The Tim Dillon Show - 318 - Bros (ft. Greg Stone)

Episode Date: October 9, 2022

Bros | The Tim Dillon Show #318 (ft. Greg Stone) Tim Dillon is joined by an old friend, Greg Stone, to discuss life, the new movie "Bros," whether Jeff Bezos is a villain, & much more Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack Bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow Netflix special: https://www.netflix.com/watch/81616382 SPONSORS: BABBEL ▶▶ https://www.babbel.com/tim for 60% off your subscription HEADPHONES: ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim for 15% off! THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4woSp8ITBoYDmjkukhEhxg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. I'm here with a, an old friend of mine. I've not seen in how long, 2002, the towers were up last time. I think I saw you. Is that true? I think no, they were coming down at the end of the conversation. There was no, there's no way the towers were up. No, no, no, no, there's no way 2016, 18, 18, 18. I don't know. I haven't seen you in a minute, but we were very close and we had a lot of fun. Yes. New York city. Yeah. I'm so happy. We're still friends. Yes. I'm we're, and it's good. Things are good. Friendships are the hard, but I had a phone number of yours for three years. I've been texting you three

years. I've been texting you still not getting back to me, Tim, just to find out that it wasn't your number was not mine. And I was consistently being like, Oh, if you're not texting me back, I'm going to keep texting you more. Right. Tim and just being like, are you a piece of shit? Why do I see you? Yeah. And then Mike Feeney was like, dude, that's not his phone number. Yeah. No, I would have, I would have texted you back and you have a kid now and a wife and you're a very funny comedian, Greg Stone. Thanks. Those of you who don't know. Yeah. And it's good. It's good to see you. You look great. Thanks. You know, diabetic. I lost 13 pounds, 13. Very exciting. I'm hiring a trainer. I'm trying

to go in that direction. Yeah. Yeah. You should go get Rogan. We're going to do it. I'm train you. I'm scared. Get that God severely damaged our relationship. If I, if he asked, if I have to be accountable to him, yeah, that'll be the end. Why? Because he doesn't fuck around with that. He doesn't kid around. Like that's, he's serious. Yeah, I know. That's what you want. I want, I want a trainer who's like, yes, but I also realize you are, there's other things you've got going on. Yeah. Like I want that kind of trainer. I want to train you're going to fucking get ready. But also, but also you've got, you have a full plate. Mm hmm. This new movie. Did you see bros? I don't even understand. I missed everything. I

don't even understand what it is. I was told that I'm allowed to see it because I'm straight. I don't even, I didn't know it was a gay movie. It's a gay movie. It's a gay romcom. And it, it bombed. Mm hmm. It's Billy Eichner. It's someone else. I don't know. They tried to do, they tried to do a movie about your dudes fucking. Okay. And America did not I don't think it's an America's homophobic because the bird cage did 185 million worldwide, broke back mountain was huge, but this movie for whatever reason has done 4.8 million opening for bros is so low that it also means many LGBTQ viewers didn't show up because everyone's gay now. Yeah. You can't blame straight people because if you go on the internet, everyone's kind of gay.

If you look at their bios, so they also didn't do see this movie. I didn't even know in there. And I didn't even know what it was or existed. It was called bros. I thought it was about bro dudes. I didn't know it was about gay guys. It's about a gay guy who's a podcaster. It's about a podcaster. That's why no one went. Yeah. It's about a podcaster and a, and a dude who's kind of like a, a jock and they meet up and they're not releasing it in the Middle East because there's graphic sex scenes. Oh really? Yeah. There's some graphic. Here's the thing with a movie like this. It's got to be so funny. A movie like this has got to be so funny that you have to be the, you know, the dude to suggest it to your other friends and not seem gay. Right. So the movie

has to be so good that you have to go guys, you know, and cause it'll never be easy to do. I didn't tell you that you bring someone. We got to go see bros. Right. There's not a laugh. And it's just men fucking your friends go, well, now we've learned. Now we've learned something about you. You've come out. This is thanks for telling us what you have to do with this. Cause it would start where it's like you would, you would literally have to be like, Hey man, you know, it's maybe, maybe we'll see a movie. You know, it's like a bunch of dudes and they're like, they're all sitting there and you got to go, Hey man, like, uh, I don't know what's out. You know, maybe, uh, there's something, uh, what about bros? And they, one of them is going to go,

isn't that the gay movie? That's your moment. That's your moment. You have to hit them with bullet points. You have to be like, no, no, no, no, no. They're like, dude, aren't they sucking each other off for two hours? Go, no, no, no, no, no, it's, it's so funny. And you know, he's Steve Martin's in it or whoever. Like you got to have so much star power in that one movie. You have to be like, dude, did you see the trailer? It's fucking hilarious. Look at the trailer. Like it has to be so aggressively good. So funny. So fun to get through. You have to actually be like, or you have to like fuck a girl in the theater as you're watching it. Like, this is cool too. You got to be like, listen, I was fucking my bitch the other night and

you know what she wanted to go see this movie bros. And now she's left town, but I figure we're all together right over here. We're here. Maybe we'll go see bros. And, and the thing is, it's really, so they've spent an estimated 30 to 40 million to promote bros because it's everywhere. If you look, I haven't even, I know it's hard now. It's you haven't even seen any of it. I saw one sign that said bros and it was two guys. And you know what I thought the movie was about? I thought it was about straight guys pretending to be gay or something. I was like, Oh, are they doing this in 2006? Like we didn't hear about the me too movement kind of shit. Like on woke. It's like the Sandler movie. What was it called? Adam Sandler. That movie where they pretended

to get my now pronounced you Chuck and Larry. And it was like, who was it? It was Kevin James, right? And James Sandler. And they pretended to be, they pretended to be because he wanted to bang what's her name with the great ass. Sorry. Yeah. I'm about the same. Yeah. It's my shot. You're not saying anything you want. What's her name? Anyway, Justin Timberlake's ex-wife Jessica Biel. Yeah. So it's they pretended to be gay and they were firemen. Yeah, they were firing. Can't be gay. So we were thinking like, I was, I was wondering, it's like the marketing in this, number one, the thing bros right there, BRO ass with the thing like this, you have to market this very differently. Right. This cannot be marketed as like,

hey, everybody, it's a gay movie. You have to market this as a fucking hilarious movie where guys fuck in it. Like there's graphic sex in it. Yeah. Dude sex. And it's got to be so over the top. Like dude sex can be really funny, but it's got to be really over the top. What's it about? Is it just so we'll try to get the gay sex, right? No, I think it's it's about are they brothers who are gay? That might be a problem. It's about here. Hold on. Go, go back for a second. Bobby, a neurotic podcast host who's happy to go on Tinder dates and content not to have a serious relationship. That all changes when he meets Aaron and equally detached lawyer who likes to play the field repeatedly drawn to each other. Both men begin to show their vulnerable sides. If you go see

this, you are gay. Right. You're coming out. Sure. Like the description of that. If you're paying money to see that movie, you're gay. I tell you, they call it the gay movie or the the gay test. Yeah. Making more money. Yeah. Bros was a bad name. No, this is you're a gay movie. If this was like any other type of movie where it's a guy like me who's a garbage man in Staten Island and who has to tell his fat wife, he sucks cock. Yeah. And she's throwing shit at him and calling him and she's like, you're a faggot. Yeah. That's a movie people watch because they go and then you can sneak in some disgusting, you know, not that gay sex is discussed, but I mean like it should be in a comedy. Right. Gay sex in a comedy should be funny. Sure. Just like straight

sex in a romcom should be funny. Yes. Like it shouldn't be like hot. No, I think any sex in a comedy should be kind of like what's going on. I would argue this though. I would argue that if you're going to put a sex scene in you, they've yet to do this put in a real super hardcore. Yeah. Fuck scene into a comedy. I'm saying come on your face. I think this is that really. Supposedly it's great. Yeah. I think it's so graphic. Gay people aren't going to watch this. They're turned off by how, how graphic your gay voice is a gay Latino. It's so gay for me, Poppy. It's so much fucking apparently. And I don't know because Billy Eichner's come out and said, listen, you're all homophobic. You didn't go to see. Now here's

the thing. Respect to Billy Eichner. You're not a big celebrity. Sure. You did a Billy on the street. It's to show people watching taxis. What does he do? Right? He runs around and he's like, doesn't, isn't this his show? He's like, Hey, I'm on the street, everybody. And who are you? I don't like it. It's very mean. He's a mean guy. He walks out of the street and he says, Hey, I don't like your hair. They go, what? And he goes, you're a bitch. And he leaves. And I'm like, this is not a show. It's like a show that legitimizes hate crimes. You go, oh, you punched that guy. Yeah. That's all the whole show is is he chases people on the street and you answer fast. Yeah. He goes, what's going on with you? You know, and you're, you're

like, I don't know. What are the three branches of government? You're like, I don't really know. Like, yeah, he's like, all right, you ignorant pig. And then he just runs away. And so he's the guy. So listen, this, let me read a review here. This is not a movie for teens of any age. It's basically soft core porn of any age. Teens of any age. Well, euphoria, which is the biggest show on TV. Fucking great. And it's a great show. I love that. I've always wanted to be in that as some unimportant. I'll edit you in thing. Can you send a man? We'll just do some scenes and I'll put you in it. I've always wanted to just so I could like stand next to Jacob Elordi and just be like, it's another day on the, you know, it's another day for guys like us, you know, just something stupid.

But it's soft core porn, right? It's a very like, so now this goes, it's not a movie for somebody, by the way, brought their teens to bros and is very, very angry about this. Some parent said, we're going to bros. I don't know how that happened. They walked in and they're like, we're going to browse. This is not a movie for teens of any age. It's basically soft core porn. Why would you let your 16 year old watch a movie with fairly graphic orgies, gay or straight, our standards for what is considered appropriate entertainment for teens has reached a new low. I don't know if this was marketed to teens and then the next person under cause hilarious and raunchy. I'm going to go see this movie and see if I get some lift. It's very exciting for me. I don't know

what's going on here. I don't know how graphic it is. It doesn't matter. Yeah. I mean, let me tell you this. After you get married, yeah, you become gay. You become everything. I am, I am, it's like prison. You know, if we go to prison, you have to figure out, I will fuck any thing. Yeah. And I'll do it. And I watch these things. I try to test myself to see where I can go sexually, what I can watch. I'm going to go to this movie. Just, and I'm going to try to jerk off. Yeah. See what happens. I love this article because Bro's review, Billy Eidner won't play nice for the straights. It's like, why is everything so angry? I know. It's annoying. It's like, why is everything so just make a really funny movie and sneak some graphic sex into it. I knew when I would try to get my

friends to watch gay stuff, it always had to have something else going on. What's gay stuff? Give me a hint. Like a movie. Like what's a gay movie? Just give me, I need to try to think of a good gay movie. Birdcage. Yeah. Brilliant. Right. Nichols and May, one of the funniest scripts ever written. Right? You easily go, dude, it's fucking hilarious. It's actually really funny. Yeah. Okay. You know, Twilight is gay. Very gay. Very good. Yeah. But it's, you know, it's the guy with the shirt off. It's like, you got to have some other, you got to have like, yeah, but there's a hot chick in it because there's a lot of, you got to target the market of closeted people. Yes. They want to see the movie. Yeah. Closeted people want to go to see the movie. Some of them are going to go see

it alone. It's a gay movie with a different hook. It's a different hook. You got to be able to, because there's guys, someone's got to be able to sit through this movie fully erect and walk out a straight man with their friends. And if that doesn't happen, you failed as a producer. Here's what I do. I open a business. I open a theater where the theater, our whole vibe is, we tell you every movie sold out except the gay movie. So you go, Hey, let's go see the new transformers. Interesting. Right. You walk up, you go, two, three, four for transformers. And they go, sorry. Yeah. Oh, we have his, uh, raping ass sex for four hours. And he go, well, we already paid for the Uber. And now you're in. Now you're in. Right. Well, I want to see the lesbian

version of this, right? The lesbian version of this where I don't know what they would call, like how extreme is it going to get? They just call it dykes. And it's just two women on like a farm in Wisconsin, just eating each other's pussies for two hours. Yeah. And again, I understand America's homophobic. People say homophobic shit about me all the time. You know, it's the least bad of what they say about me. But I understand that the country's homophobic, but you got to see it as a challenge. Just work around it. Right. Just work around it. But also like, yeah, okay, the country's homophobic, but the major markets aren't New York, LA homophobic is not the reason for this failure. That's what I agree. The reason for

this failure is it's probably not funny. Sorry. Can we watch a trailer on this? Or will we get totally fucked? Like, I mean, I don't mean, like we can watch a trailer, right? Why are you looking at me? I'm a guest. I don't know. Let me throw this at you. You also have to understand that if they would have marketed as there's all this gay sex scenes, you're also going to get the bros who are like, yo, dude, let's go watch that gay movie. Yes. I mean, those guys are going to go see it as a bit, you know, because they think that's funny. You have to allow them space to ironically go see this bro movie. Let's hear it. Let's watch this. Hey guys, it's Bobby Lieber coming to you from the future home of the LGBTQ plus museum.

See, already I'm out to talk about the LGBTQ museum. This happens to be bisexual awareness bisexual awareness week. Let us be in history month was in March. Nobody said a goddamn thing. Of course, lesbians get a month and we get a week. So what's happened? Didn't you? It's his appetite too. I mean, he's great. He's done great stuff. Thrupple situation. You're gonna thrupple. Let me tell you what's progressive now. Being alone, I love my life. I love my freedom. I love my independence. That's kind of sad that I don't want to be in a thrupple. I don't even want to be in a couple. Bobby, I had sex with that 65 year old Jesus. He's right. I don't know. It's like they injected steroids into Dumbledore.

Oh my God. Yeah, it's not it. Right. You know, when you align like that, it's like they injected steroids into Dumbledore. Yeah, that's not it. I know how good comedies were like 10 years ago. Yeah, I mean, like will Ferrell the fucking those like movies, the Adam McKay that genre was like, dude, that shit was so fun. We're done. You could have snuck in hardcore anal into step brothers. No one would have cared. I would. I would have loved it. It would have been fine. Yeah, because it was so fucking funny. You put a fisting scene in the middle of Tommy boy. Fine. I I'll say this. I'll throw this out to your fans. Edit a hardcore sex scene into step brothers. Let's see if it makes it better. Yeah, I guarantee it does. Right. I guarantee it. I'll

watch it. Steenburton getting, getting, getting plowed. Yeah. The two brothers write bros. It's about step bros and they're fucking re edit step bros, line through step and just edit hot sex between will Ferrell and Phillips. See more often. What's his name? Uh, John C. Riley. Yeah, that Phillips Robin has died of heroin overdose. That'll happen. Very sad. Very sad. This is what happens. Well, my old feeling on the whole thing is I hate blaming homophobia. I think you just got to do better shit. Right. But I also understand that like there is that's real to a degree where people just go, yeah, it's hard for a dude to suggest to his buddies. Let's go see bros. It's just my people, my, your people, but we got to think about like, first of all, the title,

right? The title, right? Bros is stupid. It's a dumb tight because some guys got to say to a guy in a pickup truck. You want to just go see bros. It's the worst title. I think you defeated the truck have had a day already and they're just going, I mean, none of this is working out. Let's just go see bros. Let's go see bros. Do you want to see that guy suck off that other guy? I mean, I'll check it out. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's a wild moment. You caught gay sex or getting more views. I think honestly, I think they didn't go, they didn't go far enough. Yeah. They didn't go far enough. I think they went to medium. That whole trailer was medium. Right. You go pull back or go all in or go all in, all in,

all in. I'm in. Yeah. Which just, or it's eyes wide shot with Billy Eichner, the most annoying person on television. He's the most people do not react to him the way he thinks people react to him with all due respect. All due respect. Like he doesn't, he doesn't come off like a fun guy you want to spend two hours with. No, he hates me. I don't even know him. He, I know he hates me. I think he blocking on Twitter. I'm not sure, but he hates like so a lot of people in the movies, not fans of mine because it's like, I get it, whatever, you know, I beat one of them called me a pet homosexual once because I was just friends with Rogan and them. What does that mean? It means like I'm friends with straight people.

Let me say this though. Yeah, guys. Maybe this is disrespectful. 99% of the time I forget you're gay. That's true. Not in like whatever, but they would say, they would say that I'm doing the wrong thing because they would say that I'm trying to assimilate into the straight world instead of walking around spitting Comet people every day. That's what, that's what they would say instead of me because for me, it would be weirder if I went harder at the gate. Like that would be just as disingenuous. If I got on stage, I was like, Hey, bad, stop it. Like that would be strange. And I would argue too. I want to just, I forget you're getting the way I bet people forget I'm Italian. That's right. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, it's a giant part of my life. Yeah,

but there's just so much walk around with a full-blooded Italian shirts. No, you don't talk about the mother country. No, no, it's just not. You've got other things going on. Other things going on, man. Yeah, but that's a great example because both gay people and Italians have become insufferable in similar ways and equally greasy and equally kind of greasy. And they have a, they fuse in many ways, but it's just, it's having real pride. Like if you ever listen to an Italian from Long Island, they'll tell you that they've been discriminated against worse than anyone. It's like, yeah, no, but every movie is about, you guys love them off. You love it. You love it. We love being a cartoon. You can't disown it and you can't walk away from

it. Like gay people love promiscuity. They love the idea that they're always fucking. Then you can't get mad if people then associate you with that. Italian people love being a cartoon and we are a cartoon and we lean into being a cartoon. That's right. It is a while. It is a, we, you call me, we fucking scream across the street. We love being super Mario, but then in someone else, we call the league, we call the, you know, the anti-defamation league. Yeah. Are you actually familiar with why the anti-defamation league was started? I've no idea. The anti-defamation league is, was when people would use shit on Italians, you call them, they were, they were created to tell, to let people know that the mob doesn't exist. They were

created by the mob to discredit people who went after the mob. Is that true? Yes. Yes. The mob created the league so that when people said Italian during the mafia, they would sue them. That's like a lot of pedophiles created something called the false memory syndrome, like the false memory foundation. Like a lot of kids were being like, we were abused and the false memory syndrome, syndrome foundation was like, actually, these are memories that were implanted in their head by a psychologist. And that was created by pedophiles. There was a guy from the CIA on the board of like the false memory syndrome foundation. Oh, it's very weird. It's funny. It's like

Italians starting the ADL to just tell people, Hey, don't worry about it. Yeah, they're talking shit, but it's not even real. Right. This thing you're mad at doesn't exist. It's so stupid. Idiots. Yeah. Also bros, black screen, the trailer should have been full black screen. Yeah. Cut to 69. Right. Just a full 69. Yes. And then people would see that movie. I would And then it's just a see it faggot bros. We've had enough. You make that trailer. Yeah. We'll see that movie. Yeah. But that's people do get met. You know, there are people that say to me like you, you were simulated into and you say to yourself, you're like, what are you supposed to do? What are you supposed, what, what would you,

because you remembered me in New York City. I jokes about being gay, but it wasn't 10 of them. Right. I'd wanted two of them. Right. And they were fun. You know, one of them was about killing myself on the George Washington bridge. I had to think about ice cream. Yeah. You know, it was, but it wasn't like this every single thing. Right. Right. Like there are comics now where it's like to get on stage and you're like, so I'm queer and the audience will clap, which there's nothing wrong with that. But it's weird to me because it's like, what is this? What's the next level? What's the deep earnest of it? Great. You're gay. But give me the, like, I was hoping that this movie, it was like, it was going to open my eyes to some shit I didn't know about. But I watched

that as a straight man. I go, yeah, I get it. I see your neurotic and annoying. I get it. I know a woman who's like a Pakistani lesbian. And you know what it all comes down to? She likes hats. She just wears baseball hats. You'd think being a lesbian with that background would have like a fat, she'd be a fascinating person. She just loves putting on hats. She loves sneakers. So hype beast. There's no difference between her and a 15 year old who's waiting outside to get a new pair of shoes that are dropping. There's nothing wrong with that. But it's like not everybody's thing doesn't come from their like life experience. Right? No, I get it. Like being Italian has meant what to you. I mean, it's the food. It's the culture. No, but there was a distinct

thing in my career where I went, I'm Greg Corluso. I'm from New Jersey. Is that true? Yeah. My stone is my mom's name. Corluso is my dad's name. So you were Greg Corluso before you became Greg Stone? Yep. And my first joke was did you eat? Did you eat? And I went, Greg, if you go this road, if you continue to do this joke, you will be the Italian comedian from New Jersey. Can you tell the joke? Yeah. Oh, no. No, please. You have to tell Greg Corluso. You have to tell the joke. The joke was so, it's so bad. It's not a good joke. It's okay. That's why I'm asking you to tell it. It's like so worth Italian, right? Italian people, we like to take, it's like we, every word is, it's like, every sentence is one word. So you go,

jeet jeet jeet. I would call my dad. I go, what does it mean? Just slow it down and go, jeet jeet. Did you eat? It was like a bunch of that shit. I am, I am going to kill myself for saying this that way. I buried that person. But you, you were Greg Corluso. Did you dress differently? No, I mean, I used to wear, no, I, but I knew I wanted to, yeah, I wore a tracksuit. Okay. You wore it in the beginning? No, no, no, I'm kidding. Okay. But like, I knew that if I kept doing these Jersey gigs, I was doing a lot of fucking weddings. I was doing a lot of like VFWs. I went, you are going to make a lot of money. These people love what you're doing. You know, I did, you're Italian. You get, you get the polio container and you freeze

their every, all the references. They fucking loved it. And I went, you, you got to be better than this. And I, and I buried Greg Corluso. When I started in Long Island, you can only imagine the amount of people that were Greg Carluso. Yes. I'm talking about 19 year old, 20 year old kids were Greg Carluso. Like they were like, Hey, how you doing? They get on stage and they, Hey baby. It was so gross. I mean, I did a party once, a private party where I got up and I, it was for bridges, which is the school like Billy Joel's kids went. It's a private school and it was an ice slip and it was in a nice backyard in Long Island. And there was like a John Travolta impersonator who told me he goes, yeah, I used to do comedy. It's what I do now.

And he got on stage, you know, at the white outfit and he was doing Saturday night fever. And he's like, come on, grandma, like you try to get the old lady up. He goes, come on, grandma, let's go. And the old woman has kind of gone back and forth and you could see him. He's like, really in it. And he's doing it. And he's like, and you could just see like the pain that was buried so behind his eyes. And I'm like, well, it makes sense because it's not that much of a leap right from Greg Carluso to, if you're going to be that guy, you, then it's like, well, why wouldn't I put on a leather white leather outfit and dance in someone's backyard to a movie that came out 30 years ago, 30 years ago. That's the thing too. He's probably still doing Travolta and

like it's like these Trump guys who are probably they're still out there doing Trump impressions. And it's like, in 15 years, they're still doing Trump impressions. I knew a guy up recently who was doing Bush. Yeah, still doing George like Trump. I think still fine. He's still out there. I knew guys doing Bush like recently. In fact, I did. And listen, this comedian's a legend. I'm blanking on his name right now. And everyone's gonna be like, no, you're not. You're selling out. This is how it happened. You're a fucking child. No, but he's a fucking legend. He's an old Jewish guy, raw or something. He had the first HBO special. I'm literally blanking on his name. This guy from Richard Lewis. No, another, but another guy.

It's nice that you got it though. Yeah. No, I know what you were. You're going Klein. Yes, Robert Klein. And he did. And he's, you know, that guy was a killer, but he did. I did a gig at Carolina and he was doing kind of Clinton Lewinsky jokes. We're talking sure 2015 2016 because it was just like, and you know, and it's that shit happens. Dude, I, I saw a guy, it's Scottie's steakhouse. Tell people about, and I don't want to, I'm not trying to shit on the thing of Scottie steakhouse. Tell people about Scottie steakhouse and comedy cove. Well, it says, well, I will tell you the comedian I saw there. I want to save maybe 2015 and shout out to Scottie steakhouse. I'll be back there in a few years. It's what happens.

Yeah. On the way up on the way down. I've never been there, but I'll be back. Not like when someone gives you a menu at a comedy club and goes, you can't order these things. Yeah. It just, they did just keeping you no meat, no meat. You can enjoy yourself with some penne. We're watching our money. We're watching the bottom line. Don't get cute. And the comedian did, he goes, nah, God did it. He starts doing Ross Perot. And I watched, he goes, nah, God did it. And he was like, can't, can't, can't do it. And I'm, I'm going, what the fuck Ross Perot? And I pulled out the feature. I'm like, we got to Google this. I went, this is 30 years, Ross Perot. I see this kid in the crowd going, people didn't know who

Ross Perot was then people don't. Yes. Yeah. Like it was hard then audiences would be like, what's going on? Not gonna do it. Not gonna do it. Not gonna do it. Is that Ross Perot or Bush one? I guess it's Ross Perot. No way. Ross Perot was here's the thing. No, right. Cause here's the deal. Not gonna debt. That sounds like Dana Carvey's Bush one. I think you're right. And I can't remember how the fuck there's a whole subterranean row. Yeah. Well, continue. There's a whole subterranean level of comedy that people don't understand. And it's birthday parties, bachelorette parties. There's a site called gigmasters where gigmasters. Yeah, you put your stuff up there and you can people hire you go, we want a comedian. And it's not a comedy club.

It's not a theater. You show up to a house. I did one of these gigs. What were we the whole gig was we had to pretend to be a band and then start telling jokes. And it was in Lodi, New Jersey. And there was this one armed crackhead who ran a recovery comedy company that I used to work for. And he goes, you'd be perfect for this. And I go, why? He goes, you can go with the flow. And we got in a car and we went there. We had to pretend to be this bad band. And then the whole bit was, Oh, we're not a band. We're actually comedians. Let me tell you how badly that flopped. Let me tell you how no one was interested at all in the fact that we weren't a band at all. And then we had to, after that didn't land. We had to go, okay, well now we're doing

the comedy show. And then somebody had to get up and go, Hey, everybody, remember that saying you're a steakhouse. Yes. And then being like, Oh, just kidding. We're vegan. Right. But it's like, we have a lot of people who came here for some steak, right? You know, it's a band. I'm excited for a band. Oh, but now you're a shitty comedian. Everybody wanted the band. Yeah. People were so excited when the band was setting up. Nobody wanted to play. Nobody wants like comedy. Everybody's like, are you doing sweet Caroline? Like we were taking requests. People were shouting requests going, Hey, you're gonna do this one. They were like, Oh, great. It's got a band. The look on their faces when we stuck because we got to remember one guy is one arm. Right. He's got one arm that he

lost. He said he lost it in Vietnam, but he didn't. He lost it shooting up. Sure. And me and then these two other one guy who had a little bit of a career, but didn't and like said something crazy in the car. Like comics will say crazy shit. Like he said, he goes, yeah, he goes, yeah, John Stewart's got all he's got, but can he do Biloxi Mississippi? And you go, yeah, by the way, I'm sure he could. I'm sure he could fill it. Sure. And what who care? Why would he want to comedians have these crazy ways of justifying whatever they've, you know, and we, we go there and this guy's also his bit was that he was to does a Chinese accent, but he's not. Oh, I know that comedian. So he does half the act. And then in the middle of it, he goes,

God fucking around. I'm really not Chinese. I, you know that. I know that man. And I worked with him at Scotty's steakhouse. And does he, it's still the thing, right? I mean, I saw him maybe seven years ago and he did it in a time when it should not have been done. Right. He goes up there and he goes, why? Yeah. Like he pretends to fully be trying. Yeah. He goes young, young, young, young, young. I have a horrible fit. Yes. No. And he goes and there's a nervous laughter. Why did you say it that the whole time? And the guy, yes. Oh, wait a minute. Are you saying this is a white guy and does an Asian joke? No, no, this is an Asian guy. I don't know. It's kind of, it's ambiguous. It's ambiguous. He's kind of, no, he's Asian. Okay. I don't know.

I know another guy who does something else. He's a white guy. You know a white guy. Yeah. Who does a Chinese accent and then says, Oh, no, I'm not. So no, because my, my memory is fucked and I'm an idiot. He does an entire joke where he's just doing this Chinese accent. Right. And then the twist is that, you know, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Whatever it was, maybe he pretends to be Irish. It was probably wrong. It was probably it was bad. It was bad, but he's doing a Chinese. I know there's a white guy out there doing a Chinese accent that is wild. Yeah. No, it's, it's the things we used to see in Long Island, like the levels of inappropriate, like, I listen, I hate all the like people that are too woke and too, you know, sure, but the things we

saw, right? The levels of racism and comedy that I, that's why I don't get like when people, like a lot of people that I know in LA be like, this is so inappropriate. I'm like, you have no idea. You've never seen it. You have no idea what I've seen. You don't know what's out there. You don't know what people will get on a stage and do. You've never seen the vulgar fireman. It was like Joey, the vulgar fireman who goes out there and he goes, I just call it like I see him and he goes, that's all black. I'm not even kidding. He was saying he does all the fucking VFW gigs, man. Yeah. We hope we had all those guys in Long Island, like the male man who's had it. Jersey. Yeah. That type of guy who's like, pick up your fucking mail. I know it's

TBT. You're like, Jesus Christ. What is wrong with you? Yeah. You were watching Dr. Dirty though. I do have find him actually really funny. Have you ever seen Dr. Dirty? I know he's a longer legend. Dr. John Valby. He is very, by the way, he's inappropriate, but he's very funny. Yes. Yeah. It's very funny. He's, I mean, he's, he's done some crazy shit out of control. Obamacare. He does this. He does this thing. It's side switters in Tampa. He goes, Obamacare. How many assholes signed up for Obamacare? And he's playing the piano. I signed up for it. I love it. And in Tampa, they're going wild. Yes. And it is, it is funny. I mean, listen, it is funny. That's the gang bang. He's at that gang bang song at the gang bang. Oh, it's great. I don't give a

fuck because he has one where he goes like this. He goes, I fucked the food. He's talking about Thanksgiving. He goes because like my family's rude and I fucked the food. That's undeniable. You can't get mad at that. No, you can't get mad at that. That's what bro should have been. Right. What if bros was just gay, gays being racist, which we all know they can be. Right. Gays can be racist. Not me, but what if bros was just gentrifying gay guys on the citizen app going, complaining about, you know, the turn things are taking. Would you see that movie? That might have been fun. It might have been fun. Just gay, racist. They were too worried. I think they were too worried in this movie to go all in. They should

have went all in. Well, things now have to be, you know, ridiculous. I think things have to be crazy. So I think that like when you're doing a movie, things have got to, they've got to rise to the time. So the times are so crazy. We just got out of this pandemic and it's crazy. And Trump was the president. Like you got to put out a movie that's fucking nuts. Right. The trailer's got to be so over the top. Crazy. The people literally have to go, I can't believe they made this. I got to get to this theater. I cannot before they take it out. Yeah. If people aren't going, I can't believe this was made. Right. They're not going to go see it. I gotta say they got to stop with this like, cause it's clear that people, it didn't fail because people were homophobic,

I think, but it's like, but that's not going to make me see it more. That's going to make me hate you more. You know, they got to say people didn't come to see it cause they knew there was too much come in this movie. Now I'm going to go, yeah, I'm going to go see the cum movie. Why did so many people watch two girls, one cup, right? No one really jerks off to that. No, but you got to see it novelty. It's a novelty. Yeah. Show me the cum movie. I say, I think that's what else is going on with you besides game movies. You have a child. Does that, does that, do you, do you, do you, do you automatically love them? It's drugs. Yes, you do. It's not real love. It's drugs. You're, it's evolution. You want to fucking try drugs, evolution that keeps humans alive.

You love them in this level that is, I'm a creep. Like I stare at him when he goes to sleep. You're amazed he exists. I'm, I kiss him on the lips. I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I'm just like, it's wild at the exists. It's weird, but I mean, I wish my parents felt that. I'm sure they did for a period of time in their defense. They're probably like, yeah, no one thinks that little baby becomes a podcaster and talk shit about us for seven years. Right. That tests anyone. Well, that's the kind of thing. Recently, me now having this kid, this is probably too serious. I kind of started looking back at me and like, oh man, my stepdad used to beat the shit out of us. And I was just accepting that as normal.

Would you ever hit the kid? No, never. No, no, it just, you don't. I'm too Greg Carluzo. Yes. Right. Right in the face. Well, that's what I mean. Do you ever think of, you slip back in a car? If the kids acting up, you slip back in a Carluzo, you're like, now you're getting fucked up. And will you threaten them like that? Will you be like, Greg Carluzo, shitty comedian, New Jersey hack is going to come out here and I'm going to hit you and then maybe mom. Let me tell you this. Greg Carluzo looks at his kid and goes, you think you're better than me? Yeah. And then just jams them up. My father punched me in the face once. I was in a backyard. I had ditched school for, I don't know. It wasn't cute anymore.

Sure. It wasn't cute. Right. My father, I was with my friend Shay. I don't want to say his last name, but it is very funny. So I want to kind of say his name is Shay Magullahan. It was Irish. Fun. And we were sitting there and we were best friends. We were smoking pot and we were high, but the type of high where it's worn off and it's, you just feel heavy and it's not, and you can't react. And we see my father's tan Mazda Navajo approaching and we run. We run into a yard and my father chases us into a yard and I stand up and I went, Hey, what's good? And he doesn't say anything. He just decks me in the face. I fall down. A guy comes running to the door and he's like, get out of here. And then my dad puts me in the car and drives me to the beach and just like

screams at me in the car. He's like, you're driving me fucking nuts. Did you just get school again? Probably. Right. So it didn't work. That's right. A punch in the face doesn't work. I dropped out of community college. Yeah. He should have, he should have pulled over and go, do you want to be me? Right. Like he should have pulled over and go, I'm going to Mazda Navajo. He goes, let me tell you how your life's going to work. Yeah. Take a look at me. I'm in this fucking car. You're a piece. Do you want to be, you know, that might have been more effective. I'm so happy you're pulling up a Navajo because pull up the Mazda Navajo. Oh, still looking good. Tan. Yeah. I love my dad. He was a good dad and I deserved that beating

and punch wasn't a beating. They didn't have the tools. They didn't know how they'd have Google. That was exactly my father's car. Right there is exactly the car he jumped out of and punched me in the face. Still moving. Yeah. What, what can you get that for now? You could get that for about 300 bucks. I could get that for you later. I mean, it just might be fun to have it because we were so afraid of that car. When you're high and you're a young kid and you're running around town, you're terrified of your parents' cars. My friend's mother had a green tourist, the Chinese food delivery guy also had a green tourist. We were so happy when it was not her, it was him. I'm an idea, man. So you just got to listen to this. Yeah. Get rid of the desk,

put a Navajo, you sit in the Navajo and that's where you do the interview from. Listen, the show is evolving. Maybe. I mean, that might not be the worst idea. I just broadcast from a Mazda Navajo. This guy's had a full mental break. I mean, it's the worst case scenario. You're out, what, 600 bucks? Yeah. It's not the worst idea. 1500 right now. Yeah, but you talk that guy. 1994 Navajo, my father's exact car, $1,600. By the way, you get that easily 500 bucks. Yeah. Cash. 500 bucks. You get a Mazda Navajo. But what are the tools now? Instead of hitting the kids, it's never been articulated to me what the tools are that you as a parent would utilize.

Well, I'm, I'm my kids one. So I haven't used any of them yet. Well, of course. But like, but like, why I could say the tools, we have Google, right? Right. So I'll tell you this with the shit with my one year old. I'm looking things up. Like I almost gave my kid honey the other day and my wife was like, what are you doing? Don't Google it. And I Googled it. Give a kid botulism. How the fuck would I know that? Who would know? Who would know that you just, you just hope to God back in the day, like all your kids teeth hurt, put whiskey in their mouth. Yeah. It's like, you just hope to God that you would neighbors who were smarter than you and a lot of people didn't. I'm maybe thinking maybe I'll adopt a kid, but it's so hard. I know this straight couple trying

to adopt and they can't like, I'm thinking maybe down the line, maybe down the line and want to, you know, the straight couple, they can't adopt every time they go to the end of the process. And the original parents go, we actually want it back. I know who you're talking about. And this is heartbreaking. This is heartbreaking heartbreak. And we, it's the same people we're talking about. And it's really sad. So for me, it's like, it's got to be difficult to go through that entire process. And then at the end, have somebody go actually we want the kid. I think you shouldn't adopt like a, like a slightly older kid, some kid, someone with a problem. Yeah. I think you're the perfect dad for someone to like, to lose like, oh,

this kid's smoking pot in third grade. You're like, well, now if Tim Jones, my dad, yeah. And yeah, he's not the fan. That'd be hilarious. That would be great. Yeah. They're all, they're mentally well, but it's, it's when can you, when does adopting stop? Cause that's an interesting Yeah. People will still adopt you at 17. That's crazy. No one will. No one will imagine a year for a week. We have one. We have six months together to make this work. Yeah. No. I mean, I would love to get adopted now. I was hanging out with some, I met some billionaire a few months ago and I was on his boat and I was like, dude, I'll be your kid. And you know what, he would have never paid attention to you. That's how he made a billion dollars unless he inherited

it, in which case he would have been a loof in weird and he still would not have paid attention. I think he's now that he's got the money and he's kind of slowing down. He's, he's realizing he's like, that's what happens. Right. I realize it. I'm like, yeah, we've done well. I've made a lot of money, but you look at your life and you go, Oh, I wish I had more relationships with people that I've let fall by the wayside. Right. For sure. You pick them up. You pick them up too late. You ever try to do this guy? It's hard, hard to pick it up. No, it's not. We all, sometimes it is. Sometimes sure. Sometimes anything's anything. Sometimes it's hard to pick it up. What do you want to pick up? Call a friend. Yeah, it's true. What are you doing? Yeah. Be happy to hear from you.

Everyone I know who knows you actually knows you. Yeah. Loves you. Well, that's sweet. So yeah, eat my ass. Yeah. Yeah, perhaps. You know what I mean? Yeah, I was so happy to hear from you. No, for sure. And then the thing too, I even felt bad because then you were like, you want to come to the pod and I was like, man, we could also just grab a hamburger or something. Okay. I just say hello, you know, whatever, because wanted to see how you're doing, you know, yeah. Well, you know, I mean, but this is great too. This is also good. This is the same thing. Yep. We'd have the same conversations, maybe more slurs, way more things that YouTube couldn't get, you know, but it's the same type

of thing. Are you worried about the economy of a kid now? And everybody says you can get up articles about this. Everybody says that the economy is about to free fall into some type of like this is all the financial people are like on YouTube, they're like the economy is about to experience some type of free fall that we've like never seen the economy money. None of that ever means anything to me because I was born broke. I live broke. I know how to be broke. I like that. I'll be broke again. You know what I mean? Now I got a little bit of money, right? And I'm like, this is perfect. This is great. I'll be all right. You know what I mean? I just need to make a little bit more money to pay for daycare. But now that's what sucks

with cat before I have my kid. It was like, this is just like whatever. But now it's like, I love, but I love this article, right? Is a great article here. This is the title. Brief recession or complete economic collapse. What these Wall Street veterans think it's so great. Yeah, for session or complete collapse. Which one death or torture because there's probably people that are saying one and then there's other people in the article saying the other brief. Hey, brief recession, complete collapse. Who knows Elon Musk. Yeah. Four against this guy. I never know. I, here's what I'd like. I like a lot of things about him. I think he's a little bit of a carnival Barker. I think he likes fame. I said that on Joe's show.

I think he likes starting the pot. I don't think anyone's going to Mars in our lifetime. I just don't believe that. Yeah. There was these tunnels he was going to build everywhere to make traffic better. I don't know where they are, but I think big picture idea wise, I liked it. He likes free speech. There's a lot of things about him that I really like. Met him. He's fun. He's done, you know, he's a nice guy. Like I was at a New Year's thing. I had no business being at. Wow. You bet Elon Musk. Yeah. I met him. He's a not, you know, he's a really smart guy, right? Brilliant guy. But there's, there's part of them where I, I kind of relate to part of them, which I'm like, maybe I shouldn't because I'm

a comedian. So there's a level of me that looks at him and go, Oh, we kind of want a similar thing. I'm like, that's not great. Yeah. Like I think he likes a little bit of the having fun. Right. He likes a little bit of the attention and I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're too powerful for that. You could change the world. So big and powerful, but I do think broad strokes. Good. Right. But little everyone has peccadillos. Some billionaires throw kids into a volcano. He wants people to laugh at his tweets. It's, it's not the worst. Yeah. By the way, it's not the worst thing a billionaire has done. Billionaires. What's the worst thing a billionaire has done? What do you think?

God, I don't know. I mean, probably genocide. Right. Oh yeah. For sure. That's got to be the top. Yeah. Yeah. We just wiping out massive numbers of people for your own right business. Yeah. Interests. I guess the worst thing to find a billionaire is probably pretty easy to think about it. Yeah. I mean, yeah, there's, I mean, you know, they're not doing enough hilarious stuff though. Yeah. That's the problem. I did like that the Amazon guy tried to fly the moon in a penis. It should have been a bigger penis. Yeah. And it should have, you know, but what the, what was it called again? That his ship, his rocket ship. Yeah. But like they're not doing a fun bit. Bezos is embracing the villain, which I like. He's embracing and he's going,

listen, I'm bald. I'm taking everybody's jobs now going to be a drone. No matter who you're at worked at fucking Safeway packing macaroni salad. That's going to be a robot. The drone is going to take the macaroni salad. Your Thanksgiving pie is going to get delivered by just like a predator drone that's going to drop it to you. Nobody's going to work anymore. Nobody needs to own all of the grocery stores, all the retail stores. You're never going to have to leave your house strip malls, all that shit. Commercial real estate is going to tank. Everything will be Amazon warehouses. I think that's kind of his vision. Yeah. So you can't be that guy and also not embrace the yacht, the hose, like embrace it.

So I can't stop shopping. Yeah. His success is kind of predicated a little bit on everybody, you know, kind of losing a job. Right. Everybody, you know, but it's not villainy enough, man. Yeah. Okay, building with your head on it. That's a layer. Where's this layer? That's coming. They have layer. He has a layer. He has a layer. Multiple layers, but you can't, it's probably looks like a real nice house with a couple bricks. Some of them get weird, weird. I want to see Jeff Bezos holding this. Like Jesus is get Jeff Bezos his house. Some of them get where you start going. It's a little Tony star. It's a little, I want some Dr. Doom shit. Yeah, go to Cape. I mean, some of them are right

there. 165 mil up there, that house right there. I mean, yeah, it's still respect, but that's, you know, that's, you're doing it at that point. Jeff Bezos needs to come out in a black cloak and a monocle and just go, this is who I am now. But here's the thing that we don't want to, we don't want to dare them to do it because they will do it. That's kind of fun. Like that's the thing. It's like they will do it. We will see trillionaires in our lifetime. Yeah. We will see people that have more money and we're already seeing it than entire GDPs of countries. We are going to see people. We're going to see a level of luxury that people are living in. We're already seeing space tourism, people going, I want to get to space all the while. We're also seeing

like a lot of other crazy shit happening in the inner cities where people can't get clean water. You're seeing these guys go, we're kind of tired of this planet. Yeah. That's kind of what they're doing. Like all the big billionaires now, they're like, listen, the billionaires in the past weren't great either, but they built railroads. They built schools. They said, do cool shit. Yeah. These guys now are kind of like, to be honest, we're a little bored with earth. We're just a little bored. What are we going to do? We're going to buy another house in Malibu. I know. Buy another house in another Hawaiian island. Who cares? We're bored. Get us out of here. They're trying to leave the planet. God, do I shit in your planet? They're trying to leave the

planet. And listen, one of my favorite things is like, they always ask people like, they always bring scientists and all these weird people together and go, where's climate change going ahead? Cause we want to be somewhere else. Yeah. So they start building compounds. I know a big real truth says they all want compounds with their own water, aqua fires. They want 50, a hundred acres of land. They will go to Montana. They're all go. Why do you think you're going to Montana? They're going to Yellowstone. I didn't know that. I don't know what you're talking about. Going to Wyoming. Billionaires. Really? Billionaires. They want space and they want compounds. Yeah. That's what they're doing. That sucks.

What are that guys? Yeah. I mean, that's, that's larrish. I mean, that's Hogwarts. That's nice. It's a where he would live. It is a Hogwarts. No, I want to walk in. It's all like a metal door. You want to raise her house. This is where Alicia Keys live. Go to the razor house. Razor house is in La Jolla in San Diego. I know you. Yeah. She lived there. Swiss beats in her. Live there. Go to the razor house. This is where you want them to live. Look at the Google image of the razor house right here. That's what you want. The razor house. That's pretty cool. Like that type of just stone and glass Google. Mustafar. This is where I want to be. This is where I think Jeff Bezos should be. Interesting. M. U. S. T. Where is this?

Mustafar. Well, you'll see. Okay. Um, this is the kind of shit. This is where people, this is where Darth Vader lives. It's, it's just a lava. I forget how much of a nerd you are, which I love this. Yeah. Yeah. You just, you a lava home. A lava home that is cold. There's no windows and there's no one else on the planet. Yeah. Just death and your own darkness. It's tough because you don't want to hate Bezos, but it's like, here's what I look at. Here's what I think about every now and then. And maybe it's better. Maybe what he's doing is better because you walk in the supermarket and you see somebody with Down syndrome and they're making, like they're putting the potato salad in the thing and you say to yourself, maybe they shouldn't have to do this

and maybe Bezos is going to free them from that. Right. And the oil. You'll see a woman who's like a hundred. She's really old and they'll be like, she's worked here 47 years and we love Irma. Yeah. And, and Irma celebrated her 40th year with the H E B grocery chain last year. She's seen her kids go to jail at her husband's, two husbands die and she's just still walking with a hump where she's almost fully a fucking horseshoe upside down L and she's just walking around the deli counter. And if you ever asked any of those people for help, because it's sad and it's hard, but sometimes you need to find something and you ask one of those people for help and it's literally like, they're like, oh, and you go, hi, do you have any pepper jack? And they

go, and they're just emerging from like this very scary, sad place that you're in. You're like, and they're, cause at that moment they were in like some days and she's remembering when she could dance and when the president wasn't black or whatever. And she's, she then comes out of it. And then a lot of times they'll just point. She just, and then she just keeps going and it's hard. So maybe grocery store, cause some of the most disturbing things I've ever seen in my life have been in American chain grocery stores. I have seen things in a publics that have I'm a cokehead. My mother's a schizophrenic. I was a closeted gay guy. I was 25. I was a drunk. I had a house before closed on. I was a mess, right? And those things are still in my head.

And I hung out and crack. I've seen like people, not at their best. Let's just say I've seen people that are not at their best. My mother's still lying in a bed like out of it and all that shit. And I deal with it with humor and I try to do, but it's, it's fucked up. The things I've seen in a publics outside of Orlando have scared me on a level where like I go, maybe Bezos isn't wrong to just get rid of this, right? To just eliminate it to where, because the things I've seen, the types of people that just emerge. Let me say eliminate. You mean, uh, how are you? It just comes, the food just comes. You don't see a guy who's dope. Oh, I thought you meant eliminating them as people. I saw a guy in publics just,

I don't mean eliminate them as people, but I saw a guy in a publics to sunken in eyes, blue. He comes out. He's still got his hood. You know, you see the thing where they're, they're half dressed like they're working at the deli counter, but then they also have the hoodie. Yeah. And he comes in with a hoodie. There's a head and he's tatted up and he's got to put on the plastic bags on his, and you're trying not to look at the hands because you go, I don't want to look at those. Don't touch my hand. You don't want to look at the things and the arms because there's things that have happened. Maybe. And he's just kind of out of it. And he's like, and he's just scooping stuff and he's trying to weigh it out. And you go like, you go like,

this is, this is tough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is tough. Yeah. This is tough because this is first job out of rehab. Yeah. It's, and he's still, and he relapsed three hours ago and he's fucked up and he's in a publics and you're staring at him and you go, Hey man, I'd like this. I'd like that. And he's just staring at you. And so some of those things I do where I see mentally impaired people working and I go, they shouldn't have to work. Right. And everyone goes, no, they like it. That's our country. It's like they actually like, it gives them a sense of purpose does, does it? Sure. But I've seen some things in those stores where I go, if that's what he's eliminating, it's okay. Maybe it's okay. Maybe everyone just needs a stipend that can live in

their house. Nobody really likes jobs. I think food and that shit should just be easier to get. I mean, it's crazy. Does anyone want to work at Marshall's? Does anyone want to deal with me working, walking in, going to you? Where's the big and tall? And they go, I don't know, dude. It's a few shirts on the floor. Find it or not. It's like, does anyone want that gig? Get the robots, those jobs. I want a robot to size me up at a fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Look at this. Look at this. Great. A blood covered man walks into Florida publics after stabbing two people. It's where people go when they're at their lowest point. I just found out about publics. I didn't really knew about it. Yeah. I've just been informed of this and they have a great clubs. They're sandwich

is fine. It's okay. People make way too much out of the public's club. You know, it's chicken and whatever and sauce. They put it in a bag. They take the chicken cutlets and cut them up. They put them in a bag with like ranch and buffalo sauce and then they shake it and then a woman like shakes it and then she pours it onto a very soft bun and rolls it up. And you know, listen, it's not the worst thing in the world, but people really get excited about this. And maybe if Bezos is getting rid of this, like maybe if he doesn't want this anymore, he's like getting rid of them as people or giving them money is like a survive. Keep saying getting rid of them as people. I'm just confused on what you're saying.

He's eliminating them as like as workers. Oh, okay. So in a good way. Mullen, you always tell me about this. I'm like fully luxury automated communism or whatever where UBI, they all just UBI. They all just get, look, man shop by deputy after trying to enter green acres, publics while armed has died. I mean, so it's like, maybe we don't need this anymore. Yeah. No, I agree. Maybe it's gotten to a point where Bezos in his wisdom has gone, how many more stabbings do you want to see? How many more trails of blood in the frozen aisle? Do you really want to see before we're done? And if that's the goal and also these retail stores, nobody buys any clothes. If you buy clothes in a store, now you're like a freak. Most people

buy them online. I go to DXL the fat store. It's horrible. It's, it's bad. And that's why I just hired a trainer. I don't want to go to that store anymore. You see guys are 500 pounds. They just, they get this big shirt. It's like a seven X. It's just like a tent that goes on them. And then it just has like the Ralph Lauren Polo logo that they've blown up to seven X. It's pixelated. It's the biggest polo. You can't even tell it's a horse. You don't know what kind of animal it is. You can't tell it's a guy in a pores and it's just this big guy and he's waddling around and he's always got like some, somebody with him. Yeah. Kind of like a wife-ish thing, like a woman there who's like, yeah, it's tough. It's tough.

That's why the fat activist movement. Like I don't think fat people should be disrespected, but like it's hard. Right. When I watch a 19 year old kid walking in DXL and he's a big boy. Yeah. And they're trying to, and his mom's got there because you're trying to make him feel good for the prom and he comes in and he's big and he knows that prom night's not ending with pussy. He knows that no matter how good he looks and the mom will say cute things. She'll be like, well, this is for the ladies. And he's like, listen, I have a rash. I have a rash on my inner thigh. I have pustules. You know what they are? They're exploding and goo is dripping down the, my thigh and the mom will always be like, you can look good for the ladies. And he's like,

okay, and he's got this like five acts, four acts. It's hard. And I know me and you, we like to eat, but it is difficult. So maybe that short store should not exist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If they could help out, that'd be great. It's always a very friendly, like Jamaican woman when I walk in check, how you doing? I'm like, I'm, I'm still here and let me know if you need anything. Oh, you look good in that. I'm like, no, I don't, but she's sweet. Yeah. So maybe it's like instead of getting mad about Bezos, it's like maybe the things that he's taking away, we would just be better off in our houses. Sure. Yeah. Maybe not. No, I agree. I have nothing more to add. You know, I don't know. It's just, it's just like commerce in America is not fun.

Right. Commerce is not fun anymore. Like there's nothing like, if you're hot addiction now, if you're hot and rich, everything's fun. Yeah. You could go to Christian Dior and they're like, oh, and you go, yes. But for most people, going out and trying to find anything, it's just not a good time. Dude, I had to get this outfit for this TV thing I was doing and everything looked bad because I'm fat and it was not the jacket. I was like, I just don't look at a leather jacket. It's like, you don't, it's not the jacket, dude. You just got to get some kind of sheepskin to cover your whole body. There's a point where, and it's just not a good point in it, in the, in the, in the life of a body where any shirt right now, I have on doesn't even like it's bunching and

weird and it doesn't like it's like not. There's a time when a body begins to reject the garment. Yeah. The body rejects the garment. The body goes, no. Yeah, we can't. This is a three X. My body doesn't care. It will not, it will not sit on me in an appropriate way. We're not going to help you look better. Get your shit together, man. We can't a shirt's not supposed to be this. So they go, we've added fabric and we've added elastic, but it's not going to fall on you. So the saddest thing and I've done this is watching fat people try to look good because the clothes themselves just actually don't work. Well, you know who pulls it off and says, bring this back and then I'll pull it off because I

can't ever do this, but you give me a New Jersey fat fuck on Italian. Yes. They have their look. They wear their things and they do it and there are women that want that. Yes. Not me, but I know if I wear an Adidas track suit, a cop is going to come up to me and ask me for a little bit of her taste. Yeah. You know what I mean? So I can't do it. You know what I mean? But like they, they are pulling off fat. There's not a lot. DJ Khaled can do it because he's a bazillionaire and he can do it, but here's the thing. If DJ Khaled couldn't dress the way he dressed, if he had to work at Geico, it's tough because DXL is not DJ Khaled. DXL. It's the fat store. I don't know. I remember tall and fat. No, that was a,

it's that. Yeah. Yeah. It's tall and fat, tall and fat. They call it, they used to call it casual mail and that the quality XL. Bring that up. Bring that up. Solve for fit. By the way, expertly crafted, built better design of it. Solve for fit. It's an equation. This is an equation. Fat FIT. Look at this. Look at this. We don't just size up. We size right. And these are, by the way, even the models in DXL, it's like half of them are dead. Some of them are like doing active. Some of them are like doing active things, but not really. Like it'll be three guys standing by a campfire. It's still weird. Dude, it's, it's one of the reasons like, look at that. Right here is a perfect example.

Just for morbidly obese guys on a beach, just passed out in the fire for really fat guys that decided to start a bonfire. I've never had a fat friend of mine call me and go, let's start a bonfire on the beach. It's like, let's go nowhere near the beach. Yeah. Fully closed at DX now. I never DXL. My bad. My bad. You know what this is. I did. I do. I do. Of course. I might close the target now. Yeah. That's good to target and all that. Yeah. No, no, no. That's fine. You know what I mean? But it's like the experience for most people. Yeah. In the retail world. Yeah. It's not fun. I just want to go in and get out. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I buy a shirt that looks great. I look at a picture of myself and I go,

who let you out of the house? It's like old divorces, selling perfume. That's fine. It's just, you know, young foreign women trying to get you excited. The old department store used to be fun. Oh, it used to go into a Sears. You know, refrigerator or car stereo. Yeah. You talked to some guy about a diamond ring. It was great. It's all dead now. It's all dead. You walk into a place. First of all, every mall you're walking to, there's a Dick's Sporting Goods. It's massive. Yeah. You walk through that and then you go to like some department store. Everyone's uptight. You can't sit on anything. They start yelling at you. You know, it's in some decaying mall. You shuffle in, you look at, you look at a chair. They're like, it's $900. I mean,

it's just ridiculous. I went into a, I went into a Macy's like a last week and I was like, I got to buy a gun. I should just carry a gun for them or for me, for somebody. It's coming. Yeah. It's all coming. I can't defend my family. This is the sign. Yeah. You know, Jesus. How many, you know what I think about DXL is how many capital riders? Cause that's a real DXL commercial. Like how many capital riders were in DXL gear? Yeah. How many of those guys were just, that's the real commercial. Right. Solve for fit. Change your country. Solve for the capital. What else? What else are you excited about? I'm here doing cordon. I'm doing cordon tomorrow. How fucking awesome is that? Yeah. I'm excited about that. That is amazing.

People say, I have completely given up on my dreams. Yes. They say, don't stop believing. I say, stop believing. Once you stop believing, then people go, Hey, now they do it. So just give up on everything. You've always been insanely funny. You're one of the funniest guys to hang out with. Oh, that's very sad. Everybody follow you. Friday night, Greg, I'm a podcast. Can I do that? No, and of course. Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with you? Oh yeah. No, I have a podcast Friday night, Greg. I need to start paying for health care for my kid. So if you listen to that, it's not even, don't even listen to it because you're entertaining by it. No, just listen to it because it's the right day care. It's the right listen. It's the right thing to do. There's a kid and if you're

ever in town, I'd love to have you come on. I'm going to be in town, but you also don't have to come do it either. I just like to be around. I'd love to be on. I'm in town more often now. Yeah. We'll do it. But now I agree with this us a little bit now where it's like, all right, maybe I got it. As long as the people are given money, the people are giving money because I think if you told that old woman, it's on us. I saw a guy come out of it. It was, I was a stop and shop and he came out. I have a distinct memory of this. I was like six or seven and he comes out. He had elephant tices or Titus out of his face. He had like a horrible note. He had like a giant elephant tusk and the manager came running and went, you got to go back and like threw him back

into the like, he was like cutting meat or whatever. He was in like a thing and I remember being like, it was a horrifying for me, but then also the knowing now it's like, yeah, man, they would force, they wouldn't let that guy leave the cold storage of the AMP. And what did he want to do? Just bleed out. Just wanted to see humans. Oh, wanted to see people. He came out, bleed out. I thought he was just going to like make a laceration, try to drain his head. That's the one of the worst diseases is elephant Titus. That's a rough any complaint you have in life is immediately, imagine, but that's maybe why we need to keep these doors open so you can go and

see people with elephant Titus and grow things are fine. And the thing too is the more you see them. I used to think it's a midget. Is that off the right word? I don't know. I apologize. Bros we just call them bros. I used to be like weird, but the more they got in the comedy and the more you see people around now, I'm seeing hot ones and I'm like, Oh, fuck a bunch of these. You know what I mean? Like, you need to see more of all this. You're married now. So that's why I'm like in prison. I look out and I will fuck anything. Not literally doing it, but of course. Yeah. No, there are, there are, did you look up hot midget? We got them looking up hot midgets. Smoking hot. No, there's tons of little people that are very attractive. Right. You just gotta

get used to it. I didn't like Asians. They have a DXL and I don't know what it is, but I want to find it. Like they absolutely have a DXL. There's got to be a little people. There's a tiny XL. I'd just like to argue that, uh, uh, I just said, uh, I used to not like Asians and didn't get to finish the sentence. So I just threw that out of the world. No, no, no, no. Keep, keep, keep going. I didn't even hear it. Only because what was it about them? The organized. It seemed organized. No, but I, but I met my wife and then all of a sudden I started seeing eight and now they're all so hot to me. You have to be, you have to open your eyes. I met my wife and then I started seeing Asians and never saw them before and then you open your eyes. Well, you were Greg Carluso.

Yeah. He didn't like it. Greg Carluso doesn't see Asians married one. Greg Stone is a, is a father of an Asian baby. Kind of, right? Kind of. No. Yes. Is where my son is Asian. Where is the social media people to follow you? You can follow me on Instagram, Greg F stone, Greg F stone, Greg F stone. Just type, if you just type Greg stone comedian, that's how you get it. You know, in Google, you know what I mean? Yes. Very good. I appreciate it. We'll see you soon. I'm going to Romania, but then we'll be back. Thank you folks. Good night.