The Tim Dillon Show - 301 - Everyone Makes Mistakes

Episode Date: June 5, 2022

Tim talks about the last American love story, the Kardashian empire, the greatest piece of satire in the last decade, and Greg Norman siding with the Saudi golf tour. Follow Devan Costa: https://twitter.com/DevanCosta Follow Ida Tavakoli: https://twitter.com/IdaTavakoli Bonus episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: HELIX BED ▶▶ https://www.helixsleep.com/timd for 200 dollars off Mattress orders and two free pillows WATCHES ▶▶ for 20% off go to https://www.vincerocollective.com/timdillon 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off CRYPTO ▶▶ http://exodus.com/tim to start free. Over 4 million people trust Exodus to manage their crypto. Join the movement away from traditional finance by downloading Exodus. ONNIT ▶▶ Go to http://onnit.com/tim for 10% off EVERY MAN JACK ▶▶ https://www.everymanjack.com to get 20% off your first purchase use code DILLON 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD BIRD DOGS! ▶▶ https://www.birddogs.com/ use code TIMDILLON ATHLETIC GREENS ▶▶ https://athleticgreens.com/timdillon MASTERWORKS ▶▶ https://masterworks.art/tim SIMPLI SAFE ▶▶ https://simplisafe.com/timdillon to save 20% MUD\WTR ▶▶ https://mudwtr.com/tim use code TIM for $5 off STARTMAIL: start securing email privacy! ▶▶ https://startmail.com/timd for 50% off your first year! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4woSp8ITBoYDmjkukhEhxg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds  ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

shut up I'm hitting I'm just thinking it check check test well fake it's a clapper so it's so thank you and then sink it's one of these things you do to make believe that you're doing something but it's not anything it's was it SeaWorld seals you throw me a fish well if I had a clapper it's what people are talking about we're rolling I know we are it's the Tim Dylan's can you sit in your chair and do the show where are you going I was looking for my water your water ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim Dylan show if we can even call it that if everybody settled down our friends Devin Costa Ida Tavacoli join us

this evening for the broadcast Devin looks completely out of it and then I look very poised I'm gonna really you know really get into it yeah here are the issues of the day Greg Norman golfer Ben's friend says we all make mistakes regarding Jamal Khashoggi's murder tell us everybody quickly what's going on with the Saudi because Saudis own everything now they own a stake in live nation they own free speech they own a lot of the great real estate in America now they also somehow have gotten golf yeah the Saudi's own golf now they can have it live yes live golf so that's what I say so for anyone that

doesn't know Greg Norman was a huge golfer in the 80s in the 90s the shark from Australia Australia right and so they gave him a war chest of about 350 million dollars to get as many players over to the PGA tour from the PGA tour to the Saudi tour which is going to take place in the US what's the Saudi tour called live golf live golf they love like names like that live golf so this organization it's a fund of Saudi Arabia Arabia they're going to get people from the PGA tour to play in these events it looks like they got Phil Mickelson with like 40 million dollars to cross all kinds of gambling debts he

needs help that's the rumors he owes people tons and like millions of dollars it's always been a rumor he had huge problems with gambling but supposedly he's doing this to get he owed a bones Mackay his caddy hundreds of thousands of dollars get two of the weeds cuz no one cares except you about golf no one cares bones Mackay no one gives a fuck and he keeps I want broad strokes to just we can understand what's happening so so so he's getting players from the PGA tour over to the Saudi tour if they go to the Saudi tour they are banned from the PGA tour interested and he's getting big players

with money right right and so now they keep asking him about Saudi Arabia they keep going hey don't yeah you know what about the human rights violations and he basically says things like yeah what are you gonna do and so they asked him about so ahead of the groups inaugural event set for June 9 11 September 11th not September 11 June 9 11 but what does that mean June 9th through the 11th June 9th through the 11th odd the first Saudi golf tournament is the 9th through the 11th of June that's odd at Centurion Golf Club outside of London Norman was asked his thoughts on Saudi Arabia's involvement in the 2018 murder of

Washington Post reporter and United States resident Jamal Khashoggi quote from what I heard and what you guys reported Norman said just take ownership of what it is take ownership no matter what it is look we've all made mistakes and you just want to learn from those mistakes and how you can correct them going forward he's so terrified because they'll kill him so he's like we all make mistakes ever we all have a guy captured and tortured on closed circuit television while we instruct the captors how exactly to torture him we've all made mistakes Mulligan and Greg Norman is his job now is just to defend the

Saudi human rights record which by the way thank God America set up that labyrinth of secret torture prisons during the Iraq and Afghanistan war so you could he could really just kind of point to that big hey man there was a lot of people that we tortured that probably had nothing to do with anything so thank God we've our moral authorities diminished but I went this is a big thing for you because you really like golf they're breaking up the PGA tourer Phil might not defend his title this year but alright shut up but this is he's really into he likes golf you know what I mean it's like I used to be a swimmer he

used to be a golfer how insane would it be if I still cared about swimming like insane I was a really good swimmer when I was eight yeah but but then there's the Olympics there's there's there's some you know spirit around swimming I think in this country there's not no I mean absolutely no I mean there's a spirit around maybe the Olympics but yeah that's what I mean it would be insane yes if I was cared about swimming I haven't done it competitively in years and but I and I love Ben's passion for it but it's just a little absurd and it gets to a point where it's it's disgusting I find it endearing he's how much is your bones

Mackay hundreds of thousands do these names he comes up with are fucking what I think he makes them up you didn't make that up no it's Adam bones Mackay he's in a golf announcer now he retired from cadding for Phil and people thought he wanted to be a broadcaster turns out he just was I guess was owed a bunch of money from Phil so what do you think Mickelson does he goes to the casino and gets really wacky no he plays he plays golf with like Jordan and guys like that and just does massive bets and loses when isn't he professional is not the whole point because he runs on adrenaline he probably goes oh for a

million bucks I'll hit it over this tree and slice it onto the green he does dumb shit like that gambling well he deserves to be in fucking debtors prison if he's doing shit like that like let me watch me bounce it off a rock a million bucks stupid shit that I thought at least he was like if we if I win I get like if he's doing crazy like carnival acts on a golf course for money what kind of sick fuck is this guy he's very centric for sure well we wish the best we're big fans of Saudis here I love them I love a culture of rich people who smoke and a culture of quiet women and I've never in the world been around

Saudi women and went oh my god well they shut up it's never happened they are a quiet group of women and I'm also everyone's like oh they're being abused with the thing I'm like you know what I I don't think so they seem happy and I'm not bothered by it so let's stop going around the world telling everybody how they're being abused and because all we do in this country is tell people how they're not being abused they go well they can't take off their thing the abaya or the burqa whatever it's called although women in Saudi Arabia can apply for drivers a lot driving licenses without needing permission from a male

guardian they still need that permission to travel abroad and that is fine that's absolutely fine I mean I don't what is your issue with that you're a modern Arab woman yeah I mean I'm Iranian so there's a I think there's a little like beef with Arabs and Persians why I don't I mean listen I don't mind I live in America so it's practically all the same to me too when's the last time you were in Iran oh god when I was six or seven else you don't remember anything no I remember it I remember I remember as much as I need to remember right to be an American yeah I'm kidding I'm very I like the Iranian culture I don't mind the

Saudis staying there if that's what they choose to do I don't think they have any choice but yeah I have no opinion one way or the other here's my thing is it oppressive to the women there's an argument to be made that being that having to ask for permission to travel is oppressive yeah there's also an argument to be made that it's a better way to do it you know what I mean if you're a man this it's Saudi Arabia's a wonderland oh that sounds incredible yeah it's like see I'm talent I don't want to give away his joke but he has such a great joke we're just blank is for the boys he goes you know oh you have

in Muslim heavens for the boys yeah he has such a great job that we've now given away but the point is I think whatever he's done it a bunch you know the reality is I don't get involved I don't tell people what to do I in my own country and I don't tell people what to do in Saudi Arabia and if the women are not into it over there they can you know if you do it they can do another thing they can do another thing but yeah you know I don't I'm not like one of these guys who's like you got to do it like we do it do it like you do it but I'm very big fans of the Saudis and I think and I really like what they've done for

Beverly Hills and no truly and I like just a kind of vibe I like the vibe at Beverly Hills I like the big Rolls Royce's and the bling and a lot of that's very Persian but I like that I like that and it's for me and so we wish them well and I hope this live golfing is good and I hope that it's fucking blinged out like I hope it's like Saudi style like the caddies you said maybe they'd be like little pink Rolls Royce's and I just hope that it is fucking awesome I hope it's not like this waspy boring sport that you know who cares I want it to be really really cool again yeah they're very gaudy very

ostentatious like they're they're very in your face but the women enjoy none of that I think well I don't know what they're enjoying that's the great thing about the culture it's a mystery yeah they could really be having fun you're right the other thing is they might be having more fun than we know it might be fun to be covered all the time you're in your own little world and you're giggling yeah and you're laughing with your friends just ask for permission to have fun who needs to travel abroad first of all can you imagine like who need can you imagine American women figuring out a good reason to travel a

bro why do you want to go abroad get drunk in your yard you're not going to learn anything American women aren't going abroad to learn things they're going to get fucked up and accuse some poor sailor or rape now I got to talk about this podcast because I you know me I every now and then I find something I just can't stop watching and I mean I only showed you a few minutes of this but it is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life I can't believe it even exists it is the most LA thing I've ever seen I like these people I don't know them but they're they're they're fun and this is not a knock on them at all this

is the most LA thing I have ever watched in my life these are three influencers trying to explain kind of what an influencer is yeah and what an influencer does it's very interesting to watch this and it makes me laugh hard in a world where nothing does anymore this really entertains me because it's kind of I don't know if it's a genuine or if it's kind of a character or if it's half genuine or half character it's hard to know but all I know here's where I stop it's entertaining very entertaining this show that I watch and and I watch their breakdown of the Russia thing which was brilliant it was I didn't know

where Russia was they didn't know what it was and they didn't know what the Ukraine was and it was such a refreshing perspective versus everyone on Twitter who's like an expert in foreign policy in their own heads these people were brave enough to go I don't know what that is what is the Ukraine let's start there because by the way that's a better system in terms of figuring out what's going on in the world to just started ground zero and go what is Russia go I want to watch this little clip these are three influencers explaining what it is to be an influencer it is truly one of the greatest things I've ever seen

recommend it highly hard to avoid the question yeah yeah like okay let's see it someone says someone hasn't asked me that in so long also so that um I'll just be like I don't know I'm just like a lazy piece of shit and then I run away yeah I don't I never I like it goes back and forth between like I work in social media which does which is not like that doesn't make sense yeah yeah yeah but like I feel like when you say like I work in social media people are thinking like behind the scenes like you work for Instagram kind I don't know but I know I mean this guy's yeah well I mean I turn around and I'm like what do you do

right yeah you just I lie I basically lie but what was I gonna say oh I say I do consulting and then no one ever asked another question right you could you could you could because everybody consults you know like you consult I guess I know actually what does consulting mean it means to offer your services was that for a minute or advice it's just great it's informative what is consulting it's a great she the woman asked a question hey what is what is that I hadn't thought about that in a while this is what's great about these people they're

unashamed to just go what is console I don't know what it is I hear it people do it but I don't know what it is they're just pure salt of the earth it's just a kind of amazing here and watch this because now they they credit the one in that these two credit the one in the middle for I believe inventing comedy on the internet they credit her for inventing no I I'm not kidding around the the next thing is they credit this woman in the middle for starting comedy on the internet no I swear to god during the pandemic it's breathtaking I can't I'm telling you right now if this is scripted it is brilliant or even if it's not

scripted if it's loosely verite style Kirby enthusiasm I don't know what this is I don't know if they know what it is but I'm telling you right now I don't know any of you you are doing the greatest level of satire that maybe has been done in the last decade I don't know if you know what you're doing but god don't stop please don't stop let's go in one way or another not a consultant I said I used to say I work in advertising because I thought like okay with brands marketing marketing advertising that checks out to me that makes complete sense and people would ask me more about like what agency and then well then if you think about it we're writers directors we are editors edit producers we're writers directors

editors producers we're we're entrepreneurs yeah we're on tours yeah we're venture capitalists I mean we're writers we're directors we're producers and again no shade to anybody here but literally they're going like this send that's kind of what it is right are you like stuffing shereos in their mouth and like farting and and then hitting send like but she's going we're writers we're directors we're producers she said she had left her bed in like a month yeah she's making it all from a bed with like a diaper from a bed she's a writer a director a producer she's a gaffer she's the Terrence malloc of ticker yeah she's the Martin Scorsese it's amazing she's like when you think about it it's great she goes when you think about it it's it's all in

the words because when you think about it we're writers directors actors produce first of all give them give them give them give them writers oddly give them actors okay even maybe give them directors producers they're producing I guess they're producing the whole yeah I don't know they're not making a bunch of calls and organizing I don't know but what's great is that we've already established they don't really know what words mean they go what's a consultant so they don't know what words really mean and that's what makes it so good because people that know what words mean are boring I truly believe this and mean this you're right when you don't know what words mean you're anything you know she's like I'm an invertebrate zoologist I'm a writer I'm an actress I'm an

astronaut nicole what is she goes oh what is an astronaut nicole I think it's someone that like goes to other planets and she goes oh oh maybe I'm not that like so they don't they have to like reverse engineer right so let's now this is my favorite part where these guys uh tell this woman in the front in the middle that she started they basically call her the Charlie Chaplin no she's in her comedy she started comedy on the internet which his side was unaware and I'm sure she's a lovely woman but again it's this is the it's the best show on it's funnier than my show it is fun it is not even close it is not even a contest of how better this is than what I do we are our own agents yeah managers do you guys like what we're doing so far do your parents do your parents so

like we obviously like make videos corny I don't know if we said average fashion blogger yeah better known online is average fashion blogger we have her in today one of our good friends but like let's break it down do your parents get what you do let's break my parents yeah my dad's been obsessed he like he does it less now um but in the beginning he'd like always call me I have a really really good viral video for you yeah and I would say like the most problematic thing in the world but he like he gets it he like wants to do it so bad I feel like you are really like the blueprint you started off that's really no I really mean that with my whole heart like you you started making comedic videos on Instagram I can't really think of anyone that I think anyone that made videos period

before tiktok right he goes he goes I can't think of anyone that made video hold on roll that one back he goes I can't think of anyone that made videos before tick like is he joking you started making comedic videos on Instagram I can't really think of he's kidding anyone that did it I think anyone that made videos period before tiktok right was the blueprint og yeah yeah okay um and now you're about to hit a million on tiktok she already did I already did wait I don't know what I don't know where the hell have you been no one told me all right let's end with that um studying beautiful I mean it's brilliant in a way um it's brilliant in a way because you have three people that are influencers are trying to be influencers in that whatever that means

trying to explain what it is figuring out that it's kind of hard to explain with words and you know they're just kind of it's just it's LA this is LA these are people are just floating around yeah in in in in and out of reality they're all like 14 years old they're very young but they're not the other thing is I don't know if they're 14 or if they're like 40 I think they look no one knows yeah they're supposed to look young they're supposed to look I think they're supposed to exude like a prepubescent yeah the whole thing's like it's cartoonish and fun and it's like we're hanging out like hanging out we're like hanging out like you are like like you're like a friend of ours like you like like remembering I met you like I met you like in a car we're in a car what's a car

yeah so like it's a it's a like it's like a spaceship on the ground and and like remember Coachella is like really funny because like you were like and and I was there and like we didn't even know that we like we like knew each other from like social media like we didn't like we didn't know each other and then every now and then the brook one will come in and she'll be like my grandmother was in the Holocaust like out of nowhere and I'm like this is the greatest show that's ever been done no and she'll be like but she survived and then she'll be like was doja cat good at Coachella did you enjoy doja cat anyway super fan of this show no it's lit literally and my first show that I love the ww bro podcast was about a guy who was 600 pounds

he gave diet advice yes nothing better and he would be great because he would come on and he would go like he'd go Thanksgiving I take the day off he goes Thanksgiving I eat and it was so beautiful going 737 jet carrying 160 people aboard's take off in Israel after pranksters use iPhone airdrop to send terrified passengers pictures of plane crashes causing one woman to faint act so in response this is such a crazy story and in response to this Israel bombed a Palestinian nursery school which I thought was a very proportional and appropriate response to just now this is a ballsy thing to do plane pranks I mean not even milk has done this plane pranks right now are balls yeah

when's the last time you've heard of somebody getting up to mischief on a plane this is harmless it is it's not like a bomb threat exactly and it's fine but it might be it might be I I agree I do think it's funny and I recommend people do it I'm telling people to do it but people might look at those airdrop photos and go oh this plane's gonna crash because this might be a like a fun way to let us know well I mean what are they in how are they the people are they're reading the future like they have that they could see into the future and they're sending them a shot of the future well imagine this you're on a plane you get an airdrop and it's a bunch of plane crash photos would it might not be a way of somebody on the plane going hey things you're about to get

rocky well was it sent by a by a Saudi Arabian I mean if not right then it's fine well we don't know who is sent by I mean it seems harmless to me what now what happened to these good people Ben I believe they were arrested uh they're nine suspects described by Israeli milk that's he will do it he will do it airdrop the but airdrop the bunch of plane crash photos that shul will do it shmuel will do it I'm trying to make this bit work it's shmuel will do it funny like remember like remember when like I'm like you were like like standing in a crowd and like you looked at me and then I like looked at you but then you looked away you remember that and I was like oh you don't like me and that was like weird so like we started weird

but then like I realized it like I like didn't know where I was because I had a gummy bear full of acid in the porta potty and I was being led around kind of like a baby and then I had this realization that like a lot of what I do stems from this like deep inner loneliness in search for meaning and it was fucking wild and then we saw a ton of mojo um I don't know why they did this but I think it's funny I think kids need to have fun people need to have fun right now and it's such a tense time with everything that's happening around the world okay now what is this another picture showing a person on top of a jet engine believed to have been sent using the air but this is funny so it makes people think maybe this is going on on their

but who know right it's it's meant to confuse is what I imagine right yeah I mean what I mean what are they insinuating that this is going to happen on the on the plane I think they wanted people to maybe feel I know it's just meant to scare people hold on troubled actor Andy Dick is arrested for felony sexual battery at California trailer park what's going on he assaulted someone sexually I heard yeah there it is uh troubled actor Andy Dick is arrested at his California trailer park is he living in a trailer park now mm-hmm yeah man comedy it's just a it's a great life uh he arrested for sexually assaulting another man after arrest for hitting boyfriend with a bottle and frying pan Andy dick 56 was holed off in handcuffs after police arrested him

for felony sexual battery after an adult male claimed the comedian sexually assaulted him deputy swarmed his trailer god I mean imagine an article being written about you where one of the quotes was deputies swarmed his trailer rough dick had reportedly been living in an RV with a group of live streamers god Jesus Christ I he wasn't on the radar for a bit this is one of the many arrests that the comedian has had who's been transparent about his history of alcohol and drug abuse by the way it's not his choice to be transparent like it's pretty much out in the oh I love how they're like he's been transparent about this I'm like yeah Lizzo's been transparent about her weight it's like yeah it was a real it was a real mystery to everybody uh police from the

orange county sheriff's department swarmed his modest trailer he's uh they gotta knock it they gotta knock a trailer down man they're gonna say his trailers modest dressed in a gray hoodie and black drill guys dick was holed away in handcuffs before being placed inside a patrol car I mean this is unfortunate during the police ambush sheriff's deputies were seen entering dick's trailer and searching it after he was placed into custody uh because he's like hitting people with pants and stuff this is really unfortunate uh this man has problems with drugs and alcohol and he's in a trailer and there's a better video of it there's a video of a live stream they did where his roommate pulled a gun on someone that was coming to their trailer yeah get that well you

know you would think a producer would have something like that ready or done in show research but this he's too worried about the Saudi Arabians taking over golf to really do the show prep they're a real threat I understand yeah it's no because he's home with his wife I work so hard I gotta Australia I need to go to Australia for two and a half weeks he's a demon why did he make you go why would he make you work here's the stream here oh this looks good dude he's so calm and he diggers so calm he's like don't shoot the gun this is like the end of boogie nights don't shoot I mean look at Andy I feel bad man he's on a cot in a trailer that by the way

looks fine yeah it looks big is that is that a modest trailer it looks great looks like an apartment in glendale yeah I'm wondering if that's even the trailer I mean maybe it is so now he's just taking money on PayPal and the county oh god and this is this is a story we kind of stumbled upon by accident he's laying on a cot a guy screaming at another guy with a gun Andy Dix just kind of laying there unaffected like it's just a regular day he's like don't shoot the gun please don't shoot the gun don't shoot the gun not even don't kill the guy it's like Andy Dix like just don't shoot the gun let's see how this finishes don't come back here dude don't do it you better call me before you do don't show up here and bite it I said where the fuck you got

who is that guy he's another extorter I do you're so protective it really makes me cry I'm sorry dude I think this is you're so protective it really makes me cry he's like this is a beautiful moment for us you're so protective you treat me so well in this trailer you treat me so well it makes me cry you're just so goddamn romantic it makes me cry don't shoot the gun well is that his boyfriend that is kind of lovely it's sweet it is kind of sweet right I mean yeah if you two are living in a trailer in an extorter whatever that means somebody trying to extort and Devin would use me as a shield yeah no no we there would be no fucking like be a fight put a chivalry there no no no um but I hope that uh he gets it together right he was on dancing with the stars right

recently no god no but no years ago usually that show is a fall from grace so if you're if I mean and then this wasn't he on celebrity rehab he kind of looks like dr drew like when that was a thing I think he was on celebrity rehab but maybe he wasn't yeah with like Tom sighs more and like I thought he was here we go Tom yeah he was here okay he was on sober house there what is that this was there like spin-off this girl Jennifer was like the head sobriety person and using season one this is when they would literally just like completely using drug addicts for viewers and putting them in like very unserious it was like a very unserious attempt to cure any of them yeah and he would like Jeff Conaway and uh Eric Roberts yeah Stephen Adler there was a bunch of

people here dr drew the guy used to play hobie on Baywatch with the young kid hobie he grew up I forget what his name was was it Jeremy Jackson the guy who was hobie on Baywatch and he was like uh he was talking about all the steroids he uses and he was like uh he goes yeah he goes this is uh a bull a bull uh whatever hormone pre slaughter like he was like pre slaughter like before this lot and he would like inject himself but I believe he was oh yeah I believe he was on this show and this is the other thing with doing a podcast I'm either right or I'm slandering someone you know what I mean like I'm either I'm either no it's Jeremy Jackson I think just type in Jeremy Jackson's celebrity rehab I mean it really you're dealing with here okay yeah

that's what I thought oh it's rough oh yeah I mean he had a steroid thing wasn't Heidi Fleiss on there yes Heidi Fleiss I believe was on there oh Mary Carrie Mackenzie uh heard the mom is in the pop of Phillips yes yeah I think a bunch of people were on there and it was uh you know they were just trying god why do I know they were trying to get a lot of views you know and it was just you know and how many by the way here's a great question have any of those people sobered up like has anybody on celebrity rehab ever sobered up he's sober up there's no show the producers probably throw them pills throughout filming there's a little there's a little uh there's a little surprise in your dressing room we'll see you three there's a mint on your pillow yeah so I

think that uh yeah where are the stars of celebrity rehab now I'm sure this will be a real treat this will be a real pick me up in a grave Dr. Drew got grew tired of taking all the heat yeah because you're killing people keep going what is he's what is he's the show on your mom's house what does he do on your mom's house he was like the biggest guy on CNN too what does he do on your mom's house it's uh late late night after dark with Dr. Drew or whatever and he just like talks to people about their problems okay it's like the old show yeah uh uh this is Carrie Ann Panish yeah she said she's a she came out on top so yeah looks like she did good okay I don't know what that means so go up let's see one let's see what hold on according to NBC Glocker published a tape with new shenanigans

between Paneesh Eric Dain and his wife Rebecca Gayheart in 2009 uh Paneesh accused her celebrity rehab cast me at Mindy McCready releasing the tape while Paneesh was still using math in 2012 she has since gotten sober kept her family intact started a design business okay Tom size more to mass we're not even gonna read it it's just a big mess we know Heidi Fleck get out of here Heidi Fleck some big mess we're not even gonna dignify that okay Mike Starr battled multiple demons he looks like the guy in the trailer with Andy Day yeah he died even overdosed good job Dr. Phil Mindy McCready uh personal tragedy was devastating she died by suicide so many these are all these are the people that were at word celebrity rehab

Seth Shifty Sherlock Binsor isn't giving up good for him no one knows she's eating Nielsen she started dating Flava Flav that's good wasn't that her sobriety that wasn't that how her yeah all right we're not we're not gonna go through all of them but yeah that was like a massive show we're just nobody that was what reality tv was when I was growing up no but like they took really people that were in a lot of pain it did not give them help on television week after week yeah you watch their conditions to generate they would attack each other they would destroy their lives and there was a film crew to follow it that was reality television before the genre that we have now which was like rich bitch tv yeah which was like

we find wealthy people that have more money than you and they shove it down your throat in a very like grotesque way and you just have to sit there and take it not only will you take it but you'll like it you'll like it when these cunts go I buy a house for each one of my kids isn't that what everybody does go to the original real housewives of orange county which by the way the season one is still the best cultural depiction of the mortgage crisis because everybody on the show is mentally retarded and they own like five houses and you go how did this happen I mean literally one guy has like a brain neurological injury this baseball player from orange county and he's just like he's like booze like dribbling out of his mouth and the wife's a big realtor

and she's a big fatty boom baddie and uh if you can go to season one of the real housewives of orange county the opening sequence okay and the opening sequence is going to show you the all these women have these taglines and this was like when reality tv shifted from like we'll put everyone in a house we'll get them drunk let's get them fucked up and see what happened and then reality tv kind of shifted and became like hey there's people out there that are doing a hell of a lot better than you that's what reality tv became which is kind of still what it is except now it's weird now it's like everyone's singing there's like nine shows about karaoke it's like the mask singer and then there's a new show called don't forget the lyrics and there's another show about whether

the singer is bad or good or lip syncing or are you lips lip sync battle and who's everybody now people are so stupid in this country they can only handle that because they've been so traumatized by the genres of reality tv that came before them like watch this person dive a heroin overdose in slo-mo and watch this rich family parade their wealth around now all people can handle is staring at tv and watching like a celebrity sing like uh the songs from titanic poorly like to get and they're like wait a minute are you gonna forget the lyrics and they're like near far wherever you are i am and the people at home are like she's gonna forget the lyrics she doesn't know it i can see my drunk hand sit there being like she doesn't know it she doesn't so that's all we can handle right now is

watching people sing i've always hated karaoke i despised it i hate when drunk people get up in long island bars and they're like you know they're like fucking like i think it into it there's nothing worse than somebody into it at karaoke you know and people are just like at the bar like what the fuck is wrong and that's all reality tv so ken jong hosts i can see your voice a new guessing game on fox where literally they bring people we don't even know me and ben tried to watch this show and we didn't even know we couldn't follow it and we're reasonably intelligent what it is let's try to explain can we explain okay but fake it so you make it that's basically the concept of the new competition series quote i can see your voice contestants and celebrities

have to figure out who's actually a good singer without hearing their real voice what are we doing think about that again contestants have to figure out who's a good singer without hearing their real voice so they come out they lip sync to something and you have to decide if they're lip syncing to their own voice that's good or someone else's voice and their voice is horrible but you pick two people and you pick two and they kind of go at each other and you go like which one has the real good voice and this is all intellectually that people can handle right now like all they can handle is watching people sing like it's like a talent show we've gone back to the basics here we're just it's a big fucked up talent show some people are talented

and some people are and by the way it doesn't really matter none of these people get deals bad voice good voice right what do they get ten thousand dollars it says a hundred grand a hundred grand after taxes everything like that i mean it's like this isn't you know it's not like american idol now we are going to hollywood this is like i would stand up as an audience member go does it really matter whose voice is good or bad they're not they're both 40 they're not going to be christina aguilera who cares whose voice is good or bad it's the crazy thing but what this is fun watch the real housewife okay so it starts where it goes seven million families live in gated communities so now remember this uh debuts when in 2005 this is like the height of

fake business all over america this debuts people are like up they're in debt to their eyeballs they're all in sham mortgages they're all living way beyond their means and it's all about to collapse it's on the brink of collapsing and then this is what they put out and here play this i don't want to get old he's pretty much keeping me are the police involved it's just money you can't take it with you 85 percent of the women around here have had breast implants

yeah so it's like it's just it's just it's just money you can't take it with you and it's just these shots of like women getting their tits done and getting diamond necklaces and they're like seven million people live in gated communities and that that's really like that's the genre of reality tv that we we had for a while i miss it yeah no i yeah it's it's it's it culminated in like selling sunset which is kind of a brilliant show because adam developed the guy who did it is a genius he like did the hills and he makes these shows like the scene in selling sunset which we can't play where i wish we could yeah where adnan the real estate developer is like and they're these cold like nordic types and they're telling this there's hopeless zero

devina who can't sell anything then the woman looks at her goes please make a deal and just the way it's brilliantly shot you see like the cat sleeping the dogs are sleeping um but yeah that that's really where reality tv is now it's like people are just singing it's very infantile now it's right we can't take anything it's very silly it's like infantile and it's like the aha moments aren't even real anymore and they don't matter it is it like the reveal doesn't matter there used to be i used to watch old real world and it's like people just beating the living shit every other the cops aren't called real world why you with ruthi she's like vomiting yeah it was insane now it's like these these reveals don't mean anything they're like oh she wasn't a good singer

we got tricked i'm like well if you think that's bad don't look into 9 11 because you're gonna have a real how about we do the mask defense secretary and we find out where the tape is the plane hitting the pentagon how about we do that on fox next on fox the mask defci agent who's telling the truth and who's not we have two government whistleblowers and they both come out with uh something you're blowing a whistle on and you have to decide what's true and what's not you know like one comes out and goes the government uh participates in human trafficking rings to compromise politicians and everyone goes man i don't know and then the next person comes out and they're like the government murdered john f kennedy in our in a coup and you're like god who's which mask government

whistleblower is correct here is it and then the reveals it's both and everyone's like fuck hosted by neil patrick harris neil patrick harris just to make it peppy just peppy and fun but that's what that's what we can handle now uh is just watching people this is a beautiful story we we kind of want to wrap things up on this there's a there was this was a uh man hunt this is uh this is a tale as old as time a corrections officer falls in love with a in may they escape together this is one of the old the only american real love stories we have left you know there's a few love stories we have left in this country you know what i mean we have a country of morbidly obese fentanyl addicts and child nazis that's our country like prepubescent

nazis morbidly obese fentanyl addicts and like like like so in our country when you think of the configurations in which people find and love each other you have the teacher student you have the powerful business guy uh perhaps underage prostitute you have maybe two closeted nazis that are fucking whatever but what really encapsulates it because we so many people in america aren't uh jail in prison so many and there should be more now so many people aren't prison and are incarcerated for an all manner of different things for nonviolent drug offenses for very violent offenses and they're in prison and then we have corrections officers who are essentially criminals corrections officers and criminals there's very little difference between

no this is true there's very little difference between corrections officers and criminals most people that get into corrections are criminals or would have been criminals or are criminals they run like teen fight clubs in the jails they they uh they sneak in drugs and stuff it's there there is prostitutes too they fuck yeah they fuck them and everything and i have no issue with all that but whatever it gets you through the day it makes everybody happy i believe in communities i believe in communities i love that uh so this is a great story about a female corrections officer right who fell in love with a guy who's uh they're trying to get him for murder yeah yeah pin him they're trying to pin him another innocent john which is this the woman that

spent like she like sold her home and and used the money to bail him this will sum it up real quick it's it's great she shot herself story about a jailhouse romance that ended in death a veteran corrections officer apparently fell in love with an inmate and helped him escape with her so that the that the two of them could run off together it happened at the lauderdale county jail in alabama authorities say the 38 year old inmate kasey white who was awaiting trial on murder struck up a relationship with 56 year old vicki white no relation she was the assistant director of corrections at the jail where he was incarcerated her co-workers described her as an exemplary employee but that's right say she planned how to get kasey out here by the way let's make a point

that is an exemplary employee if you're a corrections officer yeah get breaking them out of jail and fucking them like that is an exemplary employee because here's the deal you're around them all the time you're gonna fall in love with them yeah that's true you're gonna fall in love with these pit look at this guy you're telling me you're not gonna fall in love with this guy it's neanderthal john ham the fact that this guy murdered somebody turns you on it makes you hot you know this guy killed someone and i lock his cage every night and i let him out man what a fantasy i lock his cage and then i let him out it's hot and she lives in alabama and she looks like she's like an albino fucking you know i don't know mole rat we all have to pretend like because all these political

people now have to pretend that like new york and i like suck because they listen we all know taxes are high and like liberals can be crazy like everybody has to pretend like that's what america is about it's like alabama everybody has to pretend that they're like i won't leave me hurry he's here he's like guys you realize bill martin great joke years ago he said it wasn't new york in LA the country would have been sold to china years ago like there is no but everybody has to pretend like politically i've never been to a place and went you know what i love here the political outlook i never looked at an ocean and went i love the taxes here just allow yourself to have another experience on the planet you fucking monkeys but people can't

do it right they can't so they everything's political i don't say austin's a shithole because it's a blue city in a red state or a purple i say it's a shithole because it's a shithole it's a shithole it's hot it's muggy there's bugs the food's gross the rivers are shit they're brown they look like literal shit they're disgusting the people are disgusting they're unaccomplished they're idiots that's why i say it's shit it's nothing to do with the politics i don't know what the laws are i don't care dump i go to sinna barber i go it's pretty but yeah there's homeless to the laws are nuts and the people that run it are fucking psychopath it doesn't mean it ain't a better place to live all things being equal like if we let's say you gave taxes in florida

a state tax and a hefty one you know how many people really love it how many people are down there with fucking cowboy hats and boots like if you love it like let's see if you would pay for you wouldn't pay for it right there's nothing to pay for it might listen with all the respect i like dallas i like some places great audiences but you go around austin you go yeah i wouldn't pay a state tax to live here why would i why would anyone why would anyone pay a state tax so they could take the boat out on the shit river it's gross and i'm sorry palm beach isn't palm beach doesn't have a state tax either malibu is is is kind of a dump but it's better than austin the hamptons better than austin uh lake leneer and georgia better than austin

charlotte charleston south korea better you know i don't know i don't know if charleston's a democratic city or a republican city i don't care does it mean anything to me but people right now are so invested in politics because it gives their meaningless lives some type of like shape that they can understand like you're good because they have nothing going on in their fucking lives and i understand that there's real concerns and now they're trying to get rid of rovey wade and shit like that i'm not saying it's completely unimportant but to make it this entire thing where you have to lie to yourself and start saying that like lake austin's nice can you get get up lake austin and then we'll get back to these two retards but get up a photo of lake austin

get up a photo of lake and hit image go to the right right there it is it's a level from donkey kong that is a level from donkey kong it is slime it's green slime from donkey kong now get up a picture of malibu california and i i i don't like avid nuisance but just get a picture of malibu california it's better don't you get that it's it's better that's nicer and that ain't even that nice malibu ain't even that great it's not even that good but it's better than that swamp well i can shoot my guns in so whatever but there's nothing in malibu that looks like that they just lie with some shit too yeah doesn't look like it's another fucking place that's like it'll i think malibu's like a dump

but the point is it's a nicer dump everything on earth is a dump we just went to the rainforest it's fake the great barter reef doesn't exist we put cigarettes out on it it's a everything's a dump but my point is don't get with the politics it annoys me when you have to start lying you have to start lying you'll be like i love it and these are people from the northeast or from the west coast and they go down there and they're like all these tech demons these autistic fucking blinking tech faggots and they're like it's fucking grotesque whatever we have fans there it's a nice place let's finish up these two retards okay she even sold her home and announced her retirement beforehand then on april 29th authorities say vicky picked up kasey from the jail for what she said

was a mental health evaluation which authorities later learned was never even scheduled the two of them fled in her patrol car vicky had spent the night before in a motel near the jail authorities say she bought men's clothing from a department store beforehand so that kasey would have something to change into nice after they left the jail the two of them ditched her patrol car in a parking lot where cops later found her jail keys a radio and handcuffs true love then they went on the run for 11 days on 11 days of their life in a tip the manager of a car wash in evansville indiana had spotted kasey on surveillance video why are they washing the car oh good question how stupid are you why are you washing a car they're like we don't want people to think we're dirty why are you

washing or it's maybe he's hanging out there to rob people like why are you you're on the run well where are they running where's the destination who knows but why would you stop in a car wash yeah maybe they think they're right they were getting tailed so they pulled in or something i don't know well let's finish it all right here we go they called federal authorities yes marshal service called me that's right they sent me a text message called from alamama this is this guy when tech guys moved to austin texas that all went to stanford this is what they sound like after three months in austin keep going cops located the pair pretty quickly and saw vicki walking out of a motel with a wig on

thick then they chased the pair down the pursuit ended with the police crashing into their getaway car they were able to pull kasey out of the wreckage but they say vicki was critically hurt she had shot herself in the head she later died at the hospital as for kasey soon he'll be on his way back to alabama he was already serving a 75 year sentence for attempted murder by the dawn's early life what so proudly we hailed as the twilight's last streaming whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous night gave proofs i don't even know if i'm doing this right that our flag was still there and the rock is red glare vicki's head bursting in there gave proof through the night i mean what a beautiful story victor shot herself in the head

she got a week she got a week of that good dick what a whirlwind for the convict he's just being taken back to prison like well that was weird what a week she's just killed herself but here's the deal it's true love and when you know it you know it right folks i mean when you know it you know it and when it hits you you don't always choose you don't always choose it she found someone that they loved her and saw her for her yeah and he was a murderer and she ended up being a murderer she killed herself isn't that fun that close but it's an american story they should make that a film yeah that should be a film yeah you know yeah like somebody that loves that deeply with you i'm just gonna blow my brains out because i can't face the thought of everyone at the old job where

i had authority being like what the fuck you because she turned on her family yeah you know it's not like la work by doing that you're rewarded with houses and pools and tennis courts they're in shit canville the only thing this woman has is those other those other mongoloids that she works with and they all drink coffee together and they beat the inmates and they lock them up and that's what she does and she turned on them by taking one of these inmates out escaping putting the rest of the cops in danger and wouldn't it be funny if they didn't even fuck she's like i'm waiting for marriage he's like we gotta fuck sue and i'm telling you they're gonna get us and she's like no we're gonna live we got our whole lives wouldn't it be funny if that was her attitude

she's like we got our whole lives for this he's like i don't think so he's like please let's just fuck she's like we got our whole life she's picking she's on zillow she's like what can we afford he's like listen i think you're underestimating how deep of shit we're in they're gonna come get us and i'm going back to jail it says here i can get approved for 185 thousand with a down payment now you can't go on the loan of course but with a down payment i can get something nice we can get a double wide man you know what's nice i hear is austin texas because joe rogan's he's opening a comedy club down there in austin texas and elon must's gonna let us say hard r on twitter so let's go to texas and he's like honey i think we're gonna get shot some guy made me at the fucking car wash

well that's where i wash my pussy you really should have done kill tony tonight yeah i weren't a lot of shit i thought you were funny your minute was good honey you made me do that i tend to think that really that that really exposed us nah you were good uh but it's an american it's a beautiful american love story and there's not much like that anymore and you know it's it's uh that intensity of love no it'll be a mini series soon it should be right on hulu someone will kind of like thelma louise a little bit yeah a little bit bonnie and clad especially a trans since age she was 56 he was 38 so they're gonna give it it's gonna be hot people it needs to be yeah it'll be charlie's their own no it needs to be gross people where the sex scenes make you go

oh but it should be like really gross like that's what movies need like gross sex scenes again we're like it's just real animalistic disgusting like she has an open wound you know and it smells because it's moldy and you could tell like he's flinching as he enters her and she's like and she makes this little sound like they did that and she's got a light Parkinson's that she shakes as he does it she's like that's what it should be and and then like the last scene of the movie he's like they're fucking getting us he's like i'll always love you he goes in for a kiss and before before he gets to where she goes like this she goes you know you know and then they're like like dedicated to the legacy of the civil rights like something that has nothing to do

something that has nothing to do with anything you know produced by Colin Kaepernick produced by the obamas yeah uh no dates no merch nothing to see here go away kill it kill kill kill kill y'all sales like vicky why this is the story of vicky why youtube devon costa uh you can follow these guys on twitter uh i'da type of coli what's your tweet twitter handle handle i'da type of coli and i'da type of coli uh devon costa subscribe to his youtube channel he makes really really funny videos we should make videos again but we just aren't going to um you know we're just not i'm just not gonna dress up like a hand sanitizer or anything anymore i used to i just can't do it i used to but i can't i'm 37 or i'm 36 i don't

know what i am but the point is i'm too old i'm really too old to be like running around dressed up like a crab you know like what a crab say what a crab do i'm a crab that's not woke anymore whatever like i can't i'm too old like i'm like old i that's what i used to do i used to do like funny videos and cause i used to put on wigs and dress like women and fucking i dress like a corona ball i'd have people make foam costumes absinthe temple and they were really fun they were great they were fun yeah they were fun but you grow out you just like you level up just make the bigger thing we did we did and we will it's just bigger things cost money you gotta have good good ideas so if you're gonna put the money behind it you gotta have an idea

so like you know we we used to lampoon a lot of like crazy stuff and wall culture and stuff and and and even right wing culture we would just lampoon the insanity of everything going on and we you know there are ways that we still think about doing that but it just gets i don't know it gets more and more difficult and i think the main focus is building out the show i think we eventually want to like musical guests so it's like a real late night show like who would be our first musical guest do you think ben like to be really that we could get like who could we actually get who could we actually get uh the guy from uh that really big band the lumineers is a big fan okay well i don't i don't know anything about the lumineer i'm sure they're great they're they're a

huge band but i don't think we can get them as my point we're about future oh yeah i don't know if we can get he's huge they're two these people are too big i mean is one thing it'd be a fan or maybe like something that i do it's another thing to commit to showing up and doing it modletor yes modletor modletor she'd love to do one more weekend in the city she's a uh a musician that we saw her name on a on a marquine l.a we just started following her and we're following her musical career and she's got a really good song can we play her song no no why because we'll just lose she'll get all the money from this episode oh fuck that get her off get her face out of here taking my fucking money not enough for her by mentioning her name

but she's got like a one catchy song we don't know any other ones no no no and and the saw the chorus is the good part yeah i mean listen she's not you know she's not joni mitchell thank god huh pulling her musical spotify modletor pulls her musical spotify dude what if comedian like what if musicians started doing it now like get us all over would just be so funny if like big musicians those spotify are like i am taking a stand i'm pulling my music off spotify mckenzie phillips takes a stand yeah someone takes a stand yeah like ariana grande ariana grande is like i'm pulling my music off spotify and then she says it in spanish spanish yeah isn't she spanish i don't know what she is she's a cestilian and like italian yeah she's white with a spray tan but she is italian too

she's great i mean she's beautiful but yeah she's very attractive she looks pretty bad without makeup actually no she doesn't she looks great i'm sure she's fine let's see a photo of her okay she's very attractive she's beautiful you know i don't know it's you know yeah great spray tint i mean go to the without makeup uh this one here the evidence everyone is like she looks good i think cheaters no they're not everyone's cheating i think she looks fine there she looks good she looks good i don't think she's a i understand you but they shouldn't they should be they should be made up right i mean isn't that the point oh yeah when we call them like this you know but you know it's not it's not only it's not only just makeup it's like a lot of people are doing fillers injections

of plastic surgery the fake ass is the new head the woman from million dollar list got a new head no tracy tutor got a new head and i think that's good if i had money i'd get a new head find money like that tracy tutor go go go look she's got a new head this woman's head's completely new she had one head she got a new head because this was her right yeah that was her that go to the other i really don't see the difference and then now this is oh it's totally different i got a new head you said this and i like i saw she's a new head what is that different about it what do you mean the head i her head it's like chloe car there she got a new head yeah that she got her nose done that's you know i'm not saying i got more than that it's more than

that it's like shit it's fucking listen if you're going to be on television you're a huge proponent of plastic surgery no i mean i've never gotten plastic surgery but i think if you know you can afford it and i'm not saying it's a bad thing makes you feel bad as if as long as it's not like you know as long as it's tasteful and then let's say what's what's bad plastic surgery oh i mean god you can see it huh yeah a bad hack job of course yeah i mean and and it yeah it's all over la it's everywhere no everywhere you're also an expert in brazilian uh buttlifter bbl i'm not but i've looked into it i'm not what you know about well i know that i okay i know two things i know that there are two different kinds of bbls and one of them is invasive and one of them is non-invasive

can you show that arielle the man with the bbl yeah what's his name i'm a huge fan of arielle this guy listen we i think everyone should be able to do kind of everything what they do yeah pretty much what they want his ass looks better than any of this guy's great this guy right here because mostly it's women mostly it's women that get the new ass but i kind of want an ass and i might buy ben and ass you should i'd fuck the shit out of this guy i might buy ben and ass would your wife mind if i got you an ass uh it's for the show right i can get it taken out later no it's invasive it depends what kind you get i was so i can't get it like cut off later cut off you to amputate your ass deflate it i think jesus no you uh you wouldn't want to

you're gonna have to understand that the show is the primary and if you had a luscious ass it'd be nothing wrong with that then you deserve enough the show just evolves into you deforming ben i go like this i'm like i'm sick of dressing up in costume so i'm gonna give ben an ass um now you are you are you said there's two there's the invasive one yeah there's an invasive one i think the other one they just put i think they just put fillers in right but i don't know what an implant is go to a bbl a problem then okay they're like bbl like when things go real bad for the bbls because occasionally you know one cheek is it explodes it explodes or one's harder than the other okay so is that i haven't seen that you can get scarring so this

says uh influencer devastated by drooping bomb and lumpy leg so if you can see here it has one of the highest death rates of all surgeries i think especially because people don't uh always get it irreputable place now they go to like mexico or whatever these are taking over cities if you walk around cities oh yeah yeah they're everywhere people love this just walk around glendale it's like any let me ask you a question is it harmful if your ass explodes i don't think so i think it's as long as it's uh no i don't i imagine it's not great i imagine it's not great like are you if a silicone implant explodes in your ass you're probably at some type of health risk well i don't think it's silicone oh i don't know no no no you know what it is fat they take it's it's lipo so

they take the fat out of all the other parts of your body like full body lipo and then they put that into your ass does it need to be your fat i think if you want i i don't i think because what i'm wondering is why don't they just harvest fat people and get their fat and then use like a sperm acid yeah because we have a huge problem in this country obesity is an issue yeah and we also have the fact that the bbls are too expensive and doesn't it doesn't it get better if we started using like if you take a fat person take all their fat and redistribute it to the ass of uh an inspiring instagram mall yeah fat redistribution a brazilian butt lift involves three basic steps fat is removed from the hips lower back thighs abdomen and or areas with lipo suction extracted

fat is purified and prepared for transfer what a job i'm purifying the fat the cosmetic surgeon injects fat into specific points on the buttocks to increase volume and improve improve shape what did the Kardashians have done they had the best tell us about their doctor is the best i don't know i i really don't know i genuinely don't know what they've done they all naturally seem to have some like they already have like asses kim got too much done it looks like really bad don't they have a special doctor probably i mean probably don't you know who it is no i mean everybody i think speculates but i don't know are you afraid are you like afraid are you afraid no i don't know i'm like i all she talks about every day and then every single day she talks about it's very

interesting well here's the thing this is what they do they promote certain doctors do they go to those doctors i don't know but they promote them on their instagrams so it's hard for me to say that they go to this like because they kind of look like you do you have like some weird code where it's like you kill it it's an omerta you can't you can't you can't talk about like ass issues no listen i would talk about it i genuinely yeah okay so simon orion he and then there's dr gavami they both your people yes yeah um actually i'm nicole benham is his niece are the girl from club house yeah yeah um i don't want to hear the word clubhouse again in my fucking life it's just 15 year old venture capitalist criminals yeah well so it's over man was i wrong about that god so wrong

but it was fun for like a minute it was fun for like a month a minute is right uh but yeah i don't know so i don't know if they've ever gone to those doctors for any sort of surgery but i know that they isn't interesting our current conditions like this very fascinating person yes she's like a business woman she's incredibly smart savvy swift shrewd like she's able to kind of really position herself in this way that has made her one of the most famous people in the world but you're also like you know in a different world or timeline or whatever you want to call it she's like a rich wife that lives in like glendale you know what do you mean meaning that like it's such an interesting confluence of events that happened and it's such an interesting thing

that they were able to capitalize on those in the way that they did repeatedly over and over again up until the point they were all billionaires and all famous i mean the hiltons tried this harris hiltons tried this right you had people like lindsay lohan uh the other person uh lionel richie's daughter i mean we grew up with like these tabloid types of people there were even more people than that nobody has come close to the massive empire these people have built it's remarkable it's it's completely is it chris is it the mom yeah i think she's the i think she's ultimately the the glue to all of it because i think she keeps everyone in check like she why do you laugh when she said she's the yeah she's the mom that releases her daughter's sex tape

you know what i'd give for my mom to release my sex tape you know i mean my mom keeps watching mine let me play let me play devil's advocate on this because i've heard a lot of hubbub about this love that word your daughter is a sex tape with a guy let me tell me tell me you have a daughter because you neither does i want to have kids you have a daughter okay okay she has a sex tape okay with a well-known guy how old's my daughter how old was kim uh 20 something 26 25 i don't know yeah this is not 12 no she was she's an adult 27 you watch the sex tape how old was she 23 23 okay you see this you see the sex tape that your daughter has with this person and it's good and you're you can say that no you can say that objectively oh it's great it's really good like

you can say that objectively you can go you know i don't love watching this it doesn't make me happy to watch it but it is a good sex tape it's not it's a bad sex is it yeah it sucks you don't barely see anything we all jacked off to it back in the day in high school and stuff and it was like bad but it was maybe good for the era it was good for the sure yeah it was good for the time it was like acoustic it was good for the your your was it because your daughter ben's daughter will have to do say it'll have to be so high death it'll have to be so hardcore it'll have to be so different now for him to say it's worth releasing right like he'll really have to see his daughter his daughter taking it and it will it it's just gonna be you know really up close like you know really really

good right she has to be raped by a villain you see that and you see her way out you see her way out of a humdrum housewife life like you've had for the most of your life chris jenner i i'm the plus one i'm the friend of my friend you know when you go well there's a few ways you can go when you're a housewife right you could be the plus one forever you could just go to the country club or you could get decapitated by a psychopath like my friend nicole brance simpson the wife of a housewife maybe not that glamorous in print would right chris jenner goes there's you got to remember chris jenner watch her friend get decapitated um not literally but maybe you know who knows uh uh this probably lights a fire under her ass a little bit and goes women have to be more powerful

yeah and not rely on men her husband dies right ex-husband yeah they were divorced at that point but yeah right she basically says to herself women maybe need to be powerful what is the way what is the way to kind of jump start my daughter's career and i don't know if she did or did not release the tape but she releases the tape um and she thinks to herself you know you wonder if chris jenner before she release releases that grainy footage of of kim she might say to herself you know one day we're all gonna be billionaires you know like does does a woman like that sure have some kind of weird thought where she goes listen i see the way the culture is going i see the way things are happening i see what's going on i watched the oj simpson trial the beginning

of reality tv i watched the way tabloids have taken over i watched the way that has seeped into every aspect of our culture and i know that if my daughter is to have a shot if my family is to have a shot we need to jump start this light of fire you release the tape and how many years later 20 years later uh yeah about 19 yeah they have an empire 19 years later they are the most famous people on earth they have an empire they are billionaires they can do whatever they want they can try to cure diseases if they want to know that that's what they're doing but they could if they want is it worth it if that comes out of it well here's what's great about them though they don't they did kim uh actually exonerated like a they've done more for people i think and

on a material for prison reform there are so many people in our country who release footage of their children having sex on the dark web and get nothing out of it not a perfume line not a fucking deal at e not a fucking right no yeah you're right it's a great point yeah um and they did they did it all they did that yeah certainly cosmetics lines everything everything you can imagine they can walk into any oval office probably at this point get a meeting age what do you think happens when they're older like in the future what's gonna happen yeah because i've got a prediction but i want to hear yours oh okay well um i think they'll age gracefully and probably get a facelift or two but as expected but but yeah probably what are you what are you saying they'll i think they

might go uh some sort of political route politics that's what i think yeah i wouldn't be the worst idea i believe that i believe they'll go politics you think so yes no i think they want to just go straight capitalist and just i think there's a bunch of them there's a bunch of them yeah well i think who's gonna go for politics um rob no of course not i truly i believe here i'm gonna say this and i'm not even kidding right now i'm not kidding i don't think kim Kardashian would be the worst governor of california no not at all i i truly believe that not at all i believe she'd be better than Gavin Newsom i believe kim Kardashian might be a better governor than Gavin Newsom she she's pragmatic and she understands what people want or want she understands people need that blame

yeah no she understands she's uh she's more connected to everybody people need people need that fucking apple teeny in the fall people need to get their paper they need to eat tuna tartar with wontons they need to go out to do like a white party every now and then a hookah bar you know the piglets need little treats piglets need little treats and she i'm is she the worst governor of california is kim Kardashian the worst governor of california no no i don't think so the best i mean probably i could see it i mean doesn't even matter who's i think it does i think it does and i'll tell you why i think number one here's what i think is interesting Caitlyn is is this totally unserious attempt i think kim's watching that and you know i could

do this for real mm-hmm oh you think that's maybe why the law the the new interest in law you think is because of an eventual i think she's going how much longer am i going to be a reality she's a billionaire already she's a billionaire many times over she will be yeah where where where is there to go yes it's where is there to go how else do you expand your influx where is there to go other than you have the money now you kind of want to power i think there's a very good chance that one day and it's kim i think it's kim kim is it kim is it yeah um or chris no no kim has a unique blend of pragmatism uh you could already see she's like you know women need to go out and work and then people like it's insensitive but there are a lot of people going hmm you know what

i like hearing that yeah i like hearing that when when when she gets out there and revs him up i like that let me tell you right now man i've become a massive fan of her once she started telling these fat slobs in this country to go to work yeah i mean really they don't give handouts ida had the show on one time and they like they have like a homeless friend there's like a homeless guy that the whole family like hung out with 10 years ago so they had him back at the house and they're they didn't give him anything they just were like no they did they gave him an apartment oh really for like a month or something or i've been been finding out they were just like watching him eat ketchup and be like oh you love him his name is

shorty his name is shorty shorty okay i can't play clips but we can we can read this here clover Kardashian showed her charitable side on the latest episode of keeping up with the Kardashians as she reconnected with her homeless friend the reality is i mean by the way i mean just he was from season one give it to me in the veins put it in my veins right now i i can't they are the they are they are they have met the moment they are meeting the moment they are the moment they are the moment the reality star 36 first met shorty in the first season of the show now that the program is continuing to an end or coming to an end she instilled some nostalgia in viewers by reaching out and recruiting her family to help

secure him an apartment so she met shorty in the first season of the show how long has the show gone on uh 13 years after first meeting in season one so so shorty was he homeless in season one i yeah i think so shorty season one so shorty's had a rough 13 and now they've decided to have enough money because they don't want to start helping because you got you know it's like it's like the airplane you you put the mask on yourself before you help another so they've decided now at like i don't know they're combined net worth of eight billion dollars they can buy shorty an apartment after chloe discovered from word of mouth that shorty was working at flips coin laundry in los angeles she went in search of her friend yet the attempt was fruitless before producers helped

or tracked him down and seen shot last year are we to believe that chloe went to the i think someone laundry no i think she contacted the producers in episode seven of series one entitled helping hand chloe welcomed shorty into their home after she found him outside of their dash door in 2007 this that the sisters then got shorty cleaned up bought him new clothes fixed his teeth gave him a haircut before they lost touch they did all the they cleaned up gave him a makeover and then put him back out on the street which they have to what are you gonna do what is shorty gonna be one of the kardashians this is shorty kardashian the family is not seen shorty for 13 years it's been a bit and chloe had constantly been tweeted by viewers asking what happened to him

whether he was alive can you imagine that she's sitting in like a bubble bath she's like answered she's on like a call with like some marketing company you know trying to figure out how to make like uh you know some type of tampon that they're gonna sling to people and like somebody tweets her hey remember shorty is he alive fans of a tan chloe in pictures of shorty when they saw him on the street and said she wanted to see if he was doing well i like the idea that if he comes a member of the family they give him a fake ass they make them all hot i like the idea oh look at him look at shorty there he is i like the idea of them taking a photo taking him and going hey remember shorty like they're billionaires they go remember short but what are they supposed to give a fuck

he's supposed to care about this guy he was outside their store what what movie landscape world that people live in what what are you what are they supposed to what do you think she's gonna do with the apartment i'm not saying they shouldn't give it to him what do you think shorty's gonna do with the apartment after 13 years on the streets i mean you know he'll do heroin safely yeah so when he so the pair drove around getting more tips about shorty giving chloe's number to a guy who claimed to know him soon shorty was facetime and chloe in her home and being invited for lunch the next day it'd be great if he like came over and he's like there's pedophiles underground have you heard about qanon he's like he's probably a fed when he showed up shorty told chloe came

in court need that he'd been working at flips but it had closed due to covid so now go down go up there that's a rough uh look he looks worse cleaned up yeah sisters then got shorty cleaned up brought him new clothes fix his teeth give me a okay that's him now yeah shorty oh shorty he was searching for a job in an apartment he added chris facetime shorty and put collie jenner on camera reminding him she was a little girl when they first met little that's no little girl shorty observed you know he observed her he groped her that's no little girl the things i do to her our Kardashians later secured a rent control apartment for shorty hoping to help him become more independent god does wonder shorty said thankful that he'd ever met the family um

we just take their word for it what did they got him an apartment yeah i mean i'm good it's not that official saving yeah at least fuck up or something where shorty spin off it'll probably be on true tv have you seen any of their new show on hulu i've seen one episode yeah the first episode what do you think about it um it's it's good it's elevated elevated version i think of the e and what why would you say it's elevated explain to us what that means because they're billionaires and it shows okay it shows in the production value uh it's they're just the most powerful force i think in in the city and certainly in the country that's really good i just saw it completely out of her mind i i can't i can't because i just because she says things like that at dinner she goes

they're the most powerful force in the world i've never meant anything more i really have i mean i'm not what fascinates you so much let me just have this cigarette i'm quitting smoking because i bought a new car this is a great way to start no because i have i have i and everyone lot i wouldn't ask me but they're lying you got a cheap wrangler uh i bought a cheap wrangler you bought a cheap wrangler uh what fascinates me about them i don't know we're not gonna say the car bought but it's so funny that you knew i didn't buy a cheap wrangler you knew it wasn't a cheap wrangler i'm not gonna say what it is but i've been trying to help yeah it's i know i knew like i wouldn't yeah i can't fool me no i knew i knew um did you know i was gonna get it when we

went to look at it yeah absolutely you didn't know yeah i did how i remember you uh when we when you used to live in agora hills i remember you calling that specific dealership that will not be named in agora so i knew you you had an interest about it uh but you had a you had a thing about you we hadn't slept in a long time i knew there was no way you weren't walking out of there without the car there it wasn't like you were just bored i haven't slept in 48 hours because of australia i'm still fucked luis gomas is staying at my house yeah so let's get back to what what did i ask her before we left uh what she uh thought about uh do you even pay attention to the show are you just watching like golf matches in your own head do you even pay attention to what we're doing here i mean it's an

honest so what i had said is she said they're the most powerful force in the country and you kind of wanted her to extrapolate that and then you went on to the car thing what is it about yes my fault that's the way he lays out and then you went on well i didn't know which thing you want to go back to because she didn't really answer that question what is it about them particularly that really fascinates you to no end i think they've um really intelligently utilized every tool that's been given to them in a way that absolutely that perhaps others wouldn't and haven't but also they look like you you have a very similar look i mean that's a great compliment to me thank you yeah no no that's true if they were five irish women with red hair and freckles with the same

kind of power would you care i would scoff at them yeah you would i would scoff at them no yeah certainly there's a try but here's a thing before i was not a big fan because i thought they were misrepresenting pull up jenna rinehart pull up the woman that i'm obsessed with from australia she could buy and sell the Kardashians pull up big jena buy and sell pull up my girl pull up big jen oh boy who is she she's the richest woman in the world yeah she fuck it fucks with iron ore what are they mining lang handcock they discovered the mines in australia she's a gangster boy could she use the Kardashians they could use her they haven't gotten their hands on some mines that's the next things they they should start doing is mining yeah i mean yeah they

probably will 20 years from now like 10 years from now they have a special they're like remember bloop bloop the miner that chloe met in the first season of the Kardashian mods well he's uh since lost his arm and foot but people were tagging photos of him dragging himself in the dirt village where he lived and chloe went and bought him water they got reunited they that's the next thing they should get into is the just total domination of natural resources well they'll probably go into renewal renewable energy that's their audience and their forward thinking what do you mean that's their audience their audience is written people are new environmentalists that's their audience tim perhaps people that care about green energy well their audience is so expansive it's it's so big

it is yeah sure look at their instagram following alone it's it's it's unbelievable is it bigger than mine i mean do you have 278 million followers on on instagram i don't know i think i have followers that are following you might have better engagement no i don't i don't want the engagement leave me alone uh but i'll tell you right now uh they are if it's just they're uniquely american fascinating group of people and my fans and my fans probably hate this because they're like you should be i used to think that way i used to think that way you should be shitting on them because that's your job to shit on them just shit on everybody it's like maybe not maybe i want to ride to the moon with them on a nuke i don't want to hang out with people that care about stand-up comedy so

god damn much rich people don't care about stand-up comedy at all like real rich when you meet real rich people no they just don't give a shit about any of that they just they're like yeah let the clowns do whatever who gives a fuck about them do whatever they want but no they they interest me a lot it's interesting you think they heard pete it's gonna last i have no opinion on that okay i'm trying to get some i feel like i've got her on a stand i feel like i've got you on the stand you have no opinion what do you mean you have no i don't know no opinion on that you've studied them like a course in school it's been a recent because here's the thing i used to doubt them and and and make fun of them like everybody else until i realized like oh no no no no these

people are like like it's something it's something hit where i like suddenly the light switch went off i was like oh you know they've got it figured out we all have a person we want to have a lunch with she's up there who else would even be close in your book dead or alive or alive ida a lot i mean i don't know that version of the question i don't know a dead person i'd rather have lunch with queen elizabeth it's like will you stop no not queen elizabeth um yes she's probably on the spot i can't even think of anybody but yeah she's she's like donald rumsfeld yes well he's dead he's dead yeah rumsfeld and kim kardash what do you think a lunch with her would be like if she was really honest he hears the thing with these people yeah they're always

brand whatever right so like they're brand they're always conscious of how they come off what do you think a real honest lunch with her would be like if you sat down with her and you were and she was honest with you about everything i don't think she does she possess the ability to be like she gets a little sour like no she doesn't drink really she doesn't drink but like do you think she'll just you think she looks you during that lunch it goes i own the world i would hope that's why i want the lunch i own the world ida do you think she looks she goes the people are nothing without me like what do you think they what is their family backdoor sessions like i mean no but the mystique is what is when i wrote a thing about them i wrote that the hiltons

get the thing i'm gonna find the thing that i wrote about them what i wrote something kind of brilliant about it and see it's the their reputation's evolved over time so i wonder what how long ago this was that you wrote this i'm telling lewis to come what's the address here bed uh well i'm not gonna say it on the show but here just let me text it text him i wrote a brilliant thing i wrote something i really have to go back to writing these long form things because it's some of the best content that facebook has ever seen i did my a lot of my best work on facebook i agree as before i knew you i would read those and i you know and i just wrote about soup and the Kardashians sometimes and it was

now i sound i've become the brook and connor show like i've literally become it it's not a joke anymore like like facebook is like older and like see if you could find Kardashians and hiltons please please please please and we'll edit some of this out if it's dead air but see if you could do it uh kim Kardashian and i wrote about these two dynasties and how these two dynasties because a lot of people are writing about the bushes and the clintons as dynasties mooring dowd was writing about the bushes and the clintons as dynasties in new york time she was obsessed with that kind of shakespearian dynastic thing and i started comparing the hiltons and the Kardashians um and it was a longer form thing oh yeah maybe that's it

this thing about bruce Jenner uh january 30th 2015 no no that's not it hold on was it on tumblr no i didn't put it on tumblr uh yeah there it is right isn't that it yeah i think Paris Hilton's younger brother Conrad not the power bottom baron was behaving like a lunatic on a flight and had to be restrained the hiltons are like a nightmare there's a reason the Kardashians are the first family of this country they have it all they don't go nuts on planes they get dewy's like normal people they have one a biracial couple two a person in transition from a man to a woman uh three models four a world-class athlete four a five a fat person but never more than one at one time Chloe now Rob christianna is the original

momager a momager a bulldog who splits uh who spins kids into gold the Kardashians are the perfect new money empire they're connected to the worlds of hip hop sports reality tv in fashion the hiltons are fading wasps of yesteryear living off a fortune earn years before they could snort it the hiltons are the worst kind of white the Kardashians fit perfectly into the zeitgeist because they helped create it i raised my glass to them as you should and i mean it's perfect it's perfectly stated it would it would have been a shame if i answered the question because that i couldn't have said that and that's that's exactly oh you couldn't have i couldn't know well you know i i didn't really i didn't know we're gonna do 40 minutes on the Kardashians but your

fan base is gonna hate me for this no they might hate me for it but the reality is i think we got another hour in us of it i mean i could talk about them for yeah i think we got another two or three hours in us of this i love that that'll be great let me tell you right now one of the guests i'd love to see on jre why does he not have kim i was wondering why thanks for doing this mom fuck yeah mom you were like fucking it's weird because you're famous and you're very famous isn't fame weird mom because you know when you get famous people like i'm i don't like being famous and my friends don't like it either like elon musk they hate fame and it's weird but it's like this is you could only like when you're famous like you're famous you can only like

relate to other famous people it gets weird you you become like in this little cocoon of famous people and that's why i moved to arson because i can be around simple people like santa bullock and matthew mcconaughey that because they're simple they're farmers they're farmers and it's fucking weird are you vaccinated kim bret why is he just leering at her like oh tim dillon comedy dot com ladies and gentlemen we all love you and we appreciate you and we and we we appreciate the people that watch this show all the time we really do and i know that

joe rogan revealed why he would have kim Kardashian on his podcast oh good 2019 okay good well i'm glad the door is open but we do appreciate everybody who watches this show and uh i would like to extend an invite to any of the kardashians to come we can get rob yeah we want katelyn but nelcat katelyn you don't want katelyn yeah we do okay you don't want katelyn bars no you want katelyn but you know if you could have katelyn or i would rather kim of course of course yeah i'd rather the one who wasn't exiled from the family is she on is katelyn on the new season i have no idea i don't think so i think i think they should we turn it into a kardashians podcast and just talk about the

kardashians until we kill ourselves are you looking yeah i mean it's uh it wouldn't be unprofitable i love bet bet an hour and 40 minutes in has decided to work she's not katelyn jenner says it's unfortunate she's not involved in the card it's unfortunate it's sad she'd love to go on rogan katelyn's like tried to get on nine times well wait why why doesn't he ever i don't know yeah why doesn't he ever maybe he's just like what are we gonna do what well when she comes on you gotta treat her like a legitimate political candidate like what are you gonna do no come on she wouldn't she wouldn't look at herself that way right i mean come on yes she tried to run for governor yeah i mean did she really try like she knew that was she left

to do celebrity big brother it's not exactly commitment but it's not exactly what we need in this state we need somebody a little stronger will she keep running for governor you think no it's over it was just a fun thing she'll probably run over the next governor she might hit the next governor i think kim uh kim's the hope yeah kim might be the hope it's really looking that way yeah it i can't really think of anybody else as i just said they're the most powerful force in the world yeah well they've bridged the gap between mainstream and like independent success i think in a unique way where they're doing their own thing but they're accepted by all mainstream institutions at the same time so the there's it's really limitless

they're accepted by mainstream institutions yeah they are okay they're like the met like the met sure yeah like hulu disney i mean they're they're they're with disney now they're with yeah is there a Kardashian disney film one day where she's like a bunch of princesses with big asses who like help a homeless guy we met a guy named shorty and 13 years he struggled and then we gave him our energy drink we gotta come up with a fucking cool energy drink yeah that's what's really hurt the show logan paul has one now has a hard sell sir i need to come up with a toxic like brazilian coffee that gives people like botulism and kills them what if we just started selling tap water called tap we need to really get involved with like a very shady food and beverage

packaging company and just like start slinging shit and get the Kardashians involved they'll sling it they'll sling it they'll sling it i didn't have a colleague devin costa the always ungrateful and vassal i mean just useless in a way that's shocking stunning in a way that's surprising to me how out of it he is free ben how truly out of it he free him free him he can go back to the pet store he used to work at that's real freedom dealing with comics it would come in and talk about fucking a cat good night