The Tim Dillon Show - 305 - Summer In America

Episode Date: July 3, 2022

Tim talks about his favorite summer memories, the lifeguard shortage, tips for beating the heat, and the offensive "pro gay" corporations like Postmates and Burger King. Bonus episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: HELIX BED ▶▶ https://www.helixsleep.com/timd for 200 dollars off Mattress orders and two free pillows WATCHES ▶▶ for 20% off go to https://www.vincerocollective.com/timdillon 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off CRYPTO ▶▶ http://exodus.com/tim to start free. Over 4 million people trust Exodus to manage their crypto. Join the movement away from traditional finance by downloading Exodus. ONNIT ▶▶ Go to http://onnit.com/tim for 10% off EVERY MAN JACK ▶▶ https://www.everymanjack.com to get 20% off your first purchase use code DILLON 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD BIRD DOGS! ▶▶ https://www.birddogs.com/ use code TIMDILLON ATHLETIC GREENS ▶▶ https://athleticgreens.com/timdillon MASTERWORKS ▶▶ https://masterworks.art/tim SIMPLI SAFE ▶▶ https://simplisafe.com/timdillon to save 20% MUD\WTR ▶▶ https://mudwtr.com/tim use code TIM for $5 off STARTMAIL: start securing email privacy! ▶▶ https://startmail.com/timd for 50% off your first year! Watch SteveWillDoIt's Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC55JghDUfUatuLc1wp4uGoA ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4woSp8ITBoYDmjkukhEhxg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds  ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. They're coming for the vapes. They're coming for the nicotine. They're coming for the cigarettes. I have been clean, sober, dry. From the cigarette for 17 days. My last cigarette was on Monday, May 6. I had a bronchial event that was not COVID. It was a sickness, which has been a blessing in disguise. It has kept me from the temptation of smoking again. And are you proud of me? You don't say much. No, no, I am. I'm proud of

you. Yeah. Yeah, I've told you if Mike I'm proud of you. Tell me on Mike. Tell me publicly in front of other people. Thank you, stranger. We've never met clapping in the gas digital studio again here for a few weeks. While we get things going. We have of course, I'll be back in the Los Angeles studio relatively soon. We'll be back there. Tell everybody a little bit about this, because they are trying to get rid of cigarettes. This is a big push now and it's coordinated. They're getting rid

of the jewel. Well, they're getting it. So yesterday it targets the kids. Isn't that what they're saying? Yeah, they're getting rid of the jewel because it's marketed to kids. Who Oreos marketed to you know, they're taking every means that you have to relax. They're there. You're heading into the worst economic climate that there's been in 10 plus years, maybe more. And they're taking every little bit of peace from you. Including your jewel. So why are they you know more about jewels

than me? Yeah, so jewel is a it's a Nick salt and I see salt say that word on the show. Well, that's what it is because we'll get thrown right off. If you keep that up. Well, it so it they were the FDA removed jewel from the stores immediately. It reviewed why it reviewed the company's pre-market tobacco product applications in terms some of jewels lab studies findings had insufficient and conflicting data, including regarding genotoxicity and potentially harmful chemicals

leaching from the company's proprietary e liquid pods that have not been adequately addressed. And since 2018, they've been they've sued them. I believe a South Carolina sued them and won a bunch of money because they've been targeting children. Really, this is just a push to kids with the flavors. Yeah, so they had cool cucumber cream brulee. There was a mango there. Jewel is a thing where somebody blows it. And you think you're

having a stroke because you smell like blueberries. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what I always thought somebody would blow. It's like the caterpillar, the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland where they'd be like, who are you? And then just a plume of smoke would fill a subway car and you'd be like, am I is this it? And then you go, Oh, somebody's jewelry, and it'll be like pumpkin pie, jewel flavor. So they're getting rid of that. They're also getting rid of nicotine in cigarettes. Well,

what's the point? Now, Joe Biden is trying to get rid of nicotine. By the way, I have called this, we've called it before. It's over. They're going to when you travel outside of America, cigarettes in places like the UK and Australia are all packaged with this very alarmist packaging where you will see babies born dead low birth weight, you'll see scarred lungs on the package on the actual Bobby just pull up a UK cigarette package to show people or an Australian cigarette package,

they really want you to think twice before buying cigarettes cigarettes also in Australia, $50. Yeah. And in the UK, there are a lot of money too. But in Canada, in the UK, and in Australia, the packaging of the cigarettes themselves is disturbing. Like when you buy it, you look at it and they show like somebody just had a stroke. Yeah. Take a look at those. These are this is how they package cigarettes outside of America. And the cost of cigarettes outside of America is

prohibitively high. I do believe we're heading for some type of ban, or another big spike in cost of cigarettes. Is that unfounded? Is my belief unfounded? No, by May 2020 2023, it looks like they're going to restrict they're going to put a cap on how much nicotine can be in a cigarette. Well, I used to smoke Marlboro lights, which is not a lot of nicotine, right? Right? Yeah, if you're smoking Marlboro lights,

you're okay. But they're not they're capping that at what? They don't know yet. They don't they're gonna bring it way down to the to the point where it's really not addictive. Oh, that's the goal. So to the point where you're no longer addicted to a cigarette, right? You don't get hooked. But then there's going to be the hard stuff that you can get on the streets, the black market, dark web cigarettes. Wow. Well, it's better to not smoke, but it is very cool to smoke, especially when you're

young, and very sexy. And if you are a teenager, and you're listening to this show, there's nothing better than smoking a cigarette. Truly, if you can enjoy that, if you don't have asthma or something, to be 17 and smoking is beautiful. That's what life should be. When you're in college, you're 19. If you're not smoking a bot, you're a fucking idiot. So Tim Dylan tells you that when you were young in your late teens and early 20s, it's the time to be a casual smoker. And then just

stop. It's not hard. Pick it up for when you should have it. There's a photo of you in France with a cigarette when you're 21. Beautiful. Then cut it out. It's not a big deal. Stop getting so attached to all these things. Move on. But I don't know. You know, I'm always for freedom. But I do understand that I am for freedom. But I also like the idea of poor people not being able to do things they want. So I'm in that rock in a hard place, whereas I want people to be free. But the idea of

cigarettes being restricted to only luxurious people is also nice. You know, so getting them out of the hands of these bums and putting them in the hands of rich people seems good. I don't know. There's a lifeguard shortage. And this really concerns me. And I wanted to talk about this because so many of my formative years in on earth were spent as a lifeguard. I was a lifeguard at a beach club in Long Island, whose name I will not mention. But it was great. It was great for me. It

was great for all of the people. I was a smoker as a lifeguard. I was not in the best physical shape. But I was a pool lifeguard, which did not require a ton of physical conditioning. The ocean requires more physical conditioning. There was a lot of running you run to the surf, you jump in and you pull someone out. Whereas the pool lifeguard, you could kind of just fall out of your chair into the pool. You scoop up one of these little bums. And you say, What the fuck's wrong with you? We'd

scream at them. I never saved anyone. But I imagine had I would have yelled immediately at them, like, What are you doing? Because their parents would I've seen saves. And when the kid would get out of the water, the mother would grab him and shake him and screaming, Oh, what are you doing in front of everybody? And then the kid would be like terrified of water and permanently scarred. But it's also, you know, it is embarrassing for everyone to see you drowned. It's a public

thing, right? A beach club. If many of you don't know what it is, it's a pool with a bunch of cabanas around it. Everybody knows everybody. Everybody sees what's happening. So if you're you know, we had one half save where we kind of just dragged the kid out and then the mother came up to us and they're like, she was like, he can swim. This is humiliating. Now he feels bad coming back to the pool. And it's like, All right, well, next time we'll just let

him go blue, you know, we'll let him die. But it is embarrassing when in Australia, when we thought we were going to drown, the idea of being saved was so mortifying to me, I'd rather kind of die, especially because all I did was shit on Australia and say how lazy they all were. Then for them to have to drag my fat ass out of the water, it would be humiliating. So I'd rather die. I wanted to just die. But we survived and we were fine. But my whole thing as a lifeguard, it was it was a good

experience for me and I've talked about it. Many times it's a great job for young person. It's a great job. Whether you are in shape and you really want to help people, which is never what I wanted to do. But it's also a great job for people that enjoy sitting, abusing power. They like rules. They like a structure. They like as Jordan Peterson would say, Hi, hierarchy. They like to enforce arbitrary rules that don't really make anyone safe. But they have power, you get a whistle, and you get power.

And you could close the pool and open the pool and yell at people and ban people and give them time out, no running on the deck. And at night, people would give you food and you could eat it like people would you know, I like the 11 a seven shift, you didn't have to get up early. And at night, they would give you food, you could kind of eat it in the chair and there were less people in the pool. And I didn't really pay that much attention. We used to get high all the time, because sometimes it would be

rainy and no one would go to the beach club. And we'd bake out the lifeguard shed get very high, like out of our minds high. And then the sun would come out and then we'd be like, fuck. So then we'd be then there'd be 80 people in the pool, and we're on a lifeguard chair terrified with glasses on so high, baked out of our minds in a chair, completely unaware of what's happening. Just seeing splash. So fucked up. We're just seeing splashing and like looking at each other and going like, and

just hoping to God, nothing happened. Because we were so fucked up. I was high so many times in that life culture. One time we did. So it was supposedly Mrs. safe. I to this day don't remember seeing anyone drown. Supposedly some kids mother jumped in a safe in which is a better system anyway, strong families. But the owner of the beach club came out and me and my friend, Jefferson and we were like really high. And we had our glasses on thank God. And he goes, I can never hear what

I just heard. And I'm like, What did you hear? He's like, I heard that you two missed a save. There was a kid flailing around here and he's going under and his mother had to drag him out. I'm like, Oh, I think he was fine. And so that was the one time but I've never saved anyone. Thank God, nobody ever drowned. I was fired from that job. I wasn't asked back. They did not like my work ethic or whatever there were complaints about. There was like multiple complaints about me. But

lifeguarding is a good job. It's a good job. And you don't have to be like this ripped the Donis who's like really hot. And I mean, that's a great version of a lifeguard to my mother was a fat lifeguard, like there's many fat lifeguards who come from like the, you know, more of like the public pool space where they are just kind of miserable, angry people that like to blow the whistle and scream. Many of them were elderly. We had old lifeguards. One of them was named Dottie and they would go

and blow the whistle and scream. No running. So there is that part of the job too. Like there is that part of the job. You don't have to be big. It's not Baywatch. You can work at a shitty underfunded rec center. Okay, but that they may drown. So you want to go to like a nice suburban spot where everybody has private swimming lessons and they're all kind of good. That way, you know, they're not drowning left and right. I mean, the idea of it just to me, they moved me to the ocean. I

worked on the ocean for a few weeks because one of the ocean guards was out. And they put me on the ocean. And I mean, when I say I had no idea what was going on, I would just stare at the ocean and I'm like, I don't know how many people were in the water. And it was like four people in a water. When I looked back, if there were two, I was like, I hope they got out. I had no idea what happened. I think lifeguarding is kind of, you know, whatever. Unless you're really focused, it's kind

of like, you know, it's luck in the draw. And then the one time I got fired was because I did I got everyone sandwiches for lunch. And there was a, so this is a true story. Somebody had had they, they dragged someone out of the water and they were doing CPR on them. And they were, they were fine. At that point, they'd gotten up, they'd cough the water out, they were still breathing. I had gotten everyone's sandwiches. I had picked them up. And then I brought them back. And I started

handing out sandwiches to people while this guy was laying on the beach. Fine. Just getting his breathing back. And later, they it said that I looked ridiculous. And it looked it was completely unprofessional. And we had a lifeguard stand next to the town. Like we were a private beach club. But then there was a town of Atlantic Beach, which actually had like standards. And they're supposedly quote unquote, their lifeguards were quote horrified. That I had handed out a lunch for the guys

not dead. He's on the fucking. What do you want me to do? But all in all, not a bad. Not a bad gig. Tell us about the shortage. Oh, yeah. So what's going on with the shortage? Well, they're trying to they're trying to get people to go all over the local news. They can make up to $24 an hour. You can make good money. I don't think that's that bad, right? 24 an hour for I think it's great. So employees from what I watched on these local news channels, they don't want to

take risks due to COVID. What? So like mouth to mouth, there's close contacts, stuff like that. So they're like grossed out by the idea of having to like, put their hands on somebody and save them because then they think they might get COVID-19. They might get COVID. That's that's what they're saying is what they said on the news. This is the party line. Bobby, I have a thing if you want to pull it up. Yeah, I don't believe this at all. And then also, you know, oh, yeah, this is it

right here. Here comes tits. Good morning, guys, you know, staffing shortage. This is an issue across the board. And we're seeing it at restaurants and retail stores. But here at the beach, it's a serious situation because of course, it's a matter of life and death. Now here in Huntington Beach, this is where the state holds annual training sessions every year. And we're seeing what happening this morning. Just take a look behind me. Unfortunately, not

enough people coming out to recruit to train. Here you can see these guys, they're getting ready for it. This training session is going to happen later today. But some of them walking out to those blue tents, they're getting ready for the training for today. You know, the weather is getting warmer, people are flocking to the beach. But unfortunately, not enough people signing up to be a lifeguard. Recruitment this year, according to agencies, drew in our alarmingly low

numbers, typically about 300 people show up to try out but only 100. Why do we even just pause this for a while? Do we even? Why do we even have it? And like, why do we even care? Let them drown. Why is this the one area where we pretend to care about whether people survive at your own risk? I mean, what is this? We're I don't understand like, why we even have lifeguards like what this does. If it's a public beach, get to a good point. If it's a public beach, I think you have

to swim at your own risk. Sorry. I mean, I don't even know why we why are we trying to prevent the deaths of people who are unable to afford a membership to some type of private beach, a private beach club. Public beach, let them do whatever they want there. Let them deliver babies on the beach. You know, no, I mean, obviously, I'm kidding. But you know, the thing is, if people, you know, the job of lifeguard, you know, used to be cool. When it was associated with things like Baywatch, and

people are like, I want to be a lifeguard, so I'll get a lot of chicks. And I think that's still what people think of when they think of lifeguards is, you know, here's what's happened, though, over the last few years, any position of power because of COVID has become like cool people don't want to do it anymore. Like you see all these health directors that came out and they were like, no tennis and they were all look like goblins. And they told you you weren't allowed to go to a park

and you couldn't skateboard and you weren't allowed on a hiking trail. And like, this whole public health apparatus that we didn't even know existed, these like bullshit essentially kind of no show jobs where these freaks would sit around and try to prevent, I don't know, forest fires or something else. We see how well that does. Whatever these people get paid to do, you know, I think maybe like lifeguard, maybe kind of unfairly, or in some cases fairly, maybe it doesn't look cool anymore, because

it feels like you're like a cop. Maybe a lifeguard feels like you're a beach fed. I don't know. Because I'm wondering why people wouldn't want to be a lifeguard. Well, the other reason they cited I don't know if this is the boomer just saying what he thinks on the news, but they said, because you're not allowed to be on social media or your phone, people don't want to do those jobs, if you can't just kind of scroll throughout the day, like any retail job, you

kind of have your phone very interesting point, you're prevented from scrolling of your your feed, right, your IG, or your TikTok, and you have to actually do something. That's maybe the actual answer that it's actually a job that you actually have to do, or people will die and you could I guess get sued. I don't know. I never thought about that. But that might be potentially the actual reason because most jobs right now are such bullshit jobs that people can spend the entirety of

the job essentially doing nothing. You know, finger fucking people they like on the fucking Instagram or listening to this show. You don't really have to do much but a lifeguard you might actually have to save somebody's life. It's a heavy job if you approach it that way. But I would advise pool, not beach, pool guard, beach club, country club, maybe get an old person every now and then that goes down. But there's not much you can do for that. You just get him out of the pool and lay him on the

deck and call for help. It's a great gig for a young person that wants to, you know, make a little bit of money. And it's unfortunate and even for an older person that wants to be a lifeguard. That's the thing if you're complaining that you don't have any money in this country, go be a lifeguard in and and guard the psychopaths in Huntington Beach, who are the most right wing part of California, they're always protesting. They're always protesting. They've got like

hand to someone's on a float at the parade. It's wild down there going guard them. If you try to save them, they'll be like, get off me faggot and punch you in the face. So yeah, I can understand why Huntington Beach might have a shortage because they're psychotic. They're absolutely psychotic down there. The fuck wants to save them. They're a little wacky. I mean, but I don't know. I mean, I don't think it's the I don't think it's the worst idea to be a lifeguard. Did you have a

summer job when you were young? Yeah, just worked on a ranch. So I would Oh, shut up on some stuff. Fucking work on like Yellowstone worked on a ranch. Like rope and ride. But it's a guy's ranch. So I would get on a 360 turn. Oh, your life is so dumb. So pointless. Work on a ranch. So pointless. God. But it's not that it's not that bad. Now they're also saying the temperatures are going to be so

hot that maybe it's easier to just die. It's going to be over 100 degrees everywhere. You have like it like in the south and stuff. Well, it's going to be hot. It's going to be hot in the old antebellum south. And they're they're saying that might be easier for people instead of going out to a beach or local pool to just die in their house. It might be easier for them. And we're always trying to I think it's really about what's easy for people. And it just may be easier to just die in the

sweltering heat. It's the type of heat where if the air conditioning goes, it's over, right? If like that Texas energy grid crashes, it's over grandma's done. It's so hot. There was a guy in Death Valley the other day in California, his which by the way, don't drive through that, you idiot. His car breaks down. Guess what happens to him dead? Probably didn't make it long. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's rough out there. So now how hot is it going to be? What are we talking?

So right here we got. So for the next seven days, highs will be 15 to 25 degrees above normal and California will see triple digits on thermometers from Fresno and all over the place. So you're looking at it says 65 million Americans will expect highs above 100 degrees this week. So pretty much half the country for the most it's the summer. Get into it. You know, get into it like I don't I don't love the whining. Get into the summer. You have an opportunity right now to fucking enjoy the

weather. There's so much things that are available now that you couldn't you couldn't do them in a colder climate. There's a lot of things that you can do as an American right now that you couldn't do in a colder climate. For example, after eating at famous Dave's barbecue, have a coronary or what you think is a coronary event in your car, but ends up just being indigestion. And you were sweating. It's brought on by the heat. And you might have a nice lunch at famous Dave's get into your car.

While you're adjusting yourself in your seat, you shake something loose, you start feeling a pulsating, throbbing pain in your chest. And you think to yourself, fuck, I'm done, but it's actually indigestion. And you start pouring sweat because of the heat. These are the summer experiences that Americans are going to have. There'll be fireworks for the fourth of July. There'll be kids running around without shoes on bikes trying to potentially rob you. It's the summer. This

is a fun part of the, you know, year where people are just hot, angry. The cost of everything is up. There's going to be fights in the street. You're going to see people getting real drunk. You know, it's fun in the summer, those street festivals where everyone lives in a shithole. And they go, let's close each side of the shithole off and get drunk right here. Let's sit out. Let's walk out on our shit street that we live because we don't have any money to go anywhere else. And let's

pretend and let's have all the kids out and they're all fighting with pool noodles and in a few years, it'll be guns and just get them everybody boozed up and put the fucking beers in the koozies and get fucked up on your street, which sucks. And you and it fucks up traffic. So all the drug dealers got to circle back and go around and it's annoying. But that's what's fun. You have little festivals in the summer. You have little things where you let you go, let's be festive. We'll hate each other

and we all don't have any money. But what we have right now is we can, they will legally allow us to block off each side of our street so that we can get drunk in the middle of our street. And we can set up a few tables with hot dogs. And that will be our summer festival. It's like, have you ever been to one of these? I've been to more than I want to admit. Yeah. And sometimes there's a parade too, right? Sometimes there's a parade local marching band. Yeah, bring out the local marching band and the

Lions Club. There's like an old people walking. There's their walking. It's Independence Day. It's ancient order of hibernians. It's the fucking Knights of Malta, whatever it is. It's you got every old group. There's five veterans. They all fucking lit babies on fire in Vietnam. And they're marching and everyone's like, thank you for your service. They all did the My Lai massacre. And they're all walking around. And then we just cordoned off our street so that everybody can eat

grizzled burgers and drink booze and listen to the sound of gunshots. It's the summer in America. It's a beautiful place. And a beautiful time. You should enjoy it. If you're rich, you get to do many other things. But if you are not, this is what your summer looks like in America. It looks like a street festival where your white child is dressed like a gang banger. And you are telling the neighbor that he's doing quote much better. That is summer in America. If you don't have a lot

of money, you will not be in the south of France. You will not be on Nantucket. Maybe you are at a nice little street festival in a suburb of Tampa, talking about your daughter who has three children now. She's 24 years old. And she's just had her third child. And you're telling the neighbors how cute they are. But they can hear there's a hint of worry in your voice summer in the USA. That's what it is. And there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong in your big fat daughter waddles out with

her three mistakes. And she's got a tattoo on her big rib eye size steak size foot. And she comes out and she cracks open a beer and she goes there burger. She has a Long Island accent because you guys move there. And you go Oh, I thought moved her down to Tampa would calm her the fuck down. But she spit out three kids, you know, she's a cashier at a gas station. There's nothing wrong with that. Absolutely nothing wrong. But she's stealing. And there's something wrong with that because you

know that that job's not gonna last forever. But she's getting along with her brother better now probably because you're both cooking meth together in the backyard. Have some potato salad. We got it at the store. It's summer in America. You're to enjoy it. There's no school. So that means the kids have to shoot each other somewhere else. And it won't make the news. Isn't that nice? It's summer in America. Let your children run around there being chased through the town by pedophiles

summer in America. Put them in a recreation program where some weird 45 year old single freak wants to watch them run around and you're very nervous summer in America. Enjoy it. It's fun. There's nothing wrong with it. Send the kids to camp. They can come back trans. Nothing wrong with that depends on which camp they go to send them to a you know, in the woods camp, they come back talking about the shapes of skulls and Jews. Send them to a theater arts camp. They come back with blue hair telling

you you don't even own the house you live in. You colonizing pig. You got it. But get them away from you. You deserve it. It's summer. It's summer. My greatest summer memories all involved drugs and trying to do cocaine before it melted because cocaine will melt. And if you can get it in your nose before it melts, it can be a lovely evening. Nothing better than doing cocaine on a nice summer night. Truly. I'm not kidding. It's really good. If you are young, and you were

listening to this show, there's nothing better for you to do with your life than snort cocaine and smoke cigarettes in the summer. And why? And then stop when you have to just stop it. Just say, okay, now no more. Now no more. But do it and enjoy it. But then go, no, no, no, now I'm done. Summer in America is one of those things where it's far too short, but it's very intense. And it's it's I love it. It's hot and disgusting. I used to hang out with people used to sit in the projects. I would do

coke, me and my friend, and we'd sit there and he was a little chubby kid meet me and him just two little fat chubby kids in the projects sitting there on a dirty bed with no fucking sheet and then a some woman who would be there and she'd be like cutting lines, and we'd be sitting there and we'd all just sniff the lines and then we'd smoke cigarettes and be like 1am in the summer and we'd all ash them in an ash tray that had like already like 80 or 90 cigarettes in it. And we'd just

sit there and we'd look and then one of us would sit like a big roach and point and go, oh, look at that. And the big roach would walk around and then like in another room, a baby would be like, and she'd be she'd go comfort the baby or maybe sometimes not. And it was just that's awesome. You know, just the heat and the summer. And so that's really part of what I think makes summer special is it's, it's the time where you could find out what kind of person you want to be. Because

when you're in school and stuff like that, there's so many pressures, summers about you, it's about getting out there and figuring out who you want to be like what kind of person do you want to be? You know, like, you know, that's really what summer is, you can go out and you can experiment with things and figure out like who you are. It's, you know, it's where you take a little trip, you go stay with your aunt in a different part of the world or different part of the country and you go like,

hey, is this for me? Do I want to be this? You know, is this the type of person I want to be? You know, like, that's what the summer is my parents never sent me to camp. They never sent me to camp. So I did drugs with the local children, because I didn't go to a camp. My father said campus for Jewish people, which meant campus for people that had money. My father didn't have any money. So I would just kind of spend my summers with my friends doing drugs in Long Island, and they were great

summers. And that's when I realized I really wanted to be a drug addict. I realized that when I was 13 or 14, I said, I want to be addicted to drugs. And I was for 10 years, till I was 25. I said, I want to be a drug addicted, moral coward that has absolutely no sense of self. I want to spend the majority of my life shoving things in my nose to try to feel good. And I want to make a mess of myself financially and physically, and really walk myself to the brink of death over and over and over

and over again, until finally I came back from that ledge. But again, that was my journey. It's not everybody's journey. Some people figure out they go, I like rowing. So it's not everyone's journey. But I'll tell you, I'm glad I had it. So if you're young, and you're listening to this show, maybe for the first 10 years of your life, be a drug addict, who steals from your family. Why? And then just stop and go, Okay, I'm done with that. Right. Now I'm done. Just good. Just go

out Mulligan. It's the summer in America. I have great summer memory. What do you give us one summer memory? Because I've just gone through so many but just give us is there one thing that sticks out in your head as a summer memory that that you go like, you know, I remember this summer memory. I remember sitting in the woods in my backyard with an ice cream cone and sharing it with my dog. So my dog would lick it and then I would lick it. And it was just a hot summer day.

That's disgusting. Every day he gets closer and closer to being permanently removed. Every day he's closer and closer to being permanently removed from this show. I cannot imagine. It's like, it's crazy, just the behavior every day with you. Is this so working fireplace Bobby? The Great Bobby Hutchers with know it used to be a working fireplace but not anymore fair enough. Let's talk about this pride. What's going on here

with the pride. If you heard this, they're saying about foods that you can eat and it's getting strange. Because they're all trying to be allies these companies, you know, like the good companies of the world. And you know, I'm not one of these anti corporate lunatics, you know, I, I, I think it's every now and then the corporations can do good things, right? The fudgy the whale and so on and so forth. There's things I like. Now, but they're these corporations, it's a it's gay

overload as a gay person. I'm telling you, it's too much. It's too much now. Whereas every corporation is offensively gay. And it's to a point where like, people are like, I don't know, it's it fetishizes gay people and it does treat them like human beings. That's my issue with it. You don't have nobody's treated with any dignity. It's just this crass marketing scheme. Tell us a little bit about what they what they've done here at Uber eats. Oh, yeah. Well, the postmates commercial postmates.

I'm sorry. Well, there's a lot of them that are they're all owned by the same company, right? That's true. And they're also these people are just stepping on rakes everywhere they go like Burger King at the two equal bonds. Right. So Burger King's doing top and bottom. Yeah, it's so crazy. I mean, it is offensive, but because there's why it's offensive. They're saying that some people are tops and some people are bottoms and you could walk around like, Hey, I'm

having a burger with two tops. Or should be here's why it's offensive. What if you're in a blood play? Some people can't even come. Ain't only they need blood play, which means that you cut someone and lick their blood or squirt their blood in your mouth or your eyes. If you're a bug chaser and you can only come thinking you could get AIDS, you want AIDS. Where is the meal for you? There's some people that can only get off being pissed on some people like shit. Where is their men? Do

they have a menu for people that like shit play? Yes. Hey, Bobby, can you I just emailed it to you. There's bottom pride postmates commercial. If you could play it. Yeah, that's bottom pride, which is I guess if you eat a lot of yogurt, here's what I found. You can get fucked in the ass after eating really anything. It doesn't really matter. It's just an asshole. It doesn't really matter. Stop trying to make it so nice for the other person. Um, here is

this about what you should eat before you get fucked in the ass. What are you eating this pride? Anything. If you're a top, it seems like you can eat whatever you want. But if you're a bottom, you're expected to starve. Not this pride. Introducing the bottom friendly menu from Postmates. What's on that? We teamed up with Dr. Evan Goldstein from bespoke surgical to bring you a menu

of bottom friendly foods back by science. Insoluble fiber won't help you feel cute. So avoid things like whole grains, wheat bran, cauliflower, potatoes, legumes. Hold up. Are you just fully diving into those beans? The problem with these foods is they don't dissolve in water, which could cause a traffic jam in your digestive system. Here's the deal. You can get fucked in the ass after eating potatoes. Right. I mean, I don't understand a problem. I mean, usually, I mean, there's only

real problems with that when like you eat something crazy. You know, but I think for the money, you don't have to just eat yogurt the whole day. You could just go on about your life and then just get fucked in the ass. And the worst thing that happens is I guess you would just shit on someone's dick, which is not a nice thing to do. But if you do it, I mean, what I mean, what's the problem? But my concern about all this here is it reduces gay people to number one, it's all sex. It's there's

nothing about it. You know, you wouldn't do this to any other group of people. You know, right? Would you do this on Black History Month and have like a anti diabetes diet? And go, Hey, let's hold it down with the soul food this month. Don't you want to be around next Black History Month? How about some salads? Why would you would you do that? You couldn't do it wouldn't be right, wouldn't be right. So I just think this is strange. And I also think like if you're gonna have what about trans non

binary and why not every gender should have some type of menu? You know, what about the menu for a fucking, you know, fucking sapiosexual demi plebes that like to be dominated? What about that? What about the BDSM menu? What kind of food should I eat before I'm choked on the stairs? Is there an is there a type of panini I should eat before I cut off your oxygen and watch you squirm like a fish? Because that's the only way I can come I

can't come unless you're fighting for air, like someone that's collapsed in the rubble of the Twin Towers. What is the appropriate hot dog to eat before that? Anything? But these companies, here's what I'm saying, these companies are Bobby order us a pizza. Is anyone getting fucked in the ass tonight? Did they have a problem with pizza? Bobby, I'll pay for it. Just order us a regular pizza. And are you staying to you're gonna be here? Do you eat food or you some kind of

freak? Okay. Well, you don't know it's New York people have vegan problems and shit. Bobby, get us. Is there a place here you order from? Yeah, there's a place down in black. That's really good. Yeah, get us. Because there's four of us get us get us a pizza and also get us like a maybe a calzone. Absolutely. Yeah, get us a plain pizza. Unless you guys want anything on it, but a plain cheese pizza and and a calzone and some wings. They have wings. Thank you, Bobby. And we'll

edit that out. We'll edit the pizza ordering out. Oh, well, no, I had that funny bit about where I said is anyone getting fucked in the ass. Keep it all in. It's filler. But I'll tell you this, folks. I just I just think it's a little crass. What's going on right now is a little crass. Like they have to show heart stopper on Netflix, which is about these two gay guys, which is great. But you know, one of the kids again, he does the same thing, right? This young adult actor does the same thing

is like, hey, because I know you people want queer representation be authentic, which by the way, I don't give a shit about. I don't care who you fuck. I think you're an actor. Actors, you can play anything. It doesn't bother me straight people playing gay people. None of it bothers me, right? But he goes, I know people want queer representation to be authentic. But you shouldn't have to tell a stranger your sexuality. I refuse to. And it's like, well, the kids clearly just straight. It's just a straight

actor, right? Playing a gay role, which is fine. But I mean, like, it's what it is. Clearly, what it is, he's like, I won't tell my sexuality to a stranger. By the way, when I was growing up, the entire crux of being a gay person was to tell your sexuality to a stranger. The point is more and more gay people made people go, Oh, there's tons of gay people. This isn't like a small subset of people. They're small relative to the population. But like, Oh, we know gay people. They're not crazy

freak monsters and all that shit. So the idea that like, it's funny now that it's completely reversed, where someone can just go, I'm not telling my sexuality to a stranger. I would never how dare you ask me to reveal my sexuality. It's like, it's such a bad and he's applauded for that. People on Twitter like, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, Well, what's so wrong about admitting your sexuality? I mean, that's the whole thing, right? Or it used to be used to be living an honest life was

commendable and respectable. That was what used to be value. But now it's just become, you know, everything again, has become like a marketing scheme. So the response is always like, Well, I know they want queer representation to be authentic, but I you shouldn't have to tell a stranger your sexuality. It's like, what? What? Just say you're straight. And then they'll throw fit. Let them throw fit fight that battle. God, I'm straight. I'm sorry. I want to fuck women. But I'm comfortable

enough with myself to make out with this dude on Netflix for money, which anyone should do because the economy is grumbling. He is a so just say that fight that battle go. I am straight. But I'll tell you this. If you know, I was given the chance to become famous by hooking up with a guy and doing a gay show. I have no problem playing gay. Actors used to not like to play gay. But now it's fine. So that's progressive. But don't lie and be like, I'll never review. I'm not going to reveal my

sexuality. And then the other time he said like, something about it, he's like, Well, I guess a press knows more about my sexuality than I do. It's like, what do you talk? You're an adult, you know who you want to fuck already. See, stop this nonsense. Maybe it's a little bit of a journey, but you have an inkling, you have an inkling about who you want to fuck. You know, whatever. I have no beef with the person. I'm not even going to say their name. It's just again, it's not the only

person doing it. There's like 10 actors now that are playing gay that are clearly not gay, and clearly are in this weird trap of not being able to come out as straight, which is hilarious, because the lunatics on Twitter will be like, they should have hired a gay actor. Well, this guy is a very attractive guy. And maybe they didn't want maybe they didn't have his look in gay. He walked in and he was the better actor, he should get the job. You know, so to me, but it's just funny

to me. And it is kind of hilarious to like, these some of these guys are trapped. They have these queer gay, whatever fan bases. And they're like, terrified. They're terrified of like coming out of straight and going like, Hey, I'm an ally. I love gay culture. I'm in a show making out with dude. I clearly have no problem. But I like pussy. Sorry. I like pussy. And then that would be okay. But but if that happened, they'd be like, See, you see. So this poor dude, you can see it in his

face too. He's like trapped. He's gonna have to fuck a guy, even though he doesn't want to. Like that's maybe I think what he's gonna have to do. He's gonna have to like let a guy blow up and just close his eyes and be like pansexual or whatever. Like, because I get it, the checks are the checks. You know, we love Steve will do it from milk. He is a good man. And he's a good man because he's from Florida. And you would think someone like Steve would be dead dead on the street.

Because he got famous by drinking bottles of Jack Daniel and like, they put him in a fish tank of booze and he drink it all. And he never died. And that must mean that he's a saint, or the second coming of Jesus Christ. If Jesus came back, wouldn't he be in an online prank duo that recently launched a hard seltzer? That's what I think. There's something magical about Steve will do it mystical, if you will. You know, he's a very interesting guy. He's, he's, you know, able to do perform these

great feats, right? Like a drink a bottle of Jack Daniels at once or something that Jesus would do if he was back, right? I mean, it's not just a party trick. I mean, the things that this guy has done, I mean, doctors will tell you he should be out stone cold on the floor dead. But he's not. He's launching products and helping people giving poor people crypto and houses. He's out there on the streets, helping kids with cancer learn how to gamble. Steve will do it will do it. That's the

greatest thing about him. He's part of the group milk, but he's also his own thing. He's the breakout star. There's been a few other people in that group. Where are they now? They live on the street, these people. But Steve will do it has really made the most of his whole thing there. You know, and good and we're just happy that he helps us here at the show. I think he gave me Bitcoin to do this. And I mean, it dropped like 20 grand as soon as he gave it to me. He knew it was coming. But you know that

we but I appreciate that because he timed the market. He gets in. He gets it. Steve will do it. What's his YouTube channel? So go to Steve will do it on YouTube. He has two channels Steve will do it. And then Steve will do it to where he gambles. He plays online casinos and slots and roulette. It's a great country if you let it be. Steve will do it. Go check this guy out. We love him and you'll love him too. And if you've got cancer, he just may give you some Ethereum. We have a live

podcast August 8th in West Hampton Beach in Long Island. It will feature myself, Benjamin and Ray Kump out in the Hamptons. You should come see it. It's going to be a lot of fun. You know, there's going to be a guest on it. Jerry Seinfeld. Oh, wow. Jerry Seinfeld. Now if here's I'm going to tell you right now, if he cancels last minute and doesn't show up, that's not my fault. Yes, true. But as of right now, Jerry Seinfeld and Alec Baldwin are going to be guests on the show.

And if they cancel, they cancel. It's what it is. And that'll be Sunday, August 7th. That's right. Spend that money. Get that ticket at the West Hampton Beach performing at the West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center. West Hampton, shittiest Hampton, other than Hampton Bays. Right. That's true. So come on out. We're doing a live two hour podcast all about Long Island. And it's going to be interesting. And it'll be enjoyable. Ben, do you have anything to plug? No, just my

Twitter. Well, you're also you want to tell them you also you tried to start your own merch line. I called the police. Ben tried to start his own merch line. Right? You want to show them the photo? Yeah, I'll show them the photo. Show them the photo of what you tried to do. Now you tried to do this and I caught you immediately and I contacted the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and they've opened an investigation into you. And I hope the result of that investigation is that you serve

time. What? What is that? No, there it is. There it is. Now, of course, this is a joke. This is something that your wife's mom made for you. My mother-in-law. She right. That's that's what I said. Yeah, it's just mother-in-law is easier. Okay. And she made that for you. Yes, very sweet. She put my logo on something. Did she ask me for permission? Well, it's technically a little different. You can tell she like stenciled it. Oh, is it? Well, we'll see how different it is. Because she

took my name, right? Your name is on it. Yeah, she took my name. And she put it on something without my permission. That's correct. Yeah, is that correct? That's correct. Okay, well, we'll deal with that. We'll be dealing with it legally. Okay. And let's just say, we're gonna be dealing with it legally. Okay, this is the type of thing that we have to be nipped in the butt immediately. Are you suing me? Are you suing my wife's family?

Broad brush. Everybody's gonna get something. Everybody's gonna get it because otherwise, if I'm taking advantage of like this consistently, and I don't step in and say no, it will never end. And I worry, I worry about what this can be. Disgusting. Good luck.