The Tim Dillon Show - 298 - Puerto Rican Papi

Starting point is 00:00:00 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show, uh, late May, getting ready for the summer. One of my favorite people, the guy who told me to start a podcast. This is a fact. Yeah. What you are, what is his, what is the name? Lewis Gomez. I'm kidding. Lewis J. Gomez. I always have to say Lewis Gomez. I know. Why is it so important to J? Uh, well, I mean, look, at this point, it's not really important. Not for you. Not for you. If I didn't correct you, it would be, it would be weird. It's a whole thing. Paul F. Tompkins, if you call Paul Tompkins, he'll never be on this show. That'll never ever come up in my life. Paul F. Tompkins on this show. Yeah. I, uh,

Starting point is 00:00:48 no, it doesn't really, you know what it is, honestly, why I use the J truthfully. It's because when I was a child and I was practicing my autograph, the loops of your signature. Yeah. Yeah. My order. I say, I love that you call it an autograph. No, but I was, I was practicing my signature. I was practicing an autograph that you were going to one day give to people. Yeah. I was going to one day, which is a weird thing because nobody asked for autographs. I mean, nobody wants an autograph, but the J looked so good. The Lewis J. Yeah. You know, very, my Instagram handle is Tim J. Dylan. There's something about a J that's nice. It's it, it puts that stop between the two words, Donald J. Trump, Donald J. Trump, Lewis J. Gomez, Tim J.

Starting point is 00:01:22 Dylan. I get it. You know, we're, we're talking about a lot of things. Obviously the economy's a horror. Yeah. And you have a child. You know how much things cost food. Yeah. I try not to pay attention. Of course. Genuinely. Genuinely. Yeah. I just don't pay attention. I don't. If I like that, I'll drive myself fucking crazy, dude. Yeah. Gas prices. If my life was dictated where I was walking around going, dude, these fucking gas. Yeah. Look, it sucks. And I know it drives a price up of everything, right? But at the same time, like that's not the game I'm playing. I'm not, I'm not driving down the gas prices. Right. So what's the point about caring about a great point? You can't affect it. Yeah. But it's just a truism. It's out there. Yeah. It's

Starting point is 00:02:07 out there. It's tough. Of course. I only, you know, you play your cards. That's what I say. I agree. Yeah. You got, you got to do what you can do out there. But you're also, you have a business. You're doing well. I'm doing all right. There's a lot of doing fucking Tim Dylan. Well, yes, you are. No, I'm not. Tim, you know what Tim did yesterday? Yes. I went in his apartment and he goes, I was like, I'm going to go buy a car. And I'm like, all right, that's cool, dude. And I was telling him about how big Jay has a Jeep. Yeah. I was like, it's real. I was like, a Jeep's actually like under the radar, like a really dope Wrangler. So then he was like, yeah, I'm going to get a Jeep. Yeah. And I was like, really? I was like, I was surprised. And he

Starting point is 00:02:44 was like, yeah, good for the money. I like it. Yes. And then he came back two hours later to bring me to the gym. Yeah. In a fucking Bentley, Bentley flying spur. And I was like, I'm going to get a Jeep. He's going to get a fucking Jeep. I left the apartment thinking about getting a Jeep. I did. And but here's the reality. You know, I didn't end up getting the Jeep. I had not slept. Here's a fair point. Yeah. I had not slept in 48 hours. I was all fucked up from Australia, from the jet lag. Yeah. When I got back and I told him, I gave him a whole big speech about financial responsibility the night before about how you have to save your money. Things don't last forever. And eventually we're probably going to have to live in a state like Florida,

Starting point is 00:03:26 you know, because it's less expensive to own property and taxes are better. And I said, we just got to be smart about our money. I gave him a real big speed. And the next day I bought a Bentley, bought a Bentley. And I've always wanted this car rolled off the lot. $30,000 just melts off of it immediately. Well, sure. That's yeah, of course. But here's the other thing. Those cars do have a resale, a decent resale. Yeah, because there's always going to be somebody that wants that car. It's not going to be as much. It's I you know, it's fun. It's just a car that I would never I would never get that car. It's incredible. It's beautiful, right? But I just feel like if I were to get that car, I would also need a driver like Ben should be driving

Starting point is 00:04:10 you around. Hey, by the way, by the way, agreed. Hey, zero argument for me, zero argument for me in that in that thing. Such different worlds, right? Like he pulled in. I thought we're going I thought we're going to his apartment before we're going to lunch yesterday. Yeah. And he pulls into the Beverly Hills hotel. Yeah. And I started to take my bags out of the back thinking we're home. He's like, I don't live here. You fucking idiot. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, no, no, no. Well, it's it's a we've been lucky because we have a friend who has a really, really big podcast and he's had me on a bunch and he's the most influential podcast from the world and his name is Tony Ingecliffe. And by doing that show so many times, I was exposed

Starting point is 00:04:58 to lots of people. Yeah. And I was able to get a get a big group of people listening. So we're happy about that. I also don't have kids. I'm not going to have kids. I don't have a family. It allows me to kind of misbehave. I for you to buy a Bentley instead of funding your kids college is criminal. Right. Criminal. Of course. But that's the freedom. But also, you know, you you know, you do those things. Yeah. Because, you know, you feel fucking good and that's nice fuels something else that inspires, you know, so it's like, if you want to fucking have a Bentley, you're not you're not going backwards now, Tim. And that is an investment into your own self belief and your own sort of way of doing things. And I look at spending money as an

Starting point is 00:05:45 investment. I take stupid vacations, you know, I try to have dice things, you know, right? I just I'm classless. So when I say nice things like I got an inflatable hot tub and I'm like, dude, I'm fucking killing it. Right. Right. Right. You know, I'm not I'm not a you have nice things people would get with Marlboro miles. I mean, like nice things that would come out of a cigarette catalog. You get, you know, like a Marlboro leather jacket. You'll get a 10 to one of those red 10s they used to have. There's nothing wrong. It's beautiful. These are beautiful things. Did I would look at the Marlboro miles catalog in awe, being like, wow, dude, all of these things you could get. None of it matters. The only thing that matters is friends

Starting point is 00:06:27 and family. Yeah. Now here's the difference though. It is a it is all of these things are inherently dumb. Anything you buy is kind of stupid, but it makes you feel good. And it's it's a nice thing. And that's all it is. Right. I mean, they're not they don't change your life, but they give you maybe a little bit of joy in a, you know, world where you need every now and then you need a little joy. I think you worthwhile investments are your home, your car, right? You know, wherever you're spending a lot of time to yourself thinking, quote unquote, meditate, we don't fucking meditate anymore. But when you're driving, you can't really be texting. I mean, I do. Right. You know, sure. But when you when you're driving, like you're alone with your thoughts,

Starting point is 00:07:11 you listen to music, but you're sort of thinking through your life and all that shit. And if you're in a fucking shitty car, you're gonna just feel like shit in my opinion. Yes. I think it's I've been in a shitty car. I used to drive Oldsmobile 88. Not even a year. That's the type of car. And it would literally like when I when I would press the brake too hard, the car would shut off. Like I I've been in Mitsubishi galant. I've been in all pieces of shit. I just I would just buy for years. Yeah, the cheapest car at the used car dealership, like not like a used car dealership, like, like a certified, like a guy who bought this is certified. This is certified pre on Bentley. Good 2018. It's not brand new. You don't have to tell people

Starting point is 00:07:53 that. Well, but here's the reality. It's no different than a 2021 but 2022. But people ask my cut friends. Can you look up the differences between the 2022 and 2018? There's very few. There's going to be a handful of them. But there's not that many. Yeah. What were you saying? Bentley is not a high tech car, meaning like it doesn't have like the runner lights. Like when you get in a Bentley, it doesn't, you know, it's not like a new Beamer or Mercedes or where they have the pink and purple. Designed by a Puerto Rican. Yeah, it looks kind of ethnic. It looks a little ethnic. You know, the reality is this is more of an English gentleman's car. It doesn't. It doesn't have a horn that goes beep. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. This isn't, you know,

Starting point is 00:08:32 so they have some new stuff. My Audi, like literally half the technology is being able to change the lighting panels and everything. Right. That's all the technology went into. I got a fucking white trim. Some people like when they get in a car to for it to be lit up and to feel like a, you know, some type of carnival. Yeah. Because that's where they work or that's where they're good family memories are going to a free carnival. It's a simple way. Yeah. They're treating. They're treating people like morons. They're going, you like flashing lights, don't you? Yeah. And we do. Yeah. I love it. For sure. I mean, there's nothing. There's nothing. If I want to, if I was, I could match my lighting scheme to my outfits method. They sold it to me that way.

Starting point is 00:09:12 They looked at me when they, they're like, that this Puerto Rican guy's going to love this feature. Right. And they said they're like, you can match the lighting scheme every day to whatever outfit you're wearing. And I was like, what the fuck is wrong? Yeah. I mean, it's, that's such a, so the new one is going to probably, I don't even know these, what these differences are. I mean, they both have a V8 engine, right? Yeah. I have a sport. I have a sport package, which they don't even make anymore, which is faster. Mine, my engines might be even better. And this is the, this is the 2018 right here. Four liter V8. Same shit. Yeah. Same shit. I mean, you know, and again, if you look, go to the interior of the 2020, I mean, by the way,

Starting point is 00:09:48 is this not a relatable segment? This is like the least relatable of the 2018. I mean, there are people, I have people watching this overdosing on heroin right now. But if you look at it, look at it. Yeah. Go to the next one, Ben. Go to the right, right? Can I tell you why it's relatable? Yeah. Yeah. Tell me why. Because they fucking, oh, they watched you. Dude, I remember. Yeah. I remember Tim once a month would ask me for an advance on his $600 a month podcast payout. I would. And like the 27th would hit and he's like, dude, I need the money. I need, I need it in cash. I know. And you give it to me. I appreciate that. And that would upload a photo an hour later at a steakhouse. But it's $75 thing. It's inspiring for people to watch you. This is why

Starting point is 00:10:33 people like you. That is fucking relatable. You're not, you're not fucking gifted anything, dude. You've been hustling and grinding for a long time. No, I've been, it's 12 years. It's a long time. It's a really long time. And I think people see it like they're looking at it overnight. The best years of my life are over and they were poor. Like the vast majority of my life, I would have rather had this money at 21 because you have more energy. It's more, it's cooler. That's why the LA peep. Now, obviously I have more perspective now and blah, blah, blah. But the LA life that these TikTokers live is what's supposed to happen. You get famous at 18, you're famous until you're 25 and then you die 27 or 28. And cause it doesn't get better.

Starting point is 00:11:09 And you did it. And you were famous at the best time to be famous. You didn't work for it. You didn't know what it was. You had no, now we have perspective. It's, you know, but there's something nice about just getting a whole bunch of shit. You don't even know why you have it. And all of it's just fun. I don't even understand how I got laid when I was in my 20s. I was so poor and dirty. My body was dirty. What were you doing for work selling comedy clip tickets? Right. When I first started in comedy, I was selling comedy clip tickets. And then I mean, I would just fucking be out there. Like I was a street kid, dude. I was like, just a fucking like, we'd smoke, blunts and stairwells and drink 40s on stoops and fucking.

Starting point is 00:11:51 And there'd be like women that I'd hook up and like, I think back now I'm like, how would any woman ever like, yeah, I'm like a shitty comedian. Like just not like, like, how do you like, how do you, how does a woman spread her legs for an unfunny comedian? That's a crazy thing. He's trying to be funny. Many of them do. It's a crazy way. Many of them have big houses with unfunny comedians and live very well. Oh, I'm very sure they do very well. We were talking about people that don't have money that want to go on vacation and we wanted to give a kind of a guide to people that don't have a lot that need to take their kids somewhere because it's my belief that you got to go on a summer vacation. Even if you don't leave your town, like some people

Starting point is 00:12:40 that's terrible. It's sad. That's garbage. It's very hard. You shouldn't do that. Have you, but you, you've even seen that. I was, uh, yeah, I see that all the time, but I was in, could we go on the road a lot? So we're in hotels and you'll just see a, this happened last weekend in Providence. There's a family in the pool and I'm like, in my mind, I'm going like, why would anybody visit Providence? Right. And then they were like, oh, we're from Newport. We're like 40 minutes away from here. We just like did a staycation. I look at this poor little three-year-old and I wanted to kidnap him and just release him into the parking lot. That would be a better life. Newport's a nicer area. So it's weird that they went to Providence. So what's going on is like

Starting point is 00:13:13 the dad's into something weird or the mom is. There's no reason you go from Newport to Providence for a staycation. Something's going on. They wanted the pool. That was it. There's pools in Newport. I don't know. Something's up. They wanted to get out of town. I don't know, but it was, it was, I felt so bad. I think about that all the time. I'll be at like a gig in Atlantic city and you'll see a family. It's tough. It's fucking brutal, dude. And you see a family just at a shitty hotel and it's usually like an indoor pool. Terrible. Smells bad. I might do that with my family as like a joke. Like I might, I might bring my whole family to Atlantic city to be funny. As a bit. As like a bit. Yeah. Like we're all in on and we're going to like, you know. Yeah. And then just

Starting point is 00:13:54 bring them and go. Here's, welcome to the, I mean, I did that when I was a kid. So my friend Rocky, who ended up being gay. He tried to suck my dick when we were like in the sixth grade. So I always knew he was playing with Barbies when he was a kid. Yeah. Real, you know, real Tim Dillon. Yeah. What's he up to now? He sells real estate. Does he do well? I don't know. But I stay in touch here and there, you know, but he fucking, now he's like very, very out. But his family, we were so poor. Right. I thought his family was rich. Right. His family lived in like a nice trailer. A nice, a particularly nice trailer. That's how rough it was. It was, I shit you not dude. And they would take me on their family vacations. And I'm like, wow, dude, we got a ballies in Atlantic

Starting point is 00:14:39 City. Yeah. His dad just throwing bones at the ballies. You're like, ah, it's your fresh Prince of Bel Air. And the guy, you're, you're driving in a trailer to ballies. This was, I mean, yeah, dude, I think back. It's so funny how poor this family was. Yeah. And how, and they looked down their nose at me. Like I remember feeling like, I was like, God, I grew up, we didn't have a ton of money. Like I had an, I had a backyard pool. It was an in-ground pool, but it was six feet. So when you dove into it, you had to dive out. Like you couldn't dive down. And a lot of my friends had the eight foot, 10 foot pool, 12 foot pool, or as much larger when you, when you were to jump in, you could dive straight down. So when you, but when you, when you're up in the

Starting point is 00:15:22 air and you realize I can't dive straight down, I have to dive out to me. That's what poverty is. That's the thought, the thought of how deep is the pool is poverty to me, because a big pool where you don't even worry about how deep it is, because it just is deep. We have just, it, that to me is, we use, so our landlord, when we were kids, Mary Leone, she was this fucking old white lady. She's still around. No, she's very dead, but her long dead, but her, her niece and that, or yes, her grandkids, right? They were like, these kids, they were like, you know, they just had all like the fun toys. But once again, these people were all trash. None of these people were rich. Like, no, none of them, but they had

Starting point is 00:16:02 like a, an in-ground pool, but it was like algae in it. It just was a fucking garbage ass family. And I remember they were just like, be in the pool. They would invite us in sometimes, but literally one of the biggest like cringy things in my life, I think back is just one time I was like standing in the pool wanting them to invite me in and like just staring. And I think I was like, I want to go back in time and just fucking tell yourself, don't do that. What are you fucking doing, dude? Have some pride. The fuck is wrong with you? Well, their pool, go get your own pool. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Where, where would you and your family go on a trip? Did you ever take a vacation? My mom would take us the, you know, I remember, and this was, she was a little, she did

Starting point is 00:16:44 drugs. My mom was a heroin addict and a prostitute and a prostitute. And I knew this. I knew my mom was a prostitute for as long as like, because I remember my, it was like this old guy who was my sister's godfather actually, and I caught them like naked in bed together. And I remember even at like three or four years old, just thinking, I was like, well, she's not fucking him for pleasure. I was like, she's being paid for this. And I just sort of connected the dots. Even as a young child, young child, I just knew I sort of, it was, you know, I just knew that's what it was. Yeah. Were you proud a little bit? Yeah. I was collecting, I was collecting a commission. No, it's to me, I got her the gig, dude. To me, there's something about that that is a little bit

Starting point is 00:17:24 you go, Hey, mom is really working. Mommy's working. No, no, I didn't really, I think I sort of blocked it from my memory for a while. Yeah. Like I didn't like, but I think back now, I just remember having the thought that this is for fucking money. So yeah, my mom was fucking trash. So we were just really, really poor. You know, she wasn't, she wasn't a high end prostitute either. Like, right. Honestly, if you're a hooker, by the way, you don't need to say that. Well, that's crazy though. I appreciate that you, you don't need to say, I love that you have to, you go just in case anyone out there was wondering. My mother, she was not high. She was an attractive prostitute. In fact, if you go on my Instagram, you know, high

Starting point is 00:18:06 end prostitutes, not only attractive, it's like, it's a whole thing. No, they got to be kind of, they're hot. Well, they got to be hot. The first and foremost, they got to be hot. All right, go to my Instagram right now. They got to have the money to travel. Mother's day. Go down right to the right. That's my mom with the red hair. Okay, right here. Okay, right here. My mom cleaned up. No, she's pretty. She's a pretty woman. She cleaned up. Yeah. Okay. That's my sister right there. Now she would not be a try and you and your sister. This is what I think. And I say to myself, God bless this woman. Cause I would have abandoned you kids instead of like, instead of fucking to feed you to, which by the way, you're clearly fed.

Starting point is 00:18:47 I would have abandoned you to immediately like at a truck stop in Jersey, but good for her. She, I mean, I respect one of my sad family photo growing up. One of my women that I looked up to was a prostitute, my friend's mother. And she would explain to us how she was always a prostitute. And she was still kind of a prostitute. And she took all that money and invested it in stocks and knew all about the market. And she was very interesting. Oh yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. She, my mom didn't do any of that. My mom bought heroin with it. Yeah. And I think when she was hard up for heroin, I think her prices would drop dramatically. Right. Yeah. Then it was just kind of a, but she would be a $300 an hour hooker. Right. Did you mid-range? Did she ever admit it

Starting point is 00:19:29 to you? No, we never got there. You never broached it even. Never, never got there. She, were there men coming and going or would that's what this were paying her for? Right. But would you notice like different guys around? No. So this is when, this is when I was really young. I don't think she was hooking when I was like at an age where I really had memories of it. Gotcha. So I was like three or four. Well, that was nice of her. Yeah. You know, she ended up, you know, becoming a hairdresser, which is actually, I have less respect for hairdressers. Oh, much less. I mean, but here's what's nice about her. She didn't sell you or your sister some prostitutes like, you know, they, you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, in fairness to her, it was a hard sell. That would have been a tough

Starting point is 00:20:11 sell you and your sister. I mean, that would have been a very rough, like he, you got to be into both. If you're into both of us, that's a lot. Well, you got to be a pedophile and kind of blind be into fat cholos. Yeah. You got to be, you got to have a fat cholo fetish as a pedophile. Like imagine, are there those pedophiles that go to Epstein's Island and they're like, yeah, I know you got all these thin, you know, white kids, but like, I want fat cholos, fat Mexican kids, not hot Eastern Europe. I want gathering of the juggalos, cholos. Like, yeah. So we, our vacations that I remember, we were going to Seaside Heights, New Jersey. And I just, I remember, cause it's nice cause it's the beach and she could score. She could

Starting point is 00:20:54 probably, she honestly could probably just find heroin on the beach. Right. So yeah. And what would that entail? Seaside Heights, would you get a room somewhere? I think we would get, she called it a cabin, but I, when I remember it as was like a shed and there was like one building that's almost like a shed with a couple beds, you could enter in on either side. Very, very vague memories of these Seaside Heights. Probably like 15 bucks a night, something like that. Right. So I'm really, really fucking cheap. When you say enter on either side, I'm thinking like public restroom. Kind of. Yeah. Like that. I feel like you're like, my memories were like, there was like three bathrooms. There were no beds and you could

Starting point is 00:21:33 enter on either side and there were hand dryers on each side of the wall to dry your hands. And she would set up the bag sleeping bag for me and my sister on the floor of this. So you would stay for two nights and I probably something like that two nights. I don't even remember the best, the best vacation my mom ever took us on. Yeah. God, this is going to be rough. It's going to be so sad because you, here's why it's going to be so sad. You've specified that this is the best. So this is the top of the line. Top of the line vacation my mother ever took us on Hartford, Connecticut. Oh my God. WrestleMania 11. Now it was cool. That's kind of cool. That's not bad. That's actually not

Starting point is 00:22:13 bad. We were massive pro wrestling. Give it up for the, hey, give it up for this or she, she did. It was the one fucking thing. She really, she spent the money like, you know, I think at the time the tickets were probably 75 bucks a pop, which is a lot of money for her. Yeah. A lot of money. That's fucking cool as fuck. You know, 20 rows back, maybe you saw us on camera. We're like along the gate, you know, and your sister, me and my sister. It was the best time ever. They do a fan fest. Now I feel bad. No, don't feel bad, but very influential. If you look at the fan, the WrestleMania fan festival, if you, what we do with Skankfest, like that was like one of the best memories. The WrestleMania fan festival, you show up and it's not just

Starting point is 00:22:50 fucking like autographs. They have a lot of interactive shit. You know, you're like, you know, you're, you're, you're meeting the wrestlers and you do meet and greet and shit, but they're like doing fucking other things. It's like shows. It's hilarious. Stan Hope goes on Rogan and brings up how cool Skankfest is. And then Rogan just shuts it down immediately and goes, you should do your own fest. And he's trying to like have a nice pitch. It's a nice pitch. I did this festival. It's just the greatest thing ever. And Rogan's like, he was like, he was like, oh, yeah. He's like, that's really probably because the comedy scene down in Houston is great. There's nothing to do with the comedy scene in fucking Houston. We booked three comics from Houston. We brought

Starting point is 00:23:29 the fucking greatest comics from the world, mostly from New York City to Houston and fucking did the most unique, fun, interactive, craziest comedy festival ever. But Doug Sanhope should just steal the idea. Joe's like, you should do your own. The same guy who assaulted Carlos Mancia for stealing a shitty Ari Shafir joke. The shittiest Ari Shafir joke that's ever been fucking written. Well, he stole more than that. I know. He stole a lot. He stole a lot, but you know. That was a straw. No, but I'm kidding. You know, Rogan's great. No, no, no, we love him. But I mean, it is funny that he was just like, steal it. Do your own. Well, it's not stealing. He just said, do your own fest. I think, no, I think he's a little disconnected from what Skankfest is. I think

Starting point is 00:24:10 he thinks like that's what Bert's doing. By the way, I hope he's just got, he's worth hundreds of millions of dollars. I hope he's disconnected from it. Yeah. But I mean, like Bert, you know, Bert's doing his own festival. It's not the same thing though. Right. There's nothing like Skankfest. You got to go and see it and know what it is in order to fucking. And then what is, what would you say the difference with Skankfest is? Is it people get raped? It's a party. It's a party. Well, yeah. I mean, well, they don't tell. Yeah. It's a party. Here's the thing with Skankfest. Whatever they call it. Here's what I say. Here's what I will say about Skankfest. It is an immersive experience. Meaning that it is three days. It involves not only going to see stand up,

Starting point is 00:24:44 but you have like other events that comedians go to and will be at and you can like mix with live podcast is fighting pro wrestling. There's fucking just there's mechanical bowls and fucking games and beer pong tournaments and it's stupid. It's a fun thing. It's a fun thing. It's a wood stock for people that like podcasts. The best podcast fans in the world, best comedy fans of the world. They love comedy. They love every time I've done a show, it's gang fest. It's always been great. And every time we've done a live podcast, it's gang fest. It's always been great. We're going to do bastard radio. Yeah, it'll be fun. I'm forcing you. It'll be fun. No, I'm doing it. I told you I would do it. Absolutely. We'll do it. Me and the great Nick Mullen. I think we're

Starting point is 00:25:24 going to do a state of the industry address as bastard radio. So the biggest topics from the year we're going to break down. I just want to cover please. If we do a state of the industry address, we've got to carve out Gringo poppy who does what I want to do LA. I want to do the no, no, no, I want to do the state of the LA podcast as part of the state of the industry address is gang fest. Yeah, you and Nick do everything else. Yeah, everything else. That's yours. You cover all of New York, television and film, every podcast in the world other than and you could also comment on the state of the podcast scene, of course, but I would like to my expertise. I just want to do the state of the LA podcast scene, the great,

Starting point is 00:26:04 enduring scene that will never die. Can we and it'll be called the LA podcast scene, the scene that will never die and it will have the photos of the people who are currently in prison. Tim, can we play word association LA comic scene? Sure. All right, ready? You just got to just fire it off. Don't be a pussy. Whitney Cummings drugs, Bobby Lee, Korean. I mean, it's the first thing that comes to mind. Ryan Cowan rough here. Gringo poppy kind of brilliantly, brilliantly funny in a way that no comedy special has ever been because it's, it's mysterious in a way because you're looking at

Starting point is 00:26:49 it and you're going like, there's a lot of choices made and you don't know why those choices were made. Of course. Of course. The comedy store. Fine. That's it. I can't name another word. I mean, that's, you know, well, here's what's amazing about the gringo popping. This is what's truly amazing about it. Okay. You're watching it and you're in kind of, it's, it's, it's, you're in a little bit of disbelief because it is, I wonder, and I know he's trying to get good at stand up and I respect the hell out of that. The question is, what did it have to be a special? No, that's the real question. No, no, it didn't. Yeah. And I'm not one of these guys who

Starting point is 00:27:36 like, that's not a nice guy. And I know he's trying to be, you know, like the question is, with that particular thing, you go, did that have to be, I said this on realized podcast, he should have friends going, cause here's the thing. He is a charming dude, right? Yes. And he, I think, I don't know at all, you know, but I think there's probably something that he's probably a funny point makes his friends laugh, right? Yeah. I think that he's really great at podcasting on that specific show for that audience, which they want MMA. There's an audience of people in America that want what he does and he does it for them. I am not that audience. Of course. But that's fair. But that's fair. And here's the thing. We, we all go out because I don't care

Starting point is 00:28:17 about everyone stinks at comedy for the first five, 10 years, 20, 30 years. There's a fucking minimum of five. That's a, if you get good and start getting shit under five, five, that's like fast rare. That's fast. Michael Che, like, who's my best friend? And he's one of the people talking about guys that like, they got like, it's rare, very rare, very rare. And you see it and you're like, God damn, those guys got good and they got good fast and they started getting things. I was pretty rare. I got pretty good pretty quickly, but again, I didn't really pop until I started doing this. Yeah. Of course. That was what I needed to do. So, but that's the thing that's like, the standup is kind of gay and stupid when we came up. Standups kind of gay and dumb.

Starting point is 00:28:58 Let's be honest. It's when I watch Brendan do that, it's like, I go, here's a big tough guy. Well, I should just see in a Ferrari and he should be able to rip people's faces off with his catcher mid-hands. And I see him running around the stage going, I go, you're gay now. You become gay. Why are you gay? He was a fucking night. He was a night. And now he's a jester. Now he's gay. He's a gay man. He's a fully gay man. When you watch especially, he's like, and you go, what? Why? What is this disease? Maybe they should come out next week. You're six for six. You're in Adonis. You could beat up 99% of the people in the world. You could kill men and fuck women. And you don't have to fuck these skanks at the comedy store.

Starting point is 00:29:53 Fuck hot women. Any Letterman? Fuck hot women. And instead, he's fully gay on stage in Dallas in front of 45 people being like, the lion is that my doll? It's just, it's puzzling. It's, uh, yeah, you, when you don't need it, when you don't need it. Well, that's the thing. Like, um, you know, I don't, I feel, I feel bad on his comedy because I don't shit on people's comedy. No, no, no, no. Me saying you shouldn't be a comedian is the highest respect I can pay you. If, if I look at you and go, you shouldn't really do comedy. It's me going, you are better than this. I truly believe he's like better than this until you start to do this. This was nobody's a plan. Nobody. No, I was in a little kid being like, dude, I want to

Starting point is 00:30:44 fucking dance like a monkey for strangers and pray to God that they like me and that they react to my words in a club or I won't feel anything. That's right. That's crazy. That's a fucking, that's pathetic. Really. Honestly, if, if aliens came down and watch us doing comedy, it's gay, making these sounds. I don't even mean gay, like having sex with men. I mean, like, it's just cringe. Yeah. A little. Yeah. It's a little pathetic. I feel embarrassed that I need the validation of strangers and others should too. And even though we make people happy, it comes from the need. And I just feel like knowing that. I would give up your happiness for my happiness. So everyone knows their happiness is inconsequential.

Starting point is 00:31:25 People say to me, they're like, your podcast got me through the quarantine. I'm like, you have no idea what it's done for me. I'm like, I'm glad it's helped you and it makes me feel good that it's helped them. But I'm like, to be honest, your mom dying. Yeah. I'm like, I'm glad it helped you, but it really helped me. You know, dude, I'm fucking having a weird fucking muscles, bathroom in my stomach. Why? Cause I did sit up for the first time ever. Oh, not ever, like yesterday, but, but my point is that when I tell somebody, Hey, Stan, it may not be for you. It's not, it doesn't, it's not an egg. No, it's not. And, uh, yeah, whatever. You just don't need to put out specials. David Tal put that a special every eight years. And he's one of the greatest of all

Starting point is 00:32:05 time. Why is Brandon Shaw putting out too special? I don't even love the special that I just shot. And it's coming out because here's the deal. It's like, it's, I wrote the material two years ago. You saw the jokes two years ago at Vinnie Brands stress factory, but my whole thing is I want to do it live as much as I can. So by the time the special comes out, a lot of the topical, it's relevant. I don't love it. I didn't love the audience. I didn't love it. It is what it is, but you know, I, I, whatever people want to do with their lives, it can do. That's what we live in America. More power to them. Yeah, we live in America. More power to them. Yeah, for sure. Um, where do you think Brandon Shaw went on vacation?

Starting point is 00:32:42 Somewhere nice. Probably somewhere. Probably somewhere nice. Where'd you go on vacation as a kid? The Enchanted Forest. Look this up. This is a place called the Enchanted Forest. My parents took me there. I'm almost positive they were trying to sell me to human traffickers. Yeah, I think Renaissance type fair. Uh, it's, where is it been? Yeah, this says it's in Oregon, but are you talking about when you went to Germany? No, it's like in like, fuck, it's in like upstate New York. And it was by Canada, maybe it's an upstate New York. And it was like this weird place that they, I'm pretty sure they were trying to sell me Enchanted Forest water. Yeah. It's yeah. An old forge. Yeah. Yeah. Old forge. This place. Okay. The Enchanted Forest. It's like a water park.

Starting point is 00:33:23 That's probably pretty cool though. It's whatever. Yeah, they got this guy, Paul Bunyan. Paul Bunyan. It was like one of those things where I think they thought it was going to be good. Like that's the other thing. You know, it sucks when like the coolest characters they have are like old. Yeah. It's like Humpty Dumpty. Like they couldn't afford. They couldn't get anybody better. Like Sesame Place. Yeah. No, we do that. We went to Hershey Park. We went to Sesame Place. Uh, we went to, uh, my dad, when they got divorced, my dad took me to cool places because I want like, because then it was like, okay, I don't have to deal with your mother. Yeah. Well, here's what happens when you're divorced. That because I'm like, you know, me and my son's mother, we co-parent,

Starting point is 00:34:06 and I do a father's day trip with him every year. Yeah. And I just let him spin the globe. That's right. Pointed at where every once I got, where every once I got. Whoa. And look, he's stupid. He's nine. He's a child. Right. And he can't spin that much. I can, I can fucking sort of goad him into. What if he spins a globe and he's like, I want to go to Sierra Leone. I want to go to the diamond mice. I want to find blood diamonds. But my dad would take me to nice places because my mother wasn't involved. Well, he wants to say, he wants to, it's a fuck you to the mom. Oh, I want my son when he grows up to be able to tell his mother like, I went to all these places without you.

Starting point is 00:34:41 I went to fucking Rome this summer because my dad, a great kids trip. And I told, I told Louis is Australia because it's just too far, but it's a great kids trip because the animals, all that stuff, the zoos, it's a very cool trip. You know, it's very cool. It's just a lot to 20 hours on a flight with a kid. It's too much. Yeah. It's a little bit older. I'll do it with him for sure. He's a mature kid too. Yeah. We're going to Rome this, this summer. That's amazing. My parents never took me. I mean, we took one trip to Europe when I was five that my grandfather paid for and the whole family went and I was so sick. The doctor goes, don't put them on a plane. And my mother and father went,

Starting point is 00:35:21 well, we're going to Europe. So he's going here. So you, there's literally a photo of me on Instagram a long time ago where I'm literally like a sick four year old on a cross, you know, going overseas to Europe. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. I didn't fly until I was 19. Yeah. 19 was the first time I was on a flight. I went to Fort Lauderdale, Florida with my girlfriend. Yeah. He said like a, you know, they were, it was her graduation trip. I graduated the year before. Right. It was my girl. And then the lead singer of Coheed and Cambria Oh, was dating my girlfriend's best friend. So he was on this trip as well. Oh, interesting. Coheed and Cambria. I've heard of them. It's like a gay emoji. They do okay.

Starting point is 00:36:00 Right. They're great. They're really talented. They're like, like very progressive, almost like a new age rush. Okay. They're fucking. Yeah. But I don't care. Yeah. They were cool. But well, good. Yeah. That was my first time on a flight. It's difficult. Right now with with the, you know, a lot of families are having a tough time taking their kids, you know, places. Yeah. And that I think can be alleviated a little bit by trying to figure out like where did let's look up where you went. You went to a place. Okay. So people confuse Port Aransas and South Padra Island. South Padra is actually nice. And people give me a lot of shit for saying South Padra. No, it's not. First of all, it's not nice. I don't think it is. You

Starting point is 00:36:44 shit are animals. Shut the fuck up. There's nine nice places in the country. The Hamptons, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Palm Beach, Jackson Hole, Aspen. There's like 10 places that are fucking nice and Florida. Parts of it. So the place I went actually, yeah, Port Aransas. Yeah, this shit's all. Everything you guys are naming as fancy as fuck to me. Yeah. It's like, I, you know, we seem to go on vacations. We didn't go to six. By the way, they're making this look better in the things. They do this all the time. They lighten the water. They make it look a certain type of blue and then you get there and it's not that, but that's what it is. So that's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. And then Ben would go there with his family. They stayed

Starting point is 00:37:25 like a motel and they'd eat like, what would you eat? Like imitation crab and stuff. Yeah. They would eat like fake crab and, and that's rough. I never had it that bad. Like other than my mother was a schizophrenic and my family, I had a very loveless family of people hated each other. And I had the gay thing where you had to stay, keep who you are secretive. And I was a drug addict, but I, we never were there. Was there anybody, was there anybody who found out you were gay before you came out and you're like, do you gotta fucking keep this under wraps? A few people I sucked off had suspicions. They were suspicious, but they didn't, would they didn't know? No. Yeah. I mean, there are people that thought so, but nobody like found out like

Starting point is 00:38:10 to find out you'd have to have like proof. I didn't, I didn't believe you were gay for like a year. Yeah. No, I mean, it's still very much people don't believe it, but it's only because they don't know people. Like if you meet people, you meet gay people that are not like what you see on TV. Well, I think that's an act very often. It's performative. Very often. Some of it is, but some guys are just very feminine, but then some guys take it to the next level. Well, they lean into it. They don't, you know, there's a choice at one point. All black, like gangsters, if you're really black, you're leaning into it. Yeah. Like if you're, you know what I mean? I watch, well, I watch people, I watch like,

Starting point is 00:38:43 you know, people that lean in. Dude, I, I watch, I watch some of my black friends and they, they, I watch them write like an ebonics. Yeah. I'm like social media. Yeah. And I'm like, I know you have autograph. You have to go through so much trouble to write that way. Yeah. Why would you spend the time? It's so much more effort to fucking write that identity. Yeah. It's an identity and you lean into it. What's interesting about you is you're, you're a Puerto Rican white supremacist, you know, as in the press, I am a truth teller. But what's interesting about you is you and me bond in this way that we're, we, that stuff's gross to us when, when the identity politics gets

Starting point is 00:39:26 like, we're not ashamed of who we are. We don't, we don't hide any of it. Yes, I pretend to have a wife and yes, you tell people you're Italian, but no, but we don't, there's something about us. We just went out into the group thing. No, we're not also social media is training people to, you know, put themselves out there in a certain way, right? And you and I both, right? I think we recognize number one, what's funnier, but what's better, what's more relatable to sort of like really be much more real versions of ourselves. You get a very real version of me and a very real version of you on the shows, right? I think, you know, a lot of other people, they're very protected

Starting point is 00:40:07 in what they do and how they present themselves. And in comedy, it's less so. I think comedy and podcasting much less so. And I think you and I much less so than a lot of our peers. Yeah, our peers that do it as well. So, you know, that's, you know, that's, you know, it's just phoniness. You know, you sort of see, I was, I tweeted this the other day. Like Mark Normand is a black woman. It's like Mark Normand is a good, you know, I have no idea who he is. He says, Oh, I don't know. But I tweeted this the other day, you see people who on Instagram will respond to every comment,

Starting point is 00:40:36 right? So somebody write a comment and then they write heart, face, emoji, whatever. Thank you. Love you. And what those people are doing is they're manipulating the algorithm. Like Instagram will move your content further up and show it to more people if you're engaging with everybody, right? So it's just, it's, and it's a sociopathic thing and it's usually like hot checks, but they respond to everything and they're like, heart, love you. Thank you. You're like, dude, you're just like blind, you know, like blindly just going and saying that to everybody to and pretending to like these people and pretending to have a real relationship with them just to manipulate an algorithm. It's sick. It's sickening. It's really sick. It's fucking

Starting point is 00:41:10 psychotic. It's crazy. Um, so we see people do very well like that. No, no, no. Anybody who's famous on Instagram, any Instagram model, any TikToker, they all do that. That's all they do. That's all they do. It's a part of their job, but the same way you have to fucking you're in your job, you answer emails in the morning. It's their job to go in some very often they have social media managers that are doing it and they respond to every single thing. You'll say it. Yeah. Any influencer, they respond to every single thing. And what, and it just, again, I guess it just bolsters this idea that you're, that this is this community you're part of, you're an active member of it. Well, I think most people go, oh, they respond.

Starting point is 00:41:45 This is great. And they feel that thing and that's why they're there almost, right? It's reciprocal. Yeah. And then they respond to, yeah. But I don't know, dude, I just, I respond to a lot of people on social media, but not everybody. Right. It's just not a fucking, you know, like if somebody sends me a DM, if I'm in, if I'm traveling, you might get a response very often. I'll respond occasionally. Yeah, dude, just some random fucking person and be like, oh, thanks, dude. Appreciate it. Yeah. But then, you know, a bite you in the ass. I have a guy right now. I wish you, dude, I can see DM me a while ago and I responded DM me again. I was like driving or something.

Starting point is 00:42:15 And I just saw it. I didn't say anything. It's fine. And then he fucking DMs me again, because I saw that with like middle fingers, like, Oh dude, I guess you're too cool for me now. Like, dude, we're not friends. Like I just, I responded to you once. So whatever, dude, you damned if you don't, you know, but I don't fucking play those games where you're trying to just manipulate an algorithm. You're trying to, you know, trying to game the system, instead of just being good, instead of being funny or being interesting, it's a lot of gaming the system. And that's what LA is a lot of, right? For sure. There's a lot of people that they didn't come up and they didn't go through those months where

Starting point is 00:42:47 they were fucking, they didn't know where they were going to eat. They didn't know how they were going to fucking pay their rent. They didn't even, you know, they just, you know, it worked out very quickly for a lot of these people, you know, and it was a lot less of a struggle out here, it seems. Yeah. A lot of people out here, but the, the, the flip side of that and or maybe the, uh, the, uh, the full picture of that is that a lot of those people are dead inside in ways you can't even imagine. Yeah. Like their, their material successes do not even, they don't belie, like the idea, these people are husks, cold husks of human beings that don't, like the success doesn't even matter anymore because they, they have forgotten everything that it, uh, organically about who

Starting point is 00:43:34 they are and everything. And it's interesting. And they're just kind of, they're all on like some like low dose of some type of drug. You made an interesting point before we were driving, just talking about how you got to pay for your debts. We owe debts. Can you get me a lighter, please? Why aren't there lighters in the studio? Wow. I mean, you know what it is? You know what it is? It's, it's, it's a, you want to talk about ungrateful and like absurd and maybe it's in my car. Maybe, maybe it's in my car. I mean, there should be lighters. But again, it's like, it's, it's, it's, I mean, this guy, you want to talk about someone who's went on a nice ride? I mean, you know, I mean, anybody could do this, Ben, just so you know, yeah, let's just say all podcast

Starting point is 00:44:23 producers, anyone can do your job. And we love very few people. Yeah. Very few people can do my job. Yeah. Yeah. Anyone can do the podcast producer job, but they don't think it's self taught at the point. The technology is not, it's intuitive. They think it's their show. No, they, all of these people from Jamie Vernon on down, they think it's their show. You know what it is, dude? You have to, they have to feel that way in order to get at their job. I remember what I was great at his job, but anybody could do it. Well, you, who would else be great at his job is an app, anybody, a laugh app, where I would say something funny. I press it and go, do that. They would do this when I worked at Equinox. My last day job ever was, uh, was working at

Starting point is 00:45:02 Equinox selling your memberships. Yeah. And every department, they would give you like a brave heart speech, right? They'd be like, ah, the fucking, you know, the front desk, you guys are the heartbeat of this club. You're the first people that they say without you guys, this club doesn't exist. Same exact fucking speech to the salespeople, same speech to the group, fitness people, same speech to the maintenance, without the maintenance, without the maintenance people you're the beating heart of Equinox maintenance people. They did. And you'd see the mate, these old Mexican ladies, they, they fucking had to put your chest out. Yeah. We are the first line of defense. You're the Marines of the toilet. Yeah. And they would feel, but everyone would

Starting point is 00:45:41 have this sense of pride and together they all came, they create a fucking great business, really legitimately great business. So you have to make, he's a front desk. Ben, Ben is a front desk girl at Equinox. That's right. That's what he is. He's a hot piece of ass at Equinox, but he's the fucking first person they say, and he should feel, he should feel important because it's not a bad job to be. They can hire, they can hire another hot girl. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. But, but you're here. You know what, Jessica? You're here. And you know what it is, they could hire some other big titted bitch. And Ben does a lot more. He had, and see things like that. But the front desk at Equinox does a lot more too. It's not just checking people in, dude.

Starting point is 00:46:23 They have to, I believe they have to. They know the whole gym. They know the property well. If they answer the phone. And they used to word the property. They have to learn. They'll be like, I know the property. I know the gym. Like they, yeah, they learn. They're the liaison between new members and the salespeople. Right. Come on. No. Yeah. They're important. It's an important job. Jamie Vernon, like we were talking once, and I wanted to end Jamie Vernon's like, you know, our show and our show. And I go, what are you saying? Our show? Excuse me. Excuse me. That's what happened to Red Band. That's why he's on the fucking outskies. Right. He got to cocky. That's why Jamie's Jamie needs to not go down the red band

Starting point is 00:46:56 path. He's going to be producing fucking. Well, Joe, what I mean, I don't want to, I don't want to even get into these statistics because they're troubling, but it just came out that Joe was now getting 500 listeners an episode. It's over. These are, this is the statistics. This isn't me. Yeah. These are statistics. I won't even do the show anymore. He calls me all the time. Lewis will not do it. He fuck calls me all the time. I'm like, no, Joe, beat it. I heard who this new phone. How do we get you in touch with him? Because he's not responding to you will not respond to me. Can we call him right now and ask him why on speaker? Okay. You really know you're not going to. He really will. Hello. Hi. Who's this? Who is it? Yeah. Now he, uh, who is it? I think we can,

Starting point is 00:47:44 we can. Is this Lewis? We can. How about this? Remember how he was going to sneak Anthony Cumea back into Sirius XM? I didn't, I don't. So when Anthony got fired from Sirius XM, he went on Jim and Sam and he was going to sneak Anthony back in like with him. Oh, whole fucking thing. Why don't we sneak me in? Next time he does one of those fun comic hang podcasts with Ari and Norman or Tim got so much fun. I'm just under a coat. Lewis, what's up man? Well, you should move to Austin. Yeah, that's it. Then he can't avoid me. If you move to Austin, no, I mean, if you, by the way, it would be hilarious if you move to Austin and he still would not even acknowledge you. And every Instagram post was like, you're just like, just bought a

Starting point is 00:48:30 house in Austin. He's like, you know who should buy a house? Doug Stanhope. Stanhope should buy a house in Austin now. Yeah, you literally get a job doing maintenance on his building. You're literally pushing a broom in the building. He won't look at me. No, he won't even look at you in the face. He has two Navy SEALs stand between him and you at all times. What about, uh, what do you think, uh, what's going to happen that if you, I feel like, uh, what is, cause this whole LA podcast scene is does seem a little bit, uh, dead. It's gay. They're all gay. They're all gay. They're, you know, I'm not even, and I won't even name specific names, but the whole drama that's going on in the LA podcast scene, it's one of the gayest things I've ever seen. This is like high school

Starting point is 00:49:11 level drama. We'll be like calling each other and they're talking shit and threatening each other. And it's like, guys, in New York, the drama is everyone, if you can't afford your rent. Yeah. So it's actually real drama. Like the New York podcast scene is somebody being like, I am homeless. It's, it's a weird thing. Yeah. It's a weird thing how everyone is so poor in New York. This is people in mansions talking shit about each other in New York. The drama is like, my parents just kicked me off my family plan and I'm 38. I'm 38. I don't have a phone. My roommate moved out and I was not able to secure another roommate for that room this month. I'm actually going to kill myself.

Starting point is 00:49:49 New York drama is like people hang themselves. People try to kill themselves. Yeah. My, my bed is covered in rat feces. I, I just, you know what it is. I think about New York. Do you go to like people who have money too? Like big J's got money. Big J's money. He's got talent. He's got a nice apartment. Big J is one of the funniest people on planet earth, but it's not nice. This is what New York is. New York's nothing's nice. It's like, everything's expensive. And you're like, it's, this sucks. It's dirty. There's garbage everywhere in front of your building.

Starting point is 00:50:16 To house the money in New York, you have to have like a hundred million dollars. It's fucking wild. It's a wild thing. And you go down to try back one of the most expensive neighborhoods in New York. Everything looks like shit dude. It looks like a heroin debt everywhere. It's like, this is like one of the most expensive buildings. You're like, what the fuck is going on? It's tiny. Yeah. It's true. It's wild. Well, it's just a different life. It's a different life and it makes you funnier. It does. What the funniest people in the world come from LA.

Starting point is 00:50:50 The funniest people in the world are good looking surfers and people that are mixed martial artists. That's where funny come. Funny comes from hot people. LA just needs to struggle. Funny comes from when hot people get bored. If we know one thing about comedy, it's when a hot person is bored. That's when the genius comes. It's true. When a hot person has nothing to do that day, they open their mouth and the genius comes out. The biggest struggle for like LA comedians, this is when you hear it's like, it's like,

Starting point is 00:51:17 dude, I struggled dude. I was a doorman at the comedy store. The biggest struggle is when they actually have to do comedy. Yeah. Like the biggest struggle is when they actually have to do it. It's like the vast majority of it. It's like, here's a photo with me. It's kind of doing it. And then when they actually, when people actually like go, like do something, that's why a lot of the funny people out here, whether it's me, Annie, Bill Burr, and I'm not saying I'm in any of the categories of these, I'm not putting us in any category,

Starting point is 00:51:42 but like Sebastian, those are East Coast guys. Yeah. Those are East Coast people. Oh yeah. They're all, all the funny ones are East Coast guys. Right. That are transplants. Yeah. I think, I mean, nobody's really from LA. Who the fuck's from LA? I don't know. Yeah. None of them are.

Starting point is 00:51:54 Nobody. Well, they're just Delia, I guess. Delia's from LA. Yeah. And he's funny. I don't really know his stand up that well. I don't either. I don't think I've ever heard him tell a joke.

Starting point is 00:52:06 He's a funny guy. No, no, I think what he does to women is funny. I'm a fan. I'm a fan of that. I said women. They're all adults. I backed him up on this. These young women.

Starting point is 00:52:32 I feel bad for the guy. It's like, it's like, we all got to pretend that hot, that 18 year olds aren't hot. We're like, yeah, Tim, by the way, Tim Dillon, his view from his, I don't want to give too much information, it's directly into Beverly Hills High School. Into the cafeteria, you look down into it. I have a sponsorship program.

Starting point is 00:52:51 It's like, I had a stop. By the way, you know what's funny? I'm texting true Jordy. You know him? This massive busy British guy. I think because it's a, I have this Irish twink I talk to and I hang out with. I'm texting to Jordy.

Starting point is 00:53:06 I think it's the Irish twink. Literally, this is the conversation I have with true Jordy. I swear to God, I'm reading the conversation. Listen to this. I'm not even kidding. He goes, this branded child versus Bobby Leeson is wild, bro. It's a car crash. Hope you're in the UK soon.

Starting point is 00:53:28 And then I go, I'm going to call you in an hour. I said, call me when you wake up, winky face. We'll plan it. True Jordy. He goes, sweet. Thanks. So then he goes, then he texts me. He goes, you awake, bro.

Starting point is 00:53:42 Do you know what true Jordy looks like? Get up, true Jordy. I'm mortified. Get up, true Jordy. I swear to God. Look at true Jordy. Okay. This guy's a tank.

Starting point is 00:53:54 Oh, no, you want a twink. You don't like the guy this big. No, but this guy's a tank. Listen to this. He texts me. I text him, right? I go, you awake, bro. You awake, bro.

Starting point is 00:54:04 Ready? He texts me back. Yeah. Just listen to your podcast about Brandon raping you. I'm crying, laughing. I text him back. You're allowed to rape me. Winky face.

Starting point is 00:54:13 No, you didn't. I swear to God, you're allowed to rape me. Winky face. He texts me back. I know because you won't say anything because you want it to be about the work. I respect that. LOL.

Starting point is 00:54:23 He goes, do you know when you may be in London? I go, I'm flying you here. Did you forget? He doesn't understand. You're stroking your cock the whole time. I'm flying you here. Did you forget? Well, I know, here's the, I know this type of texting.

Starting point is 00:54:40 You are masturbating while you're doing this. It was in my hand, maybe. And then I go, I'm flying here. Did you forget? Now I start to worry. I'm like, is this twink? Does he have like a dementia, which I'm fine with. But he goes, I go, oh, who is this?

Starting point is 00:54:53 And he goes, oh, true Jordy Brian. I'm like, oh my God, how embarrassing. I felt really embarrassed about that. That's hilarious. But, you know, nothing, nothing Chris did is proven. No. So the reality is I'm a person where I go, hey. Also, I don't think what he did was, it wasn't illegal.

Starting point is 00:55:15 And I don't give a shit if you think a guy's creepy. Right. It doesn't matter. I don't fucking care, dude. And there's a lot of fucking, there's a lot of creepy people. In fact, most people are creepy. You just don't know about their fucking creepiness. Louis CK, it was just being a creep, right?

Starting point is 00:55:29 A little creepy. A little creepy, dude. Be a little fucking, it happens. The worst thing that he did was that he produced the school play. It's the worst thing he did was he, I think he funded and produced the school play. I don't, I don't actually know that he did anything. My understanding when it was all happened, it was all like 18 or 19 or girls. It was like a girl that was like 17.

Starting point is 00:55:51 I guess when we found out she was 17, this was the creepiest thing that he did. Right. He found out she was 17. Then like a year later, after she had turned 18, he hit her up again. And that's a little bit. It's a little bit, but it's good memory. It's not, but it's not fucking grooming. It's not a teacher.

Starting point is 00:56:06 He's not a fucking person in life. Dude, he likes hot young girls. Right. Most guys like hot young girls. Most guys don't have the opportunity to get hot young girls. Right. So they, they, they deal with their fucking. Hey.

Starting point is 00:56:17 Fucking hagwives. You fuck your head. And so nothing was proven. Yeah. And even if whatever was proven, I think everything that would he was accused us was just sort of him being a little bit of a douchey, creepy dude, which most guys are. Right. Most guys are, most guys are way fucking worse than that, to be honest with you.

Starting point is 00:56:35 Most guys are fucking pieces of shit. So I don't, I never really, you know, I think it's kind of funny. I think it's all funny. Like I tease these guys and I talk about this stuff on my shows. And I think a lot of people in LA think that like Legion of Skanks and me, like we like are trying to troll them. And it's like, no, dude, it's just sort of the elephant in the room. It's a story when Calvin gets fucking canceled for something.

Starting point is 00:56:54 It's a big story in comedy. And to not talk about it and not talk about it in a funny way. And again, that's a story where it's like 20 years ago. You know, listen, I don't, whatever everyone's experiences, and I've talked about it before, where I go, is it possible that he had one idea of the night? She had another idea. Sure. Very possible.

Starting point is 00:57:13 Very possible. And this was not what it's being portrayed as. And that when we look at those dynamics of people that meet up, maybe they're drinking, they hook up. And then, you know, you're also soulless actors. There's LA soulless. This is my thing with Meghan Markle. She's like, oh, they're racist.

Starting point is 00:57:34 And I'm like, of course they're racist, but you're an actress. Yeah. So I don't, I can't believe I'm going to believe you. I'm choosing between the British reptilian royal family and an LA actress. They're the same person. I'm like, these, you know. Yeah, it's, uh, yeah, I, you know, a lot of it's, it's just a silly. It's, it's almost like, like, I know Pete Davidson pretty well, right?

Starting point is 00:57:55 Yeah. And sometimes I'll talk about him on my show. And I feel bad sometimes because I'm like, I really like, I've always really liked Pete. Always been a really sweet heart of a guy, right? But he's so famous that it's, I'm not talking about the Pete Davidson that I knew from the comedy scene. I'm talking about this celebrity thing that's fucking Kim Kardashian and Rosin Kanye. It's like, it's so much bigger than, and I would feel bad if Pete Davidson never heard

Starting point is 00:58:19 us like talking shit. It's not even really talking shit. It's just sort of poking fun and making fun of the whole situation. He might come to me one day, but hey dude, why would you say that? That like hurt my feelings. And I was like, dude, you don't have feelings anymore. You're famous. You're right.

Starting point is 00:58:34 You're a billionaire. You just got to release yourself. And also like, I don't really feel bad for people that are fucking millionaires. Right. Made fun of online. I don't feel bad for you. That's right. You, that's, that's your fucking biggest problem.

Starting point is 00:58:48 Is that people on Reddit are saying mean words. Are you out of your fucking mind? You're a millionaire. Right. And you care about what somebody on Reddit says. There are people that cannot eat. There are people that don't have the money to pay their rent. They cannot get their kids insulin.

Starting point is 00:59:01 My feet. They don't care. Right. Now. So those, those people, my audience. Jeremiah Watkins. We know them. Jeremiah Watkins is doing the star match in LA.

Starting point is 00:59:16 Trying to show people he's flipping signs. He's just trying to show people. He's selling fruit with Mexicans right now on the freeway. Jeremiah Watkins is trying to sell bottles of water on the 405. So the reality is it's, you know, those are the people you go. It's, you know, people can say whatever they want. It's just kind of like, I learned a long time ago. I have a very thick skin.

Starting point is 00:59:42 I get trolled. I got, I got trolled by the opiate Anthony subreddit years ago to the point where like, I was posting, I was going back at them and it was like, they went fuck. Dude, they, I mean, it was like, they made their own subreddits that were dedicated to me. Right. And it just literally gave me a thick skin to it. Right. If there's nothing that anybody could say, there's no work.

Starting point is 00:59:59 Here's, here's what's happening. This is the physical action. A stranger somewhere in the world is going like this. Right. Whether they're good words or bad words, the physical action, actually what it is. My name, Tim Dillon is the same name as a guy who works at Marvel. And literally in his Twitter handle, he says, not the comedian. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:16 Because all day, every day, people just tweeted this guy and go, you're fat. I hope you get AIDS. I hope you get AIDS and die. You're a fascist, you piece of shit. You sat next to Alex Jones until you did a podcast. And this guy's like, I don't know what's happening. Yeah, dude. I'm, I'm a, I'm an artist.

Starting point is 01:00:36 You know, the same thing that there's a guy named John Jones. Yeah. Who's not John Jones, the fighter. Right. But like every time John Jones gets into some more trouble, he gets like a hundred messages. I mean, you know, same thing, not John Jones, the fighter. It's like, yeah, it's fucking. It's a difficult.

Starting point is 01:00:50 It's a very difficult. You got to develop a thick skin. You, you lean into it. You, and when objectively speaking, trolling is funny. It's really funny. There's that great moment in South Park. Do you remember, I don't know how much you watch South Park. Not a ton, but I know it's brilliant.

Starting point is 01:01:03 And I've watched a bunch of it. There was a series they did. It was a few episodes in a row where they were, where the dad became an internet troll. Yeah. It was fucking hilarious, dude. Right. It's so funny when he's, and he's trying to get somebody to understand it. Whoever it is, they ask him, they're like, why are you doing this?

Starting point is 01:01:17 This is, this is so dumb. What are you doing? Why would you do this? And he just, he, he almost loses control. He's like, because it's funny. Yeah. And he just can't, like he, it's. Right.

Starting point is 01:01:28 People that don't get that. It's like frustrating. It's frustrating. There's a lot of people out there. You got free time. Yeah. You're bored. It's, it's a fun way to fuck with people.

Starting point is 01:01:38 Right. Yeah. And you are, many of those people maybe are not doing what they want per se. Maybe they're like working at a job that's kind of boring and it's not that fulfilling and they go online and they fuck with entertaining as fuck. It's entertaining. It's entertaining. I do it every time I'm on a flight.

Starting point is 01:01:54 Every time I'm on a flight, I'm bored for five hours. I just sit there and I start just trolling and arguing back and forth with people. It's so fun and so silly. So if you separate yourself from it and realize that it's just a stranger saying something that's probably not valid, then fucking the problem is when it's valid, I think it starts to affect people. And that'll happen sometimes. People will, they'll pull on a thread and they, they get something.

Starting point is 01:02:13 You go, Oh, that one actually hurt a little bit. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that's part of it. And I also think part of the problem is like, there isn't an element of like people going like, here's your house, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:25 Here's your address. Here's where you live. I've got that. Yeah. They, they, they, there was a family. If you have a family, you know, that's a concern. There was an article that came out that said I was a proud boy. Right.

Starting point is 01:02:38 This, this completely fabricated article. Right. Um, actually it wasn't fabricated. Okay. I am a proud boy. I'm the leader of the New Jersey chapter. Of the proud boys. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:49 No, what happened was there was a bunch of proud boys that were fans of like Legion of Scans. Of course. Because if people don't know the, the, you know, Gavin McGinnis started proud boys while he was on Anthony Kumi as a network. Now my podcast was also on Anthony Kumi's network at the same time. So it was just a ton of crossover. Sure.

Starting point is 01:03:04 And they started this group as like a fucking gag at first. Which is like, they were trying to be, and then it turned into something super politicized and super like they were going out to, to be counter pro. If you're a fucking funny group, but you're counter protesting, you got to look in the mirror and you go, oh, you're not a funny group. It's not about, you know, it's not about punching each other in the arm. If you're counter protesting in fucking riot gear, then it's something different than that.

Starting point is 01:03:26 I'm not even necessarily demonizing that. No. Go fucking, go. You want to go fight in a Portland park. Have fun. Have a fun Sunday. You guys could beat the shit out of each other with bike locks. It's a fun, nice weekend.

Starting point is 01:03:38 I enjoy watching it online. Right. So there was a bunch of Proud Boys though that were fans of like Legion of Skanks and there were fans of us and they had a blog, like some Proud Boy newsletter. Right. And after I fought at Ellis Mania, they named me Proud Boy of the month. Right. Right.

Starting point is 01:03:54 Proud Boy of the month. The context is they were just naming, they were, you know, naming whoever, whoever, right? They would have said it was the rock had the rock, you know, done something that, you know, they were a fan of his. So that came out and I hit them up. I was like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? I was like, if you're a fan of mine, you would understand why this would be.

Starting point is 01:04:12 Right. And I've never, I'm not shitting on the Proud Boys. I'm not shitting on what they do, but let's get real, dude. It's, it's a fucking scarlet letter. You're involved and you have nothing to do with it. You want to wear that scarlet letter, wear that scarlet letter all fucking day long, dude. And I'm not going to kick you out of my show for wearing a Proud Boys hat.

Starting point is 01:04:26 I don't give a shit. I don't even know what that even is. The same way I wouldn't kick somebody out for wearing a fucking Antifa fucking. I don't kick any of you, pay the money. I don't kick anyone. I don't give a shit, dude. You start yelling. It's a yelling shit.

Starting point is 01:04:37 Then it's over, right? Yeah. So I hit the guy up. I was like, dude, you got to take that down. That's crazy. But the internet is forever. And, you know, people, you know, they use, I guess some sort of like way back machine or whatever.

Starting point is 01:04:47 And they found this article specifically and then they, you know, they wrote a whole thing about how I'm a Proud Boy. They said this tattoo on my arm was because I'm a fourth degree Proud Boy. Yeah, it's just bad. It's the number four. It's just a shitty tattoo. It's a shitty tattoo. No, it's a good tattoo.

Starting point is 01:05:00 It's actually, it represents chaos theory. It's a double pendulum. It's not even a number four to double pendulum, which makes this design, which represents chaos theory. Did your mom get that for you when you went to sea side? No, no, I got, I mean, you know, no, I got this for my son. I got this for my career. I got it for everything.

Starting point is 01:05:17 We could be anywhere right now, Tim. So that would be the infinite amount of decisions that we could have made in our lives. Yeah. Literally, dude. It's crazy. The fact that me and you are sitting here across each other is an actual create.

Starting point is 01:05:28 It's so unlikely. The fact that Ben's here, the fact that these lights are here. It's so unlikely that it's a small fucking miracle. Right. And that's what this tattoo represents. Not fucking a fourth degree proud boy, which is, you know, dumb. And so, and people just started, uh, people, some guy wrote an article. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:05:44 And they, they share it. And then they were like, you know, proud boy lives in this town in New Jersey. Um, they actually have the town wrong, which is funny because I have a generic name. I think they have a different Lewis Gomez. Right. But it was still like, I was like, and then, uh, you know, I won't even say his name, but one of the, you know, one of the comics that sort of trolls me online

Starting point is 01:06:01 back in New York, um, yeah, he started posting about it. And he said, he started retweeting the article. And that's why I really started having a fucking big problem with this kid. Cause like, no, I do have a family. I do have a house. Your intent, that's when it goes too far. Your fucking intent is to put my address out there. So maybe somebody will see me and come up to me and my family.

Starting point is 01:06:22 What do you think is going to fucking happen there? What the fuck do you think is going to happen if somebody comes up to me and my fucking family? Yeah. That's a crazy thing to do, especially, and this is my problem with that kid, specifically, he knew I wasn't a proud boy. He knew what was going on. Like he was completely aware.

Starting point is 01:06:36 And that's where I go. That's a fucking irresponsible. Just be real. That's what goes too far. Yeah. That's what it's too far. Yeah. And I'm not fucking, I would never give out somebody's address.

Starting point is 01:06:43 I would never, I know we make jokes about doxing people. No, I don't really want people to do that shit. Um, but it's, uh, it's fucking hot in the kitchen, dude. It really is. And in a weird way, I'm, you know, after Trump left, now it's cooled down a little bit because I feel like the people on the left, they feel like they got a, they don't feel like they have to fight so hard. They got a little bit of a W.

Starting point is 01:07:02 Comedy is sort of lower on the rung of priorities as it should be. As it should be. But if Trump runs again, it's going to get hot in the kitchen. It's going to get hot in the kitchen. It may get so hot where it's like it's, uh, it's scolding. Yeah. And I don't get, and I don't give a fuck about politics. So, you know, you know, none of us do.

Starting point is 01:07:20 None of us, we all have ideas and values and things, but then we also realize our job, and this is the problem is like, you know, you're going to have fans that believe everything. I have fans that believe Trump's Hitler. I have fans that believe Trump's the greatest president that's ever lived. It's not my business. I don't really care what my fans believe. I care that I'm doing my job.

Starting point is 01:07:41 I care what I believe. I don't give a shit what the people in the audience believe. How do I even, how would I even know? It's inconsequential for me and my game that I'm playing, who the president is. Right. If the president, whoever the president is, and this is what, you know, we, we said before about gas prices, right? It's inconsequential.

Starting point is 01:07:58 If that's where my, like I'm focused on those things, everything from gas prices to who the president is, all these shit that I truly really can't control. I know that you can. Right. You can't. I'm hyper focused on playing my game and sort of moving forward. And those are variables that have very little effect on whether or not I'm moving forward. That's right.

Starting point is 01:08:18 Yeah. Lewis Gomez, where can the people find you? Where can they, where can the people support what you're doing? Is Skankfest completely sold out? Skankfest is completely sold out. How many tickets do you sell? We do 2,500 people per day. Okay.

Starting point is 01:08:34 So very exclusive, very exclusive. It's not, um, it feels like a big party. It's one venue, four rooms going on at the same time. You're special. Yeah. My special is up. My old ones up on YouTube. I'm doing, I think we're doing, uh, gas digital is going to produce

Starting point is 01:08:48 six half hour specials this summer. And I'm going to do another half hour, four gas digital, uh, the gringo poppy way by my special. We'll put it on gas. You should just buy it. Buy it flat out. You should just buy it flat out. I'll sell it to you.

Starting point is 01:09:00 $500 put it on gas. Let's go. I was thinking, no, we're going to put about on YouTube. We're going to put about on YouTube. There'll be an extended cut on gas, digital uncensored, extended a few more. Joe, how are you going to choose the comics? We have Rebecca Trent and Christine Evans are executive producing and, um, you know, yeah, they produce skankfests with me.

Starting point is 01:09:20 So I think we're going to do one with me. Dave looks like maybe Mike Racine, Aaron Berg, a few killers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, probably six or seven of them. So look out for that.

Starting point is 01:09:30 Also, I'm on the road a ton right now. Go to lewisofskanks.com. I'm going all over California. I'm going to San Diego. I'm going to Ontario. I'm going over Texas. I'll be in, um, Dallas. I'll be in Fort Worth.

Starting point is 01:09:40 I'll be in, uh, Austin. Fucking EMS. Pennsylvania is coming up. Albany is coming up. A lot of stuff coming up. Lewis of skanks.com. Me and Aaron burger going on tour all over the place all this fall. Aaron Bercelerius, fucking killer.

Starting point is 01:09:52 One of the dirtiest comics. A great show. And, uh, yeah. Check out my podcast. I do three podcasts, uh, Legion of skanks, real-ass podcasts, and you know, I'm a rap through all on my network, which is gas, digital network.com. You don't have to subscribe. You can just go and listen to the latest episodes and watch the latest

Starting point is 01:10:05 episodes for free right on the website. Um, or you can subscribe on iTunes everywhere else. And there's a premium side as well. If you guys, uh, really like it, you guys want to get the archives and all that. Lewis Gomez. Thank you for coming out. Letting and representing New York comics, podcasters, chopping it up here with us out, uh, in LA and, um, you know, we love you guys in New York and we miss you.

Starting point is 01:10:27 It's good to see you and, uh, I love you, Timmy. I love you guys. You know, I have a ton of respect for what you do. I look up to you. I look at what you guys are doing. And I take influence from it in very many ways. And, uh, yeah, dude, it's fucking, it's really nice. Well, we, we also looked in the same way we looked down on you guys, you know,

Starting point is 01:10:43 we absolutely, we looked down on you and we appreciate what you're doing at that level. And we appreciate that. Lewis, thank you.

The Tim Dillon Show - 298 - Puerto Rican Papi

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