The Tim Dillon Show - 279 - Flashmob Omicron Morning Star Bear

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

Tim discusses the flash mobs at Louis Vuitton and Nordstroms, a woman self named "Morning Star Bear", and why Austin, Texas may be the most expensive city in the United States. Bonus episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow See Tim Live on the road: ▶▶ http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: 🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off 💊 MASF SUPPLEMENTS ▶▶ https://masfsupplements.com/ use code TIMD for 10% OFF 🧴 DUKE CANNON DEODERANT ▶▶ https://dukecannon.com/ use code DILLON for 10% off 💍 NORTHBANDS RINGS ▶▶ https://www.northbands.com/ use promo code TIM for 20% off CERTIFIED PIEDMONTESE BEEF ▶▶ 25% OFF with discount code TIMDILLON at https://www.cpbeef.com HELLO FRESH ▶▶ Go to https://www.hellofresh.com/timdillon12 for 12 free meals including free shipping! GET ACRE GOLD and start investing in physical Gold today! ▶▶ https://www.GetAcreGold.com/TimDillon MAKE CRYPTO SIMPLE! ▶▶ Visit https://Dchained.com/Inner-Circle and sign-up today. BIRD DOGS! ▶▶ https://www.birddogs.com/ use code TIMDILLON DOORDASH ▶▶ Download the Doordash app and enter code TIMDILLON to get 25% off. SIMPLI SAFE ▶▶ https://simplisafe.com/timdillon to save 20% DRAFTKINGS ▶▶ Download DraftKings app and use the code TIMDILLON to get a free shot at a one million dollar prize CROWDHEALTH ▶▶Just go to https://JoinCrowdHealth.com/fit and enter code TIMDILLON at sign up. That’s 30 days to try risk free plus the Fitness Wearable. WATCH GANG ▶▶ https://watchgang.com promo code TIM to save 20% PHILO TV ▶▶ https://philo.tv/timdillon Get 25% off your first two months! MINT MOBILE ▶▶ https://mintmobile.com/timdillon Get your new wireless bill for 15 bucks a month! VERSUS GAME ▶▶ https://apps.apple.com/us/app/versusgame/id1536931360 Get five dollars toward your first bet use code TIM! LIGHTSTREAM ▶▶ https://lightstream.com/timdillon Save with a credit card consolidation loan! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show from our temporary studio. It depresses me so much how the audio-only episodes of the show do not perform well on YouTube even though they're really some of the best content. The podcast I just did is one of the best I've ever done and it's hovering under 300,000 views because there's no video. There's so much better when they're just audio. It's all meant to be audio. It's not meant to be this.

This is all kinds of forced, by the way, okay? It's crazy to me that people, but I understand we live in a visual culture and I do enjoy the visual episodes and, you know, the visual aids that I have to show you look. This is what I mean. But listen to the last episode I did. It was recorded from a car driving through Texas and it's better than many of the video episodes because it's not really supposed to be a video medium, but nobody cares. Intent and intention don't matter to the people that watch the show.

They just, they're addicted to visual. They don't really care what goes on. Austin, Texas, how Austin became one of the least affordable cities in America, big New York Times piece on my favorite city bar, none, the capital of Texas. How Austin became one of the least affordable cities in America, the capital of Texas has long been an attractive place to call home, but with an average 180 new residents a day, its popularity has created a brewing housing crisis that is reshaping the city, 180 new residents a day, 60 of them comedians, 180, that's wild.

How many, 200 people a day moving to Austin, Texas, why? No one knows, but they're coming. Over the last few years in one of the fastest growing cities in America, changes come at a feverish pace to the capital of Texas. With churches demolished, mobile home parks raised and neighborhood haunts replaced with trendy restaurants and luxury apartment complexes. It's a big gentrification project is what's going on. The transformation has perhaps been most acutely felt across East Austin and the neighborhood

of Montopolis, a 2.5 square mile patch southeast of downtown, where unobstructed views of the ever expanding skyline have made the historically black and Latino neighborhood a sought after community. Well, you know who's coming. White people, white people are coming, white women and white men are coming to live in Montopolis so they can get a view of the ever expanding Google skyline in Austin, Texas. I, of course, live 30 minutes away from Austin, I'm not even in the county, I have nothing to do with this, I have displaced no one.

I bought a house from a guy who was a retired cop, but he retired a long time ago and the wife and they were white. I am displacing nobody nor have I ever in every city that I've moved, I've never really displaced any of the indigenous people unlike many of my counterparts in comedy and elsewhere. They have all the right opinions online, but where do they live? They live in these areas that have been historically Hispanic neighborhoods in LA and in New York they've been African American neighborhoods and people come in and they just don't care and they move into these apartments and they tweet black lives matter from a room where

a black family used to live. So it's a weird cognitive dissonance many of them have because they are the problem, but I'm not an anti gentrification guy. I understand that there are positives and negatives to it, but I've never done it. I'm exempting myself, I lived in Hell's Kitchen and then I lived in Astoria where everybody, it's a multi ethnic paradise in Queens. I never lived in a trendy hip. I lived for two months in Flatbush, Brooklyn with a crazy woman and the house had no garbage

because she was afraid of rats and it was her room and my room and my room did not have a door. I just had a curtain and this crazy woman would put a garbage bag and tie it onto the floor of the kitchen and she said we cannot have a garbage because of rats. She was terrified of rats, apparently she saw a rat or thought she did in the apartment and from then on she would never have a garbage and every day she would take three bites out of the north eastern corner of a piece of toast and then put it back in the refrigerator every single day and I would see it as I went in to get almond milk for cereal.

I would see the, which is three little bites like a rat, like a rat would do and me and her had a falling out and she wanted me to leave and I don't even remember what the falling out was about. I just remember she wanted me to leave and I said I want my security deposit back and she goes well that's not the way it works and I said well it is the way it works and I forced her to give me my security deposit back and she made me meet her in a drug store in Brooklyn, a small drug store in public because she was afraid to meet me at the house and I took the security deposit back, it wasn't a lot of money, I think it was like a check

for $750 and I just screamed very loudly at her and it barressed her in the store. I said you're an animal, you're an animal. As I was walking out I said you're a goddamn animal and I wish her well. For two months but that's it but every other place I've lived I've never, ever once lived in a, and I'm not saying that everybody who lives in a gentrifying area is a demon but you know there's something about the energy of those areas I don't like. I don't like these trendy areas and a lot of those areas it's like white women with gang art, like that's the aesthetic, it's like white women gang art and I, to me that's

not for me, I like to go out to the suburbs. I like the suburbs, I really do, cities are hellish, truly. As I've grown older I've started to realize that, when I was younger you would like the cities but then you live in the cities and you go the suburbs are nicer, they're better. There's more space, right? There's not a ton of people with their ideas, everyone has an idea. Suburbs people just go hey shut up, get takeout. Instead of assaulting me with your ideas, get takeout.

Take food from that restaurant, bring it to your house and eat it. So when you feel like talking about the things you believe in, stuff it down with food. So when something is about to come out like well you know what I really put a calzone in there, stuff it back down. That's what I like about the suburbs as opposed to the cities where everybody is tripping over each other to let you know all the things they figured out. They figured it all out, that's why they have three roommates and they get high and they're 40 but they figured it out in the cities.

And you know what's coming now and we're not going to spend too much time on this article in Austin but I do want to read this. We knew it was coming said Francisco Nunez, Irish, who for nearly two decades lived at the Cactus Rose Mobile Home Park until it was sold to a developer to Makeway for amenity rich apartments that now fetch more than double what he once paid in rent. The Cactus Rose Mobile Home Park, a decade ago Austin, the capital of Texas often deemed a liberal oasis and a staunchly conservative state was among the most affordable places to live.

Now, according to a forecast prepared by Zillow, a real estate company that tracks affordability, the Austin Metro area is on track to become, by your's end, the least affordable major metro region for home buyers outside of California. It has already surpassed hot markets in Boston, Miami and New York City. So I mean, listen and I've seen people on Twitter quoting this article and they're like, we did it. We did it. You hate LA, you've made Austin a shittier LA.

Thank you Elon Musk and Joe Rogan and Google and all of these people telling you how great it was to move to this hot insect infested swamp known as Austin Tech. Look at this lovely couple. They lived in a mobile home park and that's what should happen. They're enjoying it. They have nice plants. They look happy. Yeah.

And then what happens? Elon Musk goes, oh, I don't know. And then he goes, we're going to move to Austin. And then Joe Rogan goes, we're going to make the biggest comedy scene in the world. And then all of these people move to Austin. Well, then what the hell happens? They get kicked out of their mobile home, Cactus Rose mobile home park to make way for high rises that will be filled with demons.

Austin is the worst kept secret, says Job Hammond, J-O-B Job Hammond is this person's name with the University of Texas flagship campus gentle rolling hills and a vibrant music scene. Let's unpack all of this briefly. Okay. The University of Texas flagship campus is an utterly meaningless statement. Let's just get that out of the, let's get that out of the way. The University of Texas flagship, like we mean business at this location.

Gentle rolling. What are they talking about? It's for stupid people. Gentle rolling hills. What? I don't even know what that means. And a vibrant music scene. That is not true.

It has no music scene. Literally none. Austin has been an attractive place to call home long been an attractive place to call home, but surging prices have created a brewing housing crisis that is reshaping the city of nearly one million people and pushing mostly low income black and Latino residents like Mr. Nunez away from cultural centers, transportation hubs, grocery stores and other amenities. What they're going to need to do is build affordable housing.

They're going to need to build affordable housing. That's what's going to need to happen. I'm calling it right now. They're going to need to build affordable housing for all these people that are getting displaced. Do you disagree with me? No, I agree. I think they should build affordable housing. Because you can just say that to get out of any conversation about this.

You go like this. You go, well, because this is what people in Austin do. You song into brisk and you go, oh, they're going to build affordable housing. Affordable housing is coming. Well, I understand your concerns, but we need affordable housing. There's going to be affordable housing for the Nunez family. Well, I'm glad you asked. There's housing coming and it's going to be affordable.

So the Nunez is, no, no, no, listen, listen to me. Stop freaking out. Stop. It doesn't. Affordable housing is coming. No, they're going to build housing like for regular people, except they're going to give it to them for less and it's going to be affordable housing. Do you not get it?

Affordable housing. So what I'm saying is I'm not worried about any of this because they're going to build affordable housing and everything's going to be okay. My recommendation is you not move to Austin, Texas, because there's truly nothing to move to and I'm not, I'm not insulting. I don't even live in Austin, Texas. I live outside of Austin, Texas. I don't.

I've walked around Austin, Texas. I've driven around Austin, Texas. I, for the life of me, don't know what people are talking about and I'm trying to get on board, but I can't get it through my head. I don't know what they mean about the vibrant music scene and the only thing they've got is shootings. If you like shootings, if you're into shootings, do you like shootings? Google Austin, Texas shooting.

They love shootings. Uh, yeah. Man killed after shooting in Northeast Austin. Three people shot during two separate South Austin shootings. One hospitalized, one arrested after shooting in Austin Entertainment District. And who's being entertained? Police investigating late night shooting near UT Austin. Man shot inside of 6th Street Tavern says he will be okay after shooting.

Isn't that nice? They go, they go, how are you enjoying it here? He goes, I love Austin and I'm going to be okay. Don't worry about it. Man shot in West Campus, Austin police search for suspect. Man critically injured in North Austin shooting at shopping center. From Soros to unions, the left poured major money into Everett to defeat Austin's police staffing proposition.

Fox News article. Not quite a shooting, but maybe related. So that's really what they are. It's the live shooting capital of the world. If you want to see a live shooting and a lot of people do because music is boring, but if you want to see a live shooting, if you want to see someone get killed, go to downtown Austin because it is the live shooting capital of the world. So you hear the banjos going and the guitar and then you're going to hear what sounds

like a snare drum, but it's shooting. Maybe that's why everybody keeps calling it the live music capital of the world because they're confusing a snare drum with a gun. That's not a drum. It's gunshots. Who's this? Why are we looking him? He was a famous, one of the most famous mass shootings was at the University of Texas.

They got started early. No. Charles Whitman, he had the tumor in his head and he was sniping people from the clock tower on campus. They have a long history here. We need him back. Well let's get out of here because you know what's coming now is the flash mobs. Now I've warned of this many, many moons ago.

I was on the record talking, I think about flash mobs, I'm unsure. Now the flash mob is not nearly as fun as it sounds. What it is is a gang of 20 or 30 people and they run into Nordstroms, which would be fine because no one cares about faceless corporations like Nordstroms, right? But they beat the people in the Nordstroms, so that's not good. So the flash mobs come in and they're not, you know, a lot of people try to make them out to be like fun, you know, theatrical events where people are just kind of like striking a death blow to capitalism by grabbing a few handbags, but they're beating the people

at Nordstroms. They're attacking them. They're hurting security guards. They're hurting people that work at Nordstroms. It's not good. And Seth Rogen thinks it's good. Seth Rogen thinks it's good. And Seth Rogen, do you know what he did recently?

Seth Rogen drove a few people over to Casey Neistat's house to rob his car. Seth Rogen is facing backlash after downplaying YouTuber Casey Neistat's experience with Cartheft. Casey Neistat has children. He had a piñata or something in the back of his car. Party favors, decorations. I believe so, yeah. All right. So somebody robbed them.

Yeah, here I got the thread right here. And Casey was unhappy. And he tweeted, so our cars got robbed this morning because Los Angeles is a crime-riddled third-world shithole of a city. Well, that's a lot, but hey. He goes, but tremendous appreciation and gratitude to the hardworking officers at LAPD West who not only arrested the motherfucker, but they got all of our stolen goods back. So that's Casey Neistat taking the terribly popular position of calling out L.A. for being

crime-ridden and then also saying, hey, thanks to the cops, which a lot of people do not love. Hey, thanks to the cops. And then Seth Rogan says, dude, I've lived here for 20 years. You're nuts. Ha-ha. It's lovely here. Don't leave anything valuable in it, in your car, in it.

It's called living in a big city. So Seth Rogan's whole point is like, hey, man, relax. And Casey goes, I can still be mad though, right? I feel so violated. Seth Rogan goes, you can be mad, but I guess I don't personally view my car as an extension of myself. And I've never really felt violated any of the 15 or so times my car was broken into once a guy accidentally left a cool knife in my car.

So if it keeps happening, you might get a little treat. So Seth Rogan is high, as usual, right? He's always high, right? That's his thing. Yeah. He's a drug addict. Yeah, he's like a weed company. He likes drugs.

Yeah, sure. There's nothing wrong with it. He's addicted to drugs, probably. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, but that seems to be what his thing is, right? He sells weed. So he doesn't care about people. Seth Rogan would be robbing cars if he wasn't an actor, probably. That's kind of what this comes down to.

Seth Rogan's like, hey, man, I'd be breaking into your car if I wasn't an actor, who's a funny guy, and Seth Rogan's made some great movies. But I think Seth Rogan's kind of like, I really empathize with whoever stole your daughter's party decorations out of your car, because frankly, I would be doing something similar if I wasn't a multi-multi-multi-millionaire. Seth is kind of an example of a guy who seems to have run. He's run so far to the left, he's in self-parity. It's not even real anymore.

Like he's unable to make a point that doesn't descend into some type of parody, because he's so on another planet that I understand people going, Casey, you're overstating it. LA is not a third-world shithole. Most of it might be. Some of it is. But not all of it, right? You can't say all of it, right? And I understand Seth Rogan being like, hey, man, that was a little bit much.

But then Seth Rogan being like, I don't view my car as an extension of myself. Well, what if someone put a gun in your head and made you get out of it? And they stole it. Because here's the deal, Seth Rogan doesn't need to view his car as an extension of himself because he's rich. See rich people don't care about cars because they can get new ones, they can, you know, have a driver, pick them up. It doesn't really matter.

But if all you owned is a car, now certain people, all they own, now this may surprise Seth Rogan, I'm sure it wouldn't, I'm sure he knows, but all certain people own is a car. Now Casey Neistat is not one of those people. He owns more than, this is why it's tough, right? It's tough. It's like the comics are a comedy on me and Michael Chay, it's like two guys with a lot of money upset at each other.

And then some guy eating rats being like, oh, one day he's going to win. It's, some people just have a car. So when your car is broken into to some people, it's not nothing. It's something. I remember when I, when all I had was my car and I would do cocaine and get in accidents. And it's upsetting when you are coked out of your face and drunk and you smash up your car and it's all you own. It's a big deal.

So I could only imagine how I would have felt if someone broke into it. Because I was devastated when I smashed a total of five cars. And that was very sad. But Seth has to understand that not everybody has a real estate portfolio and projects they care about. You know, Seth is lucky. We're lucky. We get to do something we like.

We have projects and people care about projects and things you get to see come to fruition. Things you can start and pour your mind and body and soul into and then love and curate and then see them go from nothing to something, they're movies and books and whatever. And not everyone has that. Some people literally just have a Chevy Cruze. And they're proud of it. And they work their ass off for it. So if somebody walks by and smashes it and grabs their shit out of it, they're going

to be upset. And I think California has problems with the crime. And now you have the flash mobs, which the flash mob thing is smashing grab. We're back to the 80s. The smash and grab is you smash and then grab and you do it in large numbers. So sometimes it's people in Beverly Hills. Sometimes they hit in Nordstroms. They hit these department stores or sometimes they go into a store, they smash and they

grab what they can get and they're out. And every now and then a security guard or an employee gets in their way and they fuck them up. And that's not nice. Now, some people go, hey, what's the problem? Like the Zed Rogan types would go, what's the problem with their kids having fun? Now, they're not kids, but this is probably the refrain from the, you know, the people that, you know, they go, what's the big deal?

I could even be persuaded, hey, a flash mob here and there, I think is fun. He keeps everybody on their toes. I don't necessarily think it's the end of the world. A flash mob here and there, a little flash mob here and there keeps you going, but it's becoming a pattern of behavior and it's becoming troubling because innocent people that work in these stores are getting hurt. They're getting smacked, beaten up. They killed some dude, I think.

I don't know, but they're, these flash mobbers are, they're out of control. And the whole thing here is civilization clearly doesn't work perfectly. And there's a lot of people out there going, well, if it doesn't work perfectly, maybe we should just get rid of it. Why do we need any of it? Why can't you run into a store, kill a security guard and steal a handbag? Is there a good reason for that? Well, there's a few.

You shouldn't kill an innocent person so that you can get a Gucci handbag. And this is anarchy, which a lot of people seem to not mind, right? It's anarchy if you are shopping and all of a sudden you have to duck and cover because 30 people have run into the store to smash things and take. It's lawlessness. And some people go, what's the problem, Seth Rogen? I've never viewed Nordstroms as an extension of myself. It's lovely here.

What's the, he's just hiding in menswear. What's the problem? So what? 30 people that are armed have entered a Nordstroms to fuck around and take some shit. So I guess that that's the attitude. But I think most people are starting to get a little tired of it. Last Friday a mass smash and grab hit luxury stores in Union Square in San Francisco and the next night in Nordstrom in Walnut Creek in the East Bay, 80 people jumped out of a

pack of cars just before closing time and swarmed the store's aisles, many escaping with merchandise. Some employees were assaulted, one of them with pepper spray. Then shortly after midnight last Sunday, culprits used a sledgehammer to smash storefront windows at a Louis Vuitton and a Sax Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills, police said. But patrol cars arrived to scare the thieves off before they could go inside. At the Grove in LA's Fairfax district this week, the Nordstrom robbery did not appear to be deterring shoppers.

Guadalupe Rivas extended a 12 year tradition of trekking from Bakersfield to the popular outdoor mall on Wednesday for holiday shopping the day before Thanksgiving. She was en route to meeting family in Fullerton. Who is writing these harders? She said the smash and grab robbery was not going to deter her. I quote, I've never felt scared here and I wasn't going to let that stop me. Here's what I love. They got to put in like the pro shopping message always, you know?

The smash and grabs did not deter the brave Guadalupe Rivas who drove from Bakersfield to stare down these anarchists herself if need be. She was going to the Grove. This is her 12 year tradition of going to the Grove and buying shit the day after Thanksgiving. Rivas quipped, I might ask one of them to help me with my bags. She doesn't give a fuck. Hold on. Let me read.

It said, Rivas shoved at several boutiques and said she felt secure with guards protecting entrances to Nordstroms in the Apple Store. A pair of LAPD officers were also posted at the police kiosk and Rivas said I might ask one of them to help me with my bag. They shoot her immediately. She's like, is there any way we can... She was a flash mob. It was a mob.

The employees were not allowed to comment. Nordstrom employees said they were not allowed to comment about the robber and referred questions to a corporate spokesman. In a statement the company said, quote, given recent incidents at two of our stores and incidents across the country, we've been hiding our in-store security presence and implementing additional protective men. Here's the problem, folks, if you get the whole attitude is let's get rid of the police. Is it fair?

By the way, is this advocates of the workers out there? I know, you know, many of you are hate watching this. Is it fair to take the police their job and give it to the hourly workers at Nordstroms? Should they be the ones handling this problem? Does that seem fair to you saying let's get rid of the cops? Let's place all the responsibility on these people at Nordstroms who are getting pepper sprayed and beaten because you know what happened? The stimulus is over, the COVID stuff's over and people are out there and they're excited

and they're getting, and they want to commit crimes and they know that, you know, this is a great climate to commit crimes because as soon as you commit a crime, Seth Rogen will defend you. No matter what it is, so when you have celebrities coming in to defend you, you go, I think this is a great idea. Who cares? Let's go. Let's grab some merch over at Nordstroms.

Have you ever shoplifted? No, I never have. Never once. I guess when I was like three, I stole some colorful band-aids. I wanted to add Fred Flintstone on them. Why would you steal them at three? I wanted them, my mom said no and then I had to bring them back and I was crying and I never stole again.

She caught you? And what did she say? She was like very bad. She was like very, very bad. We're going back to the store. Why didn't she just get you the band-aids? I was probably being a piece of shit all day. I was probably being nasty.

You were not a good kid. I don't think so. And very few people liked you. I've spoken to family members. No, I would poop my pants all the time. You were a real piece of shit, literally and figuratively. But what I'm saying here is that, now why don't we do, could we do a flash mob in like a fun flash mob in a fro-yo place?

And just steal the fro-yo from the toppings too? Like something fun where we don't pepper spray, maybe we pepper spray, because that comes out, right? Maybe we pepper spray one of the young girls working in the fro-yo. Just don't get it on the toppings. You don't want to. Yeah, I would pepper spray her in the eyes and then I would steal the yogurt and then Seth Rogan would defend me.

That would be my hope. If we could make something like that happen, then. But I used to steal a juice. I stole a fresh-squeezed orange juice every day from the Food Emporium for two years on 8th Avenue in New York City before I got on my tour bus. And one day, one of these guys who just got out of jail, who was like a do-gooder, caught me and he was working at Food Emporium and he goes, I'm catching you. He goes, I just got out of jail and he's like, and he was like this, he became a rat.

He became like this bad person who got out of jail and was now ratting on people and he hated me. I hated him. And I stole that juice. I would steal a pizza at this place Suburban Eats, which is a deli in Melville, Long Island, and I'd eat it on the line while I was paying for my sandwich. So every day I'd eat a slice of pizza very quickly and by the time I got, by the time I got to the cashier, I would only pay for my sandwich because the pizza was gone.

So I did little things like that, but I never did a flash mob. You know? How do you get into a flash mob? How do 30 or 40 people- So these are 80 people. They really have to organize here. It's truly kind of interesting. 80 people.

You know what it reminds you of the scene from Ghostbusters, not Ghostbusters, the scene from Batman where, you know, Jack Nicholson walks in and they're all with the boomboxes and everything in the restaurant. Well I'm just saying if you're going to do a flash mob, think twice about it. Think twice about it because you don't want to hurt an innocent person and you shouldn't steal. It's wrong. People's symptoms of mutant COVID strains, how the African doctor who first raised alarm

about Omicron warns its early signs are mild and patients who not lose their sense or smell. So they shut down, again, this was like the biggest story, Omicron, Omicron, whatever they call it. Omicron. Omicron, the new COVID variants here, Fauci's like lockdowns are not off the table, Israel shut their borders, other people are shutting their borders. It came out of an HIV patient in South Africa, right? That's what I've read.

Yeah, they're really pulling out all the stops for Omicron. They're like, let's give it an origin story. It came out of an AIDS patient in South Africa. They were like, what failed with the other ones? They're like, they didn't have origin stories. Give Omicron an origin story. Okay, so it came out of an AIDS patient. Oh, okay.

Omicron has since been detected in Britain, Germany, Italy, Belgium, Botswana, Israel, Hong Kong, and Australia, while Australian health authorities are today conducting an investigation into a suspected case. Now, South African doctor says this is like a tempest in a teapot. It's a storm in a teacup. He goes, listen guys, who cares? The symptoms are very mild. It is maybe a little bit more transmissible, but like every virus, there's a lot more mutations

and it weakens the virus over time, but nobody wants to hear that, but isn't that what you're hearing too? Yeah, that's what I'm hearing. This is not the end of the world. This is not what people think at all. This is going to be absolutely fine. I'm hoping it's a false alarm and the market rebounds and everything. Yeah, because the market got slaughtered.

Everybody thinks that, you know, the plague is here. But well, we've got the Gisling, Maxwell trial, and we've got all kinds of things. So there's nothing wrong with little Omicron to get everybody, here we go. We had one very interesting case, a kid about six years old with a temperature and a very high pulse rate. And I wondered if I should admit her. When I followed up two days later, she was so much better. They're saying it's increased heart rate, a little temperature.

The variant could pose a greater danger to the elderly, which is every variant, including the original COVID. The fatigue is supposed to be more intense. There's more intense fatigue, but we don't know, right? I mean, how long are we into this pandemic now? Two years? Yeah, coming up on two. This is the last one, I think.

And I know that we've been saying that forever, but this is the last. I think this is the variant where at the end, it weakens. The new potentially more contagious Omicron variant of the coronavirus popped up in more European countries on Saturday, just after being identified in South Africa, leaving governments around the world scrambling to stop the spread. I love it. Scrambling to stop the spread. The UK on Saturday tightened its rules on mask wearing and testing of international

arrivals after finding two cases. This may fuck up our European tour, our UK, Ireland and London. We don't want it to. I hope not in Scotland, but we don't know. We don't know what's going to happen because, you know, I'm not understanding this. I'm confused because apparently people are rushing to stop the spread of something that is incredibly mild. I don't.

But you know, we're going to play it by ear. It may not affect us Omicron Omicron Omicron. What is the history of the name? Why is it named Omicron? Pfizer and Moderna are like, we'll just cook up another Vax. It's another Trill. They kept naming the variants after Greek letters to avoid public confusion. But they can't use Z because that's the president of China.

Wouldn't it be funny if I just want to see the CEO of Pfizer, can we get a million dollar listing episode of the hundred and ninety million dollar house the CEO of Pfizer is going to buy in Beverly Hills? Just the CEO of Moderna, a lot of new pharma billionaires being created. I just want to see a nice episode of Selling Sunset, which is returned. The brain did women up the street sell real estate and these two little dwarf kings are, they own this real estate brokerage, these two dwarf kings. And then they have this woman named Christine Quinn, who's the whole reason for the show.

She's a lichen, Google lichen. Now a lichen is a mythological figure. And I think I'm spelling it wrong. Yeah, it's lichen. It's something to do with Thor, lichen, Thor, it's a, she's a lichen, plenty of that. Then I'll get that up. And she was like, she's very tall and she's kind of albino and she wears these crazy outfits. And her and all the other women fight with each other.

They don't really sell houses. The dwarf kings sell the houses and then the women like walk, you know, walk around these open houses. We went to a few open houses today. But I just want to selling sunset episode where just the CEO of Pfizer goes and buys. What do you have there? That's a lichen, L-Y-C-A-O-N and they're very evil. It says they're like half wolf.

Well, no, I don't, I don't know that you are really, you're very bad at this. It's kind of interesting. I bet you are looking things up. This is from mythology. I mean, you're good at other things, but you're really not good at this, right? I mean, you, this is, and even people comment, this is where you don't really add anything. I don't shine. Well, you can't even get to what I'm talking about.

It's very strange that you, you, you can't even get to it. You're pulling up pictures of hyenas. This is from mythology. What about the movie Underworld Rise of the Lichens? Can you Google Underworld Rise of the Lichens, please? Thank you. Interesting. Do you see what I mean?

Mm-hmm. Anyway, the point is, these people, you want to talk about a flash mob. When Moderna and Pfizer, when their CEOs start buying houses, it's going to be, wow. And I just hope I get to see it. I hope I get to see it. I hope I'm around and alive to see it. It should be soon. So hopefully I'll be here.

Um, Gislaine Maxwell, they're now saying she could win. How can she win? There are five ways. I like that someone has said, there are five things Gislaine Maxwell can do to win. Five ways Gislaine can win her child trafficking case as her child gets underway in New York. These are five ways. Okay. Let's count them down because, um, five ways.

The social age 59, she's almost 60, could win her case as she faces up to 80 years in jail on six charges, including sex trafficking of a minor. Okay. Let's see. Skategoat for Epstein. So she could claim she was being used as a scapegoat for Epstein. Well, that's an interesting way to do it. Okay.

That's number five. Number four, a desire for cash. According to pre-trial court filings, the four women who had leveled allegations against Maxwell have received quote, millions of dollars from a compensation program set up after Epstein's death. They're gold digging whores. That's what she's going to say. They're gold digging whores.

False memories of abuse. This is one of the good ones. One of my favorites. Leading cognitive psychologist, Professor Elizabeth Loftus is said to argue that Maxwell's alleged victims may have been influenced by media stories and conversations with other accusers into creating quote, false memories. One of my favorites. This is one of my favorites.

They trotted this out in the 80s, the 90s. They go, no matter what happens, if a kid alleges somebody abused them, they go, oh, false memories, quote, her testimony will concern the workings of human memory, the effects of suggestion on memory, the mechanism of the creation of false memories, the characteristics of false memories, how memory fades and weakens over time, and how memory becomes more vulnerable to contamination. So you can easily be convinced you were taken to an island and you sucked Alan Dershowitz's dick even if you didn't.

Right to a fair trial. Now this one I can understand. Maxwell's team could argue that her right to a fair trial has been scuppered. I would have said compromised. By media coverage and other scrutiny following her arrest, after she was taken into custody, William Sweeney, the FBI's assistant director for New York, labeled her a villain who quote, slithered away to a gorgeous property. It was fine.

Age of accusers, lawyers for Maxwell are set to argue that not all of the alleged victims were underage. Her accusers are listed as minor victims, one, two, three, and four, on the indictment, but her team will highlight that one was 17 when she was allegedly assaulted, and that the age of consent in the UK is 16, and the age of consent in New Mexico is 16. Well, I still think it's going to be an uphill battle for her. But those are, that's not a bad way to do it. Get out and you say these money-grubbing hoes are trying to get money.

Also, they are not telling the truth. They have false memories that were implanted in their heads. I'm being used as a scapegoat, and if all of that fails, she was 17, which I love. That's my favorite. They have false memories. None of this happened. And she was 17. So even if it did happen, who cares?

It's not a big deal. We wish her the best. How was your Thanksgiving? Was it good? Mine was fine. It was disappointing. I had a bunch of friends over, a few people. The thing is with these families, you've got to get a real family, because these families

that you cobble together, it's fine, but you've got to get a real family in life. So it was good, but I can't do Thanksgiving with my family, and I don't want to. I have no gumption to do that, and I never will again. I might get my aunt. There are certain people that I would invite separate from other people, but you had a lovely time. Lovely time, played golf out in the woods. Good time.

Yeah, I mean, that's good. I have no interest in doing it, but I think I have to just adopt a kid and get married or something, because there's not much else to do in life. I mean, we've been relatively successful with the show and touring and everything like that, but it's really meaningless, and everyone around you is kind of a horrible person. So you just have to get another thing going, and anyone that doesn't have a family is crazy. Anyone that doesn't have a family or that thinks like it's not worthwhile to have a family is kind of crazy, because these things you cobble together from people, it just doesn't

work. You know, you need a family. You need that unit, whether you're gay or straight or whatever you are. Pedophile, Gislaine Maxx, any of these, but you just need a family. Yeah, she's close with her family. They're a family. Why doesn't Seth Rogen defend her and go, what, boy, is this a big deal? Seth Rogen goes, is this a big deal?

Seth Rogen goes, I've lived here for 20 years. I've never viewed my young daughter as an extension of myself. Who cares? I've never felt violated. What's the big deal? That's what I mean. It's easy to defend like property crime, because no one cares about it. Why don't you defend this?

Go some balls and defend her like I have. I've gone on the ledge to defend this woman and nobody will back me up. That's what Casey Neistat should have tweeted. You should have tweeted, I feel violated that, that they broke into my car. And if we're going to live in a lawless society, then free Gislaine. How about that? I hope everything works out. It's odd.

It's been a weird news week. Everything's been kind of dominated by this fake COVID variant that is not doing anything to anyone. And yet. Seems totally fake. You know, Fauci's on the news now, and again, he's addicted to himself. The thing with Fauci, Tony Fauci, Anthony Fauci, he's addicted to himself. You know, he's the real pandemic, if you ask me.

You know what the real pandemic is? Fauci, vanity. Vanity is the real pandemic. And I'd like you to pipe down a little bit. Is there no one else that works? Remember that? Is there no one else that works at like the CDC? Can we get no one else except him?

Is he the only czar of coughing that this country has? Is there nobody else that might be a little bit more comforting after two years with this guy who's provably lied to us and has some sketchy past with the gain of function research? Just from a pure casting point of view. Is there not anyone else? Is there nobody? It's just this guy again. Can you pull up the interview that he just did?

He just did an interview where he was basically like, yeah, hey. This one on the NBC one, right? Yeah, meet the press. Joining me now is the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. It is Dr. Anthony Fauci, and of course he's the president's chief advisor on COVID, Dr. Fauci. Welcome back to Meet the Press. So I did some calendar math here.

He's not even impressed. He was labeled a variant of concern. Fauci's not even like mildly amused anymore to be on Meet the Press. He wants to be on somewhere bigger. Like Fauci's not thrilled with this. He's like, hey, man, fine, yeah, I'm here. The Sunday chat shows yawn. Let's see what Dr. Fauci has to say about Omicron.

In May, obviously it didn't really hit us until mid-July, and of course we had a terrible surge there for about two months. Here we are post-November. So we are already experiencing a surge. Now we have this. Are we headed for a bleak winter here, sir? You know, Chuck, a lot of whether or not we're headed into a bleak or bleak or winter is really going to depend upon what we do.

And I think what you're seeing is just the manifestation of what we've been talking about, why it is so important for people to get vaccinated and for those who are fully vaccinated to get boosted. Because even when you have variants like this, and there's a lot of unknowns about this variant, we know from experience that when you get a level of protection with vaccine, and particularly now with the extraordinary increase in protection you get with the booster, even when you have variants of concern, you do well against them. It may not be as good in protecting against initial infection, but it has a very important

impact on diminishing the likelihood that you're going to get a severe outcome from it. So this is a clarion call as far as I'm concerned of saying, let's put aside all of these differences that we have and say, if you're not vaccinated, get vaccinated. If you're fully vaccinated, get boosted and get the children vaccinated also. We now have time. Thank goodness that the South Africans were really extraordinarily good in what they did. They were completely transparent right from the beginning.

We were on the phone getting real-time information for them. On Friday we're going to be talking to them again today, so we have an advantage of this. We have an up on it. We know what's going on. We know what's going on. We're getting the worst accents in the world. South African, by the way, the worst accents of any. Have you heard of South African accent?

Ernie O's, yeah. It's the worst. More information in real time. When you diminish your stop or block, travel from a particular country, there's a reason for that. It's to give you time to do things, so don't let this decision that was made about blocking the travel from certain countries go without a positive effect. The positive effect is to get us better prepared, to rev up on the vaccination, to be really

ready for something that may not actually be a big deal, but we want to make sure that we're prepared for the worst, and that's what we should be doing. What is it about this variant that you've seen so far that has everybody so alarmed that the other variants that we've had in between Delta and this one, Delta Alarm folks, this one Alarm folks, Lambda and Mu, for instance, haven't? What makes Omicron so concerning to you? Well, right now what we have is we have the window into the mutations that are in this new variant.

They are troublesome in the fact that there are about 32 or more variants in that very important spike protein of the virus, which is the business end of the virus, and there's about 10 or more of these mutations that are on that part of the virus. We call it the receptor binding domain that actually binds to the cells in your nose or pharynx and in your lung. In other words, the profile of the mutation strongly suggests that it's going to have an advantage in transmissibility and that it might evade immune protection that you would get, for example, from a monoclonal antibody or from the convalescent serum after

a person's been infected and possibly even against some of the vaccine-induced antibodies. So it's not necessarily that that's going to happen, but it's a strong indication that we really need to be prepared for that, together with the fact that it just kind of exploded in the sense that when you look in South Africa ... All right. So we get what the whole thing ... The whole thing is like, hey, this is the same thing with every variant. They go, we don't know if the vaccines are going to work, but get the vaccines, but we

don't know if they're going to work, but they might. It's everybody's best guess, right? It's called Omnicron, and it's coming to a theater near you, and there's not much anybody knows. I'm sure they go around in circles for the rest of the interview. Like I said, I lack the expertise and virology to know anything about the new variant. From the doctors in South Africa, they have said they are noticing extremely mild illness and that there's not a really crazy cause for concern, as opposed to everybody else.

It's like shutting the borders, and like, Omnicron. So there does seem to be a little messaging snafu between the doctors going, yeah, we don't even understand what's going on. And then people going, hey, this has got 32 mutations in the spike protein. It could have evaded the vaccines. It could have evaded the monoclonal antibody, and we don't know. Maybe it will. I don't know.

People in South Africa are going, so far, we've seen very mild cases, and so I don't know what to do. We just hope the tour doesn't get hampered outside of the United States of America. The doctors are saying their symptoms are mild, but I say let's do a state of emergency first, like the governor of New York, Kathy Hochul. Shut it down. I'm ready for another, I mean people yell at me when I say this, but I'm ready for a sabbatical. I'm ready to do a month or two in the desert.

Shut it down. Shut it down. Flash mob. Let's do flash mobs. Shut it down, flash mobs. I don't understand the problem with taking a month or two of not working. The supply chain's fucked anyway. Nothing's coming in.

You can't go buy a couch. They'll straight up tell you it's going to take a year. You're out of your lease at that point. What the fuck's the point? Take a month or two. Let's shut it down, Omnicron. Flash mobs. Flash mobs for a few months.

Get any of your friends and start knocking over Nordstroms for a few months. Better safe than sorry. Omnicron. Flash mobs. Canada's indigenous health expert, Carrie Barrosa, loses a job in Ancestrary, claims proven false, and this is something that a lot of people have sent me. It's very funny. What did she claim to be?

Native American. And what was she? Russian. Find that out. She took a task, I believe. Well, you win some and you lose some. That's great. Yeah, why not?

You win some, you lose some. And she lost. Yeah, she said her name was Morningstar Bear. Yep. She's an unbear clan. She said her name was Morningstar Bear. I swear to God, right here. In 2019, she's a follower of Owen Benjamin.

It's interesting. This might have nothing to do with Native Americans. Yeah, maybe you're right. I don't know what's going on. Take her out and kill her. Why don't you prove a point? Take her out and put a gun in the head. Killer.

Killer, let the Omnicron get her. Vaccinator, Omnicron, flash mobs. I'm very excited that we're, two years into the pandemic, we're now entering the Omnicron flash mob part of this disease, which is perfect and beautiful. A scary sounding variant accompanied with 30 or 40 people, pepper spraying Nordstrom's employees, banging their heads off the walls, and grabbing handbags. Who said we weren't going to, who said we were going to come out of this stronger? Because they were right.

They were correct. We came out of it much stronger. We came out of it 80 people strong, pulling up outside the mall about to bang your head against a wall to grab a handbag, Omnicron, flash mobs. I can't get upset about it. I just have to move, you know, I just have to go on and quote, my name is Morningstar Bear. She said tearfully as the crowd cheered.

I'm Bear Clan. I'm Anishabi Metis from Treaty Four Territory. She proclaimed as she described an impoverished childhood beset by violence. And she's been full tribal regalia in this. Of course. Great. She had a feather in her hair the whole thing. Of course she did.

When I saw the TED acts to be quite honest, I was repulsed by how hard she was working to pass herself off as indigenous, said Wynonna Wheeler, an associate professor of indigenous studies. Wheeler, a documented member of Manitoba's Fisher River Cree Nation, started digging into Barass's genealogical records and took her findings to the media. Oh, that's great. Great. This is a good movie now.

This is going to be like a movie. You remember how there would be mysteries where somebody would take it upon themselves to look into somebody else and they would find out that they were like a murderer or they would find out that you like, you know, you're not the true, you know, inheritor of the estate and they find out that you're a liar and now they're going to find out that you're not a Native American. You're really not. It's like a Mori episode.

It's going to be the end of the movie just ripping the feather out of her hair. It's like the end of Tommy Boy with Bo Derek. They find out that Rob Lowe and Bo Derek were dating. They're not mother and son. It's going to be like this, except they're going to be like, you're not, you're not Morningstar Bear, are you? You're a dumb white bitch. Who says there's no good movies on the horizon?

Well, we wish Morningstar Bear the best. You are what you are in your heart. You know, now this woman's insane, clearly. Yeah, God, she's not, uh, not a looker, boy. Well, don't move to Austin, folks. I'll tell you that much. You're, uh, upsetting the apple cart down there. There's Morningstar Bear.

How much you want to bet she moves to Austin? Morningstar Bear. You've got a home in Austin, Texas, University of Austin. Come to the University of Austin and teach Barry Weiss. You've just added Morningstar Bear to our, to all of the academic heavyweights at the University of Austin. Maybe Seth Rogen will go, who cares? I've lived here 20 years.

I can't tell who's Native American and who's not. What does it matter? I've never viewed someone's cultural ancestry as an extension of myself. Sometimes you'll get a nice treat. Like someone who pretends to be Native American will give you a knife. It's fun. Seth Rogen just defends every part. Everybody accused of anything.

All right, folks, timdilloncomedy.com, come see us live on the road. We've got all kinds of dates. We've added second shows in Atlanta, Sacramento. Go grab those, and there's still some tickets left for St. Louis, Reading, Pennsylvania, all over the place. It's going to be a lot of fun finishing out the year strong here, Garden City, Idaho. And we have a late show as well in Garden City, Idaho. So grab that.

And then, of course, Toronto on New Year's. That is a big one at Meridian Hall, Toronto, Ontario, New Year's, a massive New Year's show. Hopefully we can do it with Omicron. And then, of course, so far, Glasgow, Dublin, London. We are in the UK, hopefully Omicron doesn't fuck us over. And then Huntington, New York at the Paramount Theater shooting a special there in late January and then Red Bank, New Jersey.

So timdilloncomedy.com for live tickets. Thank you so much. Omicron, Flash Mobs, Morningstar Bear.