The Tim Dillon Show - 307 - Andrew Schulz

Episode Date: July 17, 2022

Tim Dillon has on Andrew Schulz to discuss One China, taking risks, Andrew running for president, why Tim should stop worrying about an economic collapse, if Ben Shapiro made Game of Thrones, Trump dunking on Elon, why you shouldn't place faith in institutions, being happy for other's success, and how politicians create fake narratives the public buys into. Andrew's special can be bought here: https://theandrewschulz.com/ Bonus episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: HELIX BED ▶▶ https://www.helixsleep.com/timd for 200 dollars off Mattress orders and two free pillows WATCHES ▶▶ for 20% off go to https://www.vincerocollective.com/timdillon 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off CRYPTO ▶▶ http://exodus.com/tim to start free. Over 4 million people trust Exodus to manage their crypto. Join the movement away from traditional finance by downloading Exodus. ONNIT ▶▶ Go to http://onnit.com/tim for 10% off EVERY MAN JACK ▶▶ https://www.everymanjack.com to get 20% off your first purchase use code DILLON 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD BIRD DOGS! ▶▶ https://www.birddogs.com/ use code TIMDILLON ATHLETIC GREENS ▶▶ https://athleticgreens.com/timdillon MASTERWORKS ▶▶ https://masterworks.art/tim SIMPLI SAFE ▶▶ https://simplisafe.com/timdillon to save 20% MUD\WTR ▶▶ https://mudwtr.com/tim use code TIM for $5 off STARTMAIL: start securing email privacy! ▶▶ https://startmail.com/timd for 50% off your first year! Watch SteveWillDoIt's Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC55JghDUfUatuLc1wp4uGoA ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4woSp8ITBoYDmjkukhEhxg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds  ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Andrew Schultz is with us. What's up everybody? You had a special that you sold to 4chan. They then, they then said it was- I almost cut you off and I was like, do we have to talk about right away? And I was like, no, I think there's something here. Yeah, because 4chan said this is too much for us.

They did. They said for our platform, it's too much and now you have to, no, I don't want to talk about it right away, but I do want to say good for you for buying it back. And doing it independently. Thank you. See, I cut down, I gave mine to Netflix for $35.

Listen, listen, you're gonna get your money's worth. I owe too much in mortgages to play games. That's what I'm saying before this is like, you're so smart with fucking real estate, you like understand this game. I don't know about that. You're gonna be humble, but you do understand it. A little, I understand it more than I used to,

because I foreclosed on, I fucked so much up that I'm a little better now. I think that's the confidence. That's right, yeah. I have this fear that if something goes wrong, I'm like, they just take everything. I don't understand what foreclosure is, but you've went through the darkest part

and you're like, oh, you just get to be a celebrity after? It's actually fun. It's actually fun. It doesn't really matter. Nothing matters, so you might as well buy it all. New York is like a non-recourse state, so they can't even go after the money you have in your bank account.

They can just go after the house. So they can just take the house. You put everything in somebody's name for a couple of years, you declare bankruptcy, you wipe it out. It's fun. It's not a big deal. Going broke is actually kind of fun. It's liberating.

It's liberating. What a white perspective. Going broke is a liberating and spiritual experience. It's my new seminar that I'm running. But you take chances all over the place. If it's on me, I feel more comfortable taking the chance. You'll do it. Because I can control it a little bit more.

Yes. You know what I mean? Absolutely. I can work on the stand-up. I can work on the podcast. I can make them funny. I can make them interesting. I can actually change that.

I can't do anything to fucking AT&T. I can't do anything to a Bitcoin. I can't do anything to these other assets. I admire people who just do the research and know it's gonna happen. You were saying the interest rate's gonna go like this. I don't know anything about that, but I can make more content.

The game is, I don't either, but it's pretend. See, pretend when you were a kid, remember, you would play pretend with people and you would make up that, you know, you guys were doing something, you know, whoever's whatever you are, that's all this economy is. We actually never grow out of that. We never grow out of like playing pretend.

People just get better at it and then they get to live in Palm Beach or Manhattan or wherever and people just really good at playing pretend. So I'm trying to play real when I should be trying to play pretend. Yes, you just hold forth on something. Like just for breakfast, you sit in there and you're doing a shakshuka or whatever

and you pierce the egg with the knife and you eat it and then you go, the interest rates and don't even have anything planned after that. After that third word, after rates, don't even have anything planned, just go, the interest rate and you'll find it, you'll find it. And they don't know either. Yes.

Because they're listening to you for information. They have no idea. If you're loud, if you're loud and kind of passionate. You should do a podcast like that. Yes, I know. That would be like a brilliant business plan that would probably be incredibly successful when people around the world will listen to it regularly.

It would be amazing. Yeah. It would be amazing. Like I would love that. If there was a guy who did a podcast where he pretended to know about a lot of things, like a little bit about a lot of things and he was healthy and smoked weed.

Does he need to be healthy? Yeah, because it helps. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think that's a great blueprint. Oh, you think I'm talking about Joe? I'm talking about you. You're not talking about Joe?

Are you not talking about Joe? But that's the brilliance of his show. Is that he does know a lot. Yeah. But what he doesn't know, he just kind of rolls with it. Ah. You know? And that's why you, that's what you gotta do.

Just gotta roll with it. This special, did you know they were going to fuck you a little? No. Yeah. But originally, listen, I thought it was, there was gonna be maybe issues. Yeah. But I showed them everything.

So it was like, you know what you're getting in bed with. Right. And then, I think it was the trans shit with Chappelle that scared the fuck out of them. Terrified people. And they said, this is too much. Yeah, they're like, we just want you to cut these different things.

And I was just like, I'm not gonna do it. No. And I also like, I'd never done standup for a network. Right. So I'd never went through the notes process. Right. I'd always just done YouTube and Instagram and shit. So like, I felt weird and I was like,

I'm not about to water it down now that I have this big, beautiful thing. No, you've built this thing on your own. Exactly. And now, yeah, you're past the notes phase. Exactly. For sure. And I felt that way.

And obviously they're thinking, okay, he's not big enough to take the risk. Which is fine, you have to make that assessment. That's cool. I'm not even offended by that. Like, you don't love standup. Like, I love standup. You love building a business.

That's cool. That's great. I love this shit. If it was a fucking movie or something and you wrote it all and you want to edit my line, edit it. I don't give a fuck. For sure.

I don't care about acting. It's more personal to us. To them, it's a transaction. Exactly. So I understand why they feel this way about it and why they want to protect the brand. Sure. And I'm sure they on some level understand

why I feel so strongly about it. Yeah. Because this is my whole fucking identity, my whole career. This is that you put years into this. Yeah, people know me from standup. Right. They found my podcast after.

Right, for sure. So it's like, yeah, it was very hard for me to just be like willy-nilly about it. To let the control go away. Exactly. I'm not going to ask what streamer it is. I just know that it's not Netflix because Netflix is so desperate right now.

They would take anything. They asked me to recut my special where I say the N-word. Really? And because they just want attention. You cut the joke about the N-word? They said, no, they said, can you just start screaming the N-word?

But what was that thing you were working out when the guy was giving you the parking ticket? Like I saw you were working out that joke and then you were like just, you said it was a joke and you were just screaming the N-word at him but you were like, it's a bit. No, I think, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

You put in the ticket on the Bentley. It was a bit where I said, how dare you N-word give me a ticket? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What that is, is I like to workshop it's in life because I find that the stage a lot of times is incredibly limiting. It's not honest sometimes.

Yeah, no, it's good to have a, I think, confidence in your fan base and in yourself that you've kind of always done, you've always done your own thing. You don't care. I mean, that's the gamble, right? That's the gamble. The gamble is two things.

We know so many people that are unhappy because for whatever reason, you know, they feel like they're at a job. Yeah, and like you also make that choice. Like security is nice. Like people will sacrifice for security like every single fucking day. So I get why they make that decision

but, and they don't want to do this because I think a lot of people just don't want to know how much they're worth. I think that's the scariest thing about this to most people. And that's why people don't leave institutions. Like SNL is a cozy fucking job, right? But like, you don't really know if people fuck with you or if they fuck with the team.

The brand, right? Exactly. So like, I love everybody on the Knicks. And then if they get traded, fuck them. Right. And you don't know if people love you or if you're tradable. Yeah, finding out your own value and knowing, and I think Mike Lawrence comedian said about Los Angeles

it was a terrifying city for a lot of people in New York because they appraise your worth immediately. Ah, yeah, yeah. Because it's all like dollars and cents. It's not so much like, oh, you're talented or you're- People come here to be successful because that's what people value out here is success. Like what is hot.

That's right. And in New York people- This is what's good. Yo, we like, this sounds super fucking corny. We kind of like art. Yeah. And it's like, you like the kid who dresses cool or the music that is interesting and that has value.

Right. And like even the weird looking fashion model is cooler in New York for whatever reason. Then here. Exactly. Right. Now here it's just hot, hot, hot. So when you got hot here, shit changed for you.

When I was here before that, it was very dark. But it was fun, but it was like invisible. But when you saw the flip. Yeah. For me, I would resent motherfuckers. Like for me, it'd be hard because now I know we don't have the same values. Sure.

So it'd be like, okay, you like this because- Right. You know, when, yeah, I would be resentful. Yeah, I think that's an interesting thing. I think what it is more is accepting of the game. Because it's, I don't even blame those people. They're just existing in this- Singular focus, how do I make it?

It's just they're existing in this world that's all been decided for them. And they kind of, when I had nothing going on, they were like dismissive and then I had more going on and they were like, hey, what's up? I think that's just the way the town operates. That's the town. And you can't, at a certain point, you notice

you can't fight City Hall, but yeah, listen, it's never been, it doesn't- But then you can choose who you help. Yeah, that's true. And that's where the resentment plays. It's like, oh, and that person didn't respond to your messages when you just were saying, hey, I really thought your set was good.

Right. And now they're all up your ass. It's like, okay, I don't have to necessarily put my resources into helping build you because you might not have the same code as I have. Yeah, I mean, that's probably a lot of what I think people are scared of when they treat people like shit. It's that one day it turns on them, right?

So there's a lot of people that treat people poorly, which is never the right thing to do, but a lot of times it does turn, you know? And there's many instances of that in this business where like somebody does shoot up for whatever reason. But people were pretty nice to me. I don't think anyone was ever a dick. I think people were just kind of like,

they were in their own lane doing their own thing. I also think I'm not as emotional as other people. People get very emotional. Well, people get very emotional about how they're treated. Like people get very like, you know, they're easily offended or their feelings get hurt. Well, yeah, because they're probably insecure about something and they feel that way already

about themselves and then it gets validated. Right, I always was like, yeah, that person's busy. That person is doing something. Why should they know me? Like it was always back on me. And maybe that's a- Because you cold called people. Yeah, it's well, it's like-

You went through immense rejection. Yeah. And you start to realize, oh yeah, that person is picking up their kids from school. That's not why they're home at third time. It's because to me, I was always like, if you internalize every brush off. Oh, it's brutal.

It's brutal. It's brutal. But at the same time, we're human, bro. Well, we are human. You know, we're gonna internalize some things. Yeah, it's hard to not personalize it. It's also like- But I would sometimes, and then I catch myself,

I'd be like, just what, who cares? Yeah. And then you try to move on. Well, profits let people convert, Tim. Yeah, that's true. That's very good. Who's said that? Muhammad, probably.

Muhammad. I don't know if he said that, I'll be honest with you. But you gotta let the people who hate it on you come around because they don't know no better, right? It's like, they're just trying to survive and now you're the version of survival. Is Michelle Wolf a Muslim now a full Muslim? Full, full.

Is she? Full, full, full. So interesting. Yeah. But you've seen it, the long dresses and the head coverings. Please tell me you're joking. No, I'm not.

I'm just asking you. I did not know this. Michelle's a brilliant joke writer. Yeah. I believe she might be full Muslim. And that's great. I love it. I love that culture.

I love quiet women and men who smoke and are gay kind of a little. Yes, but also- I was just asking if you heard that. I know I'm proud. I'm proud of her. I, I'm, there's like an email that goes around when they get one over.

And I didn't get that notification. I could be wrong. Yeah. I might be wrong, but there are photos. Is there a better person to not talk as much out loud? She has a voice. If she was, yeah. The ideas are good.

If she was in Riyadh, it would be. Shish, shish, shish. Yeah. Walk around. Right. Keep walking. Yeah. I didn't know, but it's interesting.

It's the thing about comics, we all know each other is comics. And then we forget we're people. And then when people do things that people do, which is like convert to religion or whatever, you're surprised. Yeah, but a voice is a choice. Perhaps a little, you know,

like you can choose to lean in or lean out. And it's, it's a choice. Like I lived in Spain. I didn't speak with an English accent. I spoke with a Spanish accent. Because I made an effort. That's true. To care about the people around me.

You love Italy. You just got back with your wife. You love these areas. I mean, I can't, I mean, we can't do 30 minutes on Michelle. Whoa, this is more pressing. She's gotten in two years. Yes.

The thing is, the thing is, I'm just curious. I'm curious. I like Islam. I like what. Me too. You love Italy with the wife.

Inshallah. Yeah. Inshallah. Inshallah. And in it. Eid Mubarak, Michelle. Eid Mubarak. I hope you had an amazing Eid.

I hope you had some great gifts. Me too. This is great. Yeah. In Italy, how is the pizza? Is it, is it, is it random that like a girl with that voice dated the guy whose name is most deaf? Well, I think he's the reason for the conversion.

Most deaf. There we go. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. You have to be all deaf to deal with that. Yeah. Most isn't.

Most doesn't work, so to be all. Okay. We're gonna need a cease and desist. Yeah. Italy, pizza. Why, like, it's so amazing. I question Italians that moved here. I know.

Yeah. Have you spent time? Never. I wanna go. Tim, I should go. I know it's the mecca. I'm like the food. It's everything's beautiful.

No, no, it's, it's what you like. I know, it's everything's lovely. You, you appreciate people who have figured out things. That's right. Especially life. That's right. And who've spent years. Trying to figure it out.

Figuring out and warping a culture. That's right. Like wasp culture. Yes. Is beautiful. Yes. You go to the fucking, what is it, Polo Bar over on like 57th Street, whatever it is.

Everything's worked out. That's right. And we know we're putting on costumes. That's right. We're in fucking Venice, but it works and it's great and it's comfortable and we love it. Right. And Italy has done that with every aspect of life.

Yeah. I'm excited, man. Like I wanna go and I know that. I wanna take you. Yeah. I'm being honest with you. I would like to be taken. And I will take you.

Yeah, please. I'm gonna. I would love to, I will. You wanna be taken, bro? I will submit myself to your financial whims to take me to Italy. Yeah. You, you're the guy with the homes.

I wanna go, I wanna go badly. I mean this sincerely. Yeah. I think you would fucking love it. And I think they're like, they're little pockets for everything that you could enjoy. Like if you want some like, like I was, I don't love fucking Capri.

There's a place Capri, right? Right. And it's beautiful. It's awesome. But it's like, it's a little like, for me, it's a little bit too, I don't wanna say commercialized. Like, look how big my yacht is. Right.

What is that? What would you call that? It's a little Miami. It's a little Miami. It's a little bit too Miami. Yeah, for sure. But at the same time. It's a little LA too.

It's a little LA. But it's like, look at me, look what I can buy, look. The cool thing I liked about Amalfi is it wasn't that. Yes. Right? It's like, I will enjoy this life and I don't care. If you are noticing me. Yeah, it doesn't matter to me.

Yeah, if you notice. If you notice what I'm doing great, if not, we don't care. And like, it was cool to be at a hotel. That's real confidence. Exactly. That's real confidence. There's something cool about that.

Old money is cooler than new money. Why? Because there's a mystery to it. There's a mystery to a guy that drives a beat up car to a massive estate. There's a mystery to people. You know, because. The mystery is why do you have confidence?

And people don't have confidence. Right, it's why do you have confidence. And then why don't you care about what I think about you? Yes. Because that's the currency that runs the world. Yes. So how have you opted out? Yes.

How have you opted out of that? You're all ugly, real rich people are gross. They're inbred, they're very interesting look. They're like strange looking. None of them are hot. Hot people are state schools, right? State school, UCSB. Yeah, not even private, like some private,

but like a hot state school, a university, like a, you know, a hot state school, fucking basketball players, always gonna be better looking than a fucking Harvard coder. But that, you know, as Nick Mullin once brilliantly said, inbred, syphilitic, boy king, aesthetic of rich people,

of like kind of malnourished, weirdly put together, there's something so odd about it. And they do seem some of them like they are another species. Yeah, they might be. But they understand life a little bit. And they figured it out. And it's like, why all every one of these billionaires,

like if they actually get it, if they're not still trying to like get the acceptance, if they actually get life, they go to fucking Montana and they just look at mountains because there's something that taps into that, like, it's hard to not feel some humility when you're looking at a mountain.

That's right. It's hard to not feel some humility when you're watching a beautiful sunset on the side of a fucking, you know, bridge that was built 2000 years ago. When you're in Italy, you're places like that, what do you think they've figured out that Americans haven't?

They're a lot, they're an older society. They're a much different society. They understood, like boy fucking had a time. Sure. And then they got rid of boy fucking. Yes. This is some real shit. You wanna know some real shit?

For sure. We all, if we live long enough, become bigots. Even the most progressive version. That's right. So like Italy, Greek Roman Empire, early antiquity, everybody's boy fucking. Everybody has a little fucking apprentice. They fuck them.

That's right. Catholicism comes in and cuts it out. They go, hey, we gotta stop fucking animals, stop fucking boys. They got these fucking brothels that are in like Pompeii, that are preserved, where they got the menu up there. There's fucking animals. There's kids, there's whatever you fucking want.

Catholicism comes in and then goes, chill the fuck out, whatever. Now, fast forward 2000 years, Catholics are the boy fuckers. And it's like, I wonder if there's like historian priests that are like, do you know how many boys would be fucked if it wasn't for us? We cut this whole shit out,

Glee decided, let us do it. It got too far. Let us do it. Give us a little. Let us run. Let us run. Let us run it. It's like with the union spillage.

I sometimes I doubt religion, but beautifully explained it as- It needed to stop, right? It got too far, it was too free. But then also the Catholic church was like, let us just do it a little. Wouldn't you rather a little than a lot? What's better?

A little or a lot? A little. Two boys fucked or 2000? Which do you choose? Probably two. You know, if those are the choices. If those are the choices. And by the way, let me switch it.

What an honest election. What an honest election. You walk in there and they go, Biden, 100,000 children fucked. Let's go, Joe. And the next guy, 65,000 children fucked. And you gotta go, oh my God. Almost 65,000.

But then you have to look at your wife and go, but this guy's not raising the gas tax. She goes, but it's another 30,000 boys being fucked. And it's like. He goes, yeah, but you know how much the gas tax is? Yeah, but it is. It is interesting. I don't drive a boy.

Isn't that interesting that for whatever reason, that's like what's run. That's what's run. This is a society for so long. What is Catholicism? Boy fucking. Boy fucking. It's weird.

Did that like pedophilia has been, and you know what's the weirdest? Yeah. Is you weren't gay till you were 25? Well, I was gay earlier. You had the fucking balls. Oh, so you did boy fuck. No, no, no.

I was gay when I was younger, but I came out of closet at 25. I acted on it in my late teens, early 20s. Okay, so you got a little piece of like what, what everybody has wanted so bad for years. Well, for decades, for centuries. Well, no, I was of age. I was of age.

Oh, so when you were 18. Yeah, I was of age. I wasn't really. You could have had like a, like legal years. But I don't think that's what they want. I don't think it's boys fucking boy. It's the older people fucking the boy. You're probably right.

Yeah, it's that. And you're probably right. Yeah. It could have something to do with a power dynamic. Right. And not actual like enjoyment. No, it's definitely enjoyment, but I think it's like, it's like,

I think it's part of like the thing of like, well, we can do anything else. So we're a lot, we've been able to do everything else. We've had orgies, we've had hookers, we've had this, we've had that. What's next? So do you think human beings need a governor? And by governor, I mean the car version,

not like the political version. The thing that stops your car from going 300 miles per hour. It puts a bumper. Yes, we've never, we've never replaced religion with anything that has fulfilled people. One of the biggest problems I think with society now is that technology is clearly our new religion. Everybody believes it.

Money is a religion. Well, yeah, but technology now, everything's so plugged into the technology that money is becoming just part of technology. When you say technology, you mean like social currency, you mean like likes on an Instagram? Well, I mean like basically the entire

interdependent world that we've created where... What dictates our behavior? Does technology dictate it or does it acquire resources dictated? That's... Well, I think technology now is the way to acquire resources because you can't get a job without some type of profile.

You can't get a bank account, you can't get a whatever. So because we all have to buy into that system, it becomes like a religion. There's sacraments, there's things like that. And I don't think that religion is fulfilling to people. Because it says nothing about your soul. It says nothing about the afterlife, right? It says nothing about how you should treat other people.

It says nothing about these cosmic questions. It just says a lot about how to... Serve yourself. Yeah, practically get by and serve yourself. And that's why we have, people have made this point a million times, you know, whether you're on the far left or the far right, these are all just belief systems.

It's religion, it's a way to get through life. And to me, it's like, I think that like, you know, we need to figure out in our society, if we can stay human, if there's a value to it, or should we speed up just getting rid of this, skin suit? And then becoming... Doing the Elon thing. Yeah, I mean, because there's an inevitability to it,

not in our lifetime, but like, can we stay human beings? Or are we just gonna eventually go fuck it? Let's just take out all the imperfections and upload our consciousness and just become the sci-fi movie. Yeah, maybe that, maybe that happens. I don't know.

Yeah, I guess that maybe that happens. Or maybe we have another like, you know, middle ages and everything goes back to zero again. Well, so that could be happening. That could be happening. That's what I think has probably happened maybe like 20 times. We're maybe on the cusp of going right back to the dark ages.

I really believe that that has happened multiple times in human history. When you, what's interesting about you and what you seem to be really good at is trusting kind of your intuition in situations where you go, I'm gonna do this thing that other people aren't doing. And then other people in the beginning,

they all kind of go fuck that. And they kind of, and then they all adopt it eventually and kind of copy you. Yeah. And you don't get annoyed at that because it's the same way that I feel about people that were maybe shitty to me.

It's just like, this is what it is. I want you to succeed with it. Yeah, right. It's the human nature of like. Please succeed. Yeah. Like take everything I do is for everybody, take it. I am 100% okay with it.

I want people to do it. I think it's better for comedy. What's better for comedy is better for me. Like it is better that more people are good at comedy. And there's better more people do authentic versions of comedy because then it sets a standard of comedy that I think is better for the audience. I think now you're gonna see people

that are waking up. These institutions seem to possibly be waking up and going, you know what? We cannot just make shows for a small sliver of people. We've got to broaden our appeal. If this works. Yeah. And it's up to the people if it works.

But if it works. Yeah. There's no more notes on comedy. That's right. Yeah. Because if you have an actual fan base and community that people who actually support you, you could just do this and make more money

than you would make on Netflix. Amazon or Hulu, whoever you do it with. So my issue with the streamers is they used to be able to give you eyeballs. I did a Netflix special. I could get more eyeballs posting on Instagram and YouTube. I did it because boomers need a fucking, they need a logo.

Boomers organize the world with logos. They're like, oh, you on the Jimmy Kimmel show? You must be doing well. Kids don't give a fuck. Kids came up on YouTube. They look at YouTube, Instagram, TikTok. Kids are actually in the weird way. They're a little bit more artsy about it

because they've been creating content since they're kids too. They care about the creator. They're deeply skeptical of institutions because every single one has failed them, right? The government, the state, everybody, the church, they've seen all this shit lie to them over and over again. They also came up with the real.

So we didn't come up with the real. Meaning we saw, just shows sitcoms on NBC, ABC, whatever it was, that's all we knew. So we were like, that's content. Then we saw people make shit on YouTube and we were like, oh, you can say that? Like the different institutions had this, like Vice had a moment.

Remember when Vice was putting out these documentaries initially, not when they were bought out and they became the fucking watered down version where they are, but the initial Vice stuff, you were like, what the fuck is going on? Like are these people doing heroin? And why is this in like, I'm watching some guy in the Ukraine who's missing teeth.

Like you're talking to the Taliban, like what the fuck is happening? And it cut through everything. It was immediate, right? And that's kind of what YouTube did. And that's what it did for creatives on YouTube. And it's not just standup, it's literally everybody. Everybody.

So you're a product of this. Yes. You know what I mean? So it's like, once you hear this, you can't go back to, hey, this is Bob in the cactus in the morning and you can't do it. It's hard. It seems so fraudulent.

It seems fake. So I think what happens right now is like, back in the day, like Netflix could make you a star if you were funny, not everybody, but if you were funny, it could make you a star. Now they can't provide the eyeballs. People have lost confidence in the algorithm because everything they suggest is a 90%

because they make everything. That's right. YouTube don't make shit. So if it sucks, they don't suggest it. Right. If it's good, they suggest it, right? So right now we don't trust the Netflix algorithm. So they can't give you the people.

And if they can't pay you the money for the people not being there, you might as well do it on your own. Now, I don't know if this works. If it does fucking work and there's another option, please believe a network is not gonna tell you you have to cut a joke because they know you could go make money elsewhere.

Right. And they're gonna have to pay us more because they know what we can actually make. I'll know what I'm worth. Right. Sunday, I'll know what I'm worth as a comedian who's putting out a special. Right.

Very few comics know. No. They might know what they're worth like for woke points. The vast majority don't know. Yeah, for sure. I have a lot of conversations with people that are in a business and they're, you know, they're unable to fully be honest openly

about the way they feel, but they're also kind of like, you know, they look at people and they go, I'd love to work with whoever fill in the blank name, but I can't because my hands are tied. That does seem to be changing a little bit where they're now like, hey, you know, Netflix lost 80% of their stock price, right?

They've had to fire hundreds of people, maybe thousands of people. A lot of these streamers are cutting back. A lot of the things that we grew up watching have been rendered completely irrelevant now. You know, whether it's the Emmys or the Academy Awards, like people have lost confidence in the entire business, the entire fucking business,

which was one of the only businesses that America through and through dominated. No matter what, we had zero competition. We were the place. You got movies, music, TV, entertainment. And, you know, there were some other people that were doing their things in the UK and Britain, and that was great too.

And I'm sure there's other, you know, the Asian countries have their own thing. But America was it. Let's not pretend that we didn't dominate for years with that, you know? And now we've fallen off hard. What do you mean by that? I don't think we've fallen off.

I think it's just- Our movies suck. Our comedy movies are- Cop gun, unbelievable. One, that's one Marvel movie. We're talking about comedy. It's not Marvel. Whatever it is. You know what I'm saying?

It's the same kind of movie. When's the last good comedy you've seen in a movie theater? When's the last time you've went, oh my God, I have to bring all my friends to watch a comedy that you have seen in a movie theater? Let me think about that. You shouldn't have to. In 1997, you didn't have to.

I don't watch a lot of comedies in the theaters, to be honest with you. But I hear what you're saying. Well, there aren't many. I'll tell you, there's not many for you to watch. Well, you know why that is? That's because they don't think they work abroad. And right now, at that, the DVD sales-

It's also, dude, it's awesome. You need to have an abroad audience. It's also because they're terrified. Jokes have to be mean. Somebody's gotta be the butt of a joke. Okay, okay. This goes back to the same thing with me, where it's like, the fear is reduced

by the promise of success. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. So if they know that a movie's gonna make crazy money, it's worth taking the risk. These $5 million comedies that were amazed at the hangover, the first one, are absolutely fucking hilarious.

That's worth $5 million. That's not a thing. Look at the successive comics on platforms like YouTube and Patreon. Look at the successive, look at the Daily Wire. So the Daily Wire has made hundreds of millions of dollars in subscriptions. Yes.

And I'm not saying their movies are great, but I'm saying there is a hunger for something that isn't woke bullshit. And yet, the people still don't make it. They canceled Roseanne. And I'm not saying Roseanne was right to say what she said, but they canceled Roseanne after she had the biggest opening in like recent memory,

because it's not solely about the money. If it was, they would be making more content for people who voted for Donald Trump. The fact that they're not doing that, it really is ideological. It's not simply about the money. I think that there are definitely people in this country that are not being served content

that satisfies their beliefs. Right. And there are companies that are absolutely filling that gap. You know, everything that's coming out. Now the movie Fire Island is about gay guys that go to Fire Island to fuck and somehow can't have fun because everyone's racist. Can you imagine that's exactly what it's about?

It's about gay people who go to Fire Island to do molly and fuck. And it's not fun because everyone is a big, classist, racist. That's what things are. And that didn't do well? I don't know what it did. It's on who, nobody knows what anything does anymore.

But like, you know, these types of movies where it's like, we're going to teach you a lesson. That people are tired of that. That's, I think, one of the reasons that these companies are, people are going to fuck it. You watch Euphoria? Yeah, Euphoria's good. Absolutely phenomenal stuff.

Really great. Brilliant. Thoughtful. Really good. Gay is fuck. Not funny. Super gay. It's very gay.

Thoughtful. Yes. Successful. Yes. The world stops. Everybody watches it. It's very good. A lot of people do.

Yeah. It dominates the conversation. Yes. I actually, to be honest with you, HBO is... No, Disney's doing well too. HBO gets streaming. Disney also gets streaming. And I think that's the thing like,

Netflix just fundamentally don't understand. They don't understand what makes a streamer successful. Right. You know what I mean? It's very simple. You need laundry TV, so the shit that's just on in the background, and then you need a scripted show that people cannot wait to see what happens next week

and next season. That's it. For sure. My wife goes to sleep every single night to fucking Harry Potter. You need something. Some people, it's the office, but they got rid of the office.

They got rid of, let's say, the friends. That is your core. You can't get rid of that. What I'm just, what I'm looking forward to is like, I would like to see some more stuff out there that is not predominantly about... But why do you want this from institutions that aren't good at it?

Because they have, because they were good at it. Yeah, but you still have faith in these institutions. Because no one can do it on their own. You cannot make Game of Thrones on your own. Daily Wire did it on their own. Yeah, but I don't want it to be a right-wing lunatic either. Like, we don't want that either. You don't want Ben Shapiro to make Game of Thrones.

No, I don't want him to do it. You don't want him to do it. I don't want a hand. Come on. That's maybe a good point. But I don't want to hand the entertainment industry to just a political ideologue. What I'm trying to say is a right-wing establishment did it.

So a left-wing can do it. A middle-of-the-road can do it. It's possible for these things to come out. Insight Amy Schumer was funny because she had Kurt Metzger and Jesse Klein and all these people that would fight every day in the writer's room. And they'd have arguments and they'd trash, you know.

And that show, they had some really, really good sketches because they allowed that collision of ideas to happen. They had brilliant fucking writers on it. From what I hear, yeah, but they didn't agree. It's good. And now all of the shows, there's a link. But when they did agree that Kurt's sketch was right, it was funny.

Right. That's really that simple. When they all agreed that what Kurt said was funny, it was funny. Yeah, there seems to be a litmus test now for people to work in this business as writers. And that to me is... Because they haven't failed enough.

Eventually they're gonna fail. They're gonna lose enough money and then everything is gonna transition. Well, that's what we hope. We hope that that's happening. It's happening. You see it right now. You see the offers that are going on,

like the specials from different companies. They're not offering what they used to offer. No, it's gone down. It is significantly. Significantly. Okay, so eventually they're not even gonna be able to offer that. Right.

And they're putting all their shit on YouTube anyway. YouTube is, you cannot fuck with YouTube. That's right. YouTube is inevitable. YouTube will take out TikTok. TikTok is, days are numbered. Interesting. YouTube Shorts is gonna...

You make these very big projections. I'm never wrong. You were right about Netflix. It took years, but you were right about Austin. What did you say about Austin? Don't go. Why did you say that? I said don't go to Austin.

I was like, I'm not moving to Austin. Oh, I never heard you say that. What is it? The other one? The talking app or some shit? You were right about Clubhouse. I've mentioned that many times that you were right about Clubhouse.

But yeah, YouTube, you just can't... It's fine. Eventually they'll just get TikTok out of here. Instagram will probably, days are numbered. That's probably gone soon. But like YouTube Shorts, they just have all the data. You're talking about Google here. Like they actually understand how to make...

What is it? Software. Hardware, they don't know how to do. They're nerds. They don't know how to make glasses that are cool. I don't need to take fucking style tips from a nerd. But I need you to make sure my phone works. I need you to make sure that my life is easy

and they know how to do that shit. And if they don't know how to do it, they buy the one that's gonna do it. So YouTube knocks TikTok out of here. Interesting. Yeah. YouTube Shorts. What you watch on YouTube now?

What's the... No, no, for sure. What's the timeline on that? Three years. Interesting. Maybe less. I'm giving myself a long... Yeah, a runway there.

Yeah. Yeah, interesting. Yeah. You might be right. YouTube isn't, it's... Yeah. I mean, they're... Look at everybody that we know that's famous now.

They're on YouTube. There's not a single person that's new that's famous that is not on YouTube. Yeah. That's true. Like even the TikTokers are on YouTube. They have to be. Right?

YouTube is the new TV. It's the new TV. It's the new radio. Like this is radio. This is TV. This is everything. It's just how we consume. It's just right there.

It's curated perfectly for us. Like if they suggest you a video and you think you won't like it, who the fuck are you? Right. You don't know you. Right. Do you know what I mean?

Like they know you. Just trust it. Yes. I got recommended a video of yours a couple times, right? And I forget what it was. And it was like two or three times that happened. And I was like, yeah, there's something in this that I'm gonna really fucking love.

Yeah. And immediately. It was me complimenting you. It was just me saying you were right. So let's get it. This guy was just like, yeah, I didn't know what was this thing. And then it was like you going home.

Oh yeah, it was right. No, it was you just fucking being hilarious. Like you are, man. Yeah. And it's, I don't know, I just love it. I love the ability that this can, you know, provide for ourselves. I think the big transition for us,

obviously with standup is like, right now we're giving everything away for free on YouTube. We're gonna find a way to monetize these things because making a fucking special is expensive. You know, it costs hundreds of thousands. You know this. It costs hundreds of thousands of dollars

to make a great quality special. Right. You can't make that if you're gonna give it away for free. So how do you find a way to monetize it? Is this the way? Maybe. But there's gonna be ways where we can do it and then deliver it right to the people.

Here's my idea. If the people support it. There's laws in Oregon where people pay to end their life. End of life. What's it called? It's euthanasia. Assisted suicide euthanasia. I wanna do a special and I'm not even kidding,

in Oregon where we take a bunch of people that wanna die and put them in a theater whereas after my special is over, we kill them all. But not kid, they wanna die. If you did this in Portland. I'm dead serious. I would shoot every one of them. Yeah, yeah.

Like I would be executioner. Because they wanna die. And my whole thing is like, come to my special and then the state would pay me or whatever it's fine. Do you know how I have t-shirt guns at my shows? I don't. But I know that you do crazy shit. I will bring guns.

Are they dangerous t-shirt guns? If they're close enough. But I don't want t-shirts in it. Yeah, you want real things. If it was Portland, I would do it. I just want it to be peaceful for people because I do believe it's compassionate to let someone end their life.

I just wanna do it like, for that would be a way that I'd find an easy way out though. Like suffer. Suffer with the rest of us. That's the way you just tap the fuck out. It's a good point. But I also think there's so much going on out there now with the traffic and such that,

hey, get those ambulances off the road. We've got too much going on. As a people, there's just too much happening. You think? Yeah, I mean, there's just too much. I think that like society is gonna collapse in this very interesting way where everyone's talking about, you know, like we're really starting to see.

You're so funny. And I know you hate this. You're so successful. You have all these homes. I'm not that successful. People think you're amazing. They think you're funny. I mean, is that a lot of homes?

Doesn't everyone have three houses? Who do you know that doesn't have three houses? I'm not even kidding. I don't know one person that doesn't have three houses. This is what it itself literally. You're like, this many people love me? Society's falling apart. No, it's not.

Something is going wrong. It's not that. And it's all gonna come. You don't think there's, you're relentlessly positive. Doesn't that get exhausting? No. Doesn't it seem insane?

Yeah. It does seem crazy. When you drive through, listen, when you drive through all the homeless and the tents and the wildness, do you not think a little bit that there's issues a little? No.

Interesting. But that will seem to most people like, you're a full-on sociopath. Why do you think there are issues? Because there are people living like, fucking tent, there are people who have nothing. Yes. But the fact that there are people who have nothing.

You have three houses. Shut the fuck up about the tents. I have two. Put those people in the house. I have two. Hey, go to Sherman Oaks. Eight of you. Yeah.

Andiamo. My whole point, though. What do you mean? What are you talking about? Me having houses doesn't make everything else better. Put them in the house. I choose, why do I have to put them in the house? Because you're saying that it's an issue.

Well, but it is an issue. But you don't want to do anything about it. No, I don't want to. So why don't you just take the sociopath way, which is there is no issue. Because I pay a lot of taxes to have a dealt with. You think about the money you pay in taxes? Well, the money we pay in taxes

is so that those issues can be alleviated. Is that what it is? Well, why are we paying it? Because the government's a mafia. Well, all mafias at least took care of people. Did they? A little bit. Did they?

They worked times. How did they take care of them? Well, they provided certain protection for businesses. For illegal businesses. Yeah, if you're a flower shop, you just call the cops. If somebody got whacked, they would help the wife out a little bit, yeah? They did take care of people.

The way our government is constituted is a mafia that doesn't take care of anybody. Exactly, that's a problem. But you don't think that's a problem. And if you ruffle their family. This is the funniest shit about what's happening with Elon right now, like Elon, like.

I have no problem with your solution, which is just check out. Because I do that. Let me clarify. And I don't think there's a problem with it. It's not just check out. And obviously, if we're being facetious here, like I recognize there's fucking,

there's problems, et cetera, 100%. But in terms of like positivity, it's not like I'm like. And I'm not even clipping to be a good person. I'm not even a good person. No, I know, I know, I know. I'm just saying, get it out of my face. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, can we help the people, but also help me?

You want to help them so you don't have to deal with the guilt. I want, it's not even guilt, it's gross. Yeah, it smells. It's bad. Yeah. It's bad, let's figure it out. Yes. It's the back to the beginning of figuring it out.

Yeah. I'm not Mother Teresa, who also wasn't Mother Teresa. That's a whole nother thing and a whole nother point. She loved poverty, not the poor. Hitchens wrote a whole thing. It's true. She loved the poverty.

Anyway, the point is, I just, you know, do you think this thing goes on forever? You just said we're under verge of the dark age. No, what I think is, you just said we're going to talk. Life happens. It is what it is. How often we're going to say it is what it is and then not believe it.

Life happens. You get to create your story on top of that. Yes. That's true. I want to enjoy this little time I have here. I'm enjoying it. So I'm going to create a story that allows me to enjoy it the most.

The way I enjoy it is realizing how dead it is. Buddy. And how much it's decaying. Is your family not fucked up or anything? Like, don't you have enough? They're fucked up. Like, bad or not bad? I think it's bad enough.

You know? It's not bad enough if you're like worried about tents. Because if you had enough fucked up shit in your family, you wouldn't worry about the tents. You would be like, oh my God, my mind, my heart, my body is so concentrated on what's happening over here that I don't have enough for the tents. How am I going to worry about my family?

I have three houses. I have multiple businesses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you mentally ill? I'm going to worry about my family. What are you talking about? My family? Who's paying me to worry about my family?

I have a Blanche Aga sweatshirt, 3X. This is my favorite personality type. It's three times. We need to do something about society. Love what we do. But somebody, the government, those government people need to do something about society. Who's corrupt?

The government. No, no, no, no. They need to do something. It's a false choice. Because you seem like a psychopath. When you drive by the tents and you go, there's no problem here. No, I never said that.

That seems crazy. I never said that. You said that several minutes ago. I'm also a liar. Okay. But the point is this. I'm a psychopath. Tim, I'm a psychopath.

All I'm saying, no one is refuting that. Nobody is refuting that. And I'm not even saying like, we're very similar in the sense like we got to listen. We have to listen. Now you're like, I'm also a psychopath. No, no, no. This is why it works.

We have to be selfish to do our jobs. Because we have to spend years and years getting funny and it's hard. I have lots of empathy. I'm meaning this sincerely. It's fucked up. I also live in New York. I don't see the tent thing as much as you guys.

All I'm saying is that there's some weird cracks, like chinks in the armor. I don't need the tents. I don't know if I can say that. You can. Yeah. Shane. I'm just saying that things are a little,

I think it's beautiful. I don't see the tents. I go to St. Louis and I see East St. Louis. And I'm like overwhelmed because I know there's people who made it out of East St. Louis. And it's like, oh my God. It's amazing. It is, that accomplishment is.

Mind blowing. I grew up in East St. Louis, literally. Not even kidding. I grew up in East St. Louis. My family, I'm not even, I don't even talk about this on the show. You should. I was part of the gang in East St. Louis.

Yeah. And I was the only gay, openly gay guy in the gang and no one cared. Because why? It wasn't about that. Because I shot a woman in the head once that was gonna rat on us for selling drugs to her daughter because her daughter overdid.

I shot her in the head. After that, everyone respected me. And I made it out. Because they could see past all that other bullshit. Yes. I agree. We're agreeing. I'm just saying there's a lot of problems out there.

And we should just talk about them at dinner. But where? Like a prime or like a... I like the... I'm just saying, this is my shit is like... What do you want me to... What makes you feel better? Like does it make you feel better

to acknowledge the problems and do nothing about it? I just don't like... Is that your drug? No, no, no, no. What's your drug? It's not my drug. Tell me how do you deal with the bullshit of the world? I love information.

Do you fake care about knowing what's going on? Like I love the people who are like... No, I never fake care about you. Okay. I feel bad. The tense of your Ukraine. I felt bad that people were getting bombed. Yes.

But did you? Sure. How bad? I mean... Tense bad? Like give me a... Well, no, tense is right in my thing. Cause that's the thing.

Like if you were really honest about it, it's inconvenient to you. Like and that's the pure thing. It's ruining a very, very pretty city. And now you own pieces of that city. And it's a problem. And you don't want the tense there. And is that wrong?

There is no right or wrong, bro. That's the thing. It's like, I'm not saying that I'm going to bring like fentanyl addicts into my house. Yeah. I'm not saying I'm bringing mentally disturbed people into my house. What I'm saying is seeing them run around the streets

is not good. Yes. You know, a lot of people right now are bald and the way to fight baldness is to keep the hair that you already have on your head. So let me tell you right now, so many of my friends are using keeps. I don't need it cause I have hair, right?

Like I've... That's nice. Here's the thing about our good friend, Steve will do it. Steve will do it is a autistic, multi-millionaire who does great things for people. And there's many young people on the spectrum now that go, how am I going to get bitches, drive Lambos, drive Lambos, have $400,000 watches,

like all the things that make life good. And our friend Steve will do it has accomplished that. Has Steve ever read a book? Who knows? Can he read a book? Is it important? The reality is, did he graduate school? Did he go to school?

Doesn't matter. Does he know all or any of the presidents? Doesn't matter. He's got a rock on the wrist. He's knee deep in the hose. He has one girlfriend, but still the point is he could be if he wanted to be. So if you're an autistic person out there

and you don't know and the neurodivergent community, many of them are fans of the show. Yes. And if you're in the neurodivergent community and you want to work for a crypto gambling website and like live on a speed boat somewhere between Miami and the Bahamas and just use kids for cancer as a shield

while you dart from island to island making deals with tribal warlords, go and support Steve will do it on YouTube, please. Support Steve will do it on YouTube because he's a real character. He's a character, this guy. And he's done a lot for the neuro atypical community, the neurodivergent community

where he's a very brilliant man. And he's very interesting. I don't even know who that is. Is that a young photo of him eating his hand? Oh yeah, I love his avi on a- Well, show me that. I don't even know what that is. Here, hold on.

Look how happy he is just popping the champagne but that's a bear on his head. He's so happy God damn it. He's so happy. He's so happy. Don't you want to be that? Hey, listen, neurodivergent people. If you play your cards right, this is in your future.

He's having a great time. He's enjoying himself. He's like a legend. He's like the best thing that fucking, where does he live? Somewhere in Florida. In Florida, yeah. I don't know where.

But the point is, I think I know but I don't want to say it, you know. But he's the best thing that that swamp ever produced is this guy. He's part of that. Whatever happened to that other Nel guy? What does he do now? He's driving Lyft.

Steve will do it on YouTube. Is that what, there's nothing wrong with that. You know, it's a good job. You gotta put the thing up for the COVID, you know, the plastic. Go to stevewilldoit.com. I'll tell you right now, folks. It's really good because he's,

he's, wait, what? I promoted a website. We don't even know if it's real. What do you mean? You gotta go to stevewilldoit.com. No, I mean, Steve will do it on Instagram. I'm gonna see if it's real. It's on YouTube.

What are we being paid? It's not real. Look what it is. Oh my God. Who is this? That's not Steve. That's not our friend Steve. Who the fuck is this guy?

Oh no, man. We can talk to him on WhatsApp. I don't want to. Go back to the YouTube. This is scaring me. Looks like Michael Aquino. Looks like the Colonel. Oh yeah, he does.

Dude took Johnny. Steve, as a new video out, it says I helped Mexican families at Home Depot cops called. Can we watch that? What is he doing here? He's picking the families up and I think taking them to work. This is fucking heroic and patriotic.

How many changes he wear? He keeps getting us demonetized because of his music. Is that true? Yeah. Is that true? Yeah, sometimes. Well, can we just play it without the music? Yeah, without the music, without the music.

How does he get away? Oh, because they don't make any money. No, he's not monetized, yeah. Right. So here's an MMA fight that they went to. Okay. Okay. Sugar Sean, yeah, yeah, yeah, very good.

Here's the back of my, I love how much they love Florida. It's great. They're just handing money out like. Can you just, I want to hear what they're doing now. Yeah, I think it's going to be music though. They gave us so much money. Oh, here we go.

We're going to pop it in. Pop it in. Damn dude, we just gave about like 14,000. All right, so we're here at Home Depot. We're trying to change Mexicans' lives outside of Home Depot. But the thing is, everyone here is Honduras. Where's my money? Everywhere here.

Where is it? Can I have money? But we go inside Home Depot. He pays me like some like fake coin. Where are you, Mexican? Nope. No one here. Sir, are you Mexican?

Mexico. Do you live in Mexico? Yeah. Oh, you're Mexican? No, I'm not Mexican. Thanks for being Mexican. Thank you. You're welcome.

It's great. Are you Mexican? No. Sir, are you Mexican? No. Are you Mexican, sir? Mexican? Yeah, you kind of look like Dr. Strange.

I get that all the time. Yeah. I get it. That's insane. Hi. Are you Mexican? Why, what is that? I just want to know.

You won? No matter. I'm going to ask you to leave this store. Thank you. Are you Mexican? Because they're really mine. I'm going to ask you to leave this store. Home?

Yes, they've been already. Let's hope the police is Mexican. Miami PD? Yes, sir. Nice hearing, Honduras Miami PD. What's up, Dr. Strange? What's up, man? What are you guys up to?

We're just getting out some money. Oh my god. Wow. Thank you so much. That's awesome. Holy shit. All right, hold on. Hold on.

OK. Well, that's nice. They're giving money to Mexican people. See, this is what AOC should be doing. This is what she claims she cares about. And yet, is she in this video? Where's she? Hey, where's AOC in the video?

With our friends, Steve will do it. And the Nelk Collective. Go to Steve will do it on YouTube, please. Thank you. Goodbye. It's stunning to people when they see the way we've created a society where people running around and screaming and going crazy.

You know what's crazy about you is the economy is all fake. It's not real. Everything else to you is real. Once you apply the economy thing to everything. Yeah. That's it. I don't disagree with you. That's it.

I'm just saying. These people get upset about the president, and they're upset about everything. It's like, I'm not saying you're going to change. I'm not saying you get upset, but you can not. Find your joy. You can notice things. Say again?

You can notice things. That's all. Hey, hey, bro. You can notice things. Listen. You don't have to get bent out of shape. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Right?

You, you notice, bro. I notice. Hey, hey, I notice. You're an ally, bro. The way you notice, bro. If you are driving down the street and there's a guy in front of your car and he's taking a shape, you can go,

huh, interesting. That's all I'm doing. I'm just noticing it. And I'm going, I wonder what this means. And I wonder what this says about where we are at this time and what will then happen in the future. It's kind of academic. What can we notice?

Like, do we notice the Uyghurs? Let's notice them, dude. I love noticing. Did we notice the Uyghurs all the time? Let's notice them. I do. Could, would you be able to notice one at all? Like when you saw one, would you be able to notice it

and be like, that's a Uyghur? Well, where is the Uyghur? Exactly. I mean, is it a Uyghur? Like if you showed me a Uyghur in a camp, I might go, that's a Uyghur. If there was a Uyghur in like Waterburger, I don't know if I'd pick out a Uyghur in Waterburger.

Yeah. Where is the Uyghur? That's a fun game. Can you bring something up then? Can you get a Uyghur in a while though, but it's where is the Uyghur, where is the Uyghur? I, but, but I just, all I like to know is. Let's notice.

No, we're noticers, bro. But I like to notice. Isn't that our job? Let's notice. Yes. So let's notice. Let's get a Uyghur. Let's go.

Is that? Let's see here. Let's get a Uyghur up. Here we go. That's Michelle Wolfe. The Uyghurs look fine by the way. They look great. That looks handsome.

I'm telling you right now, I'm telling you right now, they actually look fine. I'm healthy, well-fed. But I'm also a fan of China. I believe in one China. Who are you? I believe Taiwan's fucked.

I don't want to hear about Taiwan. I believe in one China, and I believe they should take over America. But can we notice them? Can we notice? Yes, yes. Can we notice Taiwan? Can we notice Hong Kong?

As they're being bombed? Yes. I believe in one China. Yes. Taiwan does not exist. It's a part of China. It is, right? It is a part of China.

It is. Let's cut the shit. Let's cut it. Let's cut the shit, because to me, I believe in one China. Shout out to President Xi. And I have said, Rogan took a deal with Spotify.

I want to take a deal with China. It's the same company. Interesting. I want to be the first podcast on China's new streaming service called One China. And the episode, the first episode is me.

Yep. Commentating, watching Hong Kong get stormed. Interesting. One China. One China. Una. One. Una.

I want to be with the winners. Yes. What about the winners? Do you think they got it? You think they figured it out? Have you noticed anything about that? No, they figured a few things out. Which is?

They run a country like a corporation. Yes. And that's something. There's something. It's hard. Oh, we do too. We just believe that these presidents do something. No, no, no.

For sure. It's the most hilarious thing to think about. For sure. The course of America has decided in four year increments. No, it's crazy. It's crazy. But the fact that,

what Elon is going through right now is just so funny, because it's like, he thought he was bigger than the system. Yeah. Like, he really for a second was like, I think I could do whatever I want. Yeah.

And then they just had to remind him like, you know how your dad like fucks his daughter? Right. Like, we're just going to let people know that you're like, your dad fucks his daughter. I met him. And I met him.

I met him. And I met him and I'll tell you this. I thought he was interesting. He's clearly really bright. Yeah. Good noticing. You know, he's also a, he's a carnival barker.

He likes the fame. He likes the attention. Of course. That's what he wants. Of course. Did you see Trump's roast? Yeah. The guy's still got it.

He still has it. The guy's still got it. No question. Bring it. I mean, it is, he did it on his own fucking app. Yes. But it was so

True social. Fucking funny. Yeah. That I imagine him saying it. I'm actually sad I didn't get to hear him say it. Right. Because if he said that, like if he was just on one of like the fucking Fox News

or something like that. Yeah. Do you have the actual thing? Yeah, right here. Oh yeah. Great. When Elon Musk came to my, came to the White House,

asking me for help on all of his many subsidized projects. Whether it's electric cars that don't drive long enough, driverless cars that crash or rocket ships to nowhere. Without which subsidies he'd be worthless. And telling me how he was a big Trump fan

and a Republican, I could have said, quote, drop journeys and beg. And he would have done it. I mean, Trump is still the guy. Sharp. Sharp. Sharp.

You think he runs again? He wants to. I think he has to. Right. Put him in prison if he doesn't win. Do you think he'll win? Yeah. I don't think people know who DeSantis is.

I mean, that's insane. Like, I think the average American has no fucking clue who DeSantis is. And they're- Does it worry you at all? Do you think if Trump wins? Yeah. Democracy goes,

not that we have a democracy, but the fake democracy we have goes bye bye. No, if nothing happens, if he wins or he doesn't win, the only problem is like, people will be more agitated and upset. So they're just going to be annoyed. And he doesn't know how to lead.

He just knows how to win. Like he'll probably win. Does it worry you that he, he seems to be a guy that doesn't necessarily respect any of the electoral results that don't say he wins? Yeah. Like if he's a guy that just goes,

hey, listen, I won and that's it. And if he staffs all these positions with loyalists that say certify it and go, yeah, we're not certifying it unless he won, that worries me a bit. You actually think that it could turn into a dictatorship? Yes.

I think people want it. 82 or something like that. No, but he'd pass it down to whoever it was, to his Demetri Medvia. Maybe you, he might pass it down to you. No, no, no, no. I mean, you just got to be such an abject loser to want to be president.

Like what a fucking loser. But it seems kind of fun, no? No, no. The worst. If you had a route there, you're telling me you're not doing it? I'm not even close. I would never.

No one believes you. No one believes. Would never. No one believes you right now. I'll do it. No. I'll do it. I'll do it.

I'll clean up them fucking tents. Your wife does not clean up them fucking tents for you. No, I could, I could be winning. I'm cleaning up LA first. I could see you doing well. No, I'm not right. I honestly think you have to be an absolute loser to want to be president.

What do you think when I said Logan Paul could win? I think he could win. Yeah. I think he could. For sure. Yeah. I think those guys, those social media guys, at the end of their run.

They understand the game. And Logan's a smart guy. Smart guy. Smart guy. Brave, handsome. When he's at his age, in his 30s, when he's ready to run, he's going to have this database of all these people. He's going to be able to have that Trump effect where

he communicates directly with the voters. I think that could be, you know. I think you should run him. You're Jake Paul said I could be, I don't know, secretary of something. Fuck the secretary. You want to run him. Well, yeah, I want to help him win.

I've always said I would quit comedy to help Jake or Logan Paul. Run him. Run, to run the country. Explain what running someone is. Controlling their mind. Right? No, like what's the guy's name?

Stone, is that his name? Roger Stone. Roger Stone, like, you know, you understand the game more than these people. You understand what works. And I'm not talking about like how the fucking electoral college works. You don't think-

You understand how people's minds work. Me and you, if we had a candidate, you don't think we could get them far? I didn't say that I wouldn't run somebody. We could get them so far. I mean, Tim, if we're really smart, we run opposite candidates. Well, that's true.

But I mean like, we could really have an impact and run people. Tim, who says we won't do this one day? You know what I mean? I think it's a great idea. But I would only do it because my guy could be like, fuck the tents. And your guy could be like-

Everybody gets a tent. Oh, everyone has tents. Look under your chair. And what's great about that is that people will go along with it because they're both sound good. Like somebody in their car goes, well, no, everyone has a tent now.

It's actually good. So people would actually, it's interesting. What does your wife think about this business? Cause I know that she's, you keep it private and she's not really like, she's not, she doesn't want to be famous or anything. No. What is she-

She loves the food though. She loves going out to dinner. She loves, but she's also like, you know, she's, I would say more than a foodie. You know, she's like, you know, she, she cooks. She's also developing this platform that- Yes. Blistered red peppers or blistered-

It's actually a brilliant idea. Actually, it's just like- For sure. Like the idea that this one stop shop for like everything that you need for food. Not only just recipes, recommendations, but also like turning into like e-commerce. I like-

It's brilliant. Yeah, yeah. She's a sharp girl. She just got her MBA from NYU. Like she's on it. For sure. But like, what does she think about this? She doesn't want to be in a single fucking picture.

She doesn't want, she doesn't want like the internet scrutiny. She doesn't want, she understands that and sees what like I go through and other people do and she's just, you know, she's sensitive and she doesn't want that. It's- Which is fucking great.

It's a lot. No, forget it. It is fucking great. If you were married to someone that wanted to spot, you would have to get them to convert to Islam. Islam. Immediately. Immediately.

Immediately. Where do you wanna, when you leave New York. Yes. Do you ever think of buying a place eventually down the line outside of the country? Where would I do it? Yeah.

Cause I know you feel like a guy that's, you almost go, you go- Kabul. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Kabul, mom. There needs a comedy show, mom.

Well, there's a thing with Kabul. Okay. There's a lot of religious people here, mom. They wanna have a comedy club and I'm gonna bring, it's gonna be Kill Tony, mom. And then you all go on and then Andrew Schultz, mom is fucking a beast. He's a savage, mom.

And we'll call it the Kabul comedy connection, mom. I was fucking a crazy mom. No, where else would I go? Dude, I love Miami, dude. I mean, I was trying to get you to move to Miami. I wanna go. I like it. So here's the thing.

We do Miami, the dreamy- I have to start, if I bring up Sukiana and hit image. Oh yeah, yeah. If I move to Miami, here is how I would have to start dressing. And I want, I want Sukiana and hit image. This is how I dress if I'm in Miami, yes or yes. Right there.

Right here. Right there. That's, that is how I dress in Miami. Oh yeah. Or bring up Saucy Santana. Oh Saucy Santana. Saucy Santana. I'm gonna have to start dressing.

If I move to Miami, I'd have to start dressing like Saucy Santana. There you go, right there. Right there. You're gonna get that BBL. That's right. Now Miami's fire. Miami's great.

Love Miami. Couldn't write a joke there the entire time. Cause it's too fun. There's too much joy. There's nothing to push back on. Like there's no angst. There's no people yapping about dumb shit. It's just people trying to enjoy their family,

have fun, party, eat, drink. And that's a very hard thing to be, if you're upset at that, you're an asshole. If there's some chick with fucking purple armpit hair screaming about shit outside of a fucking AT&T building, it's fun for me to remove her anger from her. That is awesome. That's like fun mental warfare.

You can write jokes here. Here, yes. These people are ridiculous. Ridiculous. Ridiculous in a bad way. That's right. Ridiculous in a good way. Is Miami.

Is Miami? That's right. And the fact that like people criticize, dude, the fact that people criticize Florida, dude. Right. It's like everybody there is happy. They're happy. So it's like, well, they're happy,

but there's a point where they OD on it. So it's, we, God bless. God bless them. But for us, You want to help them in Portland, they're too pussy to do it themselves. For sure.

In Miami, they go in. But it's bad for us for our job. Why? To be over, to too happy. Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah, no, no. I like, so that was the hardest. And that's why I moved everybody back to New York.

It was like, I can't write jokes here. And I love this too much. So we have to go back. But the ideal situation is probably we do a winner. We do like eight months in Miami. Yeah. And then I love New York in the summer. I fucking.

It's amazing. I like everyone leaves the city. It's like, you're on. Yeah, it's amazing. That's what people don't get. Yeah. The city is the best in the fucking summer. Right.

There's an energy. It's like the people that don't have enough money to leave are there and those are kind of the cool people anyway. Right. And it's like, it's it's young. It's fucking exciting. And there's not as much traffic. Right.

It's just, I love. So I would, that would be a dream, man. Yeah. Why don't you hate the Hamptons? You hate it? No, I don't hate the Hamptons. This is like, you hate whites. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. No, like, I don't know. Don't you don't you want to like, when I was in. It's boring. No, when I was, it's the same thing as Capri. It's like, everybody kind of needs to fucking let's create Manhattan outside of Manhattan.

It's like, well, we leave Manhattan for it. Because it's a, it's a gray fucking brick. Hell that you need to leave. You need to leave it every now and then. Dude, it is. You need to leave it. You need to look at like, there's no sunset in Manhattan. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah. Like imagine growing up without seeing that. Leaving the city. And I love the city so much, but I'm from the island. So we always have those different perspectives. Yeah. Like you are like, Yanis. Yeah.

So you're city kids. Yes. I'm a suburbs kid. Yes. So it's like a different thing. I appreciate the city, but the city for me was always go, enjoy it and leave. But you like, I don't know, like, like you,

you would like Nantucket and shit, right? Like you like this like old white money. You're into that. Well, sure. So it's Dave Portnoy. Yes, he is. Dave is fucking, you should have Dave on here. Have you got it?

I don't care about what he. No, Dave is funny. I know, but I don't care. I only you, you're a friend of mine. I really don't like having guests. Yeah. Because I don't care what anyone has to say about anything. And you know what I mean?

And you're my friend. So I like arguing with you and stuff. But like, I have no, I have no need to. Oh, wow. Okay. That's good. And I bet the people probably prefer just you talking. Yeah. I just have no need to. Like I'd have to be like, so what a job they just,

when did you start bars? I have no, I can't do it. I can't even do it. Yeah. I can't even do it. Unless like I gave them all truth serum. Hey, yeah. I gave them like sodium pentothal and I went, all right,

I mean, let's go. Yeah. What are you really, you know? Yeah. But no, no, no, no. Now talk it for me. I get a kick out of, and this is why I like old rich people. Yeah. But you like old American rich.

There's another level to that. Yeah. I like old European rich too. I think you need to indulge in that a little. I would love to. Yeah. What I like about them is they are funny, a little eccentric. They're ridiculous people.

It's a secret, very small club. They don't really parade themselves around as much. They are kind of insulated and insular. And there it's interesting. Like, you know, I remember me and him were eating ice cream and Montauk once and my friend, my friend works for a guy that I think just last year made like a billion dollars.

And I laughed. I just looked at Ben and I said, there's something funny to me about last year earning a billion dollars. I just started laughing. I couldn't even explain it. There was just something. It's something innately funny.

So to me, these families that have been so rich for so long and they have all these weird feuds and in bread, in fighting, secrets and shit. And they shape the world, you know? Not all of it, not everything, but they shape a lot of it. Dude, it's actually hard to keep nepotism going. Yeah, it is.

No, I mean that for sure. Yeah, the kids are retards. That is the problem. The kids are retards. So like the Knicks, for example, James Dolan owns the Knicks. They're familiar with the Dolan family. For sure, cable.

The board of the directors for the Knicks, like five of them have the last name Dolan. Now the Knicks haven't won since the 70s. Now, are you telling me, James Dolan, that the best way to increase shareholder profits, the most effective people just happen to be in your family? There's nobody outside of your family that might be more qualified to make me fucking money.

Right, nobody. So the crazy, like that's the thing about mafia exists. It's so weird. Like mafia needs violence because nepotism creates idiots. If the mafia could just outsource talent, they wouldn't need to kill people. They find ways to legitimize the business

and then there's no issue. But because your son's an idiot, you need to murder the competition. Instead of finding ways to lobby politicians to make your business legal. So in a weird way, nepotism kills institutions. It does. It does.

But I guess it starves them of talent. Of talent, now the thing about mafia, which is nice is you get to raise your employees. The problem with bringing in talent is they eventually, they're sharks, so they look at you. That's right, that's right. So that's the tricky thing about it. But yeah, nepotism, I'm actually impressed

when a family can keep their shit together for centuries. Yeah. Like look at the Medici's in fucking Italy. They last 100 years. Crazy. Or I don't know, maybe it's a little longer than that. It's probably longer. But still, it's like nothing.

It's a blip. To me. The Kennedys are broke. Yeah, yeah. The Kennedys are broke. Not all of them, but some of them. The majority of the Kennedys are a name. Yeah.

They're no longer an institution. They couldn't keep it going. That fucking Joe Kennedy. They're not relevant. The Bushes are not relevant? Bushes still got bread. They got bread, but the Kennedys probably have just as much money.

They're just not relevant anymore in the way that they were, right? I mean, they were running the show for a little bit. Dude, that's Joe Kennedy. They were the servants of, you know. Like people, have you read about Joe? Yes. He orchestrated, he was like,

my son's gonna be president. And it wasn't even JFK. It was the other son. Yeah. And then something happened to the other son. Maybe it was killed in war or some shit like that. But like they crafted JFK's whole story about what happened.

The whole thing was orchestrated by this guy. Most of what you read about a lot of these politicians is a creation. It's a narrative that's invented. And that's one of the things that I find very interesting about those really wealthy families is that they can push a narrative. They have the institutional backing with media,

you know, with academia. And the way that these stories go out, they're repeated so many times, they're not true. Yeah. But they become true. They become true and people like them. So for me, like what we were going back to is like, are you gonna have the homeless guys in the house?

It's like, no, unless they're like hung and respectful. But for me, it was like, it was always like, I like the real reality of what's going on, even if it's disturbing, because that's where I can make some kind of fun of it. Yes. Like if I can confront it, then that's where I can make fun of it.

But it's not that I'm some type of altruist or I'm out there, giving people soup on the highway. But I do like, sometimes I think the reality like, the real story of the Bush family success is much more interesting. Talk to me. Than the story that's put out, right?

Give me the real story. The real story is that a Connecticut preppy bankers that descended from a preacher, who's, you know, if you trace the Bush family all the way back, their Samuel Bush, it was either Samuel or his father was a minister and he ministered very wealthy people in Connecticut. And he became friends with very wealthy people.

And the family just started doing the bidding of very, very wealthy people. And the press got Bush, became a senator and George H.W. Bush became, you know, the same ambassador to Trump, he was a CIA agent and all this stuff. Like there's this very interesting thing. And then, you know, they were presented to us

as kind of this like Texas free spirited, you know, they just love Connecticut. These are Connecticut boring wasps. They are, you know, Kenny Bunkport, Maine eating lobster salad. And it's just, they were able to invent this image of like, I'm a gun slinging free, you know. And that's very interesting to me.

Like being able to do that on a massive scale, when everyone knows you are from Connecticut and doesn't care, when everyone kind of knows the truth and it doesn't matter because you've laid the fiction on so thick, it's impressive. It's called Mandela Effect. Yes, Mandela Effect. Where it's like Baron Steenbeer,

Baron Steenbeer, whatever we just say ends up becoming the reality. That's right. We're choosing this fucking reality. That's right. So we might as well choose the best version. That's right. We've been here for a hundred years.

The people in the tents are having fun. They love it. That's a good point. They've chosen that ground. That's right. They're with their friends. They are with their friend. They have a great time.

Here's what I will say. Do you see them crying? They do seem to know each other. I don't see them crying. I've heard whaling. I've heard whaling, but whaling might be happy. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Where can these people buy? My website, theindustrial.com. And then, yeah, we're gonna, you can buy it. There'll be like a two week window where you can buy it. Everybody who buys it will get the special. We're gonna send you a link, et cetera. So you'll have it in perpetuity.

Are there, is there a live? Watch part of your season. Yeah, every, I want to watch it live with everybody nine PM Eastern standard time. I kind of want to like pay-per-view eyes stand up. And I think that's what, I think we should do that. I think everybody should go watch it. It's like a fight.

Everybody, there's a big time which we do. Or like it exists in the movie theater or exists online, whatever it is. But I think we should do that in the same way that movies have that. Like I want people to watch this, talk about it all at the same time. And yeah, I don't know.

I just, I don't know. I always feel future is fucking ownership, man. Not censorship. And it's just, I don't know. I feel like, I feel like if, I feel like if it's raw, if it's pure and authentic and most importantly, it's just funny. If people are like, yo, this is funnier

than the other things I'm seeing, then it wins. Simple. It'll win. People will buy it. Y'all more than cover your bet. As you always do. Thank you for coming on. Thank you, my brother.

If you want to go now, do you have the food for the homeless? We're going to go around and give them the food. Yeah, I got it. What'd you get for them? The Greek yogurt. Well, let's get the Greek yogurt for the homeless. Yeah, with the strawberries.

Well, you know, that's what I want. That's Andrew Schultz. Just look at it. AndrewSchultz.com. Full. AndrewSchultz.com. The Andrew Schultz. The Andrew Schultz.com.

The AndrewSchultz.com. And go and pre-order the special now. Go watch it live with him. Any closing thoughts? Nah, you're great. I fucking think it's awesome what you're doing. And thank you. And I just, I'm happy for your success

and it's always cool like when friends will send me shit from you. Oh, yeah. It's like, do you know this guy? No, no one does that. Do they do that? Your friends don't go, hey, do you know this guy? Well, no, everyone knows we know.

All my friends know I know you. They're not that stupid. They're not like in the industry. Of course, my friends are like real people. I know. I have friends who have like kids and jobs. I know. So it's like, hey, by the way, make a little more money.

You'll get rid of them. You'll get rid of them. I have friends with kids and jobs too. You ever hear them talk? It's exhausting. My friend brought his wife over the other night. She came over and moccasins like an animal. You know, I have friends that are not in the business.

I know Yannis. TheAndersHulks.com, goodnight!