The Tim Dillon Show - 281 - Hewlett Harbor Holiday

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

Live from Austin, Texas this week, Tim discusses a Long Island family execution on Christmas morning, Adam McKay's new Netflix film "Don't Look Up", the controversy around "Licorice Pizza", how his Holiday Season went down, and why once again Ben and his wife are up to their usual tricks. Bonus episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow See Tim Live on the road: ▶▶ http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: 🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off 💊 MASF SUPPLEMENTS ▶▶ https://masfsupplements.com/ use code TIMD for 10% OFF 🧴 DUKE CANNON DEODERANT ▶▶ https://dukecannon.com/ use code DILLON for 10% off 💍 NORTHBANDS RINGS ▶▶ https://www.northbands.com/ use promo code TIM for 20% off CERTIFIED PIEDMONTESE BEEF ▶▶ 25% OFF with discount code TIMDILLON at https://www.cpbeef.com HELLO FRESH ▶▶ Go to https://www.hellofresh.com/timdillon12 for 12 free meals including free shipping! GET ACRE GOLD and start investing in physical Gold today! ▶▶ https://www.GetAcreGold.com/TimDillon MAKE CRYPTO SIMPLE! ▶▶ Visit https://Dchained.com/Inner-Circle and sign-up today. BIRD DOGS! ▶▶ https://www.birddogs.com/ use code TIMDILLON DOORDASH ▶▶ Download the Doordash app and enter code TIMDILLON to get 25% off. SIMPLI SAFE ▶▶ https://simplisafe.com/timdillon to save 20% DRAFTKINGS ▶▶ Download DraftKings app and use the code TIMDILLON to get a free shot at a one million dollar prize CROWDHEALTH ▶▶Just go to https://JoinCrowdHealth.com/fit and enter code TIMDILLON at sign up. That’s 30 days to try risk free plus the Fitness Wearable. WATCH GANG ▶▶ https://watchgang.com promo code TIM to save 20% PHILO TV ▶▶ https://philo.tv/timdillon Get 25% off your first two months! MINT MOBILE ▶▶ https://mintmobile.com/timdillon Get your new wireless bill for 15 bucks a month! VERSUS GAME ▶▶ https://apps.apple.com/us/app/versusgame/id1536931360 Get five dollars toward your first bet use code TIM! LIGHTSTREAM ▶▶ https://lightstream.com/timdillon Save with a credit card consolidation loan! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show from Austin, Texas. Ray Kump has come down with COVID, which I knew was going to happen. I should not have even had him come here. I should have canceled my Christmas festivities, but I did not. I brought him and Lucy, his girlfriend, who you know from his podcast. And this was like the first time they had left their house in a very long time. They contracted COVID immediately. The symptoms are mild. They're at the Four Seasons right now on my credit card ordering room service, curing themselves of COVID. They're having a hot chocolate service the last time I stopped by the room.

They're having a hot chocolate in churros and marshmallows. And then I'm moving him into my back house until he tests negative and he can fly. He sent me a list of foods that he wanted for groceries and they were lentil soup, mac and cheese. Now imagine you have COVID and you're sending someone to the store. You would think you might get water or orange juice. Pedialyte. Please stop. You're done now for your contribution. Every time I look at you, it doesn't mean I want you to talk. Thank you.

But you would think you would get water, vitamin D, vitamin C, whatever. Nobody gets pedialyte, by the way. Who gets pedialyte? People that want to be rehydrated? From COVID? I've never heard anyone get pedialyte. That's like something drunks take when they're fucked up all night, right? I don't know. If you're really dehydrated, I've heard that's like the trick. It's for like people that are on Mali all night. I think the next day if they're like drunk. I haven't heard of like pedialyte for COVID, but listen to this list of groceries.

Lentil soup, which is probably an accident. Mac and cheese, peanut butter and jelly, country white type bread, penne pasta, jar sauce, eggs, canned coffee, like Starbucks or something similar. So that's how they're going to get over the COVID is with a macaroni cheese and peanut butter and jelly and penne pasta. I got to go out to the grocery store and get this for them. And I will put it in a, in the cupboards and in the refrigerator so they can go and destroy my home. But this is when you invite people to your place of residence for a holiday and they get sick with COVID. This is what happens. Colin Powell said to George W. Bush about Iraq, if you break it, you own it. I broke it. Now I own it.

I own them now. They are my responsibility until they test negative, which is happening to a lot of different people. People come to your house. You think they're going to be there, you know, 12 hours. They all of a sudden they test positive. Now you got to figure something out. Got to put them in a room or an attic or a basement. Got to put them in a panic room. Got to lock them outside in a kennel until they test negative, which could be seven, eight, nine, 10. God help us 15 days. I mean, you'd really hope that they test negative sooner rather than later. But until that I have, they'll be eating macaroni and cheese. That is a list of food. If you, if you didn't want to heal from COVID, if you wanted to just get COVID,

you would eat that food. That would be the food that you would eat. Macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly, penne pasta, jar sauce. I like that he specified jar sauce because otherwise I would have been cooking. I go, oh, I'll make, I'll make a sauce for them. Hopefully they're doing well. They have a very mild symptoms. They probably got the Omicron, which is a head cold. They're vaccinated. But you know, now it's, it's, I got, I got everybody. It's around me. He's getting sick. It's the final wave of the COVID here. You know, God willing.

And everybody's got it. Ben's wife thought she had it, but she might not have. Everybody has this or everybody's at least panicked with the idea that they, they may have it. Now, the real interesting people are the people that have not gotten it yet. The people that are two years into the pandemic and have not gotten it yet. They're either immune or for whatever, I mean, those people are walking around completely panicked that at any moment their time is going to be up. I don't know how you haven't gotten it up until now, but Ben was one of those people. Ben was one of those people that didn't get it and he just got it.

This is the wave where people that haven't gotten it are going to get it. This is the highly transmissible one. So even if you're like Ben and you do so little and you're usually on a golf course or you do very little, even someone like him who barely works can get it. You gotta imagine if he can get it, if Ben can get it, anyone can get it. If Ben can get it, a toothless hermit who lives in a ramshackle old cabin by the lake can get it because they do the same amount. So if Ben is unsafe from this, that means anyone can get it. I mean any human being engaged in any level of effort, any level of work can pick this up. Walk across the street by mistake, you can get it.

So now of course it was mild for most people. It was not mild for you. It was you got really sick. You were very sick, right? Yes, I was. Yeah, and how long were you? And you're not fat. No, and I take my vitamins. And you take your vitamins, but it can still make you sick. Yes. And you were at home being sick while I was on the road earning.

Well, I may have had Delta. You may have had the other variant. That's right. Perhaps we don't know. Or you had the Omicron and you were just kind of playing it up. That's possible, yes. You may be playing it up a little bit. I wasn't, but it's a possible. A little bit you might have been playing it up, I think. Because Ray Kump, who is 800 pounds is doing relatively fine.

He can type out, get me mac and cheese. But you who are svelte and in good shape were like moaning and crying and like rolling all around on the floor. Don't you aren't you slightly ashamed of that? Raymond is soldiering through being the fattest person either one of us have ever met in real life. And you, a relatively in great shape person, completely fell apart. Are you not a little ashamed of that?

Yeah, it's messed with my head a little bit. It is, isn't it? Yeah. Odd. But this is what happens. This is what happens. I think sometimes when we allow ourselves to not think of our mission and our purpose, right?

And instead of thinking of our mission and our purpose, this program, all the things we try to accomplish and do, you decide to go and get sick during the final days of the tour, a tour that you had complained about and you had been very upset about because it was very hard for you to like take planes. You would talk about how hard it is to get on the plane. And then would they ask you to fly any of the planes? No, right?

It was just primarily, well, you would sit on the plane and you didn't like it. It was very hard for you. All the adoring fans and the people that would come to you and say, hello, it's very hard for you. So it was odd that in the last few days of the tour, you just crapped out. I'm raising my hand. Yeah. May I suggest something?

No, you're free to speak. Perhaps. Now, I'm judging this because Ray has COVID, right? And tested positive. That is true. And when you tested positive, you tested a very faint line. She said, I was sitting there in the kitchen. No, no, no.

I was sitting there in the kitchen and Joe Rogan's witch doctor QAnon nurse came over and you tested a very faint line that was almost on the edge of you not having it. Yes. That is correct. Okay. So now go on with what you're going to say. Okay.

So I wasn't feeling that bad at the moment. I didn't get any sleep, but I was sweating, but I was like, I'm pretty sure I have COVID, right? Right. So now Raymond is over here day two, day three is fine. But what happened with me is I got the Regeneron immediately and then I started feeling bad. So maybe the Regeneron is what made me sick.

Perhaps or do you want to hear my theory? Okay. Do you want to hear my theory? Sure. I believe you had been complaining to your wife. No, I truly believe this. I believe you have been complaining to your wife that you had to work because we know that the bane of your...

Okay. Why are you raising your hand again? I have not even advanced my theory. Okay. Yeah. No, because I'm dead serious. There's something's up. Something's up and we need to figure out what it is because this seems...

Now, you almost did it again where you said your wife was sick, but then you finally came back. You did it again. You were trying to do it again. Went and stayed in Aveline, Texas with my wife. I don't know, but you were cooking something up again. I don't know. You were and everyone knows it.

And the fans will know it. They'll hear it in your voice. What were you saying? Okay. Stop raising your hand. You freak. What were you saying now? What I'm saying is...

Will you be... Can I ask for your honesty? Yes. Can I ask for your honesty for the love of God? Yes. And just be honest for Christ and not continue to obfuscate, continue to lie, continue to, you know, basically completely and utterly disrespect myself in this program. And the fans.

But what were you going to say? Well, if I had a positive test, why would I play up being really sick while you're gone? What I need would be a positive test. That's my ace in the hole. And then I wouldn't have to go on the last three days. Your test was barely positive. Truly. I don't know what you cooked up with that witch before I got there.

Your test was barely positive. And then you decided to have a throw a pity party for yourself for an entire week where you threw a big pity party. And then you got your wife in on it. And when you went to the in-laws for fried biscuits or whatever they were going to serve you, you then tried to pitch her that she should take the fall for a week. So you two didn't have to come back and you didn't have to do any work. Now, I know that this is some kind of ridiculous statement, but it's very odd that Ray Kump,

okay? Ray Kump who weighs as much as a Chevy Tahoe. It truly not a suburban, but at least a Tahoe. More than a traverse. He more than an equinox. Yes. He is doing this doing well. And Ben Avery, a lanky person was unable to handle this.

I'm just throwing it out there. Hey, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on. I'm just, I'm just saying that we see you and what you believe and who you are. Adam McKay's new movie, Don't Look Up, Getting Panned. Why don't people like it? It's about climate change. Adam McKay, the brilliant comedic director of things like Step Brothers and Anchorman,

no longer wants to make stand-up comedy. He said making movies about white guys in suits doesn't feel right because those white guys in suits have ruined the world. So he doesn't want to laugh at that anymore. This is from Adam McKay. I'm paraphrasing, but that's pretty much what he said. So now he wants to make films about important impactful issues like climate change. The problem is a lot of people don't think it's good.

Now, I don't know how many people, you know, I just know that he's got Leonardo DiCaprio in it, right? You also have Jonah Hill. He's got Jonah Hill, Meryl Streep. He's got a great cast. The problem is they say it's a little heavy-handed, I guess, in the messaging. Yes, I haven't got to see it yet, but it seems to be getting panned by everybody. Not that good. Well, nothing's going to be good when it's about an ideology rather than a story if it's a movie.

I mean, ideologies aren't necessarily designed to be movies. So even if they're correct, even if they're the right one, it's probably not going to be that good. Weiss was not good. He's actually not good at this. He's good at making those movies about silly white guys in suits because he is a silly white guy in a suit. What he's not is this like, you know, he's not Francis Ford Coppola. He's not. And I don't care.

I mean, I don't care. He's never going to do anything with me anyway. But, you know, he made the big short and that was fun, but that was the edge of what he could do. Like, that was as serious as he could do it. And he had Margot Robbie in a tub explaining like credit default swaps. Like, it wasn't that serious. But he's a genius. And what he's done with comedy is amazing.

He's left his stamp, Him and Will Farrell on comedy. But this stuff that he's doing now that he wants to do because he wants the Emmys, he wants the awards, the articles. It's not going to be good. And a lot of people, you know, have been kind of saying that have the critics. Yeah, I got Roger Ebert's website right here. What did he say? What did Roger Ebert say? Well, he since passed away, but I believe Nick Allen is like running it now.

He's like, Oh, good. I forgot that Roger Ebert died. They're carrying on the spirit of COVID last week with you. Is that what happened to Roger Ebert? He got COVID at the end of the tour and he had to lay in a bathtub for seven days. It's almost irrelevant that this is McKay's worst film yet because there's something far more maddening about the promise of the potential and the importance that don't look up voice upon itself. This is, of course, about global warming and how we're not doing enough about it. A funny premise for a star set of comedy with disturbing stakes, but McKay has filled this parable with hot air wanting us to marvel at and then choke on its mediocre jokes.

So Nick Allen sort of ripping at the shreds there. From what I've heard, it's just not funny, which, which you don't want to. That's the last thing you want when making a comedy is someone to say it's not a comedy. Well, I don't think he wants to be funny. Oh, interesting. I mean, this is the point is that he doesn't want to be funny. Comedy is no longer about being funny. It's about having people go, yeah, you're right about that.

So I don't think Adam McKay is disturbed by that. I mean, maybe he is, but I mean, this is a dude who said, I don't want to make any comedies anymore. I want to make the type of comedy that people in, in, in my circle will like. My circle of polite multimillionaires who will then say, Oh, that's so important. Such an important issue. Thank you. And, you know, that seems to be what he wants to do. So he has accomplished that.

He did it. It's not for you anymore, dummy. They hate you. They don't want you to laugh at what they do. They don't think you're a human being. They don't value you. They don't think you should own a car. They don't think you should be able to drive anywhere.

They don't believe you should choose your job. They don't believe you should have free speech. They don't believe you should be allowed to go on the internet and say what you want to say. They barely believe you should be able to vote. Yeah. And they don't care that you like their movie on top of that. And icing on the cake. They don't care if you think they're funny anymore.

It does not matter to them. That ship has sailed. You were lucky. They don't want you to have custody of your own children. They don't give a fuck if you like their movie. Truly. Seth Rogan doesn't care if you like. What did they just make?

abortion. abortion. Mrs. Claus. Whatever it is. What is it called? Santa Inc. Right. About Sarah Silverman.

Sarah. Who was very funny at one point. But is now spends all her time on a podcast. Apologizing to random people because she said the N word in 2004. Why don't you go? Why don't you go help someone that needs help instead of sitting on your podcast and apologizing. This is self-serving shit here. So everyone that I grew up liking has become cringe and it's really truly disgusting.

And the answer is not to make like, you know, Ben Shapiro, Charlie Kirk fantasies about, you know, female snipers killing school shooters. No, that movie is good Tim. You don't really get, yeah, fuck you. Maybe it is good. I don't care. That's not the answer either. The answer is going to get a bunch of conservative psychopaths together to make right wing movies either.

Okay. But yeah, they don't give a shit if you like their movie. That shouldn't shock you. Nobody cares. It's not about like, it's not about like being funny. It's about, it's about pissing people off and making other people happy, which is, should be the essence of comedy. But when it's, when it's strictly about politics all the fucking time. And there's no other element that anybody thinks about when they make something.

Everything will suck. Things will be bad. Comedy is the gray area. Comedy should live in the area that is not explicitly defined by who somebody voted for. There are deeper things about the human experience that we can convey besides who somebody voted for. It's silly now. And yeah, but you know, good luck. Good luck, everyone.

I hope that you enjoy it and maybe it is good. Maybe I'll love it. Maybe I love it. What if I like it and they tell everybody to fuck off. I want to talk about this story. A bodybuilder killed his parents in Long Island in a $3 million home. I love where I grew up so much. And I have so much pride in it.

And that's why I get upset with Ben when he lies about COVID. Because I've taken him to the greatest place he'll ever be, Long Island, New York. And I've allowed him to meet these people. I've acted as a tour guide and showed him the promised land. A bodybuilder in New York killed his parents. He shot them on Christmas morning. It's a Long Island Christmas story. A bodybuilder who had a little roid rage.

Shot both of his parents in the face on Christmas morning. Do you have the story, Ben? Yes, his name is Dino. His name was Dino. Tell the people about Dino and his final act. He didn't kill himself. He's still around. I believe, yeah, he was arrested. So this is a 29-year-old bodybuilder from Brooklyn.

According to cops in a report, pumped up Dino Thomasetti. Dino! Is accused of shooting his 65-year-old father in the back and 64-year-old mother in the head. Dino! At their Tony Hewlett-Harbour home just after 10 a.m. Merry Christmas, Dino! Hewlett-Harbour is a nice area of Long Island. I like that area a lot.

$3 million house. 3.2. 3.2. And so now daddy got it in the back and he shot mommy in the head. That's right. So then... What's that song Santa got run over by a reindeer? Or Grandma got run over by a reindeer.

Is that it? Yeah. Yes, that's the song. Grandma got run over by a reindeer. How does it go? I'll play it for you right now. Play it! Dino, baby!

So there's a lot of iterations. Let me... I think this is a good one. Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Walking home from our house Christmas Eve. You could say there's no such thing as Santa. That's for me and Grandma, we believe. Dino shot his mommy in the head.

Then he shot papa in the back. Then he shot papa in the back. They were having fun at Hewlett Harbor. Where everyone is Jewish, no one's black. That's just demographics. Dino said, I'm upset. And he shot his parents right in the head. Merry Christmas.

It's fun and you saw a trail of blood. And on those heated kitchen floors you saw a trail of blood. All right. I feel bad. Do we know why he did this? So let's see. Because one thing I've learned about family is that it can be trying. I mean, really.

I'm never advocating killing your parents. Here's what I'm saying. Family in general, especially during the holidays, Ben, can be trying. Yes. Right? Yes. Now is it so trying that you would shoot your mother in the head

on Christmas morning? You'd hope not. Right? Sure. But I don't know. So where did he flee after this? Yes, he fled. I'm trying to figure out.

It doesn't seem that we have a motive. Come to Austin, Texas, Dino. Come right down here to Austin, Texas. We got your back. Supposedly Dino and the mother were best friends. That's what I'm reading. It's everybody is shocked by this news. The mother owned a dance studio.

Stars on Broadway and Lindbrook. A woman outside of Dino's building in East Williamsburg who identified herself as his best friend told the post that he's definitely not a violent person. I mean, he looks very violent. In Long Island, when people say they're not a violent person, it means they're incredibly violent. I know people that's been said about,

and that usually means they're incredibly violent. He's not a violent person. You know, he's getting fights here, and there occasionally he's been arrested a few times. You know, batteries, small time, B and E. He broke into his ex-girlfriend's apartment once, smashed your head to the wall. But you know, he's not a violent guy.

You know, we came home a few times. He had a gang war on the street. Just a bunch of people beating each other with chains and bats. But he's not really a violent guy. I feel bad. I don't want to make fun of this horror. Well, I have some good news. The parents are alive.

They're in critical condition. Wait a minute. Hey, I smell a Hallmark Christmas movie. I smell a miracle. Ben, I can't believe you buried the lead. Because here, I thought this story was going to be sad. I thought it was going to be irredeemably tragic. But now, Benjamin Avery, our honest producer,

is telling us the parents are not dead. They're not dead. The father is in the most serious condition right now, but neither parent has died as of the current moment. Mom was shot in the head, and dad in the back. Dad was shot in the back. In the back. But nobody's dead, right?

No, and the police have not released a motive for the shootings. Nor have they updated the public yet on the condition of the victims. There's a chance that next year, next Christmas, they're all sitting at a table, eating dinner with Dino, Mom and Dad in the house after he's gotten psychiatric help, right? Yes. But I think they'll still put him in jail for this, even if the parents don't press charges.

So here's something interesting, Tim. This is an interesting little side note. I don't want to chase rabbits with the story, but it says... What? You don't want to what? Chase rabbits. You mean go down a rabbit hole? Well, yeah. I mean, I'm kind of making a matrix reference, I guess.

You're making a matrix reference. Yeah. Why? Because I don't want to veer off into the weeds here. I'm trying to stay on the story. Why would you say chase rabbits? Is that not an expression to use? It's a rabbit hole.

You go down a rabbit hole. Okay, that's fair. You sound crazy. I was just listening to the matrix soundtrack on the way here. I don't know why you made me see that the other night. It's fucking horrible. So it says here, a 2006 New York Times profile detailed how Dino Sr. was once indicted for allegedly illegally paying off Union brass

throughout the span of a decade. Federal prosecutors had also linked him to organized crime figures. Now, is this significant? It could be. Or is this everybody in Long Island? They have links to these guys. That is also true. Here are the three things about the story.

Everybody on Long Island is a criminal. Everybody on Long Island has paid off somebody. And everybody on Long Island's kid wants to shoot him in the head. Do you see? Yeah. So we've got three definites. Everybody's corrupt. And everybody has a kid.

Listen, I love my family. All of my friends love their family. I can count on my two hands. The times I've seriously thought about murdering both of my parents like started to make a plan. Now, most people I know have felt the same way. I don't mean it's passing thought. I mean considering killing both of them and fleeing

and actually planning it out in my head. I've done that about seven or eight times. Most people I know on Long Island have done exactly that. Where they've planned out how they would kill their parents and they would get away with it. Now, maybe that's something people where you grew up don't do. But it's kind of a rite of passage. It's sort of coming of age.

If you can't fantasize about beating your parents bloody with a bat. I used to fantasize about beating my parents bloody with a metal bat. To the point where there was so much blood going down their faces you couldn't even see who was who. They were so bloody. And I always thought about it around the holidays. I don't know why. Maybe it's because it was easier to get both of them in the same place.

My point is this. It's not rare to want to shoot your mother in the face on Christmas morning where I come from. It is not rare to want to shoot pop pop in the back where I come from. Maybe other parts of the country they don't feel like that. But in Long Island if you want to be a man eventually you got to shoot your father in the back. Now, some people don't do it.

Of course they don't have the money. They're not confident. Maybe they never grow up. But I'll tell you one thing about Dino Jr. the bodybuilder. He's no joke. You know. Now, here's the thing about Long Island.

The parents on either side of that house they're going to be well behaved. They're going to be well behaved. If this was as shocking as people say it was that means that there's other families in that area that are like fuck it could happen to anybody. Anybody could get it at any time. Now this woman ran a dance school.

I do not want to be. I'm not even trying to make light of this. It is my shitty job. Occasionally I may say some things that are but it is a story that I'm fascinated by. Because I wish to God. I pray. I truly wish.

I had the strength to kill my parents. But I didn't because I'm weak. I'll admit that to the people listening. I'm weak. I never killed them. They slept in separate bedrooms. I'd have to cap one and cap the other. It was a whole thing.

Do they do a A if she survives and we hope she does. Does the dance school do a number to for her to celebrate her life. What's it called in Lindbrook stars. Lindbrook stars with a Z. Yeah. Well there are no stars in Lindbrook. But perhaps they will do the right thing

which is honor this woman's legacy with a dance number. And the number will be to honor her life. You know which we hope she still has. And I'm just saying I hope that happens sooner rather than later. The dad and the grandfather have a pretty sketchy record here. What do you mean. Well the dad and the grandfather. Why am I going to get shot for talking about this.

Why don't you protect me. We could always edit it out later but since the dad and grandfather were arrested for operating an illegal way site next to their company's Brooklyn headquarters in 97 and that year that company pleaded guilty to filing fake documents related to a project at Elmhurst Hospital Center in Queens. So they had a 2.5 million contract to build concrete decking for a new wing at the hospital and had secretly and illegally

contracted the work to a second company for 1.4 million enabling them to collect a one million dollar profit. The Times reported the scheme came to light after they failed to pay the second company. Wow. Yeah they're criminals. In the same article the Attler reported that the company was indicted for racketeering in 1987 for bribing local officials

to let them illegally dump construction waste in Jersey. They eventually got off when they paid a twenty five thousand dollar fine. Nobody deserves to get shot in the face on Christmas. I don't care what they did. You tell me their own son whacked them. How do we know that little Dino did it. The police arrested him because he was he was fleeing the scene

but I you make a good point here we don't have any video. Maybe he was going to work out. Did they ever think about that. No I'm dead serious. Maybe little Dino was stressed out and he wanted to go work out. Well we have his Instagram here right. So here's do we let's get into his head a little bit. Let's get into his head.

OK so of course hey I'm I'm Dino you're in my fucking head now. Fucking traffic. So it's a photo here's we submit this to the court here. This is the picture of him sitting in the car kind of looking ahead with his watch. Yeah. And the caption says don't bleed on someone who didn't cut you and then he has the prayer hands and the one hundred and then

he says dinner to the aftermath much appreciated much respect hashtag thank you hashtag New York City hashtag New York hashtag stay focused hashtag fitness hashtag fashion hashtag blessed hashtag grateful. I don't think he did it. I want to come out and support him right now. I don't believe he did it. He's being framed.

I'm dead serious. I think he's being framed by a gangland connection. OK. I believe he's being framed. Hashtag blessed. I don't think he did it. I don't think he's did it. I think he's too much of a pussy.

I think he's too much of a pussy to shoot his mother in the head. I know a lot of people who said they were going to kill their parents on Long Island and none of them did. You know why because we live because we have the worst generation ever of people that got participation trophies. We got soft snowflakes. None of them raised a hand to their parents. Well we wish we wish Dino the best.

I don't think he did it and I will support him and I will the full power of the show will be to support him. Well is Instagram still up. I just texted you a link if you want to follow him or support him or anything like that. Let's see. Are there any comments on the post. I can't believe the police haven't taken this down yet in

Long Island. They should have taken. Wow. Leave it up. Iron bros. Oh somebody wrote Bob is going to love those muscles at Rikers Island. Those killer shoes are just good comedy two hours ago.

Sixteen minutes ago must be the steroids. Insta blue check goes to have me to get your blue check. Somebody goes are you the one who tried to kill your parents. I guess the steroids got to your head. Somebody writes bro. I know a good criminal defense lawyer DM me. That's the best. That's my favorite one so far.

Long Island is all about getting the hook up. You know. Yeah bro. I know a good lawyer DM me. Bro. Listen dude. Don't fucking worry about nothing. You shot your dad in the back and you shot your mom in the head

on Christmas day. You need a lawyer bro. You need a good lawyer. Yo I know a good lawyer and then he'll talk about it like he'll go out you know for dinner and he'll be like yo my boy dude he got in some shit. He shot his mother in the head and his father in the back Christmas morning.

Dude he only did 20 years because I got him that good lawyer. Dude 20 years for that. That's not bad. It's unfortunate. It's unfortunate but this is you know. It's it's an unfortunate cycle of violence. 50,000 cases of COVID New York in one day retail sales up most they've been in 20 years.

You as consumers were in the mood to spend this holiday season with retail sales soaring 8.5% over last year. Online sales were up 11% and in store sales up 8.1% between November 1st and Christmas Eve. The increase which was the strongest in 17 years does not reflect automobile sales. Customers splurged throughout the season. The boom saw apparel and department stores experiencing

strong growth as shoppers sought to put their best dressed foot forward. Americans flocked to clothing which experienced a 47% increase in sales year to year as well as jewelry a 32% increase. The period included several weeks before the Omnicron COVID-19 variant spread widely in the United States. Department stores sales were up 21% while electronic products

experienced 16.2% growth. Wow, so it is a stronger holiday season than I thought. It's a pretty damn strong holiday season. People are back out. They're back in the saddle. They're buying jewelry for the people that aren't dead. Some people aren't dead and they should get a watch. They're buying clothes.

They're stepping out. I missed the feeling of going to a Long Island mall during the holidays with my friends and you would buy gifts for your grandmother or somebody. There was something really nice about that. You know, looking at the Christmas tree lights. You know, I mean, you don't really have that because you didn't come from an area where people really put up Christmas

lights. No, no, no. I came from an area where people did. They put up Christmas lights and they shot their mother in the head. And I would never trade where I grew up, but I'm happy that. I'm like really, really happy that things are looking better economically for people.

People are like, fuck it. We're going to spend money this year. We're going to get a couple of gifts. I don't think I got anyone gifts this year. I got you a little something a bonus, but a little charity stuff. I don't think I got anyone a gift this year. I don't believe I won.

I didn't get anyone anything. I remember one of my tweets once was another year of not didn't get to receive any presents. I won. Isn't that winning? But I'm happy that people are out there spending that money. This economy might just, you know, Peter Schiff keeps going. It's going to die, but maybe not.

Maybe we just soldier on, march on. We might be okay. It all may be okay. It may not, but it could. I'm excited about the prospects of strong numbers from the holiday rush. Did you get anyone anything? I got you some gifts.

I got family members gifts. I did some charity. What do you get for people? Uh, for who? For anyone. Well, like my wife likes the aviator nation stuff. So I got her some hoodies from there. Nice.

I got my brother a check. He doesn't really like things. And you know, which is, oh, that's, oh, that's nice. Uh, I gave Cole some stuff. I gave him some bird dog stuff. Who's a sponsor of ours. Oh, good. Uh, that's really, I mean, a ton, a ton, a ton of stuff.

I got you a spider book. Yeah. I appreciate that to identify spiders. I appreciate it. Now you and your wife are, you're stunningly generous people. I donated to charity. How much? You want me to actually tell you?

Yeah. I believe it was $1,200. Which charity? Uh, this church that Katie knows for kids who don't have toys on Christmas. What is that? I think we did four families at 300 a piece. What does $1,200 do?

Well, I think, I think that was four homes from what I understand. I think it was four homes. Yeah. So it's $300 for each kid in each home. What do they get with that? I mean, you can get, you can get some nice stuff. You can get a Nintendo switch. Hold on.

It's my postmates. Hello. I'm Satine. Yes. How are you? Oh, this is Nick at the front desk. We're just wondering, uh, which room are we delivering this to? 741.

Thank you so much. Tell the other guy that he's awesome to put the other guy back on. Yes, sir. Thank you very much. I appreciate everything, sir. Have a good holiday. Okay. Thank you, sir.

Thank you. Here, you see what I just did? That's better than money. Hmm. That's reaffirming someone's human dignity. Do you understand the difference between me and you? That you just write a check and I actually tell people, thank you. That's the difference.

That's the difference. If you had to say what the difference was, that's the difference. Hmm. I sent Michelle $500 over sale because she was doing something like that for the kids. I don't know if she was able to get the money. So I believe I'll have to cancel it. But, you know, I just, it's a lie that you're, that the kids get $300. I don't, I know it's real.

It's real thing. I don't think it's real. Call my wife. Because what, you give them $1,200 and then the organization goes and they buy two presents for each kid. They buy a water gun and something else. Straight up. The presents cost $8 each.

Okay. That's $16 per household. They take the rest of that money. Okay. Hmm. And they fucking pad their own pockets. Truly. Which is why I do direct charity like what I just did on the phone.

I don't know why. It's funny. It's literally affirming someone's human dignity. Okay. I'm donating $10,000 to Dino Tomaselli. I'm paying for his lawyer. You know why? Because I believe everyone in America, especially people from Long Island, deserve, they deserve

adequate defense. Did you meet any of the kids that you supposedly gave gifts to? No. Interesting. I don't even know their names. You don't know their names. No. And you don't know anything about this.

You just wrote a check. Yeah. My wife told me that we should do it. So I did it. Well, Michelle texted me and she said she was doing something similar. And I sent her $500 on Zell and she couldn't get it. So I had to cancel the payment, but it doesn't matter. Do you understand?

Yeah. Because you still did it. I did it. Yeah. But I will get my money back. I've been trying to do charity for 10 years. Can you get the chicken nuggets? Yeah.

I feel bad. I feel bad. I don't even like to. It's bad karma to make fun of dead people and shit, but they're not dead. So everything will be fine. As long as everybody remembers that the holidays are about love and that from very hard situations, we can find the love. This kind of reminds you of like Jerry Springer.

Remember Jerry Springer would do like the thought of the day and it would have nothing to do with the show. The show would be like lesbian of midgets, like fighting each other. And then Jerry Springer would be like, sometimes we're tested. And in those moments, it's like, Jerry, what the fuck are you talking about? People are mad at Paul Thomas Anderson's new movie. What is it about grooming age gap? What's happening?

Yeah. I saw the infamous Charlotte climber is mad about it on Twitter and some other. But other people are mad about it. Yeah. Some other people are mad about it, but I mean, it's like, what is it again? He's 15. So Philip Seymour Hoffman's son is 15 in it. And the lead singer of Heim is 25 in the movie.

And it's a love interest. So the age gap is 25 and 15. And you can see where people have problems from there. Yeah. But are they fucking? I do not believe they have sex in the film. No. It's just like it's a cute little, it's a cute little, you know, high school,

romantic thing. Well, is it cute if someone's 25 and someone's 15? I mean, it's cute. I think the argument is that if it's a girl is the older person and then the guy is the younger person. No, I understand that. But if I made a movie where I was dating a 15 year old when I was 25, would that be cute?

It could maybe be done in a cute way. I don't think so. It is a little, we got to stop doing that. Can we agree to that? Yeah. We got to stop doing that. It's not college and senior year of high school. Do you understand?

Mm-hmm. 25 and 15, we got to stop doing that, right? Am I wrong? Why are you giggling? I'm not going to argue against this. I think we got to, we got to slow it down a little bit with that. I mean, I'm saying, truly, I truly believe it might be time in light of what we know about the world and the amount of children that are abused with impunity.

Like maybe it's time to just like stop romanticizing that kind of chasm. When somebody's 15, when somebody's 18 or 19, they could do whatever they want. They could bang a 75 year old, inherit their fucking house and they should. But when somebody's a 15 year old and they're a child, I don't know. Yeah. I think Paul Thomas Anderson's thing is he's trying to make it hunky dory in the movie from what I've read because I haven't seen the film yet. But it's supposed to be a hunky dory, cute thing.

Meaning what? Meaning, you know those kind of relationships you've seen where like the little boy is into like the babysitter or whatever and it's kind of cute. It's like, oh, it's kind of... I understand that. I understand that. But 15, it's not a little boy that's a child who's going through puberty or has gone through puberty. And then the girl's 25.

Yes. But are they hooking up? I don't believe they hook up, but let me figure out exactly. Yeah, but I mean, it's not... I'm not saying it's a big deal. I'm not saying that this should only be released on the dark web. I'm just saying that you can't enough with that. That's why I didn't do Call Me By Your Name.

Call Me By Your Name was originally, I was cast in it. I was one of the leads in Call Me By Your Name. I was playing the 17-year-old Ilyo and they gave it to Timothy Chalamet. But originally, it was slotted for Timothy Dillon. And Armie Hammer's role was going to be played by Wendy Williams. And imagine how much better that movie was going to be. Have you figured out? Yeah, so I know in the trailer, she shows him as tits.

But upon Googling this, it seems TikTok is having a frenzy with this film. It says, TikTokers are accusing licorice pizza of pedophilia. And this writer says that everyone needs to calm down about it. But TikTok is just going absolutely nuts. They are very upset about this. Because Alana is 25, Gary is 15. People are viewing that their relationship dynamic is predatory and abusive. Well, somebody who's 25 cannot show their genitals to a 15-year-old.

They're tits. They're boobs. I mean, you shouldn't do that. I know that this is the whole argument like, well, if the kid fucks his teacher, he's cool. Right. But it does fuck up men. Maybe not as much as women who are taken advantage of, you know? Well, what about this?

What if it's being true to the era? Because it's set in the 1970s. Is that fair? If I make a movie about a slave. Having a relationship with a white woman. Okay? Okay. And her teaching him how to read.

And it's true to the era. Would I be surprised if it was poorly received? But do you see what I mean? Yeah. How that might be a problem. Or maybe people will be upset about that. And I go, well, it's true to the era. You know, it's true to the era.

Perhaps. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. I'm not saying you should ever not tell a story. Or, you know, I started this talking about the McKay film saying, which I've not seen, full disclosure. But, you know, there's a lot of strong feelings about it. I don't think you should ever, like, not tell a story

because it's not politically correct. But I think at the same time, you might want to, you know, balance that by not ever giving anyone who's 25, the idea that it's ever, like, okay to, like, flash a 15-year-old. PTA has a rebuttal here. Okay. In the New York Times. If he was ballsy, his rebuttal would be that kids is tasty.

Okay. So he says, in regards to the age gap, PTA. I love when M&M's make the ice cream different colors. Yeah, that's fun. The food died. Do your job and read the quote. So in regards to the age gap, it says, there's no line that's crossed. And there's nothing but the right intentions.

It would surprise me if there was some kind of kerfuffle about it because there's not that much there. That's not the story that we made in any kind of way. There isn't a provocative bone in this film's body. He might be right. Right? Yeah, I guess so. TikTok seems to be going, like, kind of the pizza gaty way with it,

with the whole thing. What are they saying? Well, I think they're just, I haven't got on TikTok about this, but actually what it evolves into is, like, them zooming in on a frame, showing, like, a Nambla logo. Is that Rambo? Is Rambo giving it to him? Hey, ma'am.

Regardless, I don't know if the film's that good anyway. I mean, his last three haven't been that good. Why don't you make a fucking movie? It's hard. I'd like to. Yeah, I bet you would. About what? Going and lying? The Ben Avery liethon?

I can barely afford a fucking condo because I pay you very well. You and your wife, way too much money. Way too much. This is the narrative now that you pay my wife, too? I pay way too much money. I can't afford a condo in Miami if it's, like, hard. It's, like, difficult to afford a condo because I've supported you and your wife and your family, your entire family.

And now I have to pay for legal defense of Dino Tomaselli. Who's innocent until proven guilty? May I remind everybody? Tomasetti. Tomasetti. Who gives a shit? Just like Paul Thomas Anderson. Innocent until proven guilty.

Is he being held right now on bail? Yeah, he's being held. And they won't really know what to do with them until, you know, you want my spoon. Give me your spoon. Yeah, there you go. There you go. They won't really know what to do with them until the condition of the parents is known. And as you know, since you were in a jury, that's important in terms of the sentencing

here. So Dino, it's kind of a day-by-day thing here. I'm guessing the Trimbalone got him, though. All the Chinese steroids just made him go insane. He's five foot nine, 235 pounds. Man, he looks insane. You blame it on the Trimbalone? That's what you're doing?

I'd blame it on, like, the Chinese chemicals he's putting in his veins. Yeah. It's always someone else, right? China Trimbalone. It's never that he made a choice to shoe his mother in the head. What a rough way, man. Christmas. I wonder what sparked it.

You think they had an argument Christmas morning? Like, on the phone, and then he drove all the way from Williamsburg? Well, you know, like, what do you think it was that preceded him trying to murder his parents? Probably has something to do with an inheritance, right? Because you look at the age of the parents. They're 64 and, I think, 65, respectively? No, they're not.

Why would it be an inheritance? I mean, no one's dying. Well, if they're letting him know that they're not going to either give him the dance studio or the waste management thing that the criminal dad's doing, maybe he's getting cut out. I don't think it was anything like that. You watch too many movies. This is why I'm the helm of the show. Because you watch too many films and you don't really know how real life works and operates

because you were raised in a chicken coop. You know what I mean? And everybody you know, like, you know, is like a goat herder. So I'm going to have to, like, remind you of how actual the world works, OK? That's probably not what happened. It was probably a very, like, spur of the moment thing. He probably had the gun in his car. They probably got into an argument.

I don't know what it was about, but it was probably very hot headed, hot tempered, quick. I don't think he was going over to demand that he was be given the dance studio. You know? But I don't know what the fuck happened. But I don't think it's all about tremble on. You think it is. Well, these people, they, like, kill their families. They burn their houses down with their wives.

You know, I understand that, but I'm saying that, like, it could have been that. He probably had roared rage. But I also think the parents were not blameless. That's what I'm saying. The parents were not blameless. Rarely are Long Island parents completely innocent. You know? We know they're criminals.

They might have been getting on them. Maybe Paul Thomas Anderson should make a film about this. Stop making these hunky-dory, cute films about the 70s and the suburbs. Why don't you make a movie about the suburbs now where people on tremble on kill their parents? Because that's the suburbs now. People on tremble on killing their parents. How about you make that hunky-dory? Hey, Adam and Kay, how about you make that movie?

Don't look up. Why? Is there a meteor note? My son's on tremble on and he's got a gun. How about making that film? My roared rage son's trying to kill me and my husband again. TimDillonComedy.com for all live dates. We don't know what's going on with the Omicron and everything, but we'll announce some more dates as we have them.

See everybody in San Diego this weekend or next weekend, whatever. Wednesday through Sunday, those shows are sold out. Tickets available for, I believe, our third show that we've had at the Paramount and Long Island and Camp A.C. Theatre in Red Bank, New Jersey at the end of the month of January. Everybody stays safe out there. Everybody is getting infected with Omicron. Toronto's move to February 25th. Toronto will now be on February 25th and that's as per Toronto.

They shut down, went to half capacity for New Year's. So yeah, so for New Year's, we will not be in Toronto, which sucks. But what is fun is that we're going to be on tremble on. Tim J. Dillon, D-I-L-L-O-N on Instagram and Twitter. And if you've not heard the latest episode with Joe Rogan, we had such an amazing time. I explained the metaverse to Joe and he explained Ivor Mekton to me. Great episode. Everybody loves it and that's on Spotify. Also, this is one of our final audio-only episodes.

We'll be back in the studio, our new studio in January, right? Yes. That's right. So we're very excited about that. So this is one of our final audio-only episodes. We know you don't like the audio-only episodes and we like to do some video. So we have enough audio on the Patreon. Don't worry about it. We will be back in the new studio, which we're all very, very excited about.

The awkward thing about this new studio, it was being designed by Dino Tomassetti. So we got to get this guy out of jail and we got to get him back to working on the studio because I'll tell you one thing about tremble on. It really makes him motivated to work on the studio. So we're coming to get you, Dino. We love you, Dino. So, but the studio is on its way, right, Ben? It's on its way. We're not expecting the first week in January, but the second Monday in January will be from that studio.

And the first week we'll broadcast from the studio that people know of, you know, our studio, right? Our temporary. Our temporary. In LA. Well, folks, we've had a lot of fun with you. I hope you enjoyed the holiday. Our Christmases were not really great. It's been very hard.

Many people's Christmases got fucked up by Omicron or by delayed flights, canceled flights. People are sitting in airports or they're, you know, to get new relatives house and they're like, they find out everybody's sick. It's a nightmare. But there are certain places where Christmas still happens no matter what, like Hewlett-Harbour, where no matter what, the true story of Christmas, the true story of Christmas, shines through all the bullshit. Anthony Fauci can't stop what's coming.

As they say in that, your favorite movie or a movie you like a lot. No country for old men. Anthony Fauci. And you know, these were like, you know, this, this kid hated Fauci, this guy. He's like, Fauci's not going to stop my holiday plans. Dino Thomas said, he's like, Hey, Fauci's not going to stop me from doing what I have to do. I hope they make a full recovery. I hope next year they're all sitting at Christmas dinner again.

And I hope he says something and the mother's like, you shot us in the head last year. And he's like, you got to keep bringing that up. You got to keep bringing that up. I can't fucking believe you. You got to keep throwing out my face that I shot you and dad last year. I was having a bad day. I was on tremble. Do you want to confess to lying about COVID before we go?

I want to know if this is a bit that you think I'm lying about it. It's not a bit. It's a, it's a reality that we are not new. New things are coming to light every day about the way you're behaving. You said that your wife had COVID for like an hour. I believe she, she still might have had COVID. Right. But I mean, do you see where we're at now with you with just the constant like gray area that you live in in terms of truth?

This isn't me. This is the times we're living in now. Oh, is it? Yeah. Cause things are just so crazy. So it wasn't the Nazis. It was just the times they were living in because when you lie, and, and say that you have COVID and you're like, I'm so sick.

Here's the way it happens. Okay. Okay. Ready? Okay. You're at home with your wife and you go now you hear a call and it's me, right? Okay. I'm going to do what you're doing up until the call and then when you grab the call. Okay.

Am I calling you from San Francisco? Like you're on the road already. You're doing nothing. Just sit there. Okay. Okay. I'm calling you. Okay.

Now you're sitting out with your wife and you're going, you're going, um, yeah, fuck that fat fuck. We're going to get all of his money and then you're like, oh, speak of the devil. And then you're like, hello, I'm sick. I can't even like do anything. Like my stomach hurts. I feel sick. Maybe I should get more money. Should I have more money?

I know you've given me a lot of money, but maybe I should have more of it. All right. Thank you for all your help. I really, I really appreciate it. Like that fat fuck thinks I'm sick, but I'm not. I'm faking it. And we're going to steal all of his money. That's kind of what happens.

That's really the reality. You know, it's the reality. Yep. What? You want me to? Well, I'm just trying to connect A and B in my head, right? Like how does me getting COVID mean getting all of your money? Like I'm in my head.

You increase my sympathy for you. You make me feel bad for you. So I get your guard down. So then I can attack your, you make me feel bad for you. And that's what you do. You build sympathy. You're cooking it up. Just like you call me and go, Katie's sick.

She said she's isolating and we don't know what to do. You don't know what you do. You and her had something cooked up. You try to cook something else up. But then you decided that it's all house of cars are you and her. You and your wife are Francis and Claire under clear. Yes. You are Frank and Claire.

Yeah. Yes. Francis. I'm kidding. You're a janitor. And I don't, that's not negative to janitors. It's negative to you. Tim to the comedy.com for all your tremble on.

We're selling tremble on now. Only if you kill your parents. First ship in a tremble on free. If you videotape yourself killing your parents and then tweet at me. Don't do that. All right, good night.