The Tim Dillon Show - 278 - A Thanksgiving Tale

Starting point is 00:00:00 Just drive around and go to like, go to like Driftwood or Spicewood or one of the woods. It's Thanksgiving time. It's Thanksgiving time. Can I sing the whole episode because it's a holiday episode? Kyle Rittenhouse was found innocent on all charges. What do you think of that, Ben? Many people are upset. I just, I just sing the whole hour, you know.

Starting point is 00:00:50 Well, folks, it's an audio only episode today. We just got off tour a month. Our new studio is being built on the top of the Sears Tower in Chicago. Very excited about that. We're dumping an insane amount of money. We have many investors in the new studio. People don't know, and a lot of the investors want to stay silent because the show deals every now and then with topics of a controversial nature.

Starting point is 00:01:18 So many big investors, I'm talking power players, money people, from behind the scenes in the shadows, dark money, if you will, slush funds. They're lining up to open their coffers to throw money at our new studio, which is going to be built in the Burj Khalifa in Dubai. We are moving to Dubai to start a comedy scene in the United Arab Emirates in the capital of Dubai. Ben will live in Doha with his wife, which is a little bit far away, but I, of course, need to be in Dubai at the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world,

Starting point is 00:02:01 where we will have a comedy studio at the very top of it, funded by dark money investors from all over the world, which we cannot name. And we're very excited about that. It's going to take a little bit to finalize all of this. Now, we kid, obviously, that those two things were jokes. We're not moving to Dubai unless we get an offer, and if we do, we will. But we are having a studio built, and many of you doubt this. I think we're lying to you.

Starting point is 00:02:36 I've never lied to you, except when I said I was going to Texas was a good idea or that I was, you know, that I was going to, what other lies have I said, right? I've said I was going to lose weight, but I have. What did I say? Charity event. No, but we're trying to do charity event. I want to do charity. No one tells me how.

Starting point is 00:03:03 Every day, this is true. I wake up and I go, how do I do a charity event? And nobody has any useful information. I desperately want to do charity, feed needy families, help people. I'm telling you that. But you have to understand that my audience, they're not good at that. Like, I don't have an audience of women that really are involved and plugged into the charity scene. My audience doesn't give me any good suggestions about charity.

Starting point is 00:03:40 They throw out, they send me a GoFundMe of someone and I'll amplify it because I always will if it makes sense. Some of these GoFundMe's I think are sus. But if I look at it and I read it and it feels correct, then sure. But it can't be something that's completely seeming like it's, you know, something where I'm going to find out, you know, that it was a written house slush fund. That's what I think some of these GoFundMe's are going to be. And by the way, with your Thanksgiving, I hope it's not a written house, I hope it's a written home. And I want you to say that when you go to your Thanksgiving, you say, you know what I like about this? It's not a written house, it's a written home.

Starting point is 00:04:31 Get that on shirts and wear it to your Thanksgiving. It's a good, remember, you know, it was funny the other day I was thinking about this because I think. And I was, which I'm trying not to do, the less you do it, the better things are. But I was thinking about, remember all those games and like, we're doing this in a car, by the way, Ben is driving around. Ben is a horrible driver who almost killed someone once with a motorcycle. You almost killed a guy. Ben's wife almost killed a woman, right? And Ben and his wife have both been sued for millions of dollars and yet I am the one who is accused of being a bad driver

Starting point is 00:05:15 because I have totaled five cars and I've had my license suspended over 20 times and I'd like to drive fast. But yet I have never been, well, we had that one incident when I almost killed my secretary, a very fat woman who hit her head on the dashboard of my car when we were going to get Percocet and her head blew up and there was like a baseball shape on her head. It was very disturbing and I had to sit through a deposition and I, but nothing happened. Nothing came of that. She ended up being fine. This was not a, you know, she had some problems probably after that accident.

Starting point is 00:05:48 But I mean, she got really, but she was the one who said turn and pointed into the bank for us to get money out of the ATM so that we could buy Percocet in the middle of work. I'm not blaming her. What I'm saying is that life's weird. And she smacked her head. It was really bad. The car Pepsi can was head on collision and I got over that, but Ben and his wife are constantly killing people. Didn't your wife hit someone with a baby?

Starting point is 00:06:16 She knocked over a baby stroll. Was there a baby in it? Jesus Christ. Ben's wife knocked over a baby stroller and threw a baby. What happened to that baby? What happened to the baby? Nothing? How is a baby fine if she knocked over a baby stroller?

Starting point is 00:06:35 When people say, when I say I'm terrified of this woman and people say I'm overreacting, she's Caitlyn Jenner. The woman will kill children with impunity. Ben killed a motorcyclist just because he didn't like him. He hit some guy. So I'm terrified taking my life in my hands, sitting in the front seat of this car broadcasting for you while our studio is being built in Phoenix, Arizona. But what I was thinking about the other day, look at this guy jogging. Look at this old guy. God love him.

Starting point is 00:07:09 He's just jogging. Texas has some in shape older men. Like a guy like that's a Texas guy. He just jogs. He's got white hair and he just jogs and he's addicted to that endorphin rush of jogging. And then he feels good and he can go home and watch Tucker and it keeps him in shape. But remember all those games like that they used to sell that the point of the game was to like loosen everybody up at the party. It was like, I don't know, they were like Pictionary and Scrabble and there was a lot of other games.

Starting point is 00:07:52 I don't even, I'm trying to recall all of them. What is the game where everybody asked the questions? Trivial Pursuit. There were all of these games because I guess there was a certain point in this country where people didn't know how to talk to each other. And they didn't hate each other enough to just fight, which is what they do now. So they were bored. Like they showed up to a party and everybody was like, we don't know what to do. So then you would break out like one of these games.

Starting point is 00:08:25 And I guess that would get people talking. And the point of the game, you know, Scategories and fucking cranium. The point of these games was to just lubricate people enough socially to interact because it was a fun thing to do because these people didn't see each other a lot. They had nothing in common. And this was the time when people like still, they were a mystery to each other is my point. There was no social media. There was no Facebook. You didn't know what someone had for breakfast.

Starting point is 00:09:01 You didn't know how big their kid was until they walked in. People were a mystery to each other. You did not know anything about your relatives other than the few times that you would see them over the holidays. So you would go in and you go, I don't know what to talk to these people about. Just break out Scategories. Just break out trivial pursuit. And we can all ask each other questions. We can get silly.

Starting point is 00:09:25 We can get goofy. But now the holidays have just become cauldrons of hatred. People hate each other now openly so much that they just the only they won't even do that. Like nobody would even suggest that they would play a game because people would get nervous about it. People are so apprehensive and anxiety-ridden about walking in to any of their holiday parties because everybody hates each other for different reasons. And they hate each other because of what they believe. It's a deep hatred.

Starting point is 00:10:09 It's no longer just family squabbles and grudges that were held and she didn't come to my party and her kid's party was on the same day as the thing I was trying to do. Now these disputes that people have are rooted in how they feel about the world and which direction they think the country should go in. And I like that. I think that's good because what it does is it makes these things so much more fun than they used to be. Not for me. I don't go.

Starting point is 00:10:53 But for the people that go, isn't it fun? Isn't it more fun now than it was playing Pictionary? Isn't it fun to see your aunt and your grandfather scream at each other about Kyle Rittenhouse, a person neither one of them knew existed until six months ago? Isn't it good that they can destroy their entire relationship based on a kid that they didn't know existed until half a year ago? Neither one of them was in Wisconsin. Neither one of them was at the protest, riot, whatever. Neither one of them has a gun, fires a gun.

Starting point is 00:11:36 Neither one of them has been in that position. Neither one of them understands that position. Neither one of them has worked as a cop or in law enforcement or as a DA or as a defense attorney. They have no knowledge about courts, about criminal justice. They have no knowledge about public policy. They don't really know anything about psychology, about the way people react in situations under pressure. They know nothing about nothing. But yet they are going to scream at each other with the certainty of a man who God just appeared to about a kid from Wisconsin, Kyle Rittenhouse.

Starting point is 00:12:14 And that's fun to me. I think that's entertaining. I enjoy it. I like to see it. I like to see the little skirmishers. You know, if you're at the holidays, let me light a cigarette for a minute here. Ben, try not to kill someone. Notice the way the skirmishers begin because you know you're not going to be able to keep the top on the can of worms.

Starting point is 00:12:39 You're going to try. Like there's going to be little moments during dinner where topics arise and then people shut them down. Like there's going to be someone whose job it is to shut it down. There'll be an aunt whose job it is to just shut it down. And she's going to just bring up something and she's going to laugh and go, we're not getting into that. Now that aunt's power is going to decline through the evening as people drink more. And then eventually people start telling her to shut the fuck up. And then it's just going to descend into chaos pretty quickly.

Starting point is 00:13:23 People are going, is that a Saint Bernard? Is that a Saint Bernard? That's beautiful. All right, it's kids. We can't talk to kids. Not during the Epstein trial. I thought that was an adult. I just yelled at a kid.

Starting point is 00:13:35 Is that a Saint Bernard? All of a sudden their parents come out with guns. Stop trying to fuck my daughter. I just like Saint Bernard's. Yeah, that's what they all say. You like Saint Bernard? All of a sudden she's pregnant. Like my family is going to have a Thanksgiving this year, but I'm not going.

Starting point is 00:13:55 And the reason I'm not going is I'm hated by my family. By many different parts of my family and for many different reasons. Some are legitimate, some are not. If I was to choose to go to Thanksgiving, there would be conference calls and group texts. There would be email chains. It would be a process. Cancelations. Cancelations, people, they might uproot the entire thing.

Starting point is 00:14:21 They might say we can't do it if he's going to come. Because I don't get along with my aunt. We don't get along. We don't get along and it's not political. It's personal and we don't see eye to eye. So I will not be going to say I'm having Thanksgiving with my fake family. My godson and his retarded parents and my friend Michelle and her buffoon and her children. She is from a broken home or she broke her home.

Starting point is 00:14:58 And then she's, we're all doing it at a hotel and it'll be lovely. It'll be lovely because it's the families where you find it folks, really. But I can't go to my Thanksgiving and I've had some of my cousins call and they go, oh, we're going to do Thanksgiving. I go, yeah, well, that's good, but I can't. I can't go. The food has been getting worse every year because the older generation used to put work in. They used to start early Wednesday morning. It was a better situation now, people.

Starting point is 00:15:28 There's two problems with the food at Thanksgiving. Number one, a lot of people that are going to be cooking think they're Wolfgang Puck. So I remember one year, my stepmother, who is a horrible cook. I mean, truly atrocious to the point where when you eat her food, you go, you want me to leave. Like once for my birthday, she put a cold cut platter out. It was a way of her telling me I want you to leave and I did. So kudos to her, but she's an atrocious cook. She's bad at it because cooking requires a soul.

Starting point is 00:16:07 Now, now, and I kid and I love, but, and I don't and I don't, but it do cares. We're on this earth for a little bit of time. Are you going to love everybody? What's the point? So she once smoked a turkey or got a smoked turkey, but it was not good. There, the smoked turkey game is not the move. Fry a turkey. Smoked turkey, unless it's done really well by like some pit master or that big dyke in Texas, we eat all her food.

Starting point is 00:16:40 If it's not done well, it's just, it's very dry and smoky. It's like you're eating a cigarette and nobody wants that. And, and she got this non-traditional cranberry sauce recipe out of the New York times because that's what she reads. And we just ate solemnly and sadly what the older generation knew was not to get too complicated. Do the classics and do them well. Put the butter in those potatoes. But so the younger generation of people, they're going too big and they don't know how and tell them that. Tell them at the party, this is too ambitious.

Starting point is 00:17:27 It's too ambitious. You're, you're, you're fighting out of your weight class here. You don't know what you're doing. Just put some potatoes in a bowl and mash them. We don't need you to be creative here. What about that business you keep saying you're going to start? How about that? Why don't you put your energy into the fake business you've been talking about for years?

Starting point is 00:17:52 That e-commerce shit that you've been droning on about that never quite happens. Put your energy into that or put your energy into your daughter who's a furry. Your non-year-old furry daughter with cat ears at the table. How about you spend a little less time on a casserole and a little more time on your daughter who's insane. And tell them this. Tell them this, but at the end don't tell them maybe craft an email. But I will not be attending Thanksgiving and then Ben goes to some cult in the middle of Texas and they all take their shoes off and baptize each other. And that's lovely too.

Starting point is 00:18:30 There's nothing wrong with that. That's a beautiful thing. They go there. They stare at the sun. It's like the movie... What was that movie that just... Ben's Thanksgiving is... Fuck, I'm going to look it up right now.

Starting point is 00:18:48 My dad just texted me, awesome Tim. Oh, it's at the Paramount. We're probably going to shoot a special at the Paramount. Everybody buying tickets, please don't come and ruin it. I'm going to find out exactly what this movie is. Go into my old neighborhood, yeah. This movie is Ben's Thanksgiving. Ben's Thanksgiving is the movie Midsummer.

Starting point is 00:19:17 If you've seen the movie Midsummer where they choose one member of the cult to dress in a bear costume and then they give him a drug that immobilizes him, they put him in a barn and they light it on fire. And then they have like a seasonal autumnal feast. That's what Ben does and they all stay silent because they know what's coming. And that's beautiful. I think that's nice. So now what happened in Wisconsin? This was a tragedy. This guy ended up, he plowed through...

Starting point is 00:19:52 I mean, you can't even watch this video. It's such a sick country that you can't even watch this video. You will be enraged and heartbroken and it will replay in your mind this lunatic who drives a car through this fucking Christmas parade with kids. God, it's insane. And they're saying it's a rapper? God. Well, no one can hear you when you talk, right? They might hear you pick it up a little bit.

Starting point is 00:20:29 Well, it's a rapper who is not a successful rapper. It's not like Drake. I'm not trying to be light of this. This is a fucking nightmare. And this rapper just got in a car. He was fleeing something else, right? And he then just plowed over these people and it's just such a fucking nightmare. And look, here's the old house I lived in and I was wanted to buy it and now it's for sale, but it's not for sale for what?

Starting point is 00:21:01 Let's call the realtor. Let's call the realtor. Is this the guy that I lived in his house? Is he listing it himself? Oh, yeah, we have his number. Hold on. I got it. I'm going to call him right now.

Starting point is 00:21:16 Let's call him right now. Man, nobody works. Don't you want to sell your house? I want to make him an offer. Let's offer 800,000 under asking. Yeah, he's not available. Maybe he'll call back. Oh.

Starting point is 00:21:41 But this is a complete tragedy. And people are trying to assign a political motive to it and maybe there is a political motive. We don't really know, right? I mean, nothing is, nothing right now is coming out that is definitive or clear about why this psychopath and you want to be against the death penalty. But in situations like this, you just want a guy like this killed, right? I mean, even though principally you want to be against the death penalty, when you have a situation like this, you go, fuck, you want this guy killed. But I don't want to spend too much on this because it is sad. It's sad is not even the word for it.

Starting point is 00:22:27 It's a human tragedy to a degree that you can't even imagine being the parent of one of those children. It's insane. And I hope Alex Jones looks into it is all I'm saying. Moving on. The Red Scare. What are their names? Dana and Apple. Who are those?

Starting point is 00:22:52 Those whores did something with Alex Jones. They went shooting those two. I like them. They're spunky. They're spunky. I like that. I think it's funny a few days after the written house verdict to be out there with AR 15s in the woods. To me, it's fun.

Starting point is 00:23:10 We haven't had Alex on because we did such an epic thing with Alex on Rogan. There's not a ton left to do unless something big happens that we need to have him back in for. But we'll figure that out. You know, people keep saying, oh, you got to have him on. The thing about doing podcasts with guests is you don't want to retread the same territory that you did. And what we did with Alex was a magnum opus of podcasting with Joe. So it's hard to get him and not go over what we already did, right? We have three hours of it.

Starting point is 00:24:04 So now just laying Maxwell is on trial and just laying Maxwell is innocent. And it is people are upset about written house. They go, this guy is innocent. I go, you don't know what innocent is. And I believe this. Just laying Maxwell is a woman who her entire life has lived in the shadow of great men. Her father, Robert Maxwell, media mogul and massage spy. Right?

Starting point is 00:24:31 Her friends like Prince Andrew. I mean, she's her, she is a delicate flower. They don't make women like her anymore. It's like the line from the bird cage. She's the type of woman who cries when you call her mother. And of course, just laying has no children that we know of, right? Right. But she was clearly used as a pawn by Jeffrey Epstein, used as cover.

Starting point is 00:25:06 And this woman is being railroaded by the justice system in America. Burn it down a cab defund. Now this woman is being accused of number one, a crime that I don't even know. I don't know if you know this, Ben. It doesn't even exist. Human trafficking. What is that even if you had to describe what it is? People going places, human trafficking.

Starting point is 00:25:43 They're trying to say, this is the conspiracy theory. And I don't like them. I don't like these conspiracy theories because they hurt people, Ben. Don't you know they hurt. So anyone who's engaging in these conspiracy theories at any time before, during, or after they've been proven 100% true should be punished. Now, Giselaen Maxwell. I call her Giselaen.

Starting point is 00:26:12 Glaine. Glaine. Now by the way, Maria Farmer hates me now. Remember that Epstein victim that Whitney Webb talked about? She's attacking me on Twitter saying I have an ego. So now you get what you deserve. Okay. She's some MK victim and she's mad at me.

Starting point is 00:26:27 Hey, hey, I didn't do it. But you know what? If you want to war, if you want war with me, you're going to get it. If I have to go to war with every Epstein victim to secure Giselaen's release, I will. It's the holidays, bitches. I don't care. Nobody wants it with me. She's like, she's getting involved with the Chay thing.

Starting point is 00:26:47 She's like, you lost me because of your ego. It's like, shut the fuck up. Did I put you in a cage? I gave people airtime to talk about your ordeal. Okay, you slob. Whatever. Why is she getting involved? I don't know why she's getting involved.

Starting point is 00:27:01 Everybody wants it with me now. So now this is the conspiracy theory. The conspiracy theory is that Jeffrey Epstein was like some intelligence agent that worked for Israel or the CIA or both. And Giselaen Maxwell with her connections helped him entrap all of these powerful figures who fucked kids and they got videos and photos of them. And so that they could make these powerful people do whatever they wanted them to do. This is a conspiracy theory born out of some novel.

Starting point is 00:27:38 There's no facts to back this up at all, at all, at all ever. Okay, this is a conspiracy theory. People are peddling this horse shit, railroading this woman because they want her in jail because you know what? You know what? I'm just saying. People hate when a woman is just true. People hate when a woman is a bad bitch.

Starting point is 00:28:13 Is that true or not? When a woman is a bad bitch, people hate on her because they don't want to see her win. They don't like seeing her win. And Giselaen was doing some winning. And people don't like that. And she was a philanthropist and she was trying to save the ocean with her husband who's now gone. He's disappeared. But when you see a bitch winning a lot of times, it's internalized misogyny.

Starting point is 00:28:45 You want to see a woman in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant. You want to see a woman making chicken soup for you when you don't feel well. You do not want to see a bad bitch running a modeling agency with her best friend, which is what they were doing. They were running a modeling agency. How old do you have to be to model? There's no age limit to model. There is no age limit to model. Correct.

Starting point is 00:29:12 There's an age limit for sex, but there's no age limit to being a model. People, I went for print work when I was younger. They're re-roofing that house. I wonder who bought that one. Remember that one we were going to buy? So she's running a modeling agency with her friend. And by the way, it's pretty successful. Okay?

Starting point is 00:29:37 John Luke Brunel, do you know who he is? He's a major photo in Paris. A fashion guy, photographer, whatever. Okay? He's involved. It's like big. She's doing well. She's killing it.

Starting point is 00:29:52 And they are, listen, they're good people. Would Chelsea Handler have dinner with them if they weren't good people? Would the Pope bless them if they weren't good people? When I want to know who's a good person, I say, who does Chelsea Handler and the Pope support? Because it's not a lot of people. But if you're in that Venn diagram, getting blessed by Chelsea and the Pope, I'm in. So they're running a modeling agency in New York. Now, we all know the problem with New York.

Starting point is 00:30:30 What's the problem? Taxes. The taxes are high. The taxes are high. I mean, you can't even get a bagel with the money you have left over after these thieving polls. Politicians take your money. So what do they do?

Starting point is 00:30:49 They get an island in the French Virgin Islands to save more money so they can reinvest it in their business. Is that irresponsible? I don't think so. No, it's called good business. Okay. It's called good business. When they put a lot of interesting imagery on the island from some ancient religion where

Starting point is 00:31:15 people worship the sun god, why? Because they're creative. Do you understand? And they have something that looks like a temple on this island, which was kind of like a workout room. It looks like you would be sacrificing people to this ancient sun god to retain your position of prominence in society. And that's now, that's again, dum-dums that want to make everything into a movie.

Starting point is 00:31:44 But what that sun temple really was was an office for an ever expanding global modeling agency helmed by a bad bitch who's winning and a philanthropist named Jeffrey Epstein who only wanted to do was build schools for children. That's why he taught in a school. And you know the guy who hired him was Bill Barr, the attorney general under Trump, his father. And Bill Barr's father wrote a book. And that book was something.

Starting point is 00:32:13 But it was, I don't know the title of it. No one cares. Don't look it up, Ben. But it's a book and it's real and it's sci-fi. And you like sci-fi. It's like Star Trek, except this is a little different because it's about a planet that's ruled by these elites and they rule it by using sex slaves, by kidnapping them and making them pleasure.

Starting point is 00:32:34 And that, he wrote this novel, this imagined thing that doesn't happen, pulled it out of his imagination like Stephen King, there are no killer clowns. It's a novel. It's pretend. And he writes this book about a planet that is ruled by these elites, these bloodthirsty craven elites with no morality who just abuse children they use as sex slaves and that's the way that they run this planet. Well, he is so creative, he recognized that Jeffrey Epstein was really good at math.

Starting point is 00:33:13 He said, I like writing books and this guy is really good at math. Now Jeffrey Epstein dropped out of college because he was too smart, like me. That's why I left college because I'm too smart. So I left college because I'm too smart, just like Jeffrey. So Jeffrey said, I don't need a college degree. And this guy who was so creative who wrote this really great novel about fake things that never happened in the real world and you shouldn't think they do. He wrote this novel and put it out as if almost to say if it was happening, we're so confident

Starting point is 00:33:45 you'll never catch us, we're going to admit it to you with a few minor alterations so that you can basically see how you're being held captive and what we're doing to you. You're so powerless to stop any of it. We're essentially admitting it to you like we're doing in this novel. But of course, none of that's true. This is a completely fictitious novel written by a very creative headmaster of a school. If you were a pedophile, you would never work at a school. Why would you work at a school if you were a pedophile?

Starting point is 00:34:18 It would be too tempting. So this guy worked at a school called Dalton. And Dalton is a prep school in Manhattan. You know my secret life that I always want where I grow up and I have a big, big cock and I have a six pack and my skin's good and my parents are cold and aloof bankers and we live on Park Avenue in a pre-war co-op and my father speaks to me only a few words a week but I have so much respect for him and my mother is cold but she trains me to be the type of killer that you need to be to survive and thrive in that type of environment.

Starting point is 00:34:54 You know that secret thing and me and my friends are all beautiful, rich kids. We'll kind of jerk off together but it's not gay, it's just fun. And every now and then I finish them all off. That's the type of school that a guy like me in my secret life would look, which this is the Palisades that we're pulling into. Yeah, not quite. Now Dalton is a rich kid school in New York and our friend who used to do our merch who didn't design it but used to help us

Starting point is 00:35:27 who doesn't talk to us anymore because he's a weird little beetle. His mother went there. So this is a rich, this Dalton is a rich kid school. Now Bill Barr's father who wrote a novel that they should adapt it into a film. Isn't it a great time to do that? Bill Barr's dad recognizes Jeffrey Epstein as a brilliant teacher and he brings him in. Now Jeffrey Epstein also becomes friends. You know me.

Starting point is 00:35:56 I love fashion. Everyone who knows me knows it's my passion. Fashion is my passion because what people wear is very important in the grand scheme of things and always has been, right? And you know me. I love Victoria's Secret because I love women. Not only their bodies but their minds, their mouths, the talk, the talking always. I love it.

Starting point is 00:36:21 I love it. I love their vaginas and the other ones, the breasts. And I love it. They're so wet, those vaginas. And sometimes I would look at the Victoria's Secret catalog to jerk off because I love women. I love women and this is a modeling agency. Now the guy who started Victoria's Secret was a guy named Les Wexner, Leslie Wexner. Who's from Ohio?

Starting point is 00:36:47 And Rogan's producer, Jamie will talk about Ohio for nine hours and it's very fun. Don't think it's not. And Les Wexner met this guy Jeffrey Epstein. I'm sure they come in contact somehow. And Les Wexner was so bowled over by this guy. He says, I want you to manage my money, college dropout teacher. He goes, you're a teacher in a college dropout. There's no better archetype of individual.

Starting point is 00:37:14 I want to manage all of my money that I make from putting these women out in lingerie. He also owns the limited and some other things, right? But Victoria's Secret was a big moneymaker. So Jeffrey Epstein, sweet, kind teacher. Teachers can do no wrong. It's the hardest job. Why would Jeffrey Epstein choose the hardest job if he was a bad guy? So Jeffrey Epstein, doing the hardest job in the world, teaching kids at Dalton for Bill Barr's father, novelist,

Starting point is 00:37:44 becomes friends with a really cool dude named Les Wexner who likes women's lingerie and Victoria's Secret. And he loves fashion. Why? Because he's a straight man. Straight men love fashion. It's their favorite thing. Guys that have no sexual peccadillos love fashion. They're very good at it, right?

Starting point is 00:38:04 So Lesley Wexner and Jeffrey Epstein become buddies. And Lesley says, why don't you manage all of my money? Because I should just give you chunks of money and I'm going to buy you a townhouse. Because, you know, I do nice things for you. And you bought me barbecue the other day. And I often get you a meal. Friends do nice things for each other. So Lesley Wexner, straight guy who loves Bush, that's why he designs bras, says to Jeffrey Epstein,

Starting point is 00:38:33 so he's got no skeletons in his closet. We know that. We get it. We know that. He says to Jeffrey Epstein, you should start managing my money and I'm going to buy you this townhouse in New York City. And it's the largest, one of the largest properties in the city we like. And it's good for you because I want you to look cool and have fun. And I'm also going to buy you like an estate in New Mexico.

Starting point is 00:38:54 Like, we're going to set you up with a few properties in case you get bored somewhere and you want to go somewhere else. And then, Enter Gislaine Maxwell, a symbol woman who likes modeling. I think she may be even modeled. I don't know. So her and Jeffrey Epstein start this modeling agency where they take these poor, underprivileged, ungrateful cunts from places like Florida. And try to get the modeling work, okay, these women, these witches, that go on these trips to this amazing island where they are photographed and they are also giving massages because you need to work just like comedy. Nothing happens immediately.

Starting point is 00:39:37 You have to have a job while you're getting the job that you really want. Work two jobs. One that you need, one that you love. Eat, pray, love. Am I right? So these girls are massaging guys like Alan Dershowitz, another honest guy who helped OJ Simpson get off. He was also railroaded. They suggested that he murdered his wife because they didn't want to see a black athlete winning.

Starting point is 00:39:59 So Alan Dershowitz, who previously helped OJ get off, would go to this island and get massaged from these wannabe models that Jeffrey and Gislaine had helped. Okay? Now you're not going to believe what the media has turned this into. Finally, after 20 years of being told this and not reporting on it, the media and right wing, and this is right, right wing media. The media is right wing. It's right wing people. Right wing media figures in this country, bad guys, Nazis, white supremacists, horrible people. Charlottesville marching gas chamber enthusiasts have turned this lovable story into this conspiracy.

Starting point is 00:40:51 They have convinced these girls that they were being sexually abused by members of the ruling class and that this whole entire thing was a cover, a front for that to happen. It was this massive blackmail operation that has its tentacles wrapped around our government and other people's governments. Bill Clinton. Now this is where you lose me. This is where you lose me here. Bill Clinton, the guy who loves his wife so much that he wanted her to be the president. Bill Clinton, the vegan. Bill Clinton, America's first black president.

Starting point is 00:41:38 Again, not my words, the words of the media. Bill Clinton, you're telling me that Bill Clinton, William Jefferson Clinton, who's on this guy's jet 30 times is a bad guy and they're doing bad things on the jet. A few of those times Bill Clinton leaves this security detail, Secret Service, off the plane. You're telling me that Bill Clinton is somehow involved. You're telling me that prime ministers of countries, presidents, senators, congresspeople, CEOs. Now they're trying to say that the CEO of Barclays used to email Epstein and there were things like the word Snow White. Nobody knows what that means. The CEO of an investment bank was involved, guys.

Starting point is 00:42:26 Hey, maybe stop taking the crazy pills. Stop taking the crazy pills. Do you understand what I'm saying? Stop it. You're hurting yourself and you're hurting this great nation. If you want to know how the country works, just go get that, how Bill becomes a law. Remember the cute little bill, I'm just a bill on Capitol Hill. That's it.

Starting point is 00:42:49 End of story. There's nothing else to look into here. Stop wasting your time. Now Jeffrey Epstein kills himself because he suffered from depression, which is constantly stigmatized by people as not real. Because people like Naomi Osaka, the tennis player, you know how it is. She didn't want to do interviews after tennis because she was going to be depressed at how racist all the interviewers were against her. They were going to call her names and laugh at her and she said, I don't want to do that. It depresses me.

Starting point is 00:43:22 So Jeffrey Epstein's mental illness is now being turned into some weird story where like he killed himself. He was allowed to kill himself or someone killed him or something. This is crazy. It's crazy. So now who's left? Who's left in this little story, this little yarn, this little Thanksgiving fable? One bitch, a bad bitch, a bitch who was winning. A bitch who was living in New Hampshire doing nothing, not supporting Trump.

Starting point is 00:43:51 Maybe that's why she's there. Okay. A woman who dared to start her own business in a world that wants her cooking. A woman who has been kept in inhumane conditions in a prison cell with rats, it's horrible. And now she is being railroaded and people are trying to say that this woman is a human trafficker. I won't stand for it like truly, like I truly will not stand for it. I do not believe it for a minute. I will not participate in this because if I know one thing and I don't, I know many things,

Starting point is 00:44:28 but if there's one thing I really know that I can hang my hat on, there are no monsters under the bed. They don't exist. They're a figment of your imagination. Even if somebody writes a book that says, hear the way the monsters under the bed exist. Here's what they do and here's why you'll never be able to stop them. Even if people come out and say, I've seen those monsters and they've fucked me. Even if some of those monsters say, I admit I was a monster and I was hanging out with the other monsters. Even if eventually you remove the bed and you actually see the monsters and they're staring at you

Starting point is 00:45:23 and you see their teeth and their eyes, even if they start to bite you and you feel yourself being pulled into their nether world and losing your humanity. Even if that all happens, you're simply living in a dream. It's a nightmare and if you close your eyes long enough, you will wake up and you will see only the people you love, only the people who care about you. You will see only sunshine and you will hear songs from over the hill. Just a choice you have to believe that things can be beautiful. They are if you let them be beautiful.

Starting point is 00:46:08 If you constantly spend your time thinking about the monsters under the bed, those monsters become real. But as we have shown and proved by telling you the real story, this was a couple of people trying to help some underprivileged, ungrateful cunts. Introducing them to some of the most powerful people in the world and they still couldn't make it. These women met Clinton and Dershowitz and all these guys and they still couldn't figure out how to figure out how to advance themselves in this life. And it saddens me and it because I've told you the story, it makes sense. Every part of it makes sense.

Starting point is 00:46:56 So I will be loudly supporting Chisley and Maxwell through this entire trial unironically and I suggest you do. We're going to do it on Twitter and we're going to do everything that I've just mentioned. We're going to tell the real story about a simple man named Les Wexter with no sexual picadillo, a straight guy who loves fashion, who became best friends with a college dropout brilliant money manager hired by a guy at a rich school who wrote a book about alien sex traffickers completely pretend and they all became best friends with a woman whose father was a spy, who was a fellow of a boat and also ran a media company who happens to be best friends with a prince among other people.

Starting point is 00:47:38 They all got together to start a modeling agency to help young underprivileged girls and their reward for that was to be tainted by a right wing media operation that has said and lied and defamed them and besmirched them and I will never stop telling that story. And if you want to have fun at Thanksgiving, if you want to have a good time and do something important, stop the racism, talk with board. Talk about this. Tell your family the truth about Gislaine and Jeffrey Epstein.

Starting point is 00:48:18 Have the balls, have the temerity, have the fucking cojones. Have the spine to go to your family and tell them the truth about what this is and a woman's life hangs in the balance. So don't fucking do not do this dumb shit where you make small talk and eat mashed potatoes or fall for that written house drama shit. Talk about the real story, the real story that has implications that are very far-reaching. As far-reaching as implications can be. Tell them the truth.

Starting point is 00:48:57 Tell them Gislaine Maxwell is innocent. And tell them if they don't want to help you fight for that woman, maybe they're at the wrong goddamn house. How about that? Because family's great. You know me, love mine. Family's great and it's important, but you know what? It's not worth compromising your truth. Is it Ben?

Starting point is 00:49:19 Is it worth compromising your truth? It isn't. It's not. So I wish you all happy Thanksgiving. I hope you enjoy it. And I hope that you can reach these dullards, these Fox News watching morons who are finally starting to wake up. They're finally starting to raise their eyebrows, to wrestle themselves out of that couch.

Starting point is 00:49:50 They're finally opening their eyes just a little bit. And it's your job to close those eyes forever. Happy turkey day.

The Tim Dillon Show - 278 - A Thanksgiving Tale

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