The Tim Dillon Show - 293 - Fat Activism with Jessica Kirson

Episode Date: April 3, 2022

Tim is joined by the incredibly funny Jessica Kirson (Bill Burr presents Stand Up Special, JRE) to talk about being assaulted in the metaverse, a muckbang stabbing, and the body positivity movement. FOLLOW JESSICA HERE: https://www.instagram.com/jessykirson https://twitter.com/JessicaKirson https://jessicakirson.com/ https://www.youtube.com/jessicakirsoncomedy Bonus episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow See Tim Live on the road: ▶▶ http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ BABBEL - LANGUAGE FOR LIFE ▶▶ https://www.babbel.com/tim for up to 60% your subscription ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4woSp8ITBoYDmjkukhEhxg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the, I have gray in my hair, I got a style, I went to the hairstylist today to get the gray out, and I walked in and just immediately left because I could see that it was gonna be a horror. And you like West Hollywood salons, or it's like a lot of very peppy gay men and very like brain-dead women and gay men.

It's like that unholy alliance of gay men and very stupid women. And everyone's very perky, and I just said I can't even do this. But I'm taping a special on Saturday and I wanna look like I'm 17 years old, so I wanna get some of the gray out. Because I have nice hair, but it's gray,

it becomes a problem. You have a great head of hair. It's all I have, it doesn't matter. You know what I mean? It has no effect. It's like I have nice eyes, you know what I mean? You do? Yeah.

You're a handsome guy. That's lovely. You are. You're older women and lesbians. I find myself attracted to you, which is weird. Yes, I know. And you know, Maureen at True TV always wanted to fuck, you know, and you know, it's always like,

it's always like, okay, I'm good. Jessica Kersen is the funniest woman in America. I really believe that. That's so nice. Everyone, Rogan and me, we all talk about it, you are. And we just say you destroy at the lab factory, you destroy everywhere you go. If you're not following Jessica, you should.

It's at Jessica Kersen on Twitter. It's very fucking simple. It's very easy. And she's on the road all the time. You're on the road, and we were just talking about the hell that the road is. It's horrific. Yeah.

It's a nightmare. It's a fucking, I mean, it's why I do it, because I'm a miserable fucking person. So it's very familiar for me. It's, you get into a good rhythm. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't think I'd be okay if I wasn't doing that, because it would be just boring.

Well, it's also we're addicts. Yeah. addicts love like a depressing hotel. Oh, yeah. Horrible coffee. Tastes like urine, or ass juice. Urines actually would taste better than what the coffee tastes like.

Yeah, there's something about a nice depressing hotel. There's something about standing on the side of the road and just watching cars pass by. That there's something soothing about that to people that are very fucked up. And like you said to me, how many bags do I bring? Cause I'm going away for a month. I'm like, I don't bring any.

I just go to the DXL, the fat store and I buy three black, three XL shirts. And sometimes I just throw them out. I just picture you like just throwing them just on the street. No, I look like a terrorist when I get on the plane cause I have nothing. I mean, I have nothing. And I look like a guy that's on the brink of something.

So they kind of size me up. They literally sometimes will go, that's all you're bringing. I go, yeah. And then I just have to drive in the fat store. DXL is always 30 to 40 minutes out of a city because they're ashamed of it as they should be. So they put it so far out into the suburbs,

you have to drive 30 minutes. It's not even in the suburbs in something called the X herbs, which is like 45 minutes out. That's the new term for it, where it's so far out that you have to keep driving past all the Paneras and then you get there finally and you get the three shirts

and then you wear them and you throw them out or you bring them back or whatever. What if you're in like Europe or something? Do they have like fat stores? Let me tell you right now, I will wear one outfit. Well, I don't know what to do. No, I'm gonna have to pack for Europe. But the thing is-

You have to pack for Europe. I'm not gonna be home before Europe. So I have to buy clothing and luggage. Well, they might have like a bed, bathroom, beyond. You can get like curtains or something. Yeah, no, I'm gonna go to Europe and I will not be able to purchase anything. So I have to then like cover myself.

You've been doing comedy a bit a long time? Yeah, I started in 99. So I've been in this nightmare of a situation for 23 years. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. When you started, were people smoking in comedy clubs? Was it that type of environment? What kind of environment was it?

No, they weren't smoking but they were laughing and you could say anything you wanted. I started during that time. That time. You were free to say whatever you wanted. Yeah, people came to laugh. Yeah, and they didn't think about every joke. Right, now they analyze.

Yeah, now I say something and there's this moment of like, is it okay to laugh at that? Right. But you see what I do, I just plow through it. You don't care. You either laugh or you don't. That's why everybody respects you is you just don't give a fuck.

I do a little bit but I just have to just do it and it's like whatever happens happens at this point. You gotta just go. I'm barely functioning. I now go up in place. Sometimes I obviously I go up in rooms where people don't know me. I've had the luxury of going up in a lot of rooms

where people know me now because they come to see me. It's so much more fun. And then I go out and I say something and then there's like a soccer mom who's like, you know what I mean? And who thinks she's an environmentalist because she has a Tesla. Nevermind where that lithium ion comes from,

whatever, who cares. But they make the face, they do the whole thing and it's like, and I'm not even attracted to women. So for me, I have no, you know, there's nothing there. I go, we're on a bad date and it's who will end soon enough and then we'll just be done with it, you know? Yeah, it's, I mean, people have completely lost their minds.

We were just talking about that, especially here in LA. It's, I mean, we're both sober and I feel like I've taken 70 drugs, things that aren't even, I don't know what's going on. Well, people here in LA will say they're sober but they do all of the drugs. They're on crack. I said that to you.

Like people will say, I'm California sober. I'm like, you're on crystal meth. You're literally just shot up. People will tell you they do shrooms and none of the people doing shrooms are having any of the revelations you'd hope they'd have. Yeah. Like none of these people are like progressing

in any area of their life. They're taking shrooms, they're going to Joshua Tree, they're sitting out under the stars. And I don't know what's happening. I don't know if they're taking DMT and the aliens are appearing. I don't know if they're arguing with the aliens or the aliens are like, here's the way it is.

And they're like, well, actually, I don't know what's going on, but none of it is... Were you ever tempted to be like, oh, I can be sober but do psychedelics? No, to me, being sober is sober. I can't do anything because it always leads to others. If I start smoking pot, I'm going to suck a guy's cock on the street corner and like, you know, I mean, and I'm gay.

Like it's not, this is not good. I can't do anything. It's not a good situation, no matter what. I can't do anything. But there's struggles, the struggles are food. Everything. I'll do anything, I'm a garbage can out of my mind. Everything's a struggle.

When did you get sober? I mean, I've been in and out for years, you know, but there's been times when I've had, you know, six years at a time, eight years at a time. But again, anytime I thought I could do a little something. And what usually gets you? Like what's the thing that... Hot.

So that's why I'm saying, like people that say I'm sober. I've done that with cigarettes. I've quit cigarettes 30 to 40 times in my life. Really? Yeah, I was six years off them once. Yeah, but cigarettes are tough, very tough. It's brutality. Yeah.

And they're not even fun. Here's the thing about cigarettes. They're disgusting, they smell bad, you feel horrible. When you don't smoke, you feel so much better. But it's one of the greatest products because it can raise the price of it. It tells you it kills you in 19 different ways. And no matter how long, like I used to be five years

without a cigarette and I'd see somebody smoke a cigarette and I'd go, damn. I know. Damn, that looks good. Everyone misses them. It's a very oral thing. It's calming. It's tough.

That was the hardest, believe it or not that, I think that was the hardest thing I ever had to quit. It was very hard. Very hard to quit. It was very hard. And I don't, thank God now, I don't do it. But. I know, I'm really proud of you.

I'm proud of you for quitting this term. I have said to people in LA, I don't smoke cigarettes anymore while smoking cigarettes. And they've looked at me and went, good job, man. Yeah, because they're so self-involved. They're not even noticing that you're smoking. Because they're disgusting. That's kind of the benefit of living here.

You lie to each other's faces and everyone believes that. Yeah, yeah. You can say, I don't drink anymore while you're downing a beer. And people are like, that's great. So happy for you. I could face fuck myself with a doughnut and they're like, I don't eat sugar.

And they're like, that's great with powder all over my face. No one listens to anyone here. It's not, they're not even. Nobody's even paying attention. No. What do you think makes us addicts? Well, I don't know. I mean, I think.

Is it nature? Is it nurture? I think it's a lot of things. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if I was born this way. I mean, I'm from a family of food addicts. I'm from Drunks. I'm Irish Catholic.

We're from Drunks. We're from repressed sexuality. I have an aunt who has never been with a man and she wears men's shoes. And you know what I mean? Not because she's a lesbian because they're more comfortable. And she wears a strap on.

She had a special friend in college. They were very close. So it's like. Men's shoes is my favorite. Yeah, no. I mean, she walks around the house like storming around like men's shoes. So it's it's this is we come from these places

that have my mother's a schizophrenic, you know, and you know, but now the country is caught up to her. Yeah, like we locked her up 20 years ago, but now everyone is kind of saying what she said for years. So it's like I talk to regular people and they say things similar to what my mother has said, because the country has now become kind of schizophrenic too. It is totally.

So we should let her out. You should let her out. Right around. She'll be fine. Just send her to the Capitol and buy her a fucking Viking hat. Send her in. She'll shit on the desk and she doesn't care. Yeah, what what is your

because a lot of people call me and they go, we're not calling me, but they message me and they go, what is the best way to get sober? I did a for a while. I should go to more meetings. I don't really go to too many meetings. What is the best way in your estimation to change your life from from being

a drug addict or an alcoholic or a food addict or whatever, to being sober? Kill yourself. No, I hate. Jump in front of a car. No, this is honestly, I hate a hard question. I hate saying this because it's annoying, but the program is the only way that it really is the only way

and I am a child of a therapist. I've been to every single therapy, every fucking therapist, done everything, and it always comes back to that. It's the only way for me that that's worked. No, you're right. And I also think, you know, being honest and working with other alcoholics and helping people and getting out of my own head

because I'm a selfish motherfucker. It's a lot of things, but working the program and working the steps has been the only way I've been able to stay sober. And I've tried a lot of other things. I've tried, I've tried doing it on my own. I've tried everything. I'm the most sane when I work another program

and I mean work a program and I hate saying that because I hate having to have something that helps me. Like I have to do that. See, Ben doesn't, Ben was lucky because he didn't need the program, I'm the program for him. So it's very lucky. Sometimes people have a mentor that comes in. Not everyone is lucky enough to have someone like me

who's relentlessly positive and life-affirming. Oh, Ben, you're so lucky. Yeah, it's a real treat. But I mean, what happened to the doctor the other day? He said to you, he took all your blood. You said you're healthy and then what did he say? Well, I am low on vitamin D. He said, I'm deficient on that,

but he said my biggest health risk is just relapsing. He goes, don't look up the numbers on it, but the rate of relapse is severely high. Yeah, doctors are always positive here. Very high. Are you sober, Ben? I am sober, four years. Wow, that's great.

Tim helped me. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah, it's a fun, it's a fun, we have, it's an AA meeting every day here. I miss AA, I miss Long Island AA. If you guys don't work the program, you must be at each other's throats sometimes. Well, not at each other's throats.

There's a lot of tension. We should work the program. That's something we should do more. I did, I did the steps, I did everything. Yeah, it works. It does work. It's good, especially an early sobriety and even long-term sobriety, you have to do it.

Especially in long-term sobriety, because you get, once you're comfortable, you get cocky. Yeah, exactly. And you go, it'll be okay. And especially in this business that we're in, people tend to be. Yeah, there's good support with comics.

There's a bunch of sober comics and there's a very big support system. And it's helpful because this business is just makes me want to shoot up heroin into my anus. Makes me want to put a needle in my asshole. You have a beautiful wife who's lovely. Thank you, yeah, she's great. And you have children.

What's it like raising kids in this world? I'm never home, so I don't even raise them. So it's really, as long as they're attractive, that's all I care about. Thank God they're pretty. I have four daughters and they're all stunning. Thank God, because I really... What are your daughters?

Amazing singer. I mean, these are talented people. Yeah, Zoe is almost 16. She goes to, we live in Long Island, so I love that connection to you. And she goes to the school for performing arts there half the day. She's an amazing actress and singer.

Do you ever like worry about her getting into the business just to see, yeah. Yes, but she doesn't, you know, they don't get as affected by the rejection and shit. And she has an agent, she's a buck walled and she auditions all the time. I mean, she does get bogged down by it, but she's pretty good with it.

But yeah, of course, and there's so many girls that look, she's a stunning, dark hair, blue eye, like there's a lot of girls that look like her and a lot of stuff is going to other girls now. That's the truth. It's... So there's that and then I have a six-year-old daughter and I have twin three-year-olds.

You know, I have two baby mamas, fucking crazy. It's wild. Yeah. And do you get along with both of them? I do, I do. I mean, I'm lucky. I have a good situation. I can't believe I have all these kids.

I never thought I'd have one kid, but I couldn't say no. Now, did you do surrogate? Did you do? We did in vitro. So each of them, you know, my ex Sherry had Zoe and then Danielle, my current wife, had Isabella, Madison and Charlotte. And you've had none of them?

No, I would never have a kid. I'd feel like I was like, I'm very male in a lot of ways. So I would, I've never for one second thought of carrying a child. Like I would feel like I was an alien. I think all day about being implanted and carrying a child. Really? Yes.

I think it's an inevitability that I get pregnant and have a child. Wow. I see. I could see you be pregnant. No, I really liked the idea. I liked the idea of being entitled and angry and having cravings and calling ban at 3 a.m.

Get me pickles. And, you know, he goes like, you know, I buy all these dumb houses and shit and stuff. I don't even live in them. And it's just because I'm an addict. So I just love real estate. And I just love realtors and going in and out of houses, going to open houses.

We go to open houses. That's our AA. And but it's also good to put money in place because my business manager will steal. And I mean, he's a sweetheart, but he'll steal. And I think he's pretty, you know, I mean, the first time we met him, he'd come from five guys, he had mustard on him.

I said, oh, he'll take our money. As soon as we have enough of it, you know, he's talking about racing NFT horses. I mean, the guys, he's on the ledge. Yeah. And so what would, you know, but that's something like, you know, Ben always tells me like, don't do this,

don't do this, don't, you don't need this. You're not even going to enjoy it. But I think it'll be funny when I have a baby in me and Ben will be like, I told you not to do this. What would you rather have a girl or a boy just so we can know? Cause you can kind of plan that. I'd like a girl.

Okay. And I'd like a girl because there, I have the perfect idea of what a woman should be. I think you know more than anyone. I know what a woman should be. And with the guys, you know, I, you know, they kind of just go their own way. I have a real idea of what a woman should be

in my estimation. And what should a woman be? Or just some examples, I'm curious. You know, my dream daughter is a very cold, and withholding woman. I like that. Yeah, no. I'm attracted to that.

Yeah, a very, you know, pretty, or even if she's not pretty, cold and withholding. And I feel like there's too much nurturing going on right now. And I think women should go back to being cold and withholding and a little aloof. I like a woman who smokes a cigarette and stares at the sky. I like a little aloofness.

There's two people, it's overdone now. And I like that. And I don't know how I would create that in a person, but I would try. You can definitely, you can damage her. Yeah, no, that would be the goal. And intimacy issues. That would be the hope.

Yeah, you don't hug her too much. And if you're very inconsistent, that would help. Because I think that those types of women select an appropriate mate. Because there's a lot of women that make very bad decisions with who they choose to spend their lives with. And I think I would like my daughter to be kind of really evaluate a guy

on a bunch of different levels and go, I'm getting into a partnership with you, doesn't make sense. Do you ever worry that your daughters may choose to be with someone who's not good? Yes, a lot, a lot. I trust Zoe. Zoe's very free-spirited and like, yeah, and kind of a little.

She thinks everyone's good and kind of naive a little bit. So that scares me. But I'm very clear with her. And so is my ex about how people can be really horrible and evil at times. Because that's honest, that's real. And I'm like, you've got to be really careful. Like, people are not.

What's good is like you're involved. My family's always been so uninvolved in my life. They're not involved in any respect. Like my dad is a fan of mine. But it's like, he's not involved. He doesn't really ask, like, is it what's going on? Are you dating someone? Do you feel OK?

Are you alive? It's very much like he'll call me and go, David Spade mentioned you on Howard Stern. Isn't that cool? It's all about the business. Yeah, it's all about the business. So which is fine, right? But it is, I was raised by the worst generation of people

on Earth, the boomer. And the boomer did, and I have conducted an exhaustive survey of the boomer. The boomer, not all of them, but a lot of them, it was a generation of terribly selfish people, terribly selfish, that are constantly aggrieved. Their entire lives have been a struggle, even though when you look, it hasn't been.

Houses were cheap, cars were cheap. The land was theirs to pillage, and they did. And they believe that kids were obstacles to their own fulfillment, and their fulfillment involved golf and wine. It was not, per se, they were like, they were the hippies, and they just turned hard away from that. And that culture was all about exploring yourself.

But it had a lot of spiritual components. So what they did when they came out of that is they kept the self-obsession that that culture had and lost all of the spirituality, and just became very selfish people. And I'm not saying anything bad about my parents other than the fact that they shouldn't have been parents. Yeah, well, I think most people, I think a lot of people

shouldn't be parents. Right, but I'm happy they were or tried. Yeah. Yeah, they weren't abusive. They didn't burn me with cigarettes. Well, I think I know a lot about your life, you know, and you had a tough time. It was tough.

It was not the best. It wasn't. It was not the best. It wasn't. But my parents let me know that a lot had to do with me. I know. It was my fault. I know, which is horrific.

It's horrific. Now, now, the outcome is your brilliance. Well, that's very sweet of you to say. That's very true. That's very sweet of you to say. That's why you're so talented and brilliant. Yeah. And we become, I do think that I am funny

because I went through so much pain. I think that humor, I don't think. I know that humor comes from pain. And I don't, I think the funniest people have been hurt the most. That's my personal opinion. Right. You know, when people go on stage

and they're so fucking funny, I'm like, that person has gone through shit. Right. For sure. I really believe that. For sure. You ever look at comics, you haven't been through anything and you go, what are you doing?

Oh, yeah. I'm like, you're too OK. Yeah. You're like, why are you doing this? There's so many comics who are just clever. I never laugh at clever comedy. And I have people do. Like, they'll do well on stage, but I like this.

Louis said something great once. It's like, I forget. Did Louis say it? I forget who said. I think it was Louis, where it was like, it's comedy for people who want to vass her. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

It might not have been Louis, but somebody, it was like that type of where it's like, it's very well thought out. Yeah, never laughed at Seinfeld. Now, he's a great writer. I've never once laughed at a thing. Here's the most brilliant thing, because he's technically one of the most brilliant comics.

I'm sure he loved me. He loved me. That's sarcastic. But the one time I really laughed at him is he did a speech for the Clio Advertising Awards, where he goes, it was the funniest thing that I've ever seen him do because it was the most real. Ben can get it up.

This is him being the most real I've ever, hold on one second, this is him being the most real I've ever seen. It is one of my favorite things I've ever seen a comic do, because the thing with him is, some of his jokes are so technically brilliant. They're brilliant. They're brilliant.

He's a brilliant writer. There is sort of, you feel like you don't know him at all. That's my thing. That's what I'm saying. This is just my personal opinion. But here, if you watch this, this to me is one of the best things, because now I do kind of feel like I know him if you watch this.

Right. I am excited to win this. This is the award they give you when they don't think you can actually win one. But they think you've done a pretty good job and seem to have been around for quite some time. And that's how I got it. I would like to thank Ogilvy and Mayther

in American Express for getting me into this business. That was the first time I did it. I would like to thank my manager, George Shapiro, my incredible wife, Jessica, and Amirati for keeping me going. I love advertising, because I love lying. In advertising, everything is the way you wish it was. I don't care that it won't be like that when I actually get the product being advertised.

Because in between seeing the commercial and owning the thing, I'm happy. And that's all I want. Tell me how great the thing is going to be. I love it. I don't need to be happy all the time. I just want to enjoy the commercial. I want to get the thing.

We know the product is going to stink. We know that. Because we live in the world, and we know that everything stinks. We all believe, hey, maybe this one won't stink. We are a hopeful species. Stupid, but hopeful. But we're happy in that moment between the commercial

and the purchase. And I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to buy useless, low-quality, misrepresented items and services is an excellent use of your energy. That's different than what he does. That's right. This is why I love it.

Here, keep watching. This is great. Because a brief moment of happiness is pretty good. I also think that just focusing on making money and buying stupid things is a good way of life. I believe materialism gets a bad rap. It's not about the amount of money. Nothing's better than a big pen, a VW Beetle,

or a pair of regular Levi's. If your things don't make you happy, you're not getting the right things. This will all be in my new book, Soulful Materialism, which is in the planning stages at this moment. I have always wanted a Clio. I don't know much about it. But I know it's a good award.

Because in 1991, they screwed up this whole presentation, and there were a bunch of awards left over. And all of these ed people here climbed up onto the stage and tried to grab them. So to me, that says this means something. That really happened. And it's my all-time favorite award show occurrence, because it was so honest.

People just said, I want a damn Clio, and they went for it. And that is why I am happy right now. I got this. I didn't really win it, but I got it. And tomorrow, I don't know where this is going to be. It'll be somewhere. Eventually, I'll be dead. Someone will just take it or sell it or throw it out.

That's fine. I'm happy now. The same way those executives were in 1991, when they ran onto this stage and grabbed trophies that weren't theirs, but it trumped up their phony careers and meaningless lives. So thank you all for this great honor. I saw that, and I was like, this is like this moment.

It's real. Yeah, it's totally real. And dark. And dark. But I've watched him a million times. Yeah, it's not his usual thing. It's safe, and it's not real a lot. Yeah, it's a different thing.

It's a different thing. What do you think is happening with comedy right now, where you have a lot of comics who are cool, and you have a lot of people that seem like they are on stage to make a point, and they feel like they're a gay comic, or they're a comic of color, or they're a trans comic. It doesn't feel like the community of comics

feels more divided and splintered now than it's kind of ever been. It feels like the identity of comic, to me, is such a powerful, strong identity. It should unite all these different groups of people under that umbrella. It doesn't seem to anymore. It seems to be weirdly balkanized where everybody's

kind of doing their own thing. It is. It is divided. A lot of comics have gone at each other, which I am not used to. It was very united for my entire career. And now, people are incredibly judgmental of each other. I personally have never judged comics for what they do,

so it's very odd for me to see comics going at each other. I could hate someone's act, be disgusted by it, hear what they have to say, and want to vomit, and want them to die. But I still believe they have the right to say it. So yeah, and I just, you know, I laugh at what's funny. And I just think the funniest people should get hired for work.

That's right. So it's just, I don't know what's going on. Oh, good luck with that point of view. I know. I just keep doing what I do and saying what I say, and I don't let anyone silence me. In Long Island, do you ever encounter homophobia? Oh, not in Long Island.

I mean, I word things and say things in a certain way so that I make people feel absolutely ridiculous if they were to be homophobic from my material. But when I'm on the road, I definitely get some people that get tense. And it's more of like the religious people. I remember when I first started on Long Island, there was a lot of weirdness when I would say something

about being gay, people would go. And that's not a huge part of my act. I have one or two jokes about it. But it was weird back then. People would be like, ugh, what? Like, ugh, like, it was a different time. But things have gotten a lot, things have changed a lot. A lot of people don't want to admit that,

or they don't believe that. But firsthand experience, I think people's attitudes have changed. They've changed a lot. And I got to tell you, they're a little more homophobic with men when it comes to comedy. Absolutely. Definitely.

Absolutely. I think with women. There's never been a big gay male comic standoff, right? No, no, not at all. I mean, no, I'm thinking about it. It was out of the closet. There's never been a big gay male standoff comic. No, I'd say you're by far the biggest there's ever been.

By far. Well. I mean, you don't talk about it a lot, but I mean, you're out. And you're the most famous there's ever been. Well, that's crazy to think about. I don't know if that's the case. Yes, it is.

I mean, there's Mario Cantone, but he's he's not. I mean, it's not at your level as a standoff. I'm just saying as an actor, but he's musical and it's different. Right. There's I don't know who and he's not. It's not the same thing. I'm just saying he's because there's no because there's an Ellen. There's Ellen.

Right. Ellen's a male comic who's I mean, Ellen's more of a gay male comic than you are. That's true. But as lesbians, they've had big comics. Huge. They've had huge lesbian comics. Oh my God, Sarah, Sandra, there's tons of them, tons. Right.

But no, there isn't. I'd say you're that you are. That's wild. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, think about it. I've never thought about it. But yeah, I've never thought. I haven't either, but that's a real statement.

I've always just never knew that. But I never I also never like people and it's weird. Like I understand people's point when they say representation matters, you go, I want to see myself someone that looks like me doing something. I totally get that. Maybe I don't know. I never saw that, but I never cared.

I don't care either. Such a small I never cared. Like I never saw a big gay male comic, but I never cared. It didn't make me think it was off the table. I know. I don't think about that stuff. I just think about who's funny. I like, I don't right, but it's also aren't we

we're kind of a different generation of gay people. Yeah, we are. There's there's another generation of gay people who are they don't they have sex with the members of the opposite sex. Right. So that's different. Gay has gotten very it's a big tent now. You don't have to be gay to be gay.

In fact, it's a detriment. You can be queer. There's a there's a big tent and a lot of the people that are in it are are married and heterosexual. You were telling me that in the car and I'm very confused by it. A guy on Twitter today came out as queer. I mean, you can get. I don't understand.

Yeah, I'm not judging it. I don't know what you're talking about, though. Yeah, I'm judging it a little. But I don't understand what you were saying. You said he's married to a woman and he goes. I've started identifying as queer over the last four months. Does that make me the new queer but an old black? I think most men, especially black men like me who come out

later in life because we don't really know it ourselves also but attracted to a wide range of women, but not men at all. So I didn't know how to ID myself, even though I haven't felt straight in years, LOL. So I don't know what that means. I have no idea. I mean, I mean, I'm not hating on it. I genuinely am confused.

To me, I literally feel like I just heard Chinese. Right. I have absolutely no idea. It might be a Chinese bot, but it's, you know, I had that to me and it makes, again, I'd love to understand it. I would love to. But that's the success of the gay movement that straight people now want to be in it.

And then the big LOL at the end is a very upsetting because it's, what is that? That's a crazy person. But it's that many people are ill. We're living in a, what do you think the percentage of mental illness now in the country is 30, 40%? It's fine. 98 and a half percent.

Now, in certain ways, I'm mentally ill, but I work on it and I'm medicated. Yeah, right. I mean, I'm not judging. Like I have issues, but I work on it. People are out of their minds. I, we were at a comedy club. I told you, I was at a comedy club last night.

It looked like the game room in a mental institution. And I'm not even just talking about the comics. I'm talking about the audience too, the people that work there. I'm like, am I at a mental institution? You said people were like rocking back and forth. Someone was talking to themselves. Someone was flicking their fingers. Someone was rocking.

There was a person with a helmet. I don't know what the fuck was going on. Someone was defecating. It was the, I'm like, this country is out of, everyone's crazy. Yeah. And I really constantly feel like I'm on a sheet of acid, not even one little, like I'm on a sheet.

You're taking a heroic dose. Terrence McKenna would say. Yeah. I've taken a cardboard, like sheet of acid. What do you think it is? Do you think it's the internet's driven people crazy? Yes. Yes.

My mom says that. She's a huge therapist. And she said the internet has ruined people's law. I mean, it's, it's ruined. Like she said, it's ruined people's lives. And it's only getting more and more intense. I mean, it's insane. Like and subscribe.

Do you ever, do you ever go through TikTok and just go through it? It's crazy. It's, it's out of control. It's out of control. Like you'll just see someone like, hi everyone, I'm Dorothy and I really, and then you just flick through and it's like,

and then the boom, and then the boom, and it's just one person after the neck, like mentally ill fucking crazy people. It's nuts. Yeah. No, it's crazy. Well, there's a lot of neurodivergence now. It's true.

I mean, there's a, there's a lot of people that are, that are on the spectrum and they are struggling with different things. And it only seems, there's more and more of that. And now that's becoming kind of a brand in a weird way. There's someone who literally is mentally retarded or whatever you want to call it.

Right. And they're 700 pounds. Yeah. Okay. In like a tight t-shirt and boxers with one sock on. Like, hey baby what? Like just singing.

And then it has 786,000 shares. Like it's just being made fun of everywhere. What do you think of the pro-fat movement now? It's very interesting, the fat activism. I mean, I, I've been, as people who've struggled with our weight, it's interesting to see now it's gone the other way where fat people are like threatening people

on social media. I've been 330 pounds and no one should have been promoting me. I, I was disgusting and should have been shot. I should have been hunted down and shot. I was not, I was a animal.

I should have gotten help. Someone should have, someone should have gotten a net and fucking put me in a cage and help me. But there's a movement now. Well, I needed movement. I needed a lot of movement cause I was dying. Yeah.

Okay. There's a movement to celebrate. I should have not been celebrated. I had, I had rashes. Yes, it's hard. I smell. I mean, I was, I was not okay.

And, but, but what has happened? You know what I mean? Like what has happened where it, it's gone to a place where there is a celebration of that type of behavior. Well, I think that. No, I don't think that people should be no victimized or treated like shit.

No, but no one thinks that. Of course not. But we've gone to in such an extreme place. I have a lot of fat professionals. My agent is fat and they're very distracted. They're fat. My tour is booked. If you look at the way my tour is booked,

it's booked in towns with steak houses so that my agent can come. I have a fat assistant. She's lovely. But she's distracted because they're always thinking about eating. I'm surprised your tour isn't all at like Burger King. Yeah, no.

My tour is literally routed around the openings of steak houses. And, but, you know, it isn't distracting. They're like, I'm trying to lose weight. It's hard. Do they always have food in their mouths when you're talking to them about business stuff?

They're chewing. They're crunching late at night. Are they like, well, they crunch. They crunch things. They have little vitals that they have. They've got food everywhere. Like, you know, it's distract.

It's like, again, it's a compulsion. I know you don't have to tell me I'm an animal. I fuck my face with food. I don't even chew. You know what it is. I know. So to me, the idea that that's become a celebrated part of our society.

It's not okay. It's not okay. The mukbangs online, you've seen them. People just eat. People watch other people. I mean, did you see Nick Avocato's video where the woman was getting stabbed?

Yeah, I sent that to you. Please bring that up. Someone's getting stabbed. There's a woman in an apartment building getting stabbed. And I don't know if you even know who this guy is. This guy, all he does is eat online. And he eats these crazy things. And he's just kind of killing himself online every day.

He's pretty popular. And he's very popular. People want to watch him kill himself with food. This is a deeply disturbed society. Now I want you to listen to this because this is literally true. Someone's getting stabbed to death in the apartment next door

and they notice it and they keep eating. Watch this. Okay, they taste like this, but you know. You know the screams? Grease here. Okay. Play it again and I want you to listen for the screams. You can hear them.

You can literally hear the screams. Okay, they taste like this, but you know. Look. I mean, you hear somebody in the back, they're like, ah! So somebody speaks. Do you know that he just made me homophobic and I'm married to a woman?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I want to suck dick after watching that. Yeah, yeah. It's so disturbing because there's people, millions of them watching this type of stuff. It's, it's, there's something that the internet's unlocked which is really terribly. Oh my God, that's so disturbing watching him eat like that.

Yeah, it's really bad. It's, yeah, it's not good. So he's really popular? He's very popular. I've watched a lot of his stuff. He just eats for hours. He goes crazy. Now why do you watch it, you sick fuck?

I don't really know why. When you're really hungry and you want fast food late at night, if you just watch him eat a bunch of tacos from Jack in the Box or something soothing about it. There's something, and it's also kind of funny and morbid and really porous. Is he just talking while he's eating? Yeah, he has little anecdotes

and he has his boyfriend, Orlin, I think, Olen or Orlin and they do cooking recipes too. So they'll cook ramen noodles with cheese and eat those and show you recipes and he'll go around Target and a Rascal Scooter and do little skits and stuff. So this is where we are. This is a big... And they're famous.

They're famous. Yeah, yeah. And I'm going to do six shows at the fucking Chuckle Bunnies. Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, but this is really disturbing stuff and your mother's a therapist probably is,

she probably has just some very interesting, you know, thoughts and ideas about how it got this bad. I mean, I think that we are, like I think people just want to watch this and just get hooked in. I mean, it's like watching the war, you know, the news and all that shit. We get hooked in and it's that addictive personality.

That's right. We just get hooked in and we can't stop watching. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. It is crazy. Yeah, it's unfortunate that there are people whom are, they're being enabled and supported

to do these really horrible things. And it's just going to get, how is this getting better? No, it doesn't. You know, I mean, no, no, no, I mean, I don't know. No, it seems not to be. I mean, my kids, this is very disturbing.

It's very hard to raise kids in this world, right? With social media and the bullying and the stuff like that. Yeah. It's difficult. I mean, you can be on top of it and kind of, you know, make sure they don't watch certain things, but it's not easy.

It's hard to keep them from everything out there. It is very, very hard. They're going to stumble upon things. Yeah, and then they do post stuff and they're in secret chats and they, you know, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's crazy. It's really wild now.

The challenge is being a parent. And they watch the porn and all that shit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, second base when I was growing up was like touching a girl's boobs. Now it's anal. Right.

Yeah, it's crazy. It is. It's sped up to an unhealthy degree. It did. Yeah. I mean, it's bad out there. But I mean, you know. What is the good, I mean, really, I don't know.

I felt like you were about to say, like, I was trying to find... What is it? Uber? I don't know. Postmates? Yeah, I know. I mean, that's good.

You can press a button and get a burrito. I don't know. But then there is the dark web pedophile sitting there, everything else. Yeah. That's a problem. Yeah. It's a real problem.

It's hard to be funny. Stand-up was on stage the other night at the store and he said something brilliant that Roseanne had said to him. It's very hard to be funny now when there's no such thing as truth. You're living in an era where truth is really subjective. People don't seem to be swayed anymore

by any type of facts. They can create their own reality. And especially with the internet, you can only see that deepening and becoming more immersive where everybody disappears into their own world. I mean, this metaverse thing, people can make fun of it,

and they should, and I do, but it's common. It's like everything else. Do you know about the metaverse? No, I don't know a lot about it. Get up Zuckerberg, the metaverse. Now, everything they've done with it has been pathetic and everybody's laughed about it so far

because like anything else, it's never gonna be a thing as Ray Kump, our friend said. It won't be a thing until it's a thing. Right. It's like anything else, but it really is this world where you'll have an avatar, you'll literally pretend to be somebody, and you'll primarily be in this digital landscape

where you are, you know, having a lot of your meaningful relationships and interactions online. Not in real life. That makes sense. Yeah. No, it's coming in here. Just take a quick look at it.

Imagine you put on your glasses or headset and you're instantly in your home space. It has parts of your physical home recreated virtually. It has things that are only possible virtually, and it has an incredibly inspiring view of whatever you find most beautiful. I mean, this guy's the devil. Hey, are you coming?

Yeah, she's gotta find something to wear. He's disgusting. Horrible. All right, perfect. Oh, hey, what's going on? What's up, Mark? Whoa, we're floating in space? Made this place.

It's awesome. Right? It's from a crater. I met an LA. This place is amazing. Buzz, is that you? Of course it's me. You know I had to be the robot, man.

I thought I was supposed to be the robot. I knew you were bluffing. Hey, wait. So this is what they want. Let's go, Jessica. This is what they want the future to be. I'm looking at your face, but this is the plans for the future.

When is this happening? They're trying to make it happen at ASAB. But what, so they can make a lot of money? It's, yeah, so that they can basically, they're trying to curate your life. They're basically trying through algorithms and everything to feed you a diet of what they want to feed you. You buy things in this world,

you consume in this world, whether they're NFTs, you use crypto, whatever it is. Yeah, yeah, and there's no touch. This is all I keep thinking. There's no contact. There's no contact. There's no touch. There's no humanity.

It's unbelievable. And you get into this world and you purchase things in this world and you buy real estate in this world. You buy a home in the metaverse. You buy a home and people are doing it already. And then you don't leave. And then they just sell you things while you're there.

And there you go. This is the new thing where, this is the demo they just ran about. Here's the shopping now. This is Walmart. This is Walmart. Now you're good to hear you shop at Walmart. There goes the tomato sauce in the thing.

And then it's delivered to your house, I don't know, via drone or whatever. But why would you want tomato sauce at your fake house? Well, some of this, well, if you have guests, you want to make, do you want to make, you're not going to have pasta or something? No, you don't realize how insane we are. Why would you want a fake house?

Let's, I mean, let's start there. So let's start there. Now, I think this might be, they're demoing this as like you would order it. It would be shipped to your real house and you would eat the tomato sauce. Right, right. But don't, don't kid yourself, fake tomato sauce for that.

I mean, Heineken just did a thing. You could pull this up where Heineken sponsored some big metaverse thing. It was a big bomb because everybody's like, Hey man, what the fuck is this? But this is coming. They're trying to shove it down your throat and make it. So Heineken launched some virtual metaverse thing.

It was a complete failure. Says needless to say, we all love a frosty cold one every now and then, but now Heineken is setting its sights on bringing that element into the metaverse. Brood with, I'm not kidding, none of this is a joke. Brood with pixels and not yeast. Heineken silver is the world's first virtual beer.

So this is all coming. And this is, you have the same reaction that Rogan had when I told him about this. Your kids know more about this than you do probably or will. This is all coming. And I'm a little bit of a conspiracy guy where I go, they just really, I mean, you'll have an avatar. So if you're 400 pounds, it's okay.

Cause your avatar looks like whatever you want to in the metaverse and it's a little sick, but there's an inevitability to it. And they want you on this thing so that you can be to sell you stuff. I mean, it makes complete sense. It makes complete sense. Even though it's the craziest thing ever.

Yeah, I mean, you know. And I can see it. Like I can see it happening. I can see it being incredibly profitable for companies. And I could see the fun of it. I, me too. I could see the fun of it too. I go, oh, I can't afford a mansion,

but you know what, maybe I can in the metaverse. Right. You could live this whole play life forever and ever. Does it matter that there's a fentanyl opioid epidemic and that there's violence in the streets and that the environment is decaying and the planet is decaying and there's political corruption

and there's no healthcare. You can live a play life. So I think this is what they're preparing. Instead of fixing the problems, they're going, how about we all just go to the pool party in the metaverse? That's what's coming. Because the problems are deep

and very tough to imagine solutions to, as we've just said. So what we think, you know, what I tend to believe they're gonna say is just go to the metaverse. There's already been sexual assault in the metaverse. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

There's already been all kinds of things, sexual assault in the metaverse. Sexual harassment, this is USA Today. Again, USA Today. Sexual harassment in the metaverse, women alleges rape in virtual world. So- So the world's ending, I just wanna say that.

But it is, the physical world is ending. Yeah, so the world's ending. We talked about that in your car. And- Any pepperdough has a great line. It goes, you know, every generation thinks it's ending, but we're right. No, we are right.

You said 50 years, I think less. So I'm gonna try to enjoy myself as much as I can. You have to. Yeah. You have to enjoy yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Within 60 seconds of joining, Schrode,

I was verbally and sexually harassed three to four male avatars with male voices, essentially, but virtually gang raped my avatar. I mean- But- Well, her clothes were too tight. Yeah, she was out late at night. Yeah, it was her fault.

She was being too promiscuous. So this is where we are. That seems to be where we're heading. It's clownish right now, and it's not real yet, but it seems to be potentially real. Oh, this is gonna be huge. There's no doubt in my mind. I think so too.

This is coming immediately. Yeah, I think so too. I don't even doubt that for a second. I feel like- This is coming out in the next year. Yeah, they're gonna, yeah, it's coming. And I think they're gonna encourage people to just live those fantasy lives.

Oh, this is gonna, for 2030 and forth, this is gonna be huge. That's right. And you're gonna have to pay for everything. Oh yeah. That's right, NFTs, these non-fungible tokens, you can own digital property. And I don't even mean like a house, I mean like anything.

You could buy an NFT, a piece of art, or whatever, and eventually it'll be comedy, you could buy a joke. Eventually comedians will sell a joke. I'm telling you, it's gonna be, it's all heading to that place, and it seems to be rapidly going there. We were one of the last generations. This all, I guess, eventually has to do with like,

you know, humans becoming AI. Eventually there's a chip in your head that you can write into the metaverse. It's scary, but it is, you know, I think it'll be, I hope the lineups at the comedy clubs in the metaverse are diverse. That's my biggest concern. Yeah, that's my biggest concern too.

I have anything, even like my kids, is that the comedy club lineups are diverse. In the metaverse, for sure. I mean, there'll be virtual comedy, there already are. There's already virtual comedy clubs, you know, during COVID. Yeah. So that seems to be the next step of society, just further into the hall, further into the pit.

I'm sorry to show this to you. I feel like I'm showing you something. I'm actually fascinated by it. I don't get freaked out by this stuff because I'm a very realistic person, so I don't get like, oh my God, because I know this is all coming. It's coming.

Like it does, nothing shocks me. I spent $1,000 in Miami and I spent 48 hours there and I felt, again, like I had swallowed a sheet of acid. But everything that they talked about was real. They go, listen, everything your kids are gonna want, like instead of a pair of Prada sunglasses or, you know, Jimmy Chew's shoes or a Porsche, everything for clout that they're gonna want to show off,

it's gonna all be digital. They're gonna wanna buy things for their digital world. Yeah, it doesn't freak me out because nothing shocks me anymore. Did you ever, you know what's interesting? Did you ever perform, cause you've been in New York comedy for so long, you never performed for Trump or anything, right?

No. Cause they like hate comedy. Like those types of people. But I always wonder like, cause you've been such a New York staple for a very long time. You've probably seen a lot of like politicians, kind of interesting people.

Yeah, no, I've never performed for like very big politicians. Lower level, but not huge, huge, huge politicians, no. Yeah. Have you? Ed Mangano, the NASA County executive who was indicted for taking bribes, him and his wife were getting free deli platters. No, I swear to God, Ed Mangano and his wife were,

she was given a $300,000 job as a food tester at a deli. So that's like Long Island corruption. Yeah, yeah. No, I haven't, but yeah, I'm trying to think. I mean, there's been like people in the audience, but no one major. Yeah, yeah. When you hate LA.

I don't hate it. I'm okay with it. That's, you know, like for short periods, but if I were to ever live here, I'd have to have a job. Like I'd have to be on a show or something. I could never live here and just like try to make it. Right. Yeah, it's tough.

Where in the country do you perform that's outside of the coast that you really like? Is there a place where you go? I really like to be there. Outside of the coast? See, to me, I love, I love working people. So I spend most of my time in Beverly Hills and the Hamptons because I like working people.

Yeah, I get it. And it doesn't, but I like people that have, you know, that work. So I like Beverly Hills, the Hamptons, Palm Beach. Yeah. But now outside of that, where, where, where places in the, but I hate performing for rich people.

I don't think they should be allowed in comedy clubs. No, I, they're the worst crowds there are. They're entitled and they don't, they don't care anything. They're horrific. They don't relate. No, I love performing for working people. Yeah.

I love because they want, exactly. They're dying to laugh. Yeah, they're dying. Right. Yeah. Yeah, they don't even have food. But I, yeah, I, Well, they have, they have food. That's the only thing we give them.

Yeah. No, I'm joking. I, I love like small town, you know, places where they're, they don't have a lot of entertainment. Like, you know, they have that comedy club and they go out and they're dying to laugh. And yeah, yeah, totally. There's a bunch of places around the country

that I, I love to perform in. Yeah. Your live act is one, because there's people that comedy cell are the biggest comedians in the world hate following you. Yeah. One of the biggest powerhouses on stage. Ben's like, if you ever had to follow her,

I'm like, thank God, no. That's very sweet. I'm like, no, whenever we performed, Jessica was always headlining. We were performing in churches and Queens for crack ads. And Jessica was the head, I was just doing 10 minutes, very excited. I'll never forget.

I saw you there and was blown away. Oh, well, that's sweet of you. You're fucking amazing. Well, that's very sweet of you. I appreciate that. I thought you were great that night. Do you know how long ago that was? We're talking 10 years. It was a long time ago.

And I saw you and I'm like, he is really funny. I mean, you were really, really funny when I saw you. Well, I just got into comedy hard and I destroyed any chance of, you know, decent relationships and everything. I let everything go by the wayside for comedy. Yeah, you were great.

I thought it right away. I thought he's a great comic. And you've always, everyone has always said that. I'm talking from years back. Yeah, well, that's sweet of them. Everyone thought you were great right away. This is a script we wrote for Jessica. She's doing very well.

We went off over all of this in the car. You're reading yourself a teleprompter in the studio right now. Yeah, people thought you were great. They really loved you from right away. No, everyone has said that about you. You have a very good reputation in the business. Yeah, for sure, I hope.

You do. Yeah. You do. I mean, you're brilliant. I'm not just saying that to be nice. You really, to be this, it's not just with comedy. I mean, you have a brilliant mind and that's why you're so successful.

It's with fitness. You're very smart. It's with a lot of things. Yeah, you're great with dumbbells. Yeah, no, I'm good with fitness. Yeah. And with fighting, with MMA. Yeah, you really are.

That's why me and Joe Rogan get along. We met at the gym. Oh, I know. Yes. He told me you trained him for like seven months. I trained Joe Rogan and then, but then he wasn't serious about his nutrition so I had to drop him.

He eats a lot of sugar. It's a pun. It's the never ending possibility. Olive Garden with that guy. I know, he's a fucking pig. That's right. And he needs to stop. Well, he's in a corset.

Do you know this? This is true. He's 400 pounds. I know. He's in a corset. So when he leaves the studio, he actually just really becomes. Thoughts out.

He becomes Lizzo. It's very... Lizzo has a new show. Can we get up the trailer? Which is funny that people think he's a racist because he is Lizzo. Right, it's wild. But Lizzo has a new show now called Big Girls,

which again, another thing my agent could not get me on. And it's called Watch Out for the Big Girls, which again, sounds like a negative, but this is being billed as a positive thing. Okay, I'm done. I didn't even know she had a new show. It's a new show. Watch Out for the Big Girls.

What's up y'all? It's Lizzo. I'm looking for dancers to join me on my tour. Girls that look like me, don't get representation. Time to pull up my sleeves and find them myself. I should go on this because I can dance. I want to be on the show. It's the battle of the Big Girls.

To be a background dancer for Lizzo will just mean everything, it's show time. Now, here's my thing. And I'm not trying to be, I'm not trying to even make a joke. What if one of these people has a heart attack? You mean on the audition? Like on the show.

Like what if, what if one of the episodes, someone has a heart, like does, would it give anyone pause? Would they go, eh? She'll probably get a lot more votes. Right, yeah, right. And then she comes back and it's okay. She'll get sympathy votes.

Yeah, she comes back in and they replays a valve. I, I, I think. It's a fair, I'm just a fair question. I mean, I think that, you know, someone could have a heart attack. It's a very good possibility. It's a very strenuous show. Someone could do a split and shit everywhere

because they ate so much food. I mean, it's- A lot of things could happen. Yeah. Someone could have, you know, a stroke. I mean, there's a, there's so many different things that could happen. Yeah, so my whole thing is just, it's an interesting,

and this episode, it doesn't come out next, this week, it'll come out next week, and this probably is already premiered. I'm hoping that doesn't happen, but it is a possibility. So many things could happen. It's a very real possibility on the show. People could be vomiting.

It's a physical, you know. We have no idea, but it could absolutely- I had a lot of crying because they're, you know. It could absolutely happen. Stuffing down feelings. There's so many. Well, that's the thing. Eating is a compulsion that's emotional.

I wonder if they eat while they're dancing, if they could just put the food down. It just- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's sick. They eat while they're dancing. Yeah. But you wouldn't get disqualified.

No, because they, you know, you celebrate being fat. So they're all just shoving cookies in their mouths while they're twirling. It really is the end, isn't it? It's gone, it's, we're in it. We're not even starting, we're in the end. No, it's a severe, it's odd to me. It's odd that we celebrate now everybody's.

And I mean, now we have drug addicts and we all have sympathy for drug addicts. We have empathy. We know what it's like, but now we have, you know, people that we have open-air drug markets in cities where people shoot heroin on the street. Yeah, that's gonna be the new reality show. That'll be the new one.

Or that'll be the next thing. People will go like, I'm a proud heroin addict. Right. I'm proud of that. Right. You should celebrate opioid, like I'm not addicted to opioids. I choose to use them.

Right. And it's my lifestyle. And if you have a problem with that, you're an issue. Right. I'm gonna be an addict that chooses background addicts to be around me. Yes. Yeah.

That'll be the next show. Take pills around me. Yeah, that'll be the next show. I want a crew of people that love fentanyl as much as I do. But it seems like that because we're just celebrating compulsions. Yeah, yeah.

And addictions. Yeah. Because I see this all through the mindset of an addict. I go, this is all addictive behavior. The food. I know I struggle with it myself. I just pictured them going on tour and just all these dancers just falling to the ground

and dying. They're gonna die. They all just go cardiac arrest. Yeah, they're gonna die. I mean, they're gonna die. And it's sad, but it's like that like. It's sad, but we're making fun of it as people who struggle.

It's like, I'm literally. I struggle too, but I don't go. When I make a bad food choice, I never want others to do it. Me either. I'm never like, hey, this is the way to live. No, I don't want people clapping and cheering me on. I want them to get me help.

I want them to help me. It would be very weird if I pulled into a McDonald's late night and there was people around me cheering. Like I was finishing a marathon. Like they were going. Yeah, like handing me nuggets. Like you hand someone a towel or like water. Like they're handing me ketchup packets.

No, I want you to like help me. Yeah, it seems to just be a problem. And I don't know why it wouldn't eventually be drugs. Right. Like that's the next thing. Yeah. And we already kind of see it where they're like, they just don't persecute people

that are doing heroin in a tent. And you go, I'm not trying to persecute anyone, but it's not good for them. It's not good for them. It's not good for tent cities to be there. It's not a positive thing. For the people at least. Well, we should really celebrate them.

Right. Because, you know, at least. Well, yeah. Well, that's what people do. No, people do. And they go, you know, we, and it's like, so to me it's like that may be the next reality show. It's just, you know, people in the tents.

I think it will be. Maybe a year away from the first homeless celebrity, like a homeless star. You know what? I could see it. Yes. For sure. A homeless reality show.

Yes. Where they're like a star. Yeah. And they're, you know, and they're known. I guarantee there's gonna be one in LA. Oh, we'll be ground zero. And it'll be people that are kind of like, hey, I love this.

Because there are, there is a whole thing now where they go, well, if we offer you a bed and you, and we offer you a home and you don't accept it, we can't allow you to stay on the streets. And then people go, know that you can't do that. You have to let people camp on the street. Yeah. You have to let people.

Not only that, but you need to let, like give them lighting. You need to give them a kitchen. Yes. Yeah. A den. You have to let. Yes. You have to let them be on the street.

If they still choose to stay on the street and use drugs and they don't want to live in the thing. So we're getting to a point now where why not, you know, why not celebrate everything? Yeah. You know? And it's a bit, it's a bit scary. I've made a lot of mistakes, my, I've never celebrate.

Like I've never been like, you know what's a good idea? Stay in the closet till 25, do cocaine, drink, quit that and then eat a lot. I've never said that's the way to do it. I've never said I'm a bad bitch. That's why I did that. I said I would do that because I was in a lot of pain. It was very hard and I didn't find something I liked to do.

And then I finally found something I liked to do and I transitioned out of that behavior, most of that behavior. But yeah. Because you want to try to help other people and you want to explain to people that it's not a great decision and you don't want it to be celebrated.

You want to like be an example and try to, yeah. I know. Yeah. Again, I don't feel like fat people should be made fun of or ridiculed or anything, but I don't also feel like it should be celebrated because it's not healthy.

It's not healthy. That's why I'm trying. I do something about it. But people would disagree with you. They go, it actually is healthy. No, it's not. I know. No, it's not.

When I was that large, had high blood, very high blood pressure. I felt very sick. My cholesterol was high. I was not well. I was very sick. I was not doing well physically. Now everything's good.

Right. My back was out. My knee was killing me. Yeah, so you're saying to be 500 pounds is a detriment to your health because that is a controversial statement in some corners of the internet. Yeah, I can.

There are people that go, you can be three, four, 500 pounds and he doesn't have any negative health effects. I know those people need help. They really, this is what I'm talking about. Those people really need to see help. And how do we help them? You can't.

You can't. They need to be put down. It does seem like a zombie movie. When I say that I mean that and I'm joking, but they cannot be helped. It does seem like a zombie movie. Yeah, there's no, you can't convince people. There's a lot of people now

that are gonna believe what they wanna believe and they're stuck in that and there's no way of convincing that you know that. You can't convince these people. They just go to the metaverse. They're done. That's it. They just go to the metaverse.

People are stuck in their beliefs and you cannot to try and convince them that that's, no, it is healthy to be 500 pounds. You're wrong. What am I gonna do? Try to convince? It's a waste of energy. They're done.

They're gone. Bye, great. Blow up your health. Do you think you'll stay in Long Island forever? No. But right now I'm on the road so much and that's where Danielle's family is. So it's like they help the kids.

Cause I know my eventual, and I don't know when it is. It might be years and years down the line. My eventual thing is probably the west coast of Florida. Yeah, I will. I always grew up in Florida. I mean, both grandmothers had a place in Florida. Yeah, or the east coast, I don't know, but Florida.

I think Florida. I love Florida. I love it. I mean, I'm there a lot. We have a place in Del Ray. So my family, so I'm there. I was just there and I'm going back next week. I just came from there the other day.

Yeah, I love Florida. But I will, I think we're all gonna end up in like a home with guns and, you know, just like mining our business and protecting our home and our family because this world is, I don't know what's happening. Yeah, what a positive note. I know, I really, I know, I just wanted everyone to feel safe and okay while we were ending this.

Yeah, well, you're gonna, everyone's gonna spend time and at home with their guns and their family. Well, look what's going on. But I don't mean now, enjoy yourself now. Everyone blow up, fuck your face, get as fat as you can and celebrate it. Yeah.

Yeah. It's crazy. Where are, where can people find your live dates? Cause I'm not kidding. You have one of the best live acts I've ever seen and it's well worth. It's well worth people to go see you and support you because in terms of live comedy

there's really nobody really doing it better. Thank you. We can go to jessicacourson.com. Yeah, jessicacourson.com, K-I-R-S-O-N. I have a TikTok that you would love cause I post crowd work videos every day. Oh, nice. And a lot of, you know, a lot of people do crowd work.

A lot of women don't. So I purposely do it a lot. So I have a TikTok, Jessica Kersen and I'm an Instagram, jessicurson. But I'm on the road. I'm on tour for months coming up and I'm doing a lot of different cities. How do you do it?

Do you ever take a break? Not now. Right. I'm really on tour right now. I'm not like you are, Jesus. It's insane what you're doing. Well, I'm done in May. Right.

But you're a fucking warrior. It's amazing. But no, I'm touring a lot coming up and I have a lot in the fall. So I'm happy. You know, I'm doing a lot. It's good. I mean, the live shows are great.

You go to Jessica's website. She's got her podcast up there, Patreon. You have everything up there. Easy jessicurson.com, Jesse K on Instagram and really go out to see a live show because you know, I don't recommend a lot of comics live but you really are like the gold standard of a New York comedian.

Like, you know, which is the highest honor in Boston, New York, like comedy is an East Coast thing. That's just what it is. You know what I mean? People can get angry about that and not like that but that's absolutely the truth. But thank you so much for coming on. We rarely have guests.

I know. And you like just texted me and said, come on. And you know, I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. It's like, you know, you've done that and Joe and, you know, Bill Burr, like people who've really reached out to help me and I can't, it just means a lot. Yeah, Jessica Kierson right there on Instagram.

Yeah, it means a lot because I respect you so much and you've done something that is just incredible. And, you know, that you texted me and said you should be selling out stadiums. You should and everybody believes that. And you will be. It's just people figuring it out, you know, and just basically, you know, coming around, you know?

And, but, but I mean, I watch you tonight at the LAF factory and again, it's like, I mean, Ben is such a massive fan of you. And every time you're in town, we go watch you, you know? Yeah. We go watch you. And then, you know, we're like, thank God. I'm like, thank God, I don't have to follow Jessica.

I could just go yell in a room. Well, you killed two. I do good. Thank God. People don't want to follow you either. I mean, we have strong acts. We fucking command a room and that's, you know, people don't want to follow you either.

The concern for me has always been when people see me on stage, they go, I've always felt, I think the struggle that I have is being too hot to get laughs. That is word on the street. Where people see me and they go, he doesn't need it. You know what I mean?

They go, he doesn't need this. The problem is when you're that attractive, people are looking at you and want to fuck you. My dermatologist called me today just to check up. So that's where I'm at. I had a dermatologist call me from Orange County to just check up on me. He goes, I've seen your Instagram.

You have something going on in your face. Oh my God, that's not good. No, I swear to God, it's a dermatologist from Orange County. He goes, something's going on on your face. We should buy up, see it. I said, I'm on the road, can we do it later? He goes, yeah, but I'll call in a prescription. So we called in a prescription to Ralph's in the ghetto

and I went and got a prescription and I put it on my face tonight. I don't know what it is. It's probably, yeah. So I mean, that's where I'm at. In the ghetto. Yeah, no, he calls prescriptions in. I think he wants me to get killed.

You go to pick up. He wants me to get killed because he's always trying to save me money. You go to get your skin medication, you get shot in the head. Yeah. No, he's always trying to like save me money. So he like calls in scripts

to like these like horrible places and I go, okay. Follow Jessica, go to your live everybody. We're on tour too. Who gives a fuck? We got one month left and it's over. Go away. Thank you.