The Tim Dillon Show - 311 - Ladies Who Lunch w/ Chelcie Lynn and Libbie Higgins

Episode Date: August 14, 2022

Chelcie Lynn and Libbie Higgins come on the show to explain growing up in a trailer park, how they pull off their stunts, the average meal for them on the road, and the videos that started it all. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: HELIX BED ▶▶ https://www.helixsleep.com/timd for 200 dollars off Mattress orders and two free pillows WATCHES ▶▶ for 20% off go to https://www.vincerocollective.com/timdillon 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off CRYPTO ▶▶ http://exodus.com/tim to start free. Over 4 million people trust Exodus to manage their crypto. Join the movement away from traditional finance by downloading Exodus. ONNIT ▶▶ Go to http://onnit.com/tim for 10% off EVERY MAN JACK ▶▶ https://www.everymanjack.com to get 20% off your first purchase use code DILLON 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD BIRD DOGS! ▶▶ https://www.birddogs.com/ use code TIMDILLON ATHLETIC GREENS ▶▶ https://athleticgreens.com/timdillon MASTERWORKS ▶▶ https://masterworks.art/tim MUD\WTR ▶▶ https://mudwtr.com/tim use code TIM for $5 off STARTMAIL: start securing email privacy! ▶▶ https://startmail.com/timd for 50% off your first year! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4woSp8ITBoYDmjkukhEhxg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds  ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. God, do I love these two fat whores. They are my two favorite people. I can't believe I met them in real life. We had a di- was the dinner good. Oh, dude. Dude, dinner was great. Thank you.

You really spurred. You spent some money on it. I spent $600. I believe it. Was it really? It was Postmates. Do you know if you spend $600 on Postmates, you go on a list?

Like, I'm going to get denied end of life care because I spent $600. But we got two porter houses at the Boastake house and we got tied to chicken wings and truffle mesh potatoes and truffle crab gnocchi and this that truffle French fry. I mean, come on. We did it that big. We did it big.

The great Chelsea Lynn trailer trash, Tami, Libby Higgins is with us. You just completed a tour. How many cities you guys do? Oh, I don't even know, dude. I don't know. A lot. Yeah.

We were on the road for three and a half months. Before that, we had a month off and then we were on the road for six months. So we've been at it for, you know, nine, 10 months. And you're just fucking, your fans are going crazy. They love it. You guys are online. You know, I first became aware of you with the video you did

about the McRib, which was brilliant. Thank you. Which everyone should go check out right now. If you haven't seen it, which about 10 million people have seen it. So if you haven't, you should see it. And, and I, of course, know Chelsea and you kind of got big doing all kinds of different shit.

Yeah. A little bit of everything. Little, little mukbang action. Right. Amazing. The Tik Tok, the Vine, the Instagram. I'm, I'm everywhere. You can't get rid of me.

You're out there and you, and you know your way around a knife of fork. Obviously. Yeah. Which is what I love about you. I'm so happy to be here. Just three fat guys just hanging out. Absolutely.

Talking. Enjoying life. Exactly. Um, because we have three, four years left. Right. So. I have two tops. Yeah.

Well, that's true. Well, Libby, stop selling yourself short. Well, I mean, two years tops. Is that what they say? That's what they say online. Wow. Oh, they're, they're mean online. You're doing great.

You're fine. You'd be surprised that I don't have diabetes. That's what they say. Well, you know, I, I just had a cardiac test, a calcium scan, and I don't have any deposits in my heart. I'm fine. I'm good too. You know, a lot of it is genetics.

That's the ultimate equalizer. Ben could drop dead. It's genetics. And that's what's, that's what I love is genetics, which is why we're going to spend the next hour talking about my two favorite topics, race and genealogy. And I'm kidding. It's a joke.

We're kidding. Great. Um, when you're on the road, are you, is it hard to not, uh, you know, eat like wildebeests, like wild boar, just tearing apart a tourist that you found late on a beach at night? Is that the way, because I see the way you descend on an Applebee's, I mean, like vicious pirates trying to rape the town's women. Yeah.

I mean, it's tough out there. Oh, dude, I, well, number one, I hate fast food. And that, you know, might come to a shock to all people because I am large. So you think I would love that. But that's all you can eat on the road. So we fucking hate it. So we're, we usually eat like once a day just so we don't have to eat. That's what you said earlier.

You eat once a day. That's fascinating to me. Yep. You don't have time to eat. Right. Now that one time a day. 10, 15,000 calories. Do you make it count?

Yeah. Do you make it count? I don't want to be hungry till tomorrow. When is it when you usually, if you do once a day, when do you do it? At the club. I like to do it before a show, three, four o'clock, three to five. Nice. Yeah.

Nice. So you're up there. You have the energy. Yep. But we do have an after show snack while we're laying in bed next to each other. Yeah, we will. We'll have like an after. Yeah.

Maybe a little Debbie. Yeah. Well, fans, fans bring us. What's your little treat? Like I used to like to have a, you know, a nice gas station yodel. But like, or, or a little, a little, you know, a little cupcake with the squiggly icing. But I would love a yodel or a ho ho. When I was a young child in middle school, I'd have like a frozen ho ho or a frozen yodel.

And there's just something nice about that with a little cold milk. You know what my go-to snack is? Yeah. Funyuns with bean dip and a chocolate milk. Yeah. You're what they call a problem. You're what they call a problem. Funyuns with bean dip.

And I was in the Hamptons and we had a, I had a great chocolate milk. It was so good. Fresh farm chocolate milk, you know, with the fun. Now you grew up in Oklahoma. Yeah. I grew up in Oklahoma. And your parents were not super involved. My parents were methods.

Alcoholics methods. Were you around them as a youth? Yeah. I got, we got taken away when I was 12. Wow. Because I don't know where my dad was. Mom got arrested for hot checks. Yeah.

You remember that? I know some ID theft and some, I knew some fun people when, when I was after doing cocaine as a teenager. And, and some people did get in trouble for that. A couple of little credit card, getting cute. Yeah. That was a big thing. That was a big thing.

Writing hot checks and then they came and they get mommy. She went to jail, went to go live with my grandma and we just stayed, you know. Fuck yeah. The grandma holds it together. Barely. Barely. Right. Barely.

You know what's sad though? You can't write a hot check anymore. No. It's hard. You just can't. You can't even do it. You can barely pay for, you can't even pay for anything with a check. It's crazy.

A hot check. Now would, would they, did they tell you that when you were young? When you were 12? Did they say mommy wrote a hot check? Oh yeah. That's why we got a gate. Oh yeah. Did they say you down and go, here's the deal.

There's real checks and hot checks. Which one? Your mother wrote, you know. Yep. Oh, we knew about everything. My parents were in jail off and on my whole life. We always knew about everything. And you're from Oklahoma.

This is reality in Oklahoma. Not for everybody. Not for everybody, but for the majority of people. For most. They live in Oklahoma. Most people are on meth. They're writing hot checks. They're living, they're living on the, on the, on the, you know, on the other side of the

law. They're five to 10 miles out running the cops. They're just, you know, the lights are always behind them in the distance. It's a renegade life. It's a corn meth renegade life. Corn meth. Right? At least where I'm from, honestly.

That's what it is. That's just what it is. Yeah. It's a casino life. Yes. People work in a casino. Their life goal is to win some money at a casino in a room where they can smoke. Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. It's beautiful. Yeah. And you wanted out of that life. You looked around and said, this isn't, for me, I want to do something else. Because otherwise you would have continued to work at the sonic or the casino. Yeah.

I've been at the sonic for eight years. Yeah. Yeah, man. But I never thought, I never thought I'd be doing this. Right. This just kind of happened. Me neither. Really?

Never. Yeah. I thought I was going to be stealing old people's houses, which is what I wish I was doing to be honest with you because it's a better job. Yeah. Yeah, no. It's a better job. It's more longevity.

There's less, puts less miles on the body. There's less travel. I don't know how I ended up here because I totally thought I would. Yeah. I don't know, man. My job is to call people like you and get you and your friends in Oklahoma to buy like houses like double wides on a foundation and I would do the mortgages for you. How easy was that?

It wasn't hard. Really? Because you would call places and I'd be like, hey, do you want a house? And they'd be like, what? And I'd be like, you qualify for all this money. And people did that. People got it. Yeah.

For many, many years. And it's coming back. The arm loans are coming back. We're proud because get an article up. Please do something. We're proud. Well, here's the deal. The interest rates are high.

Yeah. And people are priced out of the market. So they're now running these articles because Americans have very short attention spans and they love, you know, man caves and pools and all the good stuff. So what they're basically saying now is that the actual ARM loan, the arm, the adjustable rate mortgage may need to make an appearance. Wow. Here we go.

Adjustable rate mortgages have risks but can save you money and demand for them has tripled since January when the rates started creeping up. So everybody back to square one. That's what I say. There's life's nothing with a little bit of a gamble. And see that kind of an article I just skip over. I don't even know what any of those words mean. Yeah.

I would just click off. Now, where do you live? The Great Libby Higgins. I live in St. Louis, Missouri now. Fuck yeah. And everybody says that's the next place. No, no, I'm kidding. No one has ever said that.

Maybe someone said that like early 1900s. Yeah, that's probably. But you're all headed to Nashville. Nashville. The center of the world. Now you love it down there. Yeah. Fuck yeah.

Yeah. And you're building a compound. We bought 100 acres. I'm going to build a house, a podcast studio, a softball field. I'm going to a roller rink. Oh God. A roller rink. This is the dream.

Yeah. This is fucking awesome to hear 106 acres. Yep. I'm going to pull up an old just a single wide trailer. Yeah. I'm going to do it at Real Nice. That's going to be my movie set for trailer trash Tammy. I'm going to film there.

I won't ever have to leave unless I, you know, want to go to Applebee's. It's a great, it's a great idea to be, to be, that's so ambitious to do, to want to build more than just a home. You want to kind of build a community. Yeah. And I would love to do that. The problem is I am surrounded by the most undeserving bloodsuckers. I mean, the lowest of the low, the least talented, most dishonest, vengeful, petty,

vindictive, untrustworthy scumbags. Yeah. Present company excluded I guess. Thank you. So for me to even, in my own mind, think about investing my time, my money, my energy into building a community that would only be populated by the literally the worst of the worst. Just people, fleas, ticks, you know.

You just need to be on your own deserted island. I just kind of like, I like a sparsely furnished cold house on a cul-de-sac with a lot of other newly developed houses where no one's really home and you don't know if it's a government testing facility or if it's an actual neighborhood. I like a fake neighborhood where you go, is this a movie set? I like something like that that feels like that. A fake neighborhood. Easy come, easy go.

Yeah. You know. What, when now, when you're living with grandma, is grandma's not on meth? No. Okay. But she was crazy. Yes. What do you mean by that?

What is that? How do you even discern that in Oklahoma? Well, so I had two grandmas and so we would go back and forth. Were they lesbians or just different sides of the family? No, and I was just about to say they were not lesbians. Okay. Because that did sound like they were lesbians. I had two grandmas.

Absolutely. Which would have been cool, honestly. Great sitcom would have been being made right now. Yes. They're lesbians and they're from Oklahoma. Their kids are on meth, but they're fun. Oh my God. Yeah, I live with grandma.

You know, I don't know. She was hard to live with. She's still alive. We don't have much of a relationship. Wow. The whole, like what I do now, kind of weirds, weirded her out. You mean succeed. Yeah.

Well, because she was used to raising her kids and grandkids, you know, like the... But isn't this better what you're doing now than had you gone down the road of meth and hot checks? I'm having a good time. But is there a little bit of her that's like resentful or...? Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now my family resents me.

Here's how I deal with it. I attack them mercilessly on the show every single week and a bonus episode on the Patreon. That seems to be a good way to handle it. I like it. I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But here's the thing. I do believe in healing and have you ever tried to sit down and go, listen, you may not see

eye to eye with me, but I want to let you know I'm grateful for what you did and thank you. Oh yeah. I actually have done that. I did that a couple of years ago and she still wasn't having it. She didn't. She said, go fuck yourself. Funny. Yeah, yeah.

Wow. So it's all right. I'm chilling, dude. I'm having a good time. Yeah, you don't have to dwell on shit like that. Libby Higgins, do you even have a family? They're all dead. Everyone's dead.

I mean, Libby, they're all dead. I mean, I don't... God, I mean... Do you even...? I mean, I'm imagining as anyone connected to you in any way, I feel like you look like a girl who just burned out an orphanage and got on a boxcar, like, you know, one of those trolleys and just left town, but I could be wrong. I have a sister, but everyone else is pretty much dead.

God bless. Now what happened to them? They're just old. They're dead. It's the genetics you spoke of, bad genetics. I know. I mean, you look like we're related and everyone we know died in a tornado. Yes.

Everyone we know is strewn across the wreckage. I'm waiting for you to show up on my 23 and me. I know. I should. I hope I do. Close relative. And what does your sister do? She lives in Missouri and doesn't...

She doesn't do any of this that we know. No, right. She's very funny, but she's very afraid of the limelight. Yeah. Play a little bit of Libby Higgins, the McRib, the very funny McRib sketch. You know what? Can I say something about that McRib sketch? Don't give us a...

What do you call it, Ben? Don't give us a strike or don't a copyright claim us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Libby almost did not post that McRib video. What? And she said, I don't know if I'm going to post it.

And I said, bitch, this is going viral. You better... If you don't post it, I'm posting it. The reason I didn't want to post it is because I said the location, just because I was improv-ing. Right. And I knew that it was going to cause them problems. And it did. And it did.

Well, what did it cause? What kind of problems did it cause? People call there. People send shit there. That's fun if you work at McDonald's. To this day. If you work at McDonald's, problems are solutions. Like, oh, you're fighting his boredom.

So, right? Not for the McDonald's endorsing. Oh, they were so mad at her. Every time she came to the drive-thru, they were mad at her. They're like, don't come back here anymore. Really? Oh, you would still go back. Oh, yeah.

It was my McDonald's. Oh, that's ballsy. Yeah. That is ballsy. This is the great Libby Higgins here. God, it's so good. I have an announcement to make to y'all. Holy shit.

To the people of America. I was at this here McDonald's on Dorset. It's Monday night. I was just disrespected in there. I almost got in a fight with the gal in there. First of all, my first issue is the drive-thru was filled all the way up. And I had to walk inside. So then I'm, you know, I'm already mad because I got to get out in my car and go inside.

So I go inside. I politely say, hey, can I have a McRib meal, large size with the Dr. Pepper? And the lady said, well, okay, that'd be $6.58. I said, ain't you forgetting something? Ma'am. And she said, well, what? I said, you're supposed to offer me the extra McRib for a dollar when you buy the McRib meal. You ain't gonna believe it.

She looked me up and down. And she said, well, don't look like you need the extra McRib. Excuse me, bitch. I throw punch that bitch. I knocked her ass down. So if you come to the Dorset McDonald's and you see a lady named Charlene in there, Telecarla sent you. And then you throw puncher or puncher in the cooter.

I don't give a damn. This is against my civil rights. Fuck you, McDonald's. On Dorset. Not all the other ones. I like all the other ones. Oh, shit. That's amazing.

Did you have a video of Chelsea where it kind of popped for you? Was there something that? Oh, yeah. I don't know if anything's on YouTube. Oh, yeah. I did a video. My first viral video was like in 2014-15 where I walked up to a car and asked for a cigarette. There it is down there on the list.

There it is. Cigarette. Where? Oh. And this was the first one. Right there, the second one. And listen, by the way. Yeah.

Oh, it's like a review. Oh. By the way, I almost didn't post this video because I thought it was the dumbest fucking thing. I didn't think it was funny. I didn't think, but I hadn't posted in a minute. So I needed something to post and it just went like fucking insane. What do you, when you started fucking around online and just doing stuff, what made you

do it? Boredom. Right. I had, you know. People underestimate that. You know, when everybody talks about how they figured something out, people talk a lot about, you know, inspiration, all of these things that clearly to a degree of matter. You know what people really leave out?

Boredom. Yeah. Boredom's huge. It's a big motivating factor. The reason that we started doing this podcast is I got bored with a lot of other things I was doing. And I still kept doing those other things, but like, I felt like I was hitting a wall creatively.

I needed to do another thing, something else and to it. And Boredom's big. Yeah. I just, you know, when I started Vine in 2013, nobody, there were no influencers. There were, nobody was doing, you know, so I never thought anything would come of it. I never thought I'd be doing it full time or comedy or nothing. It was just fun to you. Yeah.

You were having fun. Yep. Yep. I had three followers and a Reba t-shirt and I just went to town. That's fucking amazing. Yeah. And now let's take a look at your, is this it up at the top here? Yeah.

I think so. Okay. Um, we don't smoke. Fuck off. That like, that went mega viral. I was shocked. Do it. Play another game.

Okay. Okay. Hey, y'all got a cigarette? Um, we don't smoke. Fuck off. My most recent one was the Roach Titty video. Have you seen that? No.

No. Throw the Roach Titty video on please. Roach Titty. I don't know. Yeah. Everything's on like tick. There you go. That's right here.

Yep. Okay. Do you think PBS, you know, PBS public television that we grew up with, where they'd have to do like, you know, they would do like, uh, fundraisers and stuff and they would give away like things, you know, they'd be like the PBS, uh, uh, Andrew Lloyd Webber Broadway collection, you know, if you are a Excelsior member at $35, you know, you know, you're gonna have to just start fucking with online people and they'll be like, you know, if you are one of our presidential donors, we will give you the Chelsea Lynn Vine companion, including

the cigarette video. I'm dead. Take a look at this. Here we go. That big floppy Titty. That big floppy Titty. That big floppy Titty. That big floppy Titty.

That went wild. Now, yeah, I mean, it's, you know, what's brilliant about all your shit is like immediately when I watch it, I, I know that you know exactly why you're funny and what to do. Like a lot of people out there have no idea why they're funny and what they're doing. They don't know what their skill set is. And a lot of times it's because they don't have one, but some times people just haven't keyed in on what we're in that your shit is just so good because it's like everything is from that place.

Like you've connected with that fucking just crazy wild specifically you that character. Yeah. The parts of it that you are taking from your upbringing, your life, who you are, and then putting them out there and you know these people. Exactly. Yeah. Everyone knows a Tammy. Everybody.

Everyone knows. That's right. You don't have to be from the South. Yeah. It does not matter where you're from. Yeah. Everyone knows a Tammy. Every, I'm from Long Island.

I can know a bunch of, and I think what's fun is Louis C. K. made a good point about make, you can't make fun of people if you don't love them. Yeah. So the reason that a lot of comedy about Trump voters is really bad is because the people making the comedy loathe people they disagree with. So they loathe anyone who would vote for Donald Trump. But that's why the comedy is bad. It's hollow.

It's not good. Yeah. Bill Hicks used to talk about the South and make fun of the South, but Bill Hicks was from the South and Bill Hicks also had love for the South. So when you have that admiration and you love people and you genuinely like them and see like you can, you can poke fun at them in a funny way. You're making fun of your own. Yeah.

So that's what I think you kind of do amazing. Yeah. Thank you. You know, I'm the same way Libby. I think that like you very much love older crackhead women who spend time in parking lots and you have that type of way to kind of make fun of the people that you love. Can you tell the story about what happened on tour? Because I think it's absolutely brilliant and beautiful.

Well, on tour. By the way, Libby's a smoker and let's give her a hand of applause because I just quit, but I'll go back real soon and I appreciate that people are out there still burning them. You know, I'm trying to smoke as many as I can in a day. And whether it's one pack or two, I'm trying hard. Well, fuck yeah. You're making a little bread now. Yeah.

Yeah. And I can afford marbles. Isn't it nice to have a luxury and see how the other half lives? Yeah. So when you're ripping into that first cigarette of that second pack, that's how Jackie Kennedy felt. This is how wealthy and well off I am now. I no longer have to dig in my car for change for cigarettes. I can go into a store and buy a pack of cigarettes and not have to check my account.

And I see you tearing up now and it is beautiful. It is something that it is kind of, yeah. And I can even get two or three at once. At once. And it doesn't, I don't have to look at my account. It's inspiring to hear that because I know how long you've worked and how hard you've worked. You could just get to that point. Now you travel.

Tell everyone what happened on tour. This is very funny. Well, I spend a lot of time outside of venue smoking because we get there pretty early. Yeah. Probably seven hours early because we have mental illness and we like to be ready. Right. And I was sitting by the stage door. We used to get there.

I'm not even kidding. What, seven minutes, 20 minutes? Insane. Like after. No, I'm not even kidding. The audience was in the seats and the theater would call us and go, we might have to call local guys and we'd like, yeah, you should have called them already. Put them on stage.

We'll get there. We used to get there as the curtains were going. Insane. We usually get there before the staff is even there. Literally. So we're like calling and not. Literally. Yeah.

Okay. So I spend a lot of time outside the venue smoking and I have a camp chair that people are starting to recognize. Ben didn't know what a camp. Camp chairs would a homeless person would. Well, you know, just any person that's outdoors. Right. Whether that be a.

A folding chair. Yeah. Right. So I set my chair up by the stage door where the green room was and was smoking as I do. And one of the employees, I said hi to him and he said hi back and then he went back into the venue and told the merch people, which is a Chelsea sister and all the other employees of the venue that there was a crazy street person outside the stage door. And we needed to figure out how to get her out of the area.

Yeah. And then Tina, our friend and other openers said, oh no, that's our opener because that's how Tina talks. It's our opener. And so then I roasted that guy, of course, while I was on stage. Yeah. You're a family here. Or family.

Oh yeah. You're a family and you travel together and you all met somewhat recently or you know each other a long time. We met on Vine. It's been about how many years has it been? Eight, nine. Wow. We just met on the internet.

She searched white trash and found me here. Literally that's how I met her. So I had no followers, none, a hundred. Maybe she had, you know, we weren't doing what we're doing. And I searched the hashtag white trash and this bitch pops up. And I started following her and we've literally been friends ever since. Even before, before all this, we've just, we just connected and we're friends. Now, they would be great on Are You Garbage, the podcast.

Oh yeah. I mean Libby Higgins, you should go on Are You Garbage, the podcast. It's a podcast where they test if you're garbage or not. Libby. I want to go on there. I have a tattoo on my tit that says white trash. She does. I think you're in.

And there's a rose underneath it. What, what, now you, you know, what makes you white trash? Just tell us what, what do you think it is? You don't even see food. I have a, I have a lot of family members that have slipped discs. That's one of the things. Stop. My family has a lot of back trouble.

Right. We love to talk about our, our disabilities. Lots of family members are on disability. And then you need to grab a couple of painkillers. Always. For the back. Not wrong with a warm fuzzy feeling. I don't have bad, as bad teeth now, but we all have very bad teeth.

Now, what does that come from in breeding? Is it come from just not a lot of money for the dentist? That poverty, but also our love of soda. So I've been drinking soda since I was a very small child. How? The bottles. The soda and the bottles. How young?

I remember as young as five and six, my, my grandma making one of the first sippy cups, she took a old oyster glass can or like, you know, glass thing, poked a hole in with a drill and put a straw on it. It would give me Coca-Cola as a child. You love soda. Oh my God. That's all I drink. The water that I had with you earlier is the most water I've had in months.

So you don't like water. Oh, I love it. But why drink that when you can drink sugar? Of course. Well, it's part of the luxury. It's part of the life that you live. I love it. Now, are you somebody who let's say you made a lot, a lot of money?

What's your one thing you go, I want this above all? Is it a car? Is it like, there's some people when they make money, they go, just give me this. I want one thing. Some people have it in their head. Some people, it's a house. Some people, it's a car. Some people, it's, I don't know.

Some, some people just want a thing. I know people where it's done as it sounds as a watch. Is it one thing that you look at and you go? I just like to have a car that is working properly and not putting down. Yes. Well, that is beautiful. Any kind of car. This is such a fun and sad episode.

Incident. Because you know, I don't remind you of, I used to, I used to telemarket photocopiers in Staten Island. And there was a woman who worked at the thing and her name was Ida. And she was the top producer and she was an older woman. And I said, you know, top producer, you think she's killing it, right? She's rolling in it. And I said to her, I said, so, you know, I said, you're the top producer here.

Everyone talks about you. She goes, yeah, I closed four deals this month. The next month, if things go well, I'm going to get a car and I can stop taking the bus. And I'm like, oh, fuck, that's how bad it is. When you tell it, when you're telemarketing photocopiers, you're not even in a car yet. You're just trying to get. So you're just like, I just like a car. It's, I think it's because always in my brain, again, because I have mental illness

that the bottom is going to fall out. Well, I need to stay practical. You're one of the funniest people along with Chelsea that we've ever seen on the internet, you know, and there's very few people out there that interest us in terms of their, of their actual talent. Like the shit you do is incredibly funny. And anybody not following you or not going to see you live is crazy. Thank you. That's so nice.

That's so nice. No, the reality is that being said, you will die tragically. Yeah. But that will only add to the mystique of your life. Yes. You know what I mean? Like they will find you in a red roof in and some animal will be eating you. Yeah.

But it will be beautiful. Yeah. You know, did you always want to kind of be in show business or was it just that everything else was so horrible and every door was closed to you? Who are you asking? Any of you. Well, for me, I always wanted to be a movie star. And I look back into my high school yearbook and I forgot I put this and it said like,

where do you see yourself in 10 years? Whatever. I was like, I'm going to go to Hollywood and become a comedic actress. And I forgot I wrote that. That was all I always wanted to do that. But I just thought, you know, where I'm from, that doesn't happen to people like me. Right. So that's just what I thought.

Right. And then just, it's just slowly over time opportunity started happening. I started putting stuff out there. And yeah, it's, I think I was meant to do this. Like in a weird, like in a weird, you know, I don't get all spiritual and shit, but like, I feel like this is like what I'm supposed to be doing. I agree. I agree.

I mean, you, you know, I think you'd also be good at the casino. Yeah. A good black jet dealer. That's not a question. Kill it at the casino. That's not out of question. What about you, Libby? Was it something you always wanted to do?

No, I always wanted to do something in, in like TV or movies, but my anxiety was so bad that I, I literally couldn't do it till I turned 40. Right. Well, that's when they say that's when the time is to strike, especially women. They say, wait till you're 40 and then give it a shot. Well, that's the Hollywood adage. Just wait till you're 40 and then jump in with both feet. That's why I had to start online.

I started, I don't know if you remember Justin TV. It's what twitch is. Fuck it. I do. It's an old school. Yeah. I used to broadcast live on there because I was scared to do stuff in real life. So I'd do these little shows on there and then eventually I got to, you know, Vine and

then I started doing standup. And then my journey is a slow one, but it's happening. Yeah. What do you tell people that are, because you guys come from different places, right? I was born in New York. You know, I was kind of around shit like this. What do you tell people that are just completely not, you know, they're living in Oklahoma, they're living in the middle of the country and they're not, you know, they're maybe not,

you know, they're not in Atlanta or New York or LA. They're not around this business to any degree. What do you tell them is to just go to the internet because that's kind of, I think, the best thing to do. Well, it's like, you know, with what nowadays you don't have to be in LA to do shit. Absolutely not. You know, and my advice would be just, is just to do it. Just do it.

Just start and do it. End of story. Just do it. Right. Because I feel like there's no people like, they always say the gatekeeper, but like, you can make a TV show. You can make videos. You don't need somebody to make this shit.

To cast you in something. Right. Make it yourself. Yeah. Lady kills Roach with breasts. Lady kills Roach with breasts. That's a TV show right there. I just want to add though.

Fuck succession. Please just let me add this part. I pulled the Roach on a fishing wire. She did. Oh, is that really? I was wondering, yeah. Now who found the Roach? So I bought it on Amazon.

You bought a Roach? Yeah. It's a plastic Roach. Oh, okay. And I ordered fishing wire, fishing line. And I just tied it on there and I said, Libby, I got this video idea. Will you pull a Roach across the table? Yeah.

And she said, absolutely. And then the people at the restaurant actually turned off their music. Yeah. I said, I said, hey guys, I'm going to film this video and the music was rolled out. And I was like, hey, they got Trilla trashed happening there. By the way, they would have given you the restaurant. Yeah. If you said, by the way, guys, can you shut down for the rest of the day?

I just want to throw a guacamole in my pussy. Yeah. They'd go, yeah, of course we will. Yeah. I know that I was like, hey, can you turn the music off just because I want to try to monetize this? They were like, absolutely. They turned it off and I smashed my titty and that was one take.

What are some of the good Southern foods we don't know about? Maybe they're chains. Maybe they're not. Maybe it's places that are specific to you. You know what I miss from back home? What do you know about Brahms? Very little, but I know it's a, let me tell you right now. Is it a custard?

Yeah. Is it a custard? I know it's ice cream. I believe it's a soft serve. They have a soft serve and they have regular ice cream. Okay. Their burgers are bomb. See, is it custard?

I'm almost. Are you a custard gal? I like an Andy's custard. I do like custard. You like Andy's custard? I do. Yeah. Did I just fall in love with my twin?

Yeah. I do. Your twin brother? What kind of, oh. Okay. So Brahms. Brahms is interesting. Oh, I miss it.

I miss Brahms. I think it started in Oklahoma maybe. Or yeah, I think it did. You know what it is? It's just a good burger. Yes. Oh, and I'm not a burger fan. I'd rather have a taco.

I'd rather have pizza, everything. But when it comes to a Brahms burger, oh, you can't. Oh, you can't go wrong. Yeah. You can't go wrong. Interesting. We love me and Ben. There's a place in Montauk, New York, out on Long Island.

The furthest point is called Johns. And they have amazing burgers. It's like what Shake Shack should have been. And they serve them on potato buns. And they're so good. And they have fresh ice cream, like, you know, strawberry Oreo ice cream and coffee Oreo. And John's driving in Montauk, New York.

That's, that's our spot. We love it. Oh, yeah. Like that. It's old school and it's just, you know, it's really, really cool. Yeah. Places like that in the summer.

There's nothing better in the summer than getting a custard, getting a burger, sitting outside, you know. That's a great picture, Ben. Oh. Better get a little bit more pixelated, though. Yeah. I mean, you know, if we asked Ben to work,

you know, him and his wife will sue me. So I have to re... Although, Ben, go down. You know, there is a nice one. Go to the left. See that sunset? Get that one. Yeah.

Montauk has some of the best sunsets in the country. And it's, well, I'm just saying if you're out there, but so Brahms, now Libby Higgins, do you have a restaurant, a place where you would go and cry? Where would you go? What would you like? In the whole country?

I loved, you know what I used to love in, when I was a little kid, I was an actor. I don't know if you know this, but... No. From when I was six years old to 12, I was on Sesame Street multiple times. I was in some NYU student films. And I auditioned for a lot of things

that I never, I never booked, right? And I would kind of go home sad. You know, my parents were taking me out of school. My mother would bring me into the city. I'd do an audition. I'd flub it. I'd fuck it up. And then I'd come back to the Penn Station Dairy Queen.

And I would buy a blizzard. And sometimes I would sit in the chair and kind of cry into the blizzard while I ate it. And then one time I got something, and I was trying to explain to him, and he made the wrong thing. And a sweet Indian man who probably just got to America, he made the wrong thing and I lost my mind.

And I started screaming. And I took it and I threw it in the garbage. But I missed because I'm a faggot. So it hit and it splattered everywhere. And I was screaming, No! No! And I threw it.

And the Indian guy started laughing because he didn't know what to do. And I just like screamed it. And then I just looked and my grandmother was with me and she goes, Come on! She was like, So she goes, I'm ashamed of you.

She goes, I'm ashamed of you. I remember her saying that. She just kept saying that. I'm ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of you. And then we went to the Long Island Railroad waiting room and I just sat there and I still had like blizzard kind of all over myself.

And I just sat there and tears. Where was that place for you? Where was that for you? Did you have a vet? Where was that for you? Libby Higgins. The Super Sandwich Shop. Oh yeah.

It was what it was called in St. Louis. Take me there Libby. Very small diner, right? I love it. The Super Sandwich Shop. Super Sandwich Shop. Super Sandwich or Super? Super Sandwich.

Super Sandwich Shop. Super Sandwich Shop. Take us there Libby Higgins. You can only sit at a counter. Thank you so much Ben. He saw that I was struggling and rushed. Well if he had set the mic up in the beginning you'd be fine. But Ben likes to like his boss likes to do it on the fly.

We don't love prep. He's really struggling though. Thank you. This guy is just the sweetest little angel. You know everyone says that he doesn't know him. Okay. He heard himself. Super Sandwich Shop in St. Louis on St. Louis Avenue.

You can only sit at the counter. My father would take me there a lot. And we got to see him on Wednesday nights because they were divorced. And Wednesday was his day. Wednesday was his day. And how many of you would he take to the Super Sandwich Shop? Four of us. That's a lot of counter space.

My sister, my little brother, and my older brother. Everybody in the counter seat? Everybody in the counter seat. So mighty. And so then we'd stop at the liquor store to get snacks. Oh, he'd have a little, he'd want a couple of nips. He'd get snacks for us. We'd get a honey bun or whatever, but he'd get his snacks.

Get his snacks. Usually a bush beer. Little warmth. And we'd head on home to his house where we'd watch TV. What would you watch? Like the Cosby Show, Family Ties. You know I'm older so these programs were still okay. I used to watch them.

Why aren't they okay now? Cos Bill Cosby went on a few bad dates. I'm sorry, my headphone was not working. Hello? The Super Sandwich Shop in St. Louis. Were you able to find a picture of it? Well, he's not even, why would he look? He's not even looking.

What was the name of it? Super Sandwich Shop in St. Louis. He said it nine times. It's no longer there, but I'm telling you. Find a good pixelated photo of it. Get an old pixelated photo. Okay. Is that it?

Was this it right here? Oh, there it is. There it is. Oh, look at it, look at it. Wednesday nights. Wow. The Higgins family was a family again. Wednesday nights.

Gather your brothers and sisters around. We're getting honey buns and a bush beer. And we're going down to the Super Sandwich Shop because everything's going to be okay. And then we're going to watch Bill Cosby. And everything was okay. Right. We'd love to watch Night Writer 2.

That was another great program. Legendary, legendary program. Program. And then my dad would drive us home in his little station wagon. And we'd continue on life the next day. It's a real Tracy Chapman song. You got a fast car. He actually had a fast car.

I got a sandwich shop. He had a car called La Car. La Car. From where? That's what it was called. L-E-C-A-R. That was the brand? That was, I think it was a model.

The model? La Car. There it is. Oh my Jesus. Oh my God. That's like a joke. Y'all all fit in there? Yes.

We were always huge. We were small. Who makes that? Isn't it Renault? Yes. I didn't want to try to say it again. I mean, this is like. Never heard of that.

And I would sit in that car. Get that up on screen again, Ben. For hours. And pretend I was driving. What color? It was white. With a black stripe. A white La Car.

That's cool. Like this one with the stripe? Yep. Wow. Wow. I would just sit in it for hours and shift the gears. It was not on. I'd push in the clutch and just shift.

When you were little. Yep. Pretending I was driving. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So, good times. When I got older, I switched up to a riding lawnmower.

Is your father still with us? No. He has passed on. Okay. Well, that's sad because, you know, it's always sad when people leave, but also now you're doing great. And it would be. Oh, he would love it.

He would love it. He would love it. You painted a nice picture. I felt like I was there. He would love it. You know what it was? It was. There's something deeply poetic about the times in life where.

You're making the best of a situation that is not optimal. You know, and in that time, you're doing what you can to get through. And it's very, very, there's something, even though you look back on it, there's something nice about it, even though there's probably some pain associated with it. Cause I hear it and it sounds horrible. Oh, there's lots of pain. It sounds horrible to me that the idea of it is horrible and the reality of it is even worse.

But, but it, but then I think back and I go, you know what, you probably had some laughs. Oh yeah. You had some fun. You're making the best of it. And that's what life is really. We also didn't have a choice when you were a kid. It's like you just had to go wherever everybody took you. That's a great point.

I'm going over here. I'm going over here. Okay. That's a great point. I'm going to get molested by my brother. Okay. Let's do this. It is what it is.

Yeah. Right. TGIF. Thank God it's Friday, huh? Molesting and then super sandwich shop. You know, thank God it's Friday. The super sandwich shop almost made it well worth it. I will say that.

Now you guys travel all around the country. What are your observations on this country at the moment in terms of, you know, just the way things are. You see a lot of places. You travel a lot. Do you have that vantage point? Well, we go to a lot of places. I don't feel like we see shit.

Right. You know, we see the inside of a venue and the inside of a hotel. You know, see her ass walking around naked. I see her walking around naked. That's really, that's really, you know, all we see. Do you do only fans? I do only fans, but I don't do porn or nudes. Okay.

I do comedy. She does. I do a comedy show on there. It does well. It does very well called Tammy Bangs. Okay. But I do vlogs and exclusive stuff, but no, you know, I don't finger myself on there. Well, that's sad.

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's, you know, I might. Money can make a lot of things happen. If people stop buying tickets, I will finger myself. Right. You know. Do you, do you feel like your life now and the way and the amount of, you know, and the amount of time you spend working and performing and doing all these things,

putting up sketches and things like that. Is it how you kind of imagined it when you were at a place where you wanted to get here? Ah, yes and no. It's hard to explain. Um, yeah. I mean, because when I was thinking about it, I always wanted to kill people. Like I always wanted to murder them and torture them.

And I thought that there'd be a mechanism that would allow me to do that and kind of get away with it. What I found out is that that mechanism is the buy-in is so much higher. It's so much more money than I have. Um, so is there anything about where you are now that surprises you? Oh God. Um, no. No. I don't know what to say.

No, I feel like, no man, I'm just, I'm just doing it. As long as people are enjoying it, I'm just going to do it, you know. And people ask me all the time, like, oh, like how do I get into it? What do you do? Like, and I'm just like, I don't even know what I'm doing. Right. I just want to make that clear. I have no clue what the fuck I'm doing.

Yeah. I just show up and I just do it. Yeah. Does that make sense? It does. I don't know what I'm doing. It does. No clue.

What's the next, do you ever want to do a movie? Yeah. I'm going to write a Tammy movie and I'm going to make it. Fuck yeah. Um. And I'm doing a Carla movie. Yeah, we're doing it. Fuck yeah.

You want to be in them? I'll be in them. Okay. Absolutely. I'll write you a good character. I'll absolutely be in them. Okay. You know.

Yeah. For sure. We have to ask him on, you know, while we're filming. So he can't say no. So he can't tell us no. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

No, absolutely. Um, yeah. That's my next big goal. I'm going to do it. Yeah. Well good. Yeah. I mean, you're killing it out there.

People love what you're doing. Where can people follow both of you if they don't know about you and they want to know more about you? Well, hey man, I appreciate the clout. Yeah. Um, because my, You have it already. What are you talking about?

Well, my Instagram, I had over a million followers and it got deleted. Now why? Oh really? No reason. Really? Really? Um, my management tried to get it back from, uh, Instagram for two months and Instagram finally just said, no, we're not giving her her page.

Literally. So, and, and, and, and you have no idea why in a million follower count got deleted. No. They just said, they just said, have her read the community guidelines. So they told them, but I would, I would literally post a story of me cooking fried eggs with an Aerosmith song over it and it would get deleted for sexual solicitation. I'm not kidding. Right.

So I'm like, you guys are psycho. Right. So I had to start completely fresh on Instagram. We're all living in a sick world. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Um, my Instagram is Chelsea Lynn underscore C H E L C I E. It's got the, it's got the check mark.

Um, I've got a podcast called the viral podcast with me and my best friend Paige Jen and, uh, and then me and her bitch ass are touring the country. So Chelsea Lynn, get her on Instagram, C H E L C I E L Y N N. Chelsea Lynn. Thank you. Libby Higgins on Instagram as well. Yeah. I also have a podcast called Slop City with my friend Tina D ball.

Yep. Wow. Look at that gal. Look at her. Higgins. I thought that was Tim Dillon at first. We're just having a good time out here. Uh huh.

You're just trying to recreate the super sandwich shop. Oh, my whole life. What would you get there? What was the order? Uh, fries with a cheeseburger with mayonnaise. Yeah. Pickles. And a Coke.

And a Coke. Shit hasn't changed. Shit hasn't changed. That's all, that's all you ordered. Everything that's different is my daddy ain't here to eat it with me. Oh God. Don't, don't look on that. That is so outdated.

Look, that's my old thing. If you go to my second page, I think it has my OnlyFans link. She's like, get off there. Now, I do finger myself. No, I'm kidding. I don't finger myself. I do show tits. I smashed a cake with my ass a couple weeks ago.

Dude, I love her big fat ass. Look, I cannot answer DMs currently. Because dude, just the only thing that keeps me away from OnlyFans right now is the messages. Yeah. I just can't. Now, what happened with the cake in your ass? I took a nice birthday cake. What kind?

It was just a white cake with sprinkles. From like Ralph's? Yeah, something like that. And put it on a chair, had my friend filming and then I pulled down my pants and just sat on the cake and smushed it to smithereens. And I thought there'd be more of a smushing and it just flat. Yeah. I thought there would be more, I don't know what I thought, more smushing, but it just

flat as a pancake. And then I stood up and cut. Who wants cake? Who wants cake? Well, you're out there doing the work. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what's important.

Libby Higgins, subscribe to see Libby Higgins flatten a cake. For $8 to see you flatten a cake with your ass. That's a good deal. I will pay it. Lots of tits and mostly butts, but we just like doing fun stuff on the OnlyFans. Yeah. We just fuck around on there. It's the shit we want to post to Instagram, but we can't pretty much.

Because you'll be deleted for sexual solicitation. Yep. I cannot believe they killed that million follower account. Yep. How was TikTok? Are they rough with you two or now? I have a lot of followers on TikTok, but I have to really, really, really water myself down because, I mean, everything gets deleted on TikTok.

That's what a lot of people are saying. I have to keep it PG. 4.4 million people, 50 million likes, Chelsea Lin on TikTok. Yeah. But TikTok's fun. It took me a while to get into. Yeah, I have to water myself down on there, but it's fine. That's what My OnlyFans is for.

There's Libby Higgins TikTok. Libby Higgins, 212,000 followers. Go follow these. Go follow these women. They are hilarious. Thank you for coming and thank you for having dinner with me. Who is this, by the way? What is this?

The first one? No, go make a right. Keep going. Keep that. That's me doing the child filter. That's me living my childhood out. And she was, she was curry. She was curry.

Gary. Yeah. Thank you for skipping. They're so scary. I didn't see it. Okay. I want to see it. It's so dumb.

She was curry. She was curring her hair with a curring iron. It's too long. And I say, mommy, I want to, I want to have a curly hair too. And my mommy said, you don't get, you don't have cur, you're not getting curly hair. And I said, mommy, please. I want to have, I want you to curl my hair too. So my mommy says, okay, you ask for it.

And she starts purring my hair with a hot curling iron and burn me accidentally over here. Burn my ha, burn my face. So then my mommy says, quit being, quit being such a baby. That didn't burn. And it's a mommy. That, that burn. Oh. My inner child.

She burned a bee over there. Mommy. Mommy bide a home perm at Sarri's beauty surprise. And the home perm is called Oglebay home perm. And then we come home and mommy puts it, puts all the rollers in and squirts all the stuff on the air and then she blew back and was cold. And then we just sit there and wait for the hair to get curly. So then she takes the roll, she takes the rollers out of my hair, makes puts a, puts,

washes my hair. And it didn't even look curly. So then my mommy gets a hair dryer and starts drying my hair. Aw. And the next thing I know. So sad. So the next thing I know is that this is my hair. Aw.

This is my hair now. Aw. I don't get curly hair anymore. Aw, this is traumatizing. And I say, mommy. I'm dead. I can't breathe again, mommy. I don't get this hair no more.

She said, you don't get straight hair for six months. This is gonna be curly for six months. Why did I make this? This is brilliant. If you ever want curly hair. Sick. Don't get curly hair. It's so disturbing.

It's everything. He said this is brilliant. It's a David Cronenberg film. Brilliant. It's brilliant. Libby Higgins. I mean, you just got to follow it. It's stuff like that where you just can't.

That's longer than I usually make. I know, but you can't look away because it's just, I don't know what's happening. And it's all crazy. She's got better stuff on there. No, I know. But that's, see, that's brilliant. Here's the deal.

Here's the deal. The third one. There's funnier stuff that she's done on there. What's amazing about that is it's kind of brilliant in the sense that it's completely insane. Yes. Well, it's just improvised, too. Yeah, no, it's insane.

And that's what I like about it. But go. This one, Chelsea? Yes. He's a seven, but he calls Bingo at the VFW every Wednesday. Three. He's a one, but he's got surround sound. Ten.

He's a three, but he gets a hefty SSI check. Oh, ten. Ten. All right. He's an eight. Okay. But he won't let you wear a mini skirt when you want to go out to the tavern. Tavern.

Tavern. He's a four, but he's the captain of a river boat. Oh. Eight. All right. He's a nine, but he still uses dial up. Not the soap. The internet.

Ten. Not the soap. He's a nine, but he's your extended. Yeah, go down here and go all the way to the, all the way on the right on the second row. Right here. That's a, that's a, all the, that's great. That's just a trend. I love it.

I love it. Libby Higgins, Chelsea Lin, Trailer Trash Townie. Go see them on tour. Go follow them on social media. We love you guys. Thank you so much for coming by. Thanks for having us on. Of course.

I appreciate it. You guys are the best. Finally we meet. Yes. Finally we meet. We'll see you guys soon. Thank you so much. Love you.

Bye.