The Tim Dillon Show - 289 - Live From Ukraine

Episode Date: February 27, 2022

Tim discusses the ongoing war on Ukraine, a Long Island woman wreaking havoc at open houses, and manages to get hold of a Ukrainian comedian (Vladyslav Kapytsia) who is currently at a shelter in Kyiv defending his country against Russian forces and needs our help. Support Vladyslav here and fund his efforts: https://twitter.com/vladkapytsia https://youtube.com/vladkapytsia https://instagram.com/vladkapytsia His podcast is on patreon only:  https://patreon.com/srakadupa  https://youtube.com/srakadupa Official Requisites for Military Help from National Bank of Ukraine: https://bank.gov.ua/en/news/all/natsionalniy-bank-vidkriv-spetsrahunok-dlya-zboru-koshtiv-na-potrebi-armiyi Back and Alive Fundraiser: https://savelife.in.ua ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Our plugs: Bonus episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow See Tim Live on the road: ▶▶ http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off MUD\WTR ▶▶ https://mudwtr.com/tim use code TIM for $5 off FRESHLY ▶▶Go to https://freshly.com/timdillon for 40 dollars off your first two orders. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood  ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Ukrainian special today. We were gonna have a great journalist Mark Galliotti from London who writes about Putin and Russia on but he is briefing the military And cannot make it so I With comparatively far less knowledge about said issues are going to speak for the hour We were trying to get an expert We will potentially get him at a later date. We've had him on the show before he wrote a book called the Vori Russia's super mafia. He also wrote a book called what the West gets wrong about Putin and He is one of the preeminent journalists that has expertise in that

Region that area we don't have them couldn't get him Wanted to get him are trying to get him trying and hopefully one day will get him Before Putin gets him Very sad What's happening in the Ukraine if you're a human being if the internet has not Taken your humanity and it's taken many of your humanity If your personal brand has not eaten you alive and it has for many of you If your grift knows no bounds

No matter what you think about NATO expansion or US imperialism or whatever the CIA's misdeeds The deep state the Chronicles of Narnia the teachers union whatever whatever You still have to say seeing babies being moved from like an ICU to like a subway tunnel is

Sad to tragedy it's a human tragedy has all war is right It's not something to celebrate. It's not something to say. This is cool. We enjoy this Fuck around and find out look Putin. Look at this That's not the take if you're a human being Now the vast majority of people on this platform aren't are not human That's the point of the internet is to make you less human and it's working very well kudos to the designers of that

Because what it does is it you you watch Tragedies all day and you have no you get desensitized to it every day from Walmart fights to car crashes to be headings all day every day It's in your face and you forget that those are people and there are children You know, you see these Waffle House Brawls. There's kids sitting there

While their parents beat the shit a sure it's a goof and it's fun But then you go man, I wonder what the kids life's gonna be like Probably not great, but again, you can't you can't dissect every Waffle House video and get in the weeds and start worrying about the second generation But you should at the very least Look at an invasion of a country By a dictator, which is what Putin is is a dictator You know he invaded a sovereign country

and there's a lot of mayhem and death and Carnage that you're gonna see and the Ukrainian people Are brave and they're fighting back and they give a shit, you know Unlike people in America who don't care about much other than themselves and their ability to consume other countries have deep and complex histories and They care about more than their ability to go to a Buffalo Wild Wings We do not that is not part of our thing here So it's sad to watch all this shit unfold and

Yeah, I mean just to give everyone a little backstory The Ukraine If you're if you're if you're not aware of what's happening has been invaded by Russia We'll start there And the goal of that invasion is regime change, of course Ukraine part of the old Soviet Union NATO Kind of the post Cold War architecture of How the world is going to run these

You know trade alliances military alliances Expanding NATO into the region where Russia is Arming Ukraine Funding Ukraine Potentially admitting them to NATO the the discussion of that Was not a good geopolitical move it kind of put Russia in a box Russia then reacted In the way that Russia a lot of people feared that Russia was going to react

Which was to then take back the territory that they feel is rightfully theirs And you can have those conversations and talk about those are facts How much of that led to this decision is We don't know you don't you're not there. I'm sure it didn't help but The idea here the takeaway is not Putin's cool That shouldn't be the takeaway if you are a Human being this is not a cool thing to do. It's a brazen

You know criminal act where you have somebody going into a country Decapitating the leadership attempting to Bombing People murdering civilians not good when we do it was it right when America's done it Not right when we went into Iraq or Afghanistan Stayed there for 20 years That misadventure in the Middle East where we were It's not no, it's not right when when it's done by anybody

But it's not cool I know that a lot of people think it's cool and Bad ass to do You know, so this is a people are happy about this People's lives in this country have gotten to the point where they are happy That this is happening and they're like well, it's cuz the American military. They're too focused on a trans people and Being a politically correct. That's why it's that is that why it's happening

Do you think Putin really is convinced that the American military is just like some type of you know, I Don't know extension of the LGBTQ whatever community. Do you think that's what the Intel and Russia is telling them? Do you think they're gone? I mean, it's a it's a very stupid way to look at things that because the military is struggling with whatever type of Trans issues that affect this very small percentage of the military. I think they're still focused on the amount of funding it gets How big it is?

It's ability. It's positioning all over the world. I you know, I don't think Putin is Invading the Ukraine's okay. He's not worried about America because we're talking about trans people That's why he that's why you're doing it No, he's doing it because he has more nuclear warheads in any other country in the world and what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? if we were all Christian Theocratic psychopaths who burned gay people at the stake, which is what these people want. You think Putin would be like, oh, fuck it

I'm I like, hey, I'm not invading Ukraine I'm not doing it now. Now. I'm not doing it No, they they passed a don't say gay bill in Florida. I'm not invading. I don't even want Ukraine anymore My main goal was that Florida teachers had to out kids as gay within six weeks I'm that's why now. I'm not do I don't even I don't have any reason to go into Ukraine now They've just passed a law in America. He convenes everybody. They all they're all in Moscow. He goes St. Peter's but wherever he Hey guys, they just passed a law That biological born males cannot compete in female sports. Do you know what that means? No, Ukraine

No, we're not gonna do it because now I'm afraid of them Now I fear them. I know I have all the nukes, but their moral certitude Scares me. I'm scared by that. That terrifies me See before when they were talking about trans people and letting Trans people swim. I knew they were weak but when they flipped it

When they flipped it and went back to those 19 because if you remember when we had all those 1950s values, we had no problems with Russia You remember that no, we didn't have any These are all new problems. We never had Went back before they were trans people or gay people. There was never any issues with rock ever ever This is all new in The 50s and 60s, you know when everybody was like eating burgers and smoking cigarettes and wearing jeans and they were all at the hop Everybody was driving 57 Chevy's and gay people had to shut up and black people had to shut up and trans people had to shut up

Russia We were like fucking like this. I mean So this is the result of that. It's the result of that It's because that guy made a dumb video with Biden, which I think is a dumb video But that Benito whatever on your Instagram made some video with Biden people going this is why Putin didn't worry about taking the Ukraine. It's like Putin's never worried about Taking the Ukraine's never worried about it There is nothing to do with our content

Trust me. Putin is not watching our content It's but again, it's silly and These are silly times for people and I'm not saying we we are going over there and fighting. It's not our thing. It's not our war This is not something where we should be involved everybody who's going no flies out. He must pay. He must pay What? We're not in the position to go and fight Russia over the Ukraine

We have military supremacy if we had to fight them over Something that we had a genuine interest in we could but we're not fighting them over the Ukraine That doesn't mean that this is a you know a fun cool display and That we should all be jazzed about it, but we're not fighting them over the Ukraine, you know, this is a This is a real problem. Do you have any updates on what's going on over there? So they held them off over the night in the capital pretty impressive what the Ukraine really is. Yeah, kind of impressive The death count I'm impressed the death count is much higher with Russia at

3,500 troops killed in 200 captured and then Ukrainians It's about about a hundred ninety eight dead and the thousands injured, but they really Kind of losing they're kind of at the moment at the moment. Yeah at the moment losing in terms of casualties, of course, right Yeah, interesting and Zelensky's not leaving. He's refusing to leave. He's still posting videos, right? I'm not going anywhere. So right, but the the videos are it's horrific It's it's very tough to watch People who are civilians innocent have done nothing who are living their lives have to flee a country You know, I

Can all matter I can just imagine to see if YouTube comment It's actually good to watch that You know, but the other the other side of it is what are we gonna do? I'm not going over there Hmm, you're not going over there. No, no one's going over there. Nobody. I know is going over there America's a country of cowards You know as brought it was a fun Tweet where it's not all of us are cowards, but a lot You know Ted Cruz, you know, there was a storm in Texas. He like fled to Cancun. There was a tweet, you know

You know our elected officials You know when the when COVID hits they start insider trading. I mean, you know, nobody could care less about this country. I Mean, Yana's pop is part of a great point He's like if people if if you said that people in America between 18 and 60 cannot leave the country They would flee they would all Every the vast majority of people would leave and not defend the country So it is inspiring to see the Ukraine Do it, you know, and there are refugees Hungry's taking in people, you know

People are leaving but the people that want to stay and defend families There's women and children and then there's people and then there's some badass Ukrainian bitches that are staying you know But I You know that are that are fucking it. I wonder I don't know what the outcome is It's destabilized the region forever now for a very long time Nobody from Ukraine is ever gonna forget this. I

mean, it's gonna be a real problem and the the the same take here folks is That this is very sad and it is not a positive development on the world stage. That's really it start it's not to start screaming about Trump or Biden or Anybody it's really to just say hey, we should look at the way that we Potentially contributed to a climate that enabled

Said things to happen whether it was funding NATO, whatever it was But There's there's there's nothing to do here except be upset and it'd be like this socks, right? You know, it's It's unfortunate that people are dying now people in America are so rotten to our core on both sides of the political aisle and We have so our humanity is almost all gone It's almost been taken from us. Oh really truly and we have become

Demons in this country political affiliation unimportant and What that has made us do is any human tragedy that we see we immediately Dig into it and try to like Make it someone's fault that we hate and and excuse it and not even look at Like the human cost and I say Look look It's a psychotic impulse it is a psychotic

Impulse It doesn't mean you can't have a discussion about it, but it is a Psychotic impulse it is an inhuman impulse for the first thing you do When you see like old women and children being forced out of their homes and fleeing to go There's something wrong with you as a person if that's what you're doing in the same way that when someone died of COVID They didn't get vaccinated and you were celebrating that to an unhealthy degree That was also wrong. That's my position on it. Just be a human fucking being if you can If you can if you possess the ability to be a human

Try For five minutes Try to be a person You know I know but the brand For a second Just for a second Be a human being is it possible in this country of Demons real demons now. I mean when you look around and see

the people and You listen to the people. We're in hell We're living in hell here If this is in hell, I don't know what could be hell with the way that people just relate to each other now and I for one like I

Don't think that the NATO expansion helped. I Think we made an error in judgment. I think that Putin's not a guy that you're gonna be able to push around. I think that US policy Has not made this situation any better I don't think that in in and of itself excuses or Justifies in a And I'm not using because I know that the real politic way to look at it is obviously

It's not the justification for Anything that anybody does on the world stage is never morality It's trade routes and ports and power and I know all of that and I'm not saying that I'm not a child And I'm not saying that I don't understand the rationale behind the decision to invade the Ukraine but When you when you look at it from the perspective of a human being and

not You know the perspective of like Somebody who's trying to like use this as a springboard to gain more Eyeballs on what they're doing and say just the most contrarian and fucked up shit imaginable and you know, well actually they're they're right They're right. He's right to do that When you look at it like that You know, no, this is a brazen criminal act where somebody's invading a country Unprovoked by that country

And that should be that should be roundly condemned People shouldn't people shouldn't be like, yeah, this is cool. Fuck. Yeah This shouldn't this isn't the thing. I know it's fun To be a shitpost or contrarian or whatever it's fun It's edgy. It makes you feel good. I guess it gives you power. You don't have in your life To say something online that bothers other people and I do it a lot I'd say all kinds of shit that people are bothered right now Very much. They're very angry at what I'm saying right now. So I'm not saying that that is

not something that Should be protected. My only point is as a human being it should give you a little pause when you see the scenes of horror emanating from that country you should potentially Uh be given a little pause and you should reflect a little bit about

the human cost of Something like this because it's not nothing. It's not nothing when people are being Driven out of their homes. You know what I mean China's stepping in now. They're restricting lending to Russia China. Well, China is because China is now running the world See America is a joke But China is now coming in and now China is saying because China's making money China doesn't need this shit

China's in the lead And China's going hey man, we're winning What why are we doing that? What are we doing that for? You know like I'm I'm good You know, it's like China's like we don't need you going around destabilizing the world We're killing it We're like

Killing it. It's like if you're a big agent and one of your big clients is like In every movie they are the hollywood it girl and then they start posting about palestine. You go. Hey, hey We're winning now. Why why are we doing this? There'll be plenty of time to do that When they throw you out of hollywood and you get fat and you're doing indies light up the timeline with your opinions, but right now cool it Just go to fucking con and relax

We got a boat for you. Sit on the boat and enjoy So china is now getting involved to try to yeah, well two chinese state-owned banks will restrict financing for russian commodity Purchases suggesting there are limits to beijing support for moscow as the kremlin confronts severe economic sanctions So offshore units of industrial and commercial bank of china have stopped issuing u.s. Dollar Denominated letters of credit for purchases of physical russian commodities ready for export while the bank of china has also limited funding according to bloomberg Well, i'm telling you right now

um We got a real problem on our hands china's biggest banks hold billions of russian assets beijing has also provided moscow with tens of billions in funding over the years so That was pretty recent though. I mean this will come out later today. We'll see what happens tim dillon comedy.com for any of the live dates

What is going on with this long island housewife? This is a fun story out of long island new york um, and it concerns our favorite things long island and real estate And mental illness our third favorite thing Can you bring that up, pa? This uh, there's there's havoc in the long island realtor community. I mean if you think kiev is bad This woman's really causing issues here

This is a long island woman who is going to Open houses in long island and refusing to leave and threatening the other buyers And do I understand that correctly? Yeah, because it's a it's a taboo if you're at an open house You don't sit on the people's furniture. You're not supposed to sit on the people's furniture and you're not really supposed to talk Oh, really? You're not supposed to make pronouncements loudly You're supposed to have quiet conversations

And then you know, it's good It's good form To go and chat outside If you bring your realtor to the open house, you know, you go outside and you have a chat You don't walk through and go this kitchen Agents sometimes have to pay the bouncer at showings You never know who's going to show up when homes are open to the public So the professionals have to keep cool and take action

This is funny There was a line for this showing a five bedroom two and a half bathroom in three village long island I think we had like 32 sets of buyers each with an agent Easily a hundred people it was in a very desirable neighborhood a great school district and the house had lots of potential This was before covid so we didn't have restrictions on how many people could go in at one time I had my associate Joe working inside the house trying to keep the flow going I was outside meeting and greeting and trying to keep up with everything Peppy

Trying to keep everything peppy so nobody's annoyed that they have to wait Then Joe came out and pulled me aside and said we've got a problem There's a woman inside who is refusing to leave She has parked herself on the couch and is telling people that this is her house I went inside to find out what's going on. I can hear somebody with a raised voice downstairs Where the main living area is I go down and here's this woman Just sprawling there One arm up

On the buck on the back of the couch on the back of the couch She was wearing like a moomoo She reminded me of my mother People were asking her are you the owner and she was saying no, but i'm gonna be I like it I catch her answering a question about a feature of the house It was a teenage girl who was asking is this the only bathroom on this floor I hear this woman say yes, it is sweet art

And it's not enough for you. You're a teenager. You need more bathrooms. You should look somewhere else I walked up and I said hi Are you okay? She said why would you ask me that? I explained that I work for the seller normally people don't sit on the owners furniture during an open house It's like using the bathroom. You just don't do it and she says Quote all these people are wasting their time and then she yells because I will outbid you I said my job is to make sure everyone has an opportunity to see the house

And I think you might be making some people feel uncomfortable. She says no, I'm not And then this guy who is also there for the open house goes the hell you're not. Why don't you stop flapping your mouth? Long island Joe my associate stuck his head in the door and I told him not to let anyone else in I had to look I had to stop the can we make this bigger. Is there any way we can make it a little bit? Could you zoom in paul? Thank you I'm like taking an eye test here to try to read no one I guess digital reads anything

So there's no one's ever had to bring up anything to read um The funny thing is she never put in an offer. Of course she didn't she was nuts I like that I like the idea of a woman sitting on a couch threatening people and scaring them And and then because she's because you think about open houses You can't really stop people from going in and causing a real problem And that there's something still very democratic about that idea that anybody can walk into any house that's being sold and start an issue

And there's not much you can do about it at this point, you know um So i'm all for that i'm all for uh open house problems Because realtors are their entire jobs to be fake nice That's their entire job The most difficult thing about a realtor's job Is being fake nice all the time to everyone

And realtors notoriously hate when They have to deviate from that psychopathic personality trait That they have that they've developed where they just remain fake nice throughout all of their

daily interactions And then when they go home they they they become You know mr. Hyde again And then the next day it's dr. Jekyll hello Natural light indoor outdoor bedrooms bathrooms. Isn't it nice and realtors have to have Their their their job is made up only of small talk You will never have a disc you'll never look at a realtor and go i have cancer everything

That you every interaction you have with the realtor is small talk And fake nice small talk So what happens to these people? is when something interrupts that fake world of pleasantries and niceties and meaningless inane bullshit

It is the gravest offense to them like when anybody comes in from outside to start a problem And there they realize you're like i can't I have to now Like show Real about because this is upsetting me and i'm angry and i want this to stop But i'm also this person this creation That that just wants to talk about nonsense with these idiots

And someone's on a couch yelling and i have to be stern and Angry and get her out of here. They're just like fuck What do i do i have to be a human being and they're like but my entire job Is to not be a person is to be a A creation you know a realtor is like You know when they're good at it They're a prostitute kind of you know like you know, it's like you're getting the girlfriend experience You're getting someone you believe cares about you and what you do and your life and family

Oh isn't oh the yard they'll run. Oh these kids in that yard But really what they want to do is just make enough money to bail their son out of jail But they can't they can't tell you that Because like anything else All of these relationships exist um out of necessity they are Things that need to happen and they just should be nice While they happen. So i'm all for like fat women sitting on couch just screaming

Because there's nothing better than seeing a nice person fake nice Nothing better than seeing like a fake nice person have to like you could see them almost they almost have like a seizure. They're like What ha what do you do it like they they're like losing they're like They're like it's like at the end of Cinderella where they you know, the carriage becomes the pumpkin like they're reverting back to their form And they're like, oh, what are you people people don't usually sit on the furniture people And then you see them and they just start melting and melting and You know and again realtors for the most part are not terribly bright

So they're not really good at problem solving. It's not the really high-end ones The one i'm using now is phenomenal and she's like a legend But the vast majority of realtors are incredibly stupid people who are very bad at problem solving much like agents The the vast majority of agents and managers are incredibly stupid And incredibly bad at their jobs These are jobs that you can be very bad at because the vast majority of people at the job are also bad And it's actually an agreed upon thing that we're all going to be bad at this We're going to be bad at it together

And that's why everybody can be bad at it because there's almost an unspoken rule unwritten rule that bad is good And slightly above bad is great So if you're a manager in the entertainment business and you're not ab you're not an abject failure You're the best it's ever been You're great and they will write books about you and make movies about you Because the vast majority of people in it are so incapable of performing the menial day-to-day tasks of a job

That to be even slightly better than that is to win the day like an agent to be slightly better than the general bad Is to be great and that's kind of like realtors if you are just slightly better Then the vast majority of like part-time divorced housewife Uh people that are you know trying to make a quick buck that have no idea what they're talking about If you're even slightly better than that You're in

You become this You can be really good at it, you know um What what let's check let's check more as we before we get out of here. Let's check more about um This uh war because is it gonna end? When is it gonna end? You know I was reading Sullivan's article. He was saying they're probably gonna occupy as long as they want of course Should I sing a ukrainian folk song?

No I'm I'm very silly. Yeah There's there's not much I can do But I want to help Patreon is not allowing people to donate to the ukraine because they don't like they there's a rule of patreon that you can't Donate money for people to like buy weapons or something. Yeah. Yeah. I think I think that thing might have been fake too But regardless they wouldn't allow that. I don't I don't think Wait, what was it fake or not? I believe it was. Yeah, because I don't think you can do that on patreon. I'm gonna double check

But I I think it would be a good idea Uh, yes, this is from It says no you can't use patreon to buy missiles for ukraine patreon deleted the fund page without a warning and a very difficult time for ukraine and deleting the page patreon said that the website of the organization says that they use The contributions to finance and train military personnel on the site of its harmful activities policy and banning it Um, yeah, I guess it was real. I guess it was real. Yeah Yeah, they were trying to buy tanks missiles

I mean again, I don't want to I feel like this is I feel like this is insane Is there a is there a ukrainian folk song that I can sing? Let's see here because I I do want to do more than I'm doing And I feel that I'm I'm severely limited by Many factors. I can't really help Uh, I'm limited by many factors number one. I live in America number two. I don't really care Like I do but I you know

But I feel like if I were to sing a ukrainian folk song on the show you might have people like finally Understanding what's really what's really at stake This is kind of a showing of solidarity. It's a statement. It's not nothing. Hmm. And I think that I will certainly benefit um

And I don't mean me. I let me take that back, but I will benefit from The knowing that I've done enough You know, because there's a lot of people that right now go. What should I do? Should I donate? Should I and you should do all of that? but I think Let me sing a folk song on the show Paul I just said you won. Okay. So this is a ukrainian folk song and the translation is long live free ukraine Well, that's awkward Okay

1.5 million views. So this one must be a popular one. Oh my god, this is gonna be so fucking hard Fuck This is so hard, but This is not easy this language is not easy, but I'm gonna try I Hey Well, that was very difficult, uh Because it's a whole another language you get it. Yeah, people don't even understand

It's very it's not like a Spanish where you can kind of fake it. This is right It's a whole other thing. Yeah, it's a whole other thing here I'm gonna ask a serious question. Do you think that helped? Is Is there anyone out there that found comfort in that? Because you know the internet is it's I mean, it's global There's a very good chance that there are ukrainians watching this show and that just heard that That now are doing slightly better than they were

On a serious note if you are ukrainian and you are watching this show I am fucking sorry about what's going on that is no reason to cancel the patreon If you are a member of the patreon It is five dollars a month and you get four hours of content A month And if you're a Rothschild member on the higher tier you get an extra video episode in addition to that so I don't want I'm very I don't want this. I'm not one of these idiots in america cheering this on I am aghast at this. I truly

I truly feel bad for these people that have to leave their country. It is repulsive to me. I'm not a putin stan I will tell you this I don't believe It is a sufficient reason to not Continue to pay for the patreon if you are a patreon subscriber If it gets bad enough where I do feel like you're justified in cancelling i'll let you know But as of right now I think

Should we do a thing where Here's no here's an idea. I'm I'm I'm serious about this Do we do a thing where if someone is from the ukraine? That enjoys and watches our show And there's any way to communicate with them Like can we give them our info? Or an email for them to reach out Is there any way to like

Open a channel of communication with them and have them like read an ad for us Is there any possible way for them to read like An advertisement for us there was a ukrainian open miker that dmd me four days ago Who uh wanted to come on the show? What why why I mean why are you why is that coming out now? Do you I mean, I don't even know if he speaks that well of english. I looked up his videos It's all in uh, did he did he dm you in english? It was very broken though I just don't understand why you would bring that up now and that would have been great

We should have had him on why would you not bring that to me? Um, I was flying I forgot I mean that would have been great, right? Is he still in the ukraine? I also don't know if maybe if he's uh, maybe he's a not a he's a bad egg He might be a bad egg over there then you fucked up here. Stop trying to say he's like some nazi I'm not saying he's a nazi it's accusing him of being a nazi you're slandering him because you didn't bring him to me And say he should be on the show. Hmm. Where is he now?

Uh, let me let me check my dms Let's see what he's up to get him right now If you want a recording of the folk song that I sang we will be selling it If it makes it unless you can prove you are in the ukraine right now If you can prove that we will give it to you for half off If you can prove that you are in the ukraine right now during the war the folk song I sang Will be given to you by half off

We got to reach out to these people ben. This is absurd That you didn't bring this to my attention ben really doesn't do his job. This is very interesting ben really doesn't do his job and It's now becoming more and more apparent to everybody that ben has been You know Really coasting here He coasts and all he does is complain that he has to travel and the him and his wife can't get drunk All they want to do is get drunk and go follow Collin more a cow around

He's probably dead ben He wanted to come on the show as the last thing he could fucking do To just tell everybody what was up I'm sure he had a lot of nice things to say about me and my comedy and how it's impacted him before he was killed By russia and you ruined that you ruined the chance for this man As his last earthly act to come on the show and tell me that I Was a great influence on him and to keep doing what i'm doing right before this man dropped dead Well at the time also, I thought we were having a mark on so I just totally forgot we always need a backup

That's true Should have kept him on standby and you don't even have his message I'm looking for it. Uh, it's amazing to me The lack of prep the lack of respect That this guy has for this show every week. He does less Can you imagine? I'm scroll all my dms are people threatening to kill me. I'm trying to find and there should be more I mean

The guy gets a message. I found him here. He is here. He is right there call them Hi Ben I am from ukraine comedian have five subs on twitter Also, if you need any info I could connect you with competent people for tim dillon show about war We're calling him right now You He's dead It's 8 30 there he should

Be awake. He's dead you killed him You I feel terrible about you killing this person I'm watching his story right now Dude, this is like fucked Hopefully this dude's okay If not, we know who we have to blame Ben Avery

I His name is Vladislav or something I'm following him back. I'm messaging him Hey man reach back out when you can hope you're okay. This is tim Well, there you have it ben Avery, uh A guy wants to come on the show. I mean, do you feel a little ashamed? Yeah, I should have had him as backup. I should have. Well, that's not even for the show

It's like this guy Wants to get out information from a war zone on a major podcast platform and you ignore him Well, I mean, it's it's a little absurd. Is it? No, it is I mean, it's a pretty big fuck up, but you're people can have your head for them You're a large media figure and he could be feeding us misinformation He could be then now what you're doing is you're trying to justify the fact That you did not even bring this to me as an option here You're you're you're trying to what you're trying to keep me from misinformation

I mean, what's going on here? This is insane Is that that that's your act now? You're trying to protect me from misinformation. You said I'm supposed to protect the show Yeah, you're supposed to protect the show by not letting us make bad decisions or Not letting episodes come out late or something But what you're supposed to do is when somebody reaches out from a volatile

active war zone And wants to come on the show and tell me that i'm a genius before they're killed And you don't I'm I I'm I'm incensed at you right now. I truly cannot believe You did this This was this guy's dying wish to tell me that I was the greatest comedian that he's ever seen before he was killed In an invasion and you ignore him

You didn't even respond back to him, dude I mean Should you want to apologize to him? Yeah, I'll I'll say his at I'll apologize. No, don't say his okay. Okay We want to keep it private. Vladislav. I'm very sorry for what I did I should have reached back to you and kept you on standby because Vladislav, I wish ben was killed by the russians and not you I hate ben Another fuck up from ben avery everybody that's what this show can count on a guy from an active war zone wants to update

It's over and by the way, we're kidding here. Hopefully he's okay. Hopefully. Yeah. We hope he's okay. We hope the guy's okay. I mean I hope open micers aren't being drafted. I mean you really want to lose But hopefully he'll be okay, but this is fucked. It's fucked It's sad. It's tragic tragic and you are tragic for not allowing this person to come on this show So, I mean again If

If you like If you like, um People being killed in the ukraine ben avery is your boy At ben avery is good If you are a ukrainian that doesn't like this war Maybe go give him a piece of your mind at ben avery is good. If you are a ukrainian Who is against the war? Perhaps at ben avery as good should hear from you. I don't know. I'm just saying perhaps you should hear from you

That's all I'm saying I think you have to take some responsibility for your actions in these situations People are in in deep trouble and they're trying to reach out you know And hopefully this will be balanced out by the fact that I sang that folk song And it's I I don't know It's gonna be tough to to balance the scales here, but I think I did a Pretty phenomenal job for having never spoke

ukrainian You know Only a few more shows left on this hellish tour at the end. We're taping a special in denver. What what do we got left here? God help us and save us. Uh, so tonight you'll be in albany when this comes out. Who cares? Uh concord new hampshire tomorrow Sold out uh braya improv buy tickets for braya folks. It's in anaheim. It's a dump. Uh, yeah, it's in braya It's march 11th 12 13th. Come on in Uh, toronto march 16th. That's right. Get tickets to that

A lot of them have sold out but get some baltimore on the 18th Philadelphia get tickets as a shitload of tickets available to baltimore. Philly's got a few left Yeah, the park's casino march 19th and philly Uh, nashville march 24th nashville the rhyman gonna be a great show tickets still available grab them Uh, uh dim a denver march 26th two shows two shows denver march 26 taping taping of the special Then you go to glasgo on march 30th glasgo get tickets doubling get tickets london get tickets Uh, and then that's it. That's the first week of april Then that's the end of the show folks and then maybe we don't know if we're gonna do this. Maybe in april we do

dallas in houston. Oh nice and cleveland Maybe three or four more. We don't know Before the special comes out Timville comedy.com for all tickets Any lasting apologies to the people of ukraine for what you've done to them? Um, I mean, I don't know if No, we're I'm being we're being deadly siri. I'm being

I'm I support deadly siri. I stand with ukrainian people. It's it's a tragedy. What's going on. I feel I feel sorry for this guy I could come up with a million excuses, but there's no excuse. I did fail I I failed miserably here with this guy I'm I'm not going to go into any excuses. I have plenty some are somewhat justified, but Vladislav if you're listening, I'm very sorry reach out to me. I'll try to do something for you I don't know what that is, but I'll try to help you out in any way I can Vladislav Niette

What's Niette? No Relationships take work A lot of us will drop anything or go help someone we care about We'll go out of our way to treat other people well But how often do we give ourselves the same treatment this month better help online therapy Once remind you to take care of your most important relationship The one you have with yourself Whether it's hitting the gym making time for a haircut or even trying therapy you or your greatest asset

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Because sometimes I'm sad And I log on to the internet and someone says you're worth it I think vladislav is calling me oh good get him on there here Hello of vladislav. Stay rolling on this pa How are you? This is tim dillon. I'm a comedian from america How are you? Let me ask you is there a way that we can talk to you on like skype or something Let me talk talk to him for a minute bent. All right. We are here with vladislav who is a ukrainian comedian, dude

Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with us. How are you doing over there? I'm doing fine currently. I am uh at the shelter In kiv and I am trying to find my way to get guns get west get helmets and Uh Share them with my friends with my family So everyone is armed because in kiv now if you are not uh like a armed samurai, you're a fucking no one Right. You are nobody now how have

How quickly this seemed to happen very quickly Where you guys declared martial law and you you told me that you guys are trying to raise money And trying to find weapons and trying to just basically help the troops as best that you can Yes, we are trying to help the troops as best as we can. I had my Uh, I have my own channel and we just Live streaming for 15 minutes 12 20 minutes ago before just before we talk And we raised a crazy amount of money and we will buy and

Like crazy gun equipment and this is very good because we need uh equipment for snipers And snipers are very cool in uh city combat because we are now leading to city combat fights because most of the In the two Two days two days that we help Our combat we fought on the border. We fought on The rivers and now we need to Arm up even more

Now, do you were you guys surprised that this happened or were you guys expecting it? Because a lot of people were thinking that putin was bluffing Did you guys think he was bluffing or did you guys think this was going to go down? We were ready for any scenarios that could happen But uh, Ukrainians were always ready for putting to invade because Russia had Invaded Ukraine many many many times. We had a whole other more in 1933

And it was insane everybody saying like Not everybody because but a lot of Russian propaganda is like we are brothers and it's all but as it's not like that Even a little bit. We were uh, pretty much always concerned about military invasion But you you can't prepare yourself for for military invasion because right It's part

How is the feeling about Russia? Obviously now it's not good. But before this Aren't you like a lot of people in Russia have family in Ukraine? You guys are you're there's certainly a lot of You know Connections between the two countries, right? I mean What was the feeling about russia pre-invasion? Was it Were do you have family in russia? Do you have friends in russia or because I know many people in russia have family in ukraine? Is is is that the situation or is that not the case?

Families can't hate each other if you know, so oh, oh, I know. Oh, I know Oh, I know very well that they can We also we hate our own families in ukraine and if our Family are in russia. We hate them even more And I agree. I hate my own family in long island and they're they're very close to me. Um What do you think the outcome putin wants you think he wants a regime change? He wants to put in a puppet government that that will basically carry out his will that seems to be what he wants

He is crazy. He wanted to do a fast bleed scrape But it's like he has a no connection with the world because we have Not much, but we have Cool cool boys we have and lows we have stingers and he is just crazy. He is just oh, I have a helicopter with Like flying Descent, I don't know how they called like marines marines and I will land That helicopter and helicopter just flies and we just like there's no helicopter and he thought yeah

Plenty more times is that he's like oh, I will send them my Tanks tanks are going and tanks are burying up all the tanks are burying up Right now he thought the military was gonna fold Quicker than it did but you guys have been showing that it's not gonna be easy You are not making it easy. Yeah Because if we lose then it's gonna be worse for a long and long time and if you win it's gonna be I'm gonna be the end of Russia and end of Putin because he has no real Wait, how how he will gonna end this fight for him to be

Like the winning the winning point. He has he he lost all the All the support from the world even in we had like pro russia europe countries like Hungary and like germany and even they are Promoting ban ban russia from swiss now Yeah, now. So let me ask you a question. You're a comedian In the uk. Yeah, I mean i'm sorry in uh in uh the ukraine and What is now you're a political comedian. So you do jokes about politics and stuff

Also, yeah, of course also not only but sometimes um How is that there? What is what is the comedy scene like in the ukraine? For a guy like you Uh to do comedy. What has that been like? Comedy scene have been changed in the past two years very significantly significantly because uh our stand-up was born like maybe in 2012 and also

There are russian stand-up and russian stand-up is like Uh cargo cult of an american stand-up. It's just like stupid. It's just stupid and uh also They can say They don't Don't have like feelings. They're just Jokes. No, they have good comedians But that's like but not we can we can't relate to that we can feel about that We don't have nothing and uh, we are in ukraine have a lot of ukrainian speaking

Comedians and we have a lot of russian-speaking comedians and there are a tendency for the past two years that russian-speaking comedians are Turning themselves into ukrainian-speaking comedians because everyone in ukraine knows ukrainian just Because of russian occupation a lot of ukrainians also know russia. Yeah, it's it's like a stupidly cool between Was stupidly cool, right between um ukrainian comedians to just like Hell away through the to the moscow moscow is like It's like a los angeles for a stupid ukrainian comedian and then we figured out

We figured out that los angeles for a Smart comedian who like money is ukraine in kiv and right When we started doing stand-up in ukrainian people we saw that people really like us and people don't hate us And you can shit on ukrainians and you can shit on russians and you can shit on americans You can shit on everything people relate to that people Have fun with it people will donate your money people will love you we have also We have a slightly similar

Like a strategy as you Uh in ukraine, yeah Like patreon we have youtube channels. We have instagram. We have twitter and people use it people use it because it's ukrainian If we will be russian speaking ukrainians. Yeah people will will think that we Are leading like our way to moscow that we can we can we plug your social media on our show like Can we get you more followers? Is that a good idea right now? Or do you want to keep more of a low profile? Yeah, it's it's a it's a good idea. I post sometimes my naked pictures. It's not true

if you want me That's interesting If you uh, if you want I can uh Message you I can message you uh, uh dead russians dead russians Oh, okay. Well and also naked picture. We'll take both. We'll take naked pictures and dead russians if you'd like And we will uh, we'll put them on our uh patreon But now are you go are you leave you're not elite nobody's leaving nobody's fleeing

You're staying there No, also there are powers there are women there are kids they gotta go. Yeah, uh Yeah, they gotta go. Why not everybody has uh, it's how do you feel about the president zilensky? He seems to be doing a good job man, first we thought that The country went crazy. They elected the low-grade comedian, but very popular Think that like you will elect. I don't know who who's who's bad like you you will elect the guys that uh

stole jokes, uh, carlos mensia Carlos mensia, right? Carlos mensia, but no zilensky did not steal jokes. He was fun actor. He was uh very talented he was like very cool, but uh comedy was about like Like my aunt and not uh, like he was it was uh more For the people it was like for sure But you can't blame him for that because there was pretty much no other coming right in ukraine Yeah, and we we as uh stand-up comedians. We thought that this guy is crazy and we saw the

country went went insane that he they just like stupid jokes and now he's Fucking i don't know. He's standing. Uh, biden Biden say hey, would you like to come to us? We can get you out of the country and he's like no I will fucking die here Yeah, that that by the way, I respect the hell out of that and uh I'm trying to think of an american equivalent to that. Uh, there ain't uh our our people would be on a plane They would be on a jet uh real quickly. Um Um, I really hope that you guys stay. Yeah, he he

Also, I want to uh Say that the Zelensky fucked zero child Yes, well, that's good That's very positive and we yeah, we appreciate that that also that also maybe why your country is being invaded It is a catch-22. You know one of those, you know Unfortunately, who are your favorite comedians in the ukraine from america? My favorite comedians in ukraine for the america. Okay, so you should check Channel straka dupa is our channel. It's only in ukrainian, but it's uh, uh, fine

You also should check yvorsha taylor. He His own special on the horsetaila.com. You should check andrey sjegel. You should check Uh, I don't know who you put up plug all those people in your social media because We're never going to be able to spell those names Um, what do you guys like american comedy? Yeah, of course. We like a lot of american comedy and we I watch your shows. I watch a lot of uh, I know stupid american shit. I would sometimes hate something Just we have two cultures. We have ukrainian culture. We have american culture. Yeah

We Force ourselves to not watch a russian Culture because it's stupid. You just watch one russian comedian and also youtube next video suggests you War movie and you're like, fuck it Right half of the youtube russian youtube is war movies about oh how it was in 44 So What is the plan now the plan is just to hold off russian forces as much as you can and basically obviously keep raising money and

Hopefully, you know with enough pressure on putin and people, you know countries like china now coming out and you know A lot of sanctions happening that he would you know, eventually he'll give this up Yeah, we will push we will push the things you We will push the things as long as we are winning because for for now we are winning Uh, we was very happy with the ukrainian people Raising patreon for the save life in ua. It was the number one patreon in the world. They gathered Well, I don't

I don't like that because we're we're like the number two show on patreon And I got to be honest with you. I worked a lot harder than these ukrainians raising the money We've got a lot more content. They don't have any content on that patreon So to me that's a little ridiculous, but I do respect that Tell us Where to follow you and where to donate because I we want to donate money And I want to have all my fans that can and want to donate money. How do we follow you? Uh, you can donate money

at save life One word save life dot in dot ua. It's a very good organization. They Are very nice. They have a lot of uh paypal. They have everything they have bitcoin. They have yes We'll put that in the description of the episode Yes, also we have a national uh ukrain bank Uh, which is uh national ukrain bank is have an i-band long i-band and you can donate uh do that Also, I can uh email you my card number and card number for like small groups Yeah, I will I will I will personally donate

$5,000 to you If you give me a way to do that If you give me a way to do that We will figure it out. We'll figure it out. I will absolutely personally donate that Uh to you And it's it's not a lot of money, but it's enough money where hopefully that can help a little bit Okay, we will send you photos Afterwards, what'd you say?

Oh, you're gonna send you photos. Yeah, no and videos for 5 000 you have to do videos as well But the no, I want to I want to help you Yeah, I mean it's five grand, but I want to help you as much as I can Um, you know you guys it's inspiring shit to see your uh comedian um, if someone invaded america To kill all of us The comedians would be helping them So it's nice that you guys are fighting for your own country

Standing out. Where can we find you on social media? You can find me at Uh instagram.com of lat kapitze Okay, we're gonna put that in the link in description too. I mean it's a you don't fit the look Yeah You can also find me on twitter of lat kapitze because twitter are popular between ukrainian politics and the ukrainian And it's not very popular and it's popular

Worldwide so right This is pretty much how I uh found you and found a lot of people. Yes, and yeah Yeah, it's very interesting. You look like you're from california I mean, I don't know what ukrainians look like, but you look like you should be on the show euphoria This was not what we were expecting At all. I mean, it's a how like you look like you're like a tick tocker who lives in hollywood, but We are really sorry that this shit's going down and We're really gonna try to help as much as we can in terms of

Donating money telling our people to donate money and let and if listen, hopefully this shit ends And you come to america what will get you on some shows? Yes, it will be pretty much fun and I think that uh when This shit will end you will come to ukraine and do some shows because People are buying if people are buying tickets to louis ek Yes, no, I would I would love Find a way to promote you because we have uh also a promotion going on thing And it will be cool and it is

Uh One having fun and watching cool content and getting inspired and It's it's one One of the reasons to have a have a gun in your hands Yes, yes, I I I believe that's a 100 percent true. It's something to fight for It's something to fight for Warring and just the yaps and we don't like it Right. I know it's something to fight for that is literally what you fight for your quality of life

And to have a free country and have freedom, you know and dude I would be very very excited to perform in the ukraine unless russia pays me more I mean, no, i'm kidding dude. I I want to thank you We we we did this whole bit about you Because you sent ben a message and and ben didn't answer it and I screamed at him on the show And we were like this guy's probably dead And I can't believe you didn't answer his message and it's a whole bit and we're so happy that you're okay Your friends are are okay

And i'm hoping that everybody makes this it makes it out of this Uh and and you know, we could all Fucking look back at this and like, you know, I'm hoping that's the case, you know and like, you know any support. Yeah In case if I die, I will uh text a brand A list of secondhand comedians for your show. Yeah, please we really appreciate that. Um No, we really appreciate that. I think you'll be fine. Stay safe, you know Obviously do what you guys got to do over there um

And we really appreciate You taking the time because we know it's not Fucking easy We're gonna put together all of those links in our episode. We're gonna put them on our instagram We're gonna put them on our twitter for people to donate help you out if they can and um Keep keep in contact with us, man. Keep letting us know like what's going on and and ways that we can help

Okay, uh, also, I wanted to say slava ukraine. It's like glory to america and the response is uh Heroin slava. Can you say that? Yeah, slava hero. What is it? Heroin slava. Heroin slava What does that mean? That means uh glory for the heroes Yes, head oriam slava glory Glory for the heroes and I think you putin really went in there thinking it was going to be an overnight thing

He thought it was going to be a lot easier than it's been you guys have shown him that it's not going to be that easy You're fighting for your home your culture your your religion your heritage Whatever you're fighting for the freedom to live and it's an inspiring thing And there's there's there's people in my country that don't respect it because they're mentally ill We have many mentally ill people here But people that are human beings the few of us that are still left are watching it looking at it going it's fucking inspiring and um I I really appreciate this now. I mean

I mean the the awkward thing is he's not in ukraine. He's not even ukraine and this is a guy we hired Who's in la? He's too good-looking. He's in behind his soundstage. I mean, this is a green screen But I still think it it still feels good, right? Oh, yeah, it still helps. I think this still matters um Yeah, I can show you bottles of ukrainian beer Yeah Yeah cocktail for sure. Well don't have too much fun over there and um

Listen, I mean it may be inappropriate, but I still think it's a it's a it's a you know, we've got merch dropping It's a great time to get some hoodies over there It's not horrible. All right. Glad is love. Thank you so much. You're an awesome dude, man. Thank you very much Thank you very much team