly You want them at home Homeschooling is not an option here. Right. They've been homeschooling themselves in fucking guerrilla warfare Lethal injection if you want to be kind You don't have to use old sparky hit them with the needle get it over with Truly there should be a program that kills children And we none of us should have a problem with it. I don't have any problem with it I have I will sleep beautifully in this lovely bed. I'm in tonight

Knowing that those two kids were held down while they were screaming probably and tied to a thing And if you've ever seen dead man walking Then they're put up like christ with their with their arms out on either side And they said do you have any last words and they go Oh, don't kill me and you go man. Well, whatever and then put the needle in And then you see their foot kicking and then it stops kicking. I will sleep so soundly Knowing that they've been tied up and executed You know what I hate here that they're using that sir Kensington's ketchup. I don't like that. I like Heinz

I like sir Kensington's mustard shut up The ketchup that fancy ketchup is stupid. Yeah, and Heinz out of a glass bottle is still the standard. Yes, but kill those kids Patreon this week is very funny with uh Gabby Is there any new information on that before we wrap this up? The only thing I've seen is they're just searching that um Brian Laundrie's still gone, huh? Yeah, they uh, I I saw they had called off the search And I thought I thought that gave up but it was just for today That that's all it was there

They're looking around in that park for him search for Gabby Petito's fiance Brian Laundrie ends for the day at Florida nature reserve So they're just sort of digging around there. They're like everybody the search is over but enjoy the grounds You know We're stopping the search But we're we're having a dinner When do they give up because this is the fourth day now they've searched all day And there's in there. Well, no, it's a man hunt. Right. I mean they give up when they find them I don't know how long that particular

Search of the park will go on. I think he's probably not in the park Yeah, at this point. He's probably I think his family. Well, here's the deal, right? If the guy uses a credit or debit card, he's caught right how much cash could he have right who's giving him money? How's he living? Probably family someone is helping him out. He can't hold out for that much longer Mm-hmm Pruitt bird listen

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they're gonna cook y'all At the end of this month They're gonna cook both of y'all in that electric chair scare kids that would scare kids, right? Wouldn't it scare kids if you cook them? Sometimes you got to think about what's good for society and what's good for society. I believe is executing these children without a trial What about a firing squad oh nice lack of firing squad Where they were both, you know next to each other and no blindfolds. I want them to see it and we just go at them I mean folks

If you're unwilling to murder two children To make a point. I don't know why you even pay taxes in this country What do you think those taxes are going to? We kill children all over the world. Why can't we kill our own? It's a great point. It's a phenomenal point. It's hard to argue It's the only point Why we keep killing poor kids playing soccer in pakistan. Let's kill these two fat fucks trying to murder everybody Drone strike their fucking houses Tim dylan comedy.com

For all the live shows coming up Uh, if you enjoy the comedic stylings of what I do You'll love it live. We're on a theater tour with sam talent Ben Avery will be on most of the dates and it will be a joyous occasion Filled with love. I will not talk about the children being electrocuted

At the shows a lot I will make mention it. I might mention it as a good idea Um, don't stalk your favorite comedians and podcasters and show up their hotels. It's not right Um Yeah, we've been having a lot of fun And you know the audio only episodes we always try to get to a studio We have a studio in la that we're trying to We haven't found one quite yet, but we have one that we use temporarily

Have we made any headway on the studio front? Yes. Yes. I'll be looking at some stuff in two days via computer not in person That's fine. Yeah And he's gonna send you this. Yeah. Yeah our guy that we got through business jason Our business manager Oh and a couple things a couple housekeeping things. Uh, you added Extra shows in a couple cities. Yes, we've added extra shows In a couple cities atlanta Sacramento

And the other one was atlantic city So just so people know oh and pittsburgh a late show was added We've added late shows in pittsburgh sacramento atlantic city and atlanta Keep buying uh tickets if you like we appreciate it. Um, we're gonna have fun and Kill your kids If you have to But if you don't you don't

you know Anything else that we need to uh, maybe subscribe to the youtube channel. Yeah, let's try to push our subscribers over 400 000 And turn the notifications on I know like you guys still message me it doesn't work or whatever, but turn the notifications on subscribe Yeah, it works for some people, but you know, they don't they're not, you know We can't get anything going on over there. Mm-hmm. We're making no money over there They haven't given us a green dollar in months, man. Yeah Well, this is what happens when you Advocate killing children

But I dare listen to this and and you know, no, it's they're just we need to do more for them. No, we don't No, we don't We'll know we need to like listen to them and hear them and No, they might just be bad They may just be bad You know Like You know, it'd be funny. We said jimmy diamond. He's having dinner outside. I wanted to go up to him and be like my debit card

The strip like the strip on it doesn't have you seen this like, you know, you sit there with like Some other like really rich guy and his wife and I just wanted to go there and go Do you do you replace these with with the you see the strip? I don't get it I go the chip takes longer They're inserting the chip takes long. It's not quicker. I understand it helps protect against identity theft Anyway identity theft, what's going on there? Is that the russians? It's kind of interesting to just go up to him. Yeah, just start talking about like getting a loan for something

Can I get a loan? I'm trying to make a movie I want to make a movie Can I can I get a loan to make a movie From you jimmy diamond You How funny would it be like if I was dressed in a suit and I just went up to him I was like, it's good to see you again. Hey jimmy. It's good to see you again You're a wonderful guy like that would just go like would he be like

Trying to play if he'd be like, okay. Yeah You know what I mean? Yeah, because he's met so many people. Yeah, I don't know what he'd how he played it I don't know how he'd react. He seems pretty cold Are you the CEO chase? No I don't think so. I bet he's a cold river warmth I bet he's just a fireplace and on a cold day CEO chase No, he's cold. He did seem very cold seemed like stone. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah That's how they all see him. Yeah, the wife seemed like she didn't wasn't allowed to like make eye contact with them She they're not even at the table anymore. They're there The the the relationships at that level are I mean The rich like that are a different species People don't understand that they're a different species. They they don't have the emotions that we have You can't Because then you end up not being rich

right They just really are Cold like kind of waspy Just whatever you're feeling just kill it keep it down Take a gulp of wine A couple of zanis little valium whatever you need To just kill that emotion

Do it you know She's just sitting there eating, you know They're playing the big game. They're in the big game those people. Yeah, they are you know They're just sitting there and you know not eating great food No, the food where he was was okay. It's not great. It's just it's in the neighborhood It's a restaurant that a lot of their friends go to And it's in the neighborhood. It's in the hood

And it's just has that reputation of yeah, yeah, I'm not going to mention. I don't want to get in trouble here I'm not going to mention the name of the can I mention the name of the restaurant? I don't see why not son on bros it's a uh It's a place where people on the Upper East Side you're like, you know, it's like young moms like bring their kids and they the The prep school kids they have like gelato and then you know the women go there to they like split a salad and they you know have like four glasses of chardonnay and you know

a couple of pills and Go home to their loveless marriages But he was outside in these, you know horrific like horse stalls that people in new york are eating it And the food is not great there, but it's you know a place where they you know They it's kind of like I lived in new york for years and years and it's one of those places I I like went to son on bros once for breakfast. I was like, this is not good I went with a friend of mine and and and and they and they crazy michelle Uh, but yeah, he was very stoic and cold-looking

But that's how you get to be the CEO of chase, right? Like nobody's like like you don't get to be the CEO chase by being like, you know affectionate You know I don't know anything about him. His parents were loaded, right? Yeah, they were he's not one of these guys like blank fine like blank fine. I think came from like the jewish projects or whatever The Lower East Side or brooklyn maybe I was I was confused that uh, there wasn't like tons of bodyguards around because I thought those guys like there's like

Kidnapping plots and stuff. I don't really know. I don't know how many people Maybe there was somebody we didn't see but I also don't know how many people would recognize him. I just recognize them Uh, yeah, I mean he was One of three sons of greek immigrants theodore and whatever and attended the browning school What do you mean and whatever? And well, then the the greek name it's it's well, why don't you try to sound it out theodore and nihallos Okay diamond Okay, it's not a big deal. His paternal grandfather was a greek immigrant who changed the family name from papa de metrio

To diamond to make it sound french and worked as a banker in smirna now athens or smirna and athens Georgia Uh, or greece. I believe greece. Yes smirna smirna. Okay. So that's that's his background Yeah, they they come from people that did things he went to tufts And then harbour business school. Yeah They usually there's a line of people that have done things not always You know It's not like, you know, jamie's father jamie's mother was stalking podcaster tim dillon

In the hotel, you know It's usually like some type of You know I should have went up to him and said What do you think about 9 11? Just between me and you What if I was what if you're the waiter at san ambrose and he walked up to me you went, what do you What do you think about 9 11?

Do you know anything about that Should I try to get a job at one of these places Just so you can ask people just for a gag. Yeah Because all of these places are hiring, right? Should I try to get a job On the upper east side at one of these rest like I would never get I would never get hired. Yeah Well, your resume has a huge like gap in it too Yeah, but wouldn't they they'll run a background. She'll figure out who I am

But wouldn't it be funny if I could just get a job for a day or two to just Talk to every table about 9 11 I Before I got fired And I was like, why am I getting fired? They're like you can't Hey I know you have enthusiasm for the food

You know all the dishes you were very good You know all the terms we didn't have to explain to you like what a gremolata was like you're good like that You're like really good. We're kind of really impressed The problem we're having is it every single table said you've brought up 9 11 Every single table Every single table you've had has complained You've worked here an hour

You've had three tables All of them have said When I said how's everything going The waiter continually and incessantly talks about 9 11 So we're gonna give you a warning but the next time we have to talk to you about this Okay And then they'd fire me they'd go okay You asked jamie diamond for money

We have to let you go it is incredibly inappropriate wildly inappropriate to ask jamie diamond for money I Would say can I get can I get a little money from you? Like now You're gonna tip me later. Can I just get it now? Can you give me like 40 dollars now cash? Well Maybe the next

What if prudent bird do become like very successful? Hmm, you know they turn it around they turn it around. Yeah, because that's what america is about. It's comeback stories Turn they turn it around They're not gonna end up in angola. What if they both turn it around? They're they're the CEOs of chase you think prudent bird are gonna be the CEOs of chase I'm asking I mean man, they got a long way to go from being two little fat school shooters in southwest florida to being ceo of chase But that's america

That's america from two fat little school shooters To rising the ranks of ceo of chase I could see I could see him having a house on center island where we went today I could see I think it'd be great if jamie diamond mentored both of them. That's a tv show. I'd watch Why doesn't jamie diamond take prudent bird to san ambros? And get them gelato, maybe that's all they're missing is a good pistachio gelato. Yeah, we're hazelnut And jamie diamond has to walk prudent bird through the upper east side of Manhattan Bring their fat asses

Into raffle ran get them close And ask them, you know talk to them And he looks at them. He goes, listen, I know all you people want to do is kill But at my company we kill without firing a shot And they go, what do you mean by that jamie? He goes well, we could kind of do whatever we want for example during the mortgage crisis there were tons and tons of Accusations of fraud, but we paid billions and billions of dollars to stop the investigation Stop the inquiry into our company

And we kept billions and billions of dollars You know earned through fraudulent practices because We were able to bully the federal government Doesn't that sound like fun? You get bullied at school a lot, right?

Yeah, that's why you're two fat little school shooters But wouldn't you like to be able to be in a position to bully the cops that bullied you? And I don't even mean the cops. I mean everybody The politicians that make the laws The federal reserve what's that doesn't matter. I just mean we bully everybody The only people we don't bully are the tech guys They're the only people we don't bully Well, why can't we bully them says bird who's like ice cream on his mouth?

Jamie dime's like wipe your face He's like well, we can't bully them because they know everything about us what we think who we are I mean They're you know, they're unbulliable at this moment You know and that prudent bird are like this guy's fucking cool And Jamie diamond like he just feels like for the first time in his life like You know, he really loves these Fat little school shooters from southern Florida

And and he just takes them in as like his protege You know And he raises them And it's like a beautiful story And he teaches them that like you don't have to you can devote all of your murderous violent energy into succeeding at finance

You just got to get a gym bag and the right clothes take Adderall Learn how to stare at a computer Learn how to acquire friends and relationships based solely on you know monetary gain He taught them all these things and

I mean, that's your only hope But I mean, that's a fucking be be a beautiful story Because that's the best version of those two kids. Yeah The best version of those two kids Become financial criminals You know For a great institution like chase bank Do you think like Kevin Hart who has a partnership with chase? I will one day have a partnership with chase

Or do you think that Because of a lot of the content that I've made that isn't likely not likely. Fuck Sometimes I realize I really shot myself in the foot You know doing the show I could have been on hacks to show about Gene smart who's a legend because we say she is Now we're just saying

By the way, is every woman over 40 a legend can someone help me out? Is every woman over 40 alleges my mother a legend should have met the institution give her an Emmy What did gene smart do? Numps, I mean, she's good in hacks, right? But what did she do again? Was she on love boat? I'm googly right. What the hell does she even do? Everyone just says she's a legend and every time she talks everyone starts crying So gene smart was on

Designing women with delta Burke. Yeah, uh, okay. Uh, she was on frasier. That's what? Um I don't remember her. I watched every episode of that Uh, it's not showing up immediately interesting. What else? Uh, let's see here. She's just had a long time career She was in big mouth Uh, she was in 24 What's big mouth?

Uh, that remember the jenny slate show. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. I should know that show. It's Nick kroll and jenny slate and my buddies Uh, she was in uh Watchman She's worked. Yeah. Yeah She's worked sweet home alabama I was Reese Witherspoon. That's correct. Great. Well, I wish her well. She does a great job in a hacks. I just didn't know

I didn't know if there was any, uh, anything behind the legend Description I didn't you know I'm gonna go. She's a legend. I go. Oh of what? Yeah, I'm kind of digging through the work here trying to I don't I think it's rude to dig through the work If it's a right woman who's been in a game for as long as she has you just let it go. Yeah, she's a legend Anyone's a legend, right? That's true. No, you don't have to don't don't take through the work She was a legend. She's a legend

I'm happy for me too. Maybe gene smart should take in Dalton. What's his name prudent bird? Yeah, prudent bird How about gene smart adopts them? Maybe there should be on the next season of hacks prudent bird You know, maybe they should film the next season of hacks in del rio, texas Why don't we have that be the show hacks we do a comedy show where uh gene smart goes to do a uh Fundraiser in del rio I think that's a good topical idea Should I just start submitting ideas to hacks? Yeah

Text them to your agent have them email them the people that created hacks have 400 followers on twitter So I probably will be able to get in touch with them if I want I mean, I imagine they don't can't make their rent I imagine they rent and not own to guess I'm guessing I'm not trying to be a cunt. I'm not saying like, you know I'm not saying that like you have to have money to make great art. In fact for decades and centuries that was the

antithesis of the idea, you know, but I'm sure they're good that people that have created what else have they done besides hacks, by the way The people that made hacks. Yes the people that have made hacks. Let me see here gene statski. No, that's that's the uh White House press secretary Uh, Paul Downs and Lucia Anilio. Yeah, Anelo or something Lucia did a broad city. Oh And as well as the miniseries time traveling bong Brilliant and the 2017 film rough night. I don't know if you ever saw that I have not who's in that

I believe it's um, let me click on this. What's that about? I think it's about uh, tina fey and oh my god. No, wait. No, no, no, that's the different movie. I'm thinking that's different This is uh, this is a black comedy film directed Dark comedy. Mm-hmm. I like that. It stars scarlett joe hanson zoey cravitz kate mckinnon jillian bell Alana glazer Oh, okay, and to me more Interesting it follows a bachelorette party. Well, I bet you don't now. Let me take it back. I bet they do have a little bit of money I was I was joking around that they didn't have that much money. They they probably have a lot of money

Mm-hmm Yeah, and paul downs was from broad city as a co-creator as well. I think hax is actually pretty It's decent, right? It's enjoyable. I enjoyed it. I think it was enjoyable I think it was enjoyable I have no problems with any of these people And I imagine they have no problems with me Or anyone that I know I'm just saying I was confused about the let when we kept saying gene smart was a legend

I was I'm confused about that That's all It's not an attack I think it's a question. I'm allowed to question things. This is the united states Right. Yes, that's right. But god bless them and I'm glad their show is doing so well. That's the only comedy out right now It's a comedy about comedy Mm-hmm But that's the old the only thing that's funny. Ted lasso is really not funny

No, not at all. No, Ted lasso is not funny. No, not even a little bit It's positive, right? Yeah, I guess it's like, yeah, it's just not showing. It's the only thing that doesn't show people in ventilators Gasping for air and dying on the floor So it's the only thing on tv that is that isn't that so I guess by I guess it's a comedy by default

Yeah, okay And and then there's hacks. Yes Okay I'm just trying to understand the lay of the land here And uh, I take it back when I said the creators didn't have any money now that I know that they have money Look up her net worth Which one the creator. Okay. Well, there's three but I think I know the one you the one who did rough night What she got five sticks

Ten sticks I'm gonna say two sticks two million dollars Three million dollars Uh, it says here that there is not one There's not there's not a net worth. There's no net worth What do you get paid for doing rough night? What was the budget go to the budget on rough night? I'm curious as to how hollywood works Let me ask you a question much like 20 million 20 million

She has to get paid money, right? You'd imagine so but a lot of that probably goes to to me more I bet most of that 20 million goes to the drugs to just keep to me more in a chair Right Doesn't most of that money go to the drugs to keep to me more in a chair. Yeah, right? I think so without having an episode Because you know, she'll have an episode, right? They got a strap her into something And hit her with the IV. Well, I think around this time she was on the h This is 2017. Well, was it didn't it be more flip out or something?

Uh, when I don't know Doesn't she need to be watched? Yes. Yes. She she like oh deed, you know, is that true? Yeah, she OD to like uh What was this two years ago and then she had to go to the hospital got to be watched is my point Yeah, yeah, she's not to be trusted I mean a lot of that money's got to go for just guards to stand outside her dressing room Do you think I'll be on the next season of hacks or much like jamie diamond? Do you think I've ruined that now?

Because I don't think the show's that bad. I think Hannah Einbinder does a nice job. Yeah, she does a fantastic job I think it's a good gen mega the uh, the just Statler Statler. Yeah, they do a good job on that show. I have no problem with that show I'm just curious as to how everything works I'd like to have a television show Why don't you think I've been allowed to have a television show if you had to take a gas If you had to take a stab at that well, we've certainly tried right and we I've tried But you know, I don't know. I think it's maybe because

um That people For whatever reason Seem to not like Me. Mm-hmm, or they have an issue with me. I think they just need to take some time to get to know you Well, perhaps but

I also think that people are just very risk-averse That's what it is I think people are risk-averse and I think that they associate a business relationship with me with risk Perhaps It's an intelligent assessment and they think that there's too much risk in allowing me uh To be part of the project. Yeah, if they don't know what you're gonna say next then why would they work with you? Right, that's the biggest risk of them all. That's a huge point

Yeah, I guess that's that's a problem. Yeah I get it I get it, you know Well say la vie You know What does that mean such as life? I think so. Yeah, I want to correct myself It was in 2012 that demi Moore had a seizure from a horrific drug overdose when she did whip its Yeah, she needs the most of the budget of the movie rough night

Was to keep demi Moore from having a rough night You know They have to go babysit her she'll get high off anything, huh? She'll just start sniffing glue I mean if you're doing whip its to the point where you have a seizure you'll do anything, right? You'll sniff glue pretty much. You don't give a shit She'll huff paint and shit. Well, she's got that purple ring around her mouth air duster. She'll do computer cleaner. Yeah man Imagine having the job on that set of trying to keep trying to get between demi Moore and computer cleaner

Because that's what life's about see demi Moore You're a great actress you do the whole thing But at the end of the day, nothing's as fun as just sucking nitrous out of a can Right. Yeah, doesn't matter how many awards you get or how many red carpets how sexy you are How many people want to fuck you at the end of the day life is a hollow meaningless activity and We just have to Forget that and move from thing to thing before that

truth that erodes our souls Comes in so a good way to do that is sucking nitrous out of a can All right, we got to get out of here because room service stops at 11 and I I'm I'm gonna get I'm gonna be on the next season of hacks Good night