The Tim Dillon Show - 316 - The Off Season

Starting point is 00:00:00 In all of your soul yeah well thank you so much to everybody that purchased a solution and that's what that is that's not just merch that is something uh that we've been working on and brainstorming for a long time and it was essentially how do we get involved how do we do more than what's being done we don't want to sit on the sidelines and make jokes we want to get involved and actually have real results and that's a difference between us and a lot of other people not mentioning names but most of the other podcasts out there aren't Joe Rogan aren't getting involved and doing what we're doing for the people so what we are doing is obviously we're still in

Starting point is 00:01:31 new york we're here at gas digital studios we're here for fashion week we drop the clothing line every year i come for a fashion week in new york i'm kind of an ambassador for many of the brands i was asked to walk by christian dior the the the house of dior the legendary um um fashion brand and i i didn't do it and i didn't do it this year only because i am participating i'm dropping my own line and it's finally here it's finally here for everybody and it is something that people say to me you've done this for so long you've been a member of the fashion community for so long and i have and when when is your line coming at this is at our basil in miami over the summer in the hamptons people they would bump into me onto the beach and they would go

Starting point is 00:02:27 hey not for nothing but that's how they talk when the people in the the fashion industry like french people when they bump into you on the beach in like the south of france they go hey not for nothing when is your line gonna drop and the answer is now we have a line of fashion for people and what's good about it is that we're actually using the the profit to help homelessness in los angeles every 400 000 of profit which is roughly probably 800 000 of revenue because we're operating at no and i mean really we're operating at what kind of like a 50 percent margin right about and that's not great it's not ideal but that's what we're operating at is that really it no i'm dead serious like 50 i think it's around 50 it's a little higher but

Starting point is 00:03:24 that's you know what are you gonna do so 800 000 of revenue 400 000 of profit every 400 000 we are donating five dollars to alleviate the burden we're donating five dollars to right the wrong we are donating five dollars to build a better future for this country that we live in we're not heartless monsters okay and i want to do some simple math with you because this is every little bit helps did you hear that when you were a kid ever every little bit helps i remember that it's as american is saying is any every little bit helps there is no uh there remember there's no small roles there are only small actors right yes that's the saying yeah so there are no small donations there is nothing that is too small you have to

Starting point is 00:04:32 remember that because a lot of people say to me well some people have said to me are you are you giving too much and the answer is i don't think so but i don't know but it to me i'd rather be on the side of giving rather than the side of taking so now let's just with a five dollar donation every roughly eight hundred thousand of revenue five dollars times a thousand dollars is five thousand dollars okay that's a good amount of money right so now eight hundred thousand in revenue times one thousand is eight hundred million dollars if we can gross on my store my merch store with my new fashion line eight hundred million dollars of revenue of you know what i mean what we will be doing is we will then donate well hold on because that's still only four hundred million in profit

Starting point is 00:05:43 right mm-hmm so four hundred million in profit divided by can you let's just because i want to set goals mm-hmm if we make four hundred million dollars in profit what are we donating uh so that would be one thousand times five so that's five thousand dollars but but but but okay so it's eight hundred thousand in rev so i am i am correct eight hundred thousand in revenue i'm sorry eight hundred million in revenue yes four hundred million in profit five thousand dollars to help homelessness in los angeles get involved now because if i'm telling you right now i feel good about this i want to challenge other creators to do it and this is my mission right now and that's why i'm here in new york city

Starting point is 00:06:44 is why i i'm not back in my beautiful desert oasis we've created for my studio i'm roughing it here i'm roughing it here because i believe in something and i hope one day god i hope you believe in something too that's all i'll say uh where can they purchase this merchandise and get it now and get a lot of it because the more you order here's what i want you to think about the more clothing you order the more money gets gets put into a blanket fund for homeless babies a homeless baby will be swaddled in a new blanket if you buy where do they buy tim dillon comedy dot com it's right there tim dillon comedy dot com go to the site i want people to see how easy it is show them you can show them frances show them frances

Starting point is 00:07:44 show them how easy it there it is and there it is right there fake business we got it's a real knife fight out here beautiful shirts and hoodies i wish them well shirts and hoodies and why do we do it we do it to help other people that's why we're here others the other thing i was reading about that i find interesting is this article that you had sent me about junk food and that it is no longer a thing and we should stop focusing on it we have to decolonize that's right our minds and one of the ways to do that i had no idea how progressive i was until i read this article these are things i have been doing for years i have been making these kinds of choices for years now i want you to tell people a little bit about what's

Starting point is 00:08:48 going on because there is a company and they sell food and they have hired a woman from africa yeah to tell people that nest worrying about what you eat and what you put into your body is inherently bigoted right that's right in some degree and you should eat without guilt agreed and you should eat without guilt and the people that are hyper focused on lean meats healthy fats proteins you know the good carbs those people are fascists that's right and those people and by the way i i have suspected that for a long time because they kind of they kind of they are a little you know strange and but i had no idea this was laid out beautifully because occasionally you feel guilty for eating something and that is not right and actually

Starting point is 00:10:02 your body it's so deeply entrenched this feeling of shame and guilt and and and racism and you know all this stuff it's so deeply entrenched in us sometimes after you eat something your body will even feel sick but that is because your body is a racist like even in your mind if you eat a bunch of ho ho's donuts tasty cakes susie cues you know yodels yanky doodles snowball whatever it could go on here for a while but you might feel sick but that is your body reinforcing the type of racist attitude bigoted attitude now the company that hired who is this this woman so her actual name is Cara ne'em deop she is in this uh viral uh sort of instagram video here that la unified school district did share on their instagram well food neutrality la school district

Starting point is 00:11:16 now thank god thank god because kids should learn at a very young age that there is absolutely no difference between the foods this is something that should be taught to children as young as possible that there are no difference there's no difference between a carrot and a carrot cake there's nothing it's only nazis nazism so tell us because the la school district ran this ad or this promotion yeah yeah they shared it they promoted it and and tell us about it because i'm very interested in this so and frances you can pull up the video they have here but basically what they're trying to explain to the people they ever call you franny lu

Starting point is 00:12:17 basically what they're trying to explain to the to the students is that uh there's food neutrality in the world i like this there's not a bad remember net neutrality oh yes what was that uh because that was huge don't don't google it if you don't know what it is i think that neutrality was that was a big deal that was a big deal but and then everybody was like is it gonna happen or not so this is something else yeah this is something totally different where there's a misnomer that some foods are bad and some foods are good yes and we need to eradicate these ideas the only there are only three types of bad foods foods that are rotten okay foods that are filled with poison and foods that i think well here's the defined poison right right

Starting point is 00:13:08 right that's the right but i like this so poison food like i'm like like vladimir putin when he poisoned alexander levchenko with polonium yes if you were to put polonium in a taco it would be bad yes but other than that everything's good that's right okay so food neutrality means i don't judge the food i'm eating that's right i i eat without guilt i want ice cream i eat it i want cake i eat it i want candy i eat it if i don't want vegetables i don't eat them and i'm a child and i'm learning this from my school district this is what my school district is telling me on their instagram right which i probably don't follow because no young people are really on instagram they roll on tiktok watching i don't know people get hit by cars but

Starting point is 00:14:01 whatever it's it's still maybe healthier than the instagram promotion being shoved down their throats by their school district which is crazy and people are so horrified by this they looked into who this woman worked for and on her linkedin page she works for mondales international which is what chips ahoy orio but so what that see to me i don't want to impugn her credibility because she works for chips ahoy if somebody that works for orio and chips ahoy nibisco whoever owns them mondales uh you know if if if they have a good non-racist idea then let's hear it can we actually play can you play let's play the actual promo can we get some can we get some sound on this bad boy are they moldy i mean are they poisoned

Starting point is 00:14:59 are you allergic no i'm just saying you're judging my food choices based on a false standard of health again aren't you guilty diet culture fat phobia and systems of oppression have created false hierarchies of food and it shows up everywhere for instance yes thought patterns like earning food through exercising or that dessert is the reward for the punishment of eating vegetables right remember that you do not need to earn food we are all incorrectly taught from a young age yes that are size yes therefore the foods that we eat correct markers of our self-worth correct moralizing food can lead to harmful relationships of food correct and assorted eating thank you instead of focusing on good and bad choices try to approach food with

Starting point is 00:15:41 neutrality in us yes the only foods that are bad for you right foods that contain allergens poisons and contaminants or if someone's hitting you with food that is like a frozen food that someone's hitting you with you would all that could also hurt you like a frozen steak if you hit someone i mean this is right on i'm right on with these big they're right on because they get it if you eat a donut or if you eat a salad the only difference is how you look at it and society is judging you yeah that's the really only difference in it like if you sit down and have a bowl of donuts instead of a salad for lunch that you feel the same i'm telling you go and eat a bowl of ice cream with candy for lunch in an hour you'll feel the exact same as if you have a salad it's

Starting point is 00:16:27 the same feeling the only difference is that if you eat a salad you'll be awake but you're still alive see if you eat a lot of carbs or sugar you go to sleep right afterwards and if you eat a salad you don't but you're still technically alive after each meal so that's what they're getting at you might be asleep but you're you might be not as like responsive in a vehicle but you're still technically on earth you're in it you're still in the game i mean i i i'm telling you right now i know a lot of people are going to be offended by this there's something i like about it food neutrality being able to just say i'm done with the shame i'm done with the guilt if there's something i see that i want to eat i'm going to eat it

Starting point is 00:17:19 and i shouldn't like the idea that vegetables are healthy and junk food isn't is if what do they call it a false food standard yes it's a false food standard but that's correct because it was put in into place it was put into practice false hierarchies of food false hierarchies of food these things are all put into practice by by people that were doctors or people that were scientists and and that looked at the way these foods impacted your body but they didn't take into account lizzo and here come the big girls they didn't take into account like you know what i mean like there's so much more to science than just the actual science of it there's just a lot more fun to be had and as a big person i'll tell you right now i i'm telling you i feel liberated

Starting point is 00:18:23 by this because i always felt that when i was eating a lot of bad food i was doing something wrong and i felt bad and my body felt bad and i felt like i was eating because i was in pain but now i realize i'm actually just being neutral it's all neutral and nothing is really bad or good and if i were to swap out all of the bad foods i eat and let's take and by the way i'd like to take this a step further and include narcotics we have been told by an unfair system that crack and heroin are inherently bad for you this is a false virtue this is a system set up that doesn't recognize the realities i want you to think about a radical term narcotics neutrality there is no i have a

Starting point is 00:19:39 glass of water i'm good i smoke math i'm bad that isn't real it shouldn't be real there is no difference between drinking tea a nice Earl gray tea maybe a bit of lavender on your porch and setting your the back of your head on fire with a big bowl of glass there's no difference at all the difference is that we have been taught unhealthy attitudes about math that everyone who does it is southern that they do it in a barn that they're all running around afterwards that they're not trustworthy that they steal your mail that they'll try to take your identity that they're not good parents we've been taught this by a system that seeks to literally literally criminalize math culture you're criminalizing math culture

Starting point is 00:20:42 which is groups of people getting together and figuring out how to make math in different open air spaces barns abandoned buildings things like that it is a culture it is not uh something that can be criticized or criminalized by people not participating in it i i think this is great this seems to be a good idea and i'm glad that they're putting it on the instagram page of where the la usd department page is specifically their uh the los angeles unified school district yeah it was on their instagram page thank god their human relations and diversity department shared it on instagram and the shame now ronda sandis has done something very cruel yeah it's horrible it's really horrible because what he did was he sent a bunch of migrants

Starting point is 00:21:40 to marthe's vineyard the season's over are you like nuts it's after labor day it's after september first of all i have friends on the vineyard i have friends on the cape i have friends in nantucket i have friends in the hamptons the season is memorial through labor stop it don't be silly yes fall is lovely in all of these places and a small select group of people will hang out you know because work is more remote now and there's nothing wrong with a winery vineyard tour in the hamptons of the fall or a beauty but but for the most part if you want to get really the full character of the area drop them off in the beginning of summer so i don't get it fall everybody spends in new york city and then of

Starting point is 00:22:42 course winter everybody goes to aspen or if they don't like the or jackson hall or telluride or fucking breckenridge and if you don't like the cold you have st barz and anguilla there's options why send them off season to the vineyard it's cruel i mean it's fine it's not horrible clearly but it's just not you know what i mean like all the good parties are over all the fun networking's done all you know what i mean like all of the kind of summer vibes the swimming in the vibes aren't happening like so it's great it's so weird to me to send like it's not the guys it's psychotic fuck it's like your people come to this country and it's like okay the vibes right now are like pumpkins fall new england calling somebody up at an ivy league school you have

Starting point is 00:23:43 it fucked in a while and going up to see them taking them to like an old creaky inn getting drunk drinking mold cider you know this is the thing rainy days kind of like the vibe right now is very much like i'm like larping as a poor person kind of like it's like big sweatshirts and hats and old jeans and oh look i'm by the railroad now photo you know what i mean and it's like the family's kind it's like getting our aterol addiction kind of within range because there is a shortage and then just focusing on the holidays and like what am i going to be for halloween where am i going to go like it's like you're cannibalizing people's italy photos on instagram and you're mad at that still because they in late august everybody was in italy even

Starting point is 00:24:38 lewis gomez so it's just it angers me so it's like so to bring these migrants to marthe's vineyard off season isn't the deal like you explained to them they're like the fall is like it's a thing here it's a thing it's halloween it's new england it's sexy it's fun it's you know what i mean like and and and like and then like explain to them like how it works like how the social order operates now where do they now where do they go because marthe's vineyard nicely because marthe's vineyard gets it got rid of them because marthe's vineyard goes we're not at our best right now we're literally preparing for next year and then and then marthe's vineyard sent them somewhere else palm beach where do they go i believe they went to capecott capecott okay but

Starting point is 00:25:30 the reality is it's like late fall through the spring it's palm beach it's not like what's wrong i don't get it whatever i'm just here's my whole thing with migrants my whole thing with migrants has always been if you're gonna come you have to assimilate into the culture and the culture is hampton's vineyard summer palm beach miami winter new york spring may uh new york fall new york spring potentially this is the culture assimilate into the culture duh this is my biggest issue immigrants come over here and they're like oh we're just gonna go to marthe's vineyard in the fall it's like no you're not you have to assimilate into our culture dummies everybody goes to their second beach house in in like late june or even early july they do the summer july to like the

Starting point is 00:26:40 second week of august then everybody goes to europe wake up so if these migrants don't want to like fall in line then i don't know i don't know what's the point are they nuts what were they even doing there i mean here's the deal if they're looking at houses i can't be mad at them no because to look at houses in the because you want to look off season and you don't it doesn't want to be too hot you don't want to deal with traffic so if you're looking if these migrants are looking at houses off season trying to make a deal i'm not mad at them i'm not mad at them i'm literally not mad at them now were you looking at homes i got my eye on a few the thing with the vineyard and i have to explain this to that every migrant i meet i have to explain that i go start start somewhere closer

Starting point is 00:27:40 start on the cape like the vineyard's a thing it's just its own thing it's like nantucket like when i see a migrant i go i know you want to live in nantucket but it's so far it's older money it's more finance like you just and they go okay and i go listen to what i'm saying to you that's the whole thing it's like these migrants like i respect the hustle but you have to understand the vineyard's its own vibe it's its own thing it's not forever i'm a hampton's person you might be a vineyard person you might be an nantucket person you might go to crete you might go to meekano it's like no one's judging where you spend your summers but you have to experiment with a bunch of different things

Starting point is 00:28:27 here's a thought rent first migrants listen to me don't make the mistake that so many people have made rent first it is a lot of money but you understand like what you like what you don't like it's it's so simple it's like so many people commit like i have a friend that just bought an amagan said they're like oh my god it's so far it's like why didn't you rent in south first why didn't you rent first you just so i get so terrified for migrants when they jump into things so that that's my only concern and i think disantis is pretty fucking sadistic he's a little sadistic to send someone off season to the vineyard

Starting point is 00:29:27 without giving them the lecture that they should rent first because you don't know where your summer is going to be i have friends in malibu that would have been happier if they stayed in palos verdes it's just what it is that's my my only concern for the migrants but that's again that's where i'm at with this everyone's like making a political it's like it's inherently not political it's about real estate and culture everyone's like i left and right a biden and disantis there's nothing to do with biden and disantis this is everything to do with making good real estate decisions my apartment building that i'm that i'm being um i'm leaving because i am uh done with it

Starting point is 00:30:21 and i'm going elsewhere uh has set me this weird thing it's like a a form where i have to vacate my lease i've never heard of this and no one else has ever heard of it either you're just supposed to leave right but they've put like this thing in the form now get this up this is something that the people at my apartment building 10 000 santa manica in los angeles which by the way is a dump yeah i'm gonna say it right now it's for rich people whose lives did not work out it's for divorce dads it's for russian instagram thoughts it's for young saudi royalties shout out to the whole mbs and the whole fam um it's you know all of that and it's a tick talkers tick talking away but what it is is it it is absolute it has no class it has no distinction

Starting point is 00:31:13 it is an undignified home for anyone with any money it is undignified if you have any type of pedigree if you've even been near a school if you've even sat in the same room with a book it's not for you it is a disgusting new money zoo full of junkies the police roam the halls keeping the junkies in their cells the people beat the shit out of each other in their apartments and the cops have to come and pick up all of and then sort the pills on the floor and give each group each party the right amount of medication to settle them down the amenities the gym the pool they usually don't work there always is that the other thing our friend ida is there now and she's impressed by it but uh she's impressed by uh anything so the reality is it's just not a nice place

Starting point is 00:32:05 now i didn't know that when i moved in people told me that they said it has a dark energy steve bing jumped out of one of the windows and splattered himself all over the valley now they see these are all facts so i'm not saying anything bad about the building if you like to live in a building with junkies where some of them occasionally jump out of the windows and splattered themselves all over the valet it is a good option it is not a bad option if you like excitement if you like drug addicts and uh people that are famous for no reason that have no talent walking around trying to figure out the coffee machine because they're too high it's not a bad idea now i didn't like that so i'm moving on now these people these people at the building

Starting point is 00:32:52 tried to get me can you pull this up francis yeah pull this up because uh how dare they read this ben if you can non disparagement clause and this is never heard of this ever a not and i'm not disparaging it i'm being honest solely simply honest and you had to sign this because you're moving out october first and they tricked me they like threw this in there ten a degree is that they will not disparage 10 000 or any of their officers directors or employees some of the people that work there are nice yeah i like a lot i like a lot of the people that work there i'm talking exclusively about the ones who do not steal your food for purposes of this paragraph disparage shall mean any negative statement whether written or

Starting point is 00:33:41 oral about 10 000 or its officers directors or employees uh you agree and acknowledge that this non disparagement provision is a material term of this notice the absence of which would have resulted in the parties refusing to enter into this notice i don't know what that means what i'll tell you is this is a dump and i'll never stop saying it's a dump i will say it everywhere on every platform i actually wasn't going to say it until i got that now i'm going to say it everywhere i'm going to start every media appearance i have talking about what a dump it is and you didn't sign that right i think i might have no but because it's an ease no it's an ease signature it's an ease signature that you can't take off i tried to take it off but you you can't delete it no you

Starting point is 00:34:27 can't you can't delete it but i responded i'm not signing this it's america this is my constitutional rights i'm a trans-indigenous you dumb bitch i responded that but i do think my signature is on it but i did because you can't delete the ease signature but i emailed her immediately going i'm not this isn't for me okay i said that well and i called lawyers well what do you mean well they can't these ease signatures they sneak the shit in but i emailed her i said i'm trans-indigenous and i'm not signing this it's against my constitutional right you dumb bitch that's what i said and that's what i believe you did actually write that i saw that i liked the building i mean my signature is on the line but i tried to i tried to delete it like nine times

Starting point is 00:35:33 it can't get me i got too many fucking lawyers they don't want to get into a high profile battle with me i will do a battle with them we'll get in a high profile legal bad they don't want it they don't want that smoke as the as the drill wrap community would say they'll just back off well yeah i don't even i'm leaving yeah i'm not even supposed to be there i'm done my friend i'd is they are killer if you want to really hurt me go like if they want to if they want to just throw her out of the just binger binger binger right over the balcony um but that's the i would like to say one positive thing about you as a resident there if they're listening to this you were one of the few people paying rent i just do want to put that

Starting point is 00:36:30 out there because everyone else is on drugs right yeah right the finishes suck as a luxury building that it's not good they need to do they need to turn flip a condo they need to go in there with new finishes they're getting a lot of money right now i understand it because people you know get divorced and they have to bring their sad fucking rich ass family to take the elevator up and go remember when we were a family but dad dad just you know christmas wasn't enough for dad or christ i mean hanukah but whatever it wasn't enough for dad dad needed to go see the horror and now we live in this apartment and isn't the view nice oh look at the view it's so nice remember the the old view used to have the one of your mother and the family well we don't have that view

Starting point is 00:37:16 anymore but look you can see the ocean kind of through the smog a little not really i wish everyone well it's a good building and if you if you need it it's good for you moving on moving on there's not like you know there's not much to do here except move on and just yeah you know and uh and to believe so many children are back at school now and so many of them should be listening to or how to be popular episode one of the most classic things we've ever done um because what it does is it lays out it lays out i was to entertain before entertain i was telling people here's how to be popular here's how to be cool and i was laying out a practical way for kids to attain levels of popularity that they had been denied and i had given them a good roadmap about choosing a personality

Starting point is 00:38:20 finding the weak link in the popular group and becoming their best friend ultimately replacing them that's what happens you don't go for the star quarterback you don't go for the head cheerleader you go for the guy that's just on the periphery who's still in you befriend him or her and then replace them and you work your way up i mean this is such a great episode called how to be popular on the patreon you can find it but it is so amazing i almost want to animate it oh yeah yeah it is i almost want to animate it and put it out as some type of cartoon some type of animated short because it is such an important thing most people right now that are in school are you know woefully underprepared unprepared really for the rigors of social life uh how to be someone that people

Starting point is 00:39:21 want to hang out with how to be cool um you know and i said and i said it was quite radical when i said it if you have no friends it is your fault and that was a big moment in american culture because we have wrongly believed that the friendless are like geniuses who are waiting to be discovered that they're going to produce some type of art that shifts the culture no no no no uh many of them are exactly where you where they are still without friends uh they just get older they don't they don't become the south park creators in certain very rare instances some people do but in most instances your misery will just continue and compound so what you should do is reach out i mean with the world the way it is today if you cannot get some type of friend

Starting point is 00:40:20 group it really is your fault you know half of 90 percent of this is all online you don't really even have to leave your house so you should be able to get some friend group so that episode how to be popular was a big big episode that people will stop me in the street and go my child listen to this and i i've made my child sit down and listen to this episode of your podcast because it was so instructive it's amazing and and literally like one of the things i said is choose a personality because this is essential and one of them is like person whose parent died this is a personality that is available to you someone whose father died or and then it never ends with that it'd be it's the beginning middle and end of who you are my father's dad my dad's dad i love my dad

Starting point is 00:41:13 every instagram post is dad love you dad at the grave again with dad daddy's gone but i love him you're a two-year-old and you're in dad's arms and daddy loved me there was nobody that loved me like that and i love that and that is a fine personality for a person to have and literally people introduce you like this is alisha her father is dead and that's what she brings to the table her father's dead so every time anything about anybody comes up about their dad or whatever we look at her we go are you okay and she's like yeah and you go of course it is but that's a personality i'm gonna list of them i'd elicit personal and you have to be one of these personalities you have to be you don't have a choice you cannot create your own thing who are you Picasso you

Starting point is 00:42:14 choose a personality whore uh you know white guy who is literally black gay guy with a girlfriend these are updated ones by the way i i mean there i know comics who are gay with girlfriends they're like stop it in the name i love my bitch like gay guy with a girl it's fine she wants it too women are idiots most of them not all of them some of them i don't mean most of them i mean in in love they're idiots not in other places women get dumb with love let me let me let me let me really explain what i mean here because i'm not like a misogynist women can be very smart except when it comes to love they go for men that are so much lower than them in many cases it's amazing which is why this incel shit i never really understood these guys you're like i can't get laid

Starting point is 00:43:06 and these women they just want stock brokers not all of them you know how many women i know who are with total zeros you know how many women i know who have literally mortgaged their entire future on a fucking loser all the time it happens all the time and especially when they're young when they're in high school so this idea that you have to be like a knight in shining armor is just not true right so if you're dating a gay guy as a woman you're an idiot if you deserve it you like it it's it is what it is but but that is a guy straight you're a gay theater guy and maybe you're straight here's what's even sadder you're actually straight you're actually straight and you're like in theater and you're like i hope i get it and you're actually there are those people

Starting point is 00:43:51 it's like a freak it's a accident in the lab you be like if i suck cock you have to like the cops should come to your house and drag you out of it and make you suck someone off on the lawn because there are guys that are so gay that it's amazing but they like fucking women it's crazy and it happens but that's a personality to be this is a personality to be being comfortable in your own skin is important so if you're a white guy but you want to be a drill rapper fine it's okay just adopt that personality if you're a straight gay whatever fine adopt that personality quiet non-binary girl who isn't a girl but you know what i mean quiet non-binary entity that wears doc martins and has like sewage green hair is a thing you can be that but you have to be that

Starting point is 00:44:48 commit to that but you have to be you can't show up one day with like big tits and blonde hair you have to choose it and you go this is what i am you have to just choose it you know these were all some of them these are updated because you know things change all the time hot guy who's going to destroy his life no matter what that's a person good looking guy who like grunts and smirks and doesn't really talk and every decision he makes brings him close closer to his inevitable and sudden and absolute certainty of a violent death every decision he makes brings him one step closer to his death that is a person that you can be but die do it go all the way fat girl with dietary restrictions

Starting point is 00:45:51 fat girl who makes it uncomfortable for everyone by telling them that you're vegan gluten free you don't eat dairy you're you've got all these things yet you still are a mammoth whale somehow but you don't eat anything but you somehow still are fatter than everyone else and tell them all the time tell them guy this is who i am this is a personality that you can be but you have to stick with it don't lose weight and don't get less annoying be a fat girl with dietary restrictions and tell people all the time be like when they say oh i'm gonna go get the taco bell go yeah yeah i don't eat that but be a house while you say it be an absolute house yeah taco balance gross i don't eat that but just be the blob while you say it literally be

Starting point is 00:46:53 fuck say it like you are sitting on fucking Jabba the huts throne but that's a personality damaged girl who just moved here that's a personality you don't know her life here's a hint it's actually fine it's fine she claims she used to be a cutter but there's no marks on her she's got like this weird past a shrouded mystery but it's actually not she's actually fine she's a disgusting narcissist who wants the world to celebrate her for her looks and her personality but she doesn't get that so she has created she's cloaked herself in mystery all of it isn't true it's okay she's the damaged girl that just moved here from another town she was a third string cheerleader somewhere else but now she showed up with purple hair

Starting point is 00:47:58 and she's listening to fiona apple and she's like you know she's been through it and through it means the move it means nothing else she's she's but that's a personality you can be yeah you can be that you can you can absolutely be that and it's not a big deal these are things you have to stick with you have to be this you have to be this thing and everyone's going to remember you as this thing and then when you graduate you could be another thing but to be popular is to be consistent build a fucking brand when you're out there it's important to build a brand not everybody can be everything at all times to all people build a brand it's true deeply deeply deeply deeply important to consistently show your your life in one digestible way to people they have to be able

Starting point is 00:48:58 to digest it okay i get what this is i get what this is it can't be too complex i understand what this is this makes sense to me you know i get it so that's just a little quick primer but there's so much more i mean so much more in the episode how to be popular on patreon because what it does is it crystallizes all of my points it goes back to the old archetypes you can sit down with your children and literally go who are you going to be this year and you every summer you can kind of change but you have to commit for a year and you can sit down with the kids and go who are you going to be this year look at me who are you going to be who have you decided to be are you going to be a jock are you going to be kind of a smart aloof are you going to be aloof do you even know how to be aloof

Starting point is 00:49:52 aloof is not for ugly people good-looking people have the option of being aloof meaning kind of meaning kind of with it kind of not ugly people have to work very very hard to just get into the game they have to work very very that's why like the ugly girls are they because they're always and the ugly guys are always online trying to get better at things like shooting now they have to have hobbies and passions these are just the facts of life don't get mad at me i didn't make them up i'm only uh illustrating them i'm only telling people the way things are people get mad at me they get angry like no it's not but i do like that we're now telling kids to be as fat as possible to eat whatever they want to not be guilty to just be big fat pigs and the

Starting point is 00:50:44 junk food industry it's gonna get awkward you know one day it'll be awkward i don't know when that'll be it's gonna be awkward you know that that lizzo big girl show is awkward because they're doing the dances and they can't breathe and they're like and we're celebrating it it's not the happenstance we're saying good good good this is good not breathing is good your joints buckling under pressure is good injuries and all that it's good that's good good yeah that lady's name in the video is at savage fatty or something like that yeah but on it i get it just make that paper the point is it's gonna get awkward it'll eventually get awkward because we're now at a point where they're saying models that are plus size aren't plus size enough so it will get to a point where

Starting point is 00:51:28 everybody is in a wheelchair on a fashion runway or you know there will be a point where everybody and not for a genuine disability because they're just so fat that they literally have to be in a wheelchair and then you wonder if people at nabisco like oh like is there any point do the CEOs of these junk food companies at any point do they get uncomfortable by the level of fat do they get like if this was like a black mirror or twilight zone episode like the CEOs of these companies should be just like set upon by fat people and eaten they should be taken out of their cars like the CEO of mandalas or any of these places their cars should be stopped they should be dragged out by fat people and literally eaten they should be eaten by the thing they've

Starting point is 00:52:16 created they should be torn limb by limb and cooked by the thing they've created is there any chance that that happens i don't know but that is literally the only hope it is the only hope here because we've gone so and listen fat people should not be the constant butt of jokes it shouldn't be like it was in the 80s where people you know you're not respect i don't believe you should shame people and uh be overtly hostile to people but i do believe we're going in a direction that is insane unhealthy weird it's weird to destroy all beauty standards in a society sex is different than beauty people can get off to all kinds of weird shit some of the least attractive people i know have the most sex are probably the best sex what i'm saying is that it's odd that we're in

Starting point is 00:53:13 this place that we're going to this place where it is a virtuous to be fat it's not just something that happened or something that you've done it's it's a virtuous it's good it's something to be proud of i don't know that you should be proud of it the same way you shouldn't be proud of being italian or any dumb thing right like being fat or italian dumb things you shouldn't be proud of them because they're dumb they both involve sauce you should be proud of being an individual that's what you should be proud of tim dylan comedy.com for all of your fashion needs our clothes only some of them go up to three acts some of the t-shirts might go up to more you know because there are things if there's other things we might do a bigger shirt if

Starting point is 00:54:02 you're a really big guy we get it the shirts go up to i think four though it might go up to four the hoodies what do we got here tell them the reality it's hard to get a hoodie a hoodie that goes up to four acts but you get the shirts there and four acts if you want a four-ax hoodie you got to go to dxl and you got to spend that cash we might get a four-ax hoodie though we're gonna try to get a four-ax hoodie um you know we're trying but it's just it's an economic issue we're trying to help homeless people it is you know tim dylan comedy.com go and get the go and get it dig in we're working on england by the way but because it's not our fault it's brexit it's brexit it's not our fault there's all kinds of problems i didn't do it things get stuck at customs i didn't

Starting point is 00:54:47 do it's the ira you got people blowing up baby carriages you got protestants over there going nuts you got the catholics you got all kinds of issues i'm a working man i'm gonna get involved in some civil war what about uh norway and and uh amsterdam people are screaming at me they're going nuts finland i think what about finland i think we have europe we have europe do we have europe i think europe is that even europe is scandinavia europe for the purposes of delivery what else would it be for the purposes of delivery want to be asia i don't know what it is i'm talking about delivery i'm talking about getting the merch into the people's hands putting the merchandise into the people's hands so that they can go solve fucking home we're solving homelessness with the

Starting point is 00:55:41 money it would be easy for me to take all the fucking money and do nice things with you dumb fuck the reason i'm doing this whole entire the reason i got in the comedy was then homelessness that's why i started this 12 years ago to end homelessness it's all been a project of leading me to that everyone in this business got into it to make to be good everybody from jennifer laurance everyone right on down everybody got into this to end racism and homelessness we just on the way we made a couple of mill what do you got to say about this now uh i just asked brennan if we ship but i believe we do ship to these places finland i hope we do i love those places

Starting point is 00:56:37 but we deliver to europe or sorry delivers the wrong word that sounds so stupid we ship we ship we ship we don't deliver that's what i mean shipping well i was saying delivery oh you were well because it makes people feel it feel they feel comfortable shipping makes them feel like oh my god boats are involved the navy is china attacking taiwan it's complex delivery means oh it's a hot pizza ooh it's a sweatshirt like i'm trying to use words that make them feel comfortable i'm studied in this arena you were just popping off at the hip confusing them frightening them shipping shipping join the navy no delivery you open up your door there it is hot and fresh out of the oven a hoodie to help homeless people in los angeles

Starting point is 00:57:21 california be stars to help homeless people be stars because the first step to being a star is having a home and then it all comes together dummy so tim dillon comedy dot com for the merge keep buying it uh tim j dillon on instagram and twitter and we do not have a tiktok i'm locked out i changed phone numbers but you promised me that we're going to start building something on tiktok we're never you'd never do anything we're in touch with their support to get but you've never done it like we it's it's essential for people right now to get famous and get big is to be on tiktok more and you've never done it you really don't do it right we gave up on tiktok well who's we i would say i've been telling you to do it we used to we make content there for a while there's a

Starting point is 00:58:08 bash and impressions but no it it's always me and i'm just telling you can you cut the podcast i've been put it on tiktok absolutely because other people are doing it and you're not even doing you're like oh we'll get banned but that's a lie it's just because you're lazy no my i tried to upload it on mine because i have one yeah it immediately got flagged for child abuse for what what was i saying it was the member the talkie member talkie the little guy from uh de ant word de ant word oh that the freak they they like abuse or whatever within 20 seconds they had to evaluate if my cat was even like sharing well don't share that i mean just think a little bit can you think a little bit maybe stop getting drunk and bowling with your wife every night and work a little bit

Starting point is 00:58:51 the lady that we know at tiktok i said would they be okay with most of the content on the podcast and she was like well she's like you need to you know bleep most stuff out and like don't share most stuff you know that sounds like good marching orders it sounds like she's giving you a roadmap of things to do and instead you're instead going and buying a bottle of alcohol sitting in a bowling alley parking lot with your wife in the valley getting drunk and then putting pouring booze into grape slushies and then going and bowling that's what your life is it's true that's what he does he's just drunk with his wife they love bowling they love slushies and they just sit there they eat they eat nacho cheese with those which are which is nice sometimes you get a bowling alley with

Starting point is 00:59:34 the scoops because the cheese is hot it is nice when it comes right out of the machine 99% certain yes but brin is confirming okay good well so get it if you're in Scandinavia yeah he's taxing me too he's drunk everybody's drunk except me everybody's a big drug addict except me the bowling alley sounds great sounds like a fun time yeah i mean listen slushies nachos vodka slipping 99% certain yeah well i mean listen i just want you to do a little work just a tiny bit of work to all the migrants and mards is vineyard holler at me because i've been through it i know what it is i will put you in contact with people that move real estate out there that know what they're doing if you're interested in a seasonal

Starting point is 01:00:28 rental next summer people literally start looking during christmas it is more competitive than you think call me you know what i mean and there's also no shame like if you want to go to paris there's also no shame in it there's literally no shame in it if you're like i wanted to july and paris it's not hey there's no right or wrong right now you know and that's what people need to understand but ronda sand is sending you there off season was cruel and i get it i get it so here's another here's another thing and again this is for the migrants for the migrants that are in martha's vineyard right now so few properties there are turn key because of how old they are but i'm telling you right now you can find help easily that can

Starting point is 01:01:23 do things on the cheap wink wink for the migrants i'm just saying that there are a lot of undocumented people that will help you do the things you need to your house if you need that wink wink nudge nudge to the migrants that are coming looking real estate right now in the vineyard i get it i like the vineyard too it's not for me i'm more of a hamps but like i got respect the vineyard like we all i see you i see you i see the dream of a northeastern summer i understand what it is i understand the dream of a northeastern summer and i know what you want and i get it you're like malibu so new money so grotesque so treasury it's weed i'm not into any of it you're like northeastern are the kids at sailing camp yes they are lobsters clam bake i get it we're with you we're with hey

Starting point is 01:02:20 we're with you just rent first for the love of god rent first and see like where do you want to be where do you want to be on the vineyard you know there's so many even the vineyard's not that big it's pretty fucking big you know what i mean so it's like a very interesting layout of options to have and that's why you know are you a cottage person are you a walk to the beach person are you more of do you want to large your home are you entertaining hey so are you an oak bluffs are you a cottage and oak bluffs who knows who knows i get it i get it i get and i know it's scary right now i know for marthe's vineyard migrants it's scary because inventory is low and they want to make a choice they can live in with their families and really enjoy and

Starting point is 01:03:22 make money off of and it's difficult it's very very hard so i understand it's so scary being a migrant where do they come from these migrants oh for cuba uh everywhere everywhere but they were like they were shipped from florida ship not ships around work but you know what i mean what do you mean cuba uh like they were cuban they were i could pull up exactly what what do we mean by like my migrant uh let's see here so apparently i thought it was like these are not they're not these are not people from like canada kit uh no like oh you mean like outside of no these are so the uh let's see here yeah i thought migrant men like carpetbagger where it's like oh you're from florida but you're with you're going to like disand just sending you to the vineyard

Starting point is 01:04:10 oh no that's not this what is this this is uh like people that immigrated to america that are like i guess undocumented workers things like that cuba venezuela countries like that oh so this is like people from outside of america these are not people looking for summer homes that's what i'm pulling up oh i can double check because my i thought it was i thought migrants where there's just these are people looking oh i'm like confused i'm very confused right now uh it says the migrants transported to martha's vineyard are says here venezuelans who recently crossed the southwest border is that where they have those like the big spiders yeah there's big spider from arachnophobia yeah uh says the migrants

Starting point is 01:05:07 who were dropped off at vice president kamala harris's home were columb from columbia cuba giana well listen i don't know what's going on panama i don't know what's going on i have a lot of friends in the vineyard and i just i'm very confused right now as well as many other people let's just go buy the merch right now i i thought these people were from connecticut this is fucking insane they're not from connecticut oh well this is not going to work at all tim dillon comedy dot com buy the hoodie

The Tim Dillon Show - 316 - The Off Season

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